anna! @sunghonkers - Tumblr Blog

Jul 21, 2021

No More Second Chances

❥ pairing: jake sim x female reader feat. park sunghoon ❥ genre: one-shot, angst, fluff, rich kids!au, high school!au, arranged dating!au ❥ warnings: violence (nothing major though), toxic relationships, underage drinking (if legal age for drinking is 21), reader doesn't end up with jake, let me know if I am missing something ❥ word count: 15.1k ❥ requested-ish! ❥ summary: Going to a party with Jake was something usual to Y/N, even with all the consequences it came with. What she wasn't expecting was the madness that unravelled afterwards. ❥ A/N: Hello, how are you today? I hope you enjoy this oneshot. It's a bit different from my usual writing while still maintaining some tropes that I absolutely love. I loved writing this so if there's enough interest, I wouldn't mind reworking this oneshot into a multiple part series. If so, then consider this the "trailer" for said series. Please, like/reblog this if you enjoy reading it and let me know your thoughts through an ask, if you feel like it; I am always appreciative of your feedback! As always, happy reading!

Maybe it was his kind eyes or his soft voice that made you believe that he had changed. You wanted to believe that, you truly did. But part of you told you that this would end up being like all the previous times: he would mess up, you would fight and then you would forgive him.

“So… going out?” your best friend Sunoo sat on your bed and glanced at you. He smirked. “Let me guess… you and Jake are on good terms again?”

You ignored him and checked yourself in the mirror. Yes, you were going out and it happened to be with Jake, Sunoo was right about all of that. What he wasn’t right about, however, was you and Jake being on good terms.

“We’re working on it,” you turned to face him and smiled. “Wanna come?”

“No, I’ll be staying,” he shrugged and stood up from your bed, leaving your bedroom with you. “My parents are still here so… I’ll stay with them.”

You nodded and the two of you climbed down the stairs towards the main entrance, trying your best not to trip. Sunoo reached out his hand and helped you. You gracefully thanked him and when you reached the bottom of the stairs, someone quickly came to meet you.

“Here’s your jacket, like you requested,” they bowed slightly to you and extended the jacket in your direction. You took it and they walked away.

“Do you want me to cover up for you?” Sunoo asked, an eyebrow raised. You shook your head and gently patted his shoulder.

“If they ask where I went, remember to not say Jake’s name, ok?” you looked over your shoulder to make sure the path was clear.

“They still don’t like him?”

You glared at him and crossed your arms. “Don’t act like you like him, either.”

“I don’t,” he admitted and you grabbed your bag, making sure you had everything you needed inside. “I already told you why so I won’t get into that again.”

“Good, I would hate to fight with you before I leave.”

You waved him goodbye and walked towards the entrance door where one of the housekeepers bowed down to you and opened the door.

“Do you need me to call the driver, miss?” he asked and you shook your head.

“That won’t be necessary,” you smiled at him. “My ride should be here any minute now. I’ll just wait for a bit.”

You walked outside of your house, being greeted by a soft summer breeze. You were happy the weather was this nice. Tonight you wanted to have fun and not worry about whether or not you would get a cold.

You grabbed your phone from your purse and quickly called Jake. After a few attempts, he finally picked up and you sighed in relief.

“For a moment I thought you’d forgotten me,” you teased him and he chuckled.

“How could I ever forget you? I am almost there. Do you want me to enter or park outside the property?”

You looked around, trying to see if any worker was outside that could see you and inform your parents about your little rendezvous with Jake. You sighed in frustration when you saw two gardeners fixing the watering system of the front garden.

“I’ll meet you at our usual spot,” you announced as you took steps towards the closed gate in front of you. “They're doing maintenance work in the garden.”

“Ok, then. I’ll see you soon.”

“See you,” you disconnected the call and saved your phone back in your purse and after a few seconds, you finally reached the gate. You walked closer to it and tried to open it but to your surprise, it was locked. “Well, well, well… guess they aren’t dumb after all…”

You paced around, trying to come up with a new plan. Yes, the gate was closed and no, you didn’t have the key to open it. Asking the gatekeeper to unlock it for you would raise too many questions and that was what you wanted to avoid right now.

