⌁ groups + people i stan: skz, bts (taekook biased), harry styles.
⌁ my writings are mainly hyunjin-centered because i am a simp. however, i am open to writing about anyone & anything when i have the inspiration! requests are currently closed, but feel free to send me an ask with anything you may want to see in the future 🪩 (skz, bts, h.s).
⌁ most (if not all) of my works are not suitable for minors, so please do not interact (MDNI).
— SUMMARY. In which Y/N wasn’t expecting to hook-up with her bias, and Hyunjin wasn’t expecting to fall in love with her
— GENRE. idol!hyunjin
— PAIRING. hwang hyunjin x fem!reader
— WC. 9.3k+
— WARNINGS/OTHER. cursing ; wine consumption (ofc) ; fluffy fluff (hyunjin’s so down bad. i love him) ; korean & italian dialogue ; jealous!y/n ; sexual tension ; smut consisting of: oral (f!receiving), fingering, squirting, possessive!hyun, sexual acts in a public area, both y/n & hyunjin are slightly intoxicated, lots of dirty talk & inner thoughts (from you know who)
NOTE. this has me giggling & kicking my mfing feeeeet 🤭 we love an obsessed man!!!! we love obsessed hyun!!!! also, please don’t hate me for the ending… i promise i will make it worth it <33
ᝰ NINE | SERIES M.LIST
Po ushi vlubitsya (Russian) — an idiom that literally translates to “fall in love up to your ears”
Three days somehow felt both impossibly short and infinitely longer than four years.
If someone had asked Hyunjin a week ago what reuniting with Y/N would’ve looked like, he would’ve probably imagined long silences, awkwardness, questions neither of them wanted to answer. Instead, they’d fallen into each other’s lives as though they had simply pressed pause four years ago instead of disappearing across continents.
The morning after the beach, they’d wandered through Florence together, much to his surprise.
She had insisted on doing some sight-seeing but still wanted to spend time with him, so she told him he could tag along with her. Hyunjin was a little hesitant about it, not wanting to make her uncomfortable or feel pressured into doing something she didn’t want to do, but he eventually said yes, which resulted in her coming back over to his hotel so she could put on some better clothes that could hide her better.
She had stood in front of the mirror, adjusting the brim of her bucket hat—his bucket hat—for the third time while Hyunjin watched from the couch, trying not to smile.
“Do I look stupid?”
He’d looked up from tying his shoes, stifling a laugh once she turned to face him fully. The sunglasses she had on were big, the hat covering almost her entire face, and she looked so fucking cute that he could just eat her, again.
Okay, bad joke. But he’d been thinking about his mouth on her pussy ever since they went back to his hotel room to wash the sand out of their asses after the beach and he made her cum twice with his tongue.
“No, you look cute.”
“You’re full of shit,” She said, tilting her head back so she could see him, “I look absolutely ridiculous.”
“You look like you’re on vacation.”
“I look like I’m hiding from the CIA.”
Hyunjin laughed, standing up to his full height, pushing the sleeves of his loose shirt up to his elbows, “I mean… that’s not entirely inaccurate.”
She shot him a look that had him biting back another smile. “You’re laughing because you don’t have to worry about being photographed with you.”
The smile had slipped from his face so quick at her comment, and he’d crossed the room before he’d really even thought about it. “Hey,” He said softly, his hands settled gently on her upper arms. She looked up at him the best way she could, and he’d taken her sunglasses off so he could see her better, “If you get uncomfortable today, we leave. I mean it.”
Y/N blinked, opening her mouth like she wanted to say something, but he interrupted her. “I don’t care where we are, or if we’ve only been somewhere for five minutes,” He held her eyes, his thumbs brushing lightly against her arms, “If you tell me you’re uncomfortable, we’re done. No questions.”
She had stared at him for a bit before she eventually smiled, and he had to pretend like it didn’t affect him.
“So bossy, Hyunjin.”
“You like me that way, though.”
She had laughed, and just like that, the nervousness eased from her shoulders. Not completely, but it was enough for them to spend the day wandering hidden streets instead of crowded piazzas.
They avoided the busiest parts of Florence, choosing quiet bookstores tucked into narrow alleys, tiny artisan shops where no one gave them a second glance, gardens overlooking the city where they could sit without worrying about cameras. Whenever someone walked by a little too slowly or glanced in Hyunjin’s direction for a second too long, he felt Y/N tense beside him. And every single time, he’d quietly shift closer, possessively, protectively.
And every single time, she’d relax again.
That night, they’d eaten dinner in his hotel room again. He ordered more room service and another expensive bottle of red wine that she kept swearing she didn’t need, but she drank, anyway. One glass in, and they were cuddling on his couch, talking about dreams they’d had before either of them knew what adulthood would actually feel like. Two glasses in, they were giggling and sneaking in kisses at the most random times. Three glasses in, and she was coming on his fingers and sucking his cock like it was her favorite thing in the fucking world.
He’d asked her to stay, fully prepared to take the couch so she could sleep comfortably on his bed. He told himself he only asked because it was nearing 1am and he didn’t feel comfortable with her leaving so late and slightly intoxicated, but he knew that was a lie. She had hesitated, and he hated how disappointed he felt when she politely, yet solemnly declined.
He had one of his personal drivers drop her off since he wasn’t allowed to, forcing them to walk her to her room and make sure she got inside safely. He didn’t sleep until she had messaged him off Instagram.
y/n: made it :)
hyunjin: Good.
hyunjin: You know, you wouldn’t of had to worry about texting me if you would’ve just stayed with me
y/n: careful, hyunjin. i might start to think that you’re becoming obsessed with me
The next day had somehow been even better.
They went to a private pasta-making class at a countryside villa just outside Florence, something Hyunjin had wanted to do while he was here, but got even better once he invited Y/N to come with him. The elderly chef had spoken almost no English, Y/N spoke almost no Italian, and Hyunjin spoke even less, which somehow resulted in one of the funniest afternoons he’d had in years.
Flour ended up literally anywhere and everywhere you could think of, all over the counter, the floor, and even in Y/N’s hair. Okay, he might have had something to do with that one, but she had it coming.
“I have people trusting me with medical decisions and I still can’t make a simple dish of pasta,” She’d gestured toward the ruined dough with the most endearing pout on her lips.
“I’m sure you’ll recover,” Hyunjin smirked in reply, taking a sip of his glass of wine Marco poured for them, “Maybe stick to boxed pasta in the meantime, though.”
Y/N had glared at him before flicking some flour in his face, and Hyunjin took it with that same smirk on his face like a pleased idiot. He’d let her dump the whole bag on him if she really wanted to.
A bit later, Y/N had excused herself to the bathroom to clean up a little, leaving Hyunjin and Marco in the center of all the flour and uncooked pasta. Hyunjin was in the middle of untying his apron when his voice startled him.
“Wife?”
Hyunjin blinked, “…Sorry?”
Marco pointed toward the hallway where Y/N had disappeared to, “The bella.” He then pointed back to Hyunjin, “Wife?”
Hyunjin had stared at him for a long second, his ears immediately warming once he had caught on to what he was trying to ask. “N-no,” He stuttered out, the answer coming out embarrassingly fast.
Marco looked confused, “No?”
“No. Not my wife.” He rubbed the back of his neck, laughing awkwardly.
Marco had nodded once, like he was in deep thought, and Hyunjin could just feel how red his face was. Did they really act like a married couple? Is this what people thought when they saw them together?
“Ah!” Marco snapped his fingers, his face brightening, “Girlfriend?”
Hyunjin snapped his gaze towards the hallway nervously, relieved to find that it was still empty. Because for some reason, this conversation had made him feel sixteen years old instead of twenty-something.
He had opened his mouth to reply, fully intending to awkwardly say no, but nothing came out. His mind had betrayed him instantly, because the image appeared in his head without permission.
Y/N sitting across from him at breakfast. Y/N laughing at him while flour covered half of her face. Y/N reaching for his hand without thinking too much of it. Y/N tucked safely beside him in the car.
It had only been a few days, but the idea no longer felt impossible. It was just pleasant. Dangerously pleasant.
Marco had watched him expectantly, waiting, that same wide and friendly grin on his face. And before common sense could intervene, he gave the tiniest shrug imaginable, biting back a grin.
“Ah!” He had clapped both of his flour-covered hands together, “Sì! È proprio bellissima, ragazzo mio!” (Yes! She really is beautiful, my boy).
Later, they drove further into the countryside for a private wine tasting. It was crisp and refreshing, and Hyunjin may or may not have been feeling extra sedimental from the slight buzz it gave him.
They’d walked between the vines afterward, talking about nothing important. Or maybe everything important, Hyunjin couldn’t decide. The only thing he was sure of was that never got tired of listening to her.
He liked the way her mind worked. He liked how observant she was, how thoughtful she was—how she’d stop walking whenever she found something beautiful to admire. She seemed to notice everything. He had wondered briefly if she noticed what was happening to him.
Hyunjin liked making her laugh. He liked the way she’d unconsciously reach for his hand in the backseat of the car, or scoot closer to him whenever they were beside each other. He liked how smart she was, how independent and stable she appeared in her life. And most importantly, he liked how she made him feel like he was just a normal guy from Seoul.
Even now, sitting at a tiny café tucked away in the less busy streets of Florence people watching with tiny porcelain cups of espresso in their hands, it felt normal, natural, as though she’d always belonged beside him.
There were only six smalls tables outside, all shaded beneath cream umbrellas. An elderly man sat alone with a newspaper, two university students were arguing over something in rapid Italian, and Y/N was sitting across from him looking so beautiful that he can’t look away.
She was dressed in an oversized linen button down over a simple sundress, his sunglasses perched on her nose, her hair tucked loosely beneath a scarf he bought for her at one of the shops nearby. Anyone walking by would probably assume they were just another couple on holiday, but if someone looks carefully enough, they might recognize him. He had dressed himself in a way where it was almost impossible, but the risk was still there. It was always still there.
“Hey,” Hyunjin murmurs softly, reaching his hand out to lay on top of hers across the table, “You okay?”
He’s been noticing that’s she’s a little on edge, watching people a second longer than necessary, and Hyunjin doesn’t blame her. He should have been doing the same thing, but he wasn’t.
She glances down at their hands before looking back at him, “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure,” She smiles at him, his thumb brushing softly against her knuckles, “I think I’m always going to look around, you know?”
“I know. And that’s okay.”
She smiles at him, squeezing his hand once before grabbing ahold of her espresso cup to take another sip. He instantly misses her touch, and for a second, he debates on reaching back out towards her, but ends up slouching back onto his seat instead. He can’t come across too clingy, which is very hard for him to do, considering the type of lover he is.
Wait, did he just say lover?
Fuck, he’s so down bad.
“He’s going to fall.”
Fall? Fall in love?
He’s confused at first until he realizes she’s not actually talking to him but simply stating her inner thoughts aloud. She’s watching as a little boy chases pigeons across the piazza, his mother calling after him in exasperated Italian.
“I think he’s indestructible.”
She laughs quietly, “I think his mom disagrees with you.”
He’s looking back at her now, and just like everyday this week, he completely forgot about the rest of the world.
She hasn’t noticed him staring yet, which is rare. Usually she catches him within seconds and will tease him about it until the only way he can shut her up is with his mouth or his cock, but today, she seems distracted. Her chin is resting lightly in her palm, the scarf she has wrapped around her head loosening with every brush of wind. There were a few curls that peeked through everytime the breeze drifts through the street, and she’d tuck them back behind her ear every time. Two minutes later, they’d fall right back into place.
It happens so often he finds himself just waiting for it.
A tiny smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. She didn’t even realize she was doing it. But he did, because of course, he always does.
The afternoon sun slips between two buildings, catching the side of her face for just a moment. It makes her look golden, warm, the light outlining the curve of her cheek before disappearing again.
He feels his fingers twitch instinctively and he recognizes the feeling immediately. It’s the same feeling that always came before he painted. His eyes are drawn to her lips, on the way they’re moving as she talks to him, and he’s reaching into his pants pocket to grab ahold of the pen he always carries around with him without interrupting the conversation. One of the café napkins sits on the table in front of him, and he pulls it towards him, slouching back more comfortably into the chair.
“Not this again,” She groans, and Hyunjin fights back a grin.
“Hm?”
“I’m not even going to ask if you’re listening to me because I know you aren’t.”
Hyunjin cocks a brow, not even looking up from his napkin, “You said Kat almost convinced herself that she could move to Italy. And then you said she would probably last about two days before she manages to accidentally insult someone’s grandmother.”
She’s quiet, and he smirks, letting his gaze rest on her for a second before flickering his eyes back down, “Have some faith in me, jagiya. I might just surprise you.”
She huffs, picking up her espresso cup and leaning back into the chair behind her. Her scarf falls at the movement, exposing the entire side of her face and her neck, and his eyes are instantly drawn to the large hickey he gave her on her neck. It faded a bit, but it was still there, still noticeable, still serving as a constant reminder that she’s his and no one else’s.
She moves the scarf back around her neck, and Hyunjin’s eyes darken ever so slightly at the action. “Don’t,” He mumbles out lowly, pausing his movements on the napkin. She freezes, hands gripping the scarf tightly. If he could see her eyes right now, he’d be almost certain that she’d be staring at him with that same doe-like gaze that always seemed to bring him straight down to his knees.
“Don’t hide it. Move the scarf back. I want to see my mark on you.”
She hesitates, and he cocks an eyebrow, daring her not to. She must see the blaze of fire in his eyes, because not even three seconds later, shes taking the scarf off completely, placing it in her bag.
“Mal jal deutne,” (You listen so well), He hums in approval, tapping his pen with his fingers, “Good girl.”
“Hyunjin,” She says his name breathlessly, shifting in her seat, “We’re in public.”
“And?” He replies back quickly, the corner of his lips tugging into a smirk, “I know the reason you want me to shut up is only because your pussy is drenching your cute little panties right now. Scared you’ll make a mess on the seat, jagiya?”
“Hyunjin,” She says his name again, and he thinks it’s definitely meant to be as a warning, but it comes out breathless and whiny and everything he wants to hear instead.
“Don’t worry, jagiya. If you make a mess on the seat, you know I’ll clean it up for you. I know how much you love my mouth on your pussy.”
“Hyunjin,” She gasps, shifting again in her seat, and he suppresses a moan from how heavenly his name sounds coming from her mouth.
“Or I could do it right now,” He slouches back in his seat, discreetly adjusting the semi that’s now forming in his pants, “I could easily slip underneath this table and clean up your mess. You want that, jagiya? Want me to get on my knees for you on this dirty ground and eat your pussy? Nobody would know, because you’d be such a good girl and stay quiet for me, wouldn’t you?”
“Hyunjin, please,” She whimpers out softly, like she doesn’t know what she’s actually begging for, and it drives him fucking insane.
She’s squirming in the chair, slouching back, legs opening and closing like she doesn’t know what to do with them. And Hyunjin’s mind is suddenly painting the prettiest image of what she’d look like coming all over his mouth.
He’s thinking of how eager she’d be, spreading her legs for him with zero hesitation. She’d grip at his hair, pull him right where she wants him, moan his name so prettily. He’d lap up every last bit of her, not stopping until she’s shaking and begging and drenching his entire fucking face.
I’d be so easy to just drop down and do just that. There’s not many people around, and it’s loud enough out here that any sounds they’d make would be muffled enough to not draw attention towards them. All he had to do was drop down and lift her dress up and bury himself inside her thighs.
But he can’t—he shouldn’t. Being outside like this is already too much of a risk in itself. His company may have loosened up on many things in their lives, but being caught eating pussy outside a tiny café in the middle of Florence might just cost him his entire career. He tells himself he’s holding off solely for that reason, but deep down, he really knows it’s because he’d probably lose his fucking mind if someone had managed to snap a picture of her pussy for the entire world to see. That possessive side of him simply wouldn’t allow that.
Hyunjin doesn’t like to share. Especially when it comes to Y/N.
He hums lightly, his gaze focusing on his mark he left on her briefly before he resumes his scribbling on the napkin in front of him. He sees her shifting again from his peripheral vision and bites back a grin, knowing he’s gotten her all riled up only for him to shut it down. What can he say? He’s a masochist, apparently.
“Hyunjin,” She says his name again, this time a little more desperate. He bites his bottom lip.
“Yes, jagiya?”
He can feel her glare burning holes into his skin, and it only makes his cock even heavier in his pants. It’s unfortunate he can’t do anything about that right now.
“Do you need something?” He asks once she remains quiet.
She huffs in response, crossing her arms in front of her chest. This time, he can’t hold his grin in, and he’s grinning with his tongue as he glances at her, “Don’t worry. You’ll get your chance at dinner later.”
“Dinner?”
“Yes, dinner,” He replies, tracing the outline of her lips on the napkin. He leans more into the chair, “I want to take you somewhere tonight. If you’ll let me.”
He peers up at her briefly, hating that he can’t see what she’s actually thinking because of the sunglasses she still has on. She’s not saying anything, and he feels his palms start to sweat. Fuck, he knew he shouldn’t have already booked a reservation.
“Where?”
The softness of that word has him looking back at her, and something pulls at his chest. “There’s a restaurant about an hour from Florence along the river. The same place I wanted to take you a few days ago,” He moves on to her eyes, his pen working quick against the napkin, “It’s beautiful,” Like you, “I really think you’d like it.”
“How beautiful?”
He hesitates, because he knows what she’s getting at. She seems to notice, because of course she does, letting out a quiet sigh as she leans across the table to face him, “Hyunjin.”
“Very beautiful. I had great recommendations.”
“That means it’s expensive,” She slouches back into her chair. She sighs again, “Hyunjin, I don’t want you to spend a ridiculous amount of money on me. You’ve already paid for enough things this week.”
“Yes, because I wanted to. Also, you paid for our coffee today.”
“Yeah, after I practically tackled you to the ground so you’d let me.”
Ah, yes. How could he forget that?
“Yeah, that was hot.”
“Hyunjin.”
Hyunjin sighs, flicking his wrist once more before placing his pen on the table. Without saying another word, he folds the napkin once, then slides it across the table until it gently bumps against her hand.
She looks down, “What’s this?”
He shrugs, reaching for his espresso, “Open it.”
Her fingers tremble as she opens it, and then she stops. He watches as she softly bites her lip, her cheeks heating to a beautiful shade of red, and he bites the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from doing something stupid like lean over and smash his lips against hers. Her head tilts down towards the drawing, then back towards him, then back down, then back at him.
“You…” Her voice comes out breathless, beautiful, “You drew me?”
Hyunjin places his cup up to his lips, smiling over the rim, “I did.”
She looks back down, “I didn’t even notice.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“You’re so talented, Hyunjin. Seriously,” She smiles, her fingertips carefully tracing the edge of the napkin, “It’s beautiful.”
“No,” He shakes his head gently, causing her to glance up at him, “You’re beautiful, Y/N.”
She glances up at him, almost shy now, before folding the napkin with infinitely more care than he’d used. She tucks it safely inside her bag, into the zippered compartment, like it was something precious. Seeing that made something warm settle quietly in his chest.
“You deserve beautiful things, Y/N,” He quietly says, his fingers twitching, the urge to grab onto her hands itching at his skin, “I like doing nice things for people, and I like doing nice things for you. I like making an evening feel special, I like dressing up, I like beautiful places and good wine and good food. But most of all, I like you.”
The slight confession sits heavy in the air around them. He didn’t mean to actually say that, but it was out now, so there’s no point in trying to take it back. Not that he would, anyway—those words are probably the most genuine words he’s ever uttered in his life.
He does like her, far more than he probably should. He does want to spoil her, to kiss her freely, to touch and claim her without the entire world knowing. He wants it more than he’s ever wanted anything in his entire life.
But what he wants most is to love someone, to be loved by someone who understands him. Who sees him for who he is, and not as the brand that he carries around on his shoulders. Who isn’t afraid to put him in his place and remind him that he doesn’t sit on this high horse that everyone seems to make him out to be.
Hyunjin knows he falls fast, he always has. He wears his heart on his sleeve, willing to give it to anyone who wants it. And even knowing that millions of people do want it, the fact that one of them could possibly be her triggers something deep in his chest.
“You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
Hyunjin blinks once before focusing his attention back towards her and away from his inner thoughts. She’s smiling at him, shaking her head fondly, her curls flowing wildly in the wind. She’s not perfect, by all means, but that’s exactly the reason he likes her so much.
“No,” He mumbles, reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear, letting his fingertips graze a little longer on the side of her face. Beautiful. “No, I’m not.”
“And you’ve already decided,” She leans more into his touch.
“I have,” He replies lowly, cupping her face with his hand, lightly tracing the softness of her cheeks, “I’ve already booked the reservation, actually.”
“Of course you have,” She grins at him, and he has no choice but to grin back. How could he not? “Let me guess, you bought me a nice dress to wear too, didn’t you?”
Hyunjin knows she meant it as a joke, but the grin on his face only grows. Of course he bought her a nice dress. Why wouldn’t he?
“Hyunjin,” She says his name sternly, teasing completely gone, “Hyunjin, please tell me you didn’t actually buy me a dress.”
He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly. He knows she’s pissed, but it’ll all be worth it once he sees her looking so pretty in elegant fabric that he’ll just rip off later.
She sighs dramatically, nervously glancing around before leaning away from his touch and back into her seat. He’s disappointed, for a second, but puts his hand down anyway. The sound of laughter behind them serves as a blunt reminder that they’re still in public, where anyone can see them at anytime.
She doesn’t say anything for a few moments, and he wonders briefly if she’s actually upset with him. He knows she doesn’t like him spending money on her, but doesn’t she realize that’s his love language? He likes nice things, so it’s only fair she has them, too.
He opens his mouth to apologize, to tell her just that, but she’s interrupting him before he gets the chance to.
“Don’t.” She points a finger at him, that same teasing glint back in her eyes. He closes his mouth, a soft smirk pulling at his lips.
“I’ll wear the dress you bought me, but only because I’ll feel bad if I don’t,” She lowers her finger, crossing her arms across her chest, pouting slightly, “But, you can’t buy me anything else on this trip. Fancy wine included. Okay?”
He rolls his eyes fondly, nodding his head slightly. Sure, he’d try his best not to if that’s what she really wanted, but he just wants her to have whatever she wants—wants her to live in the moment with him and not have to worry about anything else. Can you blame him for that?
“And, about dinner…” She trails off, holding his gaze for a few quiet seconds before smiling in a way that makes him feel like he’d won something far more valuable than an argument, “Yes. Take me to dinner, Hyunjin.”
For reasons he couldn’t quite explain, hearing those words makes his heart beat just a little bit faster than it has all afternoon.
By the time his driver pulled alongside the river, the sky had turned a deep blue that only existed for a few fleeting minutes after sunset.
The water reflects the lights from the old stone buildings lining the opposite bank, each ripple breaking the reflections into streaks of amber. A violinist somewhere farther down the promenade plays softly enough that the melody blended with the sound of the river itself.
Hyunjin steps out first. He practically bolts out of his seat, speed-walking to Y/N’s side of the car to open it before his driver even has the chance. Y/N is his date. He’ll be damned if he’s not the one helping her out of the car.
He gives Renaldo, his driver for today, a sheepish grin once he makes eye contact with him, an attempt to tell him that he’s sorry for getting out of the car while it was still moving and possibly drawing attention to himself, but also that he’s not really sorry. However, the grin is quickly wiped from his face once the door fully opens and Y/N looks up at him.
For a second, his brain simply stops. Even though he’s already seen her, she still manages to make him forget how to breathe.
The dress fits her perfectly, exactly the way he had imagined. It’s rich and deep beneath the evening lights, and when she actually takes his hand and stands up, he feels like he might just pass out. His eyes travel down her body, unable to stop it, and he swallows thickly at the sight. The fabric hugs her figure perfectly, tight in all the right places, falling gracefully to her ankles. The slit along one side of her leg reveals just enough skin whenever she moves, and he sucks in a deep breath at how smooth and plush her thigh looks, begging for him to bite and suck at it.
But what he notices most, is how happy she looks.
She’s looking at him with a fond expression, a little shy, her eyes bright and glazed over with adoration. It makes something warm settle in his chest knowing she’s looking at him that way—looking at him the same exact way he always looks at her. Hyunjin’s never felt this way about anyone before. He’s never met someone who captivated him as quickly and as deeply as she has. What he feels for her travels far along the horizon in front of them.
He just really hopes she feels the same way.
“Why do you keep staring at me?”
Hyunjin blinks once, twice, feeling the back of his neck grow hot. “I…” A laugh escapes him, but he can’t even be embarrassed because she has to know why at this point, “I can’t form words right now. Ask me in two minutes.”
Y/N rolls her eyes fondly, a soft giggle escaping her mouth as she holds up one side of her dress, squeezing his hand tighter, “You’re an idiot.”
“And you’re beautiful.”
She smiles at him, and it does nothing to settle the giddiness he feels in his body right now.
“I’ll admit,” She looks down towards her body briefly before glancing back at him, “This was a good choice. You have good taste.”
“That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” He places his free hand over his heart, clutching it dramatically.
“Oh, don’t let it get to your head. You’re an ambassador for Versace for a reason.”
“Oh,” Hyunjin grins cheekily, “I thought you didn’t keep up with me anymore, jagiya.”
She shoves him lightly, tip of her ears reddening slightly, “Oh, shut up. You know I’m still in the loop of most things.”
“Mhm, sure,” He grins wider once she avoids eye contact. He loves when she gets shy around him.
“You’ve been insufferable all day.” She mumbles once he starts to lead her towards the front doors.
“I’ve been charming.” He replies, guiding her up the stone stairs, being careful not to step on her dress or cause her to trip.
“You’ve been expensive.”
He holds the door open for her once they make it to the top, grinning cheekily, “I’ve been classy.”
“You’ve been boujee.”
“Can’t disagree with that one,” He snorts in amusement, slapping her ass lightly. She lets out a quiet yelp, jumping slightly, definitely not expecting him to do that, but obviously not hating it, either.
“Now, get inside and walk in front of me so I can watch your ass jiggle in this dress.”
She gapes at him for a moment, obviously not expecting that to come out of his mouth. Honestly, he didn’t mean to say that, it just came out. Okay, maybe he did mean to say that, but it’s true, so what can you expect? He’s just a man.
“As I said… insufferable,” She hisses at him quietly, letting go of his hand to walk around him. She stops in front of him, glancing back at him as she runs a hand against the curve of her ass, a teasing glint in her eyes, “Make sure to get a really good look at it now, Hyunnie, because you won’t be seeing it later.”
“Fucking tease,” He mumbles to himself, eyes zeroed in on how her ass moves in the dress. She’s swaying her hips more than usual, giving him his own personal show, and he fucking loves it.
He’s frozen in place for a second until she turns around to call him over, a knowing smirk tugging at her lips. The host is watching him expectantly, definitely catching him ogling her ass, but he can’t bring himself to care about that.
He smirks back at her, eyes staying on her as he walks forward, his hand coming up to rest on her lower back as he pulls her towards him. He gets a whiff of her sweet perfume, and he finds himself nuzzling his head into the side of her neck before planting a soft kiss there.
“Mr. Hwang,” The host smiles politely at them, and he smiles against her skin as she squirms a little in his grasp, slapping his arm lightly in what he assumes is to get his attention. He huffs, standing back up straight, keeping his hand on her back.
The host flickers his eyes from Hyunjin to Y/N and back to Hyunjin before widening his grin, “Buonasera! (Good evening). If you are ready, I can escort you to your table.”
“We’re ready,” Y/N answers with a polite smile before he could open his mouth. She squeezes his arm, “Grazie.”
“Prego, mia signora. (You’re welcome, my lady). Please, follow me.”
Hyunjin shuffles his feet as he follows them, his hand trailing down towards the curve of her ass. He hums, fingers dancing up and down against the soft fabric before he grips it in his hand. She lets out a quiet shriek at the feeling, and he suppresses a moan from how she feels in his hand.
“Hyunjin,” She says his name quietly as a warning, but he only grips it harder, giving it a light smack before letting go completely.
“Here is your table,” The host gestures towards the table right by the river, “Please, take a moment to look through the menu and your waitress will be here shortly. Would you like to start off with any wine?”
“Yes, we’d love to,” Hyunjin replies before Y/N can, ignoring the glare she sends him and pulling her chair out for her, “We’ll take a bottle of Chianti, please.”
“Perfect,” He nods politely, “I’ll get that out right away. Please, make yourselves comfortable, and we will be with you shortly.”
Hyunjin bows politely, offering him a thank you as Y/N sits down in her chair with a small huff. He grins, amused, walking over to his side of the table and sitting down. She’s still glaring at him, and she looks so fucking cute.
Sigh. He’s so down bad.
“I thought we agreed no more fancy wine.”
“It’s dinner, jagiya,” Hyunjin replies, pouring them both some water, “We have to have wine at dinner. Adds to the aesthetic, you know?”
Y/N sighs, shaking her head in amusement, glancing down to look at the menu. She frowns, and Hyunjin already knows what’s about to come out of her mouth.
“This is expensive,” She mumbles, glancing back at him.
“It’s fine,” He tries to brush it off, directing his attention to the waitress who’s now pouring wine in each of their glasses. She introduces herself, and Hyunjin nods politely, thanking her quietly.
Y/N watches her walk away, and then she’s looking back at him. “Hyunjin,” She starts, exasperated, and he quickly interrupts her.
“It’s fine, jagiya,” He stresses the words out, taking a sip of his wine. She’s watching him intently, and he can tell she’s uncomfortable. He sighs, placing the glass back down, “I want to do this for you. It’s a miracle you even agreed to come here with me in the first place. I like you, I want to spoil you some, so, please, let me.”
She bites her lip softly, and he’s drawn to the action. Her lips are a deep red, glossy, looking so inviting, and he really, really wants to kiss her right now. There’s nobody around, anyway, so what’s stopping him?
“I like you, too,” She says quietly, shyly, and he’s leaning over the table to place his lips on hers before he can think anything of it.
The words make him feel fuzzy inside, and he’s moving his lips against hers so gently, so passionately. She kisses him back almost instantly, and he smiles into her mouth, pulling back slowly, licking his lips as he glances down at her.
“Mhm, you taste so good, jagiya,” He mumbles, watching her neck turn the same exact shade as her pretty blush. He pecks her lips one more time just because he wants to before leaning back into his seat, straightening up like nothing even happened.
It feels good to kiss her so freely like this, without having to worry about where they are or who will see. He had booked the entire restaurant to himself in order to ensure privacy for this reason specifically. He wanted her to feel comfortable and he wanted her to enjoy herself, because she deserves it.
She deserves everything. If only she’d let him give her that.
“I was expecting this place to be crowded,” She glances around a bit, most likely taking everything in. The view was beautiful, he really can’t blame her. That’s one of the reasons he chose this place.
He hums in agreement, watching her look around in slight awe. Suddenly, she slows to a stop, flickering her eyes back at him.
The dining room was empty, every table is perfectly set up, candles are flickering against crisp white linen, fresh roses decorated on every table. A grand piano was playing softly in one corner, though the pianist was hidden from their view.
There wasn’t another guest anywhere in sight. He already knows what she’s about to ask.
She looks around once, twice, then slowly back towards him. “Where is everyone?”
He rubs the back of his neck. He knew she’d catch on. She always does.
“Sooo…”
She raises a brow, waiting. He bites his lip cheekily, shrugging his shoulders, “I booked the entire place for us. No big deal.”
Her mouth slowly opens, “You booked… the entire restaurant?”
“It seemed like the easiest solution.”
“Easiest?”
He sighs slouching back into his seat a little, fingers tracing the stem of his wine glass, “I just wanted you to be able to relax, Y/N. I know you’re still worried every time we go somewhere in public, so I wanted to make things better for you. For us.”
Her eyes drift back towards the river, to the candlelight, to the empty terrace waiting for them, and then back to him. “This is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me,” She says quietly, reaching out to grab ahold of his hand, “Thank you, Hyunjin. Seriously, thank you. For everything.”
