there are balloons half deflated in one of the living room’s corner and glittery pink frosting smeared across the dining table.
sophia’s third birthday had been loud in that particular way only toddlers can manage, with shrieking laughter because of sugar highs.
now, there are too many presents piled in the bed of the guest bedroom. the guests always go full out, just because they can afford it and can’t pass on the opportunity of seeing a three year old spitting image of you screeching with joy at the sight of boxes covered by pink wrapping paper.
liam brought his boys along just to add to the chaos, when in reality he was the one that coordinated the mess. everyone knew was a rockstar, but the “fun uncle” side of his wasn’t known to everyone. it was also secretly your favorite.
bonehead wasn’t any different, since he actually was sophia’s uncle, he walked inside the house with arms piled with gifts and sunglasses on his face.
everyone had given you a tight hug when they arrived, not really addressing the elephant in the room because it didn’t feel appropriate and you did seem okay.
only one person noticed you weren’t, though.
he had arrived hand in hand with anais, who was nearly dragging him across the entryway, too excited to see her best friend. when he walked in the door, you could tell he noticed it immediately: the tightness in your smile, the way your shoulders seemed tense even while laughing at sophia’s excited shrieks.
he didn’t say anything then, of course. he just stepped in, handed the gifts to anais so she could give them to sophia minutes before they had face paint all over their chubby cheeks.
you carried on the same way you had prepared yourself to do in that afternoon. you hugged him back, you gave him a smile that you cursed yourself for being too tight.
now, it’s night. the number on the clock indicates that kids that ran around all afternoon are passed out by now. two of them sleeping soundly in the bedroom upstairs.
noel had carried them up one by one. sophia first, limp with sleep against his shoulder. then anais, who anais stubbornly trailed beside him with her hand in his until she gave in too – you laughed a little at the scene, mainly because he joked about her being stubborn just like you, even if not actually related.
now, sophia is asleep in a nest of fluffy pillows and plushy toys with anais is beside her. the tiny blonde had insisted on staying and sleeping beside her like she belonged there – because she did.
“fucking inseparable, those two.” noel’s words to himself as he closed the door with a soft click.
he came back down the stairs slower this time.
because he should go. he knows he should.
he’s done more than enough – turned up with too many presents, stayed longer than any other guest, maybe even longer than necessary.
now, he has a perfect excuse not to, his baby girl is asleep in your daughter’s room. and yes, he could slip out, give you a polite goodbye hug and say he’ll get her in the morning.
that would be smarter, safer.
but there’s a nagging feeling inside his chest at the knowledge you’re not okay, and with that, he doesn’t really care about smart or safe right now.
so, he finds you in the kitchen. your back is facing him and he can hear the tap running. you’re scrubbing a plate that doesn’t really need scrubbing anymore.
he watches you for a moment. his jaw feels tighter, because it’s been years of this.
years of standing too close, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and saying the right one too late. he wonders if this is going to be one of those, he doesn’t want to make it worse – not right now, when you look like you can’t really afford worse.
he cleared his throat, walking towards the sink and resting his hip on the counter. “both dead to the world,” he says quietly. you huffed out a little breath accompanied by a weak smile, then nodded. he looked at your expression, then at your hands under the running water. “you don’t have to do that now.”
you nodded, eyes still on your hands under the water. “i know.”
“leave it for tomorrow.” he said quietly, already reaching out for your wrist, softly wrapping his fingers around it.
“i don’t want to look at it tomorrow, noel.” you snapped, barely above a breath. your voice was shaky.
he exhales at it, his hand now reaching your arm and gently resting over your bicep, in a way that makes you take in a stuttering breath. the kind that happens when you’re about to break.
“hey…” he says gently, beggining to slowly turn you by the shoulders, his eyes searching for your face.
you looked down, avoiding his gaze, but your lips were already quivering. you shook your head as an attempt to convince yourself that you’re fine.
“i’m fine.” you whisper, which is ridiculous. because your tone is shaky, your eyes are glassy and you’re clearly not fine.
he just pulls you into him. it’s instinctive and familiar, his arms wrap around you and his hands find the back of your neck and your spine. you can’t help but crumble right then, folding into his chest like you’ve done a few times before.
only this time, there’s no chaos, there's no noise to drown it out. this time, you allow yourself to not be strong. just for once.
“she’s three and i couldn’t even—” your voice breaks, muffled against his chest. “i couldn’t even… fucking keep her family together.”
he squeezes you tighter at that, you can feel him shaking his head at your words. you cry properly then. face pressed against his shirt and hands fisting in the fabric of his shirt without even meaning to.
you pull away with a shaky inhale, your own hand going up to dry a tear rolling down your cheek. you look up at him only to meet his gaze already on you, his eyebrows are furrowed.
“i wanted—” you begin, hiccuping softly and closing your eyes as you feel noel’s hand stopping yours and drying your tears himself. “i wanted her to have… you know. i really did.” you add shakily.
he nods, slow and reassuring. “yeah, i know. i know, love” he says softly, his tone as gentle as his hands rubbing your forearms down to your shoulders. then, his palms slide up, softly moving your hair softly behind your shoulders.
your eyes close again, shaking your head as you bury your face on his chest again. “she’s tiny… she won’t— she can’t…”
you shake your head against his chest before you can even try to explain it. your hands shake as your arms wrap around his waist, while his feel firm and warm and comforting as he pulls you closer again.
it’s hard because it’s so clear for you.
losing colin didn’t settle grief inside you the way it does once real love fizzles out.
it didn’t hurt the way it once had with noel. not in the way it still did, because he’s still the one you need comforting you even after years of unspoken tension and too many things unsaid.
what hurts the most right now is sophia being too little to understand why her parents don’t live together anymore. which is why you’re trying so hard to make sure she never feels caught in the middle of adult mistakes.
because colin should've been the safe choice. the choice you agreed on making every time he took the first steps.
when he asked you to marry him, when he asked you to stop taking your birth control. even at the very beggining, where you'd come back inside shivering, already prepared to tell him a polite goodbye and thanks for the nice chat before noel came in and shattered something that made you feel normal for five minutes. colin immediately stopped the conversation he was having at the sight of you soaking wet, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder and guiding you home after you only answered a weak "okay" when he asked.
the years developed in that same way. settling for something that made you feel safe, but not something that makes your heart beat faster. you always convinced yourself that it doesn't matter, that this kind of love happens to girls that are lucky enough to live inside the princess stories you tell your baby girl before bed.
you told yourself that safe is good. that you don't need to be with someone you love so much it feels like you could die from the intensity, i mean, look where that took you.
funnily or tragic enough, it took you the same place "safe" did. worried sick about your daughter and crying in your kitchen, inside the arms of the person you've been denying yourself to love ever since you knew what love meant.
noel placed a kiss on the top of your head as his hands find your hair, fingers slipping in and massaging your scalp softly as he mutters: “it’s not your fault.”
your body shakes as you cry, forming wet patches on the fabric over his chest while your hands shake as they fist the back of his shirt. his hands are warm on your back, massaging slowly, the kind of gentle pressure that’s meant to steady you.
he buries his nose on the side of your head as he says quietly, “she’s lucky to have you. she won’t remember the messy parts. just how brilliant her mum is.”
you inhale shakily, nodding and pulling back slightly just to clean your tears again. he pulls back too, just enough to brush your forehead with his.
you can feel the warmth radiating from him – and can’t help but lean into his touch once his hands slide from your cheeks down to your shoulders, gently squeezing as if he could take all the hurt away.
“it’s alright, yeah?” – his lips press to the top of your head again, slow and deliberate, then he pulls back just to finish – “don’t have to be strong all the time, y’know.” he murmurs, voice low and careful. his eyes still on your face.
you nod. feeling the knot inside your chest loosen just slightly for the first time in hours, maybe years, as you breathe in his scent, familiar and grounding. your eyes flutter open once you feel his hands move from your shoulders to cradle your neck, thumbs stroking the curve of your jaw softly, as if memorizing that line of your face.
