You're slowly falling out of love | (basically) any character x reader
Pairing: (just insert any character ;)) x reader
Summary: You notice how you're slowly falling out of love with your boyfriend
Warnings: none
Word Count: 1.1k
It all started a few months ago with subtle things you thought were normal in a long-term relationship. You stopped planning your days around his schedule, you didn’t wait at your window for his letters anymore and you also didn’t crave constant contact and closeness. The prior empty feeling when he wasn’t around was replaced by some sort of indifference. You were happy to see him, though you also didn’t mind when you couldn’t spend time with each other regularly.
Dates became a rarity and intimacy lost its appeal, starting to feel more like something one had to do in a relationship, it felt like a chore.
You didn’t think much of it as the feelings for him were still present, though you couldn’t deny that some things were starting to change.
The first big indicator of said change was during the examination phase. He couldn’t spend as much time with you as before, which in the beginning was really painful but time revealed that life without his constant presence was also...livable.
You started focusing more on your friendships, but also on your hobbies that you had more or less neglected during your relationship. And somehow, being alone in your room, only surrounded by books and canvases, wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to you anymore. It gave you comfort, time to think about your life and your relationship.
The more time you spend in solitude, the more memories started to resurface. Memories of you and him, memories of your relationship and your time together.
It seemed unnecessary and also somewhat stupid, but these memories were dissected down to the very last word and emotion. Then, you started to realize that the boy you fell in love with wasn’t really your knight in shining armor. The pink filter you once saw your life and relationship with slowly but surely started to peel from your eyes.
Old conversations were replayed and things you didn’t seem to notice before were now screaming at your face, wishing to be seen and acknowledged. Actions that were once deemed romantic or normal suddenly seemed to be disrespectful or even harsh.
Smaller things were also finally noticed, like how you always suggested a meeting or how you had left everything the moment he asked if you had time. You realized that he would never do that. He would never have left a family meeting just because you wrote that you had time. He would never have driven for hours just to see you for a quick moment.
All these realizations came crushing down on you, making your head spin and tears spill down your cheeks. The truth was cruel, though you finally seemed to understand why your friends and family have always been wary about him.
The next time you saw each other, things were different. Very different. You were more distant than normal, and he also seemed to take notice of your strange behavior. When he asked you what was wrong, you just shook your head and said that everything was fine. You didn’t want to hurt his feelings nor wanted him to think that you were questioning your relationship with him. Which in reality, you already did though you didn’t want to admit that. Not even to yourself.
Another big thing you noticed had changed was your love language. Physical touch was something you adored, something you craved but now, you couldn’t seem to even force yourself to encourage even a hug or hold hands. The feeling of his body on yours started to feel foreign. You tolerated it but it couldn’t give you the comfort it once did. Whenever you had the chance to dodge his hand on the street you subconsciously did by rushing them into the pocket of your jacket or switching up the hand you were holding your bag with.
You felt bad, knowing how your behavior must hurt him, though you were still too uncertain about your feelings. The thought of ending this relationship crept into your head more often, still not wanting to let go as the hopes of everything getting better were still lingering in your heart.
And the fact that he also seemed to pull himself away from you didn’t help the doubts which were stacking themselves up in your mind.
And in the blink of an eye, your once vibrant and loving relationship turned into something much colder and distant. And in the span of a week, you felt like you had already lost him, the gap between the two of you turning into an ocean so deep, no one seemed to be able to cross it in order to get to the other.
And without really noticing, this romantic relationship turned more and more into a friendship. Contact was kept minimal and superficial, not feeling the need to keep the other one informed on how their day really went or how they were really feeling. Special or funny things that had happened during the day were ceased from the conversations. Why? It cost too much energy. Energy you didn’t want to waste on an already dying relationship.
But why couldn’t you leave? Who knows. Maybe it’s the crippling fear of ending up alone once he is gone. Or maybe it’s just the convenience of habit, not wanting to let go because you are so used to having this person in your life. Or maybe you’re just afraid of change, trying to keep everything together for the sake of it being like it has always been.
You knew that your inability to end things with him made you the bad guy. You were painfully aware of that, and you had to agree. Not being able to let him go, hindering him from finding someone who could give him everything he deserves, and more was one of the most selfish things you had ever done in your entire life. Though your mind was ready to leave, knowing that this situation was not healthy for either of you, your heart refused. It tried to hold onto the small things ignoring everything your brain wanted it to understand, screaming at you to repair it, to give it yet another chance, because things might change.
But who are you trying to fool? You know that nothing will change. You’ll be stuck in the same loop over and over again and one day, it’ll be too late. You’ll have no more love to give, being burned out from waiting like a lost puppy and hoping someone will come to pick you up. You’ll have no more tears to cry, all of them being used up for a man that never even saw them nor noticed.
You’ll always find yourself in the same situations, trying to change the outcome yet knowing that there’s no use. You can try your best but, in the end, everything will stay the same. It’s like watching a movie for the second or third time, wishing for a different ending though you know you can’t change anything.
Summary: Feelings are confessed after seeing you flirt with another man.
Warnings: Characters are 18+!, Alcohol and drinking
Word Count: 3k
Please just imagine that the Weasley twins are still in school xD
The party in the Slytherin common room has been planned for months now and there was always something that got in the way of executing it. One time it was a big upcoming test; the other was the detention of a student who took part in planning this event. But today was finally the day. You could feel everyone’s excitement radiating from them, the way they walked and talked was an obvious sign of how happy they were that this party finally took place. It all started in the morning during breakfast where the only topic the other students were talking about was said party. Conversations on what to wear or with who to go filled the Great Hall. As the day carried on, the people walking through the ancient halls of Hogwarts only got more hyped for the upcoming event. We’ve obviously waited long enough for it to happen.
I was no exception. The moment I got up in the morning, all I could think about was that party. With a big smile blasted on my face, I started my morning, and I was convinced that nothing could ruin my good mood. School has been pretty stressful lately so being able to unwind and let loose for an evening was strongly needed. For everyone.
While walking towards our dorm after class, me and my friend Lorelai were talking about what to wear. She was insisting on wearing her tight black mini dress with high heels, though I tried to talk her out of it. The party will take place in the Slytherin common room. In the dungeons. It would be too cold.
But I was unsuccessful with trying to change her mind. In the end she even convinced me to wear my sparkly dark green mini dress to match her “aesthetic”. Fortunately, this dress had sleeves so I wouldn’t totally freeze to death. Plus, there would be plenty of alcohol so after thinking about it I doubted that the cold could even be a problem.
The moment we arrived at our dorm, Lori stormed through the door and headed towards her closet to set out her outfit. I just chuckled and started doing my make-up.
“Soooo….” I looked up from my mirror when I heard Lori talking and gave her a questioning look.
“Mr. Nott did not ask you to go to the party with him, did he?”
Lorelei’s question made me freeze for a moment. She knew about the crush I had on my best friend Theodore Nott. How could she not? This poor girl had to listen to at least one hundred rants from my side on how perfect and nice and gentle and handsome he is.
I shook my head. “No. In fact, he didn’t even talk about the party until I mentioned it once while studying. At first, he didn’t seem really interested in going.”
“Okay, weird. Theodore Nott and not being hyped about a party? Is he okay? Does he need to go to Madam Pomfrey?” Lorelei’s joke made me giggle a bit.
She was right. Theo and his other friends were one of the few people you would always see whenever there was alcohol. So not mentioning such a big event was not like Theo at all.
