[chemicalico]

who wanna be friends with drawbacks

[eatthekidsfirst]

friends with consequences

[starsapphire]

bruce will just yell at you plainly to your face if you piss him off but dick will give you the New and Improved Ultra Concentrated Therapy-Declining Mother's Manipulation Technique (Fast and Flawless Guilt Every Time!)

[starsapphire]

bruce: Robin. You didn't respond to my signal quickly enough and I was forced to attend to the victims, letting the shooter escape. I have a partner for a reason, and you left both myself and those civilians out to dry tonight. This is not acceptable.

dick: one day i'm going to leave and never come back and then you'll all see just how much i do for everyone around here

[tall]

[toddsolondz]

dick is leaving voicemails like No that’s fine ignore my call it’s not like i had anything important to tell you or anything. it’s not like i’m dying. even though i could have been. i’m not bleeding to death in an alley way or anything. but i could have been. and you would have missed the call. and all you’d have to remember me by is this voicemail. hope the concert was worth it tim

[toddsolondz]

and he’s doing this with 643 unopened messages and 329 missed calls up his ass.

[toddsolondz]

okay well he’s literally busy.

[ardri-na-bpiteog]

"is 35 too old for the club?"

Madonna is still singing about popping her pussy on the dancefloor at nearly 70 years old

[composeregg]

time loop fans when the loop slightly changes

[fa-i-ze]

time loop fans when the loop slightly changes

[knightbell]

time loop fans when the loop changes slightly

[commanderchr1st]

bro, go to Jimmy John's and ask for the Fetty Wop meal. The looks on their faces won't change and they'll give you a buffalo chicken wrap and buffalo chicken flavored chips with a drink of your choice.

[commanderchr1st]

this is not a bit but a grim reality

[doctorworm7kbs]

just learned from my friend who works at Jimmy John's that the parentheses in the meal name caused a nationwide software glitch for 24 hours that made it so the order was free. Her store had to cancel hundreds of orders that day.

[commanderchr1st]

Fetty Wap infinite meal glitch at Jimmy John's

[needsmoreexplosions]

bro lets go to jimmy johns and order the little bobby tables meal

[lickingandsuckingchristmascoins]

[akashicrecord]

Commenting "may this type of love never find me" under your high school classmates engagement photos

[frailgrl-deactivated20161128]

i need like 9 cigarettes and a gunshot to the face

[punkitt-is-here]

watching an old disney movie

inspired by the comments in this video making me aware of the siamese cat scene in aristocats

[konekoling]

[pitbolshevik]

i love when you’re talking to someone who’s not from florida and you just casually mention a thing that only happens in Florida and it ruins their whole day

[pitbolshevik]

one time i was talking to some guy and he was like “haha how do yall get alligators in your backyard? do you not have fences?” and i had to inform him that gators can absolutely climb fences

[pitbolshevik]

omw to go sit in your pool

[gaymageclub]

this is why kennedy space center had to install fancy outward-curving fences around the launchpad, bc gators climbing over regular fences and getting on the launchpad could be very dangerous

[songsofwaterandnight]

I’d like to think that the “STOP 🛑” sign is also for the gators.

[greatmountainfloofsquatch]

The gators don’t abide by our petty laws. They are…instigators.

[weaselle]

turns out they climb trees too. Like regularly. they tend to do it a lot less once they reach certain sizes, but like several crocodilian species turn out to have a whole development period where they spend a lot of time in trees, and we just never knew that until like 2014 because, understandably, nobody who was studying them thought “i wonder if I should look for a bunch of crocodiles up in the trees”

[frottinq]

new phobia just dropped

[turnipfritters]

haters will see multi-talented queens and develop a phobia

[unfortunate-beetle-and-friends]

Aquaguars… I mean, they’re incredible and I love them but also, yup, new fear along with the awe.

[is-that-sand-in-my-waffles]

rule #1 of tumblr polls is NEVER include a joke option if you don't want it to win by a landslide because tumblr users have one committed relationship in their lives and it's to the bit

[copperbadge]

"I have one committed relationship in my life and it's to the bit" is something I may have to put on a cross-stitch/t-shirt.

[lastoneout]

Here's my real tip for anyone moving out on their own for the first time; when you buy a set of measuring cups or spoons buy ones that have the measurement engraved into the cup/spoon and do NOT buy ones where it's just printed on. Because that ink/paint/ect. can rub off and then you'll have a bunch of useless little spoons and cups you have to get rid of bcs they no longer say what size they are. Don't ask me how I know, just trust me that you wanna buy engraved ones.

[lapsedgamer]

Counterpoint: the labels all wear off at different rates in different places so there is a long time period where you’re getting a fun little Professor Layton logic puzzle with every recipe.

[shithowdy]

american blackbirds are icterids but european blackbirds are thrushes but american robins are thrushes but european robins are flycatchers and they are named robin because (checks notes) brits in the 1400s called them "robert" on account of they are just some familiar guy who shows up in your yard. hold on post canceled is that really why they are called that? what the fuck. they did this with jackdaws and magpies too? i can't even be annoyed. how human. "who's that? that's bob." fuck dude it sure is.

[ishowdespair-deactivated2026012]

[yay-bunnies-world]

people say harebrained is an insult but. ! have you considered the hare is actually doing a reallu really good job atbeing your brain ?

[carnivaldemiurge]

Something like this?

[yay-bunnies-world]

thats right