under the open sky

[arthistoryanimalia]

For #WorldTapirDay:

Plumbate vessel "depicting a shaman or priest wearing an enormous tapir head headdress, his face peeking out from inside of the creature's mouth." Maya / Toltec, c. 900 - 1200CE, 8.8 x 6.4cm.

Eduard Seler illustrated a similar tapir piece in 1904 ("Antiquities of Guatemala," Fig. 23d, p. 106) with a full body and wearing a shell necklace. Has anyone seen the original or any others like it? Plumbate vessels were usually manufactured in multiples so there should be others...?

PS: Baird's Tapir (Tapirus bairdii) is the largest terrestrial mammal native to Maya territory.

[arthistoryanimalia]

Resharing for #WorldTapirDay

[subdio]

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

packing update

I am very poorly today and very stupid and hate everybody and everything

(also who let me buy a hundred different bottles of ink)

[subdio]

I stitched that one up last summer. I took it to work and it gets put up on my desk when I'm sick and/or migraine-y.

[vintage-tech]

You have died of dysentery.

The handheld is just a few years old, but the game... I first played it on a Commodore PET computer in 1979.

[subdio]

[funnytwittertweets]

[thenightgaunt]

I ran an Aliens rpg years back. But the players didn't KNOW it was an Aliens game until halfway through the first session.

They thought it was a sci-fi game but they also thought the monsters were going to be zombies.

Over a period of 2 hours they then proceeded to make EVERY Aliens movie cliche "mistake" known to man. Because at the time they all made sense.

The characters in a story don't know they're in a story or what kind of story it is.

They might think their in a romcom instead of a slasher movie. And if you're not in a slasher movie, why the fuck would you search through every closet in your house just because a cup mysteriously fell off a table in the dining room?

[tooies]

when a pelican bites you there's no malice in their eyes. they aren't upset at you. they are just hungry and want to see if you fit in their mouths. and if you don't then it's no problem and everything is fine. and if you do then well i guess your fate is sealed but that's ok it's a beautiful animal

[marlynnofmany]

Okay, see, I knew about the capybara gif:

But I didn’t know that they really are That Dense, All The Time. The same way sharks will bite anything that might be a seal, just in case, these birdbrains will apparently test just about anything for beak size. 

Behold a short list of bad ideas:

Human foot is not food, bird.

That is clearly bigger than your entire body.

...You do know what a bear cub is, right? Right??

That is a BICYCLE SEAT.

That’s it; arrested for bird crimes.

[subdio]

It's called a bird feeder for a reason, right?

[pandakong]

Doggust day 2 - Dalmatian!

I would not be able to say no to this face

[subdio]

Lucky day! Two lovely faces together on my dash.

[liberalsarecool]

When ignorance screams, intelligence moves on.

[itscolossal]

In an Ecuadorian Cloud Forest, Two Mycologists Catalogue Hundreds of Fantastical Fungi

[subdio]

@lindagoesmushrooming thought you might enjoy this

[no-longer-another-bondi-blonde]

[huckleberrywine]

LOL

[debkorvelus]

We need HOAs or some idiots will paint their house purple or put tractor tires in their front yard.  If you want tractor tires, don’t move to a HOA neighborhood.

[captain-snark]

I couldn’t even fathom how horrifying it must be to live somewhere there are...purple houses and and yucky stuff in people’s yards. Thank God I don’t have any real problems like that.

[scrimblobimblobadimbo-deactivat]

listen my Nonna and Nonno live right by a purple house (it’s a nice lilac) and as a kid I was fucking obsessed with it because purple is my favorite color. I’d go nuts whenever we passed by it. Also it had a purple mailbox to match and it blew my mind.

No more HOAs. More purple houses.

[antelopian]

imagine trying to control what someone else can do with or on their own property just because you don't agree with their taste in decor

[tarantula-veins-deactivated2023]

NO MORE HOAs MORE PURPLE HOUSES

[gallusrostromegalus]

Related, becuase I just had to move:  “just don’t move into an HOA” Do you know what a PAIN IN THE ASS it is to find NON-HOA Housing? Very nearly everything in the CO front range that isn’t a rental has an HOA these days!

Short list of the Shit the HOA at my pervious house tried to pull:

Banning personal and community food gardens (The reason the tag for my garden is “The garden of earthly HOA violations”)

Banning people from using thier personal yards as Native Plant Restoration microzones, something that looks gorgeous and is extremely helpful to the local ecology

trying to get the city council to remove protections on adjacent city Open Space/Native Plant restoration zone so they could mow it.

mandating the use of ONE landscaping company in the neighborhood, coinicdentally owned by the HOA president’s son

Mandating the use of an unecessary water purification company on all properties.

suing city animal control for collecting lose dogs and cats and returning them to the addresses on thier collars.  You know. that thing animal control does so the animals don’t get run over or disemboweled by the coyotes or catch and spread rabies.  The thing that’s illegal to let your pet do out here for those reasons Karen.