“I don’t know. I guess he was just stressed out from all the tests and homework we had over the past couple weeks. But anyways, I convinced him to go with us. Or more specifically pick us up today and escort us to the party.”
Lori just looked at me. There must have been a quite obvious look of disappointment on my face as I explained the situation, because all I got as a response was her signature “I pity you” look. I rolled my eyes at her and continued to concentrate on my make up.
But she was right. I was disappointed. Very much that is.
Since I can remember I had a crush on Theo. The moment I first saw him in the Great Hall during the Sorting Ceremony I knew that I would like him. More than just as friends. And the more we did together, the closer we got, my feeling for him just grew. As he became my best friend, I tried to hide my feelings. Or more like lock them away and keep them suppressed as best as possible. Most of the time it worked, but in some unfortunate moments of weakness, my love for him just seemed to burst out of me.
Like that one evening we spent together on the astronomy tour. We were talking about everything and nothing, just enjoying each other’s company. Theo somehow noticed that I was cold and without hesitating, he gave me his sweater. In this moment, I couldn’t hide the blush that was creeping up my face and unfortunately, I also started to stutter. I couldn’t form any coherent sentences anymore and the worst part about this was that Theo noticed immediately and started teasing me, asking if I had a crush on him.
Just thinking about this evening was making me blush again. This stupid crush. I wish I could just get over it.
Time seemed to fly by and neither of us took notice, the only thing reminding us of how late it actually was, was a sudden knock on our door. Lorelei jumped up from the floor, on which she was doing her hair, to open.
“Babes! It’s your boyfriend!”
I rolled my eyes at her comment but smiled slightly. Oh, how I’d love to be able to call him that.
“I hope I do not intrude but it’s getting late ladies. The party is starting in 15 minutes” A small smirk crept on his lips as his eyes found mine.
Merlin, this smirk. It made me weak in the knees. Fortunately for me, I was still seated on the floor.
I took a moment to look at Theo properly. His hair was still slightly wet from an apparent shower he took before getting ready. Damp curls falling on his forehead, the rest of it looking kind of messy. But in a good way. He also chose to wear his black button-up with his sleeves rolled up. (Which made me go crazy but for obvious reasons can’t tell him) and black dress pants. Everything about this man was perfect and the fact that he somehow managed to look even more handsome this evening made my mind wander to places it definitely shouldn’t.
Before my brain got out of control, I nodded and got up from the floor to walk towards him.
“You know? Beauty takes time but I think we’re done here, right Lori?” I said as I gave Theo a small wink and Lorelei a confirming look. She just nodded, but then started running frantically through our dorm, searching for something.
Me and Theo just watched as she literally turned her whole closet upside down until she had found what she was looking for. Her matching black purse.
“Ready! Let’s go!”
A small chuckle escaped my lips as Lori pushed past me and Theo, running out into the hallway. I gave Theo a quick nudge to his side and off we were.
While walking towards the Slytherin common room, Lorelei walking in front of us, Theo leaned in towards me.
“You look breathtaking, Bella.”
I felt the heat rise to my cheeks, his cologne seeping through my senses and I turned away, trying to hide the immense blush that started spreading on my face. The effect this man had on me was unbelievable.
Theo just chuckled lightly, seemingly proud about what he had achieved and continued to lead me and my friend towards the location of the party.
Even before arriving, loud music and laughter could be heard. The excitement was rushing through my body, and I couldn’t wait to dance, drink and just let loose.
The moment the three of us entered the Slytherin common room, Lori was pulled away by a group of Ravenclaws standing by the entrance, so me and Theo continued to head towards the main area.
The music got louder, and the air got thicker and hotter. Even though the party only started around 10 minutes ago, it was in full swing. Some people were standing near two tables which acted as a makeshift bar, others were dancing to the music and some students were just socializing with others from different houses. I took a deep breath in, smelling the alcohol and sweat lingering in the air. The fear of being too cold in my mini dress immediately left my mind as I felt the heat of at least 50 people ingulfing me.
I turned around to look at Theo, but he wasn’t there anymore. Somehow, this man always managed to disappear without a trace. A small frown spread across my face at the absence of my best friend. Was he serious right now? He just left me standing there? Alone? I shook my head, trying to get any negative thoughts out of my brain and made my way over to the bar, intending to get either some shots of fire whiskey or gin.
As I served myself one or two glasses of alcohol, I felt a presence behind me. Before I could turn around to acknowledge said person, I felt a hand on my shoulder. My hopes of it being Theo were immediately crushed as I turned around and was met with a big smile belonging to Fred Weasley.
“Hello gorgeous.” He gave me a smooth wink.
“All by yourself? While you look like that? I consider this a crime.” I chuckled at his playful and faked offended tone.
I chuckled awkwardly, not knowing how to respond. But then I thought to myself, why not? I’m allowed to have a little bit of fun. Fred is nice, he wouldn’t do anything I wouldn’t want, so I decided to join in on the flirting.
“Well, hello to you too Weasley. You don’t look too bad yourself.” I jokingly flirted back, obviously checking him out while downing my first glass of fire whiskey.
“Are you ready for the best night of your life, darling?”
“Of course, who do you think I am?” Fred smirked at my answer, motioning me to drink my second glass of alcohol I held in my hand. I followed his command, grimacing while I felt the cool liquid burn down my throat, earning a laugh from the guy in front of me.
The night continued and I wandered through the common room, catching up with people I haven’t talked to in a while, though I always found myself back at Freds side as his company and lightheaded personality drew me in.
I wasn’t really interested in him, though I really enjoyed the playful flirting and the compliments we threw at each other throughout the night. It made me forget how Theo had just abandoned me without saying anything. The thought alone made my heart ache.
As I downed my eighth or ninth drink (I couldn’t really think straight anymore, let alone count), I found myself surrounded by a group of Gryffindors, including Harry, Hermoine, Ron, Neville and the Weasley twins. We laughed, told jokes and gossiped. I had the time of my life.
Suddenly, Fred took my hand and pulled me towards the dance floor.
“I love this song! Come. Dance with me gorgeous!”
I felt his hands holding my waist, swaying me to the sound of the music. I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on the melody and beat of the song, hoping I was looking at least a bit presentable while dancing. Fred leaned in closer, seemingly trying to get more physical contact with me.
But before I could reciprocate his actions, someone pulled me away from my dance partner. The alcohol in my system was numbing my senses so before I even realized that I was no longer dancing with Fred, I was being pulled away from the party. My head was spinning and for the first few seconds, I couldn’t even tell who was walking in front of me with my wrist in their hand. I just awkwardly stumbled after the guy who frantically shook his head and swore under his breath.
“Cazzo! What were you thinking?”
I’d recognize this voice anywhere and anytime. Theo.
I opened my mouth to say something, though no words came out. Finally, we stopped, and Theo turned around to look at me, his grip still firm on my wrist.
“What the fuck were you thinking? Weasley? Of all people? You decided to flirt and dance with a Weasley?” The words rolled off Theo’s tongue like venom. He was mad. No. Infuriated.
“I….”
“No! I don’t want any excuses. Of all the people present at this party you chose to not only flirt and dance with another boy, but also, this boy was a Weasley.”
I have never seen Theo this mad, and my mind couldn’t comprehend why.
“What’s the matter with you? Am I not allowed to have some fun? Plus, I’m very capable of deciding with whom I flirt with. That’s my decision to make. Not yours.”
Theo swallowed hard, probably trying to contain himself from shouting. I could feel the tension radiating off him.
He leaned in, coming dangerously close to my face, still holding my wrist.
“Bella don’t fight me on this. You know very well why I have a problem with this situation.”
