What’s In My Mind Today?

The musings of a struggling writer

[storiesbyamycape]

Introducing me

Hey there, readers!

I just realized I’ve been posting for a while without ever properly introducing myself… which feels like a very chaotic way to start a blog.

So here’s a few things you probably don’t know about me:

I’m Amy Cape. I also go by Lav—but Amy Cape is my nom de plume.

I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. My earliest memory of it goes back to grade school, when I wrote a three-part story that my teacher ended up reading to the entire class. No one believed I actually wrote it, and I got questioned right after—which was honestly equal parts funny and flattering.

I run this blog, and I also have a Wattpad account (you can find it here!). I’m currently working on a couple of books, and I’m planning to release my first one by the end of this year.

I’d love for you to stick around and let me take you into my weird little world. Who knows—maybe someday I’ll even become your favorite author.

[storiesbyamycape]

So, Maybe Flutter? pt. 5

“I mean the possibilities are endless!” She throws her arms up in the air in that usual way she does when she gets too excited about a certain topic. Today it’s about how real alternate universes are. She goes on and on about the possibilities of alternate universes that he cannot comprehend, but he loves seeing her this way.

He looks at her. Really looks. Her hair is in a messy bun, and she’s wearing her uncleaned glasses. Her brown eyes hide behind them, full of wonder and excitement. He stares in awe at how flushed she looks as she talks about how it’s possible for Dr. Strange to be right.

“Dr. Strange only knew about alternate universes because he encountered those monks. You know who knows more about them? Sheldon Lee Cooper.” He says it confidently, knowing it is going to spark her interest even more.

“How dare you say that?!?! Sheldon only knew about the alternate universe because of Marvel. Dr. Strange actually experienced it!”

He smirks as she tries to hit him—which hurts, by the way. But he is a man; she must not know that she could actually inflict pain on him.

“Sometimes I think you’re just trying to annoy me,” she pouts, adjusting her glasses. She crosses her arms, and a strand of hair escapes from her bun. It takes all the strength he has not to tuck it behind her ear. She looks at him with a what expression.

“I would never,” he says, feigning offense. “When have I ever tried to annoy you?” He smirks at her. She huffs, indicating that she gives up, and he laughs because she is so adorable.

“You suck.” She huffs again.

He lets out a belly laugh and topples over the sofa. She throws a pillow at him but starts laughing too. Soon, they’re both a mess of laughter and heaving breaths—honestly, neither of them is sure where all the heaving is coming from.

“We should really get some food,” she says, still hugging her belly from all the laughing. He wipes away tears from his face, snorts, and glances at the G-Shock watch he is so proud of.

She stands up and turns off the muted television that started their debate. He pouts but pulls out his phone and starts ordering pizza—their favorite “peace-offering” meal.

“Any flavors we’re thinking of, or are we just winging it?” he asks, looking up from his phone.

She stares at him in a way that makes him stop. His heart does that funny jump thing again, and suddenly he can’t hold his emotions in anymore.

“Fuck the pizza.”

He tosses his phone onto the couch, stands up, and—like a flash—his lips meet hers. He kisses her like his life depends on it.

When she kisses him back, something inside him snaps loose. The kiss deepens, more desperate now, like he has been holding it in for far too long. She lets out a soft moan against his lips, and it drives him completely crazy.

“Oh… you have no idea how long I’ve waited to do that,” he murmurs between breaths, between the intense kisses. His heart is pounding so loudly he swears he can hear hers too.

“Hey…”

With that one word, he lifts her into his arms and carries her to the bedroom. He gently lays her on the bed, but instead of rushing forward, he pauses.

“We should probably talk about this,” he says softly.

She smiles up at him. “We probably should.”

Neither of them moves. She tugs on his shirt, and he kisses her again, this time tenderly.

The night unfolds as the city stays busy, unknowingly witnessing a love finally unfolding. Years of holding it in, of quietly loving, have led to this moment. And it’s perfect.

[storiesbyamycape]

So, Maybe Flutter? pt. 4

What Did I Just do?

I’m going to kiss you soon.

She sends the text message even before she could think of what it could mean. The next thing she knows, her phone lights up with a message from him.

Omg.

Her eyes widen, her heart beating off her chest. Her breath shortens and her hand shakes.

What?

His chat bubble appears and disappears. Appears again. Disappears. Then the call comes in.

She stares at the screen for a second, her thumb hovering over the answer button. Her pulse thumps loudly in her ears.

She debates answering it for a moment but picks it up.

“Are you drunk?” he says, his voice coated with worry.

“No,” she whispers.

Did I just ruin this whole friendship? Oh my gosh, what was I thinking??

The whole room suddenly feels smaller. Her palms grow sweaty against the phone.

“What was that message about? Are you okay?”

She smiles despite herself, slowly gaining the confidence she had before sending that message.

“Why?” she says lightly. “Would you want me to?”

She hears him sigh.

Exasperated much?

She rolls her eyes and laughs.

“Come meet me,” he says.

Her smile disappears.

“W-what?” she stammers.

And just like that, the confidence is gone, replaced by her usual awkwardness. Her stomach clenches and does that weird but familiar tug it always does whenever she feels excited. She bites her already swollen lips—from all the biting earlier, wink, wink.

