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@stellayondz
Okay, just a little bit disappointed
He doesn't freaking own up to his mistakes. THAT is the problem. Really, he comes up with all his reasonings and will talk SOOO much. Yah yah you so tiring to listen to, you know. All you do is make excuses over and over and over.
WOW
F*** YOU! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING? YOU EVEN HAVE THE NERVE TO ORDER ME AROUND. YOU. ARE. DEFINITELY. A. F. B*TCH
Just don’t
If you really want to do something, you do not need anyone to persuade you to do it. YOU WILL JUST DO IT.
So don’t ever bother be such a pretentious witch making excuses why you have not done it still. That is just more infuriating because you think I would just buy it.
Just have to let it out...
So I haven't posted in a very loooong time. Writing is not really my thing but there's something that has been eating inside me that I want to just let go and hopefully be *snap*, *poof*, *nada* gone just like that.
I never want to have any ill feelings towards anything especially anyone. And I think letting that feeling remains for even one second longer will just make it feels bad worse even about yourself. I'm also never the confrontational one. No can do. Can't do anything about it now so the next best thing is to write all about it and just let it go. Hope it works. Fortunately, it has been in the past. So just bear with me with all the endless rantings. Here goes nothing...
So I have this somewhat new friend. I really like her, zero sarcasm there. Easy to talk to, very considerate and caring, there's so many times that I've been able to count on her.. but... Yeah there's always a but. There were just times that she's so irritatingly picky. I don't know how to really describe it. I mean it's okay to be picky. Maybe I just don't understand it because I'm not one, at least not the irritating kind. But it gets really tiring to hear every small details on her preference on A LOT of things. "I don't want to have curtain in the shower because it gets so claustrophobic." "I don't want to see dust and dirt because it irritates my skin." At least this she admits a physiological reaction.. but she can handle the dust in her fan just fine for long periods of time.
Just recently, when for a very very rare instance that I wasn't able to clean after my dirty clothes, she sounded so mighty and b*tchy telling me to clean it up. Did I say that we're roommates? Yeah it will really be exhausting to comply to every 'little requests' that she wants you to do.
Another thing that frustrates me about her is at work. Yes! She's my friend and we're roommates.. and working at the same company. A disaster just waiting to happen... Anyway we used to hate this another coworker because she's a certified know-it-all, backstabbing, credit-grabbing b*tch, lets call her Z.
Me as a supportive friend will also not like someone you hate so.. Z and my friend are working in the same team. My friend is the leader and you really don't want to have that kind of member in your team. That's another story but her fake face is not really the point. Another thing we don't like about Z is that she's never respectful towards my friend even though my friend is her senior. I think my friend just had enough. I don't know but the way I see it, her attitude towards the coworker is now also not polite.
I said now because she had tried before to handle Z professionally. I mean it's never good not to be respected again and again and again but.. reprimanding your hate-her-guts junior in a rude way.. also in front of other coworkers. This only makes you the same level as she.. even if it's her 1000th offense. If you really want to be respected then you must earn it.
I mean Z may be guilty on her 1000 offenses but you are also not entirely innocent. I know my friend also does, not really unethical but nonetheless behaviors that do not entirely conform to work ethics. She might has been using her working hours not really working but gossiping, and other of the same kind relatively small offenses. I mean most of us might be guilty of those. I just think that Z's offense is not really that grave. The only difference is that my friend is not doing this particular offense and Z does. Or she's maybe just looking for a reason to be angry and rude towards Z.
I also notice that my friend seems more bossy now towards her team. When their project is just new, I don't notice that this was the case. Sometimes giving tasks almost like a command rather than a request. I think even if you are the leader, there is still a difference between the two. Your subordinates will not follow you if you never know how to follow.. or at least not only just hear what your subordinate has to say but also really hear and consider the suggestion before trashing the idea. I don't know.. maybe my annoyance with my friend just piles up so I just notice more and more of her flaws. Or maybe, and I feel that this is a high possibility, she is also frustrated with me because.. I may or may not act that good towards her lately. But I'm never rude. I just don't encourage any conversations or explain things more thoroughly, just straight to the point response to her.. which we all know is very irritating.
So maybe we are just butting heads right now, up notching each other's annoyance but I never really think I would make good points in here. I must also remember to apply these myself because I never want to look down on people.
I'm so angry before I started writing this that I want to throw my phone.. just like in the movies! So cool! I really really did want to.. and that's how I know that what I'm feeling is poison, something I don't want to feel towards anyone and ever again. Well I guess writing has actually been helpful. Ha! I told you so.
It's never healthy to hold grudges or negative feelings. It will only make you feel smaller. Maybe that person also has other things that she is experiencing right now that's why she's acting badly. And maybe I am just making excuses for her and for myself to avoid conflict. Well, spoken like a true confrontation coward. That's me. Not telling you it's really the best that you can do in these kinds of situation, but thinking outward gives me other perspectives and divert my emotions to more important things in life and really focus more on myself.
Be compassionate. Show Maturity. Build yourself. Sometimes you cannot control one's action. What you can control is your reaction.
"Trust makes one gullible, only if dishonesty allows it so" - Deborah Simpson
Today, someone knock on my door and offer some safety measures on using the LPG gas. I mean I believe that’s a valuable knowledge to have so I hear him out about what to check for while buying an LPG gas, how to check for leaks on your hose and what to do in case of fire.