You couldn’t deal with a second lecture this week talking about how immature Jake was and how you, being from the prestigious family you were that was constantly in the spotlight, couldn’t hang out with someone like him. You couldn’t take your parents seriously, at least not when they tried to interfere in your personal life.

“If I can’t go through,” you stated, looking at the gate, “I’ll go over, then.”

With no doubt, you started to climb one of the sides of the gate and occasionally you’d look around to make sure no one was watching. Still, it didn’t matter if they saw anything, you just wanted to get out of here. Besides, it wasn’t the first time you were doing this. You still preferred to open the gate and have a clean exit but this was certainly fun and exciting every once in a while.

When you landed on the other side, you fixed your clothes and made sure you looked your best given the circumstances. You were caught by surprise when you heard clapping in the distance. You turned around to find Jake staring at you, a playful smile on his lips.

“That was quite the exit, Y/N!”

You rolled your eyes and walked towards him, the streetlights casting shades over his features. “Don’t act like it’s the first time you see me doing this.”

“It might not be the first time,” he admitted, raising his arms in defeat. He looked at you and bit his lower lip. You hoped he couldn’t see how flushed your cheeks were. “But it always amazes me.”

“Yeah, right. So… where are you taking me tonight?” you quickly shifted the conversation.

“To a party, obviously,” he walked closer to you and whispered in your ear. “But not just any party.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” you dismissed his last words and smiled, trying to remain unbothered.

“Ok, then,” he said in a low tone, eyes looking deep into yours.

“Good,” you didn’t break eye contact for a while. “We should get going if we don’t want to get caught…”

He chuckled and nodded, shoving his hands in his pockets. The two of you started to walk side by side towards his car and you tried your best to conceal your real emotions from him.

I hope he doesn’t mess up tonight, you thought to yourself.

Because if he did, you weren’t sure if you would give him a second chance, no matter how much you enjoyed the feeling of him setting your heart on fire.

~ 🖤~

Jake was right, tonight was on another level. The party he had brought you to was a blast. You were having a great time, even if he ditched you for most of it to flirt with someone else. It was typical of Jake’s behaviour so you weren’t exactly surprised.

“Hey,” someone greeted you, a bright smile on their face. You turned around to face him and smiled.

“Hi!” you greeted, excitedly. Still, you weren’t exactly sure what to say afterwards so you just laughed and waited for him to continue.

“I saw you here alone,” he continued screaming into your ear so you could hear him over the loud music playing. “Are you here on your own?”

You couldn’t help but laugh. So this was why he had decided to talk to you. You shook your head and pointed towards Jake who was now glancing at the two of you.

“I’m here with him,” you announced with a half-smile.

“He doesn’t seem to be paying attention to you,” he continued and moved closer to you. You stopped him and pushed him away lightly, making sure to draw boundaries.

“You should’ve stopped at hey, you know?” your smile faded and you looked at him, annoyed. “Everything you said after that just made you less charming.”

You turned your back on him and quickly left the dancefloor, walking towards Jake. You gave him a worried look but he simply raised you a glass and continued to talk to the girl next to him, smiling and pretending you didn’t exist. You changed direction when he moved closer to the girl and kissed her, completely disregarding your existence.

You chuckled and shook your head and walked inside the house and towards the table in the living room where a couple of drinks were. You took a beer bottle and drank it in one go and afterwards you grabbed another bottle and went upstairs and into one of the empty rooms to get some privacy. You sat by the window, looking at the party happening below and sighed.

Yes, the party was great but you weren’t having a good time. This happened every single time Jake took you anywhere. You weren’t even sure why he brought you here, he always did this. You were tired and sick of it.

You opened the beer bottle and took a sip. It was bitter but at least it was fresh which helped. You took your phone from your purse and pressed the home button, noticing that Sunoo had messaged you.

Checking in. How is it going?, he asked.

You took another sip of your beverage and started to type out an answer.