“Hey,” she says quickly, “I was just joking.”

A pause.

“Well, I’m not. Come to my house now.”

Since when did he have that confidence?

She shakes slightly in disbelief.

She can practically see him standing in his room in all his glory. Tall, dark, and oh-my-Lord handsome. His hair long enough to grab onto but short enough to make him look sophisticated. His jaw could cut her in half if she allowed him—

—and she absolutely would.

She closes her eyes, imagining his tall frame blocking the streetlights streaming into his bedroom window. The faint glow outlining his shoulders. His abs glistening from the sit-ups she knows he does every night.

Her stomach flips.

Then his voice cuts through her thoughts.

“If you’re not coming here,” he says slowly, “I’ll have to go over there, Lav.”

She can practically hear the smirk in his voice.

She gulps and jolts upright.

He laughs.

But it isn’t a light laugh. It’s low. Teasing.

Almost a growl.

And for a brief, terrifying second, she thinks—

Oh no.

He sounds like a predator who already knows he’s caught his prey.

Her heart pounds harder against her ribs.

Before she can overthink it—

“River,” she says, her voice barely steady, “come over then.”

Silence.

[storiesbyamycape]

So, Maybe Flutter? pt. 3

The Fallout

“I thought about it. And I think that you just said what you thought I wanted to hear. Which is fucked up because you know that I wanted you to be honest.”

“I was being honest, Lav” he said. “But I was being honest of my feelings then -“

“Then. So you changed your feelings because?”

“Because I thought you’d never explore this relationship I thought we could have-“

“That’s bullshit, River.” 

“I’m telling you the truth and you know it. What’s bullshit is you never said anything!”

“I never said anything?! I was the one who actually said  something. I was clear with what I wanted from you. I was clear with my boundaries too! What more could you have asked for?”

“I wanted you to tell me that you were choosing me too! That I was not just some goal! That I was a person that you wanted to spend your life with!”

“You could have said the same things! Why must I be the one to say them??”

“Because you made that boundary which, mind you, I respected. Because you said you wanted a man who did that. I respected your boundary because that was what YOU wanted!” 

“You and I both agreed on this. What do you mean that I was the only one who wanted it? Why couldn’t you tell me that you wanted more? That you felt differently?”

“Because I knew that that would feel like pressure. Like I am forcing you to do something you did not want to do! You knew how I felt. You knew-“

“Don’t you dare place the blame on me, River. You were not honest with your feelings and I couldn’t be more clear. I practically offered my heart to you on a silver platter and you’re telling me that I never told you anything? Bullshit!”

He looked at me with so much hurt. My eyes well up and I wipe away the tears that threatened to make me look weak. Before I knew it, his hands were on my face as he pulls me to him and our lips meet in a hungry frenzy. His lips feel warm and I feel his tears run, mixing with mine. 

His tongue grazes mine asking for permission to take the lead. He aggressively devours me as if I am his breath of fresh air that if this stops he would die. My heart hammered through my chest, I fear he would hear it and stop. 

But I didn’t want him to stop. I didn’t want this to end. But it did. We pull away from each other, breathless. I look at him in shock and I see him surprised with what he has done. 

“I… I’m sorry, I.. I didn’t mean to.” He stammers, he looks at me, tears still streaming down his face. My eyes blur but I know how he looked. 

“It’s okay. That spoke to me more than you know. I know how you feel. I know what this meant. But it can never be.”

I stare at my fingers as if the answers are there. I pick on the extra skin, it’s a nasty habit, but it helps with my anxiety. He sighs. Audibly. He lifts my face and wipes my tears away. 

“Lav, I can’t let myself love you. I can’t let myself fall for you because when I fall, I fall hard. I can’t let myself do that anymore because I know that this, our friendship, is far too important and crossing that boundary is bound to break it. I can’t lose you that way.”

“You say that you’ll lose me because you finally stepped out of your fear? Guess what, you already lost me the moment you said you can’t let yourself fall.” 

I get up. 

“Good bye, River. I’m done with whatever this is. I can’t keep waiting around for you. I can’t keep hoping you’d do something. I am not an option either. If you love me, love me enough to get out of that fear and love me for real. Don’t ever call me again.” As I say this, my heart breaks and I had to turn away so he doesn’t see how this broke me. 

“Lav…” I don’t let him finish, I don’t hear him out. I walk away as a part of my heart is left broken in that café. I turned away from years of what could have beens and what ifs. I turned away from the very person who knew me well enough to know how my heart beats, but he chose to still break it. Never again. 

I feel his hand grab me. His last desperate attempt to get me back. 

“Lav, please.” 

“Enough, River. I’m done.” And with that, I walked away. For real this time.

[storiesbyamycape]

So, Maybe Flutter? pt. 2

The Overstep

“This coffee tastes stale,” I complain as I take another sip of the God‑awful coffee I bought while waiting for River.

He rolls his eyes and smirks.

“Sorry!” he says playfully. I look at him and pout.

“You know you’re always late to our hangouts,” I point out, still pouting but ready to tease, “and it’s unfair because I have to wait and suffer the stale coffees.”

