Emi ‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾ | 30 | she/her | Just a weeb writing self-indulgent fantasies | MDNI
✧˖° Mainly jjk-oriented
✧˖° May occasionally post for other fandoms including record of ragnarok, gachiakuta, or whatever else I'm hyperfixated on at the moment
✧˖° Not spoiler-free!
✧˖° Likes and reblogs always greatly appreciated <3
✧˖° Requests open!
NAVIGATION
➾ about me
➾ masterlist
➾ recommendations
RECENTS
☾ damocles
⚴ frat!kuna takes shy!reader to a metal show
⚴ don't fear the reaper chap 4 ☽
track twenty-five: if you're gone | prev track< | setlist
three rockstars! one you!
synopsis: your best friend has always been an asshole - whether it's in his band or in his bed. him ditching you? nothing new. but when one bedroom door closes, another one opens
pairings: rockstar!Suguru Geto x f!Reader x childhood fwb!Sukuna (+ rockstar!gojo!!)
content: mdni, angst and fluff, rockstar au!, complicated relationships and messy emotions, avoidant attachment, HEAVY PINING AND YEARNING, denying feelings, reader is a mess, conflicting emotions, more of all them suffering, tension and teasing
a/n: art by @torucider !! div by @/tsumiinum
There had to be an ending to the seemingly bottomless pit of bad decisions you'd been making lately.
But every day you were more fucking scared you weren't at rock bottom yet.
How much lower could you go?
Especially when you were already sitting at your ex's dining table and ignoring the constant buzzing of your phone on the closest counter.
Why look when you knew what would be waiting there?
Sukuna asking you to come back. To speak to him like a mature adult instead of acting like an avoidant child who couldn't handle confrontation.
But if you did, would that be it?
Inviting the real ending you'd been desperately trying to ignore?
"Shoko said she'd keep the girls tonight," Suguru called out, examining a bottle of wine before putting it back on his nice rack and grabbing a different one.
You were surprised he still bought the brand you liked.
A little stunned at how smoothly you seemed to slip back into the old swing of things. He had picked you up from the street less than ten minutes after you called, hurrying to open the door for you and asking you what felt like a hundred questions all to confirm you were really okay before bringing you back home.
You lied, of course.
Okay was no longer a word that could be applied to you. But being back with him was about as close as you could get.
He took you back to his place, half-shoved you into the bathroom with that stern stare of his, insisting that you take a warm shower and get changed while he washed your wet clothes. By the time you got back out, food had already been delivered. Sit out all nicely on the table as if this was some pre-planned get together instead of him rescuing you from yourself once more.
"I'm sorry for calling you like that," you awkwardly apologized, curling up in the seat as you opened up your to-go box, a comforting scent wafting up from it.
"You can always call me," he casually replied, unbothered by you just intruding on his evening. "If you need me-"
You didn't want to need him.
To need any of them.
You used to be completely fucking fine on your own. And here you were, shivering and feeling like a total stranger in someone else's home because you couldn't handle your problems by yourself.
"You can take my bed. I'll sleep on the couch," Suguru continued, offering up even more assistance as you tried to train yourself not to let the heat rise to your face at his unnecessary generosity.
"I'm really-"
"I'm not trying to be an asshole, but do you really think you should be alone right now?" He asked, arching up an eyebrow as he poured himself a glass of wine.
You hesitated, swallowing your pride as you considered the unfortunately not entirely unlikely possibility you'd end up on the phone with Satoru or Sukuna if he returned you to the lonely apartment thatstill didn't really feel like home.
"Just pour me a drink too," you muttered.
Suguru was too nice to say no to you.
Even though he probably knew as well as you that you weren't going to find what you wanted in the bottom of a wine glass.
You watched his hands when he grabbed you the cup you used to like back when you practically lived here, how the veins and tendons flexed as he carefully poured a pitiful amount in, like he didn't want you to think he was trying to get you drunk.
Your cautious man still playing his own games. Still preoccupied with how things looked - and you got stuck in how things were.
How were you ever supposed to get to how you wanted them to be?
"Can I ask why you called me?" Suguru finally asked the one question he'd been avoiding as he took the seat next to yours, taking a sip out of his glass as the hard edge of the table pressed into your calves. Knees scrunched close to your chest, stabbing purposelessly at the food in your box as you tried to think of an excuse that wouldn't make this whole thing, well, messier.
"You were who I thought of," you shrugged your shoulders, biting your lip as the scent of him clung to your skin. His t-shirt hanging loose on your frame, skin still damp and sticky as you shuffled in the familiar kitchen seat.
For a second, you felt like you were back in the therapist's office, heart laid bare for someone to break, feeling the scrutiny of his dark stare, no matter how much he softened it for you.
"Does Sukuna know you're here?" He carefully asked, like he was trying to decide if he was going to get assaulted again just for playing your knight.
"No," you muttered. Even if he could probably guess it if he went back to the apartment he bought you and discovered it empty.
He had predicted it too, hadn't he?
That you'd run off to someone else? Seeking comfort in places you shouldn't be instead of finding it in yourself?
"Should I make sure the door's locked?" He tried to joke, and you didn't even have it in yourself to smile.
"I might deadbolt it," you dryly muttered, stabbing at the food and popping it in your mouth.
His small smirk faltered, and you wished you could make it easier for him.
You wished you could make it easier for all of them.
Sure, they hurt you. Okay, well, Sukuna and Suguru had. But it was getting harder and harder to hold onto it. Not when all of the anguish felt like acid on your tongue, seeping down your throat and burning your stomach the longer it sat inside of you.
If you weren't so fucked up, if you had your shit figured out a little more, wouldn't you save all four of you so much heartache?
"What happened today?" Suguru pressed, and you could only shrug your shoulders.
"I, uh, went to therapy," you mumbled, biting down on the inside of your cheek before admitting the tougher part, "With Sukuna."
"Oh."
Yeah.
You supposed you should've seen it for the monumentally awful idea it was from the start instead of just accepting to acquiesce Sukuna after the whole 'surprising you with a brand new fucking apartment' thing.
"Guess it didn't go well?" He wryly replied, and you almost rolled your eyes.
"That obvious?" You exhaled, pushing the food around before forcing yourself to look up at him. "I kinda ran away."
"You tend to do that," Suguru unhelpfully remarked, your lips pressing in a thin line as you found yourself tempted to fling a forkful of food back at him.
"You're so funny," you sarcastically commented, squinting at him just for him to give you that annoyingly charming smirk you wouldn't admit you missed.
"And yet you're not saying I'm wrong," he hummed, bringing his wine glass back to his lips.
Taking a swig of your own was better than agreeing with him.
Letting the bitter taste takeover your tongue so you didn't have to stew on the regret festering there already. All the what-ifs being back in his house brought up, wondering how things might have played out if you just made a few different decisions back then.
"You know," Suguru continued when he carefully placed his glass back down. "Shoko knows a couple good ones, if you didn't like the therapist or-"
It was sweet of him to assume the therapist was the problem instead of you.
"You might benefit more from some solo sessions," he kept going, still trying to take care of you long after you left him. Picking up all the broken pieces and doing his best to glue them back together.
Was it guilt?
Or had losing you simply made him a better person?
Jesus, this fucking sucked.
How come they only got their shit together after you? Why couldn't they work it out when you were with them? Why were you the only one still shattered?
You never asked for either of them.
They had given themselves to you and fucking screwed you over once it was done.
"Can you be, like, awful for five minutes?" You huffed, scowling at him as you forced a sharp exhale out of your nose.
His lips parted in a surprised 'o', dark eyes narrowing like he was trying to work out what you meant by that. "Why-"
"It's so annoying that you get to be all mature and perfect after we break up," you admitted, picking at your cuticles beneath the table as you glanced back to where your purse was laying on its side.
"Perfect?"
"It's so infuriating sometimes," you mumbled under your breath, shaking your head as you interrupted him, about to reiterate that he was infuriating before he let out a low chuckle.
"Do you want me to be mean to you?" He offered in that honeyed voice of his.
"I want to be mad at you," you muttered, feeling a lot more defeated than you expected.
"You can be mad at me," he calmly accepted it, evenly meeting your stare as if you being upset was better than the alternative of you feeling nothing at all for him.
You tried to switch to ignoring him.
Finishing your food with a tight-lipped frown and polishing off the wine even though it just left an uncomfortable heat compressing your chest. You slipped out of your chair to go throw away the styrofoam box, but Suguru just had to get up and do it for you, leaving you awkwardly standing there and swallowing your feelings.
Tempted to ask what now?
Were you supposed to sit on the couch together and watch tv like old times? Ask him to just take you back home anyway? Go back to the bed he used to fuck you in and pretend you couldn’t smell him on the sheets?
You ended up awkwardly leaning against the wall while you watched him clean up, trying to find something wrong to bicker about.
But god, he’d forgiven you for fucking his best friend.
Comforted you and came when you called and took care of you even when you weren’t his anymore.
“Maybe Shoko could refer me to someone,” you muttered.
You needed help.
The kind that you had to find on your own. With the help of a licensed professional.
“I’ll text her,” he replied, a hint of pride bleeding through his voice as you folded your arms across your chest.
What happened to the independent girl you used to be? The one who was too stubborn to admit it when you were out of your depth? What happened to everything you used to be?
The strangest part was that you weren't even sure you wanted to go back to being her. She let Sukuna break her heart. And then handed over what was left of it to Suguru so he could take a few swings at it too.
But even now, being around him like this, watching him walk around like you were reliving in an old memory, you were the tiniest bit tempted to go back to the old days. Just for one night.
You could see it now.
Almost feel how solid his hands would be on your waist, how warm his chest would be when you were pinned underneath it.
It would be so simple, wouldn't it?
To let him pick you up and cradle you close? To call him by his name and let him whisper yours in that tender voice of his?
He wouldn't feel like home. But he'd feel close enough to safe to settle the storm still wearing you down and ripping through your rattled bones.
Suguru caught you staring as he finished up, thin brows knitting together as he walked over to you, one hand reaching for his pocket for his cigarettes before he remembered that they weren't there anymore.
"I'm not sleeping with you," he murmured softly, as if he wasn't looking down at your lips as like he could still remember the taste of them.
"I didn't ask you to," you whispered back, like you weren't looking at his either. And then he reached out, like he was going to cup your cheek and caress you the same way he used to.
"Angel," he gently spoke, sighing as his palm stopped just shy of your cheek. "You know you have to pick."
"I know," you confessed.
You couldn't keep doing this.
"I will still do whatever I can to support you and fix the mess I made," he reassured, swallowing hard as he steeled his resolve. "But you're just hurting yourself."
And he was too selfless to say you were hurting him too, even though you could see the pain shining in his deep stare.
You wanted to play it off.
Pretend that you weren't painfully aware that no matter who you chose, you'd still be second guessing yourself for maybe forever.
If you chose Sukuna, and it crashed and burned, would you spend eternity wondering what would've happened if you mustered up the courage to kiss Suguru right now?
And if you did kiss him, would you just wish it was Sukuna's lips instead?
"I wish I never fucked us up to begin with," Suguru murmured, maybe loosened up from the wine to be speaking so plainly about what you both lost when his face was hardly inches from yours. "But I guess I know how Sukuna feels now."
"You're making it so much harder for me," you defensively mumbled, trying to keep your breathing steady when he was looking down at you like he wanted to memorize the view.
"That's because I want you to pick me," he smoothly replied, your mouth twitching up into a smile you had to push back down.
You had to make yourself slip away from him, turning around and walking around the corner to go back to his living room. About to come up with the excuse that you could watch a movie or something to pass the time and avoid the topic at hand when you spotted a stack of papers across a side table where the coasters usually were.
And noticed your name neatly printed at the top of one.
"What's this?" You asked, picking it up the moment you were close enough, eyes already scanning the page as he started to hurry over.
"It's nothing, just a stupid fucking idea Satoru's dad was-"
"It's about me," you pointed out, turning around and refusing to let him have it back, swatting at his outstretched hand while you squinted at the fine print.
"Baby, it's bullshit, I didn't want to worry-"
"I can make decisions for myself, Suguru," you scolded him, a lump taking shape again in the back of your throat as you realized what it was.
An offer.
"This is the PR relationship thing, isn't it?" You frowned, flipping the page as you started scanning the terms. Satoru had been telling the truth.
His dad wanted to throw a fuck ton of cash at you to get you to do what he wanted.
An apartment with 24/7 security. Biweekly paychecks for playing pretend girlfriend. Health and dental insurance. New clothes for required public appearances.
God, why the fuck was it a better job offer than anything else you received?
Six months.
Half of year of hanging onto your ex-boyfriend's arm in public now that your private life had been dragged out for everyone to see.
It was long enough for the album and press rollout but right before their tour would start. Enough for them to turn the PR disaster of a leaked sex tape into something slightly less scandalous the media could sink their teeth into.
You'd be dropped once they sold out all their shows.
Suguru was silent, just staring as you studied the stapled sheets in front of you, waiting for you to say something.
To say it was stupid and to shut it all down.
"Is he actually serious?" You asked, a hard lump in your throat as your stare drifted back to the promised paycheck, wondering what price you could put on your pride.
You were clearly losing this game anyway.
They weren't going to leave you alone.
"You don't need to do this," Suguru softly said, not answering your question as you glanced up from the papers to see his conflicted expression.
Would Sukuna hate you if you did?
Satoru might.
How much could making a deal with a devil cost when you already lost everything you cared about?
You weren't replying to his texts.
Go fucking figure.
The harder Sukuna tried to have you, the more you pulled away from him.
Still, he knew he shouldn't be doing this.
Leg bouncing impatiently as he stared down at the phone screen in his hand, trying to work up the willpower to either swipe everything away or shut it off.
That's what a more mature person would do.
Someone who had his shit together.
But that had never been him.
Jin had called, told him to come over and just crash there. Kaori had snatched the phone from his brother and told him to go find you and fucking fix it.
Like it was so goddamn easy when you were too hurt to see how hard he was trying. Too broken to even want him to put you together.
And despite what his therapist tried to say otherwise, he couldn't stop blaming himself for being the one to fuck it all up in the first place.
All the same thoughts looping in his head, replaying a million moments he wished he could go back and do differently. The thousand nights where you were in his bed, beneath his body where you belonged, his hands skimming over your side and his teeth sinking into your soft skin when he should've been kissing you and asking you to be his girlfriend.
Not his best friend with benefits.
Not some unnamed third thing you both swore wasn't that serious.
He wanted to be your man. To get to marry you one day and have a stupid little chubby baby with your eyes and his hair.
Sukuna didn't want to just be some fucking asshole you used to sleep with.
Someone you used to know.
A page in a book you shut and shoved on a shelf to be forgotten.
Maybe bringing you to his therapist was a mistake, something that he should've waited a little longer for. But he didn't know how to help you himself.
No matter how badly he wished he could.
And honestly, what he was about to do was probably an even bigger one in the making.
But fuck, he wanted to prove you wrong.
Show you that what you were scared of wasn't going to happen.
He could watch you having sex with your ex-boyfriend and not strangle him for it. He wasn't going to leave you.
And by no means, was he going to stop loving you.
No, instead, he just nearly threw up when the sketchy site on his phone finally loaded and he saw you splayed out nude in soft blue sheets, touching yourself and looking at the camera all lovestruck.
Asking Suguru for help.
You didn't do that with him.
It was different. Knowing that it had been serious with Suguru and actually seeing it for himself.
The trust shining in your eyes before all the light in them had been stolen from you.
He almost dropped the phone.
Pacing the floor and swallowing the bile threatening to flood his throat as your soft voice replayed in his ears.
Sukuna was greedy. Selfish. Used to taking what he wanted and never needing to justify it.
Until he realized what he wanted the most was what was best for you.
I’m thinking about nanami who has a not so secret crush professional interest in gojo’s wife (fem!reader). nsfw 18+ drabble. mlist
──── ୨୧ ────
On Nanami’s birthday he enjoys the celebration and praise from everyone, but there’s one little thing nagging at the back of his mind through all the cakes and badly wrapped tie pins. He doesn’t say anything, but your presence is pointedly missing, and that tiny fact is enough to dampen his spirits despite the jovial atmosphere. He’s a little grumpy by the end of the day as a result, more so by the way Gojo seems to be hell bent on clinging to him. After one too maybe bear hugs he finally makes a remark, a snide little comment about how he much prefers Gojo’s “other half”. Gojo just grins that same shit-eating grin as usual, but his grip on Nanami’s shoulder is tight when he chirps in reply “let’s go see her then, right now!”.
Nanami barely has the chance to open his mouth before he’s engulfed in a sizzle of energy. Gojo’s hand still firmly clasped over his shoulder, he finds himself standing in an unfamiliar bedroom, and when his vision finally focuses he chokes at the sight that greets him. It’s you, blindfolded, splayed over crisp white sheets and wrapped up like a gift. Each bare limb is glittering, bound expertly in an intricate banding of yellow ribbon - his favourite colour. He hadn’t had a favourite colour before, not until he’d seen you waltz in one morning donning a yellow sundress, looking like a beam of sunlight personified. He sees you in the daisies that pepper the footpath, the warmth of a summer day, the sand beneath his feet on the beachside, and now in the restraints lacing each of your oiled limbs like a bow atop a gift he’s been pining after for years - and it’s all just too much.
He’s speechless, unable to even lift a finger to argue when Gojo guides him into a chair directly across from where you’re perched on the bed, giving him a stellar view of just how far gone you already are. Nanami is dizzy, tenfold when his eyes roam down and he notices the little red light blinking between your spread thighs, tucked beneath a pair of pale blue panties already soaked through and glistening a little with the vibration.
Gojo’s smile has settled into a sharp line, and his voice is low and cutting when he leans down to purr into Nanami’s ear, his hands massaging either tense shoulder. “You wanted to fuck my wife, right? Well take it all in Nanamin, this is the closest you’re ever gonna get.”
olderbf!toji shows you why older men do it better ꒰♡
based on this request જ⁀◝✩ mdni.ᐟ
you’d both finished dinner, sat opposite one another as you wait for the bill.
that’s when a younger man strutted over, most likely around your age, decent looking and way too confident after a few drinks.
“so, you really came here with your… dad?” the guy asked, laughing like he’d made the funniest joke in the world. toji stares him down, narrowing his eyes, which was usually enough for anyone to take off running.
so, unfortunately, you rarely got to see your older boyfriend truly jealous.
most people wouldn’t dare challenge toji — after all, he’s six foot two and packed with muscle most guys could only dream of having. he didn’t often have to throw punches anymore. anyone who knew what was best for themselves would usually stay far away.
apart from this arrogant prick.
“boyfriend,” you correct him, shifting closer to toji who grips your thigh possessively under the table.
you turn to look at toji, who doesn’t look particularly angry, — just bored and unamused.
