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she/they TW ed blog 5’8 sw 212 cw 209 gw 163 gw2 140 ugw 125

[strawberrybluebutterfly]

⚠️ HUGE TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️

I’m back and it’s 2023

I talk about my eating issues, Inspo, and rant

I’m not a minor and plz dni if you are

I support recovery it’s just not my time yet

Introduction

21 years old

Demigirl / Lesbian

Autistic, ADHD, anxiety

This account is 100% just for myself & coping. Going through rough times and this is my healthiest method

Plz be kind and drink your water <3

[strawberrybluebutterfly]

Idk if this is just me but why tf do I get so anxious and mad at food I want but don’t even eat. Like the whole day I’m like damn I can’t believe I ate that nutty buddy BITCH I DIDNT??????

[strawberrybluebutterfly]

Tell me why some foods are my whole days worth diet like plzzz 😭

[strawberrybluebutterfly]

A HAMBURGER PATTY IS HOW MANY CALORIES????

[thinpost]

another ana hack:

go buy the steamed veggie bags from the frozen section! they taste so good, good for you, and they’re like 100-200 cals for the whole bag

you’re welcome

[oatmilkylatte]

[strawberrybluebutterfly]

Reminder for myself, look at old photos of myself and me now to help me not binge, nothing has worked better for a craving then that

[dietsnsmokes]

trying to handle both ana eating guilt and food waste guilt is my nightmare and it’s every day

[strawberrybluebutterfly]

If I was totally by myself this thing would be a breeze (ish) like the fact that people are watching me and I have to sneak around and pretend to eat or be served food is so annoying

[strawberrybluebutterfly]

I haven’t felt pretty since I was called “skinny” and I won’t stop until I get there and past

[strawberrybluebutterfly]

I’m going to be moving in with my partner soon, any tips on how I can skip meals or pretend to eat???

[radioheadfannumber1-deactivated]

god i dont want to be fat anymore

[strawberrybluebutterfly]

My main goal is to fit into brandy Melville

[strawberrybluebutterfly]

What fucking sucks is that I’m so big that even when I do lose like 30-40 pounds it’ll barely make a change. I still have to work 10x harder to get skinny I have to lose so much weight to even get to where I started last time

[sugar-crystal-tears]

I feel so inferior to every girl and woman I see.

Is it a matter of trying harder?

[strawberrybluebutterfly]

I’m coming back to help myself get back into my honeymoon. What I’m confused about is that when I started this account and this ED, I was really depressed and in a horrible home that gave me mad PTSD. So what am I doing here again? My life has flipped upside down where I am in a healthy and happy home away from my past, yet I’m here again. I’ve tried digging deep but I can’t seem to understand why I’m back on my bullshit. It’s different this time, I can feel it deep within me that I don’t want to fight my ED this time. I want it to consume me and take over. I want it to help me.

[strawberrybluebutterfly]

I’ve made it 5 months…. I’m exhausted, everyday I have to choose to get better. Everyday I have to live in this hell where I want something that seems impossible to achieve yet u have this aching call. I need to be small. Naturally I know I will never be small, so what’s the point? Everyday do I have to suffer to look a certain way? I preach body positivity but in reality im so upset. I haven’t felt pretty in a year. In a year was the last time I felt like I was something that was to be admired, worthy, and pretty. Last year my ED started. In one summer I lost around 35 pounds. I want to be there again but I keep failing. I keep letting myself get better which should be good right? But why can’t I have both? Why can’t I recover and look beautiful. Why must I compare myself and get triggered everytime I see a skinny person? Why do I have to lie to my family and friends in order to be small. Why do I decide I want to restart my starving journey every time I eat a big meal. Why can’t I win? I feel as if I will never be happy. But until I find that happiness I’m going to keep coming back here because in a twisted and fucked up way I was happy here. It was my escape and something I succeeded at.

I’m sorry to everyone I have lied to, and I’m sorry to my girlfriend who doesn’t know I’m going to start starving myself again.

(I’m not suicidal, and have no intentions to hurt myself, but I will be starting this journey again… let’s just see how long it lasts)