Not well. The party is great but Jake is ditching me. AGAIN.

For a while, you saw the three little dots and waited for your best friend to answer. However, instead of a text, he called you and you pondered whether or not you should take the call. You sighed and placed your phone in your ear.

“If you start by telling me you were right, I will hang up the call in your face.”

“How many more times do you need to go through this to understand that he doesn’t hold you to the same standard you do?” you hated how Sunoo was right. You took a deep breath and leaned on the wall, letting your body slide down until you reached the floor.

“I always think he somehow has changed…” you spoke, defeated. “I guess he just knows how to make me believe him…”

“Maybe… or maybe you are too blind to see it. Y/N... ” Sunoo sighed and you could tell he was holding something back.

“What is it?” you asked, annoyed. “Just let it all out, make me suffer once and for all.”

A pause. For a while, Sunoo didn’t say anything. You even thought he had disconnected the call or lost signal. But when he spoke, his words carried so much meaning, so much truth, that couldn’t help but admit they were right.

“You like him, Y/N,” he started, almost in a whisper. Your lips parted in surprise. “That’s why you keep going back to him, expecting a different result every time. You believe he’s changed because you want him to change. For you. But he won’t, Y/N. You have to accept it.”

You gulped and let out a nervous laugh. He wouldn’t change, Sunoo was right. You had given him so many chances, you had believed so many of his lies and for what? For him to take your heart, pretend to care about it and then toss it to the side?

The worst part about this was that you liked him. Maybe you had always liked him. And you chose to ignore your friends, especially Sunoo, the person who knew you the best and who could sense when people weren’t right for you.

“You can say it now,” you answered, on the verge of tears.

“I won’t say it,” he kindly responded. “Do you want me to pick you up?”

“I’ll get a taxi,” you answered and took a deep breath. “I’ll message you when I get home.”

“Ok, then. Have a safe trip home.”

Sunoo disconnected the call and you slowly stood up, storing your phone back in your purse, ready to exit the room.

~ 🖤~

After you went back to the party, you considered whether or not you should tell Jake you were leaving.

Does it even matter?, was a recurring thought you had. He couldn’t care less about me.

Still, you couldn’t just leave. He may have done that to you a couple of times but you weren’t going to do the same to him.

You started to pace around the different rooms, looking for Jake. However, he was nowhere to be found. You looked for him in the kitchen, the living room, the backyard; you even went upstairs and knocked on a couple of doors which lead you nowhere.

When you climbed down the stairs again, you decided to ask someone if they had seen him. You looked around, studying people’s faces and how they moved, trying to pick someone who wasn’t too drunk to properly answer you. Your eyes found a guy standing alone in a corner, observing the people dancing, a soft drink in his hand.

“Hey,” you greeted him, which took him by surprise. He looked at you from head to toe and gulped. “I am looking for someone. He’s tall, has brown hair, and is wearing a denim jacket… Have you… seen him?”

“I…” he looked over your shoulder and shook his head. “There are a lot of people here that fit that description, you know?”

“Yes...” you sighed and bit your lower lip. “Did you see a guy with that description making out with a girl more or less there?”

You pointed to the place where Jake had been with the girl and where he had kissed her. Just thinking about it sank your heart even deeper. Not only had he ditched you at the party, he had also left you here all alone for some random girl he had just met.

“Oh, yes… He left, I think. Some guys came to talk to him and he just left with them. They…” you looked at the guy, his expression growing sombre, “... they didn’t look friendly if I am being honest…”

You sighed and messed up your hair. What kind of mess had Jake caused this time?

“Thanks,” you smiled at the guy and turned around to leave. However, the music stopped and everyone started to gather around a circle. You could hear people screaming, including a voice you recognised too well. “Oh, no…”

You tried to break through the crowd so you could see what this was all about. Still, it was hard. Everyone wanted a piece of the action, to be able to witness with their eyes what was about to happen. You knew what was about to happen and it wasn’t going to be pretty. At all.

“If you take one more step I will destroy you,” Jake’s opponent screamed, furious.

