Well, here goes...
Keely
I'm so sorry that nothing ever worked out for us, writing this for myself as a record and in some kind of hope that one day we meet again and I can show you, whether it's 5 or 10 years down the line, I hope we find our way back to each other and make up for everything if that ever happens.
I loved you so much from so early on into us meeting and I'm sorry that I never found a way to show you properly, I'm writing this the day I'm going non contact with you and I hope you know it's not because I hate you, I don't hate you, I've never hated you and I never will, but I hate myself for the times I constantly hurt you for not being good enough to you and yes we hurt each other but there's so much love there.
I think the only way we ever get right is if we don't speak for a while and the issues we have fade out and god I hope you don't have a serious life with someone else whenever we find our way back.
I'm gonna remember you for the rest of my life either way no matter what happens and if I'm stood in the kitchen with a wife who's not you and kids who aren't yours one day and I think about you it's still going to make my heart sad.
I love everything about you, the way your bangs move with your eyelashes, the way you look up at me like a little puppy, the way you say "by the way", when you do the "yeah?" thing, the little stim you do when you open your mouth and tilt your head down and shake it side to side, the way you swing your arms when you walk, god I fucking love you and this hurts so much, maybe we're just not meant to be because we could never get it right but I want a life with you, I wanna get married to you and I want children with you, I want to come home from work and see you making my tea through the house of our window one day and if I don't ever get that then I've missed out on my life.
I've loved every second I ever spent talking to you and I'm glad we fought for it for so long even when we knew it wouldn't work right now, you've been a fucking whirlwind for me, 10 years of no dating or even kissing a girl and then you came along and changed me, always so comfortable doing things I'd never do for anyone else from the first days we talked, I wish things had gone a different way for us but they were never going to during this time.
I hope when we meet again I'm in a better place and I have my life together and I hope you're licking rocks with a successful career and got everything you always aimed for, another thing I love about you, the passion and drive you have for the things you love.
But for now it's goodbye for real this time... and one day I hope I'm laying in bed next to you and I remember this message and I let you read it and I can climb back into that bed with you and tell you... I told you I'd always come back for you :)
But until then, I'll see you there princess 💜
