SOS!! Have you seen this fanfic? Your help is needed! (For just a small payment of $9.99 a month) 🤡
The storyline followed after Shinjuku showdown and Satoru had been brought back from the dead and the reader was caring for him, from where I had last seen in the story, he was mute and relearning basic functions, I believe it was recently posted and has more than one chapter, I swear I had liked the posts or followed the author but now I can’t find it :(
It was so good and I love the way it’s being written, I’ve spent hours trying to find it and I haven’t stumbled back into it yet, if anyone knows what I’m talking about PLEASE comment or send it to me I’m dying of thirst here and I only want THAT drink.
FORWARDS, BACK, & REBOUND.
A Muzan Kibutsuji & Upper Three X Reader.
Synopsis; When you are accidentally thrown into the past, by a couple hundred years or so, How will you navigate through the drastic differences? Especially since you find out people you know from the future are also with you in the past, but hold no recollection of who you are… And in fact some of them are even no longer human…. Reincarnation Time Travel AU
⚠️Warning; This program is not suitable to ages under 18, Viewer discretion is advised. This program contains topics of:
Physical sicknesses, Chronic Diseases, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Graphic Descriptions of Violence, Mild Gore, Manipulation, Cannibalism (Demons), Panic attacks, PTSD, Strandedness, Dissociation Episodes, Canon Character Deaths, + Additional tags to be added as story progresses.
(There is no set endgame relationship, they all just kinda love reader and we go with it!)
Thinking about Tomura and the downright struggle it is to get him to remember to take off his gloves before he eats food with his hands.
It’s already enough that he has to remember to lift a finger in order to avoid his dinner decaying before it reaches his mouth. It’s another chore to remember to remove his gloves before he eats.
You’d left your boyfriend alone in the kitchen for five minutes. Quickly changing out of work clothes and into something more comfortable.. that’s all it took before you were coming back to sticky orange sauce absolutely soaking through the black material of his gloves. He has yet to notice your re-entry back into the kitchen, he’s staring at a replay of his last video game match on his handheld console, which is thankfully clear of the evidence of his snacking while he waited for you, as he brings another piece of orange chicken into his mouth you make your move.
The takeout container is ripped from his grasp, a startled huff leaving his mouth at the intrusion, you quickly move the orange chicken away from his following fingers as he tries to chase your hand that’s holding the takeout box, tucking it behind your figure on the counter, blocking it from his reach, your arms cross and his brows draw together in confusion.
“What?” He grumbles trying to gently move you away from his food, Tomura never was rough in any way when it came to you, the man notoriously known across Japan for his intimidating ways, was nothing but gentle and soft when hidden away in the safety and security of your shared apartment. Despite his best (read; timid) efforts you hold your ground, eyes deliberately staring at the dirtied gloves on his hands. His red eyes follow your gaze before he nods slowly like he was just told a valuable piece of information.
“Oh.” He stares, bringing his hands closer to his face as if his prior assessment had been a delusion. “Uhh.. ’mn... Sorry?” tumbles from his lips, he’s beginning to remove the gloves but you quickly stop his actions with a well-practiced show of fake annoyance “Just let me get it.” you huff, tracing your fingertips along the skin of his wrist where the band securing the gloves rests, gently unhooking the material with practiced ease and sliding the fabric off his hand, repeating the process with the other. Once the gloves were off and placed to the side to be washed later, it was easy to get distracted by the feel of his hands, the surprisingly soft skin of his palms, your fingertips traced along the lines that decorated his skin, making sure to follow each one no matter where they started and ended. Tomura watches silently, posture relaxing in a way that can only be achieved when you’re around.
“I don’t know how you manage to get both hands dirty.”
“It’s orange chicken.”
“Do you seriously need both hands to eat?”
“ ‘course I do” he smirks like it’s the most common fact, and you can’t help the smile that crosses your own features. “Always making me clean up after you Tomu.”
“You act like you don’t love it.”
It’s in moments like these that Tomura realizes he is forgetful, but he never forgets to leave his gloves on when you bring home messy food just so he gets a reason to feel your hands on his after a long day before he gets to enjoy a warm meal with the person he could never live without now that he has you.
(AN: we’re all gonna act like utensils were unavailable :p this idea came to me as a coping mechanism after i fought for three hours in my kitchen trying to make orange chicken by myself)
summary: In a nightclub specialized for dancing, Touya and Yourself come to be syncopated to more than just the music.
WC: 10k+
Rating: 16+ Mature.
Warnings : None. Hurt/Comfort. Fem reader.
Dancing followed Touya all throughout his life, even when he was little it was present, whether from his mother, who would sway ever slightly to the soft music echoing in the dull kitchen when cooking their favorite meals, to Fuyumis insistence on becoming a ballerina due to the brief ballet lessons she was allowed to attend twice a week when she was eight. Even from his own feet, when the boy found himself excited when he was younger his feet would always betray his emotions in what Natsuo had called his ‘Happy Dance’.
Touya- Now Dabi scoffs at the memory, just like the rest of his memories from childhood, the recollection of something that had once been done when Touya had been happy, faded into happening when he was upset, the memories invoke phantom pricks on the underside of his feet, memories of crying to his father who paid no mind to his words as his son’s bare feet scraped against wood and stone to follow his father hoping his pleas would reach his ears eventually. Those feet no longer found anything to be happy enough to dance for, not that he would even if he somehow did, dancing was foolish, a waste of valuable energy, and that’s why Dabi was going to pummel the shit out of Tomura Shigaraki when he gets back to the league.
Dabi found himself on another one of Shigaraki's whim plans to bring the league back in the spotlight, but it required an unfortunate alliance to be made with a shady club owner in the downtown districts two hours from the base, Shigaraki vehemently denied being the one to go, saying he’d conversed enough with the owner over the phone, sending a few members of the league instead would suffice for the leaders lack of appearance in the club. What Shigaraki failed to mention was that it wasn’t just any club tucked into a rundown district of Japan, it was an up-and-coming hotspot for singles to mingle without the provocative feeling of a strip club, this particular establishment focused entirely on dancing. Dabi had seen the ads in passing, the business pitch being thrown around called in reference to how certain animals performed mating dances to attract their mates and thus this club was just for that. To make things better (worse) the establishment held a strict dress code, that every guest was expected to follow, and in order to be let in the door Dabi now found himself attired in some of Kurogiri’s smallest dress clothes, a deep gray button up with black cuffs, paired with black slacks, and his worn boots peeking out from the pants, he’d refused to put on the matching shoes, less someone wished to be burned immediately should they try to force them on his feet.
A multitude of colored neon lights from bright to dim made up the club ceiling, almost like a clear starry night with more color than one could feasibly imagine, the entire club was cast in interchanging colors that lined up with the beat of whatever song was playing, there was a single bar with a masked tender behind the counter, a few barstools but each was occupied by men who seemed far too sullen in their seats, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out they’re probably unlucky in finding someone willing to tango. Dabis eyes scanned the area, the air misty whether from the smoke of cigarettes or a machine to bring in a desired effect to match the club atmosphere he wasn’t sure but he noted the sting in his throat as the air bites at his lungs. In the far back corner of the club, tucked around and behind the bar were four dining booths covered slightly with glittery curtains, each occupied. He expected to see the average nightclub's private room experience within these booths, however, was met with small groups of people eating, and conversing normally. Whilst he was relieved this club seemed to have private decency standards others lacked, it didn’t quite mean he was in the clear. For the few minutes the villain had been in the room, multiple pairs of eyes had glanced at him from the dance floor, each more unsettling than the last in their obvious interest, Dabi wasn’t here to dance, there was no way in hell, he was here to deliver Shigaraki’s end of the deal, shake hands with the owner and get out, nothing more nothing less.
A hand brushed against him, his immediate response was the knee-jerk impulse to activate his quirk and burn away the feeling, cast away whoever tried to touch him, but he withheld as the small voice in the back of his mind reminded him, he didn’t come here alone.
Cerulean eyes, nearly made to appear purple under the interchanging lights of the club snap to his side, where you stand, eyes scanning the crowds, before leaning into his side to be heard over the music, Dabi hated touch, almost as if any contact was a cattle prod, zapping him into memories of his past, but with you.. it was different, something he hadn’t felt in a long, long time, but by whatever god may exist, he hated to love it. He knew you years before the league, before the name Dabi existed, having run into you many times when he was younger at the homeless shelters primarily for criminals where they handed out stale bread and tiny meals for those going without, at first it was nothing short of coincidence until you were spotting each other cities away from the last shelter, and then it became sort of a game, seeing just how often it was possible to run into one person without any sort of outside intervention.
