What are your favorite materials to do art with? Your art is allways super gorgeous so I was curious :))!
i really love using digital art, because of its convenience, however sometimes i do need something more tactile! i like to use acrylic paint, watercolor, oil pastels, alcohol markers, and colored pencils the most!
It's true and you should say it! This has bothered me for agesss!!!
I have so many issues with people twinkifying him or drawing him skinny, for one he just does not look like that. This is a big hairy man we're talking about, he very much is nawt a twink. He's a little chubby but most of all he's happy and healthy!
When people draw specific photos where his tummy is obvious, like when it's nudging his waistband down, they'll just draw him skinny anyway. I've seen drawings that go out of their way to do these dynamic poses just so they don't have to draw his belly. Some people will do everything to not draw him the way he is.
angel!joost with blue tipped hair, pure white and deep, dark blue, the white almost pearlescent in the right lighting
angel!joost who always smells faintly of jasmine, ozone, a flower garden in the middle of a thunderstorm, lightning and electricity, soft powdery florals
angel!joost whose clothing all looks mended, rips sewn up with red thread, outfits made from layers upon layers of lace and linen
angel!joost who goes unnoticed by most while he's people watching, he prefers it that way,
a/n: This is for 80 followers!!! Thank you all so so much, I love you all, I love getting comments and questions and all the brilliant kindness you all have shown me in the short time since I joined!
Also, this is a early 2000s AU, not that i lived through that in any meaningful way besides being a dumb child but i have such an affinity for it i had to. internet cafe is soooo 2004-2007 to me.
i think about vampire!joost so much i mind need to make my own headcanons posts because its like bad bad, im obsessed.
You stare at the dingy storefront building, trying to decide if you want to go in or not. It looked…scuzzy. A big sign hangs on the front, kind of flapping in the wind, that reads "YES WE ARE OPEN", a neon sign blinks "OPEN", on the glass door vinyl letters read "Internet Cafe 24/7".
It's two pm on a Monday, so you're not exactly shocked they're open. There's a couple of patrons at the desks, you slink past them as you enter. A stern looking man sits at the desk, he has an eye patch, and a pin on his suit jacket says 'manager'. You're as thrilled as he is to be here, which is to say not very. But your friend wanted to check her email and she had met a guy that recommended this place, so you rent two computers and wait for her. She had gotten sidetracked talking to another girl on the street.
But the next time you come back, two days later just after one in the morning you are a little surprised to see it is in fact still open. You couldn't sleep, and figure it's probably the most pleasant place to spend the night. There's a different employee behind the desk now, of course. He's wearing headphones and an unfriendly scowl on his face, and you want to talk to him less than the manager.
You sigh and steel yourself, approaching the desk. He looks up before you have a chance to say anything, there's a cigarette hanging from his lips despite the No Smoking sign on the wall behind him.
"Ja?" He says simply, blowing the smoke away from you, pushing his headphones to rest around his neck.
"Uh, hi. Can I get two hours on a computer?" You give a small smile.
He blinks at you, his lashes darkened by mascara fluttering. You realize how cute he is when he looks up at you like that, the black eyeshadow around his eyes, they're blue, like ice blue, lighter around the pupil slightly. You're so focused, so entranced by his eyes that you almost don't hear what he's saying. "Why?"
"Huh? Why?" You ask, trying to process the question. You know what he's asking, the manager guy asked the same question the other day.
"Ja. What do you want to use the computer for?" He ashes the cigarette and takes another drag.
"Um. Internet. I'm just here to check my email and like- MySpace." You fumble to get the money from your bag.
"Sending email is extra." He says simply. He doesn't wear a pin like his manager does. You wonder if it would just say 'Internet Cafe Employee' if he did.
"I know. I was here the other day." You sigh, handing over the banknotes.
"It's dumb, huh?" The Employee messes with the little cash register machine on the desk.
"Yeah. A little." You chuckle, watching him put the cash away and gather up your change and a little receipt. He takes a moment to scribble on the receipt before handing it over.
"You're at fourteen." He points out into the rows of computers. You glance at the receipt quickly and see he wrote the number there too and pocket it.
"Thanks, dude." You say, smiling.
He smiles back, it's small, courteous, but it's cute. He's cute.
You find your way to the computer, and are secretly glad the employee didn't sit you next to any of the few patrons here. It's a little close to the desk, actually. But maybe it's just because you're a foreigner and he doesn't trust you, you do feel his eyes on you. Though, everytime you glance over he isn't looking, so you tell yourself you're imagining it.
You're there for about an hour before someone has a problem that the employee has to address. He walks past you to get there, you glance up after getting a chill, goosebumps on your arms, to see him walking down the aisle away from you. You go back to what you were doing, commenting on someone's MySpace blog, but when the employee goes back to his desk, the computer you're at shuts off. "No, wait..What the-" You splutter, watching the screen kind of blink before going black.
You’re scared to touch it. What if the guy thinks you did this! You were just on MySpace, you didn't download any viruses or anything. You stare at the monitor hoping it will come back but it doesn't and you have to stand and drag your feet over the front desk.
The employee is focused on the monitor on his desk, he's typing something, but quickly glances up when you approach. "Uh, hi. Sorry, um- My computer just shut down and like-- I didn't do anything." You gesture behind your back, giving the employee an anxious smile. God, you don't have the money to pay for the computer if you killed it somehow.
He sighs a little. "Ja, ja. Give me a second. You can go sit back down." He waves you off, going back to typing.
You're hesitant to go back, but you do, sitting back down on the plastic chair feeling like that might break under your weight too. It'd be just your luck. "I dunno what happened," You sigh when the employee appears next to you. You didn't even hear him, you don't know how, with those huge boots he's wearing. "I was just on MySpace and then it like flashed or blinked and pbbt- dead. I didn't wanna do anything 'cause-Like, you're the professional."
He listens to you ramble, a smile on his face. You're surprised by how genuinely kind he looks in the moment, not frustrated by your silly incompetence like you expected. "I'm not a professional, but I'll give it a look. Let me in." He plops down in the chair at the terminal next to you, and both chairs squeak obnoxiously as you scoot to make way for him. You would have let him sit where you are but, he insisted.
His knee brushes yours as he leans in to poke at the tower, pressing the power button. Once the machine starts humming he leans back and both of you watch the monitor. He shifts a little in his chair to slip a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from his front pocket and lights one as he waits, setting the pack on the desk. You find yourself watching him take a drag from it, exhaling the smoke, but quickly look back to the monitor when his eyes flick to you. You see the smug grin spread across his face in the dark reflection but it's quickly replaced by the boot screen.
The logo for the operating system appearing on a deep blue background, 'unityOS' in white with stars around the word, a little loading bar underneath. It's a good few seconds before the log-in screen comes up, a little jingle playing in the transition and the employee sits up and reaches over to enter the admin password. The desktop has the same OS logo in the corner, you've never heard of it before.
"There. It's fine," He sits back, and smiles at you, pleased with himself. His canine teeth are a little longer, sharper than most people's. But, well, everyone's different. "These things are old, they tend to just crash sometimes."
"Thanks. Sorry for wasting your time, I just didn't want to fuck it up." You sigh a little, feeling embarrassed now. You could have just turned it on yourself. Stupid shit, you mentally berate yourself. Both of you flinch back at the same time, though you don't notice the employee's pouting expression. You're too focused on the sudden pain in your brain.
"That's what I'm here for. I'm happy to help." He assures, still smiling. You nod and hold a hand to your forehead, a dull throbbing there. Probably a headache from being up late and staring at the screen.
"Sure," You kinda just mumble, watching him stand and stretch. His shirt rides up and you get a glimpse of his belly before you quickly look away. "Uh-..I think I got it from here. Thanks, um- Again, yeah."
You hear him chuckle softly above, and you don't look away from the monitor, trying to remember what you're doing. He scrambled your thoughts. He's pretty, too pretty. "Of course. Don't be afraid to ask if you need anything else." He says, putting the chair he used away and left for the front desk.
You log back into MySpace, and go back to what you were doing before the computer crashed. You finally leave the comment on that blogpost, though you can't remember exactly what you wanted to say. You spend the rest of the time making idle chatter with a friend in America who is awake. Though you kind of can't stop thinking about the employee. You had seen his stomach, you were too embarrassed to look too long, but you looked. You keep replaying the moment, him stretching, the skin pale but covered with a layer of hair.
You leave fifteen minutes before your time's up, and feel eyes on your back as you gather your stuff and go. But you don't look back, digging in your bag for the directions back to the hotel you had printed out last time you were there. During the walk back you stick your hand in your pocket and rediscover the receipt, pulling it out to look at it while you wait at an intersection. You realize there, already halfway to the hotel that the employee didn't just write the terminal number on the receipt but his number too. And his name, Joost. You feel foolish for not having looked at it before, but you feel satisfied knowing his name now.