“Oh yeah?” Jake answered in a playful voice. “Come on, then.”

When you reached the inside of the circle, the first thing you saw was a tall, muscular guy punch Jake in a swift motion. You gasped, your eyes widening with shock as Jake’s body collapsed on his knees.

Everyone erupted in cheers, screaming for a fight, demanding a show. You sighed and shook your head. He was an idiot, that’s all Jake was. A drunk-fight-hungry-idiot that probably had a broken nose.

Still, Jake didn’t show any signs of defeat. He wiped his mouth and stood up, smiling.

“Is that the best you got?” He challenged his opponent, struggling to keep his balance. “Come on, it takes more than a punch to-”

He wasn’t able to finish because this time, instead of a punch, the other guy kicked him in the gut. You closed your eyes for a brief second, unable to glance at Jake as he gasped for air, hands on his torso as he tried to keep it together.

“That was a low blow,” the words escaped your mouth as you shouted and the attention was suddenly on you. Jake’s eyes finally looked your way but you ignored him. This had been the last straw for you, you were just going to try to not get him killed.

“Was it?” his opponent crossed his arms and walked towards you, a sly smile on his face. “Your friend here-”

“He’s not my friend,” you quickly cut him off and took one step further, always looking him in the eyes. “But at least have some dignity. If you’re not drunk, don’t fight him while he can barely stand.”

“Then he should keep his hands to himself!”

“I agree,” you could feel Jake’s confused gaze on you. “But you should also keep your hands to yourself, you know?”

“And who are you to tell me that, uh?” he was furious.

“I’m no one,” you were quick to answer. “But I know for a fact that if he needs to go to the hospital, all of you will have some explaining to do because I will call an ambulance to come and pick him up right here.”

The muscular guy and you had a staring contest that lasted for what felt like a lifetime. He finally gave up and shook his head, walking away from you. You waited until he was gone to look at the crowd that had grown quieter and more disappointed the more you spoke.

“There’s nothing to see here,” you stated to disperse the crowd. “Go and dance and get drunk or whatever you were doing before this.”

You stood in your place and waited for the music to return to leave the party.

“That was quite the… impression… Y/N,” Jake spoke with difficulty as he stood up from the ground. “But we’re not friends? That was-”

You didn’t turn around as you said, “I am leaving. Goodnight.”

You started to walk towards the exit but it pained you to know that Jake was in such bad shape. You could hear him struggling behind you, trying to follow you.

“Wait,” he spoke, his voice almost gone. “I’ll... go with you.”

No answer from you. The two of you walked in silence back to his car and you drove him home. As usual, nobody was there to receive him so you quickly grabbed the first aid kit as you always did and you met him in the living room.

“You said some harsh things back there,” he stated and you started to disinfect and treat his wounds.

“I said the truth,” you were cut dry. He flinched and grabbed your hand, his touch preventing you from moving or continuing what you were doing. You sighed.

“So… we’re not friends?” he tried to look into your eyes but you avoided his gaze. He let your hand free and you continued your work and he flinched again. “Y/N…”

“What Jake?” you let out your frustration. “No, tell me, are we really friends? Because every time you take me to one of these parties, you ditch me and start making out with some random stranger and somehow you always find yourself in some sort of confusion because you couldn’t keep your tongue in your mouth!”

“You don’t have to speak so loudly…” he complained, taking his hands to his head. “My head hurts.”

“Fine,” you stood up from your spot and grabbed your jacket. “Fix your wounds by yourself or call the girl you were making out with to do it for you. Maybe she is more your friend than I am.”

He laughed and you couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. How could he do this to you? Couldn’t he see how much you were hurting?

“So you’re jealous?” he looked at you and you gulped. “Y/N… yeah, I made out with her, so what?”

“Maybe I am,” you admitted, which shocked him. You walked closer to him and looked him in the eyes. “But I am done, Jake. I am done that we always fight like this and that I tell you that you should learn and then you do it again. My words, my worth have no value to you. I am just like those random girls but instead of making out with me, you expect me to drive you home and take care of you when you are too drunk to do it yourself…”

“That’s…” his thoughts trailed off and he blinked slowly, looking at you. “You’re wrong.”