Suing the city council to remove a city bus stop in the neighborhood that was heavily used by many residents.  They damn near got away with it becuase the HOA meetings were always in the middle of the day on a weekday.  You know, when the residents that use that stop are working.

Sending people letters threatening to fine them for having “Out Of Season” holiday decor.  Specifically targeting my Indian neighbors who were celebrating Diwali, not Christmas and the Jews with visible Menorahs.

Fining people for doing thier own appliance and car repair on thier own personal property

Fining people for operating a business out of thier house, specifically targeting a disabled neighbor that does comission tailoring and garment repair out of her home.  never bothered a soul except the one snoopy bitch who didn’t like that her clients were allowed to park in the tailor’s designated and otherwise unused parking space.

Trying to fine a neighbor for flying a Pride Flag

HOAs are invasive, bigoted, corrupt and cruel institutions that should never have been allowed to be created.  If you live in and HOA area, showing up at the meetings to tell people what the fuck is wrong with them, Joining your HOA board to protect your neighbors and possibly organize the dissolution of the HOA is one of the best things you can do to protect the marginalized members of your community.

FUCK HOAs AND LONG LIVE THE PURPLE HOUSES AND TRACTOR-TIRE GARDENS OF THE WORLD.

[mariaalenkoshepard]

Are y'all telling me this shit is actually LEGAL?

[s-shutup-its-not-like-i-actually]

Here’s how to get an HOA to leave you and your purple house tf alone

[justsomeantifas]

cant stop thinking about this post. 😔

[that-catholic-shinobi]

direct action

[prismatic-bell]

HOAs, IN THEORY, could be such a force for public good, and that’s what’s maddening. Imagine if an HOA was like “well we’ve got all these houses and this one empty lot, pay your HOA dues and we can install a community food garden!” or “leave your contact information on the HOA residents-only webpage if you’re willing to be an after-school dropoff for children in our community who may not have a parent at home” or “hi, Sally, we’ve noticed your yard’s gone rather hogwild and things weren’t like that before your husband passed last year, do you need some help? We have some folks in the HOA who can help you with maintenance, no charge.”

Instead they choose isolation over community in the name of a unity that’s in image only, and that’s really, really sad.

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

Friend of mine bought a small house, an old one in an old neighborhood. She had no idea it was an HOA neighborhood until the day she moved in. They arrived with paperwork she "had" to sign or things would get "complicated", aka do this or we're gonna make life hell for you. She immediately told them no, she has no desire to be part of the HOA, and they about blew a gasket. Went from civil to wtf real quick. They tried sending her violation reports, demanded she pay fines, threatened her, etc. What they didn't know is she's petty and gives zero fucks. She also lives keeping paperwork nice and tidy.

Shit hit the fan when she installed a wall around her property. A 3 feet tall 2 foot wide wall around her yard. Topped with gorgeous iron work with sharp points that make climbing dangeous. Think Addams Family Lite. They tried to stop the construction because she was using the /wrong/ company (a mutual aid group she worked with). Send her fines and fees, and made the mistake of sending a copy of the HOA contract with a forged signature.

Ooooo...it got so ugly! She remembered the HOA post here about that happening to others and, well, the HOA broke up because of other fuckery on top of this. But it was mostly due to her dragging them in court for fraud, harassment, disturbing the peace, trespassing, stalking, and a few other things. She was petty about it too, looked into every fucking thing she could to destroy them.

I was informed that you not, in fact, obligated to sign the HOA contract. It's not a legal requirement. When you look for a home, make sure to ask about the possible HOAs, and look at the details of your homeowner's contract. Sometimes HOAs have that shit written into the purchase. If you see it, change the contract, put your initials and date in the changed sections, and see how the real estate agent handles in. This is legal, btw.

Don't sign the HOA contract, learn the laws regarding yard stuff (did you know you can apply to have your yard declared a wildlife reserve?), and be petty af when the nosy neighbors won't mind their business.

[cranberrybogmummy]

Fuck HOAs, long live the purple houses with the tractor tire garden!

[vaspider]

Bat houses are legal to install everywhere in the US, and once installed, many cannot be removed due to the endangered status of the bats which often inhabit them. Check your local regulations.

[scarlettohairdye]

I just want to take a moment to say to all the purple house haters, from the bottom of my cunt:

FUCK YOU! I LIVE HERE!!!

Cry harder, baby!!!

[babyfoxcollectionthings]

[subdio]

@elodieunderglass maybe a not-so-horrible thing with legs

[ungodlydandelion]

"But she gave birth to you, you owe her!"

My mother wanted to be a mother. It was her dream to be a mother. She poured all her energy into being a Good Christian Mother.