▸ call it fate, call it karma - the strokes
you lick your lips as you look up at him through glassy eyes, “please don’t go.” you say softly, barely audible, heart pounding painfully.
he shakes his head, his hands now cupping your cheeks gently. “won’t. not goin’ anywhere unless you want me to.”
your eyes meet his, dark and messy and filled with something you’ve been trying to hide for years. “please… please, don’t—” you whisper, breath hitching and voice still weak.
he nods, brushing his thumbs over your cheekbones in slow, soothing motions. “i’m not… i’m not going anywhere, yeah?” he breathes out, softer this time, a little shaky from the proximity.
you swallow, feeling your gaze drift down to his lips. you’re not just asking him to stay anymore.
his eyes follow yours, deepening with something raw.
“please, noel…” you whisper again, eyebrows furrowing softly as a plea, nose instinctively tipping up until it brushes his.
fuck.
he kisses you before his brain even catches up.
his lips capture yours with a tenderness that shocks both of you at first. his hands shake as they hold your face. his mouth on yours is hesitant, testing, but then, you let out a soft sound against his lips, eyebrows furrowing softly as your lips part for him as an invitation.
and, as if he’s been holding back for decades, the kiss deepens. it becomes urgent and warm, still slow. he breathes out into it, your brows furrow more at the feeling of his tongue sliding against yours. everything he couldn’t say or do for years spills out right now.
your fingers clutch fabric as you kiss him. his hands slide to your waist, pulling you flush against him.
and as the kiss deepens even more, he breaks it when your hands press against his chest, pushing him back just enough to look at him properly.
disbelief all over your face. fear flashes across his.
he steps back a fraction, already shaking his head. “sorry. i’m— i shouldn’t have, i just—”
you cut him off by grabbing his shirt and pulling him back in, your other hand immediately slide over the back of his head as you kiss him. he lets out a broken moan inside your mouth, like something inside him finally snapped. his hands find your hips, pulling you closer again.
your tongues are messy against the other, tiny sounds escaping from the back of your throats. your hands are shaky and desperate, grabbing him like you're holding onto a dream you might wake from at any moment.
you both pull back to breathe, panting against each other’s lips and foreheads still touching. he muttered out a small “fuck,” immediately giving your lips lingering pecks because he can’t stand the distance even for a second.
“where was this… six years ago?” he whisper against your lips, already breathless.
“wasn’t… allowed to.” you reply equally as breathlessly. his hands tighten on your waist, a low moan escaping his lips.
▸ since i've been loving you - led zeppelin
and then, he’s already kissing you again. and this time there’s no hesitation, there’s no shock that this is really happening. now it’s just hunger and a desperation that’s been sitting under your skins for decades.
his hands move with the certainty now, lifting you up onto the counter in one smooth motion. you gasp softly as he steps between your knees, your legs spreading instinctively. he kisses you like he’s been starving – messy, desperate and sloppy in a way it makes you arch your body towards him.
his mouth is hot and insistent, his teeth grazes your lower lip before he pulls it gently between them just to slide his tongue inside your mouth again, swallowing every moan you cannot hold in. hands grabbing your hips harder every time you shakily buck them closer into him.
his hands find your thighs, sliding up, his palms are warm underneath the hem of your dress. his hands wrap around the soft skin harder than he’d like. he needs it to anchor himself.
you don’t mind either, in fact, you wish he’d slide them even further up just to see the mess he’s causing between your legs. because you’re as desperate, the skin under your eyes finally feels dry despite your breathing being even more jagged than before, despite your lips being slick with your spits.
your hands are already fumbling with his shirt, pushing the hem up and impatiently running your hands over his stomach.
“fuck,” he murmurs against your mouth, moaning softly when your fingers slip beneath the fabric and drag over the front of his stomach as well as his waist.
you don’t tease him about it. you can’t. not when you moan just as pathetically against his mouth the second you feel the soft amount of skin gathering right above the waistband of his trousers. a little bit of dad weight happens to everyone, right? rockstar or not. and it’s driving you up the wall. so much that when you finally get the shirt halfway up, you’re already chasing his mouth when he breaks the kiss, just to pull the fabric over his head.
you don’t waste a second once it’s off, already pulling him closer, your nails dig softly into his scalp, since the slightly longer locks aren’t there anymore to tug.
he pulls back anyway, holding your face in his hands and stopping you from kissing him again. his hands are firm on your cheeks, leaving you helpless, restraining you just for a second. you keep watching him, panting, looking at him with a glassy eyed and borderline pathetically needy gaze.
his is breath just as uneven as yours. and god, there’s nothing in this world he wants more than to kiss you again.
but he slips back into his good senses just for a second, before he takes you right there in that fucking kitchen.
“we don’t have to,” he says again, panting. his voice is raspy and weaker now, dripping with need. his hands are still on your face, squeezing it softly like he can’t help it. fuck, makes you need him even more. “you’re upset. you’re—”
you cut him off by dragging his mouth back down to yours with a moan. “i want to,” you breathe out, shaky, half a moan and half a plea. “please, noel. need it.”
he kisses you back, eyebrows furrowing for a second before his expression flickers into something boyish, soft and smug all at once. you feel him smirking against your lips, crooked and disbelieving.
“yeah?” he asks, voice lower now, almost shy beneath the arousal. you huff out a shaky moan, burying your face in the crook of his neck, hiding because of the intensity of it is almost embarrassing.
he laughs under his breath, hands sliding higher under your dress, fingertips brushing over bare skin. “were cryin’ two minutes ago, love.” he murmurs, lips pampering slow and wet kissed along your jaw until it reaches your ear. “now you’re draggin’ my shirt off. sayin’ you need it.” he whispers.
you moan quietly, grabbing the back of his neck to keep him there, wrapping your legs around his hips and pulling him closer, desperate for friction. he nibbles on your earlobe as he whispers: “what do you need?”
you moan, grabbing him tighter and squeezing your eyes shut, head tipping back. “you.” you choke out.
he moans lowly at your plea, but doesn’t let you off that easy. his fingers slide further up your inner thigh until they’re pressed against your throbbing heat covered by the already drenched fabric. his mouth finds yours hungrily again, deeper this time. he only pulls back just enough to rasp against your lips. “say it again.”
“need you, noel. please…” you repeat, more desperate now. panting against his mouth and immediately swallowing a groan he lets out. he kisses you harder, hips pressing into you instinctively. you feel it, the years of restraint unraveling in the way he touches you now.
his mouth leaves yours, trailing down your throat. then, he kisses lower – his fingers shake as he reaches the neckline of your dress, fumbling down with the fabric until it exposes your breasts to him. he immediately leans down and takes one of your hardened nipples into his mouth, his other arm wrapping behind your torso and pulling your chest impossibly closer to his. he glances up at you while his tongue swirls around your sensitive skin, making you throw your head back with a soft moan.
your nails slide down his, softly scratching as you moan his name. before he can even give the other one the same attention, he straightens up and kisses you again.
his hands move, sliding under your dress completely now, pushing it higher over your hips while his mouth keeps finding yours between breaths.
his palms find your thighs once the fabric is barely out of the way, rough and warm and impatient, until his fingers hook into the sides of your knickers.
“is sophia a light sleeper?” he murmurs against your neck, lips attacking the soft skin.
you’re already breathing harder, shaking your head eagerly. “no” you breathe out. he exhales something that sounds like relief mixed with a groan that’s cut short as he kisses you again, deeper.
he tugs your knickers down. too quickly, too eager to bother being careful.
there’s a soft sound of fabric ripping.
you just kiss him harder, while he tosses them on the floor without a care in the world. neither of you even paying mind to the damaged fabric that tore under the force of his hand.
noel lets out a breathless, half-groaned “fuckin’ hell,” against your mouth, sounding more turned on than apologetic.
you couldn’t care less, not when his hands are already back on your thighs, spreading them apart like he physically cannot waste another second.
“and anais?” you murmur against his lips. flushed and dizzy with the sight of him eagerly dropping to his knees between your legs.
