[staystreetly]

“You can be depressed and still have joy. You can be suicidal and still have joy. We all stop thinking and we all stop talking and we all stop sharing and we all stop creating, because by doing any of these things we quickly find out just how unhappy we are. But that’s okay. That’s normal. Don’t let the fear of unhappiness cripple your pursuit of finding what it is you believe.”

— Tyler Joseph

[staystreetly]

Is there going to be a part 3 to “if I can’t have you” bc I will literally give you my entire (£0.01p) bank account to do so

oh my god i am about to be RICH !!!!! KSKSKSHSHJS yeah, i am planning to write a third one, which is going to be the last one i think. thank you SOOO much xx

[staystreetly]

Chris Evans Imagine #5 If I Can’t Have You

trigger warings: still a lot of angst, little signs of depression maybe ?

authors note: part one was requested sooooo many times, i just HAD to do another one. i guess i will do part 3 and just drop it. i hope you enjoy this one the same way you did with the first one. let me know if you like it xx

*read Part One now!

It had been almost a few days since you had given Chris the ultimatum regarding your relationship. When you gave it to him, you never thought he wouldn’t choose you.

“If I can’t have you, If I can’t have all of you. If you don’t end what’s supposed to be a fake relationship with her and give me, give us the relationship we deserve, then I can’t be with you. I won’t be with you,” you whispered. “So, right here, right now, it’s either her or me.”

“You’re right,” he whispered. “You haven’t deserved any of the shit I’ve done to you and put you through. You deserve better… you deserve someone better than me. I’ve been selfish and I’m sorry.”

“What are you saying, Chris?” You asked.

“You’re better off without me,” he whispered.

The second he uttered those words your heart broke, no it shattered. You had been right, he was choosing her.

“I think you should leave,” you sniffled.

“Y/N, let me explain,” he said.

“No! There’s nothing more to say! I told you to make a decision and that decision isn’t me, so you can just get the fuck out! I never want to see you again!” you shouted.

You threw a pillow from the couch at him as you got up. You went into your room, slamming the door and locking it. You were fuming. Your cheeks were soaked with a mix of hurt and angry tears. When you heard the front door close, you fell down to the floor in your room and stayed there for the rest of the night as sobs took over your body.

Chris grabbed another beer out of the fridge, popped the top off and chugged half of it before going over to the couch in his living room. His phone kept ringing with calls and social media notifications.

“Guess the news broke,” he mumbled to no one in particular.

He didn’t even have to look at his phone to know what it said.

“Chris Evans is back on the market! Calls it quits with longtime model girlfriend! Fans are in shock!”

Chris sat on his couch staring at the blank screen of his TV with the beer in his hand. He felt like crying, but he no longer had any energy or tears left in him. He had been crying since he left your house a few weeks ago. That night seemed like years ago, and yet it was still completely fresh in his memory.

The hurt and anger in your voice as you pleaded with him to end what wasn’t even a real relationship. The puffiness of your eyes from crying over him and his stupid actions. He hated himself for hurting you, for causing you pain, but what he hated the most was how he didn’t even see it, until that night.

How could he had been so fucking selfish? How could he even put on the appearance that he was with someone else for three years when he had you… You were everything to him. You were his rock, but he was too blind to see it.

He didn’t even know why agreed to have a PR relationship. He had told himself he was over that shit before it even happened, but then he ended up in one. It was probably because, in the beginning, it was only a few appearances and public dates, but then with his movies and his huge career moments, the appearances became more and more.

It just felt like a job, which in a way it was, so maybe that’s why he never really thought about it as a relationship or that it was a big deal.

But obviously it was, he only wished he realized that before he hurt you as badly as he did.

Somehow Chris had removed himself from the couch and made it the bed. He hadn’t slept in that bed in ages because he was usually in yours. He couldn’t bring himself to look anywhere but up at the ceiling because seeing your side of the bed empty made it even more real. He felt the cold breeze in his room as the air came on and flowed through the house. He missed the warmth of your body. He missed your lips pressed against yours, the way your body fit perfectly with his.

Everything. He missed everything.

The media and the fans were probably talking about him and how he’s probably mourning the loss of a relationship and staying MIA to deal with the breakup. They were right, but just not about who the break up was with.

This breakup was his fault in two ways. The first being because you had gotten to the point of walking away anyway, but the second was because even though he chose you in his heart, he knew you deserved better.

So, yes, he chose you over her. He would always choose you, but Chris didn’t want to be selfish anymore. He knew you deserved more than to just go on like nothing happened once he broke it off with the PR bullshit. He didn’t deserve to have your heart after what he had done to it.

He had tried to tell you that, but you wouldn’t listen to him. Of course, had roles been reversed, he probably wouldn’t have either.

Chris deserved to be miserable, to feel what you had felt almost the entire relationship. He deserved to watch you heal and move on to someone who treated you the way you should have always been treated.

He should have been that person. He had plenty of chances to be, but he never was.

Another day went by and Chris finally forced himself to take a shower. Once you start smelling yourself, you know it’s bad. He let the hot water run over him as he stood still in the shower. He kept replaying everything he did wrong with you.

He should have ended it the first time you begged him to stay. He should have ended it all those times he promised he would. Hell, he should have ended it the moment you two got together. He never should have agreed to carry on with it when he had you.

He had you to stand next to him, to hold his hand, to be there for him. There were so many times he wished you were there instead of her, but he knew because of the arrangement you couldn’t be. Not even to the side, not even as a friend because no one could risk a cheating scandal coming out.

But looking back now, if one had, at least he would have had you.

He told you he loved countless times, especially whenever he was about to leave you, but he should have shown you.

How could he keep saying he loved you when he treated you like someone who didn’t matter to him.

Maybe had shown the love he had for you, you never would have considered leaving him.

And he wouldn’t be alone crying in the shower.