“don’t you want a man who can keep up with your… needs? can’t say i think this old man does," the guy smirks, looking down at your cleavage, making toji grip your thigh tighter.
toji stands up, slowly, closing the distance between him and the younger man with one stride. it wasn’t until toji began towering over him with that murderous look in his eye that the guy visibly started to regret his choices.
the atmosphere falls silent for a moment, toji only inches from the guy’s face, until-
thwack!
your big brute of a boyfriend knocks the fucker out with one lazy punch.
you raise your eyebrows, watching the guy get knocked the fuck out — then looking back at toji, who was already looking at you.
toji grabs your wrist as gently as he knows how, yanking you out of your seat and to the bathrooms nearby.
thank god you’d chosen a booth near the back of the restaurant.
within seconds, you’re pinned against the sink with toji’s lips on yours, kissing you with no room for air. his rough hands were all over you, tangling in your hair, groping your tits, making their way up your dress to tug your panties down.
"toji — mnnn — someone could walk in," you pant, being lifted onto the counter, soaked panties now loosely hanging around one ankle.
your mouth hangs wide open as he spits directly onto your cunt, shimmying his pants down hurriedly, then nudging his thick tip against your entrance.
"let em’," he rasps, attacking your neck with his teeth and tongue, "hope that arrogant prick walks in n sees how good this ‘old man’ fucks you."
with that, he drives his hips forward, bottoming out in one harsh thrust that makes you mewl loud enough for the entire damn restaurant to hear.
"atta girl, let em all know how full i stuff this pretty cunt," he grunts, setting a relentless, dizzying pace — one hand on your hip, another behind your neck.
he keeps the filthiest eye contact with you, smirking at how you desperately try to conceal your moans. "ahhnn — ohmygod — toji," you whine, gripping onto his meaty biceps for stability.
groaning loudly, toji hikes his shirt up, biting down on the hem with his sharp canines to keep it there, toned abs and deep v-line on full display for you to gawk at.
your pussy flutters around his dick at the sight, more breathy moans escaping you as he pounds you harder. "good fuckin’ girl, takin’ me so well,” he rasps.
he fucks you harder at the thought of other men lusting after you, thrusts driven by possessiveness. his thumb moves down to your clit, rubbing it up and down, making you flutter desperately around his length.
"mnghh — m’gonna cum—“ you cry out, locking your legs firmly around his waist, fingernails raking down his back from the overwhelming pleasure.
you only spur him on, cunt sucking him in tighter, heavy balls smacking against your ass as he gets ready to pump you full of his cum and walk out of the bathroom with you like nothing had happened.
"gonna fill this pretty pussy up, have my cum leakin’ down your thighs as we walk outta here," he grunts, pressing his forehead to yours, thrusts becoming short and shallow.
“god, yes— fill me up, mnnn— please," you plead, thighs twitching and shaking still.
with a hoarse grunt, toji spills his load deep inside of you, slamming into you hard as he rids himself of every drop.
"mine…" he pants lightly, claiming your lips again, cock beginning to soften inside of you.
you were prepared for the fact you probably wouldn’t be able to come back to the restaurant again.
your big boyfriend always leaves you sore between your legs 𐦍
fluff/ light smut
you thought you’d be used to having a big boyfriend by now — six foot three, body sculpted by the gods, dick big and heavy (and he knew it).
the morning after he’d fucked you stupid, you’re used to having a little tenderness between your legs. it was normal to you. expected.
that’s not to say it wasn’t close to agonising sometimes.
"y’okay, sweets?" satoru asks as you wake, cuddling up to you as soon as he catches a glimpse of discomfort on your face.
he presses a kiss to your shoulder, watching you clutch your lower stomach. "mhm, just sore," you reply.
you were a little more than sore, but he didn’t need to know that.
satoru nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck, then rolls you over so you’re flat on the bed. "my poor baby. lemme see."
there wasn’t an ounce of mock-sympathy in his voice — just pure love and affection.
you let him pull your shorts down, placing them beside you. he kisses your knee before parting your legs, gaze focused on your pussy. it’s like you could still feel him down there, the soreness and weight of him still lingering.
satoru hums as he parts your folds, pussy still slightly puffy and red, most of the pain on the inside near your cervix. "m’sorry, princess," he says, leaning in to press a chaste kiss to your clit.
"mm, i have such a big, mean boyfriend" you respond with a faint smile.
satoru giggles, then slides your shorts back onto you, gathering you in his strong arms to give you all his love and attention. "soooo mean," he says, kissing you all over your face with exaggerated ‘mwah’ sounds.
after cuddling you for a little while, he grabs you your heating pad, placing it on your lower stomach before drawing you a hot bath. and of course, he orders you copious amounts of food and unnecessary gifts.
"you don’t have to do all this, toru. i’m okay," you say, watching him saunter back over to you with that infamous casual confidence, gathering you in his arms and walking you over to the bathroom.
"shhh," he hushes, sitting you on the ledge of the bath and helping you undress, "always gonna take care of my princess."
he pauses for a second, allowing a moment of silence before breaking it again. "suchhhhh a shame i have such a massive di-"
you cut him off with a glare as he climbs behind you into the bath, shortly after setting you down in it.
Being loved by the strongest is complicated.
Being married to him as a sorcerer from a despised clan makes you dangerous.
But no one is foolish enough to cross the line of an utterly devoted man, right?
cr: @_3aem on X
CW / Fic tags: NSFW. Married couple/Established relationship. Plot & Smut. Possessiveness. Vaginal sex, vaginal fingering, praise kink, creampie, oral sex (f and m rec), inappropiate use of cursed technique, fluff, hurt/comfort. Satoru Gojo goes insane
The drive took a little over an hour. Nanami had never been particularly conversational during missions, and today you found yourself grateful for it. The steady hum of the engine filled most of the silence while the city slowly gave way to quieter roads and scattered industrial buildings.
You reviewed the mission file again anyway. Grade One curse. Abandoned manufacturing district.
Across from you, Nanami closed the folder he’d been reading and adjusted his tie before glancing in your direction.
He wasn't stupid. He'd noticed the way you'd gone unusually quiet whenever the subject drifted too close to certain conversations. He didn't know everything, and he suspected you preferred it that way.
His thoughts drifted back to the phone call you'd shared days earlier.
I want you to treat me like I'm not there.
You had sounded calm when you'd said it.
I can handle myself.
Nanami had never doubted that. What concerned him was that you seemed to underestimate the toll sustained amplification took on your body, especially when you’re amplifying a high-grade sorcerer.
A quiet sigh escaped him as he looked back out the window. Whatever concerns he had, the decision had already been made. You were here. The mission had been approved. And until given a reason otherwise, he intended to trust your judgment.
By the time Ijichi pulled the vehicle to a stop, the sun had already begun its descent behind the industrial skyline. Rows of abandoned warehouses stretched in every direction, their rusted exteriors stained by years of neglect. It looked exactly like the photographs in the mission briefing.
As the two of you moved deeper into the industrial complex, your gaze swept automatically across rooftops, broken windows, elevated walkways.
Searching for cameras, of course. They weren’t the type to stand in the shadows and watch personally. If they wanted information, they had dozens of ways to obtain it.
The point was that someone would eventually read what happened here.
A few steps ahead, Nanami slowed. The smallest acknowledgment.
As you both were expecting, the curse ahead wasn’t a threat to him. Not with your amplification, and not even without it.
Bringing you here had never been about necessity. It had been about observation.
Nanami glanced back once, you held his gaze.
A few days ago, over the phone, he had offered you an exit. And you refused.
Treat me like I’m not there.
His jaw tightened almost imperceptibly before he looked away again.
You moved into position, the connection forming almost immediately. Your cursed energy reached for his, threading itself into the familiar pathways. Amplification had always felt less like adding something and more like removing obstacles.
Most people assumed amplification was effortless. It wasn’t. Sustaining a connection to a powerful sorcerer for extended periods always came with a cost. By the end of longer missions, your own cursed energy tended to lag behind, slower to respond, slower to recover.
The curse emerged from between rows of rusted machinery, its massive frame forcing twisted metal aside as it dragged itself into view.
Nanami moved before it could fully reveal itself.
The connection between your cursed energies tightened instantly as he closed the distance. You felt the familiar pull of amplification settle deeper into place, sharpening his output, smoothing every movement until there was something almost effortless about the way he fought.
His blade cut across its arm with enough force to send the creature reeling backward, a distorted scream echoing through the warehouse as black blood splattered across the concrete. Before it could recover, he was already moving again.
Another strike. Then another. Each one landed with the same ruthless precision.
You found yourself frowning. The mission briefing had painted a picture of a Grade One threat requiring immediate intervention. Yet Nanami was dismantling it in less than a minute.
By the time the curse made one final attempt to attack, pieces of its body were already beginning to dissolve.
For a moment, everything went quiet. Not the natural quiet that follows the end of a fight, but something stranger.
Across the warehouse, Nanami didn’t lower his weapon.
The same thought had already occurred to both of you. Something about this felt wrong.
Suddenly, a pulse of cursed energy rolled through the warehouse. There was something deeper inside the complex.
A second presence. No. Not second
Realization hit a fraction too late.
The real one.
Satoru had never admitted this to anyone. Not to Shoko. Not to Suguru. And definitely not to you.
The truth was that for almost an entire year, he had been convinced you were in love with Suguru. Looking back, it was probably the most embarrassing conclusion he had ever reached. At the time, though, the evidence had seemed overwhelming.
One afternoon he found the two of you sitting beneath a tree near the training grounds. Suguru leaned against the trunk with a notebook in his lap. You sat cross-legged beside him, gesturing animatedly as you explained something.
“…amplification isn’t actually adding anything” you were saying.
Suguru nodded immediately.
“You’re removing inefficiencies.”
“Exactly” you said, pointing at him with a bright smile “I wish we were in the same year, Sugu. It would’ve been fun”
The comment was innocent. Satoru still hated it enough that he stepped forward and cleared his throat loudly.
Both of you looked up.
“How are you doing that?” he asked, pointing between the two of you
Suguru sighed. You looked genuinely confused.
“Doing what?”
“The thing”
“What thing?”
“The weird thing where you both understand each other after three words.”
“We’re having a conversation, Satoru” you said, amused
Suguru looked at him for a long moment
“Are you jealous?” his friend asked, completely deadpan
Satoru nearly choked on his own spit.
“What? No” he answered too quickly
Suguru didn’t even blink.
“You’re jealous.”
“I’m not jealous.”
“You absolutely are.”
“I am literally the strongest sorcerer alive.” Satoru protested, crossing his arms like that somehow proved his point.
“The fuck does that have to do with being jealous?”
“I’m n—”
Your laugh cut him off, hand pressed over your mouth trying –and failing– to not laugh at him.
The sound followed him for the rest of the day. That was another problem. Everything about you lingered.
For a long time, Satoru convinced himself he simply enjoyed your company. That lie worked surprisingly well. Right up until the day you weren’t there.
Nanami mentioned in passing that you’d gotten sick and wouldn’t be joining training.
By noon, he was in a terrible mood. By two o’clock Suguru threatened to throw him through a wall.
“You’ve managed to be even more unbearable than usual today. Impressive” Shoko said, and didn’t even look up from her phone. “Just go visit her.”
His entire body froze.
“What makes you think I want to visit her?”
“Satoru.”
“What?”
“You’re pathetic.”
Suguru, who had been pretending to read a report, snorted loudly from the corner of the room.
“You should just tell her,” he added, voice calm but firm.
The room went dead silent.
Satoru stared at Suguru. Suguru stared back, completely unfazed. Shoko slowly lowered her phone, watching the exchange like it was the most entertaining thing she’d seen all week.
“Tell her what?” Satoru asked, his voice suspiciously casual, almost airy.
Suguru didn’t hesitate.
“That you’re in love with her.”
The words landed like a lighting strike.
For a second, nobody spoke, and he felt heat crawl up his neck. Then he laughed — sharp, defensive, the kind of laugh that gave everything away.
“You’re insane.”
Suguru simply raised an eyebrow, calm as ever.
“Am I?”
The horrifying part wasn’t that his friends knew. The horrifying part was that they were right.
At some point, somewhere between missions and training and ordinary afternoons, being near you had stopped being a choice.
It had become instinct.
The cursed energy struck like a tidal wave, and the pressure kept building — heavier, darker, rolling through the metal beams and concrete walls like something alive.
Across from you, Nanami moved without hesitation. His hand went straight to his phone, no discussion needed. If a Special Grade had somehow slipped into the area, protocol was clear: report immediately and prepare for escalation.
You were already doing the same, fingers flying across the screen. But when it lit up, the signal bar remained empty. No signal.
Behind you, Nanami lowered his own device with a slow, deliberate motion. His silence said everything.
You had no way to report what you’d found. The realization settled heavily between you, and suddenly everything clicked.
This wasn’t a random encounter.
You had known this assignment was a test. You had known the higher-ups were watching, waiting for you to slip. But you hadn’t realized until this moment just how far they were willing to go.
Your jaw tightened, a slow burn of anger mixing with the dread curling in your chest. They hadn’t just sent you into a dangerous situation. They had manufactured one. Placing a Special Grade — or something close enough to feel like one — in front of Nanami, one of Jujutsu High’s most reliable Grade One sorcerers. All while knowing you would be here to amplify him.
A few days ago, sitting across from those elders, you had assumed there were limits they wouldn’t cross.
Naively, apparently.
Because somebody had looked at this operation, looked at the possibility of placing a Special Grade in front of one of Jujutsu High’s strongest Grade One sorcerers, and decided the risk was acceptable.
They were gambling with his life just to test you.
And worse, they were doing it on purpose. You were the real target. Always had been.
Retreat would have been the smart move. The logical one. But something told you that whatever was lurking further inside wouldn’t simply let you walk away. And if it broke free from this abandoned complex and reached the populated streets just a few kilometers away…
Civilians.
The thought cut through everything else. You couldn’t let that happen. Not when you had the power to stop it.
The guilt you’d been carrying pressed heavier now. If things went wrong here, if Nanami got hurt because of this manufactured trap…
No. He wouldn’t. You’d make sure of that.
You exhaled slowly, letting your technique settle under your skin like a second pulse,
“I’m going to amplify you every twenty seconds” you said, voice low but firm “Don’t hold back. Don’t look back. I’ll keep you at full power. Just focus on ending this quickly.”
Nanami’s eyes narrowed slightly, a flicker of protest crossing his usually composed features. He opened his mouth — probably to argue — but you didn’t give him the chance.
“There’s no other way” you know it. If you didn’t amplify him, there was no chance of you exorcising that thing. And he know it too, but the weight of unspoken concern was heavy between you.
Then he gave a single, sharp nod
The air grew colder. And from the depths of the warehouse, whatever was hiding back there had finally decided to stop playing games.
You were adults now. No longer students. Full-time sorcerers, taking on missions and carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.
And still… Satoru hadn’t asked you out.
He had spent the last three years quietly, pathetically in love with you. Learning every little detail: the way you liked your coffee, the exact way your nose scrunched when you were trying not to laugh at his stupid jokes. He memorized every little thing. He waited. Patient in a way he never was with anything else. He savored. He let every small moment stretch out as long as possible.
One late evening, the two of you were alone in the common room of the faculty building. The lights were dim, and you were sitting on the couch showing him something on your phone. Satoru, however, wasn’t paying attention to the screen at all. He was staring at your face again — completely lost.
You noticed, of course.
“Satoru” you said, waving a hand in front of his eyes
He blinked slowly, then leaned forward with that signature cocky grin.
“Baby” he drawled, the pet name slipping out like it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Stop that” you muttered
“Stop what?” he asked innocently, though his pulse was racing
“You know what. The staring. And the ‘baby’ thing”
Satoru tilted his head, smirking wider
“Does it make you nervous?”
You looked away for a second, then back at him with that soft, knowing smile that always made his brain stop working.
“Pretty sure you’re the one who’s nervous, Satoru.”
He opened his mouth to deny it, but you kept going, voice gentle but direct.
“For the strongest sorcerer in the world, your confession game is actually terrible” you said, lips curving into a playful, lopsided smile. “Just ask me out already.”
Satoru’s brain short-circuited. His heart was hammering so violently he genuinely thought it might climb up his throat and choke him.
For a few long seconds he just stared at you, mouth slightly open, all his usual arrogance nowhere to be found.
You waited, watching him with fond amusement, before finally taking mercy on him.
“Satoru?”
“Yeah?” His voice came out embarrassingly rough.
You leaned in just slightly, eyes warm and certain.
“I’m in love with you too.”
Before your words could even fully settle in the quiet room, he reached out. His hands caught your face with a tenderness that almost hurt. His sunglasses slipped down the bridge of his nose, exposing the brilliant, unmasked intensity of his eyes. He didn't say a word. He just pulled you into him, closing the distance between your lips in a kiss that felt like inevitability.
It was deep, desperate, and entirely consuming. Satoru kissed you as if he were trying to swallow the very air in your lungs, his thumbs wiping across your cheekbones while his entire body leaned over yours, backing you into the cushions of the couch, infinity completely vanished. He wanted to feel the heat of your skin, the frantic beat of your pulse against his fingers, the soft sigh that left your mouth into his.
When he finally pulled back, just an inch, his forehead rested against yours. His breathing was ragged, his lips slightly bruised, and for the first time in his life, Gojo Satoru looked entirely defenseless.
"You have no idea" he whispered against your mouth. "You have absolutely no idea what you just did."
That night had changed everything. Three years of silent pining, three years of learning you, wanting you, waiting for the right moment… and you had been the one to finally push him off the cliff.
Even years later, he still remembered the way his world shifted the moment those words left your lips.
You weren’t just someone he loved. You had become the undisputed center of his world
The monstrous curse burst from the depths of the warehouse — a grotesque mass of twisted limbs, countless blinking eyes, and a pulsing core of volatile cursed energy. It was undeniably Special Grade.
Nanami charged forward without hesitation, his Ratio Technique flaring to life as he closed the distance with precise, lethal movements.
You stayed close, moving with him, keeping within striking range while dodging flying debris and lashing tentacles of cursed energy.
Twenty seconds.
You darted in during a brief opening, fingers brushing his shoulder blade. Your amplification surged into him like a second wind. Nanami’s strikes became sharper, faster, more absolute.
The curse shrieked and swung wildly. You rolled under a sweeping limb and sprinted to the side, keeping pace with Nanami’s footwork while the headache began to bloom behind your eyes.
Twenty seconds.
You weaved through the chaos, heart pounding, and touched his back this time. Another surge. Nanami pivoted instantly, using the amplified power to cleave deep into the curse’s defenses.
Your vision flickered.
The pain was building faster than you expected — a heavy pressure squeezing your skull. You shook your head hard as you dashed to a new position, staying just close enough to reach him when the timer reset. Dust and cursed energy residue stung your eyes, but you didn’t stop moving.
Twenty seconds.
You slid across the concrete, barely avoiding a crashing tentacle, and pressed your hand to his arm mid-strike. The amplification flowed again. Nanami pressed the advantage ruthlessly, but the curse was adapting, growing more frantic and dangerous.
Your head throbbed violently now. Each amplification felt like a hammer driving into your temples. You staggered for half a second, then forced yourself forward again, breathing through gritted teeth.