“thank fuck no,” he mutters, almost smirking before he wraps his arms around your thighs and tugs you closer to the cold edge of the counter. he kisses your inner thigh greedily, making your back arch at the feeling of his stubble grazing the sensitive skin.
his thumbs graze the soft skin of your inner thighs, spreading you wider, his eyes immediately setting over your glistening cunt and not bearing keeping the distance for another second. like the sight of you finally bare is enough to knock the breath out of him.
“fuck…” he mutters under his breath, hands gripping your thighs tighter. then he dives into you immediately, hungry and desperate, like he’s spent years imagining this exact moment and now that he has it, he doesn’t know how to go slow anymore.
the first touch of his tongue is an eager and damp stroke that makes your toes curl. you let out a jagged breath, your fingers tightening on the top of his head more out of instinct, an attempt to anchor yourself as you stutter his name out in a quiet moan.
at your reaction, he sinks into you properly. his mouth is hot and hungry, his tongue swirls widely over your clit with a pressure that makes your head spin. all while his hands roam your inner thighs, rubbing and grabbing them unapologetically, spreading you further apart so he can eat you out the way he’s been secretly wishing for years.
you arch your back against the cabinet, head tipping to the side and eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of his tongue worshipping you. you bite down a moan at the wet sound of his mouth eagerly kissing your folds, you open your eyes with struggle because just the thought of not watching the sight physically hurts.
he notices everything. the way your hips twitch toward him. the way your breath keeps catching. the way your fingers search for his hair every time he presses his tongue just right.
and he loves every bit of it. loves hearing you fall apart for him, finally. your hands trail down to the sides of his face, moving to his hair, back of his neck… he looks up at you at the touch.
his lashes are damp when he glances up at you, his mouth glistening. the sight of his eyes red from tiredness and glassy from arousal, his nose softly bumping into your mound and your clit, the way his thick brows are slightly furrowed like he’s getting off from your taste alone.
that alone could tip you over. his other hand shifts anyway, sliding closer to your entrance. he pushes one finger inside, then a second, stretching you slowly as his tongue continues its relentless work.
you moan his name at the stretch, it dies on the tip of your tongue at the realization you need to keep it down. the deep stretch of his fingers curling inside you at a perfect pace making you need to hold onto something, curling around the edge of the counter until your knuckles are white.
“fuck, noel—”
he moans against your cunt at hearing his name like that.
his eyes flutter shut at your taste, at the realization that you were sobbing a minute ago and you’re now arching your back for him. your hips buck off the counter as you try to get closer to him, his fingers work you with a little more intent at it, while his other hand gives your thigh a needy and firm squeeze before he shifts your leg until it’s draped over his shoulder.
the kitchen is silent except for the wet sounds of his mouth and the hitching of your breath – you break it with a plea deep from your chest. “noel… fuck,” you whimper, your head hitting the cabinet behind you. “please… fuck, p-noel, please.”
he doesn't stop. he pushes his fingers deeper, finding the spot that makes your voice break into a high-pitched moan, shaky and completely disarmed. he’s never seen you like this before, so unguarded. fully letting go. he muffles the sound of his own moans by pressing his face tongue against you, drinking in every drop of your arousal, shifting his hand until his palm presses against his strained bulge for a brief relief.
you don’t tell him you’re cumming because you’re right there before you can even notice – but just as the intense wave hits, he looks up, his chin wet, his eyes blown wide and complete devoted. he watches you shatter like he’s been feeling it coming for the last seconds, like the way your cunt rhythmically pulsing around his fingers was an indicator of that beautiful surrender.
and he keeps eating you through it. his fingers slowing down and keeping a steady pace that make your legs shake over his shoulders, gasping.
your back arches and your hand tugs him back up in a desperate attempt for more. you need more. you need him.
you always have, but now it’s finally real, and you don’t want to waste another second of it. no more distance.
▸ i (fuck) mountains - pink mountaintops
noel doesn't waste time, either. he pants as he closes the distance once more in a rough kiss, his fingers fumbling with his belt, the metallic click echoing in the quiet kitchen. the sound of his fingers dragging his zipper down mixes with the sounds of your tongues greedily sliding against one another.
the sounds of fabric shifting as he tugs his trousers down make you break it with a moan, panting as you look down – watching the way your legs part even more for him, like its muscle memory. the way it’s mean to be, all this time.
you both moan once he frees himself. you at the sight you’ve been fantasizing for longer than you’d like to admit, and noel at the relief of freeing his heavy, aching length. he’s pulsing, his tip is slick with pre cum.
he wraps his hand around his throbbing cock, head snapping back up so he can look at your face the second he pushes in.
he doesn’t tease. he doesn’t press the head of his cock against your entrance then pulls back. he doesn’t drag his leaking tip between your folds over and over until you’re practically sucking him in, until you're whimpering and reaching.
he can’t, not right now. but god, how he promises he’ll fuck you just like that once you have all the time in the world, once in for all.
because right now, your knickers are a forgotten scrap of lace on the floor. your dress is bunched up around your waist and his trousers aren’t even tug down all the way.
right now, he’s never needed something so badly.
and from the way you moan when he sinks into you – head falling back against the cabinet and chest arching closer to him, nails digging in the back of his neck – it seems you cannot wait another second, either.
already at the first thrust, you let out a sharp, high-pitched cry. and immediately, his hand is there. his palm pressing firmly over your mouth to stifle the sound.
he’s quick to muffle your moan because he can’t stand the thought of having to stop right now. he immediately sets a pace with steady thrusts that make you moan even louder. a friction so perfect it makes your eyes roll back in pleasure before falling tightly shut.
and at the two first thrusts he feels like he already can’t handle it – his head falls forward until his forehead is pressed on the side of your neck.
”know it feels good, love, but you've gotta keep it down, yeah?” he murmurs into your ear, his tone shaky. his eyebrows are pinched together and his eyes are glassy – fixed on your expression – in a look that’s half agony and half ecstasy.
you nod, hand eagerly reaching for his wrist and wrapping around it like a lapse of responsibility that silently says “don’t you dare fucking move your hand away.”
he starts to move then, properly. and it’s not a gentle rhythm, it’s as desperate and raw as you. his skin is hot against yours, the sounds of his cock sliding in and out of your entrance are wet and as loud as your muffled moans.
his mouth is warm against your cheek, pressing his palm even firmer against your mouth like it will keep his last thread from snapping. “knew you’d feel like this. knew you’d fucking feel like this.” he blabbers, voice hushed and already breaking. “shit, love”
you nod frantically against his palm, eyes filling up and arms wrapping around his neck, legs tight around his hips like you can’t stand the distance.
he lets out a broken breath at the action, his pace picking up. he’s relentless, his hips snapping forward, driving himself into you with a desperation you’re matching.
he finally moves his hand from your mouth, and he doesn't give you a chance to even breathe, he’s already kissing you hungrily. his tongue searches yours and swallows every sound you’re fighting to not make.
he pulls back just an inch to breathe, his face with a sheer layer of sweat, looking at you like you’re the only thing he’s ever seen clearly. “look so fucking pretty like this. feel so… fuckin' good. shit,” he grunts, his hands sliding under your thighs to pull you even closer to the edge of the counter, widening you for him as he thrusts in you with no mercy, no restraint anymore. “dreamt about this. been dreamin’ of this f’too fucking long.”
the honesty in his voice is what breaks you. you wrap your legs around his waist even tighter, pulling him in deeper, wanting to feel every inch. he’s shaking now, his movements becoming frantic, his breath hitching as he feels you starting to pulse around him.
“noel,” you moan into his mouth, your nails bruising his shoulders.
the silence of the kitchen is filled by the wet sounds of him bottoming out inside you, your broken quiet moans are only interrupted by the sounds of your mouths kissing. noel breaks the kiss with a curse, pulling away to look down at his cock fucking you relentlessly, watching how his skin is now slick with you.
“i’m so fucking close,” he grits out. his grip on your thighs is bruising, desperate, his hips snapping forward with a sloppiness that says he’s right on the edge of breaking.
and you’re so fucking gone. your head tips back against the cabinets, your body keeps pulsing around him in a way that’s making his eyes roll back. you drag him into another messy kiss.