Chris sat with im front of his desk as he wrote down a story onto the creme colored pages in his leather-bound journal. He had been up all night writing out his feelings as they were still bottled up inside of him. He came across pictures of you in his room and how happy you both looked.

That seemed like so long ago and really it was. The particular picture was taken on your first date in one of those photo booths. The Chris in the picture was nothing like the Chris staring at the picture. Writing whether it be a short story or just journaling, was like therapy for him.

He knew he couldn’t go on like this forever and he needed to let it out.

And that’s exactly what he was doing. Normally, when it came to super personal feelings, Chris needed time to really decide if he wanted the world to hear them, but right now, he needed them to, but more importantly, he needed you to hear it.

-

You hadn’t heard from Chris since he left your house. Since he chose her over you. You had taken the last few days to heal yourself and get yourself in the right state of mind. If he didn’t want you, then that was on him. You had already cried more than enough tears over him, so you told yourself you weren’t going to do any longer.

You willed yourself to get out of the house because there were too many memories. His favorite orange juice was still in the fridge. The smell of his cologne still lingered through the house. It was just too much for you.

However, weeks and months went by, and you went out, you started to move on. Until one day. You hadn’t expected to see what was the headline news on all the gossip magazines.

“Chris Evans is back on the market! Calls it quits with longtime model girlfriend! Fans are in shock!”

You stared at the front cover with wide eyes. He-He broke up with her? Well, you meant like the arrangement. But why, he left you. He chose not to be with you… you felt so confused.

“Fuck you Chris Evans,” you mumbled as you slammed the magazine back on the shelve.

Just when you thought you were getting stronger, he broke your heart all over again.

As soon as you got back to your place, your phone was going off with notifications out the limit. Your phone had never gone off like that. You didn’t have time for this, you didn’t care what it was, you just wanted to be left alone.

Until you saw that Chris Evans had tagged you something on Twitter. It was a video of a movie trailer.

“Going on without you is killing me every day. @ Y/N I love you, this one is for you.”

Your hands were shaking as you stared it. You had yet to click on the picture because you were terrified. What was this? What was he doing? Why did he make it public?

You bit your lip as you sat down on the floor in your living room. If you were going to watch this you didn’t need to be standing up. You turned up the volume on your phone and took a deep breath before clicking play.

[staystreetly]

Chris Evans Imagine #5 If I Can’t Have You

trigger warings: still a lot of angst, little signs of depression maybe ?

authors note: part one was requested sooooo many times, i just HAD to do another one. i guess i will do part 3 and just drop it. i hope you enjoy this one the same way you did with the first one. let me know if you like it xx

*read Part One now!

It had been almost a few days since you had given Chris the ultimatum regarding your relationship. When you gave it to him, you never thought he wouldn’t choose you.

“If I can’t have you, If I can’t have all of you. If you don’t end what’s supposed to be a fake relationship with her and give me, give us the relationship we deserve, then I can’t be with you. I won’t be with you,” you whispered. “So, right here, right now, it’s either her or me.”

“You’re right,” he whispered. “You haven’t deserved any of the shit I’ve done to you and put you through. You deserve better… you deserve someone better than me. I’ve been selfish and I’m sorry.”

“What are you saying, Chris?” You asked.

“You’re better off without me,” he whispered.

The second he uttered those words your heart broke, no it shattered. You had been right, he was choosing her.

“I think you should leave,” you sniffled.

“Y/N, let me explain,” he said.

“No! There’s nothing more to say! I told you to make a decision and that decision isn’t me, so you can just get the fuck out! I never want to see you again!” you shouted.

You threw a pillow from the couch at him as you got up. You went into your room, slamming the door and locking it. You were fuming. Your cheeks were soaked with a mix of hurt and angry tears. When you heard the front door close, you fell down to the floor in your room and stayed there for the rest of the night as sobs took over your body.

Chris grabbed another beer out of the fridge, popped the top off and chugged half of it before going over to the couch in his living room. His phone kept ringing with calls and social media notifications.

“Guess the news broke,” he mumbled to no one in particular.

He didn’t even have to look at his phone to know what it said.

“Chris Evans is back on the market! Calls it quits with longtime model girlfriend! Fans are in shock!”

Chris sat on his couch staring at the blank screen of his TV with the beer in his hand. He felt like crying, but he no longer had any energy or tears left in him. He had been crying since he left your house a few weeks ago. That night seemed like years ago, and yet it was still completely fresh in his memory.

The hurt and anger in your voice as you pleaded with him to end what wasn’t even a real relationship. The puffiness of your eyes from crying over him and his stupid actions. He hated himself for hurting you, for causing you pain, but what he hated the most was how he didn’t even see it, until that night.

How could he had been so fucking selfish? How could he even put on the appearance that he was with someone else for three years when he had you… You were everything to him. You were his rock, but he was too blind to see it.

He didn’t even know why agreed to have a PR relationship. He had told himself he was over that shit before it even happened, but then he ended up in one. It was probably because, in the beginning, it was only a few appearances and public dates, but then with his movies and his huge career moments, the appearances became more and more.

It just felt like a job, which in a way it was, so maybe that’s why he never really thought about it as a relationship or that it was a big deal.

But obviously it was, he only wished he realized that before he hurt you as badly as he did.

Somehow Chris had removed himself from the couch and made it the bed. He hadn’t slept in that bed in ages because he was usually in yours. He couldn’t bring himself to look anywhere but up at the ceiling because seeing your side of the bed empty made it even more real. He felt the cold breeze in his room as the air came on and flowed through the house. He missed the warmth of your body. He missed your lips pressed against yours, the way your body fit perfectly with his.

Everything. He missed everything.

The media and the fans were probably talking about him and how he’s probably mourning the loss of a relationship and staying MIA to deal with the breakup. They were right, but just not about who the break up was with.

