[stcnehearts]

dependent multi-muse blog for lawlessfm penned by ness (she/her, twenty-eight, gmt)

𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐤𝐨 𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐨 ⏤ intro | bio | threads | pinterest | playlist | wanted connections

[angelprompts]

random character headcanons, vol i   ♡   happy developing ᵔᴗᵔ

teddy bear — does your muse have any treasured possessions? what makes it so special?

scratched cd — what genre of music does your muse hate? if someone happens to turn on that genre, will they tolerate it or leave the room?

dried paint brush — how creative is your muse? do they create anything with said creativity or are they considered 'wasted potential'?

playground equipment — what's a childhood memory, whether it's liked or not, that stands out to your muse? why does it stand out among the rest?

candy bracelet — does your muse prefer chocolate, hard candy or chewy candy? do they even like sweets at all?

broken record player — what regrets does your muse have? if they could go back and change that event / the past in general, would they?

ball pit — what does your muse do for fun?

orange creamsicle — what's a topic your muse could talk about for hours? is there a reason this particular topic means so much to them?

hopscotch — does your muse like to work out? if not, how else do they move their body from day to day?

flimsy fairy wings — did your muse used to celebrate / dress up for halloween as a child? if yes, what's a costume they remember wearing (and did they pick out or did their parents)?

instant messenger — if it's not already taken, what is your muse's go-to username?

[noahsresources]

IN CHARACTER CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT QUESTIONS .

send an emoji/series of emojis for my muse to answer any of the following questions in character! for some questions, there are fields italicized and bolded for you to fill in with the name of a person/place/event/etc in the muse's life. please remember to fill in these spaces in order for the question to make sense! each emoji is described in case you can't see them, and they are listed alphabetically. ♡

✈️ AIRPLANE — have you traveled anywhere that helped you discover something about yourself and/or about the world?

😠 ANGRY FACE — how easy or difficult is it for you to express your emotions? if you find it difficult, what do you think is holding you back?

🎨 ARTIST PALETTE — what are some hobbies that you like to partake in? do you think they're just to pass time or to distract yourself, or do you believe some of them potentially have therapeutic outcomes for you?

🎈 BALLOON — what is something you've created and/or accomplished recently that you're proud of?

🖤 BLACK HEART — what would you say is the darkest thought you've ever experienced? what do you think caused you to have that thought? have you ever planned on or fantasized about acting on it?

🏹 BOW AND ARROW — if there's something from your past that you'd give anything to go back in time and redo, what is it?

💔 BROKEN HEART — is there anyone in your life you wish you had a better relationship with? if so, how come? what makes this person important to you?

🎄 CHRISTMAS TREE — what is your favorite holiday and why?

🌙 CRESCENT MOON — what would you say is your current biggest dream and/or career aspiration and why?

❌ CROSS MARK — how would your life be different if [name of person] had never been in it? would it be better or worse?

⚔️ CROSSED SWORDS — do you have any skills that you are absolutely grateful you have and that mean a lot to you? how do you usually use these skills? would they come in handy if someone you cared about was in trouble?

🔮 CRYSTAL BALL — what is a core memory from your childhood that you think defines you today?

🗡️ DAGGER — what is something or someone you know you can't afford to lose? how far are you willing to go to make sure you don't lose it/them?

💧 DROPLET — are you grieving something or someone? do you feel like you lost something or a part of yourself with it/them?

😶‍🌫️ FACE IN CLOUDS — is there something you're hiding from the people you love? if so, how urgent is it for them to hear it? what's holding you back from sharing it?

🍂 FALLEN LEAVES — how would you metaphorically describe your life and the journey(s) you've been on?

👻 GHOST — is there someone or something that you feel is missing from your life? do you know if there's any way to find it/them?

🩶 GRAY HEART — what kind of friend do your friends consider you to be (mom friend, uncle friend, funny friend, etc) and why? what do you think this says about your personality?

🤝 HANDSHAKE — do family or platonic relationships mean more to you? or do they mean different things to you?

