that girl is an enigma.

Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta is my name but you may know me as Lady Gaga. New York City gave birth to me 32 years ago. Singer. Actress. Performance Artist. Activist. Green Acres resident (city girl turned farmer). Mommy to three batpigs, two horses, one bunny & one mini pig, & some chickens. this goober has had the best wife since june 10th, 2016. Welcome to the world, little princess: Amorette 'Amore' Sofia Joanne 8.26.15 and to the baby gummy bear, Lennon Everette Alexander 9.19.16

[stefigerm]

residentgoober​;

Did I?! Am I officially a genius now? I mean, if there are rumors, it just means we’re worth talking about… right… Maybe we’ve sold our souls but we don’t know it… so we’ve sold our brains too? So we’re… zombies? Or working for some mastermind? I probably should stop while I’m ahead, I swear, I’m not a conspiracy theorist! Ha, well they take on after you more. But I noticed that too. He’s my mini-me, so I guess he just likes to stick around me like that. I think maybe we can arrange something, she’s getting old enough to learn to ride, isn’t she? I’m pretty sure I held back absolutely nothing. I know she won’t ever forget it. You and me? Probably, we’re already nonstop. Our kids are going to have to get us to sit down for more than five minutes. He’s… he’s such a legend, a trooper. I am happy, though, he’s had such a colorful, amazing career. I only hope to be half the legend he is, still singing at that age. He deserves an award for being so incredible and just existing.

I always knew that you were a genius, but I guess that does mean it’s official now! Which... I think we might want to keep on the down low, because if we’re zombies, and you’re a genius— does that make you a Zombie that’s still capable of human emotions? Like that one movie that I can’t remember the name of at the moment but I swear exists. A little mini you has turned into your mini-me stalker at this point and it’s adorable. You mean to tell me she’s not going to stay little forever?! Damn. Alright, alright, I’ll call the ranch tomorrow and see what classes they have for her.  Hell, I’m sure he’s sick of all the awards at this point. Does he even have any more room to keep them all? 

[stefigerm]

residentgoober​;

Did I?! Am I officially a genius now? I mean, if there are rumors, it just means we’re worth talking about… right… Maybe we’ve sold our souls but we don’t know it… so we’ve sold our brains too? So we’re… zombies? Or working for some mastermind? I probably should stop while I’m ahead, I swear, I’m not a conspiracy theorist! Ha, well they take on after you more. But I noticed that too. He’s my mini-me, so I guess he just likes to stick around me like that. I think maybe we can arrange something, she’s getting old enough to learn to ride, isn’t she? I’m pretty sure I held back absolutely nothing. I know she won’t ever forget it. You and me? Probably, we’re already nonstop. Our kids are going to have to get us to sit down for more than five minutes. He’s… he’s such a legend, a trooper. I am happy, though, he’s had such a colorful, amazing career. I only hope to be half the legend he is, still singing at that age. He deserves an award for being so incredible and just existing.

Well.... yeah. I thought everyone know about your genius abilities already including you. Unless we did end up selling our brains, in which case, well— that seems about on brand for us with our love for Halloween, right? We’re just getting in the spirit a little bit early this year. Sometimes conspiracy theories are fun, though! Watching him walk around holding your hand constantly is adorable. Do we think so? That’s what everyone else keeps saying, too, but I’m still afraid of letting her go on her own! Getting us to sit down for that long seems like an impossible task, huh? But I think we might be able to accomplish that for such an amazing, wonderful, talented legend like Tony for a special dinner. What do you think?

[stefigerm]

residentgoober​;

Oh, it’s not called, the hidden cost of signing away your soul? I’m kidding. Kidding. That’s the best part, right! We’ve… been through a lot in these five years. I think those tough times are the big ones that really just pushed us, you know? They’re definitely your kids, loving the horses. We may need to start doing some trips over to Circle B so they could practice more, too. I’m not gonna lie, I sobbed. You both were amazing as always. Remember when Tony danced with my mom at our wedding? I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so starstruck.

Wait a minute— Dare, babe, I think you might have figured out a way to get everyone off our backs with the senseless rumors about us and the Illuminati! Technically speaking if we sold our souls at our wedding, doesn’t that prove we still had souls to sell and we aren’t illuminati puppets? Checkmate. Please, my kids? It was so cute watching Lennon be attached at your hip wanting to go everywhere we went the entire time. I think so, too. Amore’s been asking for her own horse; maybe we can see how well she does there. I’m not gonna lie... I saw you sob. Tony dancing with her was magical, her face beamed up so much. Do you think we’ll both still be forced into retirement by the time we’re 95? It was a hard enough time trying to convince him.