“cum inside,” you slurred into the kiss, the words slipping out needy and breathless. he immediately moans at it, kissing you harder so you could swallow the low sound with your mouth.
at your request, he looked like he might actually finish right then and there. his fingers digging into your thighs so hard you’ll have marks tomorrow. “fuck,” he gasps, letting out a broken breath, shaking his head like he’s trying to clear it.
because he wanted to hold on a little more. he tries, god, he does. his jaw goes slack, eyebrows scrunching and his hand going to your jaw and pulling you into another messy kiss that makes you moan. he swallows it as he huffs out broken little exhales against your skin like he’s trying to steady himself. his hips stutter, rhythm faltering for a second as he fights it – because he wants to stretch this moment out a little longer after waiting years for it.
you whimper, eyebrows furrowing and your hands grabbing him as you kiss him back, mumbling against his mouth as your tongues bump into each other. “please. please, noel… fuck, please.” you plea softly, completely needy.
he moans, a deep one from the back of his throat – he even grabs your face a little harder than he’d like. can’t help it. he nods dumbly, shakes his head at the same time. “gonna give it to you. fucking everything,” he rasped, his voice cracking on the word. “give you everything.”
your hands are still in his short hair, nails digging in his scalp, keeping him close, your forehead pressed to his as you breathe him in, dizzy and overwhelmed. “fuck.” he moans again, and it’s more desperate now. his voice cracking and his eyes squeezing shut, lashes already damp and feeling himself tense where he’s buried inside you.
his head drops to your shoulder with a broken groan. his hips giving you two more deep strokes before warm spurs of his cum spill inside your walls that clench around him as he lets himself fall apart, fingers digging into your thighs and your jaw.
he stays buried inside you, breathing hard against your neck while lips remain brushing your pulse point in absent little touches, like he can’t stop kissing you now that he’s started. his chest rises intensely just like yours, every breath is uneven and shaky.
you pull him for a kiss without thinking – letting out a warm exhale as your tongue slides against his. it’s messy at first, a little breathless, still a little desperate. both of you still trembling from it.
he kisses you back just as needily, his hands going up and threading into your hair at the same time your arms wrap around his neck. you want him even closer, even though he’s still throbbing inside you and kissing you like he’ll never let it go. you wish you could swallow him whole right now.
fucking finally, you both think.
you two only break it to breathe, and then he exhales – long and shaky. and even then, your mouths stay close, noses brushing, foreheads pressed together while you share the same air.
“fuck…” he murmurs, voice rough, almost disbelieving, like he can’t quite process what just happened. your hands slide from his the nape of his neck to his shoulders, licking your lips as you breathe him in.
neither of you move right away.
your foreheads stay touching and it’s quiet again, but not like before. not like all those years.
he lifts his gaze slowly, eyes searching your face like he’s checking this is real, only to find you already looking at him the same way. a little stunned, completely soft and fucked. in a good way.
▸ luna - the smashing pumpkins
then, at the exact same moment, you both let out the same breathy little laugh. like you’ve just thought about the same thing.
your eyes close and your forehead drops to the crook of his neck, your hands remaining on his arms. while his come up without thinking, brushing your hair back and letting his thumb graze your cheek once it’s back there.
“y’alright?” he asks quietly, his voice gentler now. and he’s smiling so hard you can feel it against your cheek.
you let out a breath that turns out to be a laugh, warm and a little shaky. “what do you think?”
he lets out a breath of a quiet laugh at your words, still a little dazed, trying to catch up with everything that just happened. your forehead stays tucked against his neck, your fingers absentmindedly tracing along his neck. his hands keep sliding over your lower back, like he just needs to keep touching you.
“i can’t believe we just did that, noel.” you murmur, voice soft and almost disbelieving.
he huffs out a quiet laugh against your hair, warm and fond. “yeah,” he says, dragging his hand slowly up your back, then your arms. “took us long enough.”
you pull back just enough to look at him properly again, noses brushing once more. there’s something almost shy in your expression now, which is rare. he knows it, he’s known for all these years.
you shake your head with a small laugh, eyes already watery. he laughs too. his lips swollen from kissing you. he looks wrecked, and somehow still unbearably handsome.
you laugh harder at the overwhelming feeling, placing your hands over your eyes like you genuinely cannot believe this is happening.
his hand goes up to your wrist, his thumb brushing it softly while he lowers your hand down, slowly. his thumb shifts until it’s placed under your eye, even though there’s no tears there anymore. his hand slides to your jaw, thumb brushing back and forth slowly. “you’re trouble, y’know that?” he murmurs, already smirking.
you huff out a quiet laugh. “i’m trouble?” you mutter against his lips, raising your brows.
“yeah,” he breathes against your mouth, kissing it once and only stopping to smirk. “dirty as well.”
you break into a tiny smile, breathing out a laugh. “stop...”
“cum inside, hm?” he adds, his voice lowering and his tone teasing.
you scoff lightly, but you’re still smiling, despite your cheeks heating up. “don’t be a dick.”
he breathed out a laugh, placing a hand on your cheek and pulling you in so he could kiss your lips, curled up just like his. “didn’t hear you complainin’,” he murmurs against your lips, still grinning.
your hands slide over his shoulders as he slips his tongue inside your mouth again. you moan softly into the kiss, and somehow, you manage to break it just before it can deepen again. you laugh at the thought, because there’s the flicker of awareness as you feel him twitch inside you again reminds you that we’re still very much in the kitchen.
he kisses your lips a couple more times as you say it, humming softly. you break it with a another quiet laugh, almost shy. “noel…” you say softly, resting your palms on his chest and gently tapping it twice like you’re telling him to behave.
he pulls away with a small smile, his eyes roaming all over your expression. he becomes aware of how he’s still inside you, because his eyes flutter shut briefly and he lets out a tiny, tortured groan beneath his breath.
your cheeks heat immediately, your jaw already hurting from smiling. “right,” you mumble.
his mouth twitches. “right.”
“we’re still in the kitchen.”
“tell me about it.” he teases, leaning in to kiss you again. soft little pecks now, the ones that make you laugh helplessly into it while he smiles.
“what… now?” you ask softly.
he places a last kiss on the corner of your mouth, then pulls away just enough to look at you. his expression shifting into something so soft it makes your heart skip a beat.
you fight back a small smile at the sight of him watching you. you narrow your eyes at him, like your cheeks aren't burning up.
"what."
you say quietly and playfully – there's a fond edge to it, though.
▸ 18 - one direction
he hesitates for half a second, there’s a small moment of silence as he thinks about it. his hand finds your cheek and rests there gently as noel cuts the quietness with a soft exhale, shaking his head, like he can't believe he's about to say something he's been holding onto for years.
“meant it, y’know.”
your brows furrow slightly. “what?”
"before..." he says, eyes not leaving yours. "givin' you everything."
you let out an exhale you didn’t even know you were holding.
he shakes his head a bit, like he needs to say it right, breaking into a boyish grin, nearly in disbelief. “not just… not just that.” he gestures down, between you, almost awkward for a second.
you laugh quietly at it, closing your eyes and dropping your forehead to his chest. he laughs too, hands going to the back of your head and fingers softly threading into your hair.
you pick your head up so you can look at him again, tilting it softly, “yeah?”
he exhales, nodding. “yeah…” he says, quieter now. more certain.
you lick your lips at his tone, taking in a shaky and deep breath, already overwhelmed with everything.
“and… know you’re upset. know it’s… y’know. a lot. and recent, and all that. all of it.” he adds. he shakes his head to himself once, the words leaving him in a breath, “but— fuck me, can’t fuck it up anymore. don’t— wanna pretend you’re not it f’me anymore. already lost too much time.”
you swallow, blinking like you can’t quite believe his words.