I eventually allow him to check himself our LPG and stove condition because I also know that we never ever really apply these safety rules. He found some cracks on our hose and leaks that he also demonstrate that can start fire when just a leak of it was introduced. And yes, there are really cracks on the hose. That hose has been there since I can remember. So I truly believe that we need to change them. But when he introduced a “gas breaker”, I know that it’s never really necessary but for more like another safety accessory. For someone who would really afford to sleep every night totally free of worry.
But still maybe my mother would want it, right? So I called her to ask. I just want to ask and she’s been very super crazy angry with me that I should never trust anyone selling something like that and allow someone inside our house. I mean I didn’t actually think that I must buy it, I just want to ask for someone else for opinion and she made me feel like I’ve done the greatest stupidity of my entire existence.
Should I not trust everyone that I meet? Should I always think about every possible scenario that this person may just be taking advantage of me? Is that a world I want to live by? Yes, there’s really a big possibility that he’s fooling me even I suspect that. But I thought that I should give him a benefit of the doubt.
Yes, I’m gullible. I know that. But it’s just because I tend to trust people first. I know it may also be the reason why people have or will have taken advantage of me. My compromise is that I will just be more careful on life. But I don’t want to choose to believe that the world is entirely evil. There are good people out there and I would like the opportunity to meet them with an open heart.
Greed:Very Low
Gluttony:Medium
Wrath:Low
Sloth:Medium
Envy:Very Low
Lust:Very Low
Pride:Very Low
Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz -- I guess I should really find a job now to reduce some of my laziness
I have lost it. I am afraid I will not be able to find it. I have lost it for so long that I almost think I can go through without it. But I need it now, badly. I have only realized I always needed it. I am just stubborn enough to stay without it, to settle for less. But given all the time that I allow to be lax, I do not know how to regain the heart to seek for it again.
I have lost it. I am so beyond lost it is scary. I am scared that if I try to look for it again, it would be something I do not want anymore, something I do not wish to have. But there is no other way to find out. I know I have to try. There is only moving forward but I cannot even make myself stand. It is very tiring doing this over and over. Cheering for yourself but postponing to make even a small step, then feeling sorry for yourself for not being able to do anything. It is a destructive cycle. It is stupid I am letting it just happen.
Now, it has to stop. It has to stop for real this time. No more staying still or even looking back. I really have to believe in myself that I can find it. I really have to take a step and seek for it. The only option now is finding it.
I have to find it.
Just mere strength, I really need someone to tell me "Hang in there"
naiiyak ako :'( bakit kahit na alam ko naman na tumutulong lang ako. hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit parang hindi ako willing. na parang feeling ko may hidden agenda pa rin. at super paranoid ko sa reaction ng mga tao. hindi ko naman sila pinipilit.
bakit parang kelangan okay ung tingin nila sakin. they don't ever care about you before this. ang gulo na huhu.. basta, I just know na wala akong ginagawang masama at wala akong pinipilit na tao. maybe I'm doing a bit of manipulation here but do you really think I am capable of manipulating a person? I absolutely do not intend to and I do not want to. Kung yun ang feel nila, they can always not do it, their choice. Pero seriously I just want to help.
P.S.
Yes I’m not satisfied with my life but can you blame me? I need more. I want more. I want to experience more.
To someone,
Just because of this one sudden moment, my heart is warming up again. I feel like I'm coming back. Soon, I'll be out there again. I'm sure, it is quite soon.
P.S. I thank you for being just there. I know I'm stupidly crazy but the blame is all yours. It's what you do to me. :)
I fully admit that I don't deserve anything. I never want pity, it's unfair. But I still wish for miracle.
I am so afraid. I just want to curl up. I don't know what to do
I did something really inappropriate last weekend. I let my desire win over me. I know I don't regret what I did but I just feel stupid. Brief happiness will never really help.
Grabe ka magreklamo! kung ako nabigyan lang ng chance..
pero tapos na un..
kung may pagsisisihan man ako ay ung hindi ko pinansin ung ibang mga chance na binigay sakin.. mas pinili ko pa ang sarili ko..
joke lang pala! ikaw pala yan! ikaw kasi marami kang choice. pwede magpasalamat ka nalang?
Sabi nila..
hindi raw lahat binibigay sayo.
Eh panu kung lahat na hindi binigay sayo..
Mula gusto mong pisikal na anyo, gusto mong libangan, gusto mong talento, gusto mong pangarap, hanggang ba naman sa masarap na candy na lahat ay nakakuha na..
maski boyfriend! haha. charot lang ung last.
hay! engot! kasalanan mo din yan! sisi ka ng sisi sa "tadhana" at sa "sadyang nakalaan sayo"
eh kung may gawin ka kaya bago ka magreklamo! kung tumayo ka at magsimula kang humakbang. kung gumapang ka kung hindi mo na kayang lumakad. anga anga ka kasi! K-I-L-O-S!
Kaya mo yan, please! :D
I'm so afraid. I'm afraid that I cannot do anything.. that I can't be anyone. I'm afraid to not matter.. to not be cared for. I'm afraid to be alone..
The irony of being drunk
so I'm just starting to sober up. I joined in to drink with my friends to have fun.. to enjoy life and feel the happiness of having friends in your life. But what I feel now is the opposite. I feel alone more than any normal days. It's like no one understands what you really feel. You've been fooled by the illusion that being drunk will make you numb but the truth is it will make you realize everything. You will be depresses about things then you'll end up asking..
What is wrong with me? Why are these happening to me? Why does life so unfair?
Why?
