Fever Dreams and Shadow Games
A/N: Yayyyyy another update! This was honestly my favorite chapter to write with @dregstrash lol I hope y'all enjoy it too! The next (and final) chapter will also come in another two weeks.
Previous Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5
Tag List: @aditiiparasharr @strummoner @itsbrilliantjustlikeyou @but-she-was-aelin-galathynius @privateerrezni @roonill–wazlib @the-jennster @the-regal-warrior @kazual-crow @ipizzippy @inkpot-dreamer @bookwormsincebirth @hollyblue2171 @ysitsohardtofindaname @fluffy-hedwig @ironicallytiau
Chapter 6: The Beginning of an End
Nikolai sighed as he signed another piece of paperwork. This early in the morning, there weren’t any other workers in his campaign office. Frankly, it was a bit too quiet for Nikolai’s liking. He would have come in later today, but he needed to get things in order just in case this whole plan fell apart. At least Zoya was due to arrive soon and he had something to look forward to, and with any luck, she would bring him one of the pastries from down the street.
Humming tunelessly, he tried to focus on the dense lines of text in front of him, but his mind kept wandering to Kaz’s scheme that was to take place the next night. He’d had David do some sleuthing on his own, and it only confirmed how well-connected Kaz was. Rollins did indeed have a ship set to dock the next night. But any information about its crew or cargo was nonexistent. Nikolai didn’t like the idea of Kaz holding all the cards, but it wasn’t as if he had another choice. Not if he wanted to make some real change in London.
A squeal of tires came from the end of street and the hair on the back of his neck stood up. No one should be in a hurry at this time of day. He stayed still for a moment as the sound of the car got closer, years of survival instinct telling him to move, to get out. Time slowed to a crawl as a black car drove towards the office, then came to a stop right in front of the big window that proudly proclaimed it as Lantsov property. The backseat door opened. Just before the first bullet pierced the glass, Nikolai had already flipped his desk over and crouched behind it as glass and metal sprayed over his office. The barrage of gunshots was almost comforting, a welcome return to the battlefield.
Just another rich boy looking for some glory, eh? His commander had smiled, not unsympathetically, as he patted Nikolai on the shoulder.
No, sir. I’m here to fight against fascism.
Jesus, that’s even worse. Another idealist.
Another scene flashed to mind. Dominick, broken and bleeding in the trench as a medic tried to save him. His last desperate words to Nikolai drowned out by another volley of gunfire, then a cold silence that cut to the bone.
A flash of another moment. Zoya, eyes blazing as she put pressure on a wound in his side. Live. You’re not allowed to die on me, Lantsov. I order you to live.
It was that memory that pushed Nikolai back to the present. Bullets were still flying everywhere so he stayed put. The desk was good enough cover for now, but he’d have to move as soon as the assailant needed to reload.
There was a lull and Nikolai didn’t hesitate before launching himself to the side. The door to the hallway was already open, all he had to do-
There was another round of gunfire. There was a brief, burning pain in his right arm, but Nikolai had so much adrenaline running through him that it was quickly pushed aside in his mind. He made it to the hallway. He leaned against the wall, praying to whatever deity that would listen to let it end. The rhythm of the gun as it spat out bullet after bullet engraved itself into his brain until he couldn’t think of anything else.
Count the rounds, you understand me boy? If there’s even a second of delay of you loading the machine gun, there’s no dinner for you tonight!
Nikolai’s finger had bled from the freezing metal, but he’d done his job. The gunner never had to wait for him to finish loading the gun. And then the gunner had been killed, some German sniper. Nikolai was pressed to the mud floor, the stench of rot and wet thick in nostrils. There was the same dead silence, occasionally punctuated with frantic shouts as they tried to locate the sniper, tried not to die, tried to live.
Nikolai was still trying to live. The gunfire stopped and he heard a car door slam shut. Without thinking, he stumbled to the front door and threw it open. The car was already turning onto another street, he couldn’t distinguish a single detail.
“Nikolai!” a familiar voice shrieked. Zoya?
Warm hands were on his face, shoulders, arms as she practically screamed at him. His ears were ringing, he couldn’t hear her. His eyes were focused on where the black car had turned the corner and vanished. He wasn’t familiar with the specific car, but he was sure he’d seen the model around. Who could have- Kaz’s warning popped into his head. Kaz had known. Kaz Brekker, the man who knew everything. Kaz Brekker, who could easily have pulled the strings. Distantly, Nikolai’s logic screamed at him to consider why Kaz would do such a thing, but fear and shock were thundering in his blood to even consider the question. Kaz Brekker was the man who had the world dancing on his palms, he didn’t need a reason.
“Kaz- It was Kaz, Zoya, we have to go now-”
Her blue eyes were wide and filled with panic as he tugged at her arms. “Nikolai, you’re hurt, you’re bleeding, just please calm down, let me help you-”
“It was Kaz! I know it!” he roared.
“You’re not making sense! Please, let’s go inside and get you cleaned up-”
“It was him! He did this! We’re not safe here, we have to- the circus Zoya, he’ll be there. Are you coming with me?”