You're out in five minutes by the time you get back to the hotel. You don't dream the rest of the night, which your friend is disappointed to learn the next morning, and she spends brunch telling you all about her dream. You talk about how you went back to the Internet Cafe, but don't tell her about the employee, Joost. You still have the receipt with his phone number on it, but you're too nervous to call. You know your friend would insist you call if you told her, she'd insist you let her listen.
Later that night, your friend tries to get you to go clubbing. You refuse, say you don't feel up to it, say you think you're just going to stay in. It's not totally a lie, you really don't feel up to it, but just because you want to go back to that dumb Internet Cafe again. You don't need to, you could just go out with your friend and forget all about it. You can't, for some reason, you can't just forget the building and guy who works there. Joost.
You fumble in your pocket for the receipt as you walk to the Internet Cafe. He's just cute and kind of interesting that's all. Your friend wouldn't blame you for wanting to talk to a cute guy, you're sure of it. You rub the slip of paper between your fingers, just something to ground you. You pull open the front door and step into the storefront, immediately surrounded by the cool air inside. There's a few people, two of the same people from the night before.
The same employee sits at the desk, you're grateful for that. You'd probably turn right around and leave if Joost wasn't there. He looks up as you approach, smiling already. Like he knew you were there before he looked. He pushes his headphones off his ears, you see this time they’re plugged into a PSP. He puts that down and focuses his attention on you. It’s dizzying almost, his eyes on you like that. They’re so…Almost piercing, so blue, his pupils little pinpricks as he looks you over.
"Didn't expect to see you back so soon." He says, and you look away. You're embarrassed for coming back at all, for not even calling him, for not turning around when you noticed his number. It doesn't help that he was looking into your eyes as he spoke, the eye contact making you squirm a little, discomfort gnawing at you for a moment too long.
You play with the little laminated placard displaying the different services offered. "Um, yeah. Sorry, for- Not calling you, or whatever. I only saw that after I got back to my hotel room." You fib slightly, so you don't feel as embarrassed.
You hear a soft huff of laughter come from him. "It's okay. I thought I creeped you out."
"Oh, no. You're like really cool, actually.." You trail off a little, losing what you were going to say when the bell on the door rings.
"So, how long?" You look back up at the question and find him looking at you head tilted slightly.
"Two hours, I guess is fine. No email, nothing, just using the Internet. Myspace." You fish out the money from your pocket and hand it over.
He scribbles on the receipt, holding it out after completing the transaction. "You're at fourteen." He says, pointing at the computer again.
"Thanks, Joost." You smile as you go to take your seat at number 14 again.
You don't pay attention to the person who came in behind you, logging into Myspace and quickly getting caught up in everything. A few minutes of trying not to eavesdrop but hearing the patron complain about the computers here, you start digging through your bag for your iPod and headphones.
One of your fingers catches something in there and you pull your hand out with a sharp gasp at the sudden pain. You don't even know how a thumb tack got in there but when you reach back in with your other hand, you find that's indeed what hurt you when you fish it out. You wait quietly, patiently, until the other person has given up and left the Internet cafe before you go back to Joost.
"You're bleeding!" Is the first thing he says when you step up. You're caught a little off guard by how quick he noticed but brush it off.
"Yeah, there was a thumb tack in my bag. I dunno where it came from but whatever, uh- Do you guys have like a first aid kit, I just need a little Band-Aid." You mumble, kind of cradling your finger, it doesn't hurt but you don't want to drip blood on the counter.
"Ja- Yes, we do. In the back. I can help, let me help." He stands and steps out from the desk and points at the beaded doorway, pushing open the yellow door and ushering you in.
"Wait, are you the only employee?" You ask, glancing back briefly before the door shuts.
"They won't do anything. Don't worry." He says, turning on the lights. You could have sworn his eyes glinted red in the dark, but there is a little security camera in the corner of the ceiling. You just saw that, you tell yourself that's all it was. The little red light of the camera.
It's a small employee break room with a fridge, microwave, even a coffee machine. It makes you wonder why coffee isn't served in the actual Internet Cafe, the one you've been to before was an actual cafe. "Here, sit." He gently directs you to sit at the small square table.
"Thanks, y'know for doing this." You mutter awkwardly, watching him. He opens a couple of the cupboards, looking for the first aid kit. He's not listening, you hear him mumbling to himself as he looks, 'ik denk..ik denk..'. You feel silly for caring so much about this guy who's basically a stranger, why are you so interested? Why are you even here? You could have just waited for the little poke to stop bleeding and go back to Myspace. You couldn't help yourself.
He sets the first aid kit on the table when he retreives it, and starts going through it before stopping to feel at his pockets. You almost start laughing when you see what he pulls out, a pair of thin rectangular glasses. "You wear reading glasses? How old are you?" You ask, unable to keep the laughter from your voice.
"How old do you think I am?" He asks smoothly, looking close at something he pulled out before opening it. He's careful to grab your hand, holding your finger as he wipes it clean with a little alcohol wipe.
"Uh. I dunno. Twenty five, maybe?" His fingers are cold, you can't really feel the rest of his hand due to the fingerless gloves he's wearing, but his fingers are cold. Maybe he should wear full gloves, you think, if he has poor circulation. But you're not about to lecture a stranger.
"Close. Twenty seven." Joost smiles at you, not quite a toothy grin but you see his sharp teeth. He's pretty, his smile is cute, you can't help but smile back. He finds the antibiotic and smears a little on the small wound.
"You look good. I mean. Y'know. For your age." You stumble over your words, quickly looking away from him. Those eyes.
"Ja? You think so," He smooths a small bandage around your finger. It's intimate. All of this is intimate. It should feel weirder than it does. "Do you think I'm pretty?"
Your brain short circuits a little. Like that computer did yesterday. It's almost like he read your thoughts, though you know better. Telepathy, or whatever, mind reading, isn't real. "Uh- We should be getting back. You should be at work." You chuckle a little, an almost anxious sound.
He sighs and nods. Standing up straight and shutting the first aid kit, gathering the bandage wrappers and tosses it in the trash can. "You're right. Though, you should know..There's hardly any customers at night. We're okay." His voice is low as he walks you to the door back to the Internet Cafe, turning the light off as you go.
"Thanks, again. And sorry, for interrupting your work." You say as if he hadn't been playing on a PSP this whole time. He sits back at the desk, folding his glasses and tosses them onto the desk.
The phone on the desk starts ringing. He says, "Fuck- I'll give you an extra fifteen minutes free. If you want." before picking up and taking the call.
You kind of mumble a yeah, maybe and go back to number 14. You frown at the thumb tack still there on the desk and glance around to see if you can spot a trashcan where you can get rid of it, but almost make eye contact with a guy who is upset his computer shut off. So you quickly put your head down and finally pull out your headphones so you don't have to listen to…Well, everything.
Time passes much faster when you tune out everything around you. You don't realize how long you've been there until Joost is right next to you, smiling as he taps your shoulder a little. "Time's up, unless you wanna pay for more."
"No, no. I should be going, I guess." You shake your head, closing the Internet browser, and starting to put your iPod away.
"Are you going to come back tomorrow?" He asks, watching you pull your bag over one shoulder.
"Maybe. I dunno. why?" You ask, looking up at him, drawn into those ice blue eyes. God, he's almost too much.
"Oh. 'Cause, I have tomorrow off. So." It's like he knows. How does he know the only reason you didn't turn around was because he was here.
"So, I don't have any reason to come back, then." You go ahead and just say it. You watch his eyes shift, the way he looks you up and down again. Really properly taking you in.
"Ja? Just here for me, are you?" He steps a little closer, and you half wonder if his boots are like, platforms or something because he seems so big.
"Yeah, basically." You huff out a little laugh, you're awkward, looking him in the eyes makes you feel funny.
"Do you want to come over to my place tomorrow?" Joost gives a sweet smile and tilts his head slightly as he asks. And…You just can't say no.
"Okay, sure." You nod a little, impossibly endeared by him. There's a funny feeling in you, you chalk it up to a beautiful boy looking at you, inviting you over to his place.
"Cool. Come here, I'll give you the address." He beckons you to follow him to the reception desk, and you do. He sits back down and rips a card off the Rolodex to write down his address. You peer over the desk and watch.
And you notice a small container of thumb tacks by the keyboard. The same kind that was in your bag and hurt you. But before you can think to say anything he's handing over the little card. "I'm up and awake by midnight."
"Really? Real night owl, aren't you?" You slip the card into your pocket, knowing if you put it in your bag your friend would find it.
"Something like that.." He smiles and you feel dizzy. Your head's fuzzy and you don't know when it started. You're tired, you haven't been sleeping good.
"Okay. I'll see you then." You nod a little, and smile back. Stepping into the night seems to clear your head, it's a cool night and it makes you feel much better to be in it.
You look at the little card Joost gave you, just to make sure it's real. It's hard to believe, you don't know what you did to deserve it. A cute guy's number and his address.. You wonder if you really should go, a stranger's place in the middle of the night. But he seemed so nice and genuine. You don't entertain any of the thoughts that come after 'whats the worst that could happen'.