He chuckles and reaches for my hand.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I did text you to tell you I was running late,” he says, staring at me with those eyes that just make me melt.

“It’s because of all the time you spend trying to fix your damn hair and it looks just the same,” I tease. He acts offended and touches his hair.

“My hair will not look this good if I don’t spend an hour on it.”

“An hour? Goodness. Who are you trying to impress anyway?” I tease as I fish out my wallet from my bag.

“You,” he says plainly. I look up at him, his eyes staring at me intensely as if waiting for my reaction.

“Me? Uh. What do you even mean, me?” I swallow that sudden lump that seems to appear every time he gets a little too brave.

“Oh, nothing.” He shrugs.

“Hmmm. What are you trying to say?” I say, smirking. I know he’s trying to say something and then just shies away.

“Well, um… you know, you remember that conversation we had 2 years ago?”

“Ha! I knew you were thinking of that too. I never forget it, River. What about it?”

“Well, I… I still want to. That’s if you want to.” He stumbles on his words, leaning back as if that would cover up the anxiety I can see building in him.

I put my hand on his shaking leg, a nervous habit he has, to calm him down. I look at him with all of the love I can muster.

“I’d love to.”

Without missing a beat, I feel him suddenly close to me.

“Want to head home?”

I look at him and smile.

“Yes, let’s. I just have to pay.”

He shakes his head and gives me my wallet back.

“You never pay when we hang out. Let me.”

He fishes out a couple of hundreds and goes to the cashier to pay.

“Ready?” he says with a smile on his face.

“Yes.” He then, out of habit, puts his hand on my waist and we walk home.

My stomach does weird flips, aware that something is about to happen. Something really good.

We walk to my apartment which is just a few blocks away from the café. River leads the way as if it was his apartment—well, he’s been there more times than I can count. Sometimes he calls it our apartment.

I smile at that thought but brush it off as I know the boundary I set is still in motion. We finally arrive and I open the gate. I live on the second floor overlooking the the busy streets of Manila. River lives a couple of doors over.

I fish for my key but see that River has already slid his key in and unlocked it.

“Gosh, I forgot you had your own key to my apartment.”

“Our apartment! I live here now,” he smirks as he enters the home and heads to the sofa.

I giggle.

“You know your own apartment is just 2 doors away. Why don’t we ever hang out there?”

“Your apartment feels more comfortable. And besides, my brother is there and that’s just—ugh.” He groans. I adore his brother. He’s sweet.

I shake my head, amused at his comfortable state. All awkward anxiety gone. I set my bag down on my kitchen island and follow him to the sofa.

I sit beside him and then stretch my legs, and he instinctively lies down with his head between my legs as we start to cuddle.

“It’s weird that we act like we’re in a relationship, yet we’re just friends,” I say, almost regretting my word vomit. He looks up at me.

“You have no idea how much I want us to be in a relationship,” he says almost immediately. I look down at him, my chest tight, my heart threatening to explode.

He sits up. Eyes all intense.

“Lav, we have been at this for far too long. Two years is enough time to finally move on. You are with me here, finally. And we get to spend so much time together. I love you as my best friend. But allow me to love you more than that.” His eyes never break contact with mine. I let out a tear.

“I’m scared, River. I don’t want to get hurt again.”

He instinctively wipes that tear and holds my face in that soft way he does.

“I can’t promise that I won’t hurt you. I can’t promise that I will take away that pain. But what I can promise is that I will make sure that every day, you get a step further away from that past. I will make sure that you know that my love for you will not be shaken despite everything that happened before. You are who I want. And I want to make you happy as much as you make me.”

“Wow. I—uh… I love you. Always have. But I am scared of the future because I spent years building one and look where it got me. I am proud of myself for leaving, but I am still a mess.”

“Just tell me one thing—do you still love him?”

I shake my head.

“No. I’m done with that. But what if we turn out that way too?”

River doesn’t even blink.

He cups my jaw—firmer this time. Still gentle. But grounding, like he’s pulling me right back into the moment. Into him.

“Then we end up like that,” he says. Steady. Too steady. “Then we break. Then we fight. Then we cry. Then we heal. Then we try again. I’m not afraid of that.”

I stare at him, stunned.

“But I am,” I whisper.

And then he does it—

the overstep.

He leans in closer, so close I can feel his breath, our foreheads brushing. His thumb trails across my cheek, and suddenly everything inside me goes very, very quiet.

“Lav… I’m not that guy,” he whispers.

“I’m not going to make you feel small. I’m not going to treat you like you’re too much. I’m not going to love you only when it’s easy.”

His hand slips to the back of my neck—warm, certain.

“I’m going to love you loudly. Annoyingly. Every day. And if that scares you… then let it. Let it scare you while you’re with me.”

I inhale sharply—

God.

That was too honest.

Too raw.

Too River.

“Why would you say that?” My voice cracks.

“Because it’s true,” he murmurs.

“And because we’ve been dancing around this for forever. You’re scared? Fine. Be scared. But don’t run.”

A tear escapes before I can catch it.

He catches it first—thumb soft, steady. And he doesn’t pull away.

He stays right there.

Too close.

Close enough that running becomes impossible.