Twenty seconds.
You ran alongside him, lungs burning, and touched his shoulder once more. The pain spiked so sharply that you bit the inside of your cheek to stay silent.
Not yet.
You weren’t going to slow him down. Not when civilians were at stake. Not when Satoru was waiting for you to come home.
Nanami landed another devastating blow, but even as the battle raged, the pain in your head continued to build. You shook it off again, vision blurring at the edges, and kept moving.
Just a little bit more.
The office was silent, save for the steady ticking of the clock on the wall. Yaga sat rigid at his desk, staring at the phone in his hand
"Damn it" he muttered. The report from Ijichi had arrived only a moment earlier, delivered in a voice strained with panic
The signature is gone, Director. We’ve lost connection. Both of them.
He closed his eyes for a split second, a familiar weight settling in his chest. When she had stood in this very office and asked him to keep Satoru out of it, he had agreed. He had respected her judgment. Respected her right to handle her own battles. Now he wondered if he had simply handed her over to them. Because this was no longer a test.
If they had done what he feared… The thought died there.
Yaga opened his eyes and reached for his phone. For a moment, his thumb hovered over the contact.
There would be no undoing this. Once he made that call, events would begin moving toward a conclusion none of them would be able to stop.
He pressed dial. The line rang once. Twice. Then—
“Yaga?”
“Come back, Satoru.”
The battle dragged on far longer than it should have.
The warehouse had become a graveyard of shattered concrete and twisted steel. Dust and cursed energy hung thick in the air, making every breath feel like swallowing glass. The Special Grade curse refused to die, regenerating with hateful persistence.
Your technique was failing.
What once felt like a steady river of cursed energy now came in weak, stuttering pulses. Maintaining the connection with Nanami grew harder with every passing second. The pounding in your skull had become unbearable. At some point blood had started dripping steadily from your nose, warm and metallic, staining your collar and the back of your hand every time you wiped it away.
Nanami had noticed. Several times his sharp gaze flicked toward you, jaw tight with restrained words. He never spoke them. There was no point. Both of you already understood the cost.
A violent crash rang out as the curse slammed Nanami backward. His shoes carved deep grooves into the concrete floor as he skidded to a stop.
The curse’s energy signature faltered.
There.
A small opening. One single, fleeting chance.
You wiped the blood from your mouth with a trembling sleeve. When had it reached your lips? You couldn’t remember. Your hands felt numb. Your cursed energy felt like it belonged to someone else—distant, fraying at the edges.
Satoru.
His face flashed in your mind — that bright, lazy smile, the way he looked at you like you were the only thing in the world worth slowing down for. The way he’d finally learned to let you stand on your own.
You took a slow, painful breath. Every last fragment of power left in your body gathered beneath your skin.
You thought of his voice whispering “wife” like a prayer. Of the guilt you carried for keeping this from him. Of how much you loved him.
Nanami’s eyes met yours across the wreckage. The moment he realized what you were about to do, his expression fractured.
“No.” The word cracked out of him like a whip. “Don’t—”
You were already moving.
“I’m sorry, Ken” Your hand slammed against his shoulder.
The connection detonated. It wasn’t amplification anymore. It was everything. Every drop of cursed energy, every ounce of strength, every second of endurance you had left surged into Nanami in a single, devastating wave.
The world violently tilted. Sound vanished. Your vision tunneled into white.
The last thing you registered was Nanami moving — faster and sharper than you had ever seen him, his Ratio technique blazing with lethal, absolute precision. A single, perfect strike.
The curse dissolved into nothingness, and for one suspended heartbeat, silence fell over the ruined warehouse.
Nanami turned immediately, and your body hit the concrete before he could catch you.
Satoru sat in the private jet, long legs stretched out across the luxurious leather seat.
Yaga didn’t tell him why he needed to return so urgently. The fact that he called him back so suddenly —even assigning Yuta as backup — set his nerves on edge. If I were something truly serious, he would have said it outright… right?
His phone rested in his hand, thumb hovering over your contact. He wanted to call you, to hear your voice, but the thought of surprising you the moment he landed was even more tempting. He was just minutes away, he could wait.
He exhaled through his nose, leaning back again, letting the idea settle—just for a moment.
Then something felt wrong.
At first, it was just a faint, itching unease at the back of his neck. Then, without warning, your cursed energy signature—the one he had memorized like a second heartbeat—flickered.
He froze.
It flickered again. Weaker.
In a single fluid motion, he ripped the blindfold off. His Six Eyes ignited, flooding his vision with overwhelming clarity that tore through the fuselage as if it weren’t there at all. The pilot nearly jumped out of his seat as the cabin pressure shifted violently, the air around Satoru warping under the weight of his unchecked power.
He reached for you desperately, pushing his senses to their absolute limit across the distance. For a brief moment he caught it — your energy, strained, burning far beyond safe levels. Then it began fading faster.
“No” The word tore from his throat, raw and broken.
He stood up so violently that the seat cracked behind him. Without another word, he teleported out of the moving jet mid-flight, leaving the shocked crew behind in stunned silence.
He reappeared exactly where he had felt the last desperate flare of your cursed energy — right outside Jujutsu High.
Once he was on the ground, everything became worse. Your signature was too weak. What used to be a constant, unmistakable warm light in his world was now nothing more than a fragile, flickering thread. Barely there. Fading in and out like a dying candle. He couldn’t get a clear lock on your exact location.
He stopped thinking in full sentences after that. Reality began to blur at the edges, and memory crashed into him.
Six years ago
"How do you process it?" you asked, pointing to his eyes. "Filtering the flow of cursed energy from everyone… how do you manage to isolate a single signature in the middle of all that noise?"
He had paused, surprised by the clinical nature of your curiosity. He sat beside you, his gaze lingering on your face. "Your energy doesn't feel like noise to me. It’s the only consistent anchor in the static."
"So you're always tracking me?"
"I'm always aware of you," he corrected, his voice dropping into a rare, vulnerable cadence. "I don't have to look for you, Ataru. You’re simply a constant in my field of vision."
He shoved the memory aside, his long legs eating up the distance across the courtyard, white hair whipping wildly behind him. His mind was too chaotic, too frantic. Every time he tried to focus on your energy to pinpoint it, the signal wavered and slipped away like smoke. He was chasing a ghost of you.
He followed the weak pulses instinctively, head snapping left and right, Six Eyes glowing with terrifying intensity. He ran like a man possessed — down the main path, past the training fields, changing direction every time your energy pulsed faintly. Almost animalistic.
Your signal stuttered in his perception, and something his mind betrayed him again
Four years ago
You were standing in front of him, your hands pinning his wrists to the mahogany desk, your eyes burning with a frustration that had finally boiled over. You were tired of the hovering, the shadow of his obsession looming over every mission you accepted.
"You have to stop, Satoru," you said, your voice low and trembling with the weight of the moment. "I'm not a curse you need to track. I'm a sorcerer—besides being your girlfriend."
He had stared up at you, his Infinity humming with a restless, jagged energy, but you hadn't flinched. You leaned in, forcing him to look at the reality he refused to see.
"You can't control everything. You can’t be everywhere at the same time.”
The memory hit him like a physical blow, grounding him for a terrifying second before he launched himself into the main building. He passed through the halls like a man standing at the edge of the abyss. His eyes burned an unnatural, violent blue. The air around him crackled with raw, unstable power. Sorcerers pressed themselves against the walls, terrified to even breathe. His Infinity was flickering uncontrollably, shattering windows and cracking the pavement with every step. He didn’t care.
He was running out of time, and his brain felt like it was splitting in two, flickering between the present panic and the past failures.
One year ago
A mission had gone wrong, and you were bleeding from a shallow cut on your arm, shaking with adrenaline-fueled rage. He had stormed into the room, his aura so dense it made the furniture groan.
"Satoru, you need to calm down," you had said, stepping directly into his personal space, ignoring the way the air warped around him. You grabbed his wrists, forcing his arms down. "You’re going to level the entire complex if you don't breathe."
"They hurt you," he had spat, his voice vibrating with a primal, dangerous heat.
"I'm fine. Look at me. I'm right here, Satoru."
The doors to the medical infirmary exploded inward with a violent bang.
The first thing he saw was blood. Your blood. Dried under your nose, at the corner of your mouth, staining Nanami’s uniform where he stood stiffly by the wall.
Shoko was already there, her face drawn, her hands moving with practiced, frantic speed. “She’s going to be fine” she said flatly without looking up at him. “Don’t interfere.”
The words landed exactly where they were supposed to. Relief came first, and then something else took its place.
The roar in his ears—the frantic, animalistic panic that had fueled his run—suddenly died. It was a transition so seamless it was unnatural. His shoulders dropped. His hands, which had been clenched so tight the skin had split, slowly unfurled.
The chaos of his Infinity stopped flickering. It settled, hummed, and then froze into a terrifying, absolute stillness.
Satoru’s Six Eyes weren't glowing with fury anymore. They were cold. Empty. Like looking into the vacuum of space—devoid of light, emotion, or mercy.
He walked to the bedside, his movements perfectly measured, almost mechanical. He reached out, his fingers hovering just a fraction of an inch above your cheek. He didn't touch you.
"Who?" he asked. His voice was a flat, dead thing.
He turned his head slowly, looking at Nanami, who stood in the corner, his suit ruined, his expression a testament to the horror he had just witnessed. The Grade One sorcerer stiffened, feeling the weight of that gaze. It was the coldest thing he had ever felt—a heavy, suffocating pressure that made the air in the room feel thin.
"It was a trap" Nanami said, his voice strained. "The mission... it was an orchestrated—"
Satoru didn't let him finish. He just nodded once. It was a slow, deliberate motion; a confirmation of a death sentence.
Yaga stood by the doorway, his eyes dark, his hands balled into fists. He watched Satoru, and for the first time in his long career, Yaga felt a primal, shivering fear. He saw it in the way Satoru’s eyes tracked nothing, staring at a future that was already decided.
"Satoru, listen to me," Yaga started, stepping forward. "We need to handle this through the proper channels. If you—"
Satoru finally looked at him.
That single look carried more weight than any outburst. It was the look of a man who had already exited the human world to enter a different one.
"Proper channels?" Satoru repeated. The ghost of a smile touched his lips, but it never reached his eyes. It was a terrifying, hollow expression.
He turned back to you, his eyes softening for a fleeting, heartbreaking second before the frost reclaimed them.
Then he turned on his heel and began to walk toward the exit.
Yaga stepped forward, his jaw tight, his hand half-raised as if to reach out, but he stopped. He looked into Satoru’s eyes—the unshielded, infinite blue that held no recognition of his mentor, only the cold calculation of a judge about to execute a verdict. Yaga’s hand fell to his side, his shoulders slumping. He knew. He had spent his life watching Satoru hold back, but the dam had finally broken, and he knew as well as anyone that there was no force on earth that could stand in the way of this.
Nanami, still braced against the wall, merely looked at Satoru’s back. He saw the way the air shimmered around him, the absolute, lethal focus of a man who just witnessed his worst fear. He didn't move to intercept him. He simply let out a long, weary breath and bowed his head, an unspoken acknowledgment that the hierarchy he served had just signed its own death warrant.
Satoru didn't look back at them. He didn't demand they step aside, because he didn't even acknowledge them as obstacles in the first place.
The decision had already been made.
reblogs are always appreciated!! <3
-> next part coming soon! taglist is open
masterlist
the apartment is quiet except for the low hum of the refrigerator and the distant sounds of the city filtering through the windows. you're curled up on the couch, phone in hand, scrolling through nothing in particular. your jaw is set, your body language closed off. you're not just sitting here—you're pointedly sitting here, making sure toji knows exactly how pissed off you are.
he stood you up. again.
you'd gotten dressed up for once, traded your usual comfortable fit for something that hugged your curves, did your hair, put on makeup. you'd waited at that restaurant for forty-five minutes like a damn fool before his text came through: got held up at the shop. can't make it.
no apology. no explanation. just that.
so now you're giving him what he deserves: absolutely nothing. not a word, not a glance, not a single acknowledgment of his existence. let him see how it feels to be ignored.
the front door opens with a heavy click, and you don't look up. you hear his boots on the floor, the familiar sound of him dropping his keys on the small table by the entrance. the scent hits you next—motor oil, metal, sweat, that distinctly masculine smell of a man who's spent all day working with his hands. usually, it does something to you. usually, you'd be up and greeting him, asking about his day.
not tonight.
"Y/N."
his voice is low, that lazy drawl that normally makes your stomach flip. you keep your eyes on your phone, thumb scrolling with deliberate casualness.
you hear him move closer, his footsteps slow and measured. he’s standing at the edge of the living room now, and you can feel his eyes on you. the black fitted shirt he wears is probably stained with grease, stretched across his broad shoulders and chest. those worn grey sweatpants hanging low on his hips. the scar on his lip probably pulled tight as he frowns.
you don't look. you won't look.
"i know you hear me, girl."
your jaw tightens, but you don't respond. your heart is hammering, but you keep your face neutral, your posture relaxed. you're not giving him the satisfaction.
there's a long pause. you can practically feel his irritation building, mixing with something else—something darker and more dangerous. toji doesn't like being ignored. he doesn't like when you pull away from him, when you assert your independence in ways that challenge his control.
"so that's how it's gonna be?" his voice is closer now. he's moved into the living room, and from your peripheral vision, you can see him standing there, arms crossed over his chest. "you gonna sit there and act like i don't exist?"
you scroll past another post, your expression carefully blank.
"Y/N." there's a warning in his tone now, that edge that says his patience is wearing thin. "look at me."
you don't.
"fuckin' stubborn," he mutters, and you hear him move. the couch dips as he sits down next to you, close enough that his thigh presses against yours. the heat of him, the smell of him, it's overwhelming. your body wants to respond, wants to lean into him like it always does, but you force yourself to stay rigid.
"baby." his voice drops lower, almost coaxing. “come on now. don't be like this."
you turn slightly away from him, angling your body to put more distance between you. it's a small movement, but it speaks volumes.
you hear him exhale, a long breath that sounds almost amused. "aight. i see."
before you can process what's happening, his hand is on your phone, plucking it from your grip with easy strength. you make a sound of protest, reaching for it, but he tosses it onto the coffee table, well out of reach.
"toji—"
"oh, so you can talk." the corner of his mouth quirks up, that scar pulling with the movement. his dark eyes are fixed on you, intense and unyielding. "thought maybe you'd gone mute."
"give me my phone back." your voice is cold, clipped.
"nah. don't think i will." he shifts, turning to face you more fully. his arm stretches along the back of the couch, caging you in. "think we need to have a conversation."
"i don't want to talk to you."
"that right?" he's studying you, taking in your tight expression, the way you're holding yourself away from him. "you mad about last night."
it’s not a question. of course he knows. you don't bother confirming it.
"had a job run long," he says, his tone matter-of-fact. "couldn't leave it half-done."
"you could've called earlier. you could've—" you stop yourself, pressing your lips together. you're not doing this. you’re not going to beg for basic consideration.
"could've what?" he leans in slightly, his voice dropping. "could've dropped everything because you wanted to go out? you know how i am, Y/N. work comes first."
"and i come last, apparently."
something flashes in his eyes—irritation mixed with something else. "don't be dramatic. you know that ain't true."
"do i?" you finally turn to look at him fully, letting him see the hurt beneath the anger. "because from where i'm sitting, it seems like i’m pretty low on your priority list."
his jaw tightens. "watch it."
"or what?" the words come out sharper than you intended, your stubbornness rising to meet his dominance. "you’ll ignore me some more? stand me up again?"
"Y/N." there's a warning in the way he says your name, low and dangerous.
"i’m done with this conversation." you move to stand up, to escape the suffocating proximity of him, but his hand shoots out, gripping your thigh and holding you in place.
"didn't say you could leave."
"let go of me, toji."
"no." his grip tightens, fingers digging into the soft flesh of your thigh through your sweatpants. "you're gonna sit here and listen."
"i don't want to—"
"don't care what you want right now." his other hand comes up to your jaw, turning your face toward him with firm pressure. "you're gonna stop this bratty shit and talk to me like an adult."
you try to jerk away from his grip, but he holds firm. "i’m not being bratty. i’m being reasonable. you stood me up, toji. you didn't even apologize."
"you want an apology?" his thumb strokes along your jawline, a gesture that would be tender if not for the steel in his grip. "fine. i'm sorry i missed dinner. but you know how it is. you know what my work is like."
"that's not—" you're frustrated now, the words tumbling out. "it's not about the dinner. it's about the fact that you didn't even seem to care. you sent a text like it was nothing, like i was nothing."
his eyes narrow. "you think you're nothin' to me?"
"i think you take me for granted."
for a moment, he's silent, studying you with that intense gaze that seems to see right through you. then, slowly, his hand slides from your jaw down to your throat, not squeezing, just resting there—a reminder of his presence, his power.
"that what you think?" his voice is soft now, almost dangerous in its quietness. "think i don't appreciate you?"
your breath catches.
"think i don't notice when you get all pretty for me? when you cook my favorite meals, keep this place clean even though i tell you not to?" his thumb strokes along your pulse point, feeling the rapid beat of your heart. "think i don't know exactly what i got?"
"then act like it," you whisper, hating how your voice wavers.
"i do act like it. i take care of you, don't i? keep a roof over your head, make sure you're safe, make sure you're satisfied." his hand slides lower, from your throat to your collarbone, then down to rest on your chest, right above your heart. "just 'cause i missed one dinner doesn't mean i don't value you."
"it wasn't just one—"
"but you're right." he cuts you off, and there's something in his expression now, something almost predatory. "i should've called earlier. should've made more of an effort." his hand moves lower, skimming over your breast through your tight shirt, and you inhale sharply. "so let me make it up to you."
"that's not—" your protest dies as his hand continues its path downward, over your stomach, to the waistband of your sweatpants. "toji, no. I'm still mad at you."
"i know you are." his fingers slip beneath the elastic, and you grab his wrist, trying to stop him. "but your body's tellin' me somethin' different."
"i said no." you try to sound firm, but your voice comes out breathy.
"you sure about that?" he leans in, his lips brushing against your ear. "cause you're shakin', baby. and not from anger."
"i don't want—"
"liar." his hand pushes past your resistance, sliding into your sweatpants, then beneath your panties. when his fingers make contact with your cunt, you both know the truth. you’re wet. not just a little—you're soaked. "fuck, Y/N. this what 'i don't want' feels like?"
shame and arousal war within you as his fingers explore, sliding through your slickness with practiced ease. you try to close your legs, but his other hand grips your thigh, forcing them apart.
"toji, stop—"
"thought you were ignorin' me." his voice is mocking now, amused. “thought you were so mad you couldn't even look at me. but here you are, pussy drippin' all over my fingers."
"shut up." you're still gripping his wrist, but you're not pulling anymore. you can't. your body has betrayed you completely.
"make me." he finds your clit, circling it with rough fingers, and you gasp. "that’s what i thought. all that attitude, all that silent treatment, and the moment i touch you, you fold."