Your friend isn't back when you get to the hotel, which you're glad for. You fall asleep almost immediately. When you wake up later, much later into the next day, your friend still is gone but she texted you about going back with a guy. You find a place for food and fall asleep in the hotel room again. Your friend comes back and wakes you up shortly after. She talks about the guy she met, and you keep thinking about the guy you met.
She talks about going out again, and is so dissapointed when you say you don't want to go out again. You can't tell her why, she'd freak out. Meeting a guy is one thing, she'd be thrilled if it was just that. But you know she wouldn't let you go to a strange guy's place at midnight. You tell her maybe you'll go to the Internet Cafe, and it's not a lie, you need to print directions to Joost's place. She's displeased with that answer, but you know the truth would make her a nervous wreck.
You're not a nervous wreck per se, but you are nervous. It was weird going back to the Internet Cafe and talking to a different employee, a man with dark curls, tattoos on his face and a nose piercing. He was really nice. You hang out in the Internet Cafe until midnight rolls around and then you start the walk, following the directions you printed out.
Your hands shake a little as you walk, as you go to the apartment building, ride the elevator up to the third floor. You worry that this was a bad idea, worry that you should have never agreed to go to the Internet Cafe in the first place. Until you knock twice on the door and wait for a few moments and Joost opens the door. The apartment is dark inside, and he blinks and squints at the bright light in the hallway.
"Hallo. Wasn't sure if you'd come or not." He chuckles as he steps back and lets you in.
“I wasn’t sure either.” You admit with a nervous laugh, blinking trying to adjust to the dark. Letting him take your bag and hang it on a coat hook.
“Well, I’m glad you did." He smiles and starts leading you deeper into the apartment.
"Wait up, please. Ow, fuck." You stumble into the corner of a side table.
"Here, take my hand," He says, reaching out to you, and you do so. Holding his hand, he's cold, noticeably cold. Like your hands get in the winter, but it's summer, and the apartment isn't cold. Maybe just his room is. "Do you want anything to drink? Wine? Beer?" He offers, nodding to the little kitchen space.
"Uh, I dunno. Are you going to?" You ask, leaning on one of the counters, watching as he opens the fridge, making a small bit of light in the dark room. You finally get a decent look at his outfit, a long sleeved polo shirt and a pair of jeans. It's simple but incredibly attractive.
"No, but you can. Don't worry." He assures, and you do feel calm with his words.
"I don't think so. I'll just have like- I dunno, a soda or something, I'm fine," He hums a little but passes you a cherry cola, and takes your hand again, leading you to his bedroom. "So, what did you wanna do?"
The room is decently sized actually, lit dimly with a candle lamp on his dresser, a small TV also on the dresser, displays the DVD menu for a movie you don't know. On the wall, above the bed shoved in a corner is a Nosferatu poster. A cluttered computer desk in the corner, he takes a moment to close everything and power it off. "Uh, I was thinking we could just watch some movies. My roommates are sleeping so we have to be quiet." He sits in the chair by the desk.
You set your still unopened soda on his night stand. "Okay. What kind of movies do you like? Horror, I assume? You like vampires?" You nod to the Nosferatu poster, sitting on the edge of the bed..
"I like them, yeah. A lot. They're really cool, don't you think?" He props an elbow on the arm of the chair, and leans his chin in his hand, watching you, waiting for your answer.
"I mean, yeah. I like Dracula, the original one." You finally open the soda, holding it just so you have something to do with your hands.
"I have that one, you want to watch it?" He offers, sitting up straight. His eyes are bright, the candle and the red walls give them that red shine again. You glance to the small TV and try not to think about it.
"On that? Sure, why not?" You chuckle, even the TV in your hotel room was bigger than his. But you think, he probably can't afford a big, new expensive TV working at the Internet Cafe.
Joost stands and comes over to the bed, feeling around under it and pulls out a big disc binder, swapping the disc in the TV with Dracula. He sits on the inside of the bed, letting you take the outside so you don't feel trapped. You don't, anyways. It's comfortable, sitting with him and talking over the classic film. Neither of you feel the need to pay attention. It's not long, the movie's hardly past the halfway point when his hand comes to rest on your thigh. A silent gesture, though it's obvious what it is.
You knew it when you agreed to come over, you knew more likely than not that he would want to hook up. And, well, you're here aren't you? You're in the stranger's apartment, in his bed, letting him talk to you and touch you. Your friend would be shocked if she knew what you were up to, she was the one who regularly had flings, you rarely if ever did. It wasn't often you found people you were actually interested in. And you certainly didn't go back to their place so quick, you're not a prude but you didn't do this often.
"Can I kiss you?" He asks quietly, his voice light and gentle, his hand moving up to brush your shoulder, creeping toward your neck.
"Okay." You answer with a nod and don't have to wait until he's pressing his lips to yours, and, they're cold. There's a fan rotating in the room, but you can't even feel it where you sit on the bed, and he's still cold. The kiss is fine, but Joost is pushy, his teeth brush your lips almost like he's trying to nip you. He shifts on the bed, hands on you, on your belt loops, tugging.
Quickly he gets you on top of him, hands roaming your body as you make out. He's so much, almost overwhelming, you've never been kissed like this before. With a raw sort of hunger, so needy. It's dizzying almost.
"Ow! Fuck." You gasp suddenly, pulling away, hand instinctively going to the wound. The small cut on your lips.
"I'm sorry.." He mumbles, wrapping his arms around you, burying his face in your neck.
"It's fine. It was a mistake, my lips are dry anyway." You answer, kind of caught off guard by his reaction. By the snuffling you can hear at your neck. Just smelling your perfume, surely.
Joost doesn't say anything before his lips are back on yours, tongue licking at the little split, moaning into your mouth as he licks up the blood. There's not a lot, it's such a small wound.
"I need…I need to," Joost sighs, finally pulling away, almost panting. "I need to taste you, please."
"Okay." You're breathless from the kissing, your mind's fuzzy too, you can't think of a better way to respond.
"You're sure? You want this too? Will you let me bite you?" He asks, looking in your eyes, and you can really see it, the red glint. It's a little scary, the look in his eyes, dark. The very nature of the question.
"Okay. Yes, you can bite me." You nod a little, you trust him, somehow you do. You’re scared, but you trust him. Joost is.. otherworldly, his eyes, ice blue yet so dark, hungry as he looks at you. Those soft hands, cool on your skin as he touches your neck, gently tilting your head. He’s something else entirely, and it’s not hard to deduce what.
He breathes against your skin, tongue flat against you as he sniffs, finding the best spot, you think. Like some predatory animal. “It won’t hurt,” Joost murmurs just loud enough for you to hear. “Promise it wont hurt, just a little poke.”
And it doesn’t hurt. Not how you expected, it’s like getting that big needle popped in you at the doctor, just another blood draw. It runs down your neck, you can feel it, you feel his tongue too, smearing sloppy over the wound. He laps at the blood that runs out, moaning against your skin. You’d be lying if you said it didn’t have an effect on you. You shouldn't feel this way over being bitten but you're hot all over all of a sudden. Maybe it's like, an aphrodesiac or something, or you're just way more perverted than you ever knew.
“Thank you, thank you..Needed this…” Joost’s hands feel you up, slip under your shirt, and you can feel the warmth in his palms as he drinks from you, your blood warming his body.
He groans, rocking his hips up into you as he drinks, sucking at the wound, mustache tickling slightly too. You can feel him as he grinds upward, his cock hardening in his pants. It’s thrilling, you can’t help but marvel at how turned on he is by feeding. The way he moans against you, panting, breath hot on your neck. He comes back up to kiss your lips, smearing your mouth with your own blood, getting it in your mouth, the thick taste of it.
“Can I,” He asks, holding your hips and rutting his into you. “Need you..So bad. Fuck…” Joost whines, eyes stuck to your neck, watching the wound drip. Still so hungry. You’re dizzy, whether from the blood loss or everything else, you’re not sure. You think his head must be fuzzy too.
“Yes, please. Need you too.." You grind down into him, letting him know you need him just as bad, you've soaked your underwear you know that much, leaking pathetically as you dryhump him.
“Oh, fuck,” Joost sighs, shuddering under you. “Mh, hold on. Let me..” He dips down, giving a few more licks to the wound before you watch him nick his finger on a tooth and he rubs the digit to your neck, sealing up the wound with the inky black substance that drips slowly from the cut.
Then he’s tugging your shirt off, pulling his off right after. his chest is hairy and soft slightly. “Can I touch you, please?” You ask, unable to take your eyes off him, finally getting to see him how you wanted to the first day when you saw his tummy, which is also soft. He’s a little pudgy and it’s so beautiful.
“Ja, oké.” He nods softly, watching you. You reach out and feel his chest, careful, gentle with him. He is so warm now, such a contrast to how cold he has been, it’s good to feel his soft, warm body under your hands. You thumb at his nipple with one hand and he stifles a whimper at the feeling.
