Seriously though this is how I feel right now.
** Long Rant coming. You don’t need to read**
Like I’ve got a job at a dead end job that I used to like but now I’m fed up of it and feel ill and sick nearly everytime I’m there but feel fine when I get home.
I really want to quit but I can’t because then I won’t be able to pay my part of the rent and then pay for my phone and internet bills and most importantly buy my pets food etc so I can’t.
Even if I did quit (theoretically) it would take me a very long time (I’m not joking) to get a new job and for it to be full time permanent because everytime I’ve looked for a job they’ve all been the same I look at what you have to have and I’ve no where near what they need so I wouldn’t even get through the first stage.
I’d be terrible at any other job apart from the one I currently have and I hate it now I really am fed up of it like I said before. So yeah I’m stuck at a crap paying deadend job that I’ll be at the rest of my life. 😭
On a different note completely I have a boyfriend that I’ve been with for over a year now and I love him don’t get me he says the same to me as well but it’s always me asking to meet up when we can (not just because of COVID-19 was even before then) it’s 98% of the time and sometimes he does ask himself.
Like I had work this morning after that I went home and started walking on to meet him and I got to him around 2pm then we started walking back the way we came which I then knew he wanted to go home and it was only 4.30pm and he didn’t even have anything to do at home and he wasn’t having his tea anytime soon either so it just makes me feel like he’d had enough of me and wanted to go home.
Like he annoys me sometimes because he always makes me choose where to eat when we go out and he knows exactly what I will eat and where (I’m a fussy eater) and so I eventually choose them sometimes I ask him then he puts it back on me and makes me choose and makes up the excuse for me to choose before I’m a picky eater etc and I do the same when he asks me to choose so at them times sometimes I ask him to then uses the same excuse again. So he can do that and I can’t?
There’s also another that’s similar where if we’re on a walk say in a park and I’ll ask where he wants to sit and he’ll be like I’m not bothered you pick and then there’s other times where he asks me so I say the same back and then he gets a little annoyed because I won’t pick and I said that so again he can do that but I can’t?
How does that make any sense? It doesn’t. It’s not fair and it’s so annoying it’s the one thing that annoys me when I’m with him and then sometimes when I’m with him I’m talking to him about something and doesn’t even look or sound like he’s listening to me or doesn’t care because some of them conversations need a reply and he just doesn’t say anything back even if it’s me asking for advice on something.
Also when I talk to him about my job he knows I don’t like it there anymore and he didn’t (he used to work there as well) and I say I look for new jobs but I can’t find anything etc he says that’s because you see the negative in it all you won’t apply (doesn’t say it exactly like that but that’s the gist of it) then gets annoyed when we start that conversation each time which annoys me because I need to get it out of my system or want to talk to him about it.
I know some of the answers to what I’ve put liek I don’t even think I’d be any good at any other type of job because I’d be terrible at it and unhappy along with my terrible memory id be crap at the job and the other answers to what I put are also like how I think I care more about him etc that might not be true because I’m a person with a lot of low self esteem and always see the bad in myself there’s nothing good about me I’m ugly, crap memory, weird, no self confidence, anxiety too lazy and not loveable at all.
I need to stop thinking like this and getting myself annoyed and upset 😠 😢 about it because it can’t be good for my general health at all but I can’t help it because I’ve always been like this since I was a kid and always will be unfortunately.
Sorry for the long rant just needed to try get it out of my system to ignore this terrible post.
turnnoffyourmind
dededos
theartofmadeline
titsay
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