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@stellarinkart
My Sketchbook vs Body Wash
I put my sketchbook in the bag I use when I go to sport. There is a bottle of body wash in it too.
I forgot to close it properly, now my sketchbook is smeared with body wash.
At least only from the outside and in one corner, so not much harm done.
Plus side: Now my sketchbook smells good!
(Personal) My Weight Loss Journey – Part 1
(Yes, this is going to be one of those clichéd „make yourself feel good about losing weight while telling a lot of personal stuff“ blog posts. I know you are here for the art but I need to talk about this somehow. Sorry, not sorry.)
So, I don’t think I have mentioned it before but currently I am actively trying to lose weight and get in shape. To be honest, that’s something I never thought I would type down, because there were several things that kept holding me back. And a lot of it has to do with being body shamed by the people around me. So buckle up, there is a bit of backstory that has to be unpacked:
You see, I love swimming. Always have, always will. My family always spends their summer vacation by the sea, and we used to go a lot to the public swimming pools of our town. I wasn’t very fast (I still am slow as a sea snail!) but I had fun.
However, when I was around 12, 13, gym class meant we’d go swimming. And there was one boy in my class who for some reason loved to make fun of me. I remember one day, when we were sitting at the pool waiting for class to begin, him singing repeatedly „Stella has a paunch, Stella has a paunch!“ (in German of course: „Stella hat ne Wampe!“). I was a bit chubby, but hell, I was a kid. It was cruel, it was unnecessary and it made me feel awful about myself. Needless to say, I didn’t have a good time in swimming class, also because I was so slow and… yeah. Didn’t get a good grade either. At least it didn’t stop me from swimming altogether.
The next years I kept gaining weight, both by growing, puberty hitting and well, general weight gain too. I wasn’t eating healthy (not the fault of my parents, I stuffed my face with way too much fast food) and hated all kinds of sport.
One prominent feature of my body are my shoulders, which are rather broad for a woman. I remember angsting a lot about my body, my weight and my femininity. My (by now former) best friend was very feminine, wore a lot of lacy and frilly stuff. I wanted that too, but felt like I couldn’t pull it off since I was too fat anyway. Instead I mostly wore loose shirts, hiding the curves I got by puberty. I remember a rather old teacher with a bad eyesight (I was sitting in the last row of the class) confusing me for a boy. I am not blaming him though, since he was a quite friendly guy and simply didn’t know better. It still hurt.
I also remember talking to my best friend about how I wanted to be feminine, wear stuff like she wore, put on make-up that looked good on me etc. She wasn’t all that unsupportive, giving me a make-over with her sister for example. But there was one thing she said that… well, made me feel awful. She said I looked androgynous. I don’t think it was all that maliciously intended, but back then it seriously hurt me. I felt like she told me I looked lke a man and that thought made me feel horrible about myself. She backpadled quickly when she realized how much it hurt, but still kept insisting on that statement to be true.*
Anyway, when I first played with the thought of losing weight, those two things came to my mind. Being shamed for my current weight in gym class and the fact that I, from my understanding, already looked more like a man than a woman. Both of it terrified me. Subconciously, I believed that I would only be shamed for even trying to lose weight, and that even if I would, if I gained muscles and lost fat, I would look even more manly. I think my train of thought can be summarized like this:
I didn’t like my body, but I hated the image of what I think I would become if I changed my body.
So I didn’t make a real effort to try. That topic was off the table for me. No matter that I kept gaining weight, that I went more and more out of shape and the people around me were concerned – not because of my body image, but because of my health. And rightfully so, I wasn’t healthy at all. But I kept telling myself that it is fine, that there is nothing wrong with me and after all, food made me feel good, so do I really want to trade all those yummy things for bland and boring salad, and spend all my day in gym instead of doing fun stuff? I was in denial, with those constant fears and insecuritied hanging over me like a sword.
But it didn’t stay that way.
One of the biggest positive impacts on me concerning my body image is my boyfriend. He is the one who keeps telling me over and over again that I am beautiful no matter what, especially when I don’t feel exactly beautiful. He also loves moving around a lot and sports and kept convincing me to go on a walk with him now and then, or do a bycicle tour with him on vacation. I did start to enjoy it, even more so when my family got a dog (meaning, I had a reason to go on a walk besides entertaining my boyfriend). I hadn’t started to actively try to lose weight yet, in fact, I kept gaining it, but things were getting in motion – literally.
