The thing is I'm not acctully that scared of dying, my consciousness is just an illusion tied to my body. And if I leave my corpse in the woods it'll be devoured and all those particles that make me up will return back into the ecosystem, pretty much reincarnation if your not to hung up on the continuity of it all
I just wish my body didn't have such a visceral block against anything I could do to get it to stop. Homeostasis is a suprisingly resilient processes.
Maybe if I'm lucky my body will stay out here long enough to be picked apart by scavengers before anyone knows I'm missing
look, I get how romanticizing your own death can be cathartic, but that's not how this works. sure, consciousness is an illusion, whatever, but this illusion is all you've ever known. it is your whole world. we all inevitably fall out of an ordered system and dissolve into entropy, getting eaten by crows doesn't mean anything more than turning into dirt or ash or anything else.
do you want to die or do you have nothing to live for? you have this budget of time that feels like an endless wealth of moments, but it's not actually endless. are you absolutely sure that you're not just squandering a precious fortune?
if you're gonna go into the woods, read poetry at the top of your lungs. really just fucking howl your anguish into the uncaring vegetation. that will mean a lot more than your corpse. say weird shit to strangers, get shithouse drunk, explode something, mow down a mailbox with your car, snort cocaine. anything.
do literally anything but dream of your own destruction. become scared of dying. become scared of never having lived at all. this is your one fucking chance to be alive. get the fuck up and do something with it.
