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It’s going down; I’m yelling Tinder

Now, I’m not going to front like I’ve ever had a “real” sugar daddy, because I haven’t. However, I am extremely smart and have noticed that things for me have changed since I began doing this in December, and I’ve recently caught (and kept) the attention of two whales, I’m going to give advice that has helped me immensely become a more experienced SB.

All of this is advice anyone can use, honestly. It’s about what comes out of your mouth, and how these men may perceive you in the beginning. Basic communication.

Why I began sugaring? Because I’m tired of being broke.

In the beginning: I had prepared, but not enough, for what I was indulging in. Seeking Arrangement was not working for me, at all. Craigslist gave me decent men here and there, but most of them were creepy guys or guys that had already responded to my ads a million times. SugarDaddie never really worked, and I’m pretty sure most of the profiles on that site are fake. Freestyling I’ve never even covered, because I have crippling social anxiety.

Tinder has, and always will be, the best medium I’ve used to sugar. That’s where I’ve met my whales and true potentials.

As of late: Seeking Arrangement is still garbage, CL is dry, SDaddie I don’t even mess with, and freestyling remains the same.

Tinder remains the medium in which I get better results. I talk to these men the same way I’d talk with a vanilla.

Back when I began: I’d constantly get asked things like, “what do I get out of things?”.

No one has even mentioned such to me lately. I’d have a copy paste saying shit like,

“Hi x! I like x, y, z, and I am seeking a f, g, h. I don’t have a lot of time to date/don’t date guys my age/etc. Let me know if this is something that you are interested in.”

It wasn’t working for me, and I was receiving results from guys that weren’t material for what I was even looking for. Also, Tinder had already froze two accounts of mine, and I didn’t want there to be a third.

I was simply spewing what I had to offer, but after a while, after too many CL responses of men giving me the ultimatum of sending my photos or facing a waste of time, I decided that I was the boss.

These men are here for me, not the other way around. So, I cut my losses, and changed my attitude.

So, on Tinder, instead of messaging men, I decided to let them come to me. I decided to make it so easy and transparent for them to know what it is that I am seeking. My most recent profile went along the lines of the following:

City I live in. University of X grad, class of Y.

Things you enjoy doing.

Adjective about yourself, adjective about yourself, and adjective about yourself SB.

If I am swiping in your city, I will be there next/I’m coming for you/insert projected dates of trip.

My entire point was to put SB SOMEWHERE in my profile. Not sugar baby, but SB. So, when a man asks me, “Where you from/what are you looking for/school, etc.,” I can tell if they have even read my profile in the first place, and also saves a lot of small talk, bullshitting, and time. There are some men that say that they aren’t looking for gold diggers/SBSD, and it’s only fair to be upfront if that is your thing.

Also, when they ask the questions above, you can hit them with the “did you read my profile?” in a playful way, to make them feel stupid. If they ask what a “SB” is, I unmatch. I do not entertain it for another second.

None of my photos were really risque, except for the first one. It caught the attention of many, many men. The rest were all of me, headshots, because I didn’t have body photos that didn’t cut my head off in the “square” cropping.

NOTE: Men are visual creatures, I get it, and I said fuck that because I’m unconventional, and it worked for me. I’d still suggest putting out photos of your body, if you can. It will save you one of my steps.

So, now you’ve matched and he begins to speak to you. Now what do you say, what do you do?

I suggest remaining in control of the conversation, at all times. This way he will see you are not acting flakey, and also gives you control over how much you get to learn in the beginning, and about what, who gets to talk more, and very importantly, what their career choice is. It also shows him that you want to know the man, himself, and when money talk comes he cannot say that’s the only things you are interested in.

Did they have a fun day/weekend? If it’s a weekday, I ask if they are being productive, this gives me incentive to ask what they do for a living, without it coming “out of the blue” (a past mistake.). When they answer, I respond with my own job, saving them a line. Depending on their profession, I either continue speaking, or cut it.