"i hate you." the words come out as a moan as he increases the pressure, rubbing your clit in firm circles.
"no, you don't." he bites your earlobe, hard enough to sting. "you love this. love when daddy puts you in your place."
the word sends a jolt through you—part embarrassment, part arousal. your hips buck involuntarily as he slides two fingers inside you, stretching you, filling you.
“fuck you.”
"that's the plan, baby." he starts pumping his fingers, slow and deep, his thumb still working your clit. "but first, i’m gonna make you come on my hand. gonna make you scream for me while you're supposed to be givin' me the silent treatment."
you bite your lip, trying to hold back the sounds threatening to escape, but it's useless. he knows your body too well, knows exactly where to touch, how much pressure to apply. his fingers curl inside you, hitting that spot that makes your vision blur, and you can't stop the whimper that escapes.
"there it is." his voice is dark with satisfaction. "there's my girl. knew you couldn't stay quiet."
"toji—" it's half protest, half plea.
"what happened to that attitude, huh?" he's pumping faster now, his fingers making obscene wet sounds as they work in and out of you. "where's all that anger? that stubbornness?"
you can't answer. can't think. your hands have moved from his wrist to his shoulders, gripping him for support as pleasure builds in your core. your hips are moving now, grinding against his hand, chasing the release he's dangling in front of you.
"look at you, fuckin' yourself on my fingers." he sounds almost lazy, like this is easy for him, like he's not affected at all. "so desperate. so needy. and you were tryin' to ignore me."
"please—" the word slips out before you can stop it.
"please what?" his thumb presses hard against your clit, and you cry out. "say it properly. ask daddy nicely."
your face burns with humiliation and need. "toji—"
his fingers slow to an agonizing crawl. "that ain't what i told you to call me."
"i can't—"
"yes, you can." he brings you right to the edge and then backs off, and you whine in frustration. "say it, or i stop right now and leave you like this."
"you wouldn't.”
"try me." his voice is steel. "you wanna be a brat, you can finish yourself off. but if you want me to make you come, you're gonna use your manners and call me what i told you to."
you’re trembling, desperate, your body screaming for release. your pride wars with your need, but need wins. it always does with him.
"please," you gasp out, the word barely a whisper. "please, daddy—"
"can't hear you, baby." he’s mocking you now, enjoying your surrender. "speak up."
"please, daddy!" the words come out louder, desperate. "please don't stop."
"there we go." the satisfaction in his voice is palpable. "atta girl. that's so much better, ain't it? now tell daddy you're sorry for ignorin' him."
"i’m sorry." your voice breaks. "im sorry for ignoring you, daddy."
"good fuckin' girl." he rewards you by resuming his movements, faster now, harder, his fingers curling to hit that perfect spot with every thrust. "now come for daddy. come all over my fingers like the good girl you are."
it doesn't take long. the combination of his fingers inside you, his thumb on your clit, his voice in your ear—it's too much. your orgasm crashes over you like a wave, stealing your breath, making your body convulse. you cry out, loud and unrestrained, your nails digging into his shoulders as pleasure overwhelms you.
"that's it," he murmurs, working you through it. "that's my girl. so fuckin' pretty when you come."
you're still shaking, still coming down from the high, when he withdraws his fingers. you watch through heavy-lidded eyes as he brings them to his mouth, sucking them clean with a satisfied hum.
"delicious," he says, his eyes locked on yours. "but we ain't done yet."
before you can process his words, he's moving. his hands grip your hips, and he flips you over with easy strength, positioning you on your hands and knees on the couch. your sweatpants and panties are yanked down to your thighs, exposing you to the cool air of the apartment.
"toji, wait—"
"nah. you've made me wait long enough." you hear the rustle of fabric as he pushes his sweatpants down. "been thinkin' about this all day. thinkin' about comin' home and buryin' myself in this pussy. then you wanna give me attitude?"
you feel the head of his cock pressing against your entrance, and despite the orgasm you just had, your body responds immediately, clenching with anticipation.
"you're gonna take all of me," he says, his voice rough. "gonna take every inch and thank me for it."
he pushes in without warning, one hard thrust that seats him fully inside you. you cry out at the stretch, the fullness, the slight burn of being taken so quickly. he's big—thick and long—and even wet as you are, it's almost too much.
"fuck," he groans, his fingers digging into your hips hard enough to bruise. "tight as always. this pussy was made for me, wasn't it?"
you can't answer. can barely breathe. he's so deep, filling you completely, and when he pulls back and thrusts in again, you see stars.
"answer me." he punctuates the command with another hard thrust. "who does this pussy belong to?"
"you!" The word is torn from you. "it belongs to you!"
"that ain't what i wanna hear." he slows his pace deliberately, making you whimper. "try again. who do you belong to?"
your face burns, but your body is screaming for him to move faster, harder. "daddy," you gasp out. "i belong to daddy."
"there's my good fuckin' girl." the satisfaction in his voice is palpable, and he rewards you by setting a brutal pace, fucking into you with deep, powerful strokes that rock your entire body. the couch creaks beneath you, and you have to brace yourself against the armrest to keep from being pushed forward. "this is mine. you're mine. don't care how mad you get, that don't change."
each thrust drives the point home, literally and figuratively. you're moaning now, unable to hold back the sounds as he takes you roughly, possessively. your fingers grip the couch cushions, your back arching to take him deeper.
"that's it," he growls. "take it. take all of daddy's cock."
his hand comes down on your ass, a sharp slap that makes you yelp. the sting blooms into heat, adding to the overwhelming sensations.
"you look so good like this," he continues, his voice strained now, losing some of that lazy control. "all spread out for me, takin' my cock like you were made for it. and you were gonna ignore me? gonna act like you don't need daddy to fuck you like this?"
"i—ah—i do need it," you admit, shame and arousal mixing into something intoxicating. "need you, daddy."
"i know you do, baby." his hand slides up your spine, then fists in your hair—he grips it firmly, pulling your head back. "i know you need daddy to fuck you like this. need me to remind you who you belong to."
the new angle has him hitting even deeper, and you feel another orgasm building, impossibly soon after the first. your walls clench around him, and he groans.
"fuck, you're close again already, ain't you?" he sounds smug, satisfied. "greedy little thing. one ain't enough?"
"please—" you're begging now, all pretense of resistance gone. "please, daddy, i need—"
"what do you need? say it properly."
"need you to make me come!" the words spill out desperately. "need daddy to make me come again!"
"that's better." he releases your hair, and both hands grip your hips again, holding you steady as he pounds into you. "who makes you feel this good, huh? who's the only one who can fuck you like this?"
"you do!" you're sobbing now, overwhelmed by sensation. "daddy does! only daddy!"
"damn right." his thrusts become even harder, more possessive. "this body is mine. this pussy is mine. you're mine. say it."
"i’m yours, daddy!" you're so close, teetering on the edge. "i'm all yours!"
"then come for daddy." it's a command, delivered in that authoritative tone that goes straight to your core. "come on my cock right now."
your body obeys before your mind can catch up. your second orgasm hits you like a freight train, stronger than the first, making your arms give out. you collapse forward onto the couch, your face pressed into the cushions as you scream your release, his name—his title—falling from your lips like a prayer. "daddy, daddy, daddy—"
your cunt clenches rhythmically around him, trying to pull him deeper, and you hear him curse.
"fuck, that's it, milk daddy's cock—" his rhythm falters, becoming erratic. "such a good girl for me. gonna fill you up, baby. gonna pump you full of daddy's cum."
he thrusts deep one last time and holds there, and you feel him pulsing inside you, filling you with his release. his grip on your hips is almost painful, holding you in place as he empties himself into you with a low groan.
for a long moment, neither of you moves. you're both breathing hard, your bodies slick with sweat. you can feel him softening inside you, feel the mixture of your releases starting to leak out.
slowly, carefully, he pulls out. you whimper at the loss, feeling suddenly empty. he tucks himself back into his sweatpants, then gently pulls your panties and sweatpants back up, his touch surprisingly tender after the roughness of moments before.
"come here." his voice is softer now, that lazy drawl back in full force.
you don't have the energy to resist. he helps you turn over, then pulls you into his lap, cradling you against his chest. you can hear his heartbeat, still elevated, gradually slowing. his hand strokes your back in soothing circles.
"you good?" he asks after a moment.
you nod against his chest, not trusting your voice yet.
"look at me, baby."
reluctantly, you lift your head. his dark eyes are softer now, some of that intensity faded into satisfaction and something that might be affection.
"i am sorry," he says, and this time it sounds genuine. "about last night. should've handled it better."
you study his face, looking for sincerity, and find it in the slight downturn of his scarred mouth, the way he's looking at you.
"okay," you whisper.
"but don't pull that ignorin' shit again." the warning is back in his voice, though it's tempered with amusement. "you got somethin' to say to me, you say it. don't make me drag it out of you."
"you're one to talk about communication," you point out, some of your spirit returning.
his mouth quirks up. "fair enough. we'll both work on it."
it’s probably the closest thing to a compromise you'll get from him, and honestly, after what just happened, you're too wrung out to push for more.
"you're still an asshole," you mutter, but there's no heat in it.
"yeah, but i'm your asshole." he presses a kiss to your forehead, surprisingly gentle. "and you're my stubborn, beautiful girl who drives me fuckin' crazy."
despite everything, you feel a smile tugging at your lips. "you drive me crazy too."
"i know." he sounds entirely too pleased with himself. "but you love it."
you do. god help you, you do.
you settle back against his chest, letting the steady rhythm of his heartbeat soothe you. his hand continues its path up and down your back, and you feel the tension that's been coiled in your body for the past day finally start to release.
"next time," you say quietly, "just call me earlier. that's all i ask."
"i can do that." his arms tighten around you slightly. "and next time you're pissed at me, use your words instead of givin' me the silent treatment. deal?"
“deal”
you sit there together in the quiet apartment, the city sounds filtering in through the windows, the smell of motor oil and sex and home surrounding you. it's not perfect—nothing with toji ever is. he's too dominating, too set in his ways, and you're too stubborn, too independent. you clash and fight and drive each other crazy.
but moments like this, when the fighting is done and it's just the two of you, when his rough hands are gentle and his gruff voice is soft—these moments make it worth it.
ა ˙˖ summary → there’s no one you hate more than satoru gojo. he’s arrogant and entirely too full of himself. when you agree to be strictly enemies with benefits, gojo takes this as the perfect opportunity to finally make you his.
⤳ warnings: this mini series will feature adult content and is not recommended to anyone under the age of 18
intro
❦ chapter one: the fuck buddy proposal
❦ chapter two: you're not my type!
❦ chapter three: the conclusion
꒰ I've already got a taglist going but you can also sign up for tags here! under others just type in: the arrangement series ꒱
summary: once in a lifetime you'll switch bodies with your soulmate and see the world through their eyes.
sukuna is initially frustrated when he's plunged into darkness in the body of a weak and blind woman, only to discover that there's more to her than he was expecting, leaving him on a mission to locate the shogi-playing courtesan whose soul called out to his.
word count: 11k
content: 18+ mdni, smut, soulmate au, heian era, initially rude sukuna, soft!sukuna, true form sukuna, courtesan reader, sickness, blindness, depiction of violence and death, happy ending, hurt/comfort, honestly its mainly fluff, devoted sukuna, piv, cunnilingus
a/n: after doing my satoru soulmate au i desperately wanted to do one for sukuna so here it is! inspired somewhat by komugi and meruem in hxh and ALSO by lakan and fengxian in apothecary diaries (as someone requested that from me!)
At one point in every person’s life, they will awaken in the body of another.
They will spend their day seeing through strange eyes, living out hours as a person they may have never met, trapped within their new form until sleep takes them and they are released back into their own body.
Those meagre hours are the only chance a person will have to find their other other half, to learn all they can about the body they’ve awoken in. There’s no second chance, no opportunity to swap for a second time.
If one cannot locate their soulmate after the day they’ve spent as them, they can find no further help. All they can hope for, is that they might stumble across their destined lover by mere chance one day.
Or, that their beloved did a better job than they did at piecing together the puzzle.
Sukuna found himself in another’s body in his mid-twenties, awakening one morning in complete darkness, even though he’d been certain his eyes were open. It was a strange feeling at first, a resignation to a suspicion he’d held all his life that there was no destined person for him, giving in to the belief that he’d spend a day floating in nothingness with no other half for his soul to cling to.
His assumption was broken swiftly, at the realisation that he still held some manner of awareness even if his sight was impaired. There was a breeze blowing against his body, chatter sounding off in the distance, and soft sheets were pressing up against skin which surely wasn’t his.
This person, whoever they were, had a body that was exhausted. He ached in places he’d never ached before, his shoulders and upper back straining, like their owner had been carrying a weight beyond their capability. He felt desperately weak in that form, suddenly aware that he only had a human number of limbs to control, and lacked the strength and size he was used to commanding.
In the darkness clouding his vision, he was surprised to find that the blackness wasn’t as deep as he’d originally thought, able to make out fuzzy shapes in the dark which he could only assume made up his surroundings. His hand reached for his eyes, setting his lips into a grim line at the confirmation they were open.
His destined lover was blind.
Disappointment settled into his chest. He had never taken much stock in soulmates in the first place, didn’t really believe in love, but this just furthered his confirmation that the whole matter was a farce. He found respect for the strong - strength was the only thing that truly mattered to him, and yet here he was, in the body of a blind woman.
A feeble little thing hardly able to fend for herself.
What good was she to a man like Sukuna?
A knock on the door startled him. “Are you awake? The madam wants me to help you get ready.”
Sukuna said nothing, trying to figure out why it felt like your body wanted to draw in on itself, your pulse quicking in a seemingly innate reaction to the voice at the door.
“Please, I know you’ve been ill but he’s been calling every day for the past week, the madam doesn’t want to keep him waiting any longer. He’s been bringing forth all manner of threat, and if you’re not careful he’ll buy you out. I know that isn’t what you want. Just let me tend to you and allow him a visit. Keep his temper at bay.”
Sukuna frowned, attempting to piece together what was happening. It was hard without the visual clues of his surroundings, but based on the snippet of conversation he concluded that you were likely a courtesan of some form. Once again, his view of you, and the soulmate system in general, dropped through the floor.
Blind and a whore.
Perfect.
“One moment.” He called out, taken aback by the lovely feminine voice that fell from his lips. It was a soft, delicate sound, one which wouldn’t sound out of place accompanied with a harp. He found himself shocked at how much he enjoyed it, considering saying something else just to hear it again.
Finding the door proved to be a more difficult task than he’d been expecting. He’d already stumbled standing up from your bed, thrown off by his lack of vision and by feet that were ridiculously small compared to what he was used to. His centre of gravity felt all wrong, and his body felt generally unbalanced without his lower set of arms.
Moving at a snail's pace, he made it across the room, impressed that he didn’t run into anything on his journey over. He was grateful for the shadowy outlines present in your visionless gaze, certain that the situation would be made harder without even that as a guide.
Fumbling for the handle, he slid open the door. “Morning. Oh honey, you look like a ghost.” A hand pressed against his skin, and he was ushered over to another part of the room, grateful for the guidance. There was the sound of a chair being moved. “Take a seat.”
Sukuna hesitated, not quite sure where the chair was. He reached out nonchalantly with his hand, trying to feel for it while the other woman’s focus was elsewhere, seemingly rifling through a bag of something. Able to just about make out a black splodge in the centre of his vision, Sukuna took a seat, only to thud down onto the floor.
It hurt. It hurt significantly more than pain Sukuna was used to enduring. He’d experienced all manner of injury - he’d had his blood and guts pouring out onto the floor in the midst of a fight, but somehow this was worse. How fragile was this body of yours? He was glad that he wasn’t born as some weak human, grateful that the abominable aspects of his body increased his strength rather than weakened it.
How could you live like this?
“My lady?” The woman seemed immediately panicked, reaching down and easily hoisting you up by the arm, aiding Sukuna onto the chair. “I’m sorry, you usually tell me you don’t need assistance, I wasn’t expecting-” she cut herself off for a moment, leaving Sukuna in silence and struggling to read the room with no visual cues. “You don’t seem like yourself at all this morning. You’re being very quiet.”
Sukuna said nothing, certain that he could hear the hint of a smile in the woman’s tone.
It was said that when soulmates swapped bodies, you could not under any circumstance tell someone that you were a different inhabitant to usual, else the spell would be broken and you’d both be immediately sent home.
It was an option Sukuna had contemplated the moment the woman walked in, eager to return to his own healthy form. However, he was also a man of great curiosity and it wasn’t like he had much going on at his estate that day anyway. So he opted for silence, figuring he’d at least see, or hear, how the day played out.
There was no harm in that.
Regardless, the woman had seemingly sensed it immediately based on her sudden change of demeanor, but being likely as aware of the rules as Sukuna was, she kept her suspicions silent.
“It's Officer Sugawara who’s set to see you today,” she explained, soft hands running through your hair with a comb, giving Sukuna a shiver of pleasure. “You usually play shogi with the guy for a while and let him get drunk. He’s a proud man who’s desperate for a legitimate win, so you always give him your best and he refuses to give up until he’s too pissed to think anymore. So be on your best game, or he might want to pass his time in another way.”
The warning was clear and Sukuna found himself disgusted. If that man tried to lay a single hand on you while he was inhabiting your body, he’d make sure Sugawara wouldn’t walk out of the establishment alive.
Fortunately, Sukuna was an avid shogi player. He held a great love for the game and was self-assured where his skill was concerned. No one in his estate could beat him, so he was certain he could beat some Officer of the Shogun.
Although, he’d never played it blind - a fact that mildly concerned him.
He hoped the pieces were skillfully made with deep indents, else he’d be completely lost.
“Even though you’re usually talkative with me, you’re not all that chatty with regulars, so it’ll be fine if you stay quiet. On account of you not feeling yourself and all,” she said with a knowing giggle.
It took an ungodly amount of time for that woman to get you ready, and Sukuna wondered how you could bear experiencing such a thing day after day. It seemed such a waste to have so much effort devoted to doing your hair and make-up, and dressing you up, when you couldn’t even see the end result.
For all you knew you could look like a clown.
But Sukuna quickly became certain that wasn’t the case when he was led into another room, your helper grasping his arm in a steadying manner and making sure he was settled down on a pillow before introducing him to a man sitting opposite him. Sugawara wasted no time with greetings, letting out a gasp of awe at your radiant appearance and reaching out to kiss your hand.
Sukuna wanted to reel away at the feeling but remained still all the same. He hoped he didn’t have too much of a scowl on his face.
Even if he didn’t have any interest in you, he didn’t really want to ruin the life of some random blind girl. He loved cruelty, but even for him that felt like an unnecessary slight to a person who was supposed to hold the other half of his heart.
“You look gorgeous. Not sickly at all, might I add. I hope the madam hasn’t been telling lies.”
You were sick - outside of the blindness - Sukuna could feel it. At first he’d brushed off your frailty as something normal for puny little humans, but since rising from your bed he’d become aware that your quivering legs, aching bones and hummingbird heart were far from normal.