This breakup was his fault in two ways. The first being because you had gotten to the point of walking away anyway, but the second was because even though he chose you in his heart, he knew you deserved better.

So, yes, he chose you over her. He would always choose you, but Chris didn’t want to be selfish anymore. He knew you deserved more than to just go on like nothing happened once he broke it off with the PR bullshit. He didn’t deserve to have your heart after what he had done to it.

He had tried to tell you that, but you wouldn’t listen to him. Of course, had roles been reversed, he probably wouldn’t have either.

Chris deserved to be miserable, to feel what you had felt almost the entire relationship. He deserved to watch you heal and move on to someone who treated you the way you should have always been treated.

He should have been that person. He had plenty of chances to be, but he never was.

Another day went by and Chris finally forced himself to take a shower. Once you start smelling yourself, you know it’s bad. He let the hot water run over him as he stood still in the shower. He kept replaying everything he did wrong with you.

He should have ended it the first time you begged him to stay. He should have ended it all those times he promised he would. Hell, he should have ended it the moment you two got together. He never should have agreed to carry on with it when he had you.

He had you to stand next to him, to hold his hand, to be there for him. There were so many times he wished you were there instead of her, but he knew because of the arrangement you couldn’t be. Not even to the side, not even as a friend because no one could risk a cheating scandal coming out.

But looking back now, if one had, at least he would have had you.

He told you he loved countless times, especially whenever he was about to leave you, but he should have shown you.

How could he keep saying he loved you when he treated you like someone who didn’t matter to him.

Maybe had shown the love he had for you, you never would have considered leaving him.

And he wouldn’t be alone crying in the shower.

Chris sat with im front of his desk as he wrote down a story onto the creme colored pages in his leather-bound journal. He had been up all night writing out his feelings as they were still bottled up inside of him. He came across pictures of you in his room and how happy you both looked.

That seemed like so long ago and really it was. The particular picture was taken on your first date in one of those photo booths. The Chris in the picture was nothing like the Chris staring at the picture. Writing whether it be a short story or just journaling, was like therapy for him.

He knew he couldn’t go on like this forever and he needed to let it out.

And that’s exactly what he was doing. Normally, when it came to super personal feelings, Chris needed time to really decide if he wanted the world to hear them, but right now, he needed them to, but more importantly, he needed you to hear it.

-

You hadn’t heard from Chris since he left your house. Since he chose her over you. You had taken the last few days to heal yourself and get yourself in the right state of mind. If he didn’t want you, then that was on him. You had already cried more than enough tears over him, so you told yourself you weren’t going to do any longer.

You willed yourself to get out of the house because there were too many memories. His favorite orange juice was still in the fridge. The smell of his cologne still lingered through the house. It was just too much for you.

However, weeks and months went by, and you went out, you started to move on. Until one day. You hadn’t expected to see what was the headline news on all the gossip magazines.

“Chris Evans is back on the market! Calls it quits with longtime model girlfriend! Fans are in shock!”

You stared at the front cover with wide eyes. He-He broke up with her? Well, you meant like the arrangement. But why, he left you. He chose not to be with you… you felt so confused.

“Fuck you Chris Evans,” you mumbled as you slammed the magazine back on the shelve.

Just when you thought you were getting stronger, he broke your heart all over again.

As soon as you got back to your place, your phone was going off with notifications out the limit. Your phone had never gone off like that. You didn’t have time for this, you didn’t care what it was, you just wanted to be left alone.

Until you saw that Chris Evans had tagged you something on Twitter. It was a video of a movie trailer.

“Going on without you is killing me every day. @ Y/N I love you, this one is for you.”

Your hands were shaking as you stared it. You had yet to click on the picture because you were terrified. What was this? What was he doing? Why did he make it public?

You bit your lip as you sat down on the floor in your living room. If you were going to watch this you didn’t need to be standing up. You turned up the volume on your phone and took a deep breath before clicking play.

[staystreetly]

Do you know what movie that gif you used for your latest Chris imagine is from?

yeah! it’s from this video:

https://youtu.be/pytYua_t-Ww <3

[staystreetly]

Chris Evans Imagine #4

warnings: alcohol, angst(?)

authors note: this one is shorter than usual, i hope u still enjoy it!

The sound of your heeled boots hitting the whiskey-drenched floor as you walked into the bar was silenced by the sound of the jukebox playing an old, heartbreak song. Fitting, you thought as you made your way to the bar. The small room was only filled with a few people at that time of the night. It was maybe an hour or so before the last call, so most everyone had already moved on to another or headed on home.

You, however, wanted to go anywhere, but home. The smell of him still lingered throughout the house. His toothbrush was still in its holder next to yours. His favorite orange juice still had enough juice inside for one last glass with his morning breakfast. Pictures of the two of you, happy, were placed in almost every room you walked into.

Despite the fact, he had left you, for someone else, over a week ago, you should have gotten every ounce of him out of your place. But you hadn’t had the strength inside of you because deep down you hoped and prayed maybe, just maybe he’d come back.

You sat on top of the round, wooden stool in front of the bar. The five other people that were in the bar were sitting in their own booth or playing darts or pool, except one other person. It was a man with brown curly hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. Tattoos were drawn into the skin of his arm and chest, you assumed as you saw a bit of ink poking through the top of his shirt.

Even in the dimly lit room, you could tell he dealing with something. It’s not that you could read people, but the fact he had five empty shot glasses in front of him and motioned for the bartender for another, pretty much said he was going through some shit. The bartender, Mike, from what his tag said, handed you your drink. You twirled the auburn liquid around in the glass as you sighed.

How pathetic was it, you being there in a shit bar, drinking whiskey, alone. While he, your ex, was probably out and about with his new girlfriend. You never thought you’d be that girl, the heartbroken one, who let a man consume her every thought and wish for him to come back. You shouldn’t even want him back, especially knowing he not only left you for someone else but had been cheating on you with her for months.