She smiles at him, and it’s genuine and lovely and everything that makes him feel all mushy inside. And as she smiles at him from across the table, still holding his hand, he realizes that no amount of privacy, expensive dinners, or reserved restaurants had ever been what he actually wanted.
He only wanted this—an evening where she chose to sit across from him, and nowhere else.
The waitress comes back to re-introduce herself, to ask them if they need anything, and Hyunjin orders Bruschetta for them to share. Y/N doesn’t argue, doesn’t try to tell him they don’t need it, doesn’t remove her hand from his. She simply lets him, her shoulders relaxing significantly.
It wasn’t until the waitress walks away that Y/N lifts her glass of wine up with her free hand, smiling at him, “To Florence.”
“To second chances,” He replies lightly, their glasses clinking against each other ever so softly.
For a while, they simply enjoy the evening. They enjoy fresh pasta, sea bass, wine—lots of wine. Hyunjin drinks enough to where his head starts to spin ever so lightly and his face starts to feel hot.
Fuck, he’s drunk. And judging by how giggly and touchy Y/N is currently being, she is, too.
“I still can’t believe Chan and Kat managed to keep this entire thing from us,” Y/N giggles, her foot slowly traveling up and down his right leg. It’s driving him crazy, and he’s been trying to ignore it for the past thirty minutes.
“I can,” Hyunjin replies, feeling his throat go warm once he takes another sip of his wine, “Chan lies by omission. He just conveniently forgets information. Like, always.”
“Kat, too!” She exclaims loudly, leaning in towards him as she slams her hands on the table, “She is almost as insufferable as you! Her and Chan are literally the same person. Two peas in a pod.”
Hyunjin hums, “I guarantee they planned this.” And thank fuck they did.
“Yeah, they probably had a spreadsheet. Color-coordinated and everything. With timelines.”
Her words are slightly slurred, and it’s so fucking endearing. She’s so fucking endearing. “That seems excessive.”
“It is, but it’s Kat,” She runs her foot up his leg once more, and if she does it one more time, he might end up climbing over this table and force her to stop.
Hyunjin takes another sip of his wine to distract himself from the heat currently traveling up his entire body. He always feels like his body is on fire every time he’s around Y/N, but right now, it’s ten times worse.
“She keeps looking at you.”
Hyunjin blinks, confused, placing his wine glass down on the table, “Who?”
“The waitress,” Y/N nods to her left, and Hyunjin glances over to see her quickly put her head down, obviously being caught staring. He watches her for a second before she ends up glancing back up at him, only for her to quickly away once she was caught.
“Ariana?”
“Oh, I didn’t realize you were on a first name basis with our waitress,” Y/N grumbles in front of him, a slight frown on her lips as she focuses her attention on their waitress who’s still looking at him. One look at her, and he already knows she’s jealous.
The fact that she’s currently glaring down the waitress with her arms across her chest has him grinning mischievously. Honestly, he wasn’t expecting her to get jealous, considering the lifestyle he currently lives in, so this was a pleasant surprise. And he’d be lying if he said he hates it.
He wants her obsessed with him the same way he’s obsessed with her.
Hyunjin hums, leaning back into his chair, spreading his legs a little as he politely gestures for Ariana to come over to their table. Y/N notices instantly, snapping her head over towards him, the glare previously directed at Ariana now directed at him.
“Ariana,” He says her name politely, his grin widening once he feels Y/N kick his leg underneath the table.
Her face flushes into a deep red, stuttering out a, “Y-yes, sir?”
“Could you do something for me?” He asks gently, the side of his face blazing with Y/N’s hot gaze.
Ariana nods enthusiastically, and Hyunjin can tell that she’s doing her best to remain calm and professional. She’s shaking a little, and Hyunjin feels bad, but he has to do this so he can finally get what he wants.
He gestures for her to come closer, and she does slowly, in a mix of blushes and shakes and rapid breaths. He feels another kick to his leg, and it only adds to that flame inside him that’s only growing bigger by the minute.
“Can you give us a little bit of privacy, please? Maybe about thirty minutes or so? I’d greatly appreciate it.” He asks quietly, soft enough to where Y/N couldn’t hear him, innocent enough to where she wouldn’t suspect anything.
“O-oh, of course!” Ariana stutters out a reply, smiling down at him politely, “I will come check on you then. Enjoy!”
Hyunjin smiles out a thank you, watching as she walks away from them. He can still feel Y/N glaring at him, boring holes into the side of his face. She huffs in annoyance, probably to get his attention, but he doesn’t turn around. Not yet.
She grumbles something, no doubt cursing him out, and he bites back a grin. It wasn’t until Ariana had walked through the doors and was completely out of sight that he turns around to face her. She looks pissed off.
Perfect.
“Something wrong, jagiya?”
Y/N scoffs, angrily snatching up her wine glass and taking a nice, long sip, all while still shooting daggers into his skull.
Hyunjin leans up, resting his elbows on the table in front of them, humming lightly as he toys with the bottom of his lip with his fingertips, “Do you want to know what I told her?”
“No,” She replies quickly, obviously lying, and he smirks once she shifts a little in her seat, “I don’t care. Just seems a little rude to flirt with someone else when you’re on a date with me.”
Date. The word has his heart racing, and that giddiness he was feeling earlier only intensifies. He definitely sees this as a date, and he’s fucking ecstatic that she sees it the same.
Hyunjin cocks his head to the side, studying her intently, holding her gaze, “Wasn’t flirting. Was just asking her if she’d give us some privacy for a bit.”
“Privacy?” Her eyes narrow in on him, slightly confused, “F-for what?”
He leans in closer towards her, close enough that he can feel the warmness of her soft breaths against his lips. The candle is flickering below him, casting a perfect glow on her, adding more warmth to his body that’s already up in flames. She visibly gulps, her eyes glancing down towards his lips once, twice, before meeting his gaze. She’s nervous, he can tell, but there’s also something else there. Something that tends to darken his soul and consume every single inch of his skin.
He picks up his fork, twirling it in the air a couple times before dropping it to the floor. It lands with a soft clink.
“Oops,” He shrugs his shoulders, a shit-eating grin on his face, “Guess I better pick that up.”
Before she can even say anything, he’s pushing his seat back and standing up, his eyes darkening as she gaps up at him. “H-hyunjin… what…”
A strangled noise leaves her mouth once he drops down to his knees to climb underneath the table, lifting the white linen up to start crawling towards her. She shrieks quietly, her legs squeezing together so tightly as she attempts to scoot her chair back. He places his hands on her thighs, halting her movements, giving them a soft slap.
“I told you you’d get your chance at dinner. It’s dinner,” He smirks, rubbing the soft, plush skin of her thighs, “Now spread those legs for me, jagiya. Let me see how wet you are for me.”
She instantly obeys, spreading them wide, even going as far as to scoot to the edge of her seat. Hyunjin groans at how eager she is for him, bunching her dress up as high as it will go, the red lace of her thong barely covering her pussy, an obvious wet patch sitting right in the center.
“Hyunjin,” She gasps his name quietly, and he hums, fingers tracing up and down her clothed core as he licks his lips. Fuck, she’s perfect for him. So perfect.
“Yes, jagiya?”
“Please,” She squirms a bit more, her hands coming underneath the tablecloth to grip at his hair. She gives it a harsh tug, and he moans at the slight sting.
“Please, what?”
He leans in closer, licking a long stripe up her clothed core, groaning at the slight taste that grazes his tongue. She shivers above him, her body jerking, and he spreads her legs even further apart. Her panties cling to her pussy, barely covering her from him, wet and begging for him to get a proper taste.
She whimpers out his name, pulling his face closer to her pussy, tugging his hair harder, and Hyunjin groans lowly. He pulls his head back as she slightly loosens her grip, and then he’s grabbing ahold of the band of her panties, jerking it upwards, cursing at the sight of her pussy lips peeking out of the fabric.
“You know I like when you use your words, jagiya. You should know this by now.” He says lowly, the sound of her gasping and moaning ringing in his ears. He pulls a little tighter, and she’s squirming everywhere, hands gripping tightly at his hair.
She chokes out his name, and he hums, leaning in closer towards her, “I’ll say this again. Please what? What do you want from me, jagiya?”
“Y-you,” She gasps out, begging, pleading, “Please, Hyunjin. Please make me cum.”
He could have her beg a little more, have her moaning and crying and crumbling until he finally gives in, but he thinks he might die if he doesn’t taste her within the next five seconds.
He slides her panties to the side quickly, leaning in, eagerly licking up her pussy. She whines softly, lying her ankles on his back to push him forward, hands tugging his hair so hard that he’d be surprised if she didn’t pull some of his hair out. The taste of her on his tongue and the grip she has on his head causes his eyes to roll in the back of his head, a throaty groan falling from his lips. He could cum like this.
“Fuck, you taste so good,” He mumbles to himself, eyes mesmerized by how wet and pink she looks. Her pussy is glistening, so pretty and warm and perfect, and he’s leaning back in without a second thought, fucking his tongue into her.
“Hyunjin… fuck…” She whines softly, pulling his head even harder against her. He moans into her, lapping up and down and all around her pussy before flicking his tongue against her clit. She gasps, hips jerking off the chair, and he holds her hip down with one hand, his other trailing down to slip two fingers inside of her.
They slide in with ease, because of course they do. She’s drenching his face, drenching his fingers, moaning and withering above him like a good fucking girl. His good fucking girl.
“O-oh, Hyunjin, f-fuck… feels so good,” She moans out so sweetly, riding his face like she owns him. And she does. Fuck, she does. “Your mouth is so good. Always so good. Makes me cum so fast.”
His cock is rock hard in his pants. He feels like he’s going to bust if she doesn’t stop talking.
“Hyunjin, Hyunjin, yes, yes,” She chants the words over and over again, and fuck, he’s getting so close. Embarrassingly close to coming in his fucking pants.
He takes his left hand off of her hip to palm at his hard cock through his pants, desperate to relieve some of the pressure. It feels good, but it’s not enough, and he almost wants to just take his cock out so he can stroke it properly and cum all over her pussy.
Fuck. Now he’s thinking of his load coating her wet pussy and how pretty she’d look taking it. Maybe he’d fuck it into her, or maybe he’d lean down and lick it right the fuck up, tasting both of them on his tongue.
The thought has his pulse racing and his fingers thrusting faster inside her as he grabs his cock through his pants. He adds a third finger, maintaining a quick and steady pace as he flicks his tongue repeatedly over her swollen clit.
“Yes, yes, yes, right there, please, don’t stop,” She chokes out a sob, pulling and tugging and grinding even harder against him. He hums against her, sucking and licking and fucking her harder, and he sees stars once she calls out his name in a mix of pleas and whines and everything he loves to hear as she drenches his entire face.
He pulls his mouth back with a soft gasp, eyes instantly drawn to where she’s currently squirting all over his chin. He watches in awe, sticking his tongue out, moaning at the taste of her, wanting nothing more than to lick up every last drop of what she’s giving him.
“Yeah, jagiya, just like that,” He smirks, his fingers still thrusting inside of her as he works her through it, “Mhm, yeah. You’re coming so hard for me. Making such a mess all over me. Fuck, you’re gonna make me cum.”
One last tug against his cock and he’s doing just that. The mix of her taste and the sounds she’s making and how swollen and puffy her clit is—it’s enough to send him completely over the edge, and he’s shooting his load all in his pants and underwear, groaning loudly as he throws his head back, mouth gaped open in pure bliss.
He curses lowly, his fingers slipping out of her with a lewd sound that only heightens to his orgasm. He’s coming and coming and coming, the only thing on his mind being Y/N, Y/N, Y/N.
She whimpers his name out above him, her legs tense as she tries to close them, but he isn’t having any of that. He leans his mouth back in, lapping up every bit of her, marveling at the taste of her. Fuck, he can’t stop. He doesn’t want to stop. But he’s pretty sure he’s close to his thirty minutes of privacy being up, so he has to.
He groans in annoyance, resting his forehead against her inner thigh as he takes in a deep breath, trying to compose himself. He stays there for a few seconds before lifting his head up, trying to ignore the way her pussy is just begging for him to stuff it full with his cock. Now is not the time nor place for that, as much as it drives him crazy not to.
He pecks a quick kiss to her center before gently pulling her dress back down and crawling back out from underneath the table. He feels a little light-headed once he stands up to his full height, his knees and back throbbing a little from the uncomfortable position, but it was worth it. So fucking worth it.
“Are you okay?” He manages to pant out, seeing the dazed expression she has. Her eyes are glistening with tears, mascara running down her face, her chest rapidly rising and falling with each breath. He can feel his cock thickening in his pants once again but he can’t even be ashamed by that.
She glances down, probably noticing the giant wet patch and slight bulge that’s only growing by the second. No, she definitely notices, considering the way she’s practically undressing him with her eyes, and he finds himself reaching down to grab at his cock, wincing slightly as he very poorly adjusts himself in front of her.
Her eyes darken, and he’s about to ask the question again, when her voice stops him.
“Take me home, Hyunjin.”
He tries to blink through the slight haze he’s still in, a little confused at what she means by that. “Huh?”
She leans in, licking her lips as she trails her eyes all over him. She looks like she wants to devour him, and he’s more than happy to let her do whatever the fuck she wants with him.
“I said, take me home. If you don’t want me to fuck you with Ariana watching, then take. Me. Home.”
— SUMMARY. In which Y/N wasn’t expecting to hook-up with her bias, and Hyunjin wasn’t expecting to fall in love with her
— GENRE. idol!hyunjin, strangers-to-lovers au
— PAIRING. hwang hyunjin x fem!reader
— WC. 9.3k+
— WARNINGS/OTHER. cursing ; wine consumption (ofc) ; fluffy fluff (hyunjin’s so down bad. i love him) ; korean & italian dialogue ; jealous!y/n ; sexual tension ; smut consisting of: oral (f!receiving), fingering, squirting, possessive!hyun, sexual acts in a public area, both y/n & hyunjin are slightly intoxicated, lots of dirty talk & inner thoughts (from you know who)
NOTE. this has me giggling & kicking my mfing feeeeet 🤭 we love an obsessed man!!!! we love obsessed hyun!!!! also, please don’t hate me for the ending… i promise i will make it worth it <33
ᝰ NINE | SERIES M.LIST
Po ushi vlubitsya (Russian) — an idiom that literally translates to “fall in love up to your ears”
Three days somehow felt both impossibly short and infinitely longer than four years.
If someone had asked Hyunjin a week ago what reuniting with Y/N would’ve looked like, he would’ve probably imagined long silences, awkwardness, questions neither of them wanted to answer. Instead, they’d fallen into each other’s lives as though they had simply pressed pause four years ago instead of disappearing across continents.
The morning after the beach, they’d wandered through Florence together, much to his surprise.
She had insisted on doing some sight-seeing but still wanted to spend time with him, so she told him he could tag along with her. Hyunjin was a little hesitant about it, not wanting to make her uncomfortable or feel pressured into doing something she didn’t want to do, but he eventually said yes, which resulted in her coming back over to his hotel so she could put on some better clothes that could hide her better.
She had stood in front of the mirror, adjusting the brim of her bucket hat—his bucket hat—for the third time while Hyunjin watched from the couch, trying not to smile.
“Do I look stupid?”
He’d looked up from tying his shoes, stifling a laugh once she turned to face him fully. The sunglasses she had on were big, the hat covering almost her entire face, and she looked so fucking cute that he could just eat her, again.
Okay, bad joke. But he’d been thinking about his mouth on her pussy ever since they went back to his hotel room to wash the sand out of their asses after the beach and he made her cum twice with his tongue.
“No, you look cute.”
“You’re full of shit,” She said, tilting her head back so she could see him, “I look absolutely ridiculous.”
“You look like you’re on vacation.”
“I look like I’m hiding from the CIA.”
Hyunjin laughed, standing up to his full height, pushing the sleeves of his loose shirt up to his elbows, “I mean… that’s not entirely inaccurate.”
She shot him a look that had him biting back another smile. “You’re laughing because you don’t have to worry about being photographed with you.”
The smile had slipped from his face so quick at her comment, and he’d crossed the room before he’d really even thought about it. “Hey,” He said softly, his hands settled gently on her upper arms. She looked up at him the best way she could, and he’d taken her sunglasses off so he could see her better, “If you get uncomfortable today, we leave. I mean it.”
Y/N blinked, opening her mouth like she wanted to say something, but he interrupted her. “I don’t care where we are, or if we’ve only been somewhere for five minutes,” He held her eyes, his thumbs brushing lightly against her arms, “If you tell me you’re uncomfortable, we’re done. No questions.”
She had stared at him for a bit before she eventually smiled, and he had to pretend like it didn’t affect him.
“So bossy, Hyunjin.”
“You like me that way, though.”
She had laughed, and just like that, the nervousness eased from her shoulders. Not completely, but it was enough for them to spend the day wandering hidden streets instead of crowded piazzas.
They avoided the busiest parts of Florence, choosing quiet bookstores tucked into narrow alleys, tiny artisan shops where no one gave them a second glance, gardens overlooking the city where they could sit without worrying about cameras. Whenever someone walked by a little too slowly or glanced in Hyunjin’s direction for a second too long, he felt Y/N tense beside him. And every single time, he’d quietly shift closer, possessively, protectively.
And every single time, she’d relax again.
That night, they’d eaten dinner in his hotel room again. He ordered more room service and another expensive bottle of red wine that she kept swearing she didn’t need, but she drank, anyway. One glass in, and they were cuddling on his couch, talking about dreams they’d had before either of them knew what adulthood would actually feel like. Two glasses in, they were giggling and sneaking in kisses at the most random times. Three glasses in, and she was coming on his fingers and sucking his cock like it was her favorite thing in the fucking world.
He’d asked her to stay, fully prepared to take the couch so she could sleep comfortably on his bed. He told himself he only asked because it was nearing 1am and he didn’t feel comfortable with her leaving so late and slightly intoxicated, but he knew that was a lie. She had hesitated, and he hated how disappointed he felt when she politely, yet solemnly declined.
He had one of his personal drivers drop her off since he wasn’t allowed to, forcing them to walk her to her room and make sure she got inside safely. He didn’t sleep until she had messaged him off Instagram.
y/n: made it :)
hyunjin: Good.
hyunjin: You know, you wouldn’t of had to worry about texting me if you would’ve just stayed with me
y/n: careful, hyunjin. i might start to think that you’re becoming obsessed with me
The next day had somehow been even better.
They went to a private pasta-making class at a countryside villa just outside Florence, something Hyunjin had wanted to do while he was here, but got even better once he invited Y/N to come with him. The elderly chef had spoken almost no English, Y/N spoke almost no Italian, and Hyunjin spoke even less, which somehow resulted in one of the funniest afternoons he’d had in years.
Flour ended up literally anywhere and everywhere you could think of, all over the counter, the floor, and even in Y/N’s hair. Okay, he might have had something to do with that one, but she had it coming.
“I have people trusting me with medical decisions and I still can’t make a simple dish of pasta,” She’d gestured toward the ruined dough with the most endearing pout on her lips.
“I’m sure you’ll recover,” Hyunjin smirked in reply, taking a sip of his glass of wine Marco poured for them, “Maybe stick to boxed pasta in the meantime, though.”
Y/N had glared at him before flicking some flour in his face, and Hyunjin took it with that same smirk on his face like a pleased idiot. He’d let her dump the whole bag on him if she really wanted to.
A bit later, Y/N had excused herself to the bathroom to clean up a little, leaving Hyunjin and Marco in the center of all the flour and uncooked pasta. Hyunjin was in the middle of untying his apron when his voice startled him.
“Wife?”
Hyunjin blinked, “…Sorry?”
Marco pointed toward the hallway where Y/N had disappeared to, “The bella.” He then pointed back to Hyunjin, “Wife?”
Hyunjin had stared at him for a long second, his ears immediately warming once he had caught on to what he was trying to ask. “N-no,” He stuttered out, the answer coming out embarrassingly fast.
Marco looked confused, “No?”
“No. Not my wife.” He rubbed the back of his neck, laughing awkwardly.
Marco had nodded once, like he was in deep thought, and Hyunjin could just feel how red his face was. Did they really act like a married couple? Is this what people thought when they saw them together?
“Ah!” Marco snapped his fingers, his face brightening, “Girlfriend?”
Hyunjin snapped his gaze towards the hallway nervously, relieved to find that it was still empty. Because for some reason, this conversation had made him feel sixteen years old instead of twenty-something.
He had opened his mouth to reply, fully intending to awkwardly say no, but nothing came out. His mind had betrayed him instantly, because the image appeared in his head without permission.
Y/N sitting across from him at breakfast. Y/N laughing at him while flour covered half of her face. Y/N reaching for his hand without thinking too much of it. Y/N tucked safely beside him in the car.
It had only been a few days, but the idea no longer felt impossible. It was just pleasant. Dangerously pleasant.
Marco had watched him expectantly, waiting, that same wide and friendly grin on his face. And before common sense could intervene, he gave the tiniest shrug imaginable, biting back a grin.
“Ah!” He had clapped both of his flour-covered hands together, “Sì! È proprio bellissima, ragazzo mio!” (Yes! She really is beautiful, my boy).
Later, they drove further into the countryside for a private wine tasting. It was crisp and refreshing, and Hyunjin may or may not have been feeling extra sedimental from the slight buzz it gave him.
They’d walked between the vines afterward, talking about nothing important. Or maybe everything important, Hyunjin couldn’t decide. The only thing he was sure of was that never got tired of listening to her.
He liked the way her mind worked. He liked how observant she was, how thoughtful she was—how she’d stop walking whenever she found something beautiful to admire. She seemed to notice everything. He had wondered briefly if she noticed what was happening to him.
Hyunjin liked making her laugh. He liked the way she’d unconsciously reach for his hand in the backseat of the car, or scoot closer to him whenever they were beside each other. He liked how smart she was, how independent and stable she appeared in her life. And most importantly, he liked how she made him feel like he was just a normal guy from Seoul.
Even now, sitting at a tiny café tucked away in the less busy streets of Florence people watching with tiny porcelain cups of espresso in their hands, it felt normal, natural, as though she’d always belonged beside him.
There were only six smalls tables outside, all shaded beneath cream umbrellas. An elderly man sat alone with a newspaper, two university students were arguing over something in rapid Italian, and Y/N was sitting across from him looking so beautiful that he can’t look away.
She was dressed in an oversized linen button down over a simple sundress, his sunglasses perched on her nose, her hair tucked loosely beneath a scarf he bought for her at one of the shops nearby. Anyone walking by would probably assume they were just another couple on holiday, but if someone looks carefully enough, they might recognize him. He had dressed himself in a way where it was almost impossible, but the risk was still there. It was always still there.
“Hey,” Hyunjin murmurs softly, reaching his hand out to lay on top of hers across the table, “You okay?”
He’s been noticing that’s she’s a little on edge, watching people a second longer than necessary, and Hyunjin doesn’t blame her. He should have been doing the same thing, but he wasn’t.
She glances down at their hands before looking back at him, “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure,” She smiles at him, his thumb brushing softly against her knuckles, “I think I’m always going to look around, you know?”
“I know. And that’s okay.”
She smiles at him, squeezing his hand once before grabbing ahold of her espresso cup to take another sip. He instantly misses her touch, and for a second, he debates on reaching back out towards her, but ends up slouching back onto his seat instead. He can’t come across too clingy, which is very hard for him to do, considering the type of lover he is.
Wait, did he just say lover?
Fuck, he’s so down bad.
“He’s going to fall.”
Fall? Fall in love?
He’s confused at first until he realizes she’s not actually talking to him but simply stating her inner thoughts aloud. She’s watching as a little boy chases pigeons across the piazza, his mother calling after him in exasperated Italian.
“I think he’s indestructible.”
She laughs quietly, “I think his mom disagrees with you.”
He’s looking back at her now, and just like everyday this week, he completely forgot about the rest of the world.
She hasn’t noticed him staring yet, which is rare. Usually she catches him within seconds and will tease him about it until the only way he can shut her up is with his mouth or his cock, but today, she seems distracted. Her chin is resting lightly in her palm, the scarf she has wrapped around her head loosening with every brush of wind. There were a few curls that peeked through everytime the breeze drifts through the street, and she’d tuck them back behind her ear every time. Two minutes later, they’d fall right back into place.
It happens so often he finds himself just waiting for it.
A tiny smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. She didn’t even realize she was doing it. But he did, because of course, he always does.
The afternoon sun slips between two buildings, catching the side of her face for just a moment. It makes her look golden, warm, the light outlining the curve of her cheek before disappearing again.
He feels his fingers twitch instinctively and he recognizes the feeling immediately. It’s the same feeling that always came before he painted. His eyes are drawn to her lips, on the way they’re moving as she talks to him, and he’s reaching into his pants pocket to grab ahold of the pen he always carries around with him without interrupting the conversation. One of the café napkins sits on the table in front of him, and he pulls it towards him, slouching back more comfortably into the chair.
“Not this again,” She groans, and Hyunjin fights back a grin.
“Hm?”
“I’m not even going to ask if you’re listening to me because I know you aren’t.”
Hyunjin cocks a brow, not even looking up from his napkin, “You said Kat almost convinced herself that she could move to Italy. And then you said she would probably last about two days before she manages to accidentally insult someone’s grandmother.”
She’s quiet, and he smirks, letting his gaze rest on her for a second before flickering his eyes back down, “Have some faith in me, jagiya. I might just surprise you.”
She huffs, picking up her espresso cup and leaning back into the chair behind her. Her scarf falls at the movement, exposing the entire side of her face and her neck, and his eyes are instantly drawn to the large hickey he gave her on her neck. It faded a bit, but it was still there, still noticeable, still serving as a constant reminder that she’s his and no one else’s.
She moves the scarf back around her neck, and Hyunjin’s eyes darken ever so slightly at the action. “Don’t,” He mumbles out lowly, pausing his movements on the napkin. She freezes, hands gripping the scarf tightly. If he could see her eyes right now, he’d be almost certain that she’d be staring at him with that same doe-like gaze that always seemed to bring him straight down to his knees.
“Don’t hide it. Move the scarf back. I want to see my mark on you.”
She hesitates, and he cocks an eyebrow, daring her not to. She must see the blaze of fire in his eyes, because not even three seconds later, shes taking the scarf off completely, placing it in her bag.
“Mal jal deutne,” (You listen so well), He hums in approval, tapping his pen with his fingers, “Good girl.”
“Hyunjin,” She says his name breathlessly, shifting in her seat, “We’re in public.”
“And?” He replies back quickly, the corner of his lips tugging into a smirk, “I know the reason you want me to shut up is only because your pussy is drenching your cute little panties right now. Scared you’ll make a mess on the seat, jagiya?”
“Hyunjin,” She says his name again, and he thinks it’s definitely meant to be as a warning, but it comes out breathless and whiny and everything he wants to hear instead.
“Don’t worry, jagiya. If you make a mess on the seat, you know I’ll clean it up for you. I know how much you love my mouth on your pussy.”
“Hyunjin,” She gasps, shifting again in her seat, and he suppresses a moan from how heavenly his name sounds coming from her mouth.
“Or I could do it right now,” He slouches back in his seat, discreetly adjusting the semi that’s now forming in his pants, “I could easily slip underneath this table and clean up your mess. You want that, jagiya? Want me to get on my knees for you on this dirty ground and eat your pussy? Nobody would know, because you’d be such a good girl and stay quiet for me, wouldn’t you?”
“Hyunjin, please,” She whimpers out softly, like she doesn’t know what she’s actually begging for, and it drives him fucking insane.
She’s squirming in the chair, slouching back, legs opening and closing like she doesn’t know what to do with them. And Hyunjin’s mind is suddenly painting the prettiest image of what she’d look like coming all over his mouth.
He’s thinking of how eager she’d be, spreading her legs for him with zero hesitation. She’d grip at his hair, pull him right where she wants him, moan his name so prettily. He’d lap up every last bit of her, not stopping until she’s shaking and begging and drenching his entire fucking face.
I’d be so easy to just drop down and do just that. There’s not many people around, and it’s loud enough out here that any sounds they’d make would be muffled enough to not draw attention towards them. All he had to do was drop down and lift her dress up and bury himself inside her thighs.
But he can’t—he shouldn’t. Being outside like this is already too much of a risk in itself. His company may have loosened up on many things in their lives, but being caught eating pussy outside a tiny café in the middle of Florence might just cost him his entire career. He tells himself he’s holding off solely for that reason, but deep down, he really knows it’s because he’d probably lose his fucking mind if someone had managed to snap a picture of her pussy for the entire world to see. That possessive side of him simply wouldn’t allow that.
Hyunjin doesn’t like to share. Especially when it comes to Y/N.
He hums lightly, his gaze focusing on his mark he left on her briefly before he resumes his scribbling on the napkin in front of him. He sees her shifting again from his peripheral vision and bites back a grin, knowing he’s gotten her all riled up only for him to shut it down. What can he say? He’s a masochist, apparently.
“Hyunjin,” She says his name again, this time a little more desperate. He bites his bottom lip.
“Yes, jagiya?”
He can feel her glare burning holes into his skin, and it only makes his cock even heavier in his pants. It’s unfortunate he can’t do anything about that right now.
“Do you need something?” He asks once she remains quiet.
She huffs in response, crossing her arms in front of her chest. This time, he can’t hold his grin in, and he’s grinning with his tongue as he glances at her, “Don’t worry. You’ll get your chance at dinner later.”
“Dinner?”
“Yes, dinner,” He replies, tracing the outline of her lips on the napkin. He leans more into the chair, “I want to take you somewhere tonight. If you’ll let me.”
He peers up at her briefly, hating that he can’t see what she’s actually thinking because of the sunglasses she still has on. She’s not saying anything, and he feels his palms start to sweat. Fuck, he knew he shouldn’t have already booked a reservation.
“Where?”
The softness of that word has him looking back at her, and something pulls at his chest. “There’s a restaurant about an hour from Florence along the river. The same place I wanted to take you a few days ago,” He moves on to her eyes, his pen working quick against the napkin, “It’s beautiful,” Like you, “I really think you’d like it.”
“How beautiful?”
He hesitates, because he knows what she’s getting at. She seems to notice, because of course she does, letting out a quiet sigh as she leans across the table to face him, “Hyunjin.”
“Very beautiful. I had great recommendations.”
“That means it’s expensive,” She slouches back into her chair. She sighs again, “Hyunjin, I don’t want you to spend a ridiculous amount of money on me. You’ve already paid for enough things this week.”
“Yes, because I wanted to. Also, you paid for our coffee today.”
“Yeah, after I practically tackled you to the ground so you’d let me.”
Ah, yes. How could he forget that?
“Yeah, that was hot.”
“Hyunjin.”
Hyunjin sighs, flicking his wrist once more before placing his pen on the table. Without saying another word, he folds the napkin once, then slides it across the table until it gently bumps against her hand.
She looks down, “What’s this?”
He shrugs, reaching for his espresso, “Open it.”
Her fingers tremble as she opens it, and then she stops. He watches as she softly bites her lip, her cheeks heating to a beautiful shade of red, and he bites the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from doing something stupid like lean over and smash his lips against hers. Her head tilts down towards the drawing, then back towards him, then back down, then back at him.
“You…” Her voice comes out breathless, beautiful, “You drew me?”
Hyunjin places his cup up to his lips, smiling over the rim, “I did.”
She looks back down, “I didn’t even notice.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“You’re so talented, Hyunjin. Seriously,” She smiles, her fingertips carefully tracing the edge of the napkin, “It’s beautiful.”
“No,” He shakes his head gently, causing her to glance up at him, “You’re beautiful, Y/N.”
She glances up at him, almost shy now, before folding the napkin with infinitely more care than he’d used. She tucks it safely inside her bag, into the zippered compartment, like it was something precious. Seeing that made something warm settle quietly in his chest.
