T/W: slightly depressive symptoms? Reader feels sad, hopeless, and lost, (also a lil crying but what is angst without tearsssss), cursing
You exhaled shakily, the cold air making the breath curl through the air before dissipating in front of your eyes. Chan’s lips gently pressed to your neck, arms tightly wrapped around your waist.
“Where are you right now?” he murmured softly, feeling as though any loud noise would shatter the fragile atmosphere the silence brought. You turned slightly in his arms to look at him; unsure of exactly he meant. Chan smiled, repeating himself before adding, “I know you aren’t okay. Stuck in your own thoughts that aren’t benefiting anyone. I just wanna know where you’re at in your head, so I can be there with you. I don’t wanna force you to tell me what’s wrong, but I want to be here for you, here with you,” His fingers traced circles on your skin, the weight of his head on your shoulder grounding you, bringing you immense comfort. “I wanna go through this with you. You know you’re not alone, right? I’m here, always.”
Heat slowly surged through your body with each word that passed his lips, gripping your body, crawling through your veins. Your head beginning to throb as tears stung your eyes.
Those brief shitty moments had become days, which had rolled into weeks, then months with seemingly no end. Progressing to times when you didn’t want to leave the safety of your bed, wishing the covers would swallow you, keeping you in their heavy embrace. It wasn’t like you hadn’t handled this before. You had. Chan had. But this time it felt different, and Chan picked up on that quicker than you had. You tried to hide it, not wanting to face it, to concern anyone; convincing yourself that either you’d fix it, or eventually, time would. But Chan was Chan. And when you were going through it, so was he.
Chan laughed weakly, brushing your cheek and pressing his forehead to yours.
T/W: slightly depressive symptoms? Reader feels sad, hopeless, and lost, (also a lil crying but what is angst without tearsssss), cursing
You exhaled shakily, the cold air making the breath curl through the air before dissipating in front of your eyes. Chan’s lips gently pressed to your neck, arms tightly wrapped around your waist.
“Where are you right now?” he murmured softly, feeling as though any loud noise would shatter the fragile atmosphere the silence brought. You turned slightly in his arms to look at him; unsure of exactly he meant. Chan smiled, repeating himself before adding, “I know you aren’t okay. Stuck in your own thoughts that aren’t benefiting anyone. I just wanna know where you’re at in your head, so I can be there with you. I don’t wanna force you to tell me what’s wrong, but I want to be here for you, here with you,” His fingers traced circles on your skin, the weight of his head on your shoulder grounding you, bringing you immense comfort. “I wanna go through this with you. You know you’re not alone, right? I’m here, always.”
Heat slowly surged through your body with each word that passed his lips, gripping your body, crawling through your veins. Your head beginning to throb as tears stung your eyes.
Those brief shitty moments had become days, which had rolled into weeks, then months with seemingly no end. Progressing to times when you didn’t want to leave the safety of your bed, wishing the covers would swallow you, keeping you in their heavy embrace. It wasn’t like you hadn’t handled this before. You had. Chan had. But this time it felt different, and Chan picked up on that quicker than you had. You tried to hide it, not wanting to face it, to concern anyone; convincing yourself that either you’d fix it, or eventually, time would. But Chan was Chan. And when you were going through it, so was he.
Chan laughed weakly, brushing your cheek and pressing his forehead to yours.
“You don’t have to tell me what’s wrong. I know it’s hard. And it’s shitty. Just know I’m here. I love you. I love you so-” You cut him off, firmly kissing his lips. Tears rolled down your cheeks as you pulled away, snuggling into his body as much as physically possible. He squeezed you into a tight embrace, peppering kisses over any part of you his plump lips could reach. Feeling your tears wet his shirt made his heart ache. What he wouldn’t give to take the brunt of all your pain, wishing to whatever godly entity that may exist to transfer it all to him so you wouldn’t feel like this, this low, this gut-wrenching pain. Chan squished you into him as much as your bodies would allow, before slowly walking the two of you towards your shared bedroom. He gently lay you down on the plush mattress, telling you to give him a moment, before racing to the kitchen, grabbing your favourite snacks and water.
You wiped your tears, guilt slowly clawing its way towards your heart. Before you could compound your sadness with the guilt of seeing your boyfriend running around, Chan popped back into the room, smiling brightly.
