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@strangedreamz
Just woke up, this dream wasn’t really anything super significant, but I thought I should share anyways.
I was in my room, listening to RUSH. I have never listened to RUSH in my entire life. My brother walks in the room, and he looks at me, and he goes “Are you seriously listening to RUSH right now?” And I was like “well, yeah?” And he just goes “Really? RUSH?” And I was like “yeah, dude.” And then my brother left the room.
This is not a post about my dreams.
Dude, if you don’t have anything good to say about someone, keep your fucking mouth shut. Didn’t anybody teach you that if you don’t have anything nice to say, DON’T SAY ANYTHING??
“That guy’s an alcoholic.”
“She doesn’t brush her teeth”
“He hasn’t showered in two weeks”
These are all literally side effects of shitty mental health. Seriously, what’s wrong with you?
The dream I had before the last one I posted was about me (Micheal) joining a band I was absolutely unqualified for and getting ready for a gig where I had to play the guitar. Which, while I do know how to play the guitar, I am nowhere near good enough to be in a band.
This band consists of 5 grown men and a teenager (me, 16,) every member is either drunk, or stoned, and nobody is really qualified to be in this band tbh. One dude’s bass isn’t tuned, the singer is scrambling to get all of his lyrics memorized, I’m tuning my guitar and looking around me, and beginning to realize that I am the only one there who even remotely knows what he’s doing.
So by the time we’re about to go onstage, I am the only person I’m confident in, and I woke up before the performance started.
So I just woke up.
I had a dream that I was Jschlatt and I was in squid game but it was a very strange version of Squid Game run by Zach Hadel and I had to sign some weird contract and play this video game to get in. But the video game was just one of those mobile games with the weird ads. Anyways, so I, (Jschlatt) finish this game and join the squid game. In each game the players get two chances.
I was eliminated once, and the runners of the game were letting me watch these people in this room where the floor was kind of like a bouncy castle talk about stuff. I eventually come back in the room and I start talking about the video game I had to play and the gun they gave me for it. I whip out my gun and they’re all like “OH MY GOD, WHO GAVE HIM A GUN??”
So obv I’m like “calm down bro I’m not going to shoot you.” And they don’t believe me.
Anyways, whatever weird game we were playing finished up and we went back to the like, living area I guess? And we sleep.
I wake back up, to nobody around me. I sit up, looking around. Zach Hadel is standing by my bed, menacingly.
“Play my game again,” he says.
“Okay, the real one, or that weird video game?” He shrugs, walking away.
So, I find a computer? And the dream ends with me playing the shitty video game.
Okay I have OSDD but that is no longer what my blog is going to be about because I NEED to get my weird fucking dreams out there
When the dissociative identity disorder starts dissociating my identity
We have the inherent NEED to be seen as cool by other people for some reason. Like we try to seem as cool and chill as possible to make everybody like us oh wait that’s masking. We are masking. Fuck.
WHY THE FUCK IS EVERY SINGLE PERSON INHERE IMMEDIATELY TELLING ME TO TURN AFRICA BY TOTO OFF!! IS THIS NOT A FREE COUNTRY? -ALEX
Normalize Alters who have no fucking idea why they exist. Like bro I don’t Fucking know anymore. I’m tired, I’m hungry, the body hurts because we are chronically ill, I don’t have time to even attempt to evaluate my role in this body, I need to take 3 NyQuill pills and a Midol or 5 and sleep for 13 years thx. -Alex
//INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS/OCD
Having OCD is fucking weird.
Like “omg that animal is so cute, It’s sleeping.
Wait.
Is it dead?
IS IT DEAD??
MAKE SURE IT ISNT DEAD, WAKE IT UP!! Oh nvm lol it’s fine.”
being friends w systems is nuts cuz youll have a guy in the friend group that goes away for a bit and comes back like "i got out of the nightmare loop" or "sorry i was gone i got put in the torment nexus" and its not even an exaggeration they really were in the nightmare loop or the torment nexus for a week and are forced to be normal about it
“Yeah sorry bro I had to be put in the void for 2 months because people thought I was a danger to the body”
Being a Factive of somebody who later turned out to be a bad person is not for the weak. It’s so fucking embarrassing. Like “What’s ur name?” And I have to be quiet for a minute and either lie or I have to tell them I’m literally a Factive of a very very gross man. -J
Energy drink and cigarette -J
I’m definitely not pro-endo and I’m not anti-endo either. I don’t know what’s going on in other people’s heads. And usually the reason for people thinking they’re endogenic is because that actually have trauma that’s so bad they can’t remember it, so I don’t comment. It’s not my place to tell you that you’re not a system, as a traumagenic system. It’s not my place to tell you that you don’t have a disorder, but I also agree with the sentiment that you cannot be a system without trauma. Because that’s literally what the disorder forms from.
it’s not my job to go out of my way to tell Endos that they suck and are ruining the community because there’s no way to tell for sure if they are actually traumaless.
Being a system is fucking wild dude.
WDYM WE HAVE FUCKING S3PTIPLIER IN HERE?? They formed when I was like, 9. S3ptiplier has been in my brain for 5 fucking years what is this shit!!!!!!!!
Some of you seem to think being a system “must be so fun” and yeah, we have moments in our system where people are funny and silly and goofy, but we also have moments where we split so hard that we constantly feel like we’re on the verge of passing out. We have days where proper safety precautions are not met, and alters that are at-risk end up harming the body severely and need to be put into dormancy for an undetermined amount of time.
Anger holders hold anger, and they can become hostile or defensive and possibly cause damage to our relationship to the people around us.
Trauma holders hold trauma, and they often resort back to unhealthy coping mechanisms for comfort.
Symptom holders such as our OCD holders are constantly haunted and tortured by intrusive thoughts and obsessive thinking.
You have to remember that this is a disorder developed to protect us from developing more trauma. It’s not fun most of the time. It’s not supposed to be, it’s a disorder.