“You deserve beautiful things, Y/N,” He quietly says, his fingers twitching, the urge to grab onto her hands itching at his skin, “I like doing nice things for people, and I like doing nice things for you. I like making an evening feel special, I like dressing up, I like beautiful places and good wine and good food. But most of all, I like you.”
The slight confession sits heavy in the air around them. He didn’t mean to actually say that, but it was out now, so there’s no point in trying to take it back. Not that he would, anyway—those words are probably the most genuine words he’s ever uttered in his life.
He does like her, far more than he probably should. He does want to spoil her, to kiss her freely, to touch and claim her without the entire world knowing. He wants it more than he’s ever wanted anything in his entire life.
But what he wants most is to love someone, to be loved by someone who understands him. Who sees him for who he is, and not as the brand that he carries around on his shoulders. Who isn’t afraid to put him in his place and remind him that he doesn’t sit on this high horse that everyone seems to make him out to be.
Hyunjin knows he falls fast, he always has. He wears his heart on his sleeve, willing to give it to anyone who wants it. And even knowing that millions of people do want it, the fact that one of them could possibly be her triggers something deep in his chest.
“You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
Hyunjin blinks once before focusing his attention back towards her and away from his inner thoughts. She’s smiling at him, shaking her head fondly, her curls flowing wildly in the wind. She’s not perfect, by all means, but that’s exactly the reason he likes her so much.
“No,” He mumbles, reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear, letting his fingertips graze a little longer on the side of her face. Beautiful. “No, I’m not.”
“And you’ve already decided,” She leans more into his touch.
“I have,” He replies lowly, cupping her face with his hand, lightly tracing the softness of her cheeks, “I’ve already booked the reservation, actually.”
“Of course you have,” She grins at him, and he has no choice but to grin back. How could he not? “Let me guess, you bought me a nice dress to wear too, didn’t you?”
Hyunjin knows she meant it as a joke, but the grin on his face only grows. Of course he bought her a nice dress. Why wouldn’t he?
“Hyunjin,” She says his name sternly, teasing completely gone, “Hyunjin, please tell me you didn’t actually buy me a dress.”
He shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly. He knows she’s pissed, but it’ll all be worth it once he sees her looking so pretty in elegant fabric that he’ll just rip off later.
She sighs dramatically, nervously glancing around before leaning away from his touch and back into her seat. He’s disappointed, for a second, but puts his hand down anyway. The sound of laughter behind them serves as a blunt reminder that they’re still in public, where anyone can see them at anytime.
She doesn’t say anything for a few moments, and he wonders briefly if she’s actually upset with him. He knows she doesn’t like him spending money on her, but doesn’t she realize that’s his love language? He likes nice things, so it’s only fair she has them, too.
He opens his mouth to apologize, to tell her just that, but she’s interrupting him before he gets the chance to.
“Don’t.” She points a finger at him, that same teasing glint back in her eyes. He closes his mouth, a soft smirk pulling at his lips.
“I’ll wear the dress you bought me, but only because I’ll feel bad if I don’t,” She lowers her finger, crossing her arms across her chest, pouting slightly, “But, you can’t buy me anything else on this trip. Fancy wine included. Okay?”
He rolls his eyes fondly, nodding his head slightly. Sure, he’d try his best not to if that’s what she really wanted, but he just wants her to have whatever she wants—wants her to live in the moment with him and not have to worry about anything else. Can you blame him for that?
“And, about dinner…” She trails off, holding his gaze for a few quiet seconds before smiling in a way that makes him feel like he’d won something far more valuable than an argument, “Yes. Take me to dinner, Hyunjin.”
For reasons he couldn’t quite explain, hearing those words makes his heart beat just a little bit faster than it has all afternoon.
By the time his driver pulled alongside the river, the sky had turned a deep blue that only existed for a few fleeting minutes after sunset.
The water reflects the lights from the old stone buildings lining the opposite bank, each ripple breaking the reflections into streaks of amber. A violinist somewhere farther down the promenade plays softly enough that the melody blended with the sound of the river itself.
Hyunjin steps out first. He practically bolts out of his seat, speed-walking to Y/N’s side of the car to open it before his driver even has the chance. Y/N is his date. He’ll be damned if he’s not the one helping her out of the car.
He gives Renaldo, his driver for today, a sheepish grin once he makes eye contact with him, an attempt to tell him that he’s sorry for getting out of the car while it was still moving and possibly drawing attention to himself, but also that he’s not really sorry. However, the grin is quickly wiped from his face once the door fully opens and Y/N looks up at him.
For a second, his brain simply stops. Even though he’s already seen her, she still manages to make him forget how to breathe.
The dress fits her perfectly, exactly the way he had imagined. It’s rich and deep beneath the evening lights, and when she actually takes his hand and stands up, he feels like he might just pass out. His eyes travel down her body, unable to stop it, and he swallows thickly at the sight. The fabric hugs her figure perfectly, tight in all the right places, falling gracefully to her ankles. The slit along one side of her leg reveals just enough skin whenever she moves, and he sucks in a deep breath at how smooth and plush her thigh looks, begging for him to bite and suck at it.
But what he notices most, is how happy she looks.
She’s looking at him with a fond expression, a little shy, her eyes bright and glazed over with adoration. It makes something warm settle in his chest knowing she’s looking at him that way—looking at him the same exact way he always looks at her. Hyunjin’s never felt this way about anyone before. He’s never met someone who captivated him as quickly and as deeply as she has. What he feels for her travels far along the horizon in front of them.
He just really hopes she feels the same way.
“Why do you keep staring at me?”
Hyunjin blinks once, twice, feeling the back of his neck grow hot. “I…” A laugh escapes him, but he can’t even be embarrassed because she has to know why at this point, “I can’t form words right now. Ask me in two minutes.”
Y/N rolls her eyes fondly, a soft giggle escaping her mouth as she holds up one side of her dress, squeezing his hand tighter, “You’re an idiot.”
“And you’re beautiful.”
She smiles at him, and it does nothing to settle the giddiness he feels in his body right now.
“I’ll admit,” She looks down towards her body briefly before glancing back at him, “This was a good choice. You have good taste.”
“That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me,” He places his free hand over his heart, clutching it dramatically.
“Oh, don’t let it get to your head. You’re an ambassador for Versace for a reason.”
“Oh,” Hyunjin grins cheekily, “I thought you didn’t keep up with me anymore, jagiya.”
She shoves him lightly, tip of her ears reddening slightly, “Oh, shut up. You know I’m still in the loop of most things.”
“Mhm, sure,” He grins wider once she avoids eye contact. He loves when she gets shy around him.
“You’ve been insufferable all day.” She mumbles once he starts to lead her towards the front doors.
“I’ve been charming.” He replies, guiding her up the stone stairs, being careful not to step on her dress or cause her to trip.
“You’ve been expensive.”
He holds the door open for her once they make it to the top, grinning cheekily, “I’ve been classy.”
“You’ve been boujee.”
“Can’t disagree with that one,” He snorts in amusement, slapping her ass lightly. She lets out a quiet yelp, jumping slightly, definitely not expecting him to do that, but obviously not hating it, either.
“Now, get inside and walk in front of me so I can watch your ass jiggle in this dress.”
She gapes at him for a moment, obviously not expecting that to come out of his mouth. Honestly, he didn’t mean to say that, it just came out. Okay, maybe he did mean to say that, but it’s true, so what can you expect? He’s just a man.
“As I said… insufferable,” She hisses at him quietly, letting go of his hand to walk around him. She stops in front of him, glancing back at him as she runs a hand against the curve of her ass, a teasing glint in her eyes, “Make sure to get a really good look at it now, Hyunnie, because you won’t be seeing it later.”
“Fucking tease,” He mumbles to himself, eyes zeroed in on how her ass moves in the dress. She’s swaying her hips more than usual, giving him his own personal show, and he fucking loves it.
He’s frozen in place for a second until she turns around to call him over, a knowing smirk tugging at her lips. The host is watching him expectantly, definitely catching him ogling her ass, but he can’t bring himself to care about that.
He smirks back at her, eyes staying on her as he walks forward, his hand coming up to rest on her lower back as he pulls her towards him. He gets a whiff of her sweet perfume, and he finds himself nuzzling his head into the side of her neck before planting a soft kiss there.
“Mr. Hwang,” The host smiles politely at them, and he smiles against her skin as she squirms a little in his grasp, slapping his arm lightly in what he assumes is to get his attention. He huffs, standing back up straight, keeping his hand on her back.
The host flickers his eyes from Hyunjin to Y/N and back to Hyunjin before widening his grin, “Buonasera! (Good evening). If you are ready, I can escort you to your table.”
“We’re ready,” Y/N answers with a polite smile before he could open his mouth. She squeezes his arm, “Grazie.”
“Prego, mia signora. (You’re welcome, my lady). Please, follow me.”
Hyunjin shuffles his feet as he follows them, his hand trailing down towards the curve of her ass. He hums, fingers dancing up and down against the soft fabric before he grips it in his hand. She lets out a quiet shriek at the feeling, and he suppresses a moan from how she feels in his hand.
“Hyunjin,” She says his name quietly as a warning, but he only grips it harder, giving it a light smack before letting go completely.
“Here is your table,” The host gestures towards the table right by the river, “Please, take a moment to look through the menu and your waitress will be here shortly. Would you like to start off with any wine?”
“Yes, we’d love to,” Hyunjin replies before Y/N can, ignoring the glare she sends him and pulling her chair out for her, “We’ll take a bottle of Chianti, please.”
“Perfect,” He nods politely, “I’ll get that out right away. Please, make yourselves comfortable, and we will be with you shortly.”
Hyunjin bows politely, offering him a thank you as Y/N sits down in her chair with a small huff. He grins, amused, walking over to his side of the table and sitting down. She’s still glaring at him, and she looks so fucking cute.
Sigh. He’s so down bad.
“I thought we agreed no more fancy wine.”
“It’s dinner, jagiya,” Hyunjin replies, pouring them both some water, “We have to have wine at dinner. Adds to the aesthetic, you know?”
Y/N sighs, shaking her head in amusement, glancing down to look at the menu. She frowns, and Hyunjin already knows what’s about to come out of her mouth.
“This is expensive,” She mumbles, glancing back at him.
“It’s fine,” He tries to brush it off, directing his attention to the waitress who’s now pouring wine in each of their glasses. She introduces herself, and Hyunjin nods politely, thanking her quietly.
Y/N watches her walk away, and then she’s looking back at him. “Hyunjin,” She starts, exasperated, and he quickly interrupts her.
“It’s fine, jagiya,” He stresses the words out, taking a sip of his wine. She’s watching him intently, and he can tell she’s uncomfortable. He sighs, placing the glass back down, “I want to do this for you. It’s a miracle you even agreed to come here with me in the first place. I like you, I want to spoil you some, so, please, let me.”
She bites her lip softly, and he’s drawn to the action. Her lips are a deep red, glossy, looking so inviting, and he really, really wants to kiss her right now. There’s nobody around, anyway, so what’s stopping him?
“I like you, too,” She says quietly, shyly, and he’s leaning over the table to place his lips on hers before he can think anything of it.
The words make him feel fuzzy inside, and he’s moving his lips against hers so gently, so passionately. She kisses him back almost instantly, and he smiles into her mouth, pulling back slowly, licking his lips as he glances down at her.
“Mhm, you taste so good, jagiya,” He mumbles, watching her neck turn the same exact shade as her pretty blush. He pecks her lips one more time just because he wants to before leaning back into his seat, straightening up like nothing even happened.
It feels good to kiss her so freely like this, without having to worry about where they are or who will see. He had booked the entire restaurant to himself in order to ensure privacy for this reason specifically. He wanted her to feel comfortable and he wanted her to enjoy herself, because she deserves it.
She deserves everything. If only she’d let him give her that.
“I was expecting this place to be crowded,” She glances around a bit, most likely taking everything in. The view was beautiful, he really can’t blame her. That’s one of the reasons he chose this place.
He hums in agreement, watching her look around in slight awe. Suddenly, she slows to a stop, flickering her eyes back at him.
The dining room was empty, every table is perfectly set up, candles are flickering against crisp white linen, fresh roses decorated on every table. A grand piano was playing softly in one corner, though the pianist was hidden from their view.
There wasn’t another guest anywhere in sight. He already knows what she’s about to ask.
She looks around once, twice, then slowly back towards him. “Where is everyone?”
He rubs the back of his neck. He knew she’d catch on. She always does.
“Sooo…”
She raises a brow, waiting. He bites his lip cheekily, shrugging his shoulders, “I booked the entire place for us. No big deal.”
Her mouth slowly opens, “You booked… the entire restaurant?”
“It seemed like the easiest solution.”
“Easiest?”
He sighs slouching back into his seat a little, fingers tracing the stem of his wine glass, “I just wanted you to be able to relax, Y/N. I know you’re still worried every time we go somewhere in public, so I wanted to make things better for you. For us.”
Her eyes drift back towards the river, to the candlelight, to the empty terrace waiting for them, and then back to him. “This is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me,” She says quietly, reaching out to grab ahold of his hand, “Thank you, Hyunjin. Seriously, thank you. For everything.”
She smiles at him, and it’s genuine and lovely and everything that makes him feel all mushy inside. And as she smiles at him from across the table, still holding his hand, he realizes that no amount of privacy, expensive dinners, or reserved restaurants had ever been what he actually wanted.
He only wanted this—an evening where she chose to sit across from him, and nowhere else.
The waitress comes back to re-introduce herself, to ask them if they need anything, and Hyunjin orders Bruschetta for them to share. Y/N doesn’t argue, doesn’t try to tell him they don’t need it, doesn’t remove her hand from his. She simply lets him, her shoulders relaxing significantly.
It wasn’t until the waitress walks away that Y/N lifts her glass of wine up with her free hand, smiling at him, “To Florence.”
“To second chances,” He replies lightly, their glasses clinking against each other ever so softly.
For a while, they simply enjoy the evening. They enjoy fresh pasta, sea bass, wine—lots of wine. Hyunjin drinks enough to where his head starts to spin ever so lightly and his face starts to feel hot.
Fuck, he’s drunk. And judging by how giggly and touchy Y/N is currently being, she is, too.
“I still can’t believe Chan and Kat managed to keep this entire thing from us,” Y/N giggles, her foot slowly traveling up and down his right leg. It’s driving him crazy, and he’s been trying to ignore it for the past thirty minutes.
“I can,” Hyunjin replies, feeling his throat go warm once he takes another sip of his wine, “Chan lies by omission. He just conveniently forgets information. Like, always.”
“Kat, too!” She exclaims loudly, leaning in towards him as she slams her hands on the table, “She is almost as insufferable as you! Her and Chan are literally the same person. Two peas in a pod.”
Hyunjin hums, “I guarantee they planned this.” And thank fuck they did.
“Yeah, they probably had a spreadsheet. Color-coordinated and everything. With timelines.”
Her words are slightly slurred, and it’s so fucking endearing. She’s so fucking endearing. “That seems excessive.”
“It is, but it’s Kat,” She runs her foot up his leg once more, and if she does it one more time, he might end up climbing over this table and force her to stop.
Hyunjin takes another sip of his wine to distract himself from the heat currently traveling up his entire body. He always feels like his body is on fire every time he’s around Y/N, but right now, it’s ten times worse.
“She keeps looking at you.”
Hyunjin blinks, confused, placing his wine glass down on the table, “Who?”
“The waitress,” Y/N nods to her left, and Hyunjin glances over to see her quickly put her head down, obviously being caught staring. He watches her for a second before she ends up glancing back up at him, only for her to quickly away once she was caught.
“Ariana?”
“Oh, I didn’t realize you were on a first name basis with our waitress,” Y/N grumbles in front of him, a slight frown on her lips as she focuses her attention on their waitress who’s still looking at him. One look at her, and he already knows she’s jealous.
The fact that she’s currently glaring down the waitress with her arms across her chest has him grinning mischievously. Honestly, he wasn’t expecting her to get jealous, considering the lifestyle he currently lives in, so this was a pleasant surprise. And he’d be lying if he said he hates it.
He wants her obsessed with him the same way he’s obsessed with her.
Hyunjin hums, leaning back into his chair, spreading his legs a little as he politely gestures for Ariana to come over to their table. Y/N notices instantly, snapping her head over towards him, the glare previously directed at Ariana now directed at him.
“Ariana,” He says her name politely, his grin widening once he feels Y/N kick his leg underneath the table.
Her face flushes into a deep red, stuttering out a, “Y-yes, sir?”
“Could you do something for me?” He asks gently, the side of his face blazing with Y/N’s hot gaze.
Ariana nods enthusiastically, and Hyunjin can tell that she’s doing her best to remain calm and professional. She’s shaking a little, and Hyunjin feels bad, but he has to do this so he can finally get what he wants.
He gestures for her to come closer, and she does slowly, in a mix of blushes and shakes and rapid breaths. He feels another kick to his leg, and it only adds to that flame inside him that’s only growing bigger by the minute.
“Can you give us a little bit of privacy, please? Maybe about thirty minutes or so? I’d greatly appreciate it.” He asks quietly, soft enough to where Y/N couldn’t hear him, innocent enough to where she wouldn’t suspect anything.
“O-oh, of course!” Ariana stutters out a reply, smiling down at him politely, “I will come check on you then. Enjoy!”
Hyunjin smiles out a thank you, watching as she walks away from them. He can still feel Y/N glaring at him, boring holes into the side of his face. She huffs in annoyance, probably to get his attention, but he doesn’t turn around. Not yet.
She grumbles something, no doubt cursing him out, and he bites back a grin. It wasn’t until Ariana had walked through the doors and was completely out of sight that he turns around to face her. She looks pissed off.
Perfect.
“Something wrong, jagiya?”
Y/N scoffs, angrily snatching up her wine glass and taking a nice, long sip, all while still shooting daggers into his skull.
Hyunjin leans up, resting his elbows on the table in front of them, humming lightly as he toys with the bottom of his lip with his fingertips, “Do you want to know what I told her?”
“No,” She replies quickly, obviously lying, and he smirks once she shifts a little in her seat, “I don’t care. Just seems a little rude to flirt with someone else when you’re on a date with me.”
Date. The word has his heart racing, and that giddiness he was feeling earlier only intensifies. He definitely sees this as a date, and he’s fucking ecstatic that she sees it the same.
Hyunjin cocks his head to the side, studying her intently, holding her gaze, “Wasn’t flirting. Was just asking her if she’d give us some privacy for a bit.”
“Privacy?” Her eyes narrow in on him, slightly confused, “F-for what?”
He leans in closer towards her, close enough that he can feel the warmness of her soft breaths against his lips. The candle is flickering below him, casting a perfect glow on her, adding more warmth to his body that’s already up in flames. She visibly gulps, her eyes glancing down towards his lips once, twice, before meeting his gaze. She’s nervous, he can tell, but there’s also something else there. Something that tends to darken his soul and consume every single inch of his skin.
He picks up his fork, twirling it in the air a couple times before dropping it to the floor. It lands with a soft clink.
“Oops,” He shrugs his shoulders, a shit-eating grin on his face, “Guess I better pick that up.”
Before she can even say anything, he’s pushing his seat back and standing up, his eyes darkening as she gaps up at him. “H-hyunjin… what…”
A strangled noise leaves her mouth once he drops down to his knees to climb underneath the table, lifting the white linen up to start crawling towards her. She shrieks quietly, her legs squeezing together so tightly as she attempts to scoot her chair back. He places his hands on her thighs, halting her movements, giving them a soft slap.
“I told you you’d get your chance at dinner. It’s dinner,” He smirks, rubbing the soft, plush skin of her thighs, “Now spread those legs for me, jagiya. Let me see how wet you are for me.”
She instantly obeys, spreading them wide, even going as far as to scoot to the edge of her seat. Hyunjin groans at how eager she is for him, bunching her dress up as high as it will go, the red lace of her thong barely covering her pussy, an obvious wet patch sitting right in the center.
“Hyunjin,” She gasps his name quietly, and he hums, fingers tracing up and down her clothed core as he licks his lips. Fuck, she’s perfect for him. So perfect.
“Yes, jagiya?”
“Please,” She squirms a bit more, her hands coming underneath the tablecloth to grip at his hair. She gives it a harsh tug, and he moans at the slight sting.
“Please, what?”
He leans in closer, licking a long stripe up her clothed core, groaning at the slight taste that grazes his tongue. She shivers above him, her body jerking, and he spreads her legs even further apart. Her panties cling to her pussy, barely covering her from him, wet and begging for him to get a proper taste.
She whimpers out his name, pulling his face closer to her pussy, tugging his hair harder, and Hyunjin groans lowly. He pulls his head back as she slightly loosens her grip, and then he’s grabbing ahold of the band of her panties, jerking it upwards, cursing at the sight of her pussy lips peeking out of the fabric.
“You know I like when you use your words, jagiya. You should know this by now.” He says lowly, the sound of her gasping and moaning ringing in his ears. He pulls a little tighter, and she’s squirming everywhere, hands gripping tightly at his hair.
She chokes out his name, and he hums, leaning in closer towards her, “I’ll say this again. Please what? What do you want from me, jagiya?”
“Y-you,” She gasps out, begging, pleading, “Please, Hyunjin. Please make me cum.”
He could have her beg a little more, have her moaning and crying and crumbling until he finally gives in, but he thinks he might die if he doesn’t taste her within the next five seconds.
He slides her panties to the side quickly, leaning in, eagerly licking up her pussy. She whines softly, lying her ankles on his back to push him forward, hands tugging his hair so hard that he’d be surprised if she didn’t pull some of his hair out. The taste of her on his tongue and the grip she has on his head causes his eyes to roll in the back of his head, a throaty groan falling from his lips. He could cum like this.
“Fuck, you taste so good,” He mumbles to himself, eyes mesmerized by how wet and pink she looks. Her pussy is glistening, so pretty and warm and perfect, and he’s leaning back in without a second thought, fucking his tongue into her.
“Hyunjin… fuck…” She whines softly, pulling his head even harder against her. He moans into her, lapping up and down and all around her pussy before flicking his tongue against her clit. She gasps, hips jerking off the chair, and he holds her hip down with one hand, his other trailing down to slip two fingers inside of her.
They slide in with ease, because of course they do. She’s drenching his face, drenching his fingers, moaning and withering above him like a good fucking girl. His good fucking girl.
“O-oh, Hyunjin, f-fuck… feels so good,” She moans out so sweetly, riding his face like she owns him. And she does. Fuck, she does. “Your mouth is so good. Always so good. Makes me cum so fast.”
His cock is rock hard in his pants. He feels like he’s going to bust if she doesn’t stop talking.
“Hyunjin, Hyunjin, yes, yes,” She chants the words over and over again, and fuck, he’s getting so close. Embarrassingly close to coming in his fucking pants.
He takes his left hand off of her hip to palm at his hard cock through his pants, desperate to relieve some of the pressure. It feels good, but it’s not enough, and he almost wants to just take his cock out so he can stroke it properly and cum all over her pussy.
Fuck. Now he’s thinking of his load coating her wet pussy and how pretty she’d look taking it. Maybe he’d fuck it into her, or maybe he’d lean down and lick it right the fuck up, tasting both of them on his tongue.
The thought has his pulse racing and his fingers thrusting faster inside her as he grabs his cock through his pants. He adds a third finger, maintaining a quick and steady pace as he flicks his tongue repeatedly over her swollen clit.
“Yes, yes, yes, right there, please, don’t stop,” She chokes out a sob, pulling and tugging and grinding even harder against him. He hums against her, sucking and licking and fucking her harder, and he sees stars once she calls out his name in a mix of pleas and whines and everything he loves to hear as she drenches his entire face.
He pulls his mouth back with a soft gasp, eyes instantly drawn to where she’s currently squirting all over his chin. He watches in awe, sticking his tongue out, moaning at the taste of her, wanting nothing more than to lick up every last drop of what she’s giving him.
“Yeah, jagiya, just like that,” He smirks, his fingers still thrusting inside of her as he works her through it, “Mhm, yeah. You’re coming so hard for me. Making such a mess all over me. Fuck, you’re gonna make me cum.”
One last tug against his cock and he’s doing just that. The mix of her taste and the sounds she’s making and how swollen and puffy her clit is—it’s enough to send him completely over the edge, and he’s shooting his load all in his pants and underwear, groaning loudly as he throws his head back, mouth gaped open in pure bliss.
He curses lowly, his fingers slipping out of her with a lewd sound that only heightens to his orgasm. He’s coming and coming and coming, the only thing on his mind being Y/N, Y/N, Y/N.
She whimpers his name out above him, her legs tense as she tries to close them, but he isn’t having any of that. He leans his mouth back in, lapping up every bit of her, marveling at the taste of her. Fuck, he can’t stop. He doesn’t want to stop. But he’s pretty sure he’s close to his thirty minutes of privacy being up, so he has to.
He groans in annoyance, resting his forehead against her inner thigh as he takes in a deep breath, trying to compose himself. He stays there for a few seconds before lifting his head up, trying to ignore the way her pussy is just begging for him to stuff it full with his cock. Now is not the time nor place for that, as much as it drives him crazy not to.
He pecks a quick kiss to her center before gently pulling her dress back down and crawling back out from underneath the table. He feels a little light-headed once he stands up to his full height, his knees and back throbbing a little from the uncomfortable position, but it was worth it. So fucking worth it.
“Are you okay?” He manages to pant out, seeing the dazed expression she has. Her eyes are glistening with tears, mascara running down her face, her chest rapidly rising and falling with each breath. He can feel his cock thickening in his pants once again but he can’t even be ashamed by that.
She glances down, probably noticing the giant wet patch and slight bulge that’s only growing by the second. No, she definitely notices, considering the way she’s practically undressing him with her eyes, and he finds himself reaching down to grab at his cock, wincing slightly as he very poorly adjusts himself in front of her.
Her eyes darken, and he’s about to ask the question again, when her voice stops him.
“Take me home, Hyunjin.”
He tries to blink through the slight haze he’s still in, a little confused at what she means by that. “Huh?”
She leans in, licking her lips as she trails her eyes all over him. She looks like she wants to devour him, and he’s more than happy to let her do whatever the fuck she wants with him.
“I said, take me home. If you don’t want me to fuck you with Ariana watching, then take. Me. Home.”
“Yes, dinner,” He replies, tracing the outline of her lips on the napkin. He leans more into the chair, “I want to take you somewhere tonight. If you’ll let me.”
He peers up at her briefly, hating that he can’t see what she’s actually thinking because of the sunglasses she still has on. She’s not saying anything, and he feels his palms start to sweat. Fuck, he knew he shouldn’t have already booked a reservation.
“Where?”
The softness of that word has him looking back at her, and something pulls at his chest. “There’s a restaurant about an hour from Florence along the river. The same place I wanted to take you a few days ago,” He moves on to her eyes, his pen working quick against the napkin, “It’s beautiful,” Like you, “I really think you’d like it.”
“How beautiful?”
He hesitates, because he knows what she’s getting at. She seems to notice, because of course she does, letting out a quiet sigh as she leans across the table to face him, “Hyunjin.”
“Very beautiful. I had great recommendations.”
“That means it’s expensive,” She slouches back into her chair. She sighs again, “Hyunjin, I don’t want you to spend a ridiculous amount of money on me. You’ve already paid for enough things this week.”
“Yes, because I wanted to. Also, you paid for our coffee today.”
“Yeah, after I practically tackled you to the ground so you’d let me.”
Ah, yes. How could he forget that?
“Yeah, that was hot.”
“Hyunjin.”
Hyunjin sighs, flicking his wrist once more before placing his pen on the table. Without saying another word, he folds the napkin once, then slides it across the table until it gently bumps against her hand.
She looks down, “What’s this?”
He shrugs, reaching for his espresso, “Open it.”
Her fingers tremble as she opens it, and then she stops. He watches as she softly bites her lip, her cheeks heating to a beautiful shade of red, and he bites the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from doing something stupid like lean over and smash his lips against hers. Her head tilts down towards the drawing, then back towards him, then back down, then back at him.
“You…” Her voice comes out breathless, beautiful, “You drew me?”
Hyunjin places his cup up to his lips, smiling over the rim, “I did.”
She looks back down, “I didn’t even notice.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“You’re so talented, Hyunjin. Seriously,” She smiles, her fingertips carefully tracing the edge of the napkin, “It’s beautiful.”
“No,” He shakes his head gently, causing her to glance up at him, “You’re beautiful, Y/N.”
She glances up at him, almost shy now, before folding the napkin with infinitely more care than he’d used. She tucks it safely inside her bag, into the zippered compartment, like it was something precious. Seeing that made something warm settle quietly in his chest.
“You deserve beautiful things, Y/N,” He quietly says, his fingers twitching, the urge to grab onto her hands itching at his skin, “I like doing nice things for people, and I like doing nice things for you. I like making an evening feel special, I like dressing up, I like beautiful places and good wine and good food. But most of all, I like you.”
i’m going to LA tomorrow for a wedding this weekend and won’t be back until early next week, so i won’t have time to write during that time. i’m hoping to have chapter eight out by next weekend, though!
— SUMMARY. In which Y/N wasn’t expecting to hook-up with her bias, and Hyunjin wasn’t expecting to fall in love with her
— GENRE. idol!hyunjin, strangers-to-lovers au
— PAIRING. hwang hyunjin x fem!reader
— WC. 8.6k+
— WARNINGS/OTHER. cursing ; mentions of depression & anxiety ; mentions of toxicity of idol life ; possessive!hyunjin ; sexual tension ; smut consisting of: dry humping, fingering, f!masturbation, oral (m!receiving), deep-throating, sexual acts in a public area, lots of dirty talk
NOTE. my reactions while writing this chapter 🥰😅😏😩🥵🤭😮💨💦🫣
EIGHT | SERIES M.LIST
Hanaemi 花笑み (Japanese) — “the flowering smile” or “the smile of flowers” in old Japanese. It is a smile that is as beautiful as blooming flowers
Hyunjin thinks he could spend the rest of his life chasing days like this. That thought arrives unexpectedly.
It’s not dramatic, necessarily, but more so of the kind of thought that sneaks up on you when you’re sitting on a private beach somewhere along the Italian coast watching sunlight dance across the water while the woman you’ve spent four years trying to forget laughs beside you.
The beach itself is hidden away from the main coastline. One of his friends owns property nearby and arranged access to a section that’s practically impossible for tourists to reach. There’s no public entrance, no paparazzi, no strangers—it’s just them.
And it feels so good.
Hyunjin has come to know exactly when Y/N starts getting nervous, because he’s spent most of the past twenty-four hours paying attention to her. He noticed it when him and his driver picked her up earlier this morning in a completely blacked out SUV, glancing around in slight paranoia as she all but rushed to climb into the backseat. He noticed it when she sat down beside him, her eyes flickering everywhere but at him at first. And he noticed it when they got out of the car, together, as she pulled her sun hat down to cover her face, making sure to keep her distance as they headed towards the sand.
He would be lying if he said it didn’t make him feel like shit, but he gets it. He had spent most of his idol life doing the same thing, and still finds himself doing that now, especially when he’s back home in Seoul. Being seen with him causes for a recipe of disaster, and it’s a lot, so he gets it.
She shouldn’t have to think about things like that. Nobody should, but especially not her.
But just like he can tell when she’s nervous, he can also tell when she’s comfortable. And really, he’s just relieved that he can make her feel that way.
They talked the entire ride here. The entire two hours. There was no awkward pauses, no uncomfortable silences, no painfully searching for topics of conversation. It was easy, it was effortless, and it was natural in a way that almost surprises him.
They talked about New York, about her work, about Italy, about how Chan and Kat somehow remain incapable of minding their own business. She told him about horror stories in the ER, (her words, not his), and he told her about the time Felix almost burned the dorm down a week after they debuted.
Stories turned into memories, which then turned into little details about the last four years. And sometime during the drive, Hyunjin realized something that caught him completely off guard.
He didn’t feel any kind of pressure around her, not the pressure that constantly seems to weigh heavy on his chest he ends up carrying everywhere else. Here, with her, there’s no performance, no expectation, no version of himself he has to maintain.