“I haven’t been well,” he said simply.
“Oh you poor thing, it's always the most beautiful ones who suffer the most.”
Sukuna found himself wondering what you looked like. He had a vague knowledge of Official Sugawara - he wasn’t an ugly man, certainly not one lacking in prospects by any means. He was powerful in his position in the government, and wasn’t the type who would visit some woman out of pity.
You must’ve been genuinely gorgeous to earn such affection from him.
It was a shame Sukuna would never know.
He wouldn’t look for you once he was back in his own body. He’d move on with his life and that would be that, leaving this day as nothing more than some distant dream.
The games of shogi went by quickly, and Sukuna found that it was easy to slip into your body without arousing suspicion. Once he’d gotten over the original barrier of having to feel each piece for their indents as he picked them up, he fell easily into the flow of it all.
This man across from him seeked little conversation once the games had started, and Sukuna was pleased at how well he was playing that afternoon. He didn’t let the man win once and, as your attendant had mentioned, Suguwara filled himself up with more and more drink. It felt nice to play someone outside of his estate, most of his servants were too afraid to face Sukuna in any sort of test.
It was equally nice to completely destroy a government official with his skill. He was certain this man was having the worst game of his entire life, unaccustomed to this treatment from the lovely courtesan he’d frequent.
But it was at the end of the seventh game, when Sukuna was feeling at his highest, that a disastrous hit would come to his ego.
“You’re really off your game today. I see you really aren’t feeling well,” Sugawara said. There was the sound of shuffling fabric, as if the man had leant forward.
“What?” Sukuna asked, the low disbelief coming out strange in your small voice.
“Your plays are much sloppier than usual. It feels like you’re going easy on me, given you usually destroy me before I can even think about what to do next. Today you’ve been giving me proper games. I don’t like it. You know I hate being pitied.”
Sukuna had to stop his mouth from falling agape.
He wasn’t playing bad games by any means, on the contrary, he was certain that he was playing better than he had in a while, happy to have a new opponent for once. Was this man really saying that you, the normal you, was more skilled at shogi than he was? He really found that hard to believe.
What would some blind courtesan know of tactics?
“Perhaps you’ve simply improved,” Sukuna mumbled bitterly, unwilling to accept that your mastery was greater than his.
Sugawara laughed. “How polite of you, my dear. I can assure you that isn’t the case, and we both know it.” There was some shuffling, and Sukuna sensed that the man was climbing to his feet. It was frustrating to have such limited vision, and he was glad to know that he’d wake up the following day able to see the world once more - he couldn’t imagine living like that all the time. “I’ll leave you to rest. When I return in a few days you best have returned to form, or perhaps the nature of our meetings will need to change.”
A heavy hand rested on your shoulder, wet and clammy against the silk you were draped in. Sukuna wasn’t sure if the disgust was born from his own thoughts on the matter, or from an impulsive response from your body. From your attendant’s words it was clear that you would never sleep with the man, likely keeping your shogi skills sharp to ensure he never won.
Once he was gone, Sukuna sat there in silence, thinking on the man’s parting words.
Were you really so talented?
Part of him wanted to convince himself that he’d been playing worse than usual on account of not being able to see the board, making it difficult for him to think out moves in advance, taking more time than normal while he grazed the pieces with his fingers.
But deep in his soul he knew that wasn’t the case.
He’d played expertly, and still that man knew his opponent wasn’t the real you. All on account of how amateur Sukuna’s ability had seemed compared to yours.
And as his day drew to a close in your body, he realised that he had to know. He had to play you, had to see firsthand just how dramatically your skill exceeded his. He wouldn’t believe it until he’d seen it.
The soulmate thing didn’t matter.
But he needed to meet with you all the same.
Just to sate his interest. That was all.
—
Months had passed since the day you’d swapped with your soulmate. Since the morning you’d awoken to a world of light of colour you’d never seen before, and would never see again.
It was a day you’d never be able to forget - the image of the grand estate you’d awoken in seared permanently into your mind, just like the face of your soulmate who had stared back at you in a bronze mirror. You’d gazed upon his body for longer than you should admit to, wondering for a brief moment if you’d misunderstood how humans looked.
That thought didn’t remain for long. It took no expert to understand that the man you’d been paired with was something unique - the very four armed monster who had half of Japan living in fear.
And as such, you wished you could forget your experience in his body, wished you could see anything but his oddly charming face, because your promised beloved was a monster of the highest calibre. But with only one singular day of vision under your belt, what you’d seen wasn’t so easily displaced, and you found yourself thinking of him often with a longing that you knew to be wrong.
You had told no one of the experience, not even your handmaid, who had outright asked what your body swap experience had been like, what your soulmate had been like, claiming that whoever they were had presented themselves as rather reserved when possessing your body. You’d brushed her off with a shrug, claiming him to be some soldier and nothing more.
No one could know the truth. If they knew you to have any link to such a terrible man they might view you as an associate, and someone deserving of death for something you hadn’t asked for.
The workings of fate seemed strange to you. Was it not enough punishment to be born blind? Why would you also be paired with a monster who seemed to view the human race with general disdain? You were certain he cared little for love, his servant had made that clear when you were in his body, so any hopes of having a soulmate had been stolen from you as a result of this pairing.
Part of you wondered if a man so vile as him might even take things a step further and track you down to put an end to your life, insulted by fate to suggest that it could control him in any capacity. Perhaps he would be further insulted to be paired with someone so damaged rather than some untarnished beauty.
You’d always heard he held great hatred for weakness.
Even so, despite your fear and desire to conceal yourself from him, you couldn’t forget him, couldn’t stop the flicker of longing in your chest you were certain all people held for their destined lovers. Because while he was unquestionably a monster, with a throne of skulls you had witnessed through his very eyes, he also seemed to be more than that.
He was a man of great loneliness, living in grand halls with only a handful of servants for company - and all but one of them would scuttle out of the way when he approached. He seemed to hold a great love for art, with his estate packed with paintings and tapestries and great vases, all kept in pristine condition. For a cannibal, he seemed to take great pride in the cleanliness of his surroundings, in the neat nature of his gardens and springs.
Even in his own appearance, he seemed to take great care, for there was no denying him to be a handsome man even with his unique features. He had a voice to match that beauty, one that you could hardly peel from your mind any more than you could forget his image.
His body was hard to maneuver, too big and confusing to control his many hanging limbs. In a way, it felt akin to your blindness, something different to the way humans were built to be, leaving him to struggle with an issue that no one else could relate to. You wondered how it had been for him in childhood - if he’d felt as isolated and scared as you had to know that everyone else was normal in a way you’d never been.
You pitied him, even through all his sins. You felt you could understand at least a piece of him from a day buried within the confines of his skin.
But still, you would never reach for him - wouldn’t poke the bear even if you could understand why it might bite. You were certain that someone like him would be unwilling to hear you out, unwilling to love or reflect on how he became the way he was - he would swipe your head from your shoulders just like everyone else, and that would be that.
So you would stay away, keep your dreams of him locked deep within your chest, and accept that distance was for the best.
There was more to life than soulmates.
Unfortunately, that choice wasn’t yours alone to make.
The madame had knocked on your door early that morning, with the golden light of the sun only just starting to peek in through your window. Lately you’d been having longer lie-ins and taking less clients as the cold of winter gripped the region. Along with the blindness, you’d been born with a particularly feeble body as a result of complications with your mother during her pregnancy, ailments which were always worse for you in the colder months.
Your bones strained as you pushed yourself up to a sitting position, calling for the woman to enter. As much as you longed to slip back into your dream of red eyes peering back at you with fiery desire, you were still beholden to the will of your employer, even in your months of weakness.
“How are you feeling, my dear?” She asked, as she slipped in through the door. You felt her weight dip the bed as she took a seat beside you, a gentle hand coming to rest on your shoulder.
“Mornings are always the worst but I can manage once I’m up and about. Has Sugawara come calling again?” Most regulars were understanding enough of your condition, and those that weren’t would generally be chased off by the madame or unloaded onto another of the courtesans. Sugawara was one of the few that generally wouldn’t accept such treatment, with only eyes for you.
It didn’t matter too much since the man only ever wanted to play shogi, and that was manageable enough even on your worst days. It seemed that he had no intention of laying with you until he’d beat you in a game fair and square, claiming that if that ever happened he’d buy you out and take you home for he would’ve earned your heart.
That talk always made you uncomfortable, for you had little interest in the man, but you were more than certain he had no chance at ever defeating you at shogi, and could therefore never lay claim to you - assuming he kept his word.
“Not Sugawara…” There was hesitation in her voice. “We’ve received a request for our finest shogi player to be sent to the mayor’s home this evening. Apparently the other courtesan houses have received the same request.”
“I didn’t think the mayor cared much for shogi.”
Again, there was a moment of silence. “No, he doesn’t. A rather unwanted guest has taken up residence in his home, and this is the demand that has come of it.” Immediately your blood ran cold, thoughts drifting away from the madame’s continuing chatter to the red eyes that sat so prominently in the darkness of your mind.
There was no question in your mind as to who this guest was.
And to call for shogi players had you certain he was looking for you. Would he execute you when you walked into a room so clearly lacking in vision? Put an immediate end to the one person who could potentially stir his cold heart if fate were to be believed?
It seemed like the only reasonable explanation
The request to send another in your place died on the tip of your tongue as you once again tuned in to what the madame was saying. “...make sure you’re in top form, I’ve heard any who lose to him are immediately disposed of, but I’m sure that man will be no match for you.”
You wouldn’t send another to face their death. You were the only courtesan in the house who was any good at shogi, anyone else would certainly perish. This was a meeting dictated by fate and you had no opportunity to run from it. You would face him head on and deal with your death graciously, greet your end alone in the dark just like everything else you’d ever faced.
“I’ll do my best,” you said to the madame, and that was the final moment you had for yourself, your sacrifice sealed by your words.
The rest of the morning was spent in a frenzied rush, dressing you up and perfecting your makeup, turning you into a sparkling beauty ahead of your presentation to a monster. Based on the quiet nature of your handmaid, the experience felt more like she was dressing your corpse for burial.
Neither of you spoke such a thing aloud, but tears dripped from sightless eyes all the same when she led you out to the carriage, the madam trailing behind her, sending you off with a soft farewell filled with a sense of finality.
—
Sukuna had undergone an annoying few months.
Steadily, he had made his way, region by region, up to the north of Japan in search of a blind shogi player whose skill allegedly eclipsed his own. In each area, he would call upon all shogi-playing courtesans to meet with him and join him in a game, in the hopes that one day it would be you sitting across from him.
So far, he’d been unsuccessful, and had left a growing pile of bodies and burnt villages in his wake, utterly irritated that the thing he was seeking still evaded his grasp. No one had beaten him. A few had come close but none of them had been blind, so he could be certain that they weren’t you.
He was beginning to wonder if you’d gone into hiding somewhere, forsaking your courtesan life entirely in a bid to avoid him. It wouldn’t surprise him - you’d been in his body, you’d seen he was a monster, a fragile little thing like you was probably terrified at the idea of ever crossing his path.
Either way, he’d still persevere. He’d kill every shogi player if that was what it took to get to you.
He’d recently found his way into the mountainous region of Miyagi, where winter was in full spring. Taking up residence in the mayor’s home in one of the more populous towns in the prefecture, he once again started his usual process of gathering the shogi players. Word spread fast and droves of them appeared swiftly, waiting to be called before him.
It went much as usual, with boring girls presenting themselves before him and providing him with equally boring games of shogi. These people were painfully predictable with no appreciation for the art of the game - really it was a gift for him to steal their lives from them, because he couldn’t imagine living while being so pitifully unskilled.
The pool of Miyagi courtesans was gradually running dry and Sukuna was preparing himself for another disappointing journey further north when his luck finally shifted.
He knew he’d found you the moment you walked in through the door.
You’d stumbled in meekly, eyes averted down to the floor as you bowed low and shuffled towards the centre of the room. You were taking care not to raise your head for him to look upon, and he quickly realised you were making your best effort to conceal your blindness from him, like you could keep your identity secret that way.
It was a futile attempt, for the very atmosphere around you felt charged, his heart picking up inexplicably at the very sight of you.
To say you were beautiful was an understatement. Everything about you was gorgeous, from your soft hair to the striking intensity of your unseeing eyes. You wore the finest silks and they hung off you well, complimenting your figure. He found himself eager to touch you, to rid you off your lovely gown and have his fingers against your smooth skin.
But that wasn’t the reason he had come, and he would play you before entertaining any other matter.
“Sit,” he ordered, taking great amusement in the shiver that seemed to run through you at the sound of his voice.
You dropped to your knees on the cushion before the board, hands pressing against the edge of the table. It was the first chance he got to take a proper look at your eyes, expecting them to be clouded over, but taken aback by the lovely colour your irises still held beneath that mist.
“You’re blind.” He observed aloud, taking note of the way your teeth caught your lower lip anxiously.
“I see more than enough,” your response was guarded.
He hummed, a sly grin settling on his face. Idly, he wondered if you could sense it, because you seemed to tense up a little, fidgeting across from him in a way his traitorous brain seemed to register as endearing. “Is that so? Do you see enough to know my strategy before we commence? Or will you disappoint me like the others?”
“You tell me.”
Your words had his heart stirring against his will, impressed by your serenity before him, still sitting up straight and calm despite the fear he could sense within you. You were a woman who held confidence despite it all, harboured strength even in the face of your obvious weaknesses. He wondered what you were thinking, if you believed he was there to execute you for the mere transgression of being his soulmate.
It wasn’t a foolish assumption.
He would kill you without a second thought if you were uninteresting to him.
But he’d reserve that judgement until after you had played. He had been promised someone exceptional and that was what he wished to see, anything less and your blood would stain the floor just like every other woman who had sat before him. Would you still be so calm if you could see the bodies littering the room? He assumed not.
He wondered if you hated him, if you cursed fate itself to be paired with a man like him. Nothing about you gave anything away, all your focus fixed on the board in front of you, your hands moving steadily against the wood of the board, as if centring yourself.
“Shall we begin?” He asked.
“Yes.”
Sukuna couldn’t quite comprehend what had transpired in that first game he played against you.
He had approached things in much the same manner that he always would when playing shogi - opening strong and attempting to completely overwhelm his opponent, and yet somehow he found opportunities snatched from him at every turn.
Nothing seemed to catch you off guard. Any attempted play was greeted with an easy answer from you, as though you were battling a child. You were always three steps ahead of him, never hesitating in the shifting of a piece, moving with a certainty that had him transfixed.
He found that he couldn’t draw his eyes away from you, his struggle on the board forgotten at the realisation he’d been well and truly defeated. There was no point in struggling further - you had swatted him aside in the way that he usually defeated others, and you had done it with no glee or brag, nothing more than passive indifference once the games finally came to an end.
Your shoulders were raised, as if awaiting something you wouldn’t be able to see coming. A strike from him, perhaps? Or the neat removal of your head from your shoulders? The same fate of all others he’d played across the last few months.
But he wasn’t in the position to do anything at that moment, lashes fluttering as he stared at you, his heart hammering against his ribcage.
There had been no lie told about your skill - on the contrary, you had exceeded his expectations spectacularly. He wanted to play you again and again, wanted to witness the beauty of the way you played, wished to spend hours lost deep in thought considering how he could even begin to pick you apart in a match.
He could spend years sitting across you, gazing upon your lovely form while you worked away in silence with such unquestionable mastery.
No wonder Sugawara had been disappointed in Sukuna’s ability. He couldn’t hold a candle to what you were.
“How?” He asked, unable to think of another word to offer.
Your head was still lowered, eyes fixed elsewhere. He wished you’d look at him, allow him a clearer view of your face, but it occurred to him that such a request may not be easily granted with your lack of vision. You would never be able to lock eyes with each other - it would be something entirely meaningless for you.
“You aren’t all that good,” you spoke softly, a smile playing on your lips.
Sukuna disagreed with your sentiment, considering he’d never been beaten before, but perhaps you’d consider all his previous opponents to be genuinely pitiful at the game.
“So, will you take my life now? Or is that reserved for the losers?” You asked.
“To take the life of someone I could not best would be cowardly and pointless,” he said with a snort. “How would I ever grow to be better than you if I extinguished you from the world? Don’t be foolish. We will play again.”
And again you played.
Game after game until the sun began to rise in the sky, and Sukuna could sense exhaustion drifting through your fragile form. You were shivering from the cold, and he had Uraume bring in a robe to wrap around you, keenly aware of how sickly you seemed to look beneath all the beauty. You were setting up the board for your tenth match when Sukuna finally put an end to things.
“Enough. I would take no joy in defeating an exhausted opponent.” He rose to his feet, stretching as he moved. He wasn’t keen on remaining still for long periods of time, but you seemed accustomed to it, staying deathly still upon your cushion, uncertainty evident in your posture.
“Then, you will send me to my home?” You asked.
“No.” The word escaped him before he could stop it.
He did not wish for you to go anywhere, lest you slip from his grasp never to be found again. It was because he wanted to play you more, that’s what he told himself, but there was more to it than that, and in his soul he knew it.
He never wanted the image of you on your knees before him to slip away, never wanted to lose the pleasurable feeling of warmth that swelled in his chest with you there within his gaze.
“You’ll accompany me to my home, and we’ll play until I’m satisfied.”
—
Weeks had passed since you’d arrived at Sukuna’s estate in the Hida Mountains.
You’d been given no time to bid goodbye to the women at the only home you’d ever known, swept off in a carriage down south where you had to relearn your surroundings in a totally new environment.
Of course, it wasn’t the first time you’d been in the estate, but that experience made little impact on the ease of traversing around with no vision. You had to move slowly, fingers brushing on blurry objects shadowed in the darkness, hoping you didn’t trip over something or walk into a screen door.
For the most part, you were left to your own devices. Sukuna had spoken little to you on the journey home, opting to ride on his horse rather than in the carriage with you, and he’d been equally elusive in his own estate, leaving you in isolation for days at a time.
You couldn’t complain, for your days were spent in peace and serenity.
You would take long walks in the breeze of his garden, have his servants read aloud to you, and practice playing the erhu. On days where it was particularly cold and the chill seeped into your bones, you would remain in the grand bed he had provided and find greater comfort than you ever had in the old bed you’d laid upon in the courtesan house.
The only obligation you ever had to fulfill were shogi games. And during the times that he wasn’t absent from the estate, those would take place every evening, in Sukuna’s own private quarters.
It was an odd decision, considering that the servants played shogi out in the garden, where a proper table was set up for that purpose. But it seemed that Sukuna took care in ensuring your meetings were private - a decision you didn’t dare read into too deeply.
You didn’t dare read into any of his behaviour too deeply, lest you rip your own heart from your chest.
That first meeting with him had been like nothing you’d ever experienced - genuine desire overcoming you at the deep tone of his voice. Even knowing that he could cause your death with little effort, you couldn’t bury the lust within you, a fire that only burned stronger with each encounter with him.