❤️‍🔥 HEART ON FIRE — what angers you the most? what triggers this anger, and how do you cope with it? what does this anger feel like, if you had to describe it?

💋 KISS MARK — if you had to share a romantic kiss with a loved one, where would you share that kiss and why? are you thinking about giving this romantic kiss somewhere other than the other person's lips?

✝️ LATIN CROSS — are you a religious person? did you grow up religious? does your faith mean anything to you today?

🩵 LIGHT BLUE HEART — what do you fantasize about the most often (generally/sexually/etc)? are there any people that are significant to or that you can see in this fantasy and why?

⚡️ LIGHTNING BOLT — how has [significant event in muse's life] impacted you? what has it made you realize about yourself? about others? about the world?

💄 LIPSTICK — have you had any romantic or sexual experiences that made you realize something about yourself?

🪄 MAGIC WAND — would you describe yourself as a superstitious person (someone who believes in superstitions)? do you believe in luck?

❤️‍🩹 MENDING HEART — how strongly do you experience your emotions? does it depend on who you're interacting with and/or the context of the situation?

🎶 MUSICAL NOTES — what song lyrics do you think most accurately describe you? your journey through life? who you are as a person?

🫂 PEOPLE HUGGING — generally speaking, do you feel very supported by the people in your life? how strong and cohesive is your support system, if you have one? do you often feel like you're at the front of the line or pushed to the side by the people in your life?

❤️ RED HEART — what is/are your love language(s)? how do you use it/them to communicate your feelings about others?

💞 REVOLVING HEARTS — who and/or what are you most grateful for in your life?

🎀 RIBBON BOW — how confident are you with your physical appearance? is there anything about it that you are insecure about? is there anything about it that you are happy about or gives you confidence? how do you think people perceive you based on your physical appearance?

🧪 TEST TUBE — if you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what is one thing you absolutely have to resolve and/or do before then?

🤔 THINKING FACE — what three emotions tend to dominate your mindset? do you know why they do?

💭 THOUGHT BALLOON — is there something or someone you find yourself thinking about more often than other things? if so, why do you think you do this?

💀 SKULL — how has [name of person] 's death influenced your outlook on life, if anything?

☀️ SUN — would you describe yourself as more of an introvert or extrovert, or are you somewhere in between? how come?

🪽 WING — if you could choose to have one superpower for a day, what would it be and why? what would you do with it?

✍️ WRITING HAND — what is one thing you wish you were better at? this can be a tactical skill, social skill, hobby, etc.

[freyjadahlarchive]

⏤ It was time. Finally, Alice was asleep, infants are difficult sometimes and she learned it firsthand with her daughter. It was late at night, and she tugged her daughter inside her crib, wrapping a little blanket to cover her and a good night kiss as she does every night religiously. And suddenly the desire for a drink, her penthouse half dark, which was a comfortable darkness and she made her way towards the kitchen taking a glass of wine and pouring it to herself. Once it was filled more than what is considered polite.

There isn't anyone but herself. She sat on the sofa, stretching her legs, sipping the wine, and rested her head on the backrest of the sofa, staring at the silence, enjoying the silence. Until… "Freyja, darling." Oh no! No, no, no… She already knew his lines. One… Two… Three… Take a deep breath Freyja, you can do it.

He is not going to wake my baby! A voice told in the back of her mind. Forcefully, she stood up and opened the door of her penthouse, holding a glass of wine, and despite the sphinx expression showing on her delicate features, there was part of her wanting to kill him.

Motherfucker.

And of course, she remembers all the last time, she had to rescue him. ❛ Please just lower your voice. ❜ She says stern tone. ❛ I just put Alice back to sleep again. Come in… ❜ Part of her wonders why they were friends. ❛ Not being funny, but you look like microwave shit. ❜ The blonde was dressed in a silk black bathrobe. ❛ And what is your plan? Going out or drinking here? ❜

[stcnehearts]

He  eyes  her  glass  of  wine,  no  doubtedly  an  expensive  vintage  bottle  that  he  could  barely  afford  anymore  but  he  could  almost  taste  it  on  his  tongue  if  he  thought  hard  enough.  He  wondered  if  his  parents  still  had  that  vintage  Chateau  Margaux  in  their  wine  cellar  or  if  they  had  finally  opened  it  after  they  realised  that  waiting  for  Theo  to  come  home  and  finally  get  married  to  someone  they  deemed  suitable  was  as  hopeless  as  waiting  for  rain  in  a  drought.  The  thought  of  him  going  back  and  doing  exactly  that  crosses  his  mind  for  a  moment  but  he  doesn't  need  it,  he  doesn't  need  them.