Nine times, it took nine times over the course of a year before the first conversation was had, of course, it hadn’t been over the best circumstances, Dabi admits now, only to you, that he was stupid back then when he had pissed off a loan shark, he had needed the money, as every twenty year old in his shoes does, he got a little too excited to spend money that he couldn’t pay off fast enough, and thus payment was due in the form of a blunted knife to the abdomen where he was left to bleed out, and he would have if it weren’t for you, his recurring bread thief. You’d found him sat in a pile of his own blood, almost tempted to leave the scene thinking it had been far too late to intervene until his head lulled to the side and his blazing eyes locked with yours. Being a hero wasn’t in your code, but at the moment it was pleasing to know what it finally felt like to save a life, after that night, Dabi reluctantly let you stay by his side, as you both navigated being homeless young adults and small time criminals on the streets, that and who else would let you get away with stealing their bread rolls from their food tray?
“There’s no clear shot to reach the club owner without going through the dance floor.” Your voice snapped him from his moment of traversing through memories, his eyes leaving your figure to scope out any openings, finding the figure of a man decked out in gold chains and rings, his skin seemingly made of the same metals adorning his body, sitting contently alone save for the bodyguards posed on either side in the furthest booth from the dance floor, the man's eyes meeting Dabis own with a lilt of amusement. Tomura had called ahead and told his newest business partner who he’d be sending on his behalf, no doubt to hopefully make it easier on his league members to carry out meeting the district manager, but alas in informing the golden man of his members’ appearances it seems it’s made it harder to reach the man through the never-ending sea of swaying bodies.
A tug on his hand downcast his eyes back to you, who was now determinedly stepping towards the dance floor, pulling him along with little resistance until his mind caught up with his body and he dug his feet into the smooth colored floors, your body being pulled back by his sudden weight, crashing back into his chest as his hand shakes yours from his wrist and clasps around your forearm. “What are you doing?” He asks, voice guarded and eyebrows drawn taunt, your own eyes look to his, glassy in a way that shows the smoke in the air isn’t just agitating to him alone, interchanging lights reflecting off the colors of your eyes, almost hypnotic in the way you look to him.
“If we’re supposed to meet with goldy locks over there, we’ll have to make our way through the crowds, the sooner we go, the sooner we can get back to the league.” your head tilted with your words, stepping closer to the heated body of the man in front of you. Dabi huffed, an unamused chuckle leaving his throat “Listen, if you try to march through those crowds, you’ll hardly make it two feet before you’re knocked off course by someone.” He explained, gesturing his loose hand halfheartedly to the crowds, you glanced away before turning back and meeting his gaze with a smile “So then we integrate.. match the crowd's flow, work our way over to the booths with no problems.”
Dabis eyes widened, mouth closing as he ran his tongue over his teeth, his grip subconsciously tightening on your arm, keeping him afloat as a tidal wave of thoughts crashed against his mind, a deep sigh puffing out of his nose, the villain half expecting a plume of smoke to escape his exhale with how defensive his body became.
“That’s not happening. we can wait outside for the crowd to die down and then we’ll go make our appearances with the district manager.” He argues, heels already shifting to backtrack to the door, your free hand reaching to stop his rotation by softly catching the fabric of his shirt between your fingers.
“Touya.”
A gentle call of his name, his real name, heard only by his ears, froze his feet to the floor as if his boots were encased by the very ice that spreads through his family line, a deep stated emotion tearing through his chest when the name that fell from your lips continues to echo in his mind long after it was spoken, calming the racing thoughts that had been jumbling and crashing his ability to think the moment he stepped into the club. Your hand eases from the grip on his borrowed dress shirt, gently smoothing out any wrinkles left before sliding your hand down his arm to clasp his hand in both of yours.
“I know it’s not an idea you’re fond of often..” you begin with a gentle laugh, eyes searching the side of his face as he stares ahead, while he’s not quite ready to meet your gaze, he angles his head in your direction to show he’s listening “…But i think we have, for the first time in months, a safe moment to ourselves to have what normal people describe as fun, or a good time, which i know is something you avoid as if it’ll kill you on the spot if you dare try, which is why if there’s not a small part of you that’s willing to take my hand, then we’ll go with your idea and wait outside, the choice is yours on what we do..” you hum, thumb dancing across the seam where jagged scars meet with what’s left of his healthy skin. “Nothing extreme, just enough to get us where we need to go, just you and me.” You finish, squeezing his hand before releasing it and stepping back a few feet from the man to lean on a railing, situated in between the direction of the exit and the dance floor.
Dabi was grateful for the moment of genuine solitude with his thoughts, his heart rate slowly calming at your attempt to make him feel less pressured to give an answer immediately, it was trivial, how flecks of his past influenced his fears in a night club of all places, despite the villain actively chasing his past daily, to get his revenge on his father, he never chased or interacted with something that had once been tied to the few positive points in his childhood. Sharing- No awakening this side of himself that he believed to have burned away on a mountainside was an odd feeling, He knew it wouldn’t be a negative experience, not with you, never with you, but the memories resurfacing in his mind, showing him like a montage all the times he let his body do any sort of ‘dancing’ and how it inevitably turned from a fond memory to a nightmare no matter where he searches in his mind. But this is not back then, This is now, with someone who’s never given him any reasonable doubt to think this one moment will ever turn sour.
Eyes screwed shut, Dabi takes a deep breath before turning on his heel once more, facing you and away from the exit just as the song switches, beginning anew, the club lights switching into a fluctuating mix of blues, pinks, and purples with a few specks of yellow here and there to balance everything out, reminiscent of a cybernetic sunset to match with the new music. For the first time that night, after having rushed the entire evening, Dabi allows himself to slow down enough to truly look at you. He'd have to slip a half-assed form of gratitude to Toga when he returns since she helped you put together the sight in front of him. The short but flowy white dress you were adorned in, combined with slightly fluffed sheer sleeves caught the colorful lights, seemingly changing the dress's color with every beat, it reminded him of a chameleon or even a mood ring. It was beautiful, you were beautiful, Dabi had been younger when he realized he enjoyed your company far more than just a friend, or comrade and accomplice, and later fellow league member, though he never showed or acted on his internal feelings that he deemed wrong to harbor, they still lingered near constantly in the background of his mind anytime he was with you, but now, in this atmosphere they seem more intrusive and uncontrollable than they have in a long time.
There’s a small smirk on your lips as if you’d know you’d get what you wanted from him, you usually did, Touya-not Dabi at this moment, was weak in that sense, he was always trying to give you things in whatever sense but it never felt enough to him, never measured in comparison to the feeling you had and continue to give to him on his darkest days, the only bit of light he has left besides his destructive flame. He shoots you a look as he approaches leisurely, it’s a tense gait but when is he not? Your hand reaches for his once more, he fakes his disdain as he interlocks your fingers together, your eyes meet his once more, searching his expression for any hidden hesitation while you wait for him to speak first, he squeezes your hand gently, grateful for your decision to let him lead whatever happens at his own pace. His eyes swiftly search through the crowds on the dance floor until he finds an opening to squeeze you both through, his gaze lands back on you who still is looking at him, the unspoken ‘Are you sure?’ conveyed through your eyes alone, and with a huff of cool breath Touya leads you both onto the dance floor.
There’s a song playing, he's not even sure if it’s in a language he can understand, strangely it seems louder on the dance floor than it had moments ago, the bass so loud it feels like it vibrates Touya's bones from all around, it’s uncomfortable the first few steps before it mellows out and becomes rather pleasant to feel, accompanying the villain in every step, it keeps him grounded in this moment and out of reach from the past, reminding him he’s not dancing with ghosts, he’s dancing with what he knows is his future.
He’s positive his brain has melted to mush the second he decided to dance with you, His adapted personality of Dabi melting off him for just a moment as the beats of the music vibrated every negative thought away, and strangely, despite the air visually still being cloudy, he hasn’t breathed this clearly in a long time. His eyes do a quick scan of where he needs to go and subconsciously repeats it in his mind just before his villainous persona is melted off completely lest he forget that he’s here for a reason. He’s marked the exit of the dance floor which leads to the manager he has to meet with before the nights over, it seems so far away from where he’s standing with you, but he knows deep down it’s not nearly long enough as he looks back to you, whose practically vibrating in excitement, tucked into his side to avoid bumping into other dancing couples as you observe them.
He taps gently on the back of your hand, gathering your attention after he’s made a route to the exit, now all he had to do was get you both there, sure Dabi could just shove his way through, hold onto you with a bruising grip and spearhead the crowds out of his way, cause a scene and be the villain he’s best known for now.. but he doesn’t want to do that, it leaves a sour taste in his mouth, sure it’s probably what Tomura is expecting to hear that he did, that he almost burnt the club to the ground at the minor inconvenience, But Shigaraki has no idea he just put Touya in one of his strongest elements with someone who he’s loved in silence for years.