You let out a nervous laugh. “I am always the one who is wrong, isn’t that right?”

You shook your head and sighed. You were done. You weren’t giving him any more of your time, he was never going to learn. He would always keep this pattern and for what? For you to suffer in silence, forgive him and pretend that everything was alright?

No. You deserve more than that. You deserve more than him.

You picked up your purse from the couch and called a taxi to pick you up. Jake kept his gaze on you studying your expression with his drunken gaze and you tried to avoid it as much as you could.

He continued to treat his wounds, occasionally glancing at you, trying to see whether or not you were looking at him. However, you weren't. You kept your gaze in the window until you saw that your ride had finally arrived. You stood up from the couch and grabbed all of your belongings.

“I am leaving now,” you announced. You glanced at him. “Goodbye, Jake.”

“Y/N… just…”

When you reached the entrance, you turned around and looked at him one last time. You sighed.

“I meant it when I said I am done, Jake. Just let me be on my own for a while, ok?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked, confused.

“Pretend you don’t know me,” you opened the door of his house and sighed. “I’ll do the same from now on.”

Without waiting for Jake’s response, you left his house and entered the car that drove you to your best friend’s house and tried your best to not break down in here. You would allow yourself to cry once you were in Sunoo’s company, in his familiar and comforting presence, with someone who truly treated you with kindness and respect, someone who was truly your friend.

~ 🖤~

When you imagined your weekend earlier this week, the last thing on your mind was that you’d be meeting with your family lawyers. You sat at the desk, between your parents as the lawyers tried to explain the situation to your parents once again. However, you could simplify it in one sentence: you had messed up big time. And there was no way you were getting out of this bearing no scars.

“The stocks plummeted three per cent yesterday!” your father yelled in frustration. “Do you have any idea what that means, Y/N?”

“Calm down, honey. No need to get so worked up over this,” your mother had the same expression whenever something like this would happen: calm and collected. She sighed and turned to the lawyers. “What can we do about this?”

“She should start by publicly apologizing,” you chuckled and he glanced at you. “After all, this wasn’t just a party, it was an illegal party and people have proof that she was there.”

You sighed and leaned back on your chair. There he was again, asking you to say publicly that you were very sorry about going there and that you were not like that and they probably expected you to blame Jake.

“I already told you I won’t do it,” you crossed your arms and looked at him. “I have been to so many of these parties, what’s different this time? Because it was caught on video?”

“No, Y/N,” your mother spoke and you looked at her. “Because you were involved in an act of violence.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. You, involved in an act of violence? You simply stepped in to prevent Jake from getting so beaten up, he wouldn’t recognise his face in the morning. This all seemed too blown out of proportion too quickly.

“Did you know the boy you defended has a vast criminal record?” one of the lawyers stated and pushed a folder your way. You slowly opened it and glanced at the different pages.

All of Jake’s life was there in front of you. You gulped and skipped most of it, out of respect for him. You finally reached his criminal record and read it. It was… long and it had caused him a couple of nights in a cell. It wasn’t exactly surprising but you still couldn’t refrain from feeling your heart ache in your chest.

Still, you had made your choice last night. You no longer were going to keep in contact with him. But that didn’t give you the right to blame him.

“Not only am I not apologising,” you started, shoving the folder back to your lawyers, “as I am not going to put the blame on him. I thought we were better than this.”

“Y/N…” your father spoke in a low voice. “... please, come into your senses right now. We could lose everything. What is there for that boy to lose?”

You shook your head in disbelief and stood up from your chair. You weren’t going to deal with any of it, especially with your father’s lack of sympathy and awareness.

“We’re not done, Miss,” one of the lawyers stood up and looked at you, concerned. “We could… reschedule this for tomorrow, talk it through…”

“Do whatever you wish to do,” you announced and looked at him. “Put me back in private school, ignore my needs, take away my privileges as the next in line for this company, do whatever you need to save this rotten business. Just don’t force me to apologise for something I don’t regret doing.”

