After finding one of his residents on the verge of tears, Jack Abbot realizes something about you. This series follows the small, intimate moments of what will be a very interesting relationship.
Dr. Jack Abbot x fem!reader, slowburn
Ongoing
Petroleum Pt. 1 - after a horrible shift, you have a heart felt conversation with none other than your chief attending
Petroleum Pt. 2 - Abbot wants to get to know you better, so he asks to borrow your favorite book
Petroleum Pt. 3 - a rainstorm hits and leaves the Pitt Crew in shambles
author’s note 𓂃 requested by @myst3ryin0rperated 💌 this ended up being way longer than planned, but honestly? tuck deserves the attention. i love parts of this, but i’m also not fully sure how i feel about it yet, so i’d love to know what you think <3
── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──
The first time Tucker saw you, you almost took out an entire row of glasses at Malone’s. Not one, not two, but an entire row.
It happened on a Friday night, which meant the bar was already packed with students pretending they didn’t have assignments due, hockey players pretending they weren’t exhausted from practice, and Della behind the counter pretending she wasn’t five seconds away from throwing someone out for ordering another round only to forget what they’d asked for immediately.
You were new, and that much was obvious. Not because you were bad at the job, exactly, but because you still had the bright, nervous energy of someone who hadn’t yet learned that Malone’s on a Friday night was less a bar and more a sticky-floored battlefield.
You came out from behind the counter with a tray balanced carefully in both hands, brows pinched in concentration as your bottom lip caught between your teeth. You were wearing black jeans and a Malone’s blue shirt, your hair pulled back messily, as if you’d done it in a rush, and Tucker found himself noticing you before he could think better of it.
He noticed the way you smiled at a customer who was definitely being too loud. He noticed the way you thanked Della twice when she moved around you. He noticed how hard you were trying to do everything right.
And then you set the tray down on the bar too quickly, caught the edge of a napkin holder, and sent three clean glasses tipping into each other with a loud, terrible clatter.
Everyone at the table flinched. Dean was the first to turn around, Garrett’s attention snapped away from whatever Hannah was saying, and Logan started laughing before he’d even fully figured out what had happened.
You froze immediately.
“Oh my god,” you said, hands flying up like you were surrendering to the glasses. “I’m so sorry. I swear I’m usually less of a disaster when no one’s watching.”
Della sighed, though there was already affection in it. “Sweetheart, nobody expects grace here. Just survival.”
Dean grinned from the booth where he sat with the boys. “Ten out of ten entrance.”
Garrett kicked him under the table without even looking at him.
You winced, cheeks burning, and immediately started gathering the glasses before any of them could fall off the bar.
Tucker was on his feet before he’d even thought about moving.
“Here,” he said, already grabbing a stack of napkins from the end of the counter and stepping closer. “I got it.”
You looked up at him, startled, like you hadn’t expected someone to help instead of laugh. Something weird shifted in Tucker’s chest.
“Oh,” you said, your voice softening. “Thank you.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, steadying one of the glasses before it could roll off the edge. He gave you a small smile. “First Friday?”
“Is it that obvious?”
“Only a little,” he said, smile tugging at his mouth.
Your mouth curved into an embarrassed but sweet smile, and Tucker noticed the way your whole face seemed to warm with it.
Dean, because of course he did, leaned over the booth and said, “Careful, Tuck. She might make you work for free.”
You glanced between them, your smile still lingering. “Tuck?”
“Tucker,” he said, handing over the glass he’d rescued. “John Tucker.”
You took it from him, your fingers brushing against his for half a second.
“I’m [Y/N],” you said. Then you looked down at the glasses, sighed, and added, “Apparently also a public safety hazard.”
Tucker laughed, not because it was that funny, though it was, but because you were smiling at him like you were happy he had.
That was the first thing Tucker noticed. Not that you were the prettiest girl in the room, though you were. Not that you were the clumsy new waitress, though the boys would absolutely bring that up later. Not even that you were the transfer student Hannah had mentioned once, the one who’d started working at Malone’s because she needed extra money, and Della liked hiring people she could boss around.
The first thing was that you looked at Tucker like he was the one you were talking to — not the guy beside Dean, not Garrett’s friend, not one of the hockey boys. Him.
It was a stupid thing to notice, so of course Tucker noticed.
Over the next few weeks, you became part of Malone’s the way some people became part of a song — slowly at first, then all at once.
You were there on Fridays and sometimes Saturdays, always with your hair tied back in a way that never lasted more than an hour before pieces started falling loose around your face. You learned the regulars’ orders faster than anyone expected. You learned Della’s moods, learned that Dean always said he wanted something different before ordering the same beer anyway, that Logan would steal fries from whoever sat too close, that Garrett was polite because Hannah elbowed him when he forgot, and that Allie always tipped too much because she knew what the job felt like.
And Tucker — you learned his drink by the third Friday. That shouldn’t have affected him. It did anyway.
“You want the usual?” you asked, already reaching for it as he and the boys slid into their booth after the game.
Dean stopped mid-sentence and turned slowly toward Tucker, wearing the most irritating smile imaginable. Logan looked absolutely delighted. Garrett looked like he was trying very hard not to seem delighted. Tucker ignored every single one of them.
“You remembered?” he asked, which was the wrong thing to say because it made him sound surprised.
You blinked at him, then smiled. “You order the same thing every time.”
“So does Dean,” Tucker said.
“Yeah, but Dean changes his mind three times before going back to the same thing. You have to prepare for that emotionally.”
Garrett laughed quietly into his drink.
Dean put a hand over his chest. “I feel attacked.”
“You should,” Allie said, appearing beside him like she’d been summoned by the opportunity to tease him. “It was accurate.”
You grinned and slid Tucker his drink first, and he hated how quickly he liked it—hated how his eyes followed you when you walked away to help another table. Hated even more that Dean noticed immediately.
“Oh, you’re so in trouble.”
Tucker glanced at him. “Shut up.”
“I didn’t even say anything specific,” Dean said.
“You didn’t need to.”
Logan leaned forward, as if this were crucial evidence. “She gave you your drink first.”
“Because I was sitting closest.”
“You weren’t,” Garrett said.
Tucker shot him a look. “Aren’t you supposed to be mature now?”
Garrett shrugged, his arm around Hannah. “I’m in a relationship, not dead.”
Across the room, you laughed at something Della said, nearly dropped a pen, caught it against your chest, and looked far too proud of yourself for saving it.
Tucker tried not to smile, and failed.
Dean pointed at Tucker’s face as he’d just found evidence. “That. Right there. That’s pathetic.”
Tucker picked up his drink, unimpressed. “You’re literally dating Allie.”
“Yes, and I became pathetic in public. It’s part of the process.”
“I’m not becoming anything,” Tucker said.
“Sure,” Dean said.
Tucker knew exactly what they thought.
He knew how it looked: new girl, pretty smile, sweet enough to make everyone in the room feel like she was happy to see them. Of course, he liked her. Everyone probably liked her. You were the kind of person people noticed because you made it easy for them. You asked questions, laughed without trying to seem cool, apologized to chairs when you bumped into them, and once gave a drunk sophomore a full pep talk because he looked sad over mozzarella sticks.
You were sunshine in a place that mostly smelled like beer and fried food.
Tucker told himself that was all it was: you were friendly, and he was interested because of it. It didn’t mean you were interested back.
Girls usually went for guys like Dean: loud, confident, easy to flirt with because he did half the work for them. Or Garrett, with the captain thing and that accidental golden-boy charm, even though Hannah would probably murder anyone who tried. Or Logan, who looked like trouble and knew exactly how to make it work.
Tucker was the nice one, the safe one, the one girls asked to hold their coats while they danced with someone else.
He’d made peace with that a long time ago — mostly. Then, on the fourth Friday, you proved you were going to be a problem.
It was later than usual, with the crowd thinning out around midnight and the booths left sticky and half-empty. Tucker had ended up at the bar while the others argued over whether to go back to the house or order food. You were wiping down the counter with your sleeves pushed up, cheeks flushed from the long shift.
“You’re staring again,” you said, not even looking up.
Tucker blinked at you. “What?”
You glanced at him, eyes bright with amusement. “I said you’re staring.”
“I wasn’t,” he said.
“You were,” you said.
“I was just thinking,” he said.
“About the counter?” you asked.
“It’s a very interesting counter.”
You smiled, and Tucker felt stupidly pleased with himself for being the reason.
“You always do that,” you said, still smiling.
“Stare at counters?” he asked.
“No,” you said, leaning your hip against the bar. “Make jokes when I catch you looking at me.”
Tucker’s throat went dry.
That wasn’t fair. You couldn’t look that sweet and then say things like that.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
You hummed like you didn’t believe him, which was fair, considering he sounded ridiculous.
Dean appeared at Tucker’s shoulder at the worst possible time, because of course he did. “He never does.”
Tucker closed his eyes like he was praying for patience. “Go away.”
Dean grinned at you because, apparently, subtlety had never been an option. “Has he asked you out yet?”
Tucker’s head snapped toward Dean. “Jesus Christ.”
You froze for half a second before your face went pink.
Dean looked like Christmas had just come early.
“Oh,” Dean said slowly, looking far too pleased. “Interesting.”
“Dean,” Tucker said, warning clear in his voice.
You cleared your throat and turned back to the counter, trying to hide your smile. “Does he need help with that?”
Tucker stared at you, Dean made a sound like he’d been shot, and Garrett yelled from the booth, “What happened?”
“Nothing,” Tucker said, far too quickly.
Dean turned back toward the table. “Tucker’s dying.”
“I’m fine,” Tucker said.
You were still smiling down at the counter like you hadn’t just caused chaos.
Tucker didn’t recover for the rest of the night.
After that, things changed. Not dramatically, and not enough that anyone else would’ve called it obvious — except maybe Dean, who called everything obvious if it helped him be annoying. But Tucker felt it.
You started lingering near him when the bar slowed down. You leaned across the counter when you talked to him, chin propped in your hand and eyes warm with focus. You asked about his classes. His practices. His stupid sandwich preference after Logan tried to convince you Tucker had “boring taste,” which somehow turned into a ten-minute argument about whether turkey counted as a personality flaw.
You also started touching him. Not much, just enough to ruin him.
Your fingers brushed his wrist when you set down his drink. Your knee bumped his when you sat beside him for five minutes during your break. Your hand landed briefly on his shoulder when you squeezed past him behind the bar, soft and apologetic and completely unnecessary.
Tucker told himself you were probably like that with everyone, right up until he watched you tell Dean to stop leaning over the bar because he was “ruining the ecosystem,” and decided maybe you weren’t.
By the sixth Friday, Della had started looking at both of you like she knew something neither of you had admitted yet.
That was also the night everything finally clicked into place.
The boys came in late after an away game, tired and loud, their faces flushed from the cold. Hannah and Allie were with them, bundled in coats and already claiming a booth while Dean declared he was starving with the drama of a man who hadn’t eaten in years.
You were working closing again, and Tucker tried very hard not to look too happy about that. Failed, probably.
From behind the bar, you caught his eye and smiled so brightly that his chest went warm.
“The usual?” you asked.
Dean groaned, as if he were personally offended. “This is disgusting.”
You laughed, confused. “What?”
“He’s smiling like an idiot,” Dean said.
Tucker elbowed him in the side.
You looked at Tucker, smile softening as you asked, “Are you?”
“No,” Tucker said.
“He is,” Logan called from the booth.
“He absolutely is,” Garrett added from the booth.
Tucker stared at Garrett. “You too?”
Garrett lifted his hands in surrender. “I’m just observing.”
You set his drink down in front of him, fingers brushing his for a second too long. “For the record, I don’t mind.”
Tucker forgot how to speak, and you walked away before he could find a response.
Dean leaned closer, his voice low enough that only Tucker could hear. “If you don’t ask her out tonight, I’m doing it for you.”
“You are not doing anything,” Tucker said.
“Then do something,” Dean said.
Tucker looked toward the bar, where you were reaching for a stack of napkins and laughing at something Hannah had said. You nearly knocked over a bottle with your elbow, caught it just in time, and then looked around to see if anyone had noticed.
Tucker had. You saw him seeing you, and your nose scrunched with embarrassment. He smiled before he could stop himself.
Dean sighed, as if this were personally exhausting. “God, you two are unbearable.”
Tucker looked away, like that settled it. “She’s just friendly.”
Dean stared at him.
“What?”
“Are you actually stupid?”
“Wow. Very helpful.”
“I’m serious,” Dean said, glancing toward you before looking back at Tucker. “That girl has been making heart eyes at you for a month.”
“She’s nice to everyone,” Tucker said.
“She threatened to pour soda on Logan last week,” Dean said.
Logan looked up from stealing Allie’s fries. “I deserved that.”
Dean continued, with the patience of someone explaining something painfully obvious, “She likes you.”
Tucker shifted, uncomfortable under the weight of the words. “You don’t know that.”
Dean’s expression softened slightly, which was somehow worse. “Tuck.”
“Don’t,” Tucker said.
“I’m just saying,” Dean started.
“I know what you’re saying,” Tucker said, his voice coming out lower than he meant. “But she’s new. She’s nice. And she has all of you literally sitting here every week. I’m not going to assume she’s looking at me like that just because I want her to.”
For once, Dean went quiet.
Tucker regretted saying it immediately. Not because it wasn’t true, because it was, but because he’d never said it out loud before. And, of course, because timing apparently wasn’t on his side, he looked up and saw you standing a few feet away with a tray in your hands, your expression caught somewhere between surprise and something softer.
Tucker’s stomach dropped. You had heard. Maybe not all of it, but enough.
You blinked once, then gave him a small smile, the kind that didn’t quite reach your eyes. “Della said last call.”
Then you turned and walked back to the bar.
Dean leaned back slowly, the teasing finally slipping from his face.
Tucker dragged a hand over his face, guilt hitting all at once. “Fuck.”
“Yeah,” Dean said, quieter now. “That one might be on you.”
The next twenty minutes were horrible. You weren’t rude, and somehow, that made it worse. You were still sweet when you cleared the table, still smiling when Hannah hugged you goodbye, still telling Logan he couldn’t take the basket of fries with him because it was “not a souvenir.” But you didn’t linger near Tucker, didn’t brush his hand, didn’t smile at him first.
By the time the others left, Dean gave him one very pointed look from the door. Tucker ignored it, mostly because he deserved it.
He stayed behind while you wiped down the bar, sitting at the end with his coat folded beside him like he wasn’t sure where else to put himself. Della had disappeared into the back, clearly on purpose, and without the usual noise, the bar felt strange. Softer. Too quiet.
You didn’t look at him for a while, and Tucker let you have that.
Eventually, you set the rag down with a sigh. “Are you waiting for Della or me?”
“You,” he said. You glanced up, and he swallowed. “If that’s okay.”
You looked at him for a moment before nodding. “Okay.”
“I’m sorry.” You seemed surprised by that, so Tucker kept going before he could lose his nerve. “For what I said earlier. You weren’t supposed to hear it.”
“Would it be better if I hadn’t heard it?”
“No,” he said, looking down at his hands before meeting your eyes again. “Probably not.”
You crossed your arms and leaned against the bar. “Do you really think I’m just being nice?”
Tucker hated how gentle your voice was.
“I think you are nice,” he said.
“That’s not what I asked.”
A small smile tugged at his mouth before he could stop it. “No, it wasn’t.”
You waited, giving him time to answer.
Tucker exhaled slowly. “I don’t know what I think. I guess I’m trying not to assume.”
“Assume what?” you asked.
“That you’d choose me.”
The words settled between you, quiet and honest and too exposed.
Your expression softened when you said his name. “Tucker.”
He let out a short laugh, but there was no humor in it. “I know. It sounds stupid.”
“It doesn’t,” you said.
“It kind of does,” he said.
“No,” you said, walking slowly around the bar until you were standing in front of him. “It sounds like you don’t see yourself clearly.”
He looked at you then. Really looked. Your face was still flushed from work, hair coming loose around your cheeks, your eyes tired but warm. There was nothing teasing in them now.
“You keep acting like I’m looking past you,” you said, voice soft. “I’m not.”
Tucker went completely still.
You swallowed, a little nervous now, and somehow that made the words hit even harder. “I saw all of them first. I still looked at you.”
For a second, Tucker couldn’t speak. He’d imagined you saying a lot of things. Not that. Never that.
“[Y/N],” Tucker said quietly.
Your smile wobbled slightly. “Too much?”
“No,” he said, voice rough. “No, not too much.”
Della chose that moment to appear from the back, took one look at the two of you, and turned right back around. “I forgot absolutely nothing. Continue.”
You laughed, breaking the tension just enough for Tucker to breathe again.
He stood and grabbed his coat. “Let me walk you home.”
Your eyes lifted to his, softer now. “Okay.”
Outside, the cold air hit your face, and you pulled your jacket tighter around yourself. Tucker walked beside you, close enough for your shoulders to brush every few steps, but not close enough to crowd you. The streets around Briar were quieter now, wrapped in the kind of late-night stillness that made every little sound feel louder — your shoes on the sidewalk, Tucker’s breath in the cold, the distant noise from another bar down the street.
For a minute, neither of you said anything, and then you laughed softly.
Tucker looked over at you. “What?”
“I just realized I basically confessed to you in front of a bar counter that still smelled like spilled beer.”
His mouth twitched like he was trying not to smile. “Very romantic.”
“I’ve always been known for my elegance.”
“You did knock over four glasses the first night I met you.”
“Three,” you said, pointing at him. “It was three.”
“One almost fell off the counter,” he said. “I’m counting it.”
“You’re cruel,” you said, trying not to smile.
“I did help.”
“You did,” you said, your voice softening. “That’s why I remembered you.”
Tucker’s chest tightened at that.
You kept walking for a few more steps before adding, “Everyone else laughed. Not in a mean way, but still. You just helped.”
“It wasn’t exactly heroic.”
“It was to me,” you said quietly.
He didn’t know what to do with that, so he shoved his hands deeper into his pockets and looked down at the sidewalk like it might tell him what to say.
You smiled at him, and somehow Tucker felt it even without looking.
By the time you reached your apartment building, the tension had changed shape again. It was still soft, still warm, but there was something electric underneath it now, something that had been building for weeks across bar counters, half-finished conversations, and every smile you’d given him like it wasn’t ruining his day in the best way.
You stopped when you reached the door.
“This is me,” you said.
Tucker nodded, like he knew that and still wasn’t ready to leave. “Yeah.”
Neither of you moved. Then you looked up at him. “Do you want to come in?”
His eyes lifted to yours. The question was quiet, but there was nothing unclear about it.
Tucker’s voice dropped when he asked, “Do you want me to?”
You stepped closer, your eyes still on his. “Yes.”
That was all Tucker needed.
The elevator ride was silent, broken only by your uneven breathing and the small ding of each floor passing. Tucker stood beside you with his hands at his sides, not touching you yet, though the restraint in him was obvious. You could feel it — in the tight line of his jaw, in the way his eyes kept flicking to your mouth before he forced them away, in the way he seemed to be waiting until you were somewhere private before letting himself want you properly.
Somehow, it only made you want him more.
Your apartment was small and warm, a little messy in a way that made you immediately wince as you unlocked the door.
“Don’t judge,” you said as you stepped inside. “I wasn’t expecting company.”
Tucker looked around at the books stacked on the coffee table, the blanket slipping off the couch, the mug in the sink, and the tiny lamp glowing in the corner before looking back at you.
“I like it,” he said softly.
You smiled at him. “You’re very easy to impress.”
“Only when it’s you,” he said.
The words were quiet and simple, and they stole the air from your chest.
You closed the door behind him, then turned the lock.
Tucker’s eyes dropped to the movement, and his expression shifted. When he looked back at you, something had changed. He was still Tucker — still warm, still steady — but the softness in him had sharpened into something more focused.
You swallowed, voice suddenly smaller. “Hi.”
His mouth curved, just barely. “Hi.”
“You’re standing very far away,” you said.
“I’m trying to be respectful,” he said.
You stepped closer, eyes on his. “You can stop.”
His eyes darkened at that. “Yeah?”
You nodded, not trusting your voice.
Tucker moved then, closing the small space between you in two steps. His hand came up to your jaw, gentle at first, like he was giving you one last second to lean away.
You leaned into his touch.
After that, the kiss wasn’t gentle. It was warm, deep, and immediate, like weeks of almosts had finally found somewhere to land. Tucker’s hand slid into your hair, the other settling at your waist as he pulled you close enough for your chest to press against his. A soft sound slipped out against his mouth, and Tucker’s grip tightened.
“There you are,” Tucker murmured against your mouth.
Your stomach flipped at the sound of his voice.
You kissed him harder, your hands sliding up his chest and feeling the solid warmth of him beneath his jacket. Tucker walked you back until your spine met the wall near the door, his body caging yours in without ever making you feel trapped.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this,” he said, his mouth brushing your jaw.
Your head tipped back as his lips moved to your neck. “I wanted you to.”
His hand tightened briefly at your waist.
“Yeah?” His voice dropped lower. “Wanted me to walk you home?”
“Yes,” you breathed.
“Wanted me to come upstairs too?”
“Yes,” you breathed.
His mouth hovered near your ear, voice low. “Wanted me to touch you?”
Your breath caught before you could answer. “Tuck—”
He kissed the spot just beneath your jaw, pulling a sound from you that was almost a whimper.
His voice went rough. “Say it.”
You swallowed, your fingers curling into his shirt. “Yes. I wanted you to touch me.”
He groaned, low and restrained, before his mouth found yours again, hungrier this time. Your hands pushed at his jacket, clumsy with urgency, and Tucker helped you pull it off before shrugging out of it and tossing it somewhere near the couch.
You laughed breathlessly as it knocked into a chair.
“Sorry,” you breathed.
“Don’t care,” Tucker murmured, already kissing you again.
Your back hit the wall hard enough to make your whole body light up, but not enough to hurt. Tucker’s thigh slid between yours, and the second you rocked down against it without thinking, his hand tightened on your hip.
“Fuck,” he breathed against your mouth. “You’re going to make me forget how to be nice.”
Your lips curved against his. “Maybe I don’t want nice.”
His eyes lifted to yours, and there it was again — that quiet intensity.
“I can do both,” Tucker said, voice low.
The words went straight through you, sharp and warm all at once.
His hands slipped beneath your shirt, his palms warm against your skin. He touched you slowly at first, almost reverent, like he was trying to memorize the shape of you. Then your hips moved against his thigh again, and his control slipped just enough that his fingers pressed into your waist.
“You’re so pretty,” he murmured, voice rough. “I’ve been thinking that since the first night.”
“When I dropped the glasses?” you asked.
“Especially then,” he said, like it was obvious.
You laughed, only for it to break into a gasp when his mouth found your neck again, his teeth grazing lightly before his tongue soothed the spot.
“Tucker,” you breathed.
“I know,” he murmured, his hand moving higher until his fingers brushed the underside of your breast through your bra. “Tell me if you want me to stop.”
You shook your head quickly, voice barely steady. “No.”
“No?” he asked, voice low.
“Don’t stop,” you whispered.
His eyes darkened at that, and then he kissed you like those words had undone something in him. The warm, steady Tucker from Malone’s was still there, but this version of him felt different — more confident, more direct. His hands knew exactly where they wanted to go, his mouth knew how to make you melt, and every quiet groan he gave you made your knees a little less reliable.
He pushed your shirt up slowly, and you lifted your arms for him. The second your shirt hit the floor, his gaze dropped to your chest, and his jaw flexed.
“Jesus,” he breathed.
You almost made a joke. Almost. But the way he looked at you made it hard to hide behind one.
His hands came up to cover your breasts through your bra, thumbs brushing slowly over the thin fabric. Your back arched off the wall as a soft moan slipped out before you could stop it.
Tucker’s mouth parted slightly, his voice rough. “Don’t hide that.”
“What?” you breathed.
“Those sounds,” he said, his thumb moving again just to make your breath catch. “I want to hear them.”
Your cheeks warmed, but your body answered before your mouth could, another quiet whimper slipping out when he leaned down and kissed the top of your breast.
“Like that?” Tucker asked, voice low.
“Yes,” you breathed, your fingers tightening in his shirt. “Like that.”
He undid your bra carefully, sliding the straps down your arms before letting it fall between you. His eyes moved over you more slowly this time, and something about the softness in his face made your chest ache.
Then his mouth closed around your nipple, pulling a moan from you as your head knocked back against the wall.
Tucker groaned against your skin, one hand firm at your waist while the other covered your breast, fingers rolling your nipple until you started shifting against him, needy and restless.
“You’re so responsive,” Tucker murmured, kissing across your chest. “Do you have any idea what that does to me?”
You swallowed, surprising yourself with how steady it sounded. “Tell me.”
His eyes flicked up, and for a second, he looked surprised. Then his expression shifted, a small, almost dangerous smile tugging at his mouth.
“It makes me want to take my time,” he said, voice low. “Makes me want to find out every way to make you sound like that again.”
Your thighs pressed together, and Tucker noticed immediately. Of course he did. His hand slid down your stomach, fingers pausing at the button of your jeans.
“Can I?” he asked, voice low.
“Yes,” you whispered.
He unbuttoned your jeans slowly, eyes fixed on your face as he pushed the denim down your hips. You kicked them off awkwardly, nearly tripping in the process, and Tucker caught you with a quiet laugh, his hands steady on your waist.
“Still clumsy,” he murmured.
“You’re very distracting,” you said.
“Good,” he murmured.
You were about to answer, but then his fingers slipped beneath the waistband of your underwear, and every thought disappeared.
He touched you over your panties first, two fingers pressing against the wet fabric, and his breath caught.
“Fuck,” he breathed. “You’re wet.”
Your face burned at the way he said it. “You sound surprised.”
“I’m not,” he said, fingers moving slowly over your clit through the soaked material. “Just trying to process the fact that you wanted me this badly.”
“I did,” you whispered.
The admission came out soft and honest.
Tucker’s eyes lifted to yours. You held his gaze, even though it made you feel exposed.
“I wanted you,” you said again, softer this time.
Something shifted in his face. Then he kissed you hard, fingers pushing your underwear aside and sliding through your wetness. The first touch of his skin against your cunt pulled a gasp from you, your hips bucking toward his hand before you could stop them.
“There you go,” he murmured, voice rough with satisfaction. “That’s what I wanted.”
His fingers circled your clit slowly, steady and precise, and you clung to his shoulders as pleasure sparked low in your stomach.
“Tuck,” you whimpered, fingers tightening on his shoulders.
“Right here,” he murmured, his forehead touching yours. “I’ve got you.”
He slid one finger into you, eyes fixed on the way your lips parted, then added another when your hips rolled against his hand. The stretch pulled a louder moan from you, and Tucker’s jaw tightened like the sound was testing every bit of his restraint.
“Fuck,” he breathed, voice rough. “You sound so pretty.”
His touch grew deeper and more deliberate, his thumb finding you again as you stayed pressed against the wall, nearly bare while Tucker was still fully dressed. The imbalance should have made you embarrassed.
It didn’t. Not with him looking at you like that, not with his hand between your thighs, his mouth at your jaw, and his voice low in your ear.
“Tell me what feels good,” he murmured.
Your breath shook around the answer. “Your fingers.”
“Yeah?” he murmured.
“Yes,” you breathed, gripping his shirt tighter. “Right there. Don’t stop.”
His fingers curled again, and a moan broke from you into the quiet room.
“That’s it,” he murmured, voice rough. “Let me hear you.”
The pleasure built faster than you expected, heat tightening through your stomach and thighs, but just before it could break, Tucker pulled his fingers away.
A frustrated sound slipped out of you. “Why—”
He dropped to his knees, and your mouth went dry as Tucker looked up at you from the floor, hands sliding up the backs of your thighs.
“I’m not done with you yet.” It should not have sounded as hot as it did.
Then he pulled your underwear down, slow and deliberate, before lifting one of your legs over his shoulder.
“Tucker,” you breathed, fingers tightening in his hair.
His mouth pressed against the inside of your thigh. “Hold onto me.”
Your fingers slid into his hair, and then his mouth found your cunt.
The first stroke of his tongue made your whole body jerk, a sharp moan slipping out as his hands tightened on your thighs. He ate you like he’d been waiting weeks for it, slow and deep at first, tongue dragging through your wetness before flattening over your clit.
“Oh my god,” you gasped.
He hummed against you, the vibration making your knees buckle slightly, and Tucker held you up.
His mouth worked over you with a patience that felt almost unfair, tongue circling your clit, lips sucking softly while his fingers dug into your thigh every time you tugged his hair. You could feel how wet you were, could hear it too, and the sound made your face burn even as your hips started moving against his mouth.
“Tuck—fuck, right there,” you gasped.
He groaned like the words had gone straight through him, focusing there until the pleasure turned sharp and bright. Your head fell back against the wall, one hand still buried in his hair while the other braced beside you.
You were close, close enough that your thighs started trembling.
“Tucker,” you gasped. “I’m—”
He didn’t stop. He didn’t slow down. He only held you tighter, mouth sealed over your clit until you came with a broken moan, hips jerking against him as pleasure rolled through you. He stayed with you through it, easing the pressure when you started to shake and pressing kisses to your inner thigh when you finally whimpered from the sensitivity.
When he stood again, his mouth was wet and his eyes were dark.
You could only stare at him.
He wiped his thumb across his lower lip before leaning in to kiss you. You tasted yourself on his tongue, moaning into his mouth as Tucker made a rough sound against you.
“Bedroom,” he said, voice rough.
You nodded quickly.
The walk there was not graceful. You bumped into the side table, Tucker knocked into the doorframe, and you both laughed against each other’s mouths until the laughter turned into another kiss the second you reached your room.
Tucker pulled his shirt off, and you finally got to touch him properly.
He was warm beneath your palms, solid and broad, and his stomach tightened when your fingers dragged lower toward his belt.
“You okay?” you asked, a small smile tugging at your mouth.
His eyes met yours, dark and unsteady. “I’ve been better.”
You laughed, but then your hand brushed over the hard outline of him through his jeans, and his smile vanished.
“Oh,” you whispered, your smile fading too.
Tucker caught your wrist gently, his voice rough. “Careful.”
You looked up at him, pulse jumping. “Or what?”
His expression shifted again, that quiet confidence settling over him like he knew exactly what you were doing.
“Or I’m gonna fuck you against that wall before we even make it to the bed.”
Your stomach dropped, but you held his gaze. “Maybe I’d like that.”
For a second, neither of you moved. Then Tucker kissed you hard enough that you stumbled backward.
Your back hit the bedroom wall, his body pressing close while his hands lifted you by the backs of your thighs. You wrapped your legs around his waist on instinct, and Tucker groaned when you rolled your hips against him.
“Condom?” he asked, his voice strained.
“Nightstand,” you said, breathless.
He carried you to the nightstand just long enough to grab one before returning you to the wall, laughing low when you kissed his neck impatiently.
“Eager,” he murmured.
“You’re the one who mentioned the wall,” you said.
“I did,” he said, voice low.
“Then stop talking,” you breathed.
Tucker’s mouth curved, slow and dangerous. “Yes, ma’am.”
He shoved his jeans down just enough to roll the condom on, then stepped between your thighs again, one hand sliding over your hip while his other arm kept you steady against the wall.
The head of his cock brushed through your wetness, and for a second, both of you went quiet.
Your fingers dug into his shoulders, voice barely steady. “Tuck.”
His forehead pressed to yours. “I know.”
He pushed in slowly, inch by inch, stretching you open while holding you like you were something precious and something he wanted badly enough to ruin all at once. The angle was intense, your back against the wall, legs wrapped around his waist, his body doing all the work as he filled you completely.
Your mouth fell open, breath catching in your throat.
Tucker groaned, the sound rough against your mouth. “Fuck, you feel good.”
“You too,” you breathed, fingers digging into his shoulders. “You feel so good.”
His eyes squeezed shut for a second before he started moving. Slow at first. Controlled. Deep enough that every thrust stole your breath, his hips pinning you to the wall while his hands kept you steady. You were still sensitive from his mouth, still wet and aching, and every drag of his cock pulled another moan from you.
“Tucker,” you gasped.
“I know,” he murmured, his mouth brushing your jaw. “I’ve got you.”
“You keep saying that,” you breathed.
“Because I do,” he said, voice steady.
Your chest tightened, but then his hips snapped a little harder, and the feeling turned back into heat.
“Oh, fuck,” you gasped.
“There?” he asked, his voice rough.
“Yes,” you gasped.
He adjusted his grip, holding you higher before hitting the same spot again, and your head fell back against the wall with a moan.
Tucker’s eyes locked on your face. “That’s it.”
His pace built slowly, not rushed but intense, every thrust dragging sounds from you that you couldn’t hold back. The wall was cold against your back, his skin hot against yours, and your whole world narrowed to Tucker’s hands, Tucker’s mouth, Tucker’s cock moving inside you like he’d been waiting weeks to prove exactly how well he could ruin you.
“You have no idea how hard it was,” he murmured against your throat, “watching you smile at me from across that bar.”
A whimper slipped out of you before you could stop it.
“Thinking you were just being nice,” he said, hips driving into yours harder until you gasped. “Thinking I was making it up.”
“I wasn’t,” you breathed, clinging tighter to his shoulders. “I wasn’t looking at them.”
Tucker’s grip tightened, and you pulled his face to yours, kissing him messily. “I wanted you.”
He groaned against your mouth.
The next thrust nearly tore a cry out of you.
“Say that again,” he rasped.
“I wanted you.” The next thrust hit harder, stealing the rest of the sentence from you. “Tucker—”
“Again.”
“I wanted you,” you moaned, nails dragging down his shoulders. “I wanted you so badly.”
That broke something in him. His pace turned rougher, still controlled but less careful now, hips snapping into yours as he held you against the wall. You clung to him, moaning his name, letting him hear every gasp and broken sound because he seemed to need them as badly as you needed the way he moved.
“Touch yourself,” he said suddenly, and your breath hitched.
His eyes met yours, dark and intent.
“I want to feel you come around me.”
Your hand slipped between your bodies, fingers finding your clit, and the first circle made your whole body jolt. Tucker cursed, forehead dropping to yours as you clenched around him.
“Fuck, that’s it.”
Your fingers moved faster, clumsy from how badly you were shaking, but the pressure built quickly with him still fucking into you, his voice low and constant in your ear.
“Look at you,” he murmured against your ear. “You’re so pretty. Doing so good for me.”
Your breath broke.
“Come on, baby.” His grip tightened. “Let me feel it.”
The orgasm hit hard, your body tightening around him as your moan broke into something helpless. Tucker held you through it, thrusting deep and uneven as you pulsed around him, until he followed with a rough groan, hips jerking as he came.
He stayed there for a moment, breathing hard against your neck, holding you up like letting go was not an option. Then he laughed softly.
You opened your eyes, still trying to catch your breath. “What?”
“Nothing,” he said, his mouth brushing your shoulder. “Just thinking Dean’s never going to shut up if he finds out.”
You laughed, still breathless and warm. “Then don’t tell him.”
“He’ll know,” Tucker said.
“Why?” you asked, smiling against his skin.
Tucker pulled back just enough to look at you, his smile softer now. “Because I’m not going to be able to stop smiling.”
Your heart did something stupid in your chest.
After that, he carried you to the bed and set you down carefully before disappearing to clean up. When he came back, he had a damp cloth in his hand, cleaning you gently and murmuring an apology when your thighs twitched from sensitivity.
“You okay?” he asked softly.
You nodded, still a little breathless. “Very okay.”
His mouth curved. “Good.”
He lay beside you, and for a second, a strange shyness settled between you again. Not awkward. Just new.
You turned onto your side to face him. “You can stay.”
His eyes softened at that. “Yeah?”
“If you want.”
“I want,” he said, without hesitation, and the answer came fast enough to make you smile.
Tucker pulled the blanket over both of you, and you curled into his side like it already felt familiar. His arm came around you, warm and steady, fingers tracing slow lines down your back.
For a while, neither of you said anything. Then you whispered, “I meant it, you know.”
His hand paused against your back. “What?”
“I saw all of them,” you said, tilting your head up to look at him. “I still looked at you.”
Tucker stared at you for a second, something tender and disbelieving crossing his face. Then he kissed you, soft this time, slow, like he finally believed you.
The next morning, Tucker woke with your leg thrown over his and your face tucked against his chest.
For a second, he didn’t move. He just looked at you — at the sunlight slipping through your curtains, your hair messy against his skin, the tiny crease between your brows like you were arguing with someone in your sleep.
He smiled before he could stop himself, which, as it turned out, was exactly the problem. Because when he finally left your apartment in yesterday’s clothes and walked into the hockey house just before noon, Dean was sitting on the couch with a bowl of cereal.
Dean looked up. Tucker froze. The spoon stopped halfway to Dean’s mouth as a slow, terrible smile spread across his face.
“No way.”
Tucker sighed. “Don’t.”
Logan appeared from the kitchen immediately, because he had a sixth sense for chaos. “What? What happened?”
Dean pointed his spoon at Tucker. “Our boy didn’t come home last night.”
Garrett looked over from the table, his brows lifting.
Logan’s face lit up. “[Y/N]?”
Tucker tried to walk past them. “I’m leaving.”
“You just got here,” Dean said, delighted.
“Then I’m leaving again.”
Garrett laughed under his breath. “Good for you, man.”
That was somehow worse than the teasing. Tucker shook his head, but he was smiling, and Dean noticed, because Dean noticed everything that made life unbearable.
“Oh, he likes her likes her.”
“Shut up.”
Logan grinned, leaning in like this was the best news he’d heard all week. “Did she finally get tired of waiting for you to make a move?”
Tucker paused at the stairs. Thought about your smile, your apartment, your voice saying, I still looked at you. Then he turned just enough to say, “Actually, she made the move.”
The room exploded. Dean yelled, Logan swore, and Garrett laughed properly this time.
Tucker headed upstairs before any of them could ask anything else, but he still heard Dean call after him.
Dr. Jack Abbot x fem!reader, no use of y/n, reader is a resident, slowburn, age gap intended but not explicitly said, not proofread, I don't work in the medical field lol
A little rain never hurt nobody.
Petroleum Pt. 1, Petroleum Pt. 2
The flickering of the lights was barely detectable. Didn't even last long enough to raise any concern. It was just a small glitch that fixed itself on the monitor; everyone went back to work like normal.
However, Jack Abbot had a sixth sense. He knew that little glitch was gonna bite the night shift's ass. A few hours passed, and the rustling of the wind was getting stronger; the whole building was starting to sway with every gust.
Jack Abbot had to prepare.
"Okay! Everybody listen up! We are gonna be in the middle of the storm," his presence was straightforward and commanding.
"What? Did the news say anything?" Ellis asked, pulling out her phone to check the weather app.
"No, but the winds are picking up, and in a few hours the rain will kick in. We must remain vigilant for incoming trauma."
You felt a flash of heat creep over your body as you watched him be stern and composed.
Lena, the charge nurse, puts the weather news on the screen for everyone to follow throughout the night.
Like a fortuneteller or a weatherman, Jack Abbot predicted the rainfall, and it was getting harder and harder. You always liked the rain, the way it reminded you of home.
This was different. It sounded dangerous, like the roof was one blow from being torn apart.
"Incoming! Car accident, driver is stable, but the passenger is in critical condition, eta 15 mins." Lena yelled out.
You and Dr. Abbot were the first to head out into the medical bay, awaiting the traumas. He was wearing an actual raincoat, the clear ones that swish when you move. He had the hood on and everything.
"Where is your jacket?" You thought he was teasing, but the look on his face indicated that he was serious.
"... at Central," you said, shivering in the cold.
Jack Abbot shook his head and said,
"We can't have you getting sick now."
Sometimes you couldn't tell when he was flirting and when he wasn't.
"Oh, I'm almost done with your book." He said.
You're shocked, that was only 3 days ago when he asked to borrow it.
"Already? It took me at least a week."
"I just couldn't put it down," he shrugged.
Now your mind is going through all the notes you wrote in the margins, every word you circled or highlighted.
He notices the glint in your eyes as you talk about the book, and he wishes he could keep the conversation going, but your traumas had arrived.
You quickly wheeled the driver as he took the passenger. A married couple caught in the storm on their way home from the movies.
The two of you and the rest of the EMTs were moving as quick as you could when one of the night nurses yelled out for a doctor to triage, and the lights were flickering crazily.
The storm was doing things to the ER. There was a static tension as everyone tried to treat their patients in the chaos.
The board and monitors were glitching more and more. It was harder to focus on the task at hand while the ER looked like a horror movie.
Then a big boom of thunder cascaded throughout the Pitt.
"SHIT!" Jack Abbot yelled out from the other Trauma room.
The power went out.
"Forget the tech, we gotta do this the old-fashioned way." He said, frustrated at the unclear airway and the lack of light.
"The Pitt is going analog," Shen adds.
The Pitt crew waited for the backup generators, but couldn't risk wasting time.
After you treated your driver, you had to check in on Dr. Abbot, who somehow performed a perfect crike in the dark.
"Dr. Abbot, do you need me?" You ask.
Your voice alone calmed him down. Jack Abbot felt his nervous system regulate.
He didn't really need you at this moment. Shen and Ellis were both in here, but he couldn't help but need you in the same room as him.
"Yeah, Shen, go check on the patients in C-2 and 4. I need you here to assist me with the leg.
Shen didn't put up a fight, but you knew for a fact that Ellis was making that face when she thought something was up.
"I hope you're not afraid of the dark," he jokes.
-------
At Central, the nurses were questioning how long the blackout was going to be. There were battery-operated lanterns and lamps scattered all around the ER, illuminating the space just enough.
By the time Jack Abbot managed to get the passenger into surgery, all eyes were on him.
Part of him wished that Robby were the one dealing with a blackout, but he also knew that he was better at handling stuff like this anyway.
"That was gnarly, but we got him stabilized. I know this isn't ideal, and we should've prepared better, but there's nothing we can do about it now. Charlie, can you get the flashlights from storage and hand them to everyone? Lena, try maintenance again. Ask em how long we'll be out of power for. Attendings! Residents! I need all of you to write everything down, and I mean everything. The best we can do is treat those we can and discharge as soon as we can. Once we get hold of the phone, we can coordinate with Presby. Okay, dismissed." Jack Abbot could feel the fatigue creeping in.
While you were discharging some patients at triage, you realized how much work you all had to do once the power was back on. It was double the paperwork that you were already dreading.
