moments of clarity

[avatarsbybee]

[suitedblue]

hellloooooo. anyone hereeeee

[imaginelion]

[theroseinthedarkness]

MATTHEW CLAIRMONT in A Discovery of Witches(2018-2022)

S1E03

[cerberuscomms]

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐌𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐒𝐎 𝐅𝐀𝐑 𝐒𝐎 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐀𝐋𝐁𝐔𝐌 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄.

lyrics have been broken up and paraphrased to work well for memes. change pronouns as you see fit! tw: suggestive themes, drug / alcohol use, mature themes, and language.

01. 𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐝𝐞.

❛ where will you go when it’s over? ❜

❛ who will you know when it’s over? ❜

❛ i know i saw you. you know that right? ❜

❛ do you get lost on your own? ❜

❛ late night zip ties make you want to miss your flight. ❜

❛ flipping through your feelings like a gemini. ❜

❛ i’m staring at your dark side. ❜

❛ standing with a white dress on. ❜

❛ if you need a second chance you can take mine. ❜

❛ skin tight, cocaine; you don’t want to feel this way. ❜

❛ you know i’d do anything to make you stay. ❜

❛ i’m pulling out my best lines. ❜

02. 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡.

❛ so far, so good. ❜

❛ you’ll only say you love me when you’re high. ❜

❛ it’s like we go through the same shit every night. ❜

❛ you always swear shit’s going to change but it never does. ❜

❛ tell me you’re going to change then act like this instead. ❜

❛ i’m too old to want somebody who’s always switching up their friends. ❜

❛ i can’t make you love me but at least you could pretend. ❜

❛ scrips going to turn to fifths until i’m fucked out of my head. ❜

❛ you play the same old songs. ❜

❛ i know that you’re different in your air force ones. ❜

❛ filling my perscription; i could bite your tongue. ❜

❛ like i’ve got an addiction. ❜

❛ i know it’s my fault; i pick up your phone calls. ❜

❛ when it’s half past one and you’re half way drunk. ❜

❛ you say you love me and it sounds so dumb. ❜

❛ you’re the only one i can’t run away from. ❜

03. 𝐢𝐩𝐚𝐝.

❛ i go through your ipad, looking for something that i used to have. ❜

❛ guess i’ve finally lost my mind. ❜

❛ i wish that i could take my number back. ❜

❛ go back to the place we met. ❜

❛ start this up a second time. ❜

❛ i’m looking at your life through cellophane; wishing things would stay the same. ❜

❛ i was always by your side. ❜

❛ isn’t it strange how we’re strangers again? ❜

❛ now we’re strangers again. ❜

❛ you were just a downtown socialite. ❜

❛ ship i pass on summer nights. ❜

❛ shadow that i can’t define. ❜

❛ turned into a gaslight, kerosene.  ❜

❛ love that felt like seventeen. ❜

❛ hurt me ‘til i feel alive. ❜

❛ i wonder where your friends are. ❜

❛ something that i used to have. ❜

04. 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐚.

❛ there’s something about you. ❜

❛ i’d finally make best friends with my addictions. ❜

❛ i’d get things done and not blame it on my conditions. ❜

❛ i’d build a world not full of contradictions. ❜

❛ think i want to twist the plot this time. ❜

❛ befriending all my enemies. ❜

❛ there’s no getting over you. ❜

❛ when i see you i get tongue tied. ❜

05. 𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐨 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧.

❛ she’s on a solo mission. ❜

❛ she won’t look back until it’s her decision. ❜

❛ she can have the last laugh. ❜

❛ i’ll be sure to listen. ❜

❛ now i’m not a threat. ❜

❛ i’m just another ex. ❜

❛ put me in the back seat; tunnel vision. ❜

❛ if i’m not with her then i’m not living. ❜

❛ always moving too fast, i don’t want to miss it. ❜

❛ it’s all on me. ❜

❛ corner of my bed like i don’t know you. ❜

❛ pull out a cigarette, i can tell what you’re going to do. ❜

❛ i’m going to make a bet –– if i stay then i will lose. ❜

❛ i’ll try my best to forget me and you. ❜

❛ call me when you’re on your own. ❜

❛ call me when you’re all alone. ❜

❛ look at her percision.  ❜

❛ she’s off limits. ❜

❛ i never held her back. ❜

❛ i hope you don’t regret you and me. ❜

❛ tell me when your cover’s blown. ❜

❛ tell me when you’re coming home. ❜

06. 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭.

