Someone Save Me @stuckinthedamnrut - Tumblr Blog

“This isn’t a suicide attempt but if I get hit by a car, fall off a building, if I don’t wake up, I want you to know I am sorry I didn’t write individual letters. I’m sorry for all the trouble and drama I caused I’m sorry for hurting you. Please don’t blame yourself, But if I died tomorrow, I want you to know; I’m sorry”

— pt. 1

I HATE MYSELF SO MUCH

I HATE FUCKING FOOD

….but I also love it when I wish I didn’t

chilicheddar

You know what sucks

Having an eating disorder and failing at having said disorder. Having the same cycle every few weeks. Not losing weight, but still obsessing over eating less and constantly counting calories. Losing a little bit of weight, then realising you can’t do this for the rest of your life because you feel like absolute shit, mentally and physically, and you realise you have a healthy weight. Then deciding to pig out and hate yourself for it. Then eating normal again. Aaaand a few weeks later you start over..

You will never meet your goal, but you can’t let it go. Everyday is a disappointment. Everyday you feel like a failure. Stuck. Endlessly.

cribblingdebression

my least favorite part of having an eating disorder is the constant arguing and bargaining in your head. racing thoughts all the fuckin time like, “okay I’ve had 75 calories today. I can have a banana and still be under 200. wait, 1200 is still considered restriction. how much would I lose this week with a daily deficit of 500 calories? I can do that. I’ll still lose weight. but not as much as if I fasted. no. just have nothing. you could lose 3.5 lbs. this week! just have nothing. people do it every day. just have a fucking banana. you won’t even be at maintenance. but what if it triggers a binge? think about your jawline. why don’t I just have everything I want and purge? what percentage can you get back up when you purge? hey google…” AND IT NEVER STOPS.

I’ve fucked up everything and I feel like I don’t have any one anymore and I feel crazy and I have no one to talk too and I’m so sick of this shit

I WISH THAT I WAS ANYONES FIRST CHOICE nobody understands how bad it hurts to not be...

I just want to purge but I think my moms caught onto my eating issues and won’t leave me alone. I feel so full and disgusting though.

Day 1: My Stats

SW:120

CW:106

GW:100

GW2: 90

UGW: 85

#notprojustusehashtags

die-yet-ing-blog

Anti binge

Remember how you look naked Remember how your thighs touch Remember how you look at others Remember how your stomach looks Remember how unhappy you are Remember how we are always here Remember how your friends look Remember how you envy them Remember how ashamed you are Remember how long it took Remember how you felt last time Remember how it’s not worth it Remember how you tell your lies Remember how you want to change Remember how your body looks Remember how people see fat Imagine YOU when its done

Remember how far you have come!