"What's going on with you and Abbot?" You gasped as Ellis crept up behind you.
"Nothing is going on with me and Dr. Abbot." You tried to sound calm.
"I highly doubt that. He's different around you."
"Maybe I'm just his favorite resident."
"No doubt about it." She laughs.
"Seriously, Parker, nothing is going on. He's our chief attending." You state.
Before she could say anything, the power came back on.
"Oh, you're blushing!" She laughed even harder.
-------
It was a terrifying 2 hours without power and an agonizing 3 hours of logging each patient's data back into the computer. By the time you realized your shift was over, the day shift was beginning to trickle in.
The nurses were bright and early as always, slipping away from your station. You quietly packed your things and wondered where Dr. Abbot was.
"Hey, Dana? Do you know where Dr. Abbot is?"
She pushed her glasses down the bridge of her nose, and said
"Rooftop, honey. Didn't look so happy when I came in."
You thanked her and made your trek to his favorite spot.
"I don't need a speech, brother. Just need the day to be over." He said, staring out at the sunrise.
"Isn't it crazy how the day is just starting for normal people?" You say.
Jack Abbot whips around at the sound of your voice,
"Then there's us."
"Then there's us. You were amazing tonight." You praised him. Come to think of it, this was the first time you praised him to his face.
"So were you," he said, leaning on the railing.
You looked at him like actually looked at him. The wrinkles and salt and pepper hair. The exhaustion on his face, the shimmer in his eye.
"Watching you tonight was something else."
"Oh, you were watching me?"
You blushed and softly punched his shoulder.
"I'm always watching you, Dr. Abbot."
A beat. A moment. An opportunity.
"Jack. Just call me Jack, our shift ended 10 minutes ago." His voice was low and intentional.
"Well, I hope you get some much-needed rest, Jack. I'll text you some possible book recs when you finish." It was your turn to make the cool exit.
When you do, you see Dr. Robby making his way to Jack. He gives you a smile, and you wave back.
When Robby and Jack make eye contact, Jack shakes his head.
Dr. Jack Abbot x fem!reader, no use of y/n, reader is a resident, slowburn, age gap intended but not explicitly said, not proofread, I don't work in the medical field lol
As the EMT, rushed into the Pitt you and Ellis were the first to tend to the Frat boy.
“Down time unknown. BP 98 over 60. His SATs are dropping.” One of the EMTs stated.
“Okay, I need Glucose now. CT on standby.” You say, wheeling him into one of the rooms.
Shen strolled into Trauma with his second cup of coffee,
“A frat bro found on the steps of the frat house? That’s messy.”
The room was making you claustrophobic. The crinkling of the sterile packaging, and the clanging of metal was enough to overstimulate any person, but as a doctor you have a life to save. Overstimulation is never an option.
“Pupil’s unresponsive,” you state.
Dr. Abbot came in to observe, his gown haphazardly thrown on. His gaze naturally found you. Gliding through the room like a ballerina, bagging the patient with precision and an exactness he expects from a senior resident. The steadiness of your hands and your anchored breathing, if you were overwhelmed, it wasn't noticeable.
The tox results came in for your frat patient, and there were high levels of alcohol confirming that his fall could’ve been accidental.
“CT is back, could be a possible head bleed.” You call out, taking Dr. Abbot out his trance.
“There wasn’t a noticeable head wound.” Ellis rebuttals.
“Doesn’t matter. He was unconscious, pupils unequal. He could’ve fallen or kicked in the head.” You said.
You and Ellis paused for a millisecond,
“You gotta page neuro. See if they can take him,” Dr. Abbot finally chimes in.
He thinks about your conversation from this morning. He couldn’t believe your sentiments on not wanting to be a doctor when you’re clearly good at what you do.
After the patient was brought up to neuro, the chaos subsided. Dr. Abbot found you at Central, working on your paperwork.
“You did good, kid” He says, trying not to linger too long.
“Oh, uh. Ellis did most of the work.” you say.
From where he’s standing, he can see a necklace tucked into your scrubs. Gold. He wants to know the charm that dangles over your chest.
He's pulled from his thoughts when he hears Lena clear her throat,
"We have an incoming trauma, eta 10 mins."
"What are we dealing with?" You and Dr. Abbot say at the same time, causing you both to give each other a small smile.
The rest of the night was calm, or at least as calm as the ER can get during the night shift. You could feel the weight of the work on your lower back and the balls of your feet.
"What's your favorite book?" His voice was clear and close.
You flinched at the sudden disruption in the locker room,
"My favorite book?"
Why would Dr. Abbot want to know your favorite book?
He nodded, pulling things out of his locker. Unbeknownst to him, you kept a few books in your locker just in case things were ever slow. They never were.
Pulling your favorite book out, creased and adorned with a million Post-it notes, you flip through it with a rush of adrenaline.
"This is probably in my top 5-" Dr. Abbot takes it from your hands, fingers brushing over yours longer than when he gave you the coffee.
"Can I borrow it?" He asked plainly, flipping through your annotations.
"Why?"
"Because, reading your notes is the closest I'll get to reading your mind."
You're blushing. You can feel the heat on your cheeks and pool around your neck.
You let him take the book, and before leaving, he promised he wouldn't damage it.
I will most likely post a new chapter for Petroleum (series title tbd) soon!
Thank you again for enjoying it! I need to do some research on medical jargon and stuff to capture the essence of the show as much as I can so bear with me!
"Do you know who Ethel Cain is?" you asked, staring at the boards.
Whitaker looked over his wrong shoulder before he found you on his right,
"Umm, no. Is she a patient? I can look after her if you need me to," he offered innocently.
Honestly, what did you expect?
You let out a chuckle, "No, she's a singer."
He makes that face you make when you're embarrassed.
"Right..." he said softly.
"You remind me of one of her songs-"
"Y/N! Mrs. Goodman is looking for you in C-2!" Dana calls out for you.
Before Whitaker could ask you which one, you were gone.
20 minutes later, he was treating a patient with a deep head wound when Santos came by, pouching for a good case.
"Hey, do you know who Ethel Cain is?" He asks.
Santos looked at him with an unamused expression on her face.
"Yes? Why?" She said apprehensively.
"Dr. Y/N said I reminded her of a song, and she was gone before I could ask which one."
Santos knocks her head back and lets out a deep laugh,
"Oh my god, that's good! That's really good, you are Ethel Cain coded." She left without explanation, leaving Whitaker with more questions than before.
Then the mass casualty at Pittfest had everyone running on adrenaline; there was no time to dillydally. While he was treating patients in the Yellow zones, you were in the reds.
When the day shift was officially over and your handoffs were complete, you said your goodbyes to Abbot and Ellis (your favorite people). Soft smiles of encouragement to the rest of your coworkers, and bolted out of there before he could catch you.
Whitaker listened to Ethel Cain's entire discography when he got to his makeshift apartment. He started off with "Perverts." He listened to the whole hour and 29 minutes of strange and eerie dissonance, convincing himself that the abandoned floor was haunted and that he would have nightmares for a week. He moved on to "Willoughby Tucker, I Will Always Love You." Then, "Inbred", "Golden Age", and finally "Preacher's Daughter."
After seeing the song "A House in Nebraska," he should've known that this was the one you meant.
He fell into a Reddit rabbit hole on Ethel Cain's lore, taking notes like he was in undergrad again. He watched YouTube explanation videos and listened to Preacher's Daughter until he fell asleep.
The next day, the first thing he said when he saw you was, "Blessed be the daughters of Cain."
Dr. Jack Abbot x fem!reader, no use of y/n, reader is a resident, one shot but open to making it into a mini series, slowburn, age gap intended but not explicitly said, not proofread, I don't work in the medical field lol
After a particularly grueling shift, you found yourself sitting on a bench at the park across from the hospital. A branch barely shading you from the incoming sun, telling you to go home. Desperately trying to suppress the hot tears trying to escape from your bloodshot eyes.
"What's up, kid?" A voice you knew all too well pulls you from your thoughts.
Dr. Abbot casts a shadow onto you, covering the blazing rays of your alarm clock. His backpack was slung over one shoulder as he awaited an answer.
When you lifted your head to look at him, you couldn't help it anymore. You let out a sob, and the tears trickle down your cheeks.
"oh," he said softly.
Dr. Abbot looks around before sitting down beside you,
"I never wanted to be a doctor," you said.
You were sure that he's had other residents, interns, nurses, or attendings cry in front of him. Still, you were embarrassed.
He didn't say anything, just fidgeting with his leg. Massaging it.
"It's crazy, I know. We help people, save lives. Save families, but I never wanted to be this close to death." You lean back into the bench.
You lost 3 patients today.
Dr. Abbot, not saying anything, looked at you. He didn't judge, just listened.
"I don't get grossed out easily or get squirmish when I see blood, but I never wanted to do this, not really."
"What do you want to be?" He finally spoke.
He said 'What do I want to be?', not what did I want to be.
Present tense.
"What?" you asked.
"What do you want to be?" he repeated.
You chuckle; you can see your breath in the Pittsburgh air.
A beat.
"A writer. I took an English class during undergrad. It was required, but I loved it. Sometimes, I reread my short stories. They're good, or at least that's what my professor said." You confess.
"So why don't you?" His arms are crossed, and his head is fully turned to look at you.
"When I told my parents what I wanted to major in, they yelled at me. Said to me that I wasn't gonna do anything good with a degree in creative writing. Plus, it's too late."
"It's never too late, kid."
"There are only 3 months until I become an attending. I think it is too late." You scoff.
There was a silence. Just sitting in each other's presence, then he stood up. Grabbed his backpack and swung it over his shoulder,
"Well, if you ever need to talk or anything. Just call me," he said. After a few steps, you said,
"I don't have your number."
Dr. Abbot's face scrunches up, the mysterious exit ruined.
Turning around slowly, he pulls a pen from his shirt pocket and pulls the cap off with his teeth. He grabs your arm and starts writing his number into the palm of your hand.
"There," he said, tapping his hand on yours. You could feel the warmth radiating off him and the rigidness of his fingertips.
When you were supposed to be asleep, all you could think of was him. You hesitated texting him when you got home.
Your fingers hesitate over what to put for his contact name.
Dr. Abbot (Chief Attending)
Jack
You settle for Dr. Jack Abbot.
-------
When you returned the next day, you were greeted by Lena.
"The ER princess has returned, hey sweetheart," she said.
You gave her a small smile.
Dr. Abbot was at Central. He could smell the scent of your shampoo and the lingering trail of your lotion. He waits for you to log into your computer before stretching out his arm with a coffee in his hand; he doesn't look up from his station. You reach to grab it, fingers touching ever so briefly.
You look at the coffee, and it was from the good shop down the street. Lena and nurses share knowing looks. Let the whispering and smirks commence. You mutter a soft thank you.
"What? Can't get my resident a coffee that doesn't taste like petroleum?" He raises his arms in question.
"You have other residents," Lena teases.
"Yeah, well. Only had hands for two coffees." He says coolly before walking away.
You took a sip, the warmth trickling in your system like the warmth of his hand from this morning.
Lena nudges your shoulder before walking off.
In a moment of complete bliss, it all came crashing down when the paramedics burst through the doors,
"Doctor! I have a 22-year-old male, found unconscious on the steps of a frat house..."
Everyone at the Bear finds something out about you, and Carmy doesn't judge. He listens.
Carmy x F reader, after hours at the bear, mentions of smoking, fluff
Carmen Berzatto was not a romantic. He didn't know how to talk to girls unless it was about food. He can't flirt for the life of him. He has deep-rooted commitment issues that he has no plans of resolving anytime soon.
Carmen didn't understand much about romance or dating in general. He didn't quite understand how people in relationships never run out of things to talk about or how they can spend every minute together every day for years.
Working in a social place of gathering, he saw couples of all kinds, doing all sorts of romantic shit. He’d watch different couples on their first date, last date, engagement, anniversary, or breakup dinners. Each one was the same one way or another. Someone buys the flowers, and the person receiving them has a huge smile on their face. Half the time, the person doesn’t remove the grocery tag from the plastic, and on the off chance that they bought it at a flower shop, it almost always has a typed note courtesy of the sweet little lady who made it.
The one time he bought flowers for someone was for his mom on Mother’s Day in middle school. It’s not as sweet a memory as everyone might think it would be. He just didn’t get it. Carmy thought he was the only one until he met a girl who didn’t like them just as much as he did.
“I’m thinking of getting Jessica some flowers, maybe some tickets to the game on Saturday,” Richie revealed while wiping the silverware.
“Aww, that’s sweet! Richie, that’s a good idea.” Tina smiled.
It was after dinner service, and Carmen had everyone cleaning the kitchen like their lives depended on it.
“Yeah, Richie. I think it’s a wonderful idea.” Fak teased.
The familiar rhythm of cleaning was one of your favorite things about working at the Bear. It helped you destress from a long day. No one was yelling (usually) and everyone just knew what they had to do.
"I got a girl flowers once, and she literally kept them and hung them up on her wall." Luca reminisced.
"Do you still talk to her?" Syd asked rather quickly.
"Nope." He replied with the same speed as she asked.
"See, I don't get that. Getting someone flowers you know you're not gonna see again," Carmy finally breaks his silence.
The whole room stopped what they were doing and looked at Carmy with complete disgust. Except you.
"Of course you don't get it, you've never had a healthy relationship, Cousin." Richie laughed.
"And you have?" Syd clocks him.
Everyone else laughs, except you.
"Yeah, I don't get it either." You said without looking up from the spot you were scrubbing. Which made everyone look from Carmy to you as if you had killed a cat.
Flowers. Flowers was going to be the conversation topic that exposed you as a heartless, cynical freak that you were.
"You too?!" Tina said in shock.
"The only flowers I've ever gotten were when someone died. So, I always just connected the two. Flowers die, you throw them away. Why would I want a long-lasting relationship to start off with something that isn't gonna last more than a week? Plus they've become a default. You screw up? Get them flowers. You forgot a birthday or anniversary? Get them flowers from the nearest grocery store." You say.
You can basically hear every calling you cold hearted and too serious for your own good.
"Damn, who broke your heart?" Richie says.
"I'm not saying don't get the people you like flowers, just don't me any. I'd rather some get me something I can use." You admit.
Carmy was relieved that he wasn't the only one who felt this way.
Richie gesturing to the two of you,
"ya'll can be miserable together. Goodnight."
After a couple of minutes, everyone had left the Bear.
You were standing outside contemplating whether you should take the long commute home or just take an Uber when you heard the click and jingle of Carmy's keys signaling to you that the night was officially over.
Lighting a cigarette under the fluorescent blue lights of the restaurant, Carmy said,
"I didn't think anyone else hated flowers as much as I do."
"I don't hate them, Carmy. I just don't like them, that's all," taking a drag and blowing it away before offering him the cigarette, which he happily takes.
"So, what would you want?" He says blowing the smoke into a straight stream into the sky.
You thought for a second,
"Hmmm, no one's ever asked me that before. I don't know. Tampons. A pack of cigarettes, a bag of chips, something they found at the thrift store that reminded them of me. I don't know, a hand written letter? We don't do that anymore." You list off.
Carmy takes mental notes and adds them to a never-ending memory bank he's compiled in his head about you.
"Noted," he said before handing you your cigarette back.
When your shared cigarette was down to the butt, it started to get that nasty aftertaste. He asked if he could drive you home. So, he did. He drove you home every night after that.
A week later, after the flower debacle. Carmen Berzatto has put a pack of cigarettes, a pack of new red pens, a tiny notebook, a pack of hair ties, and a little figurine of your favorite animal into your locker for you to find with a hand written note explaining why he got it.
The Pitt x The Bear (I've been thinking about this crossover for so long). I might make this a sort of interconnected standalone series :)
There is someone new living in the apartment across the hall from him. 14B. And 14B makes the best desserts ever, Jack Abbot being the lucky bastard that he is, gets to test them out first. However, he has never met 14B. Not until an accident brings her into his ED.
Pairing: Dr. Jack Abbot x fem!chef!Reader (age-gap - reader is stated to be 27 for the purposes of the story, Jack is mid to late 40ies);
Platonic! Carmy x fem!chef!Reader
Genre: pretty much pure fluff
Warnings: injuries (a cut ligament to be specific), talks of depression and suicide by our two favorite older men, mentions of a lost spouse, Pittfest, medical inaccuracies, though I did my best with the palm anatomy research (based on something that actually happend to my colleague) but I don't think anything else really
Word count: 11,206
The day had been absolute shit.
Not that Jack really had any other kind, it was just shit and shittier, but that one had been one of the shittiest ones yet.
For one, his shift ended with the death of a vet, and those always hit too close to home, poking holes into the walls he’d built around himself. But he didn’t even get a full day’s rest, a proper amount of time to process it, as the Pittfest shooting happened, and he had to rush back to the ED hours before his next one started, which was not how he’d planned on spending the time off he had.
It was a routine – get home, maybe catch a couple of hours of shut-eye (at best, though he did attempt to give his body a proper rest), then heat up some of the leftover pasta he had in the fridge, and then, as a cherry on top before going back to the Pitt, delight himself into some dessert left on his doorstep by his neighbor from 14B.
Instead, he’d had to leave the pasta bowl in the microwave, and he didn’t even have time to put on the prosthesis sock. He just had to raw-dog it out of the house, when the police scanner informed him of the mass shooting. He didn’t even get a chance to look towards the greeting mat in front of his door for a Tupperware; that was how quickly he rushed back to PTMC.
112 people lived. 6 died. It could have been worse, he tried to compartmentalize. They were in the trade of balancing the scales of life and death, so anytime the life one tipped lower, Jack could breathe a sigh of relief.
However, injuries and death, he knew how to deal with, despite the impact it always had. Having to talk your best friend off the ledge though, was a different beast. Because this time it was different. This time, as Jack watched Robby stand on the wrong side of the railing, he thought he might actually take that final step.
So he talked, he was the voice of reason, like Robby had been to him on the mornings when the weight of the world just pressed down a bit too hard on his shoulders. The first proper breath Jack got to take was when Robby stepped back onto the safe side of the roof, walking with him back down to the chaos that was their workplace, where finally, a few hours later, they could emerge into the night, surrounded by their residents and students and interns, all sharing a drink of victory.
And where most of their days would end, they’d go back home, get a full night’s rest, hopefully, one not filled with nightmares, Jack’s had only begun. He still had a night shift to manage.
So, with a clap on Robby’s back, and a promise from Shen they'd hold down the fort, he drove back home for a couple of hours, if only to regroup and clean his scrubs before returning to the maw of the beast.
This time though, he did glance down beside his door, only to be met with disappointment, when nothing awaited him. On the one day he so desperately wished for a sweet thing, there was nothing.
Jack’s brows furrowed as he glanced across the hall towards the door of 14B.
He’d never met the inhabitant of the flat. He’d never once seen anyone enter or exit, and would only sometimes hear quiet shuffling or soft humming.
For a while, after Mr Redford who’d lived there for the past twenty years, only to move away to Sicily as some sort of a midlife crisis thing, the apartment had stood empty. And then one morning, about four months ago, as Jack had dragged his tired and sore body home, he noticed a new greeting mat by the door.
His head slowly moved in a nod of approval. His only hope was that whoever now lived there, was a quiet and respectful person, but his brows rose in surprise when he went to unlock his own door, only for his foot to meet a Tupperware container, a neatly folded piece of paper on top.
With a grunt he leaned down and took the glass square, opening the note.
Hi!
This is from 14B across the hall.
I knocked on the door, but no one answered. Miss June from 2nd floor said you’re a doctor, so I dunno when or if we’ll have a chance to see one another, but I just wanted to do the neighborly thing and say hello. :)
Inside are some Millionaire-shortbread-brownies. I swear they are not poisoned, but I am trying to perfect the recipe, so any and all feedback is appreciated, as long as it’s constructive.
(If you actually throw them out, it’s fine, but please don’t tell me that).
Besides, I need a new taste-tester, living in a new place and all that.
P.S. ingredient list is attached to the bottom, just in case you have any allergies or food restrictions.
Hope you enjoy! :)
Jack stared at the container, finger slipping over the other paper attached to the back with tape, and turned to look at 14B as if he had some sort of laser vision, and could see through into the apartment.
He waited for a minute, two, three, but still the door remained closed. He could just go there and knock, do the neighborly thing like 14B had tried and introduce himself to the new occupant, but then he heard the entrance door on the first floor click open, and took it as his cue to enter his own flat, Tupperware in hand though. He didn’t wanna get caught looking at the apartment like some sort of a creep.
Slipping his bag down his shoulder, he left it by the couch, before plopping onto it. For a second, the dessert and 14B were forgotten, as Jack rolled up his scrub pants and removed his prosthetic.
The leg had been killing him the entire shift, as the heel of his prosthetic had been worn down really bad on one side, and the new one was still in transit, so his weight distribution was completely off. The thought of having to walk up those five flights of stairs had made him want to go back to PTMC and finally fling himself off the edge.
Jack allowed himself a couple of moments of pleasure, of simply existing in silence, before he stood up, grabbed the crutch he’d left resting against the couch, and ventured to the bathroom.
He stripped off, throwing the scrubs in the washing machine, and allowed the hot water of the shower to wash away the thoughts of the day. After he’d run the water cold, with just a towel around his hips, he went back to the living room, but not before putting his scrubs into the drier, and finally took a real look at the Tupperware and its contents.
Even without fully lifting the lid off, Jack was immediately enveloped by the sweet scent of chocolate, caramel and butter.
He’d never been a desserts kind of a man, but he swore after taking the smallest bite of the brownie, quite literally popping a piece of crumb into his mouth, he would marry whoever had made it.
It was decadent in all the ways that mattered, but not so dense you would be filled up by just one bite. The shortbread bottom had a nice, salty flavor to it, and how 14B had managed to keep the caramel the stretchy kind, was beyond Jack’s understanding. But he didn’t really bake either, so there was also that.
There was no police scanner on, there was no TV or radio, just the sounds of Pittsburg in the morning, as Jack, for the first time in ages, enjoyed something sweet.
The beeping of the drier was his cue to get up and get to bed, needing to grab at least a couple of hours of sleep before going back to PTMC, but before he did that, he took out the rest of the brownie and put it in his own container, washing 14B’s. As he exited and ventured over to the apartment, clad in some plaid pyjamas, he placed a note inside with a small comment,
“hope you’re settling in well, 14B. maybe some flaky salt on top, and it’d be a 10/10. current rating – 9.85/10. have a good day.
13A”
Once more, Jack debated whether or not he should try and knock, but it was already close to ten in the morning, and most normal people would be at their jobs, so he just placed the container down by the door, but not directly in front of it. Their doors swung out.
He lingered for a second, as if maybe whoever was on the other side would feel his presence. Why in the world was he so intrigued by 14B’s new inhabitant? Better yet – why did he suddenly feel so drawn towards someone he’d never met?
With one final glance, it was time for Jack to go, and dive into his bed. This time, he actually slept quite well and felt fairly rested for the night ahead. When he got to the Pitt, Robby passed the baton onto him without the need to venture up to the roof.
By the time he got home, leaving Robby in charge again, and was walking up to the fifth floor of his home, he was greeted by another Tupperware.
Jack lifted it and took off the Post-It on top.
“Thank you!” it read in neat handwriting. “Will add it to the next batch! In the meantime, try this instead!
From 14B”
And that is how this weird exchange began as an anonymous stranger managed to make Jack find a silver lining even on his bad days.
Jack would return home to find some sort of a dessert in a glass container waiting for him, a piece of paper explaining the ingredients and allergens attached to it. He had given back a note once saying he didn’t have any restrictions, but still, it showed up, though it seemed like his words had unlocked some closed creativity and flavor vault, as 14B started to experiment with taste profiles.
Sometimes it was as basic as a butter croissant, the flakiest one he'd ever eaten, pastry dough no doubt hand-laminated, and then sometimes it was as extravagant as a panna cotta with passion fruit jam and candied orange zest on top.
More often than not, as Jack would dig into the sweet treat of the day, his eyes would roll to the back of his head in pleasure. After thoroughly enjoying it, he’d take a piece of paper and write down his thoughts, though he didn’t actually think he had much insight to give. Then he’d clean out the container and leave it by 14B’s doorstep.
It was shift after shift, and they continued on with this dance. Sometimes he got a repeat dessert, but with whatever improvements Jack had told it needed, however, the one thing he looked forward to most was the notes, as he tried to figure out who 14B might actually be.
Jack had a few theories and he wrote down the small deductions in a little notebook he’d started to keep.
He was fairly certain it was a woman. Call him stereotypical, as much as he wouldn’t like to hear it, but he just couldn’t imagine a man doing such a thing, especially for so long.
The handwriting was also too neat. Too clean and precise. But then again, maybe normal men who didn’t work in the medical field and didn’t have illegible cursive also had normal-looking handwriting.
Jack had debated whether or not this person could be in the same profession as him, or maybe the same field due to the way 14B always gave him a full-on ingredient and allergen list, but he’d struck that out. The timing and consistency of the desserts appearing by his doorstep, were way too precise because even techs and sanitary workers couldn’t predict their hours so well. A hospital was one big hamster wheel that was spinning non-stop, and people just had to try and find when to jump if they wanted to get home.
Finally, after dessert number 44 (thought he’d come to that conclusion by dessert 5 really), Jack had settled on the fact that 14B had to be a chef or a chef in training because when he’d gotten home, a still-hot dark chocolate lava cake had waited for him, a yuzu and raspberry sauce in a smaller container to the side. It was still something he dreamt about on the darker days.
So now, returning home on one of the worst days he’d had at the Pitt, after one of the worst mass-casualty events they’d had to deal with, without a container and note waiting for him, was anxiety-inducing.
A horrendous thought entered his mind – could 14B have been there at Pittfest? Could she have been one of the people he treated? Or had she been one of the unlucky ones who got a ride directly to the morgue?
His feet carried him to the door in an instant, heart pounding in his chest. He was just about ready to knock when something crashed behind there.
“Fucking hell,” Jack heard muffled swearing. “That’s batch number fucking three for the trash.”
She was there.
14B was right there, and seemingly warring with her food.
Jack’s heart rate returned to normal and as it did so, he took a step back. Then another. And another until he was back at his own door.
14B was alive, which meant Jack could get some rest.
By the time he was back on his feet ready to finish off the shift, this time a proper prosthetic sock on, if only to help out a bit with the pain, it was dark outside, but Pittsburg seemed quieter. Like it was still reeling from what happened during the day.
He could make his way to the Pitt blindfolded, as he’d taken the route so many times in his life by then, however, what was unusual was finding Robby there by the lockers. Jack was sure he had left to go home.
“Brother, and I mean this with love, what the fuck are you still doing here?” he pulled him in for a hug. They both needed it.
Robby ran a hand over his face, leaning to rest against the metal doors. “I know we took an oath to help and save people, but God, do I think we all should be afforded one murder per year. And I know how that sounds after today.”
Jack snorted, putting in his combination and unlocking it. “Tell me about it.”
“I get dibs on Gloria.”
“What’d she harass you about now? I mean seriously, tonight after everything?”
“Got on my ass about Santos.”
The vet raised a brow. The intern was reckless, that was for sure, but her instincts were in the right place, as Jack had found out about her having done a REBOA unsupervised. She just had to hone them and start to listen to authority, otherwise, it could end badly for someone, and most likely, she wouldn’t be the victim.
“Some reporter wants to sue. Says she chucked his phone into a mop bucket. Damage of personal property or some sort of bullshit.” Robby slammed his head back against the doors. “He literally took an actual victim’s hoodie just to get inside the hospital, and now he wants to sue?”
“Jesus, and Gloria’s on his side? It hasn’t even been 24 hours!”
“Gloria’s on the side that costs the least amount of money for PTMC.” Robby let out a scoff. “And a lawsuit is definitely on the expensive list.”
“Yeah, well sucks to be her. She should start properly staffing us with nurses and security, and this kind of shit wouldn’t happen then.”
Robby gave his friend a tired smile. It was a soul-tired kind of smile, something Jack understood intimately. “And yet despite all that, we always come back.”
“Someone has to.”
For a moment they basked in the silence between them, but it was never fully quiet. Not at the Pitt. Sirens could still be heard somewhere in the distance, probably coming towards them. For others, they had white noise in the background, or maybe a thunderstorm app on. They? They had ambulance wails and heart rate monitors.
Robby clapped him on the shoulder. “Ready to take on the night, brother?”
“As I’ll ever be,” Jack responded with the same gesture. “Someone has to keep Shen from saying certain stupid words.”
“Heard this full moon’s gonna be one of those super moons or something too.” Robby slung his backpack on his shoulders, chuckling at Jack’s groan.
“Then god help us all, and someone better find some tape for John’s mouth.”
“You know what does help?” Robby took a glance from the side. “Those cookies from 14B. I don’t think I’ve ever had anything that tasted that good. Maybe you could ask for the recipe?”
It had been day 84 when 14B had given him a larger container filled with browned butter, and dark chocolate chip cookies, dusted with freeze-dried raspberry powder. Robby had come over for a drink, as he had a day off, and when he’d found them on a plate, after taking just one bite, had pretty much melted into the cushions.
“There is no fucking way you made these,” he practically moaned at the taste. Not that Jack could say he was any better when he’d tasted them. “And these are way too good to be store-bought.”
“What? You don’t think I can bake?”
“Not like this. Your speciality is Kraft. This is fucking artisanal.”
That was when Jack had come clean about the situation with the apartment across the hall.
Ever since that day, his brother-in-arms had been on his ass about getting the actual recipes with step-by-step instructions on how to make these wonderful desserts, because when Jack had given Robby the ingredient list for one of them, it hadn’t come out nearly as well, as when 14B had done it.
One time, during day 99, Jack had brought in a piece of rum-soaked chocolate sponge cake, filled with blackberry jam in between the layers and coated in a chicory Mascarpone and Philadelphia cream cheese frosting, only to have Robby basically attack him like a vulture about how he still hadn’t made any contact with 14B apart from the notes they exchanged.
“Don’t you wanna know who it is?”
“Sure,” Jack shrugged. “But this way works too. Besides, I don’t think our schedules really align.”
Robby just raised a brow at the dry rebuttal, stealing a bite from the cake, which Jack could only accept with a sigh. “Well, if you don’t I just might, and I just might and go on marry them. This is fucking nuts!”
Jack couldn’t fault him for the sentiment, because it wasn’t the food he had slowly started to fall for either, it was the person on the other end making it.
He still didn’t know how old she was (if 14B even was a she, but he was 99% sure he was right about that), or how she looked, but he knew her favorite book. Her favorite song and color. He knew she loved thunderstorms and lightning, that it was how she slept the best. He knew she loved indie rock, but pop-punk was her favorite music genre. He knew that and so many other little things that’d allowed him to form a version of the person behind 14B. Someone with a heart as sweet, as the desserts she made.
But in the present, Jack just shook his head, giving Robby one last goodbye for the night. He hoped he would take the next day off, maybe a week or so. However, who was he to talk about a work-life balance when his whole life practically was his work. And, well, being a dessert taste-tester, but that was more a side gig.
The night was surprisingly calm, a word he didn’t dare say out loud, and anytime anyone thought Shen just might, someone physically clapped a hand over the man’s mouth. A patient even shushed him as she was being prepped for an appendectomy, eyes wide as she looked at Jack and Mateo.
“Isn’t that like totally illegal to say here?”
“It is if he wants to remain an attending.” Jack gave Shen a look, a good-natured one, but that still said – do not say the ‘q’ word or the ‘c’ word or the ‘p’ word. Not after the day they’d had.
John just rolled his eyes but did lift his hands in surrender, as he left the room to deal with other patients.
And so, the night rolled on without too many intense traumas, as if even the supermoon hanging over the world, had decided to give them a break because they needed it. Jack needed it. Methodical, almost tear-jerkingly borking kind of work, where he didn’t need to call a time of death or watch someone code or try and get a life-saving surgery scheduled with all ORs already full.
By the time it was 3:26 in the morning, Jack was on his third cup of coffee, when a soft voice invaded the ED.
“Carmy, seriously, I’m fine,” a young woman, mid-to-late twenties by the looks of it, was trying to calm down the clearly anxious man next to her, as they walked to Lupe sitting behind the clerk’s desk. “They’re just gonna stitch me up, and I’ll be back on track.”
“I mean that seemed way deeper than the usual cuts.” The blond man was chewing on the bottom of his lip.
“Yeah, well, it’s why we’re here,” she rolled her Y/E/C eyes, thanking Lupe for the forms and venturing to sit down in one of the open chairs. “Per your insistence, might I add?”
He ran a hand through his curly hair. “Oh, sorry for caring about how you were bleeding all over the counter.”
“It’s just a cut! Honestly, I would’ve been fine with the first aid kit at home.”
The man, Carmy as she’d called him, gave her a look. “We’ll see what the doctor has to say.”
With that, Jack glanced up at the monitor as a new name appeared, one of the only three there at the moment. He nodded to Princess who was sitting behind the HUB. “I’ll take care of this.”
This he could do. This was not a critical, high-stakes thing. This was hooking someone up to fluids, cleaning and assessing a wound, and giving some nice stitches, telling them to take it easy, and schedule a follow-up with their PM to get the threads out.
As Perlah instructed the woman to follow her, Carmy going with like a puppy, Jack trailed on behind, eyes scanning the print-out Princess had given him.
Name: Y/N Y/L/N
Gender: Female
Age: 27
Type of injury: cut on the hand; the bleeding hasn’t stopped after thirty minutes of continuously applied pressure.
“My name is Jack Abbot,” he introduced himself, entering the room Perlah had settled Y/N in. “And I will be your doctor today. What seems to be the issue?”
She lifted her towel-covered hand, the material soaked through with blood. “Hi! I’m uh, Y/N and, I just gave myself a bit of a cut.”
“A bit?” Jack snorted, eyeing the cloth that was still getting visibly soaked through.
“Look, I was just a bit distracted while cutting some lemons, and the knife slipped. Sliced through the skin by my thumb. Honestly, the juice in the wound hurt more than the cut itself,” she let out a weak chuckle while Jack put on some gloves and sat down on the rolling chair, sliding in between her legs.
“It’s not just a ‘flesh wound’,” Carmy pinched the bridge of his nose, and Jack threw him an appraising look, mouth pursed while he untied the injured hand.
“Are you her partner?”
But before he could reply, Y/N butted in with a warm smile. “If this is some way to try and figure out if he was the one that cut me, then no. He didn’t. But I’m grateful you’re looking out for me like that.”
“Just doing my job.” Jack shook his head. “Seen such things one too many times, and it’s hospital policy only family or legal guardians are allowed into the room, unless otherwise stated.”
Y/N snorted. “Carmen’s more than okay to stay, but I mean on the other hand…” she wiggled her brows at her friend, who just stared back as deadpan as Jack was. “Geez, tough crowd.”
“We’re co-workers,” Carmen offered as he sat down on another chair that was in the corner, crossing his arms over his chest. “And we’re both chefs, so I know it’s more than just a surface cut. I think she might’ve severed a tendon.”
“Now why would you say that!?” Y/N snapped her head to him. “I say this is just a couple of stitches, and I’m on my way. Right, doc?”
Carmen sighed. “All I’m saying is, we kept steady pressure on the wound, wrapped it for fifteen minutes straight, and fifteen more minutes later, she is still bleeding. Went through two towels already. Look, Y/N has a really high pain tolerance, but I’m worried about this.”
“Oh, please!” she scoffed, rolling her eyes. “You men just like to exaggerate everything.”
“You literally told Syd one of those what was it, ovarian cysts? Yeah, it burst, and you thought it was cramps when you should’ve been at the hospital.”
“PCOS is a bitch, what can I say,” she shrugged like it was a self-explanatory thing, and Perlah who was helping Jack place a sanitary pad underneath her hand, disposing of the dishtowel in the trash, muttered a small ‘word’ underneath her breath, eliciting a smile from Y/N.
Jack, the good doctor he was, had been listening the whole time, making mental notes and asking Perlah to jot down some physical ones as well, but where he’d had to take in a breath and clear his throat had been when Carmen had told him their profession.
Chefs.
No, he reasoned. It couldn’t be, could it? Probably not. Pittsburg was a huge city and populated by many people with many different professions, and there had to be thousands if not tens of thousands of chefs even in the area they were in.
Just in case he leaned over her chart and checked the address, but a Chicago zip code stared back at him, sending a pang of disappointment through his chest, because ever since Y/N’s eyes had met his, Jack swore she was his mysterious pastry fairy.
There was this unexplainable warmth that’d seeped through his veins as if they already knew one another. As if he could ask what was the latest book she was reading, and Y/N would give him the answer from the post it from two days ago. But she wasn’t 14B. However, she was still a woman in need of medical attention.
“Alright,” Jack finally positioned her hand in a way where he could see the issue better. “I will have Nurse Perlah hook you up to some fluids to counter the blood loss, in a bit too. Are you allergic to any medicine?”
“Nope,” Y/N shook her head. “At least none I’ve been given before.”
As gently as possible, Jack took hold of her wrist and helped her expand her fingers as far as they would go without causing much pain.
It wasn’t a horrible bleed, but still a steady one, no doubt the worst of it having happened right after the cut. Even through the gloves he had on, Jack could feel the calluses marring her palm, signs of a skilled laborer. He trailed over where blisters and nicks had left small scars, and fuck… did her hand feel perfect in his.
Well, apart from the massive cut sitting right at the base of her thumb. Clearly, the knife had gone through the commissural ligament. As he pressed against the wounded area, testing the nerves and reflexes, Perlah was already prepping gauze and oral painkillers, as both without a word understood there would be no simple stitching for them that night.
“Okay, Y/N,” he murmured, taking hold of her wrist and twisting it as carefully as he could, and still, something in his heart tugged at the sharp intake of air, and the swearing she did under her breath. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the thoughts of 14B swearing just the same way a few hours prior. “Do you want the good news or the bad news first?”
“Uh, good?” She raised a brow, as Perlah handed her a small cup of pills and water, explaining it was for the pain. Y/N took them down in one gulp.
“We’ll need some x-rays to confirm, but once they’re back, we can get you scheduled for surgery in a few hours.”
“You said you had good news!” she scoffed.
“Well, the bad news, at least for you, is that your friend’s right. This is more than a surface cut. It looks like you’ve managed to potentially sever one of the ligaments that's attached to your thumb.”
She threw both men a scathing look, before settling on Carmen. “Not. A. Word.”
“I didn’t even say anything!”
“Then keep doing that.” She looked back at Jack. “But like how serious are you about that surgery? Because honestly, it doesn’t hurt that bad. Can’t you just pop in a couple of threads and send me on my way?”
A smile he had no control over, bloomed on Jack’s lips at Y/N’s words, while Perlah helped her lay down onto the bed, going to the other side of the woman and asking for her hand to prep an IV line. “I promise you, you want this surgery, and you want this done by a professional. You have a cut, potentially severed, ligament, and it needs proper stitching. The hand is incredibly complex, and this unfortunately isn’t the kinda thing you want me to have a go at.”
Y/N eyed him up and down. “Aren’t you supposed to be a professional?”
“Well, unless you never want to use your thumb again, I can always give it a go.” He pulled off his gloves, trashing them.
“Well, not with that attitude,” she grumbled.
“It’s quick,” Jack could feel the way he wanted to give a full smile, but if he started grinning like a madman, Perlah would make sure he got put in a padded cell at the sight. “You won’t even be fully under, and I will make sure you have the best on it.”
She huffed, head lulling to the side and giving Carmen a dirty look. “You know this is all your fault, right?”
“Wh – what? How?” He looked affronted, face completely red.
“Well, you made me come here, didn’t you?”
If Carmen pinched the bridge of his nose any harder, Jack might need to get him in for a rhinoplasty. “And if I hadn’t, you maybe would’ve lost all hope at ever moving your thumb! Did you not listen to a thing the doctor said?”
She tried to cross her arms, but when she realized she couldn’t – one bandaged by her side the other being examined by Perlah as she tried to find a good vein on the top of her hand, Y/N glared at Carmen and then Jack. “I hope neither of you expect me to say you’re right.”
“Please,” Carmen sighed running a hand through his hair. “I think Syd would have an aneurysm if she found out. Bet she could feel it all the way from Chicago; such a drastic shift in the cosmos.”
Good, Jack thought as they talked, let him distract her from it all, as Y/N clearly had understood the severity of the situation while he went to call up ortho and ask for the hand surgeon, as he had a possible severed ligament on the way.
“Thank you for putting up with me,” Y/N no doubt muttered to Carmen, as Jack tried to focus on the person at the other end of the line, confirming her slot for the OR.
“Hey, I need my best pastry chef to be right as rain.”
“Now I think Marcus might have a stroke,” she laughed, and Jack’s head almost snapped around at her words.
Chef was one thing, but a pastry chef? A chef specialising in desserts?
Too many coincidences had happened that night.
Way too many to be just coincidences.
And he’d always been a man who followed his gut, despite it being no-man’s-land.
Jack was positive he’d never seen her face before; he was sure of it. There would be no way in hell, he’d ever be able to forget it, but her whole being… her smile, the kindness in her eyes, the intensity of her words… it was like coming home and having the nightlight left on for you.
Maybe the previous day’s mass-casualty event had impacted him a lot more than he thought. Maybe he was trying and hoping to find 14B safe and sound, all because a single dessert hadn’t been left out for him.
But it was the way all the small details 14B had revealed about herself, that fit Y/N to a T, that made him truly wonder.
14B who always managed to make him smile.
14B who always took into account his suggestions, and gave him an improved recipe to try.
14B who made sure to give him just enough of the sweet treat, that he had leftovers for the next day.
“Oh,” it was Y/N speaking up that brought Jack out of his thoughts about the pastry ghost down the hall. “And also, can you tell Luca to give me a call when he can? I’d like his opinion on the blueberry and lemon pie. I think I might change up the ratio of the lemon, but I dunno if it’d be good overall unless I also increase the amount of basil in the peppermint drizzle.”
The penny finally dropped.
Blueberry-lemon pie with a basil and peppermint drizzle.
No doubt with a saltine and Grahm cracker-mix crust.
No. There was no such thing as coincidences, at least Jack didn’t believe in them anymore, not when it was way too specific of a recipe. One that he’d been a test subject to four days prior. One where he’d commented on how, maybe it was just what his taste buds liked, but he thought it’d be a bit more balanced if it was tarter.
