I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Today's Document
Cosmic Funnies
todays bird
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
🪼
EXPECTATIONS
Sweet Seals For You, Always
Stranger Things
if i look back, i am lost
Claire Keane
Xuebing Du
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
Noah Kahan
Cosimo Galluzzi
NASA
★
titsay
The Bowery Presents
seen from Italy
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from India
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Russia
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Indonesia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from Brazil
seen from Iraq
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
@sunflower-0180
Information about Anna!
(I’m gonna add to this as I think of things that are important to know about them)
Name: Anna Barnes
Age: 23
Birthday: August 11, 2002
Physical description: Slender, 4’10” or 152cm, hazel eyes, medium length reddish brown hair that’s wavy.
Sexuality/Gender Identity: Asexual and Aromantic, Non Binary and they use they/them pronouns.
Open roleplay
Edward stares down at his body in the mirror, he'd been going to shower but had become distracted when he took his shirt off, he usually tries to avoid looking at his body but...
The feeling of someone ripping into his back, the feeling of a knife sliding against his exposed muscles, hot iron being pressed into his skin. Screams making his voice raw and useless, begging for them to stop...
Edward gasps and jerks away from the mirror, eyes wide as the memories was over him. 'Winged monster, son of the devil.' He shudders and manages to glance at his back, it's horribly mangled and scarred, barely an inch of unscarred skin. He stands frozen as he stares at his body, barely breathing.
*They hadn’t heard the water turn on and something felt wrong, felt off. They knock on the door, closing their eyes but opening it. They knew that he kept the door unlocked for his kids, in case they really needed him.* “Sparkles? My eyes are closed, but I needed to check on you, something feels off and I haven’t heard the water turn on for a long time. Are you okay?”
Edward doesn’t move, staring frozen at himself in the mirror. He grabs onto the counter, talons sliding out, barely aware Anna walked into the room.
“Edward? It’s your Mouse. I’m gonna open my eyes now.” *They do, and then gasp quietly. They had only seen glimpses of his back before, never the full thing. They cover their mouth with their hands.* “Oh Edward, I….”
Edward gasps and turns around quickly, using his wings to cover his back, eyes wide in panic. He shakes his head and curls into himself. “I’m fine!”
“You’re not. You’re so not.” *They whisper, their eyes wide like his, turning around to give him privacy, but also trying to send him as much love as possible.* “You’re not alone in scarred skin, and it’s nothing for you to be ashamed of, it’s them who should be ashamed. I promise you that.”
Edward tries to cover himself with his wings, eyes wide and blank when he catches sight of his back in the mirror again. “Not the same-” He chokes out, shaking his head. “I can feel… no-” He drops down to the floor, hugging himself.
“I know it’s not. I know, I was just trying-“ *They stop talking when he drops to the floor, sitting across from and nod, barely managing to not flinch.* “I know you can feel it. What can I do? I can run and grab you a shirt, would that help you?” *His panic was crawling into them, and they could feel the strong desire to scratch their skin as much as possible.*
Edward shakes his head, pressing his back into the wall, which causes him to cry out in pain, his wings flap out before wrapping around his body, his eyes look dull and distant. “Where- where am I?” He chokes out.
*They look at him with a broken expression, and let out a tiny sob, their heart shattering at how broken he sounded, and bite back their panic.* “You’re at your house. You’re married to April and have 3 kids: Nadia, Arianna, and Ben. I’m your sibling, your mouse, Anna.”
Edward breathes heavily, his eyes fling back to the mirror, taking in his back with a panicked sound. He’s shakes his head and grabs his hair. “No. I can feel… no-”
*They get up and throw a towel over the mirror, and sit back down across from him.* “Let’s…..we’re not gonna look. I know you can feel it, it feels like you can feel it now, but I promise you that you’re safe. No one is gonna touch you right now.”
Edward’s hand claws into his shoulder, eyes wide. He shakes his head and tucks further into himself. “I can feel, feel it- the knife!” His eyes dart open, staring at Anna. “Who are ya?!”
“I know, I’m sorry.” *They look into his eyes, staring at him with so much worry.* “I’m Anna, I’m your sibling. We found out that we’re siblings 2 years ago now.”
Edward stares at them blankly. He tucks into himself, talons digging into the back of his shoulders, a broken sob finally bubbling out of him.
*They don’t move, even if everything in their body is telling them to go and comfort him.* “Edward? Do you…..do you remember who I am? Do you believe me?”
Edward bites his lip, looking up shakily, face tear stained. His talons dig further into his shoulders. “I… I don’t know.” He whispers, eyes darting around. He winces and presses his back into the wall, trying to hide it.
*They stand and run to grab one of his shirts and bring it back to him, their hands shaking as they slide it to him.* “Here, would this help you at all?”
Edward grabs the shirt, yanking it on over his body and hiding in it, tucking into himself. “Thank you-" He chokes out.
“You’re welcome.” *They whisper, staring off into space. How are they supposed to help hik come out of this? They think for a second and then try to send him a few memories of them, happier ones, something they were only able to do with him and Carlos, and now Valerie as well.*
Edward slowly uncurls his hands from his curls, taking a few heaving breaths, his eyes glazing over. “You… you’re Anna… we… we went flyin’.” He mumbles, shaking touching his back.
*They nod, relieved that it was working so far.* “We did. You’ve saved my ass so many times from so many things by flying me away. You protect me, always. We protect each other, since we’ve found out that we’re siblings.”
Edward swallows thickly, shakily yanking at his curls lightly. “I was mean… mean when we met.” He blinks rapidly, taking a few slower breaths.
“It’s not like I was an angel either. Don’t you remember how defensive and just straight up snarky I was?” *They snort, thinking about that day, how both scared and protected they had felt, which didn’t make any sense.*
Edward smiles ever so slightly. “Yeah…” He tucks his arms around his chest, closing his eyes, his shoulders slumping down. “They’re not here.” He whispers to himself, shakily fidgeting with his shirt. “M’safe now. No more.”
“Nope. They’re not here, you’re totally safe.” *They smile at him, their shoulders starting to loosen up a little bit as well.* “And if anyone tried to hurt you, I would protect you. I’m very decent at fighting now.”
“Good fighter.” Edward whispers, he drops back against the wall, body slumping down, he covers his face and takes a shaky breath. “Home.” He then mumbles in some language, picking at his fingers.
“Yep. And yeah, we’re home.” *They agree and then slide him the fidget that was in their pocket.* “Do you need water or anything?”
Edward takes the fidget and sets it to the side. “Yes please.” He whispers, touching his shoulder lightly with a wince.
*They get up, grabbing a water bottle from the kitchen and bring it back to him, carefully holding it out.* “Here you go. I can get you some food if you want.”
Edward shakily takes it, taking a large gulp of the water. “Thank you.” He whispers, he shakes his head as he sips slowly on his water.
*They smile at him and lean back against the door, and then move to sit opposite of him, so he would feel like he had a way out if he needed it.* “What do you actually remember right now? Like, without me sending you memories?”
Edward looks up slowly. “I know I… trust you.” He looks back down at the water, swirling it around in the glass before taking a small sip. “Your names Anna and you’re my sibling but I…” He looks to the side and bites his lip. “Am I nineteen?”
*They look at him in confusion, watching as he swirls the water.* “Nineteen? No no, you’re 24. You’re a year older than me. We met when you were 22 and I was 21.”
Edward blinks a few times. “I’m not…” He sits back, brow furrowed. “I…” He glances around the room. “Is Magneto here?” Terror fills his eyes.
“Nooo, no, he’s not here.” *They shake their head, a shudder going through their own body at the mention of him. They had their own reasons to hate him.*
Edward bites his lip, looking around the room carefully, he really hasn’t told Anna much about his time with Magneto. “But I’m not in the prison. He…” Edward tugs at a curl. “He… no-” He touches his back lightly.
“No, you’re not in prison. You’re here, with me. And we’re safe at home.” *They try to reassure him, looking at him with wide eyes.* “He’s not touching you, no one is touching you.”
Edward presses his back against the wall, clinging tightly to the water. “If I’m not in the prison, not with Magneto- where am I?” He lets out a scared sob.
“You’re at your house, that you have with your wife and kids. April is your wife and you have Nadia, Arianna, and Ben. You didn’t think you could have kids, but you can.”
Edward snorts and thumps his head back against the wall. “I can’t have kids- no, no I know I can’t. I was awake when they-” He cuts himself off and turns his head away sharply. “I… I know Nadia. Arianna and… and Evan…”
“You were awake??” *They look at him in horror, their own medical trauma starting to take over a little bit.* “What….what do you mean? And yeah. Those are the names of your kids.”
Edward stares at them. “Yeah, I was always awake. Whatever they did, I… I was awake. Always.” His eyes glaze over for a second, he quickly tucks his knees to his chest.
“Always…..” *They trail off, sinking into the floor more. How could someone do that? They had felt operations being semi awake, but fully awake?? They let out a strangled sound when they feel someone start to move a little, bracing themselves for……something.*
Edward nudges them with his wing before tucking it back. “A full year… a whole year of it. Torture, experiments… cutting into me, always awake.” He lets out a bitter laugh, thumping his head back against the wall. “Why do ya think I never talk about it?” His voice is raw, like he’s holding down sobs.
“Well, I didn’t want to press! And you have trauma from being awake, but I have trauma of being sedated, because that’s when you lose clothes that you thought you had on. And I tried to block it out the best I could, but some of it got through!” *Their voice is also raw, feeling prickly and defensive, like he had attacked their mutation.*
Edward flinches back violently, head colliding with the walls, his eyes wide with panic, it’s a sort of panicked look they’ve never seen from him before. “That’s- I didn’t… I-” He scrambles to his feet, breathing heavily, pressing a hand to his chest. “That’s not what I meant! I just said that’s why I don’t talk about it!” He grabs at his hair, eyes darting around. “I don’t know where I am!” He wails, breathing quick and uneven. “Don’t-"
*Now they flinch back into the opposite wall, and then try to force themselves to breathe.* “I told you that you’re safe, you live here with April and your kids! I can leave if I’m making things worse, I can call her. She would be here in a second.” *They pull out their phone, trying to find her number in their phone.*
Edward presses himself into the wall, covering his face. “No!” He looks down at himself, eyes wide and terrified. “No, no, no don’t go- I don’t want April- I can’t remember her enough-” He slides down the wall, hiding his face in his hands. “I didn’t mean it like that!”
*They quickly shake their head and put their phone away to try and help his nerves.* “Okay, I won’t call her, I won’t text her, just try to breathe with me. Can I hold your hand, please?”
“No.” Edward tucks his hands to his chest, breathing shakily. He closes his eyes and tucks into himself, cry silently, breathing evening out a little.
*They pull their own hands to their chest and look away, blinking tears away as fast as they could.* “That’s fine. You have control over the situation.”
Edward stares at the wall, breathing carefully. “Never have control.” He whispers, tugging at a curl.
*They shake their head hard, looking at him.* “Can you trust me that I’m telling you the truth? You know that I’m your sibling, right? So why would I lie to you about you having control over the situation?”
Edward looks up. “I never have control. Ever. Not once in my entire life.” He whispers before dropping his head back onto his knees.
“You have control over who you choose to marry, you have control over getting Nadia back, you have control over where you live, you have control over where you work.” *They list a few things that they hope will help him.* “I can help you remember.”
Edward shoves himself to his feet, moving back into the bathroom quietly. “M’fine…” He mumbles, fidgeting with his shirt and staring into the mirror.
“You’re not. Not at all.” *They stand up as well, and move so that they can adjust the towel so that it covers the mirror better.* “No, please don’t look in the mirror, that’s making you panic more.”
Edward frowns and glances back to the mirror. He flings his hands down and moves out of the room, shaking and tucking his arms around his chest.
“It’s making you go back there in your mind, your mind is telling you that’s where you are still, even though you’re remembering some things, a lot of the stuff is also muddying up in your head.” *They follow him, wringing their hands anxiously as they see how badly he’s shaking.* “I’m sorry, I really am trying to help you, I’m not trying to make things worse.”
Edward kicks at the floor, his wings fluttering out nervously. “Ya ain’t makin’ it worse.” Edward shakes his head, pacing around the room and lightly tugging at his curls.
“Well, how can I help?” *They continue to wring their hands anxiously, looking at him pace around the room.* “Do you need more water? Or tea. I can’t call make tea?”
Edward shakes his head. “Water please.” He drops onto the couch, tipping his head back, tears in his eyes. “M’sorry… I just… I just can’t…”
*They grab him a new water bottle, shaking their head quickly.* “You don’t have to apologize, we’ll work through it, it’ll be okay. Even if it takes a while, we’ll be okay.”
Edward takes the water and sips it, glancing down. He sinks shakily and nods. “I just hate this.”
“I know. I do too. Do you want me to stand or sit?” *They shift slightly from foot to foot, trying to get some of the anxiety that was in their body to calm down a little bit, blocking it out slowly.*
Edward shrugs and sits on the couch, sipping his water slowly. “Ya can sit with me.” He gives them an incredibly weak smile.
*They smile back, just as weak, and sit at the other end of the couch, wanting to give him comfort while still giving him space.* “Do you want to just sit here or do you want me to talk?”
Edward fiddles with the water, taking a few slow breaths. “Ya can talk.”
*They take a sip of their own water and clear their throat.* “Does it matter what I talk about? Do you want to hear about what Tony and I have been working on in his lab recently?”
Edward perks up slightly and nods. “I’d like that…”
*They smile softly, a real smile on their face.* “So we’ve been working on an old car, don’t ask me what kind, I have no clue. But we just finished fixing up a bunch of the wiring and now we’re gonna do a bunch of painting as well. Give it a new paint job, but add some designs as well. He’s gonna let me do some art work, which I’m really excited about.”
Edward nods slowly, poking at his knees. “That’s real cool.” He mumbles, shifting his wings closer.
“Do….do you have any projects that you’ve done with him? Do you want me to keep talking about mine?” *They watch his wings shift closer to them, but stay still so that he can decide if he wants to touch them or not.*
“No I haven’t… I don’t do projects, I don’t like labs.” Edward nudges them with his wing then tucks them around his body. “No it’s okay…”
*They look down as he nudges them and think for a second, racking their brain on what to say.* “Oh, you came over for dinner a few days, and had dinner with me and Carlos. April was with the kids, and it’s kinda weird for her anyways, so yeah. But we actually had a really nice dinner.”
Edward blinks a few times. “Carlos?” He tilts his head and scrunches his nose. “I kinda remember?”
*They freeze, copying his blinks.* “I-“ *Ohhhh boy.* “Do you…do you remember who Carlos is? How……how much do I need to explain about him?”
“Um… not really? He’s your… partner?” Edward tilts his head blinking. “You have a partner?”
“I…..do. Yeah. Ummm……I went undercover on a mission at hydra, and had to become his partner. And we had to get married, the whole thing. But we realized that……we really did become platonic partners. Like, he’s my soulmate. I’m not interested in anyone romantically or sexually, but he’s my….my person.” *They look at him as they explain, trying to gauge how much their explanation was making sense.*
“Oh.” Edward blinks rapidly, tugging a few loose feather out of his wings. “That’s… strange but okay… wasn’t expectin’ that.”
*They automatically move to pick up the feathers, putting them in their jacket pocket so they can take them home later.* “A lot of people think it’s strange since I’m aroace, but yeah. You found your person and I found mine.” *They pause and look at him for a minute.* “How…..where’s your mind right now? Like, what are you remembering?”
“Huh…” Edward watches them collect the feathers. He hums and tugs at a curl. “Rememberin’ more, but it all feels kinda,,, fuzzy.”
“Like you’re watching a staticky movie, something that isn’t quite blurry but isn’t clear either.” *They agree, looking at him, and then glance down at the feathers, flushing a light pink as they look away.* “I….it makes me feel close to you, when I’m not seeing you all the time anymore. So I collect them and keep them at my house.”
“Yeah.,, that’s exactly it.” Edward fiddles with his hair, a very small smile comes onto his face. “That’s sweet…”
“You teased me the first time you found me doing it. Well, you said it was sweet and then you teased me.” *They smile back, glad they could feel more of him present with them.* “What age is your brain telling you that you are right now?”
Edward smiles and laughs softly. “Oh, that makes sense J did that.” He blinks and looks to Anna, biting at his lip. “I dunno… young? Young twenties?”
“Does 24 count as young twenties?” *They ask him, starting to feel even more certain that he was coming back to them. A flicker of pain goes across their face, which they quickly try to ignore.*
“Kinda…? I feel more like twenty one or somethin’.” Edward sighs and stares at the wall. “My head just feels fuzzy.” He messes with his curls.
“Like….high? Did you take something?” *They hadn’t felt like it was something from drugs, that normally would have given them a little bit of a head rush too.* “Or did someone give you something?”
Edward’s head wips up and he gives them an incredibly dirty glare. “I’m not high.” He snaps angrily and looks away, tucking his knees to his chest. His eyes flick around the house, gnawing on his lip.
*They can’t quite bite back the quiet yelp that comes out when he glares at them, and they get up and move away from him, shaking as they walk to the kitchen, heaving in a breath.* “I’m sorry, I just…..sometimes the buzzing………I didn’t mean to suggest that you were-“
Edward looks away sharply, glaring at the wall. “It ain’t drugs.” He tucks into himself, shaking his head.
*They go silent, sliding down the counter. They shouldn’t have asked that, they were supposed to be helping him remember, not make things worse. Why were they so stupid, why did they-*
Edward curls up in the corner of the couch, nervously biting at his thumb, his mind feels like a complete mess, he lets out a very quiet whimper. “Anna… Anna-”
*Their head jerks up as soon as they hear his voice and are moving back over to him before they can register what’s happening. They sit down next to him, and look at him with tears in their eyes.* “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that, I was just trying to go through all the possible reasons that you could be feeling this out of it and-“
Edward’s curled up in a ball, sniffling and wiping at his eyes. “M’sorry…” He chokes out, taking a few shaky breaths.
“Can I…..can I hug you? Please?” *Gods, they really wanted a hug themselves, but they force themselves to hold still until he responds.*
“I can’t-” Edward takes a few slow breaths, he wraps his wing around them firmly. “That’s all I can do- M’sorry-"
“You don’t have to be sorry. I’m proud of you for putting up your boundaries.” *They smile, their eyes honest even as their chest hurts. His wing gave them a sense of relief, their chest loosening slightly.*
Edward nods shakily. “M’sorry I can’t give you more right now.” He tucks his wing firmly around them.
“I’m grateful for what you are willing to give me.” *They smile again, and look at him, their eyes full of guilt.* “I’m so sorry that I asked that, that I didn’t at least try to explain my question more, so it wouldn’t come off like it did.”
Edward shakes his head, biting at his thumb. “I shouldn’t have gotten so defensive. My minds just such a mess and I… I dunno, s’hard to think.”
“That makes sense. Do you have any idea when you started to feel like this today? Like, did something in particular trigger you?” *They look at him, and then curl up away from him with a slight groan as a tremor goes through their body.* “I’m fine. I-“ *Their body starts to seize, and a few minutes later starts to slow to an occasional twitch until they finally open their eyes and look at him with slightly unfocused eyes.* “Hi Sparkles.”
“I… I just saw my back. It’s triggerin’.” Edward watched out of the corners of his eye, chewing on his lip. “Hi….”
“Your back? Ohh. Well……maybe……….maybe we need to keep the mirror covered for now?” *They suggest, feeling like their brain was full of cotton candy.* “How long was I out for? Didn’t hit my head, right?”
Edward bites on his thumb, looking to the side. “Uh huh.” He tucks his wings close. “Only a second, ya didn’t hit anything.” He tugs at his feathers.
“Where are you now? Like, what are you remembering? And I think I might need to take a nap. I feel really tired.” *They really do need to take a nap, their brain feels like it’s running on the slowest speed possible.* “Where do you want me to sleep?”
Edward shrugs, tugging feathers out. “M’comin’ back to myself.” He whispers. He tanks at his curls and glances to Anna. “Ya can sleep on the couch.. s’fine.”
“If you’re gonna tug your feathers out, then can you put them in my jacket pocket so I can take them home later?” *Their eyes shut a few seconds later and within another couple of minutes, they’re asleep.*
Edward nods and nervously bites at his thumb, he bounces his legs against the floor, slowly getting up and looking into a mirror in the room.
*They groan an hour later, stirring and looking around in confusion.* “Sparkles? Edward? Are you still here?” *Maybe he had left with one of the kids or something?*
Edward looks up, he has a mug of tea, a mirror behind him, there’s a mug waiting for Anna. “Hiya…”
“Hey. Where…..where’s your brain right now?” *They ask him, taking a sip of the tea and smiling.* “It’s perfect, thank you.”
“M’doin’ better.” Edward says carefully, sipping his tea. He smiles a bit. “Glad ya like it.”
“Do you remember everything again?” *They look at him and then smile when he does.* “You seem a lot better.”
“Think so…” Edward plucks at a curl, twisting it around on his finger. “Feel a little better, that was… weird.”
“That was a little strange. I haven’t seen you go that far back in a while.” *They look at him with a small smile.* “How long did you let me sleep for?”
“I haven’t gone that far back in a long time. At least… on accident.” Edward gives them a very small smile, holding his arms out for a hug. “Bout’ an hour.”
*As soon as he opens his arms for a hug, they’re crawling towards him and just flop onto him with a sigh of relief.* “I don’t know if I was that helpful, honestly. I tried my best, but….what’s the best thing for you, when that happens?”
Edward instantly wraps his arms and wings around them, burying his face into their shoulder. “Mm… you were good, you were good. I dunno… I just feel so lost when all that happens, I’ve got no clue what’s goin’ on, touch is usually… hard. Oh- I must’ve said something- I said stuff bout’ the prison didn’t I-“
*They nod, taking note of everything and then shake their head.* “You didn’t say much about it, honestly. Just very vague details. And as soon as you showed any sign that I was overwhelming you at all, I tried to give you as much space as I could.”
Edward nods and takes a few slow breaths. “Okay… thank ya.” He whispers and tucks his wings close.
“Of course.” *They gently kiss his forehead and then tuck their head under his chin.* “You really are like weighted, heated blanket. Does April enjoy that too?”
Edward nods. “She does… she likes weighted things, m’actually not a fan of weighted things, which is ironic since I got the wings,”
“You’re not a fan….but you let me lay on you like a weighted blanket, how…..why do you let me do that, then?” *They look up at him in concern, already trying to squiggle out of his arms.*
Edward tugs them back instantly. “Cause ya need it. It ain’t bout’ what I like when ya ain’t feelin’ well and need some of this, it doesn’t cause my panic attacks or anything usually, so I’m fine to do it for ya”.
“But……but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Let go of me, just get a different weighted blanket and sit next to me.” *They stubbornly try to push themselves off of him again, not liking that they can’t get him to move at all.* “Edward-“
“Hey I didn’t say it makes me uncomfortable.” Edward hugs them close. “C’mon Ans, I wouldn’t be doin’ this if I didn’t mind, ya know I wouldn’t. And holdin’ ya is very different then bein’ covered by a blanket.”
*They struggle silently for another minute, their hair starting to get really frazzled looking and they finally just flop down with a groan.* “Curse you for being so strong. Fine. Fine. And yeah, being held is very different than being covered by a blanket.”
Open roleplay
(Sooo I don’t have the time/energy to fully open this blog… but I really miss Carlos so here’s a post, feel free to reply to this! But I’m not currently doing asks:) and I will eventually get to all the other rps on this blog<3)
Carlos had gone out to scout an area of England, to make up some plans for Hydra, that he’ll then sabotage best he can. And he was fine on the mission, it was going well, people told him things, he… killed a few people, which hurt him deeply but he never showed it.
But… the one thing he wasn’t expecting was to be standing right outside his childhood home. Where he lived with his mother until she was murdered in front of him by the Winter Soldier. Carlos stares up at the building, not moving. His expression hasn’t changed, but his entire body is tensed up.
The person with him had just joined him today, for Carlos to give them information, and he had stopped talking in a middle of a sentence, just staring at the building. It’s old and rundown, a closed shop with an empty flat above. It just looks like an empty building, but Carlos is staring at it like he’s in a nightmare.
*They slip their hand into his, squeezing it gently. They were honestly so excited to be there with him, to have him show them around. But the immense bittersweet feelings, sadness, heartbreak, but also the safety he had felt here as well, before all of hydra.* “I’m here. I’m here with you.”
Carlos stares up at it, blinking a few times, his eyes shift to Anna, like he’d forgotten they could sense his emotions about this place and figure out why he feels that way. “Thank you…” He whispers quietly, looking back to the building, he slowly inches closer to it, wincing and stepping back. There’s an old, old blood stain on the front step.
“Look at me, please?” *They patiently wait until he does, their eyes just filled with love and compassion, one of the softest times he’s ever seen them.* “We don’t need to push ourselves today, okay? We don’t. We can do this in steps. But whatever you need, I’m here for you.”
Carlos looks to them, he goes quiet for a moment, looking back to the flat. “We’re not even here to see this, let’s go.” He turns sharply, starting to walk down the street, he frowns and cuts up a side street.
*They want to ask him to slow down, but they can feel the swirling emotions in his chest, so they just try to force their legs to go as fast as he was. Good gods, their legs were gonna be sore tomorrow, why is this whole street uphill?*
Carlos stops after a minute, glancing back down the street, they can still see the flat behind them. He stares at it with a distant expression. “Come with me.” He grabs their hand and starts to walk in the opposite direction of where they were going.
*They tighten their hand around his, wordlessly following him, glad to be going downhill, at least. After a minute they glance up and him and internally debate before-* “Carlos, I’m sorry, can we slow down, just a little? I know I seem like The Flash, but that’s only when I’m trying to get to the really good coffee shop on 3rd street before they’re out of those delicious breakfast sandwiches.”
Carlos immediately slows down, staring at the ground as he continues to move at a slower pace. “I apologize.” He mumbles as he takes a few strange turns, after a good ten minutes he stops outside a large building, a private boarding school. “Come one.” He pulls them over to the gate, glancing at the building before turning and pointing down a street. “We’re walking that way.”
“It’s okay.” *They smile at him, gently squeezing his hand and then staring at the school with wide eyes before they glance down the street that he’s pointing at.* “Are we gonna be able to go inside the school? It’s such a cool building, it looks so old, like you. Were they just getting done building it when you were going to school here?” *They smirk at him, hoping to make him at least crack a smile with that.*
Carlos smiles weakly. “Afraid we won’t be visiting today.” He lets out a sad laugh before he shakes his head. “This is how I used to walk to school.” He explains quietly as he starts to lead them down the road.
“That’s okay.” *They nod and look around, still holding onto his hand tightly.* “Carlos, can I ask a question about the school, or is that gonna make you too sad?”
Carlos slowly walks down the street, running his hands over the brick walls. He glances to them carefully. “You can ask.”
*They think for a second, swinging his hand gently.* “Did you like your teachers? Did you have a favorite or least favorite teacher? Did you have any crushes while you were here? Did you guys get to go on any field trips? What about-“
Carlos holds up a hand calmly. “Not too many.” He says, with a very small smile, it doesn’t come out harsh at all. He sighs as he moves down the street, walking like he still has the way memorized. “I liked some of my teachers… I liked my creative writer teacher, he was great. No crutches… not the normal field trips, because it was a boarding school.”
“Sorry.” *They take a breath, their brain feeling like it was still spinning with all of their questions, but he never made them feel bad for how many questions they asked.* “I like my English teacher the most too. She loved using dark humor in class, I loved her. And you said not the normal ones, but does that mean that you still had some? Did math come pretty easy to you?”
Carlos hums softly. “I wanted to be an author.” He looks incredibly sad. He nods slowly. “I was good in math, hated my teacher though. He was… something.” Carlos stops walking, looking up at a street sign, tears prick at his eyes and he lets out a little broken sound.
“You said that. I want to show you a small book I wrote, maybe you can help me edit it? And yeah, my math teacher was something too, he was an asshole.” *Their heart breaks at his broken sound, and they turn so that they’re standing in front of him.* “I’ve got you, love. What…..what can I do to help?”
“I would love to help you.” Carlos whispers. He looks up at the sighs again, before looking down at Anna, tears pricking at his eyes. “This is the last place I ever saw my friends, we used to walk to the sign, then go our separate ways- this is the last time I ever saw them-”
*They smile when he says that he’ll help them, but then tear up when he says the part about his friends, and hug him, gently tracing patterns on his back and writing ‘I love you’ over and over.* “Well, I know that your friends loved you, and you were a light in their life just like you are in mine. I’m so sorry about everything that has happened to you. I would change it all in a heartbeat if I could. Even if that meant that I didn’t get to meet you.” *That really did make them start to cry silently, because they knew that was true. They would absolutely save him from the hydra fate, even if that meant that they never got to meet him, to keep him safe.*
Carlos swipes his tears away, looking up at the sign. “Thank you Anna.” He mutters, slowly pulling away and dusting his shirt off, trying to stay in control. “Come along.” He continues walking.
*Okay, that hurt. Being vulnerable like that still wasn’t their favorite thing, and him dusting off his shirt like that made them feel like he was disgusted with them, honestly. They let go of his hand to drop down and tie their shoe, not looking up as they said.* “Go ahead, I’ll catch up. Just gotta tie my shoe.”
Carlos crouches by them immediately, tying their shoe quickly before standing again. He gives them a small nod before tilting his head down the streets. “I won’t walk off, you don’t know which way to go.” He dusts his shirt off again, glancing down the street, tears still in his eyes.
