Collie Woman

[steamishot]

fall~

blogging because i've been sick and feeling bleh - not in a work mood.

NYC: the trip went surprisingly well. it felt like i never left when i was there, as if LA is still more foreign to me. i felt stabilized with my old friends (especially being in the same space as S) and like an adult/independent again. we met up with T and her partner of a year D, who i didn't get to meet since moving. i remember telling D about how much i missed having community and family while in NYC, and now in LA weekend plans are all family and not much independence. he said, the grass is always greener lol. this trip provided the closure i needed.

home-searching: this will be a long process. i started an excel sheet to keep track of our history. so far, we have put in bids for a total of 5 homes. for the first 4 bids, we were working with matt's mom's agent friend. we were green to the field, and didn't expect how competitive the area we want is. honestly, i did not enjoy working with his mom and her agent friend at all. i didn't feel in charge of my own decisions since the agent talked mainly to his mom. i felt his mom was too intrusive and overbearing, even though she probably saw it as being caring and involved. we later sensed that the agent also wasn't very knowledgable about the neighborhood we're interested in, and there was some weird drama with the listing agent that happened at the last offer she helped us with. anyway, after that incident, she decided to resign being our agent.

which meant yay, we were able to find our own agent. we met ryan who was the listing agent of a property we were semi-interested in and asked if he could represent us too. although we later got cold feet and decided not to put in an offer, we asked if he could work with us going forward. so far things have been going well. they're a gay married duo in real estate who specialize in that neighborhood. we set everything up with the lender of his referral, and he's connected us to a home insurance guy as well. inventory has been low lately with nothing we're really interested in, and i hear that real estate is typically slow in the holiday seasons. however, i feel we're much better prepared this time around!

japanese: i'm officially half way through my elementary japanese class! most of my classmates are gen-z's so i definitely felt quite old in the beginning. there were some younger people zoom culture i had to get used to, like they're cool with just being muted on camera without saying anything, whereas in a work setting i feel small talk is a must. our class started with about 33 people and now we're down to 23. we've learned hiragana and katakana and a bit of kanji. i'm proud that i can sometimes read entire japanese song names LOL. class is fun, though it is adding a lot of screentime for me.

work: we have a new chair who started at the beginning of this month. work has been alright - i always feel nervous when my workload gets too quiet. i fully transitioned my past duties to JD who has been doing a great job, and his questions have been more sparse. now i'm doing more of the compliance stuff, but it's very hands off and independent work. i wonder if my job is making a difference and if i have job security.

donut shop: in other news, my SIL sold her first donut shop business and joined forces with her younger brother. thanks to some random tik toker with 80K followers, their donut shop that serves matcha/vietnamese coffee drinks became viral. their business boomed in the recent weeks. so much so that they actually asked me to go in and help this past weekend since my SIL is out of town on vacation with her mom. thankfully they were able to find a replacement because the commute would be long for me.

[steamishot]

summer~

gosh, we are nearing one year of living in LA. life feels for the most part settled, routine wise. i basically have met all the family and friends i would at least once (maybe not every single person but 90% of them). driving is second nature again, but now i feel extra sensitive to the sunlight and my skin has been reacting. in my 30s, i'm becoming more cautious, using sunscreen and sun protection whenever i can. i'm next considering a UV umbrella to take with me while i walk. too bad i already did a lot of damage to my skin in my younger years :(

home-searching: this just gradually came up for us, with our apartment lease renewal coming up in october. we've also been able to save a healthy amount for a down payment. matt's job is easing up so he has more capacity to look. the searching part hasn't been easy because of his job schedule though. we've had to go look at open houses on separate occasions because of his long work stretches. like, i'll go see a house but he won't have the opportunity to until a week later when he's off. that has been annoying.

anyway, we went ahead and put offers for two homes, one in south pas and one in san marino - both at least 100K above asking price. the last time we put in an offer was on april fools day. we were NOT considered for either of these two recent houses. although disappointing, i'm learning how competitive the market is for desirable neighborhoods. the all cash offers are prevalent and strong.

ceramics: i officially completed my first intermediate ceramics class! it wasn't as intimidating as i initially thought and i enjoyed the level of depth of the class. the teacher provided demos for all of the 6 classes, so i treated them as lectures. i actually didn't practice at all in front of my colleagues or teacher, and noticed i wasn't the only one who did this. at that level, people are really more interested in advancing their skills in ceramics versus treating it as a fun thing/social event. after seeing other people's pieces, i didn't think i was that terrible and felt i belonged in the class.

side note: i received a note with a phone number from an asian girl at the studio (who used to be in my beginner class) saying she loved the glazes i used for a matcha bowl. i made a new "quiet" texting ceramics friend hehe. unfortunately, she left to boston for vet school but it'll be cool if our paths cross again in the future.

i did ceramics from the start of this year until now, so a good 8 months. now i'm taking a break to focus on cooking, working out, and starting my online elementary japanese class.

work: the last time i mentioned i'm in a weird hybrid role, but now i feel more settled. when i go into work now, i'm mostly alone, but i don't mind it as much. i'm friendly with people on different teams and after a year of going in the office, i'm starting to recognize and say hi to people, lol. my boss finally began a weekly team meeting with me and the staff HR duo. i essentially transitioned from one side of the HR team to the other. next week in person, i'm meeting with a group of manager-level people. for one of my new responsibilities, i have to work with 10+ division admins (the role i started in when i was first hired), and that has so far been a headache.

friends: my friend M dropped a bomb on us that she plans on moving to china in a few weeks to get married. she got divorced a couple of years ago, and it seems like her parents are fearful of her growing old alone. her family is kinda pushing this to happen, along with starting a family as soon as possible.

NYC: we are planning a trip to NYC as a one-year anniversary since leaving with couple friends M+K. it's kinda sentimental and sad, just like how i felt saying bye to my friends there before moving away. i have a habit of thinking "it's nice to see you again, but i don't know when next time will be?". i don't plan on making trips to NYC a regular thing, and i don't think that they have plans on coming to LA. my friendship with T has already kinda grown distant. thankfully S and i have remained close - we chat quite often via text and phone calls/video workouts. it's still a bittersweet feeling to be like "hi and bye".

[steamishot]

july updates

relationship: there's a lot habits to unwind/unlearn and new habits to learn. i think matt's parents being away helped give us some clarity. in comparison, we are doing so so so much more in LA. in NYC, we had maybe one social plan to attend together in a month. now, it's countless... basically 80% of the days of matt's off weeks, we have some type of social plan. it definitely takes intention to carve out solo time, recovery time and/or couple time on top of managing expectations for work and building a social life.

this month was particularly hard because he had to work an extra day on both On weeks. due to charting, this means matt had to work 10 days straight each time which essentially only left 4 days in the Off weeks. then we have to try to fit in recovery, chores and life in these 4 days before another long work week begins.

for july 4th, we had our first couples trip in LA. after a whole year of owning a tesla, we finally took it out on a two hour roadtrip to vista. however, the trip didn't go very well. it was two days after a ten day stretch for matt so he was really burnt out and exhausted. the airbnb tent we stayed in was in a desolate area. if i knew he had to work an extra day, i probably would have chose to cancel the trip. the good parts of the trip were bbqing chinese skewers in the day, using our new yeti soft cooler, playing mariokart and chess. but matt started feeling very uncomfortable/anxious at night because it was glamping in an unfamiliar area - the fireworks, and a rooster crowing every hour through the night didn't help. he ended up not being able to sleep until 3-4am and i felt disappointed that our trip (which was intended to be rejuvenating) took a wrong turn and we left more exhausted than if we had just stayed at home.