“I’ve never been happier that we always stock up on our snacks rather than essential things.” He grinned, striding over and wrapping you into a blanket burrito before settling on the bed, tugging you into his comforting embrace. He’d always joked that his hugs felt like honey, caramel, vanilla, chocolate, sugar, warm, fuzzy and cuddly, and he wasn’t wrong. To you, however, his hugs were also home. They were safety, love, warmth, the good parts of your days.
“Are you saying snacks are not essentials?”
He giggled, happy to see that your mood had perked up, even the slightest, “I think most people would disagree with our stance on the essentialness of snacks.” He slid under the covers, bringing you back to rest on his chest.
“Well, the majority of people are wrong.” Chan was laughing now, kissing your forehead in agreeance. He ripped open a bag of your favourite snacks, filling the silence with baseless chatter, talking about everything from Jisung’s latest escapade in trying to convince JYP that the very audible ‘fuck’ in the backing track of his mixtape was an artistic choice which couldn’t be removed, to his recent discovery about how soon mankind would reach another galaxy. From the mundane to the thrilling aspects of his and your lives, Chan didn’t miss a single detail when either of you was speaking.
The way Chan listened to you, recalling little offhanded remarks or mindless comments you had made, caused a little splash of warmth to erupt from within.
Slowly, yet surely, Chan made you feel less like shit.
In fact, he made sure that you’d never felt more loved.
Chan’s fingers gently wiped your cheeks, trying to wipe away any dried tears he missed. You stifled a yawn, reaching up to fix Chan’s bedhead, the curls sticking up from his mussing. “C’mon, baby. Let’s get some rest, okay? And in the morning we can make pancakes. I’ve got the day off, so we can have a lazy day,” The man whispered, kissing the top of your head.
You nodded, now emotionally and physically drained. Snuggling against Chan’s neck, you mumbled out an ‘I love you’, as well as a slurred thank you.
“Don’t thank me, baby. I’m your boyfriend. I’m always here for you, okay? I love you so much. You’re my world. More than enough for me, always so fucking amazing. No matter what’s going on, I love you. I hope you know that. That will never change...” He paused for a moment, before whispering, “We’re gonna be okay, baby. You’ll be okay, you’ve made it through all of your toughest days so far, and I’ll be here for you, always. Never gonna leave your side. And I know you won’t leave mine either.”
Chan kissed the top of your head, his eyes slowly shutting.
Maybe, just maybe, Chan was right.
Maybe things will get better. And even if they don't, you've got each other, and that's enough. And that’s okay.
The man who’s sung at countless weddings and wrote the most heartfelt breakup song is now about to start his own family.
This is such a great way to start 2020. I’m so happy for Jongdae and his fiancée. I hope for nothing but good health and happiness for them and their child.
That kiddo is gonna grow up with the most supportive father and uncles (and also the loudest but they do it with love lol)
Congratulations Jongdae!!
We all know he’s gonna be the best dad and husband.
A long sigh escaped his lips as he fell backward onto the unfamiliar hotel bed. ‘Home’ was a word that he could rarely use. His life was non-stop – travel, rehearse, perform, eat, sleep (if he had time left), repeat. His body always craved one thing when he was any amount of miles away from home.
You. Home.
He craved you. The way you smiled whenever the two of you were together, how you curled into him whenever he held you close, how your body moved under his fingers, the feeling of your skin; your lips against his. All of you. It didn’t matter if he was awake or asleep. You consumed his thoughts, your silhouette the only thing he could see when he closed his eyes. The way you swam through his mind amazed him.
You were an angel wrapped in sin; the one thing that could put him back together or make him fall apart...And he loved it.
He wondered what you were doing right now; the last words that had left those sinful lips haunted him. “Am I going to have to handle myself all alone?” you’d asked him, “am I allowed to… without you?”
A shiver ran down his spine, skin prickled with goosebumps at the sinful meaning those few words held. Lust flowed through his veins thinking of your last couple of days together, satisfying each other in ways neither of you had been able to alone. The pair of you were wild, working each other up, searing touches, prolonged teasing, he could almost taste you. His hand slowly moved down his body, his pants becoming uncomfortably tight. He longed to hear your moans as he slowly palmed himself. His head fell back, lips parted as he thought about how you handled him oh-so-perfectly.