Touya’s eyes do a quick scan of the crowds to make sure it’s safe to start moving before he pulls you into him, and sends you a small smile, not his trademark cocky smirk, but a genuine gentle tight-lipped smile… And then his feet start moving to the beat, he almost feels like he can hear the creaks in his joints, having not moved this way in years, like rust falling off of old machinery after it had been powered off for a long period of time, it takes a moment for his body to catch up to his thoughts but once he does, he’s swiftly moving with the music, as if he’s communicating with an old friend.
You're staring at him, frozen for a moment, before quickly tightening your grip on his hand and pulling into him, matching his upbeat movements beautifully, like it was always meant to be.
Touya’s nervous to place his hands anywhere else than your hands and arms as he dances with and around you, a collection of moves he forgot he knew and he hopes doesn’t look like he’s some newborn animal flailing around. You’ve both moved further into the crowds now, where it’s the most concentrated in the sea of moving bodies, Despite people rushing by his field of vision every step, Touya can’t focus on any features, they’re all the same, blurred out figures with no real identifiable features, except for one, which he notices after twirling you around his body, and facing the exit he just came from, the second he acknowledges the figure the music seems to fade away, going silent as he stares. There’s a boy standing just barely on the dance floor, so out of place in the crowd it’s hard not to notice him, but Touya knows he’s not really there. A white tracksuit with black stripes along the sleeves and legs, blue eyes bright enough to put his flames to shame, and white hair that blends in with the purest of snow, he’s staring at a ghost from the past. There had been moments where he’d have brief hallucinations of things from the past that always turned things sour the second they showed themselves, but it was always when he was at his lowest, never in moments like this.
He tightens his grip on you to keep himself grounded as he stares at the younger version of himself across the floor from him, his body is moving on autopilot as he waits for the hallucination to turn sour and ruin this moment, but it doesn’t, the young boy, Touya smiles so brightly adult Touya feels like he’s looking into the sun, the younger version of himself is happily jumping on his toes, before his feet skitter around in place, His happy dance, he recalls, the younger version of himself looks to you then back to him, giving him a happy nod of approval thumbs up and a wink before a random dancing body brushes through the ghost on the floor and he’s gone, and the music comes rushing back.
Touya doesn’t know what the fuck that’s supposed to mean for his mental state and psyche but he can’t seem to care right now as he’s thrust back into the moment, and finds himself dancing better than he had been before.
Touya spaced out for a minute, you noticed it the second time he unintentionally stepped on your feet without noticing, he was staring into the crowds looking rather uncomfortable, and suddenly you're doubting even suggesting bringing him down here to dance instead of waiting outside, he’s uncomfortable and there’s a feeling of guilt rushing into your chest at the sight, slowing down your movements just enough to keep up with him and not bump into anyone else, you wanted to be closer to him not push him further away and into his thoughts. He had a habit of doing that, receding into his mind when things were uncomfortable, putting up a wall and being short with everyone, appearing disinterested and aloof, but in reality, he was too caught up in his own thoughts to give anything but the bare minimum of interaction, over the years he stopped doing it with you, but in recent months as his father has become number one in the hero ranks there have been more than enough times where he’s done it to you, to the point you’d hardly see him anymore, sure he’d physically be there but he’d always be in his mind doing whatever it is that he does when he starts thinking about his plans for revenge.
After the loss of Magne to Overhaul, everyone in the League seemed to quietly realize the gravity of how fast things could go south, especially with pro heroes and police searching for the group every waking hour, it seemed that it was only a matter of time before things took a turn, and while the outcome wasn’t guaranteed to be in the heroes or villains favor, you couldn’t help the sinking feeling like it wouldn’t end in favor for your found family. As the feeling grew stronger so had your attempts to spend time with everyone, card games with Twice, shopping with Toga as you both check over your shoulders every few minutes, learning magic tricks with compress which turned out to be him teaching you how to get out of handcuffs, stealing comic books and reading them with spinner, having Tomura, whose patience was a very thin hair, teach you how to play his favorite video games on the nights neither of you could sleep. You had successfully been making memories with everyone, but Touya had remained in his mind most of the time, and the times he wasn’t he was usually busy outside of the hideout. This is why you may or may not have asked Tomura to make Dabi go in place of himself with you to this club, because you needed to reach him, connect with, and feel him once more because it felt like it could be the last. That and dancing with Tomura seemed like a nightmare all on its own.
But now it felt like that could’ve been a mistake as you watch Touya’s movements slow and his eyes gloss over the way they do when he’s in his thoughts again, it hurts your heart but you know it’s not entirely his fault, nor does it have anything to do with you, he just gets lost sometimes and has to find his way out on his own. Your hand tightens its hold on his, looking to the exit on your side and making a plan on how to get there with an autopilot dabi, you’d get him outside and away from the crowds and then go and meet the manager yourself before heading back to the base, it was only fair, you’d tried but it wasn’t worth the expense of sending Touya into the darkest parts of his memories.
You start moving towards the exit, guiding Dabi without him even noticing it, you make a few measly steps before the grip interlocked with your hand tightens to an extreme, and regains its weight after having slacked moments before, you don’t have a chance to balance yourself at the sudden resistance and reappearance of your dance partner, you’re spinning, being pulled quite quickly back into the strong chest, Touya’s intoxicating scent easily comforting in the shifting lights of the atmosphere in the club. Looking up you find Touya’s already looking at you, his eyes brighter than they’ve been in a long time, fresh and full of so many emotions you can see flickering through them almost like he’s still matching the beat of the song internally despite being stood still on the edge of the dance floor.
“Where are ‘ya going?” He asks, leaning down to bring his mouth closer to your ear, you catch a glint of light reflecting off his teeth, and it takes a moment to realize that he’s smiling, truly smiling, but like the sneaky shadow he tries to be, he’s attempting to hide it from view by lowering his face close enough to your shoulder.
“You seemed uncomfortable, and out of the moment, so I figured we could just wait outside like you wanted” You voiced, tightening your grip on his hand with a reassuring squeeze, trying desperately to convey he didn’t need to torment himself for anyone’s sake if he was truly that disgruntled. There’s a puff of air that escapes Touya, so quiet and gentle you’re not sure if it was a scoff or a silent laugh, you don’t have time to think much about it, as Touya’s, determinedly dragging you back onto your place on the dance floor, nearly slamming into a man way larger than he is in his journey but Touya didn’t even seem to notice, he was dead set, but if anything he seemed giddy, excited almost, and it was slowly spreading back into you from your conjoined hands. Touya, after finding a spot on the dance floor he deemed wide enough for the two of you, turns to face you, and he’s still got that look in his eyes that melts and burns away all your previous worries, Touya’s never been big on words, but if someone took the time to know him, really know him, they’d find he speaks with his eyes and expressions far better than he does with words, and right now? He’s saying-
“I spaced out for a second, but I'm fine now doll, there’s nowhere else I'd rather be than in the moment, with you.” He voices aloud before your thoughts could even finish, and suddenly you’re hearing the music again, as is Touya because he begins picking up his feet more, dancing inside an imaginary circle he created for the two of you to not step outside of, you rush to follow his movements, he’s swaying, shifting his hips and bending his knees, his feet are constantly moving, you’ve given up trying to track his movements with your eyes, his grip on your hand tightens as he pulls you in towards him, but twirls himself and you simultaneously around each other, swapping spots in the circle, you’re across from each other, eyes locked and smiles mirrored, you release his hand as the song picks up, really letting him be free in his movements. Normally Touya would’ve faltered at the drop of his hand, but he knows you’re right there with him, that there’s no need for a physical connection because the emotional connection in the moment, and for the last few years has been one he’s never had to doubt.
You’re flowing the line around the circle, and Touya’s right there with you, when the beat of the song picks up so do you two, you’re switching sides again in the circle but this time as the switch begins, you meet in the middle, chest brushing against his as he sways by, and for a slight moment in synchronized movement, your hearts brush by one another's, and maybe things have finally gotten to your head and it’s not really there, but it feels like the area where his heart is, is much warmer than the rest of him, like it’s calling to you and you alone, and yours calls back. Hearts matching in their own beats while your bodies match the beats of the music.
Touya’s never felt this free, unburdened, and in the moment as he does right now, you’re with him, mirroring his movements, he’s hypnotized and he’s not fighting it, there’s no aches whatsoever, whether emotionally or physically they don’t bother him, he’s not even aware when he lost their feel, but he could care less, if anything he hoped they stayed away, it made it easier to burn this into his memory because he knows, no matter where he ends up, this will be with him always. The song, the lights, the entire thing will be his haven if he ever needs it and it will be perfect because you’re there and that’s all he needs.
Touya’s suddenly switching up his footwork, transitioning into something else as he moved forward closer to you, you’re struggling for a brief period to keep pace, but suddenly he’s much closer than you thought and your feet are tripping over his, there’s a warm pressure around your back, quickly realizing it was an intentional move to trip you up, he’s using the momentum and immediately your upper bodies weight is against his arm, it feels like you’re falling, your toes are off the ground and heels are just barely making contact, but he's got you, it takes a second to realize he’s nearly dipping you, but you’re spinning, everything’s rushing by in the peripheral, the only clear thing is Touya's face in front of yours, the feeling is so freeing, nothing mattered but him and the music, and with that, you tip your head back and let him keep spinning you with your weight in his arm because it’s always been known he’d never let you go.