“You want to know the real truth?” he adds quietly. “I’m scared too. Terrified. Because you’re the one person I don’t want to lose. But I’d rather risk everything with you than pretend I don’t feel this.”

A tiny, broken laugh slips out of me.

“That was the most dramatic speech I’ve ever heard from you.”

He grins. “I practiced in the mirror.”

“Of course you did.”

“Yeah. Took me an hour. Same amount of time as my hair.”

I laugh again, softer this time, and he relaxes—shoulders unclenching, breath easing.

Then he looks at me like it scares him to hope.

“Lav… choose me.”

It spills out of him, unfiltered.

“Not forever. Not promises. Just… choose me right now.”

My heart slams so hard I can feel it in my throat.

I look at him.

Really, truly look.

“River,” I whisper. “I think I already did.”

[storiesbyamycape]

So, Maybe Flutter?

“Watch it—come too close and you’ll burn,” I whisper, as the flames dance in the cold winter air, casting flickering shadows across his face.

He watches, fascinated—enthralled by its beauty, bewitched by its danger. The firelight catches in his eyes, turning them molten.

“You know, fire is fascinating,” I say. “It keeps you warm when it’s cold, but you stand too close… it’ll burn you.”

“Just like you,” he murmurs, eyes hooded, hunger etched in every line of his face. He moves toward me, tentative, testing the waters, yet every step radiates need.

“Hmmm… like me, huh? Are you brave enough to stand close?”

I rise, closing the distance between us. The air between us is sharp with winter cold, yet every inch we near each other radiates heat that seeps under my skin.

“Are you sure you can handle this chaos?” I ask, voice low, deliberate.

He swallows, caught off guard. His mouth parts, breath hitching, the raw need beneath his practiced composure impossible to hide. He tries to hold me, but I step back, turning my back toward him.

A small smile curves my lips. His frustration, palpable, feeds my fire.

“Hmm… you’re getting too brave,” I say, spinning to face him again. The firelight dances along the curve of my chest. His jaw clenches; his gaze flickers, a gasp slipping past him.

“Yes,” he breathes, voice rough, almost desperate. “I want you.”

I let it linger. I let him hear it. I let him feel the weight of what he’s finally admitted—the desire he’s carried for years, now exposed and undeniable.

“Finally,” I murmur, locking eyes with him. His sincerity burns brighter than the flames between us. The air seems to hum, charged with anticipation, our breaths mingling, the world narrowing until it’s just the two of us, the fire, and this unspoken promise hanging in the space between our hearts.

“Honesty from your mouth, Jason,” I purr, teasingly, deliberately ignoring his desperation.

“And to think,” I sigh, tauntingly, “that all it took was a little fire.”

“Lili, I—” he stutters, the words catching in his throat. “I’ve always thought you knew.”

I exhale, half a laugh, half a sigh. “Come on, Jason. You can’t expect me to live off guesses and glances forever.” My tone sharpens, but there’s something tired in it too. “Even if I did know… even if you touched me right now, unless you say it, it’s not real.”

The air between us trembles—his silence heavier than any confession.

Once again, I smile. This time, to him. I close the gap between us, barely touching him, letting the smallest sparks of contact ignite something fierce. I feel his warm breath ghost over my cheek. I slide my hands across his chest and feel him tense, every muscle taut, every reaction betraying his control.

“You like that electric pull between us,” I murmur, voice low, deliberate, “but you never say what you want. So tell me, Jason… what do you want?”

“You,” he growls, a low, desperate sound that vibrates through me. The next thing I know, his mouth is on mine, devouring me, his kiss laced with hunger, frustration, and need. It’s overwhelming, intoxicating, a firestorm we’ve both been dancing around finally erupting—and I lean into it, letting every second of tension, every unspoken desire, crash against us.

[storiesbyamycape]

What I’ve Learned from Being Easily Discouraged

I know, the title sounds a bit negative. But hear me out.

I’ve accumulated a total of five years of work experience, which, when I stop to think about it, is actually pretty impressive. Out of those five years, three were spent working with established companies—by "established," I mean traditional, in-person jobs where I had to go through all the necessary processes to land each position.

Over the past five years, I’ve gained diverse experience working as an English tutor for Acadsoc and Rarejob, an insurance agent, an admin support specialist, an event hostess, a BPO employee for Alorica and Eperformax, and a virtual assistant. There was one common denominator in each of those companies—and that was me.

Now, here’s the thing that not many people know about me until they spend some time with me: I rarely finish tasks. There are reasons behind this, but honestly, I’m not going to bore you with all the details. Plus, this is going on my blog, and who knows who might read it? (My boss could be one of them!)

So, what did I learn?

I’ve grown tired of my own habits, especially after one of the companies I interviewed for pointed them out. It was honestly pretty embarrassing, but it was also a wake-up call. I realized I’ve been letting distractions and self-doubt control me, and it was preventing me from being the best version of myself at work.

Right now, I’m in a great company, undergoing training to become a better employee. I’ve come to realize just how disorganized I am and how easily I get distracted and discouraged. It’s not a trait I’m proud of, but I’m thankful for the opportunity to change.

