If Len went to Barry’s Wedding
Arrowverse Headcanon #7 (+ Barry, Iris, Joe and Singh)
An AU where Len survives and goes to the Westallen wedding, but it isn’t Coldflash or Westallen, it’s just Mick and Len’s stealing adventures at the wedding.
Like Len and Mick rock up with really nice suits and shit Len picked out Mick’s because he just would and they end up sat next to Singh just like in the crossover.
And Singh is like, “??????,” already with his hand on his gun.
And Barry has to jog over and be like, “I know ok just roll with it, it’s actually better for CC’s economy if they’re here and not robbing the bank.”
And Singh is like: e_e
But he has to pass on the message to all the other cops that these two are off limits for now and Len takes great pride and satisfaction passing each cop like, “Hello Johnson remember that time I stole your own gun and knocked you out? Crazy how the time flies, better luck next time- Oh Stevens, how’s the hand? Didn’t I give you frostbite? Butterfingers.”
And Mick is already drinking even before the service starts and trying to tie his tie but Len loses patience and just slaps his hand away and ties it for him looking like a full blown married couple themselves.
And people are watching them like, “O_o?”
But Snart is all, “Just because we’re criminals, doesn’t mean we can’t look good.”
And everyone’s like: that’s fair enough honestly.
Barry sees Len looking around and he has to be all, “Just please don’t steal the rings, if I fuck this up Iris will never speak to me again.”
And Len is like, “Give me some credit, Barry, anyway I already took a look at them, and they’re not worth stealing.”
And Barry is like, “Haha very funny,” but internally like: oh god did we get fucked over by a jeweller??
So they do the wedding, the I do’s are said quite loudly to be heard over Mick’s snoring and everyone makes their way to the Reception - some fancy ass venue with paintings of old white guys in it, and Len’s soul is immediately drawn upstairs to the fancier rooms and he’s like, “My oh my! Back in a sec those vol-au-vents didn’t agree.”
And he’s gone instantly before Singh and Joe’s very eyes.
Mick plants himself at the drawing room bar and immediately opens a tab.
Later on, Len would eventually reappear from like a secret door in the bookcase, looking all smug, like, “Phew! Never eating those again. Maybe I should try this gluten-free thing.”
And Singh and Joe are watching him like a pair of hawks like: he done some shit.
But in all the time they spent keep their eye on Len, Mick would disappear and Barry would have to be like, “Haha I’m sure he’s fine he probably went to the bathroom too,” and Singh is like: do I look like a fool.
And Barry would have to Flash around the house looking for him but Mick would just be like sat on some random table in the dinner hall waiting for the meal.
And Barry’s like, “Mick the food isn’t even ready yet.”
Mick: “Wanted to get a good seat.”
Barry: “THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS.”
And Iris would come over still in her dress like, “Babe it’s fine, just leave him.”
They have the meal, Len is sat on the cop’s table in Barry’s eyeline because Joe straight up made him, and Mick has ended up with the bridesmaids because he just sat where he wanted. And Barry can clearly see Len testing the weight of the silverware.
And if things weren’t tense enough Len starts telling cop jokes cos he doesn’t give a fuck.
Len: “How many cops does it take to screw in a lightbulb?”
Cops:
Len: “Two. One to let the light get away and the other to call the Flash to come fix it instead.”
Cops: popping their knuckles
Singh, shaking his head: soon, motherfucker, soon
After the meal and Mick belching through every, and I mean every speech, it’s time for the dancing.
Barry is pretty much prepared to make a blood sacrifice at this stage to ensure the first dance goes well and surprisingly it does which is far too suspect for everyone’s liking.
People start to relax and even Len lets his hair down and takes to the dancefloor.
And Iris is like, “Aw, look Barry. Snart is dancing with like all the ladies, I never imagined him to be such a gentleman.”
But Barry is like, ”Huh maybe it’s the wine.”
Later on a lot of the women start to report missing jewellry and Barry’s inner detective is spiralling and eventually he’s like: 💡
Barry: “Did you dance with Snar- uhh, I mean the tall guy with the navy suit and shaved head?”
Random woman: “OH you mean Mr Wynters? What a handsome man, woof.”
Woman #2: “He spun me!”
Woman #3: “Such blue eyes!” etc etc
And Barry’s like: that slippery charming bitch
As the evening wears on, Snart and Rory go missing and the guests get more and more drunk so it’s harder to keep track and Singh is practically chomping at the bit to come back with a warrant and drag them to Iron Heights.
No one has seen them for ages, there’s non descript noises happening all over the house and Barry just knows this is gona be on the news tomorrow.
It comes to the climax of the night, a commotion starts to happen outside the hall and Barry and Iris are like, ‘Oh god no please don’t let them have stolen the wedding presents.’
The kitchen staff run in like, “Sir all our expensive shit is missing.”
And the housekeeper is like, “Sir all our expensive shit is missing too.”
And Singh pulls a shotgun out of his pants like: i wait no longer
Then the groundskeeper comes in out of breath like, “Y'all better come outside and see this shit.”
So everybody runs out and Barry and Iris can’t breathe properly because all the silverwear and jewellry have been melted into a giant heart shape and the water once shooting from the fountain has been completely frozen over the top to create a giant metal/ice heart sculpture in the middle of the grounds.
There’s a tiny ‘Kansas City Blues 4ever’ scraped into the bottom but no one really notices
Then a ruffled valet yeets out of the bushes blushing like, “Sorry but a tall handsome man with a buzzcut and a crazed man eating truffles stole the keys of a Chevy from me and peeled off. I tried to stop them but I’ve never been kissed like that in my life.”
And Singh tips his head back and screams into the night
And Barry and Iris are like, “Honestly considering we invited international career criminals, everything went better than expected.”
And they call Singh a taxi cos it was his car that was stolen.
Joe starts laughing until the barman hands him his bill and he realises Mick has been charging drinks to his room all night.
There’s a new warrant for their arrest out within 7 minutes.
Len steals everybody’s thunder and also all their possessions. The end.
(School of Rogues) (If Len had met Constantine) (Why Len Doesn’t Drink) (Len the Team Mom) (Len Vs the Brig) (Barry Allen + Alcohol) (If Leo met Lisa)
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