"Alice?"  He  repeats  the  name  a  few  more  times  before  he  remembers  Freyja's  daughter,  "Oh,  Alice,  of  course.  I  bet  she  misses  uncle  Theo.  How  old  is  she  now?  She  must  be  tw⎯  thr⎯"  He  gives  up  when  he  can't  remember,  it  doesn't  matter  anyways.  Either  way,  she's  small  and  cries  so  it's  all  the  same  to  him.  "Well,  I  was  thinking  about  going  out  but  I  can  be  convinced  to  stay  in  if  you  have  some  of  the  good  stuff.  I'm  an  easy  man  to  please."

[serxndgifites]

Ashley Moore

[gravefed]

@stcnehearts , HEIAN-KYŌ,    A PRIVATE BOOTH,     MID - EVENING.

Had she told the moon about the daytime,   it wouldn’t be believed.    She’s used to that:    not being believed.    All those years spent alongside a tyrant   ⸻   how slippery morals became when spent underneath the blade of a knife.     Still,   she enjoyed the nighttime ritual of the moon - silk.    How the milky blue light seemed to cover the snow and neon like a mass of forgiveness,   at least for that evening.    At least until she awoke the next morning with the ax of reality swinging at her neck once more.    She was eaten and she ate    ⸻   glutton for some reprieve.    No matter the cost.     On this side of the winter she is more herself.    Or the shards of selves have become clearer.    Less murky.      These inner thoughts contrast heavily to the pink and white kiku bouquet that lays in the middle of the booth’s table,    the velvet jewelry box housing an emerald bracelet sits beside it.       Emiko arrives,   led by the host from the front of the restaurant.    Aranya stands to greet her,    palm facing upwards as she reaches out for the other’s hand.     “I’m glad I could pull you away for the evening  [ … ]    I hope you brought your appetite,    hm?”     Warmth on the cheeks,    smile aching at her gums and teeth.    For a moment she forgets she was made for death.       Head tilts slightly towards the tabletop,    brows lifting with a youthful delight.     “I have something to ask of you.”

[stcnehearts]

Aranya's glowing ⎯ it's the first thing she notices when she meets her. The warm restaurant lighting makes it look like she's glowing, a halo around her head. Aranya's  always  been  the  Sun  for  her  and  Yamato  has  always  been  Polaris.  Whenever  she  was  lost,  she  knew  she  could  look  up  to  him  and  find  her  way  home.  Home  used  to  be  wherever  he  was,  but  now,  home  was  wherever  both  of  them  were.  Yamato  led  the  way,  and  Aranya  would  keep  them  warm.  Emiko  sometimes  wondered  what  she  was  to  them,  how  she  fit  into  their  lives,  and  if  she  was  needed  as  much  as  she  needed  them.  She  liked  to  think  she  was,  but  it  didn't  matter  to  her  because  all  she  knew  was  that  she  was  truly  happy  for  the  first  time  in  a  long  time. 

"It's  no  bother,  I'll  always  make  time  for  you."  Her  smile  matches  Aranya's  warmth.  Cheeks  aching  like  the  muscles  haven't  been  used  this  much  in  a  while.  It's  the  kind  of  warmth  that  radiates  from  the  inside  out.  "Hm,  of  course.  What  do  you  need?"

[wrvtchedhearts]

Zakir chuckled. "Arre yaar! No respect for the craft? Blues is the music that predates Rock and Roll, the music of the soul, the longing, the desire." He made hand gestures as he spoke. "Wallah, I think most people in the room pretend to like it, they are just here for the booze and the atmosphere," he offered with a grin. His eyes were visible behind his tinted glasses, and they were amused.