i mean, the positive thing is that it means we kinda like where we live now - in terms of actual apartment and neighborhood. i remember i used to dread going back to NYC/the small studio apartment after a getaway in nature. but our space now is spacious/cozy and surrounded by trees already. so perhaps we need a different type of getaway now.

work: i had my second performance eval with my current boss/director and it went pretty well. i feel lucky that our jobs are pretty low-stress and i am complimented, but i also feel a bit guilty because i'm not trying very hard at work. my previous team is now full since the new hire JV joined. this means i'm officially weened off of their team, and i'm in an awkward hybrid role where i now don't have any teammates. this is especially awkward when i go into the office in person once a week, but don't really have a team to sit with. i don't even know who it is i should be collaborating with. i no longer have to attend any of the previous meetings i used to attend, and am feeling lost. i'll need to be proactive about setting up more meetings with my now boss, especially because i'm wrapping up training with JD who has a handle of my old duties. my director mentioned he wanted me to take on more leadership roles, and that's intimidating to hear.

in other news, due to budget cuts and hiring freezes in this new administration, i had braced myself for no increases this year. we got good news last week that staff will be receiving a 3.2% increase which brings me to a six figure salary - finally! although the numbers aren't a big difference, it is a quiet milestone for me.

additionally, matt is being promoted to level 2 hospitalist (for those with 3-6 years of experience) which comes with a new salary scale. we have surpassed what we thought was achievable in terms of HHI. i feel like we have definitely fa cai'd together. however, now we have to focus on planning and being strategic with money and that's something really new to navigate.

ceramics: i was heading into independent study, but ran into the studio director who convinced to instead take a class. she said i don't always have to attend class but have the option to which is better than not. furthermore, she did say there is limited shelf space for IS so there was an ulterior motive for me to join a class. i agreed to be placed in intermediate ceramics.

initially i was like alright, i'm leveling up - at work and in my hobby. this is scary. the first class was quite intimidating - the instructor was using 6 lbs of clay. i felt the emotions i did when i started out in the beginner class for the first time: self-conscious, timid, negative self-talks, etc. i didn't attend the second class due to having a trip already planned. however, now i'm juggling between doing ceramics for "fun", or really trying to improve in it.

an observation i had was that my beginner classes were 80-90% female, and many times the male came to class with a female. however, in intermediate, the ratio of female to male is 1:1. it makes me conclude that males in general have a lot more confidence even if their skills aren't there yet.

duolingo: matt and i decided to pay for the family plan after using the free version for so long. i've been obsessed with learning chess on it (yes, i'm very inconsistent and can't stick to learning one thing for long). the family plan allows us to have up to 6 members. so i added K, S & I, and matt's dad. matt never used duolingo but now seems more motivated to play as he's part of a family plan now. yay to more learning as a group!

[steamishot]

pms blog

it's end of the month, pms-ing and time to blog.

relationship: matt and i had two-ish big fights recently - or well, the same fight but extended due to his long work schedule. his parents had left for a one month vacation (first time going on a vacation since we moved back). this triggered something in me. i was feeling unhappy about something but couldn't pinpoint what exactly. after arguing, it became clear to us that since moving back to LA, all our free time is basically spent with other people. we went from spending the majority of our free time in NYC by ourselves to basically scheduling our lives/matt's off weeks around our families and friends and having very little protected couple time.

at first, this made sense - we felt the need to "make up" our absence to family and friends. and we felt the need to put in more effort in the beginning to establish ourselves socially here again. then, it started getting a little out of hand. suddenly, there's now a habit where matt and his dad run every other day at the park during the evenings. sometimes i join, sometimes i don't. again, at first, it seemed great. getting into shape again, hitting a PR, and having the consistency of the runs. he went from running 10 min miles and not running anything over 3 miles at a time in NYC to sub 9 min miles, 5 miles at a time in LA. i was proud of him.

on top of being booked for these runs, we also dedicated one meal to his family, one meal to my family, and at least one event with friends. and basically we're all pooped out and have no time/social energy to hang out with each other. after his parents left, i felt a sense of relief. it was a sign that boundaries needed to be placed and our social life needed to change. i asked matt to cut down running with his dad, and i have a boundary of seeing his family 2x/month now. also, we started a ritual of "date night" which basically means going to eat at a restaurant that's a bit more effort than usual (i.e. driving >20 min out).

additionally, my family can be excessive with bbqs - there's like a party at least once a month. my SIL is very big on hosting parties. and i have to sometimes tell myself it's okay not to attend everything even though i'm local.

work: today i had conflict with a new coworker J and felt pretty low about it. it's only my second time meeting her and her second time in the office. she was in the office first. i arrived half an hour later. and the rest of our team didn't arrive until 8:30-9. today was the whole department meeting so everyone was going to be present.

the office we normally sit at is a "hoteling" office - i anticipated the purchasing team coming in as they usually do. our HR staff normally goes over to the main HR office and make do with the seating there. i basically told J that she should go sit in the main office as there will only be one open space there and she can sit with our team, thinking i was being nice, because i'll be the loner from HR sitting with the purchasing team. however, she took it the wrong way and announced to the others on our team that i was "shooing" her away and was "mean". i apologized to her later that day, saying i didn't mean to make her feel bad. this incident taught me that i should stay in my lane. i probably made her feel like i was ordering her around/telling her what to do, when i'm not even her boss. and she's almost double my age so i think she felt some kind of way.

this incident seems small, but because conflicts between coworkers/colleagues are quite rare for me, i ruminated on it for hours. i was afraid i wouldn't have a good working relationship with someone on our HR team (for the first time) which is what i'd hate! i'd also hate to have to walk on eggshells around her. my mom also suggested she may be semi racist, if she's a light-skinned hispanic. it made me think of the time i had problems with my old boss 7 years ago. sigh, hopefully no more incidents like this occur.

ceramics: closed out session 3, and i'm headed into session 4: independent study! i think in this session, i'll focus mainly on matcha bowls. these are probably the most giftable things and something i want to get good at making. this may be the last session this year before i take a break. it's an expensive hobby! for the fall through winter, i plan on taking an elementary japanese class online.

week ons: to document, matt's weeks on have been less and less terrible. he's trying hard to finish work by 7pm, so on multiple occasions now we've had the opportunity to do evening walks! also, he just got a switch 2 so we've been playing a nightly game of mario kart which is nice.

