Sal’s Incredible Gas pt.1
I don’t know what happened to the user Prezloop. I loved his stories and I thought they were lost but I found them (or at least the story about Sal) and I will be posting them on my page.
While boys I largely found unattractive were dancing away at a nearby dance floor, I sat at the bar by myself and ordered a bud light. I didn’t see any men who caught my eye. I felt awkward drinking by myself and was tempted to leave. Until I saw a hunk of a guy walk in with his head down who sat by himself and ordered a beer a few seats down from me. Man, he looked 35 maybe, was very tan and had short thick black hair. He had to be about 6’4 and maybe 270 lbs of big beefy muscle. He wasn’t cut like me, and I could see he had a belly, which I always secretly loved, especially because he also had a wide frame, broad shoulders, a thick massive chest and big burly arms. Best of all, he was wearing dark jeans but I could see his massive legs and huge globe ass, even though he only walked by me for a few seconds.
He looked like a real guy’s guy, someone I wanted to get to know. I tried making eye contact with this man so I could say hello, but he sat by himself staring at the tv, intentionally not making eye contact with anyone in the bar. Hell, he looked more awkward than me, despite us both drinking beer by ourselves. Normally, I’m pretty shy and would never engage with him, but the fact that he was being more awkward at the gay bar than me gave me some confidence.
I decided to walk over and approach him, but as soon as I got out of my chair, he got up and walked into the bathroom. Did he reject me? Either way, half the men at the bar saw me get up to walk toward this guy, so now I had to pretend like I was going to the bathroom to look less awkward.
Two urinals in the bathroom with no separator. Mr. Hunk of Beef was staring at the wall, pissing at one. He was tense like a statute. I grabbed the urinal next to him. He of course didn’t acknowledge me, so I stared straight ahead not acknowledging him. Though I was fighting every urge I had in me to not check out the gigantic package I knew he had, mostly because of how loud and forcefully I could hear how his thick stream sounded in the urinal. Man, this guy was turning me on. I knew I had to approach him, but I knew the bathroom wouldn’t be the place to do it. I started to devise a plan in my head and got lost in thought. Suddenly this tan god did something that actually startled me to the point where I jumped.
BrrrrrrrrPt
Holy shit. Talk about a manly fart. The tan god had ripped a short but incredibly loud fart at the conclusion of his piss. He then looked over at me with a slight smile and we made eye contact for the first time. “Sorry” he said with a slight chuckle. I wanted to say something back but I was too taken aback by how manly this guy was. I never had a fetish for farting but, I did secretly get turned on when guys did manly stuff like fart in public. And his was so deep and basey and loud. I felt like he was establishing his dominance, despite it not smelling that bad.
I suddenly became nervous like I needed to say something or compliment the fart. I wanted to play cool, because this guy seemed like a genuine’s man’s man. While he was washing his hands I walked over to the sink and said the first thing that came to my mind.
“Lucky no one was standing behind you” I said. Shit. Was that funny?
“Excuse me?” He replied. Granted it had been over a minute since the fart.
“Uhhh your fart at the urinal.” Shit, now I felt awkward. I shouldn’t have said anything.
“Oh” He Smiled “Haha, believe it or not that one just slipped out of me. Sorry, I don’t know if its rude to uhh, fart, in uhhh, places like this.” He looked nervous. I took comfort in that I wasn’t the only one. Places like this? What did he mean? Gay bars? Maybe he was just as uncomfortable as me. That gave me more confidence to continue the conversation.
“I’m sure grosser things have happened in this bathroom besides your fart” Was I harping to long on his fart?
“Well that’s good, cause by my standards, that was barely even gross.” He chuckled and walked out of the bathroom. It was weird to me, that he didn’t own how awesome that fart was. Straight and manly guys love to brag about farting, and here this guy rips a gigantic one, but tries to play it off like it slipped out and was barely anything by his standards. Anything bigger than that would be inhuman. Ok so he was cocky and liked to exaggerate, which actually turned me on even more.