You left the meeting room, your father screaming at you, his voice lower because of the closed door. You had never asked to be born into this family and although this gave you privileges and a great way of living, some things were never on your side.

You weren’t allowed to fail, you weren’t allowed to make mistakes, you couldn’t mingle with people that weren’t from your social class or had the same social status. You had always rebelled against it because you wanted to live, just simply exist and mind your own business without having to think what kind of repercussions it would have on a company that said nothing to you.

And yet, here you were. Failing miserably and in front of everyone. You were becoming the disappointment everyone always expected you to be from the day you stepped out of the shadows and became the daughter of a famous multimillionaire that owned one of the biggest brands of this country.

And now, the little freedom you had would be gone. All because you couldn’t bring yourself to say you were sorry. Since when did you care so much about the weight words carried?

You cared because it was about Jake, you admitted to yourself. You cared because part of you had walked away from whatever the two of you had shared, but part of you was now his, part of you had always been his.

And you hated how you couldn't let it go, let him go. That was why you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Because now, just as Jake had a part of you, you also had a part of him with you. And you hoped, you foolishly believed he would change.

You foolishly would believe that he would come back and this time, it would be different. But he had to be the one to take the first step. Only by doing so, would you start to believe that maybe you weren’t a fool.

That maybe all of this wouldn’t be in vain.

~ 🖤~

Going back to your old life was strange. Now, you spent your days in school and your nights at home, either in Sunoo’s company or by yourself in your bedroom. Your phone had been swapped by a new one and you had lost all Jake’s phone number and any sort of memory that could imply you had known him.

You couldn’t post on social media, you couldn’t talk to anyone, you couldn’t do anything. Just school, home, study and repeat. You hated it.

“I could try and convince your parents, you know?” Sunoo stated as you laid your head on his lap and he played with your hair. “It’s a welcoming party for Sunghoon, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.”

You sighed. Sunghoon. You couldn’t believe he was coming back as well. Everything from your past was coming back to haunt you, right? This could only be a collective joke the universe was playing on you.

“My parents aren’t the problem,” Sunoo stopped and you glanced at him. “I don’t want to see Sunghoon, let alone wish him a happy return. Why is he back anyway? Couldn’t he continue his studies in a foreign country like he always wanted to?”

“He could but…” Sunoo bit his lip and shrugged, “I think his parents found him a girlfriend…”

“What? Why?”

From what you remembered Sunghoon wasn’t exactly very nice or polite and he always made sure to let you know when you were failing. You weren’t even sure his looks would be able to save him because the only thing that guy ever had in his favour was the money his father had from his fashion empire.

“I heard it was pretty sudden,” Sunoo continued and you sat on the couch to listen to him better. “He was doing pretty well abroad and people only have nice things to say about him now. I guess foreign lands did him well.”

“I doubt it,” you sighed and Sunoo leaned his head on your shoulder. “Once a jerk, always a jerk.”

“Oh… but does that also apply to Jake? Or do you only consider jerks those who don’t suit your taste and actually have feelings for you?”

Your mouth opened in shock. You grabbed one of the pillows next to you and threw him towards Sunoo. He laughed.

“A little harsh, don’t you think?” you started and he shrugged. “They’re both jerks in my books.”

“I doubt it,” he copied you and threw the pillow back to you. “I think you should come to the party, have fun. Mingle and if you don’t enjoy it, we can leave early. But you should come to the party with no preconceived notions about Sunghoon.”

“Sunoo…”

“It’s a party,” he sang to try to convince you. “Last time I checked, you liked those. And I bet that my company is better than Jake’s.”

You took a deep breath, looking over his shoulder to the tall windows behind him. You did miss going to parties and you could use some time away from your home and school to clear your mind a bit. And Sunoo was right, his company would definitely be better than Jake’s.

Your mind quickly drifted as you thought about him. Was he missing you or had he quickly moved on? Whatever was his choice, you couldn’t know right now. Maybe you would never know.