It took everything in him to wait until she’d given Carmen the rundown of the things she wanted from her apartment, Jack almost blurting out how he could get it, because they lived across from one another until he remembered he was her doctor, and he had to stay to make sure she was alright.
He took one breath, another, and cleared his throat, drawing her attention away from where Carmen had left to go grab her some clean clothes, her wallet and a phone charger.
Fuck it.
“Alright, 14B, let’s get you prepped for the stay.”
Y/N’s eyes were wide as saucers, head snapping up at him so fast, Jack almost thought he’d have to schedule a CT for whiplash. “What did you just call me?”
“14B?” He raised his brows as if in nonchalance, even though his heart was beating out of his chest. He could actually be so far off with this hunch and just turned himself into a massive weirdo in his patient’s eyes, but he was curious to see if he was right, because hope was a bitch if nothing else.
“Are…” She squinted at him, eyeing him up and down again as if seeing Jack in a new light. “Are you my taste-tester? Are you my salt-bae?”
“Salt-bae?” Jack choked out through a laugh. God, he was glad Perlah had gone off to find a saline bag.
“Yeah.” A warm smile blossomed across her lips. “That’s what you always write in your feedback if you think something is missing. ‘Needs a bit more salt’. It’s your most often-used suggestion.”
And as Jack thought back to it, to all the little comments he left, he mainly did say he would prefer the dessert, if there was some flaky salt on top, or maybe in the crust or base, or mixed with the caramel. “Hey, you were asking for honest feedback. But in truth, I’ll uh, I’ll eat just about anything, so rest assured, nothing of yours has ever gone to waste. When you’ve lived off of army rations, you learn what cardboard tastes like. And then you try to make it edible, more often than not with salt, so you learn what... saltier cardboard tastes like. And that is at least digestible.”
She chuckled. “Contrary to normal indigestible cardboard?”
“Contrary to normal indigestible cardboard, yes,” he confirmed, soaking up the sound of Y/N’s laugh like a sunflower soaked up the rays of the sun.
“Guess now I understand why you didn’t answer the door that first day.” She tilted her head to the side. “Or why our paths haven’t crossed. You work just as shit hours as I do. Worse, actually.”
“What time do you get home?”
“Midnight usually,” she said, as Perlah returned and finally put on a tourniquet around her bicep. Jack frowned at the words, not liking the idea of Y/N walking across town during the dark hours of the night. Too many times, he’d seen people in the ED because they were just trying to get home, and someone decided to interfere with that. Violently. “Then I knock out for a few hours before I have to get back up and be ready to go to the restaurant for morning prep at around six-ish. You?”
“Nightshift. Twelve hours on a good day, usually 7 to 7,” he explained, very much so avoiding Perlah’s raised brows at how ‘intimate’ the conversation was.
“Alright,” the nurse said. “It’ll be just a little poke, but try and relax.”
Y/N hummed a nod but turned her head away. Jack’s eyes trailed to how her wounded hand twitched at her side as if she wanted to grab onto something, to hold herself through it. On almost instinct, he placed a palm on her knee, squeezing it. He could feel the tension melt away, and fuck, if that didn’t make his heart stutter in his chest.
“Good job,” Perlah gave Y/N a smile, as she taped down the IV line. “I’ll get you a gown before we hook you up, so you can change out of those bloody clothes.”
“Oh, right.” Y/N took a glance down as if only now remembering she looked like a walking-talking murder scene.
Perlah gave a warm laugh, patting her bicep. “And a bag too.”
“Yeah, that’d be nice, thank you.”
Jack helped pull the curtain closed and put up the standing partition, so Y/N could have as much privacy as possible while changing. Just as he informed her, he was gonna step out for a moment, she asked if he could stay.
Jack froze on the spot. “Wouldn’t you be more comfortable with Perlah here?”
“ ‘S fine, I don’t mind,” she looked at him from around the partition. “I trust you not to peek. Also, I just think you’ve probably seen one too many butts in your day-to-day life for mine to be anything special. But uh,” she stammered as if suddenly realizing something and hiding behind the curtain again. “But if you are uncomfortable, you can go. I mean, fuck you probably have other patients to see, and I’m wasting your time with this.”
“Nope, I’m uh, right where I need to be.”
He wasn’t uncomfortable, he was, however, worried he might say something beyond stupid. How he’d pretty much fallen in love with a person he didn’t know a thing about, but being able to put a face to the ghost across the hall, had only intensified the crush growing in his chest.
Jack hadn’t had any romantic feelings in ages. Not since his wife had died. He still wore the ring she’d slipped on his finger, a steady comfort during the darker moments, like he could feel her hand holding his, guiding him towards the light when he couldn't find it himself.
He wondered what she’d think about this whole situation, about the mystery desserts and him catching feelings for a neighbor he’d never met. Of course, he wouldn’t make any sort of move on Y/N, not while at work. She was his patient, almost half his age, and despite his ‘cowboyish’ nature, he’d never try and hit on her while she was in such a vulnerable position. But he would like to think, his late love would nudge his shoulder in the right direction… tell him it was okay for him to want to be happy again.
“So,” Jack cleared his throat and busied himself with Y/N’s chart. “What brought you to Pittsburg? You put down a Chicago address by the way.”
“Shit, yeah. I sometimes still do that… But uh, Carmen, the guy who brought me in, he’s opening up a restaurant not too far from here actually, and he wants me to be the pastry chef for it. It’s why I didn’t have a dessert for you today. We were at the restaurant testing things out, trying to get a feel for how we worked as staff.” Y/N bit down on her lip as she emerged from behind the screen, giving him an apologetic smile. “Wanted to leave a note too, but time just slipped by, and when I did try to make one at home, the food started fighting me.”
Jack laughed, shaking his head. “I mean, you don’t have to feed me you know. But I… I can’t say I wasn’t worried about you. With everything that happened today… I just… I was scared you might’ve already been here and I hadn’t known. Had missed my opportunity to find you… but uh, then I heard you break something at the apartment, so we’re all good.”
He tried to act as if the thought of her, of 14B, his one constant of the past four months, having possibly died, hadn’t gauged a hole in his chest.
She raised a brow, clearing her throat. “Why didn’t you knock? If you uh, if you were worried…”
“Honestly?” Jack put his hands on his hips, as he looked at the floor, unable to keep his eyes on hers, but it was like Y/N understood him, so she turned her back. He stepped closer, tying the strings into knots, not once peeking below her waistline. “I was scared you might not answer. That there might be nobody there left to answer.”
“I’m sorry,” Y/N whispered, turning around as Jack helped her settle in the bed and under the covers. “For what you had to go through today.”
And when she didn’t try to pry, didn’t try to get anything else from him, simply offered her support, all Jack could do was say, “Thank you,” as emotions started to gather in his throat, forming a ball. “Where you uh, where you at the festival?”
He just had to know Y/N had been hopefully as far away from it all as possible.
“Uh, no,” she shook her head to his relief. “I was at The Bear with Carmy at that time, when we heard about it. We did have plans on going for the evening concert, but obviously... yeah...”
“The Bear?” The name sounded vaguely familiar, like something he might’ve skimmed over in some article, but wouldn’t deem interesting enough to read the full thing. And Jack had to focus on that information, rather on how closely she and her friend had avoided a mass shooting.
“It’s named after the OG one in Chicago. I told him, he should call it The Cub,” Y/N snorted. “You know, like the first one, the mother, if you will, is in Chicago, and the second, the child of The Bear, is here. Carmy and Syd thought Pittsburg people wouldn’t get it, though, and not come."
“I think the Pittsburg people would come even if it was called The Trashcan, as long as you served your desserts there.”
Jack couldn’t help the glee he felt, couldn’t stop the pride from rising as Y/N had to avert her gaze from him when her heart rate spiked, the monitor Perlah had hooked her up to, beeping in a quicker rhythm.
He also made a mental note to find out where in Pittsburg exactly the new restaurant would be opened, so he could go and check it out sometime. And if he gathered enough courage, maybe give compliments to the chef there as well.
They filled the time in between awaiting the x-ray results and getting sent up to the OR, by small talk. Jack asked about her background, how she got into cooking and how she’d met Carmy and their team back in Chicago. And miraculously, Jack shared too. Even some of the truly deep stuff - how he'd had a wife, how he’d been an army medic, how he liked to listen to the police scanner as he tried to catch some sleep, because the way Y/N looked at him, so disarmingly, did something to Jack. It made him want to share, it made him want to show his heart to her.
Soon enough, he got a call the x-rays confirmed his suspicions and they were ready for her to be operated on.
“So, how long until I can hold a knife?” Y/N asked as she was wheeled out of the room to the elevators. It was only at that moment, that Jack realized nobody had come in to ask him for a consult or even a second opinion. He was just about to thank the lucky stars of the night when a glance over at the HUB - Shen, Ellis and Princess all huddled together with sly grins on their faces - made him sigh.
“Well, given how it isn’t your dominant hand, you can hold a knife with no problems.” He pressed the elevator button. “It’s the other one holding the ingredients, you’ll need to be careful with. And if you want the best outcome, you'll have to go to physical therapy at least two-three times a week, with at-home exercises.”
“Physical therapy?” Her brows rose to almost her hairline. “And I get assigned homework? This sucks.”
“I told you,” Jack shrugged but smiled down at her from where he stood at the side of her bed. “The hand is very complex. It’s why surgeons specialize in specific fields. Trust me, you wouldn’t want internal medicine operating on your money-makers.” He did a little jazz hands for emphasis. “And given how you almost perfectly severed the ligament in half, you’ll have to put in some work to get the full range of motion back, but I uh, I can refer you to some pretty good physios if you need some recommendations.”
Y/N threw her head back against the pillow with a huff, earning a chuckle from Mateo who was wheeling her bed. “Yeah, I guess I’ll need some. Thank you.”
“You’ll be fine, don’t worry.” Jack looked at her pouting face, and his stomach did a somersault. “Besides, I am very personally invested in the health of your hands. You’ve turned me into a dessert addict when I used to hate sweets.”
“Well, we can’t have you munching on salted cardboard, can we?” she threw him one last laugh.
And then the elevator arrived, taking her up and away from Jack. But he didn’t remain on his own for long. There was nowhere he could hide in the ED, not from the gossip vultures that were Shen and the rest of his posse.
“So,” he dragged the word out. “Is this the mystery dessert ghost?”
Jack schooled his face into one of his straight masks. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Robby does. And Robby has been talking Dana’s ears off about these specific cookies made by your neighbor for months, at this point. And Dana talks to Princess and Perlah, who talk to me.” Shen shrugged, rolling back and forth from the balls of his feet to his heels, hands in his scrub pant pockets. “I’m just saying,” he shrugged, “From what I’ve heard down the grapevine, they’re divine. And also – The Bear?”
Jack raised a brow as John said the name with such reverence like it was something monumental.
“You get food made by one of the best chefs in the world. The least you could do is share.”
Jack clapped a hand on John’s shoulder, trying to hide a smile that wanted to tug at his lips and this time he succeeded. “For one, she baked them for me. And two, don’t you have patients to check on?”
With a gentle shove, he sent Shen on his way, needing to return to his own attending duties, but not before hearing, “I see who your favorite is. Just tell Robby I can fight, especially when cookies are on the line.”
As much as he’d thought about finding some cosmic way of speeding up time, it still ticked by in its usual tempo. At one point, though, Carmen returned, with everything Y/N had asked neatly placed in a bag.
“I need to get back to the restaurant, so I can't really stay,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair while Jack put the bag on the chair in her assigned room. “How is she doing?”
“Still up in surgery, but she’s in great hands.”
“Good,” Carmen nodded. “ ‘Cause I need her great hands too.”
“We’ll do our best,” Jack affirmed and agreed to give a call if anything was needed. He was Y/N’s emergency contact after all, but Jack guaranteed him, she’d be fine. He himself would make sure of it.
Soon enough, the sky started to lighten, and people from the day shift trickled in, the first one being Dana, much to Jack's surprise. The shiner was badly concealed by some make-up, but honestly, Jack thought she should leave it as is. Maybe if Gloria had to look into the consequences of her own incompetence in the face, she’d hire the staff they so desperately needed.
“How did everything go?” Dana asked, settling in behind the HUB.
“Better than we could’ve hoped for. Everyone’s stable, no codes. It was like… like someone was watching over us, if only for a few hours, and you know I don't much believe in such a thing.” But just as Jack was about to start explaining about the patients they had, who was priority and whatnot, the elevator dinged, and he watched Mateo wheel Y/N back out into the ED, and into her room. “Give me a sec.”
If Dana said anything, he didn’t hear it, not as he made for Y/N, and a boulder rolled off his lungs allowing him to breathe once more, when she turned to look at him in the doorway, eyelids half-closed and body, no doubt exhausted. Just because she wasn’t fully under, didn’t mean it wasn’t a strain on her.
“Hey, how’re you feeling?” he lowered his voice to just barely above a whisper.
“Tired,” Y/N mumbled, drowsy from the medication if he could gather anything from the slight slurring of her words. “But honestly, I don’t give a shit if I need even a microscopic surgery in the future. I am now and forever more, requesting to be put to sleep. Period.”
The right side of his lips quirked up. “That bad?”
“It was more so the sounds, and god when they first strapped me down, I thought I was gonna have a panic attack.” Y/N winced as she adjusted on the bed, Jack by her side like a lightning strike, a steady hand on her hip to help out. “I just… yeah… it’s one thing to watch a horror movie and it’s something else to hear it and feel it happen to yourself.” She let out a heavy exhausted sigh, as she sank against the thin pillow.
“Carmen stopped by earlier. Brought you the stuff you asked,” Jack informed her and got a soft hum in response. “He had to go back to the restaurant though. Anyone you can call to take you home?”
She shook her head, eyes closed. “I’ll just Uber.”
Jack frowned at that. He didn’t like the thought of Y/N needing to figure out how to get back to their apartment complex on her own, especially when in such a state, so the offer slipped past his mouth before he had time to think. “I can take you home.”
“Isn’t your shift just about over?” her brows furrowed, and his fingers itched to smooth the grooves out with just his touch. He also wondered if a kiss would help him achieve the goal, but that was better left to his imagination.
“I can wait.”
Y/N hummed again, snuggling deeper into the duvet, that he gently tucked under her neck. “No need to waste your time on me like that. Go home. Get some rest.”
But Jack’s words fell on deaf ears, as he watched her breathing even out, and soft snores permeate the air, and yet, he still murmured, “wouldn’t be a waste at all.”
Again, his hand twitched at his side, wanting to brush his thumb along her cheekbone.
Nope.
Jack was not gonna do that. She was still his patient, and he was still at work. Besides, just because he’d gotten to know her cooking talents for the past four months, didn’t mean he truly knew Y/N. Not yet at least, he hoped.
He didn’t manage to even go to the other side of her bed to check the drip of the IV, when Robby poked his head inside, an almost insidious smile on his face. Well, Jack thought it was insidious, especially with the way his brown eyes darted over to Y/N’s sleeping form.
“What in the world are you doing here, brother?” Jack let out a grunt. “Thought I’d told you to take some time off.”
Robby crossed his arms, leaning against the doorway. “I will when you do the same.”
“Fat chance of that happening,” Jack snorted, shaking his head.
“Exactly, so the pot better stop calling the kettle black, and rather start explaining who this lovely person in here is.”
“My patient.” Jack turned his head to scan Y/N’s vitals if only to make it seem like that was the true reason. He should’ve known it wouldn’t work, not on Robby, seeing as he was probably one of the few people who could glimpse past the mask he wore.
A knowing smile pulled on the day-shift attending’s face. “I mean, I have heard some rumors that this might be the famous 14B. Did the mystery-baker’s identity finally get revealed?”
Fucking Shen and fucking Dana and fucking Princess and fucking Perlah and fucking gossip, travelling all over their ED at the speed of light. God, it couldn’t have been more than five minutes since Y/N had been wheeled down from the OR, and they were already on his ass.
Jack just lifted his shoulders, acting like this revelation didn’t mean anything. “She’s a chef, just like I thought.”
“A pretty chef, no less.”
“Yeah, and she’s like half my age,” Jack scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest.
Robby stepped inside the room, hands in his pockets as he took a glance at Y/N. “First of all, that's an exaggeration, and second of all, she’s an adult woman capable of making her own decisions.”
“She’s my patient,” Jack emphasized the last word, turning on his heel and exiting the room, but not without a final glance over his shoulder. Just to make sure everything was good. That she was good.
“Oh, give me a fucking break. It’s day-shift hours now, so technically, she’s, my patient. So come on, spill…” Robby wiggled his brows a bit, but Jack wouldn’t break as easily, not even with his best friend.
“There is nothing to say. Yeah, she's 14B. Yeah, she's a chef. And she got a really bad cut, almost severing the commissural ligament completely. Sue me for caring about a neighbor.”
“Right,” Robby nodded as they walked to the lockers together. “And it has nothing to do with the fact you’ve been keeping 14B like some sort of a secret lover, and now that you finally know it’s a gorgeous young woman, you might be crushing just a bit harder.”
Jack ran a hand down his face. “Look, I – I had my hopes, okay? But she’s a kid! Besides, I’ve only known her for a couple of hours, all of them as my patient.”
Robby gave him a deadpan look. “She’s been giving you dessert to eat almost every day without a fault for the past four months.”
“She’s a chef trying out recipes. She needed a taste-tester.” Jack shrugged. “That’s like a huge part of her job, man. Getting people’s opinions on food and stuff.”
“Just explain this to me – why on Earth would she go out of her way to feed a neighbor she’s never met, to get an opinion of someone she’s never met, when she literally has chefs around her? You know, her fellow professionals that have taste buds made by the fucking food gods or something?” Robby raised his brows. “But no. She asks you – salted cardboard man.”
God, Perlah could run her mouth faster than Usain Bolt could run 100 meters.
“Research?”
Robby looked at him and sighed, shaking his head. “Look, just because you didn’t know who she was, doesn’t mean she didn’t know who you were.”
“We’ve never seen one another before,” but even as Jack said those words aloud, he thought back to how intuitive 14B had always been about when to give him the newest dessert.
He took a glance towards Y/N’s room. How had the lava cake still been hot? It would’ve been amazing cold too, and yet… Maybe, just maybe, he hadn’t been the only one paying attention to the apartment across the hall from theirs…
But all Jack said was, “You’re a hopeless fucking romantic, brother,” while moving back out towards the HUB to hand Dana off his final charts.
And yet, the thought of leaving Y/N on her own, or her having to Uber home, just didn’t sit right with him.
“I’m uh,” he cleared his throat, watching Robby’s brows raise. “I’m just gonna wait until she wakes. Take her home.”
“And you’re not gonna help out, man?” the words were teasing, but given Jack’s workaholic tendencies, probably shocking as he shook his head this time.
“The daytime is your kingdom, brother. But, do call if you need me.”
With that, Jack slung his backpack over his shoulder, venturing back over to Y/N’s room and he just sat there. Sometimes he just looked at her, tracing her profile with his eyes, memorizing the features, putting them onto the vague shape of 14B he'd developed in his mind's eye. Sometimes he scrolled through his phone, pulling up some articles about The Bear and their team.
Jack almost choked reading about Carmen, how the timid man was a Michelin-starred chef, a James Beard award recipient and so much more. Not to say the whole team behind the original restaurant wasn’t just as talented.
And then there was a section on Y/N herself. A culinary prodigy, having staged in Paris, Amsterdam, Vienna, New York, Zurich and so many other cities Jack didn’t even know existed. There was even a huge New York Times article about her and the food scene in the bustling city, and how at just 23 years of age she was dealing with helping run one of the most famous patisseries in the state.
“Holy fucking shit,” Jack murmured in awe, and when he looked up, he was met with Y/N’s open eyes, a pout on her face.
“I thought I told you to go home and catch some Zs.”
Jack locked his phone, standing up and leaning over her. “How are you feeling?”
“Sore. Hand hurts like a bitch. But I just wanna get back to my own place, and rest there. Not to sound ungrateful, but I really don’t wanna stay at your workplace longer than I have to.”
His lips quirked up at that, and when she responded with a smile of her own, Jack’s heart stuttered in his chest. “Then let’s get you checked out, and out of here.”
Dipping out of the room, he asked for Robby, as he was the one person he truly trusted to handle this, no interns or students allowed, to start the discharge process.
“Hey,” Y/N’s face lit up at the sight of Jack’s friend, which made him frown. “I know you.”
“Good to see you again. I’m Dr Michael Robinavitch, but you can just call me Robby.”
Jack cleared his throat. “How exactly do you two know one another?”
“We met down at the lobby one time. My mailbox was being a little shit and wouldn’t open, and he helped out,” Y/N said while Robby took her hand and unwrapped the bindings, checking over the incision place and how the stitches were looking. Spraying on some antibacterial solvent, he had Princess help him rebind the wound and prescribed some oral antibiotics for the next week as a precautionary measure.
Robby chuckled, signing the end of Y/N’s chart and giving it to Princess so she could finalize the discharge with Dana. “Had I known the woman by the mailbox was also the author of the best cookies I’ve ever eaten, I might’ve just had you struggle with it a bit more. Could've picked your brain a bit for the recipe.”
She tilted her head to the side. “Which ones?”
Robby raised a brow. “What do you mean which ones?”
“I mean, I’ve made a lot of cookies for Jack to test out, I-,” she scoffed in the middle of her sentence, throwing the man in question a look. “Jack, you don’t share?”
“No,” he said with a straight face. “And the only reason Robby got a piece was because he’s a damned thief. Now, can you please discharge her, so I can take her home?”
Y/N tilted her head down a bit, a small shy smile blooming on her face. “You didn’t have to wait for me, you know.”
Jack wanted to say he knew that, that he was just being a friendly neighbor and it was the least of how he could repay her for all the desserts, but he just shrugged, a sudden bashfulness taking over his own body. “Honestly, it was more for my peace of mind.”
“Well, thank you anyway… You didn’t have to stay, especially after a twelve-hour shift, and everything before that... but I appreciate it.”
And he just nodded, nudging his chin in the direction of her bag, as Perlah came in to assist, Robby moving away with a small 'Hope you feel better soon,' while Jack nodded in thanks, turning his attention back on Y/N. “There are some clean clothes for you there, and when you’re done, we can get going. Let me know if you need any help.”
With that, he left Y/N behind the partition, and closed the curtain and then the door. He was met with Dana’s smirking and Robby’s obnoxiously smug faces as they converged by the nurse's station. “Not a word.”
“Oh, Jack,” the charge nurse shook her head, laughing at him. “You have no idea about the storm that’s coming your way.”
Maybe he could move, Jack thought. He’d gather up his stuff and go somewhere deep into the Appalachian Mountains, where nobody would ever find him. The problem with that plan though, was when he started to wonder if Y/N would be willing to at least make a trip out there, if not move with him completely.
“Ready to go?” She opened the door he’d been guarding like a knight, her bag over her shoulder, while handing him his own.
Immediately, Jack took the strap of hers too, sliding it down her shoulder, despite her protests, and ignored her insistence on carrying her own stuff. “Got everything?”
“Uh, yeah, I think so. But I mean, if I have forgotten anything, I know who to ask.”
Jack’s lips pulled up in a smirk as they walked side by side, one of his hands hovering over the small of Y/N’s back as he guided her out of the ED and to the parking lot. “And you think he’d just jump at your every whim and request?”
“I dunno. I’d like to think I might’ve sweetened him up a bit with all the desserts. After all, he did stay and wait for me.”
“Maybe just a bit,” he let out a low laugh, heat crawling up his neck. “Can’t tell that to anyone though. Might ruin my street cred.”
And with just a single smile, Y/N sent him spiralling.
He helped her up into the passenger seat, putting their bags in the back and, reversed out of the parking lot in record time. They rode in silence, as she unrolled the window a bit, allowing the morning breeze to wash over her face.
The ride home was too short for his liking, as any minute spent in her company, was a minute Jack cherished, but soon enough he was helping her out of the car, and holding their complex doors open. Step by step they moved up to the fifth floor.
Jack waited as Y/N rummaged through the bag until she found her keys and unlocked her door.
“Thank you, again.” She turned to face him. “For taking care of me.”
“Just… doing my job.”
“I mean yeah, but…. Giving me a ride home? Staying after hours?”
“We live in the same house. On the same floor. It was no big deal.”
Y/N cocked a hip. “You’d already worked your night shift.”
And Jack had nothing to rebut. He just awkwardly cleared his throat and hoped she didn’t see the blushing staining his cheeks.
“Do you uh,” she started, “Do you maybe wanna come inside for a bite and some coffee? I’m not much of a barista, so you’d have to take my shitty pour-over as is, but I still have some leftover millionaire-shortbread brownies I made two days ago.”
Jack gave a small smile. He’d smiled more throughout that one night than in the past few years combined. “Flaky salt on top?”
“Haven’t made it any other way since.”
And when he followed her, closing the door behind them with a soft click, his eyes ventured over to a coffee table beside the couch.
She’d left a night light on.
Tags: are open :)
A/N: I need that old man so hard, I'm gnawing at the bars of my enclosure
Genre: Southern Gothic, Angst, Supernatural Thriller, Romance
Word Count: 15.7k+
Summary: In a sweltering Mississippi town, a woman's nights are divided between a juke joint's soulful music and the intoxicating presence of a mysterious man named Remmick. As her heart wrestles with fear and desire, shadows lengthen, revealing truths darker than the forgotten woods. In the heart of the Deep South, whispers of love dance with danger, leaving a trail of secrets that curl like smoke in the night.
Content Warnings: Emotional and physical abuse, manipulation, supernatural themes, implied violence, betrayal, character death, transformation lore, body horror elements, graphic depictions of blood, intense psychological and emotional distress, brief sexual content, references to alcoholism and domestic conflict. Let me know if I missed any!
A/N: My first story on here! Also I’m not from the 1930’s so don’t beat me up for not knowing too much about life in that time.I couldn’t stop thinking about this gorgeous man since I watched the movie. Wanted to jump through the screen to get to him anywayssss likes, reblogs and asks always appreciated.
The heat clings to my skin like a second husband, just as unwanted as the first. Even with the sun long gone, the air hangs thick enough to drown in, pressing against my lungs as I ease the screen door open. The hinges whine—traitors announcing my escape attempt—and before I can slip out, his voice lashes at my back, mean as a belt strap.
"I ain't done talkin' to you, girl."
His fingers dig into my arm, yanking me back inside. The dim yellow light from our single lamp casts his face in a shadow, but I don’t need to see his expression. I've memorized every twist his mouth makes when he's like this—cruel at the corners, loose in the middle.
"You been done," I whisper, the words scraping my throat like gravel. My tears stay locked behind my eyes, prisoners I refuse to release. "Said all you needed to say half a bottle ago."
Frank's breath hits my face, sour with corn liquor and hate. His pupils are wide, unfocused—black holes pulling at the edges of his irises. The hand not gripping my arm rises slow and wavering, a promise of pain that has become as routine as sunrise.
But tonight, the whiskey’s got him too good. His arm drops mid-swing, its weight too much. For the first time in three years of marriage, I don't flinch.
He notices. Even drunk, he notices.
"The hell's gotten into you?" His words slur together, a muddy river of accusation. "Think you better'n me now? That it?"
"Just tired, Frank." My voice stays steady as still water. "That's all."
The truth is, I stopped being afraid a month ago. Fear requires hope—the desperate belief that things might change if you're just careful enough, quiet enough, good enough. I buried my hope the last time he put my head through the wall, right next to where the plaster still shows the shape of my skull.
I look around our little house—a wedding gift from his daddy that's become my prison. Two rooms of misery, decorated in things Frank broke and I tried to fix. The table with three good legs and one made from an old fence post. The chair with stuffing coming out like dirty snow. The wallpaper peels in long strips, curling away from the walls like they're trying to escape too.
My reflection catches in the cracked mirror above the wash basin—a woman I barely recognize anymore. My eyes have gone flat, my cheekbones sharp beneath skin that used to glow. Twenty-five years old and fading like a dress left too long in the sun.
Frank stumbles backward, catching himself on the edge of our bed. The springs screech under his weight. "Where you think you're goin' anyhow?"
"Just for some air." I keep my voice gentle, like you'd talk to a spooked horse. "Be back before you know it."
His eyes narrow, suspicion fighting through the drunken haze. "You meetin' somebody?"
I shake my head, moving slowly around the room, gathering my shawl, and checking my hair. Every movement measured, nothing to trigger him. "Just need to breathe, Frank. That's all."
"You breathe right here," he mutters, but his words are losing their fight, drowning in whiskey and fatigue. "Right here where I can see you."
I don't answer. Instead, I watch him struggle against sleep, his body betraying him in small surrenders—head nodding, shoulders slumping, breath deepening. Five minutes pass, then ten. His chin drops to his chest.
I slip my dancing shoes from their hiding place beneath a loose floorboard under our bed. Frank hates them—says they make me look loose, wanton. What he means is they make me look like someone who might leave him.
He's not wrong.
The shoes feel like rebellion in my hands. I've polished them in secret, mended the scuffs, kept them alive like hope. Can't put them on yet—the sound would wake him—but soon. Soon they'll carry me where I need to go.
Frank snores suddenly, a thunderclap of noise that makes me freeze. But he doesn't stir, just slumps further onto the bed, one arm dangling toward the floor.
I move toward the door again; shoes clutched to my chest like something precious. The night outside calls to me with cricket songs and possibilities.
Through the dirty window, I can see the path that leads toward the woods, toward Smoke and Stack's place where the music will already be starting. Where for a few hours, I can remember what it feels like to be something other than Frank's wife, Frank's disappointment, Frank's punching bag.
The screen door sighs as I ease it open. The night air touches my face like a blessing. Behind me, Frank sleeps the sleep of the wicked and the drunk. Ahead of me, there's music waiting. And tonight, just tonight, that music is stronger than my fear.
The juke joint grows from the Mississippi dirt like something half-remembered, half-dreamed. Even from the edge of the trees, I can feel its heartbeat—the thump of feet on wooden boards, the wail of Sammie's guitar cutting through the night air, voices rising and falling in waves of joy so thick you could swim in them. My shoes dangle from my fingers, still clean. No point in dirtying them on the path. What matters is what happens inside, where the real world stops at the door and something else begins.
Light spills from the cracks between weathered boards, turning the surrounding pine trees into sentinels guarding this secret. I slip my shoes on, leaning on the passenger side of one of the few vehicles in-front of the juke-joint, already swaying to the rhythm bleeding through the walls.
Smoke and Stack bought this place with money from God knows where coming back from Chicago. Made it sturdy enough to hold our dreams, hidden enough to keep them safe. White folks pretend not to know it exists, and we pretend to believe them. That mutual fiction buys us this—one place where we don't have to fold ourselves small.
I push open the door and step into liquid heat.
Bodies press and sway, dark skin gleaming with sweat under the glow of kerosene lamps hung from rough-hewn rafters. The floor bears witness to many nights of stomping feet, marked with scuffs that tell stories words never could. The air tastes like freedom—sharp with moonshine, sweet with perfume, salty with honest work washed away in honest pleasure.
At the far end, Sammie hunches over his guitar, eyes closed, fingers dancing across strings worn smooth from years of playing. He doesn't need to see what he's doing; the music lives in his hands. Each note tears something loose inside anyone who hears it—something we keep chained up during daylight hours.
Annie throws her head back in laughter, her full hips wrapped in a dress the color of plums. She grabs Pearline's slender wrist, pulling her into the heart of the dancing crowd. Pearline resists for only a second before surrendering, her graceful movements a perfect counterpoint to Annie's rare wild abandon.
"Come on now," Annie shouts over the music. "Your husband ain't here to see you, and the Lord ain't lookin' tonight!"
Pearline's lips curve into that secret smile she saves for these moments when she can set aside the proper church woman and become something truer.
In the corner, Delta Slim nurses a bottle like it contains memories instead of liquor. His eyes, bloodshot but sharp, track everything without seeming to. His fingers tap against the bottleneck, keeping time with Sammie's playing. An old soul who's seen too much to be fooled by anything.
"Slim!" Cornbread's deep voice booms as he passes, carrying drinks that overflow slightly with each step. "You gonna play tonight or just drink the profits?"
"Might do both if you keep askin'," Slim drawls, but there's no heat in it. Just the familiar rhythm of old friends.
I step fully into the room and something shifts. Not everyone notices—most keep dancing, talking, drinking—but enough heads turn my way that I feel it. A ripple through the crowd, making space. Recognition.
Smoke spots me from behind the rough-plank bar. His nod is almost imperceptible, but I catch it—permission, welcome, understanding. His forearms glisten with sweat as he pours another drink, muscles tensed like he's always ready for trouble. Because he is.
Stack appears beside him, leaning in to say something in his twin's ear. Unlike Smoke, whose energy coils tight, Stack moves with a gambler's grace, all smooth edges, and calculated risks. His eyes find me in the crowd, lingering a beat too long, concern flashing before he masks it with a lazy smile.
My feet carry me to the center of the floor without conscious thought. The wooden boards warm beneath my soles, greeting me like an old friend. I close my eyes, letting Sammie's guitar and voice pull me under, drowning in sound.
My body remembers what my mind tries to forget—how to move without fear, how to speak without words. My hips sway, shoulders rolling in time with the stomps. Each stomp of my feet sends the day's hurt into the ground. Each twist of my wrist unravels another knot of rage. My dress—faded cotton sewn and resewn until it's more memory than fabric—clings to me as I spin, catching sweat and starlight.
"She needs this," Smoke mutters to Stack, thinking I can't hear over the music. He takes a long pull from his bottle, eyes never leaving me. "Let her be."
But Stack keeps watching, the way he watched when we were kids, and I climbed too high in the cypress trees. Like he's waiting to catch me if I fall.
I don't plan to fall. Not tonight. Tonight, I'm rising, lifting, breaking free from gravity itself.
Mary appears beside me, her red dress a flame against the darkness. She moves with the confidence of youth and beauty, all long limbs and laughter.
"Girl, you gonna burn a hole in the floor!" she shouts, spinning close enough that her breath warms my ear.
I don't answer. Can't answer. Words belong to the day world, the world of men like Frank who use them as weapons. Here, my body speaks a better truth.
The music climbs higher, faster. Sammie's fingers blur across the strings, coaxing sounds that shouldn't be possible from wood and wire. The crowd claps in rhythm, feet stomping, voices joining in wordless chorus. The walls of the juke joint seem to expand with our joy, swelling to contain what can't be contained.
My head tilts back, eyes finding the rough ceiling without seeing it. My spirit has already soared through those boards, up past the pines, into a night sky scattered with stars that know my real name. Sweat tracks down my spine, between my breasts, and along my temples. My heartbeat syncs with the drums until I can't tell which is which.
At this moment, Frank doesn't exist. The bruises hidden beneath my clothes don't exist. All that exists is movement, music, and the miraculous feeling of being fully, completely alive in a body that, for these few precious hours, belongs only.
The music fades behind me, each step into the woods stealing another note until all that's left is memory. My body still hums with the ghost of rhythm, but the air around me has changed—gone still in a way that doesn't feel right. Mississippi nights are never quiet, not really. There are always cicadas arguing with crickets, frogs calling from hidden places, leaves whispering to each other. But tonight, the woods swallow sound like they're holding their breath. Waiting for something. My fingers tighten around my shawl, pulling it closer though the heat hasn't broken. It's not cold I'm feeling. It's something else.
Moonlight cuts through the canopy in silver blades, slicing the path into sections of light and dark. I step carefully, avoiding roots that curl up from the earth like arthritic fingers. The juke-joint has disappeared behind me; its warmth and noise sealed away by the wall of pines. Ahead lies home—Frank snoring in a drunken stupor, walls pressing in, air thick with resentment. Between here and there is only this stretch of woods, this moment of in-between.
My dancing shoes pinch now, reminding me they weren't made for walking. But I don't take them off. They're the last piece of the night I'm clinging to, proof that for a few hours, I was
someone else. Someone free.
A twig snaps.
I freeze every muscle tense as piano wire. That sound came from behind me, off to the left where the trees grow thicker. Not an animal—too deliberate, too singular. My heart drums against my ribs, no longer keeping Sammie's rhythm but a faster, frightened beat of its own.
"Who's there?" My voice sounds thin in the unnatural quiet.
For a moment, nothing. Then movement—not a crashing through underbrush, but a careful parting, like the darkness itself is opening up.
He steps onto the path, and everything in me goes still.
White man. Tall. Nothing unusual about that. But everything else about him rings false. His clothes seem to match the dust of the woods—dusty white shirt, suspenders that catch the moonlight like they're made of something finer than ordinary cloth. Dust clings to his shoes but sweat darkens his collar despite the heat. His skin is pale in a way that seems to glow faintly, untouched by the sun.
But it's his eyes that stop my breath. They don't blink enough. And they're fixed on me with a hunger that has nothing to do with what men usually want.
"You move like you don't belong to this world," he says, voice smooth as molasses but cold like stones at the bottom of a well. There's a drawl to his words. He sounds like nowhere and everywhere. "I've watched you dance. On nights like this. It's… spellwork, what you do."
My spine straightens of its own accord. I should run. Every instinct screams it. But something else—pride, maybe, or foolishness—keeps me rooted.
"I ain't got nothin' for you," I say, keeping my voice steady. My hand tightens on my shawl, though it's poor protection against whatever this man is. "And white men seekin’ me out here alone usually bring trouble."
His lips curve upward, but the smile doesn't touch those unblinking eyes. They remain fixed, assessing, and patient in a way that makes my skin prickle.
"You think I came to bring you trouble?"
The question hangs between us, delicate as spiderweb. I don't trust it. Don't trust him.
"I think you should go," I say, taking half a step backward.
He matches with a step forward but maintains the distance between us—precise, controlled.
"I'm called Remmick."
"I didn't ask." My voice sharpens with fear disguised as attitude.
"No," he says, nodding thoughtfully. "But something in you will remember."
The certainty in his voice raises the hair on my arms. I study him more carefully—the unnatural stillness with which he holds himself. Something is wrong with this man, something beyond the obvious danger of a man approaching a woman alone in the woods at night.
The trees around him seem to bend away slightly, as if reluctant to touch him. Even the persistent mosquitoes that plague these woods avoid the air around him. The night itself recoils from his presence, creating a bubble of emptiness with him at the center.
I take another step back, putting more distance between us. My heel catches on a root, but I recover without falling. His eyes track the movement with unsettling precision.
"You can go on now," I say, my voice harder now. "Ain't nobody invited you."
Something changes in his expression at that—a flicker of satisfaction, like I've confirmed something he suspected. His head tilts slightly, almost pleased.
"That's true," he murmurs, the words barely disturbing the air. "Not yet."
The way he says it—like a promise, like a threat—makes my breath catch. The moonlight catches his profile as he turns slightly.
For a moment, just a moment, I think I see something move beneath that worn shirt—not muscle or bone, but something else, something that shifts like shadow-given substance. Then it's gone, and he's just a man again. A strange, terrifying man standing too still in the woods who wants nothing to do with him.
I don't say goodbye. Don't acknowledge him further. Just back away, keeping my eyes on him until I can turn safely until the path curves and trees separate us. Even then, I feel his gaze on my back like a physical weight, pressing against my spine, leaving an imprint that won't wash off.
I don't run—running attracts predators—but I walk faster, my dancing shoes striking the dirt in a rhythm that sounds like warning, warning, warning with each step. The trees seem to whisper now, breaking their unnatural silence to murmur secrets to each other.
Behind me, the woods remain still. I don't hear him following. Somehow, that's worse. As if he doesn't need to follow to find me again.
As I near the edge of the tree line, the familiar sounds of night gradually return—cicadas start up their sawing, and an owl calls from somewhere deep in the darkness. The world exhales, releasing the breath it had been holding.
But something has changed. The night that once offered escape now feels like another kind of trap. And somewhere in the darkness behind me waits a man named Remmick, with eyes that don't blink enough and a voice that speaks of "not yet" like it's already written.
Two day passed but The rooster still don’t holler like he used to. He creaks out a noise ‘round mid-morning now, long after the sun’s already sitting heavy on the tin roof. Maybe the heat got to him. Maybe he’s just tired of callin’ out a world that don’t change.
I know the feel. But night comes again, faster than mornin’ these days. Probably cause’ I’m expectin’ more from the night.
Frank’s out cold on the mattress, one leg hanging off like it gave up trying. His breath comes in grunts, open-mouthed and ugly. A fly dances lazy across his upper lip, lands, takes off again. I step over his boots; past the broken chair he swore he’d fix last fall.
Ain’t nothin’ changed but the dust.
Kitchen smells like rusted iron and whatever crawled up into the walls to die. I fill the kettle slow, careful with the water pump handle so it don’t squeal. Ain’t trying to wake a bear before it’s time. My fingers press against the wallpaper, where it peeled back like bark. The spot stays warm. Heat trapped from yesterday.
I don’t talk to myself. Don’t say a word.
But my thoughts speak his name without asking.
Remmick.
It don’t belong in this house. It don’t belong in my mouth, either. But there it is, curling behind my teeth. I never told a soul about him. Not ‘cause I was scared. Not yet.
Just didn’t know how to explain a man who don’t blink enough. Who moves like the ground ain’t quite got a grip on him. Who steps out of the woods like he heard you call, even when you didn’t. A man who hangs ‘round a place with no intention of going in.
I tug the hem of my dress higher to look at the bruise. Purple, with a ring of green creeping in around the edges. I press two fingers to it, just to feel it. A reminder.
Frank don’t always hit where people can see. But he don’t always miss, either.
I wrap it in cloth, tug the fabric of my dress just right, and move on. I don’t plan to dance tonight. But I’ll sit. Maybe smile. Maybe drink something that don’t taste like survival. Maybe Stack’ll run his mouth and pull a laugh out of me without trying.
And maybe, when it’s time to go, I’ll take the long way home.
Not because I’m expectin’ anything.
But because I want to.
The juke joint buzzes before I even see it. The trees carry the sound first—the thump of feet, the thrum of piano spilling through the wood like sap. By the time I reach the clearing, it’s already breathing, already alive.
Cornbread’s at the door, arms folded. When I pass, he gives me that look like he sees more than I want him to.
“You look lighter tonight,” he says.
I give a half-smile. “Probably just ain’t carryin’ any expectations.”