“know it’s messy. know the timing’s probably fucked.” a small, nervous, a shaky humourless laugh leaves him before he carries on, stammering. “and, just— like i said, s’okay if you don’t wanna do it now, if— if you wanna sort it out fir-“
you cut him off as your fingers curl lightly at the back of his neck and you pull him in for another kiss.
this time, it’s slower. it’s not desperate anymore. it’s soft, the way you’re both exhaling into the kiss, grabbing each other while your tongues touch, how you’re feeling each others lips like neither of you can’t really believe it yet – like neither of you can’t help but melt into it.
when you pulled away, the look on your face told on you.
because you didn't look scary. or bossy. or sharp. you didn’t look like you needed to avoid it anymore. your eyes searched for his with a glint that wasn't quite the same as before, while heat crawled up your neck without asking for permission just like that one time.
he had never seen you like that. never seen you so visibly overwhelmed. and this time, he knew that it wouldn’t be a rare sight, not anymore.
because you looked as stupidly in love as him.
you were met with the sight of his hair shorter than before, the light beard that scratched your skin in the gentlest way. how when his eyes glinted, he still carried the edge you’ve once fallen in love with and never really stopped.
he was older now.
he had faint lines around his eyes that told on how much he’s smiled through the past few years, that same big smile he’s had all along, the one that makes his eyes smaller and his whole face light up.
he had small crinkles between his brows that showed how much effort he’s put in the band, or the press, or anais, or other stuff wouldn’t that aren’t really worth mentioning right now.
this time, you were older, too.
you even had some gray hairs already, the ones that you insisted on covering up with dye and absolutely pretend they weren’t there. this time, you had a baby girl that was soundly sleeping next to noel’s.
and yet, noel was still the boy who won you over with a gesture of kindness over crooked pavement tiles on your old street, all those years ago.
noel was still the boy who sat awake inside a blanket fort because he thought nobody noticed he was sad.
noel was still the boy that had kissed you for the first time in the kitchen of your childhood home.
noel was still the one you wanted, even after all this time. he was still the person you loved most in the world.
because some things don’t change, do they?
“i love you.” you said, quiet and certain.
he blinked at your admission.
then breathed out a tiny laugh, smiling and sliding his hand down to your arm and squeezing it once gently, raising his brows softly – more out of habit than anything.
“yeah?”
you laughed too, nodding. “yeah.”
his lips twitched in the corners, pressing them together like he’s trying not to grin too hard. he nods softly as his hands slide down the sides of your neck, then over your shoulders until they’re all the way down your arms. almost embarrassed by how affected he is.
“first time we shag and you’re already confessin’ your love to me?” he teased.
you burst into another laugh, shoving at his face weakly. “prick.”
he laughs, taking your hand into his and kissing your wrists. “i mean… we barely know each other, birdie.” he teases.
you roll your eyes, groaning softly as an attempt to fight back a pathetic smile growing on your lips. noel keeps grinning as he kisses your knuckles. then your wrist again.
“love you too,” he says quietly.
you narrow your eyes, fighting back a smile. “do you now?”
he breaks into a breathy laugh, nodding and shifting closer until his forehead is touching yours. “so fucking much.”
“yeah?” you breathe.
“yeah.” he answers immediately.
you let out a small breathy laugh at it, ridiculously fond.
“always have.” he adds.
your fingers slide up to his face as you hum softly, brushing lightly along his jaw. “took you long enough,” you murmur.
he huffs a quiet laugh, leaning into your touch without thinking. “you weren’t exactly easy either.”
you break into a breathy laugh, “hey!”
he goes on anyway, already smiling. “nightmare, actually.”
you press your hand over his mouth, shutting him up and both of you laughing. he pushes it away, holding it even as he manages to get it off from his mouth. your head settles back against his shoulder, still laughing, his arm tightening slightly around you.
in the bedroom upstairs, your daughters sleep, unaware of anything except the safety of being loved. unaware of the fact that, just now, everything has changed. because for the first time in years, it feels like everything’s finally settled into place.
a beat.
you break into a breathy laugh at the realization. “we should…” you start, glancing around the kitchen.
“oh, shit. right.”
he pulls out slowly at the same time his hands grab your waist to help you down. your legs still shake a little bit, immediately pressing them together as you feel the mess he’s left inside you leak out. gravity.
you let out a small laugh under your breath, a bit breathless still. “jesus…”
“yeah,” he mutters, tucking himself back into his underwear and not even bothering to do his zipper, still a little dazed himself. “kitchen’s not exactly— ideal, is it.”
you laugh at it, and then his eyes flick down to the floor.
“y’alright?” he asks absentmindedly.
you nod, sliding your hands over your messy hair. “yeah… just a bit— y’know.” you say softly, looking at what he’s bending down to pick up other than his crumbled shirt.
your knickers. he holds them between his fingers, turning them like he’s inspecting them for no real reason at all. one side is completely torn where he’d dragged them down in too much of a hurry.
you laugh, breathless and warm and impossible to keep it quiet. “oi.”
he inspects the damage with seriousness, but his lips are curled into a smirk as he turns the ruined fabric between his fingers. “in my defense. you were distractin’ me.” he says, trying to not laugh himself.
you laugh even harder, reaching out. “noel.”
he glances up, completely unfazed, smirking now. “what?” raising his arm to escape from your hand trying to fetch the fabric back.
“those are mine.” you say, smiling so hard your jaw hurts.
he finally gives in and laughs too – that big, warm laugh that crinkles the corners of his eyes and makes his whole face light up.
god. you love him.
“not anymore,” he shakes his head, holding you back with one hand as the other absentmindedly slips the fabric into his pocket like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
you let out a disbelieving laugh. “dick.”
he laughs, placing his hands on your waist and softly turning your back to him. then, wrapping his arms around your waist as he walks – inevitably making you walk towards the stairs, too. “i’ll buy you another pair.” he says quietly, simply, smiling and placing a kiss on your cheek.
you snort, hands finding his forearms and caressing it softly as you climb the steps. “yeah, yeah. i’m gonna let you be funny and keep ‘em for a bit,” you tease quietly, barely above a whisper.
he huffs out a breathy laugh, softly squeezing your tits. “you’re cute for thinking that’s what’s gonna happen.”
you snort, unconvinced. ridiculously fond.
“already ripped ‘em apart, might as well keep it now, eh?” he teases, pulling you even closer once you reach the top of the stairs, your back pressed firmly against his chest.
“fucking perv.” you laugh.
you can hear the smirk he has on as he breathes out a huff of a laugh, amused and fond. he leans in, clumsily walking into you so he can kiss your neck from behind, smiling against it as he notices how you’re trying not to laugh too loud because you haven’t reached the bedroom yet.
“mhm. your perv.” he corrects, kissing your cheek.
you laugh, walking now in a slight rush because his cum is smearing all over your inner thighs. he huffs out an amused breath at it, not breaking stride.
“seriously. buy you how many y’want” he says playfully, still walking and still keeping you glued to him. his mouth presses a soft kiss to the side of your neck, it feels new. it feels right. “then… we could… dunno. take the girls out.” he starts, voice quieter now in that way when he’s trying not to make a big deal out of something that clearly is.
you hum lazily, pleased, leaning back into him. “mhm…”
“proper day out. park or somethin’.”
“they’d like that.” you say quietly, smiling.
“mhm… then… we could go out ourselves.”
that makes you glance back at him properly. you notice how his expression’s almost shy despite everything.
you can’t help but huff out a breath, smiling and raising your brows as you slowly untangle yourself from his arms, pushing the door of your bedroom open.
▸ girl - the internet
“yeah?”
he shrugs one shoulder, suddenly looking oddly boyish for someone with his zip still undone, his shirt crumpled in his fist and your ruined knickers shoved into his pocket.
“yeah.”
you hum as you step backwards into the room, watching him follow instantly. “that’s all you wanna do? take me out?” you tease softly, smirking, pushing the door shut behind him.
you’re still smiling when he steps into your space again, smirking and shaking his head in disbelief while his hands automatically find your waist. his eyes roam over your face for a second before dipping lower, catching on the marks already blooming along your neck and chest.
