black and blue.

Derek Stone | 25 | Student/Vans Employee. Derek. I don't like to shake hands. "I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold. Hey I'll be fine once I get it."

[prettymysticfalls]

Daniel Sharman strikes a pose at BloodyNightCon 2016 in Barcelona

[onlysharman]

                 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DANIEL SHARMAN! ♥

I love playing really strung out characters, and characters that are really pushed to their limits and losing their mind. I think that’s wonderful. To be able to lose it, in many ways, is just great fun to do.

[geekorunique]

Kol Mikaelson ▬ Brotherhood Of The Damned Still

[stone-derek-blog]

Growth || Self Para

Just fucking ask her. Don’t be such a pussy. Derek chewed the insides of his cheeks as he walked alongside Eden, his mind barking orders at him. His skin buzzed with nerves and his thoughts with aggressive anxiety. It shouldn’t be this difficult to ask for something so normal. Instinctively, he folded his arms tight at his chest.

He felt stupid, needing to work up the courage to ask his friend for a hug. 

The walk to her car, in the space she occupied frequently, would take 146 steps from the parking lot East sidewalk. He’d counted them once, twice, and had developed the habit of keeping track wherever he walked now a days. They were, as he counted, already at 123. 124. 125…

"-said he wasn’t even going, you know, I mean, said he wasn’t even going to try finishing his half of the assignment. He has a broken ankle, not a broken arm! I mean, that might sound heartless, but, right? c’mon! You can still use a laptop perfectly well with only a broken ankle!” 

His friend had been speaking and he’d been too lost in thought to listen. “Right,” he agreed, unsure of what exactly was being said. Come on, Derek, do it now. If you don’t, you won’t. Stop being a little bitch. 

134.

137.

140.

Come on.

Eden sighed beside him, hands busying themselves in her hair to tie up a skull tight ponytail. “I don’t mind writin’ his half of the project, I just wish he’d given me, you know, more time to do it. Or, you know, done it himself like we all know he can. It’s whatever, though. It is what it is.” She turned to him with a grin, as - 146 - she approached her blue Honda Civic. 

Just do it. 

"Thanks for walkin’ me out here," she glanced downward, fishing for her keys in her purse, "Hey, do you want me to bring those raspberry cake pops again tomorrow? I know pumpkin and caramel are all the rage right now, but nothin’ beats raspberry. Apart from, maybe, red velv-"

"Can I hug you?" Derek blurted the question at lightning speed, and regretted it as soon as he finished. Heat flushed his cheeks with wild embarrassment. Stupid, Derek, stupid, stupid, stupid. Way to fucking go. 

He stood awkwardly, wishing he could be any place else. “I’m sorry.”

For a moment her face fell flat, head cocked to the side as if she were confused. “Yeah,” she spoke, after a short moment of silence, her mouth slowly stretching into another smile. “Yeah, yes, yeah, of course. If you’re, you know, if you’re sure. I just know you don’t like to be touched, so, I mean, yeah, if you’re sure. Yeah!” 

She opened her arms to him excitedly. Derek uncurled his arms from his chest and tentatively stepped forward, carefully enveloping his friend’s small frame. Eden wrapped her arms around his shoulders and gave a gentle squeeze, resting her face lightly at his chest. 

Derek swallowed and held still. She was warm and soft and it felt almost too nice to be held by someone again. Eden was shorter than his husband by two inches, but the familiarity of size gave him a small sense of serenity. His body trembled lightly as he gave her a squeeze in return, before dropping his arms back to his sides. Eden pulled herself back with a grin. 

"You feelin’ okay?" She readjusted her purse over her shoulder, her other hand unlocking her car door. "Better?"

He nodded once and cleared his throat. “Sorry if that was, uh, weird. Or uncomfortable. Yeah, I am, actually.” He glanced down at his feet before settling back to her eyes. “Thank you.”

Thankfully, and he knew, she understood the gravity of his gratitude. “It wasn’t at all! Anytime, Derek, really. Hey, so, cake pops?” she prodded a second time as she slipped into the driver’s seat. 

"Oh. Um. Raspberry is cool, yeah. Thank you."

Her gearshift clicked loudly from inside of the vehicle, and he watched her peel out from her parking space. “Don’t mention it,” she spoke out of her window. “I’ll see you tomorrow! Bright and early for that midterm. I’ll e-mail my outline after work!” 