You’re smiling, and Touya thinks that it’s the brightest thing he’s seen, not the club lights, nor his flames, but the joy on your face as he holds you whilst syncopated with the music, he doesn’t know what song this is, but the mental note was made long ago to do whatever it took to find out so he could listen to it back when he needed, or even to dance with you again somewhere privately, hell even without the same song, he’s willing to do this over and over again as long as it’s with you.
Coming back up your gaze meets his, and your feet are still moving together but it’s slowed, only enough to keep pace with the crowd and not be bumped into, His eyes are relaxed, but they’re also a little more hooded than normal, like he’s been drugged but there’s a certain emotion in his expression that takes that impression away, he’s stepping closer and his hand is making its way to cradle your face, it’s pulling you forwards gently, and with a soft touch, your forehead is pressed against his. Touya’s eyes have closed, and his breathing has deepened, it lasts for a second before he pulls away, and you think that perhaps he’s run out of patience for physical touch, and that’s more than okay because you’ve been greedy long enough and everything he’s given so far has been more than you thought he’d be willing to… But he’s coming back and he’s not aiming to rest his forehead against yours once more, what he ends up gracing is his lips against yours right as the song over the speakers is crescendoing as it nears its end.
His upper and bottom lips have different textures, but you find you don’t care as you press into him, chests connecting once more as they had moments before but this time more than a mere brush. You’ve both stalled in the middle of the dance floor, but nobody crashes into you, thankful for the swaying mass of bodies being more aware of their surroundings than your partner and yourself. Your hands are tightly drawn on Touya’s shirt, and his into the fabric of your dress behind your back, the hand on the side of your face keeping you pressed against him like it’s his lifeline keeping him steady.
When the need for air becomes too much you pull away slightly, right as Touya’s eyes open you're caught in their gaze, the lights of the club making them so much more ethereal than ever before, it’s surreal how beautiful he looks right now, a look of content bliss relaxing his features, purples, pinks, blues, interchanging and highlighting his features, his staples look like stars placed against his skin, his scars are highlights to everything that makes Touya so eye-catching, you're awestruck, but you’re not the only one, as Touya has the same look on his face that you do, both enchanted by one another in ways neither thought possible.
The song ends and in a way so does some of the magic, but it doesn’t fade away, if anything it shrinks from covering the entire dance floor and evenly distributes into you and Touya, to keep and continue on your own choice outside of the club, you’re still smiling and Touya’s got that cocky smirk spreading into his features once more.
“How long have you been waiting for me to do that?” He teases, his eyebrow is raised and his expression is downright mischievous, you can’t help the laugh that escapes your mouth, “How long have you been wanting to do that?” You rebuttal, Touya shakes his head, eyes breaking away for a moment in a rare sight of bashfulness he fakes as scanning the crowds “Awhile.” Is his whispered reply, barely heard over the atmosphere, your hand slides down and interlocks with his, pulling his attention back to you as you begin walking to the now accessible booth the district owner is sitting in, lest you forget the reason you’re really here.
“I'm glad you finally did.”
It’s late at night, Touya finds himself sitting at the edge of an old mattress, it’s seen better days, he’s sure this thing his half his age based on the staining alone, he’s used to sleeping on the floor with a semi-decent futon, but tonight after returning from a successful meeting with Shigarakis newest business partner, you had invited him to ditch the floor mat and sleep together on the mattress, “no funny business, at least not yet” you had said to him, and truthfully he’s grateful because with how loud his thoughts are right now he doesn’t think he’d be able to do anything else tonight. You’d fallen asleep the second your head hit the pillow, Touya silently envied how fast and deeply you could fall asleep, but he knew it’s only because he was in the room with you, as he usually is most nights even if it was from his place on the floor, always keeping watch no matter where the league ends up, tonight though he can’t focus on even that as his heads cradled in his hands, inky black strands of hair spilling forward and creating shadow like wisps in his vision, his knee silently jumps up and down, he’s trying so hard not to make too rough in case the slightest movement wakes you.
Touya never imagined falling in love, after growing up in a home that had very little love shown from his parents to each other, his views were rather warped, he knew it didn’t feel right when his parents said they loved each other, and when he was a teenager and on the run, it was confirmed to him that was never a stable relationship example. Touya is not a stable man, nor does he have plans to try to be, not yet, not until he gets rid of that burning hatred in his heart, it festers and tears through him, every hour of every minute in every second, he’s constantly ready to explode at the moments notice, the only reprieve is the idea of getting his dad to forcefully understand him finally, but lately, that dream of his has had a contender in the form of the woman sleeping soundly behind him.
Toga, despite her flawed ideas, has a better grasp on the idea and correct concept of love than he does, take away the bloody bits, obsession, and illegalities of course, but from everything she’s blabbed to him, Touya understands in his own fucked up way he's been in love with you since the moment you patched him up in an old smelly alleyway instead of robbing him for what little he had and running off, the problem is Touya doesn’t think he’s able to love, not the way he wants to, the way he imagines, not until that festering hatred is out of the way, it consumes everything he does and everything he is, but deep down Touya knows if he touches it, follows through, he’ll never come back from it unless by some miracle that he does not deserve and in his mind, will never earn.
A sigh leaves his mouth, quietly he scoots off the mattress, all the years of sneaking around paying off as he easily leaves the bed without waking you, Touya- Now Dabi, leaves the room and begins his trek down the hallway and into the living room of the current safe house, a figure is already there waiting for him, as they are every night, their attention snapping from whatever they had been doing prior to him the second his face was illuminated by the dingy yellow light.
“We needa talk.”
When you wake up in the morning, there’s a weight, heated and consistently pressed along your back, there are soft breaths tickling the back of your neck and you realize somehow during the night Touya had parked himself nearly on top of you, deeming it the most comfortable spot to be, and to make matters worse you’re entirely sure he’s faking being asleep, his feet are shifting softly at the end of the bed, and his hands keep tightening and releasing their hold on you every few seconds, it’s a sweet attempt to not wake you, but otherwise pointless as you’re already awake now. You roll over, surprising the black haired sloth clinging to your back as you immediately swap roles and bury your face into his chest, a grumbled “g’morning” leaving your mouth in the process.
Touya’s hands quickly come up to hold you to him, hesitating just a second before pulling you closer to him, he's silent, he normally is in the mornings but this is something different.
“How long have you been awake?” you asked, pulling your head up to look at his face, He’s not looking at you but his hold on you remains steady, the whites of his eyes seem red, a sign he didn’t sleep much if at all.
“A while.” is his reply before he’s hiding his face into your shoulder, the scars on his lower cheek pressing into your skin, you know he can’t feel the area but sometimes you wonder if his brain will forget and let him have a phantom experience of feeling your touch against his scars.
“Kurogiris coming back from his giant hunt tonight, not for long, wants your and Compress’ help setting up another safehouse, ‘s clear out in the middle of nowhere, and he’ll portal you two there before he goes back out on his original mission. While the rest of us clear out this place and make our way on foot to you both.” Touya rasps, he sounds so tired but there’s another tone in there you’re not picking up on well, he’s masking it with a tone of displeasure and lack of interest.
“How long do I have?” you ask, shifting softly against your partner, Kurogiri has always been rather punctual and dislikes waiting so you’ll plan on being ready thirty minutes beforehand and-
“He’s already here, ready to go.”
You sit up quickly, eyes staring down at Touya who looks to be battling a small smile, “That’s a joke right?” you ask, eyes scanning his face as that loveable mischievous smile from last night returns. “Nope.” he snarks and immediately you’re flying off the bed, kneeing Touya in the thigh in the process, who instantly begins cursing and holding the point of impact “You can’t even feel that, and why didn’t you wake me sooner?” you grumble, rushing around the cramped room to gather everything you need.
“You hit my good leg, and I wanted to spend more time with you, pack a bag by the way, he said he was gonna try and get back to you and compress tonight so you two can help the rest of us clear out but isn’t sure if that’ll end up happening with the goose chase Shigarakis got him on, worst case scenario you wait for us there.” Touya mumbles rubbing at his leg, strangely he’s been staring at everything but you, his leg, the dingy carpet, your toothbrush, it’s out of the normal but then again after last night what is the new normal? you’re no longer just close friends, not that he ever even called you that in the first place, the term he used was “trusted person” but that still applies no matter if you kiss or admit to having potential romantic feelings for each other, and now that you’re thinking about it you should really clarify with him the extent of what he meant last night because “A while” isn't as confirming as you wish it was
“After Compress and I are done, you and I are gonna go out, pickpocket some cash, and get some really good restaurant food, then we’re gonna sit down and talk about last night.” you hum, lifting an old shirt and smelling it, curling back in disgust at the smell emanating off it, stupid pro heroes and their tendency to keep a weirdly vigilant watch on the laundry mats in the areas the Leagues been spotted most recently. Quickly you throw two of Touya’s semi-clean shirts into your bag without thought, he wears them to sleep, but usually ends up throwing them off when he overheats in the middle of the night, he won’t miss them much, considering he just watched you steal them and said nothing.
