No clue if i know what i'm even doing

I am Dad I am lover i am friend

[stormageddondarklordofallsdad]

Well shit I’m back on tumblr is there anyone here from days of old?

[weavemama]

THE TRUMPA LOOMPAS

[funnyfoxes55]

😂😭

[mysteriouslyfashionablepers-blog]

Can y’all plz let me breathe 😂😂😂😂

[showerthoughtsofficial]

Thanks to the Internet, I have probably seen more naked ladies than all of my ancestors combined.

[gmbencompetence]

We need to have a nomination for “Stupidest thing Tumblr.com has ever believed” and just move into an official Top 10 List.

For my nominations, I’m putting up:

If you eat a chocolate bar a very specific way, you will break physics and get infinite chocolate.

or

It is impossible that you spelled “Berenstain Bears” wrong and is, instead, more likely that the universe fractured into separate, overlapping realities in the last 20 years.

I can’t decide which is more beautiful. It’s why we need a vote.

[jupiterjunebug]

this is a picture of the human brain at the moment of death. tragic and beautiful

[gmbencompetence]

Fuck. That is a damn good nomination.

[thisisdefinitelyacreativename]

if you close your eyes when the train hits your brain will assume you are dead. Some find this comforting.

[gmbencompetence]

We’re getting into the good ones now. This is some classic Tumblr.

[turtle-powered]

Two old favourites:

“Bitch, That’s the Tubby Custard Machine” (http://imgur.com/gallery/IObQF)

and the horse dildo that was passed off as someone’s arm. (http://abakkus.tumblr.com/post/48958415162)

[gmbencompetence]

This is rapidly becoming a master post of ignorances and I could not possibly be happier.

[analienorsutin]

Rare blue watermelon

[sickofimmortality]

That disease where you get purple eyes, no period, and no body hair

[akiraita]

How have we gone this far without anyone mentioning the bird in the chocolate fountain

[unicornfan]

soap makes water molecules smaller

[elphabaoftheopera]

I nominate the “we are killing the earth” picture of the earth in comparison from 1978 to 2012

[brucebocchi]

the dog with the slice of ham on its face that everyone thought was a gigantic burn scar

[adataraxia]

“Tequila is the only alcohol thats not a depressant so you can drink as much of it as you like”

[softurl]

[sasukehateblog]

that post with the picture of the joker without makeup and people thinking it was a real person and defending him

[painisthecleanser]

that photo of voldemort being passed off as an aborted fetus

[stankyleg-deactivated2918973]

The two way mirror

[rinlockhart]

“listen here, cumslut.”

[tenaflyviper]

I can’t believe you guys forgot someone trying to pass off a picture of the inside of a fig as a microscopic view of the inside of a vagina.

[nyokoko]

I can’t believe I was on Tumblr for every single one of these posts.

[mi5kle]

[elaxisfae]

I’m laughing so hard cause this is deadass what bees do 😂

[justflowerslove]

Save them

[shortvideosandstuff]

[voodoo-child-in-paradise-deacti]

That awkward moment when you moonwalk into MJ

[exxpensiveslang]

I will reblog this forever.

[voodoobrown-deactivated20190317]

Fun Fact: That kid is actually Alfonso Ribeiro, AKA Carlton from Fresh Prince.

[udabay-blog]

THIS WOULD ONLY HAPPEN TO CARLTON 

[longlivefise]

Only Carlton 😭😭💀

[charda1k]

just cause its carlton & mj

[stormageddondarklordofallsdad]

@momma-goober

[buzzfeed]

So, uh, Property Brothers memes exist.

[gamechangershow]

Relatable. 

Office Job vs Retail Job by @noobtheloser

Check out Confessions of a Retail Worker

[impryceless]

Oh

[str8-for-pay]

32 Faces You’ll Recognize If You’ve Ever Had Anal Sex With A Penis

[nicolekidmansgrinchhands]

[tanookitoes]

i want a public execution of the writer of this abhorent defience of god

[moonsofmoons]

This, was a journey.

[stormageddondarklordofallsdad]

@momma-goober

[earthshakinlove-deactivated2018]

I love when babies grab hold of your face and aggressively try to eat it like wow thank you for choosing me 😭

[skywalkerss-blog]

[jotaaro-blog]

#except for you #since you murdered most of them

[canthinkofaurl-deactivated20221]

my super homophobic relative asked me for ya books to read, preferably contemporary and u know what i gave them

ari and dante

muahahhahahahhahhahahahah they’re in for a surprise

[canthinkofaurl-deactivated20221]

update: 

he called me.

him: about that book

me, knowing exactly what i did :): what book?

him, sounding agitated: the gay book you gave me

me: (hoo boy here it go)

me: aristotle and dante? :)

him: …. yea

me: ? did you like it

him: i guess

being the bad person that i am i didnt just leave it be, but drilled him ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

me: no offense but im quite surprised, since… you know you’re not a fan of gay men

him, probably growing REALLY uncomfortable: but this is different

me: explain

him: i feel like it doesnt really matter whether they’re gay or not to be honest this is the exact same thing as reading about a girl and a boy and you really shouldnt give me shit for liking this. it’s not like this means im gay or anything, like,  being gay isnt contagious or…. bad, and -

me, interrupting smugly: EXACTLY

him: oh. 

him, probably realizing that gay men are regular humans: OHHHHH

him: ….

him: anyway, is there a sequel

[usnavis-hat-deactivated20170702]

THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

[xtynaaa]

We all deserve morning sex and pancakes

[jessicacapshaw]

working in retail

[bonitapplebumb]

I have NEVER seen a more accurate representation of this satanic industry

[emmyc]

Some Disney comics I made for a mini zine years back but didn’t post all of them online anywheres! Here you go.

[kateordie]

Emmy is a goddamn national treasure. I am surprised at all times that Nick Cage isn’t hunting for her, I really am

[sadgirl5ever-deactivated2020071]

The mulan one!

[iamthebestby2ne1]

[certifiedcopy]

[prodigaldaughterx]

The writers of this show are fucking brilliant