"Okay," he called out after her, following her license plate until it disappeared. 

He turned to search for his own ride in the sea of metal, a minute smile at his lips. He’d done it. And despite the bundle of nerves wracking his body, it was the calmest he’d felt in days. 

[stone-derek-blog]

100 Drabbles Challenge ☾ No. 13: Running Away

Derek approached his father’s frame with the all of the caution of a fawn. His palms were sweaty beyond belief, his frame trembled furiously, heartbeat a raging animal beneath his ribs. A tremor racked his body and he swallowed hard. He kept his footsteps as light as possible, attempting to be as less of a disturbance as was possible. Once he was close enough he carefully extended his arm and placed the folded up paper atop the tray. Derek held his breath a moment, studying his father’s sleeping form. He was a physically powerful man, strong in every way that Derek himself couldn’t be. 

He wondered how he would react to the letter in the morning:

Sir,

Your efforts these last twelve years have been appreciated. But it’s time that I go. I’m sorry. Whatever it was that I did, I’m sorry. 

We’re better this way. 

Derek

His panicked hands trembled at the thought, propelling him to move away, now. He’d keep that image of his father for as long as he was able; a calm Russell Stone. One not out for blood, but for sleep. Derek could relate. 

Derek readjusted the bag slung over his shoulder. The entire contents of his closet were piled and shoved inside, which weren’t much. Four jeans, a handful of t-shirts, a hoodie or two, the sole pair of shoes clad to his feet, and a few basic toiletries from the hallway bathroom. It wasn’t heavy, or light, only a comfortable weight against his body. The small weight of freedom. 

Glacier eyes did not leave the man in the chair until he’d closed the front door behind him. It was a direct line from the living room to the door, the only obstacle in the way being a fallen chair from their earlier go of things, prior to landing themselves in the basement. He shook his head to shake the thought away. Silently, he shut the barrier between them; the last sight of his home cemented to memory. He sucked in a slow breath, eyes closing for a split second. He’d really fucking done it.

Not there yet, Derek, he reminded himself. You’re still here. You can still change your mind. He’d never know.

Snapping his lids open, he stumbled backwards. No. There was no going back or changing his mind. He had both feet out of the door, but he wasn’t out of hell just yet. 

That came a full twenty-four hours later, having landed himself in Ohio. Several bus rides, transfers, and scattered amounts of walking later, Derek had holed himself up inside of a motel not too far from the border of Pennsylvania. So far, from the stations he’d caught along his way to now, no Missing Person’s Report had been flashed across the news with his photo or information attached. He hadn’t really expected there to be.

He enjoyed his first night of freedom that evening, sleeping sounder than he’d ever remembered. No fists were there to drag him out of bed, beat him on the hardwood, or choke him out against the mattress. Derek still had bruises to nurse, though they would be his last at the hands of his father. 

Not again. Never again. 

[mordecaiberlin]

We Could Stick Together || Derek & Mordecai

[mordecaiberlin]

Mordecai hooked his fingers around Derek’s and inhaled, looking down and around. There was an interpreter off to the right, ready to relay the deepest desires of his soul to his family, who were all watching him in a neat row with smiles on their faces. Mordecai looked back up at Derek and searched his memory, drawing his vows forward. He’d only rehearsed them about a thousand times over the weekend.

"Derek," he whispered, and then at a nudge from the rabbi, repeated more loudly, "Derek- I remember the first time we met. My dogs nearly knocked you over while I was dragged toward you. I haven’t wanted to leave your side since. They do say the best friendships can lead to the best romances- I never knew I’d be so caught off guard by love, but here you are. In all your glory, here you are."

Mordecai’s hands were trying not to shake. He stepped in closer to Derek. The closeness was comforting. He grinned.

"I promise, with this marriage," he said, his voice ringing out more clearly than ever, "To commit to you always my body and soul.  To encourage your passions, where your soul is barest; To nurture your ambitions, where your will is strongest; To make you laugh, where your smile is brightest; To bear your burdens, where your load is heaviest; I promise to you perfect love and perfect trust, To be your partner in all things; This is my sacred oath to you, taleh. My lamb.”

