washed out

jace wilde // twenty-two too old to live, too young to die.

[stfuwilde]

ive just got home from work and im ready to die tbh. ill be on after i get settled kids 

[stfuwilde]

alaskaalennon:

“oh yeah i’ll totally put your face on my wrist. so whenever i’m sad, i’ll just look at your charming smile.” she teased then laughed, smiling at him. 

     It was Alaska’s own dorky way of flirting, and Jace was alright with it. He had his experience with a fair share of women, and he had fallen for one of the dorkiest. “I like the sound of that.” He laughed, all the while shaking his head at her. “I knew you still found me charming.”

[stfuwilde]

x-jay-the-toxicant-x:

One thing Jayson had never expected had been the small bundle of butterflies to flutter within her stomach after kissing him. It was just a kiss…right? “Not sure if okay is the word I’d use.” She wasn’t okay, but that was normal. Right now though, this situation wasn’t normal. “Stay…” She froze, realizing quickly that sounded odd. “Or go, it’s up to you. I’m gonna go change.” With that she kept her gaze aimed at the floor again, making it to her room with surprisingly normal pace. 

     It was a bit obvious that Jayson was confused by her own actions. The situation wold have been amusing to an outsider, but the two of them were handling it like they were walking around eggshells. “I’ll stay,” He called after her as she walked away. He watched her as she went on into her room. Jace shook his head to quit his gazing, making his way to her kitchen where he took hold of a cup, only to go and fill it with water, the dripping of the liquid interrupting his silence.

[stfuwilde]

x-jay-the-toxicant-x:

Jayson decided to pull herself together as best she could at the moment. For now, she’d keep it together long enough to rebuild the walls around her heart and keep people away. It’s times like these where she both felt grateful for having someone like Jace in her life but still remained aware of her tendency to hurt those around her. “I appreciate it, Jace.” She feigned a smile, wiping her eyes before leaning forward and placing a chaste kiss against his lips. “You should head home now.” She spoke after pulling away. Her intentions were not to spark much between them, rather to make him want to put distance between them. He had seen too much of her. 

     Jayson was a moody woman, that was for sure. He knew a facade when it was placed in front of him, though, and this was one. However, the kiss was not something he was expecting. It was too quick for him to react, so he had failed to kiss her back. Instead, he stood there, frozen momentarily. No words left his lips. Jace blinked away the shock, then cleared his throat and nodded. “If you’re okay, then I’ll get out of your hair.” He insisted, nodding once, completely avoiding speaking of her actions from moments before.

[stfuwilde]

alaskaalennon:

alaska made a face to indicate that she was thinking then sighed. “that’s the thing! i honestly have no clue.” she pouted her lips a bit, “any ideas?” her heart screamed to kiss him but she was scared, what if he had moved on? no. she had to take baby steps. she didn’t want to make it awkward. 

     Jace almost laughed when she asked him for suggestions. The things than ran through his mind were rather grim, indicated by the many dark matter tattoos covering his skin. “Dunno, really.” He replied with a chuckle. “My face would be ideal. I mean, getting to look at this handsome face every day? You’ll be an envied woman.” He teased, shooting her his charming, dimpled grin. 

[stfuwilde]

x-jay-the-toxicant-x:

His embrace made her feel safe, as if he were keeping her together at that moment. “I just can’t…” Though her thoughts were caught up in a storm at the moment, one thing felt certain, she was a complete mess and definitely didn’t wish to be alone, no matter the damage it would cause to her pride. “I don’t deserve this…I don’t deserve to have you here.” She mumbled, her actions betraying her words by returning the embrace. Her arms wrapped tightly around him, forgetting for the moment how much physical contact tended to scar her and make her flinch. 

     Jace wouldn’t admit it, but he was glad that she had stopped pushing him away, both literally and metaphorically. “I’m here for you, alright? You know I’m not that kind of guy for everyone, too.” He reminded her, nose brushing against the top of her head. “Quit your shit, Jayson. Quit letting the demons pull you down to their level. You’ve got the wheel.”  Jace loosened his grip on her, letting his arms fall back to his sides. “I’ll make sure you keep in line. You’ll be alright.”