“Oh? are we?” Touya hums finally scooting off the bed, his feet loudly thudding against the floor as he begins sauntering up behind you, it’s strange seeing this version of Touya every day behind closed doors but the second the door opens he’s back to being the villain the media loves bashing on and painting as a heartless monster.
Said “heartless monster” is throwing random snacks he stole from gas stations into your overnight bag, before grabbing your wrist and pulling you into him, he’s got one hand moving to rest above your heart and the other behind your back, He’s staring down with that same look in his eyes as last night, and if you keep looking into his eyes long enough maybe you’ll see the club lights still dancing in his iris as if you were back in the stuffy club with the most enchanting music playing in the background.
“Y’know, I never thanked you, for not leaving me behind in that alleyway all those years ago, this is a one-time thing though so don’t let it get to your head, but I am glad you were there, and stuck around, so Thank you” Touya mumbles, his eyes darting around the room before slowly leaning down and resting his forehead against yours once again.
“Truthfully I was only in it for the extra bread rolls at dinner at the shelters back then, but you were a nice bonus.” You giggle, his eyes narrow and immediately his fingers pinch at your back “Well fuck you too then” he grumbles as your giggles pick up, that smirk of his mellows out into a genuine soft smile, and you wonder if you’re the only one whose seen it since he was little.
“While you’re waiting for us, I want you to know, you’re always gonna be on my mind, and ‘m gonna do my damn best to get things wrapped up and back home to you as soon as possible.” Touya says softly, lightly tapping his thumb against its place on your chest. “You make it sound like it’s more than a few days.” you smile and there’s a brief flash of hesitation in Touya’s eyes before it’s completely gone without a trace. “You’re right, but with how much bullshit Shigaraki drags us through, I doubt he’s gonna let us stick to schedule.” You nod at his words before Touya’s pulling his forehead away from yours and quickly places another kiss to your lips, perhaps maybe you don’t need to talk to him when you see him next, if things stay like this you’ll be happy. Touya puts a little more urgency into the pressure he applies to the kiss, his hands clenching against you tightly to the point you can feel the heat of them through the fabric of your jacket. There’s so many emotions, words he’s trying to convey through one action alone and you find yourself struggling to stay afloat in their waves. When he pulls away it’s done slowly before he’s sighing and stepping back, releasing you from his hold.
“Be safe will ya? I'll see you soon.” comes his whispered words as he’s helping you carry your bag out of your shared room, the second his boot crosses past the entryway, his expression melts away and he’s back to keeping himself thoroughly guarded from every angle although he allows himself to brush the back of his hand along yours as you’re walking into the living room. Compress is already waiting with his own bag, forgoing his normal disguise and instead looking like a tired business worker returning home from work after a long day of filing paperwork, not robbing civilians as a pastime. Kurogiri is conversing quietly with Tomura in the far back of the room, both stop when you enter the room, Kurogiris yellow eyes do a quick scan of your form as he politely steps away from his conversation with Shigaraki.
“Ready to go?” he asks as you nod, Compress is standing up and throwing his bag over his good shoulder, still healing from the incident with Overhaul, and adjusting to having a prosthetic arm and how it interacts with his quirk. Shigarakis staring at you, but it’s not unusual, Tomuras never been good with words unless he’s strategizing, casual conversation is something he rarely lets himself indulge in, so it’s a pleasant surprise when your boss, friend, and impromptu found family member steps in front of you before Kurogiri can open his warp gate.
“This house is one of the few my master left in case of emergencies, it’s in an undisclosed location with a fake identity as the property owner, extra cash, papers, and information will be under a loose floorboard, nobody’s been to the house in years but run the perimeter often just in case any other low lives have stumbled across it.” Hes scratching at his neck again, he’s upset but it happens anytime he mentions whoever his master is so it’s easy to brush up, it’s still concerning however when his scratching reopens old scabs along the side of his neck, you hear Dabi hiss quietly in disgust from behind you “There should be enough non-perishable food stocked, but i don’t know, it’s your job to get acquainted with the house and whatever’s in it so i don’t have to.” Those red eyes of Tomuras are staring into your soul, unlike Touya, it’s much harder to read his expressions and emotions through his eyes, like he speaks an entirely different emotional language than Touya, Shigarakis still scratching at his neck, and his other hand is fidgeting with the fabric of his sleeve
“Do you think there’ll be anyone in the house Boss?” Compress asks, leaning against the doorframe, Tomura doesn’t even glance his way when he replies “There shouldn’t be, but if there is, get rid of them.” You nod, He's still standing in front of you like he has more to say but eventually lets it go and saunters back over to his place on the couch flopping down with a grumbled statement that the league will meet at the newest safe house in a few days.
Kurogiris silent as he opens his warp gate, Compress is the first to easily saunter through, the portal owner's eyes flash to you before he follows after the magician, when you go to step forward, the grip holding your hand tightens, falters, then tightens again, your gaze flicks over to Dabi whose silently staring at the portal, his jaw is clenched and with Tomuras and Touya’s odd behaviors you’re worried there’s something awful waiting behind the warp gate. Dabi gives three reassuring squeezes, squeezing your hand three times slowly before he’s letting go and drops your hand back to your side. It’s harder to break your gaze from him but Tomuras still watching the two of you, and you don’t want to make him agitated by holding up Kurogiri any longer from returning to his previous orders. The step through the portal is rather intimidating but as you reach the other side it’s much more relieving. It takes a moment for your eyes to adjust to the outdoor light, but once you do it’s a pleasant surprise to see a cozy two-story house sitting surrounded by tall trees and green grass fields, you’re so far away from any cities that for miles there’s nothing but nature, the beginnings of a small town just over the horizon, it’s a wonder why this place wasn’t utilized sooner. Compress is conversing with Kurogiri idly on the balcony by the front door, having shed his jacket at the temperature difference, Compress’ bandages are dirty again you’ll have to help him redress them before trying to clean up anything that may be waiting for you inside the house. Kurogiri is stepping away from the porch, leaving Compress and making sure strides over to you and his portal that waits for his return.
“You two will be safe here, upon inspection there’s been no human activity on the premises, you two are to stay here until Tomura Shigaraki orders otherwise, or arrives with the rest of the league. Thank you” and with that, he strides back into the portal and promptly closes it behind himself, you’re standing there, always thrown off by his rather curt words, Compress is leaning against the railing with an easy smile, the scenery change already seems to be doing him some good.
“I think that’s the most he’s said to me, like ever.” You call out as you begin walking to the door. There's a lanyard around Compress’ neck, holding what is assumed to be all the keys needed for the house. “I fear, my dear, he’s just a rather odd man, like the rest of us.” Compress comments before opening the front door, the inside of the house is beautiful, dusty and needs some work, but compared to everything else you’ve stayed in for the last few years this is royal treatment, Compress must share the sentiment because he’s hauling his bag inside faster than you’ve seen him move since the incident and immediately exploring. You’re slow to follow, taking in the details and scanning for anything out of place to be sure. There’s elegant woodwork carved into all the support beams of the house, it’s clear this place was loved and lived in long before it was abandoned to be an emergency residency, you wonder if it was bought like that or if Tomura’s Master or someone he cared for lived here once.
Compress has made his way upstairs as you make your way into the kitchen, it’s been a long time since you’ve seen a kitchen with every utility being functional, the cabinets aren’t broken off the hinges everything is as it should be in a home and in a way it’s unnerving to have to get used to again. The countertops are lightly covered in dust but at the far end near the entrance to what you think might be a laundry room or closet the dust has been disturbed, you would’ve brushed it off as Compress but he has yet to make his way into the kitchen. There’s a blue piece of paper on the counter, new where it settles on top of dust, curiously you pick it up to find your name on the top of it, and familiar handwriting decorating the rest of the page.