“You’re so pretty,” You look at his face, your blood smeared all over him, and it’s so hot. “You know that’s like the first thing I thought when I saw you. That you’re so pretty.”
“Really,” You nod at his question, and he smiles, lips splitting to show his sharp teeth. “‘Cause I thought the same thing.”
You pet at his chest, really feeling how squishy he is, before slipping your hands down his sides to feel his hips, the way his waistband has flipped down. He really is so pretty, and still you're surprised you trust him so much. He must trust you too, you realize, the way he sits quietly, letting you touch him all over.
"Can I touch you, too? Please, please…Fuck, you're so pretty, and-Oh.." Joost trails off when you take his hands and place them on your chest, letting him feel you up in return. You can see a trail of blood down your chest, the way he smears it with a thumb, not fully dry.
His hands go for your belt loops, hooking in to pull you down against him as he ruts up. "So pretty like this, covered.. In blood. Fuck," He huffs, swallowing hard. It's so erotic to him, drinking your blood and seeing it drip and smear on you. Well, you're not one to argue. "One more, please. I'm-…I won't take too much. You're okay right? I can..?" He groans, almost a growl, his hips bucking again.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I can take it, you can go for it." You nod, biting your lip a little, feeling the nip of pain of the split there. He whines, obviously watching you. He pulls you against him as he kisses you, your chests pressed together. He delves right into licking into your mouth and moaning against you, the kiss quickly becoming sloppy, the drool running down your chin. Then he's kissing down the other side of your neck and biting into you without any preamble, just taking greedy mouthfuls of your blood. And god it's fucking thrilling, the needy way he kisses the wound and sucks it, like he can't get enough of you. But he's true to his word, not drinking too much from you before he's healing the small wound. He kisses you with blood still in his mouth, it’s filthy and wet and runs down your chin, mixed with spit.
“You’re gonna fuck me now, right?” You ask, more than a little pent up by now, with the way the two of you keep rutting your hips together.
“Ah, ja. You want my cock?” Joost fumbles with his belt, managing to loosen it and unzip his pants.
“Yeah, can’t stop thinking about it when I can feel how hard you are..” you nod, watching him. He shoves his boxers down enough to pull his cock out. It's as if that’s where all the blood he drank went, throbbing in his hand as he strokes himself, just a little relief after finally freeing it. You can't help but stare at the way he leaks, and if you weren't so needy too you'd love to get your mouth on him.
You struggle slightly to get your own jeans and underwear off, but eventually manage. Joost doesn’t even think to ask before his fingers are at your thighs, petting the soft pale skin, creeping upward quickly. He doesn’t waste much time there, feeling how slick you are before grabbing your hips and pulling you close. You sink down slow and careful, both of you sighing when you bottom out.
He shifts a little, squishing one of his pillows behind his back and leans back. Steadying himself so he can hold onto you and thrust into you. He pants against your neck, kissing there, licking at the not yet dry blood on one side. You feel his teeth scrape but not puncture, just teasing. It makes you tense almost, thinking he’s going to do it, going to bite you again. He doesn’t, he just keeps mouthing at your neck.
You grab gently at his hair, tugging it slightly to get him to stop, he moans and his hips jerk up, slamming his cock into you. You’re both still for a moment before you’re holding his face in both hands and kissing him. Both of you muffling each other’s moans as he fucks you. When he pulls away you cover your mouth with your hand, keeping yourself quiet because his roommates are asleep. He's relentless, and you're fuzzy and hot all over, everywhere his hands touch light up with pleasure. He palms your chest, rubbing your nipples and pinching.
"Fuck, Joost," You gasp, rutting your hips down into him, matching his rhythm. "I'm- Oh, fuck I'm close.."
"Me too.." He whimpers, hips stuttering slightly but he keeps his eyes on yours. You can't even think as he stares into you, your brain all scrambled. He feels at your neck, you can feel the spot where he bit you the first time prickle under his touch. You can only sigh and tip your head to the side when he moves in again, you know what he's going to do before he does it, you know what he's going for when he starts probing your skin with his tongue again. Finding that spot, moving down to where your neck meets your shoulder, and biting into the muscle. You can't tell what comes first, your orgasm or the bite, but they coincide and you have to keep your mouth covered as you sob and shake in his arms. It's nothing like anything you've ever felt before, you've never cum this hard in your life, it's just so much.
You don't realize he's finished as well until he's pulling out of you and you can feel it running down your thigh. "Oh, shit, are you okay? You're okay right?" He asks gently, cupping your cheek.
"Uh-huh, I'm okay. I think I need a moment," You nod, kind of slumping in his arms, wrapping yours around him, his sweaty chest pressed against yours. "I just…Fuck.." That was a lot, you're dizzy, your vision a little spotty like you stood up too fast.
"I know…It's okay, you're okay. I'm sorry, I took too much, didn't I? I can't help myself, I've been so hungry and you taste so good.." He sighs, holding you and rubbing your back.
"I'm okay…I don't think I can stand right away, though." You manage a little laugh, resting your forehead against his neck. You kind of wish he were cool right now, his hot sweaty skin isn't the most pleasant thing in the world. He's talking to you, you can't really focus on it, you feel your fingers tingling slightly.
That's the last thing you know before you're blinking awake in a bathtub. The water's cool, reassuring on your skin. "I'm sorry," Is the first thing you hear. It's Joost, he's kneeling next to the tub, gazing at you big eyed, bushy brows pinched slightly in worry. "I didn't mean to, you just taste so good.." His cheeks and nose are a little rosy, it's cute. He's still so cute to you, he drained so much blood you passed out, but he's still cute. He's dressed again, you can see a white tank top in the dim light, one light over the mirror.
"I'm okay, I think. I'm still…I dunno. Dizzy like, out of it, I think." You slip a hand out of the water, wanting to hold his, needing that connection. Not well, human touch, but touch. He's still warm.
"I know, I'm sorry. Um- I have iron pills and there's a good shawarma place down the street that's still open." He rubs your hand lightly with his thumb.
"How do you know it's good?" You ask with a laugh.
"I haven't always been like this you know." He laughs too, it's a nice sound. He's nice, he took you to the bath, didn't leave you there, didn't really hurt you, you didn't feel any pain.
"Yeah, I just I dunno…Usually, you guys- Uh, vampires," It's weird to say it out loud after everything. "Are like depicted as super old and stuff. And you have reading glasses."
"I'm just farsighted, try to go without them usually." He smiles, that pretty smile where his lips curl up all cute.
"Well, anyway, I would like to take you up on your offer. If it's a date..?" You tilt your head a little, regretting it, it's sore now.
"Ja, sounds good. Wanted to ask you out since I first saw you, but it's hard." He frowns a little, looking down.
"Oh, yeah. I guess so, huh? Do you do this to every girl you want to take out on a date?" You slip your hand back, sinking it back in the cool water. It's clean, he must have washed you off and then refilled the tub while you were out of it, you think.
"No. I don't normally fuck my food either, just had to have you though.." It makes you feel special, in a perverted sort of way, even though you can tell it embarrasses him.
"Well, I'm glad. It would've been disappointing if you just bit me and kicked me out," That makes him laugh a little and smile again. Which makes you smile too. "I think I'm ready to get out, now."
"Okay," He stands quickly, his keys on his shorts jangling as he does so. "Here, take my hand. I've got some shirts you can wear if you want, your other one is kind of ruined."
"Oh, man… How am I going to explain this to my friend.." You muse, stepping onto the towel he prepared, glad to be holding him, still feeling lightheaded and weak.
"Oh, no," He laughs, wrapping a towel around you and holding you against him after. "I'll help you figure something out."
You thank him quietly, and lean into his embrace. Enjoying the quiet, calm moment after everything. You really don't know how you're going to tell your friend what happened. How you met a guy at the Internet Cafe, who actually works there, who is actually actually a vampire and you almost died from blood loss maybe but he gave you the best orgasm of your life, and he's also really pretty so you're not mad he almost killed you.
Well, whatever. You'll figure it out, ideally over dinner. And maybe you can exchange numbers so you can keep in contact when you go back home.
•ᴥ︎• Anon asked: Imagine reader being joost new dogsitter!! He’s away for tour or something and he constantly asks her for updates on his dogs :-)) when he returns they have some tension ?? Friends to lovers if u may
•ᴥ︎• a/n: sorry for the wait guys! but everyone say thank you to @brokedollies for letting me steal her dog name and forcing me to write :].
•ᴥ︎• (dog) tags: 6.9 words, mentions of past animal abuse, yearning, conflicting emotions.
part one, part two, part three, part four
•*⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧ *•*⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧*•
𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫
The early morning sun kissed the room in a pillow of warm light, fluffy sheets pulled to your chin had been lulling you in and out of a comforting sleep. Your brain was in pure bliss, the faint smell of Joost filling your senses as you buried your face into his pillow. You had to admit it was much better than his couch, almost seemed better every night you rested your head, but you had to wonder if this environment was the reason for the strange dream you had last night. It was so realistic you thought it might be happening still. The room was just like it was, early morning light thick like fog, your body sinking into the mattress like an anvil.