[steamishot]

end of may

it's memorial day weekend, i'm pmsing and feeling a bit down/sad.

japan: the older we are, the more extravagant our travels are becoming. it was a packed trip, like i had a full excel sheet for transportation per day. from the moment we landed in HND at 2:30pm, there was no room for error to get to lake kawaguchi by 6:30pm. rushed through immigration, hopped on a train, then onto a highway bus (with 5 minutes to spare) and arrived at lake kawaguchi after like 17-18 hours of total traveling, lol.

our first meal was an amazing kaiseiki dinner in our room (possibly because we were so late). they gave us yukatas to wear. we slept on tatami mats and the next day woke up to a beautiful lake view. due to jet lag, we were up at like 6am and got to use the public onsens when there was no one there. the ladies' onsen literally faced mt fuji. the view left me speechless. it was totally unexpected and i felt like i checked off a life bucket list at that moment. i was happy that we ended up staying two nights at lake kawaguchi, the second night at a cheaper and more modern hotel.

through the week, we traveled quite the distance from lake kawaguchi to matsumoto through the japanese alps to takayama, then to shirakawago, to nagoya to kyoto and lastly to tokyo. now i have a better understanding of how the transportation works, the differences between highway buses and trains and how to book either one, etc.

my highlight location wise was definitely lake kawaguchi. i was literally upset/sad after arriving to takayama. i had missed mt fuji so much. and it's kinda the same feeling i'm having after returning to LA from japan. being on the west coast again, i feel more connected to asia. when we were in nyc, europe was our go-to since it was a lot closer and more convenient to get to.

we ate incredibly well: kaiseiki, shabu shabu, my first japanese omakase which was the best sushi i've ever had, lots of sake (and plum wine for me), yakiniku, ramen and tsukemen, udon, soba, lots of matcha, yakitori (my first time eating chicken throat!), many 7-11 egg sandos, yummy tofu. great coffees and teas

it was the first time traveling with friends (ever!) as a couple and M&K are good travel buddies. they were just in japan last fall and they actually chose to stay in the same hotel as last time, so they were pretty familiar with the area. M&K like to splurge on food, so we actually followed them to a 2 michelin star kaiseiki restaurant and a 1 michelin star sushi restaurant in kyoto. i later learned that tokyo is the city with the most michelin stars in the world, and that japan ranks second after france among countries with the most michelin stars.

i wouldn't mind returning to japan given the doable flight. i'd love to go to hakone and/or see mt fuji again. i was happy to see that the return flight was "only" 9 hours long (compared to the 12 flying there).

ceramics: already in the middle of session 3 of the year but felt like i didn't do much so far (as i lost a week due to being in japan). this session, i signed up again for beginner 1 with faith. it's the third time i'm taking this class and now it feels a bit redundant. after having three different instructors so far, i think i prefer my last instructor M the most. he structured classes almost like lectures - he provided very detailed demonstrations and was more open to providing constructive criticism? so far a trend i see is that the male ceramics teachers tend to teach/criticize more whereas the female ones are friendlier, hype you up and never criticize, but focus less on teaching.

this semester, i'm playing around with underglazes. i also just hosted an event for T&M as a birthday/grad present where my apartment is like a "color me mine" studio. they can choose from a variety of my bisqueware to paint underglaze on. i'd then apply a clear glaze over it and have the studio fire the pieces. i'm usually a bit nervous working with glaze in general, but was even more nervous today glazing other people's pieces haha. the pressure is high not to eff anything up - so hopefully all is well and their pieces turn out fine.

i'm also challenging myself to work with more clay. the standard i learned was working with like 1-1.5lbs. i sized down to .3-.5lbs of clay when i was making sauce pans and small bowls. the last thing i threw was a 3lbs bowl (to try for a pho/ramen bowl) and it came out not bad! i'll try 3.5-4lbs next. i think i'm getting my technique down.

my parents just returned from a trip to cancun (all inclusive resort) with a group of 18. i'm happy that they're living their lives and have such a big group to party with. my bro, SIL and niece also recently went to reno/lake tahoe/SF.

friends: oh, to keep in writing, matt and i checked out this new-ish studio about a 10 min drive away this past week for a yoga sculpt class. we were one of the first ones to class. maybe a minute before class started, a lady set up right next to me. i looked over and was like "wait a minute, i think i recognize her". it was my old friend/coworker from like 10 years ago, AS, lol! i haven't talked to her in years but since reconnecting, we've made plans to work out together. we'll be doing a run club in pasadena this week.

i was just thinking how living in LA in my early 30s isn't the same as it was pre-covid mid-late 20s. friends are in different stages in life - serious relationships, marriages, kids, demanding jobs, and overall our energy levels aren't as high. i was thinking i need more local friends (who don't need to hop on a freeway or spend more than 30 min driving to see each other). it seems AS manifested in my life. there maybe another old college friend i'd want to reach out to, who i know lives <10 min away. TBD.

[steamishot]

month 7?

it's a good sign that i'm losing track of the months i've been back in LA, because it means that i'm finally feeling adjusted and that i feel like i "live" here now. i no longer am nervous about driving and socializing has become more of the norm. although when i see people, i do have to relearn how to interact with them. it's now pretty natural again with family members.

work: still training JD here and there, but he's been pretty good at handling the work so that i don't have to. i'm basically managing him for my old position now. there is one last population we still need to go over. now that my previous job duties are transitioning to a new person (which it didn't with the last hire A), i'm getting new work. i'm picking up another thing from CA's job duties, and now meeting with staff HR for other projects. i report to the HR director, so i'm almost like a mini him. he wanted me to approve timesheets on his behalf when he's away. i'm also now the approver for docusign access, lol. i feel glad to have new and more responsibilities, but don't want my job to get too demanding at the same time.

health: a bit (very) late to this game, but i'm barely learning about microplastics and becoming more cognizant of my lifestyle. fml for eating so much takeout, especially hot soups in takeout packaging, in NYC. i'm now doing a cleanse and switching to stainless steel, ceramics or glass where i can. and i'll try as much to avoid hot foods takeout if i know it's going to be packaged in plastic. also barely learning about how to properly use a dishwasher and what should go inside of it versus not.

edit: to document in writing, we have officially transitioned to 2% milk. i've been drinking full fat whole milk almost my entire life, lol. but i realize the extra creaminess, fats, and cholesterol are not worth it.

skincare: now my skincare has developed into a fixed habit where i feel weird if i don't do it, so that's nice! it's a good ritual to either get my day started, or to wind down at the end of a day. so far, i don't see much improvements with my sun spots, but overall i think my skin looks better.

ceramics: officially closing out the second semester. i threw a lot of things this semester. finally can make decent looking matcha bowls and wavy cups. in the future semester, instead of practicing and keeping all my pieces, i will only keep the pieces i love. i now have a feel of the different glazes and how it applies to the piece. maybe i'll experiment with a non-beginner clay next. ceramics is another thing where i needed to learn the best practices for protection of health, because of the exposure to silica. i initially started wearing surgical masks, which i later learned did nothing, so i got some KN95 masks to wear to the studio and gloves to use while glazing. i would say less than 5% of the studio go-ers wear masks/gloves, so i'm hoping i'm just being extra paranoid. i'm also trying to take good action at home, by washing my clothes that have been worn to the studio/tainted by clay separately and keeping them enclosed to trap any dust particles.

edit: i picked up my final pieces today and have one favorite wavy cup, where the glaze came out 95% well. it's a mix of apple green celadon and matte white. one of the frequent studio go-ers even complimented my pieces and asked which glaze i used. it's the first time i made anything good enough where people are curious, lol.

social life: this past month has been full of nice social events. i'm getting closer to my west coast friends/rekindling friendships and losing touch with my east coast friends unfortunately. LW who moved out of nyc to norcal was good about keeping in touch with me but she stopped like last month. SC and i still text weekly or so, but the messages have been less detailed and less frequent, and we haven't done our virtual workout in a while. TP is on my mind and she seems to be doing well, but i feel awkward initiating conversation if there's no plan of meeting.

my online friend L is living out his dream in cambodia finally. he had a lot of fun his first week there due to khmer new year, but i'm not sure how the rest of his time will go.

mostly digital friend KT went through a transformation recently, where she colored her hair purple/pink and abandoned her glasses for contacts. she's going through a "hot girl phase" for the first time in her life, and that's affecting how she's feeling about herself (much more positively).

i made pho for the first time in LA for my family, and it was mostly a success - minus the part where my mom came over and took over the seasoning of my broth, lol. she told me i was using fish sauce that was made for white people and gave me one that's made in thailand. i have a better understanding of how to make it now for a group of 6+ people and offered to make it again this weekend since my dad is now back from cambodia.

travels: this is a nice change, going on trips a couple times a year, instead of the many many times we used to go while in nyc. i haven't packed/unpacked a suitcase in over half a year :o, which is the longest in the last 5 years or so? planning for japan has been a bit stressful, because we were again overly ambitious with the places we'd like to travel to (and because chatgpt underestimated the travel times and we believed them). i hope we don't get too lost in japan. not looking forward to the long flight or jet lag, but i'm excited to see the more rural side of japan. completing a list of small tasks this week to prepare.