I’ve learned to endure and push through. I’ve learned to stay because now I have stronger reasons to. My prayers are being answered, and I’m starting to build a future I never thought I’d even come close to. A lot of this is thanks to the love of my life. His patience is beyond anything I can truly grasp. He has taught me that I’m capable of more than I thought.

I’m so grateful that the Lord has placed the right people in my life, and that I’m learning the right lessons at the right time. The people you surround yourself with really are the biggest influences on your thoughts and actions. My boyfriend has been a key part of this growth. He’s taught me not to focus too much on the small stuff and to prioritize what’s truly important. Through his support, I’ve learned that I am worth it, and that I can do things not because they’re easy, but because I am able.

I’m far from perfect, and so is my boyfriend. But learning and growing together in this thing we call life is such an exciting experience. I’m starting to realize that what we’ve built together isn’t just about the good times, but about how we support each other through challenges, pushing each other to be better. This journey with him has truly been one of the most transformative experiences of my life. My goal is to become the ideal employee, someone I can feel proud of at the end of the day. I want to reduce my insecurities and excel in my role.

[storiesbyamycape]

10 Classically Stupid Love Tropes - Aren’t We All Sick of These?

With Valentine’s Day coming, let’s talk about these tired love tropes and why we do not need any more. It’s 2025, for crying out loud! Listen, some things do not go out of style, like a good cup of warm coffee on a rainy day with a great book. That may be cliché, like romance-cliché, but that is what I look forward to on rainy days.

Be forewarned, this article may contain strong opinions or words that are not suitable for overly sentimental readers. Also, I am anti-Valentine’s Day and romance novels because… yikes!

So let’s dive into this cringefest, shall we?

Enemies to Lovers (Stockholm Syndrome much?)

This usually starts with competition of some sort. Let me paint you a picture: Imagine a school election, and two students who have competed in grade school go head to head. They quarrel and go through a series of challenges.

Then guess what? They miraculously fall in love. SO PREDICTABLE! Who would’ve guessed? The guy tells the girl that he was only mean because he liked her, or vice versa. Then BAM! As predictable as the sun, they fall in love because of all the “tension.”

In the real world—yes, that is where we are!—hostility and rivalry often create negative reinforcement loops that reinforce dislike rather than love. Say it with me—YIKES!

Friends to Lovers (Oh, good grief!)

Here’s another one. I absolutely despise this! Can you imagine knowing somebody forever and only realizing that you love them at the last possible minute? WHO IN THE WORLD COULD HAVE GUESSED THAT THEY’D END UP TOGETHER?

Now, tell me why they have to go through so much nonsense for them to realize that they actually love each other? And what is with all the lingering touches and stares? Like hello?? Just tell each other already.

Let’s be honest—if they already liked each other, it would have surfaced sooner! But Abby, this pulls at the heartstrings! Stop it! They do not!

Fake Dating (people actually fall for this?)

This is the bane of my existence and the reason why I stopped reading romance. It starts out as a dare, they set ground rules (which they eventually break), and then they realize, “Maybe this is the person I’m meant to be with.” Then one pulls away for fear (fear of what??) and the other tries to convince them that they love each other.

SKIP! Goodness gracious, this is a thing and some delusional folks think it could happen. I mean, come on? Why try to fake a date if you are going to fall in love anyway?

This is borderline deceptive! No one in their right mind would try fake dating as it does not create attraction but rather highlights differences. Oh, if you have this in your library, maybe rethink your collection.

Forced Proximity (maybe just stir-crazy?)

I used to enjoy this trope when it was well-written. But it is getting old and boring. Who can’t spend a couple of days together without falling in love? KEEP IT TOGETHER, PEOPLE!

I do not understand the idea any more than I do the rest of these tropes. Must they be so clumsy that the other person is forced to take care of them?

Remember, human bonding requires a little bit more than just being stuck in an elevator, for crying out loud. It’s emotional. More complex than just being stuck with someone for two hours!

Again, say it with me! RIDICULOUS!

Grumpy x Sunshine (does anyone feel secondhand embarrassment too? Just me?)

Do you know that one book about a billionaire who met a quirky poor girl and fell in love? Tear it up and toss it. The guy keeps rejecting the girl, but she keeps doing the most irritating things and manages to make him fall in love (as I am writing this, I feel the need to cringe).

Then when the girl gets hurt by someone or something, the guy protects her and she goes all soft. The guy becomes overly protective of her and ends up hurting her in the sequel.

By far the worst trope. Just yikes.

Opposites Attract (gives people a sense of false hope—but I guess that’s good?)

And just when you thought things couldn’t get any sillier—surprise! Here’s another one! Opposites attract? More like false hope!

Can you even imagine being attracted to someone who does not completely get you? Well, this is what this trope promotes!

Let’s break it down for the unromantic ones—like me. Though it can be possible to be attracted to someone with opposite values, eventually it fizzles out. You can’t love someone who does not share your values. This can cause friction and eventually, you could end up being more hurt than happy.

STOP. BEING. NAIVE.

Second-Chance Romance (ummm? You a martyr?)

Ah, repeating the cycle of toxic love. Great job promoting this, authors! Think about it—you left for a reason, and them saying that they’ve changed is not a good enough reason for you to go crawling back to them.