Now, this only applies to people like me who are after men primarily 45+, but somewhere in the mix I always ask the man if they always date a woman 20 something years younger than them. This will say a lot, as a SB, as what he responds with could be a red flag, or signs of experience.

If he says yes, you can ask him how it worked out.

If he says no, personally, I consider it cut at that point, but don’t always write them off. Most men want a younger woman, but someone in the past had incentive to date this man. Why?

I always mention myself that I prefer older men, don’t have interest in dating men my age, so he can get rid of that deep down feeling that I’m just doing this “for the money.”

If he says shit like, “yes, I once dated a woman around your age, and we had a lot of fun together. We would go out, dance, shoot the shit, and have amazing sex. Unfortunately, we broke up, she moved away/wanted other shit/other bullshit”

I cut it. Nothing in there mentions helping her, or doing anything not vanilla. He’s probably vanilla.

Now, if they bring up, “what are you looking for?”, what I do is similar to what I read from @sugardaddyjournal. In this post, he explains an outline of how to tell a man you are looking for a SD. I don’t quote that verbatim.

In fact, I can’t believe I am saying this, but you should never quote any advice from a Tumblr blog or otherwise, verbatim. A bunch of other girls are already doing it. Don’t copy and paste shit. If you have issues with thinking for yourself, and basic communication, I would highly suggest getting that worked out before pursuing any of this.

I ONLY tell them what I am seeking, when they ask me, or when they are getting closer to asking me on a date. What I say:

To be completely honest, POT, I am looking for an ongoing relationship with a man that can enhance my life, and is happy to do so. If being a SD is not your thing, I understand! But, that is what I am looking for.

STRESS “ONGOING RELATIONSHIP”. Many men use SB as another word for “escort” and may be looking for just that. If you’re not okay with p4p, I suggest stressing “ongoing relationship”.

Now, if he has done it before, this is the part where he brings that up, or he brings up how he does not need to “pay for sex”/”gets pussy all day blah blah blah. If it’s the latter, cut it.

If it’s the former, I immediately derail from that and go back to him. What does he like to do? Where is he living? Has he ever been to your hometown? Get to know the damn man.

WHAT I DO NOT DO ON TINDER:

I do not bring up allowance. Ever.

Mainly my paranoia of becoming reported again, but I just don’t do it. I judge by his profession and history of being a SD if he is true potential. It’s still pretty early to ask about that, as I would be upset if he asked about sex and shit that soon as well. Somewhere between meeting and the meet and greet, I suggest having that talk. Just not over Tinder.

Now, another thing that I mention about myself, to be safe.

I tell them my body type. I’m a size 14, Coke bottle/figure 8 shape, with 36E breasts and a round ass. To some many men this shit matters. This is a superficial line of sex work. If a guy only dates women a certain type, cut it. I am highly intelligent, educated, and am loyal to a fault. If a man doesn’t see that because of my size, he isn’t worth my time.

I say,

Just so we are on the same page, POT, do you have any reservations about voluptuous/bigger/curvy/fat/skinny/colored (yes, this matters to some as well) women?

If he doesn’t care, I’ll feel dumb but relieved. If he isn’t into it, he probably will dry up, or lie about it, to be honest. All the same, cut it.

From there, take note of everything that he says. How does he speak to you?

This is universal. If a man speaks to me in any of the following ways…

Extremely sexual, asking for tons of photos, nude photos, dirty talk, or general time wasting

Asks “how much are you looking for?” and does not budge

Extremely overbearing in talking to you, but does not talk about helping you, or even showing interest in doing so

I cut it.

One, it’s sexual harassment to ask me sexual shit when I don’t know you from a hole in the wall. If they ask for pictures, I ask for money. Quid pro quo. Fuck their feelings.

Two, if he has been a SD in the past, he should be willing at some point to tell you how he plans to benefit your life, and that is also regarding an allowance. I always tell them that I cannot be trusted to write a number on a blank proverbial check, because I do not know their means. When that doesn’t work, I tell them a number “in the mid-to-upper 4-digit range”, or tell them a specific number I received in the past. If he won’t take it, he can’t afford you.