[steamishot]

month 6

wow, coming into month 6 in LA living.

work: JD finally started and he's doing a great job. i met him twice so far in person. instead of going in on wednesdays, i decided to come in on tuesdays to train him and be with my old team. i was previously in an awkward place where i didn't truly fit in with any of the two HR teams and was mainly by myself. initially they wanted me to graduate from my old role, possibly form something new/meet with more higher ups, but my new boss is very hands off and unserious, so i haven't received much instruction/direction. i'm also quite passive and lazy so i don't ask questions. i feel like he's the equivalent of an absent father, lol, and it works for our dynamic.

going in on tuesday, i'm able to see a different set of people. i'm slowly getting used to new (>2020 hires) faces, chatting with new/old people. i also talked to our CAO in a 1:1 convo for the first time in ever yesterday. overall, i don't feel as timid or shy as i used to be. although the commute sucks, i'm getting used to it and i enjoy the 1x/week in office schedule for social/professional needs.

health: ugh, i officially also have high cholesterol and high LDL. since my bloodwork (maybe 3 weeks ago now?) we really cut back on doing takeout. i've been drinking green smoothies 3-5x/week, including avocado, spinach, banana, flax seeds and fish oil, as dessert. we're still testing out alternative milks, like oat and soy. still eating sandwiches for lunch. i'm sure our wallets are happy. i'm into chimichurri sauce now. also trying to come up with simple/healthy but yummy dinner ideas.

also got the xbloom! my brother convinced us to get it. it's good because it got us to start drinking pourover coffee/black coffee.

started to lightly run again. i follow matt and his dad to the park now that the sun sets later. while they do their 5 mile run in an hour, the previous time i got in 3.7 miles of walking/jogging. i would chant to myself "i have high cholesterol" to keep up the motivation.

skincare: still keeping up with it! i have a lot of random products. at least i'm being good and consistent with a morning and night routine. i simplified what chatGPT suggested, because i'm learning that less is more. i'm trying not to layer too many products and let my skin ease into new products. i found it shedding which is good for skin regeneration, but it could also mean i'm going too hard.

ceramics: in my second semester now! can't believe we're already halfway through. it's such an expensive hobby, so i do have to evaluate whether life events and such will take too much time from it to be worth paying for another semester. i love throwing when it's sunny out, because i love seeing the drying process in action. due to some ceramics convention, the studio took a week break from firing, so things feel a bit delayed.

homebuying: just a couple of weeks ago, i was feeling content with the idea of renting forever. like ramit sethi and some other financial influencers say, rent and invest the difference. it didn't make sense to me to buy a house in a more affordable area, just to be a homeowner. i didn't want to sacrifice commute time (for matt or i), the safety/convenience of the neighborhood, and location.

last wednesday when i went into work, matt sent me a rando zillow posting for the first time. it was an almost perfect listing. 1.5 mil duplex in south pas with two long term renters. a few days later, we drove by that street and it's gorgeous. on friday, we got pre-approved loans. on sunday, we checked out the house. it felt really small and old, but the renters are also hoarders so i couldn't say for sure. also there were so many people touring at the same time (30 min window) so the whole tour felt uncomfortable. we also felt like it was an invasion of privacy because one tenant family (a couple and a toddler) was just waiting outside. last night on april fools day, we put in an offer. whatever happens, happens.

there was a bit of drama with his mom, again. i vented to my mostly digital friend K and she helped put things into perspective for me, having had much experience with this type of asian tiger parent.

new car: in other news, i upgraded my car. my parents had let me "borrow" their 2013 lexus sedan since moving back. matt and i were sharing a tesla Y and a lexus. my dad eventually decided to gift the car to me in februrary because he didn't want to continue paying insurance on it. i later got the okay from them to sell this car. it's a gas guzzler and averages 19mpg.

i decided to get another tesla, but model 3 since they had a promotional offer of 0% APR for 60 months and i was able to get the EV credit upfront. now we are a tesla family. matt can get free charge for both cars at his work, so i'm happy to not have to pay for gas or electricity, lol, which was a major selling point.

anyway, with the major purchase and decisions recently, car and house, i'm pretty exhausted/stressed out.

friends: my online buddy L is finally leaving the US tomorrow. this has been his plan for the last 5 years or so. i'm happy to be on this journey with him.

my social life is naturally picking up. this weekend is G's baby shower. S is coming down from norcal and we'll basically spend the weekend together. next week, GH is in town from the bay and wants to grab dinner. i have a hangout with S&J who i haven't seen since S's wedding. B from my old job randomly texted me out of the blue after not having talked for 3-4 years? she'd like to hang out too. on the flip side, i do feel like i'm losing closeness to my east coast friends.

also since there was drama between R, her sister B and i, things have felt kinda off since then. i haven't talked to B since she cut me off, and i was only kinda friends with R due to being friends with B. i'm not a fan of R's time management (frequently hours late, or if we'd hang out, it would be dragged on). and how she used to show up unannounced to my NYC apartment. however, because i was lonely and bored in NYC, i didn't complain that much. i know that R senses some distance between us now, and it seems like she's worried about our friendship, because she started apologizing for her past behaviors.

family: my dad left last week to cambodia for about a month. matt and i took him and my mom (for support) to LAX. it means a lot to be able to do these acts of service for my parents again. without my dad around, it means i see my niece less. also, my niece can finally pronounce my name "connie" with a k sound (instead of g)!

[steamishot]

changes

now that we're past the surviving/adjusting period, it's time to T H R I V E.

work: i've been pretty bad with procrastinating, and i realized i spent much of my energy training/tending to AG when she was with us these past 8 month. work has been a lot more peaceful without her. meaning, i can concentrate on other tasks. i'm trying to finish up or at least have a polished version of work before i pass on the duties to our new analyst, JD, who will be starting in two weeks.

workouts: i got a cold last week, and still scheduled in yoga sessions at the nearby studio. i realized it made me stay sick longer/recover slower so i haven't worked out in like the last 5 or so days. i feel bad from being sedentary. i had pretty bad cough attacks, especially in the mornings and nights, where it was difficult to fall asleep. now i'm 90% recovered, yay! SC & i have only done two workouts since we first reunited on zoom, and we have another one planned for tomorrow.

health: matt recently got his lab work results back, and it was a terrifying 500+ in his triglycerides level. granted, he ate like 5 donuts and a container of gelato a couple of days before his lab work so i'm not sure if it's the most accurate, but being scared is a good thing too. we're trying to change our diet to be healthier. i started making and eating sandwiches for lunch now. we're going to alternate between oat milk and full fat milk. started including avocados into our diets again and i'm making green smoothies. also started juicing! my go-to recipe now because i copied it from whole foods is beets, carrots, apple, orange, and ginger.