Mordecai could feel his face flushing and burning as he finished his vows, and he pressed his thumbs into Derek’s palms, urging him to take his turn. It was unbearably hot all of a sudden.

[stone-derek-blog]

The inside of his mouth was dry.

Everyone was staring at them. Derek sucked his cheeks between his teeth and chewed anxiously as he waited for Mordecai to begin his vows; a current of electric nerves running between them. He swallowed, for what would be the hundredth time that day, and watched. Could he do it? Would he be able to do it?

When Mordecai finally began to speak, his breathing hitched. 

'Derek- I remember the first time we met. My dogs nearly knocked you over while I was dragged toward you.' Derek smiled fondly. He remembered that moment vividly; Abe having mowed him down while he had had his iPod plugged in stocking shelves, and both Mordecai and Lonny were soon to follow. He had looked at Mordecai and made some stupid 101 Dalmatians joke to ease his anxiety. He'd helped him pick out dog food, rambling on and on about brands and ingredients. And now, he was standing at an alter with him. 

'I haven’t wanted to leave your side since. They do say the best friendships can lead to the best romances- I never knew I’d be so caught off guard by love, but here you are. In all your glory, here you are.' A deep blush crept up his neck and painted his cheeks. They had been friends first before anything else; almost brothers, and then lovers, and now this. He watched Mordecai intently, the doubt in his mind slowly fading. 

Mordecai stepped closer, a grin spread across his perfect mouth. Derek couldn't help but to return it. For the moment, he felt completely wrapped up in him. They were the only two people in the world. 

As he continued his vows, Derek's breathing continued it's rapid and unsteady rhythm. They were beautiful, genuine, and poetic. To commit, to encourage, to nurture, to make, to bear, to love to trust. His sacred oath. Derek listened with tears brimming his eyes; his hands tight on Mordecai's. Someone loved him that much. After all these years and after all this time, someone loved him that much. 

He felt Mordecai's thumbs signal him for his turn, and for a moment, he froze. Fear held him in place, mouth dumbstruck in front of an audience. Blue eyes bore into hazel ones as he attempted to once more block out the other members in the room, and focus soley on the only one that mattered. His hands trembled terribly. 

"Mordecai," he began, clearing his throat. He paused another moment before pressing on. "I never knew what adventures life had to offer until I met you. I never knew who I could be or where I could go until you showed me how to find out. I never that thought in my lifetime that I would find a best friend, let alone a soul mate. You showed me that I was deserving of those things, too."

For a brief moment, he brought Mordecai's hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. A small smile played at the corners of his mouth. He inhaled shakily and continued. 

"And in these words, I hope to say  More than just, 'I love you.' I hope to expose you For all your perfections And to remind you And the world around us That you are exquisite, Divinity personified.  My solace is magnified  By your very essence and  I find myself mollified  By all that you are.

You are my greatest treasure and I promise all of myself to you from now until the end of time."

He held Mordecai's hands tightly and chewed his lower lip. The redness had returned his his cheeks. He had done it. They had done it. There was no more question in his mind or heart that this was the absolute right thing to do. 

[stone-derek-blog]

100 Drabbles Challenge ☾ No. 12: Dead Wrong

He should have noticed.

Every day since he had known her, Susan had kept her apartment door open throughout the day. He had passed by his neighbor's open door a thousand times thinking little to nothing of it; the dull sounds of morning news or evening game shows spilling through the open gap. Derek had grown so accustomed to sight and sound he had become blind to it.

Five days had passed. Her door remained shut and absolute silence sat behind it. 

His last two weeks had been spent with a finally-made friend, Mordecai Berlin. Work and a newfound slight social life had captured his attention and held on tightly to his focus. He'd hardly noticed his elderly neighbor's sudden disappearance and did not question the absence of her daily sounds or her check ins. 

He should have noticed. 

Early Saturday morning a knock on his door yanked him from sleep. Anxiously he'd answered it, heart pounding at the possibility of who might be behind it. A man he had not recognized introduced himself as his neighbor's son. And then, had informed him of his mother's passing. 

He felt ill. He still felt ill. He could not shake the news, the uneasy hallow in the pit of his stomach, the thought that he should have noticed. He should have noticed. He should have noticed. 