The realization is so rare it almost hurts.
They’ve been lying on the beach for about two hours now, stretched out on towels in the warm sand. The early afternoon sun is warming everything around them, the ocean stretching endlessly ahead. He glances over towards where Y/N is lying, peering at her through his sunglasses, and Hyunjin realizes very quickly that he has a slight problem, because she won’t stop being so beautiful.
As soon as she walked out the front doors of her hotel this morning, he knew he was a goner. She was wearing a flowy white dress that hug her body so perfectly and fell off her shoulders so elegantly that it instantly had him questioning his existence. He could see the straps from the bikini on her shoulders and could make out the outline of her body underneath it, and once she sat down beside him in the backseat, he had to say a quick prayer that he wouldn’t get a hard-on just from her presence alone.
The image has been haunting him for what felt like hours. The way the fabric moved in the breeze once they stepped back out of the car, the sunlight catching in her hair, the easy smile she’d gave him when she kicked her sandals off in the sand and slipped her dress over her head—it all was making him feel crazy. At one point, he’d genuinely forgotten how to speak, which she found hilarious, unfortunately.
Now, she’s lying beside him in a bikini that hides little to the imagination and his situation has become worse. Significantly worse.
She’s talking about something, he thinks. Her mouth is moving, her hands lightly tracing circles on her bare stomach, her gaze focused on the sky in the front of them, and Hyunjin is drawn into every single movement she’s currently making. Except everything she’s saying right now is currently going through one ear and right out the other, along with his sanity.
Honestly, he’s trying. He really is. But the problem is that her bikini is barely hiding anything on her body. It’s tight and revealing in all the right places and Hyunjin can’t seem to focus on anything else but how slick and plush her skin looks from her sweat and the tanning oil she rubbed on herself earlier and how he really wants to lean over and bite at the belly button ring that’s shining in the sun. She didn’t have that before, and he thinks it might be one of the hottest things he’s seen on a woman yet. Or maybe it’s because it’s on her.
Really, he should be ashamed of himself. He’s a twenty-six year old man, yet he’s acting like he’s a teenager.
He closes his eyes briefly, willing himself to get it the fuck together. Really, it’s all fine. As long as she doesn’t turn to lay on her stomach or stand up and stick her ass in his face, he’ll be good. He can deal with this.
It’s almost like she just knows what he’s thinking, as she ends up shifting her body on the towel beneath her, slowly turning her body around so she can lay on her stomach.
A strangled noise escapes his mouth before he can help it, and she’s turning her head to glance over at him, a slightly confused expression on her face, “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” He strains out, eyes zeroed in on how plump her ass looks. The bikini bottoms she’s wearing barely cover it, and he’s thankful his sunglasses are hiding his eyes, “Sorry.”
Her lips quirk as she pulls her own sunglasses down on the bridge of her nose, tilting her head down to stare at him, “Are you sure? You look uncomfortable.”
She’s teasing him, he knows it. And it’s not making things better.
He huffs out a short laugh, turning to lay on his stomach so he can attempt to hide his growing erection, “I’m not uncomfortable. I’m perfectly fine.”
Her smile grows, and lets out a little hum before pushing her sunglasses back up, “Whatever you say.”
Her words have his face heating up, and he shifts a little on the towel, discreetly trying to adjust himself in his swim trunks. God, this is embarrassing. Why is he so fucking embarrassing?
“You stopped listening to me earlier, you know?”
Hyunjin blinks, trying to reset his brain. She’s still staring at him, amused, knowing, and he knows theres no way he can deny it.
“Damn it.”
Her grin widens, “I knew it. Knew you weren’t listening to me for the past ten minutes.”
“For the record, I was listening. Somewhat.”
“You absolutely were not.”
“I got most of it.”
“You got none of it.”
Hyunjin sighs dramatically, accepting his defeat, and she laughs loudly, head tilting back. The sound carries across the empty stretch of the beach, bright and warm and dangerous, because he loves hearing it, more than he probably should.
“You were staring. It’s okay to admit it.”
Hyunjin drops his head back onto the towel, “Maybe.”
“Maybe?”
“Yeah, maybe.”
She shakes her head in amusement, “You’re impossible, you know that?”
The breeze lifts her hair, the sunlight catches her smile, and unfortunately, he’s distracted again. She notices immediately.
“See? There you go again.”
“What?” He replies, acting like he doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
“That.”
She’s smiling differently now, and his stomach flips. It’s the same smile she gave him in his hotel room, the same one that suggested she knew exactly what effect she was having on him.
Dangerous woman.
“So what were you looking at? I feel like I have a right to know.” She rests her face on the palm of her hands, propping up on her elbows as she stares at him.
“I’m not answering that.”
Her eyebrows raise, “You absolutely have to answer that.”
“I really don’t.” He faintly smirks, responding to her in the same teasing tone she was using with him.
“But you do,” She shifts closer slightly, and it’s enough to have his breath hitching in his throat. He watches her carefully, one of her hands reaching out to lightly graze her fingertips against his arm, and he feels the spark instantly, “Hyunjin.”
He shifts again on the towel beneath him, clearing his throat lightly, discreetly moving his arm closer to her so that she’d touch him more, “What?”
“What were you looking at?”
He stares at her for a second, trying to decide if he should tell the truth or not. But unfortunately, he’s never been particularly good at lying to her.
“I was looking at you,” He admits lowly, tilting his head to look at her better. Her fingers are still grazing against his arm, a small hum falling from her lips as she starts to rub small circles on his skin.
“That’s not very specific,” She grins.
Hyunjin lets out a laugh and runs a hand through his hair before propping his face back up, turning to face her. The sunlight is warm against his skin, the ocean rolling quietly behind them, and he realizes he’s exhausted from trying to pretend like he wasn’t staring at her all day.
He shifts his body to lay on his side, propping his head up on his arm, “You really want me to be specific, Y/N?”
She mirrors his position, and he’s eagerly dropping his gaze down, watching at her breasts bounce ever so slightly from the movement. He has to force himself to not lean over, rip that flimsy fabric off, and take her nipples into his mouth.
“I really wanna know, Hyunjin.”
He bites his lip softly, eyes still drawn towards her perky breasts, before he lifts his gaze back to her face. And then everything he’s been trying not to say all day starts coming out.
“I’ve been staring at you because every time I look over here, you somehow look prettier than you did five minutes ago.”
Her grin softens, and he suddenly becomes overwhelmed with her. Everything about her.
“The sunlight keeps hitting your hair, making it look lighter than normal. Now that I think about it, I can make out a few blonde streaks, and I think it makes you look so pretty,” A small smile tugs at his mouth, and he fights the urge to reach out and rub his fingers through her hair, “The wind keeps messing it up. There’s a bunch of curls just flying in the wind, and it looks messy, and you keep trying to fix it, but I like it this way. I like seeing you like this in front of me.”
Y/N’s still watching him, still listening, and his pulse picks up. Because now that’s he’s started talking, it’s becoming impossible for him to stop.
“You look at me like you’re trying not to smile, like you know exactly what you’re doing to me.”
The breeze shifts around them, carrying saltwater through the air. Y/N’s hair falls against her face, messy and tangled, but she doesn’t move it away. Hyunjin smiles when he notices that. He’d sketch her right now if he could.
Beautiful. She’s so beautiful.
“Every time I catch you staring at me back, you get embarrassed for about three seconds before pretending you weren’t staring.”
Y/N groans, “I do not!”
“Yes, you do.”
“I don’t!”
“Y/N.”
The use of her name makes her immediately look away, which proves his point completely. A smug grins spreads across his face, “See what I mean?”
She covers part of her face with one hand, looking completely mortified and dangerously cute. So dangerously cute that it has him wanting to hold her face in his own hands as he devours her on this hot sand.
“I’ve been trying very hard not to think about how beautiful you look lying beside me all day.” He says lowly, carefully.
Y/N’s hand slowly drops from her face, and she turns to look at him. Her sunglasses are still on, and he wishes she’d take them off so he could see her pretty eyes shining for him. Not even a second passes before he’s reaching over, slowly taking them off before placing them in the sand beside them. He’s hears her breath hitch in her throat, and he’s lightly tracing the side of her face before he can think anything of it.
“Much better,” He mumbles out, tucking a stray piece of her hair behind her ear. Her eyes are wide, a little glazed over, but at least she’s looking at him now, “I want to see you looking at me. Always want you looking at me.”
The confession causes her lips to part, her chest rapidly rising and falling with each breath. His eyes flicker over to her lips before he can stop himself, and slowly, he begins to move his hand across her cheek before stopping at her mouth. She parts her lips even more, giving room for his thumb to lightly slip inside. He traces her bottom teeth with his thumb before slipping it inside her mouth fully. A low groan vibrates from his chest once she sucks on it eagerly, twirling and sucking her tongue all around his thumb, just like she’d do with his cock. His cock that is now painfully straining against his swim trunks.
“I’ve been thinking about this mouth, too,” He breathes out lowly, pushing his thumb in deeper. She takes it with a low moan, and the sound goes straight to his dick, “Been thinking about how it would look wrapped around my cock. Think you could take me in your mouth, jagiya?”
She nods her head, eager, eyes watering slightly once she softly gags as he pushes his thumb further into the back of her throat. He hums lowly, tilting his head to the side, “If you’re choking on my thumb now, I can’t even imagine how you’d take my cock in the back of your throat. But if that’s what you want, I’ll give it to you. You know I’ll give you anything you want from me.”
She moans again just as he pulls his thumb back to stick in two of his fingers. She takes them with no hesitation and stars in her eyes, and the sight has him leaking into his shorts.
“Yeah,” He grins once she gags around his fingers, spit dripping down her chin, eyes still wide open and on the brink of tears, “You’d take it so well. You’d be a good girl for me, wouldn’t you? Such a good girl for me.”
He pulls his fingers out, and she lets out a choked gasp, spit dripping all down her face. She’s looking at him differently now, in a way that has him wanting to drop every last ounce of self restraint and take her right here right now without caring who saw them. The place was deserted right now, anyway, and he doubts anyone would even see him, but just the thought of claiming her in front of other people has him feeling fucking feral.
It wasn’t until she called his name, her voice a little breathless and raspy, that he had seemed to knock out of the trance he was in. He shakes his head, turning to lay on his back, desperately trying to recover. If he keeps talking, he’s going to end up doing something he shouldn’t.
And judging by the way she’s looking at him right now, she might just let him, which is somehow worse.
“That’s why I wasn’t listening,” He speaks lowly, casually, trying to act like the boner he’s sporting in his shorts isn’t phasing him one bit, “Hopefully that answers your question. Now, let’s talk about something else.”
A laugh escapes her, breathless and beautiful, and it does nothing to lessen the tent in his shorts, “What… why?”
“Because I enjoy having self-control, and you’re making that extremely difficult for me right now.”
She doesn’t say anything else, and he doesn’t turn to look at her. He doesn’t need to look at her to know what she’s probably thinking, no, definitely thinking. And he’s thinking it, too.
He clears his throat lightly, running a hand through his hair. The same hand that’s still covered in her spit. He can still feel her on his fingers. “Do you like the ER?”
Hyunjin can tell Y/N’s a little taken aback with the sudden conversation change, but after another second, she seems to fully compose herself, blinking a few times as she processes his words, “Yeah. I do. Most of the time, anyway.”
He smiles, closing his eyes, still facing the sun, “That’s an honest answer.”
“Yeah, well, I think people expect me to say I love every second of it. But some days are just awful,” He feels her shift beside him, “I lose people. I think it was worse when I worked mainly in the trauma bay, and it has gotten better now that I’m floating in the unit, but I still lose people. And no matter how many times it happens, how much I try to save them, it never gets easier.”
He turns to look at her, her fingers fiddling with the strings on her bikini bottoms mindlessly as she gazes towards the water in front of them. Something pulls tight at his chest as he listens to her, watches her. He wants to know every piece of her, every part of her life, every version of herself he missed over the last four years. Even the darker ones.
“I think that’s a good thing,” He speaks after a few moments.
She looks over at him, “What is?”
“That it doesn’t get easier,” He places his hand beside him, aimlessly drawing patterns in the sand there, “I think the day it stops affecting you is probably the day you should quit.”
A smile breaks out onto her face, slowly, softly. And suddenly, he understands why people spend entire lives chasing them.
“Yeah. That’s exactly what Kat says.”
The conversation eventually shifts towards him, as he knew it would. She never directly mentions the hiatus, but he hears it, anyway. He hears it in every question, in every moment of concern.
Are you happier now? Do you still enjoy performing? Do you ever get tired?
The answers come easier than expected. Maybe because it’s her and she’s actually listening to him, trying to understand him. It makes him feel vulnerable in a way that he doesn’t entirely hate, especially when she closes the small gap between them to grab ahold of his of hand.
So, he tells her things.
He tells her about the multiple panic attacks he’s had over the years and the crippling anxiety he’s carried with him for what felt like ages before it finally started to get taken seriously. He tells her about how the members had fought and begged for their manager to get him some help and allow him to talk to a professional. He tells her about his recent diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder and the medication he has to take and the shit-ton of therapy sessions he has to attend regularly. He tells her about periods where getting out of bed felt impossible and learning how success doesn’t magically fix loneliness.
The words settle heavy between them, in a way that’s almost unsettling. He can feel the shift in the air, the tension between them, and he suddenly feels embarrassed. Embarrassed, because he’s never admitted this out loud to anyone that wasn’t the members or a healthcare provider. Embarrassed, because with a life as picture perfect as his is, he shouldn’t even be feeling this way. Embarrassed, because it isn’t fair to throw his emotional trauma onto someone who didn’t ask for it to begin with.
“Sorry,” He lets out a short laugh, rubbing his free hand against the side of his face, “I didn’t mean to spring all that onto you.”
“Hyunjin,” She calls his name softly, turning on her side to face him better. She lifts their intertwined hands up towards the side of her face, cuddling it close to her skin as she lays her head down, the other coming up to lightly brush against his hair, “Don’t ever apologize for that. Don’t apologize for talking about your feelings. I want to hear it. I want to hear all of it.”
Her actions and words have his stomach churning in the best way, and he leans into her touch, pulse pounding in his wrist as she smiles at him, “You have such a beautiful soul, Hyunjin. I’m sorry you had to deal with all of that. You don’t deserve any of it. I’m happy you got the help you needed.”
“Yeah,” He whispers, eyes flickering down towards her lips once before focusing back on her eyes. Her eyes that were shining looking at him.
He wishes she’d always look at him this way.
She watches him for a moment, rubbing small circles on his hand. The wind was shifting sand all over them, but neither of them cared. He’d stay here and get buried deep into the sand as long as she still held him this way.
“Did you…” She trails off, eyes flickering all over his face as she struggles with her words, “Did you get in trouble after that night?”
Hyunjin immediately knows what night she’s talking about. One of the best nights of his entire life, where it was just him and her, a messy bed, and lots of things that should’ve been said that couldn’t.
“Yeah,” He turns away from her, glancing up at the sky, swallowing thickly, “I did.”
“Was it bad?” The concern in her voice was evident, and Hyunjin hated that he was making her feel this way.
“He basically told me that if my pretty face wasn’t making the company money, they would’ve gotten rid of me.”
The waves roll softly against the shore, a seagull cries somewhere overhead, and Hyunjin starts to feel himself slipping into a place he doesn’t visit often anymore. Or at least a place he tries not to.
Because the truth is, that conversation never fully left him. Years had passed, his manager had changed his attitude once they became more global, the company had loosened up on them religiously, but sometimes, usually late at night when his anxiety was at its worst, he still heard those words.
Replaceable. Pretty face. Money.
“You know what’s funny?” He laughs softly, but there’s no humor to it, “I had spent years pretending that didn’t bother me. But I think a part of me believed it, anyway.”
His eyes stay fixated on the ocean, “Sometimes I wonder if people would’ve cared about me if I looked different.”
“Hyunjin—“
“No, seriously,” He shakes his head, loosening his grip on her hand without even realizing it. She holds it tighter, “It’s so stupid, but it’s true. I wonder that all the time. More than I should, probably.”
“It’s not stupid, Hyunjin,” She replies quickly, the genuineness in her words causing his heart to clench in his chest, “You shouldn’t… you shouldn’t think that.”
He glances towards her, careful, vulnerable in a way he doesn’t usually allow himself to be, “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course. You can ask me anything.”
He hesitates, for a second. The question feels ridiculous the second it enters his head, but suddenly, he wants to know. Not from fans, not from interviews, not from comments, but from her.
“You told me in the bathroom that I was your bias. Why did you choose me?”
He regrets it as soon as it leaves his mouth, but his insecurities have started to consume him, clawing through his skin, itching for a release. Asking somehow feels more vulnerable than talking about depression, and he wishes he could take it back.
He’s about to apologize, push everything back down like he always does, when her voice stops him.
“You want the honest answer?”
She’s smiling, not at all offended by his sudden question, and he nods hesitantly, not trusting himself to speak.
She shifts on the towel, scooting her body closer to his. She’s completely off the towel now, the warm sand digging into her side. If it was bothering her, she didn’t seem to care, moving their intertwined hands to rest near her chest. He sucks in a breath, and she notices, her smile only growing as she watches him.
“The first thing was your dancing. Obviously,” She admits lightly, her free hand still tracing through his hair, fingertips brushing against the side of his sunglasses, “I remember seeing one of your performances and thinking nobody else moved like you. Then I started paying attention to the group more. And then I heard you rap.”
Hyunjin groans immediately, “Oh no.”
“Nah uh, don’t do that,” She says quickly, narrowing her eyes at him.
“Do what?” His lips quirk.
“That thing where you act surprised that you’re talented.”
Hyunjin laughs at that, and that only seems to make her look even more grumpy than before. “I’m serious! You dance,” She takes her hand away from his face, counting on her fingers, “You rap,” Another finger, “You sing,” Another one.
She holds her fingers up to his face, “See? You’re good at all three.”
Hyunjin opens his mouth to respond, but she cuts him off quickly, “Nope. Don’t even try to deny it. Shove those words right back up your ass, Hyunjin.”
His mouth closes instantly, and she grins triumphantly. She’s so fucking endearing that it has him smiling harder than he ever has on this entire trip so far.
She places her hand back on his face, slowly combing through his hair with her fingers, pushing the loose stands back. The way she was doing it was so careful, so loving, that it made him tremble a little. He melted into her touch, craving more of it, craving more of her, reaching his hands out to softly grab at her waist, pulling her closer to him.
“The thing about you was that you weren’t just good at one thing,” She says once she settles into him, resting her head on his chest, their fingers still intertwined, “You brought something unique, Hyunjin. You made the group better. You’re just as important as everyone else. You matter just as much as everyone else.”
Hyunjin keeps quiet, not really knowing how to respond to that. She says the words with such passion, with such genuineness, that he finds himself actually believing her. It warms his heart in a way that should scare him, but it doesn’t. This, him, her—it just doesn’t.
It feels so right. Everything about this feels so right.
“It wasn’t just talent either, though,” She continues, snuggling deeper into his chest, “You always just seemed so kind.”
“Kind?”
“Yeah,” She giggles softly into his chest, the sound causing his entire body to heat up, “Kind. I watched a lot of interviews, you know? You were always so nice to people. You treated the staff well, always seemed so respectful and elegant with how you carried yourself. And you just cared about people. That’s really what drew me in the most, I’d say.”
Hyunjin blinks, trying to fully process her words. Really, he’s fucking shocked that someone even noticed that much about him, that cared enough to pick up on his character.
She says it so effortlessly, like it should be obvious, but it’s not. Nobody ever says that. People usually talk about his performances, or his sex appeal, or his art, not about how kind he is. She makes it seem like his value was never tied to his face at all, and that realization heals something he didn’t realize was still bruised.
“Do you still keep up with us?” He asks suddenly, “Do you… am I still your bias?”
He feels her body tense up ever so slightly, and the reaction alone gives him his answer. Suddenly, his mouth feels dry, and he feels like an idiot for even asking that to begin with. What is he even looking for, anyway? Validation? Something to make him feel better about himself?
“No,” She says honestly, speaking again before he can back track on his question, “I mean, you guys were a big part in my life once and Stray Kids will always hold a piece of my heart. And of course, you’d always hold a piece of my heart, and I still get all mushy inside and internally freak out a little just being like this with you again. But I haven’t watched a music video or interview or anything in years. Only seen things scrolling on social media every now and then.”
“Oh,” He says lamely, feeling the slightest bit of disappointment at that fact. Okay, not the slightest bit, but very disappointed at that fact, “Can I ask why?”
She didn’t reply right away, choosing instead to roll off of his chest. She wasn’t that far away, and he could still feel her body heat radiating off of her and onto his side, but it was enough to where he could feel the slight breeze from the wind now, and he didn’t like it. He turned to look at her, hands tightening around her waist to prevent her from moving too far away, when her voice made him freeze.
“I guess it hurt too much.”
She wasn’t looking at him. Her gaze was focused on the ocean in front of them, her hands fiddling with the strings on her bikini bottoms, and she looked deep in thought.
“It sounds dramatic, but it’s true,” She laughs softly, looking mildly embarrassed, and Hyunjin hates how quickly the air shifted between them, “I mean, I tried. After that night, I tried to watch music videos and fall back into my fangirl rhythm, but I just couldn’t. I just couldn’t.”
Her face turns towards him, the stars in her eyes beginning to fade, “It’s just… every time I saw you…”
Her sentence falls off. She doesn’t finish it. She doesn’t have to, because he understands, anyway. He understands it perfectly, painfully so.
“I support you guys from a distance, and I’m really happy when good things happen, but I just couldn’t do it anymore.”
“Yeah,” He whispers out, “I get that.”
And he does get it. For four years, he’d assumed he was the only one carrying that night around, not fully being able to let it go. And now, he’s discovering that he was wrong, very wrong.
She smiles, grabbing ahold of his hand to squeeze it, “Come swim with me.”
Hyunjin blinks, “What?”
“Come swim with me,” She stands up, brushing her hands against her skin to knock some of the sand off of her, and Hyunjin feels mesmerized for a second, “I want to swim with you. You wouldn’t let me go alone, would you?”
When he doesn’t reply right away, she reaches her hand out towards him, wiggling her fingers as she grins down at him so prettily. He huffs out a laugh, slowly leaning up to grab her hand to help him stand up beside her. He tries to let go of her hand once he’s on his feet, thinking she might be uncomfortable touching him like that in public, but she only grips it tighter.
“You can hold my hand if you want to,” She says shyly, eyes focused on their intertwined hands.
“I want to,” He replies back quickly, not even caring if it makes him seem desperate. Truth is, he was. He’d let her touch him all day, every day, in whatever way she wants and not even feel ashamed about it.
Not even five minutes later they’re standing waist deep in the water, laughing at how he nearly tripped over a wave and almost face planted into the water. “Yeah, yeah. Hilarious.” He rolls his eyes fondly, unable to stop the smile from leaving his face as he listens to her laughing. She’s so beautiful like this. So fucking beautiful. He’s honestly surprised he isn’t shitting his pants right now from how nervous he is.
“I feel like you’re really clumsy,” She leads them a little further in the water, still holding onto his hand.
“Yeah, that’s what the members like to tell me,” He follows her, a small wave lifting their bodies up quickly before they come back down, “Aish, it’s cold.”
“It’s not that bad—“
Another wave rolls against them, knocking them both underneath the water for a couple seconds. Hyunjin shoots back up, gasping for air, his eyes instantly drawn to where Y/N is currently coughing and choking, pushing her now wet hair out of her eyes.
“Oh my god,” She shivers, “I was not expecting that.”
“Thought you said it wasn’t that bad,” Hyunjin smirks, pushing his wet hair back with his fingers.
She glares at him, “Shut up.”
She lets out a short shriek, the water coming up to the back of their necks, and he tugs her closer towards him, breath hitching in his throat once she wraps her legs around his waist.
“Is this okay?” She asks softly, her eyes trailing all over his face, like she’s trying to gauge his reaction.
“More than okay.” He tightens his grip around her body, pulling her flush against his skin. Even in the slight coolness of the water, he can feel how warm she is, and it’s so fucking addicting.
She trails her hands up from his shoulders to his face, slowly pushing his sunglasses on his head. He squints his eyes, adjusting to the bright light from the sun, his heart thumping loudly against his chest once he realizes how close their faces are to each other.
“There,” She smiles, resting her hands on the back of his neck, “I can see you looking at me now.”
“I really want to kiss you right now.”
The words come out quickly, randomly, and he’s a little embarrassed once he says it. But that feeling is quickly erased once the next words leave her mouth.
“Then kiss me.”
Fuck, he wants to, but he doesn’t know if it’s a good idea. Not right now, at least. He knows himself too well, unfortunately, and fears he might not be able to stop at just one kiss.
Take it slow, He tells himself over and over again. He should take it slow, and stop thinking with his dick. He should be a gentleman, let her take control, go with what she’s comfortable with.
He opens his mouth to voice just that, when her hands suddenly come up to the top of his head, roughly tugging his hair back, exposing his neck to her.
“Hyunjin,” She says his name so sensually that it has his dick instantly thickening in his shorts, unable to stop the low groan from falling out of his mouth. She tightens her legs around his waist, moving her body forward, lightly brushing her lips against his, “Kiss me.”
He’s lunging forward without a second thought, moans falling from both of their mouths as he crashes his lips against hers. Her hands tug harder at his hair, his sunglasses falling into the ocean beside him, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything other than this, other than her.
“Fuck, you’re a little tease, you know that? Been driving me crazy all day,” He murmurs through sloppy kisses, groaning loudly into her mouth once she rolls her hips against his dick. He bites at her bottom lip, tasting the saltiness there, and she whimpers softly. “But you know that, don’t you? You know you drive me crazy. Acting so innocent and sweet when I know all you want is to get down on your knees for me.”
She moans loudly, kissing him harder, moving her hips even faster against him. His hands snake around her body to harshly grab onto her ass, urging her to fuck against him as he fucks her mouth with his tongue.
He pulls away and she whines in protest, chasing his lips, tugging his face back towards her. He doesn’t let her, one hand coming up to grab at her neck, the other creeping down to lightly brush against her bikini bottoms. “Isn’t that what you want? To get on your knees and put my cock in your mouth?”
“Mhm, yes,” She mumbles against him, rutting against his dick like she was in fucking heat, “Wanna suck your cock so bad, Hyunnie. Want you to fuck my mouth like you’d fuck my pussy.”
Oh, fuck.
Her words and the fucking nickname have him feeling feral, and he’s slipping his hand underneath her bottoms, instantly sliding his fingers inside her. They go in with ease, and she’s gasping into his mouth as he fucks two fingers inside her.
“Gonna make you cum for me first,” He breathes against her mouth, curling his fingers inside her. She lets out a choked moan, her head falling back, riding his hand just like she’d ride his cock. The thought of her bouncing on his cock and begging for him to make her cum plays through his mind, and he’s increasing the pace of his fingers, leaning his face down to bite and suck on the side of her neck.
“Hyunjin,” She moans his name so loudly, the sound playing through his ears like a mantra, “S-shit, Hyunjin… feels so good… you’re gonna make me cum.”
He bites harder, licking up the drops of water off her neck, the salty taste driving him fucking insane. He slips his fingers out from inside her, rubbing hard and fast against her clit, and she’s arching into him with a loud cry of his name.
“Fuck, Hyunjin! Yes, yes, fuck.”
The waves are still rocking against them, she’s still babbling out incoherent words into the warm air around them, and he rubs against her faster, biting onto her neck harder. And then she’s coming all over his fingers, spazzing out against his body, clinging onto him like she’s about to fall underneath the water.
“Jalhaesseo,” (You did well) Hyunjin says lowly, softly kissing the large bruise he sucked and bit onto her skin before trailing his lips up towards her face. She was panting, eyes closed, and he grabbed ahold of her face, forcing her head to tilt towards his.
“Look at me, jagiya,” He squeezed her cheeks lightly, and she lets out a whine, slowly setting her gaze on him. Her eyes were glazed over and her cheeks were flushed, and she looked so fucking beautiful.
And right now, treading water along the Italian coast, she was his.
“Get out.”
She stares at him for a second, blissed the fuck out, her lips parting, “Wh-what?”
“You want my cock down your throat, don’t you?”
The look on her face has his dick leaking into his shorts. She looks confused and submissive as fuck, and the sight has his brain running with thoughts that he’d never even think of in the first place.
Hyunjin doesn’t normally act like this when it comes to sex. He’s always been attentive, careful, and very vocal in bed, but never has he acted like this. He noticed it when he fucked her for the first time four years ago, and he’s noticing it again now. She brings out a different side of him he always knew existed and tried to tame, yet never fully came out.
And fuck, he loves it. And judging by how she’s still looking at him, eyes wide and panting like a dog, he knows she loves it, too.
“Don’t you?” He’s asking again, voice dropping an octave as he brings her face closer to his. She leans in to kiss him, but he holds her face back, a loud whine falling from her lips, “Y-yes. Please, Hyunnie.”
“Please what?”
Beg. Please beg. Honestly, he wants nothing more.
“Please let me suck your big cock. I’ve wanted to for so long, I’ve thought about it for years. I want it hitting the back of my throat, want to taste you so bad. Use me, please, Hyunnie. Want you so much.”
Hyunjin growls, feeling like he’s about to cum in his shorts, because holy fuck, that was so hot. “Then stop stalling and get out of the fucking water, yeah?” He lightly shoves her away from him. She stumbles a little, and Hyunjin feels bad for about half a second before she basically sprints back onto the sand, her ass jiggling with each hurried step forward. She’s eager, just like he is, and he fucking loves it.
By the time he gets out of the water, she’s already down on her knees in the sand, toying with the loose string of her bottoms, waiting so patiently for him. He suppresses a groan just looking at her, his dick pathetically straining against his shorts, slowly sinking down to sit on the towel that was still laid out on the sand. He leans back on his elbows, manspreading, beckoning her forward with a jerk of his head, “Come here.”
She starts to get up, sitting a few feet away from him, and he stops her with a click of his tongue, “Nah uh. Crawl to me.”
Before he can fully blink, she’s already digging her knees back into the sand, on all fours, crawling over towards him with a look so sensual it has him reaching down with his right hand to rub at his dick to attempt to relieve some pressure.
“Ssibal, jonna hathane,” (Fuck, that’s hot), He whispers more to himself than anything, groaning loudly once she reaches him, placing her hands on his legs, eyes focusing on where he’s currently still rubbing at his cock like a fucking teenager.
“Take my cock out,” He says lowly once he forces himself to stop. She wastes no time in doing just that, hands sliding up towards the waistband of his swim shorts, instantly jerking them down just enough to get his cock out.
He groans lowly once it finally springs free, one of her hands coming up to wrap around the base of his cock, the other sliding up his abdomen. “Wanna make me feel good, jagiya?” He reaches out to push her hair away from her face before gripping it tightly in his hands, jerking her head towards his cock.
She moans softly, grip tightening on his cock, her breath fanning against the tip of it. She licks her lips, and he groans loudly at the warm feeling of her tongue brushing against him at the action. He’d be lying if he said he hasn’t thought about this before. Okay, maybe more than once, when he’s alone in a hotel bed and feeling extra horny. But now that she’s actually here, knees dug into the sand, ass perched high in the air, looking at him like he’s her fucking world, he can’t go back.
Not that he’d ever want to, anyway.
“Answer me,” He jerks her head back, a bit of drool sitting in the corner of her pretty mouth, “Do you want to make me feel good? Want to gag around my cock until I cum all down your throat? Want me to claim you as mine?”
“Yes,” She pants, on the verge of tears, “Want your cock so bad, Hyunnie. I’ll make you feel so good, let you use my mouth however you want. Please let me have it. Please, please, please.”
He jerks her head back down, her lips brushing against him, “Open your mouth, and make me cum.”
She takes him with a loud moan, her tongue gliding against him so perfectly. She’s bobbing her head up and down, hand jerking him where her mouth doesn’t reach, drooling and slobbering all over him like he’s her last meal.