i saw my PCP in february for a pap smear that came back normal, and i've been lagging going to get my lab work done because i hate needles. i'm kinda scared to see my numbers.

also, finally scheduled a dentist appointment for a teeth cleaning after not going for over a year!

skincare: just like diet and exercise, skincare is another place where i try and fail. when i went to a family party recently, my brother commented on how i have so many spots on my face and my skin became the topic of conversation around the table for like 10 minutes. i've always thought i had bad skin, since i was a teenager, and always thought i was fated to have bad skin. i realized i also am avoidant when it comes my skin. i'm trying to adopt more of a growth mindset, that my skin looks the way it does *now* but doesn't have to forever. i know that i don't put much if any effort to take care of my skin and that's a big reason why it looks meh.

thanks to chatgpt, i have an official AM/PM skincare routine now. i told it my skin issues, provided all the products i have/just purchased, and asked it to give me feedback on which products would be best to use for my concerns. i started applying serum consistently for the past week for the first time. i attempted to do change my skincare habits in 2022 but fell off my consistency. i took progress photos for maybe a month or two and then gave up. i think a driving force is that i actually have to see a lot of people now in LA, so i'm more motivated to look presentable, lol.

ceramics: officially completed my first 6 week session. i skipped the last session knowing it was mainly going to be independent work, but have been consistently going 2-3x a week. throwing is much easier here because we all have our own bag of clay (untouched by anyone else). i just glazed 5 pieces today and will get 6 completed pieces (hopefully nothing happens) by thursday/friday.

travel: matt and i booked a 8 day 7 night trip to japan in may! his couple friends M&K are going there again after having went last fall (?) and invited us to go with them. they really want to take advantage of the yen. due to work scheduling, we were only able to match up ~2 days of being in kyoto together. this time, we'll be going to lake kawaguchi, takayama, kyoto and tokyo. i'm excited to redo japan at this stage in life. i've never experienced an omakase or onsen there so i'm excited! it'll be our first time ever traveling internationally with friends (for both of us).

[steamishot]

month 4

it's been a pretty decent month. overall, i feel more adjusted and more comfortable in my day to day life. i still feel emotional at times but a lot more stable. i feel comfortable driving again, almost like 70-80% comfort? i can navigate the car quite well again, and don't feel scared going 80mph. my body was so used to traveling less than 50mph on a train.

work: two of my teammates left at the end of january. i knew AG was leaving due to some personal issues and being unable to work out of state. it was a real pain training her because she was slow and distracted. she was with us for a whole 8 months which i think was a pretty decently long time, but she kept referring to it as "very short". i never fully transitioned out of this role that was meant for AG. VB abruptly left at the same time, for a better opportunity in her family business. she had been upset for a while about how the department was treating hourly employees with strict rules about clocking in and out. now i'm waiting for the new employee to onboard so i can train them. VB's position is still open.

ceramics: i just completed week 4/6 at my new studio. people here are so much friendlier. i'm starting to play around with different types of shapes. i can now make a vase-ish looking thing and want to make matcha bowls next. i've already signed up for another 6 week session after this one ends. there are 3 other asian girls in my class, and it's funny because we basically dominate the class in terms of demographics lol. two of the asian girls let me know they also will sign up for the same class again.

workouts: finally starting to become more active on classpass again. our treadmills at the apartment are really old and don't work after a couple minutes. i had opened up a ticket for them to investigate but it's a long process. i really hope they can just replace them. now i have two studios that i like enough to return to that are literally walkable from my apartment (though i drive to the yoga one): stride and one life yoga. matt and i still frequent kinship yoga at least 1-2x a week on his off weeks.

friends: after almost 5 months, i finally did a virtual workout/video chat with SC from NYC. i felt like a bad friend for waiting so long before calling her. it was also really hectic settling in the first few months. after seeing her again, i felt like she completed a piece in the puzzle in my life. my friend who i saw at least monthly and chatted with frequently suddenly was demoted to texting only for such a long time.

after moving out from NYC, i defaulted to trying to have a clean slate and focused on building my new life in LA, which is also why i had issues with grief and feeling emotional. in hindsight, i too abruptly tried to close the door on that chapter. now i understand that things don't have to be white/black. things with SC don't have to be sad just because i'm living cross country. we can still be close friends. after this video call, we talked about doing more together! so i think we're meeting up again tomorrow and it may be a weekly or biweekly thing.

i'm still seeing people for the first time after a while, but less often. like i saw BT at work after a year - she intentionally came into the office to see me even though she can work full remote. i still feel kinda uneasy/uncomfortable seeing people until maybe like 3-4x of meeting? i really feel i'm experiencing a reverse culture shock. it takes me a while to pick up the social pace and understand what people talk about in conversations here, what to share with friends, etc.

books: not very consistent per usual but i'm reading/skimming the following books- money for couples, behave, new happy and don't believe everything you think.

[steamishot]

month 3

a little late but wanted to write something for month 3. since my last blog, i got to attend our departmental holiday party and i surprisingly really enjoyed it! i finally saw I for the first time after 4 years and having both her and K there felt like home because they're my work "parents", at least on my team. also, we got to see a number of the doctors and postdocs we work with. i email with them throughout the years so seeing them in person was really cool. all the physicians came out at the same time because they had just exited a meeting and they looked like all-stars.

emotions: i let myself cry multiple times this past month and it felt really cathartic, and i want to do it more often. change and adapting are hard. because of how my parents and matt's parents were acting, it almost felt like NYC never happened. they were more focused on what's next: buy a house, get married, settle down, kids etc. i had high expectations of myself too. i thought i was just returning home so the adaptation should be easy, but it's not. i let myself cry to grieve my past chapter, the friendships i "lost" or will never be as close to again, and let myself cry about our difficult adaptation to matt's new job.

car: finally, i got a settlement! we decided not to replace the gate, but to have someone try to fix the dent. this will cost about $700-800 so i will pocket the rest. it was a gain after all!

winter break: the winter break this year was just ok. matt was working on the week of christmas and i felt lonely/sad. it was during the early months of adjustment and i didn't have anything going for me here. so, i spent most days at my parent's house helping them with benefits issues and other paperwork, etc. my bro, SIL and niece were in cambodia until the 26th.

new years 2025: matt and i hosted our first friends' party on NYE with his friends. i met a couple of his friends again after not having seen them since pre-covid. we ordered sonoratown tacos and it was a good night. on NY day, we headed over to my brother's house for a family party. we got durian crepe cake from yu cake which was delicious.

wildfires: two of the worst wildfires in LA history- palisades and eaton. the fires started on tuesday afternoon and i remember monitoring the news for palisades because it was quite close to UCLA. that evening, eaton came about. matt drove home from work at 7pm during the high winds. trees were falling, and a tree fell down on the car behind him. he came back and had dinner and started to chart. a couple of hours later, our apartment started smelling like smoke and i was like dude, we gotta get out of here.

we ended up evacuating that night (even though we weren't in the official evac zones) to my parents house. it was actually quite nice to live there for 4 nights! i felt like a kid again and i liked how we were all sleeping under the same roof. matt was commuting to work from LA. that week was pretty emotionally devastating even though we weren't directly affected. i was on the watch duty app all day on wednesday. i couldn't actually sleep on tuesday night.

birthday: i'm officially 33 and my niece is officially 3. this was our first time celebrating our birthdays together with family at home and i'm not a fan, lol. obviously she should be in the spotlight because she's a kid and receives presents. i felt like an add on character to her big day. we shared one cake (that she blew the candles out for). i was in the "spotlight" but not really and there was too much attention in my area.