It was hard to hold it together, to pretend that you wouldn’t fling yourself into his arms given the chance, but you tried all the same, keeping yourself distant and cold, like you didn’t dream of him between your legs each night, imagining the sound of his voice whispering sweet nothings against your ear.
Whether he felt the effect to the same extent you did, you weren’t sure. You were certain you’d never know. His interest in you was surrounding shogi, and shogi alone.
One evening, you were sitting across from him having played a handful of games, finding victory had fallen into your hands even more easily than normal. Sukuna seemed distracted by something, the sound of fidgeting settling in your ears. He hadn’t moved to start a new game, and based on the shadowy shapes in your vision, you could only assume he was leaning forward upon the table, bringing him close enough for his breath to fan your face.
“I killed today,” he said. Those were the first words he’d spoken to you that evening - you always followed his example with conversation, if he was feeling chatty you would indulge him, if he wished for silence you would give him that too.
You weren’t exactly sure where he was going with that statement, nor were you certain what type of response he was seeking, so you offered him a hum of acknowledgement and little more. You didn’t wish to think of the death that stained his hands, but nor did it build your animosity towards him.
To some extent you could understand lashing out at the world when you were someone so desperately lonely as he was. Part of you believed that if you hadn’t been so frail perhaps you’d lash out at the world for your own condition. His primary servant had told you he’d been despised throughout his life, and when you find only cruelty in humans it's difficult to cling to kindness.
Sukuna wasn’t so simple as a mere monster. You’d understood that in the day you’d spent in his body, and had only further confirmed it by the intelligence he displayed when you’d speak over games of shogi. He had a great admiration for art and skill, and had seemed rather taken when you’d recited poetry, responding with verses of his own.
He was a multi-faceted man, and much of what you saw only seemed to further your attraction to him, even knowing it was wrong, even knowing you’d be hated for it. For once, you felt you’d found someone who understood what it was like to be you, to be cut off from the easy lives lived by most others.
A soul that entwined so perfectly with yours, even if he’d never be aware of such a thing.
“Do you wish to know who I killed?” He asked.
“I know few people, my lord. I doubt a name would mean anything to me.”
“This one might. I’ve heard you’re familiar with Officer Sugawara? He’s one of the Shogun’s men?”
Thoughts of your regular flickered through your mind. If you were being honest with yourself, you were glad to not have to see him anymore - him or any of the other clients you’d been forced to take. Courtesan life had been difficult for you, forced into it thanks to the conditions of your birth and kept there by a disability that made it hard to escape the life for something better.
Life in Sukuna’s estate had been easier, especially as the weeks passed and you grew more comfortable in the belief that Sukuna wasn't going to steal your life from you. You’d lived in fear of Sugawara buying you out, of being forced to live like some doll in the house of a terribly boring man whose voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard to your ears.
“I know him.”
“Knew him, would be more apt. His body lies at the foot of the mountain.” Sukuna spoke matter-of-factly. “He came to claim you from me. I refused and we couldn’t reach an amicable agreement, so I dealt with it another way.”
You weren’t sure how to react, struggling to process the words. That Sugawara would follow you down to Hida already came as a surprise, you hadn’t known how deep his devotion ran. But somehow, you found yourself rather taken by Sukuna’s decision, by the certainty in his choice to keep you.
To kill a man whose death could cause him issues with the Shogun might as well have been an outright confession of love.
Sugawara’s death meant little to you. Men like that died all the time, and they saw women as little more than pretty objects to own. Sugawara had seen you as an impressive party trick, a clever cat rather than a human with depth and desires of her own. You hadn’t wanted to be his, wouldn’t have liked for Sukuna to surrender you to him.
“Are you irritated with me? When I controlled your body you seemed repulsed at his presence. Perhaps you have a heart too soft for blood and death.”
“No- I-” You hesitated. “Did you do this to protect me?”
There was silence for a moment, and you longed to see his facial expression, but were forced to settle for the hint of confusion in his tone. “Of course. I’ve protected you since bringing you here. You can hardly protect yourself.”
You couldn’t find it in you to be offended - he’d been in your body, he knew of your frailty better than anyone.
“Why? Just because you enjoy shogi so much?”
“Somewhat. Though I must confess, lately I have been losing interest in the game. I feel I’ve come up against an insurmountable wall.” Panic filled you immediately, mind running at a million miles a minute as you analysed his statement. If he was growing bored of playing would he cast you aside? What use did he have for you if not shogi?
But then again, why would he kill Sugawara if he was moments from disposing of you?
“Perhaps it is the fault of my own discipline, for I’ve found it hard to focus on the game for quite some time now.” He hesitated, and you found yourself flinching at the feeling of a soft hand caressing your cheek, leaning into it once you overcame the initial shock of touch. “It is difficult when you have a beautiful woman sitting across from you. It’s even harder when my soul calls for you whenever you're near, drowning out any thoughts I might gather of strategy.”
“Oh.” You weren’t sure what to say, wondering if you should pinch yourself, for many of your dreams centred themselves around such a confession. But the touch had never felt so real before, large fingers brushing against the soft skin of your face.
“I wonder if I’d be more focussed if I admitted fate might make some sense after all. I have never denied myself anything before now, and I’m tired of denying myself you. You have captivated me thoroughly, and I believe the hole in my chest was carved out to allow you to one day settle there.”
The words were by far the most romantic statement anyone had ever uttered to you. In your time as a courtesan you’d heard plenty of cheesy and affectionate lines, ones you’d brush off and forget by the time the client was done with you. Sukuna’s words would burrow into your heart and remain there for as long as you drew breath.
Could anyone fault you for loving a monster who would speak such beauty to you? Could you be hated for finding one who had been cursed by the world just like you had?
“I have no care for the Shogun’s men,” Sukuna continued, “in my eyes they are little more than flies most of the time, an annoying thing to be ignored unless they brush too close. Would it amuse you to know I killed Sugawara out of jealousy? To hear that my chest tightened at the idea of you being taken from my side?”
“Because you enjoy having such a capable rival in intelligence?” You asked, a wry smile creeping onto your face.
“Because I enjoy you.”
It was clear he was waiting for you to say something. The words that had poured from his mouth were unlike any he’d spoken before, and although you couldn’t see him, you could feel the sense of restlessness that gripped his body.
You would not leave him in uncertainty.
“I have only ever seen the world through your eyes,” you confessed shyly, “the only face I see in the endless darkness is yours, and I dream of it every night.” Sukuna’s fingers twitched against your face. “If you’ll have me, I am yours.”
“Even though I’m a monster?” He asked. There was no remorse in his tone, nothing to suggest that he was pained over who he was, it was just an honest question for you to answer as you wished. “You were scared of me when we met. I know you hid yourself from me after discovering our connection, eager to ensure our paths would never cross.”
“Because I believed you would kill me. I thought you to be a man who would stamp out any notion of love and eliminate me along with it.”
He hummed in acknowledgement, failing to deny your statement. You knew it to be true - if you had lost your shogi game on that first meeting, he would’ve done exactly that. It was in his nature to love only that which piqued his interest.
“Especially to be paired with someone so weak, I thought you would consider it an insult.”
He scoffed. “You are far from weak, I’ve found it impossible to best you.”
“I meant physically,” your voice went small. “I did not imagine the King of Curses would favour a sightless woman, nor one so easily broken.”
He was silent for a moment, seemingly processing your words. “I was small and frail once. Perhaps frailer than you. I wish someone had valued me then for my other virtues. I’m big enough and sharp enough to make up for your failings and you are clever enough to cover mine.”
Your mind was reeling at the idea of him admitting to having failings. Your heart stirring at his affection, and his easy desire despite your condition.
“I had not imagined a soulmate to be so well suited to me, for my tangles with fate have always been cruel,” he said. “But you’re something different, something I need at my side, and I will be your eyes, your protector, whatever it is you want in order to keep you there.”
“Oh.” You were positively blushing, whole body trembling beneath the weight of lovely words spoken in that deep voice of his.
Your soulmate wanted you.
A man hated by the world and filled with hatred in return had a space carved out for you, a space for love you hadn’t known him capable of.
You’d loved him from the first time you’d met him, drawn to him by an inexplicable force which seemed to grip him just as hard.
Soulmates really were wonderful.
Silence had settled between the two of you, only broken as the table screeched across the floor, the barrier between you removed. Sukuna shifted forward and an arm came to rest around your smaller body, pulling you towards him. His lips pressed against yours in a kiss you could only describe as sweet.
He didn’t dominate you in the manner you believed a man like him would, instead he took his time, mapping out your lips and drawing you closer to him, letting you bathe in the warmth of his body against yours. It was almost like he was trying not to scare you, aware that you couldn’t see anything he was doing and trying to move slowly as a result.
You wouldn’t have minded either way, your fingers clinging to the biceps of his upper arms, desperate for more of a touch you’d only ever dreamed of.
People always said that to finally touch your soulmate was a euphoria like nothing else, and you truly believed them to be right. Your head felt like it was swimming, chest swelling as if Sukuna’s own soul had wriggled beneath your skin to intertwine with your own.
It was a little overwhelming.
“How I long for you,” he murmured against your ear, breaking the kiss. “I was foolish to have not had you the moment I laid eyes on you, I’ve ached for your touch longer than I care to admit.”
His fingers moved down to your robes, and your breath hitched at the touch. You were no stranger to sex, your job had required it, but the feeling as he undressed you wasn’t like any previous encounter you’d had. What regulars thought of your body was insignificant to you, sex was nothing special with them, just something you had to do if you wished to make a living wage.
This was the first time you’d ever been touched for free by someone you desired, and you felt suddenly nervous at your frail body being judged beneath his crimson gaze - especially when you couldn’t look upon him in the same moment. There was no distraction in the darkness to keep you from worrying about how his gaze might burn through you, imagining discontent on his handsome face.
A cold chill caught you once your robes fell, leaving you kneeling and exposed in front of him. A soft breath fell from his lips, fingers moving delicately from your shoulders down to your breasts, as if checking you were truly real and there before him. More heat flooded you as his finger brushed over your peaked nipple.
“Beautiful. If I didn’t despise the idea of sharing you with another I would paint you like this. Your body is worthy of that reverence.”
“I think my mind is probably more splendid.” You confessed. You had no eyes for awareness of your appearance, and had subsequently never really relied on it. People had said you were lovely, but you could never quite believe it, assuming that they were taking pity on you for your blindness.
“Your mind is exceptional. If I cannot beat you at shogi soon I have half a mind to ask you to assist me with real life strategy,” he said with a chuckle, fingers still trailing a slow path down your body. “But it doesn’t make your body any less lovely, and you cannot deny such things since you’ve never seen yourself. Let me be your eyes and tell you that you are breathtaking.”
A shyness overcame you at those words, head angled downwards as if it would hide your blushing state from him. He raised your chin with a finger, his nose bumping yours before capturing your mouth in a kiss once more, bringing you close against his bare chest. You were so lost in the comfort of the kiss, that you found yourself completely caught off guard when something wet swiped against your stomach and breasts.
Flinching in surprise, you drew yourself back in an attempt to understand what was happening. Sukuna laughed, a hand moving into your hair comfortingly. “It's my tongue,” he spoke easily.
Frowning, you found that his answer didn’t make sense, because still the wet appendage explored your breasts, sending your heartrate flying as it flicked against your nipple with impressive accuracy. How could he be speaking but also doing that?
“There’s a mouth on my stomach. Perhaps you didn’t notice when you controlled my body.”
You were ashamed to admit you hadn’t noticed such a thing. Sukuna had been naked when you’d awoken in his body, and you’d been quick to dress him up in robes, feeling rude to intrude upon the body of another without consent. You’d very intentionally not paid too much attention to the workings of his body, not when the first thing you’d seen was the oddity he sported between his legs.
The memory that he had two of what most men only had one, suddenly had you feeling a little nervous in your position. You had no time to voice such nervousness before he was picking you up, allowing his second tongue to continue its onslaught while he carried you over to the bed, depositing you down upon the silk.
His weight moved on top of you, and he swallowed a gasp with his lips as his monstrous tongue shifted its attention from your breasts down to between your legs, dexterously finding a path between your things and lathering your pussy with attention while Sukuna consumed your mouth. Tears pricked in your eyes at the sensation, unaccustomed to a feeling like that.
In all your years as a courtesan, you’d never been eaten out. Men didn’t come to brothels to serve women, they came to have their own needs attended to, and you’d done that in whichever manner they desired. You were grateful to have never experienced that feeling before, because it was a blessing to have Sukuna be your first.
Pressure built in your stomach over a series of minutes, overwhelmed by the way he seemed to be everywhere. A tongue between your lips, another between your thighs, hands squeezing your breasts, tweaking your nipples, more hands gripping your hips, pulling you up onto his secondary tongue to allow it a better angle to overwhelm you.
For the first time, you started to understand how Sukuna must feel whenever he played you at shogi - stumbling blindly in the dark whilst overcome from all angles with no means of knowing what was going to come next. It was pleasure in its highest form, and you were quick to cum with a yelp of his name, tears dripping from the corners of your eyes.
Sukuna broke the kiss, breathing heavily against your ear. It was a sound you enjoyed, one you could listen to all day if he’d allow you. “I have imagined you beneath me like this every night this week,” he mused, “my imagination is hardly as pleasant as having the real thing. You taste much sweeter than my mind could conjure.”
Again, you were flushing red. “Y-you can taste me through…that?”
“Of course.” You were certain he was grinning, “And I’m glad that I can.” His secondary tongue was still moving slowly through your folds, lapping up the remnants of your first orgasm, teasingly flicking against your clit and making your shudder.
The two of you stayed like that for a while, breathing quietly together. You weren’t sure what Sukuna wanted to do next, but for a moment you were happy to savor the warmth of his heavy body, twitching while he lazily continued his attention to your body. How you longed to see him, eager to witness the expression he was wearing while he attended to you.
All you had to go off was the erratic beating of his heart where his chest was pressed against you.
“Let me have you,” he murmured against your ear. “Let me make you mine.”
“I’m already yours.”
“Is that so? Then let me make it official.”
He shifted atop you, withdrawing his secondary tongue. In the absence of that heat between your thighs, you grew suddenly aware of a heavy pressure against your leg. Your mind jumped to the image of his cocks that you’d filed away in the back of your mind, gut twisting at the thought of either one of them pressing into you.
Sukuna chuckled from above you, a hand coming to stroke your hair. “You’ve seen them, haven’t you?”
You nodded.
“I can tell, you’ve got that scared little look on your face. It’s fascinating, when you play shogi you’re unreadable, but outside of that? You’re practically an open book with your emotions always written across your face.”
Pouting, you let humiliation wash over you. Nobody had ever told you that before. It was hard to guard one's emotions when you had no measure of how the faces of others looked. That was something you’d have to work on. At least you had the good sense to give nothing away when you played shogi.
Another laugh echoed from his lips. “Even now I can see your panic. It’s very endearing.”
Any protest or response you had for him faded away into the recesses of your brain as he shuffled on top of you. He maneuvered you carefully into a new position, raising your legs and placing them up atop his broad shoulders. You were grateful for your flexibility in that moment, because the size difference between the two of you made that no easy task.
Sukuna was watching you from above while he positioned one of his cocks between your legs, running it steadily through your wet folds in a way that had you shivering with desire, still not fully recovered from the actions of his tongue. You were quick to discover that his focus was on his lower cock, as the upper one bumped pleasurably against your clit.
“You know,” he mused, stilling his movements. “I’m surprised you struck no deal with me. It is what I had imagined you would do.”
“What?”
“I’d assumed I would ask for more and you would refuse me. I’d thought your respect was tied to shogi, that you would refuse anything from me unless I was capable of beating you.” Your mind moved to Sugawara as you connected the dots. Sukuna believed you’d made that deal before, as if that tiresome Official hadn’t dictated those rules of his own choosing.
Shogi was a game you adored, mainly because it was an activity you could excel at even without sight, unlike many other courtesan pastimes such as painting, which would forever be an impossibility for you. But it was by no means something you made all your decisions on, nor were you particularly interested in the skill of others.
If someone could defeat you, you would congratulate them for their win and move on, it would ultimately mean little.
To you, it was little more than a game. To various men, it seemed to be something held in much higher regard - a true mark of intelligence rather than a game for which one could learn and remember strategies to allow them a win.
It mattered little to you whether Sukuna could defeat you or not. Your affection for him wasn’t tied to it in any manner.
“To make such a demand would be wasting my own time. Why would I turn down a man I desire over something so trivial? Besides, my bet with Sugawara was made to ensure I never had to lay with him, that is not the fate I want for us.”
“So you believe I am incapable of winning?” He asked, with greater disappointment than you’d been expecting.
“I do,” you said with a giggle, “just as I am incapable of emerging victorious in a battle. We all have our strengths.”
A yelp fell from you as he pushed the tip of his cock into you, catching you unawares. “Yeah?” He asked, pressing deeper into you, his fingers tangling tightly into your hair. “Rather sure of yourself, aren’t you?”
You couldn’t help but laugh again - even in the midst of the dull pain of him driving into you, there was something so endearingly pathetic about his words.
“I am. But you’re free to challenge me whenever you like.”
He was silent as he bottomed out inside of you, his face falling to your neck and leaving a trail of kisses and bites along your skin while he allowed you some time to adjust. You were grateful for his consideration of your wellbeing, fingers digging into his skin, your gut aching as he leaned forwards over you, pushing your legs higher on his shoulders.
There was no question that he was the largest man you’d ever had inside you, practically tearing you apart with his intrusion, but after a few minutes of stillness you found yourself able to relax, the panic exhibited by your body slowly dissipating as you accommodated his size.
“I will challenge you whenever I like,” he whispered against your ear. “After this, the cloud of lust you’ve placed in my mind will be thinner, and I will beat you with ease.”
“Oh, I’m sure-”
Your snarky response was promptly cut off as he withdrew himself from you, only to swiftly fill you up once more, pulling a desperate cry of his name from your lips. There was no second adjustment period given, instead you found yourself clinging on for dear life as he filled you over and over again with swift and deep thrusts that had your eyes rolling back.
One of his hands moved to your stomach, pressing down against the bulge where his cock would press up inside you. It was clear he was fascinated by it, finding great enjoyment in you being claimed by him. You were certain he was no virgin, but it seemed that you were the first woman who meant something to him, the first one who was worth something beyond carnal pleasure.
Legs quivering beneath the weight of his thrusts, you appreciated the way two of his hands came to rest on your thighs, keeping you steady with each brutal snap of his hips. You were crying and whining, your hands blindly reaching for him but finding him just out of range in this position. Seemingly to appease you, he leant further forward, really testing the flexibility of your legs as he practically folded you in half.
Lips pressed against your forehead affectionately, and you enjoyed every single second of his attention, mind floating off on a cloud as your gut tightened with each careful stroke, your walls flexing around his cock. Your whole body felt like it was on fire, a feeling only heightened by the erratic contact of his higher cock rubbing up against your clit.
“You feel so good, fuck. I can’t last like this,” he grumbled, never losing pace. It stroked your ego to know of his desire, to understand just how much he’d been holding back since your first meeting. It was everything you imagined the joining of two soulmates would be - desperately euphoric and overflowing with pleasure.