*Ugh, why was he so practical about that? They hold themselves protectively, not looking up at him, they aren’t gonna say anything else, they aren’t-* “I know that you are in an area where there is a lot of painful memories, and we’re on a mission as well. But you’re also with me. And I don’t want to be iced out, and when you dust your shirt off like that, it makes me think about the second time when we met and I know that it’s something that helps you stay in that mindset, but it makes me feel like you’re disgusted to hold my hand and-“
Carlos eyes flick to them, blank and unreadable. He slowly reaches out and squeezes their hand before pulling his hand back, tucking them by his sides, guilt flickering in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I won’t do that again. I didn’t mean to.” He says carefully, looking down the street again, eyes just sad. “It’s a little more then just painful memories… this is where my life ended, I have a grave here, did you know that?” He glances back to Anna, eyes hollow.
*They squeeze his hand back, and then hold their hand out to show that they still want to hold onto him.* “You have a…..Carlos, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I wish….tell me what I can do to help? Even if that means just holding your hand and being quiet? Or I don’t have to hold your hand. I just….I just want you to talk to me. Please. I don’t……I don’t want to feel separate from you.” *They motion to their heart, not sure how to explain what they felt, honestly. They just needed him to know.*
“My Mother and I’s case is labeled as a double murder. They never found me, or my mother’s killer, my friends…” Carlos trails off, he looks devastated. He slowly takes their hand and shakes his head. “I just want to go on this walk back to my home.” He presses his lips together. “I’m sorry Anna… I’m trying…”
*They look so scared and sad for him, and squeeze his hand gently.* “We will. We’ll just walk and get to your house. Do….do you want me to talk or be quiet? And I know you’re trying. I’m proud of you, you’re doing your best. I’m sorry if I’m being an insensitive or unsupportive partner, I’m……I might be being a bit of a bitch, honestly, and you can tell me if-“
“Talk or quiet is fine. I don’t have a preference.” Carlos says as he starts to slowly walk, gazing over the streets. “No, no you’re not. You’re still allowed to have feelings even if I’m… having a rough time. I shouldn’t be icing you out.” Carlos pauses, blinking a few times, they can see the flat across the street by now. Carlos mumbles to himself quickly in Russian.
“I…..well, did I tell you that I set up a new program that will help Hydra get false information on where to find kids? I tried it a few nights before we came here, and it really works. So I think once I have you look at it, just to be safe, we can send it to any agents that are in charge of that, and have them use it.” *They had gotten really good at coding and programming, and had honestly been part of a few programs that made things difficult for Hydra officers. They glance up at him when they hear the Russian, and then glance across the street, squeezing his hand, silently telling him that they were there.*
Open Roleplay - Genderqueer Tony Stark
Tony had known something was.. different about him when he was young. College age, technically, but college age for him wasn't the same as it was for most people. Still, it was the 80s, and realising that you, the heir to Stark Industries, kinda wanted to be a girl half the time wasn't exactly acceptable. So he repressed it. A lot.
But times had changed. Tony had been out as bi for decades, at this point. Hell, he'd been the Grand Martial for NYC Pride four times, once pre-Iron Man and thrice after. He'd definitely grown more comfortable in who he was. In how he liked to present, but he still hid it. But, he was getting older and with age came the realisation he didn't want to hide from the people he loved, and it was with that knowledge that he turned to his companion on a random Sunday afternoon and announced: "I'm pretty sure I'm not a guy."
*They glance up at him, a tiny bit of shock going through them before they nod, smiling and putting their book down, looking at him intently.* “Okay. So what does that mean to you?”
Tony flops back against the couch across from them. "Okay. I havent gotten that far yet, really," he admits. "I'm not a woman. I know that."
“Well, whatever it means to you is what’s important to me. I don’t care what it is, as long as you’re happy, safe, and comfortable.” *They smile at him, trying to give him a sense of comfort and peace.*
Tony smiles back at them. There's a reason they're the first person that he's telling this to. "I know you don't. I appreciate it, though. I repressed it for a long time."
“I know you did.” *They whisper softly, a hand reaching out to hold his gently, curling their fingers around his tightly.* “Sadly, sometimes it’s not just a “Oh, I just didn’t realize it” it’s more like “I wasn’t able to realize it, because I needed to keep myself safe” sort of thing. And I think that was a big part of it for you, and your body got locked into that kind of cycle.”
Tony nods a little. "I knew when I was in college, but it was the 80s, so... it was hard enough being out as bi... I would have lost everything."
“You just kinda dated yourself, old friend.” *The gender neutral term was easy to slip in their sentences, already thinking of terms of endearment they could come up with for him…?* “What pronouns do you want me to use for you?”
He chuckles. "Well, it's true. Be glad you weren't gay in the 80s." He shudders thinking back to it. He considers, flopping back down against the couch. "I have no clue."
“I am.” *They reply, their tone softening a little with the teasing.* “Well, have you tested any other pronouns out?”
Tony shakes his head. "Not for a very long time. You're the only person I've told since I was about 20."
“Holy shit.” *They look at him in shock and admiration.* “Well, thank you for trusting me with that information. Can I ask why you decided to trust me with it though?”
Tony smiles a little at them. "I figured you'd get it. You're nonbinary, you'd have a better understanding of this stuff. And I trust you."
*They nod slowly.* “Yeah, that’s true. I’m glad that you can trust me with this. I’ve been researching a lot of different things about being non binary recently.”
Tony looks at them curiously. "Yeah? What sort of stuff have you been looking into?" He asks them.
“How fluid sexuality has always been for most cultures, it’s honestly just cultures that predominantly have Christianity as the center that it’s a little more black and white than it normally is.” *They reply, shrugging their shoulders a little bit.*
Tony blinks a little, and then nods. "That sounds about right, honestly," he decides. He turns to look at Anna, not sure what to say now that he's told them.
*They meet his eyes, calm and kind.* “Well, is this a celebrating kind of moment, because I sure as hell think you deserve cake and ice cream.”
Tony relaxed at that. "Yes. Yes, celebrating sounds wonderful, actually."
*They smile as he relaxes a little bit more.* “Okay, where are we going? Or do you want to bake the cake together here?”
"Lets stay in," Tony decides, not ready to face the outside world right now. "Then we can talk freely."
“Sounds good to me. Okay, let’s do it.” *They smile, standing up and heading for the kitchen, grabbing some of the ingredients out.* “Tony, i cant reach the flour!”
Tony chuckles and follows after them. "How did you figure out you were nonbinary?" He asks, reaching up and grabbing the flour from the cupboard.
*They laugh, shoving at his arms while shaking their head.* “Don’t laugh at me, you jerk! Need I remind you that we’re both in the short royalty club. And I figured it out with a lot of research and honestly buying a lot of guys clothes. I was able to just experiment and it was really helpful.”
Tony grins right back at them. "I am not short," he protests, even though he knows that he is. He nods a little. "Sounds about the same way I realised I was... whatever I am."
*They eye him up and down, raising an eyebrow.* “Uh huh. And I’m into hot pink and high heels. We both just said untruths.” *A small smile grows on their face from him saying their experiences were similar.* “Are we more similar than you would expect?”
Tony rolls his eyes and nudges them playfully at that. "Shush." He considers, and then nods. "Definitely more similar than I thought we'd be when we met."
“I’m guessing you thought that I would be someone that you would only interact with every once in a while, not someone that would become your friend that comes over and annoys you all the time.” *They laugh, pointing to a few more ingredients that were on the second shelf in the back.* “Can you get those and then we should be good.”
Tony chuckles. "That's not wrong... but I'm definitely glad that we turned out this way," he admits with a smile, shot at them over his shoulder as he grabs the other ingredients.
“Me too.” *They agree quietly, and hand him the measuring cups and spoons.* “The recipe is on my phone, I forgot something downstairs when I came in, I’ll be right back.”
Tony nods. "Alright. You want me to come with you or am I good to wait here?" Tony asks cautiously, not wanting them to go somewhere uncomfortable.
*They look at him, slight surprise in their face but then quickly nod.* “Can you please come with me? I’m….I’m still..the basement was too recent.” *They had another experience with a basement within the last month, and were working hardcore on it with their therapist. But holy fuck, it was hard to do it without help.*
Tony gives them a gently look and nods. "Sure thing, pipsqueak." He sets the mug he's holding down and then comes to join them as they walk.
*They get closer to the stairs, and they start to move slower and slower. Once they got to the top of the stairs, they froze completely, looking up at him with tears in their eyes.* “Can you just make me go, please?”
"I'm not sure how you want me to do that," Tony admits. "I'm not gonna shove you down the stairs," he adds, hoping the joke will make them at least smile a little.
*They crack a barely there smile and think for a second.* “Okay, can you just hold my hand and pull me down the stairs? That way there’s not really an option to go back?”
Tony nods. "Sure thing, kid." he slips their hands together and starts quickly walking down the stairs so they have to follow.
*They stumbled twice, but they finally reached the bottom of the stairs, and they bite back a sob of relief. As they glance down at their hands, they managed a strangled laugh.* “My hands got stuck again, I’m sorry.”
@unofficially-tonystark
Tony shakes his head. "Don't apologise. It's okay." He gently untwists their hands from his, helping them to let go. "Look, though. You made it down."
*They glance back towards the stairs with a shudder, stepping around him so they couldn’t see the stairs anymore.* “Is it gonna be harder to go up the stairs than it was to go down them?”
Tony shrugs. "I cant say I know the answer to that, kid. It's your trauma." He gives them a gentle smile.
*They grumble, looking up at him and then away.* “That isn’t helpful at all, how am I supposed to know that either? Therapy hasn’t told me how long this shit is, especially with getting re traumatized .”
@unofficially-tonystark
Tony chuckles softly at the grumble. "Because your therapist doesn't know, kid. These things don't have timeliness."
“Well, that’s stupid.” *They grump, looking around and grabbing the recipe, heading back towards the bottom of the stairs and looking back up them.* “Now how the fuck do we get back up the stairs?”
Tony considers,a nd then shrugs. "I could pick you up and run?" He offers lightly, only half kidding.
*They snort and stare up the stairs before looking back at him in surprise.* “Are you serious or are you playing with me right now?”
"I'm serious if you want me to be serious," Tony decides after a moment of thought.
“Ummm…..” *They think for a minute and then look back at him.* “I think I’m serious? It’s gonna take forever if you don’t. And we have shit to do, like making that cake.”
"Guess I'm carrying you then. What did we come down here for in the first place?" He frowns, looking around as he tries to remember why they're here.
*They hold up the recipe book with a slight smirk.* “We can’t bake the cake without this, you doofus. And why do you always ask if I’m serious or make sure that I’m ready for you to pick me up? That doesn’t always happen with other people, and I’m confused.”
"Oh, right." Tony shakes his head. "Well, you don't exactly like surprises," he points out. "I fogure its safer to check. I dont want to panic you."
“Oh.” *Why the hell were tears in their eyes and why couldn’t they blink them back? They try to clear their throat, but that just made the tears fall faster, and they try to hide their face against his chest.* “I’m not crying, okay? I’m fine.”
"Totally," Tony agrees as he scoops them up into his arms, after checking. "You're totally fine." He warns them before, then starts walking up the stairs.
*They grumble the whole way about how he was supposed to believe them more and they were gonna hide all of his mushrooms so he couldn’t find them.* “You suck. What kind of frosting do you want, by the way?”
Tony just laughs the whole time, as always finding their threats and grumblings more amusing than scary. "Hmm.." He hums in consideration. "Chocolate?"
*You’re supposed to find me scary.” *They grumble, pouting. When they get to the top of the stairs, they sigh quietly in relief, and then look at him in slight confusion when he doesn’t put them down right away.* “Didn’t you workout already today, you don’t have to keep carrying me.” *They roll their eyes playfully.* “Well duh it’s gonna be chocolate, I meant do you want like a buttercream frosting, cream cheese, something else..?”
"Am I know?" Tony asks dryly. He laughs. "I did not work out today, but I'm flattered you think so.I was just waiting until we were back in the kitchen." Sure enough when they get there, he sets them down carefully. "Oh! Right. Uh... buttercream, I think."
“Oh.” *They laugh quietly, and then smile at him when he sets them down, and nod, opening the recipe book and skim over the recipe, reading off the directions.* “Can you start putting the ingredients in while I preheat the oven?”
Tony nods and starts measuring out a variety of ingredients. He only ever really bakes things from scratch, if at all, when they're together. "Sure thing."
“So…..you haven’t told anyone else. Is this…..are you gonna experiment with dressing differently? Like at home if you aren’t very comfortable with the idea of dressing differently outside of the house yet?” *They look at him curiously, leaning against the oven after they preheated it, getting the pan ready.*
Tony considers and then nods, mixing as he thinks. "I think so. I really like makeup, but I'm too scared to wear it outside the house."
“I like makeup too. Maybe we can experiment after we bake the cake. Are you feeling comfortable with this part so I can focus on the frosting?” *They look at him as they set the ingredients for the frosting on the counter, jumping for a mixing bowl. They would not ask for help. They wouldn’t. Screw this. They climb onto the counter, reaching up and grabbing it with a triumphant smile.*
"Yeah, I can mix," he says easily, and then softens. "...and I would like that," he adds a little quieter, almost shyly. He keeps an eye on them so he can catch them if, when, they fall.
*They turn and offer a shy smile back. They hold onto the bowl, climbing down and putting it on the counter proudly.* “I don’t know what everyone freaks out over with me climbing stuff, I’m obviously super good at it.”
"Mm, maybe cause you slip off half the time?" Tony suggests, handing them the mixed batter. He switches to mixing the icing as they pour the batter.
“I do not!” *They keep their laugh in, even though they know that it’s absolute bullshit.* “Alright, I’m gonna put this in, just….stay back and don’t touch the pan, please.”
"You totally do!" Tony protests, laughing along with them, the sound infused with fondness. He steps back. "After this I'm raiding your makeup drawer."
“Do not!” *They stuck their tongue out at him like a little kid, and then look at him with a gasp.* “What?? I guess…..well, I guess that’s only fair because I steal your clothes, but….” *They trail off, grumbling quietly about how they’re gonna prank him really good.*
Tony grins. "Exactly! Fair play, pipsqueak. Gotta make srue we're even." He ruffles their hair playfully and pushes himself up to sit on the counter and watch.
“*They finish up quickly, and then look at him while they set the frosting aside.* “That has to bake for about 23 minutes, do you want to go start on the makeup now?”
Tony nods. Despite the nerves, he looks excited to get to do this too. "Definietly. Yes, please."
“Okay. Let’s do it. Where is most of your makeup?” *They glance at him and then their nose scrunches up in a pout.* “Awww man, I wish I had some glitter makeup.”
"You're not putting me in glitter," Tony says instantly, but he's grinning while he says it so they might stand to convince him anyway. "It's all in the bottom drawer on the sink."
*They look at him with a mischievous smile.* “What if the eyeshadow or eyeliner or blush have some in them but not a lot? Do I need to pick each individual piece of glitter out?”
Tony rolls his eyes. "I suppose I could allow some levels of glitter," he says oblingingly. He'sbiting back a smile, though.
*They smile and start going through some of the makeup, muttering to themselves and putting a bunch of options on the counter.* “I think these options would look really good, but you can pick more things out or put some of the options back. You’re the resident fashionista, not me.”
@unofficially-tonystark
Tony laughs. "Fashionista, huh? That's not a description I've gotten in years. Not since the 90s, anyway, and I look back on that and shudder." Still, he picks a few products.
*Their eyes meet his guiltily in the mirror.* “I’m sorry, does that word bring up bad memories? I was trying to be funny.” *Although they do smirk a little when he mentions the 90s.* “You’re getting pretty good at dating yourself as pretty old right now.”
Tony shakes his head. "No, not at all," he reasures them. "Just haven't heard it in a while... and well, I suppose I am...'
*They glance at the darker colors that he had picked out.* “Why do you like so many of the darker colors? Your skin tone looks great with it, I’m just curious.”
Tony shrugs. "Admittedly that's the main reason," he says. "I just picked what I thought would look good on me."
*They hand him a couple of darker shades of blue eyeshadows and then a few different shades of red lipstick.* “I really want to help you look and feel the most confident you’ve felt, but I don’t want to be held accountable for what your husband does when he sees this.”
Tony shoots them a wry smirk. "I know exactly what my husband is going to do when he sees this. You might not want to be in the house for it."
*They stare at him like he had just given them an advanced calculus question, and then their nose scrunched up in disgust.* “Oh gods, that’s so….you’re my older brother’s dad and Steve is my uncle! I don’t…..I mean, you….I….that’s just-“
Tony laughs a little, nudging their shoulder teasingly. "Okay, okay, im sorry, I had to. I'll shut up."
“Can’t believe you.” *They grumble quietly, crossing their arms over their chest with a pout.* “Tony, can I ask you some questions, please?”
Tony just chuckles. He nods. "Yeah, go ahead, kid," he says, looking through the makeup as he speaks.
“Is it…..does it make me any less non-binary if I want to experiment more with makeup and presenting in a more feminine way?” *They look at him through the mirror, not sure what answer they were looking for, honestly.*
"No, not at all," Tony says instantly. "You're not doing it cause you wanna be a girl, you're just doing it cause you like it."
*They look at him and slowly nod.* “Will you put the makeup on me, please? I want you to do it, I trust you and I want to have you help me with this. Please.”
Tony smiles softly. "ot sure how good at this I'm going to be," he admits, only used to doing makeup secretly on himself. "But I can definitely try." He grabs a brush.
“That’s okay, I’m not good at it myself, so we can work it out together. How much time is left on my timer?” *They motion towards their phone as they boost themselves up on the bathroom counter so he doesn’t have to bend down as much.* “I trust you.”
"Perfect." Tony smiles at them gently, and starts working on their makeup. Its not bad, just shaky in some parts of their face.
*They glance at themselves, beaming.* “I look perfect. I look like what I want to look like. Thank you.” *They hug him, just letting themselves listen to his heartbeat for a second.* “Tony, I know I don’t say this hardly ever, and I need to change that, but you know that I love you, right?”
Tony smiles. "I'm glad. Your turn to do mine," he adds with a teasing smile, before softening a little. He hugs them back tightly. "I know you do, kid. I love you too."
“It’s not gonna look nearly as good.” *They warn him quietly, and let him hold them for a while before pulling back and looking at him with a teasing smile.* “I can’t believe we’re both being this sappy right now.”
"Dont care." Tony sirs back so they can start working on his makeup. "I know. I'll break out in hives soon."
*They do, grumbling when it doesn’t look exactly how they want it to, starting over and over again.* “That line doesn’t…..uuggghhh. I can do regular painting, why can’t I do this?? And I have an epi pen stored somewhere here, hopefully it doesn’t get both of us or we might be screwed.”
Tony chuckles. "Relax, pipsqueak. I jsut want to wear it, I dont' care if I'm not ready to go and walk the runway, okay?" He says gently, reassuringly.
“Okay.” *A little bit of the tension that was in their shoulders relaxes, and they finally nod.* “Okay, see how that looks, and then we need to go check on the cake.”
Tony looks in the mirror and beams. "It looks amazing,"he says, voice choked with emotion.
“Yeah?” *They look at him, happy that he was happy, and squeeze his hands gently.* “C’mon, old man, we gotta go check on the cake now.”
He swallows thickly. "Yeah." He squeezes back and then stands up. "Alright. I dibs frosting it, though.'
“Okay.” *They smile back at him as they lead him back to the kitchen, pulling the cake out of the oven and setting it down on the stove.* “Okay, we gotta wait like, ten minutes so the frosting doesn’t completely melt off of the cake. What do you want to do until then?”
Tony hums in consideration. "Can you tell me about when you realised you were nonbinary?" He asks them curiously. It's not a story he's heard before.
*They look at him, and think for a second.* “Well, I told you that I did a lot of research, right? So I did a lot of thinking, and realized that I had never actually liked dressing more feminine or being referred to as ‘she’ or ‘her’, that it made me feel like it was a completely different person that they were talking about.”
Tony listens intently. They haven't told him much about how they realised all of this about themself and its interesting. "Was it a long process for you?"
*They think for a second, trying to remember.* “Yeah. It was a couple of years for the whole process, I would say. And I only told a few people at first. You were actually the third person I told. The first two being Bucky and Sienna.”
"Really?" Tony looks surprised at that. "I'm did't know that. I thought for sure Ari would have known before me," he says, but there's a warmth to his voice suggesting he's honoured.
“I was scared to tell her and it slipped out when you used your dad ™ voice on me after I panicked about upsetting you in your lab. Which is obviously the only time that’s ever happened.” *That was straight up bullshit, but they wanted to make him crack a smile with it so they said it.*
Tony chuckles softly, and does indeed, crack a smile. "A true on off occasion. well, im flattered I was among the first to know, pipsqueak."
“Well, duh, you would be one of the first to know. You’re my uncle.” *Their cheeks are pink as they say it, but they keep eye contact as best as they can so that he knows that they’re serious.*
"Mm, thats definitely true," Tony agrees with a smile. He sits back. "I dont think i had any aunts or uncles, actually."
“Oh. You didn’t?” *They knew that he didn’t talk about Howard much, but just thought that Howard didn’t interact with his siblings at all.* “Jarvis was your butler, right?”
Tony shakes his head. "ope. Dad was a only child and my mum, well, she left her family in Italay, so I've got no clue what they were like." he smiles at the name. "Yeah, he was. Edwin Jarvis.'
“Why did you decide to name your tech stuff after his last name instead of his first name?” *They look at him, curious.* “Also, did I tell you that my first grade bully’s name was Howard?”
"Jarvis was.... kind of like a second father," Tony admits. "I wanted to honour him." He raises an eyebrow. "You did not. But.. huh. Checks out, I guess."
“I guess all Howards are mean.” *They humph quietly and look at him with a smile.* “Jarvis is proud of you, I know he is. I wish I could have met him.”
"I guess so," Tony says, before softening. "I hope is it. I think by now he would be. He wasn't when he died, I don't think." He smiles. "I wish you could've too."
“Why don’t you think he was proud of you then? And do you think he would have liked me?” *They glance towards the cake and nudge him.* “You can start frosting it now.”
Tony shrugs. "He died about 8 months after my parents, and at that time I was entirely preoccupied being a drunk and fucking my way through America." He speaks too-nonchalantly as he starts icing the cake.
“Only eight months? I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine.” *They squeeze his arm gently, not wanting to disturb the frosting process too much.* “Well, he’s definitely proud of you now.”
"Yeah, it.. wasn't easy,"he says, swallowing thickly. He nods. "I hope so. And he would, by the way. Lile you."
“Would I give him a bunch of heart attacks too?” *They smirk slightly at him, trying to lighten the mood a little bit.*
Tony laughs softly. "Oh, you absolutely would have," he confirms. "He was always running around after me when I was a kid."
“Can you imagine how many heart attacks i would have given him by now? Which one would be the worst?” *They laugh, leaning against him, quietly humming.*
Tony hums in consideration. "Definitely whenever you try to lcimb up on the cabinets," he answers after a moment, a smiling stretching across his face.
“Well, how else am I supposed to get the shit? Admit defeat and ask for help? I don’t think so.” *They playfully scoff, shaking their head and smirking at him.*
"He would tell you asking for help isnt admitting defeat," Tony says with a smirk, tinged with sarcasm.
“Well, was he short?” *They ask him with a raised eyebrow.* “Because if not, then he wouldn’t know if it was admitting defeat because he doesn’t know the rulebook of being short.”
Tony blinks. "It's still not admitting defeat!" He protests. "I can claim that as a native short person." He grins at them, though.
“Fine.” *They roll their eyes playfully and then look down at the cake.* “Are you ready to try the cake?”
Tony chuckles, and then smiled. "Oh, hell yeah. Do you want to cut it?" He offers, grabbing a k ife and offering it to then..
*They gently push his hands back towards him.* “Nope, because the frosting is white, and I don’t trust myself to not cut myself by accident ans get it all over the cake.”
"Alrightio then," Tony says, taking the knife back. He slices the cake into a few pieces and slides them one on a plate. "Here we go... this looks awsome."
“Clink.” *They held their fork up to him so that they can tap forks.* “I’m really excited fort this cake, honestly.”
Tony smiles and clinks forks with them. "So am I," he says, stabbing his fork into the sponge. "To being out, I suppose."
*They nod.* “To being out, I suppose.” *They take a bite of the cake with a smile and nod.* “That’s some really fucking good cake, we did really good.”
Tony bites into his own portion and groans happily. "Fuck yeah, thays awesome!" He agrees, happily munching on it.
“It’s definitely better to celebrate at home, yeah?” *They look at him, glad that he was happy about the cake.*
"Oh, absolutely," Tony agrees. He happily settles next to them, resting his head on top of theirs as he ears.
“Tony? I’m really fucking proud of you.” *They smile at him, their eyes incredibly soft and genuine as they lean into him more.*
Tony softens. As uncomfortable with emotion as ever, he brushes the sentiment off. "Aw, thanks, kid,"he says teasingly.
“You’re welcome, old man.” *They smile, still softer than their normal teasing tone.* “Thank you for always letting me be myself too.”
Tony nods quickly. "You always can be witj me," he promises.
“I know.” *They squirm in their seat for a second, and then groan quietly.* “Tony, there’s something I need to tell you.”
He looks at them. "What's on your mind, pipsqueak?" He asks gently.
“I’m pregnant.” *They pause and laugh for a second.* “No, what I was actually gonna say is that I made something for you that should be coming to your house today, and I need you to open it when I’m gone or I’ll die of embarrassment if I’m still here.”
Open roleplay
(Sooo I don’t have the time/energy to fully open this blog… but I really miss Carlos so here’s a post, feel free to reply to this! But I’m not currently doing asks:) and I will eventually get to all the other rps on this blog<3)
Carlos had gone out to scout an area of England, to make up some plans for Hydra, that he’ll then sabotage best he can. And he was fine on the mission, it was going well, people told him things, he… killed a few people, which hurt him deeply but he never showed it.
But… the one thing he wasn’t expecting was to be standing right outside his childhood home. Where he lived with his mother until she was murdered in front of him by the Winter Soldier. Carlos stares up at the building, not moving. His expression hasn’t changed, but his entire body is tensed up.
The person with him had just joined him today, for Carlos to give them information, and he had stopped talking in a middle of a sentence, just staring at the building. It’s old and rundown, a closed shop with an empty flat above. It just looks like an empty building, but Carlos is staring at it like he’s in a nightmare.
*They slip their hand into his, squeezing it gently. They were honestly so excited to be there with him, to have him show them around. But the immense bittersweet feelings, sadness, heartbreak, but also the safety he had felt here as well, before all of hydra.* “I’m here. I’m here with you.”
Carlos stares up at it, blinking a few times, his eyes shift to Anna, like he’d forgotten they could sense his emotions about this place and figure out why he feels that way. “Thank you…” He whispers quietly, looking back to the building, he slowly inches closer to it, wincing and stepping back. There’s an old, old blood stain on the front step.
“Look at me, please?” *They patiently wait until he does, their eyes just filled with love and compassion, one of the softest times he’s ever seen them.* “We don’t need to push ourselves today, okay? We don’t. We can do this in steps. But whatever you need, I’m here for you.”
Carlos looks to them, he goes quiet for a moment, looking back to the flat. “We’re not even here to see this, let’s go.” He turns sharply, starting to walk down the street, he frowns and cuts up a side street.
*They want to ask him to slow down, but they can feel the swirling emotions in his chest, so they just try to force their legs to go as fast as he was. Good gods, their legs were gonna be sore tomorrow, why is this whole street uphill?*
Carlos stops after a minute, glancing back down the street, they can still see the flat behind them. He stares at it with a distant expression. “Come with me.” He grabs their hand and starts to walk in the opposite direction of where they were going.
*They tighten their hand around his, wordlessly following him, glad to be going downhill, at least. After a minute they glance up and him and internally debate before-* “Carlos, I’m sorry, can we slow down, just a little? I know I seem like The Flash, but that’s only when I’m trying to get to the really good coffee shop on 3rd street before they’re out of those delicious breakfast sandwiches.”
Carlos immediately slows down, staring at the ground as he continues to move at a slower pace. “I apologize.” He mumbles as he takes a few strange turns, after a good ten minutes he stops outside a large building, a private boarding school. “Come one.” He pulls them over to the gate, glancing at the building before turning and pointing down a street. “We’re walking that way.”
“It’s okay.” *They smile at him, gently squeezing his hand and then staring at the school with wide eyes before they glance down the street that he’s pointing at.* “Are we gonna be able to go inside the school? It’s such a cool building, it looks so old, like you. Were they just getting done building it when you were going to school here?” *They smirk at him, hoping to make him at least crack a smile with that.*
Carlos smiles weakly. “Afraid we won’t be visiting today.” He lets out a sad laugh before he shakes his head. “This is how I used to walk to school.” He explains quietly as he starts to lead them down the road.
“That’s okay.” *They nod and look around, still holding onto his hand tightly.* “Carlos, can I ask a question about the school, or is that gonna make you too sad?”
Carlos slowly walks down the street, running his hands over the brick walls. He glances to them carefully. “You can ask.”
*They think for a second, swinging his hand gently.* “Did you like your teachers? Did you have a favorite or least favorite teacher? Did you have any crushes while you were here? Did you guys get to go on any field trips? What about-“
Carlos holds up a hand calmly. “Not too many.” He says, with a very small smile, it doesn’t come out harsh at all. He sighs as he moves down the street, walking like he still has the way memorized. “I liked some of my teachers… I liked my creative writer teacher, he was great. No crutches… not the normal field trips, because it was a boarding school.”
“Sorry.” *They take a breath, their brain feeling like it was still spinning with all of their questions, but he never made them feel bad for how many questions they asked.* “I like my English teacher the most too. She loved using dark humor in class, I loved her. And you said not the normal ones, but does that mean that you still had some? Did math come pretty easy to you?”