The final straw, the last wake-up call for me to realize I need to do something, was when weight hit triple digits. I weighted around 100 kilogram at the beginning of this year. That number shocked me. I never thought I would weigh that much. I don’t know why that number in particular shocked me so much, but it was the moment where I decided that things can’t go on like this. I didn’t want to gain any more weight or get even more out of shape (stairs were a nightmare to me back then!). So, I decided to change my lifestyle.
First thing I did, was that I decided to start swimming again. I asked a few friends of mine to establish a swimming routine with me and they did. Up to five times per week, I would go to the public swimming pool for two hours and simply swim, dive etc. No pressure, no body shaming. I could feel how it was affecting my body positively and I started to feel good about myself again.
Second thing I changed were my eating habits. I picked up a calory counter app and started to monitor what I eat, and at the same time looked up tasty but healthy recipes. It didn’t limit my food choices, in fact it vastly expanded them! All those things I deemed bland and tasteless were suddenly so tasty. Zucchini, aubergines, all those veggies, salads with tasty sauces and toppings. The food steamer became my new best friend. And even if I crave for unhealthy but tasty food (chicken burger with fries and mayonese is my guilty pleasure!), I can still eat it. I simply watch my food choices throughout the day, do some sport after work and treat myself in the evening.
So everything went great. Since the beginning of the year, I went from 100 kg to 90. However… with it came the old thoughts back. Are people laughing at me when they see me in swimwear? If I keep losing weight, will I lose my boobs, get even broader shoulders, will I start to look like a man? But then, I realized something. I realized, that all those years I had looked at my body through the glasses other people had put on me, intentionally or not. People that are not even a part of my life anymore, people who have become completely irrelevant to me. The people that are in my life right now don’t believe I look like a man or that I am fat. So why do I keep listening to those voices that I never wished to have in my life anyway? Why do I care how people irrelevant to me will see me?!
I realized I didn’t hate the thought of becoming more muscular.
This week I started to go to the gym. I booked a gym class to learn about how to train my body properly to build up muscles. To be honest, I was pretty anxious about going there, because a lot of people there are in so much better shape than me. But it has been great! Everybody has been so nice and patient and the workout makes me feel so good, both physically and psychologically. It’s also nice to move my body after sitting in the office or at university all day.
I know there are still going to be bad days where the insecurities will be overwhelming, where I will hate my body and tell myself I will look never reach my goal anyway or that I look like a man and need to stop right now. But I know those times will pass and that I will reach my goal eventually.
And I am not going to look like a man.
I am going to look like a warrior woman.
*I don’t know whether it was just bad wording by her or if she really wanted to put me down, since she used to do that a lot, which was a reason why we parted ways later, but that’s a story for another time.
(There, clichéd blog post over. Sorry, but I needed to get that off my chest.)
Monthly Art Challenge in a DeviantArt group. Topic: Insanity.
Hats off to you. An anonymous fear submitted to Deep Dark Fears - thanks!
My new book “The Creeps” is available now from your local bookstore, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Book Depository, iBooks, IndieBound, and wherever books are sold. You can find more information here.
Hey, remember that species I once made a sheet for and never brought up again? No? Well, that's your problem, because I drew one of them anyway. x'D I think I'll do more about them in the future... that is, if you are even interested. 0.0 In the meantime, enjoy the art. Species Sheet: fav.me/dc5f0mf
Hogwarts Uniforms in 1890 Part 1: Everyday female wear It is mainly inspired by the fashion of that time, though I took some liberty with the way the colours are displayed, since usually the dresses had one colour with a pattern on it. I like the skirt, but I think the sleeves of that time are ridiculous. During visits in Hogsmeade, students are allowed to wear individual hats, as long as they are not too extravagant and compliment the dress. Those uniforms are for my fanfic "The Burnt House" (which is yet to be written).
REBLOG IF YOU'RE AN ARTIST!!!
Professional or not, no matter what art style, I wanna see how many artists are out there.
Why wouldn’t I be? I’m obsessed with drawing!
Well yeah basically-
I’m not really an artist but i try tho–
I suppose.
i think
I guess…
idk man.
…………….maybe ?
What the FuCk is this maybe, idk, I guess bushit? whAT? Bit h yall are artists don’t let ppl tell u otherwise. like if u draw one line—u a artist. If u dance, artist. Do you write poems? Artist. Fanfictions? Artist. Doodle cartoons? Artist. Music? Artist.
If you create, you’re an artist.
YES I AM!!!
Hold on! Let me go and post my next comic and then I’ll decide if I’m a artist.