Sex had never felt so good, it had never really felt good at all, and yet you could spend eternity with Sukuna buried inside of you, your bodies and souls joined just as they were always meant to be.
He was yours and you were his. It was just as fate had decreed.
There was nothing stopping the scream that ripped through you as you finally teetered over the edge, your body convulsing in pleasure and clamping down on Sukuna’s thick cock, eager to milk him for all he was worth. You were sobbing his name and writhing against the silk sheets, your hands gripping them desperately in an attempt to anchor yourself to something in the throes of pleasure.
Sukuna couldn’t hold on long after that either, spilling into you with a warmth that only heightened your pleasure. His other cock found its release at the same time, cum dripping down onto your stomach in a manner that you’d usually find disgusting, if it weren’t your soulmate who was doing it to you. He groaned your name quietly, and let your legs fall from his shoulders.
Without the barrier of your thighs, he settled himself down on top of you, pressing kisses all over your face, his cock still twitching inside your exhausted pussy. You let him lather you with affection, still trying to come to terms with this side of Sukuna. It had been what you’d wanted, what you believed he was capable of, but you hadn’t dreamed it would truly happen.
The most you believed you’d get from him was a lifetime of shogi matches, in which the two of you would remain close but never cross the line you’d been so desperate to leap across.
“Has the fog of lust lifted?” You teased. “Do you believe now you can defeat me?”
Sukuna let out a low, rumbling chuckle. “Perhaps we will have to do that a few more times for it to fully ease.”
“Oh is that so?” You giggled, reaching out for his hair. He gripped your wrist and moved it into position, allowing you to play with the soft locks you’d been so eager to touch since the first time you’d seen them upon his head.
You wished you could gaze upon that lovely shade of pink once more, but it was enough to know he was there before you, yours to touch as you pleased.
“Mmm, I think it would help,” he purred.
“I’m sure that can be arranged.”
You’d give him whatever he wanted. You were his and he was yours for as long as he’d have you.
a/n: I had so much fun writing this one! thinking about doing one soulmate au for each of the jjk men because I find them so enjoyable to play with <3
anyway, for any crazy in love fans, the next chapter will be out towards the end of this week!
୧ synopsis it's not easy, falling in love with someone who is still getting over someone else. sukuna learned to be patient for you, but as his affection for you grows, so does his hatred for the man who made you so scared of love in the first place.
୧ wc 3.9k
୧ content mdni, angst, smut, some fluff too, hurt/comfort, sukuna pov, falling in love, very anxious reader, jealousy, post reader and gojo breakup, sex on the first night, protected piv sex, overstimulation, making out, biting, a little bit of a breeding kink, crying after sex, and a lot of crying in general, aftercare, moving on, posesssive sukuna
୧ a/n this is sukuna's pov of the story, you can find the other parts in this collection! this can be read as part 3 or as a oneshot too. art by @/riyalise & divider by @/diviniyae
"Who is that?"
Sukuna himself was surprised to hear the words leave his lips, but he couldn't help the curiosity.
He found himself sitting on an uncomfortable stool in someone's house party he somehow got convinced to attend, surrounded by the same boring faces as always – until he noticed a new one.
A new girl, sitting on a sofa far ahead, involved in the party but… not really. You had a tight hold on your phone, and you glanced at the screen every few seconds like you were waiting for a message that never came.
It made Sukuna anxious just watching it.
And right now watching was exactly what he was doing.
It wasn't just the fact your face had made his heart skip an awkward beat inside his chest when you walked past, not even noticing him. Nor was it the fact you seemed to prefer sitting alone rather than engaging with the rest of the party, something he could relate to well enough.
No, there was something else about you too. You just seemed so… sad.
Smiling a pleasant smile whenever anyone approached, nodding your head and making conversation as you were expected to, sure – but that odd veil never seemed to lift from behind your eyes.
Sukuna wondered how none of the other idiots here had noticed.
"My friend" Yuki answered his question with a raised eyebrow, in a tone that said she was shocked Sukuna had even noticed anyone else's presence in the room apart from his own.
He was well aware of other people's assumptions of him, so he didn't bother replying to her taunt. "Is she alright?" Sukuna asked instead, after he watched you check your phone for what had to be the tenth time in a single minute.
Yuki sighed, turning to take a look at you with a solemn expression herself. "She's going through a tough time" was all she said.
Sukuna didn't like the sound of that at all.
So he decided he wanted to change that.
He lifted himself up and walked right past Yuki, picking up a fresh bottle of beer on the table while he was at it. The blonde seemed curious but let him be, turning to rejoin the party as Sukuna strode far away from everyone, and towards you.
"This seat taken?"
His voice took your eyes away from your phone, tilting your head up to blink at him in surprise. Your eyebrows scrunched together, and he watched you quickly scan your surroundings, trying to figure out if there was anyone else he could be speaking to.
"No" you replied, almost like a question, but you moved to the side so he could take the seat next to you on the small sofa.
Sukuna sat down awkwardly, his broad frame taking up most of the seat, but you didn't seem to mind. "Here" he grunted, passing you the fresh bottle while bringing his own to his lips.
You were surprised at the gesture, but had no choice in accepting. Not with the way Sukuna was practically shoving the cold glass into your hands and forcing you to drop your phone onto your lap.
"Is that for me?" you asked, as if it wasn't obvious.
"Who else would it be for?" he asked, instantly regretting how sharp he sounded.
But you didn't scoff, or roll your eyes, or call him an asshole like most people seemed to do. Instead, you laughed – only a small chuckle, but some tension finally seemed to ease from your shoulders.
Naturally, his own shoulders dropped as well.
"Thank you" you muttered, hands closing around the bottle, phone now forgotten to your side.
Sukuna didn't know why you were so attached to that thing, but he seemed to understand it was a good thing you had finally let go of it. "Let me" he said, searching for his keys inside his pocket to remove the bottle cap for you.
It was only a favour, something that had no business feeling this intimate. But Sukuna was far too aware of how his thigh brushed against yours when he leaned in, of how close you allowed him to move into your space even if just for a second.
The sound of air escaping the freshly opened bottle matched how his own finally leaving his lungs, he realised.
"Thank you again" you smiled kindly. And then, to his surprise, it was your turn to lean into him – you extended your hand, clinking your bottles together. "Cheers" you said, completely unaware of how you had surprised him.
Sukuna nodded, reciprocating the gesture. He watched you tilt your head back as you drank, followed the curve of your neck and noted the beautiful angle it made with your shoulders. He hid his crimson gaze behind his own drink, but anyone else around would have noticed – Sukuna was fucking hypnotised.
You finally lowered your hand with a satisfied hum, opening the first real smile he had seen the whole evening. "I needed that" you sighed.
Both your hands closed around the cold glass, phone still forgotten.
"Not having fun?" Sukuna asked, tilting his head to meet your gaze. You were close, very close, but you didn't seem intimidated by him like everyone else.
How intriguing, he thought.
"I am" you replied, looking away – maybe because you were nervous, Sukuna hoped, or maybe because you were lying.
"Are you?" he questioned, keeping his eyes locked on your face. You struggled to hold his gaze, blinking towards him and then away, until you finally sighed and understood you couldn't lie to him that easily.
"It's been a long week" you confessed, looking down at your hands.
Sukuna let that hang in the air for a moment, letting the weight of what you said sit with both of you instead of you alone.
"Yeah?" was all he managed to say. He wasn't good with things like that, but fuck if this pretty girl at the party didn't make him want to try.
You only nodded, looking down at your hands. He saw your eyes blink down, then to your phone by your side, then down again, and finally… to him.
You opened a little smirk, more self pitying than anything – and it was right then that Sukuna decided he wasn't giving up until he saw that real smile again.
"Let's change that" he said.
Three hours later, Sukuna had you crying for a completely different reason than whoever the fuck had gotten you that upset in the first place.
"Kuna, fuck– I can't–" you moaned as your legs only pulled him closer, your hands clawing at his shoulders in desperate need, face all scrunched in a mess of delicious tears that he was enjoying kissing away.
"You can" he groaned against your skin, slamming his hips into yours again, earning a loud whimper that sounded like music to his ears. "Taking it so fucking well for me"
You brought your hands to his face again, chasing his lips desperately. He had one hand rubbing small circles against your clit, determined to get a second orgasm out of you before he had even had one himself.
When he had suggested leaving the party together, Sukuna hadn't necessarily expected this was where the two of you would end up. But hell, he wasn't mad about it.
As it turned out, you looked even more beautiful crying from pleasure.
"I'm gonna–" you whined as your back arched, body trembling slightly as Sukuna kept slamming into you through your high, enjoying the way your eyes rolled back and you completely let go, suspended in bliss and relief.
"There you go" he smiled, biting the side of your neck. "Knew you had it in you" he teased, and you let out an elated laugh, bringing him closer.
"You feel so good" you hummed, and Sukuna decided he wanted to push himself up just to see your euphoric face. He brought his two hands to close around yours, pushing both above your head as he interlaced your fingers together, hovering just above you as he admired you like a painting.
"Good" he replied with a sly smile, a particularly harsh thrust punctuating the sentiment. "You're fucking gorgeous"
Too gorgeous, he thought.
"You think so?" you asked, and he hated how surprising that was to you.
He kissed you again, as if to prove a point. Your mouth parted and your tongues danced, with all the excitement of an unexpected night, but far too intimate for a one night stand. "Gorgeous" he repeated, biting your lower lip.
"Th-thank you" you tried to say, and Sukuna laughed against your lips. Who the fuck thanks someone during sex for just stating a fact?
Why would he be sleeping with you if he didn't think you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, after all?
"Kuna" you moaned, that stupid nickname you had given him after your first orgasm, but he was beginning to like it. He enjoyed thinking he made you feel so good that his full name was just too much effort.
"Go on, say it again" he rasped to your ear, hips rolling deliciously into you.
"Kuna–" you whimpered, legs closing around him, and your voice was the thing that finally tipped him over the edge.
Your nails dug into the back of his hands but Sukuna didn't let up, pining you with all his weight as you happily took everything he was giving you. Spilling everything inside the protection he was wearing, but he caught himself wishing there was no barrier between you.
Maybe next time, he thought, letting hope slip out in his blissful state.
Sukuna's hips stilled finally, face coming to the crook of your neck. He left a kiss there, followed with one to your jaw, tasting the sweaty mess he had made of you, and then one to your cheek – your salty tears prickled his lips, but when he noticed your chest move up and down far too quickly, he started to worry they weren't from pleasure this time.
Sukuna pulled away from you fast, scrunching his forehead as he watched tears pour out of your eyes; slowly, not dramatic, like you simply couldn't stop them from escaping.
His breathing completely stopped, everything about him going very still.
"Did I hurt you?"
"N-no" you said as fast as you could, shaking your head sideways and attempting a smile. But Sukuna was not happy with your response still.
"Are you sure?" he prodded, not meaning to sound so stern, but everything in him was in high alert. His crimson eyes didn't leave yours, but his hands started roaming the curves of your body, caressing in slow circles to soothe whatever it was that had you crying like that under him.
Was he too rough? Was it too much?
Were you scared of him like everyone else?
To his surprise though, you let out a little wet laugh. "You're sweet" you said, opening a beautiful smile that completely undid him, despite the wetness all over your face.
Fuck, he thought.
Sukuna hoped you couldn't see it, but he was almost certain he was blushing.
"Tch" he grunted, rolling around to settle next to you and pull you into him. "No one else would say that"
"You are" you replied while Sukuna turned you to him without any struggle, resting your head right on his broad chest. He was so warm, you thought, letting yourself sink into him.
"Then why are you crying?" he asked again, unwilling to let it go. Sukuna tangled a large palm on your hair, softly caressing the back of your head, trying to figure out what the hell he could do to help.
"I didn't expect to, I–" you tried to explain, but those crimson eyes were back on you, and his other hand around your waist had you somehow trusting you could just be honest with him.
"I'm scared you'll leave" you admitted finally, voice too small.
Sukuna pulled away from you just slightly, just so he could see your face. "Why would I leave?" he asked, like the notion alone was ridiculous.
You swallowed thickly, struggling to meet his eyes. "You won't?" you asked pitifully, looking anywhere but him.
He wanted to kiss you to prove it. Wanted to hold you all night and fuck you again and again so you'd finally get in your head how much he wanted you.
But he could tell this went far deeper than just insecurities.
"Who made you think like that?"
Sukuna hadn't expected his question would bring more tears to your eyes, and it was almost like he could see you shut him away in real time. Your eyes fell downwards, and your hands played with your own nails instead of gripping him like he wanted – clearly something still too painful hiding just under the surface.
So he didn't let you. "Hey" he called, bringing his hand to your chin now, to force your eyes up. "I'm not going anywhere" he reassured.
It sounded like the right thing to say, and he knew he fucking meant it, but why the hell did he feel like it only made you pull away even more?
"You don't have to do that" you shook your head, hiding into his side and attempting to sound more composed. "Sorry, I'm sure the last thing you want is a one night stand cryi–"
"Stop" he interrupted then, stern. In one swift move, Sukuna was on top of you, taking on the role of cleaning your face with his gruff finger tips, trying very hard to be gentle.
He could see it in your face how surprised you were. How you expected to mean nothing to him. Sukuna was used to people assuming he slept around, but truth was, he didn't – Sukuna didn't really do one night stands. Today had been as an anomaly for you, as it was for him.
So the fact you were crying, thinking he would just dispose of you like that? That pissed him off more than anything.
"I'll get you some water" he announced, leaving a gruff kiss to your forehead. "Then we can have a bath, and then you can tell me. If you want" he completed, far too aware of how serious he was sounding.
The last thing he wanted was to scare you.
But you smiled, surprising him again with a shy nod. "That sounds nice" you murmured.
He could have sworn your hand tried to cling to him as he stood up, but he wasn't even sure you were aware of it.
Sukuna did as he promised, taking care of you for the rest of the night. He cleaned you up, dressed you in his old oversized shirt that looked much better on you than it ever had on him, and held you tight for the whole night.
You didn't want to tell him why you were crying then, but you had time. This wasn't the only night you spend together, after all.
Sukuna hated to admit it, but ever since then, you barely left his mind. What started on that unexpected night turned into something more meaningful, day after day, kiss after kiss – but still, you struggled to tell him what made you so scared.
He tried to figure it out himself, piercing together little bits of information you had given him, mind always conjuring up the worse case scenario.
He just had to understand why it never mattered how often you spoke or how nice your day was – when it was time to say goodbye, he could see the silent fear creep up all over your beautiful face.
You tried your best to hide it, but he didn't want you to.
Sukuna didn't mind reassuring you, not really. Sometimes just an extra hug when you needed. A kiss to your forehead. A promise that he'd call later. He understood you just needed confirmation he wouldn't leave. Needed confirmation that you meant something.
Why the hell did you think you didn't?
That was the part that drove him mad.
And the day you finally decided to tell him, he understood.
It was a grim story about some asshole called Satoru Gojo.
Satoru Gojo. The name alone made him sick.
He didn't even know the guy, but every time you opened up more, his hatred only grew.
It wasn't nice to be falling for someone who was still getting over someone else, but Sukuna learned to be patient for you.
Sometimes you pulled away, talked down on yourself, expected nothing but pain from the unavoidable feelings that were starting to grow; but Sukuna was always there to pull you back. He didn't blame you for it, after all, it wasn't your fault – it was his.
The man who had taken your heart only to step on it with no care for how it left you to take up the pieces.
Satoru Gojo.
Sukuna looked up the asshole everywhere online, like a predator stalking his prey. He had to know. Everything in him was consumed by how much he despised the man that made you believe you were cursed.
He found his profiles easily enough, clearly the idiot enjoyed showing off. He had to admit he was good looking – white hair and blue eyes and a confident smile. Rich too, it seemed. The type of guy who felt entitled to use people, Sukuna rolled his eyes with a scoff.
It wasn't nice to imagine there were probably pictures of him out there that you were in too. With that easy smile of yours – the one Sukuna only saw rarely, only at times you let yourself truly relax.
You probably smiled like that more often before him, didn't you?
He hated imagining the two of you together, but Sukuna wasn't jealous – he couldn't be, when he was the one you turned to. The one you were slowly letting into your heart; and Sukuna was in no rush.
Not jealousy, he reassured himself, heart hammering into his chest as he held you tight in the night, your nails digging into his bicep like you were trying to cling on even in sleep.
Definitely not jealous, he thought again, when your gorgeous smile returned one day and Sukuna caught himself wondering how anyone could have it in them to hurt you.
Not jealous – angry, Sukuna settled on, fantasizing about punching that smug grin right out of Satoru Gojo's face, on a night you had cried when telling him about how you felt disposable.
Who knew opportunity would actually present itself.
That one fateful day, Sukuna had been waiting too long where you were supposed to meet before he decided to walk back and look for you.
What was probably only five minutes had felt like a life time. You were never late. Sukuna was fucking worried.
So he walked back, fast, turning a street corner and then another, until he finally saw you from across the street.
Oh. Maybe he was jealous, he realised.
Because standing on the other side was you, clearly upset, clearly holding back tears – and across from you, the man he had only ever seen in pictures.
With his hand holding yours.
Sukuna's owns instinctively curled into fists as he rushed to your side, vision turning red.
"Hey" he yelled, crossing the street. "The fuck is going on here?"
Your eyes immediately snapped to him, managing to relax him the tiniest bit. You rushed to him, pressing two palms to his chest, pleading with him with your teary eyes. "Kuna, it's ok" you said, and he went over every little detail of your face to reassure himself that you really were ok.
And then, his crimson eyes shifted up.
Now that he was this close, Sukuna could see it clearly. That truth he could only have assumed before.
This Satoru Gojo was pathetic.
With his stupid mouth slightly agape, brows furrowing together like he was confused at what was happening.
Yeah, asshole, Sukuna thought. She's with me.
"Who the fuck do you think you are" he snarled, pulling you into his chest. "Putting your hands on my girl?"
The way the other man's face fell gave him all the satisfaction he needed, that smug face contorting like the words had physically pained him.
Good, Sukuna thought, not a sliver of sympathy.
You had completely hidden your face into his chest now, knowing exactly where safe was. Sukuna could feel how your breathing had changed, could feel the wetness in his shirt. "Please don't yell" you sobbed, and his heart hurt hearing you like that.
"He made you cry?" Sukuna asked, all focus back on you. His beautiful girl. His.
Crying because of this idiot.
His hatred towards Satoru was only outweighed by his love for you; Sukuna was fully focused on wiping each tear away, tenderly brushing his finger tips over your cheeks.
"I'm sorry I was late" you murmured to him, leaning into his touch. It was unfair how you could undo him like this – this was meant to be the big stand off he had been dreaming about. His chance to beat up the guy who had made you so scared of love.
But now, he found himself wanting nothing more than to make you smile again.