[stefigerm]

freddycxrter​;

revenge is absolutely perfect for drive. i mean, that’s what kaz does for everything, do it out of revenge and he does pretty okay so i’d say it’s good. oh yeah, no spiders, or at least not in the tent so that’s a success. and the activities have been so much fun. how about you?

There we go, we have a game plan all set and everything. I’m glad you didn’t run into any spiders in your tent— and here’s hoping to you not finding one when you got back home, right? Please tell me that’s the case. I had such a fun time with the kids and on the more adult activities, yeah! But it’s nice to be back in Bayview; what about you? 

[stefigerm]

residentgoober​;

I like that. Oh, so that’s what that tiny writing is for? Huh. Well now we know how to really keep things hidden. Hey, I’ll take 100000% of the blame for that,  you know. Still, I’ll keep your secret. Oh my god, yes, I think that just made them even more excited. They are… quite adventurous, huh? We’ve got quite the little explorers on our hands. This will be fun. But at least they enjoy it and aren’t grossed out by the bugs. Well now they’re passed out in the living room, so I guess their energy has finally run out. How’re you feeling, though? Looking forward to the big night coming up with Tony?

Yeah, I think that’s why they call it the fine print or something like that. At least we’re both trapped together! Considering the two of them would not stop begging to go on all the adventures, yeah... they’re tough ones, I’ll give you that. I could not get either of them to stop wanting to go back for the little kids horse adventures! I think that had to do something with it, too. Yeah. Now that it’s over, I mean.... it’s bittersweet, you know? But it was an honor to be there by his side for his last performance. 

[stefigerm]

zaynsalamb​;

oh god i know. sometimes it’s only a word… and then you’re stuck for the rest of the day just singing that damn song. i hate it. or i mean i also love it because damn, they make some good music… but my poor brain sometimes. i am sorry stef, next time you are invited. i promise.

Which is kinda ironic given that we’re meant to be doing that for a living, too, with making catchy music that appeals to everyone— does that mean the outrageous rumors about selling our souls are true?! Are we worse than Disney? Excuse me, I need a moment to think about this. I better be! I’ll still bail you out just in case this one time, though. 

[stefigerm]

ohpompeo​;

The past few weeks have been nothing short of madness and I couldn’t be happier to be taking it easy (well, easy plus hiking) with my kiddos for the next short while. My head has been firmly in the sand with my upcoming projects and a trip to the wilderness with my favorite people is exactly what the doctor prescribed. What are you all looking forward to most – or, dare I say, least? I might have to tag along, either way!

Nothing can beat the smell of fresh air while hanging out with the little ones! With how nice it is to get all our heads out of all our projects, maybe we should commit to doing this more oft— oh, who are we kidding? Like we’d make the time! Personally, I’m looking forward to the river adventures! And Amore has been begging to ride a horse on her own before we leave, so you and your little ones are free to join us, if you’d like!

[stefigerm]

freddycxrter​;

yeah it just.. we got a really good start to the game so you start really dreaming you know? and then it’s just… all gone. there will be another chance and all but still, it really sucks. are you enjoying the trip though?

You know what motivates people the most? Revenge and wanting to do that much better the next time. They’ll definitely have another chance! I am, it’s definitely been nice to be able to relax. What about you? See any spiders around?

[stefigerm]

xjmparrish​;

When you put it that way, I definitely feel a little better. Thank you so much, I appreciate it. We really really appreciate it! Truly. Any and everything, from your words of wisdom to gifts, we appreciate it. 

Of course, you don’t even have to thank me! You both deserve everything and you’re both going to be the most amazing parents ever. Just make sure you’re taking care of yourself even after the little one comes, too! Speaking of which, do or Robbie have any favorite meals or dishes that you like? I’m totally up to making some meals so you guys can freeze them and reheat them, if you’d like.

[stefigerm]

zaynsalamb​;

thank god. i mean i don’t mind singing but sometimes? these songs just get stuck… and usually you don’t even know more of the song than that one line that your mind gets stuck on and it’s awful. really awful. what, you aren’t? damn stef, you should have said something sooner… i already broke into one.

