Suburban Critic

writer, vintage fashion enthusiast, nonpracticing agnostic, etc.

[bippus]

when i was born they rushed all the nurses into the room. called the whole hospital. Here’s the baby that doesn’t cry they said

[sagehole]

we love to applaud performative masculinity

[bippus]

I was a stoic

[suburban-critic]

may I introduce you to the apgar score?

[bippus]

when i was born they rushed all the nurses into the room. called the whole hospital. Here’s the baby that doesn’t cry they said

[sagehole]

we love to applaud performative masculinity

[bippus]

I was a stoic

[nathanielthecurious]

oh hey, look at this craigslist apartment scam that accidentally forgot to run its vary-the-text-a-little script before pasting in the description

[suburban-critic]

I thought this was litmag poetry for a second.

[nathanielthecurious]

You're the third person in the notes to say this is like poetry and re-reading it I agree!! The kind of synonymous parallelism that it's structured around has a long history in lots of poetry traditions, like biblical Hebrew. But the stiltedness (what are "bright panes" and "sunny openings" other than a forced replacement for "large windows"?) and the overuse of the parallelisms here just make the advertising language feel super hollow. It's this array of utopian homes that are described with a bunch of interchangeable virtues because they don't exist. It's kind of amazing.

[nathanielthecurious]

oh hey, look at this craigslist apartment scam that accidentally forgot to run its vary-the-text-a-little script before pasting in the description

[suburban-critic]

I thought this was litmag poetry for a second.

[frodothefair]

Ernest Hemingway, Islands in the Stream

[pantwardowskimoved]

why was ernest hemingway facebook mom posting

[suburban-critic]

Currently reading The Beautiful and the Damned by F. Scott Fitzgerald, and I do believe that I need to have a talk with Timothee Chalamet's agent.

[estellaestella]

there have been 7 film adaptations of The Great Gatsby so i dont see why studios dont think to adapt other Fitzgerald writings 🙄

Honestly with a Jazz Age setting, 1920s fashion, and Timmy-Saoirse portraying a couple whose marraige is based on friendship it wd rake in millions!

[suburban-critic]

So, disclaimer that I haven't finished the novel yet, but I would not characterize Gloria and Anthony's marriage as being based on "friendship." I would say that it's based on being bored and really DTF.

[fangs4faggots]

i think we should start openly mocking male creatives who can't figure out how to write women. like actually i think it's embarrassing that it took elliot page transitioning for christopher nolan to give him a good role. why did it take like ten years to get the first female lead in a marvel movie? why is it a Known Fact that stephen king can't write women? why is 50% of the population omitted from large ensemble works? i asked my friend to name a movie directed by a man with a majority female cast and he said ghostbusters 2016. ghostbusters. ghostbusters. g

[cdr2002]

95% of male sci fi authors 30 and older deserve to be clowned on and bullied

[cdr2002]

By the way the reverse never happens. It’s always either sexist men who don’t know how to write women (and often cant write romance and sexuality as well, varying from actively sexist to passively sexist, or women with internalized misogyny and weird ideas about romance that cant write any character. There’s no female author out there writing amazingly fleshed our women women and abysmal dogshit paper thin one dimensional men.

[suburban-critic]

Is this a challenge?

[cdr2002]

Yes, go forth

[fangs4faggots]

i think we should start openly mocking male creatives who can't figure out how to write women. like actually i think it's embarrassing that it took elliot page transitioning for christopher nolan to give him a good role. why did it take like ten years to get the first female lead in a marvel movie? why is it a Known Fact that stephen king can't write women? why is 50% of the population omitted from large ensemble works? i asked my friend to name a movie directed by a man with a majority female cast and he said ghostbusters 2016. ghostbusters. ghostbusters. g

[cdr2002]

95% of male sci fi authors 30 and older deserve to be clowned on and bullied

[cdr2002]

By the way the reverse never happens. It’s always either sexist men who don’t know how to write women (and often cant write romance and sexuality as well, varying from actively sexist to passively sexist, or women with internalized misogyny and weird ideas about romance that cant write any character. There’s no female author out there writing amazingly fleshed our women women and abysmal dogshit paper thin one dimensional men.

[suburban-critic]

Is this a challenge?

[seraphrain]

nobody coughs up blood dramatically into their handkerchiefs anymore

[transmechanicus]

Tuberculosis vaccines - Wikipedia

[suburban-critic]

Currently reading The Beautiful and the Damned by F. Scott Fitzgerald, and I do believe that I need to have a talk with Timothee Chalamet's agent.

[positively-emerald]

Look if we're never going to make any original movies again, the LEAST we can do is go back to making modern adaptations of Shakespeare and Jane Austen

[gideonisms]

I think it's so important and crucial for 20 year olds to witness older people who are genuinely bad at some aspects of being a person but are still living lives they find meaningful and enjoyable. Not just "oh I got married and you can too" but like. sometimes you cannot for the life of you finish college or find a good job or stay in a relationship or arrive to locations on time or whatever it is you think when you're 20 that you HAVE to be able to do. But you wind up finding a place in the world anyway. It happens!

[currentlycryingaboutlancelot]

how did we get a 90s high school adaptation of emma before northanger abbey. the high school drama is RIGHT there

[suburban-critic]

Someone should make a Catcher in the Rye film adaptation so we can add it to the "Is it a Christmas movie or not?" cinematic universe.

[my-dailydreams]

[mariacallous]

[perfeqt]

“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”

— Ernest Hemingway

[suburban-critic]

As real as the sentiments expressed in this quote may be, I am quite certain Ernest Hemingway never said it.