You downed the whiskey from the glass. The familiar feeling of it burning your throat was just what you needed, so you ordered another, and another. You weren’t sure if it was the whiskey starting to hit you or if you were just tired of being alone, but you got up and made your way over to the stranger at the other side of the bar.

“Is this seat taken?” You asked, how original, you thought as soon as the words left your lips.

“Besides my empty glasses, no,” he said adding another, seven in total.

You sat down at the stool, flagging down Mike and ordering another shot.

“So, what’s your story?” He asked.

“My story?” You asked confused.

“Well, there’s gotta be a reason you’re downing whiskey like it’s uh… going out of a style,” he hiccuped.

“I could say the same for you,” you said motioning to the seven, now, eight glasses.

“Touche,” he grumbled.

“My boyfriend cheated on me and left me for her,” you sighed.

“What a dick,” he said looking over at you.

That was the first time you saw the color of his eyes. They were blue, a little hazy and watery as the alcohol was taking effect, but they were still something to get lost in. You shook your head at the thought.

“I’ve got a similar story… sort of,” he sighed. “I just went through a breakup… there wasn’t cheating, technically involved, it’s just shit didn’t work out and now my ex is with someone else, now.”

“Hey, Mike, two more,” you said.

He brought over two glasses and you handed one to the man next to you.

“A toast to our exes. Fuck them,” you said.

He smiled, clinking his glass with yours before you both downed the entire thing in one go. Over the next half hour, you discovered the man’s name was Chris and he had just gotten out of a long relationship. Somehow as time went on, you two moved from your stools at the bar and made your way over to a booth in the corner of the bar. You ended up ordering some beers and finding some music to play on the jukebox.

The rest of the night was filled with drunken conversation, dancing, and laughing. You hadn’t planned on it and you were sure by now it was definitely all the alcohol running through your veins, but your lips were attached to his. They tasted like a mix of whiskey and beer with a hint of lime. Your hands were in his hair while he was at your waist.

All you could think about at that moment was how you felt in his arms, his lips pressed to yours as his hands ran along your sides. You didn’t think of your ex and what he had put you through over the last few weeks and you sure as hell didn’t think about what he was doing with her. Even though everything was feeling so right, you knew taking this further with Chris wasn’t the right thing to do.

Luckily, Mike made the Last Call announcement, signaling the bar would be closing within the next ten minutes. Chris pulled away from you and you both gazed into the other’s eyes. It was then, you realized, maybe, maybe it wasn’t a good idea to have approached him because while you knew this should end here, you didn’t want it to.

You both were standing outside the bar now. The streets were pretty vacant except for a few cars and people leaving the surrounding bars.

“We shouldn’t…” you whispered looking at him, holding your phone in your hand.

“I know,” Chris whispered back.

“But I want to,” you added.

“Me too,” he said.

“Then I guess…” you stated.

“We’re doing this,” Chris completed.

An Uber driver pulled up to the curb, Chris opened the door. You put your phone back in your purse and climbed into the car before Chris got inside as well.

So, much for drinking alone.

[staystreetly]

Chris Evans Imagine #3

warnings: angsty at first, fluffy at the end

authors note: my longest oneshot so far! i hope you like it, we are almost at 300 followers, so exciting!! thank you so much for all the love you gave to the second imagine, it made me so happy!

*Based on the song Don’t You Wanna Stay by Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson

“I should probably get going,” you whispered sitting up in the bed, sheets covering your naked body.

Don’t go, Chris wanted to say, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. He never could ask you to stay and you couldn’t ever ask him to stay either. That wasn’t part of the deal. At least not at first.

Whenever the time came for you to leave, you always told him you were about to head home and you would always hesitate before getting out of bed for a few minutes, hoping he would ask you to stay.

But he never did. So, you got up from the bed and got dressed. Both of you hating this moment, the moment when the other had to leave, but you would never tell the other because you didn’t want to ruin what you had.

You and Chris were friends, who met through mutual friends and working on movies and songs together. One night you both were hanging out and one thing and a few drinks lead to another and you two hooked up. Somehow from that one night, you two both decided on being in sort of a friends with benefits relationship.

Both of you were single and weren’t really looking for a serious relationship, so it worked out. You both got the companionship both of you desired without having to deal with everything that came from a relationship. You two just had one rule, the other person couldn’t stay the night whenever you two slept together.

However, as time went on, you found yourself falling for him. You knew you shouldn’t because he didn’t feel the same way about you. Except he did, he had fallen hard for you, but due to the circumstances of your little arrangement, he had yet to find the courage to tell you how he really felt about you.

Chris watched you as you got dressed. Part of you hoped he didn’t notice how you slowly put on your clothes one item at a time waiting for something that would never happen. But the other part of you wished that he did and he would ask you to stay.

He bit his lip as he forced himself not to open his mouth to say anything because he couldn’t trust what might come out of it.

Once your boots were on, you got up from the bed and grabbed your bag.

“So, uh… I guess I’ll talk to you later?” You asked.

“Yeah, we’ll talk later,” he nodded.

“Well, uh… bye then,” you said waving a bit.

His lips turned into a small smile as he waved back to you. You walked out of his room and his house before getting into your car. You looked at yourself in the rearview mirror of your car. Your hair was a mess and your lipstick stained the skin around your lips. Tears welled up in your eyes as you realized you couldn’t keep doing this. You couldn’t keep putting yourself through this anymore.

As soon as you left, Chris found himself getting up from his bed and went straight to the door. His hand was on the doorknob, but he didn’t turn it. He pressed his forehead against the cool surface of his front door. His heart told him to open the door and stop you. Tell you how he felt and bring you back inside and show you just how he feels about you, but his head, his head was telling him to just let you go.

That night, his head won.

