Hope.Believe.Achieve.

29|Dexter I miss you so much ❤️|Confidence is like a muscle the more you use it the stronger it gets|Hope.Believe.Achieve|Try get over your fears|

[stephaniefewer]

I miss him so much it hurts so bad I lost him 29th December last year and it still kills me that he's gone to heaven without me after 12 years together.

Im going to have to wait a few decades before I get to see him again and idk how I'm going to hurt because every single day that goes by hurts me a little more it's like a knife stabs me once a day anywhere and I just hurt even more every time it happens.

I don't know how I'm still here. I broke up with my boyfriend in April we had a few things that couldn't be fixed that had been going on for a few years trying to fix as well but half of the reason I broke up with him was because of Dexter he didn't understand why I still missed him so much (bare in mind it had only been 4 months since I lost him) and there was stuff I still wasn't comfortable doing with him because it felt too soon to do it again so he got moody every time I said no to him even after I'd explained my reasons for it.

In the end breaking up was the right thing to do I'm still not in the right head space to have a boyfriend at all and I don't want one any time soon either tbh.

All I know I want is to have my Dexie back but I can't 😭💔

Dexter I love you and miss you so much I can't wait to be reunited with you in a few decades 😭💔💕

[stephaniefewer]

[ramenjesus-deactivated20121014]

[anonymousxblog]

How I’m feeling right now.

[stephaniefewer]

Latest photo of me and my big baby Dexter I honestly don’t know what I’d do without him!

He’s my best friend

He’s my heart

He’s my everything

He’s my whole world

If he ever left me (which obviously he wouldn’t duh) I’d be heartbroken and I wouldn’t know what to do with myself or my life I’d just want to curl up into a ball and die so I could be with him and my old dog.

He’s 11 now and 2 weeks ago we celebrated our 11 year anniversary of going to get him we obviously celebrated his birthday too!!

[stephaniefewer]

HE’S FUCKING GONE

HE DIED 29TH DECEMBER 2023 (aged 12)

HE LEFT ME

I’M HEARTBROKEN

I’VE THOUGHT ABOUT HIM EVERY DAY SINCE

THE HOLE IM MY HEART KEEPS GETTING BIGGER AND I HATE IT

THERE’S ONE MEMORY THAT KEEPS PLAYING IN MY MIND EVERY SINGLE DAY AND I FUCKING HATE IT I WANT IT TO LEAVE ME ALONE I HATE THAT MOMENT BUT IT WON’T LEAVE ME ALONE.

IT WANT’S TO TORTURE ME. I’M ALREADY TORTURED ENOUGH WITH HIM BEING GONE SO THAT MEMORY CAN YOI PLEASE POLITELY GO FUCK OFF AND NEVER COME BACK.

[stephaniefewer]

Latest photo of me and my big baby Dexter I honestly don’t know what I’d do without him!

He’s my best friend

He’s my heart

He’s my everything

He’s my whole world

If he ever left me (which obviously he wouldn’t duh) I’d be heartbroken and I wouldn’t know what to do with myself or my life I’d just want to curl up into a ball and die so I could be with him and my old dog.

He’s 11 now and 2 weeks ago we celebrated our 11 year anniversary of going to get him we obviously celebrated his birthday too!!

[theycallmemomo]

[stephaniefewer]

I’m always the one texting my friend first and I’ve got sick of it so I stopped messaging her first to see how long it took and it took her 2 months minimum!!

How ridiculous is that? How does it take 2 months to just put ‘hey, not spoke in a while how are you?’ It doesn’t take much to check in on your so called best friend. 🤬

Hence this photo because one day there’s a day that’s going to come where she just never replies to me and there’s my best friend gone!

That’s the day I’m afraid of and why I always end up giving in and messaging her.

I’ve told her before how I feel about our friendship but she apologised and started messaging me and then after a few weeks it stopped and happened again.

How is that real friendship? Or am I just overthinking and being over the top and/or selfish?

Sorry for the rant!

[thewordporn]

[stephaniefewer]

Literally think this every time I think of my friend...

* Rant incoming*

It’s always me messaging her first to chat and to meet up yet when I talk to her about it mentioning it she makes the excuse up that it’s because I’ve got a job and she’s not working at the moment (Maternity leave) so kind of get that but she doesn’t even have time to text me a hey and how am I?

She’s friends with this other person we met at college and I’m sure she texts her at least a few times a week and we can go months without texting literally if I don’t message her first.

Maybe it’s because she has 2 kids and so she can relate more to her since she has 3 kids of her own and I have 0 kids but that’s still not an excuse to just stop talking to your best friend that you’ve known longer!

