Storystrations

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Aliens have been sighted over Earth.

In unrelated news, household objects are disappearing worldwide. They will be rounded up and admonished as soon as they are found.

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Oh right...aliens! With bridges on their heads!

An Enlightened Emoticon

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The last known footage of the Museum, the day it mysteriously burned to the ground in front of hundreds of witnesses. Police believe they have identified the toast responsible via this historic evidence.

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A Moment of Silence for Lightning Fetishist

We all loved that rascally cubicle monkey. Death by memes is not deserved by anyone.

Boycott DeviantArt today.

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Think about it.

Has anyone ever seen Virgin Mary and the Lenny Face in the same room?

Like, really?

That’s right.

Thanks, Moon.

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And it was all part of fetish-boy's cunning plan.

The Narrator

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Inconvenient Situations

- Losing track of one’s timeline of origin

- Jumping into a hole only to find oneself on the top of a passenger plane

- Temporary and instant transmutation into a potato

- Being electrocuted by a lightning fetishist

- Accidentally destroying a very important fountain

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This beautiful valley and its suddenly pacified discoverer were pictured mere moments before their wholesale destruction at the hands of dubstep.

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A Brief Altercation

Ghost: Why the shit...does this vodka have a fish?? ANYONE WANT TO ANSWER ME?? SERVER!!

Server: It iz only the finest wine, Monsieur. Hon hon baguette!

Ghost: I ordered vodka ya moron

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Have you ever seen the Sun plot a murder?

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Chair Woes

The Footstool. Always a dismal den of hons. But damn if it don’t serve a good drink.

All the other furniture was partyin’ up a storm. But not me.

Nothing stops the groth.

Not pills.

Not liquor.

Not even other chairs.

Nothing.

- A ghost haunting an office chair, shortly before his arrest, who wishes to remain anonymous

FROM THE POLICE BLOTTERS OF THE KINGDOM OF IKEA

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Found on Match.com. The Internet’s cruel machinations, no doubt; anyone who truly knows Serious Dog knows that he would never stoop to Online Dating.

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The only known photo of the Horror at the Footstool, c. 2019

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Nothing can stop my groth

Ghost in the Office Chair

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While all the other planets may only gaze upon the Earth’s beautiful visage once in their rotations, the Moon can stay with her always. A constant companion, the Moon is never down and faithful to her anywhere and everywhere, and would even have defended her from the Sun’s seething jealousy if not for his staggering quantities of naivete.

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The Meme Dog’s highly prized Meme Generator is the secret source of his nigh-infinite power, as well as the accursed hearth from which all memes flourish and spread. While it is Serious Dog’s mission to destroy it, little does he know that its corrupting influence has swayed the hearts of even the most stalwart defenders of truth and justice.

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All the other furniture was partyin' up a storm. But not me.

Ghost in the Office Chair