He was so close; I could feel his breath on my face and smell his cologne. A blush crept onto my face at the closeness of his body. God. Why was he so hot?
I looked at him, trying to stand my ground.
“Unfortunately, no. I do not know why you have such a big problem with me flirting with Fred. Plus, what else was I supposed to do? Lori was having fun with her friends, and you were nowhere to be found. You left me standing there. Alone. So, I found myself someone to spend the evening with.”
Theo suddenly let go of my hand, putting some distance between us. He raised his hands, brushing them through his already messy hair, letting out a frustrated sigh.
“By Merlin….” The clear frustration in his voice made it obvious that he had enough of this conversation.
“Do you like him?” Theo suddenly asked.
“What?”
“Do you like him?” This time, his voice was firmer, demanding an answer.
I looked at him, my eyes meeting his and for a moment, I could see something behind his eyes that I had never seen before. Desperation, mixed with a little bit of hope.
“I…no. I don’t like him like that.”
“Then why would you spend the whole evening flirting with him?”
“Because I wanted to, okay? You are not my boyfriend, you can’t dec- “
Before I could even finish my sentence, Theo closed the distance between us, reaching up with his hands to cup my cheeks. This action lets a small yelp escape my lips.
“Wha- “
My head was spinning, and I wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or Theo’s closeness. I was sure that if his body wasn’t pressed so tightly to mine, I would have sunk to the ground with how weak my knees were at that moment. His hands gently caressed my cheeks, his right thumb slowly stroking it. The way he looked at me with desperation, hope and…longing was too much for me. I even stopped breathing for a second. I noticed Theo’s eyes wandering down towards my lips where they lingered for a second before they found my eyes again.
“What…what if I want to be just that?” Theo asked quietly while seemingly staring into my soul.
“What do you mean?”
“What if I want to be your boyfriend?”
The moment these words left Theos lips, my breath hitched, and my mind went blank. What did he just say? My head started spinning even more and I felt a blush rise on my face.
“I like you, cara mia. I’ve always liked you, but I was too much of a fool to tell you. I was scared of ruining our friendship but seeing you today, flirting with another man, that was too much for me. I couldn’t handle you being in the arms of anyone but me.” These words left his lips in a tone so gentle, I would have never believed they came from Theo if I wasn’t experiencing it first handed.
“I….”
“You don’t have to say anything. You probably won’t even remember what I’m telling you right now in the morning. I guess I won’t either. But I needed to get this out of me. I needed you to know how I felt about you.”
Suddenly, I felt a rush of confidence wandering through my body. I raised my hands to mirror Theos previous actions, cupped his cheeks and pulled his face towards mine. Our lips met and I felt like I could explode. The feeling of his lips was better than I could have ever imagined. They were soft and the slight taste of alcohol and cigarettes on them made this kiss so much more intoxicating.
His hands left my cheeks, wandering down my body until they settled on my waist, pulling me even closer into him. The kiss got more and more messy, teeth were clashing, and lips were bitten.
After what felt like an eternity, I had to catch my breath. As I pulled away, my hands still caressing his cheeks and his hands on my waist, a small smile spread across my lips as I tried to breath properly. As I looked up at Theo, the biggest smile I had ever seen on him was painted on his face.
“I love you, amore.” He said, still trying to catch his breath.
“I love you too, darling.”
His hands left my waist, removing mine from his cheeks and gently intertwining our fingers. He gently pulled me behind me, walking in the direction of his dorm.
“So, I guess it’s official now, Bella. No more flirting with Weasley. Or any other man for that matter.” His joke only earned a small laugh from me, already imagining what might happen in his dorm.
Pairing: Theodore Nott x muggleborn!slytherin!reader
Summary: After not writing you for the duration of Christmas break and being distant, Theodore shows the reason for his recent behavior. Or short: You find out that your boyfriend is a Death Eater.
!TRIGGER! Warnings: thoughts of being cheated on, mentions of death and killing, Theo having the Dark Mark
Word Count: 2.8k
The last few days have been everything but normal. Originally, I was excited to return to Hogwarts after Christmas break and seeing all of my friends again. But this excitement was tainted by a crushing distance between me and my boyfriend of 1 year, Theodore Nott.
He had promised to write to me every day during the holidays, but after a few letters, he stopped. I waited every day, hoping to see his owl fly by my bedroom window but nothing ever came. No letter by mail, no letter by owl. I figured he was stressed or had an argument with his father, which was quite often when he was at home, and because of that was too distracted to write to me. Though it hurt, I tried to be the understand girlfriend and let it go. He probably had enough to worry about.
So, I obviously was even happier to see him again after the holidays. But nothing was how I expected it to be when I returned to school.
The night everyone arrived at Hogwarts, I wasn’t able to find Theo. Or any of my friends for that matter. Though I managed to talk to Pansy and ask her where the guys were, she wasn’t able to answer me. She was as lost as I was. That night, I went to bed wondering if something had happened to them, to Theo. Not only did I not hear from them the duration of the holidays, but they also seemed to have not arrived at Hogwarts yet. All of this was very strange.
I awoke the next morning by Pansy dropping something on the ground of our dorm. I almost crawled out of bed due to last night’s sleep being anything but restful. My mind was running a marathon because of the lack of information on where my boyfriend and friends were. This hindered my ability to sleep peacefully.
While I was getting ready, Pansy was talking to me, though I have to be honest, I didn’t listen. I was way too tired and concerned to be able to listen to my friend ranting about yet another crush of hers. Once we were both ready, we started heading to the Great Hall for breakfast. The doors opened and I was greeted by loud voices and the sounds of cutlery on plates. I followed Pansy to the Slytherin table where we were met by our missing friends. And my boyfriend.
Mattheo and Enzo were telling jokes by the look of it while Draco and Blaise seemed to be too involved with eating their breakfast. Theodore, on the other hand, looked…. different. He looked tired, which the dark circles under his eyes only confirmed. He didn’t engage in any conversations that were going on around him or ate the food that was laying on his plate. It seemed like he was in a totally different world.
Pansy shot me a confused look once she realized that the guys we had been looking for the evening before where now sitting there and enjoying themselves. I gave her the same confused look back, nodded in their direction and started walking towards them.
“What…where the hell have you been guys?” Pansy asked in a confused but slightly relieved tone. “We thought you guys had died or something because we couldn’t find you yesterday.”
Enzos and Mattheos attention was immediately on us.
“Well, well, well, ladies. Don’t say that or else we might think that you actually care about us. You wouldn’t want that would you?” Mattheos muffled voice seemed amused by Pansys slightly concerned undertone.
I just rolled my eyes at him and walked over to where Theo was sitting. Once he saw me, he immediately avoided my gaze but scooted slightly to the side to make space for me on the bench.
“Hey…” I said, trying to make my voice sound not as concerned as I truly was.
Theo still didn’t look at me, though I could feel his body tense up when he heard me talking to him.
“Hey.” His voice sounded weak and raspy, like he hasn’t slept in days. His tired eyes were fixated on the untouched pastry on the plate in front of him.
“I haven’t heard from you in almost two weeks. Is everything alright?” I lifted my hand in order to rest it on Theo’s arm, but the moment I touched him, he flinched and pulled away.
“Yes. I’m fine. Sorry ‘bout that. About not writing I mean. Was kinda busy…” he murmured.