Now, curled up in a ball on the couch, he squeezed several tears out of his eyes. Susan was gone. He hadn't known her well enough to feel this much of a loss, but he couldn't help himself. She had taken it upon herself to regularly check up on him. She asked how he was doing, offered him company and food and weather reports. 

If nothing else, she had been kind in a world where he had not known much kindness. He was a terrible person for not catching this sooner. She did not deserved to die alone, unnoticed, in a sketchy and seedy apartment. She didn't deserve that. 

He should have noticed. He had figured, when he had bothered to give her a second thought, that she might be ill and in need of being left alone. There were other people who looked after her, right?

He had been wrong. Dead wrong. 

[mordecaiberlin]

We Could Stick Together || Derek & Mordecai

[mordecaiberlin]

The rabbi’s volume rose as he spoke to the crowd over the couple, and Mordecai stared up at Derek. At his jawline, high and defined, his piercing blue eyes, steady but brimming with doubt. 

"I didn’t mean to stop," he said, softly. His voice fell into the undercurrent of the rabbi’s speech. "I got- I got so nervous." His hands were squeezing Derek’s firmly. He wanted nothing more than to lance forward and wrap his arms around Derek, but he had to wait, wait in silence for words and rings and dances. Weddings were ridiculous. "I love you," he said again.

"…Derek and Mordecai – your love and devotion to each other will be infused with holiness and blessing, and your lives imbued with meaning and fulfillment, by weaving Judaism into the fabric of your new life."

Mordecai flicked his eyes rightward. The rabbi was wrapping up his speech, the fabric of the chuppah flapping and billowing as he spoke.

"Did either of you have vows for each other?" The rabbi asked, kindly.

Mordecai’s jaw hung slack for a moment, and then he said, “We- I- we do.”

[stone-derek-blog]

'I didn’t mean to stop.'

Derek swallowed, hard. He watched Mordecai through a wary gaze, an unsettled feeling sitting in the pit of his stomach. This had quickly gone from the best day of his life to the worst in a matter of moments. Were they doing the right thing? Should they be doing this? Mordecai's pausing had thrown everything in him off balance and out of whack. 'I got- I got so nervous. I love you.'

He wasn't supposed to feel like this on his wedding day. He remembered the excitement he had felt, anxious as it was, while he had dressed and readied himself. 

This was meant to be the happiest day of his life. The taller brunet shut his eyes tightly and sucked in a deep breath, listening carefully to the words being spoken by the rabbi. "I love you, too," he replied after several moments, quietly under his breath. He opened his blue eyes and settled his shoulders back, returning Mordecai's pressure. 

He was standing there now, wasn't he? He said he loved him. He hadn't gone running, hadn't left him at the alter. Their ceremony was not what he had expected or wished it to be, but it was still on-going, and for that he was grateful. Mordecai was still marrying him. 

'Did either of you have vows for each other?'

He was pulled from his thoughts by the question, and he nodded as Mordecai spoke. With the smallest of smiles, he looked to Mordecai and waited. 

[stone-derek-blog]

100 Drabbles Challenge ☾ No. 11: 33%

Derek clutched the test paper tightly in his hands. The white page had crinkled and dampened in his clutch; where his fingers had gripped it and his palms had sweated. Panic sat heavily in his chest, threatening to shut him down completely. 

His first 'F'. He knew he was dead.

"... and if you have any questions," Mr. Durham voice broke through his clouded haze, "come see me after class." A moment later the bell of his 4th period history class rang, and the sound of squeaking desks and shuffling students filled his ears; backpack zippers and shrill conversation berating him. 

33%. He had had no time to fit in a study session the previous night; his father had preoccupied his time with a belt in the basement. Derek twitched with the thought of what this grade would earn him.

These kids didn't care. They didn't have to work harder. If they failed, they could try again tomorrow with a pat on the head and a 'you'll do better next time.' Laughter echoed emptily around him as he stiffly maneuvered out of his seat, hunched up to shove the failed paper into his backpack and sling it over his shoulder. 

He waited for the last student to leave the room before attempting to face the crowded hallway. Nervous energy buzzed around him as he awkwardly slunk for the door. 

"Mr. Stone," Mr. Durham called after him. He flinched Derek stopped and turned anxiously to face his teacher, a deer caught in the headlights. "Yes, Mr. Durham?" he stammered. 