Carlos hums softly. “I wanted to be an author.” He looks incredibly sad. He nods slowly. “I was good in math, hated my teacher though. He was… something.” Carlos stops walking, looking up at a street sign, tears prick at his eyes and he lets out a little broken sound.
“You said that. I want to show you a small book I wrote, maybe you can help me edit it? And yeah, my math teacher was something too, he was an asshole.” *Their heart breaks at his broken sound, and they turn so that they’re standing in front of him.* “I’ve got you, love. What…..what can I do to help?”
“I would love to help you.” Carlos whispers. He looks up at the sighs again, before looking down at Anna, tears pricking at his eyes. “This is the last place I ever saw my friends, we used to walk to the sign, then go our separate ways- this is the last time I ever saw them-”
*They smile when he says that he’ll help them, but then tear up when he says the part about his friends, and hug him, gently tracing patterns on his back and writing ‘I love you’ over and over.* “Well, I know that your friends loved you, and you were a light in their life just like you are in mine. I’m so sorry about everything that has happened to you. I would change it all in a heartbeat if I could. Even if that meant that I didn’t get to meet you.” *That really did make them start to cry silently, because they knew that was true. They would absolutely save him from the hydra fate, even if that meant that they never got to meet him, to keep him safe.*
Carlos swipes his tears away, looking up at the sign. “Thank you Anna.” He mutters, slowly pulling away and dusting his shirt off, trying to stay in control. “Come along.” He continues walking.
*Okay, that hurt. Being vulnerable like that still wasn’t their favorite thing, and him dusting off his shirt like that made them feel like he was disgusted with them, honestly. They let go of his hand to drop down and tie their shoe, not looking up as they said.* “Go ahead, I’ll catch up. Just gotta tie my shoe.”
Carlos crouches by them immediately, tying their shoe quickly before standing again. He gives them a small nod before tilting his head down the streets. “I won’t walk off, you don’t know which way to go.” He dusts his shirt off again, glancing down the street, tears still in his eyes.
*Ugh, why was he so practical about that? They hold themselves protectively, not looking up at him, they aren’t gonna say anything else, they aren’t-* “I know that you are in an area where there is a lot of painful memories, and we’re on a mission as well. But you’re also with me. And I don’t want to be iced out, and when you dust your shirt off like that, it makes me think about the second time when we met and I know that it’s something that helps you stay in that mindset, but it makes me feel like you’re disgusted to hold my hand and-“
Carlos eyes flick to them, blank and unreadable. He slowly reaches out and squeezes their hand before pulling his hand back, tucking them by his sides, guilt flickering in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I won’t do that again. I didn’t mean to.” He says carefully, looking down the street again, eyes just sad. “It’s a little more then just painful memories… this is where my life ended, I have a grave here, did you know that?” He glances back to Anna, eyes hollow.
*They squeeze his hand back, and then hold their hand out to show that they still want to hold onto him.* “You have a…..Carlos, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I wish….tell me what I can do to help? Even if that means just holding your hand and being quiet? Or I don’t have to hold your hand. I just….I just want you to talk to me. Please. I don’t……I don’t want to feel separate from you.” *They motion to their heart, not sure how to explain what they felt, honestly. They just needed him to know.*
“My Mother and I’s case is labeled as a double murder. They never found me, or my mother’s killer, my friends…” Carlos trails off, he looks devastated. He slowly takes their hand and shakes his head. “I just want to go on this walk back to my home.” He presses his lips together. “I’m sorry Anna… I’m trying…”
*They look so scared and sad for him, and squeeze his hand gently.* “We will. We’ll just walk and get to your house. Do….do you want me to talk or be quiet? And I know you’re trying. I’m proud of you, you’re doing your best. I’m sorry if I’m being an insensitive or unsupportive partner, I’m……I might be being a bit of a bitch, honestly, and you can tell me if-“
Open Roleplay [TWs for alchoholism]
To make the understatement of the century, it had been a rough few weeks. More accurately, it had been a few weeks from Hell, and Tony was drowning. Everything that could go wrong, did, and everyone who shouldn't pop up in his life decided to visit.
In fact, it had been an awful enough time, that Tony went to an AA meeting for the first time in close to a year. He steps out of the meeting hall, all tired eyes and a heavy slump to his shoulders, and stumbles against-- "What the hell are you doing here?"
*They stumble back a little too, but quickly catch themselves, holding onto their grocery bags.* “I was worried about you, so I followed you here after I finished my grocery shopping. Did the meeting just start or is it finished?”
Tony blinks. "It- just finished," he says, and its rare for them to see him look so.... rattled. "How did you know o was here?"
*They stare at him blankly for a second and then nod slowly.* “Okay, that’s good. What would be the most helpful thing to do now? And no, I didn’t see anything, but you’ve been super out of it at work, snappy with me for no reason and not in a fun way, and you’re Edward’s dad. You guys have similar patterns like this.”
"I don't know," Tony admits. "I can't think." He nods a little at that. Those were all reasonable explanations. "...Right. I'm sorry for.. snapping.. "
“Do you want me to choose? And I forgive you. The stuff that has been going on at work and your house have been shit.” *They shrug, their eyes still gentle and kind, and they shift slightly, putting down one of their grocery bags for a minute.* “I knew getting two things of juice was a bad idea, but whatever.”
Tony nods, eyes dazed. "Can you- um. Can I crash with you? Please?" He asks shakily, looking at them. "I can carry those if you need," he adds, rushing to be helpful.
*Their eyes soften and they smile at him gently.* “Of course. And yeah, that would be really helpful.” *They hand him the bag, wincing slightly and picking up the lighter one with a sigh of relief.* “Thank you. I was gonna make some homemade pizza for dinner tonight, does that sound okay to you?”
Tony takes the bag and walks with them towards their car. "Pizza sounds good," he says, because he isn't sure when he last ate and homemade always is.
*They glance around and then look back at him.* “Okay, so usually when I’m grocery shopping, I take a taxi to the house down the street, that way it’s not that far from my actual house to get the groceries home. Is that okay with you? Also, I refuse to put any mushrooms on my pizza.”
Tony hesitates. He doesn't want to be around people--. "I-.. okay?" He probably shouldn't drive, right. "...no mushroom is fine," he adds half-heartedly.
“We don’t have to, it’s just another 20 minute walk if we don’t get a taxi.” *They quickly reassure him, and then laugh.* “I can run back in the store and get a mushroom, so we can put it on half on it, if you want. It’s really not a problem.”
"That... yeah. Please." He doesn't want to have to deal with the driver. He shakes his head. "No, I just want to get.. somewhere that isn't here," he says softly.
*They soften and nod quickly.* “Okay, c’mon.” *They start to quickly walk, glancing at him every once in a while.* “Are…..do you want me to talk or be quiet right now?”
"Please talk. I dont want to think my own thoughts.' He walks after them, his eyes are baggy and tired.
“Okay. Well, you know how things are going with fixing your suit. Ummm, Steve and I are building some stuff together. That’s going pretty well. What else…..oh, my aim is getting better with my ninja stars and stuff.” *Anything and everything seems to be spilling out as they try to keep him distracted.*
Tony nods along, only hald listening but glad for the distraction anyway. "What are you and Steve building?" He asks.
“I can’t tell you that, because it’s a surprise for you.” *They smile at him, super excited to give it to him with Steve.*
A slight smile. "Yeah? That's.. that's nice." He nods a little, scrunching his eyes shut for a second as they walk. His head is throbbing, more from lack than from having drunk anything.
*They glance over at him with worried eyes, and pause to think for a second.* “Ummm….do you………do you want me to take some of the cravings from you? I’ve…I did it for Edward a few times and it seemed to help him for a while.”
Tony shakes his head. "It's alright. They'll... they'll go away." Not for a while, but.. they'll lessen. "I don't think relying on that is a good idea for me."
“Okay. That’s fair. I just wanted to offer.” *They can’t think of anything else ti say at the moment, so they start to sing some of his favorite songs under their breath. Singing in front of people still wasn’t their favorite thing, but they were trying to get more comfortable with it.*
Tony smiles weakly when he hears them singing. Its nice, like a soothing balm for the ache in his mind.
*They reach over and take his hand, squeezing it and then interlocking their fingers with his.* “You’re my favorite uncle and don’t tell Steve that, okay? This stays between you and me.”
"You're my favourite niece/nephew/whatever the right term is," Tony replies with a slight smile. He squeezes their hand back, even if his gaze is weary.
*They sway their hand gently with his, scrunching up their nose.* “I actually don’t know what the right term would be. Maybe the term changes, depending on the day?”
Tony nods. "I can do that. Worst case scenario you just decide you don't like it and I go back to saying 'slash' outloud." He shoots them a teasing smile.
*They snort, nudging their hip against his.* “You’re a dork, you know that?” *They set the bags down, digging around in their pockets for the keys.* “I’m wearing women’s pants, how am I still not finding them, the pockets aren’t that big, this-“
"I've been told," Tony replies dryly. His smile drops as he stops speaking though. It's too much effort for him to keep it on his face right now, given everything. "'S fine. I've got nowhere to be anyway."
*They look at him, guilt flashing across their face as they finally unlock the door and wait for him to go inside, to make sure that he feels steady enough to do that.* “I….I meant that in a teasing way. You…you mean the world to me, I’m sorry, I should have known that you would not feel like I could say things like that. Because it’s extremely hard when I’m in a similar headspace.”
"Mm, no i know," Tony says. "Im sorry. I'm just out of it. It has been a... not so fun couple of weeks and the one thing j really want to do, I cant do."
“You mean drink?” *Their voice is quiet, they haven’t approached the subject yet, even though they know that’s exactly what he’s been trying really hard to not do.* “There’s no alcohol at my house, I don’t know if that makes you feel better or worse, but-“
Tony nods, popping the 'p' as he answers, "Yup. Bought a big ole bottle of whiskey 'n everything." He glances at where his car is parked, then shrugs. "Probably better."
*They lock the door behind them, doing their usual routine of checking around the house and then start putting the groceries away.* “Well, thank you for coming with me and staying with me, even though I know it’s super hard.”
Tony nods. "Dont want to be alone. Don't want Steve to see me like this..." He trails off, staring blankly ahead of gim.
“I’m glad you trust me enough to come with me. Can you do me a favor and sit down, either in a chair in the kitchen or on the couch while I get us some coffee? I think I’m gonna have tea, but you can have whatever you want.” *They wait for him to decide, worried about how blankly he was staring, hoping that he could actually hear them.*
Tony nods a little. He response are slow, and the words are lethargic when he does speak. "...tea is fine." He moves to sit down on the couch while they make the drinks.
*They quickly make the drinks, setting his down in front of him and then sitting next to him, desperately trying to think of what to do now. He seemed like he was moving through molasses, and they weren’t really sure what they should do, how they should-*
"I can feel you staring at me," Tony says, turning to look at them. His gaze is heavy with exhaustion, hes clearly struggling.
“I’m sorry, I just…….I’ve never seen you……….okay, can you feel my hands right now? I might…………okay, I can help give you a reset if I take some energy and it’ll knock you out for a bit. I’ve gotten pretty good at controlling it, so do you want me to try that?” *They don’t want to push him, but it really does seem like that could help.*
Tony bites his lip, considering. He knows it probably isn't a very good idea, but... "Yeah, fuck, why not? I'm desperate at this point," he admits softly.
“Okay, let me know when I can start.” *They wait patiently, trying to make sure that he was ready and that he knew that he had full control over the situation.*
"Go ahead." He just wants to get this over with, and leans back on the couch with his eyes clenched shut.
*They start to take some of his energy, feeling the familiar buzz they got, stopping when they saw his muscles start to relax and melt into the couch a bit.* “How are you feeling now?”
Tony feels himself slump into the couch a little. He takes stock of how he feels. "..exhausted, but less like I'm going to go mad if I don't get a drink soon."
*They let out a sigh of relief, looking at him carefully.* “Well, that’s good. Do you need me to take more energy from you, so you can actually sleep?”
Tony shakes his head. "It's fine. I'm gonna... try and sleep like this," he decides. "Don't know if it'll work, but it only works half the time i'm alone on a good day anyway."
“Okay. I can put on something calming that we both like, like The Princess Bride.” *That had become a classic movie for them, because of Ari.*
Tony smiles. "That sounds perfect," he says, shuffling over onto the couch. He's half asleep already.
*They put it on, and start to gently play with his hair, humming quietly. They just hope that he falls asleep soon, they hate how miserable and exhausted he seemed, and they felt awful that they couldn’t really do more.*
Tony shifts so he's leaning against their shoulder. He isn't usually physical with them like this, usually it's more like them lying on him, but he clearly needed the comfort in that moment.
*When he leaned his head on their shoulder, they curl around him protectively, and continue to play with his hair, humming quietly and subconsciously kiss his forehead and they start to drift off themselves.*
Tony manages to get a few hours of decent sleep. Its better than he was expecting though maybe less than he hoped for. He gasps when he sits up. "Steve!?"
*They jerk awake, instantly moving so he can see them.* “No, it’s not Steve. It’s Anna, you’re at my house, you came to my house to rest. You’re okay, you’re safe though. I promise.”
Tony blinks blearily, rubbing at his head. He already has a hell of a headache. "Anna... oh. Right." memories come flooding back.
*They hand him some pain meds and a glass of water.* “I had a feeling that you were gonna need those. Do you want any food? I was gonna make breakfast. Or we can order something. Even though it’s…..5:17am, there’s plenty of places that we can order from.”
Tony shakes his head. "I'm not hungry." He pauses. "....actually, foood probably isn't a bad option." He swallows the pills, followed by some water. "It's Tuesday, right?"
“Do you want me to make something or order something?” *They mentally try to go over what they have in their kitchen and then freeze for a second, shaking their head.* “No….no, today’s Friday, Tony.”
"Just order something," Tony says, slumping down heavily into the couch. He drags a hand down his face and then looks at the. "Oh. Right. Course."
“You…..Tony, what happened? Why did you think it was Tuesday? Did you…..were you at the AA meeting because…..?” *They trail off, ordering a bunch of sweet and savory things for breakfast, not sure why they couldn’t just ask him.*
"I didn't drink," Tony says, a touch of defensiveness to the words that he can't quite help. "God, but did I get close. I'm lost for days for entirely non-alcoholic reasons."
“Okay, okay.” *They put their hands up, taking a small step backwards.* “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to get the full picture of what’s going on, so I understand what happened.”
He shakes his head. "It's fine. Its a fair assumption. I would've made the same assumption if I was the one talking to me...." he sighs. "It's just been a rough few weeks."
“What’s been going on, Tony?” *They look at him in concern, hating how small his voice had gotten.* “I’m here for you, I want to be able to help you.”
"Work is just a mess," Tony says with a grimace. "And you've seen what the news has been saying about me recently. Its jsut a lot. Its been a bad... and.." he trails off, helpless.
“Are there things that I need to be doing better or differently as your employee?” *They ask him, and grimace with him at the mention of the news.* “Yeah, they’ve been proper assholes. Were you out of it from feeling triggered? Or did you have a drink at some point recently and your body was going through super hard cravings?”
"No, not at all," Tony says quickly. He clenches his jaw slightly, mostly just to fend off the headache rapidly forming in his temples. "I didn't drink," he insists tightly. "I just-- wanted it."
*Seeing his jaw clench made them a little nervous but they press forward.* “Well, relapses happen, it’s not the end of the world if you did. And you should-“
"I didn't relapse!" Tony buries his face in his hands after snapping, trying very hard to keep his voice level. It still comes out a little louder, though. "I should what, Anna? What should I do?"
“I-“ *They freeze, instantly picking at their scabs and standing up to move closer to the kitchen.* “I……never mind.” *They were gonna explain that they hadn’t finished their thought, but they hadn’t heard that tone from him in a long time, if ever, and don’t want to say anything else that could shoot them in the foot.*
@unofficially-tonystark
"Yeah. Right." Tony looks away. He hadn't wanted to be in this situation. This was why he'd been avoiding people in the first place, he knew he got tetchy when people pushed him and h was in thi state of mind. It wasn't fair to everyone around him but he couldn't help it.
“I need to go pick up breakfast, I’ll be back in a few minutes. You can make coffee, you know where the shit is.” *Their voice is just tired, as they head out the front door and towards the empty house where they had things delivered. They loved both Tony and Edward fiercely, but both of them have been acting like this recently, and it was tiring. Tiring to try and keep themselves as calm as possible, all the time, with how much emotional input they get all the time? Fucking exhausting.*
Tony nods jerkily. Some part of him, distantly, feels bad for putting this on them, because he knows it drains them, but mostly he's too preoccupied keeping himself awake and simeltaneously holding himself back to be able to care.
*They get the food, and get back to the house, setting everything up on the table and glancing towards him.* “Can you please grab me the plates? And do you want to use the regular forks and stuff or the plastic ones?”
"Sure." Tony stands and grabs everything. He gets the regular forks, handing the utensils to them in silent answer of the question.
*So they were just gonna ignore what happened earlier? Okay, that was fine with them. They sit silently at the table, staring blankly at the food.* “You can dish up first, I’m not super hungry, I need to make some tea because I’m nauseous.” *They go to their electric kettle, waiting for the water to boil as they get their mug ready.*
"Alright," Tony says, not really up for more intense conversation. He dishes up two largish plates for the pair od them, his hands trembling as he does.
*They get their tea ready with shaky hands, and then sit down across from him, moving their food around ans not really eating anything. Their face goes headfirst into their food, an episode hitting, not really breathing since their nose is blocked with the food.*
Tony doesnt speak either, likewise not too hungry. He's eating for the sake of eating. "Anna?" He lifts up their head carefully. concerned now.
*Their body starts to feel less panicked now that they can breathe, and their episode starts to ease off and their eyes slowly open.* “Tony? What happened, why are you holding onto my head?”
"You had an episode," he tells them cautiously. He lets go of them once hes certain they can now support themselves.
“And I faceplanted into my food?” *They reach for a napkin, getting some of the food crumbs off of their face.* “At least we weren’t at a restaurant when that happened.”
"A little," Tony says with a wince. He nods. "At least you weren't alone." he swallows. "Im sorry for being a dick."
“Yeah, that would be an embarrassing way to die.” *They agree, and then look away from him for a second before forcing themselves to make eye contact* “I was a dick first. I’m sorry I made you feel like you had to defend yourself.”
Tony nods jerkily. "Thanks. I just-- its hard. Being sober. without feeling like im being accused of not being."
“Can…..can I tell you what I was trying to say?” *They look at him hesitantly, and then start to subconsciously pick at some scabs on their legs.*
Open Roleplay
yes i'm aware his birthday was last week this is coincidental-ish. maneuver timelines however you need for your muse to fit. I know this is long im sorry.
It was Tony's birthday party. Specifically, it was his 38th birthday party, and less two weeks ago, he'd held a press conference shutting down Stark Industries weapons manufacturing division after he returned from Afghanistan. The arc reactor weighed heavily in his chest, in every sense of the word.
It was a surprise party. Tony hadn't known about it, he'd been going up to his home with Obie next to him. He'd been the one to organise it, and when Tony had immediately protested, he'd heavily slung an arm over his shoulder: "You're out of the business of war, my boy. You've got to keep your connections somehow. Time to get better at the business of partying." Like Tony had ever been bad at that. There's a look in Obie's eyes that Tony can't decipher.
And now he's half-tipsy. He hadn't planned to be - not ever again, actually, after 3 months brutal sobriety - but Obadiah had pushed whiskey into his hand and he never could say no to it. He's still watching him. Tony's trying very hard to get the two women tripping over themselves as they speak to him at the bar to leave him alone when someone else approaches.
"Just ignore them," Tony says. "They'll get their photos or they won't. What you do won't make a difference." He's trying to be reassuring, but he isn't sure if it lands.
*They have ti fight hard to not glance back at them and nod stiffly.* “Okay, you said you have another car? Are you sober enough to drive right now? Because if you’re not, I’m driving.” *If he stumbles in any way, they are gonna drive, even though they don’t have a license.*
"Thought you couldn't drive?" Tony mutters in confusion. "But yes, I am." Legally, maybe not, but he's driven safely in far more inebriated states.
“I can, like I know how to, I just don’t have a license.”*They stare at him for a second, deciding if they believed him and slowly nod.* “Okay. Where’s your car? And don’t just tell me a brand name of a car and expect me to know what that looks like.”
Tony's eyes narrow. "You're not driving. And it's this one." He stops in front of an old red Cadillac, though it's in remarkably good condition for what is clearly an old car.
*Their eyes narrow right back at him.* “If it’s between me driving, completely sober and a very small percentage of a chance that we would get pulled over or get into an accident, versus you driving, not sober and a higher percentage of a chance that we would get pulled over or in an accident, I’m going with me driving.”*They glance at it, their eyes widening in interest.* “This is a cool car. I’ve been wanting to work on cars more, I just have no idea where to start.”
"We will not get pulled over. I have driven in much, much drunker states," Tony reassures them. He tosses them the keys anyway, too tired to argue. "Start with something newer than this."
*They stare at him in exasperation.* “Are you kidding me? You telling me that you’ve been way more drunk while driving is supposed to be reassuring?” *They yelp when he tosses the keys to them. immediately dropping them.* “Wait…….wait, you want me to drive now? I…..oh gods. Your car is literally like a spaceship, I don’t know which buttons are safe and which aren’t.”
"Well it should tell you i can drive fine now," Tony points out. He rolls bizarre eyes. "Press the on button and ignore all the others."
*They roll their eyes at him, and then press the car, waiting for it to turn on. As they’re waiting, they glance over as they feel so many questions burning in their chest that they want to ask, but they have no idea how
The car turns on quickly. Once on, it's a fairly simple car to drive, just a normal automatic if you ignored all the other buttons. He raises an eyebrow. "What?"
*They look over at him in surprise as they slowly start to back up, pulling out of the car garage, looking both ways carefully.** “Okay, first of all, how did you know that I wanted to ask you questions and second of all, how do we to the hotel from here?”
"Because you have about as good a poker face as a toddler," tony admits bluntly. "It was practially pouring off you that you where holding something back. Just drive straight. GPS is on."
*They look at him, honestly a little offended that he had said that so bluntly, and pause.* “I………are you just doing this because you feel guilty that he was working with you and you didn’t notice?” *They continue to drive, finally pulling into the parking lot and parking. Their body shakes a little as they can feel an adrenaline drop starting and their head slumps forward on the steering wheel.*
"Yes," Tony answers bluntly. "Im furious that he got away with doing that to who knows how many people. But I also am doing it cahse you deserve the help."
“Do you want to know how many people it was?” *There was a support group, and they knew exactly how many people he had been abusing, but they weren’t sure if Tony actually wanted to know or was just saying that part.* “And why do I deserve the help, when you’ve barely spoken to me in the last seven months?”
"..." Tony swallows. "Yeah. I probably should know that." He's furious at the comfirmation that it's more than one. He looks away. "...you were assaulted. You qualify for help. You should get it."
“It was five of us. But one girl left, she couldn’t handle it anymore and has a pretty rich boyfriend. And she’s wanting us to press charges with her, and I think we might now. Especially that we have you as our backup.” *They glance at him and can sense his fury, and cringe slightly at it, looking out the window.* “I’m sorry that I had to show you those videos, and that it was your friend. I don’t…..I wish that………….Are you angry at me? That I showed you the videos, that I waited this long to tell you, that-“
"Im not angry at you." Hes fucking furious at Obadiah but he's not angry at Anna. They haven't done anything to him.. "Dont be sorry. Im the one who is sorry."
“Okay.” *They believe him, that he’s not angry at them, but then look at him in confusion.* “Why would you be sorry, it’s not like you’re the one that touched me and threatened my job if I stopped doing……things for him.”
"Because it's my company, and I should have known that he was doing that. I shouldn't have allowed it to happen under my nose." He crosses his arms over his chest.
“Fair. Ummm, so how does this work, I’m assuming that we’re getting two different rooms for the night, right?” *They motion towards the hotel that they had just parked in front of, glancing up at it and wondering how many months of payment one night in the hotel was gonna cost them.*
"Of course we are." He parks and helps them out kf the car. "Dont worry about payment, its all on me."
*They stare at him in shock.* “How’d you……Jesus, you’re scarily good at reading me. Not even the other coworkers who I see every day read me this well.” *Their body language relaxes again when he says both of those things, and glance up at him curiously.* “I’m assuming that a boss isn’t actually supposed to do the whole “one bed” thing? Because that’s something that he would tell me is pretty normal.”
"I have to be good at reading people." Though clearly he'd failed when it came to reading Obadiah.... god. He looks horrified when they add that. "..no, kid. That's not normal at all."
“Oh.” *They stare off into space for a second as they walk inside, and they look around in shock. It was easily one of the nicest buildings they had ever been in.* “Can I ask you more things, like if they’re normal or not?”
Tony wants to say no, but he knows it selfish so he nkds. "Yeah, sure. Hit me with it." He walks over to grab water.
*They immediately can tell that he’s hesitant and shake their head quickly.* “I don’t have to. I can always just text my support group, even if we’re all a little unsure what is normal now. Or I can google it. But I don’t have to ask you if you’re uncomfortable.”
"Just ask me," Tony says with a sigh. "I'd rather you ask me." That part, at least, is true, even if he doesn't understand why that is his particular preferene.
*They stare at him for a second and then stare at the key card that the receptionist had handed them. They were on the top floor, and they internally groan at how many stairs that was gonna be, but no way in hell were they gonna take a fricking elevator.* “Okay, so is it normal for a boss to say what he wants you to wear and tell you he can’t see you enough for security reasons, and give you pat down every day?”
Tony heads for the elevator, not noticing their discomfort. He much prefers it to the dank, croncrete stairs. It's a less enclosed space to him. He considers. "The what to wear, kind of. A dress code is normal. The rest of it, no."
“Okay, so part of that was normal. So I guess he mixed things that were normal with things that weren’t, so people wouldn’t get suspicious?” *They glance up at him, and then shake their head as they near the elevator.* “I’m gonna take the stairs, but you can take the elevator.”
Tony shrugs. "More like he warped things to give him an excuse to be a fucking creep." He nods. "All see you in our suite," he says easily.
“Sounds about right.” *They scoff quietly and head for the stairs. About half an hour later, and they still haven’t knocked on the door, there’s been no sign of them at all.*
Tony frowns when he doesn't hear anything from them. He swallows thickly. Heknows he should check on them. He doesn't want to go down the stairs, but he does, and slinks out of the room anyway. "Anna?"
*They’re not very far down the stairs, maybe one flight at the most, sitting on a random stair, just staring blankly at nothing. They weren’t sure if they had an episode or what, but it was weird because all of the sudden, they were in a really fancy staircase and they couldn’t remember what had happened. So they just sat down and opted to not move.*
Tony tentatively just comes to sit down beside them. "Hey, Anna," he says slowly, because he doesnt know what this is. "Want to tell me what's going on?"
*They look at him blankly, confusion in their eyes.* “Tony? What…..what are you doing here? What am I doing here? What….wait, where’s….Sir Obadiah?” *They hadn’t told him about that, that Obadiah had a thing for them calling him that.*
Tony frowns. "Hes... not here right now. You told me about what he did to you, so we got you somewhere safe," he says cautiously.
“We’re safe? He doesn’t know that we’re here?” *They look at him for confirmation, starting to feel slightly less confused.* “What….how long have we been sitting here? Where are we?”
"He doesn't know we're here," Tony promises. "Ah, five minutes? You never came upstairs to our suite, so I came down and looked for you," he explains.
“We’re sleeping together?” *They ask him. There really isn’t any of the fear that had been there earlier, it was just more of a resigned question.*
Tony shakes his head, hating how resigned they sound. "No, we have separate bedrooms." It's an effort to keep his tone steady an dwithout any emotion.
*A flicker of relief goes across their face, and they blink a few times, and then look at him properly for the first time since he sat down next to them.* “Sorry. I don’t know what happened. Oh shit, I don’t have any clean clothes to sleep in.” *A pout grows on their face, the first sign of them thawing out in the last few minutes.*
Tony smilese when he sees the pout. It's not something that he's seen on their face before, but he's glad for it anyway, hoping it means they're calming. "This is a luxury hotel, kid. They supply PJs."
*They smile back and him, thinking that-* “You have a really nice smile.” *As soon as they say that, they turn red and stare at the ground before glancing up at him again at the next thing he says in complete and utter shock.* “They supply PJs here? Seriously?”
"...thanks." He doesnt know quite what to say. Not an unusual compliment, but rarely one hes gotten on his real smile. He nod. "Kid, they supply everything here."
“Sorry, I hope that didn’t make you uncomfortable. My inside thought became my outside thought before I could stop it.” *They stand up, their legs a little shaky, and motion towards the top of the stairs.* “I’m ready to see the rooms now. And sorry I got stuck in a….I’m not sure what that was.”
"No, its alright," e says with a shrug. "People often dont have a filter around me," he says. He nods. "No, its okay. It happens. Let's go see our suite."
“Would you prefer I have more of a filter?” *They look at him as they start to walk up the stairs and pause at the top of the steps, glancing down the hallway.* “Which room number are we in? And are they connected?”
Tony shakes his head tiredly. "I really don't care," he answers honestly. "We're in room 212. It's got two bedrooms, shared kitchen and living room," he explains.
*They stop outside of the room, and look up at him, nervously, which was at war with their snarky-ness.* “I’m really clumsy, what if I break something in there that costs more than what I’m worth, period?”
"Then I'll pay for it," Tony says easily. Its been a long long time since money was something causing him any concern at all
“I…..okay.* “They take a deep breath and use the keycard, opening the door and stepping inside. They were just inside the hallway, and everything already looked like something you read about in a fantasy book describing a castle. They realize they said that part outloud when they hear Tony laugh quietly.*
"I realise this may not have been the best hotel to chose," he admits as he leads them further into the suite. "But it's one of my backups, so I diverted here on instinct."