You had one of those moments where you couldn’t tell what was real or drawn up from your sleeping mind. In a half joke you lifted your arm up to slap at the space behind you. Your heart dropped when you felt a warm mass where he would be, it turned to stone when you turned to find blond tufts of hair peaking out from under the blanket. You rubbed your eyes hard, blinked fast like a cartoon character, and yanked the sheets off the boy next to you.
You sighed as you heard a short huff, the snoring mound turning its head towards you groggily.
“Mayo… how the hell did you even get in here….” You mumbled something about keeping the shut before bed as mayo looked at you, dog breath fanning in your face as his tongue hung out his mouth. As you sat up in bed another smaller white head popped up from beside mayo. Onion lifted his sleepy eyes to meet yours, white fluffy head turned towards yours as if to say “five more minutes pleasee”. Onion was a little rescue, he was like a funsized Mayo, fluffy white fur and ears as soft as pillows. Him and Mayo went hand in hand, Mayo followed behind him like a shadow, pulling Onion into trouble whenever he could.
You remember when Joost first introduced you to him, Onion was the only one who didn’t tackle you at the door. He stood off to the side, hiding behind the couch like he was trying to turn invisible. His small blue eyes were locked on yours, watching you intently to see if you were as harmful as he imagined. You were almost offended, like you had failed an impromptu test. A soft frown graced your face as you watched him duck under the plush cover of the couch, but it was swiftly replaced by a poorly stifled smirk as you heard Joost call his name into the open air.
“Onion, really? isn’t that a bit… on the nose?” You chuckled as the smaller dog shuffled over with a tucked tail, eyes still on yours as he sat as close to Joost as his fluffy body would allow. He cooed at the dog’s shyness, scratching his little head as he pushed into Joosts touch. Joost explained that Onion was a rescue, having come from an abusive past, he wasn’t fond of new people.
“Dont take it personally, He’s a tortured soul…”
Joost looked up at you with the saddest puppy dog eyes he could muster, pouted lip and a hand clutching his heart. You looked at him, blue eyes big and glossy in the light, then looked down, seeking refuge from his gaze with Onion. But Onion looked equally heart wrenching, tail barely wagging as he lifted a single paw to better lean into Joosts scratching fist. You felt your heart fill to bursting and pop in your ribcage, sighing heavily as you wiped a hand over your face.
“Cmon! he will get used to you, dont be like that!” Joost crouched down to his level, cooing “ain’t that right boy?” and “shes not as scary as she looks”
“No thats not- i understand that.” Joost looked up at you, there was a pause.
“I just… Onion?? Seems a litte on the nose…” You snorted, He should’ve seen this coming.
“Okay, I SWEAR that was his name when i got him!” You only laughed harder.
“Im not sure i believe that.” You responded through bright laughter. He rolled his eyes with a smile as you kept going.
“I mean mayo, onion, were you hungry when you got them?” You gripped your stomach, laughing together, Onion looking between you both as you doubled over, clutching your stomach as the sweet sound filled the air- and Joost was right, Onion did take a swift liking towards you. He didn’t have much of a choice, being stuck with you for so long, but you like to think you passed his vibe check. He didn’t seem too upset now, sleeping peacefully only one dog away from you. Even if he whined at the door for the whole day after Joost left for tour.
Now he seemed happy as ever with you, it had taken him a while to come to you before walks or eat while you were facing him, but it seemed easier for him when Mayo had trusted you so wholly. Onion and mayo had been together the longest, Onion coming into Joost’s life first. When a friend of Joost came to him with his sad story, brandishing a picture of Onions matted fur and taut ribcage, he really couldn’t bare to let Onion slip away from him.
It wasn’t easy either, Joost has had dogs in the past but never one like mayo. You remember he told you this before he left too, after the dogs were full and splayed on the floor, he talked about how nervous he was at first. How he had never realized how every little action could have a reaction from him. Joost talked about the amount of research he did, how he went to his friend who was more knowledgeable and begged him for as many tips as his brain could take.
Joost wore a solemn smile as he remembered how when Onion first come home, his tail was almost glued under his tail, ears pinned down like he was waiting for the moment Joost would treat him as bad as his past did. That moment never came of course, Joost would tiptoe around him for forever if its what Onion would’ve wanted.
You plucked your phone off the stand beside you, ready to snap a photo of the living moat Mayo had become. Onion rested his head on Mayos larger back, glossy eyes never leaving yours as the phone camera captured him. You almost immediately sent it to Joost, ready to brag about how much Onion had grown to tolerate you, but hesitated as you opened his messages.
He hadn’t been texting you.
Which was fine! I mean, you’re sure he’s been busy, touring isn’t simple business of course, he’s basically on a work trip, right? Or tired, maybe, that bus cant be comfortable long term, even if he’s got hotels, sleeping abroad can still be hard. If he really wanted to see what his dogs were up too, he would probably let you know. There was no need to keep his phone buzzing when he needs to be focused.
Even though you really want too…
You felt a pang in your heart as you closed your phone, the house seemed almost eerily quiet. No pattering of paws on hardwood, or soft whimpers outside the door, not even the soft buzzing of text through your phone. You picked up your phone again, pretending like you didnt see the old messages light up your screen as you swiped the screen to open your socials. A little doomscrolling to take your mind off things never hurt anyone right?
It worked for a little while, scrolling past cat videos and memes and chuckling, the dogs lifted their heads as your low laugh rumbled the bed. You swiped and liked, scrolling endlessly until one video made you pause. It was shot from the crowd, Joost captured everyone’s attention with his stage presence. The bass muffled the audio through the phone, speakers simply shook in your hand as he jumped across the stage.
It seemed so natural, he spat the lyrics out like it was second nature to him. The flashing lights flashed across your face as he threw a toothy grin to the roaring crowd. You pretended not to feel the hearty thumping in your chest as you let it replay. The clip was from one of his recent shows. Okay you might’ve stalked his tour dates a little, but you couldn’t help but to wonder how long he was spending on that cramped tour bus. You looked at the caption, the video was taken from his performance in Stockholm, Sweden (which you pretended not to already know, like he didn’t send you a pic of his stage fit splayed out like it was his first day of school).
Joost did go through the dates with you over the phone, you tried hard not to visualize him moving across the map. Even now you pictured his bus on the road for hours, stopping only for the roaring call of his fans or the brief pitstop to rest. His next stop was Germany, you had fought hard not to get distracted by how he got passionate when he spoke about it. Joost’s eyes got infinitely brighter as he spoke about performing there, how he loved the crowd with everything, they fed off his energy and he fed of theirs. His love for performing always came first, it was in everything he did and you could see how devoted he truly was.
His devotion was exactly why you haven’t spoken to him all day, even when you captured the cutest moment between his fluffy family you couldn’t bring yourself to hit the little blue send button. You got the closest when you recorded a video of you being chased in circles around the kitchen, Mayo’s wide tongue flopping around as he bounded in your wake, paws flying haphazardly as he playfully pounced on your shadow. Onion trailed close behind trotting slowly, ears perked as he watched you and mayo throw yourselves around. You watched the clip over and over, couldn’t help the smile that graced across your face
There was a brick wall between your thumb and the send button. Any time you chipped away at the hesitation stopping you from pressing send you pictured him on the other side, phone vibrating as he spoke to venue owners, shaking in his pocket as he went through sound check. Did you really want to be another blip on his list of priorities? It made you sick to think of him rolling his eyes after realizing he had wasted his precious time only to find it was a ten second clip of the same dogs he had always spent his time with anyway.
And so you waited, telling yourself he would shoot a message if he truly wanted to talk. Patience is virtue, right? When he had the time he would send a text, easy as pie, no sweat, right? right?
Day and night you lingered by the phone, waiting for the faithful moment your phone would light up with the red-faced picture you saved of him.
You waited and waited and waited.
But Joost never texted…
Hamburg, Berlin, Cologne,
The dates rolled by slow as molasses.
You did your daily duties in hope to distract yourself from the haunting stillness of your phone, working from home and rolling Onions favorite ball as if one time he would hobble back with an answer or some hope or something, anything you could hold unto. Yet nothing could distract you from the concrete lump that sat deep on your chest, hardening each hour. A sinkhole ever encompassing, eating away at you each day.
You walked the dogs as it calcified your heart, sectioned food into round bowls as it blackened your lungs to ash. Anxiety ate at your organs as you cleared the daily to do list, encasing your ribcage in a solid stone that grew firmer the longer you ignored it. You were stuck in a cycle of bottling thoughts till they were bursting, then shoving them back down deeper when they finally exploded.