‘Hey doll, i’ve never been good with words, i’m writing this while you’re asleep, Listen.. throughout my life, I’ve never experienced what it’s like to have someone you care about more than your own personal agendas, never could understand making sacrifices or stupid calls for someone else over yourself, even when I was younger it wasn’t something I was taught, Love especially romantic wasn’t something I thought of often and it wasn’t a concept I believed in when I was older, I thought it was a waste of time, something frivolous that movies and shows over exaggerated, but then I met you. The nights I had spent alone, hardship and everything I experienced as a teenager seemed to melt away the more I got to know you, but no matter what I did, even without knowing, I couldn’t get rid of or set aside my selfish agendas enough to truly care for you the way I wanted to, the way you deserve, you deserve to live a life safely and without fear, without worries of whose around the corner, to be happy and not tied down by loving someone who is unable to prioritize you over his own revenge that will cause fatalities, and I can’t risk you being caught up in my problems, I spent my life losing, and losing again, I won’t let anything come to you even if that means letting you go. to keep you away from myself until I'm safe enough to be around you. I don’t know if I can come back to you after this, there’s a high chance after what I plan to do comes to light there won’t be a way out, and I’m okay with that, except there’s a part of me that’s going to try his hardest to make sure I keep my promise of coming back to you, I want another dance after all. I know that if someone like me is given the chance I won’t waste it, despite wasting it now, but if I’m not given another shot of coming home, know my last thoughts will have been of you and you alone, and that while life may have fucked us over, in this life and any other it would always be you who shows me, love, is truly something I am capable of feeling, even if it hurts so damn much to let you go. I cut a deal with Shigaraki, as long as I complete what he needs me to do, he agreed to let you out of the league, Compress is injured and Tomura doesn’t want him to be a part of what he plans to do while he’s injured, with Compress practically out of commission you won’t be alone, he’ll stay with you for the foreseeable future, compress is also under orders to not let you try to come find us, but he won’t stop you from anything else, just keeping yourselves where you’ll be safe. I know you’re probably upset right now, I don't blame you, but it’s for the best because I am a selfish man, and having you with me is more dangerous than having you away even if my entire being protests against it. You were always the light in my heart, not anything else, and I'll see you soon, bread thief.
Yours
Touya.’
The paper letter is shaking in your hand, you’re not sure when your legs gave out from under you but you’re sitting on the floor, there’s tears blocking your vision but they’re not falling, there’s a presence behind you, Compress is silent but he’s a steady comfort nearby, so you lean your back against his legs and cry, he doesn’t move, and he doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t have to, it wasn’t his choice just something he was swept into along with you. You hadn’t expected the League to have truly been enough of a family to put together this kind of protection for the two of you, it’s both heartwarming and soul-shattering. You’re not sure how much time passes but Compress begins moving once your cries have quieted, mumbling something about food, but you’re not entirely sure, everything’s blocked out by a ringing in your ears as thoughts run rampant through your mind, there are thoughts of defying and returning to the league no matter how things go, there are thoughts of tracking down Touya just to slap him in the face, but with your luck, the Leagues already switched locations with the help of Kurogiri, And finally there's acceptance in aiming your desires into the action of staying where Touya knows you are so he can come back, if he can, when.. he can.
After all, who would he be to not come back for a second dance?
Dabi’s on edge, Shigaraki can tell, when the pyromaniac came to him last night asking for you to be moved to a safehouse, Tomura thought he had lost his mind, Shigaraki didn’t like losing valued league members not after what happened with Magne, but after some mild threatening and reasoning Dabi had convinced Tomura enough to send you away, not because it was beneficial, no it was a great loss to him, his cause, and his gaming sessions he shared with you as what people call friends. While Tomura might not know Dabi the way he knows you know him, he can tell enough from the man’s maniac movements that he’s too worried about you and his emotions regarding you to be in the right state of mind. So Tomura lets two pieces of his game go in exchange for the enhancement in motives in one of his strongest playing pieces. Even if he was rather fond of his gaming buddy.
Touya made a choice, he struck a deal with Shigaraki, and yet he hasn’t felt like this since he returned home after waking from his coma, there’s an ache in his chest, it’s tight and painful, it worsens when Kurogiri returns from the old farmhouse, where you are, away from the league, away from danger, away from him. He doesn’t regret choosing to do whatever Shigaraki needs until it is time to bring his own plans to light. But he didn’t realize the gravity he was going to have to carry around of not having you with him, even as he suffers with that, his mind still agrees that it’s safer this way, especially when the League is already beginning to plan to expand and has been in contact with the old doctor Garaki.
Touya wouldn’t dance again, never tried, never wanted to, he forced himself into battle after battle, that was until he was staring his father down, and his body just moved on its own, his spectators probably thought him crazy, they weren’t wrong, but Touya knew, he was upset, nervous deep down, but this, this reminded him of you, kept him calm enough to carry out with his plan and not falter over his emotions, so he danced while staring down his father, and maybe when the ash settles and the battles over, maybe just maybe he can make his way to you once more, and ask for another dance.
Song that inspired this fic : highly recommend listening to it, especially after reading this story. Fun fact; since this song came out it has been a daily part of my life and I figured for my first post I’d honor my love for the song and my love for touya todoroki in the same work.
Extra info: Ahhh! my first fanfic posted on Tumblr, I’m so nervous but so excited to finally have something out there in the vast seas of the fandom, big thank you to my wife; @coveholdenmyluv for proofreading this for me and inspiring me daily to keep writing despite my fears of posting inadequate work. I hope you enjoyed it, Likes and reblogs are appreciated! Until next time my loves!
this is my first time posting any work of mine here on my writing blog, lowkey freaked out about it alll night long, but it’s finally out! now to go crawl back into my cave for the next week or two until the next fic is ready 😋
Emergency Art Comms, OPEN! Request: Please reblog? My plea for help.
Commissions start at $10 and go up! My Tip jar is also open!
All funds go directly towards paying for my Symbiotes' care (vet bills, fucking vet bills reeee, very healthy food, and my own food and bills).
Ko-fi Commissions Open! Click to see Delicate Artisan Trash's commission menu.
I would deeply appreciate from the bottom of my squishy organic heart, if you'd share this post along if you can't afford to commission me <3 Reblogs are literally my lifeline right now.
(it literally makes me feel ill to ask for reblogs because I feel like i'm begging but you know what, fuck my pride, I will beg for work so I can buy my babies food if that's what it takes. Let me draw u cool stuff? :D Help me find other people who would like me to draw them cool stuff?)
Updated again because WEEEE LIFE IS COMPLICATED! ^^' welp, i put it back to emergency status because i just found out from my mom nope, we're still behind on a few bills. The main essentials are covered this month (the obnoxiously high mortgage that isn't even our mortgage apparently fuck fuck fuck, food for symbiotes, rice and ramen and some veggies for me, etc) but our insurance is due soon and other things and ofc March is coming up fast so we get to Do It All Over Again.
So yeah ;-; I would still deeply appreciate any reblogs to help me find clients. I can draw anything, and I can sculpt almost anything. I can make you custom pewter pendants, I can sew you a braintanned leather medicine bag, I can paint on things, I got a buncha skills I can use to Do Cool Stuff for other people with.
Original story / post below the cut from when I first posted this during the first immediate Financial Crisis. Money is still very tight and I am hurting my muscles and brain making art and pewter to make sales everywhere I can, because like FUCK do I want to hit that crisis point again.
I cannot thank you all enough for your support whether it was reblogging, donating, commissioning me, or straight up just sending a kind message. Literally. Every drop of kindness makes up an ocean of heartfelt gratitude. I'm doing my best to keep the ball rolling, and using the good vibes sent my way to keep myself positive and functioning.
Thank you. You've reminded me there are a LOT of beautiful souls in the world.
If I'm being totally honest and up-front, I actually ran out of food for my kitties for about two days two weeks ago while we scraped together cash in the account; we just haven't had the sales we usually get this winter and early spring, and it's eaten our budget alive. Like everyone else... I'm struggling, and for the first time in a long while, I am genuinely scared. I found out I'm late on a car payment right now (infuriating because I am SO CLOSE to owning it in full, less than $400!! D:), I have more bills coming up, and... We might be losing our house on top of everything, because Family Drama BS.
We managed, I stretched out my kitties' pellet food and they got spoiled with some cooked eggs and meat and other goodies, but it really really wasn't what they *should* eat and that scared the shit out of me, honestly. I only just managed to afford to buy food for the cats and then, a week later, I needed to buy food for my birds too (thank fuck i only need to buy their bag of fancy ass organic pellets that won't explode their organs via malnutrition, like once every three months) It's a symptom of a larger problem, one I hope to resolve this year, but right *now* everything is a mess, and I could really use some more art commissions to supplement our income.
The Family Drama Tea is below the cut, if you wish to know about what's going on in my life outside of fandom nerdiness. (Spoiler: Don't Do Business With Family is a really great line of advice. No. Seriously. It is.) It's.... A lot. honestly, it's a lot. I am a tired bean.
Sooo a -very- long story short, it looks like me and my fam and all my furry, scaled, and feathered Symbiotes, are gonna be moving this year. Hopefully, on our terms. Frighteningly possibly, under the conditions of being evicted by my Aunt and Uncle who were supposed to be our partners, and instead pulled the most dickish gaslighting moves to be our Landlords instead. We're likely losing our house for very long and convoluted reasons, and while I'm optimistic things in the end will turn out all right... It's pretty damn scary right now.