“What, like this is a cheap motel to you?” *They stare at him in shock, their eyes wide as they try to continue to turn around to see everything, stumbling over their feet.*
"I mean. Yeah, a little bit," Tony says, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly at the obvious shock on their face.
“How much more castle like can a hotel possibly get?” *They wonder, their mouth falling open in shock as they stare at the ceiling.* “Is that a fucking chandelier??”
"You have no idea," Tony promises. He looks up. "Technically, its just a really fancy lamp. But for all intents and purposes, yes, that is a chandelier."
*They glance down the hall to the bedroom and step in, glancing around.* “It’s a fucking canopy bed tje size of New York itself! I’m gonna get lost in it!” *They glance into the bathroom, their eyes bugging out of their head.* “The shower is the size of my whole apartment, what the fuck??”
Tony pressses his lips together, faintly amused by their reaction. "You know, you really shoudl be able to afford a better apartment, I know for a fact that we don't underpay people at SI."
“My best friend is still living with her boyfriend and they live in the same building as me. It’s easier if I stay close by, instead of getting a more expensive apartment.” *They explain. That’s about half of the truth, and they want to wait a minute before they tell him the rest of the reason.*
Tony frowns. "What does your friend living near you have to do with it if you are in a shirty apartment." He asks, sounding genuinely confused.
*They sigh, looking away.* “Her boyfriend is a boxer. And he’s been protecting me for a while now, honestly, we basically live at each other’s apartments. They’ll have their ‘spicy time’ whenever they want, but most nights if not all, I’m either in their spare bedroom, or she’s in bed with me and he’s on the couch by the door.”
Tony nods a little. "Right. I suppose that's fair enough, then. I didn't think about that..." he trails off sheepishly.
“Which bedroom do you want? And what time is it?” *They pull out their phone and nod.* “Makes sense why I’m exhausted, it’s 11:32 pm. I think I need to take a shower and then I’m gonna try to go to sleep. Key word is try.”
Tony nods towards the spare. "You take the master. It has an ensuite and that way you can have a private bathroom." He won't be showering anyway. "Good luck sleeping, though."
*They nod, and then look at him in confusion.* “You said that there were spare clothes? Where…..where would I find them?” *They needed to get in the shower and scrub themselves clean, flashes of Obadiah in their head that was making them feeling increasingly more tense.*
"They'll either be on your bed or in the dresser in your room," Tony tells them. "Everything should be self contained, shoupd you want to avoid me."
“I don’t- I don’t want to avoid you.” *They didn’t want to avoid him, necessarily, they just……* “I’m gonna take the shower, and if you’re still up, maybe we can have tea? And ummmmm……if you hear a really loud thump, can you please…….can you please check on me? Because I don’t particularly want to drown in a really expensive hotel shower because I had a seizure or an episode.”
"Tea sounds good. And yes, I can check on you," Tony reassures them. He's trying tk be gentle with them. He doesnt know how to; he rarely is gentle.
*They quickly close the door to the bedroom and step in the shower, huddling in a corner and silently crying. They had no idea how they were gonna sleep without Jason and Whitney. Eventually, they get up and get dressed in the silk pajamas and robe, a deep gray color, and slippers as well, and slowly poke their head out. They both wanted him to be there and hoped that he was in his own room.*
[evil au!!]
Tony walks into his workshop, where he'd been planning to meet Anna, groaning with frustration. "These people," he seethes, tossing his tablet on a spare couch. It's a sight they've seen a lot. "Why do I put up with them, Ans?"
@unofficially-tonystark
“I don’t know, but we have to, you know that.” *They reply, barely glancing up from the computer, where they are working on hacking into something important for the avengers, to send them to the wrong location.* “Did the meeting work though, they aren’t suspicious of anything, right?”
"Of course they weren't, they're all fucking idiots," Tony complains. He glances over at the work they're doing. "It's half of what makes them so bloody infuriating."
“True. Did you bring the pieces we need? And food. I hope you brought food.” *They finally glance up, looking tired and frustrated.* “We probably only need 24 more hours on this, and then it’ll be ready.”
Tony holds up the bag of takeout he'd snagged from the meeting he'd have to endure. "I got everything," he promises, forcing himself up from his chair and joining them. "How long if we work through the night?"
“15, wait no, 16 hours. That would cut it down to 16 hours.” *They look at the takeout, opening one of the boxes and leaning back in their chair a little bit as they munch on the food.* “They might be really annoying, but they do order good food.”
"Lets do it then," Tony says. "I want this bullshit over as soon as possible." He munches on the food to and grumbles his agreement to that. "They do havae that one benefit, yes.'
“Okay.” *They agree, glancing over at him.* “Is your husband suspicious at all? Or Bucky’? I feel like we would have the biggest problem if they found out.”
Tony shakes his head. "Neither have said anything to me," he tells them. "What about you? You haven't had Buck suspicious of you or anything, Sienna...?"
“Neither of them have started act suspicious of me that I can tell, so I ‘m just acting like we’re hanging out more because we’re building more shit. Which is technically only a half lie.” *They take another piece of the food, and sigh.* “We’re gonna need some coffee.”
"Thats true. At least you can definitely tell if one of them is suspicious," Tony adds. He gets up and puts on the coffee pot, then planks back down.
@sunflower-0180
“Yeah. My mutation is good for something.” *They snort, clearly this was something they had debated before and recently, judging by the fact they heard a different snort.*
@unofficially-tonystark
Tony is too tired to properly engage in the debate again. Instead, he says, "Walk me through what you've been working on?"
*They point to the computer screen, scrolling through what they were working on.* “Okay, well, this deletes all the information that they’ve been gathering, but slowly. So they aren’t as suspicious about malware or things like that. And this one is the one that sends information straight to our phones, laptops, whatever. But this is the one I told you I need help with.” *They look back at him, and then back down at their mug, and then hand it to him.* “Can you be a great boss and get me some more coffee?”
Tony nods along, smiling at the program that they've created. It is admittedly very impressive. "Thats amazing," he priases warmly. then laughs. "Sure thing. kid."
“Thank you.” *They glance at him as he walks over to the coffee pot, thinking quietly. He was really a pretty good boss. Always respectful of their boundaries, never pushing them past what they could handle, and never intentionally made them feel stupid for not knowing something. He taught them how to let go, be snarky, encouraged their dark humor. They really were grateful for him, even if they would probably never say it out loud. Unless they were drunk.* “Besides programming shit, is there anything else I need to do?”
"Course." Tony pours them a cup of coffee, already knowing how they like it, and pushes it towards them. He might've been evil, but his coworkers - and that was how he viewed Anna - got special treatment. "Not off the top of my head."
*They take a sip of the coffee, smiling gratefully at him and nod, looking back at the computer, their eyes dropping a little bit.* “I need you to help keep me awake until the caffeine hits my system.”
Tony nods. "Sure thing." He starts talking to them, something that Stve and Clint did during the briefing he attemded that pissed him off.
“Uuugghh, are you fucking kidding me? What pricks.” *They grumble, having just finished up another page that would delete more information, sighing as they sent it to the avenger database.* “Okay, I need a break or my eyes are gonna melt out of my head. Give me something else to do, please.”
"I know, right? They're so annoying." He shakes his head, hating that he has to deal with these people constantly. Irritating as fuck. "Why don't we just not do work for a little, hm?"
“But that’s gonna make the process take so much longer if we do!” *It’s not quite a whine, but they have a lot at stake with this deal coming up, and they were stressed the fuck out about it.*
"We can afford the wait," Tony reassures them. "Besides, just because you're taking a break doesn't mean I have to," he points out after another moment.
“But I don’t want you to work and…..I don’t feel like I’m pulling my weight if you do that!” *Now that really was a whine, feeling more and more stressed out about the whole thing. It definitely had something to do with the fact that they had slept a total of maybe four hours over two days, but they would never admit that.*
"You've been pulling your weight plenty," Tony reassures them. "I'd argue and say you've been doing more than you need to. Get some rest."
“I can’t! I can’t sleep because every time I fall asleep, I have awful fucking nightmares from our last mission! I know you got to me quickly, I just-“ *They close their mouth tightly, looking away and pointedly ignoring the tears in their eyes.*
Tony frowns, he hadn't expectes that. "Why didn't you tell me about this sooner, kid?" He asks quietly.
“Because it’s stupid, okay? It’s stupid! I should just be able to handle this shit, because I’m supposed to be your backup! Fighting or otherwise, and I can’t do that well when I’m getting fucking terrified because they….they-“ *They don’t finish the sentence, again, and still aren’t looking at him.* “I’m scared that if I freeze like that again, that I’m going to miss something really important and lose you, okay? That’s…that’s what the nightmares have mostly been about. I fuck up, and it’s my fault that you’re-“
"I'm not going to die," Tony interrupts them. His voice is gentle, but brooks no argument. "You're not going to let me die. You're not going to freeeze."
“But I did! I already have, Tony!” *They look at him, trying to force some of the frustration down.* “I just….if it’s my fault that you get hurt, I can’t heal you. I’m not that kind of mutant, I…..I’m not even a halfway decent mutant, let’s be honest.”
"You won't again." Tony isn't sure if he believes it, but he wants to, or their sake. "It's not going to be your fault if you get hurt.It takes a lot to hurt me, kid. And your mutation is exactly what we need it to be."
“You don’t believe that and I don’t either.” *Their voice has gone pretty quiet, as they just blankly stare at the screen for a minute before looking up at him.* “Don’t you have sleeping pills that I could take?”
"But I trust you anway." He hesitates to give them the sleeping pills, but then nods. "Yeah, sure. I've got some. Only take one, though."
“If it doesn’t work, I’m gonna take more.” *They stand up, swaying a little, but determinedly heading for where they had seen him put his sleep meds before.*
"You are not," Tony says, because they're strong, and he doesnt' even take more than one of them, there's no way in hell he's letting them take more. He hands them one.
“You can’t stop me.” *They take the pill, quickly chasing it down with some coffee with a shudder.* “That tastes disgusting, Jesus.”
"Yeah, well, that coffee has been sitting there for the better part of an hour," Tony points out dryly.
“Eww.” *They pout, looking towards the coffee pot.* “If I drink more coffee right now, that would probably counteract the sleep meds, right?”
"Definitely," Tony confirms. "Leave the coffee alone, kid. Just try and get some rest, alright?"
“Only if you come let me use your lap as a pillow for a little bit and tell me your perspective of how/when we started to work together.” *They sway a little, wanting to have him hold them, and not wanting to directly ask for it, at the moment.*
"Come lie down," he says with a chuckle, because he knows what they're really asking for and he doesnt mind. "How we started working together.... hmm."
*They do, surprisingly without any kind of comment, and look up at him with slightly bleary eyes.* “Yeah. When did you decide that I could be trusted with this stuff?”
"When you walked in on me complaining about Barton to JARVIS, and instead of getting annoyed at me, you just joined in ranting about him," Tony says.
“That was funny.” *They smile, looking at him with a smirk. A few seconds later, they’re clinging to his hand as they feel the sleep meds start to take effect, and they shake their head, trying to push themselves off of him sluggishly.* “I take it back, I don’t want to sleep, get it out of me-“
Tony smiles, then frowns at the sudden change in his demeanour. "Hey, woah. It's okay. I can't untake the sleeping pills, kid," he says cautiously.
“Why not? You’re super smart, just get it out of me.!” *There’s tears in their eyes, one of the rare instances that he’s seen them cry.* “I don’t want to get stuck in a bad dream, please. Please.”
Tony hates that he can't do what they're asking him to do. "You're not going to get stuck in a bad dream, pipsqueak. I'll wake you up if anythign happens."
*They whine, the meds dragging them further into a restless sleep, their body going limp and then twitching every once in a while. Their hands were still locked onto him with a surprising amount of strength for someone who was in a deep sleep.*
Tony keeps hold of them, having Jarvis scan for any changes that suggest they might have a nightmare so's he can wake them.
*They tense as they feel themselves holding onto something until they crack their eyes open and see him, immediately flushing pink.* “Ummmm, hi.”
"Hi, there," Tony greets dryly. He'd started replying to emails above their head, and brushes the hologram away.
“You could have moved, this probably wasn’t the most comfortable to stay here and let me use your legs as a pillow.” *They stubbornly push themselves up, even though their head is still swimming and trying to get reoriented.* “Okay, back to work, I still have to-“
Tony shrugs. "I don't mind, and it wasn't exactly a hindrance to use the holograms." He places a gentle hand on their shoulder. "You can relax, kid. It's not urgent."
*Their stubbornness and their exhaustion are at war and the exhaustion wins out.* “Fine. Fine, I’ll rest, but only for 10 more minutes, because we have shit to get done. You said you wanted this done in by tonight, at least.”
"Get some more rest," Tony replies, ignoring the latter half of their sentence because its irrelevant right now.
*They look at him, and fight back a whine, glaring half heartedly at him.* “But Tony!! You said that we needed to get this shit done!! Our mission window is a lot more crunched this time and-“
"Anna. Rest." He crosses his arms. "I've been doing this for a long time. You sleeping for a few hours is going to make no difference at all to our plans."
*They look at him stubbornly and finally nod. Resting actually sounded really good, but their body was still trying to fight half heartedly. Sleep was starting to drag them back under, but right before their eyes shut for real , they grab onto his arm tightly. Their eyes clearly exhausted, but frantically searching his, one of the few times they were fully unguarded.* “You’ll stay with me while I fall sleep, right? And be in the room when I wake up?”
Tony hates that they're so distressed. In his own, deeply screwed up way, he really does care for them. "Yes. I'll be here the entire time kiddo, I promise."
“Okay.” *They slowly relax and can themselves start to relax enough to fall asleep again, occasionally twitching or making noises in their sleep. At one point, they start to softly call for him, slowly getting louder and more frantic.* “Tony!! Tony, please!! Please!!!”
Tony starts shaking them the second they start calling for him. "Kid.. kid, wake up." He brushes their hair out of their face, making sure to otherwise keep his distance.
*Their eyes jerk open and immediately search for him, their hands dart out to grab his and hold onto it for dear life.* “I…..they..you……..you left me. You got mad at me and left me.”
"I would never do that," Tony promises. He squeezes their hands. "Come on, pipsqueak. I would be useless without you, you know that.'
*Their eyes search his for a few minutes, trying to catch their breath and slowly nod.* “I did try to warn you that I’ve been having more and more nightmares.” *They’re trying to joke, but it comes out weak as they use his hand to try and sit up.*
@unofficially-tonystark
"Do I look upset with you?" Tony says dryly. He gently helps them sit up, careful to keep his movements gentle and slow so as not to startle them too much.
“……No.” *They reluctantly agree, letting him take their full weight so they can sit up with a groan.* “Oh gods, if this is what it’s like to be old, I don’t like it. Shit, shit, Tony, the plans!” *They point to the computer frantically as they see Steve coming towards the lab through the security screen.*
Tony barks out a laugh. "Don't worry, it only gets worse with age," he reassures them. He stiffens when he hears Steve approaching. He loved the man but he would never understand, and he hurridley clears their plans away.
“Oh gods.” *They groan and then frantically try to help Tony clear the plans so Steve couldn’t see them, looking up at him and silently asking him what they should do.*
@steve-g-rogers
Steve blinks and tilts his head. “Hey you two.” He walks over to Tony with a warm smile.
“Hey Steve. Sorry, I’ve been hogging your husband quite a bit recently. I can leave and go grab you guys coffee if you want?” *They look at Tony, silently asking him if they should do that, trying to keep themselves as calm as possible.*
@unofficially-tonystark
Tony kisses Steve's head lightly. "Hey, love." He glances at Anna, meeting their eyes. "You don't need to leave," he reassures them, giivng them an easy smile, hoping to communicate silently that they'd like the continued company.
*They try to relax more and nod, standing up and busying themselves with parts of the car that they had been working on taking apart and putting together again with him.* “So how was the meeting for you, Steve?”
@steve-g-rogers
Steve keeps his armed wrapped around Tony, kissing his cheek. He sighs and shakes his head. “Long and tedious.”
“Eww, I’m sorry.” *They shudder and then make a face at him kissing Tony.* “Keep it PG, please. I don’t want any more nightmares.”
Steve laughs and pulls away from Tony. “Okay, okay…”
*They smirk, sticking their tongue out at Steve.* “So did you need anything in particular or did you just want to see your husband? And what time is it?”
“Just wanted to see my husband… I think it’s eight,” Steve nods and makes his cheek again.
“I think Tony and I had some stuff we were gonna finish, but we were gonna try to be done by ten tonight, right?” *They look at Tony, silently asking him to step in and take over.*
@unofficially-tonystark
"Yes, 10, absolutely," Tony confirms, nodding slightly at Anna in a silent confirmation. "We can do late dinner?" He offers.
@steve-g-rogers
Steve pauses for a moment. “Baby… what are you two working on that’ll keep you here so late?” He frowns.
"We've just gotten close to the end of that car we're fixing up," Tony lies. They fixed it weeks ago.
Steve frowns and tilts his head. “But…” He trails off and shakes his head, brow furrowed. “Baby you were telling me about how you finished that two weeks ago.”
Tony tries not to show his concern. "No, darling, that was just the engine we finished. This is gonna be the whole car."
Steve narrows his eyes, glancing to the car. “That’s not…” He frowns and looks to Anna.
@sunflower-0180
“Steve, you know how long it takes me to get this shit right? Plus, he’s teaching me pretty slowly, so that I can do it on my own, on a different car, as sort of a test. So we’re also looking through a bunch of cars and figuring out which one is the best one to buy.” *They had actually talked about doing that, they agreed that they were gonna do it after this coming mission.*
Steve frowns and crosses his arms. “I’ll just stay then, something doesn’t feel right.” He glances back towards Tony, giving him a ‘What the hell is going on?’ Look.
@unofficially-tonystark
Tony hides a frown with a smile. "Of course, baby. You know you're always welcome here." He leans forward to gently kiss his cheek, shooting him a reassuring look.
Steve nods and lets him kiss his cheek, though he glances to Tony then to Anna, looking between them. “What’s going on? Something’s off.”
@sunflower-0180
“I had a nightmare before you came in, and we were talking about that and maybe that’s why things feel a little off?” *They suggest, sending a wave of earnestness. That was part of the truth, they had been talking about it.* “It was a kind of awkward nightmare, for once, and we were just starting to get into a bunch of sex questions that I had. I mean, I would like to ask both of you, I just don’t know how awkward it would be for both of you to be asked sex questions together.”
“Oh… that’s fine…” Steve looks between them again, chewing his lips briefly. “You’ve both been up here a lot just you two…” His eyes flick to Tony. “Are you… you’re not cheating on me are you?” He sounds terrified, devastated.
@unofficially-tonystark
Tony's eyes widen. "No, darling!" He says intently, rushing over to stand in front of Steve, cupping his cheeks. "I love you. I would never cheat on you." That at least, was pure honesty.
Steve frowns and looks over at Anna before back to Tony. “Then what’s going on? Something’s not right.” He shakes his head.
"Nothing is going on, baby," Tony says with a slight frown. "Are you feeling alright, amore?"
“I’m fine, just something feels off! And I don’t know what it is, so if you’re cheating on me with them- baby… what is going on?! I know you, you’re hiding something from me.” Steve glances back to Anna, frowning.
@sunflower-0180
*They stared at Steve in complete disbelief and confusion.* “You actually thought……..okay, I’ll be back in a minute.” *They practically run from the lab, heading up the stairs to the bathroom that’s the farthest away they can find, locking themselves in as they fight to not gag. The cool air did practically nothing to cool their body down, and they slump against the counter, shuddering quietly.*
Steve watches them leave, brow furrowed. He turns to Tony and raises his hands. “Go, I don’t know what you’re hiding, but I can sense something isn’t right love… just go check on Anna, please.” Steve frowns and looks away.
@unofficially-tonystark
Tony hates this. This is exactly why he never wanted Steve to find about about what he and Anna were doing, to prevent the very same pain he was feeling now. He runs after them. "Anna? You okay, kid?"
@sunflower-0180
*They’re just dry heaving at this point and make a vague noise. So many feelings, especially disgust, confusion, and hurt are running through them right now. They know for sure that they aren’t gonna be able to face Steve anytime soon.*
"Anna," Tony repeats gently, coming around to crouch to the side of them so as not to startle them too much. "I need you to breathe and get yourself together."
*They glare at him, unable to say anything and quickly sign.*
**Your husband thinks that you’re cheating on him with me. His…..his……gods. Are you okay? You’re the one that he’s suggesting about that.**
"I'm fine, because I know it's not true," Tony says. "And its an understandable conclusion for him to reach."
*They scoff quietly, looking away.*
**Would you assume the same if roles were reversed? That he was cheating on you with someone that he views as a pretty good friend? Like……I just….fuck-**
*They gag again, heaving and slump back with a groan.*
**We need to go back. I don’t know if he’s still there, but we need to go back.**
"If he was acting like we are.Yes." Tony is totally honest in his answer. its a fair enough assumption in his eyes.
He helps them up."Lets go back out, kid."
*They stare up at him in horror, and then they collapse again as they heave all over again. Their brain just doesn’t register how……how would someone picture them being willing to cheat?? A terrified sob leaves them, and they desperately want to take a boiling hot shower.*
**I….I need…I need new clothes. Can I borrow some of Ari’s old clothes, please?**
"Yeah, of course you can," Tony says, wincing at the horror that is clear on their face. "Take whatever you need."
*They quickly turn amd run to Ari’s old room, grabbing some clothes and heading back to the bathroom.*
**I’m just gonna shower off really fast, I’ll be back down in 10 minutes.**
"Take your time," Tony says, sinking back down onto the ground and waiting for them to return. Hes tired.
*It definitely wasn’t 10 minutes, more like 20. They finally get out, their skin red and raw, and not really making eye contact.* “I’m ready, we can go finish now.”
"Are you okay?" He asks, looking them over and taking in the clearly scalded skin. He's worried about them and steve both.
“I’m fine. Let’s go.” *They quickly head downstairs and then uncharacteristically pause before they get to his lab door, shaking.* “Can you…..can you check and see if Steve is in there? Please?”
Open roleplay
(Sooo I don’t have the time/energy to fully open this blog… but I really miss Carlos so here’s a post, feel free to reply to this! But I’m not currently doing asks:) and I will eventually get to all the other rps on this blog<3)
Carlos had gone out to scout an area of England, to make up some plans for Hydra, that he’ll then sabotage best he can. And he was fine on the mission, it was going well, people told him things, he… killed a few people, which hurt him deeply but he never showed it.
But… the one thing he wasn’t expecting was to be standing right outside his childhood home. Where he lived with his mother until she was murdered in front of him by the Winter Soldier. Carlos stares up at the building, not moving. His expression hasn’t changed, but his entire body is tensed up.
The person with him had just joined him today, for Carlos to give them information, and he had stopped talking in a middle of a sentence, just staring at the building. It’s old and rundown, a closed shop with an empty flat above. It just looks like an empty building, but Carlos is staring at it like he’s in a nightmare.
*They slip their hand into his, squeezing it gently. They were honestly so excited to be there with him, to have him show them around. But the immense bittersweet feelings, sadness, heartbreak, but also the safety he had felt here as well, before all of hydra.* “I’m here. I’m here with you.”
Carlos stares up at it, blinking a few times, his eyes shift to Anna, like he’d forgotten they could sense his emotions about this place and figure out why he feels that way. “Thank you…” He whispers quietly, looking back to the building, he slowly inches closer to it, wincing and stepping back. There’s an old, old blood stain on the front step.
“Look at me, please?” *They patiently wait until he does, their eyes just filled with love and compassion, one of the softest times he’s ever seen them.* “We don’t need to push ourselves today, okay? We don’t. We can do this in steps. But whatever you need, I’m here for you.”
Carlos looks to them, he goes quiet for a moment, looking back to the flat. “We’re not even here to see this, let’s go.” He turns sharply, starting to walk down the street, he frowns and cuts up a side street.
*They want to ask him to slow down, but they can feel the swirling emotions in his chest, so they just try to force their legs to go as fast as he was. Good gods, their legs were gonna be sore tomorrow, why is this whole street uphill?*
Carlos stops after a minute, glancing back down the street, they can still see the flat behind them. He stares at it with a distant expression. “Come with me.” He grabs their hand and starts to walk in the opposite direction of where they were going.
*They tighten their hand around his, wordlessly following him, glad to be going downhill, at least. After a minute they glance up and him and internally debate before-* “Carlos, I’m sorry, can we slow down, just a little? I know I seem like The Flash, but that’s only when I’m trying to get to the really good coffee shop on 3rd street before they’re out of those delicious breakfast sandwiches.”
Carlos immediately slows down, staring at the ground as he continues to move at a slower pace. “I apologize.” He mumbles as he takes a few strange turns, after a good ten minutes he stops outside a large building, a private boarding school. “Come one.” He pulls them over to the gate, glancing at the building before turning and pointing down a street. “We’re walking that way.”
“It’s okay.” *They smile at him, gently squeezing his hand and then staring at the school with wide eyes before they glance down the street that he’s pointing at.* “Are we gonna be able to go inside the school? It’s such a cool building, it looks so old, like you. Were they just getting done building it when you were going to school here?” *They smirk at him, hoping to make him at least crack a smile with that.*
Carlos smiles weakly. “Afraid we won’t be visiting today.” He lets out a sad laugh before he shakes his head. “This is how I used to walk to school.” He explains quietly as he starts to lead them down the road.
“That’s okay.” *They nod and look around, still holding onto his hand tightly.* “Carlos, can I ask a question about the school, or is that gonna make you too sad?”
Carlos slowly walks down the street, running his hands over the brick walls. He glances to them carefully. “You can ask.”
*They think for a second, swinging his hand gently.* “Did you like your teachers? Did you have a favorite or least favorite teacher? Did you have any crushes while you were here? Did you guys get to go on any field trips? What about-“
Carlos holds up a hand calmly. “Not too many.” He says, with a very small smile, it doesn’t come out harsh at all. He sighs as he moves down the street, walking like he still has the way memorized. “I liked some of my teachers… I liked my creative writer teacher, he was great. No crutches… not the normal field trips, because it was a boarding school.”
“Sorry.” *They take a breath, their brain feeling like it was still spinning with all of their questions, but he never made them feel bad for how many questions they asked.* “I like my English teacher the most too. She loved using dark humor in class, I loved her. And you said not the normal ones, but does that mean that you still had some? Did math come pretty easy to you?”
Carlos hums softly. “I wanted to be an author.” He looks incredibly sad. He nods slowly. “I was good in math, hated my teacher though. He was… something.” Carlos stops walking, looking up at a street sign, tears prick at his eyes and he lets out a little broken sound.
“You said that. I want to show you a small book I wrote, maybe you can help me edit it? And yeah, my math teacher was something too, he was an asshole.” *Their heart breaks at his broken sound, and they turn so that they’re standing in front of him.* “I’ve got you, love. What…..what can I do to help?”
“I would love to help you.” Carlos whispers. He looks up at the sighs again, before looking down at Anna, tears pricking at his eyes. “This is the last place I ever saw my friends, we used to walk to the sign, then go our separate ways- this is the last time I ever saw them-”
*They smile when he says that he’ll help them, but then tear up when he says the part about his friends, and hug him, gently tracing patterns on his back and writing ‘I love you’ over and over.* “Well, I know that your friends loved you, and you were a light in their life just like you are in mine. I’m so sorry about everything that has happened to you. I would change it all in a heartbeat if I could. Even if that meant that I didn’t get to meet you.” *That really did make them start to cry silently, because they knew that was true. They would absolutely save him from the hydra fate, even if that meant that they never got to meet him, to keep him safe.*
Carlos swipes his tears away, looking up at the sign. “Thank you Anna.” He mutters, slowly pulling away and dusting his shirt off, trying to stay in control. “Come along.” He continues walking.
*Okay, that hurt. Being vulnerable like that still wasn’t their favorite thing, and him dusting off his shirt like that made them feel like he was disgusted with them, honestly. They let go of his hand to drop down and tie their shoe, not looking up as they said.* “Go ahead, I’ll catch up. Just gotta tie my shoe.”
Carlos crouches by them immediately, tying their shoe quickly before standing again. He gives them a small nod before tilting his head down the streets. “I won’t walk off, you don’t know which way to go.” He dusts his shirt off again, glancing down the street, tears still in his eyes.
*Ugh, why was he so practical about that? They hold themselves protectively, not looking up at him, they aren’t gonna say anything else, they aren’t-* “I know that you are in an area where there is a lot of painful memories, and we’re on a mission as well. But you’re also with me. And I don’t want to be iced out, and when you dust your shirt off like that, it makes me think about the second time when we met and I know that it’s something that helps you stay in that mindset, but it makes me feel like you’re disgusted to hold my hand and-“
Carlos eyes flick to them, blank and unreadable. He slowly reaches out and squeezes their hand before pulling his hand back, tucking them by his sides, guilt flickering in his eyes. “I’m sorry, I won’t do that again. I didn’t mean to.” He says carefully, looking down the street again, eyes just sad. “It’s a little more then just painful memories… this is where my life ended, I have a grave here, did you know that?” He glances back to Anna, eyes hollow.
*They squeeze his hand back, and then hold their hand out to show that they still want to hold onto him.* “You have a…..Carlos, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I wish….tell me what I can do to help? Even if that means just holding your hand and being quiet? Or I don’t have to hold your hand. I just….I just want you to talk to me. Please. I don’t……I don’t want to feel separate from you.” *They motion to their heart, not sure how to explain what they felt, honestly. They just needed him to know.*
Open roleplay
(Sooo I don’t have the time/energy to fully open this blog… but I really miss Carlos so here’s a post, feel free to reply to this! But I’m not currently doing asks:) and I will eventually get to all the other rps on this blog<3)
Carlos had gone out to scout an area of England, to make up some plans for Hydra, that he’ll then sabotage best he can. And he was fine on the mission, it was going well, people told him things, he… killed a few people, which hurt him deeply but he never showed it.