**

“I don’t want to just make love, I wanna make love last,” you softly sang to yourself, thinking about making a new song out of this. “When you’re up this high, it’s a sad goodbye.”

You sighed reaching over to grab your drink and downing the remains of it. It had been two days since you last saw Chris and it was driving you insane, but it was your own fault. You hadn’t returned his calls or texts because you couldn’t face him right now. Your heart was still calling for him. Still aching for him, but didn’t have the courage to tell him how you felt.

So, you were avoiding him. You just needed some time to yourself, a few days to get your head and heart on the same page, and then you could go back to the little arrangement you two had like nothing ever happened. Except, would that really be enough for you.

There would be one day when he’d find someone to not only share his bed with but also his heart… and he’d end what you two had with one another. Would you honestly be able to handle seeing him with someone else… being with someone else? You could tell yourself you’d be fine all you wanted, but deep down you knew you’d be broken inside.

Broken because you both had made a promise to each other that what you two had was just for fun. You both were single and it was just casual. You were friends first and foremost, who on multiple occasions ended up naked in each other’s beds. That was it.

That was what you always told yourself. But it didn’t matter because you were without a doubt in love with him.

**

Chris gripped his phone as the other line went straight to your voicemail.

“Fuck!” He shouted throwing his phone onto the couch in his living room.

Chris was beyond frustrated with you. You hadn’t answered any of his phone calls or his text messages in the last few days. That was like you. You always answered, okay, but not everytime the first time, but you could always call back or respond to him within a few hours… but now he had yet to get anything.

What if… what if you were with someone else? What if he lost you because he was too fucking stubborn and scared to tell you how he really felt about you. He had brought dinner, your favorite, in hopes you’d stop by, but it remained on the table where it was now cold after sitting there, untouched for over two hours.

He swallowed the lump in his throat as he stared at the food containers. It was almost like they were mocking him, rubbing it in his face that you stood him up. That you were avoiding him. He couldn’t take anymore, so he grabbed the trash bin and shoved all of the food inside of it.

Except he didn’t stop there, everything in his house reminded him of you. Your perfume still lingered in the air. It didn’t matter how many candles he had lit, he still smelled you. God, he wanted you more than anything, but he fucked up.

He should have gone after you that night. He should have told you to get out of your car and come back inside. He should have made you breakfast the next morning and told you he was in love with you.

But he didn’t.

And it was too late.

**

Your phone rang once again. You stared at the name lighting up across the screen. It had been a week now. You had ghosted him for almost over a week, and he was still trying to contact you. You felt bad not talking to him, but it better for you if you didn’t. If you were going to get over these feelings for him, you just had to walk away for a bit.

But Chris being Chris, you knew it wouldn’t that easy. Once you did start talking to him again, he would ask you what happened. What was wrong, what he did wrong. And you’d have to lie… and keep lying to him, to yourself. All because you were afraid of a little heartbreak.

Was ignoring one of your best friends, someone you could always turn to, really working out for you? Not really. You hated not seeing him. Not hearing his voice. But you were scared.

You were scared of letting your heart win and finally telling him how you felt. Scared of opening yourself up to all of that again. You had yet to have a healthy, stable relationship and you don’t know if you could go through having another relationship fail, especially with him.

That’s why you agreed to have the arrangement because it meant you two had a relationship, without actually having the relationship. And now you wanted more, but you were too scared to want it enough to tell him how you felt.

And you weren’t strong enough to stay away from him any longer.

**

Chris was shocked to see your name come across the screen of his iPhone.

Sorry, been working in the studio all week. If you don’t mind, I’ll be there in 10. I’ll even bring a pizza and ice cream.

As long as you get double cheese, I don’t mind.

Chris typed his response and quickly went around cleaning up his room and the living room. There were a few more wine and beer bottles than necessary, so he made sure to get rid of those before you walked in. He knew you well enough that you weren’t just working on the script. You had always made time to talk to him, to see him, to be with him regardless of how late it was or how tired you were.

So, he had a feeling that tonight would be your last night together and he didn’t want to screw it up.

When the doorbell rang, he quickly went over to answer it. He took a deep breath before opening it and see you standing there, with a pizza box in one hand, and few pints of ice cream in a bag in the other.

“One large veggie pizza with extra cheese,” you smiled. “And one pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream and another of chocolate chip cookie dough.”

He laughed, “Hm, good choices, so I guess I can let you in then.”

“You better because one hand is burning and the other is about to freeze itself off,” you laughed.

“Here, let me take one of those,” he said grabbing the pizza and walking inside.

You followed him in and put the ice cream in the freezer for when you two were ready for it. Harry grabbed two plates and glasses from the cabinet and put you both two slices a piece of the plate before handing it to you.

“Thanks,” you said.

“Do you want water, wine, or soda?” He asked.

“Water’s fine,” you said.

He nodded pouring you both some water and walking over to the couch, where you both ate your pizza in silence.

Chris took a sip of his water and looked over at you. “You said you’ve been working in the studio? Have you been writing on a new song?”

“Oh, uh, yeah, it’s particularly almost finished,” you said.

“Do you mind if I hear what you have so far?” He asked.

“Uh, sure, but um when I say it’s unfinished I mean, it’s unfinished,” you said. “I only really have like one verse and a bit of the chorus and maybe a little bit of a bridge.”

“I don’t mind… maybe I could help you out a bit,” he added.

You took a deep breath and put your plate of half eaten pizza on the coffee table and grabbed your phone out of your pocket. You picked the notes app and cleared your throat.

“Let’s take it slow, I don’t wanna move to fast. I don’t wanna just make love, I wanna make love last. When you’re up this high, it’s a sad goodbye,” you sang softly.

“Don’t you wanna stay here a little while? Oh, you feel so perfect, baby. Yeah, you feel so perfect,” You paused.

