Don't want to hand you all my troubles

Steph Mendoza. Been living twenty years. Media Design student at Bennington Tech. That's about it, I guess. Don't want to call you in the nighttime Don't want to give you all my pieces Don't want to hand you all my troubles Don't want to give you all my demons

[kane-asghar]

I’m glad to hear that. It eases up my big brother worrying streak.

[steph-mendoza]

As a little sister, that makes me happy. I'd hate to think big brothers worry about their little sisters so much–just because that's probably stressful. 

[blaise-whitaker-blog]

And what if they’re not all other people’s secrets? 

[steph-mendoza]

Then maybe you need to take a step back and evaluate things, things can't be going well if you're in a position where you're putting yourself in situations where you keep accumulating secrets to keep from others...unless you're a spy. Why are you so concerned about your secrets?

[blaise-whitaker-blog]

Is it possible to wind up holding too many secrets?

[steph-mendoza]

If you want to stop keeping too many secrets, stop listening. But that's a moral decision in itself. 

[amy--harrison]

It doesn’t matter if people have it worse. It does, in the worldly sense, but what I mean is, everyone has problems. It doesn’t change how you feel about your own, how much it affects you and hurts you. You’re allowed to feel things, Steph. You’re allowed to talk about it.

[steph-mendoza]

Honestly, this is the first time I've talked about it outside of my family..even then I don't talk about the feelings part of it with them because I don't want anyone to think I can't handle this. I have to keep it together and talking about it with them would make them think I can't do that..

[kane-asghar]

It’s not a problem Steph, honest. You need anything, anything at all, just call. You’ve been a good friend to my sister and she’s never been the sort to have many good friends so thank you.

[steph-mendoza]

It's a two-way street. She's always been a great friend to me as well.

[effyeahalexsteele]

[jace-jacobs]

You’re a little star, Steph. 

[steph-mendoza]

Just looking out for my friend. 

[marty-travers]

I.. I don’t. No one really cares that much about this Steph, except you. Why bother about this? What makes me different from the next kid that isn’t in college?

[steph-mendoza]

Because you're so beyond capable of going through college and doing well. If nobody is else is going to push you then I'm going to because if you figured out what you're good at then you'd thrive and there's nothing I want for you more than that. 

[kane-asghar]

I honestly can’t say I’m familiar with that. I’ll have to look into it or ask my mom what that is. But really, it’s not a problem. You have my number, right? I mean what I said about using it.

[steph-mendoza]

I don't but um, here just put it in my phone. Thank you. I don't even know how to express the gratitude I feel. 

[kane-asghar]

I don’t know much about your dad’s illness so I can’t really say. I mean, I do hope it gets better or the pain eases up. I just, fuck, I’m really bad at this. If there is anything I can do, please call, text, whatever, okay?

[steph-mendoza]

He has primary progressive MS but thank you. I really do appreciate it. 

[amy--harrison]

I wasn’t drawing the conclusion you were ashamed of him. You crying as you are proves how much you do care. You putting your family first shows that. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to not know how things are going to turn out. This is a lot for you to handle, for anyone to handle. Just let everything go for a second and then we can talk.

[steph-mendoza]

I'm sorry, Amy. People have it so much worse than me and I'm over here whining about my dad being sick. I'm not even the one who is sick. I'm sorry for complaining.

[marty-travers]

..I’m trying to get this you know.. I am.

[steph-mendoza]

Tell me what I can do to help then because I'm not really sure what to say or do without just saying things you've already heard.

[drewsevani]

You’re welcome, Steph. I seemed like you could use a bit of a pick-me-up. I do mean it though, I believe in you. Just… don’t push yourself too hard. It’s going alright, I guess. It’s proving difficult for me to balance all my classes, work and… other things, as well. But, my classes themselves aren’t too bad. What about yours?

[steph-mendoza]

I'll try not to but I make no promises. I really do appreciate the support though, Drew. My classes are pretty good, I'm taking this history class with a really boring professor but I'm taking a class called foundations of 3D form and I'm really enjoying it so it balances out.

[amy--harrison]

Oh my gosh, Steph. Is your father okay? I can’t even imagine what feelings must have taken over when you saw him fall. I- come here sweetheart. Let it out.

[steph-mendoza]

I'm just really worried about him and his future. It's gotten to the point where I think less about my future and more about his or my brothers'. I've spent so long keeping my dad's sickness a secret and I'm not ashamed of him... I'm not! I'm all over.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry, Amy. 

[jace-jacobs]

I’m not even going to lie, I’ll probably ask again tomorrow. My sleeping pattern is fucked up.

[steph-mendoza]

I'll just keep reminding you, no worries. 

[kane-asghar]

I won’t tell her anything, yeah? If you want to tell her, that’s your call. But you’re alright, Steph. All of this will work itself out.

[steph-mendoza]

I don't think so, Kane. It just all seems to be getting worse progressively. I want you to be right though. I really do. 

[marty-travers]

I don’t even know what that means.

[steph-mendoza]

Forget it, Marty.