"Don't" he replied with a kiss to the top of your head. "Got me worried sick, and then I find you upset and this asshole with his hands on you–"
"We just ran into each other" you shook your head, hands balling into his shirt. The nice one he had bought for your date specifically. "It's ok"
Hell. You sounded so apologetic. As if you had done something wrong by happening to run into the guy.
You looked at Sukuna with those pleading eyes that begged him to forgive you for whatever crime you thought you had committed. Even in this moment, so scared he'd just leave.
Sukuna hated this.
And right there – the man who made you think like that.
So close. So fucking close.
And he had the audacity to try and hold your hand.
Everything in Sukuna wanted to confront Satoru, but all his focus was on you.
Making sure you were ok.
Making sure you were safe.
Making sure you were away from him.
"He the one you told me about?" Sukuna asked you, even though he already knew the answer. He held you right where you were, your back to the white haired man, refusing to let him have another fucking look at you. "Let me get you out of here" he said kindly, helping you walk away.
You followed, standing by Sukuna's side, leaning into him for comfort as you continued forwards with your eyes glued to the floor.
And as you both walked away from him, Sukuna couldn't help another look back.
At his challenger. His rival. The man whose ghost still clung on to you in your darkest moments.
Satoru Gojo.
A man he hated so much, but right now looked nothing but pitiful.
Sukuna wasn't moved by his desperate tears. He was convinced Satoru Gojo didn't care for anyone but himself, anyway.
Part of him did regret not throwing that punch he so desperately wanted.
And as much as he hoped with everything in him that you'd never run into Gojo again – Sukuna hoped he would.
❝ satoru gojo broke your heart three years ago by ending your relationship. and then he broke it again and again and again by not being able to let you go – maybe this time you're the one that has had enough❞
wc 3.9k
content angst, satoru pov, hurt no comfort, sad ending, anxiety, sukuna is here, break up talk, fear of death, suguru being a good friend, post-break up, arguments, reader moves on but satoru can’t, for everyone that wanted to see satoru suffer i hope you’re happy, i cried writing this, honestly this is bleak again
a/n this is part 2 to if i didn't love you but can also be read as a oneshot
Was it raining?
Water streaked down Satoru's face, drip dripping down his chin all the way down to the collar of his nice white shirt – making all that effort to have it perfectly pressed futile now that it was soaked with this unrelenting waterfall.
His father's words were already ringing in his ears. A Gojo is always supposed to present as strong, powerful, in control.
Satoru didn't quite feel like any of that right now, though.
When the hell did it start raining?
It was constant, overwhelming, like the sky had suddenly opened up and decided to soak him specifically.
But there were no clouds above, he noticed. Nothing but clear blue skies to completely contrast the storm he felt inside.
So he brought a hand to his face, touching the fresh water that seemed to be coming from his eyes instead.
Huh, he muttered in surprise.
Satoru didn't remember when he started crying.
But now that he had started, he couldn't stop.
So stupid that this would be the thing that did it, he cursed at himself, staring at his phone screen at the undelivered text he had sent you earlier today.
Had you blocked him?
You had never blocked him before.
His foot tapped anxiously against the floor just outside his fancy apartment building – he was just coming back from another business meeting. Same as usual. Sweet talk some CEO, pretend it didn't make him want to die inside, be called incompetent by his dad, repeat.
He fucking hated it.
Truth was, Satoru didn't give a shit about his family business. Could not have cared less about the Gojo clan. But every attempt at evading his fated future had been useless. And he tried his best, his really did.
He had fled from all responsibility as soon as he could, for as long as he could.
Until he couldn't anymore.
Satoru never wanted to leave you. He still held on to that year the two of you spent together like the best year of his life. Probably the only good one he'd ever have.
But it all started that day when his father looked him in the eye with his matching blue ones, and asked if you were the reason Satoru was forsaking his own family – that's when he knew all attempts at escaping were in vain.
Threats didn't need to be direct to carry weight.
He knew well enough what his family was capable of.
And even if it had all been in his head, or even if that conversation had never happened in the first place… would you really have been fine with marrying someone whose family you would never be accepted into? Could never even meet?
Satoru knew he wanted to marry you from the moment his first saw you.
But would you really have been fine with that?
With your children being called bastards?
At best, he'd be completely cut off – not an ideal situation, and if Satoru was honest, he didn't know what he'd do without the money. Still… worst case scenario: his father's threats weren't so veiled anymore.
He didn't want to think about that.
So he chose to leave.
Saying goodbye to you that day was a type of hurt he could have never predicted. Try as he may, he was never able to erase the way you looked at him then. Shocked. In pain. Betrayed.
It was still there in his dreams, when he woke up in the middle of the night searching for you. Missing your weight in his arms, your heat on the side of the bed he didn't sleep on anymore.
He hated those nights.
But any glimpse of you – albeit painful and brief and unconscious – was better than to not see your face at all.
He wanted to see your face so bad.
So Satoru's trembling fingers clicked on your contact picture, hiccuping harder when he realised it was just a grey square now. Not the smile he desperately needed right now.
He thankfully knew he still had pictures of the two of you saved on his computer upstairs, all those little memories he was never able to let go of, but Suguru had convinced him to erase them from his phone a long time ago.
Said it was no use torturing himself like this.
But Satoru just couldn't give it up.
He never wanted to break it off, so he clung on to you like a ghost.
He knew it wasn't healthy.
He knew it wasn't fair.
But he couldn't not.
Not when every drab grey day was spent the same way, doing the same thing, getting yelled at by the same people. Pushing through because it's what he had to do; because, if he was truly honest with himself, he couldn't let go of the privileges that came with his rich family anymore than he couldn't let go of you.
Satoru really hoped you could see it that way. How hard it was for him to make a decision that, in the long run, would be good for you.
After all, how was this a life he could ever want for you?
So he allowed himself to want less. He'd play along with his families games, push you away as far as he could and live up to everyone's goddamn expectations.
But there was a black hole the size of you right in his chest.
Satoru remembered what it was like to have the life he wanted, even if it didn't last.
And year after year he kept you locked in this unstable dance. Messaging you he'd be back in town, fucking you all night and pretending the morning after didn't hurt more than the one before had.
This wasn't a life he wanted for you either.
But why did you say yes every time?
Surely he wasn't the only one at fault here.
He wasn't the only one unwilling to let go.
After all, you could have blocked him.
Well…
You did.
His jaw locked tight as he gritted his teeth, trying to breathe calmly to stop himself from hopping on a plane to you right this second.
So his fingers dialed the only other person he ever wanted to speak to.
"Satoru" his friend answered.
"Do you know where she is?" Satoru said too fast, cutting through all the small talk and going straight to the point.
Suguru sighed on the other end. "I don't"
That gave him pause.
"Well is she alright?" Satoru asked then, anger replaced by worry. What if something had happened? What if you didn't block him at all – but had your number terminated instead?
Satoru leaned against the wall, holding his head with one hand while the other pressed the phone to his ear tight. He hated how his brain was going straight to the worst case scenario.
It used to be a big fear of his – that something would happen while he wasn't there. That fate would deal its most cruel blow, and take you away from him for good. That he wouldn't be there to hold you one last time.
Satoru shook away the images that would sometimes show up in his nightmares, willing himself to stay in the present.
"What makes you think she isn't?" his friend asked, voice kind and patient.
The voice of someone who had supported him through a crisis about you too many times already.
"She–I don't–" Satoru kept cutting himself off, annoyed at how unstable he sounded, and the fact his friend remained on the line only added to the shame. "Her number is weird, I don't know" he huffed out finally.
This time, Suguru was the one that paused.
"Weird how?" he asked.
"Weird, Suguru" Gojo spat, gesturing so wildly people started to notice. All the rich, stable, composed neighbours he never cared to get to know. "Can you check if it's the same for you?"
It took a couple seconds before his friends voice came back again. "It looks fine to me" he said.
Gojo put one hand deep in his pocket, his foot tapping the floor with more and more force by the minute. "Try sending her a text" he told him.
"I'm not sure that's–"
"Suguru" he hissed. "Just send her a fucking text"
The fact his friend was taking so long to respond was just frustrating him even more. He gave him a few seconds to think of whatever excuse and finally send you something, but the anxiety was hard to contain.
"And?" Satoru hissed.
"What exactly are you expecting?" Suguru sighed.
"Did she receive it?"
And then Suguru let out a long exhale, like he finally realised what was making his best friend spiral like this. "Yes" he muttered, almost guilty.
"Fuck" Satoru rasped, dragging a palm over his face. "Does my number look ok to you? Maybe there's a problem with m–"
"Satoru" his friend called softly. "Did she block you?"
Satoru closed his eyes, hanging his head low. All his fears coming true.
"She did" he admitted, voice far too small for the confident man he was.
And the silence stretched, no one quite knowing what to say.
"I'm sorry" his friend murmured.
"Don't be" Satoru tried to wave it off. "Is she seeing someone?"
"I don't know" he answered honestly. "You know I haven't seen her since you left"
Satoru nodded, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.
"Maybe it's better this way" his friend said.
And Satoru pressed the big red button immediately, ending the call without a proper goodbye.
No it fucking wasn't.
Satoru Gojo wanted to scream.
It had been years, he knew, but he never really thought you'd block him.
You couldn't disappear like this. Satoru had no one else but you.
Even with his family desperate for him to get married and further the Gojo clan – he couldn't. He never brought himself to even look at anyone but you. The thought of ever touching someone like he touched you made him sick – and even more so, the thought of you with someone else.
He never really expected you would move on. Maybe that was mean, sure, but a sadistic part of him believed that by staying in your life it would make the possibility of you ever finding someone else grow thinner.
Yeah, it was selfish. But you knew that about him already.
And you loved him in spite of it, right?
Or maybe you loved him because of it. Maybeyou loved that he also couldn't let you go. Thought the knowledge that he'd pathetically crawl back to you eventually absolved you from your own part to play in this – always accepting him back with open arms and open legs.
Every time he messaged you again he braced for another rejection that never came, worried this would be the time you told him to fuck off, told him you had found someone else.
You never did. What the fuck was different now?
Satoru had never been angry with you before, but it now came out in ways he couldn't help. Ugly, vicious ways, as he stopped himself just short of punching a hole through he wall.
He could point fingers all he wanted, swear to himself and everyone else that you were just as much to blame as he was. It didn't really matter.
Because truth is, as much as Satoru had prepared for the day you'd leave for good – he never really expected it.
Should he have told you? Actually let you know how deep his love for you ran, how impossible it felt to let go, and how he had never even touched anyone else?
…And hope you would do what exactly?
Because he wasn't moving back.
And you had no place here.
Expectation and hope were very different things.
Yes, Satoru hoped he'd see you as soon as his plane landed. But never really expected to.
Especially didn't expect to see you walking out of the café the two of you had been to many times, the same one where your reunion occurred three years ago, before you ended up tangled in bed together.
Would everything had been different had he not answered your text that day?
Really, Satoru didn't care. Didn't care about anything right now.
Because there you were again.
Suguru had already talked his ear off about not looking for you, saying something about giving both of you a real chance to move on. When the fuck did his best friend get this reasonable? He hated it.
So obviously, the first thing Satoru did when he saw you was run in your direction, already calling your name.
He hoped you'd welcome him back.
Didn't expect you to look at him like that, though.
He had seen you hurt, had seen you angry.
But Satoru had never seen you disgusted.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" were the words that left your lips when he approached you with that wishful smile, one that was already dropping given your reaction.
Oh. This was not how this was supposed to go.
"I'm in town" he said awkwardly, like it wasn't obvious."I tried to tell you, but guess you didn't get the text"
Satoru didn't mean it to sound this passive aggressive, if anything, there was a little too much earnestness in his tone. And you noticed, of course, because you were the person that knew him best in the whole world. So you closed your eyes, bowing your head as all fight drained from you.
"Satoru…" you sighed out his name.
He loved when you said his name.
Satoru swallowed the urge to rush towards you, hands deep in his pockets as he tried to control his breathing. "Why did you block me?" he finally asked.
You shook your head, still not looking at him. "I can't keep doing this" was all you said.
Why were you acting like you couldn't talk to him?
You always could. You just didn't.
"And you couldn't tell me that?" he scoffed, as if you still owed him that much after everything.
"Tell you?" you repeated, almost growling at him. "After you fucking left me?"
"You know I wanted to stay" he immediately started defending himself. "I can't ignore my family and–"
"I don't mean the first time" you let out an incredulous laugh. "I mean the last"
Satoru squinted, shifting his weight as he tried to understand what you meant. He remembered the last time you spent the night together – remembered struggling to pull away from you in the morning as his father called about some emergency in a different time zone; remembered leaving the room quickly before the yelling coming from the phone woke you up.
He remembered getting dressed with haste but still giving you a kiss on your relaxed forehead, and tucking a thick blanked under your chin before having to rush out the door and get on another plane. To another business meeting. Another decision made for him.
Satoru didn't think much of it then, and had even messaged an apology. This wasn't the first time his work interrupted him from being there in the morning.
Why did you care so much all of a sudden?
"I didn't want to leave then either" he started explaining. "And I apologised–"
"You texted me an apology" you snarled, hurt all over your face. "Did you think that was kind?"
"I don't get it" he crossed his arms. "It's not like it was the first time I had to go"
You looked to the side, biting the inside of your cheek. "That time was different"
Satoru noticed the immediate shift in your voice, taking the opportunity to step forwards. "Why?" he asked, trying his best to not scare you away again.
He saw how your breathing was ragged and the way you had your arms tucked around you, like physically trying to protect your heart. Satoru wanted to understand, all you had to do was tell him and he'd do anything, anything, to push away the hurt and be the one holding you up, he'd–
"Because you said you'd move back" you finally said , voice breaking at the end.
Satoru felt his stomach sink at the reminder – the way you had cried and clung to him that night, begging him to not leave again. He said he'd see what he could do.
You both knew it was a lie.
"Baby–" his words were cut off by your glare.
"All you said was you were sorry. And nothing after that. For months"
The words cut into him like a knife, his palms sweating and pulse racing. Satoru couldn't even find the words, but he didn't have to – because you were happy enough to keep going.
"And I waited, you know" you scoffed at yourself. "And then I started rereading my texts. Not the ones with you – with my friends"
Satoru took a small step back, settling him in place for whatever you were about to say. He hated every second of it, but couldn't deny he deserved to hear it.
You let out a wet laugh, unable to look him in the eye. "Dozens of texts telling everyone you were the one" you continued. "That finally, after years of bullshit from all these other guys I dated, it had all been worth it because it led me to you"
Every second hearing you speak broke his heart a little more.
"I said I understood that now. Now that I was finally happy" your tears started falling, but you didn't brush them away. And then you finally looked at him – with wet red rimmed eyes, ready to land the finishing blow.
"You were gone not even a week later"
Satoru audibly let go of all the breath in his lungs, throat constricting at your words like his own guilt was trying to choke him.
He felt like he was about to be sick.
"I never wanted to–" he tried to speak, but his voice gave up before you even cut in again.
"But you did" you cried. "You keep saying you wanted to stay, but you didn't. Wasn't it your choice?"
"I didn't have a choice" he muttered, small.
"Keep telling yourself that" you taunted him, averting your gaze. "You had a choice. You just didn't choose me"
Satoru was frozen in place. What was he supposed to do? Apologise again? Beg on his knees?
When you turned to leave, his heard beat louder than it ever had.
How could he just watch the love of his life turn away and say nothing?
"Wait" he called, reaching for your hand. "At least let me– let me say goodbye" he cried.
You laughed again, looking up at him with everything from pain to pity to anger.
"We've said goodbye so many times"
His grip tightened on your hand, desperate and terrified.
For months he had thought nothing of that night – thought you accepted it was just something you did, like he accepted it. It was just how it was.
If Satoru knew how badly he was hurting you, he'd get on a plane and apologise a million times.
He didn't know. You had to believe him.
I love you, he wanted to say. There was only ever you.
But something else caught his attention suddenly. A gruff voice that had you snapping your eyes towards it, your heart broken face softening finally.
"Hey" the voice said. "The fuck is going on here?"
It came from some tall, tattooed guy who was crossing the street, walking towards the two of you with murder in his eyes.
Satoru was confused by this menacing stranger – and his first instinct was to take a step in front of you, protecting you from whoever this was.
But to his surprise, you walked around him, rushing to the man and pressing two palms to his chest. "Kuna, it's ok" you said reassuringly, but this Kuna still looked at Satoru with burning hot anger.
"Who the fuck do you think you are" he snarled, putting both hands on your back and pulling you into his chest. "Putting your hands on my girl?"
Satoru felt like he was about to be sick again.
Who the fuck was this?
My girl?
You weren't his. You belonged with him. With Satoru, always, even if it was hard, even if it hurt. Your heart was his, and that was the whole problem.
But right now you had your face buried into someone else's chest, letting him pet your hair and comfort you as you cried desperate tears.
Satoru didn't even know how to process the information. For years he hadn't touched anyone but you, didn't even want to – and only a few months after seeing him last, you were already someone else's?
Is this what he deserved?
"Please don't yell" you sobbed on your new boyfriends chest, making him snap his attention back to you.
"He made you cry?" the man asked, taking your face in his hands far more gently than anyone would expect from someone who looked like that.
Satoru watched someone else wipe your tears away. Watched someone new hold you close and, worst of all, you letting it. You leaning into his warmth like Satoru was the one you needed protecting from.
This wasn't right.
He loved you. This whole time. He loved you so fucking much – didn't you get it? He couldn't let you go. Wouldn't.
"I'm sorry I was late" Satoru heard you murmur as this other man kissed the top of your head, all focus back on you.
"Don't" he responded kindly. "Got me worried sick, and then I find you upset and this asshole with his hands on you–"
"We just ran into each other" you shook your head, clinging on to him. "It's ok"
The man exhaled sharply, cradling your head into his chest again with a hand tangled in your hair, slowly caressing the strands.
His crimson eyes looked up at Satoru. Assessing. Something beginning to turn in his brain, as he looked him up and down like a predator looking for a challenge.
"He the one you told me about?" he asked you, still staring at Satoru, and you nodded your head yes.
Satoru hated this.
What the fuck had you said about him?
Had he become someone you told horror stories about?
He loved you. How did you not get it–
"Let me get you out of here" the man whispered to you, turning your body away in the other direction. Not even letting you take another peek at Satoru, not even letting you say goodbye.
He was completely frozen in place, every hope and expectation replaced by this bitter reality right in front of him.
No one said anything else, but the way the man stared at Satoru said enough. He turned his head around to cast that crimson gaze on him again, not needing words to convey what it meant.
A threat.
Contact her again, and see what happens.
Satoru gulped, watching you be lead away by another man.
Away from him.
Oh, he thought, bringing his fingertips to his wet face.
men who can’t ever wait to fully undress you before fucking you, always semi-clothed and messy, skirts flipped up and shirts stretched at the neckline and pants around their ankles
vs
men who’s favourite part is getting to strip you completely bare beneath them, always making sure they make time to be able to worship you in your nakedness— peeling back each layer and appreciating the newly exposed skin with a kiss and a caress