Three, guys like that are probably more vanilla and lying about wanting to be a SD, or want to “spoil” you with mediocre gifts here and there.

Voila. This is how I sift through the bullshit. It’s a much clearer way of avoiding the long game, and avoiding being “too quick”.

The most important part of this entire post

Now, I will reiterate that if you cannot speak for yourself, and cannot communicate adequately, you will waste your time. You should not be asking your peers things like “what do I say when he asks what I’m looking for?” “what should I ask as an allowance?” “if a man is asking for nudes, what do I do?”

You should already know what you are looking for, and not looking to another SB, who is in another place in life, for the answers to what you should have decided in the first place. You should not be looking to strive for things other people have worked for. They look differently, speak differently, walk, talk, have a totally different personality, etc. You can’t be someone that you are not. You have to be confident in who you are because these men can smell the bullshit and weakness.

If you really can’t figure it out, treat the man like you would any cute vanilla boy. It might be easier to charm his pants off this way.

Don’t let the luxe porn and money shots fool you, this shit will not happen overnight, two nights, months or even a year. You have to work for it, and deal with a lot of bullshit. Patience will always help you in the end, because a lot of this is truly luck.

noloveallowedsugar-deactivated2

Craigslist Masterpost

Are you ready to give craigslist a try? Here are some ads that I have used in the past that worked for me. Pick any of them to choose from.

1. Undeniable Moments- (Insert City Here)

Would you like for me to spice up your night? Lets go out to dinner and lets have a great time. I have went on a few dates but I felt not only something was missing but also my time being wasted. Have you ever felt that way before? Would you like to meet a woman who is exciting and that you hit it off with mutually?

I would like to be spoiled.

2. It’s Never Too Late For Happy Hour- (Insert City Here)

You’re in the middle of a hectic project and you would like to go out for an evening or two. You are in fear of going alone. You don’t have to be afraid anymore as this is when I come to the picture. Your personal social butterfly is here to rescue you. Do you accept this challenge?

3. 777, Jackpot- (Insert City Here)

I am an attractive young lady. My goal is to meet a gentleman and I just hope that chivalry still exists. He must be well traveled as i love to talk about different destinations. I am interested in art, golf, and trying the best restaurants that (insert city) has to offer.

What you’ll learn about me is that I am an elegant individual with a sense of style.

Please be at least 35-55, as I prefer my men older.

4. Lonely Lunches & Dull Dinners- (Insert City Here)

I enjoy to be your oasis, you can forget the issues of everyday life in. I will be happy to experience times of adventure with you, and discover new worlds with you. When we are together, I’ll make you the center of your universe. I will be devoted to satisfying your desires. Just let the rhythm flow through your mind, body and spirit.

I’m not opposed to refreshing yet exciting experiences that make me grow as a person and evolve my professional possibilities. My primary goal is to find a gentleman who is sincere, honest and charitable.

5. Fountain Of Youth- (Insert City Here)

My ideal gentleman is someone who is financially secure as well as intelligent, older and knows how to keep a woman happy. If you are interested in leading more about this exciting opportunity let’s go out for drinks.

6. Discrete Daddy Wanted- (Insert City Here)

A little bit about myself, I am nice, have a bubbly personality, not to mention, I am a spicy, sassy, sweet, sexy petite mixed creature. I would like to be taken care of. Does it sound like you? If so, please email me. Gracias!

7. Establish An Agreement- (Insert City Here)

I enjoy the company of ambitious, successful, gentlemen. I thrive when expectations are clear and well defined in the beginning letting the rest take care of itself as it all unfolds.

I am seeking a gentleman who desires the benefits of companionship, without the entanglements of a traditional relationship. I would like to be spoiled and pampered.

8. The Ambiance- (Insert City Here)

People tell me I have an exotic look. Natural beauty by day, and dressed to the nines at night. I love the finest things life has to offer and will not settle for less. I am ready for fun and ultimately looking for one person to share my life with. I am attracted to powerful men. Honesty and loyalty are very important to me. I love black tie events, the opera, movies, both domestic and international travel, exotic/luxury cars, golfing, skiing and shopping. I believe in chivalry, romance, and sensuality.