I raised an eyebrow. Something was wrong. I have never heard Theo talk like that. His normally joyous and bubbly way of talking was nowhere to be found. Instead, I was met with a short and dry answer. And the fact that he rejected my touch was another indicator that something was very, very wrong. He had never done such a thing and normally it was him that initiated most of our physical contact. Something inside of me told me to not push him too much, which probably would have been the better idea. But I was too concerned to not ask further questions.
“Are you sure? You seem- “
“Yes, I’m fine! By Merlin’s beard just…stop, okay? Don’t you see that I do not wish to talk to you right now?!”
The table immediately went quiet, and everyone looked in our direction. I swallowed hard, trying not to cry or run away. I have never seen Theo this angry and on edge. He had never raised his voice, not even when we were fighting. The man in front of me was NOT the Theo I knew.
Behind Theos eyes was something unrecognizable, something very dark that I had never seen before. I took a deep breath and nodded, then slowly got up to leave. Pansy shot me a concerned look when I passed her, while the other boys just gave me a confused expression as they looked back and forth between me and Theo.
In the meantime, Theo opened his mouth to say something, maybe an apology or more angry words but nothing came out. He just watched as I hurried out of the Great Hall.
Fortunately, I did not have many classes today. Unfortunately, the few I had were all with Theo. Normally, we would sit together but today, I chose to sit as far away from him as possible, the recent interaction still playing in my mind. The moment the door to the classroom opened, I stormed inside to make sure to get in before him and find a seat next to anyone that wasn’t my boyfriend. Once Theo entered the room, I could see him looking for me. When he realized that I was now sitting next to a stranger and not him, I could see hurt flicker in his eyes, though he immediately turned away and sat down next to Mattheo. During class, I could feel Theos eyes burning holes into me. Here and there I glanced at him, only to find him already focused on me.
Even though I only had 3 classes today, the day felt like an eternity. Sitting in the same rooms as Theo, feeling his eyes on me all the time and racking my brains about him lashing out during breakfast.
It didn’t make any sense. Why was he acting like that?
Finally, the day was over. Even before Theo was getting ready to leave, I almost sprinted out of the classroom, trying to get as far away from him as possible.
I rushed through the old halls of the castle until I reached the entrance to the Slytherin common room, I spoke the password and entered. I quickly made my way towards my dorm and once I reached it, I slammed the door shut and jumped into my bed. Thoughts started flooding my mind.
What happened during the holidays?
Was I too annoying with my letters?
Does he still like me?
Why was he acting like this during breakfast?
I felt tears welling up in my eyes and when I slowly blinked, they started running down my cheeks. I just couldn't understand what was going on. Before Christmas break, everything was fine between Theo and me. He was talking to me, looking at me like I was the only girl in the world for him and spending every minute of his free time with me. And now? I haven’t heard from in in almost two weeks and the moment we finally see each other again, he snaps at me and tells me he doesn’t want to talk to me?
All this thinking and crying made me tired, also because obviously, I didn’t sleep very well that night. So, without really noticing, I drifted off to sleep.
I was awoken by someone knocking at my door. I groggily lifted myself up from my bed and slowly made my way towards the door. When I opened it, there he was. Theo.
I looked at him in confusion, not expecting to see him standing there.
“Can…can I come in?” he asks, his voice cracking slightly and his eyes red. He was either high again or he had been crying, I couldn’t tell which one it was.
I only nodded and stepped away from the entrance, allowing him to enter. I slowly closed the door behind him once he was in my room. With my back facing him, I hesitated for a moment before turning around and looking at my boyfriend.
I eyed him curiously, waiting for him to start speaking. But he didn’t. He just walked towards my bed, sat down and patted the empty space next to him, signaling me to join him.
I took a deep breath and hesitantly approached the bed, slowly sitting down next to him but still keeping my distance.
I folded my hands in my lap, looking at him expectingly to say something but again, he avoided my eyes, looking at everything in my room except me.
Finally, after what felt like hours, he started talking.
“I am so sorry, amore.” He spoke quietly, still avoiding my gaze.
“I shouldn’t have lashed out on you like that in the morning. I haven’t slept well the last two weeks and my father….”
I watched him intently, trying to read his facial expression. This was considerably hard because again, he wasn’t facing me.
Slowly, he continued.
“I know I owe you an apology. And also, an explanation of why I haven’t sent you any letters during the holidays. The truth is…” he swallowed hard, seemingly struggling to find the right words.
I noticed him playing with the left sleeve of his hoodie. He hasn’t done that before. He didn’t like messing up or crinkling his clothes.
He swallowed hard before continuing again.
“Something happened. Something bad. And I do not know how to tell you or how to explain this. I have never felt so disgusted in my life. I am disgusted with myself and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
I held my breath. My mind started to spiral. Did he cheat on me? Is that why he was disgusted with himself? Is that why he was so distant the last few weeks?
“What…what do you mean by that?” I asked carefully, scared of the possible answer I might get.
Theo hesitated, then finally turned to look at me. I noticed tears that were freely running down his cheeks. I felt the urge to hold him, to wipe the tears away, but I controlled myself, staying in the place I was in, forcing my hands to stay rested in my lap.
The boy in front of me, now fully turned to face me, looked like an empty shell. The dark circles under his eyes, his messy hair and the tears on his cheek. What had happened to this once happy and quirky boy?
He looked into my eyes deeply and I felt a shiver running down my spine.
“I…I don’t know how to tell you, I…. please don’t leave me…” he whispered the last part as he slowly reached for his left sleeve. I noticed him hesitating before he grabbed it and carefully pulled it up.
I watched intently, scanning each centimeter of skin that appeared beneath.
Suddenly, black lines started to show on his forearm. My breath hitched. No….
While I was looking at his arm, Theo stared me down, searching for any kind of reaction or expression on my face. He must have noticed the change in my breathing because the moment I held my breath, he flinched and stopped pulling up his sleeve for a bit.
“Please…” he whispered.
I looked at him, shock written all over my face.
“Is…is this what I think it is?” I asked, hoping his answer would be different, hoping it would not be what I feared it would be.
Theo didn’t say anything, he just turned his head away, pressed his eyes shut and pushed his sleeve up to his elbow in a fast and swift motion, exposing the one thing I hoped I would never see on my boyfriend.
The Dark Mark.
I flinched at the sight, trying to get more space between me and my boyfriend. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.
With wide eyes I frantically scanned his forearm, hoping to find any indication of the tattoo being fake. But I couldn’t. It was real. One hundred percent real.
Now everything made sense. Theos’ behavior, his lash out during breakfast, his distance.
I was in shock, I didn’t know how to react nor what to say. The only thing my mind could produce was RUN.
But I couldn’t. I was frozen into the space on my bed on which I was sat.
Theos voice suddenly managed to drag me out of my haze.
“Amore…say something…please…” It was just above a whisper but due to my dorm being so awfully quiet, I could hear him loud and clear.
My head snapped up, my eyes meeting his. He looked desperate. I could feel his nervousness radiating off of him.
I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out. What was I supposed to say?
More tears started running down Theo’s cheeks. I have never seen him so broken, so desperate, so helpless.
“Cara mia please…say something. Anything…” he begged.
“…why?” I managed to choke out.
“Why would you…” I stopped myself. Nothing made sense right now.
The man in front of me wasn’t my boyfriend. I couldn’t recognize him anymore. My Theo would never have joined Voldemort. Never. I was convinced of that.
“Y/n please…let me explain…” he reached for my hands which were still frozen in place in my lap, but I pulled away. The moment I realized he wanted to touch me, I jumped up from the bed, bringing even more distance between us.
Theo joined my movements, getting up from the bed himself, trying to regain some closeness to me but the closer he tried to come, the further I backed away from him.
