[stonegemss]

Whose idea, or mutational flaw, made humans self- reflect so hard that some of us off ourselves? Strangled by the tangled webs of our own minds.

Sometimes I wish I could resurrect past demons just to have the opportunity to speak with them again. Not that I even know what I’d want to say. Hindsight gets blurry the further you move ahead, casting a rosy tint every now and then.

Truly, I hope you’re at peace. 🖤

[stonegemss]

I no longer get anxiety leading up to social gatherings, but over analyze everything so I can feel anxious about it later. If I say little and don’t connect, I feel better but find myself lonely—though I’m a super introvert, so it doesn’t take much interaction to fix that. However, if I do try to connect, it’s followed by days of overthinking. I want to be normal and not constantly have to resist the urge to bite my tongue off.

[stonegemss]

[stonegemss]

I’m not sure if it’s vigor, insanity, or quiet acceptance that shit it just going to happen all of the time. I restarted school, was reminded of my grandpa’s mortality, got a random 17% salary increase, and sometimes want to die. Normally all of the mildly bad things/anxiety build up until I implode and quit everything. But, I’m sporadically overcome with such confident bursts of peace; it’s like I suddenly know bad luck isn’t going on leave just because I’m finally trying to get my life together, but I know I can/have to overcome the obstacles now. The universe isn’t going to give me a break? Fine, I’ll do shit anyway.

[stonegemss]

[stonegemss]

[stonegemss]

2020 Goalz 🙄

-Finish 30 credits

-Read 10 books

-Self care, stop being a people pleaser and prioritize yourself, see goal 1 first though

-Be better to like 2 people

-Get/keep your finances together

[stonegemss]

I can’t recognize anxiety in my conscious mind without hearing Eric Cartman’s voice. I feel equally ridiculous thinking to myself, “You didn’t fuck up, it’s just anxiety, you’re fine.” Sometimes I am a relatively normal 28 year old, and sometimes I want to melt into the floor and limit my cringes by only interacting with other humans at work.

I’m currently mid introvert withdrawal rapid spiral, and I can’t get drunk or sleep to knock my brain off of repeat analysis of all the insignificant interactions that I’m falsely convinced everyone is hardcore judging me for. I tell myself it’s helpful anyway, that riding it out makes progress. Good news is, the holidays are almost over and I can soon crawl back into my hermit hole until Easter.

I tell myself it’s helpful to suffer through it, but man I understand why people choose drugs sometimes. In short: everything is terrible, but will probably be fine in 4-72 hours.

[stonegemss]

[stonegemss]

[thepowerwithin]

Seek your truth and follow your heart. Instagram | Nicole.Addison

[stonegemss]

Can’t tell if I’m having a bad week or if I’m trying to justify erratic behavior.

I had social interactions this weekend and have been anxious about them ever since. I alternate between barely sleeping, sleeping for 14 hours, and sleeping a normal amount but feeling exhausted regardless. I applied for a job that I don’t really want, and would most likely pay less/contribute less to benefits, simply because they chose someone else when I applied two years ago with minimal experience (I think? Or I ghosted them, but I’m somewhat confident they rejected me). I really want to take the rest of the week off and binge Netflix, but I usually wake up feeling like a responsible adult with bills to pay (fingers crossed 🤞🏻).

[stonegemss]

[poemswords]

“I’m caught between trying to live my life, and trying to run from it.”

— Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being A Wallflower (via books-n-quotes)

[stonegemss]

🖤

[stonegemss]

[stonegemss]