Words In Progress

Give me a minute or Five, You won't regret. 🌻

[stillhopeful]

You see, I can face unfairness that is forced on me. I can be submissive if you want me to be, but how can I see the pity on your face directed towards me? How can you see the tears which are yet to be surfaced?

How do I stand when people around can see that I am treated unfairly and fight for me? In my mind, I don't deserve anything. I don't deserve to be fought for. I have to play the cards I've been given. No matter how shitty they are. It's your life, you've got to deal with it.

I am not weak and I can fight for anyone else just not me. You see, that's the thing, my mind is whole different person, at a certain moment I am the boss lady who can get whatever she wants and the next the porcelain doll which will break when treated inappropriately. And I am the fragile thing that endures everything and is constantly breaking inside without a trace of it outside.

Is it normal? Or appropriate? Am I mentally unstable? Tell me, oh, someone tell me. So that I can attach my one more fault in the list of flaws I own. It is a long list already. *sigh* and I am still figuring it out. The life, the people and most importantly myself.

[stillhopeful]

I thought i knew you, but you were just a fragment of my imagination. You were sweet when i wanted you to be. You seemed loving when i wished to be. This is not what humans are like. Are they?

[stillhopeful]

[stillhopeful]

Maybe some moments weren't so perfect

Maybe some memories not so sweet

But we have to know some bad times

Or are lives are incomplete

Then when the shadows overtake us

Just when we feel all hope is gone

We'll hear our song and know once more

Our love lives on

[stillhopeful]

Is that the essence of our folly, our fate as humans: to not understand why we do things, or whom we love? Is that why so much of it ends up rubbish—and if it doesn’t, it’s just dumb luck?”

~jane austen society

[stillhopeful]

WALLFLOWER

observe, when everyone else is talking. How their hand moves when they are sure of what they are speaking. See the smile when they see their much-favoured person after a long tiring day. See the twinkle in their eyes when they see a baby. Listen to what they have to say. The world where we live in; everyone has something to say, everyone wants to raise their opinion. but actually, what they want is- validity. Validation for their thoughts. they want to know that their opinions are correct and they are accepted by their peers.

When sitting with the group of friends, notice there is always the one who is smart and always making conversations and always trying to seek validation. They may seem that they know what they are saying but actually they just want acceptance. There is one person who is waiting for his turn to speak. You can see them fidgeting and looking elsewhere, forming the sentences to speak for when his turn arrives. There is another person who knows all this and is here just to see how things will turn out eventually and if it got out of hand, they’ll control it.

But don’t just notice because it is new cool and portray sophistication but the art of a human being is visible when you just sit back and observe. I have done it so many times. They colour they prefers, the way they sit and listen. The restlessness to speak, to hide, to go away from conversation. It’s the silent drama that fills my day. Even the way they speak or talk to other human beside them. And honestly, I don’t know what all of it means but it still fascinates me and everyone who seems perfect on the outside will have a flaw because even if perfection is what we all crave, imperfection is imprinted in our DNA and it is impossible to deny its existence.

Observation, like every other thing is a art. We seldom forget that the random person walking beside us has a life which is as vivid and different and they have their own world in which they live. The word you are looking for is SONDER. It is fascination that I seek and whatever does not interest me, I can’t hold onto it.

I have been observing all this time and when the time comes, ill wield my weapon and use it to tear the hardest shell which was deemed impossible by the validation seeking bastards. So be a wallflower in the world where everyone wants to be sun to the many sunflowers.

[stillhopeful]

Sometimes you just need to stop the inner chaos and find yourself .

[kanejdorogaya]

Mor: *setting up 20 types of scented candles*

Azriel: Are you sure we need that many?

Mor: You'll see.

Later, at dinner:

Feyre and Rhys: *staring into each other's eyes*

Feyre: *giggles*

Rhys: *winks*

Cassian: Why can't you both go do this somewhere else, so that we didn't have to scent your-

Azriel: Oh, that's what the candles are for. Smart.

Mor: *already lighting up 5* I told you we'd need them.

If you repost on Instagram please TAG and CREDIT @_court.of.glass_

[stillhopeful]

[stillhopeful]

" We accept the LOVE we think we deserve."

~The Perks Of Being A Wallflower

[stillhopeful]

                                                               PEACE

Peace can be felt anytime and anywhere, it is not subject or dependent upon our surroundings but our state of mind. I can feel at peace even when I am standing in middle of 1000 people who I don’t know maybe because I’ve just delivered a speech without any faults and I feel good about myself which makes me feel at peace. Feeling good about yourself for yourself is the gift that you should give yourself every day. Just never forget you are your own person too before you are someone else’s. we often say that I belong to you or you belong with me, but the truth is we belong to ourselves. Because at the end of the day, your peace is what will help you sleep at night.