“How…how could you do this? WHY would you do this?” I was surprised at how calm my voice sounded when in reality, my head was spinning, and my mind was spiraling like crazy.
“I…I never thought you could do something like this. Joining…Voldemort…” the words just started spilling out of my mouth and I couldn’t stop them.
“How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me!” My words became harsher and my voice louder.
Theo flinched at the last statement.
“I…I do love you, amore. Don’t say that…”
“No, you obviously don’t. You joined Voldemort. You are a Death Eater!”
His face twisted in disgust as I called him a Death Eater. A part of me wanted to take him into my arms, comfort him and tell him that everything would be fine. But the other one, the one that had taken control of me, wouldn’t let me stop. It wanted the opposite, it wanted to continue.
“You have joined the one person that would kill me the moment he saw me. He and his followers want me dead. They hate me. Just because I exist. And now you are a part of that. How could I ever trust you after this? How can you say you love me when the ideology you follow wants to see me and my kind dead?”
“Bella please…let me explain…”
Theo looked desperate. More tears were streaming down his face. He slowly sank to the ground, kneeling in front of me. Begging me to listen to him.
“Amore please, let me explain this to you, I….”
I wouldn’t let him finish. I couldn’t. The fact that my boyfriend joined a man that wanted to kill all muggle born wizards and witches was to much for my mind to comprehend. I had to leave. Get some distance to gather my thoughts.
I turned around and walked out of my dorm, leaving Theo behind. Leaving him broken and alone.
"What the kriff were you thinking? You could have gotten yourself killed out there!"
Rex was mad, really mad. You did not have to concentrate on the lingering feeling of the force to know that.
"Please Rex, could you lower your voice a little? My head is killing me..."
"It would not hurt that much if you didnt throw yourself infront of a BOMB!"
-
During the mission to free a planet from seperatist forces, you and a few men from the 501st got cornered and caught in the middle of a crossfire. While the troopers tried to shoot as many, as they called them, clankers as possible and you deflecting blaster shots as fast and precise as you could, you noticed one of the droids holding something. It was definitely NOT a blaster, but from the distance, you were not sure what it could be.
As you looked again, that particular droid was gone.
It must have been your mind playing games on you. After all, this situation you were in was quite stressful and chaotic.
The fight continued for a few more minutes, blaster shots were exchanged and your concentration slowly but surely left you alone. Suddenly, you felt something hit the ground right next to Rex, Fives and Echo.
From that moment on, everything happened in slow motion.
You looked over to them, then at the round thing laying on the ground next to them. It was a bomb.
While still deflecting some shots, you ran as fast as you could to reach them in time. You tried to warn them about the danger, but your shouts were swallowed by the thundering sounds of the ongoing battle. As your last solution, you force pushed them out of the way and tried to get infront of them to keep them safe from the coming explosion.
This action earned you confusing looks from the ARC troopers and your captain, but there was no time for you to notice. The moment you stepped infront of your men, the bomb went of. In a matter of mere seconds, the explosion hit everything and everyone around you. The troopers were send flying through the air and you were flying with them.
The moment you could sense the ground underneath you, your head hit something hard. Then, everything went black
-
The only thing you could hear was a loud and already annoying ringing sound right in your ears.
You were still feeling too weak to open your eyes but still tried to find some orientation without them. Obviously you couldnt.
The ringing in your ears plus the thundering beating of your heart hindered you from hearing anything around you. After a few seconds, you gave up and tried to concentrate on your body and on how it was feeling.
Your hand.
Your right hand to be more specific.
It felt heavier then your left one.
You concentrated a bit more on that heavy feeling on your hand until you could make out the fact, why it was heavier.
Someone was holding it.
Pretty tightly that is.
With the last bit of strength left in your body, you forced yourself to open your eyes.
You were met with a bright and blinding light that made you close your eyes immediately again.
You waited a little until you tried again, this time, way slower.
You let out an unvoluntarily groan as your eyes started hurting from the light. But, you were able to keep them open.
The moment that groan left your mouth, you could feel the grip on your hand tighten and someone stirring right next to you.
As you tried to make your eyes familiar with the light and your surroundings, you could hear a faint voice.
"General? General are you alright? Medic! We need a medic! Shes awake!"
Rex. Rex was with you. You would recognise that voice anytime, even with an irritating ringing in your ears.
You moved your head in his direction and tried to sit up in your bed, but a crushing pain in your head made you lie down again.
"Woah, slow there, General."
Your eyes found Rex's face. The look of concern painted over his features. His eyes were blown wide, his eyebrows furrowed a little. But hidden underneath was a sliver of relief, or maybe a big sliver.
"Wha...what happened?", you managed to croax out.
"You...you jumped infront of a bomb. You saved us, General."
Before you could answer, Kix came rushing down the aisle of the medbay with a Med-droid following close behind.
They checked your vitals, your eyes and ears, then asked you some questions you barely remember.
Everything happened under the watchfull eyes of your Captain, which in the meantime let go of your hand. If he didnt, his brother would be nagging him about it for a long time.
After Kix was finished, he gave you some quick infos about what would happen next.
You were on bed rest for at least 2 weeks, you insisted that you wouldn't need them, but right in that moment, your head betrayed you and started hurting a little more. You let out yet another groan, then Kix left, giving you a 'I told you so' look.
Once you were alone, you moved your head in the direction of Rex, who was already looking at you with a look you could not quite figure out. A shaky breath left his lips as he opened them to say something.
"What were you thinking...?"
"What?"
It was a whisper which you couldnt understand due to the still present ringing in your ears.
"What the KRIFF were you thinking!"
You flinched a little. You have never, NEVER, seen him so angry.
"You could have gotten yourself killed!"
""Please Rex, could you lower your voice a little? My head is killing me..."
"It would not hurt that much if you didnt throw yourself infront of a BOMB!"
You wanted to answer, to get back at him with a snaky remark, but you couldnt. He left you literally speechless. Was he angry because you safed him and his brothers from their definite death?
"Wha...what was i supposed to do? Let you get blown up?"
"YES! Kriff...you are not supposed to put your life on the line for someone like us...for someone like me..."
The last part was barely above a whisper. He turned his head away so he wouldnt have to look at you.
This took you aback. What was he talking about? Was he serious?
"What do you mean with 'people like me'?"
You gave him some time to answer, but as he still hasnt looked at you nor said a word, you lifted your arm slowly to caress his cheek.
At first he stiffened at the unfamiliar feeling of your hand on his cheek, but after mere seconds, he leaned his head against you touch, fully submerging in the warmth of it.
"Rex, talk to me. What did you mean?"
He inhaled sharply as he turned his head around to look at you again.
"What i meant is...we are clones, sir. We were bread for this exact purpose, to serve in battle. We were also bread to die, as harsh as it sounds. One of us dies, a few thousand are coming to take his place. You on the other had...your life is way more worthy as mine will ever be. As i said, we are clones...we are meant to be expendable."
Once again, the captain has left you speechless. Thats what he was thinking about himself? About his brothers?
No.
No one thinks about themselves that way. It was drilled into their minds. Not only by the Kaminoans, but also by your fellow jedi and politicians.
You were so lost in your thoughts that you didnt even notice, that Rex was about to leave. A small panic rose inside of you. You couldnt let him go after what he just said to you.
"Rex! Wait! What are you doing?...please stay..."
You mustered some strengh to sit up and still reach his arm in time. The pain that shot through your body was screaming at you to lay back down, but as you met the captains teary eyes, it was forgotten.