I walked out of the bathroom and immediately grabbed my beer and sat next to him. He looked surprised and uncomfortable but I chose to sit through it. “Names Kevin” I said extending my arm. He grabbed it back and shook it obnoxiously hard. Or maybe he was just that strong. “Sal.” Before I could respond, he cut me off to say “Can I buy you a beer Kevin” - Sal you could buy me anything you want.
“Sure, I’ll take a bud light”
Sal grabbed the bar tender. “1 bud light and 1 bud heavy”
“Bud heavy, manly drink” I teased him.
“Yeah, only problem is, it makes me gassy.” Then incredibly not two minutes after his gigantic bathroom blast, he lifted one leg on the chair and ripped and audible thumping fart on the stool. I couldn’t believe how loud the fart was because the music was playing loudly and I could still hear the fart. Jesus, could this guy just rip on command like that? Was this possible? Either way, his powerful farts were turning me on, just by their strength.
Unlike the bathroom blast this one smelled too, like pure garlic. It was pungent, and smelled awful but I secretly loved how strong the odor was. Sal fanned the air and chuckled. “Sorry about that.” Still chuckling. I chuckled back and tried to play cool despite being turned on. “All good man.”
We then switched to small talk about the patriots game on TV. Without realizing I noticed he was almost done his beer while mine was still ¾ full. Since he was ripping those manly farts, I wanted to impress him. I was pretty good at chugging beer and belching and decided to tilt my head back and chug the rest of my beer while he was speaking, which I finished in 10 seconds. I waited a few seconds before unleashing a monster belch, pretty loud even for me. I burped away from his direction. I was pretty proud of myself and glanced over at him to see how much I’d impressed him but looked un-phased. That annoyed me.
“How about another round,” – to which I agreed. I was annoyed he didn’t respond to my loud manly belch so when the bartender handed me my beer, I immedaiately chugged the entire thing without even cheersing Sal. After finishing the entire bottle in under 20 seconds, I waited a few seconds and let loose and even bigger burp than the first one, this time right in his direction. At this point, Sal stared back at me and looked very confused. Shit. Did I do too much? I wiped my mouth and apologized laughing to myself.
Sal did a slow blink. Then without respond he lightly pounded his chest with his right hand in a fist twice, before he unleashed a monster of a belch that nearly blew my hair back. It felt like it was erupting from the depths of hell, so deep and guttural. It lasted over 10 seconds too. It was so loud, He definitely the attention of the entire club. I was almost speechless. I probably should have felt embarrassed, but I was just too fucking turned on. I’ve always found burping and farting sexy in a casual manly way, but this guy just produced gas so monstrously. It was overtly sexy.
Strangest of all, Sal, barely acknowledged his burp, as he smirked lightly and went back to staring at the screen. That had to be a world record for him and I had to acknowledge it. “Shit man, that was unreal”
“Oh yeah haha.” Playing it off like it was nothing. How was this guy not acknowledging his incredible gas? It confused me. No way it was second nature for him or anyone.
A few minutes passed before Sal turned to me and said “Does this place have good food? I’m starving”
“No, but there’s a Wendy’s around the corner, I was planning on stopping there on my way home” It was getting close to closing and I needed to head out. I needed to make sure I got this guy’s number though,
“Cool, I’ll come with you” Oh my god, did he just invite himself to Wendy’s with me? I was in heaven. How did I score someone so sexy. Ok Kevin, play it cool, play it cool
We finished our beers, grabbed out coats and walked outside. As soon as he shut the door I heard him groan and then strain to push out a long squealer fart that lasted over 6 seconds. He moaned the whole time he pushed it out, and sounded incredibly relieved after he pushed it all out. Damn it sounded like he released an incredible amount of gas in just that one fart alone. Despite being outside it smelled just as bad as his indoor garlic fart. Ok suddenly this guy seemed inhuman.
“Ahhh sorry about that. Was holding it in the whole time” The whole time? He wasn’t even in inside the gay bar for more than 20 minutes total, and he had already ripped two gigantic farts, one not even 5 minutes ago. How much gas did this massive man have….?
“I’m fucking starving right now, I seriously might put this Wendy’s out of business haha” Normally I’d say he was exaggerating but this monster of a man with apparently unlimited gas supplies, was about to prove to me he had several extraordinary abilities. To be continued
