I Hate Tumblr Themes

23, Seattle, Thespian, musician, Puerto Rican/Mexican, artist, 90's alternative music enthusiast. Binges on early 2000's nintendo games for months every few years or so.

[shitpostinguniverse]

[homunculus-argument]

You ever think about how old people have no idea what “survivor bias” is, and take full credit for being excellent out of things where they lucked out?

“Back in my day we didn’t have any of these childhood protective things, we were smart enough not to do stupid shit on our own!” Except your little neighbour, who got the funniest idea at the age of seven, and got his skull pierced when he slipped?

“Back in my day nobody got divorced, we stuck together and fixed our problems!” What about your cousin, who was slowly killed by her husband because she had nowhere to escape him?

“Back in my day nobody had ‘mental problems’, we didn’t whine, we just toughed it out and endured life!” Hey remember that guy you used to work with, who seemed really friendly and normal, and then suddenly hanged himself ‘for no reason’?

“Back in my day we didn’t have any of this ‘gay’ or ‘transgender’ thing.” You did, but your family cut all ties with her before you were born.

 You kinda start seeing it in everything they think, if you start looking for it.

[thegrimzuera]

“When we were kids nobody whined about car seats or bike helmets. We didn’t use them, and we all survived!”

Yeah, except for the ones who didn’t.

[quarra]

I have had this exact fucking argument with my mom.

[mastreworld]

“Back then we didn’t have all these medications and vaccines…”

No, and my grandmother had lost both her parents to disease at the age of eight.

[burntcopper]

To quote Raymond Briggs’ (wrote/illustrated The Snowman) dad in Ethel and Ernest, his bio of his parents from first meeting to death:

‘Well, i grew up without electricity and we were all right.’

“Three of your siblings died in childhood, chuck.’

[appraisedtiktoks]

[ip2lb]

Person with a mullet wearing a muscle shirt in a garage: You might think these are some normal cowboy boots, they ain’t. These are boot scooters. [Takes wheels out of dusty boots and stomps them on the ground] If you ain’t bootin’…You ain’t scootin’. [wheels away and runs into a fridge]

[tiger-in-the-flightdeck]

It’s very important to know that when he runs into the fridge, the ceiling light turns on

[xeduo]

Okay so I’m an elementary school art teacher right, and I have this really fun game I made a PowerPoint for to teach like, emotions and intent and looking at the whole picture to first grade.

The idea is, when we count down and change slides, kids have to mimic one thing in the painting as best they can, whether it’s animate or inanimate. If there’s nothing in the shot for them to mimic (because I threw some contemporary abstract stuff in), they have to show me how the painting makes them feel. Easy enough, gets them excited to move around and vocal about their feelings regarding art, it’s very chaotic. I can tell pretty fast who’s got the emotional maturity to mimic things in a complex way, and who’s just enough of an abstract thinker to mimic inanimate objects early on in the game...

So the first picture is this:

Napoleon Crossing the Alps. My favorite reactions are usually the kids who pretend to be the freaked-out horse, but 2 memorable occasions were the one where a student immediately scrunched up to be the rock in the foreground, and the one where a pair of girls, without any communication on their parts, decided to be Napoleon riding the horse with one as Napoleon and one as the horse. Basically one of them fully tackled the other apropos of nothing, it was hilarious

I’ll add more if y’all want or if I feel like it lol I have a bunch of stories from this one game

[xeduo]

Okay so later in the lineup we get to Dalí’s Persistence of Memory, which is very funny because it’s preceded by several pieces that have like, obvious people in them, so everyone’s gotten a bit complacent in their mimicry

In case you’ve forgotten, this is Persistence:

And I swear every time, there’s a beat right before everyone either becomes a tree by t-posing for their life, or goes boneless like some kind of child-shaped pancake over the nearest flat surface

Highlights from this one include a pair who decided to drape themselves pancake-style over the same desk and banged heads, resulting in 2 ground pancakes, and someone who fully just stood there staring, and explained that they were expressing the hatred they felt as soon as they saw it

[xeduo]

Last installment: one of the pictures is The Scream, and everyone very quickly just makes a 😱 face, but then we get to talk about my favorite “throw spaghetti at the wall” topic, why is he screaming? (The answer is Existential Dread, but it’s not appropriate to tell 1st graders that so instead we all put out other ideas lol)

In case you haven’t looked at it recently, this is The Scream:

My favorite guesses from the kids to Why Is He Screaming:

-those guys behind him are going to arrest him

-he missed his boat and it’s one of the ones in the background, he just noticed

-the sky’s all wiggly

-he just wanted to scream

-HE CAN SEE THE CLASS OF FIRST GRADERS LOOKING AT HIM AND HE DOESN’T LIKE IT

Children are bonkers

[tikkety-tok]

[osmanthusoolong]

@wrong-shaped

[defilerwyrm]

What I appreciate most here is that this song is still famous enough, 36 years later, that whoever made this video didn't even have to use the chorus for the gag to land

[solvatochrome]

every day i wish the tumblr sugar daddies were real

[solvatochrome]

yea actually i WOULD like a weekly allowance for being so cute and hot and funny online. i deserve it.

[ryebreadgf]

[intercal]

"I could look it up but it's more fun asking friends" gang

[kernalphage]

"there's probably an objective answer for this but let's see if someone has a rant locked and loaded" group chat

[greelin]

*does the sign of the cross with the limpest wrist imaginable*

[zeychen]

[uchanda]

therapist: how was your week?

me: mm.. i can’t remember

[thebeautifulspinster]

therapist: what are you thinking right now?

me: mm.. i don’t know

[dankmemeuniversity]

[lauralot89]

It is entirely unfair that cleaning is an act that must be repeated, I am not a god so why should I be expected to fight against entropy

[oldblogarchived]

i forgot how fucking weird november is theres no afternoon its just night after 2pm

[dzamie]

when it rains you simply do not get a day

[rslashrats]

[rslashrats]

whats the matter babe…youve barely touched your sorry shrimp cake

[static-warp-bubble]

Why did I laugh extra hard at this

[jigglypuffsvevo]

[flourgremlin-deactivated2018072]

people keep saying “go big or go home” as if going home doesn’t sound like the best idea ever?? hell yeah i wanna go home, and i’m gonna take a nap when i get there