Hi. Bye.

Header by @anemoianomaly - I also have an art blog @jampdrooze

[illusoryfem]

Franciscan nuns at the Convent of St. Anthony of Padua, Spain, are keeping a giant rabbit breed from dwidling to extinction. To fund their conservation efforts, the nuns sell homemade cookies and ice cream. (People)

[cloudabserk]

I DIDNT GET THE JOB LMAO

[cloudabserk]

funniest rejection email i’ve ever received

[redstonedust]

forgotten middle child syndrome the number 68 stuck between her funny number siblings 67 and 69. is this anything.

[maidthings]

hi welcome to my kitchen this is my box that makes things cold and my box that makes things hot and my box that makes things wet and my box that makes things full of EM waves and my box tha

[winged-void]

this one has 👍 bread

[ashenmind]

box that slowly turns bread into stale bread

[william-s-churros]

i think i saw a movie like this once

[maidslime]

Ok I needed to know the story and

Guy makes a really stupid decision and gets in a car accident -> no real damage from accident but insurance goes up -> starts beating himself up over his stupid decision -> gets depressed -> starts to realize he's single and had crash been worse he'd die alone -> realizes he's never had a relationship or even a crush and starts wondering what he'd want out of a relationship -> starts to realize he doesn't really like girls so he thinks he must be gay -> realizes he likes girls and boys about the same amount, so he must be bi -> later realizes that "same amount" is none at all -> he's ace

[kosmogrl]

firm believe that not everything happens for a reason, sometimes things are just cruel. and they shouldn’t have happened and it’s not supposed to be a lesson because we never deserved such thing.

[kosmogrl]

hm some people in my inbox got really mad at this specifically. nothing you can say will convince me that some of the pain and suffering we go through is our “fate” no, it isn’t

[prophetic-writer]

I'm sorry but I have one draft that I never finished but I laugh every time I see it

[hellsquills]

Writing Tip

Neither do i

[eviliens]

Unreliable everyone

[26labrd]

[natorevan]

[hollowboobtheory]

imagine hiring an assassin and they talk to you in a customer service voice

[teaboot]

"Hello, how can I help you today? Wonderful, can I get a first and last name? And how would I spell that? Awesome. And would you happen to have an address for this individual? And place of work? Fantastic.

Now, I'm going to give you a number, and I'm going to ask that you send in a photo of your target alongside any additional information you may have- family members, security, combat training, medical conditions, just anything you can think of that might be helpful.

Wonderful, you are all good. All we need now is a piece of government-issued ID, for insurance purposes, and a location for payment pickup. We accept cash, gold, processed uranium, and etransfer.

I'm sorry, we don't take american express.

Good, okay, so it looks like we are all set- when the job is complete, you will be notified VIA discreet codeword that a stranger will whisper to you on a crowded street.

We do not issue receipts, but if you'd like, I can arrange for a specific breed of tropical flower to be sent to your home address. Our associates will be able to validate it should the need arises.

And is that everything you were looking for today? Great! Thank you for coming to us. Have a nice day!"

[teaboot]

Alternatively,

"I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid the Pope is a high-status target that is beyond our area of service.

Yes, I- no, I'm sorry, I'm not able to do that for you.

Okay. Okay. Yes, I understand.

Sir, if you're going to use that sort of language, you should know that our HR department does operate in a hands-on capacity.

Wonderful. You take care."

[nebulousboundsfloof]

They create a perfectly normal call cemter staffed by decidedly amoral college students and paying them at least 4x minimum wage.

[hollowboobtheory]

hiring manager: you’re not concerned about the ah, services we offer? 

a college student who has eaten ramen twice a day for the past year: for $25/hour i’ll pull the trigger myself

[talvin-muircastle]

Look, the difference between Assassins and Customer Service is that Assassins are paid a lot of money to kill people and Customer Service isn’t being paid nearly enough not to.

[fakeharmless]

[itskennyphresh]

SNOOPY BASEBALL flip vintage quartz watch

Made in San Francisco (1980s)

[viralfrog]

[original-character-chaos]

[yossyislandd]

sources are saying "hello" and "hi"

[nemfrog]

Cat, fiddle. The Latch key of my bookhouse. 1921. 

[probablily]

i say yay outloud too like this isn't just my internet persona this is real me

[seagiri]

the ace attorney

[fairycosmos]

fucked that you can’t fix other people especially when you really care about them. Oh so im just supposed to be there for you while you suffer. like a useless cunt gargoyle

[importantcatpics]