JVL
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
trying on a metaphor
One Nice Bug Per Day
shark vs the universe
Mike Driver
NASA
cherry valley forever
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
hello vonnie
AnasAbdin
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Andulka
#extradirty
★
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
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TVSTRANGERTHINGS
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@sthilarions
Oh it just occurred to me: Edwin turning the doll head away in Asha's shop
We take that for granted from our pov
But imagine being another customer in there and seeing a doll head spin backwards on its own
And when you freak out and ask the fashionable girl in there with you if she saw that too, she's like "oh don't worry, the doll's not alive. My ghost friend did that"
edwin would beta-read niko's fanfiction
so i lied about being done i fear
It's sometimes hilarious to me that Charles's face is as expressive as it is and he still seems to honestly think Edwin has no idea he gets sad sometimes. Like honey your heart is lying out there on your sleeve with a magnifying glass tied to your wrist for viewing convenience. That is a LOT of trust to put in someone's autism
@mirellapryce
asdkdhsfjlg
Edwin, mentally checking Charles’s face against his internal emoji-diagram, mumbling to himself while writing in his notebook: This certainly looks like the frowny face labelled ‘sad’ but I suppose Charles would know better than I. Noted
Charles, later: Edwin! Bedside manners, you almost made that girl cry!
Edwin, bewildered: But last week you said that expression was ‘fine brills face’????
It's sometimes hilarious to me that Charles's face is as expressive as it is and he still seems to honestly think Edwin has no idea he gets sad sometimes. Like honey your heart is lying out there on your sleeve with a magnifying glass tied to your wrist for viewing convenience. That is a LOT of trust to put in someone's autism
Crystal: Niko Niko Niko I know it’s like 4am in Japan but I KNOW you’re awake
Niko: yes?
Crystal: I need you to send Charles some gay manga your gayest-ass yaoi. he needs it. Immediately
Niko: I have a reading list prepared for him obviously but why is it urgent?
Crystal: I just got to the office and Edwin was fucking spinning him around in the air while he giggled and obviously I was like what the fuck Nd they were just like “why are you acting weird this is normal boy guy behavior” “So you’ve done this… before??” “Of course Crystal this is perfectly normal boring guy boy man bro activities” no the fuck it ISN’t So I need you to educate Charles
Niko: …I don’t know, I’m trying to work on the match-making thing. There Is A Platonic Explanation For This and sometimes people know themselves better than I do And
Crystal: Charles’s fucking foot popped up when Edwin put him down. While giggling His foot Fucking Popped Niko
Niko: [typing] [...] [typing] [...] [typing] [...] [note shared: Charles’s Personalized Reading List]
Happy Pride Month!
Niko arrived to the office to find Crystal sitting, knees up, on the floor, leaning against the wall in the hallway, half-blocking the closed door.
“You don’t want to go in there,” Crystal said, not bothering to open her eyes. Crystal was starting to get more open about how much she picked up psychically, hiding it less. Niko was proud of her, and tried not to be nervous about it, because if people like Charles and Edwin could be fine about someone constantly feeling at their emotions then Niko definitely could too.
Crystal picked her head up from where it was thunked back against the wall, to look at Niko. “Edwin’s having a crash-out, Charles is dealing with it.” She looked sideways at the door. “Thank god for all the wards and shit or you’d be hearing a lot of yelling.”
Niko nodded and slid down the wall to sit next to Crystal. Edwin’s “crash-outs” - as Crystal had started calling them, and even though Charles had already had a name for them, Crystal’s word stuck - weren’t all that common, maybe once a month if that, but enough for even Niko, fairly freshly back from Elsewhere, to have a pretty good idea of the shape of it. According to Charles, they were a lot rarer before, well, everything, at least for the last couple decades. But Niko thought it was pretty fair for… everything… to leave you wound up for a while, and for a while to be years, if you were immortal. Or undead.
“What’s it about?”
“He bolted when we were fighting the Greenwitch last night. I think she reminded him of Esther and Hell at the same time and he freaked. I’m fine, and Charles is fine, and we beat her, but, whatever, he’s pissed at himself about it. Last thing I heard before Charles shoved me out the door was him calling himself ‘a fucking coward'. There was something about why we put our safety in his hands when he’s broken, or something. You know. Bullshit.”
Niko nodded again, sagely. “Crash-outs usually are. But they let you see where the truth is, sometimes.”
Crystal grunted. “For example, Edwin definitely hates himself even more than he hates me. No idea how I didn’t see that a lot earlier.”