“no…” he replies softly, almost absentmindedly, impressed with himself. leaning in and kissing right over them, without giving a fuck if it’ll make them worse.
you bite down a smile, eyes fluttering shut. “noel…” you breathe out, hands wrapping around his bíceps and squeezing softly at the feeling of his mouth on your neck.
his mouth curls into a smile against your skin when your fingers tighten softly around his arms. “what?” he whispers in your ear, smug. then one of his hands slides down from your waist until the hem of your dress, sliding his hand up your inner tigh.
his fingers brush the slickness and warmth of his cum still slowly dripping down your skin.
his breath catches instantly. so does yours.
then he moans quietly against your neck before his lips find yours once more. you laugh breathlessly into the kiss at his reaction, but it dies halfway when his fingers move up your cunt, dragging through the mess again, slow and nearly in disbelief. more hypnotized than anything else.
“noel…” you moan his name into his mouth, hands pulling him impossibly closer by the side of his neck.
“sorry,” he says immediately, except he very obviously isn’t sorry at all. he pushes two fingers inside your dripping entrance, pulling a gasp out of you. “just— fuck.” he adds anyway.
you can feel him getting hard against you again already. ridiculously easy and somehow the hottest thing you’ve ever felt in your life.
“drive me fucking mad, you,” he murmurs against your lips, already kissing you again before clumsily walking you backwards until the backs of your knees hit the mattress.
you barely have time to breathe before he’s easing you down onto the bed, following immediately after like he physically can’t bear the distance anymore. the mattress dips beneath his weight while he kisses you, his hands roaming everywhere.
your waist, pulling you flush against him. your thighs, grabbing and spreading them so he can settle better between them, like he’s earned the right. your tits, fondling them underneath the cut of your dress and rolling your nipples between his fingers just because it makes you arch your chest closer to him.
it’s embarrassing how quickly both of you are needy again.
you both could easily blame it on the fact that neither have been touched properly in far too long. years of being with someone else that ended up shitty divorces, with empty beds and fake smiles along the way.
but it’s no use denying it, not anymore. because now, he’s kissing you like he’s starving, and you’re already clinging into him desperately, aching for more.
his hands properly shove your dress up now, both panting as the kiss is broken just to get fully rid of this stubborn piece of fabric on the way.
“fuckin’ hell,” he whispers, as his eyes trail down to your body, fully dazed even when his hand is busy throwing your dress to a random corner of the room.
his palms return to your body immediately, greedily groping you without even asking for permission while his hips press into yours at the sight of you bare underneath him, searching for some relieve on his already again strained bulge. “look at you.” he rasps, swallowing a rough groan as he watches your face twist in pleasure, your hips bucking upwards to meet the friction, neither caring about the slickness between your legs leaving a small mess on the crotch of his jeans.
you moan his name, quietly, and the sound catches in your throat with a small gasp as his hand settles on your soaked core again. your head tips back as he draws teasing circles on your throbbing clit, he licks his hips at the sight, already shifting into his knees so he can get rid of his pants – properly now.
“fuck,” he whispers, almost to himself, awed by you. “could stay here forever.”
you’re about to answer, or beg. god, who knows. but when you prop your head back up, your eyes flick toward the bedroom door.
“door.”
he leans in, kissing your jaw distractedly – or maybe already too pussy drunk to realize you’re actually saying something important – and his fingers still working you slowly, the wet sounds of it mixing with the noises his warm mouth makes every time it places a wet kiss on your skin. “what?”
“lock it.” you say breathlessly.
he freezes for a second, then his head whips towards the door.
he sighs.
“fuck’s sake,” he says dramatically, pushing himself up off the bed.
you immediately bite down a laugh at the sight of him, zip still open and a very obvious tent straining against his boxers while he eagerly stomps toward the door.
“don’t laugh,” he says grumpily, despite smirking. he locks the door with a sharp click before turning back toward you. “your fault.” he says, gesturing to his crotch and already kneeling on the mattress, towering over you and cutting your grin off with a kiss.
“look at us,” he says quietly, his words brushing your lips before his head dips to the side, his mouth on your jaw again. “middle of the night. sneakin’ around your own house.”
you grin, licking your lips and tipping your head to the side to give him more access. “like teenagers.” you whisper.
“worse,” he whispers, smirking, his hands already pushing his trousers down while he doesn’t stop pampering your neck with kisses, trailing down until he’s licking and kissing your tits.
you moan again, quieter this time because the girls are asleep just down the hall, and it makes his smirk even wider. his cock springs free at the same time his hand finds your cunt again. he moans at the slickness between your legs, unmistakably his. you feel his breath hitch against your mouth as he stretches you again with two thick fingers.
“fuck,” he murmurs, his voice wrecked all over again. “fuck me...”
your cheeks heat despite yourself, instinctively trying to close your legs, but he just kisses you harder for it. his fingers curl inside you as he softly says, “don’t…”
you choke out a quiet moan, smiling a little as an attempt to hide your flushed cheeks. “don’t… what?”
“get shy on me now.” his nose brushes yours. “not after lettin’ me ruin your knickers downstairs.”
you moan, hiding your face against his neck. “god… you’re cocky now.”
“yeah? am i?” he whispers, teasing and fucking you with his fingers with a little more intent. still slow, still making you feel all of it, still relishing on the fact that his cum makes it ridiculously easy just like fucking lube. “just wanna see all of you.”
you shake your head weakly, already overwhelmed again. “noel…” you choke out his name in a needy moan, chest arching off the bed.
“what, want more?” he asks softly, knowing exactly what the answer is.
you nod immediately. “please… please.”
he grins against your skin at how fast you answer, kissing the corner of your mouth before dragging his fingers slower just to make you whine.
“yeah?” he whispers. “want it again, huh?”
your eyes squeeze shut at the teasing in his voice. “please. noel, please,” you whisper again, sounding close to tears from the intensity of it. “need you.”
“christ. listen to you.” he breathes out with a shaky little laugh. watching how your thighs twitch around his hand while he keeps touching you like he has all the time in the world.
he pulls away just enough to roll you gently over onto your stomach. the movement is careful despite his own desperation underneath it.
his hands slide over your hips, his fingers spreading over your waist and lower back, smoothing over your skin almost reverently while he settles immediately behind you.
“there you are,” he murmurs quietly. then his hand presses lightly over your lower back before sliding over your asscheeks, encouraging. “arch f’me, sweetheart.”
you do instantly. the groan he lets out at the sight is nearly embarrassing in how affected it sounds.
“spread those legs f’me. there, fuck, there…”
his hands grip your ass harder while he shifts behind you, staring for a second too long at the sight of his hand grabbing his cock and guiding it between your legs, exhaling roughly at the feeling his leaking head sliding up and down your folds before pushing back into you slowly, both of you gasping at the feeling.
“like this?” he whispers shakily, already leaning down until his mouth is on your ear. “yeah?”
you nod desperately into the pillow and he lets out a rough breath before starting to move, slow deep thrusts that make your whole body melt.
“you’re so fucking fit, fuck…” he says quietly, almost to himself, hand grabbing your hip harsher than he intended as he slowly fucks you. his chest presses against your back for a second while he kisses along your neck, unable to stop now. “prettiest— fucking thing.” he murmurs against your skin as he pulls his hips away just to push back in.
you let out a broken little whimper at the tone of his voice and he immediately kisses you again to swallow the sound before it gets too loud.
“shh,” he murmurs against your mouth, lazily smiling. “girls are right down the hall, remember?”
your lips fall agape, tongue bumping into his as your ass involuntary arches even more, needy and broken huffs leaving your nose as your face twists in pleasure – fighting hard to swallow your moans.
“that’s it,” he whispers against your mouth, voice rough. “good girl.”
your breath catches at the praise and he immediately notices, thrusting into you a little deeper. god, he really is cocky now. can you blame him, though? “yeah? like hearin’ that?” he murmurs.
you nod helplessly and he kisses you again before another sound can slip out too loud.