He lets out a low laugh, the kind that rolls up from his gut and sits heavy in the room.
“Or maybe ‘cause you left somethin’ behind last night.”
That makes me pause, just for a beat. But I don’t show it. Just raise my brow like he’s talkin’ nonsense and keep walkin’.
He don’t mean nothin’ by it.
But it sticks to me anyway.
Delta Slim’s at the keys, tapping them like they owe him money. The notes bounce off the walls, dusty and full of teeth. No Sammie tonight—Stack said he’s somewhere wrasslin’ a busted guitar into obedience.
Pearline’s off in the corner, close to Sammie’s usual seat. She’s leaned in real low to a man I seen from time to time here, voice like honey drippin’ too slow to trust. Her laugh breaks in soft bursts, careful not to wake whatever she’s tryin’ to keep asleep.
Stack’s behind the bar, sleeves rolled up, but he ain’t workin.’ Not really. He’s leanin’ on the wood, jaw flexing as he smirks at some girl with freckles down her arms like spilled salt.
I find a seat near the back, close enough to the fan to catch a breath of cool, far enough to keep my bruise out of the light.
Inside, the joint don’t just sing—it exhales. Walls groan with sweat and joy, floorboards shimmy under stompin’ feet. The air’s thick with heat, perfume, and fried something that’s long since stopped smellin’ like food. There’s a rhythm to the place—one that don’t care what your name is, just how you move.
Smoke’s behind the bar too, back bent over a bottle, jaw set tight like always. But when he sees me, his mouth softens. Not a smile—he don’t give those away easy. Just a nod. Like he sees me, really sees me.
“Frank dead yet?” he mutters without looking up.
“Not that lucky,” I say, voice dry as dust.
He pours without askin.’ Corn punch. Still too sweet. But it sits right on the tongue after a long day of silence.
“You limpin’?” he asks, low, like maybe it’s just for me.
I shake my head. “Just don’t feel like shakin’.”
He grunts understanding. “You don’t gotta explain, Y/N. Just glad you showed.”
A warmth rolls behind my ribs. I don’t show it. But I feel it.
I don’t dance, but I play. Cards smack against the wood table like drumbeats—sharp, mean, familiar. The men at the table glance up, but none complain when I sit. I win too often for them to pretend they ain’t interested.
Stack leans over my shoulder after the second hand. I smell rum and tobacco before he speaks.
“You cheat,” he says, eyes twinkling.
“You slow,” I fire back, slapping a queen on the pile.
He whistles. “You always talk this much when you feelin’ good?”
“Don’t flatter yourself.”
“Oh, I ain’t. Just sayin,’ looks Like you been kissed by somethin’ holy—or dangerous.”
“I’ll let you decide which.”
He laughs, pulls up a chair without askin’. His knee brushes mine. He don’t apologize. I don’t move.
I leave before Slim plays his last note. The night wraps itself around me the moment I step out, damp and sweet, the kind of air that clings to your skin like memory. One more laugh from inside rings out sharp before the door shuts and the trees hush it.
My feet take the path without me thinking. I don’t look for shadows. Don’t linger. Just want the stillness. The cool hush after heat. The part of night that feels like confession.
But halfway down the clearing, I see him again.
Not leaning. Not hiding. Just there. Standing like the woods parted just to place him in my way.
White shirt. Sleeves rolled. Suspenders loose against dusty pants. Hat in hand like he means to be respectful, like he was taught his mama’s manners.
I stop.
“You followin’ me?” I ask, but it don’t come out sharp.
His mouth twitches. Not quite a smile.
“Didn’t know a man needed a permit to take a walk under the stars.”
“You keep walkin’ where I already am.”
He looks down the path, then back at me. “Maybe that means you and I got the same sense of direction.”
“Or maybe you been steppin’ where you know I’ll be.”
He doesn’t deny it. Just shrugs, eyes steady.
I don’t move closer. Don’t move back either.
“You always turn up like this?” I ask. “Like a page I forgot to read?”
He chuckles. “No. Just figured you were the kind of story worth rereadin’.”
The silence after that ain’t heavy. Just… close. The kind that makes your ears ring with what you ain’t said.
“You always this smooth?” I say, voice low.
“I been known to stumble,” he replies. “Just not when it counts.”
I shift. Let my eyes roam past him, toward the tree line. “Small talk doesn’t suit you.”
“I don’t do small.” His eyes meet mine again. “Especially not with you.”
It’s too much. It should be too much. But my hands don’t tremble. My breath don’t catch.
Not yet.
“You always walk the same road as a woman leavin’ the juke joint alone?”
“I didn’t follow you,” he repeats. “I just happen to be where you are.”
He steps forward, slow.
I don’t retreat.
“You expect me to believe that?” I ask.
“No,” he says softly. “But I think you want to.”
That lands between us like something too honest.
He runs a hand through his hair before putting his hat on. A simple gesture. A human one. Like he’s just another man with nowhere to be and too much time to spend not being there.
He watches me, real still—like a man waitin’ to see if I’ll spook or bite.
“Figured I might’ve come off wrong last time,” he says finally, voice soft, but it don’t bend easy. “Didn’t mean to.”
“You did,” I say, but my arms stay loose at my sides.
A flick of something passes over his face. Not shame, not pride—just a small, ghosted look, like he’s used to bein’ misunderstood.
“Well,” he says, thumb brushing the brim of his hat, “thought maybe I’d try again. Slower this time.”
That pulls at somethin’ behind my ribs, makes the air stretch thinner between us.
“You act like this some kinda game.”
He shakes his head once. “Not a game. Just…timing. Some things got to take the long way ‘round.”
I narrow my eyes at him, trying to make out where he’s hidin’ the trick in all this.
“The way you talk is like running in circles.”
He laughs—low and rough at the edges, like it ain’t used to bein’ let out. “I won’t waste time running in circles around a darlin’ like you.”
I cross my arms, squinting at the space between his words.
“That supposed to charm me?”
He shrugs, one shoulder easy like he don’t expect much.
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he says. “Just thought I’d give you something truer than a lie.”
His voice ain’t sweet—it’s too honest for that. But it moves like water that knows where it’s goin’.
I shift my weight, let the breeze slide between us.
“You ain’t said why you’re here. Not really.”
He watches me a long moment, like he’s weighing how much I’ll let in.
“Maybe I’m drawn to your energy,” he says finally.
I scoff. “My energy? I don’t move too much to emit energy.”
That gets him smilin’. Slow. Not too sure of itself, but not shy either.
“You don’t have to move,” he says, “to be seen.”
The words hit like a drop of cold water between the shoulder blades—sharp, sudden, and too real. I take a step forward just to ground myself, heel pressing into the dirt like I mean it.
“You a preacher?” I ask, voice sharper than before.
He chuckles, deep and close-lipped. “Ain’t nothin’ holy about me.”
“Then don’t talk to me like you got a sermon stitched in your throat.”
He bows his head just a hair, hands still at his sides. “Fair enough.”
A pause stretches long enough for the night sounds to creep back in—cicadas winding up, wind sifting through the trees.
“I’m Remmick,” he says, like it matters more now.
“I know.”
“And you?”
“You don’t need my name.”
His mouth quirks like he wants to press, but he don’t.
“You sure about that?”
“Yes.”
The silence that follows feels cleaner. Like everything’s been set on the table and neither one of us reaching for it.
He nods, slow. “Alright. Just thought I’d say hello this time without makin’ the trees nervous.”
I don’t smile. Don’t give him more than I want to.
But I don’t turn away either.
And when he steps back—slow, like he respects the space between us—I let him.
This time, I watch him go. Down the path, ‘til the woods decide they’ve had enough of him.
I don’t look back once my hand’s on the porch rail.
The key trembles once in the lock before it catches. Inside, it’s the same. Frank dead to the world, laid out like sin forgiven.
I pass him without a glance, like I’m the ghost and not him.
At the washbasin, I scrub my face until the cold water stings. Peel off the dress slow, like unwrapping something tender. The bruises bloom up my side, but I don’t touch ‘em.
I slide into a cotton nightgown soft enough not to fight me.
Climb into bed without expecting sleep.
Just lie there, staring at the ceiling like maybe tonight it might speak.
But it don’t.
It just creaks. Settles.
And leaves me with that name again.
Remmick.
I whisper it once, barely enough sound to stir the dark.
Three days pass.
The sun’s just fallen, but the air still clings like breath held too long. I’m on the back stoop with my foot sunk in a basin of cool water, ankle puffed up mean from Frank’s latest mood. Shawl drawn close, dress hem hiked above the bruising. The house behind me creaks like it’s thinking about falling apart. Crickets chirp with something to prove. A whip-poor-will calls once, then hushes like it said too much.
And then—
“Evenin’.”
My hand jerks, sloshing water up my calf. I don’t scream, but I don’t hide the startle either.
He’s by the fence post. Just leanin’. Arms folded over the top like he been there long enough to take root. Hat low, sleeves rolled, collar open at the throat. Shirt clings faint in the heat, pants dusted up from honest walking—or the kind that don’t leave footprints.
I say nothing.
He tips his head like he’s waiting for permission that won’t come. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You always arrive like breath behind a neck.”
“I try not to,” he says, quiet. “Don’t always manage it.”
That smile he wears—it don’t shine. It settles. Soft. A little sorry.
“I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me again,” he says.
“I don’t.”
He nods like he expected that too. I don’t blink. Don’t drop my gaze.
“Why you keep comin’ here, Remmick?”
His name tastes different now. Sharper.
He blinks once, slow and deliberate. “Didn’t think you remembered it.”
“I remember what sticks wrong.”
He watches me a beat longer than comfort allows. Then—calm, measured—he says, “Just figured you might not mind the company.”
“That ain’t company,” I snap. “That’s trespassin’.”
My voice cuts colder than I meant it to, but it don’t feel like a lie.
“You know where I live. You know when I’m out here. That ain’t coincidence. That’s intent.”
He don’t flinch. “I asked.”
That stops me. “Asked who?”
He lifts his hand, palm out like he ain’t holdin’ anything worth hiding. “Lady outside the feed store. Said you were the one with the porch full of peeled paint and a garden that used to be tended. Said you got a husband who drinks too early and hits too late.”
My mouth goes dry.
“You spyin’ on me?”
“No,” he says. “I don’t need to spy to see what’s plain.”
“And what’s plain to you, exactly?” My tone is flint now. Sparked. “You don’t know a damn thing about me.”
He leans in, just enough. “You think that bruise on your ankle don’t show ‘cause your dress covers it? You think folks ain’t noticed how you don’t laugh no more unless you hidin’ it behind a stiff smile?”
Silence folds in between us. Thick. Unwelcoming.
He doesn’t press. Just keeps looking, like he’s listening for something I ain’t said yet.
“I don’t need savin’,” I murmur.
“I didn’t come to save you,” he says, and his voice is different now low, but not slick. Heavy, like a weight he’s carried too far. “I just came to see if you’d talk back. That’s all.”
I pull my foot from the water, slow. Wrap it in a rag. Keep my gaze steady.
“You show up again unasked,” I say, “I’ll have Frank walk you home.”
He chuckles. Real soft. Like he don’t think I’d do it, but he don’t plan to test me either.
“I’d deserve it,” he says.
Then he tips his hat after putting it back on and steps back into the night. Doesn’t rush. Doesn’t look back.
But even after he’s gone, I can feel the place he left behind—like a fingerprint on glass.
———
Inside, Frank’s already mutterin’ in his sleep. The sound of a man who ain’t never done enough to earn rest, but claims it like birthright.
I move around him like I ain’t there.
Later, in bed, the ceiling don’t offer peace. Just shadows that shift like breath. I lay quiet, hands folded over my stomach, heart beatin’ steady where it shouldn’t.
I don’t say his name.
But I think it.
And it stays.
Mornings don’t change much. Not in this house.
Frank’s boots hit the floor before I even open my eyes. He don’t speak—just shuffles around, clearing his throat like it’s my fault it ain’t clear yet. He spits into the sink, loud and wet, then starts lookin’ for somethin’ to curse.
Today it’s the biscuits. Yesterday, it was the fact I bought the wrong tobacco. Tomorrow? Could be the way I breathe.
I don’t talk back. Just pack his lunch quiet, hands moving like they’ve learned how to vanish.
When the door finally slams shut behind him, the silence feels less like peace and more like a pause in the storm. The floor don’t sigh. I do.
He’ll be back by sundown.
Drunk by nine.
Dead asleep by ten.
And I’ll be somewhere else—at least for a little while.
The juke joint’s sweating by the time I get there.
Delta Slim’s on keys again, playing like his fingers been dipped in honey and sorrow. Voices ride the walls, thick and rising, the kind that ain’t tryin’ to be pretty—just loud enough to out-sing the pain.
Pearline’s got Sammie backed in a corner again, her laugh syrupy and slow. She always did know how to linger in a man’s space like perfume. Cornbread’s hollering near the door, trading jokes for coin. And Annie’s on a stool, head tilted like she’s heard too much and not enough.
I don’t dance tonight. Still too tender. So, I post up at the end of the bar with something sharp in my glass.
Smoke sees me, gives that chin lift he reserves for bad days and bruised ribs. Stack sidles up before the ice even melts.
“Quiet day today,” he asks, cracking a peanut with his teeth.
I don’t look at him. Just stir my drink slow. “Talkin’ ain’t always safe.”
His brows go up. He glances around like he’s checking for shadows, then leans in a bit.
“Frank still being Frank?”
I lift one shoulder.
Stack don’t push. Just keeps on with his drink, knuckles tapping the bar like a slow metronome.
Then, quiet:
“You got somethin’ heavy to let go of.”
That stops me. Just a second. But he catches it.
“Huh?”
He shrugs, doesn’t look at me this time. “You ever seen a rabbit freeze in tall grass? That’s the look. Ears up. Heart runnin’. But it ain’t moved yet.”
I run a fingertip down the side of my glass, watching the sweat bead up.
“There’s been a man.”
Now Stack looks.
“He don’t say much. Just… shows up. Walks the same road I’m on, like we both happened there. Then he started talkin’. Knew things he shouldn’t. Last time, he was near my house. Didn’t come in. Just… lingered.”
“White?”
I nod.
Stack’s whole posture changes—draws tight at the shoulders, jaw working.
“You want me to handle it?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Y/N—”
“No,” I say again, firmer. “I don’t want more fire when the house is already half burnt. He ain’t done nothin.’ Not really.” Yet.
He lets it settle. Don’t agree. But he don’t argue either.
Behind us, Annie’s refilling her glass. She don’t speak, but her eyes cut over to Mary.
Mary catches it. Lips press together. She looks at me the way you look at something you’ve seen before but can’t stop from happening again.
And then, like it’s all normal, Mary chirps out, “You hear Pearline bet Sammie he couldn’t outdrink Cornbread?”
Annie scoffs. “She just tryin’ to sit on his lap before midnight.”
Stack grins but don’t fully let go of his watchful look.
The mood shifts easy, like it rehearsed for this. Like they all know how to laugh loud enough to cover a crack in the wall.
But I ain’t laughing.
I nurse my drink, fingers cold and wet around the glass. My eyes flick toward the door, then away.
Remmick.
That name’s been clingin’ to my mind like smoke in closed curtains. Thick. Quiet. Still there long after the fire’s gone out.
I think about how he looked at me—not like a man looks at a woman, but like he’s listening to something inside her. I think about the way his voice wrapped around the air, soft but steady, like it belonged even when it didn’t.
I think about how I told Stack I didn’t want to see him again.
And I wonder why I lied.
Frank’s truck wheezes up the road like it’s draggin’ its bones. Brakes cry once. Gravel shifts like it don’t want to hold him.
Inside, the pot’s still warm on the stove. Not hot. He hates hot. Says it means I was tryin’ too hard, or not tryin’ enough. With Frank, it don’t matter which—he’ll find the fault either way.
The screen door creaks and slams. That sound still startles me, even now.
Boots hit wood, heavy and careless. His scent rolls in before he speaks—sweat, sun, grease, and the liquor I know he popped open three miles back.
I don’t turn. Just keep spoonin’ grits into the bowl, hand steady.
“You hear they cut my hours?” he says. His voice’s wound tight, all string and no tune.
“No,” I say.
He drops his lunch pail hard on the table. The tin rattles. A sound I hate.
“They kept Carter,” he mutters. “You know why?”
I stay quiet.
He answers himself anyway. “’Cause Carter got a wife who stays in her place. Don’t get folks talkin’. Don’t strut around like she’s single.”
The grit spoon taps the bowl once. Then again. I let it.
“You callin’ me loud?”
“I’m sayin’ you don’t make it easy. Every damn week, somebody got somethin’ to say. ‘Saw her smilin’. Heard her laughin’. Like you forgot what house you live in.”
I press my palm flat to the counter, slow. “Maybe if you kept your hands to yourself, folks’d have less to talk about.”
It slips out too fast. But I don’t take it back.
The room goes still.
Chair legs scrape. He rises like a storm cloud built slow.
“You forget who you’re speakin’ to?”
I feel him move before he does. Feel the air shift.
“I remember,” I say. My voice don’t rise. Just settles.
He comes close—closer than he needs to be. His breath touches the back of my neck before his hand does.
The shove ain’t hard. But it’s meant to echo.
“You think I won’t?”
I breathe once, deep.
“I think you already have.”
He stands there, hand still half-raised like he’s weighing what it’d cost him. Like maybe the thrill’s dulled over time.
His breath’s ragged. But he backs off.
Steps away.
Chair squeals across the floor as he drops into it, muttering something I don’t catch.
I move quiet to the sink, rinse the spoon. My back still to him. Eyes locked on the faucet.
Somewhere behind me, the bowl clinks against the table.
He eats in silence.
And all I can think about the man who ain’t never set foot in my house but got me leavin’ the porch light on for him.
——
Two weeks slip past like smoke through floorboards.
Maybe more. I stopped countin’. Time don’t move the same without him in it. The nights stretch longer, duller. No shape to ‘em. Just quiet.
At first, that quiet feels like mercy. Like I snuffed out something that could’ve swallowed me whole. I sleep harder. Wake lighter. For a little while.
But mercy don’t last. Not when it’s pretending to be peace.
Because soon, the quiet stops feeling like rest.
And starts feeling like a missing tooth You keep tonguing the space, even when it hurts.
At the juke joint, I start to dance again.
Not wild, not free—just enough to remember how my body used to move when it wasn’t afraid of being seen.
Slim plays slower that night, coaxing soft fire from the keys. The kind of song that settles deep, don’t need to shout to be felt.
Pearline leans in, breath warm on my cheek. “You got your hips back,” she says, low and slick.
“Don’t call it a comeback,” I grin, though it don’t sit right in my mouth.
Mary laughs when I sit back down, breath hitchin’ from the floor. “Somebody’s been puttin’ sugar in your coffee.”
“Maybe I just stirred it myself,” I say.
But even as I say it, my eyes go to the door.
To the dark.
Stack catches the look. He always does. Doesn’t press. Just watches me longer than usual, mouth tight like he wants to say somethin’ and knows he won’t.
Frank’s been… duller.
Still drinks. Still stinks. Still mean in that slow, creepin’ way that feels more like rot than fire. But the heat’s gone out of it. Like he’s noticed I ain’t afraid no more and don’t know how to fight a ghost.
He don’t yell as loud now.
Doesn’t hit as hard.
But it ain’t softness.
It’s confusion.
He don’t like not bein’ feared.
And maybe worse—I don’t like that he don’t try.
Some nights, I sit on the back step long after the world’s gone to bed.
Shawl loose around my shoulders, feet bare against the grain. The well water in the basin’s gone warm by then. Even the wind feels tired.
Crickets rasp. A cicada drones.
I listen like I used to—for the shift in the dark. The weight of a gaze. The way the air used to still when he was near.
But there’s nothin’.
Just me.
Just the quiet.
I catch myself one night—talkin’ out loud to the trees.
“You was real brave when I didn’t want you here,” I say, voice rough from disuse. “Now I’m sittin’ like a fool hopin’ the dark says somethin’ back.”
It don’t.
The leaves stay still.
No footfall. No voice. Not even a breeze.
Just me. And that ache I can’t name.
But he’s there.
Further back than before.
At the edge of the trees, where the moonlight don’t reach. Where the shadows thicken like syrup.
He doesn’t blink.
Doesn’t speak.
Doesn’t move.
Just waits.
Because Remmick ain’t the kind to come knockin’.
He waits ‘til the door opens itself.
And I don’t know it yet, but mine already has.
The road to town don’t carry much breath after sundown.
Shutters drawn, porch lights dimmed, the kind of quiet that feels agreed upon. Most folks long gone to sleep or drunk enough to mistake the stars for halos. The storefronts sit heavy with silence, save for McFadden’s—one crooked bulb humming above the porch, casting shadows that don’t move unless they got to.
A dog barks once, far off. Then nothing.
I keep my pace even, bag pressed close to my side, shawl wrapped too tight for the heat. Sweat pools along my spine, but I don’t loosen it.
A woman wrapped in fabric is less of a story than one without.
Frank went to bed with a dry tongue and a bitter mouth. Said he’d wake mean if the bottle stayed empty. Called it my duty—said the word slow, like it should weigh more than me.
So I go.
Buying quiet the only way I know how.
The bell above McFadden’s door rings tired when I slip inside. The air smells like dust and vinegar and old rubber soles. The clerk doesn’t look up. Just mutters a greeting and scribbles into a pad like the world don’t exist past his pencil tip.
I move quick to the back, fingers brushing the necks of bottles lined up like soldiers who already lost. I grab the one that looks the least like mercy and pay without fuss. His change is greasy. I don’t count it.
The bottle’s cold against my hip through the bag, sweat bleeding through cheap paper. I step out onto the porch and down the wooden steps, gravel crunching soft beneath my heels.
The lamps flicker every few feet, moths stumbling in circles like they’ve forgotten what drew them here in the first place. The dark folds in tight once I leave the storefront behind.
I don’t rush.
Not ‘cause I feel safe. Just learned it looks worse when you do.
Then—
“You keep odd hours.”
His voice don’t cut—it folds. Like it belonged to the dark and just decided to speak.
I stop.
Not startled. Not calm either.
He’s leaned just inside the alley by the post office, one boot pressed to brick, arms loose at his sides. Shirt sleeves rolled to the elbow, suspenders hanging slack. His collar’s open, skin pale in the low light, like he don’t sweat the same as the rest of us.
He looks like he fits here. That’s what makes it strange. Ain’t no reason a man like that should belong.
But he does. Like he was built from the dirt and just stood up one day.
I keep one foot planted on the sidewalk.
“You don’t give up, do you,” I say.
He shifts just enough for the light to catch his mouth. Not a smile. Not quite. “You make it hard.”
“You looked like you didn’t wanna be spoken to in that store,” he says, voice low and even. “So I waited out here.”
The streetlamp hums above us. My grip on the bottle shifts, tighter now.
“You could’ve kept walkin’.”
“I was hopin’ you might,” he says.
Not hopin’ I’d stop. Not hopin’ I’d talk.
Hopin’ I might.
There’s a difference. And I feel it.
I glance down at the bottle. The glass slick with sweat. “Frank drinks this when he’s feelin’ good. That’s the only reason I’m out this late.”
He doesn’t move. Doesn’t press.
“Is that what you want?” he asks after a beat. “Frank in a good mood?”
I don’t answer. I just start walking.
But his voice follows, smooth as shadow.
“I was married once.”
I pause.
Not outta interest. More like the way a dog pauses before crossing a fence line—aware.
“She was kind,” he says. “Too kind. Tried to fix things that weren’t broke. Just wrong.”
He says it like it’s already been said a thousand times. Like the taste of it’s worn out.
I look back.
He hasn’t taken a single step closer. Just stands there, hands tucked in his pockets, jaw set loose like he’s tired of carryin’ that story.
“How do you always end up in my path?” I ask. Not curious. Just tired of not sayin’ it.
He lifts a shoulder, lazy. “Some people chase fate. Some just stand where it’s bound to pass.”
I snort, soft. “Sounds like somethin’ you read in a cheap novel.”
“Maybe,” he says, eyes flicking toward mine, “but some lies got a little truth buried in ‘em.”
The quiet after settles deep. Not awkward. Not empty.
Just close.
“You shouldn’t be waitin’ on me,” I say, voice rougher now. “Ain’t nothin’ here worth the trouble.”
He studies me. Not like a man tryin’ to see a woman. More like he’s lookin’ through fog, tryin’ to remember a place he used to live in.
“I’ve had worse things,” he murmurs. “Worse things that never made me feel half as alive.”
For a breath, the light catches his eyes. Not wrong. Not glowing. Just sharp. Like flint about to spark.
Then he tips his head.
“Goodnight, Y/N.”
Soft. Like a promise.
And just like always, he disappears without hurry. Without sound.
Back into the dark like it opened for him.
And maybe, just maybe, I hate how much I already expect it to do the same tomorrow.
The next day dawns heavy, the sun a reluctant guest peeking through gray clouds. I find myself trapped in that same tired rhythm, the kind of day that stretches before me like an old road—the kind you know too well to feel any excitement for. Frank’s got work today, though I can’t say I’m sure what he’ll be cursing by sundown.
As I move around the kitchen, pouring coffee and buttering bread, the silence feels thicker than usual. It clings to me, wraps around my thoughts like a vine, and I can’t shake the feeling that something's shifted. Maybe it’s just the weight of waiting for Remmick to show again, or maybe it’s that quiet ache gnawing at my insides—the kind that reminds you what hope felt like even if you’re scared to name it.
Frank shuffles in with those heavy boots of his, barely brushing past me as he grabs a mug without looking my way. He doesn’t say a word about the food or even acknowledge me standing there. Just pours himself another cup with a grimace. “How long’ve you been up?” he mutters, not really asking.
“Early enough,” I reply, holding back the urge to ask if he slept well.
He slams his mug down on the table hard enough for a ripple of coffee to splash over the edge. “What’s wrong with the damn biscuits?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, just shoves one aside before storming out, leaving behind his bitterness hanging in the air like smoke.
I breathe deeply through my nose and keep packing his lunch—tuna salad this time; at least that’s something he won’t moan about too much. Still, every sound feels exaggerated, each scrape against porcelain echoing louder than it ought to.
Outside, I stand at the porch railing for a moment longer than necessary, feeling the sunlight warm my skin but unable to let its brightness seep into my heart. Birds are flitting from one tree branch to another—free from this heavy house—or so it seems.
I want to run after them. Escape to where everything isn’t tainted by liquor and regrets. But instead, I stay rooted in place until Frank’s truck roars down the road like some angry beast.
Once he's gone, I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding and pull on my shoes. A decent day to grab some much-needed groceries.
The heat wraps around me as I stroll through town—a gentle reminder that summer still holds sway despite all else changing.
I walk through town, grabbing groceries on the way as I enjoy the weather. I run by grace’s store to grab some buttered pickles frank likes. The bell jingled above me as I entered the store, and grace comes from the back carrying an empty glass jar. She paused when she looked at me before smiling.
“Hey gurl, haven’t seen ya in here for a while. Frank noticed he ate up all them buttered pickles? That damn animal.” I chuckled at her words as she set the glass jar down on the front counter.
Grace moves behind the counter with that same easy rhythm she always has—like her bones already know where everything sits. The store smells like dust and sun-warmed glass, sweet tobacco, and something faintly metallic. Familiar.
“He Still workin’ over at the field?” she asks, pulling a new jar from beneath the counter. “Heard the boss cut hours again. Seems like everyone’s gettin’ squeezed ‘cept the ones doin’ the squeezin’.”
“Yeah,” I mutter, glancing toward the shelf lined with dusty cans and glass jars. “He’s been stewin’ about it all week. Like it’s my fault time’s movin’ forward.”
Grace snorts, capping the pickle jar and sliding it across the counter. “Girl, if Frank had his way, we’d all be wearin’ aprons and smilin’ through broken teeth.”
I pick up the jar, running my fingers absently along the cold glass. “Some days it’s easier to pretend I’m deaf than fight him.”
Grace leans forward, voice dropping low like she don’t want the pickles to hear. “You need somewhere to run, you come knock on my back door. Don’t matter what time.”
That almost cracks me. Not enough to cry, but enough to blink slow and hold the jar tighter.
“I appreciate it,” I say.
She doesn’t press, just gives me a knowing nod and starts wrapping the jar in brown paper. “Also grabbed you a couple of those lemon drops you like,” she says with a wink. “Tell Frank the sugar’s for his sour ass.”
That gets a real laugh outta me. Just a little one, but it lives in my chest longer than it should.
Outside, the air’s heavy again. Thunder maybe, or just the kind of heat that makes everything feel like it’s about to break open. I tuck the paper bag under my arm and make my way down the street slow, dragging my fingers along the iron railings where ivy used to grow. Everything’s changing.
And I don’t know if I’m running from it, or toward it.
But I walk a little slower past the edge of town.
Past the grove of trees that hum low when the wind slips through them.
And I wonder—not for the first time—if he’ll be waiting there.
And if he ain’t, why I keep hoping he will.
——
I don't light a lamp when I slip out the back door.
The house creaks behind me, drunk with silence and sour breath. Frank's dead asleep like always, belly full of cheap whiskey and whatever anger he couldn't throw at me before sleep took him.
The air outside ain't much cooler, but it's cleaner. Clear. Smells like pine and soil and something just beginning to bloom.
I walk slow. Like I'm just stretching my legs.
Like I'm not wearing the dress with the small blue flowers I ain't touched in over a year.
Like I'm not heading down the narrow path through the tall grass, the one that don't lead nowhere useful unless you're hoping to see someone who don't belong anywhere at all.
The night hums soft. Cicadas. Distant frogs. The kind of stillness that makes you feel like you've stepped into a dream—or out of one.
I settle on the old stump by the split rail, hands folded, back straight, pretending I ain't waiting.
He doesn't keep me waiting long.
"Always sittin’ this straight when relaxin'?"
His voice folds in gentle behind me. Amused. Unbothered.
I don't turn right away. Just glance sideways like I hadn't noticed him there.
"Wasn't expectin' company," I say.
He steps into view, lazy as twilight, hands in his pockets, shirt sleeves rolled and collar loose. Looks like the evening shaped itself just to dress him in it.
"No," he says. "But you brought that perfume out again. Figured that was the invitation."
I shift on the stump, eyes narrowed. "You pay a lotta attention for someone who don't plan on talkin'."
"Only to the things that matter."
He stays a little ways off, respectful of the space I haven't offered but he knows he owns just the same.
"You just out here wanderin' again?" I ask, trying not to sound like I care.
"Nah," he says, grinning a little. "I came out to see if that tree finally bloomed. The one you like to lean on when you think no one's watchin'."
I feel heat crawl up my neck. I smooth my skirt like that'll hide it.
"You always this nosy?"
He shrugs. "Just got good aim."
I shake my head, but I don't tell him to leave. Don't even ask why he's here.
'Cause I know.
And he knows I know.
He moves slow toward me and sits—not close enough to touch, but close enough I can feel it if I lean a little.
We sit in it a while. That hush. That weightless kind of silence that feels full instead of empty.
Then, out of nowhere, he says, "You laugh different at the juke joint than you do anywhere else."
I blink. "What?"
He doesn't look at me. Just watches the dark ahead, like he's reading the night for meaning.
"It's looser," he says. "Like your ribs don't hurt when you do it."
I don't answer. Can't. I ignored the question rising in my head about how he knows what’s goes on in the juke joint when I’ve never seen him in there or heard his name on peoples' lips there.
But somehow, he's right, and I hate that he knows that. Hate more that I like that he noticed.
"You got a way of sayin' too much without sayin' a damn thing," I mutter.
He huffs a laugh. "I'll take that as a compliment."
We go quiet again. But it ain't tense. It's like we're settlin' into something neither one of us has had in too long.
Eventually, I say, "Frank don' like it when I'm gon’ too long."
"You wan’ me to walk you back?" he asks, like it's the easiest offer in the world.
"No," I say, but it comes out too soft. "Not yet."
He nods once. Doesn't press. Just leans back on one elbow, eyes half-lidded like the night's pullin' him under same as me or so I thought.
"You got stories?" I ask.
He raises a brow. "You askin' me to talk?"
"Don't make a big thing outta it."
He grins slow. "Alright then."
And he does. Tells me some nonsense about stealing peaches off a preacher's tree when he was too young to know better, how he and his cousin swore the preacher had the Devil chained under his porch to guard it. His voice wraps around the words easy, like molasses and wind. Whether it was true or not, I don’t seem to care at the moment.
I don't laugh out loud, but my smile finds its way out anyway.
When he glances at me, I see it in his eyes—that same look from the last time. Not hunger. Not charm.
Something gentler. Something like… understanding.
And for the first time, I let it happen.
Let myself enjoy him.
Not as a ghost. Not as a threat.
Just as a man sitting in the dark with me.
——
I've been lookin' forward to the night often these days, not because of him, of course…
The night breathes warm against my skin.
I'm on the porch, knees drawn up, pickin' absently at blades of grass growin' between the cracked boards like they're trespassin' and don't know it. I pluck them one by one, not really thinkin', not really waitin'—but not exactly doin' anything else either.
I'm wearing the baby blue dress, The one with the lace at the collar, mended too many times to count but still hangin' right. I don't light the porch lamp. The dark feels easier to sit in.
And then I hear him.
Not footsteps. Not a branch snapping. Just… the way quiet shifts when something enters it.
He steps from the tree line, slow like he don't want to spook the night.
This time, he's carryin' something.
A small bundle of wildflowers—purple ironweed, white clover, queen anne's lace—loosely knotted with a bit of twine. He stops at the porch steps and looks at me.
Then, without a word, he sets the flowers down between us and lowers himself to sit at the edge of the stoop. Close. Not too close.
"I didn't bring 'em for a reason," he says after a while. "Just passed 'em and thought of you."
My fingers drift toward the flowers, not quite touchin' them, but close enough to feel the velvet edge of a petal against my skin. The warmth of his nearness makes my breath catch somewhere between my throat and chest.
"They're weeds," I murmur, though the word comes out gentle, almost like a caress.
"They're what grows without bein' asked," he replies, and the corner of his mouth lifts in that way that makes my stomach drop like I'm fallin'.
That quiet comes back. But it's a different kind now. Softer. Like the world's hushin' itself to hear what we might say next.
I look at him then. Really look.
Not at his mouth or his clothes ,that easy lean of his shoulders or those pouty eyebrows —but his hands. They're calloused, dirt beneath the nails. Not soft like the rest of him sometimes pretends to be. My fingers twitch with the sudden, foolish urge to trace those rough lines, to learn their map.
"You work?" I ask, the question slippin' out before I can catch it, betrayin' a curiosity I wasn't ready to admit.
"I do what needs doin'." The words rumble low in his chest.
"That's not an answer." I tilt my head, and the night air kisses the exposed curve of my neck.
He turns his head, slow. "That's 'cause you ain't ready for the truth."
The words wash over me like Mississippi heat—dangerous, thrillin'. My lips part, but no sound comes out.
I go back to pickin' the grass, my fingertips brushin' wildflower stems now instead of weeds. Each touch feels deliberate in a way that makes my pulse flutter at my wrist, at my throat.
He doesn't push.
Doesn't move.
Just sits with me 'til the moon's hangin' heavy over the trees, his presence beside me more intoxicatin' than any whiskey from Smoke's bar. The space between us hums with possibilities—with all the things we ain't sayin'.
When he leaves, I don't stop him but my body leans forward like it's got its own will, wantin' to follow the trail of his shadow into the dark.
But I take the flowers inside.
Put 'em in the jelly jar Frank left on the windowsill.
——
The wildflowers sit in that jelly jar like they belong there—like they’ve always belonged. Their colors are faded but stubborn, standing tall in the quiet corner of the kitchen, drinking in the slant of light that filters through the window. I find myself glancing at them too often, like they might tell me something I don’t already know. I tell myself not to read into it, not to hope. But hope’s a quiet thing, and it’s been whispering to me since I first set foot in this place.
By dusk, I’m already outside, wrapped in the blanket I keep tucked in the closet, knees drawn up tight. The dusty brown dress I wear is softer with wear, almost like a second skin. I clutch the two tin cups—corn liquor, waiting in the dark, like a held breath. It’s a ritual I don’t question anymore.
He comes out the trees just after the steam from the day’s heat begins to fade, silent as always. No rustle of leaves, no announcement. Just that subtle shift in the hush, like the woods are holding their breath. I see him leaning on the porch post, eyes flickering to the cup beside me, like it’s calling him home.
“Always know when to show up,” I say, voice low but steady, trying to sound like I don’t care if he’s late or not. Like I’m used to waiting.
He tosses back, smooth as dusk, “Always pour for two?”
I can’t help the smile that sneaks up—soft and slow. “Only for good company.”
He steps closer, slower tonight, like he’s weighing each movement. Sits beside me, leaving just enough space between us for the night air to stretch its arms. I hold out the second cup, the one I poured just for him.
He wraps his fingers around it but doesn’t lift it. Doesn’t bring it to his lips.
“Don’t drink?” I ask, voice gentle but curious, like I might catch a lie if I ask too loud.
His thumb taps the rim, slow and deliberate. “Used to,” he says, voice quiet but firm. “Too much, maybe. Doesn’t sit right with me these days.”
I nod, like that makes sense. Maybe it does. Maybe I don’t want to look too close at the parts that don’t fit. The parts that hurt, that choke down the hope I’m trying to keep buried.
Instead, I take a sip, letting the liquor burn a warm trail down my throat. It’s a small comfort, a fleeting warmth. I watch the dark swallow the road that disappears into nothingness, and I say, “Used to think I’d leave this place. Run off somewhere—Memphis, maybe. Open a little store. Serve pies and good coffee. Wear shoes that click when I walk.”
He hums, low and distant, like a train far away. “What stopped you?”
My gaze drops to my hand, to the dull gold band that’s thin and worn. I trace the edge with my thumb, feeling the cold metal. “This,” I say. “And maybe I didn’t think I deserved more.”
He doesn’t say sorry. Doesn’t say I do. Just looks at me like he’s already seen the ending, like he’s read the last page and ain’t gonna spoil it.
“I worked an orchard once,” he says softly, voice almost lost in the night. “Peaches big as your fist. Skin like velvet. The kind of place that smells like August even in February.”
“Sounds made up,” I murmur, feeling the weight of the quiet between us.
He leans in closer, eyes steady. “So do dreams. Don’t mean they ain’t real.”
A laugh escapes me—sharp and surprised, like I’ve been caught off guard. I slap at his arm before I can think better of it. “You talk like a man who’s read too many books.”
“I talk like a man who listens,” he says, quiet but sure.
That hush falls again, but it’s different this time—full, like the moment just before a kiss that never quite happens. I feel it—the space between us thickening, heavy with unspoken words and things I can’t say out loud.
—
Days passed, he shows up again, bringing blackberries wrapped in a white cloth, stained deep purple-blue. The scent hits me before I see them—sweet, wild, tempting.
“Bribery?” I ask, raising an eyebrow, trying to hide the way my heart quickens.
“A peace offering,” he replies, with that quiet smile. “In case the last story bored you.”
I reach in without asking, pop a berry into my mouth. Juicy and sharp, bursting with sweetness that makes me forget everything else—forgot the weight of my ring, forgot the man inside my house, forgot the world outside this moment.
He watches me, a softness behind his eyes I don’t trust but can’t look away from. I hand him the other cup again. He takes it, polite as always, but doesn’t sip.
We settle into stories—nothing big, just small things. The town’s latest gossip, a cow wandering into the churchyard last Sunday, the way summer makes the woods smell like wild mint if you walk far enough in. I tell him things I didn’t know I remembered—about my mama’s hands, about the time I got stung trying to kiss a bumblebee, about the blue ribbon pie I made for the fair when I was fifteen, thinking winning meant freedom.
He listens like it matters, like these stories are something he’s been waiting to hear.
And for the first time in a long while, I laugh with my whole mouth, not caring who hears or what they think. The sound spills out, unfiltered and free, filling the night with something real.
I forget the ring on my finger. Forget the man inside the house. Forget everything but this—the night, the berries, and him.
The man who doesn’t drink but still knows how to make me feel full.
——
The jelly jar’s gone cloudy from dust and sunlight, but the wildflowers still stand like they’re stubborn enough to outlast the world. A few petals have fallen on the sill, curled and dry, and I haven’t moved them. Let ’em stay. They feel like proof—proof that life’s still fighting, even when everything else is fading.
A week’s passed.
Seven nights of quiet—hushed conversations I kept to myself, shoulders pressed close under a sky that don’t judge, don’t say a word. Seven nights where my bruises softened in bloom and bloom again, where Frank came home drunk and left early, angry—always angry. Not once did I go to the juke joint—not because I wasn’t welcome, but because I didn’t want to miss a single echo from the woods, a single step that might carry me out.
Remmick never knocks. Never calls out. He just appears—like something old and patient, shaped out of shadow and moonlight, settling beside me without question. Sometimes he brings nothing, and I wonder if he’s even real. Other nights, it’s blackberries, or a story, or just silence, and I let it fill the space between us.
And I do.
God, I do.
I tell him things I never even told Frank. About how I used to pretend the porch was a stage, singin’ blues into a wooden spoon. How my mama braided my hair so tight it made my scalp sting, said pain was the price of lookin’ kept. How I almost ran—bags packed, bus ticket clenched tight—then sat on the curb ‘til dawn, too scared to move, then crawled back inside like a coward.
He never judges. Never interrupts. Just watches me, like I’m music he’s heard a thousand times, trying to memorize the lyrics.
Tonight, I don’t wait on the porch.
I’m already walkin’.
The night’s thick and heavy, like the land’s holdin’ its breath. I slip through the back gate, shawl loose around my shoulders, dress flutterin’ just above my knees. The clearing’s ahead—the path I’ve grown used to walking.
He’s already there.
Leaning against a tree, like he belongs to it.
His white shirt glows faint under the moon, suspenders hanging loose, like he forgot to do up the buttons. There’s a crease between his brows that smooths when he sees me—like he’s been waitin’ for me to come, even if he don’t say it.
“You’re early,” he says, low.
“I couldn’t sit still,” I whisper back, voice soft but steady.
His eyes trace me—like he’s drawing a map he’s known a thousand times but still finds new roads. I step toward him slow, the grass cool beneath my feet, and when I’m close enough to feel the pull of him, I stop.
