Summer Sky

Life and thought of an wannabe me | 23yo 🌻 Autistic/ADHD 🌻

[summerwithlilacsky]

I feel like my mind and my health are spiraling...

[summerwithlilacsky]

Gotta tell this to someone: I'm so motherfucking tired.

I kinda like my job, like most of my colleagues, really like my manager. But I feel so fucking overwhelmed all the time.

My ankle got hurt, so I'm not walking fine. Also got my wrist hurt. And I've not even talking about my fibromyalgia.

And I wish this exhaustion was just about work stuff. I'm autistic working in a store at a mall.

EVERYTHING IS MOTHERFUCKING OVERWHELMING.

Everything is so loud, and bright and colorful and so cold.

I'm in shutdown pretty often, same about meltdown. Sometimes I just "feel" non verbal and people keep interacting to me (kinda forcing me to interact back). And I just keep like "leve me alone".

I just wants to put on my noise canceling earphones, go non verbal and wait for this shutdown period go away.

I just wish all of this to stop. I'm so fucking tired, my injuries doesn't even fucking heal because I don't even have time to rest.

I feel like it's not that I'm living... I'm surviving... again.

I can feel my body sicker and I don't know what to do about it. I got no time nor energy to not even go and see a doctor (and I'm still with no insurance)

I'm so fucking tired. I don't know for how long I can take it...

[summerwithlilacsky]

I. AM. SO. FUCKING. HAPPYYYYYYY.

Four days ago he finally said we can start planning to move. Like... actually live together.

I always gave some hints about things like that: moving together, getting married, and stuff.

But I let he do the first move, because if it was on me, we'd already be married.

I'm so happy he wants to move with me until the end of the year. We gotta start buying our stuff. I already have a lot of lists about it :)

SO MOTHER FUCKING HAPPY

(I gotta confess that I've even cried happy tears 😅)

It's been 6y and a half. I felt that we're kinda stuck in the same point, I'm so happy to feel that we're moving forward.

Everything is gonna be fine 🥰

[summerwithlilacsky]

Being engaged is more about another step of commitment... not just about doing what can make other people happy.

I wanna be engaged to you. I wanna get married with you.

Fuck what other people think. I don't give a shit. But it's almost 7 years... and I don't want to be just your girlfriend.

I want to be your fiancee, your bride, your wife.

I want us to live together. To build a life together.

I feel like we're stuck in the same place for years. We're not teenagers anymore. We're only getting older.

I'm tired of waiting, but I'll not purpose again. I don't know why you don't want to be engaged. But I'm still waiting.

I'm still waiting...

[summerwithlilacsky]

I'll not deny that I'm still waiting and hoping for the day you'll propose to me...

[summerwithlilacsky]

I'm glad you understood why that joke wasn't funny :)

[summerwithlilacsky]

I really don't get why you make those kind of jokes, about mistresses or being single.

They're not even funny! Normally I don't give a damn, but when I'm not in a good mood, they hurt me.

I always talk in such a passionate way when I talk about you. I don't get why you have to joke about being single, and worse, you told me you made that joke for strangers. Why? They're not even our friends, why did you made this jokes for them?

I don't know how is it funny, nor why you think it's funny. It just makes you sound like a jerk.

[summerwithlilacsky]

Maybe I'll try to have one meal a day again... maybe I can lose some weight...

I wanted to wear size 44 again... maybe size M... or less...

[summerwithlilacsky]

Why is it so hard to deal with people?

There's this couple of newbies that really get on my nerves. One is unable of learning simple task things, like... WHERE YOU PUT BLUSES!

The other talks like crazy and disturbs my work time. I'm an autistc person. I have ADHD. My autism have symptoms of OCD. I don't have OCD as a diagnosis, just to be clear.

She disturbs the way i work and it pisses me off.

I just wanted peace while I work again and they make my time there a living hell. Lately, I'm always stressed and anxious. Minding my work and their's, because their trashy work impacts on mine.

Is not hard being competent... but they're not that competent.

[summerwithlilacsky]

I'm so tired... My knee's hurting. I don't want to miss work day, I had just started. But I'm afraid I'll have to be absent.

Almost two weeks has passed since I got my knee hurt and it didn't get better.

And know my good knee is getting hurt because of my hurt knee.

[summerwithlilacsky]

Hoje faço 8 anos de Tumblr! 🥳

I cannot believe "my tumblrversary" is on the very next day for my dating anniversary hahahahahhahaaahhah

6y dating, 8y on Tumblr hahahahahh

[summerwithlilacsky]

I hate I'm different. I wish I could deal with shitty day by day things like a common person. Like a neurotypical person.

I spent the whole day like a tick-tack-bomb, waiting for a meltdown, because I got overwhelmed by the world.

And the only person who really gets me is not with me right now...

[summerwithlilacsky]

Tomorrow my so called training period ends, on monday I'll begin working at the store. 26/08 I'll go to the gynecologist hoping he agrees to surgery me... don't know when I'll get my surgery...

I'm hating every. fucking. second.

Just hope that, at the store, it might get better.

I'm so fucking tired, so fucking anxious. I'm eating like the world is ending, I'm forgetting to take my meds at the right hour.

I feel like I'm shutting down... or something like that

[summerwithlilacsky]

Got so bored about that activity, that I used deepseek to help me hahahah

[itschya]

[summerwithlilacsky]

I can super imagine me and my friends

[vexheart]

[summerwithlilacsky]

100 posts!

My digital diary now have 100 posts... nice 😁