I’m still trying and looking for a consistent art style
Sure
I guess??
YEET
Maybe a little...?
Writing Struggles
*When I am with people or at work or at university*
Me: Ugghhh, I just want to finally have some time to write my story. I love it, I love the characters, I bet it would be a hit! I got so many unique ideas and I can't wait till I am home to write!
*When I finally got some time to write*
Me: ...My story is crap, my characters are crap and I am too uninspired to put ANYTHING on paper.
RAVENCLAW: “Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow.” –Kurt Vonnegut
Me: What I’m not a Ravenclaw pshh I’m more of a-
Also me: *spends $200 on books*
Also also me: *already owns a jillion books and knows I have no more room for anymore*
Sums up my reaction when the test told me I was a Ravenclaw.
Merchandise Pain
(Going shopping with friends for merch and nerdy stuff in general.)
Hufflepuff friends: Harry Potter stuff! Oh, that scarf of Newt Scamander is so nice! I want it!
Me: *picking up a Ravenclaw mug* ... *deep sigh* *thinking*
Me: *A raven. Again.*
Me: *The house animal of Ravenclaw is NOT a freaking raven. The animal of GRYFFINdor is not a griffin either!!!*
Me: *And why is the secondary colour silver?!*
Me: *Silver is freaking Slytherin!!!*
Gryffindor - a name, associated with treason and cowardry, since their founder Godric Gryffindor tried to bring a witch hunt to the very school he once founded with the three other name patrons of the Hogwarts Houses, and only was stopped thanks to Salazar Slytherin and his loyal students. - At least that is what the history books say, and ever since, the House of the Gryffindors bears the sins of their patron. They are considered brutes, bullies and often turn into dark wizards and witches.
1894. Lancelot Weasley has no intentions of changing the reputation of his house - he only wants to pass his N.E.W.T.s. When he is called in front of the principal, his life takes a sudden turn: He finds an old hat, that, once he puts it on, speaks to him, referring to itself as "Sir Godric Gryffindor's hat". And what he tells Lance about that infamous wizard, does not fit into the perception the public has of Godric Gryffindor. What happened more than eighthundred years ago in the Castle of Hogwarts? Lancelot, alongside his best friend Phineas Black, starts to look for answers - and what he finds, could change the wizarding world forever…
Coming to Wattpad in August 2018. ---- Uhm... so, yeah. I had an idea for a fanfic today and since I am currently not getting anywhere with my novel, I thought this might help me make up my mind about my original story. Anyway, I hope you like the idea...? The lion looks a little awkward - but honestly, ALL lions look awkward in heraldry. Seriously, google it.
My DA: https://stellarink.deviantart.com
I also have commissions open! https://www.deviantart.com/stellarink/journal/Portrait-Commissions-Summer-changed-prices-754154991
OT: Not Star vs. Related, but Harry Potter.
So… this is my version of Albus Severus Potter, son of Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley. In an AU of a friend and me, he is a Hufflepuff and currently in his fifth year.* A few facts about him:
His wand is lark wood, unicorn hair and 9,5’’ in length.
He loves baking and always finds a reason to bake something. Even if it is the birthday of the plant in the corner of the room. He is quite talented in it and even uses magic on the cakes to make them special – such as rainbow cupcakes changing color AND flavour.
He tries his best to follow in the footsteps of his dad – and his older brother James, who is about everything a Potter kid should be. To be honest, he looks up to his brother quite a bit and sometimes is a bit jealous about how much attention he gets. He would never say that out loud though.
He never stops smiling. Never. He sees it as his duty to make everybody happy and often forgets his own feelings. His friends have to remind him from time to time to not become a complete doormat.
His patronus is a baby platypus.
That bold stripe on side of his head is a scar from a surgery.
*He is sixteen, but he had to repeat a year due to falling ill.
I will soon write a complete character sheet on him, but for now, that’s all. I hope you like him – I sure as hell do. <3
Reblog because... general art stuff and not Sugar/César-related.
A pic of Blue Diamond by me. Thought I’d practice some and fill up my portfolio before I start doing commissions in August. What do you think? WIP-pics (lineart and flat colors) can be found on my DA -> click!
New Art Blog!
Sooo... since I have decided to do more art then just the Star vs. The Forces of Evil-stuff, I thought I should put up a blog for art stuff general - and also for everything going on in my private life. To be honest, I don’t have too much time currently for art, since I am going to write my bachelor thesis soon, but I still will make a stay at my blog worth your time, so... stay tuned!