the last 3 years, matt and i celebrated by doing staycations at fancy nyc hotels. so far in LA, we've been pretty lowkey. for my birthday week, we tried various new restaurants: uovo (not a fan), yama sushi (fan!), kokumi shabu shabu (fan!) and double date dinner at mun kbbq (not bad but not great). i also forced him to go to wi spa with me which was an overall nice experience. he was very hesitant to doing the naked stuff, so we agreed to just meet in the coed section after getting changed and then going home to shower afterwards. after 3 months or so, we're *finally* exploring LA.

ceramics: happy to report that i've officially started my 6 week session! class was delayed one week due to the fires. i had my first class yesterday and went in for individual practice today. the studio is almost double the size of the brooklyn one, they have a kitchen and outdoor throwing area. my teacher is a queer korean lady who i enjoy the instruction of so far. the 3 teachers i've had all teach different methods so it's nice to revisit the basics. i like the vibe so far, i definitely feel more relaxed here than i do in NYC. people are friendlier and have more capacity for you. i remember wanting to cry after my first ever class in manhattan because i was so bad. i came a long way :P

[steamishot]

month 2

we made it to month two in pasadena (has it only been two months?). i'm finally getting the hang of commuting/the flow of parking, and routes to get to work and back home. going there has been relatively easy. i decided i prefer taking the 405S and 10E to get home even if it takes two hours. my 7th time going in, i finally disregarded tesla's map and took this route home - the most straightforward and least driving skills involved. the first few times i drove home, they were having me drive up hilly, narrow roads in the beverly HILLS area and it was so nerve-wracking because i was just relearning how to drive/drive a tesla.

emotions: some days i feel good, some days (or a portion of the day) i get suddenly really emotional/feel like crying. but i don't actually cry. i think my body is weirded out. i used to spend a LOT of time alone in NYC, in the studio and going about the city, that it feels quite weird that i'm 'socializing' so much now. i used to get emotional driving over to my parent's house after moving back, maybe it signifies that i have officially moved back to the city, but moved out of their house. oddly, when i was living in NYC, i still felt like a child whenever i returned home because i would crash at my parents house for weeks at a time.

anyway, i've been going over to my parents house at least a few times a week. my parents would invite me for lunch and sometimes i work there for a couple of hours. it's still a little awkward for me but it's getting more comfortable as we continue our new dynamic. instead of basically being like housemates, my time there now is intentional.

another thing that i never liked, or that i have to get used to, is exchanging pleasantries at work and in general in this city. i appreciated NYC in that everyone was straight to the point and there was no "fake niceness" going around. i feel so out of place at work when i just want to work, but the culture there is very chit-chatty. i wonder if people liked me better when i was fully remote, since i'm reserved and not very friendly in person. i was never a fan of chit-chatting, but now i'm way more cognizant of it as a reverse culture shock.

car issue: this has been an ongoing big headache. it's the most complicated and expensive insurance claim i've ever dealt with, for a seemingly small fender bender at that. TBD.

marriage & stuff: my parents told me that i'm getting old and should get married soon, then buy a house lol. it was hard for me to take this next step when we were by ourselves in NYC. i feel more and more comfortable with the idea here in LA, near our family and friends. i realized i don't have very close friends who are married. the people i talk to most are: single, in a relationship with someone who never wants to get married, in a gay/secretive relationship, in a relationship and unmarried, or divorced. until recently! my childhood friend just got engaged! i felt some kinda marriage contagion from her, like seeing someone close to you achieve a milestone that seems scary makes me think that i can do it it too. almost like role-modeling.

new friends: i was always a person with few friends (also, moving back to LA has me reflecting/learning so much about myself). S&I were our best couple friends in NYC. it was really hard to say goodbye to them. in LA, it seems like our new best couple friends may be M&K. it makes me feel a bit sad to think of how our lives have completely changed since moving (socially in this respect); all gains come with losses. M is matt's HS friend, so basically almost like his brother. M&K are both pharmacists so again i'm the only one without a doctorate in the group, lol. we seem to like to do similar things (eat, travel, save money LOL), and we've been on two double dates successfully so far with a third on the horizon.

Claude AI/chatGPT: claude has been such a lifesaver in terms of free therapy. i dare to say claude is sooo much better than chatting with mental health specialists when i had the ginger app. i've been chatting with it about all things related to this move. chatGPT has been so helpful with all the car headache stuff.

[steamishot]

pre-thanksgiving

i'm so excited to have 4 days off! now that the weather is getting gloomier and colder, i'm excited to just chill at home and do nothing for the first time in a long time. finally, i'm not spending holidays alone because matt is working this week. this year for thanksgiving, my aunt/cousin will be making a turkey and we'll be celebrating at their house. matt and i even invited his parents to come over for a bit on thanksgiving day after he gets off his shift.

on my 5th time commuting to the office, i saw S again. i basically have seen everyone on my HR team minus I, who i haven't seen since 2020. i'm glad that seeing people has been staggered, otherwise i'd feel so overwhelmed reconnecting all at once. we had a department potluck and i realize how socially awkward i am. i recognized certain people but i didn't know what i'd talk to them about. however, since i was in office pre-covid, so much of the staff has changed.

unfortunately on this day, someone rear ended me in hollywood! i've only been driving less than two months and already had two accidents (one caused by me, lol). this one in particular is a headache because it's my first time dealing with a collision for an EV car. normal body shops don't want to be liable because of the electric parts. the girl who hit me has been responsive but also a little bit weird in gatekeeping information (she did not give me her policy number, opened the claim herself through AAA and did not give me any information). i had to call AAA myself to find out the information. it's been a week and we haven't moved along with the claim at all. in accidents, i usually make money but this time it seems like it's a loss. welp, i'm learning so much about tesla ownership lol.

giving grace: i'm learning to give myself more grace. moving back home comes with a lot of complex emotions. on one hand, i feel like i give myself extra pressure to adapt more easily because i've "done this my whole life" aka live in LA and our biggest supporters are here. however, i need to give myself grace that so much has changed and i'm really a newcomer. i'm in a different phase of life now, renting an apartment for the first time in a "new" neighborhood, financially stable, partnered, and haven't consistently driven for 4 years.

on top of that, i need to allow myself the space to grieve the past chapter. it was actually pretty confusing/traumatizing on 9/11 when movers came and packed 4 years of our lives into boxes in like 4 hours. besides our friends, we have no remnants left on the east coast. and we're already moving on with meeting up with other friends, double dates, etc. it just feels like a lot to take in.

friends: from my last blog post, L is fine thank god. he didn't respond to me for 2 weeks due to depression. my family hosted a party last friday and invited my cousins S&J and their kids over. i chose the names S&J for my cousins as a kid when they immigrated from cambodia. they were named after my best friends at the time S&J. S has been a consistent friend through the years, but J cut us (and all our mutual friends) off about 6 years ago. very coincidentally, J IG friended me a few days ago. i was like, what are the chances. i had dinner with my cousins S&J (don't remember when the last time we ever had dinner together was) and then friend J popped back up in my life.