You shook your head and glanced at Sunoo who looked at you expectantly.

“Ok, fine,” you finally gave him and he clapped, excitedly. “I’ll go. But if I start to have a terrible time, we’ll leave.”

“I’ll make sure to bring some snacks with me if we leave the party early!” he answered and squished you into a tight hug.

You laughed and the two of you enjoyed each other’s company for the rest of the night.

~ 🖤~

Rich people’s parties where all guests were teenagers were different and something you hadn’t experienced yet. Everyone wore fashionable and expensive clothing as they flaunted around the rooftop restaurant that had been closed down because of this event.

Here, everyone knew everyone. And if they didn’t, they were quick to introduce themselves and make sure to let everyone know about their existence and how they were related to wealth.

Everyone spoke with everyone in a friendly tone that sounded more vain and superficial to you than anything else. Maybe that was why no one tried to approach you and whenever you passed by, they’d side-eye you and whisper something amongst themselves.

Thankfully, you had Sunoo by your side. He kept you company throughout the night and made sure to introduce you to everyone you didn’t know yet. They were all friendly with you until they heard your name at which point the smile on their faces would fade away.

After all this embarrassment and disappointment, you decided to catch some fresh air. You quickly informed Sunoo who looked at you concerned. You reassured him.

“I’ll be by the corner over there, don’t worry.”

“Are you sure you don’t need company? I’ll meet you outside in fifteen minutes and I’ll grab some drinks on my way there.”

You shook your head and smiled, “It’s fine, really. Enjoy yourself.”

He gave you a warm smile and got back to his conversation. You glanced around, figuring out where the exit was and quickly stepped outside.

You walked to the corner of the balcony, leaning on the rail and watching the city skyline in all its glory. If there was something you enjoyed about this event was the view. You could see the tall buildings, the lights blinking in the distance and hear the traffic below. The weather was nice as well which allowed the stars to shine brightly, although you could barely see them. It was nice, though.

Not everything was bad, after all.

“Would you like a drink?” someone asked and you shook your head.

“No, thanks. I’m not allowed to drink alcohol.”

Another one of your parent’s strict rules. You couldn’t drink alcohol socially, not even at these kinds of events that are highly controlled.

“That’s why I brought you your favourite,” a small cup appeared in front of you and you looked at the liquid inside.

“Is this apple juice? Really?” you chuckled and accepted it. You hadn’t had this at a party since you were thirteen. “Thanks.”

It was only after grabbing the drink that you looked at who was offering it to you. Your eyes widened in surprise.

“Sunghoon?” you asked and he nodded.

He looked extremely different. He looked cooler, reserved even. He didn’t look at all as you expected him to look after all these years. He had grown taller and he was extremely handsome now. You gulped, thinking about what Sunoo had told you a couple of days ago.

“He was doing pretty well abroad and people only have nice things to say about him now. I guess foreign lands did him well.”

You couldn’t agree more. Foreign lands had done him well.

“You look… different,” you took a sip of your drink, unsure of what to say exactly.

He leaned on the rail next to you and glanced at you.

“Well, people change,” he stated and sighed. “Even you.”

You nervously laughed and drank some more of your drink. This apple juice was too sweet, you’d be thirsty for the rest of the night.

“I don’t think I’ve changed,” you admitted, regretful. “I’m still the same annoying girl I was when you left.”

“Ah, you were never annoying. You were passionate about your causes,” he took a sip of his champagne and you glanced at him. Was this Sunghoon? You were having a hard time believing it. “And you still are.”

It was strange to see him this way. You were expecting an extremely rude and confident guy who would be parading around the party, making stupid jokes about people’s insecuritites. This Sunghoon was not that. Part of you wanted to get to know this Sunghoon better.

The two of you stood there in silence, side by side, staring at the buildings in the distance, the muffled sound of music behind you. Sunghoon cleared his throat and fixed his tie, eyes glancing at everything except you.