Niko reached out and poked Crystal with a lavender-painted nail. “You know he doesn’t hate you.”
“Sure.” A bit of a yell managed to get past the muting built into the office’s wards, which was impressive. Edwin must be putting a bit of magic into it as well as volume. Crystal raised an eyebrow at the closed door. “Thank fuck for Charles’s eardrums being dead. No idea how a guy that tall can get that shrill.”
Niko shrugged. She wriggled her shoulders against the wall to get comfortable; it was pretty clear she and Crystal would be waiting for a while. It’d be fine, though. Edwin always calmed down in the end, and Charles would take care of him when he did. She pulled a deck of cards out of her pocket.
“Gin Rummy?”
“At this point I’ll take anything that’s not Clue,” Crystal said, and held out her hand for the deck.
Thinking about sad bonding time for Niko and Charles. Niko coming back to the Agency but coming to terms with her death means realising that she can never go home. Her mom will never see her again. She'll never get to make up with her mom for everything. All she'll be is a body returned by a school far away. And I just think that Charles would be a good person for her to get all those feelings out with. He has been EXACTLY in her place. He knows just how hard it is and how much it hurts.
“Can everyone see it?”
Charles almost dropped his bouncy ball and spent a few seconds fumbling to catch it, then frowned back up at Edwin. “See what?”
“Can everyone see what I am? Monty knew to approach me, or at least Esther did; the Cat King evidently saw it written all over me; and all the boys at school could see it so clearly they killed me for it. Is it really that obvious, to everyone? Did I only not know because I can’t see myself? Did you know, the moment you saw me?”
“Oh,” Charles said, and sat heavily down on the sofa.
Edwin didn’t go on, just stared at the lamp waiting for Charles to answer.
“I’m not really sure how to answer that,” Charles said.
“Well. I suppose that is an answer.”
“No,” Charles said hastily. “I mean - I mean, you are - you are kinda swish, yaknow? Elegant. And - I mean, I did notice that, I guess, but - but all sorts of guys can be graceful, yeah? Doesn’t have to mean - I mean I guess it did, for you, but I just… I just sorta figured that was just you, I guess. Thought it was you being old, at first, maybe, and then when we met other ghosts your age I just, yeah. I decided it was just you being you and you clearly didn’t want me to look any further, so I didn’t.”
“You did know, then,” Edwin said quietly. “Or did see it, at least.” He paused. “Did you not mind?”
“No!” Charles half-yelled it, because he couldn’t let that stand for even a second. “I mean, the first thing I saw was that you were gentle with me, and that was - it’s not exactly like I was gonna complain.”
Edwin’s head tilted to the side.
Charles shrugged. “I guess I’d had enough of rough boys for a while.”
Raised eyebrows. “I am hardly easy to get along with.”
Charles grinned. “You’re funny. And clever. Which is different, from the boys I grew up with, and from my dad, and - if you wanna be funny and sharp when you’re mad, instead of hitting people, that’s fine by me, mate. I wasn’t gonna complain.”
Charles took a deep breath, put his ball in his pocket, and stood to put his hands on Edwin’s shoulders. Edwin looked up at him, from his chair at the desk, eyes soft and beautiful, but with that glittering sharpness deep down inside that never left.
“Look, mate. Are you different from other boys - maybe, yeah. But other boys killed the both of us. So I’m kinda thinking that’s not a bad thing. And maybe it’s just good that we got to stick around until now, when you can be how you are, and I can - I can love you for it. And neither of us can get killed for it this time. And if other people see that, and they have a problem with it, they’re the assholes, yeah? They’re the ones with the problem. They always were. Not us. Not you.”
He lifted a hand to Edwin’s cheek, and Edwin leaned into it.
“Never you.”
and the thing is, its surprisingly hard to remember how your face looks if you can't consult a mirror. eye colour, the way your bones sit beneath the skin...it all fades away faster than you expect. edwin barely remembers the outlines of himself, and charles can maybe draw himself as a half-remembered caricature if pressed.
both ask themselves, over and over again: just how does the world see me, if i can barely remember how i saw myself in the mirror?
do truly i look so outwardly other that people cannot help but pick up on desires i barely understand myself? is there something so utterly different about my face that everyone knows just what i got killed for?
do i look more like my father than i remember? does my jaw clench like his did? do my eyes have his shape, does my chin come to the same point, or did my mother win the fight for my face?
and i just think that is crazy to think about these boys probably had no idea what they looked like until literal actual fucking hell, and that is a whole other can of worms, isn't it? do hell mirrors show you your true face at all, they might wonder, do i really look like that? or did they lie?