He took a sip from his mocktail and raised an eyebrow. "What's your music then, yaar? And why would you walk into a place like this if not for the music or the booze?" He bit his lip, still smiling.

[stcnehearts]

Theo  shrugged.  He  grew  up  listening  to  jazz  and  classical  music  in  his  household.  Wednesday  and  Friday  evenings  spent  at  the  family  grand  piano  with  his  piano  teacher  scolding  him  for  not  playing  in  tempo,  and  later  in  life,  picking  up  the  guitar  hoping  it  would  get  him  in  the  good  books  with  girls.  He  some  respect  for  the  craft  but  it  also  came  with  memories  of  that  suffocating  household.

"Techno,  hip-hop,  I  don't  know.  Something  with  a  beat  that  you  can  grind  to,"  he  wiggles  his  eyebrows  suggestively  with  his  classic  lopsided  smirk.  "Change  of  scenery  I  guess.  And  the  booze  helps.  Anywhere  with  booze  can  be  fun  if  you  try  hard  enough."

[stcnehearts]

closed for @wrvtchedhearts

 As  she  stands  in  the  empty  room  with  a  box  of  medical  supplies  in  her  hand,  she  starts  to  wonder  if  she  made  the  right  decision  to  do  this  and  to  come  back.  Doubt  starts  to  creep  in  and  infect  every  corner  of  her  life.  Was  she  doing  this  for  her  community  or  was  this  something  she  was  doing  for  herself  to  atone  for  her  sins,  to  make  her  feel  like  she  was  a  good  person?  She  doesn't  even  realise  she's  been  biting  her  lip  until  she  sees  Zakir  and  she  forces  a  smile,  worry  lines  from  furrowing  her  eyebrows  and  frowning  smoothed  out.

"Ah,  my  knight  in  shining  armour,  you're  exactly  the  person  I  need.  Would  you  be  able  to  put  that  box  onto  the  top  shelf  for  me?"  she  points  to  the  box  amongst  other  bits  of  paper  on  her  desk.  "Do  you  by  any  chance  need  a  job  because  you  could  probably  be  quite  helpful  around  here.  I  can't  promise  that  it'll  pay  well...  or  at  all  in  fact."

[weltenwellen]

Ocean Vuong, On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous

[wiltedthorn]

OPEN TO: @stcnehearts for theodore wellington-hayes LOCATION: theo's residence, post event

They stumble into the scene with a creak of the bedroom door and Eden's arm snaked around the other's waist, supportive even if there's a chance Theo doesn't need it. He'd bound to assume the worst because he's lived it, under minded too any times to believe he knows better now. There's also the motivation that if there's a reversal of fortune, he'll be the one to clean up the splatter. "I should start taking bets on how many drinks it takes for you to become a menace," Eden mutters as if to not disturb the silence, as though he hadn't just dropped the boy king of destruction off on the bed. Gentle mannerisms are discarded briefly to rummage through drawers for something better than a three piece suit and a stash of cigarettes. Shoes, which he knew were typically strewn across the floor in their abandonment, are placed with care where they should belong. However, the facade of spineless devotion to order is shed briefly. Eden makes his way to the window and cracks it open enough to tilt the smoke in his mouth out to the city. "Though I'm starting to think your tab is for show in case you need an excuse to lie back on," He adds, knocking ash out and away. Standing at the edge of the bed, pulling sheets taunt even if Theo is entangled or sprawled across them, Eden brings himself back to his self directed purpose. A smirk wrap around the cigarette, hesitation before getting too comfortable with the bad habit again to expel it back into the room. "You gonna hurl, or do you need to be tucked in before you start some shit, little prince?"

[stcnehearts]

It  wasn't  a  successful  night  if  Theo  hadn't  caused  some  sort  of  commotion,  whether  it's  getting  too  drunk  that  he  makes  a  fool  out  of  himself  by  breaking  some  valuable  item  or  hitting  on  a  taken  person  in  front  of  their  partner  and  being  the  cause  of  the  fight.  Either  way,  if  Theodore  Wellington-Hayes  was  invited  to  an  event,  there  was  bound  to  be  trouble  close  by.