You knew it was getting bad when you felt Abba following you like a shadow, looking up with glassy brown eyes as if to ask if you were feeling ok. Whenever you released a sigh too loud for his comfort, he would saunter over to you and raise his head into your palm. When you tossed and turned in bed, brain riddled with thoughts of “what if he hates me” and “ im stupid for feeling this way” Abba would lay his head over your body to keep you from twisting your limbs up in the blanket like a human tornado. Your sour mood wasn’t only noticed by Abba, soon enough Mayo had sighted the slump in your shoulders and decided to join the unspoken mission to cheer you up.
Through the long days you tried (and failed) to dodge the sweet gaze of Abba and the pattering of Mayo as he swished between your dragging feet. You didn’t need the pity party from these dogs, you were still trying to convince yourself that nothing was wrong. It was harder to pretend you felt nothing when Mayo was constantly dropping his favorite toy in your lap, soaked with slobber as he looked up at you as if to say “i dont know whats wrong but this always makes me feel better”. You remained stubborn and unwilling to see the truth, until Onion joined the fight.
You could convince yourself that Abba was just being his loving self, or that Mayo was just trying to get you to be more playful. But when Onion had started inching closer to you, resting a small paw on your lap, you couldn’t pretend like the sadness wasn’t scrawled across your face. It both amazed and broke your heart that even Onion had broken through his own shell to provide what little comfort he could muster.
On one specific morning, when you woke up to Mayo and Abba sandwiching your legs together. Onion with his little greying muzzle between two small paws. His face was impossibly close to yours, never touching, but close enough to fully protect you from horrors as you slept through the night. You wished he could protect you from the same dream you’d been having for days now, but you take the victories in stride and break through the larger dogs to head towards the bathroom. You stepped over two more dogs and dragged yourself towards the tiled room. Your hand slapped against the wall until the light flicked on, with sleep still in your eyes you shoved your travel toothbrush past the wall of morning breath. It was apart of your routine to distract from your recurring dream by going through your daily checklist.
First break fast, you scrubbed your tongue, then morning walk before mayo gets restless, Spit trailed down your chin as you watched the minty paste swirl down the drain. Maybe mayo will let me trim his claws today, the mouthwash stung the cuts on your lip as you swished it between your cheeks.
One more spit and you turned to step out the bathroom, but your fluffy slippers stopped in their tracks as Mayo sat in the doorway. You looked down at him, a hand propped on your hip as you tried to shoo him out the way. When he didn’t budge you turned back to look at yourself in the mirror. Usually you tried not to linger in front of the reflection, you didn’t need to start off the day with eye crusts and your harsh judgement, but today what you saw made you pause.
You had never lingered in the bathroom long enough to let the sleep slip from your eyes, now that you were trapped by a wall of fluff you could take in more details you were quick to scan over. Previously you noticed little notes of his personal life scattered, an even mix of saccharine memories and daily affirmations, but you never took the time to look any closer until now.
Of course you had seen the pictures taped to the glass before, but you never looked too close to them. The sleep fogging your eyesight mixed with the shame of invading his privacy kept your bathroom visits strictly business. Yet now, as your eyes scanned across glossy polaroids and old concert tickets you felt your heart swell in your chest. Blurred selfies with his closest friends and dates to name them by. One picture caught your eye the longest, A high flash polaroid of him and Apson. One of Joosts big hands smooshed their faces together, the other holding a beer, one finger pointed towards the camera as his face split in a wide smile. Alanis’ hands in a peace sign in the middle of them both, stretching out from her place behind the camera. “the fam” written in marker over the glossy finish, two small hearts sandwiched the script.
You felt a soft smile reach your face as you scanned across both familiar and unfamiliar faces. Joost in some, others you can tell were taken by him by the blurriness or the way the camera towered over some of the friends. You went through each picture, counting which ones were polaroids or simply printed unto photo paper, counted the amount of friends you had met on these nights out. Numbered each one pasted with an affirmation as your eyes made their way across the mirror.
“unified” under a printed group photo, four faces you recognized.
“a world without borders” beside a polaroid he took while traveling, slightly familiar faces sprinkled the satin frame.
“remember why you do this” Old friends from a time you didn’t exist to him, yet a recognizable face stood in between outstretched arms.
The next picture made you pause, this on didn’t have a note or message taped to it. In fact, it was the only picture that had one single person in it. Your brow scrunched as you looked at the captured moment, it was you. A little candid of you pulling a record out of a paper bag, eyes crinkled as you smiled at the spoils from the record store, face turned away from the camera. You remembered that day with a warm fondness, it being one of the first times you and Joost had visited the record store together. You never expected him to have the moment frozen in time, much less posted in a spot he would see so frequently.
You remembered scouring the store with him, searching for your favorite records. “Just need one more album to finish a collection from my favorite band…” You muttered as you sifted through the media. He asked what it looked like, watched as you painted the picture with passion. Recalling the colors and formatting of the cover, acting out the cover in your fit of animation .
He watched you with soft eyes, then suggested splitting up, searching each end of the store and meeting in the middle. With each of you at the far ends you suddenly hated this plan, wishing he would’ve stayed by your side so you could laugh at the corny covers you passed by. You glanced up at him from across the store, his fingers were dancing across the weathered edges. You watched as he flipped, flipped, flipped, then paused abruptly. Joosts head lifted toward yours, eyes meeting yours and crinkling with his smile. You smiled back at him, gaze quietly averting as you went back to flipping through albums, nails skirting against the cardboard edges.
As you got closer to the middle you saw a shadow stalking towards you. “Look what i found!” Joost said with a beaming grin, your heart leaped at the thought of finishing your collection, then dropped as you looked at the record he waved in your face. “ Ive been looking for the forEVERRR, Im surprised they actually have it!” He pushed the square further into your face, snickered as he watched you scowl at his selfish display. You snatched it from his hand, inspecting the album as you flipped it in your hand. Your eyes scanned the song list, grazing over the colorful graphics and jutting out your lip like a critic. You nodded solemnly, handing it back with an unspoken seal of approval.
You didn’t let jealousy take over, instead you relished in the way his eyes twinkled as he shoved the album towards you, couldn’t even pretend when he looked down at you so warmly. It was always hard to be upset in his presence, so you pushed him towards the register with his records and his warm smile and stood behind him as he checked out.
Once you stepped out of the yellowed store you plopped down on a nearby bench and fished around in your pocket for a smoke, just as your fingers touched the bent box Joost tapped a finger against your shoulder.
“I wanna see what you got, did you find that album?” You thoughtfully unfurled the little paper bag and started to go through your albums with him. One that reminded you of your home, one from your teenage years. Another that a friend showed you, one more that you always wanted but could never get your hands on. Joost watched as you pulled them one by one, committing each simple detail to memory like it was what he was made to do. When you finished and your head bashfully turned to his in the silence he took his cue to tilt his records towards you, saying “see what i got” with a soft smile.
You scoffed as you grabbed the brown packet, chastising him as he moved to stand over you. You didn’t see him pull out his phone, didn’t see the way he smiled behind it as he captured the moment you laid eyes on the album.
But you could see it now, there it sat clear as day on his sink mirror. Solid proof that he thought of you on a daily, that you meant enough that he pasted you beside his found family. The feeling overwhelmed you, the thought he put into your companionship, the fact he found what you were looking for and provided, the fact he kept the moment so close to him. You wondered if he looked at you when he brushed his teeth in the morning, or came into the bathroom to seek clarity from his humble shrine of friends.
You stared at the mural until the sound of claws pulled you from your stupor, Onion had finally moved from the doorway, you followed him down to the empty food bowls and he looked up at you with the hungriest expression he could muster. You moved in a daze, stopped at the fridge where Joost kept other photos and keepsakes. You felt so upset when you had looked at them before, thinking there was no space for you in his displays, but now you were filled with a sense of pride. You couldn’t stifle the bashful smile as you sectioned out food, thinking “ I was good enough for my own picture, just me”
You wondered if the other dog walkers could see your personal victory on your face. Your mind wandered to what he was doing as you walked through the brisk air. Today was the day of his Switzerland show, you wondered if he was still heading to Zurich or was already there. It would be easy to pull out your phone and ask what he had for breakfast, or ask if it’s getting harder or easier to sleep on the tour bus. You never did, still convincing yourself he was too busy to spare any time with you.
When you got home you flopped heavily on the couch, legs sore from trying to tire Mayo out as much as possible. Abba tugged himself unto the couch as you stretched your legs against the cushions with an exasperated groan, you snatched up the remote and started surfing through channels as abba made his place in your lap. The tv blinked as you pointed the remote, barely giving each channel a chance before deciding it was too boring. You landed on a movie you had seen a thousand times before tossing the remote on the coffee table, head in your hand as you tried not to let your thoughts whirlpool.
You only watched for so long before you were reciting lines with the actors, predicting gasps and clutching your heart in time with the lead. The main actress is just learning her love interest is the same spy shes been hunting this whole time.