Hyunjin’s had his fair share of blow jobs. They were always messy, quick, and usually resulted in him still feeling unsatisfied afterwards. Maybe half of that was because he didn’t ever feel a romantic connection with those women, but whatever the reason, here—this, with Y/N going at it like they’re filming a porn tape, is everything.
She is everything. And right now, she’s still his.
“Yeah, jagiya. Just like that,” He breathes out, using his hand to guide her on his dick, leaned back on one elbow as he watches her swallow him like a pro, “Mhm, fuck. Your mouth feels so good wrapped around me. Fuck, how many dicks have you sucked?”
Hyunjin doesn’t know why he asks that. But with the way she’s sucking him, shaking her ass in the air, moaning and watching him with that same look as she takes his dick down her throat so effortlessly, there’s no way this is her first time.
The thought of other men sticking their cocks down her throat has him seeing red, and he’s leaning back, using both hands to grip at the back of her head, his abs tightening as he leans up, “Don’t answer that. It doesn’t matter, anyway, because my cock is gonna be the only one you remember after today.”
And then he’s slamming her head down onto him, her nose brushing against his pelvis with each push down. She’s choking, sputtering, moaning with every hard jerk down, and the sound is like heaven in his ears.
“Fucking hell,” He whines out, feeling his balls drawing up tight with each gag around his cock, “Mhm, yeah. Your mouth is perfect, jagiya. So perfect. You look so beautiful choking around my cock. You choke like this on anyone else’s? Hm? Were they big enough to make you cry and gag like I do?”
She’s moaning again, the sound shooting straight up his dick. He closes his eyes briefly, willing himself to get it the fuck together, because he does not want to cum yet. He wants to engrave this image into his mind forever, wants to have her like this every single day for the rest of his life, wants to claim her, mark her, show the world that she’s his and only his.
He opens his eyes again, choking out a moan once he sees her other hand moving fast in between her legs. Another closer look, and he’s realizing that she’s rubbing herself through her bikini bottoms, her fingers working quick and hard against the flimsy fabric.
“Holy fuck,” He groans out, his eyes now completely focused on how she’s fucking herself in front of him, getting herself off from getting him off, “F-fuck. Are you actually touching yourself right now?”
She moans around his dick, moving her hand even faster against her pussy, and Hyunjin feels dizzy, “God, that’s so hot. Fuck. Does sucking me off get you all hot and bothered, jagiya? One orgasm wasn’t enough for you?”
She’s rutting against her hand now, tears streaming down her face as he works her mouth on his cock. “Such a greedy little slut for me, jagiya. You just had to get yourself off right now. Couldn’t even wait until I came down your throat, huh?”
She cries against him, hips moving desperately, her fingers working even faster, swallowing him even harder, and he lets out a growl, feeling his vision start to blur as that warm feeling starts to shoot down his spine. “Fuck, Y/N. I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum, cum with me, fuck.”
She spazzes out, gaging around his cock with a loud cry, and his vision is turning white as he throws his head back, holding her head in place as he thrusts into her mouth, shooting his load all down her throat.
“Mhm, yeah, fuck,” He babbles out curses and moans and praises as he slowly thrusts his hips into her, working out his orgasm. His body feels like jelly, his heart feels full, and his dick is spent.
Ho-ly shit.
The sound of her choking out another sob brings him out of his post-orgasmic haze, and he’s jerking her head off his now softening dick, a trail of spit dripping down her chin and onto his thighs. She gasps once her mouth is finally free, and he’s instantly grabbing her arms to pull her up towards him.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” He breathes out, wiping at her mouth with the back of his hand. She looks absolutely wrecked, and he feels a sense of pride swelling in his chest that he was the one who made her look this way, “Are you okay?”
She coughs once, wiping at the tears semi-dried on her cheeks, “I’ve never been better.”
She smiles at him, the stars twinkling brighter in her eyes, and he pulls her to lay on top of him, kissing the top of her head. She snuggles into him, her skin warm, and he feels complete.
Was this a bad idea? Probably. Did he think about the potential consequences of whipping his dick out in public? Nope. But Hyunjin realizes quickly that right here, with her lying on his chest and sand bunched up his ass, he doesn’t care. Not at all.
“Me too,” He whispers softly before capturing her lips in his.
— SUMMARY. In which Y/N wasn’t expecting to hook-up with her bias, and Hyunjin wasn’t expecting to fall in love with her
— GENRE. idol!hyunjin, strangers-to-lovers au
— PAIRING. hwang hyunjin x fem!reader
— WC. 8.6k+
— WARNINGS/OTHER. cursing ; some korean dialogue ; mentions of depression & anxiety ; mentions of toxicity of idol life ; possessive!hyunjin ; sexual tension ; smut consisting of: dry humping, fingering, f!masturbation, oral (m!receiving), deep-throating, sexual acts in a public area, lots of dirty talk
ᝰ EIGHT | SERIES M.LIST
Hanaemi 花笑み (Japanese) — “the flowering smile” or “the smile of flowers” in old Japanese. It is a smile that is as beautiful as blooming flowers
Hyunjin thinks he could spend the rest of his life chasing days like this. That thought arrives unexpectedly.
It’s not dramatic, necessarily, but more so of the kind of thought that sneaks up on you when you’re sitting on a private beach somewhere along the Italian coast watching sunlight dance across the water while the woman you’ve spent four years trying to forget laughs beside you.
The beach itself is hidden away from the main coastline. One of his friends owns property nearby and arranged access to a section that’s practically impossible for tourists to reach. There’s no public entrance, no paparazzi, no strangers—it’s just them.
And it feels so good.
Hyunjin has come to know exactly when Y/N starts getting nervous, because he’s spent most of the past twenty-four hours paying attention to her. He noticed it when him and his driver picked her up earlier this morning in a completely blacked out SUV, glancing around in slight paranoia as she all but rushed to climb into the backseat. He noticed it when she sat down beside him, her eyes flickering everywhere but at him at first. And he noticed it when they got out of the car, together, as she pulled her sun hat down to cover her face, making sure to keep her distance as they headed towards the sand.
He would be lying if he said it didn’t make him feel like shit, but he gets it. He had spent most of his idol life doing the same thing, and still finds himself doing that now, especially when he’s back home in Seoul. Being seen with him causes for a recipe of disaster, and it’s a lot, so he gets it.
She shouldn’t have to think about things like that. Nobody should, but especially not her.
But just like he can tell when she’s nervous, he can also tell when she’s comfortable. And really, he’s just relieved that he can make her feel that way.
They talked the entire ride here. The entire two hours. There was no awkward pauses, no uncomfortable silences, no painfully searching for topics of conversation. It was easy, it was effortless, and it was natural in a way that almost surprises him.
They talked about New York, about her work, about Italy, about how Chan and Kat somehow remain incapable of minding their own business. She told him about horror stories in the ER, (her words, not his), and he told her about the time Felix almost burned the dorm down a week after they debuted.
Stories turned into memories, which then turned into little details about the last four years. And sometime during the drive, Hyunjin realized something that caught him completely off guard.
He didn’t feel any kind of pressure around her, not the pressure that constantly seems to weigh heavy on his chest he ends up carrying everywhere else. Here, with her, there’s no performance, no expectation, no version of himself he has to maintain.
The realization is so rare it almost hurts.
They’ve been lying on the beach for about two hours now, stretched out on towels in the warm sand. The early afternoon sun is warming everything around them, the ocean stretching endlessly ahead. He glances over towards where Y/N is lying, peering at her through his sunglasses, and Hyunjin realizes very quickly that he has a slight problem, because she won’t stop being so beautiful.
As soon as she walked out the front doors of her hotel this morning, he knew he was a goner. She was wearing a flowy white dress that hug her body so perfectly and fell off her shoulders so elegantly that it instantly had him questioning his existence. He could see the straps from the bikini on her shoulders and could make out the outline of her body underneath it, and once she sat down beside him in the backseat, he had to say a quick prayer that he wouldn’t get a hard-on just from her presence alone.
The image has been haunting him for what felt like hours. The way the fabric moved in the breeze once they stepped back out of the car, the sunlight catching in her hair, the easy smile she’d gave him when she kicked her sandals off in the sand and slipped her dress over her head—it all was making him feel crazy. At one point, he’d genuinely forgotten how to speak, which she found hilarious, unfortunately.
Now, she’s lying beside him in a bikini that hides little to the imagination and his situation has become worse. Significantly worse.
She’s talking about something, he thinks. Her mouth is moving, her hands lightly tracing circles on her bare stomach, her gaze focused on the sky in the front of them, and Hyunjin is drawn into every single movement she’s currently making. Except everything she’s saying right now is currently going through one ear and right out the other, along with his sanity.
Honestly, he’s trying. He really is. But the problem is that her bikini is barely hiding anything on her body. It’s tight and revealing in all the right places and Hyunjin can’t seem to focus on anything else but how slick and plush her skin looks from her sweat and the tanning oil she rubbed on herself earlier and how he really wants to lean over and bite at the belly button ring that’s shining in the sun. She didn’t have that before, and he thinks it might be one of the hottest things he’s seen on a woman yet. Or maybe it’s because it’s on her.
Really, he should be ashamed of himself. He’s a twenty-six year old man, yet he’s acting like he’s a teenager.
He closes his eyes briefly, willing himself to get it the fuck together. Really, it’s all fine. As long as she doesn’t turn to lay on her stomach or stand up and stick her ass in his face, he’ll be good. He can deal with this.
It’s almost like she just knows what he’s thinking, as she ends up shifting her body on the towel beneath her, slowly turning her body around so she can lay on her stomach.
A strangled noise escapes his mouth before he can help it, and she’s turning her head to glance over at him, a slightly confused expression on her face, “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” He strains out, eyes zeroed in on how plump her ass looks. The bikini bottoms she’s wearing barely cover it, and he’s thankful his sunglasses are hiding his eyes, “Sorry.”
Her lips quirk as she pulls her own sunglasses down on the bridge of her nose, tilting her head down to stare at him, “Are you sure? You look uncomfortable.”
She’s teasing him, he knows it. And it’s not making things better.
He huffs out a short laugh, turning to lay on his stomach so he can attempt to hide his growing erection, “I’m not uncomfortable. I’m perfectly fine.”
Her smile grows, and lets out a little hum before pushing her sunglasses back up, “Whatever you say.”
Her words have his face heating up, and he shifts a little on the towel, discreetly trying to adjust himself in his swim trunks. God, this is embarrassing. Why is he so fucking embarrassing?
“You stopped listening to me earlier, you know?”
Hyunjin blinks, trying to reset his brain. She’s still staring at him, amused, knowing, and he knows theres no way he can deny it.
“Damn it.”
Her grin widens, “I knew it. Knew you weren’t listening to me for the past ten minutes.”
“For the record, I was listening. Somewhat.”
“You absolutely were not.”
“I got most of it.”
“You got none of it.”
Hyunjin sighs dramatically, accepting his defeat, and she laughs loudly, head tilting back. The sound carries across the empty stretch of the beach, bright and warm and dangerous, because he loves hearing it, more than he probably should.
“You were staring. It’s okay to admit it.”
Hyunjin drops his head back onto the towel, “Maybe.”
“Maybe?”
“Yeah, maybe.”
She shakes her head in amusement, “You’re impossible, you know that?”
The breeze lifts her hair, the sunlight catches her smile, and unfortunately, he’s distracted again. She notices immediately.
“See? There you go again.”
“What?” He replies, acting like he doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
“That.”
She’s smiling differently now, and his stomach flips. It’s the same smile she gave him in his hotel room, the same one that suggested she knew exactly what effect she was having on him.
Dangerous woman.
“So what were you looking at? I feel like I have a right to know.” She rests her face on the palm of her hands, propping up on her elbows as she stares at him.
“I’m not answering that.”
Her eyebrows raise, “You absolutely have to answer that.”
“I really don’t.” He faintly smirks, responding to her in the same teasing tone she was using with him.
“But you do,” She shifts closer slightly, and it’s enough to have his breath hitching in his throat. He watches her carefully, one of her hands reaching out to lightly graze her fingertips against his arm, and he feels the spark instantly, “Hyunjin.”
He shifts again on the towel beneath him, clearing his throat lightly, discreetly moving his arm closer to her so that she’d touch him more, “What?”
“What were you looking at?”
He stares at her for a second, trying to decide if he should tell the truth or not. But unfortunately, he’s never been particularly good at lying to her.
“I was looking at you,” He admits lowly, tilting his head to look at her better. Her fingers are still grazing against his arm, a small hum falling from her lips as she starts to rub small circles on his skin.
“That’s not very specific,” She grins.
Hyunjin lets out a laugh and runs a hand through his hair before propping his face back up, turning to face her. The sunlight is warm against his skin, the ocean rolling quietly behind them, and he realizes he’s exhausted from trying to pretend like he wasn’t staring at her all day.
He shifts his body to lay on his side, propping his head up on his arm, “You really want me to be specific, Y/N?”
She mirrors his position, and he’s eagerly dropping his gaze down, watching at her breasts bounce ever so slightly from the movement. He has to force himself to not lean over, rip that flimsy fabric off, and take her nipples into his mouth.
“I really wanna know, Hyunjin.”
He bites his lip softly, eyes still drawn towards her perky breasts, before he lifts his gaze back to her face. And then everything he’s been trying not to say all day starts coming out.
“I’ve been staring at you because every time I look over here, you somehow look prettier than you did five minutes ago.”
Her grin softens, and he suddenly becomes overwhelmed with her. Everything about her.
“The sunlight keeps hitting your hair, making it look lighter than normal. Now that I think about it, I can make out a few blonde streaks, and I think it makes you look so pretty,” A small smile tugs at his mouth, and he fights the urge to reach out and rub his fingers through her hair, “The wind keeps messing it up. There’s a bunch of curls just flying in the wind, and it looks messy, and you keep trying to fix it, but I like it this way. I like seeing you like this in front of me.”
Y/N’s still watching him, still listening, and his pulse picks up. Because now that’s he’s started talking, it’s becoming impossible for him to stop.
“You look at me like you’re trying not to smile, like you know exactly what you’re doing to me.”
The breeze shifts around them, carrying saltwater through the air. Y/N’s hair falls against her face, messy and tangled, but she doesn’t move it away. Hyunjin smiles when he notices that. He’d sketch her right now if he could.
Beautiful. She’s so beautiful.
“Every time I catch you staring at me back, you get embarrassed for about three seconds before pretending you weren’t staring.”
Y/N groans, “I do not!”
“Yes, you do.”
“I don’t!”
“Y/N.”
The use of her name makes her immediately look away, which proves his point completely. A smug grins spreads across his face, “See what I mean?”
She covers part of her face with one hand, looking completely mortified and dangerously cute. So dangerously cute that it has him wanting to hold her face in his own hands as he devours her on this hot sand.
“I’ve been trying very hard not to think about how beautiful you look lying beside me all day.” He says lowly, carefully.
Y/N’s hand slowly drops from her face, and she turns to look at him. Her sunglasses are still on, and he wishes she’d take them off so he could see her pretty eyes shining for him. Not even a second passes before he’s reaching over, slowly taking them off before placing them in the sand beside them. He’s hears her breath hitch in her throat, and he’s lightly tracing the side of her face before he can think anything of it.
“Much better,” He mumbles out, tucking a stray piece of her hair behind her ear. Her eyes are wide, a little glazed over, but at least she’s looking at him now, “I want to see you looking at me. Always want you looking at me.”
The confession causes her lips to part, her chest rapidly rising and falling with each breath. His eyes flicker over to her lips before he can stop himself, and slowly, he begins to move his hand across her cheek before stopping at her mouth. She parts her lips even more, giving room for his thumb to lightly slip inside. He traces her bottom teeth with his thumb before slipping it inside her mouth fully. A low groan vibrates from his chest once she sucks on it eagerly, twirling and sucking her tongue all around his thumb, just like she’d do with his cock. His cock that is now painfully straining against his swim trunks.
“I’ve been thinking about this mouth, too,” He breathes out lowly, pushing his thumb in deeper. She takes it with a low moan, and the sound goes straight to his dick, “Been thinking about how it would look wrapped around my cock. Think you could take me in your mouth, jagiya?”
She nods her head, eager, eyes watering slightly once she softly gags as he pushes his thumb further into the back of her throat. He hums lowly, tilting his head to the side, “If you’re choking on my thumb now, I can’t even imagine how you’d take my cock in the back of your throat. But if that’s what you want, I’ll give it to you. You know I’ll give you anything you want from me.”
She moans again just as he pulls his thumb back to stick in two of his fingers. She takes them with no hesitation and stars in her eyes, and the sight has him leaking into his shorts.
“Yeah,” He grins once she gags around his fingers, spit dripping down her chin, eyes still wide open and on the brink of tears, “You’d take it so well. You’d be a good girl for me, wouldn’t you? Such a good girl for me.”
He pulls his fingers out, and she lets out a choked gasp, spit dripping all down her face. She’s looking at him differently now, in a way that has him wanting to drop every last ounce of self restraint and take her right here right now without caring who saw them. The place was deserted right now, anyway, and he doubts anyone would even see him, but just the thought of claiming her in front of other people has him feeling fucking feral.
It wasn’t until she called his name, her voice a little breathless and raspy, that he had seemed to knock out of the trance he was in. He shakes his head, turning to lay on his back, desperately trying to recover. If he keeps talking, he’s going to end up doing something he shouldn’t.
And judging by the way she’s looking at him right now, she might just let him, which is somehow worse.
“That’s why I wasn’t listening,” He speaks lowly, casually, trying to act like the boner he’s sporting in his shorts isn’t phasing him one bit, “Hopefully that answers your question. Now, let’s talk about something else.”
A laugh escapes her, breathless and beautiful, and it does nothing to lessen the tent in his shorts, “What… why?”
“Because I enjoy having self-control, and you’re making that extremely difficult for me right now.”
She doesn’t say anything else, and he doesn’t turn to look at her. He doesn’t need to look at her to know what she’s probably thinking, no, definitely thinking. And he’s thinking it, too.
He clears his throat lightly, running a hand through his hair. The same hand that’s still covered in her spit. He can still feel her on his fingers. “Do you like the ER?”
Hyunjin can tell Y/N’s a little taken aback with the sudden conversation change, but after another second, she seems to fully compose herself, blinking a few times as she processes his words, “Yeah. I do. Most of the time, anyway.”
He smiles, closing his eyes, still facing the sun, “That’s an honest answer.”
“Yeah, well, I think people expect me to say I love every second of it. But some days are just awful,” He feels her shift beside him, “I lose people. I think it was worse when I worked mainly in the trauma bay, and it has gotten better now that I’m floating in the unit, but I still lose people. And no matter how many times it happens, how much I try to save them, it never gets easier.”
He turns to look at her, her fingers fiddling with the strings on her bikini bottoms mindlessly as she gazes towards the water in front of them. Something pulls tight at his chest as he listens to her, watches her. He wants to know every piece of her, every part of her life, every version of herself he missed over the last four years. Even the darker ones.
“I think that’s a good thing,” He speaks after a few moments.
She looks over at him, “What is?”
“That it doesn’t get easier,” He places his hand beside him, aimlessly drawing patterns in the sand there, “I think the day it stops affecting you is probably the day you should quit.”
A smile breaks out onto her face, slowly, softly. And suddenly, he understands why people spend entire lives chasing them.
“Yeah. That’s exactly what Kat says.”
The conversation eventually shifts towards him, as he knew it would. She never directly mentions the hiatus, but he hears it, anyway. He hears it in every question, in every moment of concern.
Are you happier now? Do you still enjoy performing? Do you ever get tired?
The answers come easier than expected. Maybe because it’s her and she’s actually listening to him, trying to understand him. It makes him feel vulnerable in a way that he doesn’t entirely hate, especially when she closes the small gap between them to grab ahold of his of hand.
So, he tells her things.
He tells her about the multiple panic attacks he’s had over the years and the crippling anxiety he’s carried with him for what felt like ages before it finally started to get taken seriously. He tells her about how the members had fought and begged for their manager to get him some help and allow him to talk to a professional. He tells her about his recent diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder and the medication he has to take and the shit-ton of therapy sessions he has to attend regularly. He tells her about periods where getting out of bed felt impossible and learning how success doesn’t magically fix loneliness.
The words settle heavy between them, in a way that’s almost unsettling. He can feel the shift in the air, the tension between them, and he suddenly feels embarrassed. Embarrassed, because he’s never admitted this out loud to anyone that wasn’t the members or a healthcare provider. Embarrassed, because with a life as picture perfect as his is, he shouldn’t even be feeling this way. Embarrassed, because it isn’t fair to throw his emotional trauma onto someone who didn’t ask for it to begin with.
“Sorry,” He lets out a short laugh, rubbing his free hand against the side of his face, “I didn’t mean to spring all that onto you.”
“Hyunjin,” She calls his name softly, turning on her side to face him better. She lifts their intertwined hands up towards the side of her face, cuddling it close to her skin as she lays her head down, the other coming up to lightly brush against his hair, “Don’t ever apologize for that. Don’t apologize for talking about your feelings. I want to hear it. I want to hear all of it.”
Her actions and words have his stomach churning in the best way, and he leans into her touch, pulse pounding in his wrist as she smiles at him, “You have such a beautiful soul, Hyunjin. I’m sorry you had to deal with all of that. You don’t deserve any of it. I’m happy you got the help you needed.”
“Yeah,” He whispers, eyes flickering down towards her lips once before focusing back on her eyes. Her eyes that were shining looking at him.
He wishes she’d always look at him this way.
She watches him for a moment, rubbing small circles on his hand. The wind was shifting sand all over them, but neither of them cared. He’d stay here and get buried deep into the sand as long as she still held him this way.
“Did you…” She trails off, eyes flickering all over his face as she struggles with her words, “Did you get in trouble after that night?”
Hyunjin immediately knows what night she’s talking about. One of the best nights of his entire life, where it was just him and her, a messy bed, and lots of things that should’ve been said that couldn’t.
“Yeah,” He turns away from her, glancing up at the sky, swallowing thickly, “I did.”
“Was it bad?” The concern in her voice was evident, and Hyunjin hated that he was making her feel this way.
“He basically told me that if my pretty face wasn’t making the company money, they would’ve gotten rid of me.”
The waves roll softly against the shore, a seagull cries somewhere overhead, and Hyunjin starts to feel himself slipping into a place he doesn’t visit often anymore. Or at least a place he tries not to.
Because the truth is, that conversation never fully left him. Years had passed, his manager had changed his attitude once they became more global, the company had loosened up on them religiously, but sometimes, usually late at night when his anxiety was at its worst, he still heard those words.
Replaceable. Pretty face. Money.
“You know what’s funny?” He laughs softly, but there’s no humor to it, “I had spent years pretending that didn’t bother me. But I think a part of me believed it, anyway.”
His eyes stay fixated on the ocean, “Sometimes I wonder if people would’ve cared about me if I looked different.”
“Hyunjin—“
“No, seriously,” He shakes his head, loosening his grip on her hand without even realizing it. She holds it tighter, “It’s so stupid, but it’s true. I wonder that all the time. More than I should, probably.”
“It’s not stupid, Hyunjin,” She replies quickly, the genuineness in her words causing his heart to clench in his chest, “You shouldn’t… you shouldn’t think that.”
He glances towards her, careful, vulnerable in a way he doesn’t usually allow himself to be, “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course. You can ask me anything.”
He hesitates, for a second. The question feels ridiculous the second it enters his head, but suddenly, he wants to know. Not from fans, not from interviews, not from comments, but from her.
“You told me in the bathroom that I was your bias. Why did you choose me?”
He regrets it as soon as it leaves his mouth, but his insecurities have started to consume him, clawing through his skin, itching for a release. Asking somehow feels more vulnerable than talking about depression, and he wishes he could take it back.
He’s about to apologize, push everything back down like he always does, when her voice stops him.
“You want the honest answer?”
She’s smiling, not at all offended by his sudden question, and he nods hesitantly, not trusting himself to speak.
She shifts on the towel, scooting her body closer to his. She’s completely off the towel now, the warm sand digging into her side. If it was bothering her, she didn’t seem to care, moving their intertwined hands to rest near her chest. He sucks in a breath, and she notices, her smile only growing as she watches him.
“The first thing was your dancing. Obviously,” She admits lightly, her free hand still tracing through his hair, fingertips brushing against the side of his sunglasses, “I remember seeing one of your performances and thinking nobody else moved like you. Then I started paying attention to the group more. And then I heard you rap.”
Hyunjin groans immediately, “Oh no.”
“Nah uh, don’t do that,” She says quickly, narrowing her eyes at him.
“Do what?” His lips quirk.
“That thing where you act surprised that you’re talented.”
Hyunjin laughs at that, and that only seems to make her look even more grumpy than before. “I’m serious! You dance,” She takes her hand away from his face, counting on her fingers, “You rap,” Another finger, “You sing,” Another one.
She holds her fingers up to his face, “See? You’re good at all three.”
Hyunjin opens his mouth to respond, but she cuts him off quickly, “Nope. Don’t even try to deny it. Shove those words right back up your ass, Hyunjin.”
His mouth closes instantly, and she grins triumphantly. She’s so fucking endearing that it has him smiling harder than he ever has on this entire trip so far.
She places her hand back on his face, slowly combing through his hair with her fingers, pushing the loose stands back. The way she was doing it was so careful, so loving, that it made him tremble a little. He melted into her touch, craving more of it, craving more of her, reaching his hands out to softly grab at her waist, pulling her closer to him.
“The thing about you was that you weren’t just good at one thing,” She says once she settles into him, resting her head on his chest, their fingers still intertwined, “You brought something unique, Hyunjin. You made the group better. You’re just as important as everyone else. You matter just as much as everyone else.”
Hyunjin keeps quiet, not really knowing how to respond to that. She says the words with such passion, with such genuineness, that he finds himself actually believing her. It warms his heart in a way that should scare him, but it doesn’t. This, him, her—it just doesn’t.
It feels so right. Everything about this feels so right.
“It wasn’t just talent either, though,” She continues, snuggling deeper into his chest, “You always just seemed so kind.”
“Kind?”
“Yeah,” She giggles softly into his chest, the sound causing his entire body to heat up, “Kind. I watched a lot of interviews, you know? You were always so nice to people. You treated the staff well, always seemed so respectful and elegant with how you carried yourself. And you just cared about people. That’s really what drew me in the most, I’d say.”
Hyunjin blinks, trying to fully process her words. Really, he’s fucking shocked that someone even noticed that much about him, that cared enough to pick up on his character.
She says it so effortlessly, like it should be obvious, but it’s not. Nobody ever says that. People usually talk about his performances, or his sex appeal, or his art, not about how kind he is. She makes it seem like his value was never tied to his face at all, and that realization heals something he didn’t realize was still bruised.
“Do you still keep up with us?” He asks suddenly, “Do you… am I still your bias?”
He feels her body tense up ever so slightly, and the reaction alone gives him his answer. Suddenly, his mouth feels dry, and he feels like an idiot for even asking that to begin with. What is he even looking for, anyway? Validation? Something to make him feel better about himself?
“No,” She says honestly, speaking again before he can back track on his question, “I mean, you guys were a big part in my life once and Stray Kids will always hold a piece of my heart. And of course, you’d always hold a piece of my heart, and I still get all mushy inside and internally freak out a little just being like this with you again. But I haven’t watched a music video or interview or anything in years. Only seen things scrolling on social media every now and then.”
“Oh,” He says lamely, feeling the slightest bit of disappointment at that fact. Okay, not the slightest bit, but very disappointed at that fact, “Can I ask why?”
She didn’t reply right away, choosing instead to roll off of his chest. She wasn’t that far away, and he could still feel her body heat radiating off of her and onto his side, but it was enough to where he could feel the slight breeze from the wind now, and he didn’t like it. He turned to look at her, hands tightening around her waist to prevent her from moving too far away, when her voice made him freeze.
“I guess it hurt too much.”
She wasn’t looking at him. Her gaze was focused on the ocean in front of them, her hands fiddling with the strings on her bikini bottoms, and she looked deep in thought.
“It sounds dramatic, but it’s true,” She laughs softly, looking mildly embarrassed, and Hyunjin hates how quickly the air shifted between them, “I mean, I tried. After that night, I tried to watch music videos and fall back into my fangirl rhythm, but I just couldn’t. I just couldn’t.”
Her face turns towards him, the stars in her eyes beginning to fade, “It’s just… every time I saw you…”
Her sentence falls off. She doesn’t finish it. She doesn’t have to, because he understands, anyway. He understands it perfectly, painfully so.
“I support you guys from a distance, and I’m really happy when good things happen, but I just couldn’t do it anymore.”
“Yeah,” He whispers out, “I get that.”
And he does get it. For four years, he’d assumed he was the only one carrying that night around, not fully being able to let it go. And now, he’s discovering that he was wrong, very wrong.
She smiles, grabbing ahold of his hand to squeeze it, “Come swim with me.”
Hyunjin blinks, “What?”
“Come swim with me,” She stands up, brushing her hands against her skin to knock some of the sand off of her, and Hyunjin feels mesmerized for a second, “I want to swim with you. You wouldn’t let me go alone, would you?”
When he doesn’t reply right away, she reaches her hand out towards him, wiggling her fingers as she grins down at him so prettily. He huffs out a laugh, slowly leaning up to grab her hand to help him stand up beside her. He tries to let go of her hand once he’s on his feet, thinking she might be uncomfortable touching him like that in public, but she only grips it tighter.
“You can hold my hand if you want to,” She says shyly, eyes focused on their intertwined hands.
“I want to,” He replies back quickly, not even caring if it makes him seem desperate. Truth is, he was. He’d let her touch him all day, every day, in whatever way she wants and not even feel ashamed about it.
Not even five minutes later they’re standing waist deep in the water, laughing at how he nearly tripped over a wave and almost face planted into the water. “Yeah, yeah. Hilarious.” He rolls his eyes fondly, unable to stop the smile from leaving his face as he listens to her laughing. She’s so beautiful like this. So fucking beautiful. He’s honestly surprised he isn’t shitting his pants right now from how nervous he is.
“I feel like you’re really clumsy,” She leads them a little further in the water, still holding onto his hand.
“Yeah, that’s what the members like to tell me,” He follows her, a small wave lifting their bodies up quickly before they come back down, “Aish, it’s cold.”
“It’s not that bad—“
Another wave rolls against them, knocking them both underneath the water for a couple seconds. Hyunjin shoots back up, gasping for air, his eyes instantly drawn to where Y/N is currently coughing and choking, pushing her now wet hair out of her eyes.
“Oh my god,” She shivers, “I was not expecting that.”
“Thought you said it wasn’t that bad,” Hyunjin smirks, pushing his wet hair back with his fingers.
She glares at him, “Shut up.”
She lets out a short shriek, the water coming up to the back of their necks, and he tugs her closer towards him, breath hitching in his throat once she wraps her legs around his waist.
“Is this okay?” She asks softly, her eyes trailing all over his face, like she’s trying to gauge his reaction.
“More than okay.” He tightens his grip around her body, pulling her flush against his skin. Even in the slight coolness of the water, he can feel how warm she is, and it’s so fucking addicting.
She trails her hands up from his shoulders to his face, slowly pushing his sunglasses on his head. He squints his eyes, adjusting to the bright light from the sun, his heart thumping loudly against his chest once he realizes how close their faces are to each other.
“There,” She smiles, resting her hands on the back of his neck, “I can see you looking at me now.”
“I really want to kiss you right now.”
The words come out quickly, randomly, and he’s a little embarrassed once he says it. But that feeling is quickly erased once the next words leave her mouth.
“Then kiss me.”
Fuck, he wants to, but he doesn’t know if it’s a good idea. Not right now, at least. He knows himself too well, unfortunately, and fears he might not be able to stop at just one kiss.
Take it slow, He tells himself over and over again. He should take it slow, and stop thinking with his dick. He should be a gentleman, let her take control, go with what she’s comfortable with.
