Stuff My Boyfriend Say

[stuffmyboyfriendsay]

My love language is touching. That's why I try to murder you all the time!

[stuffmyboyfriendsay]

Is my hair being non-Euclidean again?

His hair got messed up in the wind so I started fixing it and then he said that...

[stuffmyboyfriendsay]

Are you my shoes???

I was talking to my boyfriend about how weird it is that he never recognizes the guest actors on SNL and I ALWAYS do, so I told him that I believe he might not recognize me if I wear a costume, and he said “nooo, I’ll recognize you, but maybe when I’m old and you will come to me and ask ‘Honey, do you know who I am?’ I will say ‘are you my shoes???’”

[stuffmyboyfriendsay]

You look like a crone in the woods, and your name is probably moisty swamp, cause it sounds Jewish

I just woke up with a bad hair day...

[stuffmyboyfriendsay]

They were apart for half a year, what’s a month...

I was leaving for a month vacation abroad back in my home country without my bf. I discovered that a sock I had missing its pair was left at my parents house abroad for the whole half year it’s been missing, so I was packing it with me to reunite the socks together. So when I left my bf said “damn I won’t see you for an entire month!” And then he thought about the socks reuniting after half a year of being apart and felt all better :)

[stuffmyboyfriendsay]

When I listened to that song back then, I never would have believed that you would one day be sleeping next to me, farting on our cat.

We listened to a nostalgic song from when we just started talking, not even dating, and this is what he said :)

[stuffmyboyfriendsay]

Therapenis

I was feeling anxious when going to sleep and told my bf that it could’ve helped if I had a stress ball or something I could use with my hands to relieve the stress, so he offered his penis 🤣 it actually did help me calm down so then he named it “therapenis”

[stuffmyboyfriendsay]

Breezy Vagina

We both got out of the shower, and I immediately wore my towel robe, he started blow drying his hair when all of a sudden he shuved the blow dryer underneath my robe blowing air up from below. Then he said “Your stripper name should be Breezy Vagina!”

[stuffmyboyfriendsay]

Lil Wee Tree Fuckers

We were talking about how we can’t think of a language in which broccoli isn’t simply broccoli and then he said he thinks in Scotland they probably call it “lil wee tree fuckers”

[stuffmyboyfriendsay]

Of course you have a dragon, it’s between my legs! his name is “Paenerys the Terrible”

He called me Kahleesi and then mother of dragons and I said: but I don’t have dragons…

[stuffmyboyfriendsay]

A throng of chins

He went to a Magic the Gathering convention and I was asking him if he found any butt cracks to pose next to, so he said that he couldn’t find any visible butt cracks anywhere, but there were indeed a lot of people so fat that you couldn’t distinguish where their chin is. So I added “or they simply have too many chins… a throng of chins!” And he said: “no, the throng of chins were on the Asia convention on the other side of the convention center”. :)

[stuffmyboyfriendsay]

So we were in a park and came across these black looking bellflowers so bf immediately says: “They’re called ‘Headbangers’!”

[stuffmyboyfriendsay]

Revenge of the Penis

We had sex and it didn’t go so well, so my bf said “There will be a sequel!” so I asked him how will it be called…

[stuffmyboyfriendsay]

Massage my butt please, I suffer from “buttatitis”

He came back after a rigorous sport activity…

[stuffmyboyfriendsay]

Yo, I’m growing here a second face on my face, I gotta peel it off

Bf watching me use a peeling gel for my face. He starts narrating me.

[stuffmyboyfriendsay]

Porn minimizing - when you try to minimize all the horrible shit you’re into.

I was trying to explain what a pore minimizing primer is, and bf came up with a better idea.

[stuffmyboyfriendsay]

Girl, I walk down the street and I see a tree, and it makes me think about you. Girl, I see a dog, and it makes me think about you. Girl, I see a garbage can... and it doesn't make me think about you. But then I walk away and I think about you again and everything is good with the world"

I let my bf listen to an instrumental track named "hey girl" so he narrated it :)