“once we don’t have t’keep quiet,” he whispers against your lips, rough enough to make you shiver, “gonna make you—“ he cuts himself off with a low moan, kissing you eagerly to muffle it, barely pulling away to finish, “fucking… scream for me.”
your breath catches sharply and he moans instantly against your skin. “yeah? bet you’d be loud as fuck if we were alone.”
his mouth drags along your jaw slowly while his hips keep rolling into yours steady and deep, nearly sloppy now from the dizzying arousal. “been dreamin’ about this mouth for years.”
another thrust.
“wanting… you like this. for years, y’know that?”
another, one with a slightly different angle that makes you immediately whimper his name.
“cunt takin’ me so pretty. yeah? knew it fucking would.” he praises quietly. his hand tightens at your waist hard enough to make you gasp quietly into the pillow, hips snapping into yours with a roughness that wasn’t there before. possessive, like now that he finally has you, he can’t stop proving it to himself or to you.
“fuck,” he whispers, nearly dazed as he looks down, his crotch slamming into your ass and making your skin move with every thrust, how his cock is glistening with your arousal and his own cum now. he can’t help but fuck you with a little more intent, a little faster at the sight, praying to god the soft skin slapping sounds aren’t that loud. “look at this.”
you whimper softly at the tone alone and he immediately leans down, dragging his mouth along your neck, leaving a trail of sloppy kisses that only make you clench harder around him.
“all mine now, yeah?” he murmurs against your skin.
you moan his name, breathy, nodding like you’ve never meant something so much like now. you gasp as his hand slides to your front, his palm squished between the mattress and your stomach until it wanders down, rubbing your clit in messy circles while he kisses your jaw.
“mine,” he says again quietly. “all this fuckin’ time.”
your cunt tightens around him instantly and he moans lowly at the feeling, burying his face on the side of your neck as his cock keeps sliding in and out of you – a thin layer of sweat glistening your torsos now.
“wanted you… so bad. so bad, noel” you mumble in between tiny moans.
“yeah?” he whispers.
you nod immediately, almost frantic about it now that there’s finally no point hiding anything, not when he keeps fucking into you slow and deep like he never wants to stop.
“should’ve been me,” he mutters, voice rough and honest in a way that nearly hurts. “all this time. should’ve been me.”
you moan his name, tipping your head foward until your mouth is pressed on the pillow, nodding desperately and not minding a small amount of drool staining the soft pillowcase. you’re gone in a way you have never been, and so is he.
“just— fuck. love you.” he cuts you off, kissing the side of your neck and pounding impossibly deeper into you. “should’ve been me takin’ care of you.”
another thrust.
“fuck, should’ve been me makin’ you feel like this.”
another.
“fuckin’ years we wasted. should’ve had you like this years ago. done this years ago.”
your eyes rolled back into your skull, closing them so hard the muscles of your forehead ached. you felt completely overwhelmed with the pleasure, a tear rolling down your cheek before you could process it.
“look at me,” he whispers, hand curling gently around your jaw until your eyes glassy eyes meet his. “yeah. that’s my girl. good fucking girl. fucking made for me.”
his mouth stays parted with uneven breaths escaping. cheeks flushed, eyes dark and glassy every time they flick over your face like he still can’t quite believe he’s here – in your bed, having you like this after all those years pretending he didn’t want to.
and now he’s finally buried inside you, again, hearing your soft little whimpers every time his cock presses that deep spot inside you. his eyes shut hard for a second every single time, like he can’t handle it.
tears blur your vision. because it’s all too much, you’re so drunk in him you can’t even hold it in anymore.
“yours,” you whisper brokenly into the pillow, barely able to breathe through it. “yours, yours, yours—”
a broken sound leaves him as his fingers pick up the pace on your clit again, as sloppy as his cock fucking you relentlessly now, and somehow even more perfect.
“fuck, say it again.”
“i love you,” you cry softly, voice shaking. “oh my god, noel— i’m gonna cum—”
his hips snap harder into yours immediately at that, his rhythm faltering, becoming messy and desperate. “yeah? yeah, cum for me, love. c’mon.” he babbles, every word coming out broken and muffled by his mouth desperately kissing yours.
your body shakes underneath him as you keep repeating “yes, yes, yes” like it’s the only word you know anymore.
“i love you… fuck! fuck, noel… love…” you choke out, tears streaming freely as the feeling in your lower stomach tightens, your cunt clamping down his cock rhythmically as your body starts to feel warmer.
“i love you,” he says again and again like he can’t stop. kissing your shoulder. your cheek. the tears at the corner of your eyes. “love you so fuckin’ much.”
his nose knocks against yours clumsily when he kisses you, even while he keeps thrusting into you harder now, unable to stop himself.
his expression alone nearly pushes you over the edge. all devotion and lust. “fuckin’ beautiful. look at you.” he whispers, genuinely overwhelmed by everything.
your hands clutch helplessly at his arms as your orgasm hits you. “noel—” you whimper, louder than you probably should.
“i know, darlin’, i know.” he kisses you hard enough to steal the breath from your lungs, fucking you through it and making you see stars. “take care of you. spend the rest of my life makin’ up for it. keep y’full of me every fuckin’ night if you let me.”
the tenderness of it underneath the filth completely destroys you. your mouth falls open in a silent cry as your orgasm keeps washing through you hard enough to make your whole body tense underneath him. he moans at the feeling of you clenching around him, his hands gripping harshly at the same time they cradle you like something delicate.
“fuck… keep squeezin’ me like that— gonna— ah, make me fucking cum.” he babbles, his forehead dropping against yours while his rhythm finally starts losing control completely. “love you. love you. fuckin’ love you.”
he keeps kissing you through it, unable to stop, every breath of his coming out shaky and warm against your mouth.
you whimper another “please” against his lips and it breaks him.
his body goes tense over yours as he buries his face against your neck with a rough groan, hips stuttering hard while releases white streaks of his cum deep inside you, overflowing to the brim and holding you close through it. the wet sounds of his cock sliding in and out of you louder now, making a mess neither of you mind.
for a few seconds neither of you can do anything except pant, hard. your chests heave as you remain tangled together in warm, messy and sweat soaked sheets, sharing the same oxygen as your hands tremble.
your eyes remain closed, tears clinging to your eyelashes and a small exhale escaping you as his fingers stroke weakly through your messy hair.
there’s a moment of silence, only heavy breaths filling the quiet room.
noel breaks in the gentlest way.
“christ,” he laughs softly, quietly and breathless.
you laugh too immediately, still half crying from it all. you swallow, licking your lips and managing to rasp it out. “what?” you mumble, already sleepy.
he shakes his head, tilting it just enough to look at you properly again. he watches you with that helpless smile, the fond kind that always reminds you of the younger version of him. his hand slides across your face, pushing your hair out of the way.
his hand slides down to the side of your face, his palm resting softly over your cheek while this thumb catches a tear rolling down. “you’re crying…” he whispers.
something in him aches at the sight of you laid underneath him like this – bare, flushed, watery eyes and your lips swollen after being kissed raw by him. you look his.
you breathe out a shaky laugh, closing your eyes. “happy tears, don’t worry.” you mumble sleepily, voice rough from trying to keep quiet for too long.
he lets out the tiniest breath of a laugh through his nose, thumb brushing carefully beneath your eye. “c’mere,” he whispers, even though there’s nowhere closer for you to go.
still, you melt into him anyway.
he slowly pulls out of you, your legs intertwining like you’ve done this a million times already, like it’s as natural as breathing.
he kisses your cheek, slower this time, and there’s just warmth now. lingering affection and little breathy smiles every time your noses bump together. the tiredness settling in softly after something so intense.
his body relaxes properly beside yours. “y’alright?” he asks softly after a moment, still brushing your hair back behind your ear over and over like he can’t stop touching you.
you nod against the pillow, eyes barely open now. “more than alright.”
he studies your face quietly, like he’s taking in this version of you to memory too. all soft and sleepy and loved.
“look dead pretty after cumming, yknow.” he murmurs absentmindedly.
you immediately let out a sleepy laugh, shifting closer to his warmth and hiding your face on his neck. “shut up.” you say quietly, smiling as you inhale him.