“Um, see it’s really botched up right now,” you laughed. “I don’t know. it’s just uh… missing something that I can’t get out out right now.”

“I might have something… if you want to hear it,” he said.

“Okay,” you nodded. “I’m all ears.”

“I really hate to let this moment go. Touching your skin and your hair falling slow. When a goodbye kiss feels like this…” he sang.

“Don’t you wanna stay here a little while? Don’t you wanna hold each other tight? Don’t you wanna fall asleep with me tonight?” He added.

“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to add to the chorus.”

“No, no it’s great… it’s actually better than what I had,” you said. “What if I…hold on… let me write along.”

You quickly started writing down the lyrics he sang.

“How about this… Don’t you wanna stay here a little while? Don’t you wanna hold each other tight? Don’t you wanna fall asleep with me tonight? Don’t you wanna stay here a little while? We could make forever feel this way… Don’t wanna stay?” You sang.

“What if we arranged your verse first, then add in the chorus next. Then my verse, and continue with the same chorus… but maybe added a “Hey, yeah, oh yeeah,” to it makes it a little different,” you said. “And then has like a bridge, we can use the, oh, you feel so perfect, baby and lead into a softer version of the chorus before building it up.”

“I think that could work,” he nodded. “Except for the bridge part, instead of us singing it together, what if we did like an echo effect. Where I sing and then you follow it up or vice versa.”

“Oh, you feel so perfect, baby,” He sang.

“Yeah, you feel so perfect, baaby,” you sang after him.

He smiled,”Why don’t we try putting it all together.”

“I really hate to let this moment go…” he sang softly looking at you, starting the song.

“Don’t you wanna staaaay,” you sang ending the song once you pieced it all together.

You both finished singing and the air was filled with silence and tension. Chris looked over at you. Your arms were sat upon a couch pillow and you looked back up at him. He leaned in, closing the distance between the two of you, pressing his lips against yours.

Chris took the pillow away from you as he kissed you. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he deepened the kiss. His hands were at your waist before wrapping them around you. He picked you up and carried you to his bedroom. He took your shirt off, while you pulled his shirt up and over his head.

He walked you two back towards his bed, laying you on top of his mattress.

**

When it was over a few hours later, you both laid on the bed, side by side. Yet again you two were silent and you sighed. It was getting late, which meant it was time for you to leave.

“I should probably get going,” you whispered sitting up and throwing your legs over the edge of the mattress.

The hardwood floor was chilly as your feet touched the ground. You reached down for your clothes when you felt a hand grab your own. You froze. This never happened. Once the deed was done, you two didn’t touch the other. Hell, you hardly spoke afterward other your goodbyes and get home safe.

“You can stay… um.. if you want,” he whispered.

You turned around, looking at him. He was holding your hand and staring up at you.

“Are… are you sure?” You whispered.

Chris sat up and moved closer to where you were sitting. “Y/N… I can’t… we can’t keep doing this,” he whispered. “I hate when you leave… or when I leave your place. I hated not talking to you this past week and I hate… I hate what we have right now. I want more with you. This arrangement… it was never… it was never just about fucking for me and while I definitely enjoy it, I don’t want only that anymore.”

“It was never just about fucking for me either,” you whispered. “And I lied when I said I was busy this week… I was avoiding you because… because I realized I’m in love with you and I was scared to te-”

Chris pressed his lips against yours interrupting you the moment you said you were in love with him. After pulling away, he pressed his forehead against yours.

“I’m in love with you, too,” he whispered.

You smiled putting your hand on his shoulder and pressing your lips to his in a kiss. He laughed holding you close to him.

“Does this mean you’re going to stay?” He whispered.

You smiled nodding. Chris smiled laying back on the bed and pulling you into his arms. He kissed your forehead as he both held each other tight.

“Just so you know, I really enjoy pancakes for breakfast,” you giggled.

“Good to know,” he laughed.

You smiled pressing a kiss to his shoulder before closing your eyes and falling asleep.

[staystreetly]

THANK YOU FOR 200 FOLLOWERS!!!

Thank you so so much for 200 followers in such a short time!! Words can not describe my happiness. I am glad that people like my work! See you soon with a new imagine, I guess:)

[staystreetly]

Oh my fucking god!! WE NEED PART 2!!

AAAA!!! Thank u omg!! i’ll try to do it when i find some time and inspiration <33 kiss kiss

[staystreetly]

Chris Evans Imagine #2 If I Can’t Have You

warnings: lots of angst!!

authors note: thank you sososos much for all the love you guys gave to the first imagine<3 i hope you enjoy this one the same way

*read Part Two now!

You felt the edge of the mattress dip in when the man who was previously laying beside you sat up. He gathered his clothes from the hardwood floor and began putting them back on layer by layer. It was practically a routine now with how often this always happened. It didn’t matter what time or what day of the week it was, it always ended like this.

And it had always ended like this for almost three years now.

You stared up at the ceiling, holding back the tears forming in your eyes from falling.

“Why do you have to go?” You whispered.

Chris sighed looking over at you with his shirt still in his hands. There were faint lines down his back and small dark purple marks across his chest as evidence of the moment you two had just shared, but it didn’t matter, it never mattered.

“You know why,” he answered.

“Publicity right? It’s always for fucking publicity, but for three years, Chris? I don’t get it,” you said sitting up, not caring that the sheet had fallen from your body, exposing your chest. “I sort of understood it when we got together, but I don’t, not anymore.”

“It’s part of the business,” he said.

“Do you love me?” You whispered.

“Of course I do,” he whispered. “Why would you even ask that?”

“Because sometimes I feel like you love her more than me. You say it’s for publicity and that you two are just friends, but yet she’s the one you’re always with. She’s the one who the world thinks is your girlfriend and who gets to be supportive of you in public. I feel like I’m the mistress in my own relationship,” you cried. “Please, just don’t go. Stay here with me, end it with her and we can be together.”