“Why didn’t you tell me?!” You grabbed abba in time with the lead actress, he’d seemed content with the attention he was receiving.
“You know i have to do this myself” Your voice lowered in pitch with the main character. Abba let his tongue flap out his mouth, you tried not to let his breath affect your performance.
“You dont have to do everything thing yourself you know! Don’t you trust me?” She wailed through the speakers. This time you didn’t copy her, instead shouting at the screen “He’s just trying to protect you!”
“Im trying to protect you from all this, don’t you understand?” You rolled your eyes at the screen, scoffing as the scene played on.
“What do you think abba, was he wrong for not telling her?” Abba looked at you like he wanted to respond, head barely tilted as you spoke to him.
“You’re right… it is kinda complicated huh? But shes apart of his world too, doesn’t she deserve to know? Like, shes more hurt now that he kept it in for so long, theres no way it felt good for him either.” Abba looked at you with his round brown eyes as you spoke.
“You’re right, they’re just gonna kiss at the end of this anyway.” You snatched your phone up from beside the remote, the movies not as fun when you’ve seen it a billion times. You started scrolling with the backdrop of the dramatic scene playing. You scrolled past cat videos and asmr lives, laughing at memes and getting a suspicious amount of news.
A familiar voice suddenly rang through your phone. Another fan posting clips of Joost on stage, fast paced lyrics and flashing lights. You rolled your eyes but had a smile on your face, “not this again” as you opened the comments and scrolled through. You liked to pretend you weren’t just like the fangirls in the comments, yearning to be standing in the crowd shouting his name with the others. In a way you weren’t, you knew half of the comments wish they were in your position. You laughed to yourself, liking the post and simply moving on.
The algorithm works well though, the next post being Joost again, your eyes danced across an edit of him. It wasn’t anything salacious, definitely nothing you haven’t seen before, but you still felt strange as you watched the clips in front of you. It was mostly shots from interviews, him wearing his blue suit or button down shirt. So maybe you watched it a few too many times, it wasn’t really bad until you started searching for more. Hovering your finger over the profile you fought against your better judgement, “it’s not like he would ever know” you thought as you tapped the little circle.
Your heart palpitated as the account flipped open, you had a moment of clarity right before you tapped the first post on the screen. You were sitting on his couch in his house surrounded by his dogs, there had to be some platonic boundary you were stomping all over. A strong sense of guilt rushed through your body, yet not strong enough to stop you from pressing your finger over that taunting thumbnail.
You’ve seen hundreds of edits before but never for someone you knew in real life. You had to admit, there was an impish feeling brewing in your head as the edit played. It wasn’t like the first one, where you had plausible deniability that it had come across your feed for seemingly harmless reasons. Now it had your face flushing as he looked into the camera with that almost flirty smile. Another flash of superiority as you thought how you were one of few to see those alluring eyes in person, focused on you and only you. You didn’t notice the smile on your face as you swiped further and further into the account, mind wandering as he flashed across your screen. Every blinding flash of his blue eyes had you feeling like a school girl, you found yourself staring at him like he could really see you. Each clip reminded you more and more of that dream you were having, that damned dream-
You suddenly felt a gust of air tickling your ear, jumping out of your skin as your head whipped to cower from the sensation. Onion sat beside the couch, one of the only dogs not napping in a pile in the corner the room, (besides Abba, who’s been drooling into your lap this whole time). He pulled his small paws unto the cushions of the couch and ripped you completely out of your fantasy world with a rare need for attention. You wanted to react like a teen caught with their pants down but one look at the time reminded you that you planned to attempt to clip his little claws today. He had been extra friendly with you today so there was no way you could let this opportunity slip past you.
You slowly peeled Abba from your lap and moved to the kitchen to find the clippers, shoved into the same drawer with the millions of doggy bags and old collars. You brought Onion to a separate area where the other dogs couldn’t pry, scared Onion would get performance anxiety and become uncooperative. He followed you to Joost’s room where you shut the door behind you and sat on the floor, clippers and a plethora of treats shoved into your palm.
You set a treat in front of you as a peace offering, then brought the clippers between you so he could inspect what you were holding. Onions ears pinned back as his nose danced across the metal cutters, glassy eyes on you as if he knew what was coming next.
“Ok onion…” you spoke in the softest voice you could muster. “ I know this is a lot for you but we have to get through this together, Its gonna suck now but it’ll suck more the longer we wait.” He hesitantly scooped up the treat, chewing with caution as you watched him.
“Good boy… now, give me your hand…” You set your hand on the floor palm up and slowly shifted it under his, lifting his shaking paw high enough to slide the clipper around the nail. You pray he wouldn’t jump and squeezed the handle quickly. Onion flinched and whimpered as it snapped through the nail. You tossed another treat between you, letting him pause to swallow up the snack.
You were already at a better start than last time, when he wouldn’t even allow you to lift his little shaking paw off the carpeted floor. You sat next to him with the clippers for half an hour before he even let you try, Then the snap of the clippers scared him so bad he hit under the bed until you shook the dog food bag in the kitchen and he came skittering out. He must’ve forgiven you by now though, you couldn’t think of any other reason he would be acting so uncharacteristically warm towards you.
“Listen onion…” He hesitated to lift his paw for you again. “I know you would rather Joost do this for you, but right now I’m all you have….” You checked to make sure the first snip wasn’t too far on the nail, his breath shaking with every tremor rippling through his small body. You slowly lined the clippers to his second nail and cooed quietly.
“Y’know… I miss him too.”
SNAP
“But sometimes i feel…” A heavy sigh parted your lips, hand extending another peace offering to Onion, which he lapped up readily.
“I feel like i miss him a little differently than i should.” You smoothed a hand over the soft fur of his head, trying to soothe the shaking in his body. He leaned into the soft touch as you spoke into the quiet air.
“I think he’s such a good friend it confuses me, like i mean, did you see the picture he hung up of me?” You lined the clippers up to the next nail, preparing for another snip. Onion was getting more and more accustomed to it every time.
SNAP
“Im next to like twenty other people, yet i bet they don’t think about like i do…” Each treat brings you closer and closer to the end of this.
“I think i kinda latch unto any affection i can get, even if it’s platonic. Thats all it is right?”
SNAP
“I cant help but to read into every little thing he does, I know in my mind it’s really nothing but my heart cant stop holding unto these little gestures.” You dropped his paw and switched to the next one, still quaking but pushing through, as Onion calmed you seemed to unravel.
SNAP
“I don’t wanna ruin our friendship by complicating it with ditzy feelings, but I cant help myself from indulging in them either…” Another heavy sigh as onion licked crumbs from his white fur.
“Don’t tell anyone this Onion but… I was watching edits of him, like thirst edits. And I have to ask myself if thats something Apson would do and I know the answer is no, at least, not in the way I was watching it…”
SNAP
“I think the worst part is… I never felt this way until after he left.”
SNAP
“It’s like the distance is amplifying everything tenfold, so now i’m stuck wondering if it’s even real, is its even worth the time spent agonizing? How could I be sure it’s not my insecurities talking. I mean… I just feel crazy! Am I crazy, Onion?” Hes sat completely still, looking up at you blankly as you pleaded into open air.
“I must be, huh? Because why am I talking to you as if you could ever respond…”
SNAP
You pulled away as the final nail on his front paws flew off, looking down at him as he chewed his reward.
“Can I tell you something else, Onion? You really remind me of him, maybe thats why I can’t ant help but to talk to you. You and Mayo honestly. You’ve got this blond hair and the cutest blue eyes. Mayo’s got his personality, the outward energy at least, a friend to all just like him. But you’ve got the side he doesn’t share with everyone. The side thats been hurt but still yearns for the same love his other side gets. I see it in him so often, but i’m scared anything real is gonna send him running to hide, tail between his legs, just like you Onion. Thats really why I cant say anything to him, theres too much at stake.” Onion sat quietly as you rambled on, relishing in the free affection you supplied him gladly.
“I simply have to move on from this, huh?” You paused as if Onion would agree with you. He sat and waited patiently for your next move, listening better than any human you could’ve spoken to.
“Well if you aren’t gonna respond, how about we try those back paws?” You used a treat to coax him to stand but found quickly he had had enough of this, pulling his foot away every time you tried to get close.
“You’re right, I should take what i can get huh? You did so good for me anyway, why push it.”
It was getting dark as the sun nested into the horizon, sky darkening in its sluggish path. You figured it fair to call it quits and try again tomorrow, cant rush perfection an all. You promised yourself to not think how Joost was away performing his heart out as you moved to finish your daily chores in his house.
After each chore was completed and every dog pampered throughly, you sunk into the plush mattress with a heavy sigh. When you attempted to pull the thick comforter over your chin you were met with resistance. You looked down to find the source and saw none other than little Onion, curled up at the foot of your bed.
“Wow, you’re not tired of me yet, huh?” You sat up to reach across the sheet and scratch between his ear, you couldn’t help but to start talking as he yawned and snuggled into your warmth.