She did not want me. She wanted motherhood. I was a side effect of her dream. Once I was old enough to disagree with her, she hated me. I wasn't making her look like a Good Christian Mother. I was loud, disobedient, needy... almost like a child. Not quiet and pretty and grateful for crumbs.

Yes, she birthed me. For herself and her partner. For the people who were already born. Not for me. As all mothers have for all of time. It's not the birthing that makes a mother worth honoring, it's the parenting.

[erikag59]

QFT:

It's not the birthing that makes a mother worth honoring, it's the parenting.

[elodieunderglass]

I grow our own vegetables. Many hybrid and heirloom varieties are bred for flavor rather than for commercial appeal and travel. There are entire species on the allotment that you can’t easily buy in stores because of this - like salsify, a root vegetable that tastes of fish and shellfish. Our neighbours happily take it to make vegan latkes of alarming similarity to fishcakes. You cannot sell it in stores because - despite looking like a white parsnip - it turns brown when you pick it & if you scrape/bruise/cut the white root in any way, or damage the delicate little hairs, for some reason, it BLEEDS RED and is very upsetting to look at.

There are whole classes of foods like this. Foods that just don’t ship well or look good on supermarket shelves. Forbidden fruits. Vegetables that bleed and taste like meat. Sorry about this

[elodieunderglass]

Today the salsify that I left in the ground last year opened some beautiful flowers, rich and distinctive with a character surprisingly similar to a Gerbera daisy. Definitely suitable for cutting.

Salsify, like carrots, is a biennial vegetable. You harvest it in the first year, but if you don’t, it flowers the next year - that’s when and how you get the seeds.

Then our very beloved vegan latke-making neighbors arrived at the allotment, and said they were taking on their own allotment today. This perked up my whole heart. Unable to fully express my appreciation and affection, I instantly gave them a salsify flower, and a four-leaf clover from my special patch, instead.

“That stuff was really just like a fishcake,” one of them said. “Hey. We can grow it now!”

It was a nice circular ending.

[subdio]

I did not know about the biennial thing about carrots. All I knew was the carrots didn't taste good when I picked them last year. So some got left in the garden.

Absolutely ridiculous ratio of root to greens.

[badjokesbyjeff]

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to prom...

First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.

[subdio]

Common theme today

[wilwheaton]

Republicans are garbage.

[subdio]

... everyone who voted for the first 3 items automatically qualifies for voting for the last one.

[neil-gaiman]

Hello Neil,

I would like to inform you every time you respond wait and see to a question about good omens s2 a little bit of my soul chips away

Perhaps when you watch Good Omens Season 2 the lost parts of your soul will be restored to you.

[subdio]

Might restore it, but unfortunately ... you'll have to wait and see.

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

hockey summaries

like the card? get it here or a version of it!

text: His flesh was soft between another man's teeth

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

#Hockey?????

I did not stutter 😔😔😔

tldr Brendan Lemieux got a five game penalty for taking a bite out of Brady Tkachuk's hand back in 2021

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

#also up for consideration: ján 'he wanted me to suck his fingers' brejčák#and tommy 'put his fingers in another man's mouth' kristiansen#and then they briefly played on the same team the following season until JB was let go due to a persisting injury... allegedly

okay see

shit like this is the reason why, while I wouldn't call myself a hockey fan, I like to be appraised of the OCCASIONAL incident

wait actually that reminds me, because I think I'm fucking hilarious I've put the Canadian Sticker Listing on etsy at 25% off for a week

this is in consolation for both the Leafs fans in my followers list who have to deal with that brutal 7:3 loss the other day that team-rocket-blasted-off the Leafs out of the playoffs. again.

and also for the one non-Leafs fan in the family who's gotta be around for that^ this coming week. o7 to you all

[druid-for-hire]

[image id: a four-page comic. it is titled “do not stand at my grave and weep” after the poem by mary elizabeth frye. the first page shows paleontologists digging up fossils at a dig. it reads, “do not stand at my grave and weep. i am not there. i do not sleep.” page two features several prehistoric creatures living in the wild. not featured but notable, each have modern descendants: horses, cetaceans, horsetail plants, and crocodilians. it reads, “i am a thousand winds that blow. i am the diamond glints on snow. i am the sunlight on ripened grain. i am the gentle autumn rain.” the third page shows archaeopteryx in the treetops and the skies, then a modern museum-goer reading the placard on a fossil display. it reads, “when you awaken in the morning’s hush, i am the swift uplifting rush, of quiet birds in circled flight. i am the soft stars that shine at night. do not stand at my grave and cry.” the fourth page shows a chicken in a field. it reads, “i am not there. i did not die” / end id]

a comic i made in about 15 hours for my school’s comic anthology. the theme was “evolution”