“Baby, we’ve been through this,” he said. “I don’t love her, I’m not in a relationship with her and I don’t want to be, I promise you this arrangement won’t be forever.”

“It’s already been three years, Chris, that’s practically forever,” you whispered.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go,” he said. “We’ll talk about this later. I love you.”

He pressed a kiss to your forehead before grabbing his phone and key and walking out the door.

As soon as the door shut behind him, you let your tears fall, it wouldn’t be a routine if you didn’t. You drug yourself out of the bed and into the shower turning the water as hot as it would go. You didn’t care if your skin melted off at that point. Being with Chris used to make your heart flutter, it used to make you feel loved, but now, now you felt dirty and used.

You felt like the other woman and maybe, maybe you were.

When you first met Chris, he was in a rumored relationship with some model, so you were a little apprehensive about pursuing a relationship with him. You had met through mutual friends and hit it off pretty quickly. He had told you that the relationship he was in, wasn’t really a relationship. It was strictly PR and the two were only together whenever they needed to be seen out in public or at events.

And they were. You had actually met the model’s boyfriend and he had explained that while it was a little weird, the only thing that mattered was that she was the one he came home to and actually had a relationship with. After that, you and Chris got together.

At first, it was strange to see your boyfriend out and about with another woman, especially since you two couldn’t be seen out in public looking like a couple. But then after a while, it just became the norm. As the months passed by into your first year together, Chris kept promising you that it wouldn’t be forever.

The two of them would come out and say they broke up due to growing apart and it’d be over. Then the two of you could be the couple you were behind closed doors out in the open. It hurt you not being able to kiss him or hold him before one of his shots or interviews in fear of someone taking a picture and leaking it out.

There was actually one time you had suggested that happening because then it would be mean the other relationship was over. However, your suggestion caused a huge fight between you and Chris because Chris said if that happened then he’d be labeled as a cheater and you the other woman and that reputation would be affected.

You two didn’t talk for almost a week after that one.

One year together turned into two years and it was really starting to take its toll on you. During awards season, you saw less and less of Chris and more of him and her together. When he had his big movie premiere, she was the one on his arm, while you were at home, alone.

The more he was with her doing appearances, you started wondering if it was you that was the problem. Maybe he didn’t want to be seen with you because he was ashamed. Ashamed you weren’t some top-notch famous person with supermodel looks, who just didn’t fit in with that part of his life.

You had sat on the shower floor until the water ran cold. You wrapped a towel around yourself and looked into the mirror. You wiped the fog away with your hand. Your eyes were puffy as you stared at the marks on your neck. When he was with you, he made you feel as if you were the only one he wanted to be with. He made you feel like he was in love with you, but the second his phone rings and he’s gone, so is that feeling.

Later that night, you had changed into an old t-shirt and grabbed the biggest tub of ice cream in your freezer. Your phone sat on the coffee table as you stared at it. You shouldn’t pick it up. You should just eat your ice cream and watch a movie. You should just turn the damn thing off and be done with it, but you can’t.

You take in it your hand and go straight to social media where you see them. Pictures and pictures of the two of them together, looking like a happy couple. Looking in love. Him looking at her the same way he looks at you.

You didn’t deserve this. You didn’t deserve to cry your eyes out eating chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, while he got to look like that. Like nothing was wrong like no one was crying over him like he didn’t have someone else, who he claimed to fucking love at home all alone.

And her.

She didn’t deserve to be there for him as the supportive girlfriend when she wasn’t. She wasn’t the one who was there for the good times and the bad. She wasn’t there for him when an audition didn’t go as planned. She wasn’t there for him when he struggled with anxiety before press tours. She wasn’t there when they needed to put his dog to sleep.

She wasn’t the one who loved him.

Yet according to the world, she was.

You were still on the couch by the time you heard the sound of key’s jingling in the lock. The tub of half-eaten ice cream had melted and was now ruined. Seeing the pictures from that night was your last straw and you had made a decision. A decision you should had made a long time ago but never could make yourself do.

You had hoped and prayed the situation would change and you wouldn’t ever have to come to this.

But it never did.

Chris walked into your house. He took off his coat and placed it on the rack along with his keys and phone on the table by the door. He walked into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of whiskey. It wasn’t until he saw the melted ice cream on the table that he realized you were still up and in the living room.

“Hey, baby,” he smiled. “I didn’t think you’d be up.”

“We need to talk,” you whispered.

He sighed. “Y/N if this is about earlier, can’t we postpone this till the morning, I’m exhausted.”

“No, this can’t wait,” you said. “I’ve been waiting for you for three fucking years, you can certainly wait for me now.”

The tone in your voice shocked Chris to the point he couldn’t even utter a response. He sat down on the chair next to where you were sitting.

“I can’t keep doing this, Chris. I can’t keep staying at home crying over you when you’re with her. It’s not fair to me or my heart. I love you wholeheartedly and I get nothing but stolen moments behind closed doors. I shouldn’t feel like the other woman when I’m supposed to be the girlfriend. You say it’s not going to be forever, but yet you’ve been saying that for years and you’ve made no attempt at ending it with her. I want to get married one day and have babies and I want that with you, but that can’t happen if the public thinks you’re in a relationship with her,” you said.

“Being in a relationship with you is tearing me apart. I feel like I’m nothing. I feel used and dirty and like I’m not good enough. Because honestly, if I was good enough why would you need to be seen with her and not me? Huh? I’m the one who is always there for you, but only behind closed doors. I get I’m not famous and I’m not beautiful, but I’m still a fucking person with feelings,” you said.

“I don’t have to live like this anymore and I’m not…I won’t. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be wanted. I deserved to be loved in every way possible,” you whispered. “And as much as this hurts me, being with you in this way, hurts me more.”