But… the one thing he wasn’t expecting was to be standing right outside his childhood home. Where he lived with his mother until she was murdered in front of him by the Winter Soldier. Carlos stares up at the building, not moving. His expression hasn’t changed, but his entire body is tensed up.
The person with him had just joined him today, for Carlos to give them information, and he had stopped talking in a middle of a sentence, just staring at the building. It’s old and rundown, a closed shop with an empty flat above. It just looks like an empty building, but Carlos is staring at it like he’s in a nightmare.
*They slip their hand into his, squeezing it gently. They were honestly so excited to be there with him, to have him show them around. But the immense bittersweet feelings, sadness, heartbreak, but also the safety he had felt here as well, before all of hydra.* “I’m here. I’m here with you.”
Carlos stares up at it, blinking a few times, his eyes shift to Anna, like he’d forgotten they could sense his emotions about this place and figure out why he feels that way. “Thank you…” He whispers quietly, looking back to the building, he slowly inches closer to it, wincing and stepping back. There’s an old, old blood stain on the front step.
“Look at me, please?” *They patiently wait until he does, their eyes just filled with love and compassion, one of the softest times he’s ever seen them.* “We don’t need to push ourselves today, okay? We don’t. We can do this in steps. But whatever you need, I’m here for you.”
Carlos looks to them, he goes quiet for a moment, looking back to the flat. “We’re not even here to see this, let’s go.” He turns sharply, starting to walk down the street, he frowns and cuts up a side street.
*They want to ask him to slow down, but they can feel the swirling emotions in his chest, so they just try to force their legs to go as fast as he was. Good gods, their legs were gonna be sore tomorrow, why is this whole street uphill?*
Carlos stops after a minute, glancing back down the street, they can still see the flat behind them. He stares at it with a distant expression. “Come with me.” He grabs their hand and starts to walk in the opposite direction of where they were going.
*They tighten their hand around his, wordlessly following him, glad to be going downhill, at least. After a minute they glance up and him and internally debate before-* “Carlos, I’m sorry, can we slow down, just a little? I know I seem like The Flash, but that’s only when I’m trying to get to the really good coffee shop on 3rd street before they’re out of those delicious breakfast sandwiches.”
Carlos immediately slows down, staring at the ground as he continues to move at a slower pace. “I apologize.” He mumbles as he takes a few strange turns, after a good ten minutes he stops outside a large building, a private boarding school. “Come one.” He pulls them over to the gate, glancing at the building before turning and pointing down a street. “We’re walking that way.”
“It’s okay.” *They smile at him, gently squeezing his hand and then staring at the school with wide eyes before they glance down the street that he’s pointing at.* “Are we gonna be able to go inside the school? It’s such a cool building, it looks so old, like you. Were they just getting done building it when you were going to school here?” *They smirk at him, hoping to make him at least crack a smile with that.*
Carlos smiles weakly. “Afraid we won’t be visiting today.” He lets out a sad laugh before he shakes his head. “This is how I used to walk to school.” He explains quietly as he starts to lead them down the road.
“That’s okay.” *They nod and look around, still holding onto his hand tightly.* “Carlos, can I ask a question about the school, or is that gonna make you too sad?”
Carlos slowly walks down the street, running his hands over the brick walls. He glances to them carefully. “You can ask.”
*They think for a second, swinging his hand gently.* “Did you like your teachers? Did you have a favorite or least favorite teacher? Did you have any crushes while you were here? Did you guys get to go on any field trips? What about-“
Carlos holds up a hand calmly. “Not too many.” He says, with a very small smile, it doesn’t come out harsh at all. He sighs as he moves down the street, walking like he still has the way memorized. “I liked some of my teachers… I liked my creative writer teacher, he was great. No crutches… not the normal field trips, because it was a boarding school.”
“Sorry.” *They take a breath, their brain feeling like it was still spinning with all of their questions, but he never made them feel bad for how many questions they asked.* “I like my English teacher the most too. She loved using dark humor in class, I loved her. And you said not the normal ones, but does that mean that you still had some? Did math come pretty easy to you?”
Carlos hums softly. “I wanted to be an author.” He looks incredibly sad. He nods slowly. “I was good in math, hated my teacher though. He was… something.” Carlos stops walking, looking up at a street sign, tears prick at his eyes and he lets out a little broken sound.
“You said that. I want to show you a small book I wrote, maybe you can help me edit it? And yeah, my math teacher was something too, he was an asshole.” *Their heart breaks at his broken sound, and they turn so that they’re standing in front of him.* “I’ve got you, love. What…..what can I do to help?”
“I would love to help you.” Carlos whispers. He looks up at the sighs again, before looking down at Anna, tears pricking at his eyes. “This is the last place I ever saw my friends, we used to walk to the sign, then go our separate ways- this is the last time I ever saw them-”
*They smile when he says that he’ll help them, but then tear up when he says the part about his friends, and hug him, gently tracing patterns on his back and writing ‘I love you’ over and over.* “Well, I know that your friends loved you, and you were a light in their life just like you are in mine. I’m so sorry about everything that has happened to you. I would change it all in a heartbeat if I could. Even if that meant that I didn’t get to meet you.” *That really did make them start to cry silently, because they knew that was true. They would absolutely save him from the hydra fate, even if that meant that they never got to meet him, to keep him safe.*
Carlos swipes his tears away, looking up at the sign. “Thank you Anna.” He mutters, slowly pulling away and dusting his shirt off, trying to stay in control. “Come along.” He continues walking.
*Okay, that hurt. Being vulnerable like that still wasn’t their favorite thing, and him dusting off his shirt like that made them feel like he was disgusted with them, honestly. They let go of his hand to drop down and tie their shoe, not looking up as they said.* “Go ahead, I’ll catch up. Just gotta tie my shoe.”
Carlos crouches by them immediately, tying their shoe quickly before standing again. He gives them a small nod before tilting his head down the streets. “I won’t walk off, you don’t know which way to go.” He dusts his shirt off again, glancing down the street, tears still in his eyes.
*Ugh, why was he so practical about that? They hold themselves protectively, not looking up at him, they aren’t gonna say anything else, they aren’t-* “I know that you are in an area where there is a lot of painful memories, and we’re on a mission as well. But you’re also with me. And I don’t want to be iced out, and when you dust your shirt off like that, it makes me think about the second time when we met and I know that it’s something that helps you stay in that mindset, but it makes me feel like you’re disgusted to hold my hand and-“
Open Roleplay - Genderqueer Tony Stark
Tony had known something was.. different about him when he was young. College age, technically, but college age for him wasn't the same as it was for most people. Still, it was the 80s, and realising that you, the heir to Stark Industries, kinda wanted to be a girl half the time wasn't exactly acceptable. So he repressed it. A lot.
But times had changed. Tony had been out as bi for decades, at this point. Hell, he'd been the Grand Martial for NYC Pride four times, once pre-Iron Man and thrice after. He'd definitely grown more comfortable in who he was. In how he liked to present, but he still hid it. But, he was getting older and with age came the realisation he didn't want to hide from the people he loved, and it was with that knowledge that he turned to his companion on a random Sunday afternoon and announced: "I'm pretty sure I'm not a guy."
*They glance up at him, a tiny bit of shock going through them before they nod, smiling and putting their book down, looking at him intently.* “Okay. So what does that mean to you?”
Tony flops back against the couch across from them. "Okay. I havent gotten that far yet, really," he admits. "I'm not a woman. I know that."
“Well, whatever it means to you is what’s important to me. I don’t care what it is, as long as you’re happy, safe, and comfortable.” *They smile at him, trying to give him a sense of comfort and peace.*
Tony smiles back at them. There's a reason they're the first person that he's telling this to. "I know you don't. I appreciate it, though. I repressed it for a long time."
“I know you did.” *They whisper softly, a hand reaching out to hold his gently, curling their fingers around his tightly.* “Sadly, sometimes it’s not just a “Oh, I just didn’t realize it” it’s more like “I wasn’t able to realize it, because I needed to keep myself safe” sort of thing. And I think that was a big part of it for you, and your body got locked into that kind of cycle.”
Tony nods a little. "I knew when I was in college, but it was the 80s, so... it was hard enough being out as bi... I would have lost everything."
“You just kinda dated yourself, old friend.” *The gender neutral term was easy to slip in their sentences, already thinking of terms of endearment they could come up with for him…?* “What pronouns do you want me to use for you?”
He chuckles. "Well, it's true. Be glad you weren't gay in the 80s." He shudders thinking back to it. He considers, flopping back down against the couch. "I have no clue."
“I am.” *They reply, their tone softening a little with the teasing.* “Well, have you tested any other pronouns out?”
Tony shakes his head. "Not for a very long time. You're the only person I've told since I was about 20."
“Holy shit.” *They look at him in shock and admiration.* “Well, thank you for trusting me with that information. Can I ask why you decided to trust me with it though?”
Tony smiles a little at them. "I figured you'd get it. You're nonbinary, you'd have a better understanding of this stuff. And I trust you."
*They nod slowly.* “Yeah, that’s true. I’m glad that you can trust me with this. I’ve been researching a lot of different things about being non binary recently.”
Tony looks at them curiously. "Yeah? What sort of stuff have you been looking into?" He asks them.
“How fluid sexuality has always been for most cultures, it’s honestly just cultures that predominantly have Christianity as the center that it’s a little more black and white than it normally is.” *They reply, shrugging their shoulders a little bit.*
Tony blinks a little, and then nods. "That sounds about right, honestly," he decides. He turns to look at Anna, not sure what to say now that he's told them.
*They meet his eyes, calm and kind.* “Well, is this a celebrating kind of moment, because I sure as hell think you deserve cake and ice cream.”
Tony relaxed at that. "Yes. Yes, celebrating sounds wonderful, actually."
*They smile as he relaxes a little bit more.* “Okay, where are we going? Or do you want to bake the cake together here?”
"Lets stay in," Tony decides, not ready to face the outside world right now. "Then we can talk freely."
“Sounds good to me. Okay, let’s do it.” *They smile, standing up and heading for the kitchen, grabbing some of the ingredients out.* “Tony, i cant reach the flour!”
Tony chuckles and follows after them. "How did you figure out you were nonbinary?" He asks, reaching up and grabbing the flour from the cupboard.
*They laugh, shoving at his arms while shaking their head.* “Don’t laugh at me, you jerk! Need I remind you that we’re both in the short royalty club. And I figured it out with a lot of research and honestly buying a lot of guys clothes. I was able to just experiment and it was really helpful.”
Tony grins right back at them. "I am not short," he protests, even though he knows that he is. He nods a little. "Sounds about the same way I realised I was... whatever I am."
*They eye him up and down, raising an eyebrow.* “Uh huh. And I’m into hot pink and high heels. We both just said untruths.” *A small smile grows on their face from him saying their experiences were similar.* “Are we more similar than you would expect?”
Tony rolls his eyes and nudges them playfully at that. "Shush." He considers, and then nods. "Definitely more similar than I thought we'd be when we met."
“I’m guessing you thought that I would be someone that you would only interact with every once in a while, not someone that would become your friend that comes over and annoys you all the time.” *They laugh, pointing to a few more ingredients that were on the second shelf in the back.* “Can you get those and then we should be good.”
Tony chuckles. "That's not wrong... but I'm definitely glad that we turned out this way," he admits with a smile, shot at them over his shoulder as he grabs the other ingredients.
“Me too.” *They agree quietly, and hand him the measuring cups and spoons.* “The recipe is on my phone, I forgot something downstairs when I came in, I’ll be right back.”
Tony nods. "Alright. You want me to come with you or am I good to wait here?" Tony asks cautiously, not wanting them to go somewhere uncomfortable.
*They look at him, slight surprise in their face but then quickly nod.* “Can you please come with me? I’m….I’m still..the basement was too recent.” *They had another experience with a basement within the last month, and were working hardcore on it with their therapist. But holy fuck, it was hard to do it without help.*
Tony gives them a gently look and nods. "Sure thing, pipsqueak." He sets the mug he's holding down and then comes to join them as they walk.
*They get closer to the stairs, and they start to move slower and slower. Once they got to the top of the stairs, they froze completely, looking up at him with tears in their eyes.* “Can you just make me go, please?”
"I'm not sure how you want me to do that," Tony admits. "I'm not gonna shove you down the stairs," he adds, hoping the joke will make them at least smile a little.
*They crack a barely there smile and think for a second.* “Okay, can you just hold my hand and pull me down the stairs? That way there’s not really an option to go back?”
Tony nods. "Sure thing, kid." he slips their hands together and starts quickly walking down the stairs so they have to follow.
*They stumbled twice, but they finally reached the bottom of the stairs, and they bite back a sob of relief. As they glance down at their hands, they managed a strangled laugh.* “My hands got stuck again, I’m sorry.”
@unofficially-tonystark
Tony shakes his head. "Don't apologise. It's okay." He gently untwists their hands from his, helping them to let go. "Look, though. You made it down."
*They glance back towards the stairs with a shudder, stepping around him so they couldn’t see the stairs anymore.* “Is it gonna be harder to go up the stairs than it was to go down them?”
Tony shrugs. "I cant say I know the answer to that, kid. It's your trauma." He gives them a gentle smile.
*They grumble, looking up at him and then away.* “That isn’t helpful at all, how am I supposed to know that either? Therapy hasn’t told me how long this shit is, especially with getting re traumatized .”
@unofficially-tonystark
Tony chuckles softly at the grumble. "Because your therapist doesn't know, kid. These things don't have timeliness."
“Well, that’s stupid.” *They grump, looking around and grabbing the recipe, heading back towards the bottom of the stairs and looking back up them.* “Now how the fuck do we get back up the stairs?”
Tony considers,a nd then shrugs. "I could pick you up and run?" He offers lightly, only half kidding.
*They snort and stare up the stairs before looking back at him in surprise.* “Are you serious or are you playing with me right now?”
"I'm serious if you want me to be serious," Tony decides after a moment of thought.
“Ummm…..” *They think for a minute and then look back at him.* “I think I’m serious? It’s gonna take forever if you don’t. And we have shit to do, like making that cake.”
"Guess I'm carrying you then. What did we come down here for in the first place?" He frowns, looking around as he tries to remember why they're here.
*They hold up the recipe book with a slight smirk.* “We can’t bake the cake without this, you doofus. And why do you always ask if I’m serious or make sure that I’m ready for you to pick me up? That doesn’t always happen with other people, and I’m confused.”
"Oh, right." Tony shakes his head. "Well, you don't exactly like surprises," he points out. "I fogure its safer to check. I dont want to panic you."
“Oh.” *Why the hell were tears in their eyes and why couldn’t they blink them back? They try to clear their throat, but that just made the tears fall faster, and they try to hide their face against his chest.* “I’m not crying, okay? I’m fine.”
"Totally," Tony agrees as he scoops them up into his arms, after checking. "You're totally fine." He warns them before, then starts walking up the stairs.
*They grumble the whole way about how he was supposed to believe them more and they were gonna hide all of his mushrooms so he couldn’t find them.* “You suck. What kind of frosting do you want, by the way?”
Tony just laughs the whole time, as always finding their threats and grumblings more amusing than scary. "Hmm.." He hums in consideration. "Chocolate?"
*You’re supposed to find me scary.” *They grumble, pouting. When they get to the top of the stairs, they sigh quietly in relief, and then look at him in slight confusion when he doesn’t put them down right away.* “Didn’t you workout already today, you don’t have to keep carrying me.” *They roll their eyes playfully.* “Well duh it’s gonna be chocolate, I meant do you want like a buttercream frosting, cream cheese, something else..?”
"Am I know?" Tony asks dryly. He laughs. "I did not work out today, but I'm flattered you think so.I was just waiting until we were back in the kitchen." Sure enough when they get there, he sets them down carefully. "Oh! Right. Uh... buttercream, I think."
“Oh.” *They laugh quietly, and then smile at him when he sets them down, and nod, opening the recipe book and skim over the recipe, reading off the directions.* “Can you start putting the ingredients in while I preheat the oven?”
Tony nods and starts measuring out a variety of ingredients. He only ever really bakes things from scratch, if at all, when they're together. "Sure thing."
“So…..you haven’t told anyone else. Is this…..are you gonna experiment with dressing differently? Like at home if you aren’t very comfortable with the idea of dressing differently outside of the house yet?” *They look at him curiously, leaning against the oven after they preheated it, getting the pan ready.*
Tony considers and then nods, mixing as he thinks. "I think so. I really like makeup, but I'm too scared to wear it outside the house."
“I like makeup too. Maybe we can experiment after we bake the cake. Are you feeling comfortable with this part so I can focus on the frosting?” *They look at him as they set the ingredients for the frosting on the counter, jumping for a mixing bowl. They would not ask for help. They wouldn’t. Screw this. They climb onto the counter, reaching up and grabbing it with a triumphant smile.*
"Yeah, I can mix," he says easily, and then softens. "...and I would like that," he adds a little quieter, almost shyly. He keeps an eye on them so he can catch them if, when, they fall.
*They turn and offer a shy smile back. They hold onto the bowl, climbing down and putting it on the counter proudly.* “I don’t know what everyone freaks out over with me climbing stuff, I’m obviously super good at it.”
"Mm, maybe cause you slip off half the time?" Tony suggests, handing them the mixed batter. He switches to mixing the icing as they pour the batter.
“I do not!” *They keep their laugh in, even though they know that it’s absolute bullshit.* “Alright, I’m gonna put this in, just….stay back and don’t touch the pan, please.”
"You totally do!" Tony protests, laughing along with them, the sound infused with fondness. He steps back. "After this I'm raiding your makeup drawer."
“Do not!” *They stuck their tongue out at him like a little kid, and then look at him with a gasp.* “What?? I guess…..well, I guess that’s only fair because I steal your clothes, but….” *They trail off, grumbling quietly about how they’re gonna prank him really good.*
Tony grins. "Exactly! Fair play, pipsqueak. Gotta make srue we're even." He ruffles their hair playfully and pushes himself up to sit on the counter and watch.
“*They finish up quickly, and then look at him while they set the frosting aside.* “That has to bake for about 23 minutes, do you want to go start on the makeup now?”
Tony nods. Despite the nerves, he looks excited to get to do this too. "Definietly. Yes, please."
“Okay. Let’s do it. Where is most of your makeup?” *They glance at him and then their nose scrunches up in a pout.* “Awww man, I wish I had some glitter makeup.”
"You're not putting me in glitter," Tony says instantly, but he's grinning while he says it so they might stand to convince him anyway. "It's all in the bottom drawer on the sink."
*They look at him with a mischievous smile.* “What if the eyeshadow or eyeliner or blush have some in them but not a lot? Do I need to pick each individual piece of glitter out?”
Tony rolls his eyes. "I suppose I could allow some levels of glitter," he says oblingingly. He'sbiting back a smile, though.
*They smile and start going through some of the makeup, muttering to themselves and putting a bunch of options on the counter.* “I think these options would look really good, but you can pick more things out or put some of the options back. You’re the resident fashionista, not me.”
@unofficially-tonystark
Tony laughs. "Fashionista, huh? That's not a description I've gotten in years. Not since the 90s, anyway, and I look back on that and shudder." Still, he picks a few products.
*Their eyes meet his guiltily in the mirror.* “I’m sorry, does that word bring up bad memories? I was trying to be funny.” *Although they do smirk a little when he mentions the 90s.* “You’re getting pretty good at dating yourself as pretty old right now.”
Tony shakes his head. "No, not at all," he reasures them. "Just haven't heard it in a while... and well, I suppose I am...'
*They glance at the darker colors that he had picked out.* “Why do you like so many of the darker colors? Your skin tone looks great with it, I’m just curious.”
Tony shrugs. "Admittedly that's the main reason," he says. "I just picked what I thought would look good on me."
*They hand him a couple of darker shades of blue eyeshadows and then a few different shades of red lipstick.* “I really want to help you look and feel the most confident you’ve felt, but I don’t want to be held accountable for what your husband does when he sees this.”
Tony shoots them a wry smirk. "I know exactly what my husband is going to do when he sees this. You might not want to be in the house for it."
*They stare at him like he had just given them an advanced calculus question, and then their nose scrunched up in disgust.* “Oh gods, that’s so….you’re my older brother’s dad and Steve is my uncle! I don’t…..I mean, you….I….that’s just-“
Tony laughs a little, nudging their shoulder teasingly. "Okay, okay, im sorry, I had to. I'll shut up."
“Can’t believe you.” *They grumble quietly, crossing their arms over their chest with a pout.* “Tony, can I ask you some questions, please?”
Tony just chuckles. He nods. "Yeah, go ahead, kid," he says, looking through the makeup as he speaks.
“Is it…..does it make me any less non-binary if I want to experiment more with makeup and presenting in a more feminine way?” *They look at him through the mirror, not sure what answer they were looking for, honestly.*
"No, not at all," Tony says instantly. "You're not doing it cause you wanna be a girl, you're just doing it cause you like it."
*They look at him and slowly nod.* “Will you put the makeup on me, please? I want you to do it, I trust you and I want to have you help me with this. Please.”
Tony smiles softly. "ot sure how good at this I'm going to be," he admits, only used to doing makeup secretly on himself. "But I can definitely try." He grabs a brush.
“That’s okay, I’m not good at it myself, so we can work it out together. How much time is left on my timer?” *They motion towards their phone as they boost themselves up on the bathroom counter so he doesn’t have to bend down as much.* “I trust you.”
"Perfect." Tony smiles at them gently, and starts working on their makeup. Its not bad, just shaky in some parts of their face.
*They glance at themselves, beaming.* “I look perfect. I look like what I want to look like. Thank you.” *They hug him, just letting themselves listen to his heartbeat for a second.* “Tony, I know I don’t say this hardly ever, and I need to change that, but you know that I love you, right?”
Tony smiles. "I'm glad. Your turn to do mine," he adds with a teasing smile, before softening a little. He hugs them back tightly. "I know you do, kid. I love you too."
“It’s not gonna look nearly as good.” *They warn him quietly, and let him hold them for a while before pulling back and looking at him with a teasing smile.* “I can’t believe we’re both being this sappy right now.”
"Dont care." Tony sirs back so they can start working on his makeup. "I know. I'll break out in hives soon."
*They do, grumbling when it doesn’t look exactly how they want it to, starting over and over again.* “That line doesn’t…..uuggghhh. I can do regular painting, why can’t I do this?? And I have an epi pen stored somewhere here, hopefully it doesn’t get both of us or we might be screwed.”
Tony chuckles. "Relax, pipsqueak. I jsut want to wear it, I dont' care if I'm not ready to go and walk the runway, okay?" He says gently, reassuringly.
“Okay.” *A little bit of the tension that was in their shoulders relaxes, and they finally nod.* “Okay, see how that looks, and then we need to go check on the cake.”
Tony looks in the mirror and beams. "It looks amazing,"he says, voice choked with emotion.
“Yeah?” *They look at him, happy that he was happy, and squeeze his hands gently.* “C’mon, old man, we gotta go check on the cake now.”
He swallows thickly. "Yeah." He squeezes back and then stands up. "Alright. I dibs frosting it, though.'
“Okay.” *They smile back at him as they lead him back to the kitchen, pulling the cake out of the oven and setting it down on the stove.* “Okay, we gotta wait like, ten minutes so the frosting doesn’t completely melt off of the cake. What do you want to do until then?”
Tony hums in consideration. "Can you tell me about when you realised you were nonbinary?" He asks them curiously. It's not a story he's heard before.
*They look at him, and think for a second.* “Well, I told you that I did a lot of research, right? So I did a lot of thinking, and realized that I had never actually liked dressing more feminine or being referred to as ‘she’ or ‘her’, that it made me feel like it was a completely different person that they were talking about.”
Tony listens intently. They haven't told him much about how they realised all of this about themself and its interesting. "Was it a long process for you?"
*They think for a second, trying to remember.* “Yeah. It was a couple of years for the whole process, I would say. And I only told a few people at first. You were actually the third person I told. The first two being Bucky and Sienna.”
"Really?" Tony looks surprised at that. "I'm did't know that. I thought for sure Ari would have known before me," he says, but there's a warmth to his voice suggesting he's honoured.
“I was scared to tell her and it slipped out when you used your dad ™ voice on me after I panicked about upsetting you in your lab. Which is obviously the only time that’s ever happened.” *That was straight up bullshit, but they wanted to make him crack a smile with it so they said it.*
Tony chuckles softly, and does indeed, crack a smile. "A true on off occasion. well, im flattered I was among the first to know, pipsqueak."
“Well, duh, you would be one of the first to know. You’re my uncle.” *Their cheeks are pink as they say it, but they keep eye contact as best as they can so that he knows that they’re serious.*
"Mm, thats definitely true," Tony agrees with a smile. He sits back. "I dont think i had any aunts or uncles, actually."
“Oh. You didn’t?” *They knew that he didn’t talk about Howard much, but just thought that Howard didn’t interact with his siblings at all.* “Jarvis was your butler, right?”
Tony shakes his head. "ope. Dad was a only child and my mum, well, she left her family in Italay, so I've got no clue what they were like." he smiles at the name. "Yeah, he was. Edwin Jarvis.'
“Why did you decide to name your tech stuff after his last name instead of his first name?” *They look at him, curious.* “Also, did I tell you that my first grade bully’s name was Howard?”
"Jarvis was.... kind of like a second father," Tony admits. "I wanted to honour him." He raises an eyebrow. "You did not. But.. huh. Checks out, I guess."
“I guess all Howards are mean.” *They humph quietly and look at him with a smile.* “Jarvis is proud of you, I know he is. I wish I could have met him.”
"I guess so," Tony says, before softening. "I hope is it. I think by now he would be. He wasn't when he died, I don't think." He smiles. "I wish you could've too."
“Why don’t you think he was proud of you then? And do you think he would have liked me?” *They glance towards the cake and nudge him.* “You can start frosting it now.”
Tony shrugs. "He died about 8 months after my parents, and at that time I was entirely preoccupied being a drunk and fucking my way through America." He speaks too-nonchalantly as he starts icing the cake.
“Only eight months? I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine.” *They squeeze his arm gently, not wanting to disturb the frosting process too much.* “Well, he’s definitely proud of you now.”
"Yeah, it.. wasn't easy,"he says, swallowing thickly. He nods. "I hope so. And he would, by the way. Lile you."
“Would I give him a bunch of heart attacks too?” *They smirk slightly at him, trying to lighten the mood a little bit.*
Tony laughs softly. "Oh, you absolutely would have," he confirms. "He was always running around after me when I was a kid."
“Can you imagine how many heart attacks i would have given him by now? Which one would be the worst?” *They laugh, leaning against him, quietly humming.*
Tony hums in consideration. "Definitely whenever you try to lcimb up on the cabinets," he answers after a moment, a smiling stretching across his face.
“Well, how else am I supposed to get the shit? Admit defeat and ask for help? I don’t think so.” *They playfully scoff, shaking their head and smirking at him.*
"He would tell you asking for help isnt admitting defeat," Tony says with a smirk, tinged with sarcasm.
“Well, was he short?” *They ask him with a raised eyebrow.* “Because if not, then he wouldn’t know if it was admitting defeat because he doesn’t know the rulebook of being short.”
Tony blinks. "It's still not admitting defeat!" He protests. "I can claim that as a native short person." He grins at them, though.
“Fine.” *They roll their eyes playfully and then look down at the cake.* “Are you ready to try the cake?”
Tony chuckles, and then smiled. "Oh, hell yeah. Do you want to cut it?" He offers, grabbing a k ife and offering it to then..
*They gently push his hands back towards him.* “Nope, because the frosting is white, and I don’t trust myself to not cut myself by accident ans get it all over the cake.”
"Alrightio then," Tony says, taking the knife back. He slices the cake into a few pieces and slides them one on a plate. "Here we go... this looks awsome."
“Clink.” *They held their fork up to him so that they can tap forks.* “I’m really excited fort this cake, honestly.”
Tony smiles and clinks forks with them. "So am I," he says, stabbing his fork into the sponge. "To being out, I suppose."
*They nod.* “To being out, I suppose.” *They take a bite of the cake with a smile and nod.* “That’s some really fucking good cake, we did really good.”
Tony bites into his own portion and groans happily. "Fuck yeah, thays awesome!" He agrees, happily munching on it.
“It’s definitely better to celebrate at home, yeah?” *They look at him, glad that he was happy about the cake.*
"Oh, absolutely," Tony agrees. He happily settles next to them, resting his head on top of theirs as he ears.
“Tony? I’m really fucking proud of you.” *They smile at him, their eyes incredibly soft and genuine as they lean into him more.*
Tony softens. As uncomfortable with emotion as ever, he brushes the sentiment off. "Aw, thanks, kid,"he says teasingly.
“You’re welcome, old man.” *They smile, still softer than their normal teasing tone.* “Thank you for always letting me be myself too.”
Tony nods quickly. "You always can be witj me," he promises.
“I know.” *They squirm in their seat for a second, and then groan quietly.* “Tony, there’s something I need to tell you.”
Open roleplay
(Sooo I don’t have the time/energy to fully open this blog… but I really miss Carlos so here’s a post, feel free to reply to this! But I’m not currently doing asks:) and I will eventually get to all the other rps on this blog<3)
Carlos had gone out to scout an area of England, to make up some plans for Hydra, that he’ll then sabotage best he can. And he was fine on the mission, it was going well, people told him things, he… killed a few people, which hurt him deeply but he never showed it.