He  lifts  his  heavy  head  from  his  appalling  excuse  for  a  pillow  and  grins  at  Eden.  He  makes  a  mental  note  to  buy  a  new  one  sometime  next  week.  It's  not  much  use  as  it'll  be  forgotten  by  the  morning,  along  with  his  pile  of  laundry  at  the  foot  of  his  bed  that  he'd  been  meaning  to  do  all  week.  "I'd  rather  be  tucked  in  by  your  pretty  wife  but  I  suppose  I  could  do  worse  than  you."  He  sits  up  and  leans  forward,  elbows  on  his  knees  as  he  looks  up  at  Eden,  eyes  roaming  across  his  face  like  he's  trying  to  commit  his  face  to  memory.  "Come  to  think  of  it,  you  do  have  pretty  eyes,"  he  hums  as  he  leans  back  against  the  headboard,  head  falling  back  against  the  wall  with  a  soft  thud.  "But  nah,  I'd  still  prefer  to  have  your  wife  tuck  me  in.  Her  hands  are  probably  nice  and  soft.  Do  you  reckon  she'd  sing  me  a  lullaby  to  sleep?"

Theo  holds  his  hand  out  and  nods  to  the  pack  of  cigarettes,  "Pass  me  that  would  you?"  He  probably  shouldn't  smoke  on  his  bed  but  a  little  bit  of  ash  and  smoke  probably  wouldn't  have  made  much  difference  to  the  current  state  of  his  room.

[stcnehearts]

closed for @freyjadahl

They've  danced  this  routine  many  times  before.  He  shows  up  at  her  door,  slightly  tipsy  from  whatever  choice  of  poison  he's  chosen  from  his  previous  establishment.  Freyja  could  probably  recite  his  lines  back  to  him  by  now,  word  for  word,  expressions  and  all.  It  doesn't  stop  him  from  doing  it  though.  He  leans  against  her  doorframe,  dressed  in  a  white  shirt  that  needs  ironing,  top  3  buttons  undone  and  sleeves  rolled  up  to  his  elbows  with  his  unlit  cigarette  hanging  from  the  corner  of  his  mouth.

"Freyja,  darling."  His  accent  sounds  ever  so  slightly  more  exaggerated  than  usual.  "Come,  let's  go  out  for  a  drink  and  celebrate.  My  treat.  It  won't  be  like  last  time,  I  promise."  Which  he's  sure  he  said  last  time  he  turned  up  at  her  door  but  he  hopes  that  she  won't  remember  that.

[stcnehearts]

closed for @anjelicheart

Sometimes  when  she  looks  at  her  sisters,  she  just  sees  them  as  they  were  when  they  were  born  ⎯  small and innocent  ⎯  and  sometimes  Trinity  just  forgets  that  they're  no  longer  that  anymore  (no  thanks  to  her  anyways).  She  was  supposed  to  set  an  example  for  them,  not  be  the  hand  that  guides  them  to  the  underworld  with  her.  How  was  she  supposed  to  lecture  them  about  what  and  what  not  to  do  when  she  was  going  out  and  doing  exactly  that?  Was  it  out  of  pure  selfishness?  Would  they  have  been  better  in  foster  care,  living  with  another  family?  Those  were  the  questions  that  would  keep  her  up  at  night  when  she's  curled  next  to  her  nephew  and  sister  on  a  bed  that's  too  small  for  all  of  them.

She  slips  away  as  quietly  as  she  can,  not  wanting  to  wake  either  or  them  and  steps  out  onto  the  fire  escape  to  light  a  cigarette  as  she  looks  up  at  the  sky,  trying  to  search  for  the  stars  amongst  the  smog  but  all  there  was  to  see  were  the  hazy  lights  and  the  glow  of  a  passing  satellite.  That  was  as  close  to  a  star  she  was  going  to  get.  Feeling  a  presence  behind  her,  her  body  stiffens  and  she  reaches  for  the  closest  thing  she  could  use  as  a  weapon  ⎯  a  flower  pot.  "Jesus  Christ,  sorry  I don't  know  who  I  was  expecting.  It  is  your  apartment  after  all.  I  guess  I  must  be  a  little  jumpy.  I  didn't  wake  you  up,  did  I?"