“s’true.”
you huff out a tiny breath, smiling even with your eyes closed. his eyes close at it, too, while his arm wraps around your torso to keep you glued to him.
“sort out the mess tomorrow?” you mumble quietly.
he breathes out a laugh, nodding and drawing soft patterns over your shoulder blades.
“yeah. whatever you want, love.”
▸ like real people do - hozier
the morning arrives the same way they always do. the sun slips through the curtains that aren't thick enough, the ones you insisted on buying anyway, just because the color went perfectly with the walls. the mail man chats with lucy just across the street, she laughs loudly like she always does whenever he mentions his own grandchildren. some cars pass by, the bells from the door of the bakery down the street still ring strangely loud whenever someone walks in. the house is still quiet, mostly because the loudest one hasn't woken up yet.
it's a morning like every other one.
but as you open your eyes, for the first time, you're met with the sight of him.
him like this, at least.
your vision is still a little blurry around the edges from sleep, but you don't miss the details that matter. his chest is bare, the bottom haf of his torso is covered by your sheets. his hair would most likely look like a mess if it wasn't buzzed off. the beard makes him look gruffer, manlier, but the way his lips are sleepily curled up makes him look softer. the same way they looked like when he was younger.
his eyes are a bit puffy from sleep, and they're very much looking at you. staring, more like.
you huff out an amused breath of a laugh, closing your eyes and not holding in a small, sleepy smile.
"creep."
he breathes out, eyebrows raising softly and still smiling. "what?"
"how long have you been awake for?" you mumble lazily, quietly.
"dunno." he replies simply.
a beat.
"10 minutes, i think." he adds.
you hum softly, amused. "have you been staring at me the whole time, then?" you ask still with your eyes closed.
he huffs, amused too.
and only after a few seconds, he answers.
"yeah."
you laugh at it, then. still quiet, still sleepy and still dazed from last night.
you scooch closer. his arms wrap around you lazily at the same time your face presses against the side of his neck. you place a soft kiss there that makes him embrace you tighter, and you can't help but smile at it. you sniff him, too. and you can feel his chest shaking as he quietly laughs, completely fond and amused.
you hum softly. "you smell really nice..." you say quietly muffled against his skin.
he lets out a quiet laugh through his nose, hugging you tighter. “do i?”
“mhm.”
he hums in response, kissing the top of your head.
you stay tangled with him, warm and sleepy and smiling against his skin in a way that would make you roll your eyes at yourself if you hadn't waited for this pretty much your whole life. it's even better because, now, you know he has too.
his fingers drift upwards until they're running through your hair. your hand lazily slides up his chest.
your head tilts up at the same time his shifts to the side, your eyes meeting again. and you both smile at it. pathetically soft. you huff a small laugh at the angle, guiding your finger and teasingly sliding them over his double chin. his smile gets even mushier at it, and his eyes glint once your palm settles on the side of his cheek.
his hand slips to the back of your neck as he leans down slowly, kissing you soft at first. sleepy. lingering.
you melt into it instantly. your palms rub against his chest as the kiss deepens little by little, lazy tongues sliding against one another and sharing the same warm breaths. it's the kind of quiet affection that should feel dangerous for a morning after.
but it doesn't. of course it doesn't, all of it just feels stupidly natural and stupidly right.
his hand slides under your thigh absentmindedly, pulling you closer until you’re practically half on top of him – the rest of the straddling comes from you, slowly throwing your leg to the other side of his hip and suddenly remembering that you two are very much still naked.
sort out the mess tomorrow, right? feels very convenient, now.
his hand slides down your back until they're resting over your ass, while yours travel down his belly until your palm wraps around his cock that's already stiff and needy underneath you.
you hum against his lips, the corner of your mouth softly curling upwards at the reaction. he moans into it, then immediately smiles after, at the same time as you. like he's just realized what he just did.
▸ and i love her - the beatles
then, three little knocks from very small fists come through the door.
the mess tomorrow becomes the mess right now. and the bareness of your bodies suddenly turns into something very inconvenient.
"mummy?"
you both pull away quickly, brains short circuiting at the same time as you're reminded you're not horny teenagers.
"shit."
"fuck— sake."
you both mutter in hushed tones as you scamper for your clothes, some over the mattress, others on the floor. your hands fumble in your own hair to make it behave, noel's brows furrow as he tries to find where the fuck is his shirt.
you both break into breathy laughs when anais says your name right after a cheeky "auntie!" in a sing-a-song tone. even more when sophia breaks into a fit of giggles immediately, anais does too.
“just a second!” you call out, voice still a little rough with sleep and laughter while trying to drag your dress over your head the right way around.
“mummyy!” sophia giggles again from behind the door, little fists knocking once more. “why’s the door locked?”
noel snorts under his breath while pulling his shirt over his head.
you finally make it to the door, fingers brushing quickly through your hair before unlocking it. “heyy!” you say warmly the second you open it.
both girls immediately barrel into you. sophia wraps herself around your left leg while anais attaches herself into your right one, both talking at once in sleepy little voices. you don't understand a word from it, obviously. but you laugh anyway, crotching down to hug them equally as tight, "alright, alright! take it you two slept well, huh?".
then, when sophia is already talking about a dream she had, anais spots movement behind you. her eyes widen dramatically. “DADDY!”
she immediately sprints past you and launches herself onto the bed, noel barely having enough time to open his arms before she crashes into him with a squeal. “oof— jesus christ,” he groans at the unexpected force, laughing as he pulls her into his chest while she wraps herself around his neck. “nearly broke me ribs there,” he mutters, kissing the side of her head anyway.
sophia stays glued to your side for another moment before leaning upward toward your ear conspiratorially.
“mummy, what’s uncle noelly doing here?” she whispers loudly, in that funny way toddlers always do.
you bite down hard on your smile.
behind her, noel hears it and immediately hides his grin, looking at the two of you still standing by the door even though his arms are trying to contain a very blonde and energetic toddler of his own, tossing and turning on the mattress.
“dunno,” you whisper back, just as serious. “think he was just scared to sleep without his teddy, baby."
sophia tilts her head softly. “were you having a sleepover?” she asks innocently as she swings her body side to side, because toddlers can't ever be still, can they? fucking hell, sometimes they ask proper hard questions, as well.
you and noel glance at each other.
“well–” noel starts.
“who wants waffles, huh?!” you interrupt cheerfully.
both girls yell out overly excited "me!" at the same time. anais nearly trips over her own feets as she sprints off from the bed, already taking your hand into hers and tugging it towards the kitchen as she skips down the hall excitedly.
noel watches it with a fond expression on his face as he gets up from the bed, raising his brows in that "let's go, then" way at sophia that remained stood on the doorway. strangely still in the same place despite having a huge smile on her face as well.
her little hand slips into his.
“uncle noelly,” she speaks up as she pads down the hallway without leaving him much option but to follow.
he looks down, softening on instinct. “hm?”
“i have a teddy, too.”
his mouth twitches instantly. “do ya, now?”
she nods as they walk together. "mhm. i really like him. and i can’t sleep without him either. he’s got a little jumper an’ everythin’. mummy fixed his eye when it fell off.”
“did she?”
“mhm. mummy fixes eeeverything.” she says happily, swinging their joined hands slightly as they walk.
he huffs out a small fond laugh. finally, his chest feels full as he walks downstairs with her, the sounds of your and anais' laughs in the kitchen getting closer. suddenly, tomorrow’s mess – the explanations and the awkward conversations and the fact that eventually everybody would know that you two finally got your shit together – didn’t feel so messy anymore.
“alright, what’s his name, then?” noel asks softly.
she keeps yapping, and the morning keeps developing around the four of you. just like mornings always do. but still, you and noel ocasionally steal glances that - this time - mean more than anything else.
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wn2: well 🥹 this is it for old habits! i hope you enjoyed this chapter and please let me know what you think of it!! i have plans on writing an epilogue for these two!!! i hope i can get it done soon! 🩷 thank you all for reading and for the feedback!
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