If you can think of all the books you’ve read, think about that book that made you remember a toxic ex. Do you see what these books are teaching you? Did you know that scientists say going back to someone reintroduces the same problems you ended the relationship with?

These toxic behaviors do not just magically go away. You’ve already healed. Put down the book and read something better—like a greeting card.

SHEESH!

Secret Relationships (Why are you trying to hide?)

There is this one TV show, I think you’ll know what I’m talking about, that tried this trope out. I cannot even begin to tell you the STRESS that season gave me. The constant lying, sneaking around, and guilt.

What’s more, she got pregnant!!! She then made a life-changing decision because the husband would find out it wasn’t his.

Imagine doing that in real life. Wait, it’s already happening. And WHY? Because of these tropes!

You cannot convince me that you love someone and go behind their back for “fun” because they’re not giving you what you need or want. You committed to that relationship—stick to it.

This trope makes me so annoyed that I find myself yelling at the characters, whether they’re on TV or in books. Come on, if you’re that bored with your significant other, play a game or go to a festival.

Unrequited Love (but also requited?)

Remember when Monica said, “This is when we use the ‘Hello’ word we talked about”? It’s not directly connected to this, but what she’s saying is TALK! My goodness, communication is hard enough as it is—especially when you do not express your feelings.

This is how most relationships end. They lack communication and then just blow up in arguments, eventually leading to breakups. Effective communication is vital for a healthy relationship.

It is so confusing when characters are confused. Life is already confusing! Make it easy for your readers to escape! Also, if you think this is romantic, think again—it’s just not.

Love Triangle (no one is that attractive to be in one, right?)

Who has the time to juggle two romantic interests? Come on. Maybe some characters enjoy the attention? I don’t know. But this is just emotional manipulation.

Think about it—if Bella had listened to Jacob, she would have been manipulated into loving him because he’s, to put it into Jacob’s words, “warmer than Edward.” Oh, the cringe is real.

Honestly, this trope just violates the authenticity needed for a healthy relationship. Eventually, Bella would have blamed Jacob for forcing her to choose him.

The End (finally!)

There are so many romance novels out there that explore one or all of these love tropes, and honestly, they are getting old. I am not much of a romantic—I’m a realist. Love is not ALL that.

These tropes are just imaginary, putting rose-colored glasses on people to make them think it’s okay to be in relationships as toxic as the ones being depicted.

If you made it here, that means you are sick of these tropes as well. And if you made it here, you’d know that I have read and watched many romantic shows.

This Valentine’s Day, instead of indulging in these tropes, go out and enjoy life!

[storiesbyamycape]

Insomnia Series

Season 1. Ep. 1

I don’t entirely know what’s going on in my mind. As of this moment, so many things flash by I can only see 0.01 seconds of what those could be. I know there is a cure for insomnia, but what is it?

I did promise myself that I would lessen my screentime. But who’s there to stop me? I literally have to use my screens all day, everyday for me to be able to be productive. Well, that’s a lie. I am now a hermit with no life.

Listen, I have to be out and about today at 10 am for an event scheduled at work!!! And it’s freaking 1:58 am and I am WIDE awake. I should not have drank that coffee. Man, am I going to be yawning at this event.

Maybe this is my style of writing. Just my thoughts. Just me. I don’t even know if people actually come across these blog posts and if people actually still use tumblr HAHA! We will never know.

I might post this tomorrow. Well, I mean later? Idk whatever. Hahaaha kk bye.

[storiesbyamycape]

Musings while I try to nap in the Sleeping Quarters

Written on March 28,2023

It never was a question of forever. It is with whom I can spend it with. I have spent all of my 26 years on this earth trying to find love - even in myself. Don’t get me wrong, I am in a happy relationship; one I only dreamt about. But still, there is an emptiness in me that even my boyfriend is unable to fulfill.

I have been a Born Again Christian for God knows how long and I have only been a faithful one from 2005-2019. It has been an off and on relationship. I’m not one to stay in a stable relationship. I don’t know if it’s the trauma I had with my parents or if it’s the trauma I had with the church. My relationship with God has been really dependent on my current emotional stability - or lack there of.

In my 26 years, the only relationships I am proud of having is with my boyfriend, the one and only Stephen Granado; and my best friend Erfieni Emelda. Never, in my entire life have I been more grateful for anyone but these two.

The only other time I am ever grateful for something is when God created the most perfect human in the world and that is the one and only Selena Gomez, but I mean come on, who does not love her?

Anyway, as I was saying. I am not good at relationships. I have friends and a few close friends. But I can’t for the life of me keep the communication going. I am lucky enough that those people who actually matter to me, keep tabs on me. They make sure to ask how I’m doing and tell me about the little events in their lives. I am thankful that they find the time to talk to me even though I am so bad at talking to them.

This is why I never really expect any of my friendships to last. I am so bad at keeping my relationships that I already half expect for our relationship to fizzle. HAHA!

Therefore, the forever part, I don’t really believe. I mean, it is purely based on who you spend it with. And even if it does not last for forever, it sure is the best if you can create multiple memories to carry on to forever. For now, I am really just amazed at how my two humans are sticking with me. Even I would not stick with me! I don’t know who to thank for, but if my beliefs from when I was young are still true to this day, then thank God for the lives of my people- Stephen and Erfieni. If it were not for the two of you, I would not have had the chance of knowing what love is like and how relationships should be. You both are who I want to be when I grow up.