The gist of it is; my mom and i don't fully own our house. It was my Great Grandparent's, and when they passed away, it was put into a trust that my mother was a part of. Split between her siblings and her mother, they all got a share of the GG's assets as per Great Grandpa's will.
And then there was the house, and the land around it. And naturally, everyone in the trust wanted their slice of profit / inheritance from the sale of said land as the will said they were entitled to.
As it happened, at that time, my (step)Dad had only just recently passed away, and the household we were living in was literally falling apart at the seams (gotta love that cheap ass nail-gun cut-corners-on-every-cost-possible Boomer Era construction quality amirite?) and sinking into the ground, and the expenses there had gotten ridiculously high.
Moving here was actually a financial smart choices for us; we moved in at almost zero debt when all was said and done, and while we no longer had any kind of nest egg, that was okay because we were making money with our pewter business and my mom travels to sales events. So we were getting by, and things were 'fine.'
Well, at first, it wasn't an option for us. My mom considered it, looked at what we could get selling our current house, and we decided that it wasn't financially possible. There was no way we could purchase the house, from the trust, at fair market value.
Well, long story short, next thing I know and my Mom and her sister brainstormed and voila! They came up with a plan for us to buy the house out from the trust; we would move in, pay for the mortgage and all that fine jazz as the new "owners" of this home, because it was supposed to be our home.
My Aunt and Uncle were basically just co-signing on to help finance the purchase, and my Aunt and Uncle invested capital (most primarily, both my mothers and my aunt's inheritance from the GG's assets) into buying the house from the family. So, my mother put her inheritance right back into the house, so that money all went paid out to the other members of the truste.
Now, the household and property was owned by three people; my mother, my aunt, and my uncle. Or rather... It was supposed to be. ;_;
Supposedly, we got a household that served all our needs flawlessly, kept family land in the family, and everything was hunky-dory amazing. We have been paying the bills like clockwork, but I guess we didn't make our millions fast enough for my Uncle, because...
Well. To put it bluntly, he lied to us. What started as a kind help of family helping family, has over the course of two years turned into a gaslighting mess of "oh I'm so sorry we didn't say this I thought I did! This is how things are now" with no option to actually make that decision together, and not to mention the actual literal terror I've had of being worried my fur and feathered babies were going to be let loose outside (we have coyotes, hawks, owls, eagles, big cats, you name it, my kitties would be Dinner) or killed (spraypainting in the house with birds, after the words 'sensitive respiratory systems' have left the man's lips the night prior, anyone? :D And don't get me started on the vaping indoors with them, or the constant daily reminders of how much They Don't Like My Symbiotes), eveyr time they visited our household.
Fortunately, they live literally across the states from us, so I don't have to deal with them in person often.
Unfortunately, they really fucked us over in this situation and i'm not yet sure how we'll resolve it, but our focus goal at the moment is revolving around "make lots of money, trim down our belongings so we can be Mobile At The Drop Of A Hat, and Look For Somewhere Else To Live"
Because they fucking lied to us.
We just found out that my mother, who is supposed to be a 1/3rds owner of this property, which was supposed to be put into the company of an LLC she and her sister had discussed, agreed to, and my mom's sister was supposed to set up and we do in fact get *mail* addressed to said business name.... Well, it just so happens, my mom's sister never transfered the title. ("Oh I'm so sorry I thought I told you about that? Well it just didn't make sense and I didn't do it" is such a great and wonderful and mature reason to not follow through on an agreed to plan of action. If it DIDN"T MAKE SENSE then WHY DID YOU AGREE TO IT IN THE FIRST PLACE????) And with some other bullshittery in my gloriously convoluted blood family (I love, love, LOVE and TREASURE my found family and those few good beans i'm more closely genetically related to my gods you people are amazing please keep being amazing we need more folks like you and less people like my Aunt and Uncle from their Sitcom Parody they didn't realize was meant to be a fictional script not a how-to guide to life)
Anyhow let's just say, I'm livid and worried that my Aunt's crooked husband, and frankly i guess i have to start viewing my Aunt as her own person and not just blaming her husband for Corrupting Her because She's Her Own Damn Person And Is Making These Choices, basically manipulated my aunt and mom and the whole situation, to set things up nice and tidy so he can fucking attempt to steal the entire inheritance from my mom at the cost of our livelihood and our home. Because they want to build their dream home, and have extended themselves too far with other ventures in the time since we entered into this whole arrangement.
All our finances have been invested into this place. It's a crapshoot. There was a lovely little issue moooooonths and months and months ago now, where my aunt and uncle pressured my mom into signing a "default lease" contract because they "needed it for the bank" for some convoluted fakey reason i honestly do not remember, i just remember warning my mom that it sounded sketchy as fuck (because they specifically stressed it wasn't a real lease and it wasn't going to be an issue and blah blah idc if you tell me it's fictional in the eyes of the court Written Contracts Are Law and that shit is REAL thank you very much) and if she signed the lease as it was written because it wasn't a fancy thing at all it was really just a default form-- well, if she signed it, they could have absolutely had the technical legal power to turn around the next day and gleefully tell me to get rid of all my Symbiotes, because they sent my mom a lease that restricted tenants from having cats / birds / etc wow how coincidentally specific.
So she made a different version that fixed that little issue. And my mom signed THAT version. And my aunt signed a FUCKING DIFFERENT VERSION AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT'S GONNA DO BUT IT'S A MESS I UNDERSTAND ENOUGH LEGAL JARGON AND ABOUT BUSINESS TO KNOW *THAT* AAAAH.
Sorry i just. Had to scream there for a second. I'm chill. Totally. Mostly.
So, back on track; the long long long story made honestly shorter I swear, is that the only people who have their names on our property and home we were supposed to be slowly paying off to own like a psudo renters agreement, are actually our factual Landlords according to what's currently documented and set up by them, and they actually own everything. And my Uncle, has long decided to, and has been, treating us like tenants, not like family, and very much an "I own this place you're just lucky enough to eat out of my hand" (he really got a complex, yo. It's actually pathetically hilarious and abysmally comedic, if it weren't so frustrating I'm actually stuck being involved in business with him that's fucking up our livelihoods)
I.... I can't even begin to state how much this all has affected my mental and emotional health and wellbeing. Finding out that a woman I admired from the single-digits and looked up to my whole danged life, actually views me as a lying and manipulative attention-whore who is ungrateful and selfish, (they think I am lying about my health disabilities, and my Uncle deadass tried to convince my mom and her husband that I was clinically insane and should get a Psyche Evaluation and blah blah blah) was admittedly a pretty big nasty blow to my squishy little heart.
So was finding out that a very happy, wonderful, cherished memory I thought I shared with said formerly adored Aunt, was actually all this time for these last several years, viewed as a horrible experience to her and she lied through her teeth about how much she enjoyed my company, literally encouraging me to walk all over her boundaries and telling me it was okay. Because if you tell me, when I ask you, if you are having fun and wouldn't you rather do something else or etc because I am reading ur body language and I don't think you are having fun so I am checking in because I want u to have fun, and you say "no no I really want you to experience this thing i've done a million times before please seriously go enjoy yourself doing the stupid thing over and over while i watch and relax," I'm... going to believe you? At your word?? Because that's the data you gave me to act on??????
And if you tell me, "honestly, no, i'd rather actually do something else because i am not having fun rn"... then I will act on that information, too, and we can change course go have fun together???
I wasn't even allowed the opportunity to. She let me cluelessly walk all over her happiness and I had no fucking clue except I -did- because I fucking -asked- her because I read her fucking -body language- and honestly this is a great reminder to me to trust myself, trust my instincts, and trust my fucking eyeballs because body language is hard to fake but words can easily lie.
So yeah i've been a big weepy trashfire mess a lot these last two years ^^''' Uuuuuh dunno where I've gotten inspiratio nfor writing my fanfic books ya'll love so much hahahahahaaaaa no clue no sir not a single idea here.... (I'm a fraud I so often ust take IRL events and slap new context on them for that glorious escapism mmmm delicious)
I'm devastated, to put it bluntly. But that's also old news (I found out the way my aunt and uncle really thought about me about, gosh, two years? was it now? not long after we moved in, and i've been worried about our household security and situation for a while, but now we have actual confirmation that Shit's Not Right and it's really the dreaded mess I was worried things might become. Damn do it suck when your paranoia ain't just paranoia :((( i want a refund, pls? plssss?)
The new news, is the confirmation that they are as sketchy, deplorable, gaslighting, manipulative, and dishonest as I was terrified they would be and their sweet honeyed words assured me they were not.
(don't even get me started on me actually trying to Talk To My Uncle to connect with him. You cannot connect on a deep and real level, with someone who cannot even connect with themselves honestly. It was a good, if harsh, learning lesson for me. Ow. Ow ow ow. My heart hurty.)
