This blog has been inactive since October 2021 and will basically stay that way
I might make a few reblogs on here, definitely look through my blogs For The Memories, or probably do some other activity every now and then, but other than that? Yeah, I’m gone from this site. For those wondering why, I’ll be straight-forward: most of this website and running this blog just doesn’t make me happy the vast majority of the time anymore. It hasn’t since May 2020.
This website has unfortunately turned into a stressful and hard thing to be on. No matter what I have tried doing, I almost always remain feeling unhappy and stressed on this website and maintaining this and my other blogs has felt like one of those chores you absolutely can’t stand that drains you. Ultimately, it was also exhausting trying to keep this blog and my other ones active and constantly checking and obsessing over DNIs.
I feel much better not being on Tumblr these days and decided towards the end of October last year that I would no longer be using this site when possible. So, ever since then, I haven’t been on here that much.
This blog will stay up. As for my posts, so will they. And as of this posting, there will no longer be any edits or taking down of posts. Even if there is a mistake in this post, I won’t edit it. If it’s a major mistake, I’ll reblog and correct myself in the reblog. If it’s just, let’s say a simple spelling error that doesn’t disrupt this post for instance, I will likely let that go uncorrected.
I’ve talked to my big sister Kim and my mom about this, because I was at a loss for what to do about past posts, and they both agreed: I shouldn’t go through my blog to change things and should just put a disclaimer about past posts’ content. This means now, EVERYTHING stays up, including posts where I said things that I shouldn’t have.
I won’t lie, this is a bit hard for me to do, not go and purge everything I feel is bad now. But let’s face it: not only would it be a long, probably stressful task, but being a human-being with ADHD and all, I could very well miss some posts. And things can change rapidly online according to mama and I figure that unfortunately, I won’t always be quick to find out what’s newly considered wrong. Thinking about this and what my mama has told me, I imagine that no matter what I do, it’s inevitable that someone will be offended or otherwise upset. That’s just how it is sometimes on the internet, also according to my mama (that sometimes, it’s inevitable that someone will be offended about something online).
So if you go through this blog or stumble upon a post of mine while browsing Tumblr and find something hurtful, all I can say is that I’m sorry about that and to please don’t be mean to me about what I’ve said in the past. If you may lose your temper, feel bad, or otherwise experience negative effects going through my blog, I recommend you don’t go through this blog. If you’re okay with seeing potentially problematic posts, then feel free to go through my blog, but again, please don’t be mean to me for past mistakes.
There is one major mistake of mine I’d like to address, as it appears a lot on my blog: like a good bit of people on here, I used to use the term “going nonverbal” to talk about temporarily losing the ability to speak. Thanks to nonverbal individuals and people who didn’t begin speaking until later on in their childhood speaking up on here--as well as someone else who has since left Tumblr and I don’t remember much about (I can tell you for sure that fae was an AAC user and had language issues), but am pretty sure spoke about this as well--about how they feel and what they think of this term, I know better now and no longer use it to talk about losing speech.
I also don’t refer to myself as “(mostly) nonverbal” anymore, because from what I’ve heard, nonverbal should only be used if you’re completely unable to speak at all times and though I spent nearly a little over 4 months in 2018 being unable to speak at all, I can say a good bit of things now and get back words and sentences (albeit not always, for both of those things) and so, nonverbal does not describe me.
I really mean it when I say I’m very sorry for this mistake and any other harmful mistakes I may have made on here. I wish I had never made those mistakes. I was really hesitant to change how I spoke about losing speech and my own verbal speech for a long while, but I figure I shouldn’t be mean to myself about it, especially since I did eventually change those ways. To conclude this apology, I can promise all of y’all one thing: I am now doing my best to be better than I was as a teenager both online and in real life
If you use “going nonverbal” to express temporarily losing the ability to speak, please drop that term and use “losing speech” instead. Or just in some way, say that sometimes, you can’t talk or can only talk a bit, and describe how it feels and the effects these times have if you must. In addition, listen to nonverbal people and autistic people who refer to themselves as being severely autistic, having high-support needs, and/or as being low-functioning.