Inej lounged on Kaz’s chair, legs thrown over an armrest. It was more of a throne really, a fact that she never stopped teasing him for. Colonizers and their need for big symbolic chairs that were no more comfortable than sitting on the cold hard ground.
She played with her knife, tossing it in the air and catching it. She was supposed to meet with Kaz and tell him on no uncertain terms of her intentions. After this job, she was going to leave, for good this time. What she was trying to ignore was the unexplainable flutter of nervousness that went through her everytime she rehearsed those words in her mind. Would Kaz be disappointed? Indifferent? Maybe-
There was a commotion at the front with several raised voices that brought her out of her contemplations. Then Nikolai Lantsov stormed in, Zoya close at his heels. His entire right sleeve was drenched in blood and his arm hung stiffly at his side. Zoya looked distraught.
Nikolai looked around wildly before his eyes focused on Inej. She didn’t like the look in his eyes- he usually looked kind, if not a little calculating, but at the current moment, unhinged was the only word she could use to describe him. She sheathed her knife and pushed herself off the chair.
“Can I help you, Mister Lantsov?” she asked carefully.
“Kaz- that scheming bastard, where is he?!” he demanded. Inej flinched at his tone.
“Kaz is out running an errand. I can take a message for him.”
He approached and Inej kept her spine straight as he leaned over. His pupils were dilated and the usual warm hazel was replaced by a wide and yawning black. “Always errands with you folk isn’t it? What do you really mean, Ghafa? Thieving? Extortion? Murder?”
He seized her arm and Inej fought the wave of revulsion that rose in her. His grip was strong, forceful. Hard enough to trap her. He leaned in closer and continued talking, but all Inej could see was a faceless man leaning over her, his breath hot on her face as a hand pinned her to the mattress, the other hand creeping under-
“Always so pious, Ghafa, but who knows…” He grabbed her other arm. Inej froze. Her mind went blank and she started to retreat back to the place she used to go when Tante Heleen forced a customer on her. A numbing, unknowing and unfeeling place.
Her hand brushed against her knife and suddenly, Nina’s words came to mind. You’re Inej Ghafa. You can do anything you want.
Without thinking, she grabbed the knife and wedged it under his chin. Someone was yelling in the background- Zoya? Nina? She didn’t know. All she could see was the faceless man, all she could feel was hot breath and strong hands digging into her arms hard enough to leave bruises.
Then the hands are ripped away from her and Nikolai was stumbling back as a shadow stepped between the two of them. Kaz. The expression on his face was terrifying as he swung his cane at Nikolai again, catching him right in the chest. Zoya was suddenly between the two men, trying to keep them apart. Jesper also rushed into the tent and held Kaz back.
“What in the hell do you think you’re doing, Lantsov?” Kaz snarled. His eyes, darker than she’s ever seen, promised murder. “You do not touch Inej. You so much as breathe wrong in her direction-”
“He was shot, Brekker! By some of your goons, no doubt!” Zoya exclaimed.
“And he’ll get a lot worse if he ever lays a hand on one of my performers again.”
Zoya took two steps forward until she’s toe to toe with Kaz. She jabbed a finger at his chest. “You better not have been the one to arrange that shooting. Because if you were…”
Her eyes narrowed and to Inej’s surprise, Kaz took the tiniest of steps backwards. “If either of you are as smart as you claim you are, you’d know that if I wanted to kill you, you’d have been dead before I even took a step into the city. He,” he said viciously as he jerked his chin towards Nikolai, “should look to his own family for answers.”
After that declaration, he turned to Inej, an unspoken question in his eyes. She sheathed her knife and nodded. She was fine, or at least she was going to be.
Satisfied, he turned back to Nikolai. “I may be a liar, but I always follow through on my bargains, We’ll hold up our end, just try not to get killed until then. Jesper, see them out. Make sure Mister Lantsov doesn’t bleed out on our grounds. I don’t want to be held responsible for his death.”
Jesper gave Inej a concerned look, but followed Kaz’s instructions and led Nikolai and Zoya out of the tent. Just before he was pushed out, Nikolai glanced back towards Inej, a hint of an apology lurking in his eyes.
Then it was just Inej and Kaz. He got closer to her and hesitatingly raised a gloved hand. It rested a hair away from her cheek, close enough that she could feel the warmth radiating from his hand but not close enough to feel the smooth leather.
“Are you okay?” His voice was rough. A shadow of his previous rage still lurked in the depths of his dark eyes. Inej swallowed and nodded.
“I will be. He surprised me, that’s all. I’m sorry I pulled a knife on him, it could have compromised the job.”
“Of course. The job.” He dropped his hand and rested it on his cane. Inej noticed a smear of blood on the head probably from when he’d swung it at Nikolai. “Inej-”
“I’m leaving.” The words slipped out of her mouth before she could think. Kaz blinked slowly, once, twice.