I love you both. Beyond words, beyond actions.

[storiesbyamycape]

Wow! The last time I posted on here was post COVID. I know I don’t really have an audience, but how are you all doing? Is tumblr still a thing? Is blogging still a thing? Whatever, even if it’s not, the internet is a free country.

So, here’s the thing. I have been struggling. For a while now, to be really honest. I think COVID messed up all of our mental states in its own way. I don’t think I will be able to recover from the last 3 years.

Anyway, as I was saying. I have been struggling. I have not written anything and even if I try, I get cut off. My ideas are not original anymore and the inspiration is really not there.

I am not motivated and I am insecure about how there are so many great writers and I barely scratch the surface when it comes to making stories. Which is weird because I lie a lot. It should have come in handy. BUT NO!

How do authors cope with this kind of mental block that has been building up for 3 years?

They say to just continue writing. But how? Nothing is coming out of my dry ass brain. Any tips?

[storiesbyamycape]

The world is different now. 

[storiesbyamycape]

I can’t not be alone.

I’m afraid to be alone. I’m afraid that if I go back home when I am finally alone, I won’t have anyone. I’m afraid of being left out. I don’t like being alone. But sometimes I do. I hate the feeling of loneliness, but I have grown quite fond of it. I only ever feel truly happy when I am around people. But even then, I fear that sometimes, a wave of sadness just overwhelms me. I need a companion. I need someone to talk to at the end of the day and go to sleep happy. I need someone. I need attention. I need love. 

[storiesbyamycape]

Dorm Life: A Dormer’s Perspective

Abby Marien B. Capellan May 26, 2018, 11:48 am

Dormitories are all the rage on college campuses. Students opt to stay in dorms for its convenience especially for those students who live in a completely different dimension. Many expect of it to be easier and stress-free. The truth of the matter is that dorm life is not always easy, and it is not stress-free. There are many things that irk dormers; the budget, the noise of some obnoxious dorm mates, the ridiculous rules, and the homesickness. As a dormer, I found myself getting irritated by those things as well, but living in the dorm actually is helpful especially if you live 2 hours away from your school. Just imagine the hassle of going to and fro school for 4 hours a day. Although living in the comfort of your own home is nice, living somewhat independently is kind of better because there are fewer distractions and more time for us to be learning or relaxing. As most of the dormers told me, they would much prefer studying in the dorm rather than at home. I attest to that because I can focus more in the dorm than at home.

I have been a student of CVSU for almost 6 months and I have lived in the dorm for the same amount of time. For the days I lived in CVSU's Ladies' Dormitory or also known as the Pink Dorm, I have observed a few things. Number one, the dorm is huge. It accommodates approximately 546 students and the facilities are somewhat okay to use. The only thing about the dorm facilities is that everyone uses them. For example, the common bathroom. It is despicable. Cats poop and pee in there and sometimes, their excrements would not be cleaned ASAP, so, whenever we decide to take a bath, the smell would just make us gag. Next, the toilets. Imagine having to share a cubicle with 10 other people. Now, imagine them leaving their used napkins and never throwing them in an easy to access rubbish bin. (And they say that boys are gross.) Other than having to share with repulsive animals who just about craps everywhere and girls who do not know the first thing about consideration, our lives in the dorm is a breeze.

Next, my dorm buddies. Okay, I know I have said that I encountered inconsiderate humans in the dorm, but there are amiable mortals there too. The moment I stepped into the dorm, our houseparents were so pleasing they always said I was pretty and that even if I wore a black mask, I would still look gorgeous. You can imagine how big my head got. But, enough about me. The houseparents take care of us and they really do act like our for real parents. They were nice and concerned if we ate or not. Even if we were sick they would give us medicine and boss us to eat properly. Least to say, I loved our dorm moms and dads. Next, my dorm sisters. Every Monday, my dorm mates and I would attend a cell group, it is like a prayer group slash bible study group, and every week, we would feel refreshed and encouraged. The amazing thing about these girls is that they accept you no matter what. I found my second family there. Wherever I turned, in the short 6 months of living there, I found a confidant. These girls were the highlight of my stay.

Okay, so that last one made me tear up a bit. The next observation is the budget. Can I get an amen? Admit it, budgeting is hard, it's a migraine, it's stressful and more importantly why does it exist? If only money grew on trees. With a limited budget, every day was a struggle. Dormers are a whiz at budgeting their weekly, if not monthly allowances.

Lastly, dorm life is not fun without homesickness. Am I right? I can practically hear my co-dormers agreeing to this. Yes, independence is a bliss, but when you have had enough hotdogs and tocino, and want sinigang na baboy for lunch, believe me, you are going to feel a wave of homesickness. Yes, the houseparents are like your parents, but there is no other feeling than being in the comfort of your own family. The rest you can get when you come home to your family is unexplainable. Whenever I was left alone in the dorm room, I always missed my family because of their noise and my mother's constant nagging. I miss them always breathing down my neck and like never leaving me alone. Don't get me wrong, I am not being sarcastic, but I miss them even in the smallest things. Also, when there are things to be done, like washing the dishes, I remember my sister who I can always ask to help me with them. Independence actually sucks when you can no longer spend time with your family because of your busy schedule. So yes, despite their constant nagging, or their annoying habits, my family makes me happy and being with them for even just 3 times a week, is something I am thankful for.  