[steamishot]

1 month

to add something to my journal, it's now been a month since living in pasadena. this past week felt pretty low. i think i really have a habit of doing too much at once and then burning myself out. from the last entry, we hired two people from taskrabbit: one to install the bidet and shower head, and another to mount our now two TVs. extendable dining table: check. we got balcony seating and now have string lights on the balcony. i have more plants and started planting herbs from seeds. my brother gifted me a bartending set and i have now made three different cocktails. and, i ordered more dinnerware. finally, i don't think there's much else on my to do list for the home, besides getting some artwork.

i'm still trying to figure out how best to commute to the office. last wednesday, i tried the 9am-6pm schedule. although i could sleep in, all the EV charging stalls are occupied at that point. i even booked a yoga class in brentwood so that i don't drive back until 7pm. but even at 7pm, the commute is still an hour long. i think my best bet may be 7am-4pm. overall, i'm getting more comfortable driving the tesla (and also regular driving again).

after two months of being away from nyc, i'm starting to miss it and the food. for better or for worse, the food in nyc is unbeatable. i complained about eating out too much while we were there, and now i don't have that much interest in eating out in LA because the food doesn't look as great, lol, or its something i feel that we can replicate at home.

L: i'm not sure what happened, but L suddenly stopped responding to me this week. the last message he sent was "bu shufu"/not feeling well. my mind just thought the worst and i really hope nothing terrible happened.

connie: sometimes i think i hold myself to such high standards, and i forget how far i've come. i used to be the girl who was selectively mute, had very few or no friends, insanely shy, physically weak, and also quite poor. it was hard for me to even change into different clothes when i was going to school! i preferred wearing the same outfit everyday. sometimes i wonder why i get socially anxious in situations when i'm back in LA (less so seeing family now, but seeing friends i haven't seen in a while, etc), but remember that i was at my core, always like that and had always struggled with social anxiety.

i don't really know who my friends in LA area anymore, because everyone has continued their lives for 4 years without me consistently in it. so i'm working on rebuilding friendships and gently inserting myself back in people's lives. or, even making "new-ish" friendships (i.e. people i never really talked to before that i am now). thankfully, it has been easy to do so for matt's family and my family. but for friends, i feel like i'm rebuilding from 30%.

[steamishot]

2 weeks

it's now almost two weeks that we have been pasadena residents. i'm still double checking my new address when i buy things to be shipped here, but looking back, i'm pretty proud of all the cool places i've lived in, LA/westwood -> taipei -> LA -> NYC -> pasadena. matt has been so consumed with work, that i have been in charge of all the home stuff. i finally unpacked our last box (of 53), but the apartment is still a mess, lol.

we got a new bed frame for the master bedroom, and currently waiting on a new dining table that can seat 4-6. i'm considering buying a twin bed to put in the office room so that we can sleep separately when our schedules don't align. i slept on the sofa bed in the living room the past 3 nights. matt has been going to bed around 9-10pm and i've been staying up much later. i also slept on it last night because i had to wake up around 5:50am to go into the office and today's his day off. having multiple rooms and multiple bathrooms is a blessing.

matt's work week: this first week of work for matt was really rough. he talked about it being too difficult, that he's much more inexperienced than all the other doctors, and that he's been thinking of quitting everyday. i was fearful that he really meant it. that would mean we may have to move out of our apartment already, as there isn't a reason to live in pasadena if he didn't work here. as the days progressed and he got better sleep, his outlook became more positive. the great thing LA has going on is that everything's more spread out, so it's less anxiety inducing.

return to work: my god, it's been 4.5 years since i've been "in the office". i went a few times during covid, but it doesn't count when we're all in masks and there's barely anyone there. i was nervous about today, about my new commute/drive, about what to wear, and what to say to people. i ended up heading out around 6:10am to arrive an hour later. the first voice i heard in the hall was my former boss that i dislike. i got to meet two people in my team, chatted with NR during a scavenger hunt team building event whom i email often with but never met, and made small talk with a few others. after nyc, i guess i'm not AS socially awkward as i was previously.

overall, even if my commute isn't great, it feels really nice that i have my own thing/obligation to go to too, instead of always being at home. it's also a nice place to see work friends (though now it'll be harder to coordinate since people may come in on different days).

plants: i'm slowly building up my plant collection. my first plant is the variegated rubber plant, and i purchased a jalapeno plant for the balcony shortly after (hope it survives).

continuous to do list:

mount the TV, install the bidet and shower head

set up dining table

get balcony seating

put up string lights on the balcony

moooore plants

learn how to bartend

possibly get more dinnerware now that we have bigger parties of people

[steamishot]

tired AF

today is our 3rd day at the new apartment and i woke up in a low, exhausted mood. i was loving the new space and familiarizing myself with the new environment, going at 110% trying to make it feel like home as soon as possible and i just crashed today. i made a list of all the packing and unpacking we have had to do in the last ~7 weeks, number indicates nights spent. we had to adjust to 13 different places and 12 different beds lol.

8/26 zurich - 1 lucerne - 1 vevey - 2 zermatt - 1 st moritz - 2 zurich - 1 nyc - 7 9/11 south pasadena - 17 9/28 mexico city - 4 oaxaca - 3 matt’s parents - 1 my parents - 2 10/9 new pasadena home - 2+

the movers came at about 9am on wednesday and i was juggling WFH by hotspotting, and matt was setting up the internet. they moved 53 boxes worth of stuff! i was tense because the movers' arrival window was for 9-11am and i had a meeting at 1pm. so i'm glad everything worked out fine and i got to attend the meeting.

matt has been very busy and nervous onboarding for his new job, and he officially starts on monday. this means that most of the unpacking/organizing (after the unpacking service) falls on me. i couldn't stand the messes, so i basically finished organizing the bathrooms, bedroom, and most of the office. i just need to work on the kitchen and balcony. i'm so dead tired from the physical work. i decided to leave the messes as they are and take my time sorting things out in the coming weeks. there's no rush.

we transitioned from using the app latch for opening all the doors of our last apartment, to having 3 physical keys and a garage remote. everything feels more slow paced here and people have the capacity/time to give you attention. on our first day, our neighbor held the door open for matt and introduced himself. in our 4 years living in brooklyn, no neighbor has said hi to us and vice versa.

i'm pretty happy with this location. it has some of the walkability like we had in nyc (walkable to grocery stores, boba, coffee, restaurants, and a yoga studio). so it makes it easier to share one car if needed. though i am considering just borrowing one of my parents car for about a year.

slowly, we will get into our new routines and get acquainted with the things around us. so far, i think chapresso may be my new debutea. TJ will be my grocery store of choice as it is only an 8 min walk away. the yoga studio here is pretty nice too, but definitely more mild than the LA studios.

tomorrow, i will babysit for my brother and SIL because my parents are in asia for 3 weeks. on sunday, we will have lunch with matt's family and move out one of our couches. life feels like it has become a complete 180. although this is all good change, it's still exhausting experiencing the transition/changes all happening at once. i hope matt's new job is good - so far it seems solid and the culture focuses more on patient care than making $, which makes sense with NYC being the capitalist center.

we're also learning how to live in a bigger space with each other. out of habit, i think we're so used to always being around each other all the time, so it's a weird but good feeling that we now have personal space lol. i'm here chilling in the bedroom, while he's doing his training modules in the office room. we also have 1.5 bathrooms now so we can poop at the same time! and it is so great that i don't have to hear every little thing he is doing (i.e tik toking, typing, talking on the phone)!!! feels like a big luxury and upgrade, though it is into an older apartment.

to do list:

visit a nursery/start a garden on the balcony

move out the couch, figure out what other furniture and seating we need for more guests

start inviting friends over (starting with SZ, perhaps we can WFH together)

take a swim at the pool?