You know who I think are the real masters at managing to get songs stuck in your head? Disney. All those Disney soundtracks, man, and not to mention that ride that shall not be named to spare both of us; it’s impossible not to sing! Goddammit, Zayn. You broke into a bakery.... without me? 

[stefigerm]

residentgoober​;

I know, look what you’ve done to me! But really, I’ll happily be chained to you. I think after you opened the restaurant, it just came full circle to me. So now we’ve got to represent both New York and San Francisco here in town. You know I do it out of love. Also if you see the kids running around super excited… I do not know where that extra energy came from. Maybe they’ll crash and fall asleep once we grab dinner and settle back into the cabin.

We’ll happily be chained to each other forever. I think that’s in the fine print in the vows, you know, the part you need a magnifying glass to read. Of course we do! If anyone catches me sneaking out to support San Fran instead of New York, well.... nobody saw anything, right? I know! Not even them running around catching all the lightning bugs before bed seems to tire them out— honestly, I think the hike might have done the trick this morning.

[stefigerm]

zaynsalamb​;

share your suffering? well i know how that is. but yeah i spent a lot of time singing it. oh god i know right? it was honestly so good. i think it shouldn’t be too hard to replicate, then again, that’s what i always say and then i get home.. and it’s well, very hard to replicate.

I’m going to the one to bring the good news that the song I can’t remember has now left my head, so... I’m not going to inflict anymore of that suffering onto you. No more singing at all unless it’s wanted! God, yeah. Sometimes I swear there’s some secret magical ingredient that can only be found in the bakeries. Maybe it’s the equipment. And no, this is me totally not suggesting breaking into a random bakery to test this theory out.

[stefigerm]

freddycxrter​;

i’m sorry i’m sorry, i didn’t mean that but if you’re gonna get any song stuck on your brain, it must be good with a song of your own, right? i had a lot of fun anyway and now when i’ve been grieving the england loss for a week… i am almost ready to move on with my life. almost.

Yeah! That’s always a bonus. Well, shit. Losses are always tough, and I feel you. Hell, I don’t even think people would judge if you took another week to move on with your life. Almost. Then you can ask yourself, ‘when will they ever win?!’ in  fit of rage and finally move on.

[stefigerm]

zaynsalamb​;

thank you stef, the support is what i need. even though now because you said best of both worlds? i am going to have to go around humming it all day. but still thank you. it was a really fun cake, it had like a brownie base, then there was white chocolatemousse that had just a hint of peach in it, and then it was covered in a red berry glaze. it was colourful and lovely and delicious.

Damn, I should have known that was going to happen the moment that phrase left my mouth. Who knows, maybe the song had been stuck in my head, and I just needed someone to suffer with me the rest of the day. Excuse me! Chocolate mousse with peach?! Oh my god, no, you have the self control of a saint at this point. Having no self control would be my ass buying multiples and trying to study the recipe— which, tell me, totally worth it?

[stefigerm]

residentgoober​;

I mean, you’re practically stuck with me at this point. Me and running around back and forth… climbing on top of pianos. All that jazz… Even if I had hands growing out of my ears, you would still be cheering me on. And that’s why I love you.

Who would have thought that a simple wedding ring could chain someone down for the rest of their lives like that to someone else?! Kidding, kidding. Damn straight I would, I love you no matter what you decide to do. Including chasing everyone around with the song requests. 

[stefigerm]

townofrenaux​;

It’s super nice to meet you too, Stefani. I’ve got a few good ones for sure! Never thought they would share them, but glad that they did! I know, right? I do have excellent music taste because I listen to all your songs too! The vibes are important, right? An ice bath? Oof, why an ice bath?

Oh man, I’m honestly not surprised people decided to share anyway— hell, I’ll indulge you and share one! I almost got arrested one time while visiting Russia for my first promo tour because they thought I was a prostitute in the streets. Anything you’d like to share? Oh, shit, that was smooth. Is this where we both freak out about being fans of each other? Performances are rough! And it helps with my chronic pain, too. 

[stefigerm]

zaynsalamb​:

my plan for the day was to go out and get a workout done, all ready for the weekend and what not. then i accidentally jogged past sweet tooth and they had a new kind of cake and now… i’m eating cake in the park instead. hm. don’t they say it’s the thought that counts? right? right? @townofbayview​

I mean, you still had to burn off some of the calories it took to get to sweet tooth and then to the park to eat it, so I mean... best of both worlds, technically? Shhh. Nobody has to know about this. Now tell me; what kind of cake was it?