“I been thinkin’,” I say, real quiet.
“Dangerous thing,” he murmurs, lips twitching just enough to make my heart kick.
“I ain’t been to the joint all week,” I continue, voice thick as summer air. “Ain’t danced. Ain’t played. Ain’t needed to.”
He waits—patient, silent.
Like always.
“I’d rather be here,” I whisper, and something inside me cracks open. “With you.”
The silence that follows ain’t cold. It’s heavy—warm, even. Like a breath held tight in the chest before a storm breaks loose, like the whole earth hums with what’s coming.
“I know,” he says. Just that.
Two words that make me feel seen and bare and weightless all at once.
I don’t think. I just move.
Step into him, hands pressed to the buttons of his shirt. My eyes stay fixed on his mouth, not lookin’ anywhere else. And when he doesn’t pull back—when he leans just enough to meet me—I kiss him.
It starts soft. Lips barely grazin’, testing, waiting for something to happen.
But then he exhales—like he’s been holdin’ somethin’ in for a century—and the second kiss isn’t soft anymore. It’s heat. It’s need. My fingers clutch his shirt like I’m drownin’, and he’s oxygen.
His hands find my waist, firm but gentle, like he’s afraid of breakin’ me even as he pulls me closer. I swear the whole forest leans in to watch, silent and still.
He don’t push. Don’t take more than I give.
But what I give?
It’s everything.
He don’t say nothin’ when I pull back. Just watches me, tongue slow across his bottom lip, like he’s already tasted me in a dream.
“C’mere,” he says low, voice rough as gravel soaked in honey. “You smell sweet as sin.”
I step into him again without thinkin’, heart rattlin’ around like it’s tryin’ to climb outta my chest. His palm presses to the back of my neck, warm and heavy, pulling me into a kiss that don’t feel like a kiss. It’s a deal, made in shadows, older than us all—something that’s been waitin’ to happen.
The second our mouths meet, he moans deep in his chest—like he’s relieved, like he’s been holdin’ back for years.
Then he spins me—fast—hands already under my dress.
“Ain’t no point bein’ shy now, baby. Not after all them nights sittin’ close, like you wasn’t drippin’ for me.”
My knees almost buckle.
He bends me over a log, and I don’t resist. I can’t. My hands grip the bark tight, dress shoved up, panties dragged down with a yank that’s impatient and sure.
I hear him spit into his palm. Hear the slick sound of him strokin’ himself once, twice.
Then he sinks into me—slow, too slow—like he’s memorizing every inch, every breath I take. My mouth opens, no words, just a gasp that’s all I can manage.
“Goddamn,” he mutters behind me. “Look at you takin’ me. Tight like you was built for it.”
He starts movin’, deep and filthy, grindin’ into me with purpose. I arch back into it, already lost in the feel of him.
And then I see it.
His face—just behind my shoulder. His jaw clenched tight. His pupils blown wide—no, glowing. A flicker of red embers in each eye, like fire trapped inside.
I blink, and it’s gone.
I tell myself it’s the moonlight, the heat, how mushy my brain is from what he’s doin’, like he owns me.
He don’t give me a second to think.
“Feel that?” he growls. “Feel how your pussy’s huggin’ my cock like she knows me?”
I whimper—pathetic, high-pitched—but I can’t stop it.
“Remmick—fuck—”
He yanks my hair, just enough, til I tilt my head back. “You was waitin’ for this,” he says, voice low and rough. “I seen it. Seen the way you look at me like I’m the last bad thing you’ll ever let hurt you.”
Leaning into my neck, lips brushing skin, breath cold now—too cold.
“But I ain’t gone hurt you, darlin.’ I’m gone ruin you.”
He bites—just a little, not sharp—enough to make me gasp, my whole body tensing on him. He laughs—soft, wicked.
“Oh yeah,” he says, rutting harder. “You gone come for me like this. Face in the moss, legs shakin’. All these pretty little sounds spillin’ out your mouth like you need it.”
I can barely keep up. Dizziness hits hard, slick runnin’ down my thighs, his cock hittin’ that spot over and over.
“Say you’re mine,” he growls, hips slammin’ in so deep I cry out.
“I’m yours—fuck—I’m yours, Remmick—”
His voice drops—dark, velvet, dirtied—like he’s talkin’ from a place even he don’t fully understand.
“Good girl,” he mutters. “Ain’t nobody gone fuck you like me. Ain’t nobody got the hunger I do.”
And I feel his hand—big and rough—wrap around my throat from behind, just enough to remind me he’s still in control. Then he starts pumpin’ into me—fast, mean, nasty.
My back arches. My moans break into sobs.
“You gone give it to me?” he pants, barely human anymore. “Come all over this cock?”
I want to answer. I try. But I can’t—my body’s already gone, trembling on the edge of something wild and white and all-consuming.
And the second I come—everything breaks loose.
He buries himself deep and roars—low and wrong, not a man’s sound at all. I feel him twitch, feel the flood of heat spill inside me, and his face presses into my neck, mouth open like he’s fightin’ the urge to bite down.
But he doesn’t.
He just stays there.
Still.
Breathin’ like he ain’t breathed in years.
——
The morning creeps in slow, afraid to wake me, like it knows I’ve crossed a line I can’t come back from.
I roll over, the sheet sticky against my skin, last night’s heat still clingin’. For a second—just a second—I forget where I am. Forget the weight of the house, the stale scent of bourbon and sweat baked into the walls. All I feel is the ghost of him—Remmick—still there in the ache between my thighs, in the buzz that lingers low in my belly.
Remembered the way remmick carried me back to my porch and kissed me goodnight before walking away becoming one with the night.
My fingers drift without thought, pressing just above my hip where a dull throb pulses. I wince, then pull the blanket back.
And there it is.
A dark, new bruise—shaped like a handprint—only it ain’t right.
Too long. The fingers are too slim, curved strange, like something trying too hard to be human.
My breath catches.
I press again—harder this time—hoping pain might wash the shape away, or that pressure might flatten whatever’s twisted inside me.
But it doesn’t.
So I pull the blanket up, wrap it tight around me, and lie still, staring at the ceiling—waiting for some sign, some answer, some permission to feel what I shouldn’t.
Because the truth is—I should be scared. I should be askin’ questions. Should be second-guessin’ everything last night meant.
But I’m not.
Instead, I replay how he looked at me—how his hands, too warm, too sure, moved like they’d known my body in another life. How he said my name like it was already his.
I press my legs together under the sheet, close my eyes, and breathe deep.
A girl gets used to silence. Gets used to fear. But nobody warns you how dangerous it is to be wanted that way. Touched like you’re somethin’ rare. Somethin’ sacred. Somethin’ wanted.
And I—I liked it.
More than that—I craved it now.
Even with the bruises. Even with the shadows twisting in my gut. Even with the memory of those eyes—burnin’ too bright in the dark.
Don’t know if it’s love.
But it sure as hell felt like it.
——
I move slow through the kitchen that morning, feet bare against cool linoleum. The coffee’s already gone bitter in the pot. Frank’s still in bed, his snores rasping through the cracked door like dull saw blades.
I lean against the sink, sip from a chipped mug, and glance out the window.
The jelly jar’s still there. Wildflowers wiltin’ now, but proud in their dying.
I touch the bruise again through my dress.
And I smile.
Just a little.
Because maybe something ain’t quite right.
But for the first time in a long while—I’m happy, or well I thought…
——
The nights kept rollin’ like they belonged to us.
Me and Remmick, sittin’ under stars that blinked like they was tryin’ to stay quiet. Sometimes we talked a lot. Sometimes we didn’t too much. But even the silence with him had weight, like it was filled with words we weren’t ready to say yet.
I’d tell him stories from before Frank, when my laughter hadn’t yet learned to flinch. He’d listen with that look he had—chin dipped low, eyes tilted up, mouth soft like he was drinkin’ me in, slow.
He never interrupted. Never tried to solve anything. Just sat with it all.
That kind of listenin’ can make a woman feel holy.
And I guess I got used to that rhythm.
I got too used to it.
Because on the twelfth night, maybe the thirteenth—don’t really matter—he said something that pulled the thread straight from the hem.
We were sittin’ close again. My shawl slippin’ off one shoulder, the moonlight makin’ silver out of the bruises on my thigh. He had that look on him again, like he wanted to ask somethin’ he’d already decided to regret.
“You know Sammie?” he asked, real casual. Like it was just another name.
I blinked. The name hit strange.
“Sammie who?”
He shrugged like he didn’t know the last name. “That boy. Plays that guitar like it talks back. You said he played with Pearline sometimes.”
I sat up straighter.
I never said that.
I’d never mentioned Sammie at all.
I swallowed. My smile faded before I could think to save it.
“I don’t remember bringin’ up Sammie.”
The pause that followed was heavy. And not in the good way.
Remmick shifted beside me, slow. His jaw ticked once.
“You sure?”
I nodded, eyes never leaving him. “I’d remember talkin’ ‘bout Sammie.”
He looked out at the trees, the edge of his mouth tight. “Huh.”
And just like that, the air changed.
It got thinner. Like breath didn’t want to come easy no more.
I pulled the shawl closer. Suddenly real aware of the fact that I didn’t know where he slept. Didn’t know if he ever blinked when I wasn’t lookin’.
“You alright?” he asked, too quick.
“You askin’ me that, or yourself?”
He turned to me then—real sharp. Real focused. “Why you gettin’ quiet?”
I didn’t answer.
Not right away.
“Just surprised, is all,” I finally said, trying to smooth it over like I hadn’t just tripped on somethin’ sharp in his words. “Didn’t think you knew anybody round here.”
“I don’t,” he said, fast. “You’re the only one I talk to.”
“Then how you know Sammie plays guitar? I’ve never seen you at the juke joint nor heard word about you from anyone there.”
His stare was too still now. Too fixed. Like a dog watchin’ a rabbit it ain’t sure it’s allowed to chase.
“Maybe I heard it through the wind,” he said, not responding to the other part. But there was no smile behind it.
Just the shadow of a man used to bein’ questioned. A man who didn’t like the feel of it.
I stood, brushing grass off my legs. “I should head in.”
He stood too, slower. Taller than I remembered. Or maybe the night just made him bigger.
“You mad at me?” he asked, quiet now.
“No,” I said. “Just thinkin’. That alright with you?”
He nodded. But it didn’t look like agreement.
It looked like calculation.
I didn’t turn my back on him till I hit the porch.
And even then, I felt his eyes stick to my spine like syrup.
Inside, I sat by the window, hands still wrapped around the cup I didn’t finish. The wildflowers were dry now. Curlin’ in on themselves.
And I thought to myself—real quiet, so it wouldn’t wake the rest of me:
How the hell did he know Sammie and what business he wan’ with him?
———
The days slipped back into that gray stretch of sameness after I started avoidin’ him. I filled my hours with chores, with silence, with tryin’ to forget the way Remmick used to sit so still beside me you’d think the night made room for him.
But the nights weren’t mine anymore.
I stopped goin’ to the porch. Stopped lingerin’ in the dark.
The quiet didn’t soothe me—it stalked me. I felt it behind me on the walk home. At the edge of the trees. In the walls.
I knew he was there.
Watchin’.
Waitin’.
But I didn’t let him in again.
Not even with my thoughts.
That night, the juke joint buzzed with life. Hot bodies pressed close, laughter thick with drink, music ridin’ high on the air. I hadn’t been back in weeks, but I needed noise. Needed people.
Needed not to feel alone.
I sipped liquor like it might drown the nerves rattlin’ under my ribs. Played cards with a few men, some women. Slammed down a queen and grinned as I scooped the pot.
That’s when Annie approached me.
“Y/N,” she whispered, voice tight.
I looked up.
“Frank’s here.”
The name hit like a slap. I blinked.
“What?”
“He’s outside. Ask’n for you.”
Annie’s face was pale, serious. Not the usual mischief in her eyes—just worry.
I rose slow. “He’s never come here before.”
Annie just nodded. We moved together, my heart poundin’.
Smoke, Stack, and Cornbread were already standin’ at the open door, muscles tense, words clipped and low. When Frank saw me, he smiled.
That wide, too-big smile I’d never seen on him. Not even on our wedding day.
“Hey baby,” he drawled, too casual. “Wonderin’ when you’d come out here and let me in. These folks actin’ like I done somethin’ wrong.”
My stomach dropped.
He never called me baby.
“Frank, why’re you here?” My voice was calm, but confusion lined every word.
He laughed—soft, amused. “Can’t a man come see his wife? Thought maybe I’d finally check out what keeps you out so late.”
Something was off. Everything was off.
“You hate loud music,” I said, heart poundin’. “You said this place was full of nothin’ but whores and heathens.”
He looked… wrong. Eyes too glassy. Skin too pale under the porch light.
“Can’t we all change?” he said, teeth flashin’. “Now can I come in and enjoy my night like you folks?”
I looked at Smoke. He gave me that look—the one that said “you don’t gotta say yes.”
But I opened my mouth anyway.
Paused.
Frank’s smile dropped just a little.
“Y/N,” he said, his voice darker now. Familiar in its danger. “Can I come in or not?”
My hand flew up before Stack could step forward. I swallowed hard.
“Come in, Frank.”
The words fell like stones.
And just like that, the door to hell opened.
The moment he crossed that threshold, the temperature dropped. I swear it did.
He didn’t speak. Didn’t drink. Just sat at the bar, stiff and still, like a wolf wearin’ man’s skin.
Annie leaned into Smoke’s shoulder.
“Somethin’ ain’t right,” she muttered.
Mary nodded, arms folded. “He looks hollow.”
Thirty minutes passed.
Then Frank stood.
Didn’t say a word. Just turned and walked into the crowd like a man on a mission.
Headin’ straight for the stage.
Straight for Sammie.
Smoke pushed off the wall, followin’ fast.
But before anyone could act, Frank lunged—grabbed a man near the front and tackled him to the floor. Screamin’ erupted as Frank sank his teeth into the man’s neck.
Bit down.
Tore.
Blood sprayed across the floorboards, across people’s shoes. The scream that left my throat didn’t sound like mine.
Smoke pulled his pistol and fired. The sound cracked through the joint like lightning.
The man jerked, then stilled. Frank’s body fell limp over him, gore soakin’ his shirt. Then suddenly Frank stood back up like he wasn’t just shot in the head, the man he bitten standing up besides him the same eerie smile on both their blood stained mouths.
I stood frozen in place.
People screamed, chairs overturned, glass shattered. Stack wrestled another body that started lurchin’ with glowing -white eyes. Mary grabbed Pearline, draggin’ her through the back exit. Annie grabbed me.
“Y/N—we gotta GO!”
We burst through the back, runnin’.
I took the lead, feet slammin’ down the path I used to walk like a lullaby. Not now. Not anymore.
Now it felt like runnin’ through a grave.
Behind me, I heard chaos—growls, screams, more gunshots. I looked back once.
Bodies jumpin’ on each other, teeth sinkin’ into flesh. All Their eyes—
White.
Glowing like candle flames in a dead house.
Annie was right behind me.
Then she wasn’t.
I turned.
They were all gone.
Sammie. Pearline. Mary. Annie.
Gone.
I kept runnin’.
The clearing opened up like a mouth, and I stumbled into it, chest heaving.
And that’s when I saw him.
Same silhouette. Same calm.
But he wasn’t the man I knew.
Remmick stood just beyond the tree line, Same shirt. Same pants. But now soaked through with blood.
But his face—
That smile wasn’t his smile.
Those eyes weren’t human.
Red. Glowing like coals. Just like I thought I saw that night I gave him everything.
I froze. My legs locked. My throat closed up.
Remmick tilted his head, playful. Mocking.
“Oh darlin’,” he cooed, stepping forward, arms out like a man offerin’ salvation. “Where you think you runnin’ off to? You’re gonna miss the party.”
I stumbled back, tears burnin’ in my eyes. “What are you?”
He stepped forward, arms open like he meant to cradle me, like he hadn’t just let blood dry on his chest.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he said, like it was me betrayin’ him. “You knew. Somewhere in that smart little head of yours, you knew. The eyes, the voice, the way I don’t come out durin’ daytime—”
“You lied,” I whispered.
“Only when I needed too,” he said.
I shook my head. “I thought you loved me.”
Remmick stopped, cocking his head.
Everything soft in him was gone. Only sharp edges now.
“You thought it was love?” he asked, teeth glintin’ between blood. “You thought I wanted you?”
I flinched.
“All I needed was a way in. You—” he stepped closer, “—were just a door. But you kept it shut. Had to break you open. Took longer than I liked.”
“I trusted you,” I said, voice crumblin’.
“And you broke so pretty,” he said. “I almost didn’t wanna finish the job. But then you ran. Made it… inconvenient.”
He hissed softly, a grin curling up like a scar.
“I didn’t want you, Y/N. I wanted Sammie. That boy’s voice carries somethin’ old in it. Ancient. And that joint?” He gestured back toward the chaos. “It’s sacred ground.”
“You used me,” I whispered, tears burnin’ now. “I let you in. I trusted you.”
“You believed me,” he corrected. “And that’s all I ever needed.”
My breath caught somewhere between my ribs and spine, all my blood screamin’ for me to run. But I couldn’t move—just stared at Remmick, my chest heavy with grief, with betrayal, with rage.
He tilted his head again, eyes burning like iron pulled from a forge.
“I didn’t want you,” he said again, voice soft as a lullaby. “I wanted the key. And girl, you were it.”
My throat worked around a sob. My legs, finally rememberin’ they was mine, shifted. I turned to bolt—
And stopped.
There they stood.
A wall of them.
Faces I knew too well.
Cornbread. Mary. Stack. Even Annie—lips pulled in a wide, wrong smile. Their skin was pale, waxy. Their eyes—oh God, their eyes—glowin’ white like candles lit from the inside.
They didn’t speak at first.
Just smiled.
Stared.
And then—slow and soft—they started to hum.
That same song Sammie used to play on slow nights.
The one that never had words, just a melody made of aching and memory.
But now it had words.
And they all sang ‘em.
“Sleep, little darlin’, the dark’s gone sweet,
The blood runs warm, the circle’s complete, its freedom you seek…”
I backed away, breath shiverin’ in and out of my lungs.
The chorus kept swellin’. Their voices overlappin’, mouths stretchin’ too wide, white eyes never blinkin’. Like they weren’t people anymore.
Just shells.
Just echoes.
I turned back to Remmick—
And he was right in front of me.
So close I could see the dried blood on his collar, the gleam of teeth too long to belong in any man’s mouth.
He lifted his hand—calm, steady.
Like he was invitin’ me to dance.
“Come on, Y/N,” he whispered, smile almost tender now. “Ain’t you tired of runnin’?”
I didn’t know if I was breathin’.
Didn’t know if I wanted to be.
Everything hurt. Everything I’d carried—love, hope, grief, rage—it all sat in my mouth like copper.
I looked at his hand again.
And maybe, for just a moment, I thought about takin’ it.
But maybe I didn’t.
Maybe I turned and ran straight into the woods.
Maybe I screamed.
Maybe I smiled.
Maybe I never left that clearin’.
Maybe I did.
Maybe the darkness that took over me, was just my eyes closed wishing to wake from this nightmare.
clark kent 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 / 𝐭𝐰 – 18+, MDNI, secret admirer au, slowburn romance, mutual pining, radical acceptance and love is the real punk rock, yearning, clark is a softie, smut, piv, oral sex (f!recieving), fingering, creampie, touch starved clark Kent
word count: 18k
Summary: You start getting anonymous love notes at the Daily Planet—soft, sincere, impossibly romantic. You fall for the words first, then realize they sound a lot like Clark Kent. And just when the truth begins to unravel, you start to suspect he might be more than just the writer… he might be Superman himself.
notes – not proofread and my first full Clark Kent fic!
— reblogs comments & likes are appreciated
The first thing you notice isn’t the coffee—it’s the smell.
Sharp espresso. The exact blend you order on days when the world feels like sandpaper. Dark, hot, and just a touch too strong. But when you reach your desk and set your bag down, the cup is already waiting for you, balanced on the corner of your keyboard like it belongs there.
A single post-it clings to the cardboard sleeve, the ink a little smudged from condensation:
“You looked like you had a long night.”
No name. No heart. Just that.
You stare at it for a second too long. The office hums around you—phones ringing, printers whining, the low buzz of voices—but your ears tune it all out as you reread the handwriting. Rounded letters. Slight right slant. You can’t place it.
And no one in this building knows your coffee order. You made sure of that.
Across the bullpen, Jimmy Olsen drops into his chair with a paper bag in his teeth and two cameras slung around his neck.
“Someone’s got a secret admirer,” he sings, catching sight of the note.
You glance up, but try to play it cool. “Could be a delivery mistake.”
He snorts. “Right. And I’m dating Wonder Woman.”
Lois, passing by with a stack of mock-ups under one arm, pauses just long enough to lift a perfectly sculpted brow. “Who’s dating Wonder Woman?”
“Jimmy,” you and Jimmy say in unison.
“Right,” she says, deadpan, and moves on.
You feel a little heat crawl up your neck. You pull the cup closer. The lid’s still warm.
You’re still turning the note over in your hand when Clark Kent rounds the corner. His hair is a little damp at the ends, like he didn’t have time to dry it properly, already curling from the late-summer humidity. His tie—striped, loud, undeniably Clark—is halfway undone, the knot drifting lower by the second. His glasses are slipping down his nose like they’re trying to abandon ship.
He’s juggling three manila folders, a spiral-bound notebook balanced on top, a half-eaten blueberry muffin in his teeth, and what you’re almost certain is the entire city council’s budget report from 2024 spilling out of the bottom folder. It’s absurd. Kind of impressive. Very him.
“Clark—careful,” you call out, mostly on instinct.
He startles at the sound of your voice and turns a little too fast. The top file slips. He manages to catch it, barely, with an awkward swipe of his forearm, the muffin top bouncing to the floor with a quiet thwup. He rights the stack again with both arms now locked tight around the paperwork, and when he looks at you, he’s already wearing one of those sheepish, winded smiles.
“Morning sweetheart,” he says breathlessly. His voice is warm. Rough around the edges like he hasn’t spoken yet today. “Sorry, I’m late—Perry wanted the zoning report and the express line was… not express.”
You don’t answer right away. Because his eyes flick toward your desk—specifically the coffee cup sitting at the edge of your keyboard. And the note stuck to its sleeve. He freezes. Just for a second. A micro-hesitation. One breath caught too long in his chest. It’s nothing.
Except… it’s not.
Then he clears his throat—loud and awkward, like he swallowed gravel—and shuffles the stack in his arms like it suddenly needs reorganizing. “New… uh, budget drafts,” he says quickly, eyes very intentionally not on the post-it. “I left the tag on that one by mistake—ignore the highlighter. I had a system. Kind of.”
You blink at him, watching his ears start to go red. “…You okay?”
“Oh, yeah,” he says, waving one hand too fast, almost drops everything again. “I’m fine, sweetheart. Just, you know. Monday.”
He flashes you the smile again—crooked, a little boyish, like he still isn’t sure if he belongs here even after all this time. That’s always been the thing about Clark. He doesn’t posture. Doesn’t strut. He’s got this open-face sincerity, like the world is still worth showing up for, even when it kicks you in the ribs.
And you’ve seen him work. He’s brilliant. Way too observant to be as clumsy as he pretends to be. But it’s charming. In that small-town, too-tall-for-his-own-good, mutters-puns-when-he’s-nervous kind of way.
You like him. That’s… not the problem. The problem is— He turns to walk past you, misjudges the distance, and thunks his thigh into the sharp edge of your desk with a grunt.
You flinch. “You good?”
“Yep.” He winces, but manages a thumbs-up. “Just, uh… recalibrating my ankles.”
Then he’s gone, retreating to the safe, familiar walls of his cubicle, still muttering to himself. Something about rechecking source notes and whether anyone notices when hyperlinks are one shade too blue.
You’re left staring at the cup. At the note.
You run your thumb over the y again, the way it loops low and curls back. There’s something oddly familiar about the penmanship. Not perfect. Neat, but casual. Like whoever wrote it didn’t plan to stop writing once they started. Like they meant it.
You don’t say it aloud—not even to yourself—but the truth is whispering at the edge of your brain.
It looks like his. It feels like his. But no. That would be— Clark Kent is thoughtful, sure. He’s the kind of guy who remembers how you like your takeout and always lets you borrow his chargers. He holds elevators and never interrupts, and he stays late when you need someone to double-check your interview transcript even though it’s technically not his beat.
He’s the kind of guy who brings you a jacket during late-night stakeouts without asking. He’s the kind of guy who makes you laugh without trying. But he couldn’t be the secret admirer.
…Could he?
You glance toward his cubicle. You can’t see him, but you can feel him there. The way his presence always lingers, somehow warmer than everyone else’s. Quieter.
You tuck the note into the back pocket of your notebook.
Just in case.
-
You forget about the note by lunch.
Mostly.
The newsroom doesn’t really give you space to linger in your thoughts—phones ringing, printers jamming, interns darting between desks like caffeinated ghosts. It’s chaos, always is, and you thrive in it. But even as you’re skimming through edits and fixing a headline Jimmy typo’d into a minor war crime, part of your brain keeps circling back to that one y.
By the time you head back from a sandwich run with mustard on your sleeve and a half-dozen emails on your phone, there’s another cup on your desk. Same order. No receipt. No name.
But this time, the note reads:
“The line you cut in paragraph six was my favorite. About hope not being the same thing as naivety.”
You freeze mid-step, bag still dangling from one hand.
You hadn’t published that line. You wrote it. Typed it, then stared at it for twenty minutes before deleting it—thought it was too sentimental, too soft for the piece. You didn’t want to seem like you were editorializing. And yet… it had meant something. You’d loved that line.
And someone else had read it. Which means…
Your eyes flick up. Around.
The bullpen looks the same as always: fluorescent lights buzzing, keys clacking, the faint scent of stale coffee and fast food. Jimmy’s arguing with someone about lens filters. Lois is deep in a phone call, gesturing with a pen like she might stab whoever’s on the other end.
And then—Clark. Sitting at his desk, halfway behind the divider. Fiddling with his glasses like they won’t sit quite right on the bridge of his nose. He glances up at you and smiles. Soft. A little crooked. Familiar in a way that does something deeply unhelpful to your chest.
You stare for a second too long.
He blinks. Looks down quickly. Reaches for his pen, drops it, fumbles, curses under his breath. You see the top of his ears turning red.
Something inside you shifts. The notes are sweet, yes. But this is specific. This is someone who read your draft. Someone who noticed the cut line.
You never shared it outside your initial file. Not even with Lois. You almost didn’t send it to copy at all. So… who the hell could’ve read it? How could they have seen it?
You return to your chair slowly, like it might help the pieces click into place. Your eyes catch the handwriting again.
The loops. The slight leftward tilt.
Clark does have neat handwriting. You’ve seen his notebook, all tidy bullet points and overly polite margin notes.
You tuck this note into your drawer. Next to the other one.
You don’t say anything.
-
Later that afternoon, the newsroom’s background noise crescendos into something louder—Lois and Dan from editorial locked in another philosophical brawl about media framing. You’re not part of the fight, but apparently your latest piece is.
“It’s fluffy,” Dan says, waving the printed article like it personally offended him. “It doesn’t do anything. What’s the point of it, other than making people feel things?”
You open your mouth—just barely—ready to defend yourself even though it’s exhausting. You don’t get the chance. Clark beats you to it.
“I think it was insightful, actually,” he says from across the bullpen, voice louder than usual. “And emotionally resonant.”
The silence is sharp. Dan arches a brow. “Listen, Kent. No one asked you.”
Clark straightens his tie. “Well, maybe they should.”
Now everyone’s looking. Lois leans back in her chair, visibly suppressing a smile. Dan scoffs and mutters something about sentimentality being a plague.
You just stare at Clark. He meets your eyes, then seems to realize what he’s done and looks at his notebook like it’s suddenly the most fascinating object in the known universe.
Your heart does something inconvenient. Because now you’re wondering if it is him. Not just because he defended you, or because he could have somehow read the line that didn’t make it to print, but because of the way he did it. The way his voice shook just a little. The way he looked furious on your behalf.
Clark is soft, yes. Awkward, often. But there’s something sharp underneath it. A quiet kind of intensity that only shows up when it matters. Like someone who’s spent a long time listening, and even longer choosing his moments.
You make a show of checking your notes. Pretending like your stomach didn’t just flip. You don’t look at him again. But you feel him looking.
-
The office after midnight doesn’t feel like the same building. The lights buzz quieter. The chairs stop squeaking. There’s an eerie sort of calm that settles once the rush hour of deadlines has passed and only the ghosts and last-minute layout edits remain.
Clark is two desks away, sleeves rolled up, tie finally abandoned and flung haphazardly over the back of his chair. He’s squinting at the screen like he’s trying to will the copy into formatting itself.
You’re just as tired—though slightly less heroic-looking about it. Somewhere behind you, the printer groans. A rogue page slides off the tray and flutters to the floor like it’s giving up on life.
Clark gets up to grab it before you can.
“You’re going to hurt yourself,” you say as he crouches to retrieve it. “Or fall asleep with your face on the carpet and get stuck there forever.”
He offers a smile, crooked and half-asleep. “I’ve survived worse. Once fell asleep in a compost pile back in high school.”
You pause. “Why?”
“There was a dare,” he says, deadpan. “And a cow. The rest is classified, sweetheart.”
You snort before you can stop it.
It’s late. You’re punchy. The kind of tired that makes everything a little funnier, a little looser around the edges. He sits back down, stretching long limbs with a groan, and you let the quiet settle again.
“You know Clark, sometimes I feel invisible here.” You don’t mean to say it. It just slips out, quiet and rough from somewhere behind your ribcage.
Clark looks up instantly.
You keep staring at your screen. “It’s all bylines and deadlines, and then the story prints and nobody remembers who wrote it. Doesn’t matter if it’s good or not. No one sees you.” You tap the corner of your spacebar absently. “Feels like yelling into a tunnel most days.”
You expect him to say something vague. Supportive. A standard “no, you’re great!” brush-off. But when you finally glance over, Clark is staring at you with his brow furrowed like someone just insulted his mom.
“That’s ridiculous,” he mutters. “You’re one of the most important voices in the room.”
The words are firm. Not flustered. Not dorky. Certain. It disarms you a little.
You blink. “Clark—”
“No. I mean it, sweetheart," he says, almost stubborn. “You make people care. Even when they don’t want to. That’s rare.”
He looks down at his coffee like maybe it betrayed him by going cold too fast. You don’t say anything. But that ache in your chest eases, just a little.
-
The next morning, you’re halfway through your walk to work when you find it.
Tucked into the side pocket of your coat—the one you only use for receipts and empty gum wrappers. Folded carefully. Familiar ink.
“Even whispers echo when they’re true.”
You stop walking. Stand there frozen on the corner outside a coffee shop as cars blur past and someone curses at a cab a few feet away. You read the note twice, then a third time.
It’s simple. No flourish. No name. Just words—quiet, certain, and meant for you.
You don’t know why it lands the way it does. Maybe because it doesn’t try to dismiss how you feel. It just… reframes it. You may feel invisible, small, unheard—but this person is saying: that doesn’t make your truth meaningless. You matter, even if it feels like no one’s listening.
You fold the note gently, like it might tear. You don’t tuck this one into your notebook. You keep it in your coat pocket. All day.
Like armor.
-
By midafternoon, the bullpen’s usual noise has shapeshifted into something louder—one of those half-serious, half-combative newsroom debates that always starts in one cubicle and ends up consuming half the floor.
This time, it’s the great Superman Property Damage Discourse, sparked—unsurprisingly—by Lois Lane slapping a freshly printed article onto her desk like it insulted her directly.
“He destroyed the entire north side of the building,” she says, exasperated, as if she’s already had this argument with the universe and lost.
You don’t look up right away. You’re knee-deep in notes for your community housing series and trying to keep your lunch from leaking onto your desk. But the words still hit.
“To stop a tanker explosion,” you point out without much heat, eyes still scanning your page. “There were twenty-seven people inside.”
“My point,” Lois says, crossing her arms, “is that someone has to pay for all that glass.”
“Pretty sure it’s the insurance companies,” you mutter.
Lois raises a brow at you, but doesn’t push it. She’s used to you playing devil’s advocate—usually it’s just for fun. She doesn’t know this one’s starting to feel a little personal.
And then Clark walks in. He’s balancing two coffee cups and what looks like a roll of blueprints tucked under one arm, sleeves rolled up and tie already loose like the day’s been longer than it should’ve been. His hair’s a mess, wind-tousled and curling near the back of his neck, and he’s got that familiar expression on—half-focused, half-apologetic, like he’s perpetually arriving a few seconds after he meant to.
He slows as he approaches, catches the tail end of Lois’s rant, and hesitates. Just a second. Just long enough for something behind his glasses to tighten. Then, without warning or warm-up, he steps in like a man walking into traffic.
“He’s doing his best, okay?” he blurts. “He can’t help the building fell—there was a fireball.”
The bullpen quiets a beat. Just enough for the words to settle and sting. Lois doesn’t even look up from her monitor. “You sound like a fanboy.”
“I just—” Clark huffs. “He’s trying to protect people. That’s not… easy.”
He lifts his hand to gesture, but his elbow clips the corner of his desk and sends his coffee tipping. The paper cup wobbles, then crashes onto the floor in a slosh of brown across your loose notes.
“Clark!” You shove back in your chair, startled.
“Sorry—sorry—hang on—” He lunges for a stack of printer paper, overcorrects, and knocks over another folder in the process. Its contents scatter like leaves in the wind. He flails to grab what he can, muttering apologies the whole time.
The tension breaks—not because of what he said, but because of the way he said it. Because he’s suddenly in a mess of his own making, trying to mop it up with a handful of flyers and an empty paper towel roll, red-faced and flustered.
You can’t help it. You smile. Just a little.
Lois glances sideways at the scene, then turns to you, tone dry as dust. “Well. He’s… passionate.”
You arch a brow. “That’s one word for it.”
She doesn’t notice the way your eyes linger on him. She doesn’t see the shift in your chest when you watch him drop to one knee, scooping up wet files with shaking hands, his jaw tight—not from embarrassment, but from something quieter. Fiercer.
Because Clark hadn’t just jumped to Superman’s defense.
He’d meant it.
Like someone who knows what it feels like to try and still fall short. Like someone who’s carried the weight of people’s expectations. Like someone who’s watched something burn and had to live with the cost of saving it.
You know it’s ridiculous. You know it’s a stretch. But still… your breath catches.
He steadies the last folder against his desk, rubs the back of his neck, and looks up—right at you. Your eyes meet for a second too long.
You offer him a look that says it’s okay. He returns one that says thanks. And then the moment passes. You turn back to your screen, heart pounding for reasons you won’t name. And Clark returns to quietly drying his desk with a half-crumpled press release.
You don’t say anything. But you’re not watching him by accident anymore.
-
You’ve read the latest note a dozen times.
“Sometimes I wish I could just be honest with you. But I can’t—not yet.”
There’s no flourish. No compliment. Just rawness, stripped of any careful metaphor or charm. It’s still anonymous, but the voice… it feels closer now. Less like a mystery, more like someone standing just out of sight.
Someone with hands that tremble when they pass you a coffee. Someone who knows how your voice sounds when you’re frustrated. Someone who once told you, very softly, that your words matter.
You start thinking about Clark again. And once the thought roots, it’s impossible to pull it free.
-
You test him. It’s petty, maybe. Pointless, probably. But you do it anyway. That afternoon, you’re both holed up near the copy desk, reviewing your latest layout. Clark’s seated beside you, sleeves pushed up, his pen tapping lightly against the margin of your column draft. His knee keeps bumping yours under the desk, and every time, he apologizes with a shy smile that doesn’t quite meet your eyes.
You’re running on too little sleep and too many thoughts. So you try it. “You ever hear that phrase? ‘Even whispers echo when they’re true’?”
He looks up from the page. Blinks behind his smudged glasses. “Uh… sure. I mean, not in everyday conversation, but yeah. Sounds poetic.”
You tilt your head, eyes narrowing just slightly. “I read it recently,” you say, like you’re thinking aloud. “Can’t stop turning it over. I don’t know—it stuck with me.”
He stares at you for a beat too long. Then clears his throat and drops his gaze, pen suddenly very busy again. “Yeah. It’s… it’s a good line.”
“You don’t think it’s a little dramatic?”
“No,” he says too quickly. “I mean—it’s true. Sometimes the quietest things are the ones worth listening to.”
You nod, pretending to go back to your edits. But his pen taps a little faster. The corner of his mouth twitches. He’s trying to look neutral, maybe even confused. But Clark Kent couldn’t lie his way out of a grocery list.
And if he did write it, that means he knows you’re testing him.
You don’t call him on it.
Not yet.
-
Later that evening, he helps you file your story. Technically, Clark’s already done for the day—he could’ve clocked out an hour ago, could’ve gone home and slipped into his flannel pajamas and vanished into whatever quiet life he keeps outside these walls. But instead, he lingers.
His jacket is folded neatly over the back of your chair, sleeves still warm from his arms. His glasses sit low on his nose, catching the screen’s glow, one smudge blooming near the top corner where he’s pushed them up too many times with the side of his thumb.
He leans over the desk beside you, one palm braced flat against the surface, the other gently scrolling through your draft. His frame takes up too much space in that warm, grounding way—shoulder brushing yours occasionally, breath warm at your temple when he leans in to squint at a sentence.
You’re quiet, but not for lack of things to say. It’s the way he’s reading—carefully, like every word deserves to be held. There’s no red pen. No quick fixes. Just soft soundless reverence, like your work is already whole and he’s just lucky to witness it.
And his hands.
God, his hands.
You try not to look, but they’re impossible to ignore. Big and capable, yes, but gentle in the way he uses them—fingers skimming the edge of the printout like the paper might bruise, thumb stroking over the corner where the page curls, slow and absentminded. The pads of his fingers are slightly ink-stained, callused just at the tips. He smells faintly like cheap soap and newsroom toner and something you can’t name but have already begun to crave.
You wonder—just for a moment—what it would be like to feel those hands touch you with purpose instead of hesitation. Without the paper buffer. Without the quiet restraint.
He leans a little closer. You can feel the press of his shirt sleeve against your arm now, soft cotton against skin. “Looks perfect to me,” he murmurs.
It’s not the words. It’s the way he says them—like he’s not just talking about the story. You swallow, pulse jumping. You wonder if he hears it. You wonder if he feels it.
His eyes flick to yours for just a second. Something hangs in the air—fragile, charged. Then the phone rings down the hall, and the spell breaks like steam off hot glass. He steps back. You exhale like you’ve been holding your breath for three paragraphs.
You don’t look at him as he grabs his jacket. You just nod and whisper, “Thanks.”
And he just smiles—soft and private, like a secret passed from his mouth to your chest.
-
You don’t go home right away. You sit at your desk long after Clark and the rest of the bullpen has emptied out, coat draped over your shoulders like a blanket, fingers toying with the folded edge of the note in your lap.
“Sometimes I wish I could just be honest with you. But I can’t—not yet.”
You’ve read it enough times to have it memorized. Still, your eyes trace the handwriting again—careful lettering, no signature, just that quiet ache bleeding between the lines.
It’s the first one that feels more than just flirtation. This one hurts a little. So you do something you haven’t done before.
You pull a post-it from the stack beside your monitor, scribble down one sentence—no flourish, no punctuation.
“Then tell me in person.”
You slide it beneath your stapler before you leave. A deliberate offering. You don’t know how he’s been getting the others to you—if it’s during your lunch break or when you’re in the print room or bent over in the archives. But somehow, he knows.
So this time, you let him find something waiting.
And when you finally shrug on your coat and step into the elevator, the empty quiet of the newsroom echoes behind you like a held breath.
-
The next morning, there’s no reply. Not on your desk. Not slipped into your coat pocket. Not scribbled in the margin of your planner or tucked beneath your coffee cup. Just silence.
You try not to feel disappointed. You try not to spiral. Maybe he’s waiting. Maybe he’s scared. Maybe you’re wrong and it’s not who you think. But your chest feels hollow all the same—like something almost happened and didn’t.
So that night, you write again. Your hands shake more than they should for something so simple. A sticky note. A few words. But this one names it.
“One chance. One sunset. Centennial Park. Bench by the lion statue. Tomorrow.”
You stare at the words a long time before setting it down. This one’s not a joke. Not a dare. Not a flirtation scribbled in passing. This is an invitation. A door left open.
You slide it under your stapler the same way you’ve received every one of his notes—unassuming, tucked in plain sight. If he wants to find it, he will. You’ve stopped questioning how he does it. Maybe it’s timing. Maybe it’s instinct. Maybe it’s something else entirely.
But you know he’ll see it.
You pack up slowly. Shoulders tight. Bag heavier than usual. The newsroom is quiet at this hour—just the low hum of the overhead fluorescents and the soft, endless churn of printers in the back. You turn off your monitor, loop your coat over your arm, and make your way to the elevator.
Halfway there, something makes you stop. You glance back. Clark is still at his desk.
You hadn’t heard him return. You hadn’t even noticed the light at his station flick back on. But there he is—elbows on the desk, hands folded in front of him, eyes already lifted.
Watching you.
His face is unreadable, but his gaze lingers longer than it should. Soft. Searching. Almost caught. You feel the air shift. Not a word is exchanged. Just that one look.
Then the elevator dings. You turn away before you can lose your nerve.
And Clark? He doesn’t look down. Not until the doors slide shut in front of your face.
-
You tell yourself it doesn’t matter. You tell yourself it was probably nothing. A game. A passing flirtation. Maybe Jimmy, playing an elaborate prank he’ll one day claim was performance art.
But still—you dress carefully.
You pull out that one sweater that always makes you feel like the best version of yourself, and you smooth your collar twice before you leave. You wear lip balm that smells faintly like vanilla and leave the office ten minutes early just in case traffic is worse than expected. Just in case he’s early.
You get there first. The bench is colder than you remember. Stone weathered and a little damp from last night’s rain. Your coffee steams in your hands, and for a while, that’s enough to keep you warm.
The sky begins to soften around the edges. First blush pink, then golden orange, then the faintest sweep of violet, like a bruise blooming across the clouds. You watch the city skyline fade into silhouettes. The sun drips lower behind the glass towers, catching the river in a moment of molten reflection. It’s beautiful.