I'm hopeful that we can still resolve things as peacefully as possible (which is to say, my uncle very much is making Loud Noises about how he'd love to sell the entire property and with his Lack Of Smarts And Impatience he'd do it even if it's possibly at a loss which may well mean they then try to fight my mom to avoid giving her any return of the assets she invested into, y'know, our fucking HOUSE) by way of... just... doing what we're already doing. Making money, paying the bills, trying to save up and get ahead like we're always trying to do, sigh.
I take small, small satisfcation that my swamp almost ate this man. One should not drive heavy equipment into a fucking SWAMP. That skidsteer he rented was a very, very sad muddy and broken-axel'ed mess when the wrecker hauled it out of the mud :') (thankfully, no one was hurt physically [there is no recovering that ego bubble burst :'D], and the damage to the ground... Well. Honestly, he did more harm to the land actually using the skidsteer than they did dragging it out of the poor marsh. Sigh.) I sincerely hoped it scared him into thinking with a little more sense. I am not optimistic on that front admittedly, but I am ever hopeful. It's the second one he's sunk, in the same idiot choice of driving heavy machinery over wetland, if that tells you anything about how this man opperates.
And they thought I was the insane one? Isn't the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?
:SnarkyThinkingEmojiHerePls:
So... yeah, that's the *house* issue.
On top of everything, we took in two new kittens my parents rescued last October... I don't regret this. Really, I don't, because if they didn't rescue those little furballs I guarantee you they would be owl or eagle dinner because that is what happened to the other dozens of kittens and cats abandoned at the park these two little guys came from, and the shelters there were all kill shelters ;-; so... they came home with us. I've got a new brother and sister barely taller than my ankles, and i love them to death.
They're also two more mouths to feed, and because they're kittens, they also needed vaccines (thank fuck, I was able to get these! I found an affordable place to buy the vaccines and we administered them ourselves. That literally dropped the price by hundreds of dollars compared to the vets around me, yikes, plus bonus, no stressful vet visit. It cost me about $100 bucks with shipping, to get my babies their meds), and they're going to need a neuter and spay surgery here very soon. We have the luck of having a brother and sister pair.
The Mortgage payment (that as we just learned isn't even our fucking mortgage like it should be, it's purely under my aunt/uncle's names) is over $2,000 to be here, due to the way the taxes got adjusted after Great Grandparent's estate was closed. Even if my mom succeeds in somehow swinging an arrangement where we sell all the land around us off (30 acres.... imma cry to see it go, because it's some of the last natural land that's got a thriving ecosystem and diversity in my county, and not enough people care about that remotely, so thank fuck for the nature preserves ;-;), we're still going to be moving afterwards. That would, however, be probably the most ideal outcome of all this, because it'd allow us the chance to get our feet under ourselves (with a drastically lowered mortgage that may even be completely paid off with the land sale) as we look for a new place.
So... there's a chance I might get to stay here, but right now, it's Way Too Real that my aunt/uncle might decide to pull some kind of eviction notice BS. I genuinely don't know what to expect from these people anymore, except knowing that they do not have my or my family's best interests at heart, and I can trust my Uncle to break anything he tries to 'fix.' (I'm not joking. When I tell someone "hey I can't spraypaint the outlets like you wanted because the only paint i have is cheap watery bs that's only good for making weird fade effects it's literally that bad," I am not expecting the INSTANT my back is turned, for the forewarned person to be using that Shitty Ass Watery Paint to try and spraypaint my fucking house. God dammit. Not to mention the broken garage door, the broken fence gate, the broken toilet he installed wrong, or all the other wonderful 'helpful fixes' he tried to do. Or shit he broke while doing stuff. When we have a skid steer at our disposal, I should not have to go out and hand-rake ground back level because he Tore It The Fuck Up and made an even bigger mess.... guh, sorry, i'll stop ranting about that now)
As it stands, however, I am already looking for a new place. Any recommendations for me to check out in Virgina, or Southern Illinois? ;D
I just. Fuck. I am trying so hard ot be optimistic here ya'll, but if i'm honest, I could use some help, and I am finally biting my pride to fuckin' do that thing where I open my mouth and be honest about my shitty situation and ask for it. But I don't want to just Get Stuff For Nothing, so please-- let me work for it <3
I can't work a nine to five job on my feet all day. I can't even do a desk job all day (my current job IS basically a desk job lmao). But I can do it following my weird ass body's schedule between weird dizzy-pain symptoms, and I can do art!
So, if you'd like to help me pay bills which incidentially also includes my inernet bill which is what allows me ot publish fanfiction and art, I have opened up my art commissions! I have also created some fun membership tiers on my Kofi. The highest tiers offer gifts of hand-cast pewter jewelry I've made, and original artwork and letters made by me.
I won't ever stop doing art... But bills have to come first, so please pardon if I am slower on my fanfiction updates for my books in these next few dizzying months. I'm doing everything I can to make art, make money, and keep a roof over our heads.
with a 13 year old, a two year old and a ten month old; touya thought he had it covered for a night. it was just one night. he finally convinced you to go out and enjoy yourself, to take some time off from being a full time mom-- to destress yourself and relax. he could handle it.
that's what he thought.
unfortunately for him, the two youngest had decided to conspire against him. his two year old son had taken upon himself to scatter the remnants of his dinner down his pants and into his underwear, and then ten month old was hellbent on staying locked in his fathers arms the rest of the night-- and was willing to scream until he was blue in the face if he wasn't.
touya had pleaded your daughter to help-- he knows he should be more assertive about certain things with her, but he's too scared about coming off as... well...
he doesn't like raising his voice at her. ever since she started those little sensitive weeks every month, touya's been tiptoeing around her like she's made of glass and it's endearing and annoying at the same time.
so here he was, frazzled and overstimulated-- he was already planning on worshipping the ground you walk on when you got home because honestly? how the hell have you been doing this like it's a freakin' cake walk for so long? holding the youngest in his lap while the middle child sits in the mountain of bubbles in the tub.
there's a reason you don't put so much bubbles in the tub when your second oldest takes a bath. touya learned that lesson a little too late when most of the water happened to land on the tile floor rather than stay in the bathtub.
he's in the middle of dealing with one of two meltdowns when he hears your daughter in the doorway-- she's talking but he could care less about what she's talking about. he's trying oh so hard to get your son's arm in the footie pyjama that you lied out for him earlier before you left, because shit--! the younger two were supposed to be in bed an hour ago.
touya can feel his cheeks warming with frustration. he's trying very hard not to loose his cool-- because he'd be damned if took out his frustrations out on his kids when they didn't deserve it at all.
"dad," your daughter leans against the bedroom doorframe, her phone dangling by her ear as she watches her father struggle with her two younger brothers, "mom wants to talk to you."
touya doesn't hear her at first. his ears are ringing as the ten month old screams in full meltdown mode as he gets him ready for bed.
"dad," she repeats louder, over the wails of her baby brother.
the dam bursts. touya snaps, "what?" and immediately regrets it when the room instantly goes silent. he spews apologies from his mouth, but the look on his daughter's face is enough to fill his chest with guilt. she backs out of the room, mumbling that he would call you later-- and touya's shoulders sag.
he eventually gets the younger two to bed, but he's beating himself up mentally the entire time. he shouldn't have raised his voice, he should've got the boys to bed sooner, he definitely should've gotten bathtime done sooner-- should he have done an easier dinner? is your daughter going to give him the cold shoulder for weeks because he snapped at her?
reluctantly, he dials your number and calls you. he knows you're just going to yell at him and scold him for not being patient enough, so he should just get it out of the way now instead of having to see the disappointment in your face--
"hi baby," your voice is sweet, low-- touya can hear the clatter of the restaurant you're eating at in the background. for a moment, he allows himself to melt into your comforting tone.
"i'm sorry," are his first words out of his mouth. he immediately starts to ramble and only stops when he hears you chuckle on the other side of the phone. "i'm trying to apologize and you're laughing at me, [y/n]."
"stop apologizing, touya," he can practically see the little grin you're wearing right now. he can hear it in your voice. "you're doing fine. you raised your voice, so what?"
"i don't like yelling at them," he confesses with an exhale. he rakes his fingers through his hair and lies his head into his palm, bending over the kitchen island. "if i had just done bathtime earlier, i would've gotten the boys to bed earlier and--"
"you're doing fine, babe," you reassure him again. "it's one night, i didn't expect it to go absolutely perfect for you."
touya scoffs in response. "nice to know the love of my life didn't have any faith in me."
you click your tongue at him. "not what i meant and you know it. did everyone have fun at least?"
touya hums. he knows the boys had a blast tonight-- they got to do the things that mommy usually didn't let them do. there were a lot of "don't tell mommy" and "oh well, what mom doesn't know won't hurt her" said tonight-- and even if touya is usually completely honest with you, he's not gonna tell you that.
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