“Not immediately, of course. But after this job, I was thinking… I want to do more for my cause– my people. There’s only so much I can accomplish when I have to masquerade as a circus performer…” Words kept tumbling out her mouth, one after the other. Each one seemed to widen the gap between her and Kaz. His eyes went blank and he took a step back.
“So you don’t want to stay. Here.” Inej almost heard the unspoken with me.
“Your life is your own, Inej. You are free to do as you wish. I wouldn’t stop you if you wanted to board a ship bound for the West Indies right now.” He turned around and walked out of the tent. Inej almost reached out to stop him, but she didn’t know what she would say. Did she want him to convince her to stay? Did she want to hear those words? Would she throw away everything that she’s been working for, just on the off chance that Kaz would one day let her in? Inej sighed as she stared at the tent flap, feeling the weight of his words heavy on her shoulders.
This seemed to be the moment their fates would diverge, never to meet again.
“You’ll all disperse, I want it to be just me and Rollins on the ship, understand? We’ll tie up everything with a pretty little ribbon for Lantsov and get our money.”
Kaz received five nods of understanding and he let the corners of his lips curl up. This was the moment he spent years working toward. There wouldn’t be a single brick left of Rollin’s legacy after Kaz was through with him.
“If everything, is clear, then we’re done. Get some sleep, I cancelled tomorrow’s show so we’re not tight on time.”
Nina raised her hand and Kaz bit back a sigh. “Yes, Zenik?”
“The kitchen is low on waffles and I’m going to need some if you want me to cooperate with this insane plan.”
“Fine. Any important questions?”
There were none so Kaz dismissed them all. As expected, Nina left with Matthias and Wylan with Jesper. But he didn’t miss the fact that Inej lingered near the tent flap, a question clearly on her mind.
“It doesn’t matter.” He grabbed his cane and rose from his chair. He wanted to lie to himself and say that it really didn’t matter if she left or stayed. He wanted to ignore the disappointment that rested heavily against his chest when he imagined her gone. Maybe it was best if she did go. He’d probably recover from it. He took one step forward and a dull pain from his leg shot up. Then Kaz remembered that some things may recover, but it’s rare they ever heal properly. “If you want to leave, then so be it.”
“I don’t.” The admission hung heavy between them. Kaz looked up and found Inej staring at him. She bit her lip. “I like my life here, Kaz. But that’s the problem. If I’m here having fun and thrilling an audience, then who’s helping my country, my people? I don’t want to leave, but with Arjun gone and-”
“You and your lofty morals,” Kaz muttered. He started making his way out of the tent. “Why can’t you ever do something that makes yourself happy?”
He passed Inej and she fell into step next to him.
“This,” she said, gesturing at the circus around them, “makes me happy. And helping my people makes me happy. But I can’t do both. One will always suffer because of the other.”
Kaz nodded. A million little reasons and excuses and bribes were on the tip of his tongue. If he really set his mind to it, he could keep Inej employed at the circus, make sure that the Indian liberation will never have a leg up, and keep her with him. But he stayed silent. Some part of him always knew that this was inevitable. Inej wasn’t made for the painted costumes or the cheap tricks, she was more than that, and who was he to try and put her in a cage?
They neared Inej’s tent. Suddenly, she whirled around, a small, playful smile on her face. He felt his breath hitch at the sight of it. It was rare for Inej to smile these days, especially to smile at him. Her braided hair was glinting against the moonlight, and she was half-shadow herself in her black pants and shirt, but she was beautiful. And Kaz felt his resolve to let her go waver.
“Let’s go stargazing,” she declared. “There’s a good roof near the Lantsov mansion, and it’s a full moon tonight.”
A smile tugged on his own lips. “Is freezing your ass off in London weather your idea of fun, Ghafa?”
“Oh, don’t be such a spoilsport. You can call it reconnaissance, if you want.”
“Why?” Kaz asked. Not really saying no, but wondering all the same.
Inej shrugged. “Because you claim I never do anything to make me happy, while I know for a fact that you never do anything to make yourself happy.”
“What makes you think watching dead stars will make me happy?” Kaz said amused.
“I think you like the quiet. And what’s more quiet than dead stars?”
He agreed reluctantly, and not an hour later, they were sprawled on the roof of London’s wealthy, passing a bottle of whiskey between them. Kaz felt the heat of Inej roll off of her and fill the empty space between them. His stomach curled around itself at her proximity, but he took a deep breath. He inched his hand towards her and brushed the back of her hand with his. She tensed for a moment before turning it to clasp his hand.
Deep breaths. Kaz reminded himself. His gloves were still on, but the memories of Jordie’s warm body surfaced to his mind. The warmth that turned dead next to him. The feel of soft skin that was softer still because of the water. One stupid underwater trick. One that Jordie knew better to do when he was still coming off of a high from Parem. One second too late and Kaz lost his brother and almost his mind.
The feel of someone’s skin after that moment had never been the same. It reminded him of too much, but as he breathed deeply and sat in comfortable silence with Inej he found the terror almost manageable.
Beneath the blanket, he let his fingers intertwine with hers and he clasped Inej’s hand tightly.