It’s also empty.
You wait. A couple strolls past, fingers laced, talking softly like they’ve been in love for years. A jogger nods as they pass, earbuds in, a scruffy golden retriever trotting faithfully beside them. The dog looks up at you like it knows something—like it sees something.
The wind kicks up. You pull your coat tighter. You tell yourself to give it five more minutes. Then five more.
And then—
Nothing. No footsteps. No note. No him.
Your coffee goes cold between your palms. The stone starts to seep into your bones. And somewhere deep in your chest, something you hadn’t even dared name… wilts.
Eventually, you stand. Walk home with your coat buttoned all the way up, even though it’s not that cold. You don’t cry.
You just go quiet.
-
The next morning, the bullpen hums with the usual Monday static. Phones ringing. Keys clacking. Perry’s voice barking something about a missed quote from the sanitation board. Jimmy’s camera shutter clicking in staccato bursts behind you. The Daily Planet in full swing—ordinary chaos wrapped in coffee breath and fluorescent lighting.
You move through it on autopilot. Your smile is small, tight around the edges. You’ve become a master of folding disappointment into your posture—chin lifted, eyes clear, mouth curved just enough to seem fine.
“Guess the secret admirer thing was just a prank after all.” You drop your bag beside your desk, shuffle through the morning copy logs, and say it lightly. Offhand. Like a joke. “Should’ve known better.” You make sure your voice carries just far enough. Not loud, but not a whisper. Casual. A throwaway comment designed to sound unaffected. And then you laugh. It’s short. Hollow. It dies in your throat before it even fully escapes.
Lois glances up from her monitor, eyes narrowing faintly behind dark lashes. She doesn’t laugh with you. She doesn’t smile. She just watches you for a beat too long. Not with judgment. Not even pity. Just… knowing. But she says nothing. And neither do you.
What you don’t see is the hallway—just twenty feet away—where Clark Kent stands frozen in place. He’d just walked in—late, coat slung over one arm, takeout coffee in the other. He had stopped just inside the threshold to adjust his glasses. He’d meant to offer you a second coffee, the one he bought on impulse after circling the block too many times.
And then he heard it. Your voice. “Guess the secret admirer thing was just a prank after all.” And then your laugh. That awful, paper-thin laugh.
He goes still. Like someone pulled the oxygen from the room. His hand tightens around the coffee cup until the lid creaks. The other arm drops slack at his side, coat nearly slipping from his grasp. His jaw tenses. Shoulders stiffen beneath his white button-down, and for one awful second, he forgets how to breathe.
Because you sound like someone trying not to care. And it cuts deeper than he expects. Because he’d meant to come. Because he tried. Because he was so close.
But none of that matters now. All you know is that he didn’t show up. And now you think the whole thing was a joke. A stupid, secret game. His game. And he can’t even explain—not without tearing everything open.
He stares down the corridor, eyes fixed on the edge of your desk, on the shape of your shoulders turned slightly away. He watches as you pick up your coffee and blow gently across the lid like it might chase the bitterness from your chest.
You don’t turn around. You don’t see the way he stands there—gutted, unmoving, undone. The cup trembles in his hand. He turns away before it spills.
-
That night, you go back to the office. You tell yourself it’s for the deadline. A follow-up piece on the housing committee. Edits on the west-side zoning profile. Anything to fill the time between sunset and sleep—because if you sleep, you’ll just dream of that bench.
The newsroom is quiet now. All overhead lights dimmed except for the halo of your desk lamp and the soft thrum of a copy machine left cycling in the corner.
You drop your bag with a sigh. Stretch your shoulders. Slide your desk drawer open without thinking. And find it. A note. No envelope. No tape. No ceremony. Just a single sheet of cream stationery folded in thirds. Familiar handwriting. Neat loops. Unshaking.
You unfold it slowly.
“I’m sorry. I wanted to be there. I can’t explain why I couldn’t—
But it wasn’t a joke. It was never a joke. Please believe that.”
The words hit like a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Then they blur. You read it again. Then again. But the ache in your chest doesn’t settle. Because how do you believe someone who won’t show their face? How do you believe someone who keeps slipping between your fingers?
You hold the note to your chest. Close your eyes. You want to believe him. God, you want to. But you don’t know how anymore.
-
What you couldn’t know is this: Clark Kent was already running. He’d been on his way—coat flapping behind him, tie unspooling in the wind, breath fogging as he dashed through traffic, one hand wrapped tight around a note he planned to deliver in person for the first time. He’d rehearsed it. Practiced what he’d say. Built up to it with every beat of a terrified heart.
He saw the park lights up ahead. Saw the lion statue. Saw the shape of a figure sitting alone on that bench.
And then the air split open. The sky went green. A fifth-dimensional imp—not even from this universe—tore through Metropolis like a child flipping pages in a pop-up book. Reality folded. Buildings bent sideways. Streetlamps started singing jazz standards.
Clark barely had time to take a deep breath before he vanished into smoke and flame, spinning upward in a blur of red and blue. Somewhere across town, Superman joined Guy Gardner, Hawk Girl, Mr. Terrific, and Metamorpho in trying to contain the chaos before the city unmade itself entirely.
He never got the chance to reach the bench. He never got the chance to say anything. The note stayed in his pocket until it was soaked with rain and streaked with ash. Until it was too late.
-
It’s supposed to be routine. You’re only there to cover a zoning dispute. A boring, mid-week council press event that’s been rescheduled three times already. The air is heavy with heat and bureaucracy. You and your photographer barely make it past the front barricades before the scene spirals into chaos.
First it’s the downed power lines—sparking in rapid bursts as something hits the utility pole two blocks down. Then a car screeches over the median. Then someone starts screaming.
You’re still trying to piece it together when the crowd surges—someone shouts about a gun. People scatter. A window shatters across the street. A chunk of concrete falls from the sky like a thrown brick.
Your feet move before your brain catches up. You hit the pavement just as something explodes behind you. A jolt rings through your bones, sharp and high and metallic. Dust clouds the air. There’s shouting, then screaming, and your ears go fuzzy for one split second.
And then he lands.
Superman.
Cape whipping behind him like it’s caught in its own storm, boots cracking against the sidewalk as he drops down between the wreckage and the people still trying to flee. He moves like nothing you’ve ever seen.
Not just fast—but impossible. His body a blur of motion, heat, and purpose. He rips a crumpled lamppost off a trapped woman like it weighs nothing. Hurls it aside and crouches low beside her, voice firm but gentle as he checks her pulse, her leg, her name.
You’re frozen where you crouch, half behind a parking meter, hand pressed to your chest like it can keep your heart from tearing loose.
And then be turns. Looks straight at you. His expression shifts. Just for a moment. Just for you. He steps forward, dust streaking his suit, eyes dark with something you don’t have time to name. He reaches you in three strides, body angled between you and the chaos, hand raised in warning before you can speak.
“Stay here, sweetheart. Please.”
Your stomach drops. Not at the danger. Not at the sound of buildings groaning in the distance or the flash of gunmetal tucked into a stranger’s hand.
It’s him. That word. That voice. The exact way of saying it—like it’s muscle memory. Like he’s said it a thousand times before.
Like Clark says it.
It stuns you more than the explosion did.
You blink up at him, speechless, heart stuttering behind your ribs as he holds your gaze just a second longer than he should. His brow furrows. Then he’s gone—into the fray, into the fire, into the part of the story where your pen can’t follow.
You don’t remember standing. You don’t remember how you get back to the press line, only that your legs shake and your palms burn and every time you try to replay what just happened, your brain gets stuck on one word.
Sweetheart.
You’ve heard it before—dozens of times. Always soft. Always accidental. Always from behind thick glasses and a crooked tie and a mouth still chewing the edge of a muffin while he scrolls through zoning reports.
Clark says it when he forgets you’re not his to claim. Clark says it when you’re both the last ones in the office and he thinks you’re asleep at your desk. Clark says it like a secret. Like a slip.
And Superman just said it exactly the same way. Same tone. Same warmth. Same quiet ache beneath it.
But that’s not possible. Because Superman is—Superman. Bold. Dazzling. Fire-forged. He walks like he owns the sky. He speaks like a storm made flesh. He radiates power and perfection.
And Clark? Clark is all flannel and stammering jokes and soft eyes behind big frames. He’s gentle. A little clumsy. His swagger is borrowed from farm porches and storybooks. He’s sweet in a way Superman couldn’t possibly be.
Couldn’t… Right? You chalk it up to coincidence. You have to.
…Sort of.
-
You don’t sleep well the night after the incident. You keep replaying it—frame by impossible frame. The gunshot, the smoke, the sky splitting in half. The crack of his landing, the rush of wind off his cape. The weight of his body between you and danger. And then that voice.
“Stay here, sweetheart. Please.”
You flinch every time it echoes in your head. Every time your brain folds it over the countless memories you have of Clark saying it in passing, like it was nothing. Like it meant nothing.
But it means something now.
You come into the office the next day wired and quiet, adrenaline still burning faintly at the edges of your skin. You aren’t sure what to say, or to whom, so you say nothing. You stare too long at your coffee. You snap at a printer jam. You forget your lunch in the breakroom fridge.
Clark notices. He hovers by your desk that morning, a second coffee in hand—one of those specialty orders from that corner place he knows you like but always pretends he doesn’t remember.
“Rough day?” he asks gently. His tone is careful. Soft. As if you’re a glass already rattling on the edge of the shelf.
You don’t look up. “It’s fine.”
He hesitates. Then sets the coffee down beside your elbow, just far enough that you have to choose whether or not to reach for it. “I heard about the power line thing,” he adds. “You okay?”
“I said I’m fine, Clark.”
A beat.
You hate the way his face flickers at that—hurt, barely masked. He pushes his glasses up and nods like he deserves it. Like he’s been expecting it. He doesn’t press. He just walks away.
-
You find yourself whispering to Lois over takeout later that afternoon—half a conversation muttered between bites of noodles and the hum of flickering overheads.
“He called me sweetheart.”
She raises an eyebrow. “Clark?”
“No. Superman.”
Her chewing slows.
You keep your eyes on the edge of your desk. “That’s… weird, right?”
Lois makes a sound—somewhere between a scoff and a laugh. “He’s a superhero. They charm every pretty girl they pull out of a burning building.”
You poke at your noodles. “Still. It felt…”
“Weird?” she teases again, nudging her knee against yours.
You shrug like it doesn’t matter. Like it hasn’t been clawing at the back of your brain for three days straight. Lois doesn’t press. Just watches you for a second longer than necessary. Then she moves on, launching into a tirade about Perry’s passive-aggressive post-it notes and the fact that someone keeps stealing her pens.
But the damage is already done. Because you start thinking maybe you’ve just been projecting. Maybe you want your secret admirer to be Clark so badly that your brain’s rewriting reality—latching onto any voice, any phrase, any fleeting resemblance and assigning it meaning.
Sweetheart.
It’s a common word. It doesn’t mean anything. Maybe Superman says it to everyone. Maybe he has a whole roster of soft pet names for dazed civilians. Maybe you’re the delusional one—sitting here wondering if your awkward, sweet, left-footed coworker moonlights as a god.
The idea is so absurd it actually makes you laugh. Quietly. Bitterly. Right into your carton of lo mein. You tell yourself to let it go. But you don’t.
You can’t. Because somewhere deep down, it doesn’t feel absurd at all. It feels… close. Like you’re brushing against the edge of something true. And if you get just a little closer—
You might fall right through it.
-
Clark pulls back after that. Subtly. Slowly. Like he’s dimming himself on purpose. He’s still there—still kind, still thoughtful, still Clark. But the rhythm changes.
The coffees stop appearing on your desk each morning. No more sticky notes with half-legible puns or awkward smiley faces. No more jokes under his breath during staff meetings. No more warm glances across the bullpen when you’re stuck late and your screen is giving you a headache.
His chair now sits just a little farther from yours in the layout room. Not enough to be obvious. Just enough to feel. You notice it the way you notice when the air shifts before a storm. Quiet. Inevitable.
Even his messages change. Once, his texts used to come with too many exclamation marks and a tendency to type out haha when he was nervous. Now they’re brief. Punctuated. Polite.
“Got your quote. Sending now.”
“Perry said we’re cleared for page A3.”
“Hope your meeting went okay.”
You reread them more than you should. Not because of what they say—but because of what they don’t. It feels like being ghosted by someone who still waves to you across the room.
You try to talk yourself down. Maybe he’s just busy. Maybe he’s stressed. Maybe you’ve been projecting. Maybe it’s not your admirer’s handwriting that matches his. Maybe it’s not his voice that slipped out of Superman’s mouth like a secret.
Maybe, maybe, maybe.
But the space he used to fill next to you… feels like a light that’s been quietly turned off. And you are the one still blinking against the dark.
And yet, one afternoon, someone in the bullpen makes a snide remark about your latest piece. You don’t even catch the beginning—just the tail end of it, lazy and smug.
“—basically just fluff, right? She’s been coasting lately.”
You’re about to ignore it. You’re tired. Too tired. And what’s the point in arguing with someone who thinks nuance is a liability?
But then—Clark speaks. Not from beside you, but from across the room. You’re not even sure how he could have possibly heard the guy talking across all the hustle and bustle of the bullpen. But his voice cuts through the noise like someone snapping a ruler against a desk.
“I just think her work actually matters, okay?”
Silence follows. Not because of the volume—he wasn’t loud. Just certain. Unflinching. Like he’d been holding it in. The words hang in the air, charged and too real.
Clark looks immediately horrified with himself. He goes red. Not a faint flush—crimson. Mouth parting like he wants to take it back but doesn’t know how. He tries to recover, to smooth it over—but nothing comes. Just a flustered shake of his head and a noise that might’ve been his name.
The other reporter stares. “…Okay, man. Chill.”
Clark mumbles something about grabbing a file from archives and practically stumbles for the hallway, papers clenched awkwardly in one hand like a shield.
You don’t follow. You just… sit there. Staring at the space he left behind. Because that moment—those words—it wasn’t just instinct. It wasn’t just kindness. It was him.
The way he said it. The emotion in it. The rhythm of it. It felt like the notes. Like the quiet encouragements tucked into the margins of your day. Like someone watching, quietly, gently, hoping you’ll see yourself the way they do.
You think about the phrases he’s used before.
“The line you cut in paragraph six was my favorite. About hope not being the same thing as naivety.”
“Even whispers echo when they’re true.”
And now:
“Her work actually matters.”
All said like they were true, not convenient. All said like they were about you.
You start to notice more after that. The way Clark compliments your writing—always specific. Never lazy. The way his eyes crinkle when he’s proud of something you said, even when he doesn’t speak up. The way he turns the thermostat up exactly two degrees every time you bring your sweater into work. The way he walks a half-step behind you when you both leave late at night.
It’s not a confession. Not yet. But it’s a pattern. And once you start seeing it—
You can’t stop.
-
It’s a quiet afternoon in the bullpen. The kind where the overhead lights hum just loud enough to notice and everything smells like stale coffee and highlighter ink.
Clark’s sprawled in front of his monitor, sleeves rolled to his elbows, brow furrowed with the kind of intensity he usually saves for city zoning laws and double-checked citations. You’re helping him sort through quotes—most of which came from a reluctant press secretary and one very talkative dog walker who may or may not be a credible witness.
“Can you check the time stamp on the third transcript?” he asks, not looking up from his notes. “I think I messed it up when I formatted.”
You nod, flipping through the stack of papers he passed you earlier. That’s when you see it. Folded beneath the top printout, half-tucked into the margin of a city planning spreadsheet, is a different kind of note. A loose sheet, scribbled across in black ink. Not typed—written. Slanted lines. A few false starts crossed out.
At first, you think it’s a headline draft. A brainstorm. But the longer you stare, the more it reads like… something else.
“The city is loud today. Not just noise, but motion. Memory. The way people hum when they think no one’s listening.”
“I can’t stop watching her move through it like she belongs to it. Like it belongs to her.”
You freeze. Your eyes track down the page slowly, like touching something sacred.
The letters are familiar. The lowercase y curls the same way as the one on your very first note—the one that came with your coffee. The ink is the same soft black, slightly smudged in the corners, like whoever wrote it holds the pen too tight when they’re thinking. The paper is the same notepad stock he’s used before. The same faint red line down the margin.
You don’t mean to do it, but your fingers curl around the page. Your chest goes tight. Because it’s not just similar.
It’s exact.
You hear him coming before you see him—those long, careful strides and the faint jangle of the lanyard he keeps forgetting to take off.
You tuck the paper into your notebook. Quick. Smooth. Automatic.
“Hey, sorry,” he says, rounding the corner with two mugs of tea and a slightly sheepish smile. “Printer’s jammed again. I may have made it worse.”
You nod. Too fast. You can’t quite make your voice work yet. Clark hands you your tea—just the way you like it, no comment—and sits across from you like nothing’s wrong. Like your whole world hasn’t tilted six degrees to the left.
He launches into a ramble about column widths and quote placement, about whether a serif font looks more “established” than sans serif.
You don’t hear a word of it. You just… watch him. The way he gestures too big with his hands. The way his glasses slip down his nose mid-sentence and he doesn’t bother to fix them until they’re practically falling off. The way his voice drops a little when he’s thinking hard—low and warm and utterly unselfconscious.
He has no idea you know. No idea what you just found.
You murmur something about needing to catch a meeting and excuse yourself early. He nods. Worries at his bottom lip like he’s debating whether to walk you out. Decides against it.
“Thanks for the help,” he says quietly, as you shoulder your bag. “Seriously. I couldn’t’ve done this draft without you.”
You give him a look you don’t quite know how to name. Something between thank you and I see you.
Then you go.
-
That night, you sit on your bedroom floor with the drawer open. Every note. Every folded scrap. Every secret tucked under your stapler or slid into your sleeve or left beside your coffee cup. You line them up in rows. You flatten them with careful hands. And you compare. One by one.
The loops. The lines. The uneven spacing. The curl of the r. The hush in every sentence, like he was writing them with his heart too close to the surface.
There’s no room for doubt anymore. It’s him. It’s been him this whole time.
Clark Kent.
And somehow—somehow—he’s still never said your name aloud when he writes about you. Not once. But every letter reads like a whisper of it. Like a promise waiting to be spoken.
-
The office is quiet by the time you find the nerve.
Desks are abandoned, chairs turned at angles, the windows dark with city glow. Outside, Metropolis hums in its usual low thrum—sirens and neon and distant jazz from a rooftop bar—but here, in the bullpen, it’s just the steady tick of the wall clock and the slow, careful steps you take toward his desk.
Clark doesn’t hear you at first. He’s bent over a red pen and a half-finished draft, glasses low on his nose, the curve of his back hunched the way it always is when he’s lost in edits. His tie is loosened. His sleeves are pushed up. There’s a smear of ink on his thumb. He looks soft in the way people do when they think no one’s watching.
You speak before you lose your nerve. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”
Clark startles. Not dramatically—just a sharp breath and a too-quick motion to sit upright, like a kid caught doodling in the margins. “I—what?”
You don’t let your voice shake. “That it was you. The notes. The park. All of it.”
He stares at you. Then down at his desk. Then back again. His mouth opens like it wants to offer a lie, but nothing comes out. Just silence. His fingers twitch toward the edge of the desk and stop there, curling into his palm.
“I—” he tries again, softer now, “—I didn’t think you knew.”
“I didn’t.” Your voice is gentle. But not easy. “Not at first. Not really. But then I saw that list on your desk and… I went home and checked the handwriting.”
He winces. “I knew I left that out somewhere.”
You cross your arms, not out of anger—more like self-protection. “You could’ve told me. At any point. I asked you.”
“I know.” He swallows hard. “I know. I wanted to. I… tried.”
You watch him. Wait.
And then he says it. Not loud. Not dramatic. Just the truth, raw and shaky and so Clark it nearly breaks you. “Because if I told you it was me… you might look at me different. Or worse… The same.”
You don’t know what to say to that. Not right away. Your heart clenches. Because it’s so him—to assume your affection could only live in the mystery. That the truth of him—soft, clumsy, brilliant, real—would somehow undo the magic.
“Clark…” you start, but your voice slips.
He rubs the back of his neck. “I’m just the guy who spills coffee on his own notes and forgets to refill the paper tray. You’re… you. You write like you’re on fire. You walk into a room and it listens. I didn’t think someone like you would ever want someone like me.”
You stare at him. Really stare. At the flushed cheeks. The nervous hands. The boyish smile he’s trying to bury under self-deprecation. And then you say it. “I saved every note.”
He blinks.
You keep going. “I read them when I felt invisible. When I thought no one gave a damn what I was doing here. They mattered.”
Clark’s breath catches. He opens his mouth. Closes it again. He takes a slow step forward, tentative. Like he’s afraid to break the spell. His eyes search yours, and for a moment—for a second so still it might as well last an hour—he leans in. Not close enough to kiss you. But almost. His hand brushes yours. He stops. The air is heavy between you, buzzing with something fragile and enormous. But it isn’t enough. Not yet.
You draw in a breath, quiet but steady. “Why didn’t you meet me?”
Clark goes still. You can see it happen—the way the question lands. The way he folds in on himself just slightly, like the truth is too heavy to hold upright.
“I…” He tries, but the word doesn’t land. His jaw flexes. His eyes drop to the floor, then back up. He wants to tell you. He almost does. But he can’t. Not without unraveling everything. Not without unraveling himself.
“I wanted to,” he says finally, voice rough at the edges. “More than anything.”
“But?” you press, gently.
He just looks at you and says nothing. You nod, slowly. The silence says enough. Your chest aches—not in a sharp, bitter way. In the dull, familiar way of something you already suspected being confirmed.
You glance down at where your hand still brushes his, then look back at him—really look. “I wish you’d told me,” you whisper. “I sat there thinking it was a joke. That I made it all up. That I was stupid for believing in any of it.”
“I know,” he murmurs. “And I’m sorry.”
Your throat tightens. You swallow past it. “I just… I need time. To process. To think.”
Clark’s eyes flicker—hope and heartbreak, all tangled up in one look. “Of course,” he says immediately. “Take whatever you need. I mean it.”
A beat passes before you say the part that makes his breath catch. “I’m happy it was you.”
He freezes.
You offer the smallest smile. “I wanted it to be you.”
And for the first time in minutes, something in his shoulders unknots. There’s a shift. Gentle. Quiet. His hand lingers near yours again, knuckles brushing. He doesn’t lean in. Doesn’t push.
But God, he wants to. And maybe… maybe you do too. The moment stretches, unspoken and warm and not quite ready to be anything more.
You both stay like that—close, not touching. Breathing the same charged air. Then he laughs under his breath. Nervous. Boyish.
“I’m probably gonna trip over something the second you walk away.”
You smile back. “Just recalibrate your ankles.”
He huffs out a laugh, head ducking. “I deserved that.”
You start to turn away. Just a little. But his voice stops you again—quiet, sincere, something earnest catching in it. “I’m really glad it was me, too.”
And your heart flutters all over again.
-
Lois is perched on the edge of your desk, a paper takeout box balanced on her knee, chopsticks waving in lazy circles while you pick at your own dinner with a little too much focus.
You haven’t told her everything. Not the everything everything. Not the way your heart nearly cracked open when Clark looked at you like you were made of starlight and library books. Not how close he got before pulling back. Not how you pulled back too, even though your whole body ached to close the distance.
But you have told her about the notes. About the mystery. About the strange tenderness of it all, how it wrapped around your days like a string you didn’t know you were following until it tugged. And Lois—Lois has been unusually quiet about it. Until now.
“I’m setting you up,” she says between bites, like she’s discussing filing taxes.
You blink. “What?”
“A date. Just one. Guy from the Features desk at the Tribune. You’ll like him. He’s taller than you, decent jawline, wears socks that match. He’s got strong opinions about punctuation, which I figure is basically foreplay for you.”
You stare at her. “You don’t even believe in setups.”
“I don’t,” she agrees. “But you’ve been spiraling in circles for weeks, and at this point, I either push you toward a date or stage an intervention with PowerPoint slides.”
You laugh despite yourself. “You have PowerPoint slides?”
“Of course not,” she scoffs. “I have a Google Doc.”
You roll your eyes. “Lois—”
“Listen,” she says, gentler now. “I know you’re in deep with whoever this guy is. And if it is Clark… well. I can see why.”
Your stomach flips.
“But maybe stepping outside of the Planet for two hours wouldn’t kill you. Let someone else flirt with you for once. Let yourself figure out what you actually want.”
You press your lips together. Look down at your barely-touched food.
“You don’t have to fall for him,” she adds, softly. “Just let yourself be seen.”
You exhale through your nose. “He better be cute.”
“Oh, he is. Total sweater vest energy.”
You snort. “So your type.”
“Exactly.” She lifts her takeout carton in a mock toast. “To emotionally compromised coworkers and their tragic love lives.”
You clink your chopsticks against hers like it’s the saddest champagne flute in the world. And later, when you’re getting ready, you still feel the weight of Clark’s almost-kiss behind your ribs. But you go anyway. Because Lois is right. You need to know what it is you’re choosing. Even if, deep down, you already do.
-
The date isn’t bad. That’s the most frustrating part. He’s nice. Polished in that media school kind of way—crisp shirt, clean shave, a practiced smile that belongs on a campaign poster. He compliments your bylines and talks about his dream of running an independent magazine one day. He orders the good whiskey and laughs at your jokes.
But it’s the wrong laugh. Off by a beat. The rhythm’s not right.
When he leans in, you don’t. When he talks, your thoughts drift—to mismatched socks and printer toner smudges. To how someone else always remembers your coffee order. To how someone else listens, not to respond, but to see.
You realize it halfway through the second drink. You’re thinking about Clark again.
The softness of him. The steadiness. The way he over-apologizes in texts but never hesitates when someone challenges your work. The way his voice tilts a little higher when he’s nervous. The way his laugh never lands in the right place, but somehow makes the whole room feel warmer.
You pull your coat tighter when you leave the restaurant, cheeks stinging from the wind and the slow unraveling of a night that should’ve meant something. It doesn’t. Not in the way that matters.
So you walk. You tell yourself you’re just passing by the Daily Planet. That maybe you left your notes there. That it’s just a habit, stopping in this late. But when you scan your ID badge and push through the heavy glass doors, you already know the truth. You’re hoping he’s still here.
And he is.
The bullpen is almost entirely dark, save for a single desk lamp casting gold across the layout section. He’s hunched over it—tie loosened, sleeves rolled up, shirt rumpled like he’s been pacing, thinking, rewriting. His glasses are folded beside him on the desk. His hair’s a mess—fingers clearly run through it too many times.
He rubs at his eyes with the heel of his palm, breathing out hard through his nose. You don’t say anything. You just… watch. It hits you in one perfect, unshakable moment. The slope of his shoulders. The cut of his jaw. The furrow in his brow when he’s thinking too hard.
He looks like Superman.
No glasses. No slouch. No excuses. But more than that—he looks like Clark. Like the man who learned your coffee order. Like the one who saves all his best edits for last so he can tell you in person how good your writing is. The one who panicked when you got too close to the truth, but couldn’t stop leaving notes anyway.
And when he finally lifts his head and sees you standing there—still in your coat, fingers tight around your notebook—you watch something shift in his expression. A flicker of surprise. Panic. Bare, open emotion. Because you’re seeing him without the glasses.
“Couldn’t sleep,” you murmur. “Thought I’d grab my notes.”
He smiles, slow and unsure. “You… left them by the scanner.”
You nod, like that matters. Like you came here for paper and not for him. Then you walk over, slow and deliberate, and retrieve your notes from the edge of the scanner beside him. He swallows hard, watching you.
Then clears his throat. “So… how was the date?”
You pause. “Fine,” you say. “He was nice. Funny. Smart.”
Clark nods, but you’re not finished.
“But when he laughed, it was the wrong rhythm. And when he spoke, I didn’t lean in.”
You meet his eyes—clear blue, unhidden now. “I made up my mind halfway through the second drink.” His lips part. Barely. You move to the edge of his desk and set your notebook down. Then—carefully, slowly—you pull out the chair beside his and sit. The air between you goes molten.
Clark leans in a little, eyes flicking to your mouth, then back to your eyes. One hand moves down, like he’s going to say something, but instead, he reaches for the leg of your chair—fingers curling around it. And pulls you toward him. The scrape of wood against tile echoes, loud and deliberate. Your thighs knock his. Your breath stutters.
He’s so close now you can feel the heat rolling off him. The weight of his gaze. Your heart hammers in your chest. And lower.
“Clark—” But you don’t finish because he meets you halfway. The kiss is fire and breath and years of want pressed between two mouths. His hands come up—one to your jaw, the other to the back of your head—and tilt your face just so. Fingers tangle in your hair, anchoring you to him like he’s afraid you might vanish.
You moan into his mouth. Soft. Surprised. He groans back. Rougher. You reach for his shirt blindly, fists curling in the cotton as he pulls you fully into his lap—into the chair with him, your legs straddling his thighs. His hands don’t know where to land. Your waist. Your thighs. Your face again.
“You’re it,” he whispers against your mouth. “You’ve always been it.”
You know he means it. Because you’ve seen it. In every note. Every glance. Every moment he looked at you like you were already his. And now, with your bodies tangled, mouths tasting each other, breathing the same heat—you finally believe it.
You don’t say it yet. But the way you kiss him again says it for you. You’re his. You always have been.
His hands roam, but never rush. Your fingers are tangled in his shirt, your knees pressing to either side of his hips, and you feel him—all of him—underneath you, solid and steady and shaking just slightly. The chair creaks with every breath you share. His mouth is still on yours, slow now, like he’s memorizing the shape of you. Like he’s afraid if he goes too fast, you’ll disappear again.
When he finally pulls back—just enough to breathe—it’s with a soft, reverent exhale. His nose brushes yours. “You’re really here,” he murmurs, voice hoarse. “God, you’re really here.”
You blink at him, your hands sliding to either side of his jaw, thumbs brushing the high flush of his cheeks. He looks so open. Like you’ve peeled back every layer of him with just a kiss. And maybe you have.
His lips find the edge of your jaw next, slow and aching. A kiss. Then another, just beneath your ear. Then one lower, along the soft skin of your neck. Each press of his mouth feels like a confession. Like something that was buried too long, finally given air.
“You don’t know,” he whispers. “You don’t know what it’s been like, watching you and not getting to—” Another kiss, right beneath your cheekbone. “I used to rehearse things I’d say to you, and then I’d get to work and you’d smile and I’d forget how to talk.”
A laugh huffs out of you, but it melts fast when he leans in again, his breath fanning warm across your skin. “I didn’t think I’d ever get this close. I didn’t think I’d get to touch you like this.”
You shift in his lap, chest brushing his, and his hands squeeze your waist gently like he’s grounding himself. His mouth finds your temple. Your cheek. The corner of your mouth again.
“You’re so—” he breaks off. Tries again. “You’re everything.” Your pulse thrums in your throat. Clark’s hands stay respectful, but they wander—curving up your back, smoothing over your shoulders, settling at your ribs like he wants to hold you together.
“I used to write those notes late at night,” he admits against your collarbone. “Didn’t even think you’d read them at first. But you did. You kept them.”
“I kept every one,” you whisper.
His breath catches. You tilt his face back up to yours, studying him in the low, golden light. His hair’s a little messy now from your fingers. His lips pink and kiss-swollen. His chest rising and falling like he’s just run a marathon. And still, even now—he’s looking at you like he’s the one who’s lucky.
Clark kisses you again—soft, like a promise. Then a trail of them, across your cheek, your jaw, your throat. Slow enough to make your skin shiver and your hips shift instinctively against his lap. He groans quietly at that—barely audible—but doesn’t press for more. He just holds you tighter.
“I’d wait forever for you,” he murmurs into your skin. “I don’t need anything else. Just this. Just you.” You bury your face in his shoulder, overwhelmed, heart pounding like a war drum. You don’t say anything back. You just press another kiss to his throat, and feel him smile where your mouth lands.
-
The city is quieter at night—its edges softened under streetlamp glow, concrete warming beneath the fading breath of the day. There’s a breeze that tugs gently at your coat as you and Clark walk side by side, your fingers still loosely laced with his. His hand is big. Warm. Rough in the places that tell stories. Gentle in the ways that say everything else.
Neither of you speaks at first. The silence isn’t awkward. It’s thick with something tender. Like a string strung tight between your ribs and his, humming with each shared step.
When he glances down at you, his smile is small and almost shy. “I can’t believe I didn’t knock over the chair,” he says after a few blocks, voice pitched low with laughter.
You grin. “You were close. I think my thigh is bruised.”
He groans. “Don’t say that—I’ll lose sleep.”
You look at him sidelong. “You weren’t going to sleep anyway.” That earns you a pink flush down the side of his neck, and you tuck that image away for safekeeping.
Your building looms closer, brick and ivy-wrapped and familiar in the soft hush of the hour. You slow as you reach the front step, turning to face him.
“Thank you,” you murmur. You don’t mean just for the walk.
He holds your hand a beat longer. Then, without a word, he lifts it—presses his lips to your knuckles. It’s soft. Reverent.
Your breath catches in your throat. And maybe that’s what breaks the spell—maybe that’s what makes it all too much and not enough at once—because the next second, you’re reaching. Or maybe he is. It doesn’t matter. He kisses you again—this time fuller, deeper—your back brushing against the door behind you, his other hand cradling your cheek like he’s afraid you’ll vanish if he doesn’t hold you just right.
It doesn’t last long. Just long enough to taste the weight of what’s shifting between you. To feel it crest again in your chest.
When he finally pulls back, his lips hover a breath away from yours. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says softly.
You nod. You can’t quite say anything back yet. He gives your hand one last squeeze, then turns and disappears down the street, hands stuffed in his pockets, shoulders curved slightly inward like he’s holding in a smile he doesn’t know what to do with.
You unlock the door. Step inside. But you don’t go to bed right away. You walk to the front window instead—bare feet quiet on hardwood, heart still hammering. Through the glass, you spot him half a block away. He thinks you’re gone. Which is probably why, under the streetlight, Clark Kent jumps up and smacks the edge of a low-hanging banner like he’s testing his vertical. He catches it on the second try, swinging from it for all of two seconds before nearly tripping over his own feet.
You snort. Your hand presses against your mouth to muffle the sound. And then you smile. That kind of soft, aching smile that tugs at something deep in your chest. Because that’s him. That’s the man who writes you poems under the cover of anonymity and nearly breaks your chair kissing you in a newsroom.
That’s the one you wanted it to be. And now that it is—you don’t think your heart’s ever going to stop fluttering.
-
The bullpen is alive again. Phones ring. Keys clatter. Someone’s arguing over copy edits near the back printer, and Jimmy streaks past with a half-eaten bagel clamped between his teeth and a stack of photos fluttering behind him like confetti. It’s chaos.
But none of it touches you. The world moves at its usual speed, but everything inside you has slowed. Like someone turned the volume down on everything that isn’t him.
Your eyes find Clark without meaning to. He’s already at his desk—glasses on, shirt pressed, tie straighter than usual. He must’ve fixed it three times this morning. His sleeves are rolled to the elbow, a pen already tucked behind one ear. He’s doing that thing he does when he’s thinking—lip caught gently between his teeth, brows drawn, tapping the space bar like it owes him money.
But there’s a softness to him this morning, too. A looseness in his shoulders. A quiet sort of glow around the edges, like some part of him hasn’t fully come down from last night either. Like he’s still vibrating with the same electricity that’s still thrumming low behind your ribs.
And then he looks up. He finds you just as easily as you found him. You expect him to look away—bashful, flustered, maybe even embarrassed now that the newsroom lights are on and you’re both pretending not to be lit matches pretending not to burn.
But he doesn’t. He holds your gaze. And the quiet that opens up between you is louder than anything else in the building. The low hum of printers. The whirr of the HVAC. The hiss of steam from the office espresso machine.
You swallow hard. Then you look back at your screen like it matters. You try to focus. You really do.
Less than ten minutes later, he’s there. He approaches slow, like he’s afraid of breaking something delicate. His hand appears first, gently setting a familiar to-go cup on your desk.
“I figured you forgot yours,” he says, voice low.
You glance up at him. “I didn’t.”
A smile curls at the corner of his mouth. Soft. A little sheepish. “Oh. Well…” He shrugs. “Now you have two.”
You take the coffee anyway. Your fingers brush his as you do. He doesn’t pull away. Not this time. His hand lingers for half a second longer than it should—just enough to make your pulse jump in your wrist—and then slowly drops back to his side. The silence between you now isn’t awkward. It’s taut. Weightless. Like standing at the edge of something enormous, staring over the drop, and realizing he’s right there beside you—ready to jump too.
“Walk with me?” he asks, voice barely above the clatter around you. You nod. Because you’d follow him anywhere.
Downstairs, the building atrium hums with the low murmur of morning traffic and the soft shuffle of people cutting through the lobby on their way to bigger, faster things. But here—beneath the high, glass-paneled ceiling where sunlight pours in like gold through water—the city feels a little farther away. A little quieter. Just the two of you, caught in that hush between chaos and clarity.
Clark hands you a sugar packet without a word, and you take it, fingers brushing his again. He watches—not your hands, but your face—as you tear it open and shake it into your cup. Like memorizing the way you take your coffee might somehow tell him more than you’re ready to say aloud.
You glance at him, just in time to catch it—that look. Barely there, but soft. Full. He looks at you like he’s trying to learn you by heart.
You raise a brow. “What?”
He blinks, caught. “Nothing.”
But you’re smiling now, just a little. A private, corner-of-your-mouth kind of smile. “You look tired,” you murmur, stirring slowly.
His lips twitch. “Late night.”
“Editing from home?”
He hesitates. You watch the way his shoulders shift, the subtle catch in his breath. Then, finally, he shakes his head. “Not exactly.”
You hum. Say nothing more. The moment lingers, warm as the cup in your hand. He stands beside you, tall and still, but there’s something new in the way he holds himself—like gravity’s just a little lighter around him this morning. Like your presence pulls him into a softer orbit. There’s a beat of silence.
“You… seemed quiet last night,” he says, voice gentler now. “When you saw me.”
You glance at him from over the rim of your cup. Steam curls up between you, catching in the morning light like spun sugar. “I saw you,” you say.
He studies you. Carefully. “You sure?”
You lower your coffee. “Yeah. I’m sure.”
His brows pull together slightly, the line between them deepening. He’s trying to read you. Trying to solve an equation he’s too close to see clearly. There’s a question in his eyes—not just about last night, but about everything that came before it. The letters. The glances. The ache.
But you don’t give him the answer. Not out loud. Because what you don’t say hangs heavier than what you do. You don’t say: I’m pretty certain he’s you. You don’t say: I think my heart has known for a while now. You don’t say: I’m not afraid of what you’re hiding. Instead, you let the silence stretch between you—soft and silken, tethering you to something deeper than confession. You sip your coffee, heart steady now, eyes warm.
And when he opens his mouth again—when he leans forward like he might finally give himself away entirely—you smile. Just a soft curve of your lips. A quiet reassurance. “Don’t worry,” you say, voice low. “I liked what I saw.”
He freezes. Then flushes, color blooming high on his cheeks. His gaze drops to the floor like it’s safer there, like looking at you too long might unravel him completely—but when he glances back up, the smile on his face is small and helpless and utterly undone. A breath escapes him, barely audible—but you hear it. You feel it. Relief.
He walks you back upstairs without another word. The movement is easy. Comfortable. But his hand hovers near yours the whole time. Not quite touching. Just… there. Like gravity pulling two halves of the same secret closer.
And as you re-enter the hum of the bullpen, nothing looks different. But everything feels like it’s just about to change.
-
That night, after the city has quieted—after the neon pulse of Metropolis blurs into puddle reflections and distant sirens—the Daily Planet is almost reverent in its silence. No ringing phones. No newsroom chatter. Just the soft hum of a printer in standby mode and the creak of the elevator cables descending behind you.
You let yourself in with your keycard. The lock clicks louder than expected in the stillness. You don’t know why you’re here, really. You told yourself it was to grab the folder you forgot. To double-check something on your last draft. But the truth is quieter than that.
You were hoping he’d be here. He’s not. His desk lamp is off. His chair turned inward, as if he left in a hurry. No half-eaten sandwich or scribbled drafts left behind—just a tidied workspace and absence thick enough to feel.
You sigh, the sound swallowed whole by the vast emptiness of the bullpen. Then you see it. At your desk. Tucked half-under your keyboard like a secret trying not to be. One folded piece of paper.
No envelope this time. No clever line on the front. Just your name, handwritten in a looping scrawl you’ve come to know better than your own signature. A rhythm you’ve studied and traced in the quiet of your apartment, night after night.
You slide it free with careful fingers. Your heart stutters as you unfold it. The ink is darker this time—less tentative. The strokes more deliberate, like he knew, at last, he didn’t have to hide.
“For once I don’t have to imagine what it’s like to have your lips on mine. But I still think about it anyway.”
—C.K.
You stare at the words until the paper goes soft in your hands. Until your chest feels too full and too fragile all at once. Until the noise of your own heartbeat drowns out everything else.
Then you press the note to your chest and close your eyes. His initials burn through the paper like a touch. Not a secret admirer anymore. Not a mystery in the margins. Just him.
Clark. Your friend. Your almost. Your maybe.
You don’t need the rest of the truth. Not tonight. Not if it costs this fragile thing blooming between you—this quiet, aching sweetness. This slow, deliberate unraveling of walls and fears and the long-held breath you didn’t realize you were holding.
Whatever you’re building together, it’s happening one heartbeat at a time. One almost-confession. One note left behind in the dark. And you’d rather have this—this steady climb into something real—than rush toward the edge of revelation and risk it all crumbling.
So you tuck the note gently into your bag, where the others wait. Every word he’s given you, kept safe like a promise. You don’t know what happens next. But for the first time in weeks, maybe months, you’re not afraid of finding out.
-
You’re not official.
Not in the way people expect it. There’s no label, no group announcement, no big display. But you’re definitely something now—something solid and golden and real in the space between words.
It’s not office gossip. Not yet. But it could be. Because you linger a little too long near his desk. Because he lights up when you enter a room like it’s instinct. Because when he passes you in the bullpen, his hand brushes yours—just barely—and you both pause like the air just changed. There’s no denying it.
And then comes the hallway kiss. It’s after hours. The building is quiet, the newsroom lights dimmed to half. You’re both walking toward the elevators, your footsteps echoing against the tile.