❛ you always say what’s on your mind. ❜

❛ dance like nobody’s around you. ❜

❛ someone like you is so hard to find. ❜

❛ i can’t believe i even found you. ❜

❛ you know that you had me from the first line. ❜

❛ i call you because i need to hear your voice. ❜

❛ i was running ‘til i fell in your void. ❜

❛ there’s nothing that can change my mind. ❜

[dirbenaffleck]

MATTHEW GOODE as MATTHEW CLAIRMONT A Discovery of Witches ( 2018 – 2022 )

[rosalyn51]

Matthew Goode stars as Paramount Pictures chief Robert Evans in “The Offer.”(Dania Maxwell / Los Angeles Times)

As does Goode, who, despite starring in films and series that have won many awards, has few of his own. With any luck, his portrayal of Evans will change that. Taking us through, as Goode says, the best and worst of the man, it captures the high-wire thrill of moviemaking. Goode’s Evans doesn’t just swing big, he swings big with confidence and joy. He is larger than life because he believes that movies make life larger than itself, and Goode makes us believe that too.

At the end of filming on “The Offer,” the real Ruddy gave each cast member an inscribed glass horse head. “That’s something I’ll be able to treasure,” Goode said. “My mantle isn’t too cluttered, so I should be able to fit that up there.”

Perhaps next year, it will be a little more cluttered than it was.

[sarademian]

BURNING MAN (2011) dir. Jonathan Teplitzky

[suitedblue]

what chess piece are you?

White Rook

You are a White Rook. As a piece that can move inwards and outwards, you're a master of self-reflection. You know what needs to be done and when to do it. You're a protector, and would willingly take someone's place in danger in a heartbeat because you know you can handle the pressure. But even castle walls crumble. For all your chivalry and fortitude, everything must come to an end. Will you be there to see the final stages of the war? Or will you have already been discarded in the battle?

tagged by: @softersinned tagging: @chasmenos @drdumaurier @ofcongress

[dehlilas]

@suitedblue​​ asked: ❛ i wasn’t expecting company . ❜ - for evelyn! 8)

evelyn doesn’t speak much. she knows there’s a running joke among the staff, that she’s holding true to her nature by speaking in grunts, occasionally growls, and that every employee under her contract can spot a bad mood one wrinkle of her nose away. perhaps they’re right — perhaps the animal years have carved their space in her, replacing the parts of her that were supposed to be sociable, easy-going and delightful. she’s anything but. she can feel it in her own skin: callous and numb, and at times her face gets so frozen she forgets how to smile, or what even is the point anyway. these days, she doesn’t much mind — it is just who she is. she’s alive, that’s more than what matters. as things are, evelyn so is a quiet, reserved woman, and any complaints on the matter brush off her like yesterday’s news: irrelevant, and belonging to another world.

still, once or twice, she makes the effort. a small, selected few people draw whole sentences out of her: drinks on the house, too, when the time is right. trust is a precious commodity, and friendship rarer than gemstones — she’s always been quite careful with her earnings.

ted gets a pass. it would be hard to explain why, she wouldn’t really care to put it into words, but he earned her trust over countless nights of solitude ( the quietest ones, the tuesdays and wednesdays where the walls only crawl with half-whispered tales of the past weekend ), and by logic, her care, too. it is not much of an effort — she grows an appetite by midnight, and can still appreciate the luxury of eating in company, so she takes her place next to him for a well-deserved break, and doesn’t bother with ceremonials when it’s really a simple matter — lonely fucks have a moral obligation to keep each other company, now and then.

“ sounds like it’s your lucky day, then ”. her words are half-mumbled through the chewing of a fry, as she sets down a plate overflowing with french fries, deep-fried jalapeños, blood-red slices of unnameable less-than-legal fruit and two burgers: one meat-free, the other plain. he could use a bite too, she figures. “ that long face of yours is gonna scare the clientele away, one of these days ”. words drawn out through a tired sigh, as she waves to the bar to get a beer brought her way, before her eyes settle back on him, equal parts concerned and encouraging: “ what are you drinking ? ”

I HOPE YOU DANCE  /  accepting.

[suitedblue]

He finds himself at home here. In a strange, out of place, on-the-edge-of-danger, sort of way, but it almost feels like penance for his sins. The times where he is able to recall what has happened the night before is getting more and more infrequent, and the fear and anxiety that ripples through him can only be solved by another drink. Ironic he knows, that to try and find control, he only simply loses it; a harrowing cycle of pain and numbness that his body has learned to accept. 

It’s an odd sort here, but Teddy keeps to himself, and generally, everyone else leaves him be, too. Frankly his only friend here is Evelyn, but she’s busy tending bar most nights, but Teddy is happy with his solitude. A steady drinker and a good tipper. The less he had to talk, the better. 

So when Evelyn slides onto the stool next to him, Ted has to take a moment to adjust, pulling himself slowly out of whatever spiral he’s in as he gives her a small smile of appreciation.

                 “Whatever you’re having.” Teddy murmurs, unsure of what he’d been drinking in the first place. All he knew was that as soon as he’d finished, another one had come in its stead. Another twitch of a smile and he nods towards the rest of the people milling about. “My handsome mug? No, there’s a reason why your bar is thriving.” Smiles wider in jest, as his hand automatically reaches for a deeply fried chip. He pulls himself up a little straighter; at 6′‘0 hunching over starts to hurt after awhile. 