I know what I want and when I find it, I will be off the market.

I spend my free time searching for the man of my dreams. He is worldly, educated, classy, fun, and sexy. A man that enjoys taking care of himself and the woman he is crazy about. A man that loves to travel, both planned and spontaneous.

9. Intelligence Is The Ultimate Aphrodisiac- (Insert City Here)

Don’t open the bottle of wine just yet. Just wait. Aren’t you missing something? No, I’m not talking about the appetizers or the main dish. You are missing, me.

My world is rich and diverse. My standards are high. I reserve the right to say no to invitations when appropriate.

I am most definitely not opposed to seeking an arrangement with a gentleman who is diplomatic, refined, exceptional and a philanthropic. You be will be impressed with my confidence along with my presence. I can’t wait to meet you.

10. Dinner With A Beautiful Woman- (Insert City Here)

I am a woman who enjoys having a man truly be a man and a provider. I like spending my time with a mature individual who knows how to treat a woman, and he knows how to make the most of each moment we spend together.

I am seeking a successful man who is interested in exploring a relationship that is mutually beneficial. I want to meet an individual who is open to new things and enjoying quality time.

After you have posted your ad, it’s time to play the waiting game.

You’ve got a response! What’s next? If it sounds intriguing, you can either do two things:

1. Send a personalized email about yourself and what you are looking for OR you can use my example spam message but of course you would have to reword it and it goes like this:

“Thank you so much for responding to my ad. I would love to get to know you better and hopefully you’ll give me the opportunity to do so. I hope you don’t mind my age as I am _____ years old, however I do consider myself as a young face with an old soul, therefore, I am comfortable in any setting. If you don’t mind me asking what exactly is your occupation because I do consider myself as an entrepreneur. I can’t wait to hear back from you.”

After you send that and he replies again, that means you are in there for scheduling a date. Remember to agree to meet at a public place.

Bonus tips: You are allowed to post at least 5 ads a day, so please post, never feel discouraged when they flag it.

1. Be very firm when they ask you what exactly you are looking for. When they ask, do not be shy. Tell him exactly this: At this time, I am looking for a gentleman who isn’t opposed to exploring a relationship that is rather mutually beneficial to as I have done something like this before and the experience was great to where I would like to try again. If he doesn’t know what that means, do not delete his email. Explain to him that in other words you are seeking a sugar daddy/sugar baby arrangement.

Good luck ladies!

fhenty

This is gold

theprettyparadox-xo

I haven’t seen these posts in agesssss

victorious

Reblog this and money will be entering your life this week

artisticdemension

I have everything on my body crossed for this to really happen for me

gatewaychronic

This shit make me cum

runningthroughrosefields

^ it rlly did.

victorious

Reblog this and money will be entering your life this week

theluxuryist

surra-de-bunda

Tyra Banks (S/S 1995)

I'm a SF/Bay Area sb too! Let's link up I'll message you off anon 💋

YES!!!!!

Sorry I’ve been MIA

Been with Baseball Daddy in AZ and in SF with Fox and prepping for a competition and now Ive got a really bad cold/ cough/ sore throat.

Where do you live exactly?

South Bay Area.

What do you study for school

Psychology.

you changed your name & pic?

Just the name. I dont want to be outted- so I switch it up.

Ayeeeeee I live in the Bay Area, I never thought I would come across a sb from here. I'm only 17 turning 18 Dec. and for some reason this whole SB lifestyle catches my attention, Advice? Do you ever feel guilty that you get paid by older men just for your company? I have so many questions about the whole SD/SB lifestyle.