Clark fumbles for the call button, mumbling something about how slow the system is when it’s late, and how the elevator always seems to stall on the wrong floor. You don’t answer. You just reach for his tie. A gentle tug. A silent question. He exhales, soft and shaky. Then he leans in.
The kiss is slow. Unhurried. Like you’re both tasting something that’s been simmering between you for years. His hands find your waist, yours curl into his shirt, and the elevator dings somewhere in the distance, but neither of you move.
You part only when the second ding reminds you where you are. His forehead presses to yours, warm and close. You breathe the same air. And then the doors close behind you, and he walks you out with his hand ghosting the small of your back.
-
You start learning the rhythm of Clark Kent. He talks more when he’s nervous—little rambles about traffic patterns or article formatting, or how he’s still not entirely sure he installed his dishwasher correctly. Sometimes he trails off mid-thought, like he’s remembering something urgent but can’t explain it.
He always carries your groceries. All of them. No negotiation. He’ll take the heavier bags first, sling them both over one shoulder and pretend like it’s nothing. And somehow, he always forgets his own umbrella—but never forgets yours. You don’t know how many he owns, but one always appears when the clouds roll in. Like magic. Like preparation. Like he’s thought of you in every version of the day.
You don’t ask.
You just start to keep one in your own bag for him.
-
The third kiss happens on your couch.
You’ve been watching some old movie neither of you are paying attention to, his arm slung lazily across your shoulders. Your legs are tangled. His fingers are tracing idle shapes against your thigh through the fabric of your leggings.
He kisses you once—soft and slow—and then again. Longer. Like he’s memorizing the shape of your mouth. Like he might need it later.
Then his phone buzzes.
He stiffens.
You feel the change instantly—the way his body pulls back, the air between you tightens. He glances at the screen. You don’t catch the name. But you see the look in his eyes.
Regret. Apology. Something deeper.
“I—I’m so sorry,” he says, already moving. “I have to—something came up. It’s—”
You sit up, brushing your hand against his arm. “Go,” you say softly.
“But—”
“It’s okay. Just… be safe.”
And God, the way he looks at you. Like you’ve given him something priceless. Something he didn’t know he was allowed to want.
He kisses your temple like a promise and disappears into the night.
-
It happens again. And again.
Missed dinners. Sudden goodbyes. Rainy nights where he shows up soaked, out of breath, murmuring apologies and curling into you like he doesn’t know how to be held.
You never ask. You don’t need to.
Because he always comes back.
-
One night, you’re curled into each other on your couch, your legs thrown over his, your cheek resting against his chest. The movie’s playing, forgotten. Your fingers are idly brushing the hem of his shirt where it’s ridden up. He smells like rain and ink and whatever soap he always uses that lingers on your pillow now.
Then his voice, quiet in the dark, “I don’t always know how to be… enough.”
You blink. Look up. He’s staring at the ceiling. Not quite breathing evenly. Like the words cost him something.
You reach up and cradle his face in your hands.
His eyes finally meet yours.
“You are,” you whisper. “As you are.”
You don’t say: Even if you are who I think you are.
You don’t need to. You just kiss him again. Soft. Long. Steady. Because whatever he’s carrying, you’ve already started holding part of it too.
And he lets you.
-
The night starts quiet.
Takeout boxes sit half-forgotten on the coffee table—one still open, rice going cold, soy sauce packet untouched. Your legs are draped across Clark’s lap, one foot nudged against the curve of his thigh, and his hand rests there now. Not possessively. Not deliberately.
Just… there.
It’s late. The kind of late where the whole city softens. No sirens outside. No blinking inbox. Just the low hum of the lamp on the side table and the warmth of the man beside you.
Clark’s eyes are on you. They’ve been there most of the night.
He hasn’t said much since dinner—just little smiles, quiet sounds of agreement, the occasional brush of his thumb against your ankle like a thought he forgot to speak aloud. But it’s not a bad silence. It’s dense. Full.
You shift, angling toward him slightly, and his gaze flicks to your mouth. That’s all it takes.
He leans in.
The kiss is soft at first. Familiar. A shared breath. A quiet hello in a room where no one had spoken for minutes. But then his hand curls behind your knee, guiding your leg further over his lap, and his mouth opens against yours like he’s been holding back for hours.
He kisses you like he’s starving. Like he’s spent all day wanting this—aching for the shape of you, the weight of your body in his hands. And when you moan into it, just a little, he shudders.
His hands start to move. One tracing the line of your spine, the other resting against your hip like a question he doesn’t need to ask. You answer anyway—pressing in closer, threading your fingers through his hair, sighing into the heat of his mouth.
You don’t know who climbs into whose lap first, only that you end up straddling him on the couch. Your knees on either side of his thighs. His hands gripping your waist now, fingers curling in your shirt like he doesn’t trust himself not to break it.
And then something shifts.
Not emotional—physical.
Clark stands.
He lifts you with him, effortlessly, like you don’t weigh anything at all. Not a grunt. Not a stagger. Just—up. Smooth and sure. His mouth never leaves yours.
You gasp into the kiss as he walks you backwards, steps confident and fast despite the way your arms tighten around his shoulders. Your spine meets the wall in the next second. Not hard. Just sudden.
Your heart thunders.
“Clark—”
He doesn’t answer. Just breathes against your mouth like he needs the oxygen from your lungs. Like yours is the only air that keeps him grounded.
His hips press into yours, one thigh sliding between your legs, and your back arches instinctively. His hands span your ribs now, thumbs brushing just beneath your bra. You feel the tremble in them—not from fear. From restraint.
“Clark,” you whisper again, and his forehead drops to yours.
“You okay?” he asks, voice rough and close.
You nod, breath catching. “You?”
He hesitates. Not long. But long enough to count. “Yeah. Just… feel a little off tonight.”
You pull back just enough to look at him.
He’s flushed. Eyes darker than usual. But not winded. Not breathless. Not anything like you are. His chest doesn’t even rise fast beneath your hands. Still, he smiles—like he can will the oddness away—and kisses you again. Deeper this time. Like distraction.
Like he doesn’t want to stop.
You don’t want him to either.
Not yet.
His mouth finds yours again—slower this time, more purposeful. Like he’s savoring it. Like he’s waited for this exact moment, this exact pressure of your hips against his, for longer than he’s willing to admit.
You gasp when his hands slide under your shirt, palms broad and steady, dragging upward in a path that sets every nerve on fire. He doesn’t fumble. Doesn’t rush. Just explores—like he’s memorizing, not taking.
“Can I?” he murmurs against your mouth, fingers brushing the underside of your bra.
You nod, breathless. “Yes.”
He exhales, soft and reverent, and lifts your shirt over your head. It’s discarded without ceremony. Then his hands are on you again—warm, slow, mapping out the shape of you with open palms and patient awe.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he murmurs, more breath than voice. His mouth finds the edge of your jaw, trailing kisses down to the hollow beneath your ear. “I think about this… so much.”
You shudder.
His hands move again—down this time, gripping your thighs as he sinks to his knees in front of you. You barely have time to react before he’s tugging your pants down, slow and careful, mouth following the descent with lingering kisses along your hips, the dip of your pelvis, the inside of your thigh.
He looks up at you from the floor.
You nearly forget how to breathe.
“I’ve wanted to take my time with you,” he admits, voice rough and low. “Wanted to learn you slow. Learn how you taste. How you fall apart.”
And then he does.
He leans in and licks a long, deliberate stripe over the center of your underwear, still watching your face.
You whimper.
He smiles, just slightly, and does it again.
By the time he peels your underwear down and presses an open-mouthed kiss to your inner thigh, your knees are trembling.
Clark hooks one arm under your leg, lifting it over his shoulder like it’s nothing, and buries his mouth between your thighs with a groan that rattles through your whole body.
His tongue is warm and soft and maddeningly slow—circling, tasting, teasing. He doesn’t rush. Not even when your fingers knot in his hair and your hips rock forward with pure desperation.
“Clark—”
He hums against you, and the sound sends a full-body shiver up your spine.
“I’ve got you,” he whispers, lips brushing you as he speaks. “Let me.”
You do.
You let him wreck you.
He’s methodical about it—like he’s following a map only he can see. One hand holding you steady, the other splayed against your stomach, keeping you anchored while he works you open with mouth and tongue and quiet, praising murmurs.
“So sweet… that’s it, sweetheart… you taste like heaven.”
You’re already close when he slips a thick finger inside you. Then another. Slow, patient, curling exactly where you need him. His mouth never stops. His rhythm is steady. Focused. Unrelenting.
You come like that—panting, gripping his shoulders, thighs shaking around his ears as he groans and keeps going, riding it out with you until you’re trembling too hard to stand.
He rises slowly.
His lips are slick. His eyes are dark.
And you’ve never seen anyone look at you like this.
“Come here,” you whisper.
He kisses you then—deep and possessive and tasting like you. You’re the one tugging at his shirt now, unbuttoning in frantic clumsy swipes. You need him. Need him closer. Need him inside.
But when you reach for his belt, he stills your hands gently.
“Not yet,” he says, voice like thunder wrapped in velvet. “Let me take care of you first.”
You blink. “Clark, I—”
He kisses you again—soft, lingering.
“I’ve waited too long for this to rush it,” he murmurs, brushing hair from your face with the back of his knuckles. “You deserve slow.”
Then he lifts you again—like you weigh nothing—and carries you to the bed. He lays you down like you’re fragile—but the look in his eyes says he knows you’re anything but. That you’re something rare. Something he’s been aching for. His palms skim over your thighs again, slow and deliberate, before he spreads you open beneath him.
He doesn’t ask this time. Just settles between your legs like he belongs there, arms hooked under your thighs, holding you wide.
“Clark—”
“I know, sweetheart,” he murmurs, voice low and raw. “I’ve got you.”
And he does.
His mouth finds you again—warm, skilled, confident now. No hesitation, just long, wet strokes of his tongue that build on everything he already learned. And then—without warning—he slides two fingers back inside you.
You cry out, hips jolting.
He groans into you, fingers moving in tandem with his mouth—curling just right, matching every flick of his tongue, every wet press of his lips. He doesn’t stop. Doesn’t falter. He watches you the whole time, eyes dark and hungry and so in love with the way you fall apart for him.
You grip the sheets, gasping his name, over and over, until your voice breaks on a sob of pleasure.
“Clark—God, I—I can’t—”
“Yes, you can,” he breathes. “You’re almost there. Let go for me.”
You do. With a cry, with shaking thighs, with your fingers tangled in his hair and your back arching off the bed.
And he doesn’t stop.
He rides your orgasm out with slow, worshipful strokes, kissing your thighs, murmuring into your skin, “So good for me. You’re perfect. You’re everything.”
By the time he pulls back, you’re boneless—dazed and trembling, your chest heaving as he kisses his way up your stomach.
But the way he looks at you then—like he needs to be closer—tells you this isn’t over.
His hands brace on either side of your head as he leans over you. “Can I…?”
Your hips answer for you—tilting up, chasing the heat and weight of him already pressed between your thighs.
“Yes,” you whisper. “Please.”
Clark groans low in his throat as he pushes his boxers down just enough, lining himself up—his cock flushed and thick, already leaking, and you feel the weight of him between your thighs and gasp.
“God, Clark…”
“I know,” he murmurs, forehead resting against yours, hips rocking forward just barely, teasing you with the head of his cock, dragging it through the slick mess he made with his mouth and fingers. “I know, baby. Just—just let me…”
He nudges in slow.
The stretch is slow and steady, his breath catching as your body parts for him. He’s thick. Too thick, maybe, except your body wants him—takes him like it was made to.
You whimper, and his jaw clenches tight.
“You okay?”
“Y—yeah,” you breathe. “Don’t stop.”
He doesn’t. Not even for a second. Inch by inch, he sinks into you, whispering your name, kissing your temple, gripping the backs of your thighs as you wrap your legs around his waist.
“Fuck,” he hisses when he bottoms out, buried deep, balls pressed flush against you. “You feel—Jesus, you feel unbelievable.”
You’re too far gone to answer. You just cling to him, nails dragging lightly down his back, moaning into his mouth when he kisses you again.
The first few thrusts are slow. Deep. Measured. He pulls out just enough to feel you grip him on the way back in, then does it again—and again—and again.
And then something shifts.
Your body clenches around him in a way that makes his head drop to your shoulder with a groan.
“Oh my god, sweetheart—don’t do that—I’m gonna—fuck—”
He thrusts harder.
Not rough, not yet, but firmer. Hungrier. The control he started with begins to slip. You can feel it in his grip, in the sharp edge of his breath, in the tremble of the arm braced beside your head.
“Been thinkin’ about this,” he grits out, voice low and wrecked. “Every night—every goddamn night since the first note. You don’t even know what you do to me.”
You whine, rolling your hips up to meet him, and he snaps—hips slamming forward hard enough to punch the air from your lungs.
“Clark—”
“I’ve got you,” he gasps, fucking into you harder now, his voice filthy and tender all at once. “I’ve got you, baby—so fuckin’ tight—can’t stop—don’t wanna stop—”
You’re clinging to him now, crying out with every thrust. It’s not just the way he fills you—it’s the way he worships you while he does it. The way he moans when you clench. The way he growls your name like a prayer. The way he falls apart in real time, just from the feel of you.
He grabs one of your hands, laces your fingers with his, pins it beside your head.
“You’re mine,” he grits. “You have to be mine.”
“Yes,” you gasp. “Yes—Clark—don’t stop—”
“Never,” he groans. “Never stopping. Not when you feel like this—fuck—”
You can feel him getting close—the way his rhythm starts to stutter, the broken sounds escaping his throat, the way he buries his face against your neck and pants your name like he’s desperate to take you with him.
And you’re almost there too.
You don’t even realize your hand is slipping until he’s gripping it again—pinned tight to the pillow, your fingers laced in his and clenched so tight it aches. The bed frame is starting to shudder beneath you now, the headboard knocking a rhythm into the wall, and Clark is gasping like he’s in pain from how good it feels.
His hips snap forward again—harder this time. Deeper. More desperate.
“Fuck—fuck—I’m sorry,” he grits, voice ragged and thick, “I’m trying to—baby—I can’t—hold back—”
You moan so loud it makes him flinch.
And then he breaks.
One second he’s pulling your name from his lungs like it’s the only word he knows—and the next, he slams into you so hard the bed shifts a full inch. The lamp on the bedside table flickers. The candle flame bursts just slightly higher than before—flickering hot and fast, the wick blackening with a thin curl of smoke. It doesn’t go out. It just burns.
Clark’s back arches.
His cock drags over everything inside you in just the right way, hitting that spot again and again until you’re clutching at his shoulders, babbling nonsense against his skin.
“I can’t—I can’t—Clark!”
“You can,” he pants. “Please—please, baby, cum with me—I can feel you—I can feel it.”
Your body goes taut.
A white-hot snap of pleasure punches through your spine, and your vision blacks out at the edges. You tighten around him—clenching, pulsing, dragging him over the edge with you—and he loses it.
Clark curses—actually curses—and growls something between a moan and a sob as he slams into you one last time, spilling deep inside you. His body locks, every muscle trembling. His teeth scrape the soft skin of your throat—not biting, just grounding himself. Like if he lets go, he’ll come undone completely.
The lights flicker again.
The candle sputters once and steadies.
He breathes like a man starved. His chest heaves. But you can feel it—under your hand, against your skin. His heart’s not racing.
Not like it should be.
You’re gasping. Dazed. Boneless under him. But Clark… Clark’s barely even winded. And yet—his hands are trembling. Just slightly. Still laced in yours. Still holding on.
After, you lie there—chests pressed close, legs tangled, the sheets barely clinging to your hips.
Clark’s arm is slung across your waist, palm wide and warm over your belly like it belongs there. Like he doesn’t ever want to move. His nose is tucked against your temple, breath stirring your hair in soft little pulses. He keeps kissing you. Your cheek. Your jaw. The edge of your brow. He doesn’t stop, like he’s afraid this is a dream and kissing you might anchor it in place.
“Still with me?” he whispers into your skin.
You nod. Drowsy. Sated. Floating.
“Good.” His hand runs down your side in one long, reverent stroke. “Didn’t mean to… get so carried away.”
You hum. “You say that like I didn’t enjoy every second.”
He smiles against your neck. You feel the curve of it, his lips brushing the shell of your ear.
A moment passes.
Then another.
“I think you short-circuited my bedside lamp somehow.”
Clark freezes. “…Did I?”
You roll your head to look at him. “It flickered. Right as you—”
His ears turn bright red. “Maybe just… a power surge?”
You arch a brow. “Right. A romantic, orgasm-timed power surge.”
He mutters something into your shoulder that sounds vaguely like kill me now.
You grin. File it away.
Exhibit 7: Lightbulb went dim at the exact second he came. Candle flame doubled in height.
-
Later that night, long after you’ve both dozed off, you wake to find Clark still holding you. One of his hands is under your shirt, splayed low across your stomach. Protective. Possessive in the gentlest way. His body is still curled around yours like a question mark, like he’s checking for all your answers in how your breath rises and falls.
You shift just slightly—and his grip tightens instinctively, like even in sleep, he can’t let go.
Exhibit 8: He doesn’t sleep like a person. Sleeps like a sentry.
-
In the morning, you wake to the scent of coffee.
Your kitchen is suspiciously spotless for someone who swears he’s clumsy. The pot is full, the mugs pre-warmed, your favorite creamer already swirled in.
Clark is flipping pancakes.
Barefoot.
Wearing one of your sleep shirts. The tight one.
You lean against the doorframe, watching him. His back muscles flex when he flips the pan one-handed.
“Morning,” he says without turning.
You blink. “How’d you know I was standing here?”
“I, uh…” He falters, then gestures at the sizzling pan. “Heard footsteps. I assumed.”
You hum.
Exhibit 9: He heard me from across the apartment, over the sound of a frying pan.
-
You’re brushing your teeth later when you spot the mirror fogged from the shower.
You reach for a towel—and notice it’s already been run under warm water.
You glance at him, and he just shrugs. “Figured you’d want it not freezing.”
“Figured?” you repeat.
He leans against the doorframe, smiling. “Lucky guess.”
You don’t respond. Just kiss his cheek with toothpaste still in your mouth.
Exhibit 10: He always guesses exactly what I need. Down to the second.
-
That night, he falls asleep on your couch during movie night, head on your thigh, hand around your wrist like a lifeline.
You swear you see the movie reflected in his eyes—like the light isn’t just hitting them but moving inside them. You blink. It’s gone.
You look down at him. His lashes are impossibly long. His mouth is parted. His breathing is steady—but not quite… human. Too even. Too perfect.
Exhibit 11: His pupils did a thing. I don’t know how to describe it. But they did a thing.
-
The next day, a car splashes a wave of slush toward you both on the sidewalk.
You brace for impact.
But Clark steps in front of you, faster than you can blink. The water hits him. Not you.
You didn’t even see him move.
You narrow your eyes. He just smiles. “Reflexes.”
“Clark. Be honest. Do you secretly run marathons at night?”
He laughs. “Nope. Just really hate laundry.”
Exhibit 12: Literally teleported into the splash zone to shield me. Probably didn’t even get wet.
-
And still… you don’t say it.
You don’t ask.
Because he’s not just some blur of strength or spectacle.
He’s the man who folds your laundry while pretending it’s because he’s “bad at relaxing.” Who scribbles notes in the margins of your drafts, calling your metaphors “dangerously good.” Who kisses your forehead with a kind of reverence like you’re the one who’s unreal.
You know.
You know.
And he knows you know.
Because he’s hiding it from you. Not really.
When he stumbles over his own sentences, when his smile falters after a late return, when his jaw tenses at the sound of your name whispered too softly—you don’t see evasion. You see weight. You see care.
He’s protecting something.
And you’re trying to figure out how to tell him that you already know. That it’s okay. That you’re still here. That you love him anyway.
You haven’t said it yet—not the knowing, not the loving. But it lives just under your skin. A second heartbeat. A full body truth. You think maybe, if you just look him in the eye long enough next time, he’ll understand.
But still neither of you says it yet. Because the space between what’s said and unsaid—that’s where everything soft lives.
And you’re not ready to let it go.
-
The morning feels ordinary.
There’s a crack in the coffee pot. A printer jam. Perry yelling something about deadlines from his office. Jimmy’s camera bag spills open across your desk, and he swears he’ll fix it after his coffee, and Lois is pacing, muttering about sources.
And then the screens change.
It’s subtle at first—just a flicker. Then the feed cuts mid-commercial. Every monitor in the bullpen goes black, then red. Emergency alert. A shrill tone splits the air. Someone turns up the volume.
You look up.
And everything shifts.
The broadcast blares through the newsroom speakers, raw footage streaming in from a local news chopper.
Metropolis. Midtown. Chaos. A building half-collapsed. Smoke curling upward in a thick, unnatural spiral.
The camera jolts—and then there he is.
Superman.
Thrown through a brick wall.
You feel it in your bones before your brain catches up. That’s him. That’s Clark.
He’s on his knees in the wreckage, panting, bleeding—from his temple, from his ribs, from a gash you can’t see the end of. The suit is torn. His cape is shredded. He’s never looked so human.
He tries to stand. Wobbles. Collapses.
You stop breathing.
“Is Superman going to be ok?” someone behind you murmurs.
“Jesus,” Jimmy whispers.
“He’ll be fine,” Lois says, too casually. She leans back in her chair, sipping her coffee like it’s any other news cycle. “He always is.”
You want to scream. Because that’s not a story on a screen. That’s not some distant, untouchable god.
That’s your boyfriend.
That’s the man who brought you coffee this morning with one sugar and just the right amount of cream. The man who kissed your wrist in the elevator, whose hands trembled when he whispered I want to be enough. Who holds you like you’re something holy and bruises like he’s made of skin after all.
He’s not fine. He’s bleeding.
He’s not getting up.
You freeze.
The bullpen keeps moving around you—half-aware, half-horrified—but you can’t speak. Can’t blink. Can’t breathe.
Your hands start to shake.
You grip the edge of your desk like it might anchor you to the floor, like if you let go you’ll run straight out the door, out into the chaos, toward the wreckage and the fire and the thing trying to kill him.
A part of you already has.
A hit lands on the feed—something massive slamming him into the pavement—and your knees almost buckle from the force of it. Not physically. Not really. But somewhere deep. Something inside you fractures.
You don’t know what the enemy is.
Alien, maybe. Or worse.
But it’s not the shape of the thing that terrifies you—it’s him. It’s how slow he is to get up. How much his mouth is bleeding. How his eyes are unfocused. How you’ve never seen him look like this.
You want to run.
You want to be there.
But you’re not. You’re here. In your dress pants and button-up, in your neat little office chair, with your badge clipped to your hip and your heart breaking quietly.
Because no one else knows. No one else understands what’s really at stake. No one else sees the man behind the cape.
Not like you do.
Your vision blurs.
You wipe your eyes. Pretend it’s nothing. The bullpen is too loud to hear your breath catch.
But still—your hands tremble and your heart pounds so violently it hurts.
And you cry.
Quietly.
You cry like the city might if it could feel. You cry like the sky should. You cry like someone already grieving—like someone who knows what it means to lose him.
The footage won’t stop. Superman reels across the screen—his suit torn, the shoulder scorched through in a blackened, jagged arc. Blood smears the corner of his mouth. There’s a limp in his gait now, one he keeps trying to mask. The camera catches it anyway.
The newsroom is silent now save for the hiss of static and the low voice of the anchor describing the damage downtown.
You sit frozen at your desk, the plastic edge biting into your palms as you grip it like it might stop your body from unraveling. The taste of bile has settled at the back of your throat. Your coffee’s gone cold in its cup.
Across the bullpen, someone mutters, “Jesus. He took a hit.”
“Look at the suit,” Lois says flatly, standing by one of the screens. “He’s never looked that rough before.”
“Dude’s limping,” Jimmy adds, pushing his glasses up. “That alien thing—what even was that?”
Their words feel like background noise. Distant. Warped. You can’t seem to hear anything over the white-hot panic blistering in your chest.
You blink, your eyes burning, throat tight. You can’t just sit here and cry. Not in front of Lois and Perry and half the bullpen. But your body is trembling anyway. You clench your hands in your lap, nails digging crescent moons into your skin.
He’s hurt.
And he’s still out there.
Fighting.
Alone.
You can’t just sit here.
You shove your chair back hard enough that it scrapes against the floor. “I’m going.”
Lois turns toward you. “Going where?”
“I’m covering it. The attack. The fallout. Whatever’s left—I want to see it firsthand.”
Lois’s brow lifts. “Since when do you make reckless calls like this?”
“I don’t,” you snap, already grabbing your coat. “But I am now.”
Jimmy’s already halfway to the door. “If we’re going, I’m bringing the camera.”
Lois hesitates. Then sighs. “Hell. You two’ll get yourselves killed without me.”
You don’t wait for her to finish grabbing her phone. You’re already out the door.
-
Downtown is a war zone.
The smell of scorched concrete clings to the air. Smoke spirals in uneven plumes from the carcass of a building that must have been beautiful once. Sirens scream in every direction, red and blue lights flashing off every pane of shattered glass.
You arrive just as the dust begins to settle.
The battle is over but the wreckage tells you how bad it was.
The Justice Gang moves through the remains like figures out of a dream—tattered and bloodied, but upright.
Guy Gardner limps past, muttering curses. “Next time, I’m bringing a bigger damn ring.” Kendra Saunders—Hawkgirl—has one wing half-folded and streaked with blood. She ignores it as she checks on a paramedic’s bandages. Mr. Terrific is already coordinating with local emergency crews, directing flow with a hand to his ear. And Metamorpho—God, he looks like he’s melting and re-solidifying with every breath.
And then…
Him.
He descends from the smoke. Not in a blur. Not with a boom of sonic air. Slowly. Controlled.
But not untouched.
He lands in a crouch, shoulders tight, the line of his jaw drawn sharp with tension. His boots crunch against broken concrete. His cape is torn at one edge, flapping limply behind him.
He’s hurt.
He’s so clearly hurt.
And even through all of it—through the dirt and blood and pain—he sees you. His eyes lock onto yours in an instant. The rest of the world falls away. There’s no press. No chaos. No destruction.
Just him.
And you.
The corner of his mouth lifts—just a flicker. Not a smile. Just… recognition.
And something deeper behind it.
You know know.
And he is letting you know.
But he straightens a second later, lifting his chin, slotting the mask back into place like a practiced motion. He squares his shoulders, winces barely perceptible, and turns to face the press.
Lois is already stepping forward, questions in hand. “Superman. What can you tell us about the enemy?”
His voice is steady, but you can hear it now—hear the strain. The breath that doesn’t quite come easy. The syllables that drag like they’re fighting his tongue. “It wasn’t local,” he says. “Some kind of dimensional breach. We had help closing it.”
Jimmy’s camera clicks. Kendra coughs into her hand.
You’re not writing.
You’re just watching.
Watching the soot along his cheekbone. The split in his lip. The way he shifts his weight to favor one side. The way the “s” in “justice” drags like it hurts to say.
He looks tired.
But more than that—he looks like Clark.
And it’s never been more obvious than right now, standing under broken sky, trying to pretend like nothing’s changed.
You want to run to him. You want to hold him up.
But you stay rooted.
When the questions start to slow and the press begins murmuring among themselves, he glances over. Just at you.
“Are you okay?” he asks, barely audible.
You nod. “Are you?”
He hesitates. Then says, “Getting there.”
It’s not a performance. Not for them. Just for you.
You nod again. The look you share says more than anything else could.
I know.
I’m not leaving.
You don’t have to say it.
When he flies away—slower this time, one hand brushing briefly against his ribs—it’s not dramatic. There’s no sonic boom. No heat trail. Just wind and distance.
Lois exhales. “He looked rough.”
Jimmy nods. “Still hot, though.”
You say nothing. You just stare up at the empty sky. And press your shaking hand over your heart.
-
You fake calm.
You smile when Jimmy slaps your shoulder and says something about getting the footage up by morning. You nod through Lois’s sharp-eyed stare and mutter something about your deadline, your byline, your blood sugar—anything to get her to stop watching you like she knows what you’re not saying.
But the second you’re alone?
You run. It’s not a sprint, not really. Just that jittery, full-body urgency—the kind that makes your hands shake and your legs move faster than your thoughts can follow. You don’t remember the trip home. Just the chaos of your own pulse, the way your chest won’t stop aching.
You replay the scene again and again in your mind: his landing, the blood on his lip, the flicker of pain when he looked at you. That not-quite smile. That nearly imperceptible tremble.
You’d never wanted to hold someone more in your life.
And when you reach your door, keys fumbling, heart still hammering? He’s already there.
You pause halfway through the doorway.
He’s standing in your living room, like he’s been waiting hours. He’s not in the suit. No cape. No crest. Just a plain black T-shirt and flannel pajama pants, his hair still damp like he just showered.
He looks like Clark. Except… tonight you know there’s no difference.
“Hi,” he says quietly. His voice is soft. Familiar. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
You blink. “Did you break through my patio door?”
He winces. “Yes. Sort of.”
You lift a brow. “You owe me a new lock.”
“It doesn’t work like that.” He says with a roll of his eyes.
A silence stretches between you. It’s not tense. Not angry. Just full of everything neither of you said earlier.
He takes a step toward you, then stops. “How long have you known?”
You drop your keys in the bowl by the door and toe off your shoes before answering. “Since the lamp. And the candle,” you say. “But… mostly tonight.”
He nods like that hurts. Like he wishes he could’ve done better. Like he wishes he could’ve told you in some perfect, movie-moment way.
“I didn’t want you to find out like that,” he says quietly.
You walk to the couch and sit, your limbs finally catching up to the adrenaline crash still sweeping through you. “I’m glad I found out at all.”
That’s what makes him move. He sinks down beside you, hands on his knees. You can see it in his profile—the exhaustion, the regret, the weight he’s been carrying for so long. You’re not sure he’s ever looked more human.
“I’ve been hiding so long,” he says, voice barely above a whisper. “I forgot how to be seen. And with you… I didn’t want to lie. But I didn’t want to lose it either. I didn’t want to lose you.”
Your throat tightens. “You won’t,” you say. And you mean it.
His head turns then, slowly, eyes meeting yours like he’s trying to memorize your face from this distance. You don’t look away.
When he kisses you, it’s not careful. It’s not shy. It’s like something breaks open inside him—softly. The dam finally giving way.
His hands cradle your face like you’re something he’s terrified to shatter but needs to feel. His mouth is hot and open, reverent, desperate in the way it deepens. He kisses like he’s anchoring himself to the earth through your lips. Like everything in him is still shaking from battle and you’re the only thing that still feels real.
You reach for him. Thread your fingers into his hair. Pull him closer.
It builds like a slow swell—hands tangling, breathing harder, heat coiling low in your stomach. He pushes you back gently against the cushions, his body moving over yours with careful precision. Not to pin. Just to hold.
You feel it in every motion: the restraint. The effort. He could crush steel and he’s using that strength to cradle your ribs.
He undresses you with reverence. His fingers tremble when they touch your bare skin. Not from hesitation—but because he’s finally allowed to want. To have. To be seen.
You undress him too. That soft black T-shirt comes off first. Then the flannel. His chest is mottled with bruises, a dark one blooming across his side where that alien creature must’ve hit him. Your fingertips trace the edge of it.
He exhales, shaky. But he doesn’t stop you.
You’re straddling his lap before you realize it, chest to chest, foreheads pressed together.
“Are you scared?” he whispers.
Your thumb brushes his cheek. “Never of you.”
He kisses you again—slower this time. More control, but more depth too. His hands glide down your back and settle at your hips, thumbs pressing into your skin like he needs the reminder that you’re here. That you chose this.
The rest unfolds like prayer. The way he touches you—thorough, patient, hungry—it’s worship. Every gasp you make pulls a soft, broken sound from his throat. Every arch of your back makes his eyes flutter shut like he’s overwhelmed by the sight of you. The way he moves inside you is deep and aching and full of something larger than either of you.
Not rough. But desperate. Raw. True.
And even when he falters—when his hands grip too tight or the air warms just a little too fast—you hold his face and whisper, “I know. It’s okay. I want all of you.” And he gives it. All of him. Until the only thing either of you can do is fall apart. Together.
Later, when you’re curled up on the couch in a tangle of limbs and quiet breathing, he rests his forehead against your temple.
The city buzzes somewhere far away.
He whispers into your skin: “Next time… don’t let me fly off like that.”
Your smile is soft, tired. “Next time, come straight to me.”
He nods, eyes already fluttering shut.
And finally, for the first time since this began—you both sleep without secrets between you.
-
You wake to sunlight. Not loud, not harsh—just soft beams slipping through the blinds, spilling across the floor, warming the space where your bare shoulder meets the sheets. You blink slowly, the weight of sleep still thick behind your eyes, and shift just slightly in the tangle of limbs wrapped around you. He doesn’t stir. Not even a little.
Clark is still curled around you like the night never ended—his chest at your back, legs tangled with yours, one arm snug around your waist and the other folded up against your ribs, fingers resting over your heart like he’s guarding it in his sleep.
You don’t move. You can’t. Because it’s perfect. You let your cheek rest against his arm, warm and solid beneath you, and you just listen—to the steady rhythm of his heart, to the rise and fall of his breathing, to the way the silence doesn’t feel empty anymore. You don’t know if you’ve ever felt more grounded than you do right now, held like this. It isn’t the cape. It isn’t the flight. It isn’t the power that quiets the noise in your chest.
It’s him. Just Clark. And for once, you don’t need anything else.
He stumbles into the kitchen half an hour later in your robe. Your actual, honest-to-god, fuzzy gray robe. It’s oversized on you, which means it fits him like a second skin—belt tied loose at the hips, collar gaping just enough to make you lose your train of thought. His hair is a mess, sticking up in soft black tufts. His glasses are nowhere to be found. He scratches the back of his neck, blinking at the cabinets like he’s not entirely sure how kitchens work.
You lean against the counter with your arms folded, watching him with open amusement. “You own too much flannel.”
Clark glances over, eyes squinting against the light. “I’ll have you know, that robe is a Metropolis winter essential.”
“You’re bulletproof.”
“I get cold emotionally.”
You snort. “You’re such a menace in the morning.”
“And yet,” he says, opening the fridge and retrieving eggs with the careful precision of someone who’s clearly trying not to break them with super strength, “you let me stay.”
You grin. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”
He burns the first pancake. Which is honestly impressive, considering you weren’t even sure it was physically possible for someone with super speed and heat vision to ruin breakfast. But he flips it too fast—like way too fast—and the thing launches halfway across the skillet before folding in on itself and sizzling dramatically.
You raise an eyebrow. Clark stares down at the pancake like it betrayed him. “I didn’t account for surface tension.”
“Did you just say ‘surface tension’ while making pancakes?”
“I’m a complex man,” he says solemnly.
You lean over and pluck a piece of fruit from the cutting board he forgot he was slicing. “You’re a menace and a dork.”
He pouts. Full, actual pout. Then shuffles over and kisses your shoulder. “I’ll get better with practice.”
You roll your eyes. But your skin’s still buzzing where his lips brushed it.
Later, you sit on the counter while he stands between your knees, coffee in one hand, the other resting warm on your thigh. It’s quiet. Not awkward or forced—just soft. Full of little glances and sips and contented silence. There’s no fear in him now. No carefully placed pauses. No skirting around things. He just… is. Clark Kent. The boy who spilled coffee on your notes three times. The man who kept writing to you in secret even when you didn’t see him.
“You’re not what I expected,” you say, fingers brushing his arm.
He lifts an eyebrow. “Oh?”
“I don’t know. I guess I thought Superman would be… shinier. Less flannel. More invincible.”
“Are you saying I’m not shiny enough for you?”
“I’m saying you’re better.”
He blinks. And then—just like that—he smiles. Not the bashful one. Not the public one. The real one. Small and warm and honest. The kind of smile you only give someone when you feel safe. And maybe that’s what this is now. Safety. Not the absence of danger—but the presence of someone who will always come back.
His communicator buzzes from somewhere in the bedroom. Clark lets out the most exhausted groan you’ve ever heard and buries his face in your shoulder like it’ll make the world go away.
“You have to go?” you ask gently, threading your fingers through his hair.
“Soon.”
“You’ll come back?”
He lifts his head. Meets your eyes. “Every time.”
You kiss him then—slow and deep and familiar now. The kind of kiss that tastes like mornings and memory and maybe something closer to forever. He kisses you back like he already misses you. And when he finally pulls away and disappears into the sky outside your window—less streak of light, more quiet parting—you just stand there for a moment. Barefoot. Wrapped in your robe. Heart full.
You’re about to start cleaning up the kitchen when you see it. A post-it note, stuck to the fridge. Just a small square of yellow. Written in the same handwriting you could spot anywhere now.
“You always look soft in the mornings. I like seeing you like this.”
—C.K.
You read it three times. Then you smile. You walk to the cabinet above the sink, open the door—and stick it right next to all the others. The secret ones. The old ones. The ones that helped you feel seen before you even knew whose eyes were watching.
And now you know. Now you see him too.
All of him.
And you wouldn’t trade it for anything.
-
tags: @eeveedream m @anxiousscribbling @pancake-05 @borhapparker @dreammiiee @benbarnesprettygurl @insidethegardenwall @butterflies-on-my-ashes s @maplesyrizzup @rockwoodchevy @jasontoddswhitestreak @loganficsonly @overwintering-soldier @hits-different-cause-its-you @eclipsedplanet @wordacadabra @itzmeme e @cecesilver @crisis-unaverted-recs @indigoyoons @chili4prez @thetruthisintheirdreams @ethanhoewke (<— it wouldn’t let me tag some blogs I’m so sorry!!)
when would jack stutter, have to catch his breath? whether it be something he sees, hears, smells. what makes him take pause?
Jack Abbot doesn’t stutter for effect. He doesn’t lose his words in arguments or get flustered in tension. He was trained—trained—to speak clearly through chaos. To radio for medevac while pressure-wrapping a wound with one hand. To give the date, time, and morphine dose to a nineteen-year-old he was holding together by sheer will while bullets cracked overhead. Words, for Jack, have always been tools. Precise. Tactical. Controlled.
So when Jack stutters, it’s never performance. It’s never dramatics. It’s malfunction. It means something short-circuited so violently inside him that all his practiced scripts—the field medic instincts, the ER attending cadence, the gallows humor—all of it collapses under the weight of something real.
It’s not trauma that makes him pause. He’s acclimated to that. It’s gentleness. It’s earnestness. It's the things no one ever trained him to survive.
It starts small.
You’re in his kitchen one morning, still in sleep clothes. No makeup. You open the fridge and mutter, “We need more eggs.” Not he needs. Not you need. We.
Jack freezes.
Just for a second. Just long enough that the corner of the coffee filter burns.
Because he’s spent years learning how to survive alone. Alone is safe. Alone is math he can do. But we? We is dangerous. We has loss baked into it.
So when you say something that sounds like permanence without even realizing it, Jack looks down at the mug in his hand like he forgot how it got there.
“You okay?” you ask, still rummaging.
“Yeah, I just—” He exhales, blinks. “I—uh, it’s—fine.”
It’s not the word he’s fumbling over. It’s the feeling.
Then it escalates.
You wear his sweatshirt to the grocery store and complain about the sleeves being too long. You say it in passing—no agenda, no performance. Just an offhanded “How the hell do your arms fit in this thing?”
Jack laughs. He nods. He goes quiet.
And later, when you’re brushing your teeth, he stands in the doorway, arms crossed, watching you like he’s never seen anything more disarming.
“You know you, uh—” He pauses. Swallows. “You look good in that.”
And that stutter? It’s not nerves. It’s not lust. It’s ache. It’s how dare you look like home in my clothes when I never thought I’d have one again. It’s him tasting the fact that someone might love him with the lights on. With the ghosts still in the room.
But the worst of it—the deepest malfunction—is when you touch the part of him he hides.
It’s a Tuesday. You’re lying in bed. Jack’s out of the shower, towel around his waist, residual steam curling off his shoulders. You’re half asleep when he climbs in, careful, always careful. The prosthetic is off. His right leg ends below the knee, the skin there pale, uneven in tone, scarred in a way that doesn’t fade with time.
You don’t flinch. You never have.
You roll over, press your face into his chest, and—without thinking—run your hand down his thigh and stop at the point where flesh becomes absence. Where history lives in muscle memory.
He draws in a sharp breath—sudden, ragged—like it knocked the wind out of him.
“Sorry,” you whisper, pulling back.
But he grabs your wrist. Not to stop you. To ground himself. To hold the moment in place.
“No, I—” His voice cracks. The words don’t follow. “It’s not—I just—” He blinks fast, jaw twitching. “I wasn’t—expecting that.”
Because what you touched wasn’t just skin. It was the thing he’s ashamed of needing love through. The thing people look at and get polite. The thing strangers pretend not to notice. The thing he never believed could be part of desire. And you just touched it like it was his. Like it was safe.
That’s when Jack stutters.
When you make the part of him he’s spent years compartmentalizing feel not just accepted—but wanted.
But maybe the most dangerous kind of stutter—the kind that ruins him—isn’t even about touch.
It’s when you fight.
Not over something petty. Something real. Something that threatens the fragile trust he’s learning to build. Maybe you accuse him of shutting you out again. Of pulling back every time things get too close. And you’re right. You’re so right it guts him.
He raises his voice. Snaps something defensive. His default. Control the room. Win the logic. Out-talk the fear.
But then you say it.
“Jack, you don’t have to be perfect to be loved.”
And that sentence? That sentence breaks him.
Not because of what it is.
Because of what it isn’t.
It isn’t a demand. It isn’t a plea. It’s grace. Unconditional. Unflinching. And it makes no goddamn sense to a man who’s only ever been valued for what he can fix, what he can endure, what he can sacrifice.
So he stares at you.
“You don’t—” His voice falters. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I do,” you whisper.
And he stutters. He turns away. Rubs his jaw. Blinks hard.
Because he wants to believe you. More than anything. But his nervous system doesn’t know how to file that truth under anything but threat.
He says, “I just—” and never finishes.
Because he can’t.
Because it’s too much.
Because your love is louder than his guilt, and that is a sound Jack Abbot doesn’t know how to live through.
That’s when he stutters.
When you say something that unravels the wire he’s been holding himself together with since the war. Since the job started asking more than he had to give and he gave it anyway.