We often forget that inner calm and peace is important. We are running towards the outer satisfaction that we eventually forget that our main objective is making our soul peaceful. But in race of keeping everyone happy and everything organised that we forget we need to take a breath a minute because this work that we run after will not go anywhere, it will be right here waiting for us. Because it is dependent upon us and not vice- versa. We need to remember this. Otherwise, we will keep running and our inner child will face death.

Sometimes, the right thing to do is STOP and let go. If holding on makes it painful and unbearable and disturbs your mental peace, LET GO.

[stillhopeful]

I know that I don't know the art of communication through my voice.

I can't speak a word without thinking it thrice.

I keep thinking whether I should speak or not. Will I be crossing a line by speaking those words? Will I be hurting your sentiments if those words left the sanctity of my mouth?

Tell me. You like me when I am silent or when I voice my opinions or when I let you do my biddings.

All this is new to me. As I said I don't know how to speak to you. Because how you think baffles me and my mind is hardwired differently.

Tell me something so that I can mould myself in this unknown world and so that you can see how eager I am to be part of this world, your world.

[stillhopeful]

Someday, look at yourself from the mirror of my eyes, then you will see how pretty and soulful you are to everyone around you. To me, you are the human that will just give and would never expect anything in return. Will spend all you have for someone's happiness and still if they ask for more, you'll break yourself and gladly give it to them.

You are as innocent as a baby and would refuse to see bad side of another human. You forgive too easily. Even when someone betrayed you, you'll look for hurt that they may feel because of it, even if they are at fault. You offer your soul to anyone that needs it and still at the end of the day, you feel you could have done more. Even if you do not have energy to keep your eyes open to see me.

See yourself from my eyes and place yourself in my shoes. How much I long to protect you and keep you safe from all those selfish humans that want to exploit you for your kindess. See your eyes from my perspective, I see the calm of the wind and serenity of ocean flowing there. I see the love that you are willing to give to anybody that asks for it.

I hope when you see what I can, you will not beat yourself up for not being enough and not doing what you were expected to do. You gave all you had. Trust me, you did. You offered yourself. If you could just see yourself through my eyes and believe me that YOU ARE ENOUGH.

[the-inspiring-quotes]

[stillhopeful]

LET IT HAPPEN

Have you ever felt on a day when all you want is to cry? Like weep hard and loud, don’t want anyone to notice you. Every single thing, even the smallest thing or word hits you right at the spot and makes you want to cry all over again. You try to reason with yourself as to whatever you are feeling will pass away and nothing wrong has ever been done to you. You are a strong person and maybe it is just your hormones playing games with you.

And suddenly you start to remember every thing from the past month that made you almost cry but being the strong person that you are stopped yourself but today of all days you don’t have that energy and strength in you to stop all those memories storming your brain.

you just want to have your room to yourself with minimal interruptions and even your stomach grumble makes you all sad and weepy, and then you suddenly remember the time when somebody shouted at you for no reason and the times when you were stopped from saying the right thing or when you suddenly realise you don’t have anyone  in the name of friend or even a person with who you can be honest, like 100% honest. Your best friend broke up with you for no apparent reason.

So, let me tell you this, cry. Cry like a baby does and let your guard down, just for yourself and then sleep on it. And trust me, when you wake up, you will come above this. Today was not a good day and you just wanted to have a day to yourself. Do that, go for a run; if you feel like it or listen to the music that reminds you of home, or eat a tub full of ice-cream and watch some crappy romantic movie that will make you believe in love all over again.

Your heart broke today, and it will be broken tomorrow. You don’t have to have charge of everything and make things straight right away. Let it heal itself. Give it time and let the scars fade away on its own. Let the bad memories fade but mind you, don’t let the experience leave your soul. Build your armour from all your bad days and believe me, one day you will have the strongest protection and nobody will ever be able to take that away from you or penetrate through it. And you don’t need someone to protect your honour. You will do it by yourself; for yourself and you will be proud of who you have become. And after all of it, you will realise the burden that you were carrying wasn’t even yours to carry and it was not your fault. So, hang on a little longer.

[the-inspiring-quotes]

[stillhopeful]

because I want to see you at the end of it. 

[carousel-of-memories]

“ Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be? ”

— Charles Bukowski (The Post Office)