My pitch for the eventual ‘Community Movie’
The film opens in 2023. After a brief bounce back from the efforts of the Save Greendale Committee, Greendale came upon hard times during the global pandemic (due to a poor attempt to transition classes like “Ladders” and “Nicolas Cage: Good or Bad” to an online setting.) Frankie left long ago to help hospitals rearrange their budgets for life saving PPE.
The Dean informs Jeffrey that things have gotten so bad that he has to let him go, and Jeff ends up at Britta’s bar for a drink. On the TV in the corner they see a commercial for a film that looks oddly familiar, about a community college study group that goes on wacky adventures. Jeff looks the movie up online to realize that Abed is the director and the film has a ton of buzz from Indie Film Festivals.
In “Community: The Movie,” Timothy Olyphant stars as Jiff Wanger, with Alexandro Daddario as Allie Anniston, Nicole Byer as Sally Benton, Dev Patel as Abed Nadir (no name change), John David Washington as Trey Burns, and Abed’s hero Harrison Ford as Piers Hawksworth.
Jeff tries to call Abed on the phone and realizes that Abed has changed his phone number since they last spoke. Feeling more disconnected from his old friends than ever, Jeff announces to Britta that they’re going to get the study group back together and confront Abed in L.A., intent on suing him for using their likeness without permission so that they can save Greendale. Britta says, “But neither of our cars can make it across the country.”
Jeff and Britta whip around to see Rick. Britta and Rick start making out over the bar counter. Jeff takes the keys from Rick’s hand and goes to “warm up the car.”
In their Honda CR-V, Jeff, Rick, and Britta go to D.C. to pick up Annie. At first she’s reluctant to take time off work, but when she realizes that Greendale is in trouble of closing for good, she throws her FBI badge in a nearby fountain.
Cut to the group looking for Annie’s badge in the water. “I wanted to be like those people that throw their cellphones in the ocean, in movies,” Annie sighs. “But you never think about them going back to get them.”
After they get Annie’s badge they head for Atlanta, Georgia to scoop up Shirley. Shirley’s sons are now old enough to attend college, and it breaks her heart to realize that her old school is closing down. “Not that I want them to go to Greendale,” Shirley adds. “They’re going to an Ivy. But if they need a back-up for their back-up’s back-up…”
Throughout their whole journey the group does their best to find out where Troy is, but no one has heard from him in years. Every time someone wonders aloud if he died in a horrible boating accident, Annie starts sobbing and they turn on the radio. A song by a popular new rapper Kiddish Bambino seems to be always playing whenever they turn the radio on. Shirley says she hates rap but she nods her head along with everyone else.
Rounding out their journey through New Mexico on the way to L.A., the gang stops at a Mexican restaurant on the side of the road. Annie pretends like its Jeff’s birthday to make up for “all those years of birthday cards I owe you.” And Britta says, “What about my birthdays? Are mine less important because he’s a man?” At which point they all tell the waiter they are celebrating a joint five-way birthday. The waiter goes to get the manager to catch them in a lie, and the group worries that they pushed it too far. Until they realize that the restaurant owner is Chang, speaking perfect Spanish. He’s so excited to see them that he says, “Birthdays on the house!” And every patron in the restaurant gets trashed on free margaritas.
As they’re drunkenly catching up, Chang fills them in on what happened to him after season six. With a renewed sense of ambition, Chang realized that he was happiest when he was a student-torturing Spanish teacher. But before he could let him get his job back, the Dean challenged him to actually learn Spanish. He moved to New Mexico to take classes and learn about Latin Culture, and ended up marrying a woman and having three kids. “Now I dog on my kids instead of dogging on students,” Chang says. “It’s great.”
After hearing about their road trip across the country, Chang decides to join them. He makes the joke “And my axe” at an off moment and over-explains his reference. Everyone groans but Rick asks to hear more, because he never actually watched Lord of the Rings, “Though of course I love it in the way that people love things they’ve never seen in person, like the Northern Lights or God,” Rick says genially.
So Jeff, Britta, Annie, Shirley, Rick, and Chang end up in L.A. to storm into Abed’s office, only to be told that he’s getting ready for the theatrical release of “Community: The Movie” at the Chinese Theater. The gang pulls a scheme to get into the premiere and bumps into the movie-star versions of themselves on the red carpet. Classic trope.
When they finally slide into their seats at the theater, the film starts. And it’s amazing. There’s laughter, there’s tears. Rick and Britta hold hands…Jeff and Annie accidentally brush hands but look away as Sara Bareilles’ “Gravity” plays on screen. Chang tries to hold Shirley’s hand but gets slapped away with a “Ben, you’re married” as he defensively says, “As friends. You never hold hands with your friends?”
At the end of the movie Abed stands up for a Q&A. The old study group was moved to tears, so they’re not angry anymore, but Jeff is enraged. He wrestles the microphone away from a fan and wakes to the middle of the aisle to confront Abed.
“That Greendale on screen is a lie built by Disney magic and Timothy Olyphant blood money. Do you know right now the real Greendale is a sinking ship?” Jeff asks. “Our home is about to plummet under the waves and here you are, weaving movie magic to show the ‘perfect’ version of our lives. Well the truth is far from perfect. Because in reality, Abed doesn’t even care about his friends. He hasn’t called in years.”
Jeff starts to tear up as he talks. Abed tilts his head.
“Jeff, this isn’t some Sony Pictures presents Marvel’s Disney project. This was a kickstarter, Zach Braff style. This was my ‘Wish I Was Here,’ but better because I’m not a famous movie star asking people in a lower tax bracket for money. This wasn’t funded by corporations, it was funded by the people.” Abed stands up. “The first tier got donors a ‘Community: The Movie’ pin. The second tier got them a swag bag. And the third tier…well the third tier paid admission for a semester at Greendale Community College. The real one.”
Abed looks out to the audience. “Could all the third tier donors in the audience stand up?”
Jeff, Britta, Annie, Shirley, Chang, and Rick look on in shock as three-fourths of the audience get to their feet. Even Timothy Olyphant stands up from the front row. “What?” He asks his co-stars. “They’ve got a class on Nicolas Cage. Is he good?”
Jeff approaches the stage and Abed helps him up. Their silhouettes are backlit by the stage lights as they hug. “But…” Jeff says. “You never called.”
“I threw my phone in the ocean when I got to L.A.” Abed shrugs. “I see it in movies all the time when people have fresh starts. I didn’t realize it would be so hard to get back.”
The rest of the gang comes up from the audience to hug Abed. The Q&A host (maybe a Josh Horowitz type) says “The real cast of Community!” as the crowd cheers.
End-credits scene is Abed and Troy hanging out in the green room after the movie premiere, just chatting normally. Everyone else stares at him.
“And after I found Abed in California I became a famous rapper and I changed my name to Kiddish Bambino,” Troy says, finishing his story. “You can kind of do whatever you want when you’re a millionaire.”
Troy and Abed do their handshake.
“But you never called,” Annie chimes in.
“Oh I threw my phone in the ocean like Day One on the boat,” Troy says. “Not to get a fresh start. I was just trying to give a mermaid my phone number.”
“Troy got heat stroke 12 times,” Abed says.
“The doctors say my brain is ‘basically’ normal,” Troy says.
“Don’t you work at Subway?” Troy asks Rick.
End credits (Elroy watches “Community: The Movie” in his RV after it comes out on DVD, with Julie from Natalie is Freezing at his side. “I knew most of those people you know. They’re all uglier in person. Nice kids, though.”)
What would you add? What would you throw out? I know there’s too much Rick but it can’t be helped. How else would they get a Honda CR-V, America’s dream car?