But… the one thing he wasn’t expecting was to be standing right outside his childhood home. Where he lived with his mother until she was murdered in front of him by the Winter Soldier. Carlos stares up at the building, not moving. His expression hasn’t changed, but his entire body is tensed up.
The person with him had just joined him today, for Carlos to give them information, and he had stopped talking in a middle of a sentence, just staring at the building. It’s old and rundown, a closed shop with an empty flat above. It just looks like an empty building, but Carlos is staring at it like he’s in a nightmare.
*They slip their hand into his, squeezing it gently. They were honestly so excited to be there with him, to have him show them around. But the immense bittersweet feelings, sadness, heartbreak, but also the safety he had felt here as well, before all of hydra.* “I’m here. I’m here with you.”
Carlos stares up at it, blinking a few times, his eyes shift to Anna, like he’d forgotten they could sense his emotions about this place and figure out why he feels that way. “Thank you…” He whispers quietly, looking back to the building, he slowly inches closer to it, wincing and stepping back. There’s an old, old blood stain on the front step.
“Look at me, please?” *They patiently wait until he does, their eyes just filled with love and compassion, one of the softest times he’s ever seen them.* “We don’t need to push ourselves today, okay? We don’t. We can do this in steps. But whatever you need, I’m here for you.”
Carlos looks to them, he goes quiet for a moment, looking back to the flat. “We’re not even here to see this, let’s go.” He turns sharply, starting to walk down the street, he frowns and cuts up a side street.
*They want to ask him to slow down, but they can feel the swirling emotions in his chest, so they just try to force their legs to go as fast as he was. Good gods, their legs were gonna be sore tomorrow, why is this whole street uphill?*
Carlos stops after a minute, glancing back down the street, they can still see the flat behind them. He stares at it with a distant expression. “Come with me.” He grabs their hand and starts to walk in the opposite direction of where they were going.
*They tighten their hand around his, wordlessly following him, glad to be going downhill, at least. After a minute they glance up and him and internally debate before-* “Carlos, I’m sorry, can we slow down, just a little? I know I seem like The Flash, but that’s only when I’m trying to get to the really good coffee shop on 3rd street before they’re out of those delicious breakfast sandwiches.”
Carlos immediately slows down, staring at the ground as he continues to move at a slower pace. “I apologize.” He mumbles as he takes a few strange turns, after a good ten minutes he stops outside a large building, a private boarding school. “Come one.” He pulls them over to the gate, glancing at the building before turning and pointing down a street. “We’re walking that way.”
“It’s okay.” *They smile at him, gently squeezing his hand and then staring at the school with wide eyes before they glance down the street that he’s pointing at.* “Are we gonna be able to go inside the school? It’s such a cool building, it looks so old, like you. Were they just getting done building it when you were going to school here?” *They smirk at him, hoping to make him at least crack a smile with that.*
Carlos smiles weakly. “Afraid we won’t be visiting today.” He lets out a sad laugh before he shakes his head. “This is how I used to walk to school.” He explains quietly as he starts to lead them down the road.
“That’s okay.” *They nod and look around, still holding onto his hand tightly.* “Carlos, can I ask a question about the school, or is that gonna make you too sad?”
Carlos slowly walks down the street, running his hands over the brick walls. He glances to them carefully. “You can ask.”
*They think for a second, swinging his hand gently.* “Did you like your teachers? Did you have a favorite or least favorite teacher? Did you have any crushes while you were here? Did you guys get to go on any field trips? What about-“
Carlos holds up a hand calmly. “Not too many.” He says, with a very small smile, it doesn’t come out harsh at all. He sighs as he moves down the street, walking like he still has the way memorized. “I liked some of my teachers… I liked my creative writer teacher, he was great. No crutches… not the normal field trips, because it was a boarding school.”
“Sorry.” *They take a breath, their brain feeling like it was still spinning with all of their questions, but he never made them feel bad for how many questions they asked.* “I like my English teacher the most too. She loved using dark humor in class, I loved her. And you said not the normal ones, but does that mean that you still had some? Did math come pretty easy to you?”
Carlos hums softly. “I wanted to be an author.” He looks incredibly sad. He nods slowly. “I was good in math, hated my teacher though. He was… something.” Carlos stops walking, looking up at a street sign, tears prick at his eyes and he lets out a little broken sound.
“You said that. I want to show you a small book I wrote, maybe you can help me edit it? And yeah, my math teacher was something too, he was an asshole.” *Their heart breaks at his broken sound, and they turn so that they’re standing in front of him.* “I’ve got you, love. What…..what can I do to help?”
“I would love to help you.” Carlos whispers. He looks up at the sighs again, before looking down at Anna, tears pricking at his eyes. “This is the last place I ever saw my friends, we used to walk to the sign, then go our separate ways- this is the last time I ever saw them-”
*They smile when he says that he’ll help them, but then tear up when he says the part about his friends, and hug him, gently tracing patterns on his back and writing ‘I love you’ over and over.* “Well, I know that your friends loved you, and you were a light in their life just like you are in mine. I’m so sorry about everything that has happened to you. I would change it all in a heartbeat if I could. Even if that meant that I didn’t get to meet you.” *That really did make them start to cry silently, because they knew that was true. They would absolutely save him from the hydra fate, even if that meant that they never got to meet him, to keep him safe.*
Carlos swipes his tears away, looking up at the sign. “Thank you Anna.” He mutters, slowly pulling away and dusting his shirt off, trying to stay in control. “Come along.” He continues walking.
*Okay, that hurt. Being vulnerable like that still wasn’t their favorite thing, and him dusting off his shirt like that made them feel like he was disgusted with them, honestly. They let go of his hand to drop down and tie their shoe, not looking up as they said.* “Go ahead, I’ll catch up. Just gotta tie my shoe.”
Open Roleplay [TWs for alchoholism]
To make the understatement of the century, it had been a rough few weeks. More accurately, it had been a few weeks from Hell, and Tony was drowning. Everything that could go wrong, did, and everyone who shouldn't pop up in his life decided to visit.
In fact, it had been an awful enough time, that Tony went to an AA meeting for the first time in close to a year. He steps out of the meeting hall, all tired eyes and a heavy slump to his shoulders, and stumbles against-- "What the hell are you doing here?"
*They stumble back a little too, but quickly catch themselves, holding onto their grocery bags.* “I was worried about you, so I followed you here after I finished my grocery shopping. Did the meeting just start or is it finished?”
Tony blinks. "It- just finished," he says, and its rare for them to see him look so.... rattled. "How did you know o was here?"
*They stare at him blankly for a second and then nod slowly.* “Okay, that’s good. What would be the most helpful thing to do now? And no, I didn’t see anything, but you’ve been super out of it at work, snappy with me for no reason and not in a fun way, and you’re Edward’s dad. You guys have similar patterns like this.”
"I don't know," Tony admits. "I can't think." He nods a little at that. Those were all reasonable explanations. "...Right. I'm sorry for.. snapping.. "
“Do you want me to choose? And I forgive you. The stuff that has been going on at work and your house have been shit.” *They shrug, their eyes still gentle and kind, and they shift slightly, putting down one of their grocery bags for a minute.* “I knew getting two things of juice was a bad idea, but whatever.”
Tony nods, eyes dazed. "Can you- um. Can I crash with you? Please?" He asks shakily, looking at them. "I can carry those if you need," he adds, rushing to be helpful.
*Their eyes soften and they smile at him gently.* “Of course. And yeah, that would be really helpful.” *They hand him the bag, wincing slightly and picking up the lighter one with a sigh of relief.* “Thank you. I was gonna make some homemade pizza for dinner tonight, does that sound okay to you?”
Tony takes the bag and walks with them towards their car. "Pizza sounds good," he says, because he isn't sure when he last ate and homemade always is.
*They glance around and then look back at him.* “Okay, so usually when I’m grocery shopping, I take a taxi to the house down the street, that way it’s not that far from my actual house to get the groceries home. Is that okay with you? Also, I refuse to put any mushrooms on my pizza.”
Tony hesitates. He doesn't want to be around people--. "I-.. okay?" He probably shouldn't drive, right. "...no mushroom is fine," he adds half-heartedly.
“We don’t have to, it’s just another 20 minute walk if we don’t get a taxi.” *They quickly reassure him, and then laugh.* “I can run back in the store and get a mushroom, so we can put it on half on it, if you want. It’s really not a problem.”
"That... yeah. Please." He doesn't want to have to deal with the driver. He shakes his head. "No, I just want to get.. somewhere that isn't here," he says softly.
*They soften and nod quickly.* “Okay, c’mon.” *They start to quickly walk, glancing at him every once in a while.* “Are…..do you want me to talk or be quiet right now?”
"Please talk. I dont want to think my own thoughts.' He walks after them, his eyes are baggy and tired.
“Okay. Well, you know how things are going with fixing your suit. Ummm, Steve and I are building some stuff together. That’s going pretty well. What else…..oh, my aim is getting better with my ninja stars and stuff.” *Anything and everything seems to be spilling out as they try to keep him distracted.*
Tony nods along, only hald listening but glad for the distraction anyway. "What are you and Steve building?" He asks.
“I can’t tell you that, because it’s a surprise for you.” *They smile at him, super excited to give it to him with Steve.*
A slight smile. "Yeah? That's.. that's nice." He nods a little, scrunching his eyes shut for a second as they walk. His head is throbbing, more from lack than from having drunk anything.
*They glance over at him with worried eyes, and pause to think for a second.* “Ummm….do you………do you want me to take some of the cravings from you? I’ve…I did it for Edward a few times and it seemed to help him for a while.”
Tony shakes his head. "It's alright. They'll... they'll go away." Not for a while, but.. they'll lessen. "I don't think relying on that is a good idea for me."
“Okay. That’s fair. I just wanted to offer.” *They can’t think of anything else ti say at the moment, so they start to sing some of his favorite songs under their breath. Singing in front of people still wasn’t their favorite thing, but they were trying to get more comfortable with it.*
Tony smiles weakly when he hears them singing. Its nice, like a soothing balm for the ache in his mind.
*They reach over and take his hand, squeezing it and then interlocking their fingers with his.* “You’re my favorite uncle and don’t tell Steve that, okay? This stays between you and me.”
"You're my favourite niece/nephew/whatever the right term is," Tony replies with a slight smile. He squeezes their hand back, even if his gaze is weary.
*They sway their hand gently with his, scrunching up their nose.* “I actually don’t know what the right term would be. Maybe the term changes, depending on the day?”
Tony nods. "I can do that. Worst case scenario you just decide you don't like it and I go back to saying 'slash' outloud." He shoots them a teasing smile.
*They snort, nudging their hip against his.* “You’re a dork, you know that?” *They set the bags down, digging around in their pockets for the keys.* “I’m wearing women’s pants, how am I still not finding them, the pockets aren’t that big, this-“
"I've been told," Tony replies dryly. His smile drops as he stops speaking though. It's too much effort for him to keep it on his face right now, given everything. "'S fine. I've got nowhere to be anyway."
*They look at him, guilt flashing across their face as they finally unlock the door and wait for him to go inside, to make sure that he feels steady enough to do that.* “I….I meant that in a teasing way. You…you mean the world to me, I’m sorry, I should have known that you would not feel like I could say things like that. Because it’s extremely hard when I’m in a similar headspace.”
"Mm, no i know," Tony says. "Im sorry. I'm just out of it. It has been a... not so fun couple of weeks and the one thing j really want to do, I cant do."
“You mean drink?” *Their voice is quiet, they haven’t approached the subject yet, even though they know that’s exactly what he’s been trying really hard to not do.* “There’s no alcohol at my house, I don’t know if that makes you feel better or worse, but-“
Tony nods, popping the 'p' as he answers, "Yup. Bought a big ole bottle of whiskey 'n everything." He glances at where his car is parked, then shrugs. "Probably better."
*They lock the door behind them, doing their usual routine of checking around the house and then start putting the groceries away.* “Well, thank you for coming with me and staying with me, even though I know it’s super hard.”
Tony nods. "Dont want to be alone. Don't want Steve to see me like this..." He trails off, staring blankly ahead of gim.
“I’m glad you trust me enough to come with me. Can you do me a favor and sit down, either in a chair in the kitchen or on the couch while I get us some coffee? I think I’m gonna have tea, but you can have whatever you want.” *They wait for him to decide, worried about how blankly he was staring, hoping that he could actually hear them.*
Tony nods a little. He response are slow, and the words are lethargic when he does speak. "...tea is fine." He moves to sit down on the couch while they make the drinks.
*They quickly make the drinks, setting his down in front of him and then sitting next to him, desperately trying to think of what to do now. He seemed like he was moving through molasses, and they weren’t really sure what they should do, how they should-*
"I can feel you staring at me," Tony says, turning to look at them. His gaze is heavy with exhaustion, hes clearly struggling.
“I’m sorry, I just…….I’ve never seen you……….okay, can you feel my hands right now? I might…………okay, I can help give you a reset if I take some energy and it’ll knock you out for a bit. I’ve gotten pretty good at controlling it, so do you want me to try that?” *They don’t want to push him, but it really does seem like that could help.*
Tony bites his lip, considering. He knows it probably isn't a very good idea, but... "Yeah, fuck, why not? I'm desperate at this point," he admits softly.
“Okay, let me know when I can start.” *They wait patiently, trying to make sure that he was ready and that he knew that he had full control over the situation.*
"Go ahead." He just wants to get this over with, and leans back on the couch with his eyes clenched shut.
*They start to take some of his energy, feeling the familiar buzz they got, stopping when they saw his muscles start to relax and melt into the couch a bit.* “How are you feeling now?”
Tony feels himself slump into the couch a little. He takes stock of how he feels. "..exhausted, but less like I'm going to go mad if I don't get a drink soon."
*They let out a sigh of relief, looking at him carefully.* “Well, that’s good. Do you need me to take more energy from you, so you can actually sleep?”
Tony shakes his head. "It's fine. I'm gonna... try and sleep like this," he decides. "Don't know if it'll work, but it only works half the time i'm alone on a good day anyway."
“Okay. I can put on something calming that we both like, like The Princess Bride.” *That had become a classic movie for them, because of Ari.*
Tony smiles. "That sounds perfect," he says, shuffling over onto the couch. He's half asleep already.
*They put it on, and start to gently play with his hair, humming quietly. They just hope that he falls asleep soon, they hate how miserable and exhausted he seemed, and they felt awful that they couldn’t really do more.*
Tony shifts so he's leaning against their shoulder. He isn't usually physical with them like this, usually it's more like them lying on him, but he clearly needed the comfort in that moment.
*When he leaned his head on their shoulder, they curl around him protectively, and continue to play with his hair, humming quietly and subconsciously kiss his forehead and they start to drift off themselves.*
Tony manages to get a few hours of decent sleep. Its better than he was expecting though maybe less than he hoped for. He gasps when he sits up. "Steve!?"
*They jerk awake, instantly moving so he can see them.* “No, it’s not Steve. It’s Anna, you’re at my house, you came to my house to rest. You’re okay, you’re safe though. I promise.”
Tony blinks blearily, rubbing at his head. He already has a hell of a headache. "Anna... oh. Right." memories come flooding back.
*They hand him some pain meds and a glass of water.* “I had a feeling that you were gonna need those. Do you want any food? I was gonna make breakfast. Or we can order something. Even though it’s…..5:17am, there’s plenty of places that we can order from.”
Tony shakes his head. "I'm not hungry." He pauses. "....actually, foood probably isn't a bad option." He swallows the pills, followed by some water. "It's Tuesday, right?"
“Do you want me to make something or order something?” *They mentally try to go over what they have in their kitchen and then freeze for a second, shaking their head.* “No….no, today’s Friday, Tony.”
"Just order something," Tony says, slumping down heavily into the couch. He drags a hand down his face and then looks at the. "Oh. Right. Course."
“You…..Tony, what happened? Why did you think it was Tuesday? Did you…..were you at the AA meeting because…..?” *They trail off, ordering a bunch of sweet and savory things for breakfast, not sure why they couldn’t just ask him.*
"I didn't drink," Tony says, a touch of defensiveness to the words that he can't quite help. "God, but did I get close. I'm lost for days for entirely non-alcoholic reasons."
“Okay, okay.” *They put their hands up, taking a small step backwards.* “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to get the full picture of what’s going on, so I understand what happened.”
He shakes his head. "It's fine. Its a fair assumption. I would've made the same assumption if I was the one talking to me...." he sighs. "It's just been a rough few weeks."
“What’s been going on, Tony?” *They look at him in concern, hating how small his voice had gotten.* “I’m here for you, I want to be able to help you.”
"Work is just a mess," Tony says with a grimace. "And you've seen what the news has been saying about me recently. Its jsut a lot. Its been a bad... and.." he trails off, helpless.
“Are there things that I need to be doing better or differently as your employee?” *They ask him, and grimace with him at the mention of the news.* “Yeah, they’ve been proper assholes. Were you out of it from feeling triggered? Or did you have a drink at some point recently and your body was going through super hard cravings?”
"No, not at all," Tony says quickly. He clenches his jaw slightly, mostly just to fend off the headache rapidly forming in his temples. "I didn't drink," he insists tightly. "I just-- wanted it."
*Seeing his jaw clench made them a little nervous but they press forward.* “Well, relapses happen, it’s not the end of the world if you did. And you should-“
"I didn't relapse!" Tony buries his face in his hands after snapping, trying very hard to keep his voice level. It still comes out a little louder, though. "I should what, Anna? What should I do?"
“I-“ *They freeze, instantly picking at their scabs and standing up to move closer to the kitchen.* “I……never mind.” *They were gonna explain that they hadn’t finished their thought, but they hadn’t heard that tone from him in a long time, if ever, and don’t want to say anything else that could shoot them in the foot.*
@unofficially-tonystark
"Yeah. Right." Tony looks away. He hadn't wanted to be in this situation. This was why he'd been avoiding people in the first place, he knew he got tetchy when people pushed him and h was in thi state of mind. It wasn't fair to everyone around him but he couldn't help it.
“I need to go pick up breakfast, I’ll be back in a few minutes. You can make coffee, you know where the shit is.” *Their voice is just tired, as they head out the front door and towards the empty house where they had things delivered. They loved both Tony and Edward fiercely, but both of them have been acting like this recently, and it was tiring. Tiring to try and keep themselves as calm as possible, all the time, with how much emotional input they get all the time? Fucking exhausting.*
Tony nods jerkily. Some part of him, distantly, feels bad for putting this on them, because he knows it drains them, but mostly he's too preoccupied keeping himself awake and simeltaneously holding himself back to be able to care.
*They get the food, and get back to the house, setting everything up on the table and glancing towards him.* “Can you please grab me the plates? And do you want to use the regular forks and stuff or the plastic ones?”
"Sure." Tony stands and grabs everything. He gets the regular forks, handing the utensils to them in silent answer of the question.
*So they were just gonna ignore what happened earlier? Okay, that was fine with them. They sit silently at the table, staring blankly at the food.* “You can dish up first, I’m not super hungry, I need to make some tea because I’m nauseous.” *They go to their electric kettle, waiting for the water to boil as they get their mug ready.*
"Alright," Tony says, not really up for more intense conversation. He dishes up two largish plates for the pair od them, his hands trembling as he does.
*They get their tea ready with shaky hands, and then sit down across from him, moving their food around ans not really eating anything. Their face goes headfirst into their food, an episode hitting, not really breathing since their nose is blocked with the food.*
Tony doesnt speak either, likewise not too hungry. He's eating for the sake of eating. "Anna?" He lifts up their head carefully. concerned now.
*Their body starts to feel less panicked now that they can breathe, and their episode starts to ease off and their eyes slowly open.* “Tony? What happened, why are you holding onto my head?”
"You had an episode," he tells them cautiously. He lets go of them once hes certain they can now support themselves.
“And I faceplanted into my food?” *They reach for a napkin, getting some of the food crumbs off of their face.* “At least we weren’t at a restaurant when that happened.”
"A little," Tony says with a wince. He nods. "At least you weren't alone." he swallows. "Im sorry for being a dick."
“Yeah, that would be an embarrassing way to die.” *They agree, and then look away from him for a second before forcing themselves to make eye contact* “I was a dick first. I’m sorry I made you feel like you had to defend yourself.”
[evil au!!]
Tony walks into his workshop, where he'd been planning to meet Anna, groaning with frustration. "These people," he seethes, tossing his tablet on a spare couch. It's a sight they've seen a lot. "Why do I put up with them, Ans?"
@unofficially-tonystark
“I don’t know, but we have to, you know that.” *They reply, barely glancing up from the computer, where they are working on hacking into something important for the avengers, to send them to the wrong location.* “Did the meeting work though, they aren’t suspicious of anything, right?”
"Of course they weren't, they're all fucking idiots," Tony complains. He glances over at the work they're doing. "It's half of what makes them so bloody infuriating."
“True. Did you bring the pieces we need? And food. I hope you brought food.” *They finally glance up, looking tired and frustrated.* “We probably only need 24 more hours on this, and then it’ll be ready.”
Tony holds up the bag of takeout he'd snagged from the meeting he'd have to endure. "I got everything," he promises, forcing himself up from his chair and joining them. "How long if we work through the night?"
“15, wait no, 16 hours. That would cut it down to 16 hours.” *They look at the takeout, opening one of the boxes and leaning back in their chair a little bit as they munch on the food.* “They might be really annoying, but they do order good food.”
"Lets do it then," Tony says. "I want this bullshit over as soon as possible." He munches on the food to and grumbles his agreement to that. "They do havae that one benefit, yes.'
“Okay.” *They agree, glancing over at him.* “Is your husband suspicious at all? Or Bucky’? I feel like we would have the biggest problem if they found out.”
Tony shakes his head. "Neither have said anything to me," he tells them. "What about you? You haven't had Buck suspicious of you or anything, Sienna...?"
“Neither of them have started act suspicious of me that I can tell, so I ‘m just acting like we’re hanging out more because we’re building more shit. Which is technically only a half lie.” *They take another piece of the food, and sigh.* “We’re gonna need some coffee.”
"Thats true. At least you can definitely tell if one of them is suspicious," Tony adds. He gets up and puts on the coffee pot, then planks back down.
@sunflower-0180
“Yeah. My mutation is good for something.” *They snort, clearly this was something they had debated before and recently, judging by the fact they heard a different snort.*
@unofficially-tonystark
Tony is too tired to properly engage in the debate again. Instead, he says, "Walk me through what you've been working on?"
*They point to the computer screen, scrolling through what they were working on.* “Okay, well, this deletes all the information that they’ve been gathering, but slowly. So they aren’t as suspicious about malware or things like that. And this one is the one that sends information straight to our phones, laptops, whatever. But this is the one I told you I need help with.” *They look back at him, and then back down at their mug, and then hand it to him.* “Can you be a great boss and get me some more coffee?”
Tony nods along, smiling at the program that they've created. It is admittedly very impressive. "Thats amazing," he priases warmly. then laughs. "Sure thing. kid."
“Thank you.” *They glance at him as he walks over to the coffee pot, thinking quietly. He was really a pretty good boss. Always respectful of their boundaries, never pushing them past what they could handle, and never intentionally made them feel stupid for not knowing something. He taught them how to let go, be snarky, encouraged their dark humor. They really were grateful for him, even if they would probably never say it out loud. Unless they were drunk.* “Besides programming shit, is there anything else I need to do?”
"Course." Tony pours them a cup of coffee, already knowing how they like it, and pushes it towards them. He might've been evil, but his coworkers - and that was how he viewed Anna - got special treatment. "Not off the top of my head."
*They take a sip of the coffee, smiling gratefully at him and nod, looking back at the computer, their eyes dropping a little bit.* “I need you to help keep me awake until the caffeine hits my system.”
Tony nods. "Sure thing." He starts talking to them, something that Stve and Clint did during the briefing he attemded that pissed him off.
“Uuugghh, are you fucking kidding me? What pricks.” *They grumble, having just finished up another page that would delete more information, sighing as they sent it to the avenger database.* “Okay, I need a break or my eyes are gonna melt out of my head. Give me something else to do, please.”
"I know, right? They're so annoying." He shakes his head, hating that he has to deal with these people constantly. Irritating as fuck. "Why don't we just not do work for a little, hm?"
“But that’s gonna make the process take so much longer if we do!” *It’s not quite a whine, but they have a lot at stake with this deal coming up, and they were stressed the fuck out about it.*
"We can afford the wait," Tony reassures them. "Besides, just because you're taking a break doesn't mean I have to," he points out after another moment.
“But I don’t want you to work and…..I don’t feel like I’m pulling my weight if you do that!” *Now that really was a whine, feeling more and more stressed out about the whole thing. It definitely had something to do with the fact that they had slept a total of maybe four hours over two days, but they would never admit that.*
"You've been pulling your weight plenty," Tony reassures them. "I'd argue and say you've been doing more than you need to. Get some rest."
“I can’t! I can’t sleep because every time I fall asleep, I have awful fucking nightmares from our last mission! I know you got to me quickly, I just-“ *They close their mouth tightly, looking away and pointedly ignoring the tears in their eyes.*
Tony frowns, he hadn't expectes that. "Why didn't you tell me about this sooner, kid?" He asks quietly.
“Because it’s stupid, okay? It’s stupid! I should just be able to handle this shit, because I’m supposed to be your backup! Fighting or otherwise, and I can’t do that well when I’m getting fucking terrified because they….they-“ *They don’t finish the sentence, again, and still aren’t looking at him.* “I’m scared that if I freeze like that again, that I’m going to miss something really important and lose you, okay? That’s…that’s what the nightmares have mostly been about. I fuck up, and it’s my fault that you’re-“
"I'm not going to die," Tony interrupts them. His voice is gentle, but brooks no argument. "You're not going to let me die. You're not going to freeeze."
“But I did! I already have, Tony!” *They look at him, trying to force some of the frustration down.* “I just….if it’s my fault that you get hurt, I can’t heal you. I’m not that kind of mutant, I…..I’m not even a halfway decent mutant, let’s be honest.”
"You won't again." Tony isn't sure if he believes it, but he wants to, or their sake. "It's not going to be your fault if you get hurt.It takes a lot to hurt me, kid. And your mutation is exactly what we need it to be."
“You don’t believe that and I don’t either.” *Their voice has gone pretty quiet, as they just blankly stare at the screen for a minute before looking up at him.* “Don’t you have sleeping pills that I could take?”
"But I trust you anway." He hesitates to give them the sleeping pills, but then nods. "Yeah, sure. I've got some. Only take one, though."
“If it doesn’t work, I’m gonna take more.” *They stand up, swaying a little, but determinedly heading for where they had seen him put his sleep meds before.*
"You are not," Tony says, because they're strong, and he doesnt' even take more than one of them, there's no way in hell he's letting them take more. He hands them one.
“You can’t stop me.” *They take the pill, quickly chasing it down with some coffee with a shudder.* “That tastes disgusting, Jesus.”
"Yeah, well, that coffee has been sitting there for the better part of an hour," Tony points out dryly.
“Eww.” *They pout, looking towards the coffee pot.* “If I drink more coffee right now, that would probably counteract the sleep meds, right?”
"Definitely," Tony confirms. "Leave the coffee alone, kid. Just try and get some rest, alright?"
“Only if you come let me use your lap as a pillow for a little bit and tell me your perspective of how/when we started to work together.” *They sway a little, wanting to have him hold them, and not wanting to directly ask for it, at the moment.*
"Come lie down," he says with a chuckle, because he knows what they're really asking for and he doesnt mind. "How we started working together.... hmm."
*They do, surprisingly without any kind of comment, and look up at him with slightly bleary eyes.* “Yeah. When did you decide that I could be trusted with this stuff?”
"When you walked in on me complaining about Barton to JARVIS, and instead of getting annoyed at me, you just joined in ranting about him," Tony says.
“That was funny.” *They smile, looking at him with a smirk. A few seconds later, they’re clinging to his hand as they feel the sleep meds start to take effect, and they shake their head, trying to push themselves off of him sluggishly.* “I take it back, I don’t want to sleep, get it out of me-“
Tony smiles, then frowns at the sudden change in his demeanour. "Hey, woah. It's okay. I can't untake the sleeping pills, kid," he says cautiously.
“Why not? You’re super smart, just get it out of me.!” *There’s tears in their eyes, one of the rare instances that he’s seen them cry.* “I don’t want to get stuck in a bad dream, please. Please.”
Tony hates that he can't do what they're asking him to do. "You're not going to get stuck in a bad dream, pipsqueak. I'll wake you up if anythign happens."
*They whine, the meds dragging them further into a restless sleep, their body going limp and then twitching every once in a while. Their hands were still locked onto him with a surprising amount of strength for someone who was in a deep sleep.*
Tony keeps hold of them, having Jarvis scan for any changes that suggest they might have a nightmare so's he can wake them.
*They tense as they feel themselves holding onto something until they crack their eyes open and see him, immediately flushing pink.* “Ummmm, hi.”
"Hi, there," Tony greets dryly. He'd started replying to emails above their head, and brushes the hologram away.
“You could have moved, this probably wasn’t the most comfortable to stay here and let me use your legs as a pillow.” *They stubbornly push themselves up, even though their head is still swimming and trying to get reoriented.* “Okay, back to work, I still have to-“
Tony shrugs. "I don't mind, and it wasn't exactly a hindrance to use the holograms." He places a gentle hand on their shoulder. "You can relax, kid. It's not urgent."
*Their stubbornness and their exhaustion are at war and the exhaustion wins out.* “Fine. Fine, I’ll rest, but only for 10 more minutes, because we have shit to get done. You said you wanted this done in by tonight, at least.”
"Get some more rest," Tony replies, ignoring the latter half of their sentence because its irrelevant right now.