"Don't forget to bring your paper back signed by your parent tomorrow. You'll get five extra credit points if you do," the short man gestured to him with a pencil and a smile. "This is a first for you, Mr. Stone, but don't worry! You'll have time to make the grade up before the mid-quarters go home in a few weeks."

A fifteen-year-old Derek nodded stiffly, his mouth dry. He knew that information would not please his father. Nor did it calm his nerves. 

"Okay, Mr. Durham. Thank you." The words left him in stutters, and with red cheeks he ducked from the room, navigating the hallway's in practiced stride. 

He was as good as dead. Failure, Derek, he barked to himself. No one to blame but yourself. You deserve this one. 

At his locker, he glanced down at his arms beneath the long hoodie that covered them. He knew there would be bruises there later. 

[mordecaiberlin]

We Could Stick Together || Derek & Mordecai

[mordecaiberlin]

Derek called to him- breathed, as if they were in a church, and Mordecai snapped back. He swallowed a whine and tried not to look around at what he knew were the gazes of many. Of course Derek was whispering; they were standing in the middle of their wedding.

"I’m fine," he said, softly. "It’s fine."

But was it? 

Mordecai took a few more shaky steps forward before gaining momentum, Derek by his side. The miles-long stretch of cloth leading to the steps at the end seemed to diminish, stretching only a few yards, and he tottered there with his fiancé in tow in just a few steps.

"Derek, I’m sorry," he said, in a hushed whisper, as they ascended the steps, taking his fiancé’s hands and looking back up into his eyes. "I didn’t mean to. I didn’t-"

It didn’t matter that words had begun to fail him as the rabbi began to speak. Mordecai stilled and fell silent, staring up at Derek, his eyebrows knitted together; not with fear, but with some other, depthless emotion. 

‘I love you,' he mouthed.

[stone-derek-blog]

Derek's head spun. The gazes of their guests set fire to his cheeks; a choke threatened to completely close his throat. They stood for a frozen moment in the center of the aisle, a hitch of a step for their visitors, but a hundred year pause for the pair of them. Blue eyes pleaded with hazel ones, begging silently for movement. 

Was Mordecai having second thoughts, so late? Would he leave him at the alter?

Derek swallowed, anxious. 'I'm fine, it's fine.' Was it really? Could his therapist have been right after all?

His suit suddenly felt too tight and too itchy. His skin began to tingle, numbly, spreading farther up his arms to his chest. No. No, no, no. This was supposed to be the happiest day of his life; not a day full of negativity, doubt, and worry. Mordecai's body moved and Derek followed, stepping carefully down the cloth with purposeful, focused feet. 

His chest rose and fell at an almost rapid pace as they climbed the steps. Fear gripped his heart and filled his eyes. Mordecai's hands held tightly to his and he returned the not-so-gentle pressure, meeting his eyes. 'Derek, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t-' 

What did he mean? 

Through worried lips he mouthed, 'I love you,' in return. The rabbi began to speak and he struggled to listen to every word he spoke. He wanted to smile, and he tried to, though it trembled at his mouth. Mordecai had paused. Mordecai had hesitated. Did he really want to marry Derek?

This was not how he had envisioned his wedding day.

[stone-derek-blog]

100 Drabbles Challenge ☾ No. 10: Opportunities

"College? You're not going to college," Russell waved his plastic fork from his TV tray, while a fourteen year old Derek stared back at him. They sat in the quiet of the living room, ESPN lighting their faces from the television screen. A stadium full of fans cheered as someone made a touchdown. "You're going to work full time at the garage after you graduate." He grunted and shook his head. "Already have a family business. People go to college to get jobs. You're skipping a step."

'You're skipping a step.'

It was Derek's greatest regret that he had never attended college. An incredible missed opportunity; he felt cheated from the experience, looked down upon for his lack of degrees, judged for not having attended a place of higher learning. People questioned his intelligence and work ethic, his financial situation and his mental stability.

He was a lesser being. 

Was. He no longer had to be. Now, with a husband and a considerable amount of money sitting in his bank account, he could afford college - a real college. He had attended a community college for a single semester to study poetry, finishing with an 'A-' and a greenlight to transfer schools to a four year, should he wish it. 

Though Mordecai supported the idea, Derek was not so sure. Attending school meant an almost permanent residence in San Diego, leaving him little to no room for traveling with his husband to his competitions. 