“If I can’t have you, If I can’t have all of you. If you don’t end what’s supposed to be a fake relationship with her and give me, give us the relationship we deserve, then I can’t be with you. I won’t be with you,” you whispered. “So, right here, right now, it’s either her or me.”

[staystreetly]

Chris Evans Imagine #1

warnings: slightest amount of smut i guess??

authors note: this little oneshot is inspired by the gif below!! nothing else to say, it’s pretty short sooo yeah... enjoy i guess xx

The sunlight casts a tender glow in the room, warmth pouring in more and more as the air is filled with soft breaths, sweat and sex.

His mouth is on your neck, kissing, sucking and whispering sweet nothings as he nears his release, while you’re coming down from your own. Fingers dance across your skin until they’re gripping your hips, not too hard, not too soft, just the way he knows you love it.

A growl sounds throughout the room as he reaches his climax, burying himself inside you and resting his forehead against yours. His fingers disappear from your hips as he lays down next to you, reappearing to brush a lock of hair out of your face.

You smile at him, studying every single little detail on his face. His eyes crinkle at the corners as he grins back, swiping his thumb underneath your eye to wipe away smeared makeup. He strokes your cheekbone with his thumb, his smile softening as he gazes into your eyes.

”Hi”, he murmurs.

”Hi”, you whisper.

His eyes sparkle as if they hold a million stars. He looks at you with so much love in his gaze you feel like you might burst.

”You’re gorgeous”, he says quietly.

There’s dried tear stains on your cheeks, mascara smeared underneath your eyes and faint red marks on your throat, yet he still thinks you’re beautiful.

Your heart swells.

”I love you”, you whimper, eyes glazed. A fresh tear rolls down your pink cheek as Chris just smiles at you, so genuine and so loving. He leans forward and flicks his nose against yours.

“I love you too.”

[blurry-fics]

Happy Pride Month, Friends!

No matter what your gender & sexuality are, you’re always welcome on this page! :)

(gif credit)

[tylerjosephotos]

[midwest-lavender]

#gonna do a fucking palm reading w this pic #head line: long + straight + connected to heart line = analytical and overthinking but kind. independent but social. insecure as a child #life line: short + faint = prone to sickness and travels frequently. life often controlled by others. staying busy brings security #heart line: straight + short = needs freedom and shows love with actions and not words. gentle and passive. prone to selfishness but loyal #marriage line: single + long + deep + straight = sound and lasting marriage

[pantaloonwarrior]

[staystreetly]

Destined - Tyler Joseph

Word Count: 625

Warnings: fluff(?) kind of intimate

Author’s note: I, in fact, am actually still alive. I know, it has been soo long but.. i kind of forgot about this account. So, without much talking; Here is my second Tyler Joseph Imagine! Have fun reading <3

The calming sounds of the waves around us distracted me from my fast beating heart. It was beating so loud, I was afraid even Tyler could hear it. He was silently rowing the boat we were sitting in, while analyzing everything, looking at everything, but me. The stars were especially bright that day, they reflected in his beautiful, brown eyes. He let out a deep breath before putting the paddles down. Somehow, he finally got the courage to look into my eyes. “You are so beautiful, you make all the stars up in the sky jealous.” Tyler pointed up to the stars. I giggled. “Is that an actual pick-up line?” I immediately regretted asking that, since he got closer to me, staring into my eyes. Tyler started to check me out carefully, from bottom to top; I felt exposed and blushed. I felt naked. It felt like, he could see right through everything I had. Through my clothes, through my skin, through my bones; As he could see my soul. When our eyes finally met again, he smirked playfully. “No pick-up line, just facts.” It seemed like the shy Tyler, who couldn’t even look at me five minutes ago, disappeared. We didn’t talk. Not at all. We just stared at each other. It was awkward, but fuck yea, I still enjoyed every second of it. “So, aren’t you going to talk?” I leaned my head on my hand. I had no idea why Tyler invited me here, I had no idea what he wanted to do, what he wanted to say. Deep down, I wanted him to confess his love to me, but that would never happen. We were friends for so many years, I knew Tyler. I knew his type in girls, I knew his preferences but I also knew that he wasn’t looking for a relationship. Being with him was so exhausting, it was the best time of my life, but deep down it hurt so much. Knowing that you were just a friend to him, it stung. “You and I.” Tyler leaned forward and broke our little silence. I felt my heart drop. It stopped beating for a second, but then, it beat harder than before. “You and I.” He leaned more forward, which seemed kind of impossible, since he was already so close to me. His scent filled my lungs as my hands nervously grabbed my shirt. His scent, oh, his beautiful scent. It was impossible to describe it in words. Expensive cologne mixed with him. Only him. Bitter, yet so sweet. Light, yet so dark. Cold but yet, so hot. “You and I, we are destined.” , he gently pushed my chin a little bit up, so I could look at him, “We are destined to be together.” I could feel his breath on my skin. I slightly touched his knee, to make sure that it wasn’t a dream. Eyes locked on mine, he brushed his lips against mine. My heart was nearly exploding, after a long time I got to know what “having butterflies in your stomach” actually meant. I wasn’t ashamed to admit that my whole existence depended on this man, the man, I loved. Sending a bolt of electricity through my body, he finally pressed his lips against mine. I kissed him back, the desire quickly escalating. I bit his lower lip as his hands slid behind my neck. Running my hand through his soft hair, I pulled my body closer, my tongue now battling against his. Our tongues meeting each other made the whole kiss more passionate than it already was. I was ready to give up everything I had, if I had the possibility of staying in that exact moment forever. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Tyler.”

So the stars witnessed us, being destined to be together.

[staystreetly]

Music seems to hold everything together. It seems to make things not so chaotic sometimes. It seems to make things make more sense sometimes.

Tyler Joseph

[staystreetly]

because it’s what we want to see.