You pulled him back to sit down in the chair next to you again. But as he was sat, you still did not let go of his arm. Instead, you moved your hand towards his and held it.
"I...I dont know how you must be feeling about...about the thing you just told me. I cant imagine it, but to me, your life is just as valuable as any other. I dont care if you are a clone or a jedi or...or even a droid. You have feelings, you have a personality. Your life is important. Your...your life is everything to me..."
As Rex heard the last sentence, his eyes snapped towards yours. It seemed like he didn't believe you at first, but the longer he looked into your eyes, he noticed the truth and honesty behind your words.
"You dont have to say anything but...I feel like its time to speak my mind. I woud do it again. One hundred percent. I would jump infront of a hundred bombs, just to know you are safe and ALIVE. That doesn'tjust apply to you, but also your brothers. But...especially to you..."
You smiled slightly as you said the last words.
By the looks of it, the captain infront of you was dumbfounded. It took him a minute to process your words, but as he let them go through is head, he realised what you meant. At least he hoped so.
He searched your face for anything that told him otherwise, though he couldnt find it. Your eyes screamed sincerity, there was nothing that could deny that.
With your hand still in his, he leaned forward. He was just inches from your face, you could feel his breath on your lips.
"Just so you know...I would do the same for you, General."
He looked at your lips, then back into your eyes as if he was asking for consent. You nodded slightly and with that, his lips connected with yours.
Summary: After a mission gone wrong, you don't feel so good.
Warnings: angst, sort of comfort i guess? Weird ending
So, this is a short and quick story, just to test the waters xD. I hope you still enjoy!
The quiet humming of the mechanics and the subtle light of hyperspace have always been extremely comforting.
As you sat in your designated seat, right next to the pilots one, you closed your eyes, took a deep breath and just enjoyed the moment.
At least you tried to.
That mission was more than complicated. It has been exhausting. It took every last bit of physical and mental strength you had left.
You had lost more men then initially thought and that broke you. You promised you'd watch out for them. You promised to keep them safe.
But you didn't, you couldn't.
You were needed everywhere at once, of course you couldn't split yourself in two.
But you should have been there. You should have fought with them.
Even if it wasn't possible for you to be at two fronts at the same time, it still felt like you failed the group of soldiers that gave their life while defending the planet. Without you by their side.
You failed them.
You let them die. Alone.
You were their general.
It was all your fault.
All those lives lost.
All because of your inability to stop the enemy from spreading to another front.
As you spiralled further into your distructive thoughts, the door to the cockpit opened with a whoosh.
Still stuck in your mind, you didnt notice the noise nor the presence of the other person joining you.
A hand came to your shoulder, gently squeezing it. The unexpected contact made you jump a little in your seat, but as you slowly came back to reality, you could immediately sense who was at your side.
You hesitated a moment before you turned around with a slight smile.
"Rex. What are you doing here?"
"I'm sorry, General. I did not want to intrude nor scare you. You didnt react at first. I just wanted to come check on you. This mission was...well...hard, i guess."
"It's okay, dont worry. I'm fine. Thank you", you said with a soft, but still forced smile.
The Captain opened his mouth to say something, but then stopped himself, staring at you with careful eyes.
"With all due respect General, but i do not need to be a jedi to know that you are not 'fine'."
The moment those words left his lips, you turned away. You could not bare to look at him. What were you supposed to say?
You are a jedi, you should not show weakness, especially not infront of the men you lead into battle.
"General?"
"I'm sorry, lost in my thoughts." You turned around again to face him, but avoiding his eyes.
"No need to apologise. But as i said, you do not look fine. I just...I..."
Even without looking at him, you could feel his gaze on you. Kind of like he was searching your eyes, begging you to look at him.
Suddenly, a wave of annoyance washed over you. If he didnt know what to say, why was he here? Why did he bother you in your comfortable moment of self-pity?
"Captain, if you do not have anything more to say, i would be very thankful if you left."
You widened your eyes in suprise. This came out harsher then intended.
You cursed yourself internally.
It was not his fault. Nothing that happend had been his fault. Why were you snapping at him?
Now you felt even worse.
"I-...I'm sorry Rex. I didn't mean to snap at you...I just-"
"It's okay General. If my presence is unwanted, i will not bother you any further. I apologise for my intrusion."
As you lifted your head to look at the Captain again, he bowed his head a little, then turned around towards the door.
As he pressed the button to open it, he hesitated a little.
He turned is head slightly towards you, but not looking at you.
"You know...what i wanted to say is....its not your fault."
This story is HEAVILY inspired by this one from TheBrookeParker --> https://thebrookelupin.tumblr.com/post/671848460364955648/you-arent-gwen-andrewpeter-x-femreader
PLEASE! Please read it, IT IS AMAZING!!!!
I hope it is okay that I used your story as a BIG inspiration for mine :)
I followed that tingly sensation until a came across an empty side-street, which was filled with trash-bags, rats and other stuff. I carefully landed and walked through.
‚No! No no no no no! (y/n)!’ I ran towards her lifeless looking body.
‘Please! My love! What happened? Please! Answer me!’
I was desperate. Whilst I kneeled beside her and tried to pick up her blood streamed body, I cried. This view was horrible. Her hair was messy and dirty, wounds painted her beautiful face red and big blue bruises showed on her neck.
‘Please my love! Talk to me! Please!’ I cried out. The tears ran down my cheeks, salty and warm.
‘I didn’t mean anything I said. You have to believe me! Please!’
She didn’t move. Not her hand nor an eye. I was devastated.
I tried to calm down, which was easier said than done, but I tried to remember the breathing method (y/n) taught me when I was nervous.
A deep breath in.
Hold it.
A deep breath out.
And then, there it was. HER HEARTBEAT.
I was so sad, I couldn’t even hear her strong heartbeat with my spider-tingle.
‘OMG! Thank you!’ I was relieved. More than I’ve ever been.
I picked her up carefully, put my mask back on and started swinging towards the nearest hospital. When I arrived, (y/n) was immediately surrounded by nurses who took her to the ER. One side of me was relieved that I found her and that I could bring her to a hospital, but the other one…. The other one killed me.
This.
All of this.
This was my fault.
It was my fault that she left her OWN apartment in the dark.
It was my fault that she got beaten up.
It is my fault that she is in this state now.
Damn! Why am I so God damn stupid?!
Why did I say these things?!
I didn’t even mean them….
When I knew that (y/n) was in safe hands, I started swinging home. On the way there, I thought about stopping by at (y/n)’s mother. I mean, I was the reason here daughter is in hospital. Before I could think about it, I already swung towards her apartment.
The next morning, I woke up with a pounding headache. The first thing I wanted was to open my eyes, though the light was way too bright, I was way too tired. Before I could try anything else, I noticed a hand on my left one. The thumb stroking the back of my hand.
Finally. I could open my eyes. It still hurt, because of the bright light, but it was bearable.
I looked around.
Where the fuck am I?
Wait….
Suddenly, everything that happened last night flushed back into my brain like a flood.
Oh god….
A dared to look to my left to see who the hand on mine belongs to.
Peter.
‘Hey….’ I croaked out.
‘Oh my god! (y/n)! You’re awake!’ Peter jumped up from his seat and tried to hug me.
‘Wow, slow down bug boy…’
‘I am so, so sorry my love! I never meant to say those horrible things to you! You are my life, my world. I hope you can forgive me. Please my love…’
He looked into my eyes with his teary ones. It was a truly heart-breaking view, you could literally see the regret written all over his beautiful and handsome face. This was the moment, where I started to feel bad. Bad for just leaving without saying anything, bad for walking around New York at night, alone.
