I don't want to die inside again..
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Kiana Khansmith

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Keni
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@strength-has-weaknesses
I don't want to die inside again..
Holy fuck
|| So it’s 2:04 am & I can’t even shut my eyes cause I’m losing my damn mind, trying to ignore the craving for smoke in my lungs & for it to linger between my lips. I want the joint in my fingers, while kissing my lips.
I stayed. I stayed through everything. Through all the lies and the bullshit. Through all the fights. I stayed by your side through thick and thin. I never gave up on you. I gave you so many chances. I always forgave you no matter how much pain my heart was in cause I couldn’t lose you. And none of that meant anything to you. You lost someone who loved you unconditionally. Not someone who just loved you in your best, but in even your worst and darkest moments. I let you walk all over me and push me around. You took advantage of my love because you knew that no matter what you put me through, I would always let you back in. I stood up for you. I loved you with everything I had in me. And I know that from this day on, our memories will haunt me. I’ll wake up in the mornings hoping that your arms are around me just to realize how cold it is without you by my side. I’ll look in everyone’s eyes to try and find ones that make me feel the same as I did when I looked into yours. I will never be able to get rid of the burning in all the places your hands touched. The pounding in my ears does nothing but remind me of the sound of your heartbeat as I lay my head on your chest. I can’t watch my favorite tv shows or listen to my favorite songs because they’re all laced with the sounds of your laugh and your ridiculous dancing. I find pieces of you in everything and one day it will drive me to insanity. And I never thought that the last time I was with you, would actually be the last and the memory is blurry. I can’t remember it that well cause in the moment I didn’t know I would never get hold your hand again or feel your body so close to mine. I still remember all of our best moments and that’s how I’ll choose to remember you too. I’ll remember you in the days we were inseparable. I’ll remember you when we were laughing and kissing and cuddling and we looked like we were almost in love. Almost. I was falling for you but you weren’t falling for me. It was just an act and even though it puts a bittersweet sting on these memories, I will still love them because I can’t love you anymore. And if that’s the closest I can get to feeling like we’re okay again, then I’ll take it because I still need you.
Losing you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure (via xashleyyxnicole)
Hmm
& in this time I wish, infinite. However wishes are not always granted by the just..
..
I’ve found that we always close our eyes when the sun shines in our faces it makes me think that maybe we crave just a bit of darkness
still-not-written (via wnq-writers)
i’m in my prime, not withering and old. but i refuse to play your wicked games any longer. i know this tether is unbreakable, but you make me feel like i’m interchangeable. you drew a target on my heart, when did this become fatal attraction? i don’t have the strength, the energy, nor the patience to be held hostage by your love. so baby please don’t despair when i say that i’ve found the courage to let you go. you were never meant to be tied down in the first place.
believing i could love you was my mistake, c.j.n. (via panamaweddings)
.....
So there’s this girl..and whenever I see her face I think it’s impossible how much beauty could be in one person, yet there she is, filled with all of it. When I think of her, I wonder how the universe could have come up with someone so perfect. Whenever I look at her eyes It’s as if I’m looking into the night sky, and oh my god how they light up when she looks at me. It’s as if her eyes belong up there, as stars. The way the skin around her eyes crinkle when she smiles and how her rosy cheeks puff up makes me weak and defenseless to everything she will say. The perfect curvature of her pink lips, I crave them to be pressed against mine, with her bright beautiful smile hiding behind them. Her facade, scarred arms and broken memories are not all that she is made of, although it may seem like that at first. When she’s sad, so are you. You can’t avoid it, the way her head sinks into her hands and her heavy brown eyes water, will have your heart break into a million pieces and whirl it around like it’s in a violent tornado, and you’ll want to do everything in your power to make her smile again. Although she is young, she is so wise. Sometimes It seems as if I’m talking to a 65 year old woman rather than a 17 year old young lady. Her body is a valuable piece of artwork, constructed with careful consideration, you have to be cautious when you touch her because if you break off a piece of her and walk away, she will never leave your mind, you’ll always think of that girl when you look at your dirty hands. That perfect, magnificent, lovely girl. Her beauty is not recognizable at first, you must look within her, not only at her. Inside you’ll find so much heartbreak, so much pain, you’ll find scars and bandages all over her heart, you will see the walls she put up and the years of torment she put herself through simply because she felt she deserved it. And you will also see the strength it took to overcome the addictions, the courage to break down those walls, the bravery it took to wake up every morning and smile, the passion that drove her to succeed, and the love she’s been saving secretly for someone. When her hands touch you, you’ll feel so intact and complete, and when her hands leave your body you’ll start to feel insubstantial and breakable. you will feel a tightness in your chest and a faint sting in every spot that she touched. you’ll find yourself begging for her to touch you once more. Her hands are gentle, they have been through so much. Her breath against your neck and the grip of her hands around your waist will feel like a series of shivers are running down your spine, then trembling will take place throughout your entire body, you will start to feel your face heating up. and you will hear your heart pounding, you’ll wonder if she might hear it too. To have her hands wrapped around your neck would be the most pleasurable thing you ever experience. You will listen to all of her complaints, thoughts, ideas, dreams and nightmares, not because you have to but because you crave every word that comes out of her mouth. Her voice sounds more prominent than any one of your favorite songs and you’d still love it if she was yelling “I hate you,” because of how perfect it would sound. You’ll only ever want to hear your name come out of her mouth, no one else can say it as sweetly as she does. And when you kiss her, breathing oxygen becomes insignificant at that moment. She becomes all you want to breathe in. Her taste will never leave your mouth. The simple and over used adjective, “beautiful” can not even describe her beauty well enough. I love her. I love her with all of my heart. She is a sensitive, insightful, self-sufficient girl, and she is the most loving and caring person you’ll ever meet. I am so lucky to be able to call her my girlfriend.
t.n.p (via smile-brokengirl-smile)
'Nough said
Move on, leave, run away, escape this place… but don’t forget about me, about us, about this town. Always remember where you come from so you can appreciate how far you’ve come.
c.j.n. (via panamaweddings)
Fuck the last 2 years of my life it was a waste
I mean, I can do without. But my heart & mind don't want to, maybe the fact that I'm losing you.. Is scaring me. Maybe I'm becoming weakened with anxiety because piece by piece I can feel you leaving.
I just want you in my bed, with a joint in my hand.
I edit the look of my blog whenever you edit my feelings.
Well isn't this the truth, senseless. But twisted with emotion and depth.