so iāve been off my meds for like two and a half months now and iāve just realized i might have done it all wrong and i think iām suffering the consequences
i just read some guy got brain damage from cold-turkeying cipralex and iām so scared??? my memory has become shittier recently and i canāt even leave the house without getting anxious about something really bad happening (may i remind you that my country is in an emergency state right now and the thought of a police stopping me and checking my phone in the street is just... TOO SCARY)
iāve read that people quit medicine in months and i just did it in a week or so. i went from 20mg to 5mg in two weeks then i stopped taking it after a few days of 5mg and THAT WAS NOT THE WAY TO DO IT and why did i never check???? why did i never google???? what was i thinkin????
now I WANT TO GO BACK TO 20MG [normally you start with 10 i guess but 20 worked so well for me, i donāt know why i ever quit it??????) but iām scared of having some different symptoms because i almost-cold-turkeyed it and now i want to take it at the highest mg and i donāt want to suffer anymore so taking it as 10 or 5 is just as good as not taking it for me
iāve been feeling overly anxious. i canāt leave home. i get angry at ridiculous times and i get sad at ridiculous things and i have this feeling in my stomach when i get sad which is just tooooooo annoying and i
iāve never felt this anxious. my depression started when i was living in belgium but even then, i managed to leave the house and being a middle-eastern foreigner in a country in danger of isis (soldiers everywhere), i didnāt feel this anxious while going out???
i canāt even go to the supermarket which is one street away
i constantly feel the need to look at my phone and i walk weird and i donāt like how i look. i start to feel bad about myself suddenly and i just
my school is starting in a month. iāve not seen my fp since june because I CANāT FUCKIN LEAVE THE HOUSE and
i know iām gonna regret it. my only gain from this summer was to finish some really good tv shows and maybe thatās what is making me feel good about this situation.
i love staying in. i love the FUCKIN FEAR of going out?? i love that i can sayĀ āi canāt go out because iām too anxiousā?????? wHY WOULD SOMEONE LOVE THAT
when i told my therapist months ago that i actually LIKED being depressed and sad all the time.... OH GOD, i canāt even remember what she said bUT IT WASNāT HELPFUL
i need to see a doctor BUT i need my pills to see a doctor but i feel scared to start them again and these stories of people being on meds for seven or more years and they canāt quit pills iāve read that some peopleĀ āPLANā to quit them in TWO YEARS
iāve also read that cipralex in long term may cause hallucinations etc. and iāve already been experiencing really weird dreams and some shitty thoughts and these spots near my eye that goes away when i look straight at them
and my memory has gotten shittier, iām sure
i seriously donāt know what to do but i canāt change cities to go to my college city in a mood like this beCAUSE i hate living there, i hate my dorm and all those misognyst assholes in my dorm and in my class and
i DONāT have a friend there because the last two (my only friends) stopped talking to me beCAUSE I WAS FUCKIN DEPRESSED