But why should I feel bad? Wasn’t this a completely normal and human reaction to leave a situation that was more then uncomfortable for you? I don’t know, but I definitely should NOT feel guilty.
‘(y/n)? Are you okay? Talk to me, please.’ Peter said desperately.
‘If you never meant to say it, then why did you?’ I asked with a small voice.
‘I-…I don’t know. It just came out and I didn’t even realise what I had said until I could not find you behind me on your bed. But please believe me. I love you and I would NEVER replace you. With anyone. I promise my dear. I love you.’
Now I started to cry too. Salty tears slowly found their way from my eyes down my bruised cheeks. It burned a little when the wetness touched my wounded skin.
“You’ll never be her!” | tasm! Peter Parker x reader
This story is HEAVILY inspired by this one from TheBrookeParker --> https://thebrookelupin.tumblr.com/post/671848460364955648/you-arent-gwen-andrewpeter-x-femreader
PLEASE! Please read it, IT IS AMAZING!!!!
I hope it is okay that I used your story as a BIG inspiration for mine :)
It was 7 p.m., it was raining in heavy streams from the already dark sky. The big drops hit my window in a steady pace, so relaxing. Especially after a long day.
I sat relaxed on my big, cosy king-sized bed, reading my new favourite book. In front of me, with his back facing me, my boyfriend Peter. He tried fixing some technical thing regarding his web-shooter which broke last night during a fight with this ‘Electro’-Dude.
‘Ah shit! It won’t work! Arghhhh!’ Peter mumbled under his breath, fumbling around the little device in his hands.
‘What’s wrong, Pete?’
‘It won’t shoot the web, even though it already should. I don’t know what’s wrong with it! It just doesn’t want to cooperate with me!’ he said frustrated.
‘Mind if I take a look?’ I asked and got up to see what was making my boyfriend so dense.
‘O-ok but pl-please don’t break it more’ he stammered as he passed me his web-shooter.
I looked at it, from the front, from behind and from left to right. I turned it around, shook it a little. Then, after a few seconds I noticed, that the whole, where the web-fluid comes out, was clogged.
‘HA!’ I exclaimed proudly.
I laid the device next to me on the bed, got up and looked for something pointed so I could de-clog it. Peter looked at me curiously, not knowing what I wanted to do. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could let out a word, I found a needle, let out a loud giggle and went back to the bed and the web-shooter.
I took the needle and placed it inside the little whole which was blocked. I stirred a little and when I thought, I finally managed to fix it, it made a loud ‘Pufff’ noise and it kind of exploded.
(Not a big explosion though yk, just like a really really small firework 😉)
‘What the hell (y/n)?!’ Peter shouted. ‘What the fuck were you doing?!’
He snatched his now burned web-shooter out of my hand.
‘Thank you. You ruined it. Completely.’ He said coldly.
‘I-im sorry Pete’ I mumbled quietly.
‘I know. I know.’
‘I just wanted to help-‘
‘That’s the problem (y/n)! You “just want to help”, when in reality, all you do is ruining things!’
I just sat there, avoiding his gaze.
‘Why did you think you could help me, huh?! You are dumb when it comes to technical stuff, and you know that! You even told me that you find no interest in such things! Why do you always try to do things that you can’t?! Who are you pretending to be?! Gwen?!’
I inhaled sharply when her name left his lips.
‘Omg! I wish you were more like her. She could REALLY help me fix my stuff. But you know what? You’ll NEVER be her’
This broke me. Completely.
His words were like daggers, slowly pushed into my stomach, just wanting to do as much damage as possible and waiting until I bled to death.
Peter exhaled loudly, turned around und pulled his earphones out of his jeans back pocket. He turned the music so loud, I could here it through the earbuds.
Slowly, I stood up, not wanting him to notice me. I walked towards the window and opened it. The rain sounds immediately good louder and a light breeze flushed through my room. I hoped Peter wouldn’t notice the temperature change.
I slid under the window onto the fire escape, closed the window again and off I was. Walking through the cold, dark and rainy night. Alone. In New York. _______________________________________________
There was a knock at the door. At first I didn’t hear it because of the really loud music which was ringing in my ears.
The knocking got louder and through the earphones, I was able to hear a familiar voice. It was (y/n) mom.
I again started to focus on the repairing of my web-shooter, expecting (y/n) to go and open the door for her mother. But it never happened.
I turned around, searched for her face, but she wasn’t there. She wasn’t sitting behind me on her bed. She was gone.
FUCK
Mrs. (y/l/n) slowly opened the door to her daughters room.
‘Darling, dinner’s re-…..Where is (y/n)?’ Her mother looked at me with serious eyes.
‘I-I don’t know…’ I stammered.
When did she leave? HOW did she leave? Why didn’t I notice that she was gone?
‘Peter! Where is my daughter?’ she pushed.
‘I really don’t know Mrs. (y/l/n). I never saw her leave. I don’t know where she is. Isn’t she in the apartment?’
‘No, that’s the point. She. Is. Not. Here.’
I felt a knot in my lower stomach when I remembered what had happened just an hour ago.
‘Fuck!’ I shouted.
‘Peter?’
‘I messed up Mrs. (y/l/n). I am so, so sorry. I will fix this. Now. Immediately. I promise. I will bring her home’
With this, I stood up, took my stuff and left (y/n)’s mom stunned in her daughters room.
Why?
Why? Why? Why?
Why did I have to say this?
I am such a coward!
When I found myself in an empty street, I put on my spiderman-suit and started to swing through the city to find my girlfriend.
Luckily, I had a spare web-shooter in my backpack, so I could swing without any problems.
‘Why did I have to be so damn stupid’ I said to myself.
I mentally slapped myself for my stupidity. I fucked up. I did one of the things, a boyfriend should NEVER do. Compare here to another girl. FUCK!
After almost an hour, after ignoring all of the crimes that happened beneath me, my spidey-tingle thing, how (y/n) liked to call it, sensed her presence.
YES! Finally!
I followed that tingly sensation until a came across an empty side-street, which was filled with trash-bags, rats and other stuff. I carefully landed and walked through.
“I told you NOT to follow me! You had ONE rule, just one, and you ignored it!”
“I-I’m…Geralt i-!
“No, I don’t want to hear it! This, all of this! This is your fault!” He pointed at the fresh and bloody cut on his upper arm and at the deep wound on his left thigh.
“Why the hell are you here?! This is no place for a girl! I, a mutant, a monster, got hurt, what would have happened to you?! Everything would be just easier if you just listened to me! Why can’t you just follow my rules?! Is this too much to ask?!”
He was angry. Extremely angry.
I know I made a mistake, I shouldn’t have followed him. But those screams, those horrible screams. I was scared, so I got out of the tent and searched for Geralt. As if the tent would have been any safer. Finally! There he was, in all his grace, fighting a really odd-looking creature. The moment I saw my lover, I calmed down, I wasn’t scared anymore. But unfortunately, this feeling did not last for long.
Suddenly, Geralt noticed me behind the big tree. The moment he turned his head in my direction, the monster attacked. With a loud thud, he stumbled towards the ground. The creature hit his thigh. I covered my mouth with both my hands, so I wouldn’t let out a scream. Now I was scared. Not for myself, but for my lover. I closed my eyes and preyed that he stood up and continued fighting. When I reopened my eyes, the only thing I saw was a bloody monster body, which didn’t move. I was confused but also relieved. I ran towards Geralt and just wanted to hug him. But this never happened.