But he knows he doesn’t need to act like someone who he’s not. For one, she can see right through him, as easily as if she had grown up with him. And secondly, Teddy just isn’t sure if he could pull it off tonight.

            “Hey,” He murmurs, the frown back on his features as his thumb rubs around the outer ring of his drink. And he sighs, uncertain of what to say first. Glances at Evelyn for a moment before he looks back down at a point on his hands.

          “Do you -.... you ever wonder --- is it better to live as a monster, or to die as a good man?”

[suitedblue]

❛  are  you  feeling  alright ?  ❜ - mum; @blueletterss​

                  “Of course I am.” A generous smile as ever that is easily placed onto his features the moment anyone -- even his mother asks him the status of his well-being. He runs a hand through his hair, clearing his throat as he stands, leaning over to press a kiss to her cheek -- as if the act of going into motion will propel him into further good spirits.

                  “Can I get you some tea? Was just about to put the kettle on.” He wasn’t, but actions were always valuable; more believable in any situation. Teddy’s tall, lanky body quickly strides over as if on autopilot, reaching for the kettle as he busies himself -- hiding some empty bottles away before turning back to face his mum. 

                “Just hadn’t expected you over tonight. It’s ah -... Tuesday, yeah?”

[suitedblue]

❛  i  thought  this  time  would  be  different .  ❜ - bedelia; @drdumaurier​

A haggard face looks up at her from his spot on the ground. He has just enough sense about him to realize that everything had gone terribly, undeniably wrong. The click of her heels resounds strikingly around and around in his head as Teddy takes in a quiet breath, letting his hands fall at his side, tilting his head up to use the wall as a brace.

                     “A fool’s errand.” He finds himself murmuring, vision clouding as Bedelia duplicates in his line of sight before singling out back to one individual. “You need to stay back,” is his voice wavering? Unsteady, uncertain if he’s even projecting.

                 “I don’t want you to have to see me in this way.” A rumble as Teddy does his best to remain upright. “Go back. Go home.”

[ohisms]

𝑰 𝑯𝑶𝑷𝑬 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑫𝑨𝑵𝑪𝑬 .    (   sentence  starters  originating  from  season  two  of  syfy’s  ‘ wynonna earp ’ .   adjust  pronouns  as  necessary ,  heavy  warning  for  mature  themes !   )