*They look at him, and fight back a whine, glaring half heartedly at him.* “But Tony!! You said that we needed to get this shit done!! Our mission window is a lot more crunched this time and-“
"Anna. Rest." He crosses his arms. "I've been doing this for a long time. You sleeping for a few hours is going to make no difference at all to our plans."
*They look at him stubbornly and finally nod. Resting actually sounded really good, but their body was still trying to fight half heartedly. Sleep was starting to drag them back under, but right before their eyes shut for real , they grab onto his arm tightly. Their eyes clearly exhausted, but frantically searching his, one of the few times they were fully unguarded.* “You’ll stay with me while I fall sleep, right? And be in the room when I wake up?”
Tony hates that they're so distressed. In his own, deeply screwed up way, he really does care for them. "Yes. I'll be here the entire time kiddo, I promise."
“Okay.” *They slowly relax and can themselves start to relax enough to fall asleep again, occasionally twitching or making noises in their sleep. At one point, they start to softly call for him, slowly getting louder and more frantic.* “Tony!! Tony, please!! Please!!!”
Tony starts shaking them the second they start calling for him. "Kid.. kid, wake up." He brushes their hair out of their face, making sure to otherwise keep his distance.
*Their eyes jerk open and immediately search for him, their hands dart out to grab his and hold onto it for dear life.* “I…..they..you……..you left me. You got mad at me and left me.”
"I would never do that," Tony promises. He squeezes their hands. "Come on, pipsqueak. I would be useless without you, you know that.'
*Their eyes search his for a few minutes, trying to catch their breath and slowly nod.* “I did try to warn you that I’ve been having more and more nightmares.” *They’re trying to joke, but it comes out weak as they use his hand to try and sit up.*
@unofficially-tonystark
"Do I look upset with you?" Tony says dryly. He gently helps them sit up, careful to keep his movements gentle and slow so as not to startle them too much.
“……No.” *They reluctantly agree, letting him take their full weight so they can sit up with a groan.* “Oh gods, if this is what it’s like to be old, I don’t like it. Shit, shit, Tony, the plans!” *They point to the computer frantically as they see Steve coming towards the lab through the security screen.*
Tony barks out a laugh. "Don't worry, it only gets worse with age," he reassures them. He stiffens when he hears Steve approaching. He loved the man but he would never understand, and he hurridley clears their plans away.
“Oh gods.” *They groan and then frantically try to help Tony clear the plans so Steve couldn’t see them, looking up at him and silently asking him what they should do.*
@steve-g-rogers
Steve blinks and tilts his head. “Hey you two.” He walks over to Tony with a warm smile.
“Hey Steve. Sorry, I’ve been hogging your husband quite a bit recently. I can leave and go grab you guys coffee if you want?” *They look at Tony, silently asking him if they should do that, trying to keep themselves as calm as possible.*
@unofficially-tonystark
Tony kisses Steve's head lightly. "Hey, love." He glances at Anna, meeting their eyes. "You don't need to leave," he reassures them, giivng them an easy smile, hoping to communicate silently that they'd like the continued company.
*They try to relax more and nod, standing up and busying themselves with parts of the car that they had been working on taking apart and putting together again with him.* “So how was the meeting for you, Steve?”
@steve-g-rogers
Steve keeps his armed wrapped around Tony, kissing his cheek. He sighs and shakes his head. “Long and tedious.”
“Eww, I’m sorry.” *They shudder and then make a face at him kissing Tony.* “Keep it PG, please. I don’t want any more nightmares.”
Steve laughs and pulls away from Tony. “Okay, okay…”
*They smirk, sticking their tongue out at Steve.* “So did you need anything in particular or did you just want to see your husband? And what time is it?”
“Just wanted to see my husband… I think it’s eight,” Steve nods and makes his cheek again.
“I think Tony and I had some stuff we were gonna finish, but we were gonna try to be done by ten tonight, right?” *They look at Tony, silently asking him to step in and take over.*
@unofficially-tonystark
"Yes, 10, absolutely," Tony confirms, nodding slightly at Anna in a silent confirmation. "We can do late dinner?" He offers.
@steve-g-rogers
Steve pauses for a moment. “Baby… what are you two working on that’ll keep you here so late?” He frowns.
"We've just gotten close to the end of that car we're fixing up," Tony lies. They fixed it weeks ago.
Steve frowns and tilts his head. “But…” He trails off and shakes his head, brow furrowed. “Baby you were telling me about how you finished that two weeks ago.”
Tony tries not to show his concern. "No, darling, that was just the engine we finished. This is gonna be the whole car."
Steve narrows his eyes, glancing to the car. “That’s not…” He frowns and looks to Anna.
@sunflower-0180
“Steve, you know how long it takes me to get this shit right? Plus, he’s teaching me pretty slowly, so that I can do it on my own, on a different car, as sort of a test. So we’re also looking through a bunch of cars and figuring out which one is the best one to buy.” *They had actually talked about doing that, they agreed that they were gonna do it after this coming mission.*
Steve frowns and crosses his arms. “I’ll just stay then, something doesn’t feel right.” He glances back towards Tony, giving him a ‘What the hell is going on?’ Look.
@unofficially-tonystark
Tony hides a frown with a smile. "Of course, baby. You know you're always welcome here." He leans forward to gently kiss his cheek, shooting him a reassuring look.
Steve nods and lets him kiss his cheek, though he glances to Tony then to Anna, looking between them. “What’s going on? Something’s off.”
@sunflower-0180
“I had a nightmare before you came in, and we were talking about that and maybe that’s why things feel a little off?” *They suggest, sending a wave of earnestness. That was part of the truth, they had been talking about it.* “It was a kind of awkward nightmare, for once, and we were just starting to get into a bunch of sex questions that I had. I mean, I would like to ask both of you, I just don’t know how awkward it would be for both of you to be asked sex questions together.”
“Oh… that’s fine…” Steve looks between them again, chewing his lips briefly. “You’ve both been up here a lot just you two…” His eyes flick to Tony. “Are you… you’re not cheating on me are you?” He sounds terrified, devastated.
@unofficially-tonystark
Tony's eyes widen. "No, darling!" He says intently, rushing over to stand in front of Steve, cupping his cheeks. "I love you. I would never cheat on you." That at least, was pure honesty.
Steve frowns and looks over at Anna before back to Tony. “Then what’s going on? Something’s not right.” He shakes his head.
"Nothing is going on, baby," Tony says with a slight frown. "Are you feeling alright, amore?"
“I’m fine, just something feels off! And I don’t know what it is, so if you’re cheating on me with them- baby… what is going on?! I know you, you’re hiding something from me.” Steve glances back to Anna, frowning.
@sunflower-0180
*They stared at Steve in complete disbelief and confusion.* “You actually thought……..okay, I’ll be back in a minute.” *They practically run from the lab, heading up the stairs to the bathroom that’s the farthest away they can find, locking themselves in as they fight to not gag. The cool air did practically nothing to cool their body down, and they slump against the counter, shuddering quietly.*
Steve watches them leave, brow furrowed. He turns to Tony and raises his hands. “Go, I don’t know what you’re hiding, but I can sense something isn’t right love… just go check on Anna, please.” Steve frowns and looks away.
@unofficially-tonystark
Tony hates this. This is exactly why he never wanted Steve to find about about what he and Anna were doing, to prevent the very same pain he was feeling now. He runs after them. "Anna? You okay, kid?"
@sunflower-0180
*They’re just dry heaving at this point and make a vague noise. So many feelings, especially disgust, confusion, and hurt are running through them right now. They know for sure that they aren’t gonna be able to face Steve anytime soon.*
"Anna," Tony repeats gently, coming around to crouch to the side of them so as not to startle them too much. "I need you to breathe and get yourself together."
*They glare at him, unable to say anything and quickly sign.*
**Your husband thinks that you’re cheating on him with me. His…..his……gods. Are you okay? You’re the one that he’s suggesting about that.**
"I'm fine, because I know it's not true," Tony says. "And its an understandable conclusion for him to reach."
*They scoff quietly, looking away.*
**Would you assume the same if roles were reversed? That he was cheating on you with someone that he views as a pretty good friend? Like……I just….fuck-**
*They gag again, heaving and slump back with a groan.*
**We need to go back. I don’t know if he’s still there, but we need to go back.**
"If he was acting like we are.Yes." Tony is totally honest in his answer. its a fair enough assumption in his eyes.
He helps them up."Lets go back out, kid."
*They stare up at him in horror, and then they collapse again as they heave all over again. Their brain just doesn’t register how……how would someone picture them being willing to cheat?? A terrified sob leaves them, and they desperately want to take a boiling hot shower.*
**I….I need…I need new clothes. Can I borrow some of Ari’s old clothes, please?**
"Yeah, of course you can," Tony says, wincing at the horror that is clear on their face. "Take whatever you need."
*They quickly turn amd run to Ari’s old room, grabbing some clothes and heading back to the bathroom.*
**I’m just gonna shower off really fast, I’ll be back down in 10 minutes.**
"Take your time," Tony says, sinking back down onto the ground and waiting for them to return. Hes tired.
*It definitely wasn’t 10 minutes, more like 20. They finally get out, their skin red and raw, and not really making eye contact.* “I’m ready, we can go finish now.”
Open Roleplay
yes i'm aware his birthday was last week this is coincidental-ish. maneuver timelines however you need for your muse to fit. I know this is long im sorry.
It was Tony's birthday party. Specifically, it was his 38th birthday party, and less two weeks ago, he'd held a press conference shutting down Stark Industries weapons manufacturing division after he returned from Afghanistan. The arc reactor weighed heavily in his chest, in every sense of the word.
It was a surprise party. Tony hadn't known about it, he'd been going up to his home with Obie next to him. He'd been the one to organise it, and when Tony had immediately protested, he'd heavily slung an arm over his shoulder: "You're out of the business of war, my boy. You've got to keep your connections somehow. Time to get better at the business of partying." Like Tony had ever been bad at that. There's a look in Obie's eyes that Tony can't decipher.
And now he's half-tipsy. He hadn't planned to be - not ever again, actually, after 3 months brutal sobriety - but Obadiah had pushed whiskey into his hand and he never could say no to it. He's still watching him. Tony's trying very hard to get the two women tripping over themselves as they speak to him at the bar to leave him alone when someone else approaches.
"Just ignore them," Tony says. "They'll get their photos or they won't. What you do won't make a difference." He's trying to be reassuring, but he isn't sure if it lands.
*They have ti fight hard to not glance back at them and nod stiffly.* “Okay, you said you have another car? Are you sober enough to drive right now? Because if you’re not, I’m driving.” *If he stumbles in any way, they are gonna drive, even though they don’t have a license.*
"Thought you couldn't drive?" Tony mutters in confusion. "But yes, I am." Legally, maybe not, but he's driven safely in far more inebriated states.
“I can, like I know how to, I just don’t have a license.”*They stare at him for a second, deciding if they believed him and slowly nod.* “Okay. Where’s your car? And don’t just tell me a brand name of a car and expect me to know what that looks like.”
Tony's eyes narrow. "You're not driving. And it's this one." He stops in front of an old red Cadillac, though it's in remarkably good condition for what is clearly an old car.
*Their eyes narrow right back at him.* “If it’s between me driving, completely sober and a very small percentage of a chance that we would get pulled over or get into an accident, versus you driving, not sober and a higher percentage of a chance that we would get pulled over or in an accident, I’m going with me driving.”*They glance at it, their eyes widening in interest.* “This is a cool car. I’ve been wanting to work on cars more, I just have no idea where to start.”
"We will not get pulled over. I have driven in much, much drunker states," Tony reassures them. He tosses them the keys anyway, too tired to argue. "Start with something newer than this."
*They stare at him in exasperation.* “Are you kidding me? You telling me that you’ve been way more drunk while driving is supposed to be reassuring?” *They yelp when he tosses the keys to them. immediately dropping them.* “Wait…….wait, you want me to drive now? I…..oh gods. Your car is literally like a spaceship, I don’t know which buttons are safe and which aren’t.”
"Well it should tell you i can drive fine now," Tony points out. He rolls bizarre eyes. "Press the on button and ignore all the others."
*They roll their eyes at him, and then press the car, waiting for it to turn on. As they’re waiting, they glance over as they feel so many questions burning in their chest that they want to ask, but they have no idea how
The car turns on quickly. Once on, it's a fairly simple car to drive, just a normal automatic if you ignored all the other buttons. He raises an eyebrow. "What?"
*They look over at him in surprise as they slowly start to back up, pulling out of the car garage, looking both ways carefully.** “Okay, first of all, how did you know that I wanted to ask you questions and second of all, how do we to the hotel from here?”
"Because you have about as good a poker face as a toddler," tony admits bluntly. "It was practially pouring off you that you where holding something back. Just drive straight. GPS is on."
*They look at him, honestly a little offended that he had said that so bluntly, and pause.* “I………are you just doing this because you feel guilty that he was working with you and you didn’t notice?” *They continue to drive, finally pulling into the parking lot and parking. Their body shakes a little as they can feel an adrenaline drop starting and their head slumps forward on the steering wheel.*
"Yes," Tony answers bluntly. "Im furious that he got away with doing that to who knows how many people. But I also am doing it cahse you deserve the help."
“Do you want to know how many people it was?” *There was a support group, and they knew exactly how many people he had been abusing, but they weren’t sure if Tony actually wanted to know or was just saying that part.* “And why do I deserve the help, when you’ve barely spoken to me in the last seven months?”
"..." Tony swallows. "Yeah. I probably should know that." He's furious at the comfirmation that it's more than one. He looks away. "...you were assaulted. You qualify for help. You should get it."
“It was five of us. But one girl left, she couldn’t handle it anymore and has a pretty rich boyfriend. And she’s wanting us to press charges with her, and I think we might now. Especially that we have you as our backup.” *They glance at him and can sense his fury, and cringe slightly at it, looking out the window.* “I’m sorry that I had to show you those videos, and that it was your friend. I don’t…..I wish that………….Are you angry at me? That I showed you the videos, that I waited this long to tell you, that-“
"Im not angry at you." Hes fucking furious at Obadiah but he's not angry at Anna. They haven't done anything to him.. "Dont be sorry. Im the one who is sorry."
“Okay.” *They believe him, that he’s not angry at them, but then look at him in confusion.* “Why would you be sorry, it’s not like you’re the one that touched me and threatened my job if I stopped doing……things for him.”
"Because it's my company, and I should have known that he was doing that. I shouldn't have allowed it to happen under my nose." He crosses his arms over his chest.
“Fair. Ummm, so how does this work, I’m assuming that we’re getting two different rooms for the night, right?” *They motion towards the hotel that they had just parked in front of, glancing up at it and wondering how many months of payment one night in the hotel was gonna cost them.*
"Of course we are." He parks and helps them out kf the car. "Dont worry about payment, its all on me."
*They stare at him in shock.* “How’d you……Jesus, you’re scarily good at reading me. Not even the other coworkers who I see every day read me this well.” *Their body language relaxes again when he says both of those things, and glance up at him curiously.* “I’m assuming that a boss isn’t actually supposed to do the whole “one bed” thing? Because that’s something that he would tell me is pretty normal.”
"I have to be good at reading people." Though clearly he'd failed when it came to reading Obadiah.... god. He looks horrified when they add that. "..no, kid. That's not normal at all."
“Oh.” *They stare off into space for a second as they walk inside, and they look around in shock. It was easily one of the nicest buildings they had ever been in.* “Can I ask you more things, like if they’re normal or not?”
Tony wants to say no, but he knows it selfish so he nkds. "Yeah, sure. Hit me with it." He walks over to grab water.
*They immediately can tell that he’s hesitant and shake their head quickly.* “I don’t have to. I can always just text my support group, even if we’re all a little unsure what is normal now. Or I can google it. But I don’t have to ask you if you’re uncomfortable.”
"Just ask me," Tony says with a sigh. "I'd rather you ask me." That part, at least, is true, even if he doesn't understand why that is his particular preferene.
*They stare at him for a second and then stare at the key card that the receptionist had handed them. They were on the top floor, and they internally groan at how many stairs that was gonna be, but no way in hell were they gonna take a fricking elevator.* “Okay, so is it normal for a boss to say what he wants you to wear and tell you he can’t see you enough for security reasons, and give you pat down every day?”
Tony heads for the elevator, not noticing their discomfort. He much prefers it to the dank, croncrete stairs. It's a less enclosed space to him. He considers. "The what to wear, kind of. A dress code is normal. The rest of it, no."
“Okay, so part of that was normal. So I guess he mixed things that were normal with things that weren’t, so people wouldn’t get suspicious?” *They glance up at him, and then shake their head as they near the elevator.* “I’m gonna take the stairs, but you can take the elevator.”
Tony shrugs. "More like he warped things to give him an excuse to be a fucking creep." He nods. "All see you in our suite," he says easily.
“Sounds about right.” *They scoff quietly and head for the stairs. About half an hour later, and they still haven’t knocked on the door, there’s been no sign of them at all.*
Tony frowns when he doesn't hear anything from them. He swallows thickly. Heknows he should check on them. He doesn't want to go down the stairs, but he does, and slinks out of the room anyway. "Anna?"
*They’re not very far down the stairs, maybe one flight at the most, sitting on a random stair, just staring blankly at nothing. They weren’t sure if they had an episode or what, but it was weird because all of the sudden, they were in a really fancy staircase and they couldn’t remember what had happened. So they just sat down and opted to not move.*
Tony tentatively just comes to sit down beside them. "Hey, Anna," he says slowly, because he doesnt know what this is. "Want to tell me what's going on?"
*They look at him blankly, confusion in their eyes.* “Tony? What…..what are you doing here? What am I doing here? What….wait, where’s….Sir Obadiah?” *They hadn’t told him about that, that Obadiah had a thing for them calling him that.*
Tony frowns. "Hes... not here right now. You told me about what he did to you, so we got you somewhere safe," he says cautiously.
“We’re safe? He doesn’t know that we’re here?” *They look at him for confirmation, starting to feel slightly less confused.* “What….how long have we been sitting here? Where are we?”
"He doesn't know we're here," Tony promises. "Ah, five minutes? You never came upstairs to our suite, so I came down and looked for you," he explains.
“We’re sleeping together?” *They ask him. There really isn’t any of the fear that had been there earlier, it was just more of a resigned question.*
Tony shakes his head, hating how resigned they sound. "No, we have separate bedrooms." It's an effort to keep his tone steady an dwithout any emotion.
*A flicker of relief goes across their face, and they blink a few times, and then look at him properly for the first time since he sat down next to them.* “Sorry. I don’t know what happened. Oh shit, I don’t have any clean clothes to sleep in.” *A pout grows on their face, the first sign of them thawing out in the last few minutes.*
Tony smilese when he sees the pout. It's not something that he's seen on their face before, but he's glad for it anyway, hoping it means they're calming. "This is a luxury hotel, kid. They supply PJs."
*They smile back and him, thinking that-* “You have a really nice smile.” *As soon as they say that, they turn red and stare at the ground before glancing up at him again at the next thing he says in complete and utter shock.* “They supply PJs here? Seriously?”
"...thanks." He doesnt know quite what to say. Not an unusual compliment, but rarely one hes gotten on his real smile. He nod. "Kid, they supply everything here."
“Sorry, I hope that didn’t make you uncomfortable. My inside thought became my outside thought before I could stop it.” *They stand up, their legs a little shaky, and motion towards the top of the stairs.* “I’m ready to see the rooms now. And sorry I got stuck in a….I’m not sure what that was.”
"No, its alright," e says with a shrug. "People often dont have a filter around me," he says. He nods. "No, its okay. It happens. Let's go see our suite."
“Would you prefer I have more of a filter?” *They look at him as they start to walk up the stairs and pause at the top of the steps, glancing down the hallway.* “Which room number are we in? And are they connected?”
Tony shakes his head tiredly. "I really don't care," he answers honestly. "We're in room 212. It's got two bedrooms, shared kitchen and living room," he explains.
*They stop outside of the room, and look up at him, nervously, which was at war with their snarky-ness.* “I’m really clumsy, what if I break something in there that costs more than what I’m worth, period?”
"Then I'll pay for it," Tony says easily. Its been a long long time since money was something causing him any concern at all
“I…..okay.* “They take a deep breath and use the keycard, opening the door and stepping inside. They were just inside the hallway, and everything already looked like something you read about in a fantasy book describing a castle. They realize they said that part outloud when they hear Tony laugh quietly.*
"I realise this may not have been the best hotel to chose," he admits as he leads them further into the suite. "But it's one of my backups, so I diverted here on instinct."
“What, like this is a cheap motel to you?” *They stare at him in shock, their eyes wide as they try to continue to turn around to see everything, stumbling over their feet.*
"I mean. Yeah, a little bit," Tony says, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly at the obvious shock on their face.
“How much more castle like can a hotel possibly get?” *They wonder, their mouth falling open in shock as they stare at the ceiling.* “Is that a fucking chandelier??”
"You have no idea," Tony promises. He looks up. "Technically, its just a really fancy lamp. But for all intents and purposes, yes, that is a chandelier."
*They glance down the hall to the bedroom and step in, glancing around.* “It’s a fucking canopy bed tje size of New York itself! I’m gonna get lost in it!” *They glance into the bathroom, their eyes bugging out of their head.* “The shower is the size of my whole apartment, what the fuck??”
Tony pressses his lips together, faintly amused by their reaction. "You know, you really shoudl be able to afford a better apartment, I know for a fact that we don't underpay people at SI."
“My best friend is still living with her boyfriend and they live in the same building as me. It’s easier if I stay close by, instead of getting a more expensive apartment.” *They explain. That’s about half of the truth, and they want to wait a minute before they tell him the rest of the reason.*
Tony frowns. "What does your friend living near you have to do with it if you are in a shirty apartment." He asks, sounding genuinely confused.
*They sigh, looking away.* “Her boyfriend is a boxer. And he’s been protecting me for a while now, honestly, we basically live at each other’s apartments. They’ll have their ‘spicy time’ whenever they want, but most nights if not all, I’m either in their spare bedroom, or she’s in bed with me and he’s on the couch by the door.”
Tony nods a little. "Right. I suppose that's fair enough, then. I didn't think about that..." he trails off sheepishly.
“Which bedroom do you want? And what time is it?” *They pull out their phone and nod.* “Makes sense why I’m exhausted, it’s 11:32 pm. I think I need to take a shower and then I’m gonna try to go to sleep. Key word is try.”
Tony nods towards the spare. "You take the master. It has an ensuite and that way you can have a private bathroom." He won't be showering anyway. "Good luck sleeping, though."
*They nod, and then look at him in confusion.* “You said that there were spare clothes? Where…..where would I find them?” *They needed to get in the shower and scrub themselves clean, flashes of Obadiah in their head that was making them feeling increasingly more tense.*
"They'll either be on your bed or in the dresser in your room," Tony tells them. "Everything should be self contained, shoupd you want to avoid me."
“I don’t- I don’t want to avoid you.” *They didn’t want to avoid him, necessarily, they just……* “I’m gonna take the shower, and if you’re still up, maybe we can have tea? And ummmmm……if you hear a really loud thump, can you please…….can you please check on me? Because I don’t particularly want to drown in a really expensive hotel shower because I had a seizure or an episode.”
Open roleplay
Edward stares down at his body in the mirror, he'd been going to shower but had become distracted when he took his shirt off, he usually tries to avoid looking at his body but...
The feeling of someone ripping into his back, the feeling of a knife sliding against his exposed muscles, hot iron being pressed into his skin. Screams making his voice raw and useless, begging for them to stop...
Edward gasps and jerks away from the mirror, eyes wide as the memories was over him. 'Winged monster, son of the devil.' He shudders and manages to glance at his back, it's horribly mangled and scarred, barely an inch of unscarred skin. He stands frozen as he stares at his body, barely breathing.
*They hadn’t heard the water turn on and something felt wrong, felt off. They knock on the door, closing their eyes but opening it. They knew that he kept the door unlocked for his kids, in case they really needed him.* “Sparkles? My eyes are closed, but I needed to check on you, something feels off and I haven’t heard the water turn on for a long time. Are you okay?”
Edward doesn’t move, staring frozen at himself in the mirror. He grabs onto the counter, talons sliding out, barely aware Anna walked into the room.
“Edward? It’s your Mouse. I’m gonna open my eyes now.” *They do, and then gasp quietly. They had only seen glimpses of his back before, never the full thing. They cover their mouth with their hands.* “Oh Edward, I….”
Edward gasps and turns around quickly, using his wings to cover his back, eyes wide in panic. He shakes his head and curls into himself. “I’m fine!”
“You’re not. You’re so not.” *They whisper, their eyes wide like his, turning around to give him privacy, but also trying to send him as much love as possible.* “You’re not alone in scarred skin, and it’s nothing for you to be ashamed of, it’s them who should be ashamed. I promise you that.”
Edward tries to cover himself with his wings, eyes wide and blank when he catches sight of his back in the mirror again. “Not the same-” He chokes out, shaking his head. “I can feel… no-” He drops down to the floor, hugging himself.
“I know it’s not. I know, I was just trying-“ *They stop talking when he drops to the floor, sitting across from and nod, barely managing to not flinch.* “I know you can feel it. What can I do? I can run and grab you a shirt, would that help you?” *His panic was crawling into them, and they could feel the strong desire to scratch their skin as much as possible.*
Edward shakes his head, pressing his back into the wall, which causes him to cry out in pain, his wings flap out before wrapping around his body, his eyes look dull and distant. “Where- where am I?” He chokes out.
*They look at him with a broken expression, and let out a tiny sob, their heart shattering at how broken he sounded, and bite back their panic.* “You’re at your house. You’re married to April and have 3 kids: Nadia, Arianna, and Ben. I’m your sibling, your mouse, Anna.”
Edward breathes heavily, his eyes fling back to the mirror, taking in his back with a panicked sound. He’s shakes his head and grabs his hair. “No. I can feel… no-”
*They get up and throw a towel over the mirror, and sit back down across from him.* “Let’s…..we’re not gonna look. I know you can feel it, it feels like you can feel it now, but I promise you that you’re safe. No one is gonna touch you right now.”
Edward’s hand claws into his shoulder, eyes wide. He shakes his head and tucks further into himself. “I can feel, feel it- the knife!” His eyes dart open, staring at Anna. “Who are ya?!”
“I know, I’m sorry.” *They look into his eyes, staring at him with so much worry.* “I’m Anna, I’m your sibling. We found out that we’re siblings 2 years ago now.”
Edward stares at them blankly. He tucks into himself, talons digging into the back of his shoulders, a broken sob finally bubbling out of him.
*They don’t move, even if everything in their body is telling them to go and comfort him.* “Edward? Do you…..do you remember who I am? Do you believe me?”
Edward bites his lip, looking up shakily, face tear stained. His talons dig further into his shoulders. “I… I don’t know.” He whispers, eyes darting around. He winces and presses his back into the wall, trying to hide it.
*They stand and run to grab one of his shirts and bring it back to him, their hands shaking as they slide it to him.* “Here, would this help you at all?”
Edward grabs the shirt, yanking it on over his body and hiding in it, tucking into himself. “Thank you-" He chokes out.
“You’re welcome.” *They whisper, staring off into space. How are they supposed to help hik come out of this? They think for a second and then try to send him a few memories of them, happier ones, something they were only able to do with him and Carlos, and now Valerie as well.*
Edward slowly uncurls his hands from his curls, taking a few heaving breaths, his eyes glazing over. “You… you’re Anna… we… we went flyin’.” He mumbles, shaking touching his back.
*They nod, relieved that it was working so far.* “We did. You’ve saved my ass so many times from so many things by flying me away. You protect me, always. We protect each other, since we’ve found out that we’re siblings.”
Edward swallows thickly, shakily yanking at his curls lightly. “I was mean… mean when we met.” He blinks rapidly, taking a few slower breaths.
“It’s not like I was an angel either. Don’t you remember how defensive and just straight up snarky I was?” *They snort, thinking about that day, how both scared and protected they had felt, which didn’t make any sense.*
Edward smiles ever so slightly. “Yeah…” He tucks his arms around his chest, closing his eyes, his shoulders slumping down. “They’re not here.” He whispers to himself, shakily fidgeting with his shirt. “M’safe now. No more.”
“Nope. They’re not here, you’re totally safe.” *They smile at him, their shoulders starting to loosen up a little bit as well.* “And if anyone tried to hurt you, I would protect you. I’m very decent at fighting now.”
“Good fighter.” Edward whispers, he drops back against the wall, body slumping down, he covers his face and takes a shaky breath. “Home.” He then mumbles in some language, picking at his fingers.
“Yep. And yeah, we’re home.” *They agree and then slide him the fidget that was in their pocket.* “Do you need water or anything?”
Edward takes the fidget and sets it to the side. “Yes please.” He whispers, touching his shoulder lightly with a wince.
*They get up, grabbing a water bottle from the kitchen and bring it back to him, carefully holding it out.* “Here you go. I can get you some food if you want.”
Edward shakily takes it, taking a large gulp of the water. “Thank you.” He whispers, he shakes his head as he sips slowly on his water.
*They smile at him and lean back against the door, and then move to sit opposite of him, so he would feel like he had a way out if he needed it.* “What do you actually remember right now? Like, without me sending you memories?”
Edward looks up slowly. “I know I… trust you.” He looks back down at the water, swirling it around in the glass before taking a small sip. “Your names Anna and you’re my sibling but I…” He looks to the side and bites his lip. “Am I nineteen?”
*They look at him in confusion, watching as he swirls the water.* “Nineteen? No no, you’re 24. You’re a year older than me. We met when you were 22 and I was 21.”
Edward blinks a few times. “I’m not…” He sits back, brow furrowed. “I…” He glances around the room. “Is Magneto here?” Terror fills his eyes.