“Are you really that stupid?! Why are you acting like a toddler?! Can’t I leave you alone for a short amount of time without you doing anything careless?! If you have a death wish, just tell me. I can fulfil this one!”
He stood there, blood on this body, shouting at me. I didn’t know him like that, he never, never, raised his voice in my presence. I know I fucked up, but this reaction was too much.
“Geralt please-“
“No! Get out of my eyes! Just fuck off, I don’t want to see you right now!”
With this sentence, his eyes turned black, and he raised his hand, as if he wanted to slap my face.
I started running. Fast. Faster than I have ever run.
I was scared. Scared for my life.
That wasn’t him. That wasn’t Geralt. That wasn’t my lover.
I never stopped running
Not when I stumbled over a stone and scratched my knee open.
Not when my lungs started burning.
Not even when I heard strange sounds.
But eventually, I had to stop. My hair sticking to my sweaty forehead, my whole-body aching. I looked down to my knee, it was bloody.
-Nice-
I dared to take a short break and I let myself slide down a tree to sit on the cold, wet grass. The warm, red liquid ran slowly down my knee. It was kind of mesmerising. How it made its way down my leg, how it glistered in the moonlight, how warm it was against my cold skin.
My mind shifted to the moment just a few minutes ago.
How dear he raise his voice against me?
Did he really think I did this on purpose?
I never wanted this to happen, and he chose to put the blame on me.
No! I won’t let him act like that towards me.
Slowly, my eyes started to shut from tiredness. For a moment I tried to fight the urge to sleep, but eventually, it won.
I let myself fall in a deep, but restless sleep.
Light rays of early sunlight woke me up. The moment my eyes fluttered open, I gasped.
First of all, I wasn’t in the forest but in my tent. And then, next to me, in a chair, sat Geralt. He was asleep, but the minute he noticed my eyes on him, he was wide awake.
“Why-“
“Before you say anything, please let me explain.”
Geralt looked at me with pleading eyes. I nodded and he started.
“I never meant to scream at you and frighten you. This was not my intention. And I know that you do not care what I intended to do and what not, because it does not matter. I did it. And I cannot take it back. But please know, I was scared. Scared to lose you. The moment I saw you there behind the tree, my heart sank. I thought the monster will kill you. And id anything had happened to you, I would never forgive myself. After I realised what I said to you, you were gone. All I wanted to say….I am sorry dove. So, so sorry. Please forgive me…”
I saw a tear run down his cheek. And even though this sight broke me, I couldn’t just let it go like nothing happened. He hurt me. Badly.
“It’s okay love. But never, NEVER talk to me like that again. On more time, and I’m gone, okay?”
“I promise my love, it will never happen again….i love you”
Summary: reader feeling insecure and Geralt comforts them and admits his feelings
TRIGGER WARNING: feelings of not being enough
I stood at the riverbank, looking at my sparkling reflection on the clear water. The moon stood high on the Black, starry sky, filling the dark with a comfortable amount of light.
Everything was perfect, or at least, thats how i thought it should be.
I have been on the road with Geralt and Jaskier for over 2 years now. The bard and i became good friends really quickly, but Geralt....he was as cold as ice the first few months. At the beginning, i was hurt and felt insulted by how he acted towards me, but then, i realised that it was just how he was. Not talkative, not really obviously caring and different.
But he did show affection, by acts of kindness. Maybe by repearing things or bringing me something i was looking for.
I had feelings for him. Strong feelings. Feelings that were like a bomb exploding inside of me and filling me with hope and denial.
Hope that he would feel the same towards me.
Hope that he wanted me as much as i wanted him.
Hope that He loved me.
But the longer i looked at myself on the water, the more i understood why he could never like me the way that i liked him.
I was the most useless in the group. I cannot fight nor protect myself. I cannot heal somebody nor care for them when wounded. I cannot ride a horse nor walk long distances without everything aching.
And then there was my body.
I was bigger then all the girls he had bed in those 2 years. My arms were flappy, gravity didnt help my breasts, my belly was full and a little round, my ass wiggled and my thighs rubbed together while walking.
I didnt find myself disgusting or not pretty, just, not beautiful enough for Geralt.
And that was the worst part.
The feeling of not being enough.
As i stood there, i slowly started hugging my body and silently cried. So i remained for some while, until I colapsed to the hard and muddy ground around the river. My crys got louder and more desperate, and eventhough I tried to muffle them a little by holding my hands over my mouth, i knew someone would hear me.
And I was right.
After some time I heard heavy footsteps from behind me. I didnt dare to look around because i knew who those steps belonged to.
Geralt.
He slowly sat beside me and tried to look me in my face, but i just turned my head away. I didnt want him to see me like this.
Hurt, broken, desprate and insecure.
He took my hand which rested on my lap and lightly started to draw figures on it with his thumb.
This kind of forced me to look at him.
"You know, legends say that the moon is a goddess. The most caring and gentle of them all. I dont know why but i guess it is because she has seen so many broken and lost souls crying under her light. So many restless souls looking up to her with tears in their eyes and begging her to end their pain. So many hopless souls singing their sad songs to her.",
Geralt said with his low voice.
A shiver run down my spine. His words hit deep in me, somewhere unknown. Also, his voice was more gentle then i had ever believed it could be.
"What-what do you mean by that?", i choked out.
He looked at me, I guess not knowing what to say. He lightly squeezed my hand, his eyes wandering to the water infront of us.
"I dont know, i thought a story might help..."
Suddenly, there was a silence I gould not describe.
It felt wonderful and warm. Just sitting here with him, my hand in his. I never wanted this moment to end.
"You want to tell me what is wrong?"
Geralts question caught me off guard. He never asked anyone what was wrong. He just brushed it off and never mentioned it. But now, there it was.
"I really don't know, it is kind of stupid you know...", i tried to push him away.
"I dont think that it is stupid. It made you cry and it seems like it hurt you, so this is everything but stupid."
"I-i just dont feel like im good enough you know? I mean, you are a witcher. You can fight, use sword and other weapons, you get any girl you like and you have people who adore you. Jaskier can sing and kind of, which is really rare but still, lighten the mood almost everywhere.
And now theres me. I cannot fight or sing. I am extremely boring and not beautiful enough for you.
Damn it, i just want you to look at me they way you look at those girls you lead to your bedroom or the ones you flirt with in a tavern. I just want to be enough for you!"
I stopped and my eyes went wide.
~Oh no, what did I do....~
I told him that i like him, thats not good.
I started panicking and turned away from him.
Nobody said anything.
I almost started crying again but i couldnt. My racing heartbeat distracted me too much.
Suddenly, I felt fingers under my chin which turned my head to look at the owner of them.
"Dont say those things about yourself. You are an incredible woman. The way you dance around on the fields, the way you are excited about rare flowers when we pass through a forest, the way your eyes light up when you pet an animal. All of this is just so mesmerising. I get how you dont like yourself. You cant see those little things that I see. You are perfect (y/n). You are the most beautiful woman i have ever seen in my long life."
I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. Geralt catched it with his finger and wiped it away. He caressed my cheek and pulled me closer towards him.
"I love you...." and with that, Geralt connected our lips.
It felt incredible. All those feelings, all of these unspoken words were freed now. His lips tasted like ale but I didnt care, i pulled him closer.
We only seperated, because we needed air.
We looked at each other. The way the moon highlighted his perfect features and his beautiful scares made him look unreal.
He pulled me into a hug. A big hug. A hug I melted into. I have never felt so save.
He lightly whispered into my ear "you're enough petal..."
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