[yua]

[heateron]

josh o'connor in la chimera (2023) dir. alice rohrwacher

[wrvtchedhearts]

OPEN STARTER #lawlessstart LOCATION: godfather house of blues

Zakir contented himself with music any day or evening he wasn't otherwise engaged: when he wasn't doing shows, recording in his home studio, giving his attention to Anchali, or performing his duties for Dead Hand. The latter taking up the most of his time despite how he had no interest in pursuing a life of crime, it was merely a means to an end: a stepping stone to his eventual career. It was a necessary one, an opportunity he could neither ignore nor take for granted.

He was nursing a mocktail he'd randomly picked off the menu and had clapped his hands together for the last act to have grazed the stage, before the room returned to a more relaxed atmosphere.

Seeing someone looking for a spot to take a seat in the packed place - yet still the conversations were all hushed - he gestured his hands to the two empty chairs at his table. "Yaar, plenty of space here, please take a seat, I'll happily share my space, inshallah."

[stcnehearts]

Being in the Godfather House of Blues was a change of pace for Theo, though anything had potential to be Theo's scene as long as there was some sort of alcohol involved. Top shelf whiskey in his hand, he scans the room looking for someone to sweet talk and potentially drop his tab on. These types of places were usually crawling with bored older women who were looking for some way to bring a bit of excitement to their life but looks like all the seats are taken except for one. "Cheers mate, don't mind if I do."

He looks around the room, eyebrow raised at the turn out. "Do people actually like this shit or are they just pretending to?" It almost reminded him of the many times that his parents would drag him to big fancy galas where everyone had a stick up their arse and he'd be reprimanded for being too loud or whatever. "This is shit that my parents, or my grandparents, would listen to."

[stcnehearts]

Closed for @anhedcnias ⎯ Bitto Mori

She'd  probably  rather  be  anywhere  but  here.  Even  taking  the  closing  shift  at  Gravity  would  probably  be  better  than  this  but  here  she  is,  standing  in  the  motorcycle  shop  that  she  pays  a  visit  far  too  often  for  her  liking.  Every  single  time  she  tells  herself  it'll  be  the  last  time,  that  she's  not  going  to  get  involved  but  then  she  looks  at  her  nephew's  little  face  and  all  she's  reminded  of  are  those  days  of  waiting  by  the  window,  hoping  her  dad  will  come  pick  her  up  for  the  weekend  but  he  never  shows.  He  deserves  the  life  that  they  never  had,  he  deserves  a  life  better  than  this  and  Trin  was  going  to  make  sure  of  it,  even  if  it  meant  she  was  the  villain  of  the  story.

It's  almost  as  her  feet  have  memorised  the  route  now,  her  feet  taking  her  towards  the  shop  before  she  can  even  think  about  what  she's  doing.  Hands  balled  into  fists  as  she  storms  in  and  it's  only  when  she's  met  with  confused  stares  from  customers  that  she  tries  to  cool  down  before  she  does  something  she  might  regret.  Her  anger  comes  back  almost  full  force  when  she  sees  him.  "Sort  your  shit  out.  I  don't  care  what  you  have  to  do  but  sort  it  out.  Or  don't  ⎯  I  don't  care.  It's  your  life  so  if  you  fuck  it  up  then  that's  on  you  but  don't  drag  my  sister  and my  nephew  into  it."