[stfuwilde]

alaskaalennon:

alaska nodded and smiled, “yeah her name is arabella.” she finished her water and turned her attention towards his tattoos. she remembered he was there when she got her first tattoo. “i want another tattoo” she looked at him.

     At the mention of adding on another tattoo, Jace cocked an eyebrow. “Is that so?” He asked, lightly tapping his foot. “I don’t see why not. What were you thinking of getting?” He questioned, once again moving his glass to his lips. This talk was innocent as of now, timid. It was a testing of waters kind of thing. It was cautious game-play. 

[stfuwilde]

x-jay-the-toxicant-x:

“It does matter! You can’t tell me you don’t know how much it hurts to have your first love absolutely despise you.” Jayson felt far too shameful to keep her gaze locked on Jace, choosing instead to look towards the floor. “Maybe it’s better that she doesn’t see me again. Maybe then she’ll have a brighter future. I’ve turned out just like…” Her voice cracked, any sliver of strength she still contained now disintegrating. “I’m just like Amelia.” She had told Jace about her biological mother in the past so her making the comparison showed just how torn up she truly felt. “I’m too fucked up to even keep an kin o love in my life, I refuse to mess up hers because of that.”

     This was rather out of character for the both of them. They had their arguments, but sadness was never involved. Of course, that didn’t change anything. Instead of replying verbally, Jace pulled her back in, this time making the hold tight. He rubbed her back lightly, releasing a breath. There was awkward silence for a moment, but he broke it by saying, “You’re just upset right now. People don’t think straight when they’re upset.” His voice turned soft, gentle, the way he wanted to be with her in the moment. 

[stfuwilde]

x-jay-the-toxicant-x:

His words only caused a treacherous sob to escape her lips. “Fuck you!” Now she shoved him, her emotions clearly gaining the upper hand. “You and I both know she isn’t waiting for me, she has people that are raising her.” If she were honest, all of this had been bottled up for some time. “Her father hates me, and she doesn’t even know me and I’m so fucking selfish that I’m sitting here in my own pity instead of running to take care of my daughter. Whether I destroy myself or not doesn’t matter.” 

     Jace knew that parents had an all new type of instinct, all new type of feeling that others didn’t. So, really, he knew nothing at all. Deep down, he wished that he could relate to her, but he couldn’t. Again, Jayson shoving him had little impact. “How that man feels doesn’t matter, Jayson. What matters is that you continue focusing on you so that one day you can see her.” He argued, still attempting to keep his voice level. “You don’t want her to grow up to never meet you, and I know you don’t want that.”

[stfuwilde]

alaskaalennon:

alaska took another sip of her water and looked at him, with a smile. “well nothing special. just school and work and i finally found a roommate. what about you, j?”

     “A roommate?” He repeated, taking a sip from his glass mere seconds after it was placed in front of him. Jace barely flinched; He was used to liquor, just like it was used to him. “Well, my life isn’t any interesting either.” He admitted, setting the glass down on the counter. “Just music, really. Also, continuing to add on to the artwork.” He mentioned, pointing out the inking along his arms, even covering parts of his chest that peeked through his black v-neck shirt.

[stfuwilde]

xcnthippe:

                                     blondie leaned back against the bar, elbows propped up on the surface behind her. “ hm–nope. can’t believe i didn’t think of that one, oldest trick in the book. not sure it would work–i think i’ve become to dependent on OTHER things. ” lips pressed together with a little shrug of her shoulders. “ xan for xan ?? maybe after my shift tonight. for now i was just thinkin’ tequila. ”

     A roll of the eyes was in order to Xan’s witty remarks. “You’ll get through it. Just put up with the whining women and filthy old men for a couple of hours, then you’ll be free to go home and match up.” His hands dropped to his sides, but one lifted to rake through the golden strands atop his head. “I’ll try to play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star as my closing song, just so you can sleep tight tonight.” He teased.