“Nooo, no, he’s not here.” *They shake their head, a shudder going through their own body at the mention of him. They had their own reasons to hate him.*
Edward bites his lip, looking around the room carefully, he really hasn’t told Anna much about his time with Magneto. “But I’m not in the prison. He…” Edward tugs at a curl. “He… no-” He touches his back lightly.
“No, you’re not in prison. You’re here, with me. And we’re safe at home.” *They try to reassure him, looking at him with wide eyes.* “He’s not touching you, no one is touching you.”
Edward presses his back against the wall, clinging tightly to the water. “If I’m not in the prison, not with Magneto- where am I?” He lets out a scared sob.
“You’re at your house, that you have with your wife and kids. April is your wife and you have Nadia, Arianna, and Ben. You didn’t think you could have kids, but you can.”
Edward snorts and thumps his head back against the wall. “I can’t have kids- no, no I know I can’t. I was awake when they-” He cuts himself off and turns his head away sharply. “I… I know Nadia. Arianna and… and Evan…”
“You were awake??” *They look at him in horror, their own medical trauma starting to take over a little bit.* “What….what do you mean? And yeah. Those are the names of your kids.”
Edward stares at them. “Yeah, I was always awake. Whatever they did, I… I was awake. Always.” His eyes glaze over for a second, he quickly tucks his knees to his chest.
“Always…..” *They trail off, sinking into the floor more. How could someone do that? They had felt operations being semi awake, but fully awake?? They let out a strangled sound when they feel someone start to move a little, bracing themselves for……something.*
Edward nudges them with his wing before tucking it back. “A full year… a whole year of it. Torture, experiments… cutting into me, always awake.” He lets out a bitter laugh, thumping his head back against the wall. “Why do ya think I never talk about it?” His voice is raw, like he’s holding down sobs.
“Well, I didn’t want to press! And you have trauma from being awake, but I have trauma of being sedated, because that’s when you lose clothes that you thought you had on. And I tried to block it out the best I could, but some of it got through!” *Their voice is also raw, feeling prickly and defensive, like he had attacked their mutation.*
Edward flinches back violently, head colliding with the walls, his eyes wide with panic, it’s a sort of panicked look they’ve never seen from him before. “That’s- I didn’t… I-” He scrambles to his feet, breathing heavily, pressing a hand to his chest. “That’s not what I meant! I just said that’s why I don’t talk about it!” He grabs at his hair, eyes darting around. “I don’t know where I am!” He wails, breathing quick and uneven. “Don’t-"
*Now they flinch back into the opposite wall, and then try to force themselves to breathe.* “I told you that you’re safe, you live here with April and your kids! I can leave if I’m making things worse, I can call her. She would be here in a second.” *They pull out their phone, trying to find her number in their phone.*
Edward presses himself into the wall, covering his face. “No!” He looks down at himself, eyes wide and terrified. “No, no, no don’t go- I don’t want April- I can’t remember her enough-” He slides down the wall, hiding his face in his hands. “I didn’t mean it like that!”
*They quickly shake their head and put their phone away to try and help his nerves.* “Okay, I won’t call her, I won’t text her, just try to breathe with me. Can I hold your hand, please?”
“No.” Edward tucks his hands to his chest, breathing shakily. He closes his eyes and tucks into himself, cry silently, breathing evening out a little.
*They pull their own hands to their chest and look away, blinking tears away as fast as they could.* “That’s fine. You have control over the situation.”
Edward stares at the wall, breathing carefully. “Never have control.” He whispers, tugging at a curl.
*They shake their head hard, looking at him.* “Can you trust me that I’m telling you the truth? You know that I’m your sibling, right? So why would I lie to you about you having control over the situation?”
Edward looks up. “I never have control. Ever. Not once in my entire life.” He whispers before dropping his head back onto his knees.
“You have control over who you choose to marry, you have control over getting Nadia back, you have control over where you live, you have control over where you work.” *They list a few things that they hope will help him.* “I can help you remember.”
Edward shoves himself to his feet, moving back into the bathroom quietly. “M’fine…” He mumbles, fidgeting with his shirt and staring into the mirror.
“You’re not. Not at all.” *They stand up as well, and move so that they can adjust the towel so that it covers the mirror better.* “No, please don’t look in the mirror, that’s making you panic more.”
Edward frowns and glances back to the mirror. He flings his hands down and moves out of the room, shaking and tucking his arms around his chest.
“It’s making you go back there in your mind, your mind is telling you that’s where you are still, even though you’re remembering some things, a lot of the stuff is also muddying up in your head.” *They follow him, wringing their hands anxiously as they see how badly he’s shaking.* “I’m sorry, I really am trying to help you, I’m not trying to make things worse.”
Edward kicks at the floor, his wings fluttering out nervously. “Ya ain’t makin’ it worse.” Edward shakes his head, pacing around the room and lightly tugging at his curls.
“Well, how can I help?” *They continue to wring their hands anxiously, looking at him pace around the room.* “Do you need more water? Or tea. I can’t call make tea?”
Edward shakes his head. “Water please.” He drops onto the couch, tipping his head back, tears in his eyes. “M’sorry… I just… I just can’t…”
*They grab him a new water bottle, shaking their head quickly.* “You don’t have to apologize, we’ll work through it, it’ll be okay. Even if it takes a while, we’ll be okay.”
Edward takes the water and sips it, glancing down. He sinks shakily and nods. “I just hate this.”
“I know. I do too. Do you want me to stand or sit?” *They shift slightly from foot to foot, trying to get some of the anxiety that was in their body to calm down a little bit, blocking it out slowly.*
Edward shrugs and sits on the couch, sipping his water slowly. “Ya can sit with me.” He gives them an incredibly weak smile.
*They smile back, just as weak, and sit at the other end of the couch, wanting to give him comfort while still giving him space.* “Do you want to just sit here or do you want me to talk?”
Edward fiddles with the water, taking a few slow breaths. “Ya can talk.”
*They take a sip of their own water and clear their throat.* “Does it matter what I talk about? Do you want to hear about what Tony and I have been working on in his lab recently?”
Edward perks up slightly and nods. “I’d like that…”
*They smile softly, a real smile on their face.* “So we’ve been working on an old car, don’t ask me what kind, I have no clue. But we just finished fixing up a bunch of the wiring and now we’re gonna do a bunch of painting as well. Give it a new paint job, but add some designs as well. He’s gonna let me do some art work, which I’m really excited about.”
Edward nods slowly, poking at his knees. “That’s real cool.” He mumbles, shifting his wings closer.
“Do….do you have any projects that you’ve done with him? Do you want me to keep talking about mine?” *They watch his wings shift closer to them, but stay still so that he can decide if he wants to touch them or not.*
“No I haven’t… I don’t do projects, I don’t like labs.” Edward nudges them with his wing then tucks them around his body. “No it’s okay…”
*They look down as he nudges them and think for a second, racking their brain on what to say.* “Oh, you came over for dinner a few days, and had dinner with me and Carlos. April was with the kids, and it’s kinda weird for her anyways, so yeah. But we actually had a really nice dinner.”
Edward blinks a few times. “Carlos?” He tilts his head and scrunches his nose. “I kinda remember?”
*They freeze, copying his blinks.* “I-“ *Ohhhh boy.* “Do you…do you remember who Carlos is? How……how much do I need to explain about him?”
“Um… not really? He’s your… partner?” Edward tilts his head blinking. “You have a partner?”
“I…..do. Yeah. Ummm……I went undercover on a mission at hydra, and had to become his partner. And we had to get married, the whole thing. But we realized that……we really did become platonic partners. Like, he’s my soulmate. I’m not interested in anyone romantically or sexually, but he’s my….my person.” *They look at him as they explain, trying to gauge how much their explanation was making sense.*
“Oh.” Edward blinks rapidly, tugging a few loose feather out of his wings. “That’s… strange but okay… wasn’t expectin’ that.”
*They automatically move to pick up the feathers, putting them in their jacket pocket so they can take them home later.* “A lot of people think it’s strange since I’m aroace, but yeah. You found your person and I found mine.” *They pause and look at him for a minute.* “How…..where’s your mind right now? Like, what are you remembering?”
“Huh…” Edward watches them collect the feathers. He hums and tugs at a curl. “Rememberin’ more, but it all feels kinda,,, fuzzy.”
“Like you’re watching a staticky movie, something that isn’t quite blurry but isn’t clear either.” *They agree, looking at him, and then glance down at the feathers, flushing a light pink as they look away.* “I….it makes me feel close to you, when I’m not seeing you all the time anymore. So I collect them and keep them at my house.”
“Yeah.,, that’s exactly it.” Edward fiddles with his hair, a very small smile comes onto his face. “That’s sweet…”
“You teased me the first time you found me doing it. Well, you said it was sweet and then you teased me.” *They smile back, glad they could feel more of him present with them.* “What age is your brain telling you that you are right now?”
Edward smiles and laughs softly. “Oh, that makes sense J did that.” He blinks and looks to Anna, biting at his lip. “I dunno… young? Young twenties?”
“Does 24 count as young twenties?” *They ask him, starting to feel even more certain that he was coming back to them. A flicker of pain goes across their face, which they quickly try to ignore.*
“Kinda…? I feel more like twenty one or somethin’.” Edward sighs and stares at the wall. “My head just feels fuzzy.” He messes with his curls.
“Like….high? Did you take something?” *They hadn’t felt like it was something from drugs, that normally would have given them a little bit of a head rush too.* “Or did someone give you something?”
Edward’s head wips up and he gives them an incredibly dirty glare. “I’m not high.” He snaps angrily and looks away, tucking his knees to his chest. His eyes flick around the house, gnawing on his lip.
*They can’t quite bite back the quiet yelp that comes out when he glares at them, and they get up and move away from him, shaking as they walk to the kitchen, heaving in a breath.* “I’m sorry, I just…..sometimes the buzzing………I didn’t mean to suggest that you were-“
Edward looks away sharply, glaring at the wall. “It ain’t drugs.” He tucks into himself, shaking his head.
*They go silent, sliding down the counter. They shouldn’t have asked that, they were supposed to be helping him remember, not make things worse. Why were they so stupid, why did they-*
Edward curls up in the corner of the couch, nervously biting at his thumb, his mind feels like a complete mess, he lets out a very quiet whimper. “Anna… Anna-”
*Their head jerks up as soon as they hear his voice and are moving back over to him before they can register what’s happening. They sit down next to him, and look at him with tears in their eyes.* “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that, I was just trying to go through all the possible reasons that you could be feeling this out of it and-“
Edward’s curled up in a ball, sniffling and wiping at his eyes. “M’sorry…” He chokes out, taking a few shaky breaths.
“Can I…..can I hug you? Please?” *Gods, they really wanted a hug themselves, but they force themselves to hold still until he responds.*
“I can’t-” Edward takes a few slow breaths, he wraps his wing around them firmly. “That’s all I can do- M’sorry-"
“You don’t have to be sorry. I’m proud of you for putting up your boundaries.” *They smile, their eyes honest even as their chest hurts. His wing gave them a sense of relief, their chest loosening slightly.*
Edward nods shakily. “M’sorry I can’t give you more right now.” He tucks his wing firmly around them.
“I’m grateful for what you are willing to give me.” *They smile again, and look at him, their eyes full of guilt.* “I’m so sorry that I asked that, that I didn’t at least try to explain my question more, so it wouldn’t come off like it did.”
Edward shakes his head, biting at his thumb. “I shouldn’t have gotten so defensive. My minds just such a mess and I… I dunno, s’hard to think.”
“That makes sense. Do you have any idea when you started to feel like this today? Like, did something in particular trigger you?” *They look at him, and then curl up away from him with a slight groan as a tremor goes through their body.* “I’m fine. I-“ *Their body starts to seize, and a few minutes later starts to slow to an occasional twitch until they finally open their eyes and look at him with slightly unfocused eyes.* “Hi Sparkles.”
“I… I just saw my back. It’s triggerin’.” Edward watched out of the corners of his eye, chewing on his lip. “Hi….”
“Your back? Ohh. Well……maybe……….maybe we need to keep the mirror covered for now?” *They suggest, feeling like their brain was full of cotton candy.* “How long was I out for? Didn’t hit my head, right?”
Edward bites on his thumb, looking to the side. “Uh huh.” He tucks his wings close. “Only a second, ya didn’t hit anything.” He tugs at his feathers.
“Where are you now? Like, what are you remembering? And I think I might need to take a nap. I feel really tired.” *They really do need to take a nap, their brain feels like it’s running on the slowest speed possible.* “Where do you want me to sleep?”
Edward shrugs, tugging feathers out. “M’comin’ back to myself.” He whispers. He tanks at his curls and glances to Anna. “Ya can sleep on the couch.. s’fine.”
“If you’re gonna tug your feathers out, then can you put them in my jacket pocket so I can take them home later?” *Their eyes shut a few seconds later and within another couple of minutes, they’re asleep.*
Edward nods and nervously bites at his thumb, he bounces his legs against the floor, slowly getting up and looking into a mirror in the room.
*They groan an hour later, stirring and looking around in confusion.* “Sparkles? Edward? Are you still here?” *Maybe he had left with one of the kids or something?*
Edward looks up, he has a mug of tea, a mirror behind him, there’s a mug waiting for Anna. “Hiya…”
“Hey. Where…..where’s your brain right now?” *They ask him, taking a sip of the tea and smiling.* “It’s perfect, thank you.”
“M’doin’ better.” Edward says carefully, sipping his tea. He smiles a bit. “Glad ya like it.”
“Do you remember everything again?” *They look at him and then smile when he does.* “You seem a lot better.”
“Think so…” Edward plucks at a curl, twisting it around on his finger. “Feel a little better, that was… weird.”
“That was a little strange. I haven’t seen you go that far back in a while.” *They look at him with a small smile.* “How long did you let me sleep for?”
“I haven’t gone that far back in a long time. At least… on accident.” Edward gives them a very small smile, holding his arms out for a hug. “Bout’ an hour.”
*As soon as he opens his arms for a hug, they’re crawling towards him and just flop onto him with a sigh of relief.* “I don’t know if I was that helpful, honestly. I tried my best, but….what’s the best thing for you, when that happens?”
Edward instantly wraps his arms and wings around them, burying his face into their shoulder. “Mm… you were good, you were good. I dunno… I just feel so lost when all that happens, I’ve got no clue what’s goin’ on, touch is usually… hard. Oh- I must’ve said something- I said stuff bout’ the prison didn’t I-“
*They nod, taking note of everything and then shake their head.* “You didn’t say much about it, honestly. Just very vague details. And as soon as you showed any sign that I was overwhelming you at all, I tried to give you as much space as I could.”
Edward nods and takes a few slow breaths. “Okay… thank ya.” He whispers and tucks his wings close.
“Of course.” *They gently kiss his forehead and then tuck their head under his chin.* “You really are like weighted, heated blanket. Does April enjoy that too?”
Edward nods. “She does… she likes weighted things, m’actually not a fan of weighted things, which is ironic since I got the wings,”
“You’re not a fan….but you let me lay on you like a weighted blanket, how…..why do you let me do that, then?” *They look up at him in concern, already trying to squiggle out of his arms.*
Edward tugs them back instantly. “Cause ya need it. It ain’t bout’ what I like when ya ain’t feelin’ well and need some of this, it doesn’t cause my panic attacks or anything usually, so I’m fine to do it for ya”.
“But……but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Let go of me, just get a different weighted blanket and sit next to me.” *They stubbornly try to push themselves off of him again, not liking that they can’t get him to move at all.* “Edward-“
Open Roleplay [TWs for alchoholism]
To make the understatement of the century, it had been a rough few weeks. More accurately, it had been a few weeks from Hell, and Tony was drowning. Everything that could go wrong, did, and everyone who shouldn't pop up in his life decided to visit.
In fact, it had been an awful enough time, that Tony went to an AA meeting for the first time in close to a year. He steps out of the meeting hall, all tired eyes and a heavy slump to his shoulders, and stumbles against-- "What the hell are you doing here?"
*They stumble back a little too, but quickly catch themselves, holding onto their grocery bags.* “I was worried about you, so I followed you here after I finished my grocery shopping. Did the meeting just start or is it finished?”
Tony blinks. "It- just finished," he says, and its rare for them to see him look so.... rattled. "How did you know o was here?"
*They stare at him blankly for a second and then nod slowly.* “Okay, that’s good. What would be the most helpful thing to do now? And no, I didn’t see anything, but you’ve been super out of it at work, snappy with me for no reason and not in a fun way, and you’re Edward’s dad. You guys have similar patterns like this.”
"I don't know," Tony admits. "I can't think." He nods a little at that. Those were all reasonable explanations. "...Right. I'm sorry for.. snapping.. "
“Do you want me to choose? And I forgive you. The stuff that has been going on at work and your house have been shit.” *They shrug, their eyes still gentle and kind, and they shift slightly, putting down one of their grocery bags for a minute.* “I knew getting two things of juice was a bad idea, but whatever.”
Tony nods, eyes dazed. "Can you- um. Can I crash with you? Please?" He asks shakily, looking at them. "I can carry those if you need," he adds, rushing to be helpful.
*Their eyes soften and they smile at him gently.* “Of course. And yeah, that would be really helpful.” *They hand him the bag, wincing slightly and picking up the lighter one with a sigh of relief.* “Thank you. I was gonna make some homemade pizza for dinner tonight, does that sound okay to you?”
Tony takes the bag and walks with them towards their car. "Pizza sounds good," he says, because he isn't sure when he last ate and homemade always is.
*They glance around and then look back at him.* “Okay, so usually when I’m grocery shopping, I take a taxi to the house down the street, that way it’s not that far from my actual house to get the groceries home. Is that okay with you? Also, I refuse to put any mushrooms on my pizza.”
Tony hesitates. He doesn't want to be around people--. "I-.. okay?" He probably shouldn't drive, right. "...no mushroom is fine," he adds half-heartedly.
“We don’t have to, it’s just another 20 minute walk if we don’t get a taxi.” *They quickly reassure him, and then laugh.* “I can run back in the store and get a mushroom, so we can put it on half on it, if you want. It’s really not a problem.”
"That... yeah. Please." He doesn't want to have to deal with the driver. He shakes his head. "No, I just want to get.. somewhere that isn't here," he says softly.
*They soften and nod quickly.* “Okay, c’mon.” *They start to quickly walk, glancing at him every once in a while.* “Are…..do you want me to talk or be quiet right now?”
"Please talk. I dont want to think my own thoughts.' He walks after them, his eyes are baggy and tired.
“Okay. Well, you know how things are going with fixing your suit. Ummm, Steve and I are building some stuff together. That’s going pretty well. What else…..oh, my aim is getting better with my ninja stars and stuff.” *Anything and everything seems to be spilling out as they try to keep him distracted.*
Tony nods along, only hald listening but glad for the distraction anyway. "What are you and Steve building?" He asks.
“I can’t tell you that, because it’s a surprise for you.” *They smile at him, super excited to give it to him with Steve.*
A slight smile. "Yeah? That's.. that's nice." He nods a little, scrunching his eyes shut for a second as they walk. His head is throbbing, more from lack than from having drunk anything.
*They glance over at him with worried eyes, and pause to think for a second.* “Ummm….do you………do you want me to take some of the cravings from you? I’ve…I did it for Edward a few times and it seemed to help him for a while.”
Tony shakes his head. "It's alright. They'll... they'll go away." Not for a while, but.. they'll lessen. "I don't think relying on that is a good idea for me."
“Okay. That’s fair. I just wanted to offer.” *They can’t think of anything else ti say at the moment, so they start to sing some of his favorite songs under their breath. Singing in front of people still wasn’t their favorite thing, but they were trying to get more comfortable with it.*
Tony smiles weakly when he hears them singing. Its nice, like a soothing balm for the ache in his mind.
*They reach over and take his hand, squeezing it and then interlocking their fingers with his.* “You’re my favorite uncle and don’t tell Steve that, okay? This stays between you and me.”
"You're my favourite niece/nephew/whatever the right term is," Tony replies with a slight smile. He squeezes their hand back, even if his gaze is weary.
*They sway their hand gently with his, scrunching up their nose.* “I actually don’t know what the right term would be. Maybe the term changes, depending on the day?”
Tony nods. "I can do that. Worst case scenario you just decide you don't like it and I go back to saying 'slash' outloud." He shoots them a teasing smile.
*They snort, nudging their hip against his.* “You’re a dork, you know that?” *They set the bags down, digging around in their pockets for the keys.* “I’m wearing women’s pants, how am I still not finding them, the pockets aren’t that big, this-“
"I've been told," Tony replies dryly. His smile drops as he stops speaking though. It's too much effort for him to keep it on his face right now, given everything. "'S fine. I've got nowhere to be anyway."
*They look at him, guilt flashing across their face as they finally unlock the door and wait for him to go inside, to make sure that he feels steady enough to do that.* “I….I meant that in a teasing way. You…you mean the world to me, I’m sorry, I should have known that you would not feel like I could say things like that. Because it’s extremely hard when I’m in a similar headspace.”
"Mm, no i know," Tony says. "Im sorry. I'm just out of it. It has been a... not so fun couple of weeks and the one thing j really want to do, I cant do."
“You mean drink?” *Their voice is quiet, they haven’t approached the subject yet, even though they know that’s exactly what he’s been trying really hard to not do.* “There’s no alcohol at my house, I don’t know if that makes you feel better or worse, but-“
Tony nods, popping the 'p' as he answers, "Yup. Bought a big ole bottle of whiskey 'n everything." He glances at where his car is parked, then shrugs. "Probably better."
*They lock the door behind them, doing their usual routine of checking around the house and then start putting the groceries away.* “Well, thank you for coming with me and staying with me, even though I know it’s super hard.”
Tony nods. "Dont want to be alone. Don't want Steve to see me like this..." He trails off, staring blankly ahead of gim.
“I’m glad you trust me enough to come with me. Can you do me a favor and sit down, either in a chair in the kitchen or on the couch while I get us some coffee? I think I’m gonna have tea, but you can have whatever you want.” *They wait for him to decide, worried about how blankly he was staring, hoping that he could actually hear them.*
Tony nods a little. He response are slow, and the words are lethargic when he does speak. "...tea is fine." He moves to sit down on the couch while they make the drinks.
*They quickly make the drinks, setting his down in front of him and then sitting next to him, desperately trying to think of what to do now. He seemed like he was moving through molasses, and they weren’t really sure what they should do, how they should-*
"I can feel you staring at me," Tony says, turning to look at them. His gaze is heavy with exhaustion, hes clearly struggling.
“I’m sorry, I just…….I’ve never seen you……….okay, can you feel my hands right now? I might…………okay, I can help give you a reset if I take some energy and it’ll knock you out for a bit. I’ve gotten pretty good at controlling it, so do you want me to try that?” *They don’t want to push him, but it really does seem like that could help.*
Tony bites his lip, considering. He knows it probably isn't a very good idea, but... "Yeah, fuck, why not? I'm desperate at this point," he admits softly.
“Okay, let me know when I can start.” *They wait patiently, trying to make sure that he was ready and that he knew that he had full control over the situation.*
"Go ahead." He just wants to get this over with, and leans back on the couch with his eyes clenched shut.
*They start to take some of his energy, feeling the familiar buzz they got, stopping when they saw his muscles start to relax and melt into the couch a bit.* “How are you feeling now?”
Tony feels himself slump into the couch a little. He takes stock of how he feels. "..exhausted, but less like I'm going to go mad if I don't get a drink soon."
*They let out a sigh of relief, looking at him carefully.* “Well, that’s good. Do you need me to take more energy from you, so you can actually sleep?”
Tony shakes his head. "It's fine. I'm gonna... try and sleep like this," he decides. "Don't know if it'll work, but it only works half the time i'm alone on a good day anyway."
“Okay. I can put on something calming that we both like, like The Princess Bride.” *That had become a classic movie for them, because of Ari.*
Tony smiles. "That sounds perfect," he says, shuffling over onto the couch. He's half asleep already.
*They put it on, and start to gently play with his hair, humming quietly. They just hope that he falls asleep soon, they hate how miserable and exhausted he seemed, and they felt awful that they couldn’t really do more.*
Tony shifts so he's leaning against their shoulder. He isn't usually physical with them like this, usually it's more like them lying on him, but he clearly needed the comfort in that moment.
*When he leaned his head on their shoulder, they curl around him protectively, and continue to play with his hair, humming quietly and subconsciously kiss his forehead and they start to drift off themselves.*
Tony manages to get a few hours of decent sleep. Its better than he was expecting though maybe less than he hoped for. He gasps when he sits up. "Steve!?"
*They jerk awake, instantly moving so he can see them.* “No, it’s not Steve. It’s Anna, you’re at my house, you came to my house to rest. You’re okay, you’re safe though. I promise.”
Tony blinks blearily, rubbing at his head. He already has a hell of a headache. "Anna... oh. Right." memories come flooding back.
*They hand him some pain meds and a glass of water.* “I had a feeling that you were gonna need those. Do you want any food? I was gonna make breakfast. Or we can order something. Even though it’s…..5:17am, there’s plenty of places that we can order from.”
Tony shakes his head. "I'm not hungry." He pauses. "....actually, foood probably isn't a bad option." He swallows the pills, followed by some water. "It's Tuesday, right?"
“Do you want me to make something or order something?” *They mentally try to go over what they have in their kitchen and then freeze for a second, shaking their head.* “No….no, today’s Friday, Tony.”
"Just order something," Tony says, slumping down heavily into the couch. He drags a hand down his face and then looks at the. "Oh. Right. Course."
“You…..Tony, what happened? Why did you think it was Tuesday? Did you…..were you at the AA meeting because…..?” *They trail off, ordering a bunch of sweet and savory things for breakfast, not sure why they couldn’t just ask him.*
"I didn't drink," Tony says, a touch of defensiveness to the words that he can't quite help. "God, but did I get close. I'm lost for days for entirely non-alcoholic reasons."
“Okay, okay.” *They put their hands up, taking a small step backwards.* “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to get the full picture of what’s going on, so I understand what happened.”
He shakes his head. "It's fine. Its a fair assumption. I would've made the same assumption if I was the one talking to me...." he sighs. "It's just been a rough few weeks."
“What’s been going on, Tony?” *They look at him in concern, hating how small his voice had gotten.* “I’m here for you, I want to be able to help you.”
"Work is just a mess," Tony says with a grimace. "And you've seen what the news has been saying about me recently. Its jsut a lot. Its been a bad... and.." he trails off, helpless.
“Are there things that I need to be doing better or differently as your employee?” *They ask him, and grimace with him at the mention of the news.* “Yeah, they’ve been proper assholes. Were you out of it from feeling triggered? Or did you have a drink at some point recently and your body was going through super hard cravings?”
"No, not at all," Tony says quickly. He clenches his jaw slightly, mostly just to fend off the headache rapidly forming in his temples. "I didn't drink," he insists tightly. "I just-- wanted it."
*Seeing his jaw clench made them a little nervous but they press forward.* “Well, relapses happen, it’s not the end of the world if you did. And you should-“
"I didn't relapse!" Tony buries his face in his hands after snapping, trying very hard to keep his voice level. It still comes out a little louder, though. "I should what, Anna? What should I do?"
“I-“ *They freeze, instantly picking at their scabs and standing up to move closer to the kitchen.* “I……never mind.” *They were gonna explain that they hadn’t finished their thought, but they hadn’t heard that tone from him in a long time, if ever, and don’t want to say anything else that could shoot them in the foot.*
@unofficially-tonystark
"Yeah. Right." Tony looks away. He hadn't wanted to be in this situation. This was why he'd been avoiding people in the first place, he knew he got tetchy when people pushed him and h was in thi state of mind. It wasn't fair to everyone around him but he couldn't help it.
“I need to go pick up breakfast, I’ll be back in a few minutes. You can make coffee, you know where the shit is.” *Their voice is just tired, as they head out the front door and towards the empty house where they had things delivered. They loved both Tony and Edward fiercely, but both of them have been acting like this recently, and it was tiring. Tiring to try and keep themselves as calm as possible, all the time, with how much emotional input they get all the time? Fucking exhausting.*
Tony nods jerkily. Some part of him, distantly, feels bad for putting this on them, because he knows it drains them, but mostly he's too preoccupied keeping himself awake and simeltaneously holding himself back to be able to care.
*They get the food, and get back to the house, setting everything up on the table and glancing towards him.* “Can you please grab me the plates? And do you want to use the regular forks and stuff or the plastic ones?”
"Sure." Tony stands and grabs everything. He gets the regular forks, handing the utensils to them in silent answer of the question.
*So they were just gonna ignore what happened earlier? Okay, that was fine with them. They sit silently at the table, staring blankly at the food.* “You can dish up first, I’m not super hungry, I need to make some tea because I’m nauseous.” *They go to their electric kettle, waiting for the water to boil as they get their mug ready.*
"Alright," Tony says, not really up for more intense conversation. He dishes up two largish plates for the pair od them, his hands trembling as he does.
*They get their tea ready with shaky hands, and then sit down across from him, moving their food around ans not really eating anything. Their face goes headfirst into their food, an episode hitting, not really breathing since their nose is blocked with the food.*
Tony doesnt speak either, likewise not too hungry. He's eating for the sake of eating. "Anna?" He lifts up their head carefully. concerned now.
*Their body starts to feel less panicked now that they can breathe, and their episode starts to ease off and their eyes slowly open.* “Tony? What happened, why are you holding onto my head?”
"You had an episode," he tells them cautiously. He lets go of them once hes certain they can now support themselves.
“And I faceplanted into my food?” *They reach for a napkin, getting some of the food crumbs off of their face.* “At least we weren’t at a restaurant when that happened.”
