manic pixie dream ghoul

Hello unrecognized intruder! Unfortunately, due to increased security measures, you must now be incinerated.

[stermateriaal]

I miss my old life.

[stermateriaal]

I belong nowhere.

[stermateriaal]

Lost my job, car was wrecked, immediately got really sick after the accident (probably largely stress induced), now the remaining dry cough has triggered the first throat herpes outbreak I've had in over a decade and it's got me feeling feverish with a relentless migraine on top of the fucking awful burning pain in my throat. And now I'm completely broke lol.

I wanna die.

[stermateriaal]

Occasionally desired but never loved.

[stermateriaal]

Just need to vent in a place where nobody will ever see it.

I'm pretty over the hate towards the christmas session. I'm sorry you've allowed capitalism to kill your bone, but that will not be me. I will not allow the consumer sessions to dictate my enjoyment. My Halloween season starts on September first - that's two full months of Halloween. My Christmas season starts on November first, and there's even a lot of overlap. That's the same amount of time devoted to my Halloween season as I devote to my Christmas season. I keep my harvest decor like pumpkins and shit, but I'm allowed to also enjoy Christmas. It's got nothing to do with religion, I'm very much an atheist. I just enjoy liking things and I also don't give a fuck about Thanksgiving as a holiday.

[stermateriaal]

Oh, hi.

It's been a while.

I miss having a social diary. The state of modern social media is so depressing. I wish the Internet would have stopped evolving in like 2007.

[stermateriaal]

My dream is to live in a house that I built myself on a couple acres of land. with a couple of kids, dogs and some chickens, and a nice neighbor down the way that likes to spend holidays with us and share cool traditions and be the spookiest homes in town for Halloween. 

[stermateriaal]

I find no enjoyment in anything anymore. All the music I used to love just annoys me or makes me cry. YouTube channels and tv shows annoy me and I can barely get through five minutes of something. I can't eat anything and things I used to like are even hard to get down. I have no interest in life what so ever. I feel like I'm about to fall apart when anybody talks to me and I can't connect with anyone anymore. Being around people just makes me feel even worse than I already feel and nothing makes the loneliness feel less painful. I don't even know if there is anything I want out of life anymore. I don't feel okay in my major. I don't feel connected to anything. I don't feel okay at home. The fucked up part is that the only thing that does bring me comfort is spending time with Jeff even though I know he doesn't want me and that it's just a false sense of comfort. I don’t know how to stop hurting and I hate myself for allowing it to get this bad - for allowing myself to fall in love with somebody who showed so many signs that he could never love me back. For allowing myself to get too attached. For being so self-destructive and ruining every chance I ever had at building something healthy. I kill everything I touch.

[stermateriaal]

The universe is testing me with having to work a bridal shower and a wedding the day after the heart-wrenching talk that solidified heartbreak. 

[christmas-winter]

[dobladim]

[skinny-mania]

[stermateriaal]

I wish I could eternal sunshine you out of my brain.

[noperfectdayforbananafish]

[grace--upon--grace]

[restlesswithout]

[autumncozy]