He opens his mouth to voice just that, when her hands suddenly come up to the top of his head, roughly tugging his hair back, exposing his neck to her.
“Hyunjin,” She says his name so sensually that it has his dick instantly thickening in his shorts, unable to stop the low groan from falling out of his mouth. She tightens her legs around his waist, moving her body forward, lightly brushing her lips against his, “Kiss me.”
He’s lunging forward without a second thought, moans falling from both of their mouths as he crashes his lips against hers. Her hands tug harder at his hair, his sunglasses falling into the ocean beside him, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything other than this, other than her.
“Fuck, you’re a little tease, you know that? Been driving me crazy all day,” He murmurs through sloppy kisses, groaning loudly into her mouth once she rolls her hips against his dick. He bites at her bottom lip, tasting the saltiness there, and she whimpers softly. “But you know that, don’t you? You know you drive me crazy. Acting so innocent and sweet when I know all you want is to get down on your knees for me.”
She moans loudly, kissing him harder, moving her hips even faster against him. His hands snake around her body to harshly grab onto her ass, urging her to fuck against him as he fucks her mouth with his tongue.
He pulls away and she whines in protest, chasing his lips, tugging his face back towards her. He doesn’t let her, one hand coming up to grab at her neck, the other creeping down to lightly brush against her bikini bottoms. “Isn’t that what you want? To get on your knees and put my cock in your mouth?”
“Mhm, yes,” She mumbles against him, rutting against his dick like she was in fucking heat, “Wanna suck your cock so bad, Hyunnie. Want you to fuck my mouth like you’d fuck my pussy.”
Oh, fuck.
Her words and the fucking nickname have him feeling feral, and he’s slipping his hand underneath her bottoms, instantly sliding his fingers inside her. They go in with ease, and she’s gasping into his mouth as he fucks two fingers inside her.
“Gonna make you cum for me first,” He breathes against her mouth, curling his fingers inside her. She lets out a choked moan, her head falling back, riding his hand just like she’d ride his cock. The thought of her bouncing on his cock and begging for him to make her cum plays through his mind, and he’s increasing the pace of his fingers, leaning his face down to bite and suck on the side of her neck.
“Hyunjin,” She moans his name so loudly, the sound playing through his ears like a mantra, “S-shit, Hyunjin… feels so good… you’re gonna make me cum.”
He bites harder, licking up the drops of water off her neck, the salty taste driving him fucking insane. He slips his fingers out from inside her, rubbing hard and fast against her clit, and she’s arching into him with a loud cry of his name.
“Fuck, Hyunjin! Yes, yes, fuck.”
The waves are still rocking against them, she’s still babbling out incoherent words into the warm air around them, and he rubs against her faster, biting onto her neck harder. And then she’s coming all over his fingers, spazzing out against his body, clinging onto him like she’s about to fall underneath the water.
“Jalhaesseo,” (You did well) Hyunjin says lowly, softly kissing the large bruise he sucked and bit onto her skin before trailing his lips up towards her face. She was panting, eyes closed, and he grabbed ahold of her face, forcing her head to tilt towards his.
“Look at me, jagiya,” He squeezed her cheeks lightly, and she lets out a whine, slowly setting her gaze on him. Her eyes were glazed over and her cheeks were flushed, and she looked so fucking beautiful.
And right now, treading water along the Italian coast, she was his.
“Get out.”
She stares at him for a second, blissed the fuck out, her lips parting, “Wh-what?”
“You want my cock down your throat, don’t you?”
The look on her face has his dick leaking into his shorts. She looks confused and submissive as fuck, and the sight has his brain running with thoughts that he’d never even think of in the first place.
Hyunjin doesn’t normally act like this when it comes to sex. He’s always been attentive, careful, and very vocal in bed, but never has he acted like this. He noticed it when he fucked her for the first time four years ago, and he’s noticing it again now. She brings out a different side of him he always knew existed and tried to tame, yet never fully came out.
And fuck, he loves it. And judging by how she’s still looking at him, eyes wide and panting like a dog, he knows she loves it, too.
“Don’t you?” He’s asking again, voice dropping an octave as he brings her face closer to his. She leans in to kiss him, but he holds her face back, a loud whine falling from her lips, “Y-yes. Please, Hyunnie.”
“Please what?”
Beg. Please beg. Honestly, he wants nothing more.
“Please let me suck your big cock. I’ve wanted to for so long, I’ve thought about it for years. I want it hitting the back of my throat, want to taste you so bad. Use me, please, Hyunnie. Want you so much.”
Hyunjin growls, feeling like he’s about to cum in his shorts, because holy fuck, that was so hot. “Then stop stalling and get out of the fucking water, yeah?” He lightly shoves her away from him. She stumbles a little, and Hyunjin feels bad for about half a second before she basically sprints back onto the sand, her ass jiggling with each hurried step forward. She’s eager, just like he is, and he fucking loves it.
By the time he gets out of the water, she’s already down on her knees in the sand, toying with the loose string of her bottoms, waiting so patiently for him. He suppresses a groan just looking at her, his dick pathetically straining against his shorts, slowly sinking down to sit on the towel that was still laid out on the sand. He leans back on his elbows, manspreading, beckoning her forward with a jerk of his head, “Come here.”
She starts to get up, sitting a few feet away from him, and he stops her with a click of his tongue, “Nah uh. Crawl to me.”
Before he can fully blink, she’s already digging her knees back into the sand, on all fours, crawling over towards him with a look so sensual it has him reaching down with his right hand to rub at his dick to attempt to relieve some pressure.
“Ssibal, jonna hathane,” (Fuck, that’s hot), He whispers more to himself than anything, groaning loudly once she reaches him, placing her hands on his legs, eyes focusing on where he’s currently still rubbing at his cock like a fucking teenager.
“Take my cock out,” He says lowly once he forces himself to stop. She wastes no time in doing just that, hands sliding up towards the waistband of his swim shorts, instantly jerking them down just enough to get his cock out.
He groans lowly once it finally springs free, one of her hands coming up to wrap around the base of his cock, the other sliding up his abdomen. “Wanna make me feel good, jagiya?” He reaches out to push her hair away from her face before gripping it tightly in his hands, jerking her head towards his cock.
She moans softly, grip tightening on his cock, her breath fanning against the tip of it. She licks her lips, and he groans loudly at the warm feeling of her tongue brushing against him at the action. He’d be lying if he said he hasn’t thought about this before. Okay, maybe more than once, when he’s alone in a hotel bed and feeling extra horny. But now that she’s actually here, knees dug into the sand, ass perched high in the air, looking at him like he’s her fucking world, he can’t go back.
Not that he’d ever want to, anyway.
“Answer me,” He jerks her head back, a bit of drool sitting in the corner of her pretty mouth, “Do you want to make me feel good? Want to gag around my cock until I cum all down your throat? Want me to claim you as mine?”
“Yes,” She pants, on the verge of tears, “Want your cock so bad, Hyunnie. I’ll make you feel so good, let you use my mouth however you want. Please let me have it. Please, please, please.”
He jerks her head back down, her lips brushing against him, “Open your mouth, and make me cum.”
She takes him with a loud moan, her tongue gliding against him so perfectly. She’s bobbing her head up and down, hand jerking him where her mouth doesn’t reach, drooling and slobbering all over him like he’s her last meal.
Hyunjin’s had his fair share of blow jobs. They were always messy, quick, and usually resulted in him still feeling unsatisfied afterwards. Maybe half of that was because he didn’t ever feel a romantic connection with those women, but whatever the reason, here—this, with Y/N going at it like they’re filming a porn tape, is everything.
She is everything. And right now, she’s still his.
“Yeah, jagiya. Just like that,” He breathes out, using his hand to guide her on his dick, leaned back on one elbow as he watches her swallow him like a pro, “Mhm, fuck. Your mouth feels so good wrapped around me. Fuck, how many dicks have you sucked?”
Hyunjin doesn’t know why he asks that. But with the way she’s sucking him, shaking her ass in the air, moaning and watching him with that same look as she takes his dick down her throat so effortlessly, there’s no way this is her first time.
The thought of other men sticking their cocks down her throat has him seeing red, and he’s leaning back, using both hands to grip at the back of her head, his abs tightening as he leans up, “Don’t answer that. It doesn’t matter, anyway, because my cock is gonna be the only one you remember after today.”
And then he’s slamming her head down onto him, her nose brushing against his pelvis with each push down. She’s choking, sputtering, moaning with every hard jerk down, and the sound is like heaven in his ears.
“Fucking hell,” He whines out, feeling his balls drawing up tight with each gag around his cock, “Mhm, yeah. Your mouth is perfect, jagiya. So perfect. You look so beautiful choking around my cock. You choke like this on anyone else’s? Hm? Were they big enough to make you cry and gag like I do?”
She’s moaning again, the sound shooting straight up his dick. He closes his eyes briefly, willing himself to get it the fuck together, because he does not want to cum yet. He wants to engrave this image into his mind forever, wants to have her like this every single day for the rest of his life, wants to claim her, mark her, show the world that she’s his and only his.
He opens his eyes again, choking out a moan once he sees her other hand moving fast in between her legs. Another closer look, and he’s realizing that she’s rubbing herself through her bikini bottoms, her fingers working quick and hard against the flimsy fabric.
“Holy fuck,” He groans out, his eyes now completely focused on how she’s fucking herself in front of him, getting herself off from getting him off, “F-fuck. Are you actually touching yourself right now?”
She moans around his dick, moving her hand even faster against her pussy, and Hyunjin feels dizzy, “God, that’s so hot. Fuck. Does sucking me off get you all hot and bothered, jagiya? One orgasm wasn’t enough for you?”
She’s rutting against her hand now, tears streaming down her face as he works her mouth on his cock. “Such a greedy little slut for me, jagiya. You just had to get yourself off right now. Couldn’t even wait until I came down your throat, huh?”
She cries against him, hips moving desperately, her fingers working even faster, swallowing him even harder, and he lets out a growl, feeling his vision start to blur as that warm feeling starts to shoot down his spine. “Fuck, Y/N. I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum, cum with me, fuck.”
She spazzes out, gaging around his cock with a loud cry, and his vision is turning white as he throws his head back, holding her head in place as he thrusts into her mouth, shooting his load all down her throat.
“Mhm, yeah, fuck,” He babbles out curses and moans and praises as he slowly thrusts his hips into her, working out his orgasm. His body feels like jelly, his heart feels full, and his dick is spent.
Ho-ly shit.
The sound of her choking out another sob brings him out of his post-orgasmic haze, and he’s jerking her head off his now softening dick, a trail of spit dripping down her chin and onto his thighs. She gasps once her mouth is finally free, and he’s instantly grabbing her arms to pull her up towards him.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” He breathes out, wiping at her mouth with the back of his hand. She looks absolutely wrecked, and he feels a sense of pride swelling in his chest that he was the one who made her look this way, “Are you okay?”
She coughs once, wiping at the tears semi-dried on her cheeks, “I’ve never been better.”
She smiles at him, the stars twinkling brighter in her eyes, and he pulls her to lay on top of him, kissing the top of her head. She snuggles into him, her skin warm, and he feels complete.
Was this a bad idea? Probably. Did he think about the potential consequences of whipping his dick out in public? Nope. But Hyunjin realizes quickly that right here, with her lying on his chest and sand bunched up his ass, he doesn’t care. Not at all.
“Me too,” He whispers softly before capturing her lips in his.
hi ash, how are you? i was wondering if could be added to the taglist for you in me <3 started reading it yesterday and i'm OBSESSED, loved your writing style!!
what do y’all think about stalker!jungkook for my next oneshot? dark-ish, college romance… he’s watching her for months before he ends up stopping a real threat before she even knows it exists
what do y’all think about stalker!jungkook for my next oneshot? dark-ish, college romance… he’s watching her for months before he ends up stopping a real threat before she even knows it exists
— SUMMARY. In which Y/N didn’t expect to hook-up with her bias, and Hyunjin didn’t expect to fall in love with her.
— GENRE. idol!hyunjin, strangers-to-lovers au
— PAIRING. hwang hyunjin x fem!reader
— WC. 8.8k+
— WARNINGS/OTHER. cursing ; alcohol consumption ; lots of overthinking ; lots of flirting ; sexual tension ; mentions of sex ; smut consisting of making out & dry humping
NOTE. a chapter entirely in y/n’s pov 🙂↔️ (don’t hate her, she’s just a girl </3)
ᝰ SEVEN | SERIES M.LIST
Mamihlapinatapei (Yagan) — the wordless, meaningful look shared by two people who both desire to initiate something, but are both reluctant to do so
The water is cool enough now that goosebumps have started rising across Y/N’s skin, but she still hasn’t moved. Her knees are pulled loosely to her chest beneath the bubbles, damp hair sticking to the back of her neck, her phone clutched in both hands like it might explode. Kat is still on speaker, pacing around her apartment in New York while Y/N is currently sitting in a hotel bathroom in freaking Florence having what feels suspiciously close to a nervous breakdown.
“Read me the message again.” Kat commands through the phone, Y/N’s grip on her phone only tightening.
“No.”
“Seriously? You’re gatekeeping romance!”
“This is not romance.”
“A man you haven’t spoken to in four years found you in Italy, of all places, and opened with this is either fate or a terrible idea. That is literally a romance novel, Y/N.” Kat snorts in reply, and Y/N has the sudden urge to throw her phone across the bathroom, dropping her forehead against her knees.
The worst part is that Kat isn’t entirely wrong. It is romantic, very Hyunjin-coded, and it has her wanting to scream.
Y/N’s been staring at his message for almost ten minutes now. She had swiped back out to check his profile half of that time just to make sure it was really him. And every time she did that, she’d be greeted with all his posts that she just knows she’ll spend an entire evening immersed in if she didn’t force herself to click out of it.
This just cannot be actually happening right now.
Just as she’s about to swipe out of the conversation again, the typing bubble pops up, and her heart jumps so hard it actually annoys her.
Typing… and then nothing. Typing… and then nothing.
Y/N stares at the little bubble like it personally insulted her.
“He keeps typing and stopping,” She mutters out, the instant shriek from the other line causing her to instantly regret even saying that.
“Oh, he is spiraling! Spi-ral-ing!”
“Kat, please. He is not!”
“Oh, but he absolutely is! And I am loving it, I’ll tell you that.”
Y/N bites the inside of her cheek, trying not to smile, but ultimately failing. Because she can picture it too easily—Hyunjin sitting somewhere in another hotel room across Florence, staring at his phone with his brows furrowed, deleting and re-writing sentences because he thinks too much and feels too much.
That’s the thing people never really understood about him. Everyone saw his stage aura first, beauty second, talent third. Y/N knows that because she was one of those people, softly admiring from a distance. But what ruined her was the softness underneath all of it—the nervousness, the sincerity. The way he’d looked at her four years ago like wanting her made him feel uneasy. The way he opened up to her about his constant battles with anxiety. The way his eyes formed crescents when he laughed and the nervous habit of running his fingers through his hair whenever he’d talk to her about his life.
Y/N blinks, desperately trying to tune back in to reality and comprehend what Kat was currently blabbering about. Just as she was about to interrupt her rant on how this entire situation is giving major K-Drama vibes, another notification catches her attention, her eyes locking down on the new text instantly.
hyunjin: I’m still trying to figure out if messaging you was brave or catastrophically stupid
A laugh escapes her before she can stop it. She could feel the butterflies erupting in her stomach, briefly reminding her of how she felt the first night she met him. She was a little star struck at first, (can you blame her?), but that quickly dissolved once she got to know him as just Hyunjin and not Hyunjin from Stray Kids. And getting to know him, to touch him, to kiss him—he had stopped feeling untouchable and became devastatingly human instead. And somehow, that was worse.
She remembers every detail too vividly. The warm glow of her bedside lamp hitting his face just right. The muffled bass downstairs only growing more faint once his lips finally touched hers. The moment he looked at her and she realized he was nervous, too.
God. She can still remember how his lips felt against hers, how he dominated her so easily, how he fucked her until the only name she knew was his. Her face heats up instantly, her core clenching, the butterflies in her stomach only growing wilder.
“You’re thinking about him right now, aren’t you?”
Y/N blinks, feeling her face heat up even more, “Shut up. I hate you.”
“I love you, too,” Kat sings back. Y/N could just hear the smirk on her lips.
She ignores her, choosing instead to grab ahold of her phone, desperately trying not to drop it in this bathwater from how bad her hands were shaking right now. She exhales loudly, biting her lip slightly as she types back a response.
y/n: depends. should i be concerned?
The typing bubble pops back up almost immediately, and he’s already responding before she can re-evaluate her response.
hyunjin: Probably.
hyunjin: I’ve rewritten every message to you at least four times already
Y/N bites her lip harder. The butterflies are only getting worse.
y/n: that’s a little embarrassing for you
hyunjin: You make me nervous enough to lose basic motor skills, apparently
Y/N can’t help the quiet laugh that escapes her mouth, a giddy smile making its way onto her face as she re-reads his message. Honestly, she’s a little bewildered, because how in the hell does she make him nervous? There is absolutely no world where she’d think that would even happen.
“Are you flirting with him right now or some shit?” Kat’s voice echoes through the speakers, “What’s he saying? What did you say? Don’t be a little bitch and leave me out.”
“He’s not… we’re not flirting,” Y/N replies, eyes still zeroed in on his last text as she re-reads it about five more times.
“Not flirting, my ass,” Kat replies loudly, and Y/N could hear some shuffling over the line, about to ask her what she’s doing to change the subject when she’s speaking again, “You know he hid behind the art columns when he saw you earlier today, right? Or should I say, stalked you.”
“What?” She replies, trying not to laugh but failing, as that doesn’t seem to surprise her at all.
“Yep. Chan told me. I hope you use that against him and never live that down.”
Y/N shakes her head in amusement, a warm feeling blooming in her chest as she adverts her attention back towards her phone.
y/n: nervous enough to hide behind a column, apparently
She watches him type and stop a few times, relaxing her body more in the bath, biting her finger through a grin with one hand while the other holds her phone up.
hyunjin: Okay… not my best moment, I’ll admit.
hyunjin: If I was going to fall over and die from a heart attack, I would have rather done that where you couldn’t see me
y/n: why would that even happen in the first place?
hyunjin: You looked so beautiful I really think my heart would’ve stopped if I saw you up close
Y/N sinks further into the bath, a giddy feeling flowing through her, consuming her entire body. He’s definitely flirting with her right now, and somehow she’s flirting back without even trying. It feels easy, too easy—like there isn’t four years sitting awkwardly between them. And that’s the dangerous part.
Her fingers move before she can overthink it.
y/n: you’ve survived performing in front of stadiums but seeing me up close is where you fall apart?
There’s a pause this time, long enough for her to notice. The seen underneath her reply almost seems like it’s taunting her, and her stomach twists unexpectedly. Did she say too much? Should she have said something else?
She stares at the screen longer than necessary. Kat notices the shift, because of course she does.
“Okay, what happened?”
“He left me on read.”
“Oh my god,” Kat laughs in slight disbelief, and Y/N narrows her eyes at her phone even though she can’t see her.
“I’m serious! He was replying fast before, and now he’s just left me on read. He isn’t even typing.”
“Well, I wouldn’t know what to even tell you, considering you won’t tell me what the hell you’ve been saying.”
Before she can reply, the typing bubble appears, causing her breath to hitch in her throat. She watches it for a second before it disappears completely, and her chest tightens.
She feels bad. Maybe she made him uncomfortable somehow. Maybe bringing up his career reminded him of the imbalance between them once again. Because back then, even though she’d tried to not to show it before she painfully admitted he was her bias, she knew what she was to him.
A fan. A girl who already knew his face before he knew hers.
But somewhere during that night, that dynamic had dissolved into something else, something frighteningly real.
Her phone buzzes in her hand, knocking her out of her thoughts. She glances down immediately.
hyunjin: Performing is easier. I know what I’m doing there
hyunjin: You’ve always made me feel a little out of control, though
Y/N’s breath catches in her throat, heat rushing through her instantly despite the now cool bathwater, because she remembers. God, she remembers.
The way his hands tightened on her waist when she kissed him back harder. The way he looked at her after he fucked her, slightly dazed, like he hadn’t expected her to affect him that much.
Her heart pounds violently in her chest as she re-reads his texts over and over again.
“Come on, Y/N! What did he say? What’s happening?”
Y/N stares at the messages for another second before clearing her throat slightly, shifting a little in the bathwater before quietly reading them out loud. Saying it out loud seems worse than reading it inside her own head, yet that giddy feeling inside her stays the same nonetheless.
“Holy shit,” Kat makes a wounded noise, “That is disgusting.”
“What?”
“In a romantic way. Disgusting. I hate him.”
Y/N laughs softly, but her chest aches a little now, too. She’s thinking about that night she spent with him again—how every emotion seemed to live visibly in his eyes no matter how hard he tried hiding it, how he kissed her like he was afraid wanting her too much might ruin him.
Kat lets out an annoyed groan on the line, “Are you thinking about him again?”
“No,” She replies quickly, defensively.
“Yeah right. I can smell your arousal from here.”
“Kat!” Y/N groans out, a modified look on her face as she glares at the phone, “That’s literally disgusting! Would you just shut up?”
Her phone lights up with another notification.
hyunjin: Can I see you while you’re here?
And there it is—the question that’s she’s been slowly anticipating since he first messaged her. Her pulse jumps immediately, and she stares at the words for a long moment before typing back.
y/n: what, like in public?
hyunjin: Yeah. I was thinking maybe we could go to dinner? There’s this nice place by the river I was thinking we could go to
hyunjin: Or we could walk around the city a bit, maybe go to another museum
hyunjin: I could pretend to know things about art and impress you
She can already picture it clearly. Hyunjin walking beside her through Florence at night with his hands in his pockets, his hair falling into his eyes while he says something completely off the wall about paintings just to make her laugh. It sounds dangerously nice, too nice, and that’s exactly why panic starts to creep in.
Being out in public with him makes it seem real, allows them to be seen. Public means people recognizing him, approaching him, taking pictures of him—doing anything to get his attention. And underneath all of that is the much scarier truth where she doesn’t trust herself around him, not when one conversation already has her feeling like this.
She doesn’t know if she’s ready for that.
Her fingers hesitate before typing.
y/n: i don’t know if being in public is a good idea
The typing bubble appears instantly, then disappears. It comes back, then disappears again. And Y/N is immediately regretting everything.
“Shit,” She mumbles to herself, scooting up a little in the bathtub.
“What happened now?” Kat asks quickly.
“I think I hurt his feelings.”
Kat snorts in amusement, “What? You did not.”
“I did,” Y/N strains out, eyes focused on the fact that he’s not typing again, “He left me on read again. And he isn’t typing.”
Kat calls her name in brief annoyance, and Y/N’s mind starts spiraling. What if he thinks she’s embarrassed of him, or doesn’t want to be seen with him? What if he thinks she actually doesn’t want to see him at all?
Does she want to see him?
He’s finally replying before she can form another thought, and her chest squeezes tight.
hyunjin: Yeah.
hyunjin: Sorry. That was probably selfish of me to ask
Y/N’s eyes widened immediately, panic flooding through her body, because that’s not what she meant. That’s not what she meant at all.
y/n: no, that’s not what i meant
y/n: i want to see you.
hyunjin: You do?
The vulnerability in those two words wrecks her instantly.
y/n: yes
y/n: i do
hyunjin: You could come here instead
Suddenly, her mind is back there again. It’s back to her white sheets, the soft lighting, his hands sliding carefully over her waist, the feeling of him pulling her closer like he couldn’t stop himself. She can still feel him on her, all over her.
She bites her lip, leaning her head back against the bathtub, debating on what she should do. Does she want to see him again? Yes. There’s zero hesitation there. But does she think this is a good idea? Probably not.
But right now, she can’t bring herself to care that much.
“He invited me to his hotel,” Y/N chokes out quietly, interrupting another rant that Kat was in the middle of. It’s quiet for a minute, and then—
“Wait, hold the fuck up!”
Y/N barely hears her, because she’s staring at the screen while another message appears.
hyunjin: Only if you want to
hyunjin: If it’s too much, you don’t have to. I just want you to be comfortable
y/n: you’re very bad at trying to be casual
hyunjin: Only with you
“Bitch, I’m about to hang up if you don’t tell me what’s happening!” Kat’s voice shrieks through the room. And before she can lose her nerve, before she can remember every reason that this is dangerous territory, she’s already sending back a reply.
y/n: send me the hotel name
By the time Y/N reaches the St. Regis, she’s already reconsidered every decision that led her here twice. Well, maybe three times. Okay, five.
The hotel glows softly against the Florence night, all old world elegance, expensive in the kind of understated way that makes her suddenly hyperaware of herself the second she walks through the front doors. Her heels click way too loudly against the floor, and she instantly regrets wearing them. Kat had convinced her to wear them, as it made her look more classy and elegant, (her words), fitting right up Hyunjin’s vibe. Y/N genuinely doesn’t think Hyunjin would care what she showed up in, but she does admit that she wants to look nice for him, even if that means wearing a pair of heels.
She spent almost two hours getting ready. And within those two hours, she had changed outfits four different times. Everything either felt too dressy, too casual, or too I’m trying to look hot for the guy I used to be emotionally obsessed with, until she finally settled on something simple enough to seem accidental, but flattering enough to make her feel pretty. Dark jeans, a low-cut black top, and lip gloss she reapplied three separate times in the taxi over here. Not because she wanted to impress him, but because she absolutely wanted to impress him.
She pauses once she walks a little further inside, fingers tightening slightly around the strap on her purse as she glances around the lobby. Everything is polished wood and velvet seating, quiet piano music somewhere in the distance. Of course Hyunjin would stay somewhere beautiful enough to feel completely unreal.
Her phones buzzes in her back pocket, and she pulls it out quickly.
hyunjin: You made it?
It’s ridiculous how easily he still affects her, even through a text. She’s a twenty-six year old woman with a career and a lease and student loans and enough trauma bay experience to function during literal emergencies. And yet, somehow, one text from him still makes her nervous system collapse.
“Miss Y/N?” A voice startles her, causing her to jump slightly. She glances up to see a man in a dark suit standing in front of her, his hands clasped behind his back.
“Yes?” She replies, although it comes out more so of a squeak than an actual response.
“Good evening,” He smiles at her politely, ignoring her embarrassment, “You may follow me.”
Y/N blinks at him, “Excuse me?”
For a second, she wonders if he’s nicely escorting her back outside, seeing as in she definitely doesn’t belong here. But when he takes a step forward towards the elevators on the right, her eyes light up in realization.
“We’ve been expecting you,” He states calmly, still polite as ever, and Y/N feels a little embarrassed all of a sudden, “Mr. Hwang asked me to bring you to his room. Would you like me to carry your purse for you?”
“Oh, no, I’m okay! Thank you,” She manages to get out without embarrassing herself again, and he nods once before gesturing over towards the elevator doors that are now open and waiting on them to step inside.
She tries very hard not to look visibly panicked as he closes the doors and the elevator begins moving up. They ride in silence, save for the constant thumping of her heartbeat blaring in her ears from how nervous she is. Her getting escorted to his room only intensifies that feeling, because it’s a clear reminder that Hyunjin can’t exactly have random people wandering around his hotel. She knows it’s for security reasons, but it doesn’t make it any less nerve-wracking.
The thought does something strange to her chest. Not because he’s famous, but because he had prepared for her, expected her, wanted her here enough to arrange this all in advance.
This is crazy. This is so, so crazy. And suddenly, she’s becoming consumed with the same feeling she had whenever he followed her up to her room four years ago.
The elevator doors opening again catches her attention, and she gulps nervously once the employee gestures her out into a hallway that’s way too quiet for how loud her mind is right now.
“He’s in room 417,” He speaks quietly, still ever so polite, gesturing towards the door that was towards his right.
“Thank you,” Y/N manages to force out, tightening her grip on her purse strap ever so slightly. He smiles at her one more time before getting back onto the elevator, and then she’s left alone.
Suddenly, everything feels too real, and she’s painfully aware of where she is and what she’s doing. And what is she doing, exactly? What is she doing standing inside a luxury hotel in Italy when her entire outfit was bought on sale? What is she doing standing right outside Hyunjin’s hotel room?
She should turn around. She should turn around, take the elevator back down to the lobby, walk out like nothing happened, and then block his account. She thinks about it for a half a second before deciding against it, taking in a deep breath before stepping closer to his door, giving it two, shaky, barely there knocks.
Immediately, she hears movement inside, which weirdly makes her feel slightly better, like maybe he’s nervous too. There’s a brief pause, and then the door opens, and then everything in her brain stops working for a second.
He’s beautiful. That thought hits her with humiliating force. Four years somehow made him worse for her. Much worse.
His dark hair falls softly over his forehead, slightly messy like he’s been running his hands through it. He’s dressed casually in black dress pants and a navy sweater that hangs loosely off his body, his rings on his fingers glinting under the hotel light. And his face… god, his face… is just as soft, just as intense as she remembers. It’s truly unfair how perfect he looks standing barefoot in a hotel doorway, and for a moment, it stuns her. But what gets her the most is how his entire expression changes at once, like he almost forgot what she actually looked like and now regrets every second of that.
For a second, neither of them says anything. Y/N suddenly becomes painfully aware of herself—her hair, her makeup, her heartbeat, the fact that she suddenly cannot remember how human interaction works. And how could she when the one man who has taken up every single thought in her brain for years is standing directly in front of her?
“Hi.” He breathes out suddenly, his voice sending shivers down her spine.
“Hi.” She says back, quieter than intended, feeling like she’s struggling to breathe.
His eyes move over her slowly, carefully, almost like he’s trying to memorize her again. His gaze is so intense that it has her visibly shivering, the movement causing his eyes to flicker back up to her face, “You came.”
“Well,” She replies lightly, desperately trying to sound normal, “You did send a very persuasive series of messages.”
He smiles, and it tugs at her chest in a way that instantly has her thinking back to that night in her bedroom when he looked at her the same exact way.
“Yeah, sorry about the multiple text messages,” He rubs the back of his neck, the tip of his ears reddening slightly, “You almost didn’t answer me.”
“Very true. I’m surprised you noticed that.”
“I notice many things when it comes to you, Y/N.”
The words land softly, too softly, like he didn’t even realize how intimate they sounded. Or maybe he did. Either way, it does something embarrassing to her body.
“Very smooth.” She tries to ease the tension that keeps brewing between them, her face only heating up even more once he smiles at her.
“It’s true, though. Kind of hard to not notice.”
Her stomach tightens instantly, because there’s something about the way he says it. The dark glint in his eyes doesn’t go unnoticed as he briefly drops his gaze down her body before focusing back on her face, his eyes widening slightly.
“Sorry,” He says quickly, stepping away from the door, “Please, come in.”
Y/N walks inside carefully, her eyes instantly drawn towards the interior of the suite. It’s gorgeous, expensive, and doesn’t do a great job at easing her nerves. If anything, it only intensifies the feeling, as she’s, once again, reminded of how completely their lives are and why she’s even here in the first place.
She tries to ignore that feeling, the soft click of the door closing behind her catching her attention, but only for a second before her focus shifts towards the perfectly made bed towards her right. There’s an expensive looking bottle of red wine sitting beside two glasses on the small table near it, and suddenly, all she can think about is the last time she saw him in a room with a bed—the last time she was this close to him, the last time his hands were on her.
Heats floods straight to her neck, and she swallows thickly, desperately trying to focus on anything else. Anything but him.
Although that’s very difficult to do, considering she’s inside his hotel room right now.
What is she doing here?
“You look nervous.” Hyunjin’s voice startles her, and she quickly turns her head towards him, her pulse thumping loudly against her skin.
“I’m not nervous.”
Lie.
“Really?” Hyunjin raises an eyebrow, a hint of a smirk ghosting his lips, “Hm. I beg to differ. You’re shaking like a leaf right now.”