It made him nauseous to think about. Mordecai traveling alone, the two of them spending so much time apart, not being able to leave whenever he wished to be with his husband on a whim. Being in school while working on his writing sounded sweeter than he'd like to admit. Being separated from Mordecai sounded like a nightmare. 

All of these thoughts drowned him. He struggled to inhale from where he rested in bed.

Derek sat anxiously in front of his laptop, picking the skin at his lip. A Google homepage had been opened and his twitching fingers typed a search for 'San Diego colleges.' A list of universities stared him back in the face, each one causing his heart to pick up in pace.

UCSD. SDSU. USD. Could he even qualify for these schools with one community college course and a high school diploma under his belt? He could feel a numb buzz lick its way up his arms, threatening to consume his chest and send him into a panicked frenzy.

Would any of them take him? Would he last if he attended? Was he good enough? Was he ready?

He shut his laptop and shoved it aside, quickly rolling over in bed. Beside him, Mordecai lay sleeping. Derek inched closer to his body carefully, a small whine leaving his throat. He buried his head in the back of his husband's neck, breathing in his scent in attempt to calm himself down. Blond hair tickled his nose and he focused on the feel of it instead of the numbness climbing his limbs.

This could be a great opportunity. It was a great opportunity. If only he wasn't too scared to take it...

[mordecaiberlin]

We Could Stick Together || Derek & Mordecai

[mordecaiberlin]

Mordecai intertwined his arm with Derek’s, clasping their hands together and trying to steady his breathing. This was it.

This was it. This was it. 

They stepped out together to a waiting, but small crowd. Family and a few friends, but enough to make Mordecai tense up. His fingers curled against Derek’s until his nails were digging in. There was a rabbi waiting at the end of the lane, up the steps.

Threatening them. Threatening him.

A wave of nausea swept over Mordecai, and he slowed to a stop in the aisle. What was he doing? Was he getting married? Right now? Today? That wasn’t right. He wasn’t ready. It was too soon. No, no, no-

Mordecai clamped his mouth shut looked at Derek. Nearly his husband, Derek. The man his loved. He couldn’t. It was too soon. Marriage was too soon. Marriage too anything.

Help, he thought, pleadingly, as he stood rooted to the spot.

[stone-derek-blog]

Left. Right. Left. Right. One foot in front of the other. 

Derek shook lightly as his feet moved forward, fingers twitching within his grasp with Mordecai and at his side. Nervous eyes darted around them as they moved down the aisle; traveling over the moderate number of guests, studying faces while his breathing evened out. 

Mordecai's nails in his skin caused him to retreat back into himself, gaze pulling from their guests to his for-now fiance. He swallowed, hard. The man beside him was handsome; golden hair, hazel eyes, tanned skin, toned muscle. White teeth, when he smiled. Mordecai Berlin. 

He was about to marry Mordecai Berlin. He was the lucky one. 

Marry. Something he thought he would never do. To Derek, he was still the little lonesome boy locked away in his basement enduring abuse. Not the free man he was now, arm in arm with a soul who loved him. Or not. 

His brow rose slightly, a panicked look seizing Derek's blue eyes. He watched Mordecai carefully, as his fiance stood unmoving. Derek tugged lightly on his arm to urge him forward. Please, don't do this, his thoughts pleaded to Mordecai. 

"Sweetheart?" he spoke under his breath, loud enough for only Mordecai to hear. He squeezed his hand lightly. 

[stone-derek-blog]

100 Drabbles Challenge ☾ No. 9: Death

The smell of wet dirt clung to his nose. It clouded around him, enveloping his small body as he lay in bed, unable to sleep. The scent hadn't left him alone all day. The cemetery wouldn't leave him be. 

Wet, muddy ground. 

A box with his mother's body inside. He'd seen her face inside of it within the church prior, and had not understood why they would put her in such an awful place. She had looked healthy, alive; color in her cheeks and pretty make-up on her face. She had looked ready for a party. Not ready for a burial. 

He'd stood beside his father as they finished lowering her inside of the hole. The box had hit the bottom with a thump, and the crowd of people around had all thrown flowers atop it. He remembered dropping a rose inside and wishing for his mother to open the lid at any moment. Nothing had happened. Only more tears, more clucking, and more uncomfortable handshakes. 