“Don’t tell anyone this either but, i’ve been having crazy dreams Onion, every night since i started sleeping up here.” You looked at Onion as if he had the answers, scratching his little head as you sighed wistfully.
“I always think it’s real at first, i wake up in this room but it’s blanketed in this heavenly light… I feel so warm it’s s overwhelming. I remember I always move to start the day but I feel arms wrap around me, tugging me deeper into the warmth.” You felt your heart pounding against your chest, each word you spoke felt like you were making it real, truly solidifying the hold Joost had on your subconscious.
“I’ll say “I have so much to do” and I hear “It can wait, cant it?” And he squeezes me tighter, like I could ever imagine leaving him there.” Onion eyes fluttered closed as you softly scratched him.
“It’ll last as long as I lay there, his hands cradling me and drawing soft shapes against my arm. But if I try to turn towards him i’m always ripped away from him, and I wake up by myself…” You’re speaking to yourself now, not even Onion is listening.
“I don’t want to be tormented like this, I want things to be normal again.”
It was your turn to rest your head on the inviting pillow, though you felt you would be getting anything other than a night’s rest. You took one more look at the peaceful frame of Onions form, thankful that at least one of you were fully at ease. You let yourself be swaddled by the warmth of sleep.
You woke to the faint sound of music buzzing in the corner of the room, no thumping paws or strange dream today, but the soft scratch of an old vinyl. You sit up groggily in bed and rub the sleep out of your eyes harshly, groaning as you ripped the sheets off to find the source. Your eyes scanned the room, passing over the little stitch at the desk and your chewed up slippers (curtesy of Abba) to the corner with the worn record player.
Onion sat perched on the chair, he must’ve turned it on with his paw while fooling around. He looked up at you as you leaned down to shut it off, you watched the record roll to a stop. It wasn’t often you came to this corner of the room, but now that you stood there you got a closer look at the pictures on the wall. You wanted to laugh at the deja vu you got, Onion repeatedly bringing you to these corners, but you paused when you got a good view of the record. The same one he brought when you went together sat suspended on the pin, you smiled until you looked at the case of the record.
A single picture sat inside, one of you and him on one of your bar hopping nights. Your head tipped back as you chugged a beer, Joost’s face scrunched into a scowl as he held the camera. Even with your lips around the bottle you could see the smile peeking through.
You thought about Joost again, he truly was an amazing friend to you. You realized how bad of a friend you were being by getting lost in a mental battle, your self absorption made you neglect someone who was probably struggling through the worst right now. You were wrong to take his silence personal when really it was a plea for a break, any good friend would realize this. You wanted to thank Onion for making you realize this, for hopping in the record player and blocking you on the bathroom to show you Joost wasn’t blowing you off. He was probably on his way to Frankfurt Germany missing his pets like crazy, yearning for the comfort they brought him and the pictures you supplied him.
You pulled your phone out swiftly, ready to send a few of the videos you had backlogged when you noticed something that made your heart rate spike. A message from Joost sent straight to your phone, The first message in days ( a week, you counted). You tried your hardest not to be excited, to stifle the growing smile on your face, but couldn’t help it when you finally opened up the message.
joosti
missed you sm but was busy ;(
u got time to talk?
•*⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧ *•*⛧°。 ⋆༺♱༻⋆。 °⛧*•
•ᴥ︎• a/n2: hope you liked this chapter constructive criticism always welcome! :}
just being two mutts in heat that can't get enough of each other and are constantly humping and mounting each other
on the cuter side i could totally see both reader and joost being in a two people one braincell situation and helping each other with simple tasks and being generally very cute
Exactlyyyy 🤭🤭🤭
puppy loves always touching n kissing each other,, i love the idea of their hormonal cycles always linking up. the pheromones of one of them in heat/rut telling the other's body it's time for their cycle to go too.. reader would have to be the one in control of the braincell when tht happens, taking care of silly needy puppy!joost even though you're just as down bad as him.
puppy loves in a free use relationship where they know they can always touch each other freely, puppy!joost coming up behind puppy!reader to shove up their tail and shove down their shorts to slip his dick in them. puppy!reader shoving their face in puppy!joost's crotch, snuffling at him and licking his tummy hair (furrr :3c)
both of them alwaysss using kaomoji when texting hehe - puppy!reader's out at the store or something n they get a text from josie "home soon? i miss u o(TヘTo)" with a selfie of him all pouty, ears down,,
puppy loves helping each other with simple stuffs cuz theyre both sooo dumb n ditzy ouhh thats so cuteee, being cute n dumb with puppy!joost
two dumb lovey puppy subs just happy to whimper n moan and hump each other til they fall asleep in each others arms, legs an fluffy tails tangled together
Summary: You feel miserable after a work day and when you fall asleep your guardian angel pays you a visit.
TW/CW: just really sad stuff, mentions of seхual аbuse but no clear description of that.
Author’s note: I’ve never wrote fanfics before and English isn’t my first language, so this might be not the best. Also if I got anything wrong in the tw/cw or should add something there please tell me in the comments.
Word count: 904
Your face roughly met the cold bedsheets as you fell onto your bed. Today wasn’t very hard, yet you still felt like a like a squeezed lemon. It was getting late. You’ve already cooked dinner, yet it wouldn’t go down. Well, if you don’t eat it today then you won’t really have to think about what to have for breakfast tomorrow.
You should brush your teeth, take a shower and go to bed, you have work tomorrow! Is what you kept on telling yourself for the past few minutes of lying in bed and doing absolutely nothing. But then other thoughts started creeping in.
You’ve fully moved to Amsterdam about a month ago, found a good place, a good job, everything was going great! Well, it looked like it was great, but in reality it was… sad. Even though you found a job you barely made any connections, just a few people you say “Hello.” to when you pass each other. Music became your comfort during the lunches you spent alone or the sad evenings, like this one. As in on auto-pilot you grabbed your headphones and out on some music.
The loneliness was eating you alive and the song choice wasn't helping.
You've made many irrational and impulsive decisions in your life, you knew that. Moving to Amsterdam felt like one of them. You did it just to escape all that happened in Germany, but your feelings tailed after you.
Maybe you should’ve moved to England, it was nice there after all. Liverpool held your best memories. If you move back there you could probably rekindle some of your friendships or maybe even visit your parents! Although… was there even a point in that? After years of living with them you came to the realization that they plainly didn’t care about you. Maybe they liked the idea of having a kid and then saw you as a responsibility of sorts, or maybe they didn’t want you from the start, you’ll never know.
But at least there was someone who wanted you… or at least you thought.
You wanted to feel them close again. Even though they yelled at you, even thought they were forceful, even though their hands, the hands that once brought you the warmth of a lover’s embrace, held you down even when you cried and sobbed “No!”, you still wanted to feel their touch again. To feel them close, feel them breathing softly beside you, their even heartbeat, to press your cheek against their chest and slowly breathe them in.
You just wanted to feel someone beside you.
Tears were already streaming down your face and you couldn’t even tell why. Memories of the past filled you with anger, shame and sorrow, but thoughts about the present barely helped. You were in a new country, without any friends or family and you didn’t have a single idea of how your future would turn out. You felt sad, lonely and utterly miserable.
The music in your headphones had long changed to something different, some popular song that barely had any meaning to it, yet you didn’t notice. Burying your face in the pillow you cried. You can’t remember the last time you cried like this, with your full chest and not holding back any sob.
The pillowcase felt wet and uncomfortable under your head as you turned to lie on your back. Tears were still flowing down your cheeks, yet there was less of them now. You should get up and wash your face. But the thought quickly disappeared under the weight of your now heavy eyelids. You felt drained both mentally and physically. Sleep took you over in a matter of minutes.
Just a moment later a white figure appeared in your room, accompanied by a soft rustling of feathers. The angel took a few cautious steps towards your bed, as if he was scared to wake you up. He carefully took your headphones and put them aside and then turned off your phone.
"Even like this you're beautiful, liefje" Joost quietly murmured. He gently wiped a tear off your cheek, fingertips gently brushing your skin. "Oh how I wish to take away all of your sorrow." The whisper was barely audible.
This wasn't the first time he came during your slumber. He did it many times, spending countless hours beside you while your chest rose and fell with even breaths. As your guardian angel he was by your side almost every minute, but he never dared to show himself to you.
But oh how he wished to. To be the comforting embrace on a rainy evening or a supportive voice during your battles. He wanted to be your rock and shield.
Yet he wasn't allowed.
He had to guard you, not turn the tides of future in your favor. That's why his feelings were something forbidden.
He was already rebuked several times by higher angels for his behavior. The things they said to him filled his head as he gently brushed away a few of your hair strands.
"You're doing too much, Joost!"
"You shouldn’t have done that."
"One more step and the consequences will be irredeemable."
One more step. That's what it would take for all of it to be over.
One more step.
...
Soft pink lips pressed against your forehead. "I love you."
And just like that he disappeared and the room grew quiet once again.