“I am not,” She says a little more defensively, his smirk only widening, “If anything, you’re the nervous one.”
Another lie.
“I won’t deny that,” He laughs softly, the sound easing the tension in her shoulders slowly, “I guess I’m just better at hiding it than you are.”
He must be, because right now, he looks completely unaffected by her presence, while she’s currently trying not to pass out on this floor.
She doesn’t reply, choosing instead to stand awkwardly in his suite, trying not to visibly stare at him while also failing completely.
Four years ago, Hyunjin had been famous in the kind of way that felt unreal to her. He was successful, easily recognizable, and intimidatingly pretty. And although he’s still those things now, he’s also something else entirely.
He’s global campaigns. Sold out stadiums. Millions upon millions of people obsessed with him. And somehow, none of that compares to the simple reality of him standing six feet away in a hotel room looking at her like this, like he already knows she’s affected by him and is absolutely delighted by that fact.
“You can stop looking at me like I’m going to disappear, you know,” He says lightly, his voice a lot closer to her than she thought.
Y/N blinks hard, “I wasn’t.”
“You were,” He says quickly, knowingly, standing a little closer to her. She could smell the sweet scent of his cologne, and it was starting to make her feel dizzy.
She watches him as he walks towards the table, her grip tightening even more on the strap of her purse once he begins to pop the cork open on the bottle of wine. He glances at her, holding the bottle in his hand, and Y/N tries not to focus on how his hand fits around the entire bottle.
“Do you want some wine?” He asks suddenly, flicking his head down to gesture towards the bottle he’s holding, “It’s a Chianti. One of my favorites I’ve tried here.”
“Oh, yes, I’d love some wine.”
Truthfully, she needs the whole bottle to make it through this night. But a glass will do.
He pours her a glass, and Y/N feels her mouth going dry at the sight of him. God, it’s so unfair how pretty he is—how pretty he still is. His hair is lightly falling across his face, his lips slightly parted, his gaze completely focused as he watches the red liquid fill half-way in the glass. His sweater is rolled up to his elbows, his skin lightly tanned from what she assumes is the Italian sun, his veins bulging out on his arm as he steadies the bottle in his hand.
“You can put your purse down anywhere, and sit wherever you’d like,” His voice interrupts her staring, and she quickly glances up, his expression causing her face to flush instantly, “Make yourself comfortable.”
“Right. Thank you,” She clears her throat, awkwardly walking towards the couch near his bed and taking a seat before she can overthink herself into leaving entirely, almost dropping her purse while trying to slide it off her shoulder.
He notices her struggling, his mouth twitching like he’s trying not to smile too much as he walks over towards her. She holds her breath, his eyes seeming to captivate her.
“You okay there?”
“Perfectly fine.” She replies quickly, placing her purse beside her on the couch. Why is she so embarrassing?
“Hm,” He hums lowly, looking at her like he doesn’t believe her at all.
Besides his painfully good looks, another thing Y/N has come to notice is how he’s much more confident now. Back then, he was a little nervous, a little awkward, until he completely switched personalities and fucked her into the mattress. Now, he’s more bold, openly flirting with her without any hesitation, and she can’t say she hates it.
He’s not necessarily arrogant in the way he’s now carrying himself around her, but more so just aware. He’s more aware of the effect he has on people, and on her, specifically.
And the worst part of it is that she gets the horrible feeling that he likes seeing her unravel a little.
“Here,” He says softly, handing her a glass. She slowly reaches out, their fingers brushing against each other, and immediate warmth shoots straight up her arm. She snatches it from his grip quickly, instantly taking a large gulp, the slightly bitter taste dripping down her throat.
He watches her in slight amusement, taking a sip of his own glass. His eyes stay on her as he takes a long sip, and she matches his gaze, pulling the glass away from her mouth. He does the same, licking his lips ever so slightly, and her eyes are instantly drawn towards the action. Suddenly, she’s thinking of how soft his lips felt against her own, how he bit and sucked on her skin when he drove his cock inside her over and over again.
She shifts a little on the couch, crossing her legs and clearing her throat lightly. This is a bad time to be thinking of this. She shouldn’t be thinking about this, and she shouldn’t still be looking at how wet and plump his lips look.
“Thank you for the wine,” She lets out softly, shifting on the couch again once she forces herself to look away from his mouth.
“No problem,” He replies, his lips quirking as he takes a seat beside her on the couch, far enough that there’s an obvious amount of space between them.
The air around them feels intense. Not awkward or uncomfortable, but there’s way too much tension sitting between them that it almost feels suffocating. And Hyunjin intentionally choosing to sit all the way on the other side of the couch only adds to that feeling, because why is he sitting so far away from her? And why does she feel a little disappointed that he didn’t want to sit right beside her?
“Do you like it?”
“Oh, yeah. It’s very good. I actually prefer reds over whites, so you made a good choice.” She replies, trying not to seem so butthurt over him sitting two seats over on the couch.
“Yeah, I also prefer reds,” He says casually, slouching back into the couch more, “I ordered this bottle at dinner and thought the flavor was really nice. I normally prefer dryer wines over sweeter wines, and this one was a good mix of both. I’m glad you like it.”
“Me too,” She smiles, fingers lightly tracing the stem of the glass, “Sweet wines give me a headache. I can only have maybe two sips before I’m cringing.”
“Yeah, that happens to me, too,” He smiles knowingly, leaning back into the couch, the wine glass resting loosely in his hands.
Y/N’s eyes flicker down again before she can stop herself. His hands, the rings on his fingers, the veins in his wrist, the long fingers wrapped around the stem of the glass—the exact same hands she had spent an embarrassing amount of time thinking about after that party four years ago.
Stop. She needs to get ahold of herself. This is second time she’s been staring at his hands, and it hasn’t even been ten minutes since she’s walked in here. She tears her gaze away before he notices, focusing on her own hands that are now tightly gripping her own glass.
“How have you been?” He asks carefully, his voice causing her to glance back over towards him. The question feels genuine, and it catches her off guard a little.
“I’ve been doing well. Super busy, but well,” She replies lightly, “I’ve just been working in the ER as a PA the past two years, so lots of chaos.”
“Oh, that’s awesome, Y/N. I’d never be able to do that,” He shakes his head slightly.
Y/N laughs nervously, “That reaction makes it sound fake.”
“No, I’m just trying to imagine you doing that everyday.”
“What, yelling in trauma bays?”
“No, saving lives.”
She feels a nervous pit forming in her stomach, suddenly feeling super shy under his gaze. She shrugs her shoulders lightly, “Yeah, I guess. It’s not as dramatic as that, though.”
“I think it is.”
His tone is so sincere that she has to look away. There’s something deeply disorienting about someone like Hyunjin sounding genuinely impressed by her, especially when a small part of her still sees him through twenty-two year old eyes—the same eyes that used to stay up until 2am watching interviews and performances and edits of him online, the same eyes that remembered what it felt like when her celebrity crush suddenly became real and fucked her upstairs in her sorority house.
The fact that he’s looking at her like she’s the impressive one feels psychologically destabilizing.
“You work a lot harder than I do,” He says quietly, and Y/N scoffs instantly.
“I absolutely do not.”
“Yes, you do,” He replies, taking another sip of his wine, “You literally have someone’s life in your hands. I just dance around and sing for a living.”
“That is not true,” She looks back at him now, turning her body to face him a little better, “You know that’s not true. Don’t get me started, Hyunjin.”
He smiles teasingly into his wine glass, and Y/N’s gaze flickers down automatically once he lowers his glass, watching him lick the faintest drop of red wine off his bottom lip. She clears her throat quickly before redirecting the conversation.
“What about you?”
Hyunjin raises an eyebrow, “What about me?”
“How are you?”
The teasing fades from his expression slightly, and she finds herself instantly regretting her question. This is the part she’s been trying not to think about since she saw him again. The hiatus. The sudden disappearance from schedules that sent the entire fandom spiraling online.
She remembers reading the statement in her apartment after a long twelve hour shift, exhausted and half asleep, staring at her phone with this strange ache in her chest. Even after all of these years, some part of her still cared about him, still worried about him.
His gaze drops briefly to the wine glass in his hands before lifting back to hers. He looks tired in a way she hadn’t noticed earlier, and she fights the urge to pull him towards her.
“You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to,” She says quickly, quietly, hoping that she didn’t ruin anything.
“No, it’s okay,” He replies, his voice a little softer than before. Silence stretches for a second, and then he breathes softly through his nose, “I’m… okay. I think I just forgot how to stop for a while.”
He traces the stem on his wine glass, seemingly deep in thought. “I guess I just kept thinking if I pushed through everything, eventually I would feel normal again,” He gives a small, humorless laugh, “Turns out that’s not really how people work.”
“I’m glad you stopped, then.”
His eyes lift to hers immediately, his expression softening. And for one dangerous second, the tension between them disappears completely beneath something far more intimate.
“You were worried about me?”
Something in the way he asks that question has her heart stumbling in her chest. “I think everyone was worried about you.”
“Hm,” His gaze stays fixed on her, “But you were, too.”
Y/N can’t even deny it, she was worried about him—she’s still worried about him. And how could she not be when she hears what’s been said about him online, or how his body language comes across in interviews, or how tired he looks performing?
She tries to shrug it off lightly, “Well, you disappearing from the internet was unsettling, you know.”
He breaks out into another smile, laughing softly. It’s warm, it’s beautiful, and it has her doing the same as she watches him in a daze.
Her crush on him never really stood a chance. And right now, she doesn’t think it ever fully went away.
“Are you still in New York?”
His next question catches her off guard for a second, and she clears her throat lightly, “Yeah, I am. I decided to stay once I graduated.”
“Are you still living with Kat?”
She smiles at the mention of Kat’s name, “Surprisingly, no. We just got our own places last year. We live in the same apartment complex, though, so I haven’t really escaped her fully.”
“I don’t think you ever could,” Hyunjin laughs lightly, and Y/N’s really glad to see his smile again.
“I’m stuck with her forever, it seems.”
“Yeah. That’s how I feel about the members,” He runs a hand through his hair, shifting on the couch, “Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t be able to escape them. I’d move to the other side of the world and they’d be knocking on my front door the next day.”
“They love you.” She laughs, taking another sip of his wine.
His eyes soften, “Yeah, I know.”
It’s quiet again. He’s still looking at her, the smile slowly fading from his lips. His eyes narrow in on her, piercing into her soul, her body, her everything. She shifts slightly on the couch, her skin hot from his gaze, and suddenly, the space between them feels strangely noticeable now. Especially because Hyunjin hasn’t moved any closer, not once.
“You can sit closer if you want.”
Hyunjin goes still for half a second. His eyes widen just slightly before he changes his expression completely. There’s something deeply pleased in his expression now, the same dark glint she had seen in her dreams for months after he left her four years ago. He looks wholly satisfied, like he’d just been waiting for her to crack first.
“Are you sure?” He asks lowly, his voice dripping down her body like honey. Sweet, sticky, thick.
She nods once before she loses her sanity. He studies her for another second before he leans down to place his wine glass against the table sitting in front of them. He’s still watching her, still daring her to stop him or look away first, but she doesn’t.
He moves towards her slowly, carefully, until his thigh is resting right beside hers. He’s close enough now that warmth radiates off him immediately, close enough that his knee brushes hers lightly when he settles back. The contact shoots heat up her entire body. Neither of them acknowledge it, which somehow makes it infinitely more intimate.
She finds herself shifting closer to him automatically. Suddenly, she’s entirely consumed of everything about him—his smell, the tiny mole sitting underneath his eye, the slight warmth of his breath fanning against her lips. It’s distracting, consuming, and she feels herself falling into him once again.
“Why are you so tense?” He whispers lowly.
She glances down, noticing that her legs were tightly clenched together and her hand was gripping the stem of her wine glass so tight her knuckles were almost completely white. Instantly, embarrassingly, she relaxes, and his gaze is drawn towards her thighs as she spreads them apart just slightly.
“I’m not tense.”
He glances back at her face, raising an eyebrow, “You are. You’re thinking too much.”
She is, and she hates how he notices that.
He grabs ahold of her wine glass gently, and she lets him, her eyes following the movement as he shifts down to place it beside hers on the table. She swallows thickly, and her mind is instantly reminded of how similar this all feels—about how he did the exact same thing in her dorm room four years ago right before he kissed her.
She wonders for a second if he’s thinking about it, too.
He straightens up, but he’s a lot closer now, close enough that if she were to tilt her head up just slightly, she’d brush her lips against his. She hates that she wants that.
“What are you thinking about, Y/N?”
She’s thinking about how dangerous this feels. She’s thinking about the difference between them now. She’s thinking about cameras and fans and headlines and the fact that she used to have posters of him on her wall. And worst of all, she’s thinking that despite everything, she wants so badly to kiss him, anyway.
Hyunjin shifts closer without seeming to realize it. Or maybe he realizes it completely.
“You keep looking at my mouth.”
Her eyes shoot up towards his own, slightly embarrassed, yet she doesn’t pull back, “You’re looking at mine, too.”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
The corner of his mouth lifts slowly, “Because I’ve been thinking about kissing you ever since I opened my door for you.”
Every coherent thought Y/N thought she had instantly disappears. Her breath catches in her throat, and he smirks lightly once he notices. His own breathing looks uneven now, his breath brushing against her mouth, begging for her to claim him.
Good. At least she knows she’s not suffering alone.
“I probably shouldn’t have said that.” He says quietly, yet he’s still looking at her lips. She licks them slowly, and his gaze darkens.
“No?” She breathes out.
“No.” He replies just as breathlessly, his hand twitching, fingers lightly brushing against the side of her thigh.
“Why not?”
“Because now I’m just thinking about it even more,” He laughs, the sound soft and entirely unamused, his fingers inching a little closer, “And if you keep looking at me like that, I might not be able to hold myself back much longer.”
Neither of them moves. Neither of them looks away. The distance between them feels completely impossible, and Y/N’s grabbing ahold of his wrist, bringing his hand to rest fully on her thigh without even thinking about it.
He grips her thigh harder, moving his hand higher as he leans his body more into her. For a second, Y/N thinks he’s going to finally kiss her. But then he shakes his head once, like he’s trying to regain control, trying and failing.
“You have no idea what you’ve been doing to me all night.”
Her heart pounds harder, her hand still lying on top of his, “What am I doing?”
His gaze drifts across her face, slow, painfully slow, painfully antagonizing. “Looking so beautiful,” He mumbles, his hand dipping in-between her thighs, the other coming up to rest gently against her neck, “Testing me. Teasing me. Ruining me.”
A quiet moan escapes her mouth at his confession, and his expression shifts when he hears it. The last thread of restraint snaps in half, and he’s pulling her closer to him by her neck, his lips brushing over hers hesitantly.
“If I kiss you, I don’t want it to be because I assumed,” He admits quietly. His eyes stay locked on hers, patient, waiting, giving her every opportunity to step away.
She doesn’t. Not even a little.
“Hyunjin,” She says his name breathlessly, desperately.
“Tell me what you want.”
A rush of heat floods straight between her legs. It’s embarrassing how easily he affects her, and her body is reacting to him the exact same way it did years ago. She can only sit here being looked at like that for so long before something in her snaps, and she’s torn between an internal battle of giving in or stopping it before it can turn into anything messy.
Y/N wants him. She still wants him. Maybe she’s always wanted him.
And suddenly, she’s moving before she thinks about that fact too hard.
Her hands slides into the front of his sweater, fingers curling lightly in the soft fabric near his chest before pulling him towards her. Her pulse pounds violently as she closes the distance between them, and then she kisses him. It’s soft at first, almost tentative. Yet, the second their mouths touch, something in both of them gives out completely.
Hyunjin makes the quietest broken sound against her lips and kisses her back with an unfound urgency. His grip on her neck tightens, his other hand wanders aimlessly all around her thighs and up towards her waist. Her hands come up to rest on his shoulders in attempt to steady herself because her entire body feels dizzy all of a sudden.
He still kisses the same. It’s slow enough to feel intentional, but deep enough to make her feel insane, and she melts into it, just as she did last time.
A soft sound escapes her mouth before she can stop it, and Hyunjin reacts to it immediately, pulling her closer, kissing her even harder. His mouth moves against her desperately, his hand wandering towards her back and pushing her towards him like he needs her even closer, even though she’s already halfway in his lap.
“Fuck,” He whispers shakily against her mouth, the sound sending a jolt of electricity straight to her pussy, “You have no idea how much I’ve thought about this.”
His mouth is back on hers before she can comprehend what he said, his tongue prodding and poking inside her mouth. He swallows another moan, and she shifts her body to sit on his lap completely, her hands trailing up towards the back of his head, entangling her fingers in his long hair.
She didn’t realize how much she missed this feeling—the warmth, the intensity, the way he kissed her like he meant it. Y/N had been with only three other guys after Hyunjin, and none of them had kissed her like this, had touched her like this, had made her feel like this. Maybe it’s because it’s Hyunjin, or maybe it’s because of something else entirely. But whatever the reason, she can’t get enough of it.
He grunts into her mouth once she rocks her hips against him ever so lightly. He’s hard, and she smiles into his mouth, loving the fact that he seems to be suffering, too.
She wants more. She needs more.
She rocks into him again more forcefully this time, and he throws his head back, a light string of spit following the movement as their lips break apart. She does it again, over and over until he’s moaning underneath her, his hands guiding her movements on his dick. Even through his pants she can feel how hard he is, and her mouth waters at what he’s hiding underneath.
“Fuck,” He curses again, tilting his head back down towards her, his eyes instantly drawn to where her breasts are peaking out under her top. He’s reaching out instantly, squeezing them in his hands, causing her back to arch more into him, “Fuck.”
She’s kissing him again, her tongue sliding against his so desperately, and she moans loudly once he pinches her nipple through her shirt. “Hyunjin,” She says his name in between kisses, and he grunts into her, thrusting his hips up to meet the movements of her own.
A zap of pleasure shoots up her core once he rocks right against her clit. She whimpers loudly, pulling at the hair on the back of his head, kissing him harder. He lets out a pleased hum, repeating the same movement over and over again, causing her head to spin.
Fuck, he feels so good. He feels so big and thick and hard against her that it doesn’t even feel real.
He pulls back slightly, a soft groan falling off his lips, “Fuck, you’re killing me.”
Then he’s kissing her again before she can even reply, before she can even tell him that he makes her feel the exact same way.
His hand sneaks around her back and underneath her top, her knees digging into the couch as she practically bounces on his dick. He reaches a hand between them, lightly toying with the button on her jeans, the other moving around to graze against the bottom of her bare breast inside her top.
Something inside her snaps, and she freezes. One second she’s wrapped up into the feeling of being wanted so intensely that it makes her dizzy, and the next second her brain catches up with her.
This is Hyunjin. Someone whose life belongs, at least partially, to millions of strangers. And she just can’t stop thinking about that.
What exactly is this? Why did he suddenly reach out after years of silence? Why now?
Was it because he missed her? Because he was lonely? Because she was simply convenient? Maybe he wanted to meet up with her because they had history, so it’s easier to ease into it.
The thought hurts more than she’d like to admit. Back then, she would have accepted almost anything from him. And as much as she wants him, she doesn’t know if she can survive being someone’s temporary distraction—being his temporary distraction. Not when she spent months trying to get over him the first time.
“Hyunjin,” She says weakly, and he breaks the kiss, pulling away slowly.
His expression softens immediately at the sound of his name in her mouth. “What?” He asks quietly, voice slightly raspy.
She doesn’t even know what she was going to say.
Slow down? Stop looking at me like that? Please kiss me again before I lose my mind?
She should tell him what she’s really thinking. That she’s scared to take this further just to have another repeat of four years ago. That she doesn’t know if she can handle the aftermath of fucking him again, of growing attached to someone so unreachable. That she’s scared that even if he wants more than just to sleep with her again, she doesn’t know if she’s ready for everything that comes with that.
But instead, she just kisses him again. He makes a low sound against her mouth that nearly destroys her on the spot. And then suddenly, his hands are everywhere again—her waist, her back, one sliding into her hair as he kisses her back with immediate desperation.
He pulls back after awhile, tugging her bottom lip with his teeth, and she whines softly as she slowly opens her eyes, which is a bad decision. Because now, she has to look at him, and he looks completely gone. His hair is falling into his eyes, his lips are so pink and swollen, his chest is rising unevenly beneath her hands.
He’s so pretty that it hurts.
“Spend the day with me tomorrow.”
The words catch her completely off guard, and she feels her body tense up ever so slightly. “What?”
“Tomorrow,” He repeats himself, resting his hands on her thighs, rubbing them softly, “Come somewhere with me tomorrow.”
“Where?” She asks, a nervous feeling bubbling in her stomach.
“The beach. It’s supposed to be nice tomorrow. I was thinking we could spend the day there, and then come back here for dinner later. I can order us room service, if you want.”
Y/N blinks, imagining all the reasons that’s a bad idea. A full day. Sunshine. Conversation. No distractions. No hiding behind flirting. It’s just them, and that seems much scarier than sitting in his hotel room.
Hyunjin notices the hesitation immediately, a sheepish expression on his face as he glances at her, “You don’t have to say yes. I’m sure you have other plans already. I don't want to ruin your trip.”
Y/N studies him for a moment. He looks so nervous, pretending not to care while obviously caring a lot. And what seems to stick with her the most is the fact that he isn’t asking for another night with her, but he’s asking to spend an entire day with her. That answers a question she hadn’t known how to ask, and her expression eases instantly.
“The beach?” She asks again.
“Yeah,” A hopeful smile falls on his face, his hand still rubbing against her thighs, “I know someone who can help us get there without being bothered by anyone. It’s a private beach. We won’t be near anyone.”
“Okay.” She finds herself smiling, nodding her head slightly as she places her hands on top of his on her thigh.
The relief on his face is immediate, “Yeah?”
“Yeah, I’d love to go with you. It’ll be fun.”
The smile that appears on his face afterwards is so bright and genuine that it steals her breath for a second. And right now, that’s what convinces her that maybe she made the right choice.
— SUMMARY. In which Y/N didn’t expect to hook-up with her bias, and Hyunjin didn’t expect to fall in love with her.
— GENRE. idol!hyunjin, strangers-to-lovers au
— PAIRING. hwang hyunjin x fem!reader
— WC. 8.8k+
— WARNINGS/OTHER. cursing ; alcohol consumption ; lots of overthinking ; lots of flirting ; sexual tension ; mentions of sex ; smut consisting of making out & dry humping
ᝰ SEVEN | SERIES M.LIST
Mamihlapinatapei (Yagan) — the wordless, meaningful look shared by two people who both desire to initiate something, but are both reluctant to do so
The water is cool enough now that goosebumps have started rising across Y/N’s skin, but she still hasn’t moved. Her knees are pulled loosely to her chest beneath the bubbles, damp hair sticking to the back of her neck, her phone clutched in both hands like it might explode. Kat is still on speaker, pacing around her apartment in New York while Y/N is currently sitting in a hotel bathroom in freaking Florence having what feels suspiciously close to a nervous breakdown.
“Read me the message again.” Kat commands through the phone, Y/N’s grip on her phone only tightening.
“No.”
“Seriously? You’re gatekeeping romance!”
“This is not romance.”
“A man you haven’t spoken to in four years found you in Italy, of all places, and opened with this is either fate or a terrible idea. That is literally a romance novel, Y/N.” Kat snorts in reply, and Y/N has the sudden urge to throw her phone across the bathroom, dropping her forehead against her knees.
The worst part is that Kat isn’t entirely wrong. It is romantic, very Hyunjin-coded, and it has her wanting to scream.
Y/N’s been staring at his message for almost ten minutes now. She had swiped back out to check his profile half of that time just to make sure it was really him. And every time she did that, she’d be greeted with all his posts that she just knows she’ll spend an entire evening immersed in if she didn’t force herself to click out of it.
This just cannot be actually happening right now.
Just as she’s about to swipe out of the conversation again, the typing bubble pops up, and her heart jumps so hard it actually annoys her.
Typing… and then nothing. Typing… and then nothing.
Y/N stares at the little bubble like it personally insulted her.
“He keeps typing and stopping,” She mutters out, the instant shriek from the other line causing her to instantly regret even saying that.
“Oh, he is spiraling! Spi-ral-ing!”
“Kat, please. He is not!”
“Oh, but he absolutely is! And I am loving it, I’ll tell you that.”
Y/N bites the inside of her cheek, trying not to smile, but ultimately failing. Because she can picture it too easily—Hyunjin sitting somewhere in another hotel room across Florence, staring at his phone with his brows furrowed, deleting and re-writing sentences because he thinks too much and feels too much.
That’s the thing people never really understood about him. Everyone saw his stage aura first, beauty second, talent third. Y/N knows that because she was one of those people, softly admiring from a distance. But what ruined her was the softness underneath all of it—the nervousness, the sincerity. The way he’d looked at her four years ago like wanting her made him feel uneasy. The way he opened up to her about his constant battles with anxiety. The way his eyes formed crescents when he laughed and the nervous habit of running his fingers through his hair whenever he’d talk to her about his life.
Y/N blinks, desperately trying to tune back in to reality and comprehend what Kat was currently blabbering about. Just as she was about to interrupt her rant on how this entire situation is giving major K-Drama vibes, another notification catches her attention, her eyes locking down on the new text instantly.
hyunjin: I’m still trying to figure out if messaging you was brave or catastrophically stupid
A laugh escapes her before she can stop it. She could feel the butterflies erupting in her stomach, briefly reminding her of how she felt the first night she met him. She was a little star struck at first, (can you blame her?), but that quickly dissolved once she got to know him as just Hyunjin and not Hyunjin from Stray Kids. And getting to know him, to touch him, to kiss him—he had stopped feeling untouchable and became devastatingly human instead. And somehow, that was worse.
She remembers every detail too vividly. The warm glow of her bedside lamp hitting his face just right. The muffled bass downstairs only growing more faint once his lips finally touched hers. The moment he looked at her and she realized he was nervous, too.
God. She can still remember how his lips felt against hers, how he dominated her so easily, how he fucked her until the only name she knew was his. Her face heats up instantly, her core clenching, the butterflies in her stomach only growing wilder.
“You’re thinking about him right now, aren’t you?”
Y/N blinks, feeling her face heat up even more, “Shut up. I hate you.”
“I love you, too,” Kat sings back. Y/N could just hear the smirk on her lips.
She ignores her, choosing instead to grab ahold of her phone, desperately trying not to drop it in this bathwater from how bad her hands were shaking right now. She exhales loudly, biting her lip slightly as she types back a response.
y/n: depends. should i be concerned?
The typing bubble pops back up almost immediately, and he’s already responding before she can re-evaluate her response.
hyunjin: Probably.
hyunjin: I’ve rewritten every message to you at least four times already
Y/N bites her lip harder. The butterflies are only getting worse.
y/n: that’s a little embarrassing for you
hyunjin: You make me nervous enough to lose basic motor skills, apparently
Y/N can’t help the quiet laugh that escapes her mouth, a giddy smile making its way onto her face as she re-reads his message. Honestly, she’s a little bewildered, because how in the hell does she make him nervous? There is absolutely no world where she’d think that would even happen.
“Are you flirting with him right now or some shit?” Kat’s voice echoes through the speakers, “What’s he saying? What did you say? Don’t be a little bitch and leave me out.”
“He’s not… we’re not flirting,” Y/N replies, eyes still zeroed in on his last text as she re-reads it about five more times.
“Not flirting, my ass,” Kat replies loudly, and Y/N could hear some shuffling over the line, about to ask her what she’s doing to change the subject when she’s speaking again, “You know he hid behind the art columns when he saw you earlier today, right? Or should I say, stalked you.”
“What?” She replies, trying not to laugh but failing, as that doesn’t seem to surprise her at all.
“Yep. Chan told me. I hope you use that against him and never live that down.”
Y/N shakes her head in amusement, a warm feeling blooming in her chest as she adverts her attention back towards her phone.
y/n: nervous enough to hide behind a column, apparently
She watches him type and stop a few times, relaxing her body more in the bath, biting her finger through a grin with one hand while the other holds her phone up.
hyunjin: Okay… not my best moment, I’ll admit.
hyunjin: If I was going to fall over and die from a heart attack, I would have rather done that where you couldn’t see me
y/n: why would that even happen in the first place?
hyunjin: You looked so beautiful I really think my heart would’ve stopped if I saw you up close
Y/N sinks further into the bath, a giddy feeling flowing through her, consuming her entire body. He’s definitely flirting with her right now, and somehow she’s flirting back without even trying. It feels easy, too easy—like there isn’t four years sitting awkwardly between them. And that’s the dangerous part.
Her fingers move before she can overthink it.
y/n: you’ve survived performing in front of stadiums but seeing me up close is where you fall apart?
There’s a pause this time, long enough for her to notice. The seen underneath her reply almost seems like it’s taunting her, and her stomach twists unexpectedly. Did she say too much? Should she have said something else?
She stares at the screen longer than necessary. Kat notices the shift, because of course she does.
“Okay, what happened?”
“He left me on read.”
“Oh my god,” Kat laughs in slight disbelief, and Y/N narrows her eyes at her phone even though she can’t see her.
“I’m serious! He was replying fast before, and now he’s just left me on read. He isn’t even typing.”
“Well, I wouldn’t know what to even tell you, considering you won’t tell me what the hell you’ve been saying.”
Before she can reply, the typing bubble appears, causing her breath to hitch in her throat. She watches it for a second before it disappears completely, and her chest tightens.
She feels bad. Maybe she made him uncomfortable somehow. Maybe bringing up his career reminded him of the imbalance between them once again. Because back then, even though she’d tried to not to show it before she painfully admitted he was her bias, she knew what she was to him.
A fan. A girl who already knew his face before he knew hers.
But somewhere during that night, that dynamic had dissolved into something else, something frighteningly real.
Her phone buzzes in her hand, knocking her out of her thoughts. She glances down immediately.
hyunjin: Performing is easier. I know what I’m doing there
hyunjin: You’ve always made me feel a little out of control, though
Y/N’s breath catches in her throat, heat rushing through her instantly despite the now cool bathwater, because she remembers. God, she remembers.
The way his hands tightened on her waist when she kissed him back harder. The way he looked at her after he fucked her, slightly dazed, like he hadn’t expected her to affect him that much.
Her heart pounds violently in her chest as she re-reads his texts over and over again.
“Come on, Y/N! What did he say? What’s happening?”
Y/N stares at the messages for another second before clearing her throat slightly, shifting a little in the bathwater before quietly reading them out loud. Saying it out loud seems worse than reading it inside her own head, yet that giddy feeling inside her stays the same nonetheless.
“Holy shit,” Kat makes a wounded noise, “That is disgusting.”
“What?”
“In a romantic way. Disgusting. I hate him.”
Y/N laughs softly, but her chest aches a little now, too. She’s thinking about that night she spent with him again—how every emotion seemed to live visibly in his eyes no matter how hard he tried hiding it, how he kissed her like he was afraid wanting her too much might ruin him.
Kat lets out an annoyed groan on the line, “Are you thinking about him again?”
“No,” She replies quickly, defensively.
“Yeah right. I can smell your arousal from here.”
“Kat!” Y/N groans out, a modified look on her face as she glares at the phone, “That’s literally disgusting! Would you just shut up?”
Her phone lights up with another notification.
hyunjin: Can I see you while you’re here?
And there it is—the question that’s she’s been slowly anticipating since he first messaged her. Her pulse jumps immediately, and she stares at the words for a long moment before typing back.
y/n: what, like in public?
hyunjin: Yeah. I was thinking maybe we could go to dinner? There’s this nice place by the river I was thinking we could go to
hyunjin: Or we could walk around the city a bit, maybe go to another museum
hyunjin: I could pretend to know things about art and impress you
She can already picture it clearly. Hyunjin walking beside her through Florence at night with his hands in his pockets, his hair falling into his eyes while he says something completely off the wall about paintings just to make her laugh. It sounds dangerously nice, too nice, and that’s exactly why panic starts to creep in.