Wet dirt, wet dirt, wet dirt. 

A seven-year-old Derek crawled out of bed with a sniffle, bare feet padding quietly out of his room. They carried him to the large doorway of the master bedroom; the one his parents had shared. In the hallway, he hesitated. The usual sound of his father snoring could not be heard. Was he awake, too?

Derek poked his head carefully inside. The room was dark save for the dull light of the moon at the window. Russell lay still on his stomach in bed, head facing the direction of the door with vague focus. A quiet grunt left him as he shifted to prop himself up on one elbow. 

"You 'lright?" he mumbled tiredly. 

He bit his lip. "I can't sleep," Derek spoke softly, a second sniffle following. A heavy sigh left his father as he picked his free arm up and extended it to his son, grumbling to himself. "Me either," was all Derek could make out.

Neither Stone knew how to handle death. 

He crawled into the large bed with effort, onto the side his mother had occupied. Her perfume still held to the pillow, still clung to the sheets and hung faintly in the room. It made the pit of Derek's stomach ache.

Derek settled carefully down and closed his eyes, his back to his father who could do nothing but sigh. The weight of Russell's body startled him; torso pressed lightly against his back and arm hung over the small frame of his son, stretched out to rest his large palm on Heather's usual spot. A heavy breath ruffled Derek's hair. 

"Go to sleep," his father's deep voice spoke, and Derek nodded. Warmth and safety took his body, the familiar smell of perfume the last addition to lulling Derek to sleep. The rise and fall of his father's chest behind him was the last thing he felt before he drifted off. He did not noticed the tears wetting the back of his head.  

[stone-derek-blog]

100 Drabbles Challenge ☾ No. 8: Gateway

He could see the ribbons from where he stood by the outdoor bleachers. Tied to the fence just along the outward edges of the football field; red plastic ribbons attached to the metal in a purposeful design. They spelled a phrase: JUST SAY NO!

Ironic, he thought to himself, maybe I should listen.. I'm going to get caught.. this is stupid, I'm stupid.. he's going to kick my ass.. he's going to kill me..

His chest began to rise and fall unevenly. He felt for the ten dollar bill in his pocket with twitchy fingers, paranoid eyes scanning the field around him. It wasn't as if any other student who saw him would care. Half of the student body bought from the second-year-senior beneath the bleachers, anyway. Judgement wasn't his fear. Being caught by his father was. 

Unceremoniously a fourteen-year-old Derek ducked under the metal structure and stepped anxiously in to make his trade; fumbling with his bill in exchange for the single joint he was offered. Overcharged, of course, but Derek didn't know that. The guy gave him a weird look when he snatched his hand away as their skin brushed, Derek looking as if he'd been bitten by something. He shoved the joint into his History book before quickly slinking back out, shoulders hunched. 

Good job, moron, he barked to himself. Looked like an idiot and you have a joint. What are you going to do with it now?

He eyed his surroundings as he walked towards the building for his after-lunch class. When could he smoke it? His father wouldn't be home until 9 that night, but would that be enough time for a high to wind down and for him to look and behave normally when Russell did walk through the front door? Would he smell it on his clothes, in the house, on his book, or in his room? Would it get him addicted? Wasn't this said to be the infamous gateway drug?

That ten dollars had been his only savings. He hoped this would be worth the loss. 

And the possible fist-pounding bruises. 

[whatiliketoimagine-blog]

[mordecaiberlin]

We Could Stick Together || Derek & Mordecai

[mordecaiberlin]

Mordecai giggled. “Well, I do know how you hate things that ‘aren’t done,’” he murmured. “Otherwise I just might.”

Out of the pause, Derek started to cry; his words came out in a throaty, choking breath, and Mordecai watched the uneven rise and fall of his chest with alarm. Had he said something wrong? The last month or so had been emotionally something draining; they were moving, getting married, leaving a state and a coast and friends they’d known for years goodbye. It had broken both their hearts- Derek, perhaps, more than Mordecai’s- had he chosen the wrong moment to be passionate?

"Derek," he breathed. Mordecai leaned up and wiped away the wetness from Derek’s eyelashes with one delicate, immaculately tended finger. 

‘We made it, and . . and no matter what, I didn’t doubt we would for a moment.’