❛  you  truly  are  a  monster .  ❜ ❛  now ,  don’t  get  all  emotional  on  me .  ❜ ❛  you  have  amazing  taste  in  underwear .  ❜ ❛  my  poor ,  brave  baby .  ❜ ❛  when  did  you  become  such  a  prude ?  ❜ ❛  it’s  called  being  a  gentleman .  ❜ ❛  how  are  you  holding  up ?  ❜ ❛  i’ll  have  you  know  i’m  kind  of  a  big  deal  around  here .  ❜ ❛  you’re  gonna  need  me .  ❜ ❛  aw ,  you  did  math .  ❜ ❛  i  need  you  to  be  okay .  ❜ ❛  you  couldn’t  stop  me  if  you  tried .  ❜ ❛  better  nut  up  and  decide  who  you  can  trust .  ❜ ❛  if  you  want  me  to  trust  you ,  you’re  gonna  have  to  tell  me  the  plan .  ❜ ❛  you  stay  put ,  okay ?  ❜ ❛  there  is  a  possibility  i  am  now  hallucinating .  ❜ ❛  it’s  my  turn ,  [ name ] .  ❜ ❛  who  are  you ?  you  know  what ,  i  don’t  care .  we’ve  gotta  go .  ❜ ❛  somebody  has  to  pay ,  [ name ] .  ❜ ❛  you  could  come  in  …  i’m  gonna  take  a  shower .  ❜ ❛  they  should  be  scared  of  me .  ❜ ❛  remember  who  the  real  enemy  is .  ❜ ❛  this  is  the  worst .  ❜ ❛  i  love  watching  you  work .  ❜ ❛  please  don’t  shut  me  out .  ❜ ❛  i’m  sitting  right  here ,  there’s  no  need  to  holler .  ❜ ❛  what  do  you  even  do  around  here ,  [ name ] ?  ❜ ❛  [ name ] ,  anything  to  say  for  yourself ?  ❜ ❛  i’m  such  an  asshole ,  i  don’t  know  why  i  brought  that  up .  ❜ ❛  what’s  in  it  for  you ?  ❜ ❛  how  are  you  doing ?  still  having  fun ?  ❜ ❛  so  many  jokes ,  i  can’t  even  choose .  ❜ ❛  THIS  is  your  breaking  point ?  ❜ ❛  this  might  be  a  shitshow ,  but  it’s  OUR  shitshow .  ❜ ❛  sometimes ,  it’s  good  to  say  goodbye .  ❜ ❛  we  never  lied  to  each  other ,  you’re  free  to  kiss  whoever  you  like .  ❜ ❛  how  do  you  do  that ?  turn  your  feelings  on  and  off  like  a  fucking  robot ?  ❜ ❛  let’s  get  you  somewhere  safe .  ❜ ❛  i  feel  like  i  might’ve  lost  the  plot  a  bit .  ❜ ❛  all  i  dream  of  is  not  having  to  run  anymore .  ❜ ❛  i  don’t  wanna  die .  ❜ ❛  this  is  what  i  bring  to  the  team .  ❜ ❛  i  don’t  know  if  i  should  be  frightened  or  jealous .  ❜ ❛  you  wore  suede ?  what  is  it ,  your  first  day ?  ❜ ❛  to  add  insult  to  injury ,  you’re  stuck  with  me .  ❜ ❛  i  don’t  like  being  blackmailed .  ❜ ❛  i’m  tired  of  running  and  hiding  …  and  then  running  again .  ❜ ❛  we’re  buying  better  bourbon .  case  closed .  ❜ ❛  [ name ]  was  never  anything  but  proud  of  you .  ❜ ❛  oh ,  i  like  when  you’re  scary .  ❜ ❛  are  you  still  mad  at  me ?  ❜ ❛  as  long  as  you  want  me ,  i  will  be  by  your  side .  ❜ ❛  the  best  sex  is  make - up  sex ,  right ?  ❜ ❛  give  me  a  whiskey !  ❜ ❛  maybe  i  am  getting  soft ,  huh ?  ❜ ❛  [ name ] ,  i  have  this  gut  feeling  that  something  is  coming ,  and  it’s  bad .  ❜ ❛  i  can  get  you  whatever  you  need  except  time .  ❜ ❛  i  thought  this  time  would  be  different .  ❜ ❛  even  fury  road  has  pit  stops .  ❜ ❛  i  didn’t  know  if  it  was  your  thing .  ❜ ❛  baby ,  that’s  everybody’s  thing .  ❜ ❛  you  guys  need  to  get  some  more  hands ,  so  that  your  hands  can  stay  right  here  on  me .  ❜ ❛  every  time  i  close  my  eyes ,  it’s  the  same  nightmare .  ❜ ❛  are  you  going  to  be  this  much  fun  all  day ?  ❜ ❛  i  was  such  an  idiot .  ❜ ❛  clock  is  ticking ,  [ name ] .  ❜ ❛  how  are  you  settling  in ?  ❜ ❛  how  long  are  you  around ?  ❜ ❛  what  am  i ,  human  tinder ?  ❜ ❛  listen ,  i  love  that  you’ve  got  your  own  thing  going  on  here ,  but  don’t  get  distracted .  ❜ ❛  you  have  my  undivided  attention .  ❜ ❛  two  shots  of  tequila  is  not  ‘abstaining’ ,  it’s  called  being  professional .  ❜ ❛  nice  try ,  but  snitches  get  stitches .  ❜ ❛  i  was  just  thinking  about  you .  ❜ ❛  some  things  never  change ,  huh ?  ❜ ❛  hey ,  watch  your  perfectly  glossed  mouth .  ❜ ❛  i’m  glad  you’re  putting  yourself  out  there .  ❜ ❛  why  is  everyone  so  obsessed  with  my  fun  levels ?  ❜ ❛  yeah ,  it’s  great .  i  could  just  scream !  ❜ ❛  not  bailing  on  me ,  are  you ?  ❜ ❛  do  you  wanna  get  out  of  here ?  ❜ ❛  you’re  drunk  and  you’re  talking  too  much .  ❜ ❛  shady  and  suspicious ,  therefore  gettin’  more  delicious .  ❜ ❛  you’ve  come  so  far .  ❜ ❛  when  you  stop  dating  psychos ,  THEN  you  can  give  me  relationship  advice .  ❜ ❛  let  him  go ,  it’s  not  worth  it .  ❜ ❛  if  that’s  broken ,  you’ll  pay  for  it .  ❜ ❛  don’t  tell  me  how  to  do  my  job .  ❜ ❛  oh ,  you  have  not  seen  harassment .  ❜ ❛  [ name ] ,  keep  your  head  in  the  game .  ❜ ❛  have  you  noticed  any  changes  in  [ name ]  lately ?  ❜ ❛  you  know  what ?  forget  it .  ❜ ❛  i  heard  everything .  ❜ ❛  you’ll  be  broken  enough  for  her  in  no  time .  ❜ ❛  you  look  like  you  had  some  fun .  ❜ ❛  you  are  UNDERESTIMATING  the  day  i’ve  had .  ❜ ❛  are  we  too  late ?  are  you  okay ?  ❜ ❛  i  had  him  right  where  i  wanted  him .  ❜ ❛  this  has  to  end .  please .  ❜ ❛  brave  but  stupid ,  i’ll  take  it .  ❜ ❛  okay ,  yeah ,  now  i’m  sure  i  hit  myself  in  the  head .  ❜ ❛  i  hate  you ,  [ name ] .  i  hate  you .  ❜ ❛  you  think  i’m  stupid ?  ❜ ❛  why  didn’t  you  tell  me  any  of  this  before ?  ❜ ❛  i’m  stubborn ,  i  always  take  the  hard  way .  ❜ ❛  i  wasn’t  expecting  company .  ❜ ❛  okay ,  we’ve  really  gotta  come  up  with  a  secret  handshake .  ❜ ❛  should  …  should  we  have  a  safe  word ?  ❜ ❛  this  was  not  the  plan ,  it’s  too  dangerous .  ❜ ❛  stop  it .  all  you  do  is  play  games .  i  don’t  like  your  games .  ❜ ❛  i’m  trying  to  rescue  you ,  let’s  go .  ❜ ❛  doesn’t  anybody  have  any  faith  in  me ?  ❜ ❛  how  do  you  know  you  weren’t  followed ?  ❜ ❛  i  think  you  should  get  out  of  here .  ❜ ❛  i’m  not  a  bad  person .  ❜ ❛  i’m  not  a  bad  person ,  and  if  you  know  what’s  good  for  you ,  you’ll  stop  treating  me  like  one .  ❜ ❛  the  power  of  suggestion  is  a  formidable  thing .  ❜ ❛  [ name ] ,  i  know  what  i  saw .  ❜ ❛  i  told  you  to  wait .  ❜ ❛  bad  news ,  they  ran  out  of  pumpkin  spice .  ❜ ❛  i  thought  tying  a  cherry  stem  into  a  knot  with  my  tongue  was  a  cool  party  trick .  ❜ ❛  you’re  not  ready .  you’ll  never  be  ready .  ❜ ❛  you’ll  never  be  locked  up  again .  ❜ ❛  whatever  you  did ,  i  want  to  help .  ❜ ❛  i’m  exhausted .  ❜ ❛  i’m  not  having  any  fun .  ❜ ❛  what  are  we  going  to  do  with  you ?  ❜ ❛  i  salted  the  rim ,  i’m  not  a  savage .  ❜ ❛  are  you  feeling  alright ?  ❜ ❛  you  don’t  wanna  go  in  there ,  trust  me .  ❜ ❛  tell  me  why  i  shouldn’t  kill  you  right  here ,  right  now .  ❜ ❛  you’re  really  mean  when  you  drink  before  noon .  and  you  drink  before  noon  too  often .  ❜ ❛  well  frankly ,  [ name ] ,  the  situation  is  balls .  ❜ ❛  horrible  deeds  have  been  committed  here .  ❜ ❛  have  you  done  bad  things ?  ❜ ❛  let’s  get  you  straight  home  to  bed .  ❜ ❛  …  i  said  i  was  sorry .  ❜ ❛  i’ll  be  anything  you  want  me  to  be .  ❜ ❛  i  might’ve  caused  some  trouble .  ❜ ❛  you’ve  got  dark  corners  that  you  haven’t  explored  yet .  ❜ ❛  i’m  not  enough  to  save  you ,  [ name ] .  ❜ ❛  okay ,  are  we  having  a  moment ?  ❜ ❛  there’s  only  one  way  to  make  it  stop  and  you  know  what  it  is ,  [ name ] .  ❜ ❛  history  books  will  have  no  mention  of  our  names  or  our  deeds .  ❜ ❛  i  know  you  need  space  and  i  really  tried  to  stay  away ,  but  i  got  worried .  ❜ ❛  i’ve  got  you  now ,  okay ?  i  swear  i’ve  got  you .  ❜ ❛  you’ve  made  an  enemy  this  friday .  ❜ ❛  [ name ]  would  never  say  something  like  that .  ❜ ❛  i’d  say  ‘make  your  peace’ ,  but  i  hope  you  never  find  any .  ❜ ❛  i  would  shoot  anybody  for  you .  ❜ ❛  i  knew  you’d  rescue  me .  ❜ ❛  i  have  enough  friends .  ❜ ❛  you  know ,  i’m  here  for  you .  now  and  forever .  ❜ ❛  we’re  all  on  the  same  team ,  now ,  right ?  ❜ ❛  you  can’t  just  ‘nope’  this  away !  ‘nope’  is  not  a  viable  plan .  ❜ ❛  [ name ] ,  take  a  day  off .  ❜ ❛  if  it  sounds  like  a  hippie  hemorrhoid  cream ,  i  don’t  want  it  in  my  cup .  ❜ ❛  you  practice  those  googly  eyes  in  the  mirror ,  or  just  …  natural  talent ?  ❜ ❛  how  did  you  get  in  here ?  ❜ ❛  stop  pushing  me .  and  while  you’re  at  it ,  stop  judging  me .  ❜ ❛  i  remember  every  second  i  was  with  you .  every  touch ,  every  kiss  …    ❜ ❛  did  i  just  pass  out ?  ❜ ❛  i  think  we’ve  been  asleep  for  a  long - ass  time .  ❜ ❛  time  is  running  out .  ❜ ❛  you  haven’t  been  paying  attention .  ❜ ❛  goodie ,  i  love  conditions .  they  really  turn  my  crank .  ❜ ❛  you’re  amazing .  ❜ ❛  you  do  not  want  to  cross  that  line .  ❜ ❛  everybody  keeps  talking  to  me  like  i’m  an  idiot .  ❜ ❛  i  know  what  i  want .  ❜ ❛  you  shot  me ,  you  bitch !  ❜ ❛  i  have  something  to  tell  you ,  [ name ] .  ❜ ❛  you  don’t  have  to  be  like  this ,  [ name ] .  ❜ ❛  you  know  we’re  gonna  have  to  talk  about  this  eventually ,  right ?  ❜ ❛  room  down  there  for  one  more ?  ❜ ❛  i’m  not  saying  it’s  gonna  be  okay .  i’m  just  saying  …  i’m  here .  ❜ ❛  i  am  all  in .  ❜ ❛  [ name ] ,  thank  god  you’re  here .  ❜ ❛  it’s  for  your  protection .  ❜ ❛  if  you  have  nothing  to  hide ,  what’s  the  problem ?  ❜ ❛  sorry ,  i  don’t  have  time  to  play  nice  anymore .  ❜ ❛  usually  she’s  a  fun  bitch ,  not  a  bitch  bitch .  ❜ ❛  wake  up .  [ name ] ,  wake  up .  ❜ ❛  evil  sniffs  out  evil .  ❜ ❛  you’re  very  nice ,  thank  you  for  that .  ❜ ❛  i  wonder  how  many  generations  have  surveyed  this  land .  ❜ ❛  i  think  it’s  starting  to  settle  in .  ❜ ❛  don’t  shoot ,  i’m  just  the  messenger .  ❜ ❛  it  was  a  long  time  ago .  ❜ ❛  you  are  kicking  ass  at  not  helping  right  now ,  you  know ?  ❜ ❛  we  should  talk .  ❜ ❛  you  are  such  an  asshole .  ❜ ❛  [ name ] ,  hey .  i  need  a  favor .  ❜ ❛  i  told  you  not  to  make  this  weird .  ❜ ❛  i  hate  doing  everything  sober .  ❜ ❛  pace  yourself ,  there’s  SO  much  more  to  judge .  ❜ ❛  you  don’t  become  [ name ]  by  confronting  problems  head - on .  ❜ ❛  just  shut  your  mouth .  ❜ ❛  okay ,  yeah ,  i  guess  i  deserved  that .  ❜ ❛  see ?  this  is  what  you  get  when  you’re  friends  with  a  nark .  ❜ ❛  step  out  of  my  way .  ❜ ❛  are  we  having  a  good  time ?  ❜ ❛  okay ,  let  me  do  the  talking .  ❜ ❛  justice  delayed  is  still  justice  served .  ❜ ❛  you  are  so  pretty  and  i  like  you  so  much !  ❜ ❛  you’re  drunk !  and  in  trouble .  ❜ ❛  this  whole  ‘lone  wolf’  thing  you’ve  got  going  on  isn’t  gonna  cut  it .  ❜ ❛  don’t  even  think  about  it .  ❜ ❛  did  you  mean  any  of  those  things  you  said ?  ❜ ❛  you’re  lucky  nobody  saw  that .  ❜ ❛  why  don’t  you  distract  me ?  ❜ ❛  this  is  only  gonna  get  worse  if  you  don’t  decide  to  help  me .  ❜ ❛  you  really  don’t  care  about  any  of  this ,  do  you ?  ❜ ❛  i’ll  be  gone  long  before  then .  ❜ ❛  so  this  is  where  it  all  began  …  ❜ ❛  it’s  hard  not  to  feel  like  an  outsider ,  even  for  me .  ❜ ❛  i  remember  what  it  feels  like  to  be  new .  ❜ ❛  hey ,  don’t  do  anything  stupid ,  okay ?  ❜ ❛  shut  the  hell  up .  ❜ ❛  at  this  point ,  i’m  no  longer  afraid  of  the  consequences .  ❜ ❛  how  did  you  come  by  it ?  the  wound ?  ❜ ❛  you’re  lying .  ❜ ❛  you  have  to  do  something  for  me .  ❜ ❛  why  wouldn’t  you  tell  me ?  ❜ ❛  i  don’t  need  you  to  make  decisions  for  me .  ❜ ❛  don’t  follow  me .  ❜ ❛  why  did  you  bring  me  here ?  ❜ ❛  i  deserve  to  be  saved .  i  do .  ❜ ❛  try  to  remember  who  you  were .  ❜ ❛  trust  me ,  we’ll  meet  again .  ❜ ❛  i  promise  i  will  never  hurt  you .  ❜ ❛  come  back  to  me .  ❜ ❛  i  don’t  want  to  hurt  you .  ❜ ❛  eyes  on  the  prize .  ❜ ❛  surely  you’ll  want  to  hear  my  offer .  ❜ ❛  sorry  i  was  a  no - show .  ❜ ❛  aren’t  you  gonna  say  goodnight ?  ❜ ❛  i’m  too  hangry  to  have  this  conversation .  ❜ ❛  it’s  okay ,  it’s  better  that  i  know  the  truth .  ❜ ❛  am  i  the  biggest  cliche  ever ?  ❜ ❛  i  know  what  you’re  going  through .  ❜ ❛  you’re  so  lovely .  ❜ ❛  you  know  what  i’d  never  do ?  tell  you  what  to  think  or  feel .  ❜ ❛  i  never  drink  alone .  it’s  sad  and  depressing .  ❜ ❛  i  would  do  anything  to  get  out  of  here  for  just  one  night .  ❜ ❛  say  something  …  preferably  encouraging .  ❜ ❛  is  this  your  thing ?  cute  but  annoying ?  ❜ ❛  i  can’t  protect  you  if  i’m  dead .  ❜ ❛  i  think  i  need  to  leave .  ❜ ❛  you  can’t  run  away  from  this .  ❜ ❛  you  repeat  this  convo ,  you  die .  ❜ ❛  don’t  lie  to  me ,  [ name ] .  ❜ ❛  you  and  me ,  we’re  good  people .  ❜ ❛  hey ,  listen .  i’m  gonna  get  you  out  of  here ,  okay ?  ❜ ❛  sometimes  i  think  you  really  must  hate  me .  ❜ ❛  what  are  you  so  afraid  of ?  ❜ ❛  i  always  knew  you’d  be  the  death  of  me ,  anyway .  ❜ ❛  there’s  nothing  you  could’ve  done .  ❜ ❛  this  can’t  be  happening .  ❜ ❛  i  just  really  thought  i  was  doing  the  right  thing .  ❜ ❛  i  lied  to  you ,  and  i  shouldn’t  have .  ❜ ❛  i  have  never  loved  anyone  the  way  that  i  love  you .  ❜ ❛  can  we  all  just  act  like  we’re  winning  for  once ?  ❜ ❛  i  wasn’t  expecting  you  to  be  cool  about  it ,  but  the  pouting  is  getting  old .  ❜ ❛  am  i  the  only  one  who  didn’t  know ?  ❜ ❛  i  appreciate  everything  you’ve  done .  ❜ ❛  what  are  the  chances  you’ll  sit  this  one  out ?  ❜ ❛  [ name ]’s  never  gonna  forgive  me .  ❜ ❛  you  would  have  done  the  same  thing .  ❜ ❛  don’t  go .  ❜ ❛  i  learned  my  lesson .  ❜ ❛  i  should  have  trusted  you .  ❜ ❛  i  thought  it  was  your  fault .  ❜ ❛  i  plan  to  exploit  you .  ❜ ❛  just  so  everyone’s  clear ,  i’m  my  own  damn  weapon .  ❜ ❛  sorry  i’m  late ,  i  kinda  died .  ❜ ❛  mercy  comes  in  many  forms .  ❜ ❛  i  will  kill  us  both  before  i  let  you  walk  in  service  to  the  devil .  ❜ ❛  if  i  die ,  they  can’t  use  me .  ❜ ❛  i  am  so  very  tired ,  [ name ] .  ❜ ❛  see  you  on  the  other  side .  ❜ ❛  i  care  more  about  this  than  anything  else  in  the  world .  ❜ ❛  you  are  …  extraordinary .  ❜ ❛  i’m  with  you ,  [ name ] .  ❜ ❛  are  you  okay ?  ❜ ❛  would  you  have  done  any  different ?  ❜ ❛  i  would  have  done  everything  different .  ❜