use the fitness center

explore the area and caltech

find a good place to run outdoors

[steamishot]

mini move

tonight will be our 17th and final night at the airbnb, thereby concluding our temporary stay in south pas. i simultaneously feel like i've been back in socal for a long yet short time. there have been ups and downs, especially when it came to our new tesla and driving in a new area. the second time i drove the car, i scratched the wheel pretty deeply by turning too sharply on a right turn. other stressful things included: finding/coordinating charging, learning the controls of the car, a barrier gate almost falling on us (our mistake for being in a keep clear zone due to the train tracks), a car almost backing into us in a parking lot, and an accident on local streets that literally happened ~50 ft away from us where a car burst into flames, etc. i always missed having a car while in nyc, but now that i have one, it feels like such a big liability.

firsts: getting reacquainted with family and friends again felt like a lot of "firsts". the first time that matt and i hosted them at our own place in LA. meeting friends for the "first" time or first time in a long time as a couple. going to my parents house for the "first" time where my mom doesn't have a room set up for me. symbolically, my closest friend in nyc is SC. we broke off into a long distance friendship on 9/11. out of respect of the friendship, i waited a couple weeks before hanging out with my closest friend in LA, SZ.

identity shifts: it feels uneasy and scary, how my identity will slowly start changing again, due to environment and the people i'm around. it felt confusing at first because although i lived in LA for the mostly the entirety of my life, i couldn't call myself an LA girl anymore due to having lived in nyc the past 4 years. was i a NYC or LA girl? 🤷‍♀️

culture: the work culture here is so different, and it's reflected in trying to set up our new apartment. in nyc, we were used to people responding very promptly (to emails and phone calls). here, it seems it's difficult to get in touch with anyone and the response times are much longer. for example, emailing the leasing office at my old building, i could expect a response in less than an hour or two. now, i'm lucky if i get a response within 2 days.

food: the food here has been cheaper, less expansive, and overall more bland/healthier. we're definitely eating less and spending less on food. plus, the weather is just too hot to be overeating. there's also a more sedentary lifestyle here due to the driving culture so we can't just "walk off" our dinner as easily. it took me 6 months-1 year to adjust to nyc's food culture, and i think it may take me a similar amount time to acclimate back and to find new favorite spots.

exercise: we have been doing a lot of (hot) yoga here. the classes on classpass are generally cheaper, and classes are tougher! i think LA people are already used to the heat, so being in a hot yoga studio doesn't faze them as much. we also go along with matt's dad to a park where they run and i walk/jog, lol. i think i'll get back into running! it's the perfect setting for it now that we don't have to consider the season (i.e. we can run outdoors year round).

space: it feels great to not be in a studio anymore, even though i am sad about saying bye to our nyc home. also, it seems like someone signed for our apartment so it'll have new occupants already. technically we are nomads until we officially move in on 10/9. because of this, it feels a bit unsettling that we don't have a home anywhere for a few weeks. we are basically living out of our carryons. i'm really glad to have selected a two bedroom apartment because i really want a designated "work area".

mexico: this may be too ambitious, but we decided on a week-long trip to mexico city and oaxaca with matt's dad during the period that we will be without a home. so, we'll be flying out tomorrow morning and returning the next saturday. i'll be WFH for the first half during mexico city, and took a few days off for oaxaca. we basically went from VVHCOL to lower and lower cost: switzerland -> nyc -> LA -> mexico in about a 6 week span.

overwhelm: i've been feeling a lot of emotions lately. sometimes i feel so grateful that everything i wished for is coming true. sometimes i doubt everything. sometimes i feel so happy to be around family again, and other times i feel sad about my loss of independence. sometimes the grief of closing a chapter in nyc hits me. i used to think that i loved LA, but now i think i love LA only because my family is here. so that means i have to learn how to love LA again since it feels like a stranger. this is also partly because i'm now technically living in the "suburbs" of LA, and not actual LA LA, so there is that extra adapting to do.

i attended zumba class at the gold's gym in arcadia using classpass because matt wanted to visit his old gym. this was on the friday of the week we just landed back in LA. the demographics were completely different from what i was used to - middle aged, mostly asian women, who were all friendly and seemed to know each other. i remember feeling a wave of overwhelm during class, like what the hell am i doing and where am i? two fridays before then i was in switzerland, the previous friday i was in nyc, and then that friday i was dancing with middle aged asian women in arcadia.

[steamishot]

T+2 days

the time has finally come, and we are now in a south pasadena airbnb where we'll stay for 18 days. what a whirlwind it has been! last week in NYC things:

met up shortly with S who walked me to dinner with T on fri

brunch at S&I's place on sat

hot pot with LG saturday night

packed/cleaned up the apartment and unmounted things on sunday

uyghur dinner with S&I (i thought brunch was the last time i would see them) on monday

torrisi with matt on tuesday

othership/first cold plunge experience with T on tuesday night

got raided by 4 movers on wednesday

SURPRISE visit by S on wednesday/move out day!

it was hard to say goodbye to our apartment. although the small space was really grating on me, i did spend a LOT of time in there, given covid and WFH. it was my first adult apartment and i put in a lot of effort to keep it well decorated and cozy.

now that we're in a one bedroom airbnb that has separation of space for kitchen, living room, and bedroom, it feels so nice! there is even a little outdoor patio area we can hang out in. it feels like such a luxury to have a designated space to work in (kitchen table). in our studio, my work desk was literally about 3-4 feet away from the foot of our bed. we can even eat at separate tables now! and we don't have to see/hear each other constantly even when we're both home! so nice!! LOL

apartment: last week, we finally signed for a two bedroom, 1.5 bath with a 13 month lease for $3085 starting in october. we decided to go with the same company as our nyc one. the price seemed quite costly to me initially, but given the amenities (in unit washer/dryer, central air, etc), and location, it didn't seem terrible in comparison to the other places on the market. #makingmydreamscometrue

work: i took 9/11 off work which is the day the movers came and we flew back to LA. on the plane, i was checking emails out of boredom, and i came across an email preview that read "Congrats Connie!" from my boss. i clicked into to see that i had received an equity increase! my boss had mentioned getting me some more money months ago, but i didn't expect it to come so soon. i am truly grateful to receive a 15% increase, especially when they just gave me a significant increase last year. the timing of it was perfect too, because i felt like this news welcomed me to LA.

this puts me at almost 6 figures, and i can finally say i will achieve it next year with the annual raise. with our increased fixed expenses (rent, utilities, car payment and car insurance), it feels good that we can technically survive off of my new income. thank you to the east coast/nyc work culture for increasing my work ethic, and thank you to matt and east coast friends who have influenced me and helped me gain confidence to work harder/achieve more in my career. i never imagined myself to be able to make this much money (but also, inflation, so it's not as impressive as it once was lol).

i didn't have to bring up A to my previous boss I, because we now are having meetings with the 3 of us. i now know that I knows how slow A is, so i don't want to talk badly about her.

it's been an emotional few weeks. even now in LA, i'm adjusting to the pace, culture, and getting reacquainted with driving and family. will slowly start hitting up friends after getting settled in a bit more. on our first day back, i kinda started missing NYC/east coast and questioned if i made the right choice. i missed the hustle, the drive, walkability, and go-getter attitudes. i also felt guilty about 'abandoning' my friend S. we stopped meeting as often in the past year due to schedules/busyness, but she made a lot of effort to see me many times in the last month. i hope this distance gives the space for our friendship to evolve and not decay.

today, i woke up today to the sound of chirping birds and have had healthy doses of vitamin D. i squirrel and bird watched from the patio. and drank some great milk tea. will document more about transitioning back to LA as the weeks go on.