To my loved ones, I highly request that you please no longer refer to me as (mostly/mainly) nonverbal and instead move on to describing the communication I have and use. For example, “Chloe does not speak verbally as much as she used to and whenever she does, it’s exclusively echolalia. She uses an AAC app on her iPad and American Sign Language to help her when she does not have the verbal word(s) to say what she wants to say, when it becomes difficult or impossible for her to use the verbal speech she has, or when she simply feels most comfortable communicating that way”. Probably not easy if you’re in a rush to communicate, I know, but I really don’t think there’s any good short terms out there for me to use and I really don’t want to be disrespectful and mess up in this area again.
And thinking about it, I’m pretty sure you could figure out a way to make that short. Something like, “Sometimes, Chloe uses echolalia and sometimes, she uses her iPad and sometimes, she signs!” So no need for a special label anyways, I think.
Friends and mutuals who still want to talk to me, if you aren’t already in contact with me elsewhere and you want to be, message me or reply to this post to ask! Some ways we could potentially connect off Tumblr include...
Discord
Webkinz
The Nintendo Switch (I have Nintendo Online if anyone would be interested in gaming with me!)
The Xbox One (I don’t think I can game with others on there anymore, but I can still friend people and see what they get up to and you can do the same with me!)
Roblox
Neopets
Steam
Won’t be posting the usernames or codes for any of these on this post cause I’m not sure if I want to do that XD So if you want to stay in contact with me on one or more of those platforms, ask and I’ll message you the information you need! I will be deleting the Tumblr app off my phone two weeks after posting this, so if you reach out to me after that time period, you will likely have to wait a while for me to reply.
I’m not sure who all wants to stay in contact with me and I have a hard time initiating social stuff mainly because of my autism, so y’all will likely have to initiate this... ‘^^ And to anyone who I haven’t spoken to in years who is wondering “Do I count? Can I reach out?”, chances are the answer is YES!!! 💗💞❤
Please note that if we interacted prior to March 2018 and you’ve done little to no interacting with me since then, I am probably different than you remember me due to my autistic burnout having a second and third round of intensifying. This need to note applies double and definitely applies if we’ve interacted IRL or on video-chat. I’ve lost abilities for good and my autism isn’t hidden anymore. My burnout may have since passed, but I will never be back to how I used to be prior to my burnout.
Hopefully, this is something you can accept and you’ll still be willing to talk to me, hang out with me, and love me for who I am. If for some reason I will be too stressful or hard for you to interact with for a reason like a disability, I understand 100% if this means we can’t talk and hang out anymore. Do what’s best for you, even if it means we can’t hang out anymore.
However, if you’ve decided you want me to go back to masking and make the decision to mistreat me over it, know that someone who actually loves and accepts me WILL notice at some point and I WILL cut you off at some point. It’s already happened one time with someone I used to call my best friend, someone I used to post a lot about, actually (”friendo/RWBY friend” and I imagine I may have called him my irl best friend at least once). It took me a little over a year to fully recover from what happened then. So if you’re just going to mistreat, bully, or do worse over who I am, please just leave me alone.
Some other quick things I would like to say before I end this post:
If you don’t want to interact with christians, age regressors, and/or fans of Steven Universe, you should be aware that I am all three of these things. These are the top reasons I've seen myself be on a DNI for
If you like RWBY like I do, I highly recommend you check out the glorious joke I made up about Weiss’s dad when I was 16
In case anyone is wondering, no, that’s not my favorite original post. This is <3
Tumblr has helped me learn about and accept myself, make friends, helped me through a good bit of tough life circumstances including my second trauma, learn about various things I probably wouldn’t have learned about until I was older otherwise, and for a long time, was a genuine source of happiness and entertainment for me.
This blog has seen me go from being a 14-year-old who was trying her best to cope and be happy despite her circumstances, to a 16-year-old who tried to hide her autism and had to deal with the resulting intensified autistic burnout and learn to accept who she truly was, to a 20-year-old who has been working on this post since October 2021 and still struggles with certain aspects of her disabilities and life, but still loves being alive despite hard parts and times that pop up and is unbelievably incredibly satisfied and happy with who she presents as.
To those who have been kind, helpful, and supportive to me all these years on here, thank you so much. It never went unappreciated and whether or not we ever interact again, I appreciate all the kindness and support I’ve received here the majority of the time.
May you receive the same kindness, love, support, acceptance, and happiness you deserve in life as much as possible. <3