When you look at him like he is not a burden. Like he is allowed to stay.
Carmy x female reader, the beef era, I have no real knowledge of how a restaurant works lol, original character towards the middle ish with Jensen Ackles in mind, Richie being Richie, Carmy gets jealous and over thinks.
Walking into The Beef with noise-canceling headphones and the usual scowl on your face wasn’t what alarmed Carmy. It wasn’t the lack of greetings or eye contact. That was normal. You usually only spoke to the others when you got to your station and got situated for service. It was the look in your eyes. It was blank. Almost empty.
“Ay-yo, Sebastian! You owe me five bucks!” Richie yelled from the front of the house. You two were friends. Great friends. Carmy always wondered how that started, and why you guys call each other different names almost daily. Today, you were Sebastian. What are you going to call Richie today? Yesterday, he was Vanessa.
Carmy could hear Fak from the dining area warn Richie.
“Dude? Didn’t you learn from last time?” He said, peeking through the window.
You came in last week, and Fak and Richie started bombarding you with questions about which one of them would win Survivor. Carmy could still picture the look on your face as they yelled in your ears. Deadpan and irritated, you said,
“If the both of you don’t get out of my fucking face in two seconds, I’m shoving my knife so far up your asses you’re gonna taste the metal in your fucking mouths.”
Carmy laughed to himself but quickly stopped when you turned to him and glared. Tina had to come in and set everybody straight.
“For what?” You were putting things into your locker.
Richie gave Fak one of those looks,
“The game! Your fucking loser Giants lost!”
Carmy found out that you were from San Francisco when you got a notification on your phone from the SF Chronicles.
He was impressed that you had a subscription to a newspaper.
He stalked your Instagram when he came back from New York after Mikey.
“You know what, Rebecca? I’m gonna keep my five dollars 'cause I never agreed to that fuckin' bet in the first place.”
Rebecca. Richie laughed, stormed into the kitchen, leaned on the counter, and started yapping.
“Okay, Chef’s! We’re opening in 15. Syd- Brigade, remember? Tina, I need you on vegetable prep. Ebra, you’re on meat. Marcus, I can’t have dry bread again, please. Cousin, get back to your station. Jesus. Umm, Y/N, can you come to my office real quick?”
The cooks made it feel like you were headed to the principal's office. Carmy sits in his stained office chair and runs a hand through his hair.
“I noticed you’ve been a bit slower on dinner service.” He’s fidgeting with the cord on the phone. You’re standing in front of him, all your weight on your left hip.
“Sorry, Chef. Won’t happen again.” You said. There was a slight tone he picked up. Tired or annoyed. He couldn’t tell.
“You okay?” He cares for all his employees. Carmy knows late nights and early mornings in a restaurant better than anyone.
“I’m good, Chef. Thanks. I’ll pick up the pace.” You say as you’re already out of the office.
Richie was outside eavesdropping the whole time,
“Cousin, you never personally ask me if I’m okay.” He pouts.
“Shut up, get back to work,” he said, walking past him.
Syd’s station was already prepped and was doing rounds. You sighed, already knowing what she was gonna say.
“Y/N, your sauce was good yesterday, but had too much salt.”
Technically, you’re not in charge of sauce. At your last job, you were just a regular line cook. Ever since Carmy started running things, he’s been on everyone’s asses on stations and positions. Syd is enforcing that even harder now that she’s sous chef.
“Heard, Chef.” You’d fight it like any other cook in the business most of the time, defending your cooking like it was your dying breath, but today, you didn’t. Something was wrong.
If Richie and Carmy weren’t yelling across the room, you and Richie would be going at it. If it wasn’t Richie you were fighting, it was Ebra (most of the time, it's you making fun of him for being old). Sometimes, when Fak was there, you gave him shit. You being this quiet was worrisome for everyone.
“Mama, you been gettin’ enough sleep?” Tina worried.
You took a deep breath, trying not to burst into flames at her asking you.
“Yeah, I’m good. Tina, I promise.” You smiled.
Breakfast service wasn’t typically bad or hard to get through. Unless it was busier than usual, you just couldn’t get it together. Bumping into Ebra twice, almost knocking one of the pans off the stove.
“Sebastian! I needed those fries for #12 like yesterday!” Richie yelled.
“Y/N, fire two more beefs.”
“I need the sauce for #9.”
“Behind!”
Working in a restaurant is chaotic. Everyone knew that.
“Y/N! These aren’t cooked, what the fuck are you doing?!” Richie’s voice was starting to get on your nerves.
You open the door to the walk-in, not listening to the noise and the constant calling of your name.
A clash vibrated through the building, and Carmy was trying to take a backseat, preparing deliveries and orders for the week.
The stock spilled all over the walk-in, and you were soaked.
“Jesus fucking christ.” You said defeated.
You’re standing there covered in beef stock and pieces of onion skin stuck to your cheek. Richie was laughing and trying to get a picture when Syd yelled for everyone to return to work and scrambled to get their orders done. Marcus was trying to help you out of the walk-in without slipping, and Tina was getting paper towels,
“Y/N, you good?” Everyone is asking you, laughing, and making jokes.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP PLEASE! I CAN CLEAN IT UP MYSELF.”
“Get back to work, Chefs,” Carmy intervened.
“I got it, Chef, get yourself cleaned up.”
You just walked straight out to the back and crouched with your hands over your face, trying to keep yourself from crying. Smelling like onions and celery, you pulled a half-soaked cigarette from your pocket.
“Y/N. If you need a day off- take it,” He crouches beside you, offering a fresh cig from his pack.
“I don’t need a day off,” you said, taking the nasty habit you picked up from Mikey to your lips. Carmy lighting it up for you.
“You’re struggling today, we can see it. We all have bad days, chef.”
“Try bad week,” You laugh.
Carmy knows bad weeks. Bad months. Bad years. He starts getting flashbacks to his French Laundry days. The late nights and overbearing white kitchen haunt him at this very moment.
“Talk to me,” Carmy said softly.
You take a deep breath and chuckle,
“My car is in the shop and won’t be fixed until two weeks from now. My apartment is infested with roaches, my shower isn’t draining correctly, my plants are dying, I haven’t had a meal that has any nutritional value in days, I can’t sleep, I’m overstimulated and annoyed all the time, and the only thing getting me through the day is just being here at The Beef. Still, I can’t even get anything right here either. I literally smell like beef, and I’m yapping to my boss like a baby.”
Carmy is staring at his shoe, taking in all the information you dumped on him. There’s an uncomfortable silence.
“How are you?” You asked, gazing up at the clear Chicago sky, desperately trying to get rid of the awkwardness.
Carmy doesn’t remember the last time he’s been asked that with a genuine intention of knowing how he’s doing. You knew exactly what he was going through; everybody did. It’s hard not to know.
“Well, service just started, and we’re already behind. N-not because of you or anything.” He nervously tried to backtrack.
“Our shipment of meat was delayed, so the beef we have is all we have for two days-”
“Not about The Beef. How are you doing?” You’re looking at him now—same tired, sad look as when you came in.
“Me?” Why'd he say that, he thought to himself.
“Mhmm,” taking a drag from your cigarette.
“I’m hanging on. Sugar wants me to go to this AA thing.”
“I miss Nat,”
He forgot that you’ve been at The Beef longer than he has. He forgets that you knew Mikey better than he did.
“We should get back,” he said, wiping his hands on his pants as he got up.
The rest of your shift went as smoothly as it could. Mr. Bishop (your favorite regular) came in looking for you, got his usual number 6 and coffee, and sat in his favorite booth. There was no more knocking over pots, and you managed to get all your prep done for tomorrow, too.
Syd and Tina gave you a pep talk afterward, saying that tomorrow will be better. Ebra gave you one of those hugs only a loving father can give. Richie offered to give you a ride home despite his license being suspended, and Marcus gave you a brownie.
Before you left for the day, Carmy walked out of the office and leaned on the door frame.
“Let me give you a ride.” It wasn’t even 10 pm, and trains were still running.
“I’m not taking no for an answer,” Carmy said seriously.
“Heard.” You whispered.
You waited for him to get his jacket and lock up. Then, you followed him to his car a block away from the restaurant. His car was old, like, no leather seats, and old-school console type of old. You quickly typed in your address into his beat-up phone and just coasted in the silence.
“This isn’t the way to my place, Carm.” You frantically shift in the passenger seat. You’re at a Target parking lot.
“I know, I just need to get a few things.”
The fluorescent lights were blinding you. He took a shopping cart, and you reluctantly followed him around the store.
The cart squeaked through the relatively quiet store, and when you reached the aisle where they sell shower drains, the radio played 2000s pop songs.
He picks one up without a word, and you don’t question it. Exhausted and dissociating. He aimlessly walks to the pest aisle and grabs a bottle of roach spray.
He grabs laundry detergent and a pack of boxers for himself. You wander into the frozen pizza aisle and grab one for yourself, and he gets a pack of beer. It feels so domestic, like you’ve both done this together before. You pay for the pizza, and he pays for everything else.
“I wanna fix your apartment, if that’s okay with you?” he says, putting the stuff into the trunk.
“You really don’t have to, Carmy.” Protesting in exhaustion.
“I want to.” He wants to fix your apartment for you.
The drive to your apartment wasn’t awkward. It was peaceful. You’ve never been alone with him for more than five minutes, so this should be weird.
You take the elevator to your floor and walk a short distance to your door. A welcome mat is in front of the unit, and the dead plants are just sitting out.
“Make yourself at home, I guess,” you said, taking off your jacket and shoes. Carmy did the same and left his Birkenstocks by the door.
“This is a great place.” You had a red thrifted couch and a big fluffy rug. Pictures of you and your friends were on the wall. A shelf covered with books and more pictures. He noticed you didn’t have a suspicious number of cookbooks like he does. Instead, it’s Penguin Classics with Post-it notes tagged throughout. Sci-fi books, fantasy, romance, and non-fiction were also on your shelf. Anthony Bourdain had his dedicated shelf (I guess those count as cookbooks).
You had a record player and stacks of vinyl records on the floor. Your kitchen was a lot nicer than his. You had a good coffee maker but an old toaster.
He’s sitting at the island counter while you’re in your room. He can see the posters from where he’s sitting and the mirror in the corner of your room reflecting you taking off your chef's coat. He reminds himself that he’s being a creep.
“I appreciate you doing this, Carm. Saved me a phone call with my landlord.”
“You’d do the same for me,” he replied.
You pop your head through the door and furrow your eyebrows,
“Really?” you laugh. It's the first time you laughed, he notes.
You grab him a cup of water, tie your hair in a bun, and beeline to the record player.
“Guests can pick the music,” you gesture to the albums, and he runs a hand over his face nervously. Carmy gets up from his seat and over to you, sits on the floor, and looks through your collection.
“Why do I feel like this is a test?” He chuckles.
“Because it is,” You said while putting the previous record away.
His calloused fingers run through the aged vinyl slips and pick out Fleetwood Mac.
“Good choice.”
Carmy silently watched as you, put the plaque on the turntable and gently put the needle onto the grooves. The song began to play.
“I didn’t know you collected.” He said.
“Yeah, I started when I was in middle school. It was a pain in the ass getting them here.”
Right. You’re from California.
“Why’d you move out here?” He asks.
“Umm. I’m not really close with my family anymore, and I have friends that go to school here. I mean, I love San Francisco, but I felt like I had some growing up to do. You know,” You said getting up from the floor.
You’re rummaging through the Target bag, grabbing the frozen pizza, and prepping the oven.
It’s funny, you’re chefs but don’t always eat the most extraordinary things.
Carmy is just watching you, watching you in your home. He starts to second-guess why he’s there in the first place. He’s beginning to wonder why you haven’t been mean to him.
“I’ll get started on that drain,” he said, getting up from the rug.
You nod your head and just scramble a few plates together.
Your bathroom had candles and orange shower curtains. There was a pumpkin-shaped bath mat, and it smelled exactly like how he imagined it to smell. Your shampoo—the one he’d been smelling for the past few months, but he couldn’t quite place what it was. Apple and Honey. He took mental note of it.
He pulled back the curtain to see the shower, which had dried eucalyptus leaves hanging from the head. Your body wash was on the floor, and there was a pool of water.
He knelt on the floor, put the drain tool down the drain, and started moving it. It was a lot harder than he thought.
You stood by the door frame, watching him try to unclog your shower. You could have done it yourself, but you wouldn’t have refused free service.
You never noticed how long Carmy’s hair was getting or how his tattoos shifted when he moved his arms. His white signature T-shirt was riding up a little bit.
“You doin’ alright?” You finally asked.
“Yup- I think I got most of it.” He grunted.
He could hear you laughing at him. Now that he thinks about it, this is weird. He’s your boss. This is something a boyfriend should do, or a boy-friend—aka Richie or Fak or even Marcus. The two of you aren’t friends.
The two of you can hear the water finally slosh its way through the drain,
“I think it should be good now.” He wipes sweat off his face onto his shoulder.
“Good, great! Thank you, Carm.” You pat his back hesitantly.
It was nearing midnight. You and Carm are sitting on the red couch. You decided to open a bottle of wine, and an album that Carmy had never heard of was on.
“You’ve been working for The Beef for four years now?” He asked, glancing over at you.
You sip your wine and nod your head,
“Yeah, I moved here right after I graduated college. Saw a help wanted sign and applied.”
He gave you a look like he was trying to imagine you four years ago. He wanted to ask you what it was like working with Mikey. There was something in him that he didn’t want to know.
“How’d you and Richie become friends?”
“You think me and Richie are friends?” you laugh. Not thinking that Carmy was serious,
“Ummm, I don’t know. He’s funny, and he makes me laugh. I used to babysit when he and Tiff were still together.” Carmy nods twice.
You wanted to ask him to stay over, but it was almost one in the morning. You didn’t.
“Shit, I should go.” Carmy looked at his phone. Realizing he’s overstayed his welcome.
He put his glass and plate in the sink. (That was very considerate of him.) He then slipped his jacket on, and as he was putting on his shoes, you gave him a hug.
Carmen is frozen. His breathing stops, and without even knowing, he puts his arms around your waist. He doesn’t even remember the last time he hugged someone. Your breathing syncs, and you can feel his heartbeat,
“Thank you, Carmen. I mean it.” You whisper.
What is going on? His head isn’t even thinking anymore; he’s only focusing on that you’re hugging him right now. It feels like a lifetime. He’s engulfed in your scent and the warmth of your hands, making him dizzy.
“Anytime, Chef.”
He leaves.
When Carmy got to his apartment, it was cold—unlike yours. It was bare and colorless. He plops onto his bed and replays the night over and over again until he falls asleep at the thought of you.
〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰〰
The next morning, he woke up later than he would’ve wanted. Quickly hopping into the shower, got dressed and jogged to his car. He got a whiff of your shampoo on his jacket and in his car.
What the fuck, Carmy? She’s your employee. He thought.
When he got to The Beef, you were already there. Headphones on, tapping your foot to whatever you were listening to.
“Carmy! I was able to get hold of another shipment; it should be here in an hour.” Syd cheerily said.
The chef quickly nods as he washes his hands,
“Yeah, that’s great, Syd. Umm, breakfast service starts in 30 is everyone good?”
Syd tells him that Marcus’s bread mixer isn’t working again, and Ebra will be late. Angel and Manny will also be late, and Tina has to redo her onion prep because Richie knocked it over in the walk-in.
Carmy can feel his blood pressure rising,
“What about Y/N?” He unconsciously asks.
Syd’s eyes grow wide, kind of shocked even to hear your name come out of his mouth,
“Yeah, she’s good. She has everything ready to go. She can take over Ebra’s station till he gets back.”
“No, I’ll do it.” Carmy insisted.
Syd’s following him around the kitchen like a sick puppy,
“I’ll do family, too.” He added.
A million thoughts are running through Sydney’s mind, but she doesn’t question it.
You were feeling a hundred times better than you did yesterday. You could finally shower without having a pool of cloudy, murky water up to your calves, and you haven’t seen roaches crawl up your sink. The car shop called to say they could get your car done on the weekend, and you had a good breakfast. Your bad week is officially looking up. All because your boss came over and sorted it out for you.
“Hey-” Carmy tapped your shoulders and pointed to your headphones.
“Oh- right! Sorry.” You could swear there was a smile on his face just then.
“Uh, whatcha listen’ to?” Small talk- great, Carmy was making small talk. This was basically flirting to him. Small talk with anyone who had nothing to do with food was his horrible attempt at flirting.
“Beyonce.” Carmy was expecting some obscure band he’s never heard of, hoping he could ask you about it and talk more. Ask you if you want to go to the local record store and browse. Ask you if he could come over again.
Shut the fuck up, Carmen.
“Cousin! Get this- so I was driving, right?” Richie bursts through the kitchen doors.
“Isn’t your license like expired?” You question.
“Suspended, but that’s not the point. I fuckin’ saw -fuckin’ Cousin Stanley! He was walking, and I rolled down my window, called him while I was fuckin’ floorin’ it. Heh- he finally saw me, he’s fuckin’ bald as shit now, Carm.” Richie rambled.
Carmy doesn’t remember cousin Stanley. He doesn’t know why Richie is even telling this story. He’s looking at him through his brows.
“Ew! Cousin Stanley’s bald?!” You exclaimed.
Of course, you know who fucking Cousin Stanley is, and he doesn’t. Carmy walks away as the two of you continue talking shit about this cousin he can’t place. It doesn’t sit right with him now; you know so much of his life because of Mikey.
The ballbreaker game is broken, and it keeps repeating the same thing over and over again. Frustrated, he pushes the front house door.
“NO!” Everyone said simultaneously.
He knows what everyone is going to say next,
You unplug it; it won’t work again.
Carmy pulls his phone out of his pocket to call Fak to come in and fix it for the millionth time when he feels a hand on his shoulder.
“I know someone who can actually fix it,” You said softly.
The stressed-out, red-faced chef just nods.
You make the call, and in 20 minutes or so, someone comes in, calling out your real name. Not the countless nicknames they call you. He is tall and has a full beard and a mullet. He wears dark double denim; it’s vintage, Carmy notes in his head, is tailored and straight cut, and he wears cowboy boots.
“Raphy!” You practically screamed. (Raphy is Jensen Ackles)
Who the fuck is Raphy? What the fuck is a Raphy? What kind of name is Raphy? How the hell do you know this guy? He’s like 45! He’s good-looking and wearing good-quality denim. Carmy’s unexplainably jealous.
“Carm- this is my, umm, my friend Raphael. He owns a repair business,” You’re smiling from ear to ear.
“Hi. I usually do motorcycle restorations. She’s exaggerating.” Fuck, his voice is exactly what he thought it would sound like.
“Raphael?! My guy! Where the hell have you been?” Great- Richie knows him, too.
“Richie- good to see you, man.” Carmy hates this guy already.
You and Raphael met through Mikey. He had a phase where he wanted to buy this old BMW R 18. Raphael helped you move into your apartment, gave you rides whenever you needed them, and introduced you to some good music.
For some reason, he was also a perfect handyman. You fell out of touch for a bit when Mikey died.
“Chef, I’ve done most of my prep. Is it cool if I stay out here for a bit?” You're asking him if you could be here with this Raphy guy instead of in his kitchen, where he can awkwardly stand beside you while you both work. He wants to say no, but he says yes.
“Yeah just make sure he fixes this shit.”
“Not much of a talker?” Raphael asks. You pat his shoulder and shake your head.
“That’s Mikey’s little brother? Doesn’t really look like him-” Richie then starts laughing.
Carmen can hear you laugh from his office, and he can listens to that guy in his restaurant tell you how good you’ve been looking. About how you should’ve called him about your shower. Fuck him! I fixed it. I did that. Carmy thought.
“Chef, are you okay?” Sydney’s holding her clipboard to her chest, not wanting to know the answer to her question.
“Yeah. I’m good, Chef.” He’s lying straight through his teeth.
He really shouldn’t be bothered by this. You’re not friends. He spent one night over at your apartment to help. That’s it. He is your boss, nothing more.
Finally, the ballbreaker song is back to normal. The clinking of Raphael’s tools stops, and you no longer giggle like a schoolgirl. Richie is back on the register. A sigh of relief washes over him when he hears the bell and the door shut.
You walk back into the kitchen with a grin and rosier cheeks than when he saw you last.
“Raphy was here?” Tina said, disappointed. Cool, so everyone knows this guy.
You smile and mouth an excited ‘yeah.’
“If I wasn’t married- ooh the things I would do,” Tina says in a sing-songy way.
Which garners a look from a very disturbed Marcus and Ebra. Syd is now curious and disappointed she didn’t look when she could. Carmy looks at you and sees you cheesing from ear to ear.
“Me too. ME TOO.” Tina laughs at your comment.
“Yo, David! Keep it in your pants, wouldya?” Richie said.
“Oh, please! Like you wouldn’t do him too if you were a girl??!” You replied.
Carmy leaves and takes a much-needed smoke break. Does Sugar know him? He wants to ask Tina who this guy is and why everyone but him knows him. He doesn't. He takes one last drag, throws it on the floor, and stomps on it.
The commotion over the hot motorcycle restorer has died down. The normal ebb and flow of a Chicago kitchen is back in motion, and everyone gets back to work.
Nothing shitty or unusual happens for the rest of service and Carmy is making everyone scrub the interior with toothbrushes and sponges.
Some random playlist is on, and you can feel everyone's exhaustion radiating off them like sweat.
Sweeps breaks the ice.
"It was good seeing Raphael again, huh?" Awesome. Carmy had temporarily forgotten about him while scrubbing the buildup on the stove's vent.
"He looks good. Healthy." Ebra adds.
"Who is he?" Carmy finally asks.
"Me and Mikey's other best friend. We were like two peas in a pod!" Richie snorts.
"Shouldn't it be the three musketeers?" Syd's eyeballs him.
Best friend? Mikey has other best friends who didn't always linger around the family?
"Yeah?" he replies.
"They met at this thing- a flea market?" Tina inquires.
"Estate sale." You say without missing a beat.
"I went with Mikey. He was obsessed with finding vintage shirts. Raphy was there looking for umm, what was it? Boots! Cowboy boots." You remember.
"You have a crush on em?" His intrusive thoughts got the better of him. Richie purses his lips together and does a lock and key motion.
"No! I mean, he's hot, but dude, come on?" Carmy hates that—the word hot coming out of your mouth in any other context than pots and stoves.
"I think you have a crush on him, or at least had a crush on him," Syd said.
"I remember the next day Mikey came in and started making fun of you cause you were basically drooling over him." Marcus laughs from across the room.
"I remember that too!" Sweeps adds.
"Wouldn't stop talking about him," Manny replies from the back.
You didn't mind everyone making fun of you; it was a silly moment in your life. It would have been even worse if Mikey had been there in person to reenact everything.
"He's not married?" Syd asks.
Please be married. Please be married with 4 kids. Please be in a loving happy marriage with his high school sweetheart. Carmen begged.
"He is uh- widowed." You said emphasizing the widow.
Fuck.
The rest of the night consisted of anecdotes of Mikey's life that Carmy would never have heard of otherwise. Tina's the first one to clock out, then the dishwashers, then Sweeps, and Marcus, Richie says his goodbyes, Syd punches out, and so does Ebra.
You stayed back. Sweeping the floor one last time, Carmy walked into the office. His head was hurting. Maybe it was from dehydration? Hunger? The chemicals he poured over the entire kitchen in an attempt to get the gunk off the tile?
"I'm gonna head out." You yell out from the lockers. Carmy walks out and leans against the doorframe.
"Do you have anything in your apartment I could fix?" You're joking, but not really.
He bobs his head down and gives you a tight smile, he didn't have anything to share. Everything in his apartment worked, he didn't have relics of his past to showcase and tell stories about.
The chef shook his head, crossed his arms, and stood stoically.
"That's a shame: goodnight, Carmen. See you tomorrow," you punch your card.
"Wait!" He doesn't know what he's doing. He has nothing to talk about. There's a sour taste in his mouth still from learning about Raphael. A bitter one because evidently, you knew his brother better than him.
You look at him, anticipating,
"Are you free?" He asks.
“Right now?” You reply.
He runs a hand through his hair.
"Carm, we have work tomorrow." You remind him.
"Yeah- right. No, umm, this Saturday. Are you free?" He's shaking inside.
"I should be. Why? Did you want us to come in or?"
"There's this record store downtown. I was wondering if you wanted to go, " he blurted.
You kind of just stand there for a little bit. Shunned. Carmy's asking you to hang out outside of a work day? What's happening?
"Sure! I've been dying to do something other than cook, clean, repeat." You smile, which makes him smile.
"See you tomorrow, Chef." He says and lets you leave for the night.
Carmy couldn't stop thinking about all the things he wanted to do on your unofficial date on Saturday. His mind was reeling, and his stomach filled with butterflies he hadn't felt in so long. This consumed his every waking moment to the point that he had to force himself to sleep.
Coming in HOT with some ANGST and FLUFF, having SUCH an intense emotional fight with Carmen one night. Maybe you’re both arguing about the opening of The Bear or finances or even just with communication in your relationship, Carmen just snaps about how you weren’t always this hostile. Just losing it on him and in tears crying out “YOU LEFT!! YOU LEFT ME CARMEN!! I understand what happened with you and your brother, but you just fucking left and didn’t even say goodbye!! You know how AWFUL that made me feel?! Like all of a sudden after everything we’d been through! It was like suddenly I was another face you just cut out and forgot about. It took me MONTHS to stop even just thinking about you. And then when you came back? It was as if nothing happened, but I was SO happy you were back….and now you always act like I’m some inconvenience that’s always in the way!!!! So what do you WANT Carmen?! Do you want me to stay or is this another New York situation?”. You can see Carmen’s heart shattering in his face as he just crumbles at the end begging for forgiveness 🥲. It ends maybe with the both of you holding each other in the kitchen “I’m so sorry” “No no….it’s okay….I shouldn’t have taken it out on you like that…”
All for you
part two
this request was so good! your brain anon..😍 i hope i did it justice, this is part one of two because i always seem to be extending things that should be a one shot! i'm thinking part two should be from carm's pov? what do you guys think??
warnings: shouting, self deprecation, angst to the tenth power, no happy endings, carmen is so so so bad at communicating, unresolved tension/anger, new york carmy!
Loving Carmen was a lot of things.
It was the smoulder of colours brushed onto a canvas, it was the crash of waves in the middle of the pacific, fighting and thrashing against each other until it took you under and below. It was the spoonful of honey that eased the bitterness, it was beyond your control. A love so smouldering and bright that you didn't quite know if your heart could fit it all.
But it was also difficult, like dragging a 50 pound steel anchor every way you went. You were forever grateful to have Carmen in your life, again at least, but it wasn’t exactly like the things that he had struggled with before he wasn't struggling with even more now.
You were patient, you tried to be at least. When he wouldn’t pick up your calls for hours, when he was so caught up with work he forgot to eat, when he was so caught up with work all the last of his energy was spent on you and not himself.
You loved Carmen too hard to let him destroy himself for his work, even if he hated you for it, you couldn't watch him crumble and break from the stress of the restaurant and the overwhelming pressure he put on himself.
Especially when you saw him begin to unravel before you, melting hot wax crackling and setting form. He had begun to throw back bottles of pepto like it was water, crunching on tums like popcorn any chance he got, and it wasn't like the restaurant was doing bad, in fact it was doing amazing. Yet, it was that fact alone that made Carmen get worse, made him slip into the sinking black hole that told him one moment away from the shop, one glance off of his work and it would crumble into ash.
You had seen this in New York, where he would call you during the depths of the night, the sound of his stuttered sobs breaking any resolve you had left. You had raced to throw on a jacket and bring a pot of soup to his place even when he protested. You fed him whilst he shook against you, you whispered stories until he fell asleep, you kissed his curls.
You wondered if he knew.
You find yourself doing the same thing now, like an endless dance you both are bound to, every rational part of you wants to hate it but you can't deny the way your heart shimmers in want. Your mind moves with the familiarity of it, chasing after him like a game of cat and mouse.
Only this time you live with Carmen and not in a dingy shoebox in New York holding back every ounce of love you wanted to pour into him.
Carmen’s mind was forever connected to food, it was something so automatic it fell unconscious under his skin. You found amusement in the way he’d stand in the middle of your apartment living room in quick critic over the late night cooking shows that you would turn on whilst waiting for him to come home, or the coffee around the corner he swears isn’t actual beans.
But your soup, and anything else you made was something he had always reserved with a certain adoration. He’d whisper into the anonymity of your neck under the covers, recounting how your food was akin to a warm hug, coming home to the smell of cookies and a house of laughter and light he wished he had growing up.
You hoped he had actually eaten something today, but it was that belief that evaded your mind as quickly as it came when you reminded yourself who Carmen was. It was push and pull, and you would be damned if he didn't finish your food and then some.
Your job allowed you to work from home, and you don’t know if it was your laziness or intelligence that enabled you to make it so that you only had to work a couple hours in the day. It was sometimes strange to Carmen, how you could be able to find love and creation in something without putting everything into it.
Carmen was always watching you, he found peace in it, the moves and motions of you all over the apartment, the scent of your body wash, you toothbrush next to his, you were a movie right in front of him and he would watch you for eternity if he could.
You turn into the back of the Bear, parking between the faded white lines before turning off the engine and staying in the car for a moment. You hated the cold, and your breath had already begun to blow out misty clouds every time you exhaled. Collecting the warm container of soup and a sandwich you quickly jog towards the restaurant, taking the back door when you notice Manny leaving.
“Hey Hun, how ya doing” Manny nods towards you with a warm smile
“Hey Manny, just coming to get Carmen to eat something other than tums”
“Chef is definitely wound tight, mix up on a new delivery of some kind of fruit? Forgot the name.. It's spiky and smells like when we moved out those ovens and found those burnt onions and stock stuck to the floor” Manny replies with a wince as you both recall the devastating smell that hadn’t left your nostrils in weeks during the renovation.
“Uh, Durian?” You reply and Manny clicks his fingers at your reply.
“That's it. That mind of yours is really something. He hasn’t taken a break since the morning, but you always have a way with him” Manny raises his eyebrows and you shake your head with a laugh
You only remember that particular fruit because Carmen had been obsessing over a new menu item that included it as its main component. He had spent sleepless nights perfecting it, despite it being utterly magnificent the first try. You couldn’t shake him from his work, it could consume him for months if he let it, and you feared he was at the precipice of falling into that hole once again.
You walk through the back hallway leading up to the main kitchen, passing by the tired hunches of the shoulder dressed down in crisp white shirts and aprons. The Bear had a late start today, Sydney suggested opening a little later for a full dinner menu rather than lunch as well and the turn out had shocked you all.
It also meant Carmen came home even later than he already did during those nights, you’ve had to damn near carry him to the bath to get him to not drop dead the second he came home. You didn’t mind however, you couldn't deny the faint thrum of your heart content as you washed Carmen’s hair whilst he lay against you half asleep.
You spot Sydney at her station, and you quickly walk over to see her prepping for dinner, the swoop of her knife cutting into red meat in a kind of curve you knew she had perfected over the years.
“Hey Syd, early start?” You say, once your side by side with her
“Oh don’t remind me, can you believe the L got backed up from all the ice last night? Added a whole 45 minutes to my commute” Sydney groans out, shaking her head as she turns to you. Grateful to have a reprieve from her repetitive cutting.
“Goddam Chicago, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve got a bottle of wine with your name on it in my fridge and it is dying to be opened and shared by two very, very tired women” You reply, smiling at the way Sydney raises her eyebrows gleefully at the thought.
“I am holding you to that, as soon as we get through today. God, this new dish Carmen has thought up is kicking my ass” Sydney replies, and your ears chirp at the mention of the man you’ve been looking for.
“Speaking of Carmen, have you seen him?”
“Yeah, I think he’s still in the office, been on call with one of our vendors cause of the mix up with the--”
“Durian, yeah. Thanks Syd” You reply, giving her a nod before making your way to the hallway leading into the office.
You hear Carmen before you see him, the sound of his loud voice seeping through the cracks of the door. His voice rises as he gets more and more agitated, and you don’t miss the sound of a cup being thrown against the wall as the phone call continues, not waiting a moment before firing back muffled words you can hardly make out except
“Unprofessional” “waste of my time” “fuckin’ dick”
So yeah, you thought it was definitely a good time to walk in and get your extremely agitated boyfriend to eat your soup.
Just as you walk through the door, you see Carmen slam the phone back onto the receiver, shouting out obscenities at the object as he throws his chair back onto the floor. Years working together has made you unfazed by his outbursts of anger, though you have been sly in trying to get him to go to therapy so that he doesn't get an aneurysm over the phone with the Wifi company or something hilariously trivial.
“Hey Carm” You say, whilst closing the door, and Carmen look up at you in surprise, his features sobering, as his eyes relax into a comforting gaze.
“Ah shit, sorry bout that, just some stubborn, pig headed vendors who don’t want to fix a problem they fucking caused” Carmen replies, his chest rising rapidly as he takes sharp inhales of oxygen.
He turns to face you and you take in the sunken look of his cheeks, the skin a little discoloured like he was sick, and his hair dishevelled and falling flat against his face like he's run his hand through it too many times.
“Jesus Carmen, have you gotten any sleep?” You reply, instantly as you make your way over to him, pressing a hand on his shoulder.
Carmen shudders against your touch, shaking his head as he leans back and away from you. You stumble as you look down at your hand now inches away from his shoulder in confusion. Carmen never turned you away from him, in fact during those unforgiving times of anxiety and anguish, when he felt the entire sky falling, you would be his anchor to bring him back.
The fact that he had visibly shuddered when you touched him made your heart ache, and it hurts even more when Carmen notices, the guilt spilling into him.
“Just been so busy” Carmen replies, his eyes darting everywhere but you, as you nod with a tight smile, backing away from him.
You reach for the soup you've left on the edge, placing it on the desk and you nod to it
“Have you eaten today?” You reply and Carmen stops watching you, blinking slowly as he tries to remember the last time he's actually consumed something, before coming up empty and shaking his head up at you with a groan.
“I thought so, you need to eat Carmen, how can you expect to function let alone run a restaurant if you aren't at your optimal level” You reason, leaning against the table, with your arms crossed against your chest.
“It’s fine, I was just gonna grab something small” Carmen waves you off
“Actually, I brought you food right now so I think it would be a perfect time-
“Is that why you came? To micromanage me like some toddler” Carmen suddenly replies, his eyes narrowing as he looks at you through half lidded eyes.
“I- what? I didn’t-”
“I can run my restaurant blindfolded with my arms tied behind my back, alright? I don’t need you to come and patronise me like you know every goddamn thing” Carmen spits out, and you can't help the way your blood runs hot, the rhythmic beat of anger pounding through you like a hammer.
How fucking dare he
“Excuse me? I came here for you Carmen, not some self-righteous moment to say I'm better than you. God damnit, is that what you think? I came here to make sure you didn't faint and fall into a pot of boiling hot water” You spit out, Carmen looks up at you, hes blues swimming in ire as he lets a humour-less laugh rumble through his chest.
You felt all the things you had kept a lid on begin to tumble out of your mouth, and soon you’re anger morphed into a building current. The flashes of everything that had gone wrong, the lack of communication, the coming home late, it all has begun to accumulate rapidly and you let it consume you in its entirety.
“Sure, of course,” Carmen sings. “I’m not your fucking child alright? You are my goddamn mother so stop treating me like you need to make sure I eat 3 times a day and have my nightly bath. I’m a grown man-”
“Then ACT LIKE IT!”
Carmen looks up at you in surprise, his brows knitting as his head swivels back from your outburst. You had never screamed at him, in fact, Carmen can’t remember a time where you had screamed at anyone like you did now as you stare him down deviantly. Eyes burning with a fiery anger that begged to be stoked. Carmen knows this, your hands shake in tight fists like your seconds away from swiping him, and he resorts back to his usual self destruction of turning back and running away.
“Yeah, yeah that's right, walk away, walk away like you always do. Carmen, soon enough you're going to have to face it you know? You’re gonna have to face your fucking issues before it destroys us both” You scream, and Carmen pauses, causing you to stumble. Carmen turns around to face you in the middle of the hallway, the rush of anger present on his cheeks, causing the veins to bulge out on his neck and he looms over you
“Issues, I have fucking issues? You’re screaming at me because of goddamn soup”
“It’s more than fucking SOUP!” The screech of your voice bounced across the thin walls of the restaurant hallway, your throat begins to burn as you begin to swallow down the emotion bubbling within you. You want to reach into him and rattle his neck, force him to see the destructive path he was taking, force him to do anything but turn away and shut you out.
A quiet trepidation falls over the entire kitchen as they watch you both fight, it was unheard of, an anomaly that seemed wrong, like someone had gotten a couple from the street and put your faces on it.
Watching you both fight was like watching a performance. The way you both leaned into each other menacingly, neither of you backing down, there was an indefinite energy that bubbled between you both, you were seconds away from shocking each other or making out.
“What is it then huh? Why are you acting like this? You expect me to read your goddamn mind? You’ve changed alright? Everyone can see it, I can't even recognise the person in front of me half the time” Carmen sneers, his neck turning a crimson red as he clenches his jaw painfully. He’s holding himself back, his body shakes with it, the tight clenches of his fist stopping him from putting a hole in the wall or smashing a chair.
“I’ve changed? Me?” You cut yourself off with a chuckle, Carmen shifted his gaze as his eyebrows knot in confusion, and when you catch a glimpse of his face you can’t help the booming sound from crawling up your throat, keening over as the sick sound of laughter rocks through your body.
The rest of the team now watches on in horror, you were laughing, why are you fucking laughing?
You try and gulp down the uncontrollable fit of laughter, you can practically feel your body shift down into the jagged memories from all those years ago. From a place and time you had shuffled into a no named cabinet and thrown into the deepest depths of the ocean.
You didn’t want to remember, you begged your mind to forget, but as your laughter slips into sharp inhales, you already can taste the wetness streaming down your cheeks, and slithering down the slope of your neck.
Your sob’s rack through you, winding you until you hunched over, reaching out onto the wall to steady yourself and trying to find footing as the ground caves beneath you.
Carmen recognises it in an instant, taking a tentative step forward, raising his arms before dropping them in a second, like he was approaching a volatile animal.
“Fuck, I’m sorry I-” Carmen starts, but you’ve already raised yourself from your hunched position, the tears dripping into the linoleum floors and splashing onto your combat boots.
You didn’t want to face that time in your life again, but Carmen has practically forced you too, and there's no way in hell you weren’t going to drag him down into that bordered off well. Fuck being the bigger person.
“No no, you spoke, this is my fucking turn now” You grunt out, the rippling grief leaving your body in a flash as you sneer over him.
Carmen gulps back a retort, his mind re-circuiting, trying to figure out your polar behaviour. Carmen knew better to interrupt you now, in fact the restaurants was a pin drop quiet, safe for the whooshing sound of the central air corn, and the sound of Carmen's stuttering inhales.
“YOU listen to me” You spit, pointing a finger, pressing it into Carmen's chest so hard he stumbles back
“You fucking left me Carmen. You! You- just, you dropped everything we had, everything we ever built in New York and you disappeared. And it was Mickey, and you needed to be there and I got that, I get that, but you- you just left me there.” You grunt, biting back the swell of emotion that erupted when you thought about those years ago.
“You became a ghost, and god,- you could have told me, after everything I thought we had- you could've told me! But then you didn't. And I was left to pick up the pieces, wondering if you had ever loved me, wondering if I should have given half of myself to you whilst you couldn't even call me back” You stutter out, shocking back the onslaught of tears as you swallow around the lump in your throat.
Carmen’s face pales as he registers those years ago in New York, the immediate look of guilt and anguish twisting his features as he leans onto the wall for support.
Even after all these years, all this time, you still felt it like it was yesterday. All your work had become undone, the thin veil of healing had been stripped back to bare bones in an instant, and you hate it, you hate it so much. Why couldn’t you have packed up and moved on? Why did you have to fold back into yourself at those memories? You don't know what you're seeking now, vengeance, restitution, it all becomes blurred in the heat of it, and god have you wanted to strip your skin and wake up restored since that night.
“You ruined me for a year Carmen. I was a shell of myself because of you. And then you called me that afternoon and you know what? I wanted to throw my phone into the fucking Hudson. I wanted to rip my hair out and scream and hurt you like you hurt me because the truth was I already forgiven you before you even apologised. And you never did. And I still wanted to come back to Chicago for you.”
“Honey-” Carmen's strained voice shudders at your words, and you can make out the red of his eyelids, the tears collecting at his lids.
You hold up a hand, stopping Carmen from speaking, tears begin to form at your waterline, threatening to break, your vision blurs, the features of Carmen’s tormented face becoming wobbly and undefined.
You were so sick of crying, you were so sick of it.
“And I won’t ever make you keep paying for a mistake for the rest of your life, I let go of that anger because you needed my help and in some way, I fell in love with you all over again, I was able to make peace with it.”
“But you don't think I know you Carmen? When you overwork yourself to death you can barely eat? When you get bad again at calling me? When you were good, you were the best person in my entire world, but when you're like this?” You shake your head into the empty space between you, hands waving in front of you.
Carmen looks torn apart, his hair falling flat against his forehead, his hands in tight fists as he shakes his head against your words. Begging, on his knees, begging for you to stop, to stop saying those things that came from your mouth that were not true. His body shakes with it, the gushing feeling of guilt, it washes over him in waves.
His mind is going a mile a minute, every thought of work, of that mismatched order he had to deal with, of the vendor who refused to deliver, it all went out the window the second your face contorted in that heart aching way. He can't lose you, every fiber in his being yearned for you, he lived for you. And here he was losing you, like a brush of paint across a canvas.
You were slipping from him every second you stood there with tears dripping down your cheeks like a stream.
“You’re the one that's changed. You're the one who's always changing. Don’t throw it back at me just because you can’t see it” You mutter with a shake of your head. Your voice carries a finality with it, and you jerk from Carmen when he takes a step towards you. You can't breathe in here, and you pass by the concerned gases of the rest of the Bear, shaking your head and moving away from Sydney, before dipping back into the busy streets of Chicago. You bite your tongue the entire way until the taste of copper fills your mouth.
Folding yourself into the huddled waves of mundanity, leaving your soup and the last bit of your aching heart on the bench of Carmen's office.
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