[haunted-jay-blog]

“You don’t get it!” Jayson had always despised when she allowed her emotions to get in the way but anyone that truly knew her knew that deep downnshe always teetered on the edge, awaiting a small push to send her tumbling down. This time, she couldn’t bury how she felt. Wretched tears streamed down her face when he pulled her towards him. “I’ve fucked up so bad before but that doesn’t even begin to compare to the wreck I am now. I’m not even drunk yet here I am crying like…a baby.” Saying those words just reminded her of her little Hope. Jay began hitting at Jace’s chest, her way of telling him to let her go. “I don’t need rest, what I need is to destroy myself so I can forget it all.”

[stfuwilde]

     Okay, she was crying. Jace never worked well with tears, whether they were someone else’s or his own. “Jay-” He began, but shut himself up quickly. He didn’t want to speak before he got a good thought on what to say. Situations like this were tough to handle, because it was a half and half shot of making it much better, or making it much worse. “You don’t have to be drunk, for one.” He began, loosening his grip on her, but allowing his hands to rest gently beneath her elbows. “And for two, destroying yourself wouldn’t do any good for you or that little girl waiting for you.” He was well aware that Hope was Jayson’s main motivator, and he would bring the girl into the equation if he had to.

[stfuwilde]

EXCUSE MY ABSENCE!!! i worked all day then took my baby sister out to dinner. imma get settled in n then do replies <33

[haunted-jay-blog]

“Then what is it? I’m fine.” Her tone betrayed her voice as did her now watery grassy hues. “I didn’t ask you to be warm or anything. What, I open up to you just a tiny bit and suddenly I’m fragile?” This was how she operated, keep people at far more than just arm’s length. She’d rather keep him out altogether than let anyone catch a glimpse of the shattered remnnts that lie within her tough facade.

[stfuwilde]

     It wasn’t what he had meant at all, and he was sure that she knew that. This was just how she was, and if she thought it would make him run for the hills, she was dead wrong. “Did I say that, Jay? ‘Cause I don’t think I did, really.” He shot back. Even though he was being a bit of an asshole, he still took a hold of her hand and pulled her against him, hand resting against the back of her head while the other rested against her hip. “Stop acting dumb, Jay. You’re not.”

[stfuwilde]

x-jay-the-toxicant-x:

Jayson chose not comment on his response until he mentioned her needing to drink water. “You know it’s almost insulting how much of a lightweight you think I am.” She was slightly intoxicated, enough to open up more than usual but not too much where she’d have a severe hangover the next morning. 

     “It’s not that I think you’re a light-weight, Jayson.” The concern peeked through in his tone. “You’re upset, and all I know to do is tell you to stay hydrated and rest, okay?” The concern told into a hard tone, which he didn’t mean at all. “You know I’m bad at being warm or whatever.” He ran a hand through his golden locks, releasing a slightly frustrated breath. “It’s hard seeing you upset. I’m sorry.”

[stfuwilde]

xcnthippe:

                                   xan had finished her shift at the club hours ago, yet she still couldn’t manage to fall asleep. deciding against her usual self-made cocktail of medications, she instead headed over to the bar to have a few drinks. with her luck and the way she drank, she’d be ready to pass out within the hour if she really wanted. groomed eyebrows rose as she stepped inside, only to be greeted by her pal jace. she shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, taking a seat at the bar and turning to face him. “ is that really that surprising ?? ” she teased, nose scrunching slightly. “ –can’t sleep, that’s all. ”

     Jace’s strumming turned into humming, not wanting to interrupt her as she spoke. He knew that a lot of his friends had tough, long shifts, and Xan was one of them. “Have you tried counting sheep?” He asked, raising one eyebrow in question, acting as if he was serious. He moved back and forth across the small stage slowly, strumming softly so that they could still hear one another. “Maybe some Xanax?” He sang, grinning to himself.

[stfuwilde]

alaskaalennon:

alaska rolled her eyes and laughed some more. her eyes flickered to his lips then back at him. she tried to fight the feeling and just drank some water instead. “you know me too well jace.” she smiled.

     Jace had noticed when her eyes averted from his lips, back to his eyes. “You’re right, I do.” He replied, biting the inside of his cheek gently. He had so many questions that pertained to them, but he wasn’t planning on asking them. Instead, he said, “Let’s catch up, then. Tell me about your life now.”