Advice? On it catching your attention. No advice needed girl. Me too. Do it. (When you’re legal.) I NEVER feel guilty. EVER. But that aspect is 100% a mental and personal thing. Some girls cant get past it and some girls can. I thought I would feel like shit after but that 4k allowance was too sweet. I just wet shopping and donated half of it.

southerlyhouse

100 Ways to be Elegant (without depending on a label) 1. Send thank you notes, always and to everyone. 2. Practice good posture 3. Speak more softly 4. Listen without interrupting 5. Wear solid colors 6. Ignore fads, or use them sparingly 7. Have a signature wine that you serve at home 8. Wear only 2-3 accessories 9. Have impeccable manners 10. Read on a variety of topics 11. Maintain a budget 12. Study the arts 13. Have one signature perfume/cologne 14. Show restraint in expressing anger 15. Learn the art of conversation 16. Learn French 17. Wear a trench coat 18. Learn how to wear a scarf 19. Wear a tuxedo, when one is called for 20. Practice quality over quantity 21. Don’t yell or scream 22. Learn to dance the waltz 23. Have one fabulous signature meal you serve guests 24. Remember birthdays 25. Go on picnics 26. Wear dresses/suits more often, and on dates 27. Simplify your life, your home and your calendar 28. Wear pearls 29. Open the door for ladies 30. Let him open the door for you 31. Remember that it’s more important to be kind than it is to be right 32. Serve coffee or tea after meals 33. Arrive exactly on time 34. Don’t complain 35. Dress to travel 36. Be well travelled 37. If you’re a women, don’t wear black shoes between Memorial Day and Labor Day…wear spectator pumps instead 38. Keep your home clean and uncluttered 39. When guests stay over, put a small pitcher and glass for water on their nightstand, along with a book they might enjoy 40. Learn how to host a small dinner party 41. Have one subdued solid color scheme throughout your home, use accessories to add color 42. Learn how to make the perfect martini 43. Learn how to tie both a regular tie and a bow tie (whether you’re a man or a woman) 44. Be a lady or a gentleman at work, especially when delivering a difficult message or when tempers flare 45. Wear lovely/handsome hats 46. Don’t point out the mistakes of others 47. Wait your turn patiently 48. Don’t curse 49. Chew each bite 20 times 50. Sip your drink 51. Learn proper etiquette for all situations 52. Accept compliments graciously 53. Be quietly self confident 54. Don’t boast 55. Be respectful of others 56. Have fresh flowers in your home 57. Write a letter rather than send an email to those you love 58. Keep your nails well manicured 59. Maintain your shoes and clothing 60. Don’t ever lose your joie de vivre 61. Be well groomed 62. Remember that money does not equal elegance, nor is it necessary to be elegant 63. Wear less make-up 64. Wear well-fitting clothes 65. Spray lavender on your sheets 66. Be positive 67. Learn to politely say no 68. Be concerned with making others feel comfortable 69. Maintain good health 70. Don’t overindulge 71. Hold yourself to high standards 72. Turn your mobile off at dinner PLEASE 73. Wear simple, classic hairstyles 74. Think before you speak or act. Ask yourself, can anything good come from this? 75. Apologize quickly and sincerely 76. Have integrity, even when no one is looking. 77. Don’t speak ill of others, or gossip 78. Always take a gift to your host or hostess 79. Tie a scarf on your handbag 80. Take a clutch in the evening 81. Wear well fitting jeans with either a long sleeve white shirt or solid sweater for more casual events 82. Only wear sneakers for exercise 83. Use white sheets, white towels, white dishes 84. Be sure your clothes are pressed 85. Your car’s horn should say “pardon me, but do you see me?”, rather than “get out of my way!” 86. Overdo empathy 87. Light candles in your home 88. Go for walks in the park on Sunday 89. Give others sincere compliments 90. Understand your own worth 91. Learn how to open a bottle of champagne 92. Dress appropriately for the occasion 93. Do small favors for others, without expecting anything in return 94. Say please and thank you 95. Take the time to stop and listen to others, especially children 96. Take responsibility for yourself and your own happiness 97. Keep a journal 98. Give thoughtful gifts, rather than expensive ones 99. Less is more 100. Savor the moment

(via sophisticatedsugar)