I’m already an emotional person and this just tips it over the edge more making me feel lonely, sad, jealous, annoyed and puts me back into that head space of nobody even cares about me so why should I be alive? I might as well go die (would never go and do that)

I’ve been tempted today to message her and kind of confront her about it and ask if she still wants to be my friend since she never texts me first and went to meet up with them on Christmas (and last year with no invite to me then either all because of my family that was her excuse) and meets up with them more than with me (minus Covid and even with Covid they’ve probably gone and met her) and I know they do since she told me they made a plan to meet up once a month to have drinks and relax one night of the month sleeping over as well as long as they have the money (I don’t drink so that’s her reason plus whatever other reason for not inviting me) but it’s Christmas and I feel it would be a bit too mean doing it on Christmas & Boxing Day but it’s so tempting so it’s out of my system and she knows.

One other thing that gets me about when they go over to her house to see them they have to come through my town by the bypass (which is very close to my house as you can get off & on it within a 2 minute drive!) so they can’t use the excuse of me being too far away because whichever way they’d come to there’s they have to come via my town the least they could do is ask me so that I at least feel like I’m there friend and she cares about me! 😢😭

[stephaniefewer]

When I think about anything and everything in my life that does and has happened I honestly feel like I’m one of the unluckiest people alive in literally everything. 😞

[kvcszsntt]

😆😆

[stephaniefewer]

Very true so it’s a probably a good thing I’m not suicidal and even if I was (which I’m not) I wouldn’t have the guts to go do it anyway

[stephaniefewer]

Truth.

[stephaniefewer]

I go through stages of being in good moods and bad moods (hence my last post was very negative) but right now I’m just so happy I spend Friday, Saturday, Monday & Tuesday at my boyfriends house the whole time as his parents were away on holiday and he has this week off and I’ve got to say it’s really brightened my mood spending so much time with him made me feel less negative and less depressed he’s the best person in the world I don’t know what I’d do without him. I love him so much ❤️

I just thought I’d post this as I wanted to share my happiness and I also didn’t want all my posts on here being negative!

[stephaniefewer]

I literally do feel so alone like yeah I have a boyfriend but half the time I feel like he doesn’t even care about me and gets sick of meeting up with me he takes ages to reply to messages 90% of the time and he says it’s because he’s terrible with his phone and replying yet he’ll be on his phone watching something or playing a game so playing a game is more important than replying to your girlfriend when she’s asking for help or advice on something?

I have a best friend that I feel is no longer by best friend and I’m afraid she’s going to stop being my friend because she’s doing the exact same thing my old best friends used to do towards the end of our friendship which is taking longer and longer to reply to each text, she never messages me on when we can meet up it’s always me yet somebody we both went to college with a few years later she meets up with her more often and goes to her house has a few drinks there and everytime I bring up why she never asks me first her answer is always “because I’m never doing anything” and she’s on maternity leave so that’s also why it’s her answer yet I message her on a day of me thinking of going up since she says she’s never doing anything and she already had plans to go up to her other friend from college that she’d seen a few days before at her house for drinks yet can hardly see me every few weeks/months and also makes it out as if I make my boyfriend a priority first yet she never messages me first on when to meet up?! It’s so annoying I feel as if she’s going to stop being my friend and she’s the only friend I have left.

I feel like I’m going to end up alone and it makes me sad it makes me feel unwanted, alone, depressed and as if nobody in the world cares about me and very occasionally thought I might as well just kill myself (but me knowing full well I’d never have to guts to go and do that so I’m stuck here alive) and his answer to that was to say stop it and don’t think like that. Like that doesn’t help at all.

He tells me I’m pretty, beautiful all the time and yeah that’s nice of him to say but I’m NOT any of those things and he hates it when I disagree with him but all I’m doing is telling the truth?

I’m a person who sees a lot of negativity in things like it’s the first thing I’ll think about of some things especially when it’s about myself and he hates that he told me yesterday how it gets on his nerves and how he’s going to tell me off for being so negative all the time to try help make me a more positive person but that’s never going to happen because I’ve been a negative person my whole life it’s not going to change now because me saying I see the negative all I see is the truth and half the time I don’t even know I’m being negative about something (I’ve also told him that).

It probably comes from the part of me I’ve had since I was a little kid because I was always bullied at school primary & secondary all the kids used to call me ugly and weird and obviously when you’ve been called ugly her whole life in school your going to believe it and no matter how many times anybody tells me any different I never believe them I hate most of the photos I’m in because it’s me I always look ugly I’ll never be pretty. So yeah my negativity probably stems from there amongst other stuff.

I just feel like why am I alive? Why me? Because I have epilepsy, a crappy part time job, a terrible memory so I’ll never be able to get a full time job or learn to drive (because of my epilepsy and have to have 1 year+ without a fit and stay that way if you have a fit after you have to stop driving and wait another year). I feel as if I’m going to always live with my mum my whole life because of my memory and job etc like I’ve applied for other jobs but nobody evens wants to interview me that’s how much I’m crappy and most of the jobs I would apply for I can’t because you have to have 1 year+ experience and/or a degree in it but how are you suppose to get the experience if you can’t get the job? It makes no sense.

My life makes no sense on why I’m here alive why is my life like this? All I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry except no tears will fall out because I’ve used them all up/tired out 😩

[leohearts]

“Sometimes the only person that understands you is yourself.”

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