Shedding as much clothing that he could, he brought a trembling hand towards his arousal, slowing moving up and down in an attempt to mimic you. Rushed hands weren’t the same as the composure you had. His other hand ran back up his toned body, tugging on his hair the way you did when everything got a touch too much. His hips bucked into his hand. His hand moved quicker along his thick shaft, the friction a pleasurable release.
But it wasn’t enough.
His eyes closed, his hand tugged faster. Faster. Tracing the underside, running over the veins, mimicking your tongue. A breathy moan surpassed his lips. The hand that had been gripping his hair tightly moved down his body to his balls, fondling them in ways he could only visualise you doing. He groaned. His hips moving to their own accord, fucking his hand as if it were you. He slowed himself, crumbling under his own control, thumbing his engorged tip, miserably attempting to imitate you.
Broken moans of your name fell past his lips as his head dropped, chest heaving – trying to regain the air knocked out of his lungs by pure pleasure. His hand wrapped around his painfully hard cock, setting a mind-blowing pace to find that sweet release.
He thought he heard a knock at the door, or maybe that was just how loud his heart was beating. His head was spinning; drowning in a pool of pleasure. The echo of his own moans in the empty room spurred him onwards, pumping himself quicker.
He finally snapped.
His back arched upward, mouth fell open as incoherent moans of your name left his lips. His vision hazed, blurred and white, adrenaline buzzing through his veins, pure pleasure coursing through his body. He fell back, one final “fuck” slipping away from him before his stomach was covered in his own release. Panting, he reached for a tissue, his hands still shaking from his orgasm. The unmistakable smell of desire in the air as he cleaned up, relaxing back into the bed.
A relentless buzzing brought his euphoric mind back to harsh reality. Your Caller ID flashed on the screen, artificially replicating how you lit room. A smirk painted his glowing face. Picking up, his previous dirty thoughts re-entered his mind.
“Hello?” he rasped out, automatically smiling when he heard your voice.
Can we please not romanticize what happened to Goo Hara? She’s not “with Sulli” now, she’s gone and it’s heartbreaking. It’s unbearable that it seems to have become a regular thing now for idols to die of suicide. Goo Hara died one month after her best friend. Whether or not that’s true, many people interpret their deaths as connected, as Hara following Sulli. Don’t tell people she succeeded. There’s nothing good about this, it’s endlessly sad and the K-pop industry needs to change. Comfort each other but don’t make light of it.
The rain beat steadily against the window, the world beyond it is dark and cold. You snuggled further into Kyungsoo’s chest, his warm embrace paired with the plush blankets proving to be enough to make you more than drowsy. Kyungsoo brushed his fingers lightly over your temple, trailing them over your ear and down your neck, pressing a kiss against the top of your head.
“Don’t want you to leave...” you whispered, not able to bring yourself to the reality that he wouldn’t be around for a long time. Too long, in your opinion.
He chuckled, “You think I’m willingly doing this? I’m gonna miss you so much, sweetheart. I don’t wanna go either, but I have to.”
You whimpered, now struggling to keep yourself awake, wanting to spend as much time with him as you could before he was gone.
Kyungsoo tilted your head back, kissing you sweetly. “I love you. And I know it seems like it’ll be forever, but it’s only 2 years. I’m enlisting, not dying.”
You couldn’t help the smile that pulled at your lips. “I know.” You pecked his full lips. “I love you too.”
“I know you know.” Kyungsoo tightened his embrace, engraving this moment into his mind. Your eyelids grew heavy, as sleep enveloped you both.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
What’s beautiful is always precious. Even if it stays for a moment and goes far away later. The eyes of my heart fill up the ordinary moments, as if it’s always looking.
if you ever feel like you’re unable to continue living, please talk to a friend or a family member, or please get in touch with a crisis team.
above is a list of numbers i’ve found that you can talk to when you’re at your lowest. (please please please add any i have missed or any that i have gotten incorrect)
my inbox and dms are always open if you need somebody to speak to.
you are not alone.
we are stronger together.
thank you for everything, jinri. i hope you rest well. ♡ ♡ ♡
we're born in the moonlight @straymoonchild - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