The dorm life is fun, it's exciting and at the same time depressing and kind of dull. Living alone is no joke. All of the decisions you make is solely your fault. No one can take that blame for you. All of the responsibilities will come to light and independence would slap you right in the face. I would recommend living in a dorm. Not because you get to do what you want but because it's safe, it's like a way of adulting but in college, it's affordable, it's convenient and the people are nice. It develops skills and hones those that you have already acquired at home. In essence, life in the dorm is okay but it is not for the faint of heart.

[storiesbyamycape]

The Lorax: An Environmental Cry For Help!

The environment, as we know it, is dying. The few resources that we have are already depleting and the irresponsibility belongs to us who inhibits the Earth. The movie "The Lorax" talks about the dangers of cutting down trees and shows how the greed of one man can destroy a whole planet.

The movie centers on the main character, Ted, who hopes to impress Audrey, the girl he secretly loves. He ventures out to find this thing called a tree that would get him her attention. So, upon finding out from his grandmother that a nail, fifteen cents and a shell of a great, great, great grandfather snail could get him to ask the Once-ler about the trees, he uni-motorcycled away, outside town to find the old, odd man.

Outside of town, he saw how the world really was. He smelled things that he never thought he would smell and saw the horrors of what the Once-ler left behind. Upon reaching the Once-ler's home, -  a rickety old shack that looked like anything you'd see in a horror movie - he meets a rather unfriendly Once-ler; an old man hidden in his shame surrounded by his guilt. Ted tries to convince him to give him a tree, instead, Ted got a story. A story of how those trees vanished, and how he, Ted, could be the one to turn the fate of the world around. In the story Once-ler told Ted, he reimagined his life when he envisioned his riches through his invention, The Thneed. He detailedly told his story of how he started to how he met The Lorax and then to how his greed corrupted paradise. The movie goes on to show that how one selfish act can create ripples of selfish acts, passed down from one generation to the next. But, like what Dr. Seuss says, “Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It’s not.”, Ted cared, he realized that his family\ and his friends need to know the status of where they are living. And just like how one selfish act can cause terrible things, one selfless act can do amazing things. He showed his peers and that selfish O’hare that trees will help the environment. At first, the people wouldn’t believe him but when they saw the outside world, their eyes were suddenly opened. They felt the urgency of what Ted is saying and thus, together, they planted the seed the Once-ler gave. Causing more trees to grow.

The creators of this movie are obviously crying out and telling us to wake up! Our world is dying. It's getting more and more rotten because of how we treat it. The movie goes on to prove that man's greed will never help Mother Nature succeed. Dr. Seuss is pointing out that the earth needs saving, immediately. We need to wake up and smell the rotten air. We need to wake up and look around at how the world we were entrusted to live in is breaking apart. Two particular songs come to mind when I think of the environment. “Heal the world” and “Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson. It rings true to how we should take responsibility of our planet. The change starts in us. It is saddening that we are destroying our home. The irony of it all is that we like to clean our spaces in our physical houses, but we are not doing the same to the actual world we live in. We are cutting down trees to build homes, we are polluting every possible land, water, and air. My estimate is we will not live for another hundred years. The idea of how many times we tried to make life better is actually killing nature, is so absurd that it shakes me to the core. I am frightened to see what kind of world my children would live in. I am frightened to know how they would look like with all of this pollution going around. There are so many people claiming they care for the environment. BUT WHERE IS THE CARE?

The solution to this scares me, it does not enlighten me in any way. Because of what we built, if we were to start again, where would we put our garbage? In a separate island where no one will ever go? Dig a hole? Or maybe send it to outer space? It’s a frightening step and would it be worth all the effort? Or are we just going to up and go, like the plans of building a new life in some other planet? Another planet we can destroy, I reckon. This is a serious issue where there are so many controversial plights. Many people are screaming out for help but some of us are too busy destroying the planet to listen. This movie is a wake-up call. This movie is not a feel-good-chuck-it-to-one-side-and-move-on kind of movie. No, it is a movie where we need to stand up and pick up our mess for ourselves. We need to improve our way of living in ways that would hinder the death of Mother Earth.

This is so far the most recycled problem in the world. Speaking of recycling, some people are actually doing that. Kudos to those people who are actually doing something that would change our destiny.

In conclusion, the movie “The Lorax” is something to be taken seriously. We should, I would like to reiterate, wake up and listen to the message Dr. Suess is screaming. We should start to let the trees grow, that way we can make a difference. We should put the importance of the health of our planet a priority. WE SHOULD BE MORE RESPONSIBLE. It’s time to move on and create a brand new life for the future generation. Like Aubrey, let us dream and inspire. Like The Once-ler, let us regret our mistakes. Like The Lorax, let’s speak for the trees. Like Ted, let us take action. The time is now, what are you waiting for?