[thelassoway]

Matthew Clairmont || Eyes » [2/8]

[suitedblue]

carelessgraces​ / @softersinned​

It doesn’t make sense until it does, and then everything begins falling into place — the secrets, the guilt, the drinking. If it were something, anything less incredible she would feel guilty for not seeing it before, but this is so far beyond what she might have expected that she can’t even fault herself for not imagining it was a possibility. 

     ( She has never quite felt this but she has felt divorced from herself, watching a version of Astoria Greengrass who does horrible, terrible things to survive. She remembers how frightening it was. She remembers how badly she wished it would stop. )

     Astoria reaches forward and covers his hands with her own again, as if to assure him that he’s still Teddy, her Teddy, the boy she read bedtime stories to and the boy she’d carry on her back and the boy who would fall asleep with his head in her lap and his little hands wrapped around one of hers. ( She couldn’t love that boy less if she tried. )

     “Okay,” she says, her voice gentle and her expression soft. “Okay. We’re going to figure this out.”

     ( Even though she has no idea where to start. )

     There’s a lot to dig into. The drinking, the blacking out… Astoria worries her lower lip between her teeth, trying to consider every option at once, trying to find a way to talk about this that doesn’t make him feel like he’s in the spotlight or being judged. “I think the first thing to do is figure out our priorities,” she says finally, slowly, and she releases him to collect her own mug again. Already she’s slipped into crisis management mode, and it’s just a matter of discerning which wound is bleeding the most, which hurt needs healing first. “Figuring out what you were doing last night, figuring out the drinking, figuring out the wolf — there’s no right answer here, but there’s no wrong one, either. And we can make a plan, and we can figure this out.

     “And we need to sort out what you’ve already done and what does and doesn’t work. I’m guessing you tried wolfsbane potions? Did Andromeda ever bring you to a Healer, to try and get to the bottom of it?” It started during puberty — strictly a physical development, maybe? Maybe Blaise could help, he always seems to know what to do… “I’d guess the drinking exacerbates the blackouts, at the very least. Can you tell me more about it, honey? You said you have memories — are you ever aware of what’s happening as it happens? Does it get any easier if you cut back on the drinking?”

She says we, and a knot forms in his stomach. Was this wrong of him? Was he supposed to handle this himself? Why did he have to drag Astoria into this? She doesn’t look at him any differently, but there’s no way -- not after all of this... that she could possibly think of him the same. 

The fear that rises within him makes him taste bile. He is scared. Scared of himself, scared of the impact this means on his family -- on the people who have loved him since the beginning. He was supposed to be their pride and joy, he was supposed to be the one who was... tied the story together. But what happens to him at the end of the story?

He feels as if he’s pinned to a rock and a hard place. Except the rock in a boulder, ready to take him over, and the hard place is asking for help when he shouldn’t, putting his aunt Astoria in danger -- and that danger was him. Damned if he was, damned if he wasn’t. 

                 “Aunt Astoria --”, he cuts in, voice low as he tries to wave the fog away from him. She’s planning, and he’s dreading the end result. “I really -- I really don’t know what I’ll do if I ---” because he could try and twist it in all the ways he can think of, but the Wolf is him and he’s the Wolf ---, “ --.. if I lose control and hurt you, if I even think about ---...” Teddy leans back, face at a loss as he struggles to speak. “I don’t think I could live with myself. I truly -...” He exhales, covering his face with his hands. 

He knows she would do anything for him. She was always a woman of her word, and even when he was a little boy, he doesn’t ever remember being let down by his aunt. So how could he repay her like this?

Slides his hands down, trying to focus on his breathing, trying to keep control. The better he does in maintaining a steady pulse and not go to the extreme end of any emotion, the more chance he has at keeping it out.

                       “Wolfsbane didn’t do anything. Maybe helped me keep my senses a little longer, but there was never any -- the transformation isn’t...isn’t painful.” Teddy murmurs quietly. At least when I was changing into the wolf. But now -- now when it’s --...this body, and the wolf takes over -- I’ve given him the gift of speech. And it’s --- it hurts. Pain --- feels like a drill slowly clawing through bone. Thought I was being smart, not turning into an animal, but now I’m pretty much the muggle equivalent of a deranged psychopath.” 

Runs a hand through his hair as he continues, quietly, avoiding her eyes, looking anywhere but at her. “Drinking ---... it lessens the pain when he wants out, but yes -- it loosens my control. Gives him quicker access.” Teddy suddenly stands up, almost knocks himself off balance by how quickly he stands.

                       “You need --...I need you to promise me something.” He gravely says, still not looking at her. “If I change -- if you meet -... him.” There’s a pause, as if Teddy is steeling himself, “...before he -- I...before I hurt anyone, you have to put me down. Please.”

[suitedblue]

undecimusor​:

@suitedblue​ travelled and sent in:  ❛  why  do  bad  things  always  happen  to  mediocre  people  who  are  lying  about  their  identities ?  ❜  [ accepting ]

             “——perhaps they should not be so mediocre and be better at lying?”  The Doctor raised his eyebrow.  “though,  good will come to them.  it’ll all balance out in the end.” 

            “ --...but is it really on them if they end up being mediocre in the first place? what if that’s all they get? that’s the life they get thrown at them? surely they still don’t deserve bad things happening to them?” teddy frowns, gently biting the inside of his cheek. “maybe they’re lying about their identities so that they have a chance at something better?” he looks up at the doctor, a small shrug arising from his tired features. “ -- I wish I had that optimism, doctor. I don’t think the balance always works out the way anyone really wants it to.”

[suitedblue]

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.” The son thought about it for a minute and then asked his father, “Which wolf will win?” The man simply said, “The one you feed.”