Being out in public with him makes it seem real, allows them to be seen. Public means people recognizing him, approaching him, taking pictures of him—doing anything to get his attention. And underneath all of that is the much scarier truth where she doesn’t trust herself around him, not when one conversation already has her feeling like this.
She doesn’t know if she’s ready for that.
Her fingers hesitate before typing.
y/n: i don’t know if being in public is a good idea
The typing bubble appears instantly, then disappears. It comes back, then disappears again. And Y/N is immediately regretting everything.
“Shit,” She mumbles to herself, scooting up a little in the bathtub.
“What happened now?” Kat asks quickly.
“I think I hurt his feelings.”
Kat snorts in amusement, “What? You did not.”
“I did,” Y/N strains out, eyes focused on the fact that he’s not typing again, “He left me on read again. And he isn’t typing.”
Kat calls her name in brief annoyance, and Y/N’s mind starts spiraling. What if he thinks she’s embarrassed of him, or doesn’t want to be seen with him? What if he thinks she actually doesn’t want to see him at all?
Does she want to see him?
He’s finally replying before she can form another thought, and her chest squeezes tight.
hyunjin: Yeah.
hyunjin: Sorry. That was probably selfish of me to ask
Y/N’s eyes widened immediately, panic flooding through her body, because that’s not what she meant. That’s not what she meant at all.
y/n: no, that’s not what i meant
y/n: i want to see you.
hyunjin: You do?
The vulnerability in those two words wrecks her instantly.
y/n: yes
y/n: i do
hyunjin: You could come here instead
Suddenly, her mind is back there again. It’s back to her white sheets, the soft lighting, his hands sliding carefully over her waist, the feeling of him pulling her closer like he couldn’t stop himself. She can still feel him on her, all over her.
She bites her lip, leaning her head back against the bathtub, debating on what she should do. Does she want to see him again? Yes. There’s zero hesitation there. But does she think this is a good idea? Probably not.
But right now, she can’t bring herself to care that much.
“He invited me to his hotel,” Y/N chokes out quietly, interrupting another rant that Kat was in the middle of. It’s quiet for a minute, and then—
“Wait, hold the fuck up!”
Y/N barely hears her, because she’s staring at the screen while another message appears.
hyunjin: Only if you want to
hyunjin: If it’s too much, you don’t have to. I just want you to be comfortable
y/n: you’re very bad at trying to be casual
hyunjin: Only with you
“Bitch, I’m about to hang up if you don’t tell me what’s happening!” Kat’s voice shrieks through the room. And before she can lose her nerve, before she can remember every reason that this is dangerous territory, she’s already sending back a reply.
y/n: send me the hotel name
By the time Y/N reaches the St. Regis, she’s already reconsidered every decision that led her here twice. Well, maybe three times. Okay, five.
The hotel glows softly against the Florence night, all old world elegance, expensive in the kind of understated way that makes her suddenly hyperaware of herself the second she walks through the front doors. Her heels click way too loudly against the floor, and she instantly regrets wearing them. Kat had convinced her to wear them, as it made her look more classy and elegant, (her words), fitting right up Hyunjin’s vibe. Y/N genuinely doesn’t think Hyunjin would care what she showed up in, but she does admit that she wants to look nice for him, even if that means wearing a pair of heels.
She spent almost two hours getting ready. And within those two hours, she had changed outfits four different times. Everything either felt too dressy, too casual, or too I’m trying to look hot for the guy I used to be emotionally obsessed with, until she finally settled on something simple enough to seem accidental, but flattering enough to make her feel pretty. Dark jeans, a low-cut black top, and lip gloss she reapplied three separate times in the taxi over here. Not because she wanted to impress him, but because she absolutely wanted to impress him.
She pauses once she walks a little further inside, fingers tightening slightly around the strap on her purse as she glances around the lobby. Everything is polished wood and velvet seating, quiet piano music somewhere in the distance. Of course Hyunjin would stay somewhere beautiful enough to feel completely unreal.
Her phones buzzes in her back pocket, and she pulls it out quickly.
hyunjin: You made it?
It’s ridiculous how easily he still affects her, even through a text. She’s a twenty-six year old woman with a career and a lease and student loans and enough trauma bay experience to function during literal emergencies. And yet, somehow, one text from him still makes her nervous system collapse.
“Miss Y/N?” A voice startles her, causing her to jump slightly. She glances up to see a man in a dark suit standing in front of her, his hands clasped behind his back.
“Yes?” She replies, although it comes out more so of a squeak than an actual response.
“Good evening,” He smiles at her politely, ignoring her embarrassment, “You may follow me.”
Y/N blinks at him, “Excuse me?”
For a second, she wonders if he’s nicely escorting her back outside, seeing as in she definitely doesn’t belong here. But when he takes a step forward towards the elevators on the right, her eyes light up in realization.
“We’ve been expecting you,” He states calmly, still polite as ever, and Y/N feels a little embarrassed all of a sudden, “Mr. Hwang asked me to bring you to his room. Would you like me to carry your purse for you?”
“Oh, no, I’m okay! Thank you,” She manages to get out without embarrassing herself again, and he nods once before gesturing over towards the elevator doors that are now open and waiting on them to step inside.
She tries very hard not to look visibly panicked as he closes the doors and the elevator begins moving up. They ride in silence, save for the constant thumping of her heartbeat blaring in her ears from how nervous she is. Her getting escorted to his room only intensifies that feeling, because it’s a clear reminder that Hyunjin can’t exactly have random people wandering around his hotel. She knows it’s for security reasons, but it doesn’t make it any less nerve-wracking.
The thought does something strange to her chest. Not because he’s famous, but because he had prepared for her, expected her, wanted her here enough to arrange this all in advance.
This is crazy. This is so, so crazy. And suddenly, she’s becoming consumed with the same feeling she had whenever he followed her up to her room four years ago.
The elevator doors opening again catches her attention, and she gulps nervously once the employee gestures her out into a hallway that’s way too quiet for how loud her mind is right now.
“He’s in room 417,” He speaks quietly, still ever so polite, gesturing towards the door that was towards his right.
“Thank you,” Y/N manages to force out, tightening her grip on her purse strap ever so slightly. He smiles at her one more time before getting back onto the elevator, and then she’s left alone.
Suddenly, everything feels too real, and she’s painfully aware of where she is and what she’s doing. And what is she doing, exactly? What is she doing standing inside a luxury hotel in Italy when her entire outfit was bought on sale? What is she doing standing right outside Hyunjin’s hotel room?
She should turn around. She should turn around, take the elevator back down to the lobby, walk out like nothing happened, and then block his account. She thinks about it for a half a second before deciding against it, taking in a deep breath before stepping closer to his door, giving it two, shaky, barely there knocks.
Immediately, she hears movement inside, which weirdly makes her feel slightly better, like maybe he’s nervous too. There’s a brief pause, and then the door opens, and then everything in her brain stops working for a second.
He’s beautiful. That thought hits her with humiliating force. Four years somehow made him worse for her. Much worse.
His dark hair falls softly over his forehead, slightly messy like he’s been running his hands through it. He’s dressed casually in black dress pants and a navy sweater that hangs loosely off his body, his rings on his fingers glinting under the hotel light. And his face… god, his face… is just as soft, just as intense as she remembers. It’s truly unfair how perfect he looks standing barefoot in a hotel doorway, and for a moment, it stuns her. But what gets her the most is how his entire expression changes at once, like he almost forgot what she actually looked like and now regrets every second of that.
For a second, neither of them says anything. Y/N suddenly becomes painfully aware of herself—her hair, her makeup, her heartbeat, the fact that she suddenly cannot remember how human interaction works. And how could she when the one man who has taken up every single thought in her brain for years is standing directly in front of her?
“Hi.” He breathes out suddenly, his voice sending shivers down her spine.
“Hi.” She says back, quieter than intended, feeling like she’s struggling to breathe.
His eyes move over her slowly, carefully, almost like he’s trying to memorize her again. His gaze is so intense that it has her visibly shivering, the movement causing his eyes to flicker back up to her face, “You came.”
“Well,” She replies lightly, desperately trying to sound normal, “You did send a very persuasive series of messages.”
He smiles, and it tugs at her chest in a way that instantly has her thinking back to that night in her bedroom when he looked at her the same exact way.
“Yeah, sorry about the multiple text messages,” He rubs the back of his neck, the tip of his ears reddening slightly, “You almost didn’t answer me.”
“Very true. I’m surprised you noticed that.”
“I notice many things when it comes to you, Y/N.”
The words land softly, too softly, like he didn’t even realize how intimate they sounded. Or maybe he did. Either way, it does something embarrassing to her body.
“Very smooth.” She tries to ease the tension that keeps brewing between them, her face only heating up even more once he smiles at her.
“It’s true, though. Kind of hard to not notice.”
Her stomach tightens instantly, because there’s something about the way he says it. The dark glint in his eyes doesn’t go unnoticed as he briefly drops his gaze down her body before focusing back on her face, his eyes widening slightly.
“Sorry,” He says quickly, stepping away from the door, “Please, come in.”
Y/N walks inside carefully, her eyes instantly drawn towards the interior of the suite. It’s gorgeous, expensive, and doesn’t do a great job at easing her nerves. If anything, it only intensifies the feeling, as she’s, once again, reminded of how completely their lives are and why she’s even here in the first place.
She tries to ignore that feeling, the soft click of the door closing behind her catching her attention, but only for a second before her focus shifts towards the perfectly made bed towards her right. There’s an expensive looking bottle of red wine sitting beside two glasses on the small table near it, and suddenly, all she can think about is the last time she saw him in a room with a bed—the last time she was this close to him, the last time his hands were on her.
Heats floods straight to her neck, and she swallows thickly, desperately trying to focus on anything else. Anything but him.
Although that’s very difficult to do, considering she’s inside his hotel room right now.
What is she doing here?
“You look nervous.” Hyunjin’s voice startles her, and she quickly turns her head towards him, her pulse thumping loudly against her skin.
“I’m not nervous.”
Lie.
“Really?” Hyunjin raises an eyebrow, a hint of a smirk ghosting his lips, “Hm. I beg to differ. You’re shaking like a leaf right now.”
“I am not,” She says a little more defensively, his smirk only widening, “If anything, you’re the nervous one.”
Another lie.
“I won’t deny that,” He laughs softly, the sound easing the tension in her shoulders slowly, “I guess I’m just better at hiding it than you are.”
He must be, because right now, he looks completely unaffected by her presence, while she’s currently trying not to pass out on this floor.
She doesn’t reply, choosing instead to stand awkwardly in his suite, trying not to visibly stare at him while also failing completely.
Four years ago, Hyunjin had been famous in the kind of way that felt unreal to her. He was successful, easily recognizable, and intimidatingly pretty. And although he’s still those things now, he’s also something else entirely.
He’s global campaigns. Sold out stadiums. Millions upon millions of people obsessed with him. And somehow, none of that compares to the simple reality of him standing six feet away in a hotel room looking at her like this, like he already knows she’s affected by him and is absolutely delighted by that fact.
“You can stop looking at me like I’m going to disappear, you know,” He says lightly, his voice a lot closer to her than she thought.
Y/N blinks hard, “I wasn’t.”
“You were,” He says quickly, knowingly, standing a little closer to her. She could smell the sweet scent of his cologne, and it was starting to make her feel dizzy.
She watches him as he walks towards the table, her grip tightening even more on the strap of her purse once he begins to pop the cork open on the bottle of wine. He glances at her, holding the bottle in his hand, and Y/N tries not to focus on how his hand fits around the entire bottle.
“Do you want some wine?” He asks suddenly, flicking his head down to gesture towards the bottle he’s holding, “It’s a Chianti. One of my favorites I’ve tried here.”
“Oh, yes, I’d love some wine.”
Truthfully, she needs the whole bottle to make it through this night. But a glass will do.
He pours her a glass, and Y/N feels her mouth going dry at the sight of him. God, it’s so unfair how pretty he is—how pretty he still is. His hair is lightly falling across his face, his lips slightly parted, his gaze completely focused as he watches the red liquid fill half-way in the glass. His sweater is rolled up to his elbows, his skin lightly tanned from what she assumes is the Italian sun, his veins bulging out on his arm as he steadies the bottle in his hand.
“You can put your purse down anywhere, and sit wherever you’d like,” His voice interrupts her staring, and she quickly glances up, his expression causing her face to flush instantly, “Make yourself comfortable.”
“Right. Thank you,” She clears her throat, awkwardly walking towards the couch near his bed and taking a seat before she can overthink herself into leaving entirely, almost dropping her purse while trying to slide it off her shoulder.
He notices her struggling, his mouth twitching like he’s trying not to smile too much as he walks over towards her. She holds her breath, his eyes seeming to captivate her.
“You okay there?”
“Perfectly fine.” She replies quickly, placing her purse beside her on the couch. Why is she so embarrassing?
“Hm,” He hums lowly, looking at her like he doesn’t believe her at all.
Besides his painfully good looks, another thing Y/N has come to notice is how he’s much more confident now. Back then, he was a little nervous, a little awkward, until he completely switched personalities and fucked her into the mattress. Now, he’s more bold, openly flirting with her without any hesitation, and she can’t say she hates it.
He’s not necessarily arrogant in the way he’s now carrying himself around her, but more so just aware. He’s more aware of the effect he has on people, and on her, specifically.
And the worst part of it is that she gets the horrible feeling that he likes seeing her unravel a little.
“Here,” He says softly, handing her a glass. She slowly reaches out, their fingers brushing against each other, and immediate warmth shoots straight up her arm. She snatches it from his grip quickly, instantly taking a large gulp, the slightly bitter taste dripping down her throat.
He watches her in slight amusement, taking a sip of his own glass. His eyes stay on her as he takes a long sip, and she matches his gaze, pulling the glass away from her mouth. He does the same, licking his lips ever so slightly, and her eyes are instantly drawn towards the action. Suddenly, she’s thinking of how soft his lips felt against her own, how he bit and sucked on her skin when he drove his cock inside her over and over again.
She shifts a little on the couch, crossing her legs and clearing her throat lightly. This is a bad time to be thinking of this. She shouldn’t be thinking about this, and she shouldn’t still be looking at how wet and plump his lips look.
“Thank you for the wine,” She lets out softly, shifting on the couch again once she forces herself to look away from his mouth.
“No problem,” He replies, his lips quirking as he takes a seat beside her on the couch, far enough that there’s an obvious amount of space between them.
The air around them feels intense. Not awkward or uncomfortable, but there’s way too much tension sitting between them that it almost feels suffocating. And Hyunjin intentionally choosing to sit all the way on the other side of the couch only adds to that feeling, because why is he sitting so far away from her? And why does she feel a little disappointed that he didn’t want to sit right beside her?
“Do you like it?”
“Oh, yeah. It’s very good. I actually prefer reds over whites, so you made a good choice.” She replies, trying not to seem so butthurt over him sitting two seats over on the couch.
“Yeah, I also prefer reds,” He says casually, slouching back into the couch more, “I ordered this bottle at dinner and thought the flavor was really nice. I normally prefer dryer wines over sweeter wines, and this one was a good mix of both. I’m glad you like it.”
“Me too,” She smiles, fingers lightly tracing the stem of the glass, “Sweet wines give me a headache. I can only have maybe two sips before I’m cringing.”
“Yeah, that happens to me, too,” He smiles knowingly, leaning back into the couch, the wine glass resting loosely in his hands.
Y/N’s eyes flicker down again before she can stop herself. His hands, the rings on his fingers, the veins in his wrist, the long fingers wrapped around the stem of the glass—the exact same hands she had spent an embarrassing amount of time thinking about after that party four years ago.
Stop. She needs to get ahold of herself. This is second time she’s been staring at his hands, and it hasn’t even been ten minutes since she’s walked in here. She tears her gaze away before he notices, focusing on her own hands that are now tightly gripping her own glass.
“How have you been?” He asks carefully, his voice causing her to glance back over towards him. The question feels genuine, and it catches her off guard a little.
“I’ve been doing well. Super busy, but well,” She replies lightly, “I’ve just been working in the ER as a PA the past two years, so lots of chaos.”
“Oh, that’s awesome, Y/N. I’d never be able to do that,” He shakes his head slightly.
Y/N laughs nervously, “That reaction makes it sound fake.”
“No, I’m just trying to imagine you doing that everyday.”
“What, yelling in trauma bays?”
“No, saving lives.”
She feels a nervous pit forming in her stomach, suddenly feeling super shy under his gaze. She shrugs her shoulders lightly, “Yeah, I guess. It’s not as dramatic as that, though.”
“I think it is.”
His tone is so sincere that she has to look away. There’s something deeply disorienting about someone like Hyunjin sounding genuinely impressed by her, especially when a small part of her still sees him through twenty-two year old eyes—the same eyes that used to stay up until 2am watching interviews and performances and edits of him online, the same eyes that remembered what it felt like when her celebrity crush suddenly became real and fucked her upstairs in her sorority house.
The fact that he’s looking at her like she’s the impressive one feels psychologically destabilizing.
“You work a lot harder than I do,” He says quietly, and Y/N scoffs instantly.
“I absolutely do not.”
“Yes, you do,” He replies, taking another sip of his wine, “You literally have someone’s life in your hands. I just dance around and sing for a living.”
“That is not true,” She looks back at him now, turning her body to face him a little better, “You know that’s not true. Don’t get me started, Hyunjin.”
He smiles teasingly into his wine glass, and Y/N’s gaze flickers down automatically once he lowers his glass, watching him lick the faintest drop of red wine off his bottom lip. She clears her throat quickly before redirecting the conversation.
“What about you?”
Hyunjin raises an eyebrow, “What about me?”
“How are you?”
The teasing fades from his expression slightly, and she finds herself instantly regretting her question. This is the part she’s been trying not to think about since she saw him again. The hiatus. The sudden disappearance from schedules that sent the entire fandom spiraling online.
She remembers reading the statement in her apartment after a long twelve hour shift, exhausted and half asleep, staring at her phone with this strange ache in her chest. Even after all of these years, some part of her still cared about him, still worried about him.
His gaze drops briefly to the wine glass in his hands before lifting back to hers. He looks tired in a way she hadn’t noticed earlier, and she fights the urge to pull him towards her.
“You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to,” She says quickly, quietly, hoping that she didn’t ruin anything.
“No, it’s okay,” He replies, his voice a little softer than before. Silence stretches for a second, and then he breathes softly through his nose, “I’m… okay. I think I just forgot how to stop for a while.”
He traces the stem on his wine glass, seemingly deep in thought. “I guess I just kept thinking if I pushed through everything, eventually I would feel normal again,” He gives a small, humorless laugh, “Turns out that’s not really how people work.”
“I’m glad you stopped, then.”
His eyes lift to hers immediately, his expression softening. And for one dangerous second, the tension between them disappears completely beneath something far more intimate.
“You were worried about me?”
Something in the way he asks that question has her heart stumbling in her chest. “I think everyone was worried about you.”
“Hm,” His gaze stays fixed on her, “But you were, too.”
Y/N can’t even deny it, she was worried about him—she’s still worried about him. And how could she not be when she hears what’s been said about him online, or how his body language comes across in interviews, or how tired he looks performing?
She tries to shrug it off lightly, “Well, you disappearing from the internet was unsettling, you know.”
He breaks out into another smile, laughing softly. It’s warm, it’s beautiful, and it has her doing the same as she watches him in a daze.
Her crush on him never really stood a chance. And right now, she doesn’t think it ever fully went away.
“Are you still in New York?”
His next question catches her off guard for a second, and she clears her throat lightly, “Yeah, I am. I decided to stay once I graduated.”
“Are you still living with Kat?”
She smiles at the mention of Kat’s name, “Surprisingly, no. We just got our own places last year. We live in the same apartment complex, though, so I haven’t really escaped her fully.”
“I don’t think you ever could,” Hyunjin laughs lightly, and Y/N’s really glad to see his smile again.
“I’m stuck with her forever, it seems.”
“Yeah. That’s how I feel about the members,” He runs a hand through his hair, shifting on the couch, “Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t be able to escape them. I’d move to the other side of the world and they’d be knocking on my front door the next day.”
“They love you.” She laughs, taking another sip of his wine.
His eyes soften, “Yeah, I know.”
It’s quiet again. He’s still looking at her, the smile slowly fading from his lips. His eyes narrow in on her, piercing into her soul, her body, her everything. She shifts slightly on the couch, her skin hot from his gaze, and suddenly, the space between them feels strangely noticeable now. Especially because Hyunjin hasn’t moved any closer, not once.
“You can sit closer if you want.”
Hyunjin goes still for half a second. His eyes widen just slightly before he changes his expression completely. There’s something deeply pleased in his expression now, the same dark glint she had seen in her dreams for months after he left her four years ago. He looks wholly satisfied, like he’d just been waiting for her to crack first.
“Are you sure?” He asks lowly, his voice dripping down her body like honey. Sweet, sticky, thick.
She nods once before she loses her sanity. He studies her for another second before he leans down to place his wine glass against the table sitting in front of them. He’s still watching her, still daring her to stop him or look away first, but she doesn’t.
He moves towards her slowly, carefully, until his thigh is resting right beside hers. He’s close enough now that warmth radiates off him immediately, close enough that his knee brushes hers lightly when he settles back. The contact shoots heat up her entire body. Neither of them acknowledge it, which somehow makes it infinitely more intimate.
She finds herself shifting closer to him automatically. Suddenly, she’s entirely consumed of everything about him—his smell, the tiny mole sitting underneath his eye, the slight warmth of his breath fanning against her lips. It’s distracting, consuming, and she feels herself falling into him once again.
“Why are you so tense?” He whispers lowly.
She glances down, noticing that her legs were tightly clenched together and her hand was gripping the stem of her wine glass so tight her knuckles were almost completely white. Instantly, embarrassingly, she relaxes, and his gaze is drawn towards her thighs as she spreads them apart just slightly.
“I’m not tense.”
He glances back at her face, raising an eyebrow, “You are. You’re thinking too much.”
She is, and she hates how he notices that.
He grabs ahold of her wine glass gently, and she lets him, her eyes following the movement as he shifts down to place it beside hers on the table. She swallows thickly, and her mind is instantly reminded of how similar this all feels—about how he did the exact same thing in her dorm room four years ago right before he kissed her.
She wonders for a second if he’s thinking about it, too.
He straightens up, but he’s a lot closer now, close enough that if she were to tilt her head up just slightly, she’d brush her lips against his. She hates that she wants that.
“What are you thinking about, Y/N?”
She’s thinking about how dangerous this feels. She’s thinking about the difference between them now. She’s thinking about cameras and fans and headlines and the fact that she used to have posters of him on her wall. And worst of all, she’s thinking that despite everything, she wants so badly to kiss him, anyway.
Hyunjin shifts closer without seeming to realize it. Or maybe he realizes it completely.
“You keep looking at my mouth.”
Her eyes shoot up towards his own, slightly embarrassed, yet she doesn’t pull back, “You’re looking at mine, too.”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
The corner of his mouth lifts slowly, “Because I’ve been thinking about kissing you ever since I opened my door for you.”
Every coherent thought Y/N thought she had instantly disappears. Her breath catches in her throat, and he smirks lightly once he notices. His own breathing looks uneven now, his breath brushing against her mouth, begging for her to claim him.
Good. At least she knows she’s not suffering alone.
“I probably shouldn’t have said that.” He says quietly, yet he’s still looking at her lips. She licks them slowly, and his gaze darkens.
“No?” She breathes out.
“No.” He replies just as breathlessly, his hand twitching, fingers lightly brushing against the side of her thigh.
“Why not?”
“Because now I’m just thinking about it even more,” He laughs, the sound soft and entirely unamused, his fingers inching a little closer, “And if you keep looking at me like that, I might not be able to hold myself back much longer.”
Neither of them moves. Neither of them looks away. The distance between them feels completely impossible, and Y/N’s grabbing ahold of his wrist, bringing his hand to rest fully on her thigh without even thinking about it.
He grips her thigh harder, moving his hand higher as he leans his body more into her. For a second, Y/N thinks he’s going to finally kiss her. But then he shakes his head once, like he’s trying to regain control, trying and failing.
“You have no idea what you’ve been doing to me all night.”
Her heart pounds harder, her hand still lying on top of his, “What am I doing?”
His gaze drifts across her face, slow, painfully slow, painfully antagonizing. “Looking so beautiful,” He mumbles, his hand dipping in-between her thighs, the other coming up to rest gently against her neck, “Testing me. Teasing me. Ruining me.”
A quiet moan escapes her mouth at his confession, and his expression shifts when he hears it. The last thread of restraint snaps in half, and he’s pulling her closer to him by her neck, his lips brushing over hers hesitantly.
“If I kiss you, I don’t want it to be because I assumed,” He admits quietly. His eyes stay locked on hers, patient, waiting, giving her every opportunity to step away.
She doesn’t. Not even a little.
“Hyunjin,” She says his name breathlessly, desperately.
“Tell me what you want.”
A rush of heat floods straight between her legs. It’s embarrassing how easily he affects her, and her body is reacting to him the exact same way it did years ago. She can only sit here being looked at like that for so long before something in her snaps, and she’s torn between an internal battle of giving in or stopping it before it can turn into anything messy.
Y/N wants him. She still wants him. Maybe she’s always wanted him.
And suddenly, she’s moving before she thinks about that fact too hard.
Her hands slides into the front of his sweater, fingers curling lightly in the soft fabric near his chest before pulling him towards her. Her pulse pounds violently as she closes the distance between them, and then she kisses him. It’s soft at first, almost tentative. Yet, the second their mouths touch, something in both of them gives out completely.
Hyunjin makes the quietest broken sound against her lips and kisses her back with an unfound urgency. His grip on her neck tightens, his other hand wanders aimlessly all around her thighs and up towards her waist. Her hands come up to rest on his shoulders in attempt to steady herself because her entire body feels dizzy all of a sudden.
He still kisses the same. It’s slow enough to feel intentional, but deep enough to make her feel insane, and she melts into it, just as she did last time.
A soft sound escapes her mouth before she can stop it, and Hyunjin reacts to it immediately, pulling her closer, kissing her even harder. His mouth moves against her desperately, his hand wandering towards her back and pushing her towards him like he needs her even closer, even though she’s already halfway in his lap.
“Fuck,” He whispers shakily against her mouth, the sound sending a jolt of electricity straight to her pussy, “You have no idea how much I’ve thought about this.”
His mouth is back on hers before she can comprehend what he said, his tongue prodding and poking inside her mouth. He swallows another moan, and she shifts her body to sit on his lap completely, her hands trailing up towards the back of his head, entangling her fingers in his long hair.
She didn’t realize how much she missed this feeling—the warmth, the intensity, the way he kissed her like he meant it. Y/N had been with only three other guys after Hyunjin, and none of them had kissed her like this, had touched her like this, had made her feel like this. Maybe it’s because it’s Hyunjin, or maybe it’s because of something else entirely. But whatever the reason, she can’t get enough of it.
He grunts into her mouth once she rocks her hips against him ever so lightly. He’s hard, and she smiles into his mouth, loving the fact that he seems to be suffering, too.
She wants more. She needs more.
She rocks into him again more forcefully this time, and he throws his head back, a light string of spit following the movement as their lips break apart. She does it again, over and over until he’s moaning underneath her, his hands guiding her movements on his dick. Even through his pants she can feel how hard he is, and her mouth waters at what he’s hiding underneath.
“Fuck,” He curses again, tilting his head back down towards her, his eyes instantly drawn to where her breasts are peaking out under her top. He’s reaching out instantly, squeezing them in his hands, causing her back to arch more into him, “Fuck.”
She’s kissing him again, her tongue sliding against his so desperately, and she moans loudly once he pinches her nipple through her shirt. “Hyunjin,” She says his name in between kisses, and he grunts into her, thrusting his hips up to meet the movements of her own.
A zap of pleasure shoots up her core once he rocks right against her clit. She whimpers loudly, pulling at the hair on the back of his head, kissing him harder. He lets out a pleased hum, repeating the same movement over and over again, causing her head to spin.
Fuck, he feels so good. He feels so big and thick and hard against her that it doesn’t even feel real.
He pulls back slightly, a soft groan falling off his lips, “Fuck, you’re killing me.”
Then he’s kissing her again before she can even reply, before she can even tell him that he makes her feel the exact same way.
His hand sneaks around her back and underneath her top, her knees digging into the couch as she practically bounces on his dick. He reaches a hand between them, lightly toying with the button on her jeans, the other moving around to graze against the bottom of her bare breast inside her top.
Something inside her snaps, and she freezes. One second she’s wrapped up into the feeling of being wanted so intensely that it makes her dizzy, and the next second her brain catches up with her.
This is Hyunjin. Someone whose life belongs, at least partially, to millions of strangers. And she just can’t stop thinking about that.
What exactly is this? Why did he suddenly reach out after years of silence? Why now?
Was it because he missed her? Because he was lonely? Because she was simply convenient? Maybe he wanted to meet up with her because they had history, so it’s easier to ease into it.
The thought hurts more than she’d like to admit. Back then, she would have accepted almost anything from him. And as much as she wants him, she doesn’t know if she can survive being someone’s temporary distraction—being his temporary distraction. Not when she spent months trying to get over him the first time.
“Hyunjin,” She says weakly, and he breaks the kiss, pulling away slowly.
His expression softens immediately at the sound of his name in her mouth. “What?” He asks quietly, voice slightly raspy.
She doesn’t even know what she was going to say.
Slow down? Stop looking at me like that? Please kiss me again before I lose my mind?
She should tell him what she’s really thinking. That she’s scared to take this further just to have another repeat of four years ago. That she doesn’t know if she can handle the aftermath of fucking him again, of growing attached to someone so unreachable. That she’s scared that even if he wants more than just to sleep with her again, she doesn’t know if she’s ready for everything that comes with that.
But instead, she just kisses him again. He makes a low sound against her mouth that nearly destroys her on the spot. And then suddenly, his hands are everywhere again—her waist, her back, one sliding into her hair as he kisses her back with immediate desperation.
He pulls back after awhile, tugging her bottom lip with his teeth, and she whines softly as she slowly opens her eyes, which is a bad decision. Because now, she has to look at him, and he looks completely gone. His hair is falling into his eyes, his lips are so pink and swollen, his chest is rising unevenly beneath her hands.
He’s so pretty that it hurts.
“Spend the day with me tomorrow.”
The words catch her completely off guard, and she feels her body tense up ever so slightly. “What?”
“Tomorrow,” He repeats himself, resting his hands on her thighs, rubbing them softly, “Come somewhere with me tomorrow.”
“Where?” She asks, a nervous feeling bubbling in her stomach.
“The beach. It’s supposed to be nice tomorrow. I was thinking we could spend the day there, and then come back here for dinner later. I can order us room service, if you want.”
Y/N blinks, imagining all the reasons that’s a bad idea. A full day. Sunshine. Conversation. No distractions. No hiding behind flirting. It’s just them, and that seems much scarier than sitting in his hotel room.
Hyunjin notices the hesitation immediately, a sheepish expression on his face as he glances at her, “You don’t have to say yes. I’m sure you have other plans already. I don't want to ruin your trip.”
Y/N studies him for a moment. He looks so nervous, pretending not to care while obviously caring a lot. And what seems to stick with her the most is the fact that he isn’t asking for another night with her, but he’s asking to spend an entire day with her. That answers a question she hadn’t known how to ask, and her expression eases instantly.
“The beach?” She asks again.
“Yeah,” A hopeful smile falls on his face, his hand still rubbing against her thighs, “I know someone who can help us get there without being bothered by anyone. It’s a private beach. We won’t be near anyone.”
“Okay.” She finds herself smiling, nodding her head slightly as she places her hands on top of his on her thigh.
The relief on his face is immediate, “Yeah?”
“Yeah, I’d love to go with you. It’ll be fun.”
The smile that appears on his face afterwards is so bright and genuine that it steals her breath for a second. And right now, that’s what convinces her that maybe she made the right choice.