[stcnehearts]

stats

full name: emiko ishino

nicknames: emi, em

label: the lotus

date of birth: 31st august

age: twenty-nine

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

occupation: emergency room doctor at manhattan general

affiliation: medic for the executioners

language(s): english, japanese, conversational spanish, asl

faceclaim: nana komatsu

personality

positive traits: compassionate, intelligent, forgiving, independent, loyal

negative traits: self-destructive, impulsive, stubborn, workaholic, evasive

mbti: istp ⎯ virtuoso

enneagram: 6w7 ⎯ the confidant

moral alignment: true neutral

temperament: melancholic

zodiac sign: virgo sun, aries moon, cancer rising

character parallels: inej ghafa (grishverse), emma swan (once upon a time), tony (west side story), karen page (marvel), laurel castillo (how to get away with murder), ryan atwood (the oc)

character aesthetics: worn photos of strangers that they tell her are her parents kept in a box under her bed (she squeezes her eyes shut as she tries to search for at least one memory in her head that isn't her brother's but she never does); crumpled up pages with her hopes, dreams and wishes for every year that passes ⎯ some of them will never come true because the dead will stay dead; soft eyes, warm hands of a healer and a heart that wants to bring justice to the world that hurt her and her brother (maybe it'll finally grant her the forgiveness she seeks for the sins she's tried to bury)

character song: i don't like my mind by mitski

bio

tw: parental death

you were fated to this life the moment you came into this world; the threads tying you to the dark underbelly of society can never be severed, the blood in your veins makes sure of this. the blood that you can see and every time you close your eyes makes sure you never forget it either. oh, how you wish you could have had a normal life? no child should ever grow up without parents, especially ones that you can hardly remember what they look like, what they smell like, what their hugs feel life. but there’s your saving grace, the one constant in your life that keeps you sane ⎯ your brother, even if they are on the opposite side.

there’s so much anger inside of you that you don’t know what to do with it so you fall into the wrong crowds, though was it really a surprise with your family’s history ⎯ it’s in your blood after all. you think that if you hurt enough people then maybe it’ll cancel out the pain you've carried since you were an infant but this isn’t maths. two negatives don’t cancel each other out and it sure as hell doesn’t fill that giant black hole in your chest that your parents left. you crave more, more than the adrenaline from illegal street races, underground fighting rings, shop-lifting. the emptiness always returns once the high wears off and your list of people you’ve lost only seems to grow longer. there has to be more to life than this and you realise that this life (and place) is slowly killing you. staying here will consume you until there’s nothing left. so you hold onto what’s left of your soul that’s too kind for this world and do the one thing that most people never do ⎯ leave. you ask yamato to come with you too. home was never a place, you think, it was always him. you can start over, leave to some place where the ghosts from your past won't haunt you anymore. but he stays and you leave.

you go to a place that couldn’t be more different from city that raised you. you trade midnight car chases for night shifts at the hospital; shooting tequila shots for double espressos; the blood on your hands now isn’t blood that you’ve spilt and now is a sign that you’re tried to heal instead of harm. you contemplate changing your name, rewrite your whole life and start a new chapter, but your name is the last thing you have left from your parents and you can never get rid of it. it never feels like home no matter how much you can lie to yourself about how safe and peaceful it is though. there’s always a part of you that misses the chaos of it all, even if you do hate it, hate them (but you don’t because how can you truly hate the hand that fed you, the one that provided you safety, shelter, a home).

like fate, an opportunity for a fellowship pops up in new york city. you pretend like you don’t want it, like you never wanted to apply, that it was a chore to do so, but how can you explain the anxiety you feel every time you check your mail and the elation when you finally got that acceptance letter. so the prodigal daughter sister returns and it's like you had never left. it still isn't enough though. you feel like you should be doing more. maybe that's what drives you to the executioners. you've seen how crime had torn your family apart and you can't let someone else go through that even if it means you have to go toe to toe with the one person that you have left.

wanted connections

friends from before she left for med school. now that she's back, she's like a changed person, trading wild nights out for shifts at the hospital and volunteering instead. maybe they think that emiko thinks she's better than everyone else because she got out. maybe they're envious. we can figure that out.

mentor/mentee situations. emiko would 100% take people under her wing, especially if they're in the same situation as she was.

colleagues and friends from the executioners. or maybe not friends because she's yamato's sister.

connections through yamato. maybe they think she's a traitor because she's on the opposite side.