Mordecai wasn’t sure about that. He’d heard all the things his fiancé’s therapist had said. He’d have to be crazy not to second-guess what they were doing. Mordecai was well aware that he had.

The drum roll sped up, and the wedding march bled beneath the tent to reach their feet. Mordecai looked up at Derek and pulled away, staring alternately at Derek’s nose and the ground.

"I think that’s us," he muttered, with a grin. "Are you ready?" 

Did it really matter? 

[stone-derek-blog]

The lump stuck in Derek's throat took several swallows to disappear. Mordecai's soft touch at his eyes caused him to shiver, though he found the gesture soothing. Carefully, he took a deep breath, and held it for a long moment as he regained his bearings. He couldn't walk out looking as though he'd been crying his eyes out. Get it together, Derek, he barked inwardly to himself. 

"Thank you, sweetheart," he murmured, pressing a quick kiss to the top of his head. 

Their song cued from the opposite side of the tent, and he jerked his head to face the direction of the entrance. 'Are you ready?' he heard Mordecai ask from beside him. "Yes," he answered with a nod. Not that it really matters. 

How were they meant to walk inside? Arms links together? Holding hands? Not touching at all? He could feel the anxiety inside of his chest building. The familiar light tingling in his fingertips returned, threatening to lick up his arms and feed into his core. No, not today. Today was a happy today, their perfect day, their best day. What was there to be panicked about?

Aside from everything, he thought to himself with a hitched breath. He hooked his arm together with Mordecai's, glancing at his fiance, before taking the first step forward and beginning their entrance walk; focusing on the music and the warmth of Mordecai against him.

[stone-derek-blog]

100 Drabbles Challenge ☾ No. 7: Eternity

The stark red light of his alarm clock bled through the darkness of his room, reading 3:37am. Derek's head ached. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't fall asleep. The dull chorus of a Ke$ha song pounded through his skull, "c'mon, c'mon, c'mon" increasing his headache. 

It was all Mordecai's fault. 

The song was Mordecai's fault; it reminded him too much of the blond. His sheets were Mordecai's fault; the smell of him still clung to the other side of his bed, from the nap his friend had taken there earlier. The agony pulling at his chest was Mordecai's fault; he'd torn open something inside of him he had not known existed. 

Derek sat up tiredly. He threw back his mangled, ratty covers and shifted himself downward to sit at the foot of hid bed. Bloodshot eyes stared ahead of him anxious. From his pillows he could hear Misty whine and shift, before settling back down atop the place Mordecai had rested his head. Derek scoffed without turning around. 

He dropped his head into his hands. 

Three weeks. Three weeks since Mordecai had drunkenly kissed him at that bar. A 'confidence boost', he'd called it. Since that night Mordecai had acted as if nothing had happened between them. The kiss did not exist to him, or else, it didn't matter. They continued on being friends, completely platonic, hanging out just like normal people might. 

It bothered Derek. Bothered him that if it bothered him at all, he obviously liked the kiss. Bothered Derek that Mordecai had not brought it up; bothered Derek that Mordecai kissed so casually it didn't even matter if he had remembered, his friend wouldn't care. Bothered Derek that he wanted to kiss him again. 

Wanted to do more than kiss him again. A whine escaped his throat. Sexuality, sex, was not something Derek concerned himself with. It had been six years since his first and last time. He touched himself once in a blue moon, to Jean Grey and his X-Men DVD's. Physical attraction never struck him beyond a fleeting thought, and yet, here he was.

Spending his nights wondering about fucking his best friend. Craving Mordecai's practiced, confident touch. He remembered vividly the feel of Mordecai's lips against his own, the taste of alcohol hot and sloppy; Mordecai's hands at his jaw and his neck, the tug to the hair at the base of his neck that had made him moan...

Derek bolting upright and shook his head, standing in the center of his dark room. The floor creaked as he began to pace, groaning into his hands.

This was wrong. He wasn't gay. He wasn't gay for Mordecai. Someone had briefly shown affection to him, finally, and he'd liked it. That was all it was. Right?

This wouldn't last forever. It couldn't. He would get over it. Crushes, if it could be called a crush, didn't last forever. 

But it'd felt like such an eternity already. He sucked in a gasp, chest rising and falling rapidly. One thought rang through his head. 

What's wrong with me?