“Why are you back?” you asked, to cut to the chase. When he left, the two of you weren’t exactly on the best terms. He had confessed his feelings for you and you had rejected him harshly. Part of you thought that was the reason why he left but you always knew he wanted to study abroad. Maybe he was just expecting an excuse and back then you gave him exactly that.

“My parents found me someone to… date? Marry? I’m not sure about that,” he answered bluntly. So the rumours were true. “But I am sure you already knew that.”

“Rumours run fast…” you confirmed and chugged down the rest of your juice. You turned to look at him, the soft breeze brushing against his hair and moving out of place. “I hope that they are nice, at least. Even if you were a pain back in the day, it seems like you’ve grown out of it. You’re also more handsome now.”

That made him laugh and he shook his head. Even under the few lights on this place, you could see his cheeks turning red and he messed up his hair, taking another sip of his beverage afterwards.

“I… hm… thank you,” Sunghoon was cute when he was embarrassed, you thought.

“I mean it,” you reassured him, and looked him in the eyes. “We may have only had one conversation but… I can feel the positive change. And thank you for talking to me. Even after how… mean I was to you.”

“We all deserve a second chance, don’t we?” he said and those words took you back to Jake. You gulped and looked away from him.

“I’m not sure about that…”

This time, the breeze messed up your hair and you had to move it away from your face.

“I think we should give ourselves a second chance, Y/N.”

You shot him a confused look. What did he mean by that? He licked his lips and sighed before taking one step closer to you. You gulped but didn’t look away from him.

“I am back because our parents made a deal, Y/N. You’re… the girlfriend everyone is talking about. You’re the reason why I came back.”

~ 🖤~

Sunghoon wasn’t joking with you when he said that. Your rendezvous with Jake had caused such a catastrophe amongst investors that after you refused to apologise publicly, your parents had no other choice but to show people that you had changed. And their idea was to find you a partner, someone who was respected and adored by everyone, someone who could help you bring back the trust to your family’s brand.

And that person happened to be Park Sunghoon. He was respected and his time abroad only made him more interesting and someone worth keeping up with. Award after award, win after win, Sunghoon was thriving in his life. So much so, that his return home had surprised everyone, no one saw it coming.

Still, you felt terrible. This entire situation wasn’t going to make Sunghoon look good, if anything it could damage his reputation and image. You were now on the same boat and you wanted to make sure you didn’t mess this up for him. So far, he was being nothing but kind and caring towards you.

“Here it is,” your father’s assistant gave you a sheet of paper with your schedule for the next week. You and Sunghoon read it in silence but you just wanted to run away.

Your supposedly real relationship was being controlled to the smallest detail. The times, places, outfits, everything was already decided for you.

“Can’t we just… hang out?” you shyly asked and the assistant panicked slightly. You shook your head. “No, I’m not refusing to do this. It’s just… it doesn’t feel real.”

“I agree,” Sunghoon chimed in and placed the schedule on the table. “People will know something is up the minute we start doing this. It seems like a PR stunt to me.”

“That’s because it is,” you sighed and crossed your arms. “My parents want to clean the image so badly they want everything to happen extremely fast.”

“Isn’t that how relationships work nowadays?” the assistant asked, curiously. You and Sunghoon exchanged a look and shrugged.

“I don’t know,” he finally answered and gulped. “I’ve never been in one.”

A pause. Sunghoon glanced at you but you didn’t add anything to this conversation.

“This is what your father gave to me,” the assistant stated, apologetically. “I am afraid you two have no authority in the matter.”

You sighed in frustration and silence filled the room. She was right, the two of you had no authority in the matter. At least, you didn’t and your parents made sure to constantly remind you of that.

“We’ll take it,” Sunghoon stated and looked at the schedule in front of him. After a sigh, he looked at you and smiled, extending his hand for you to grab. “Let’s go spend the afternoon together.”

As you looked deeper into his eyes, you could tell something was up. Your smile widened and you nodded, grabbing his hand softly.

“Let’s go then,” the two of you stood up and you saved the sheet of paper in your purse. “Make sure to let my father know we will follow everything that is on this list.”

“You can relax,” Sunghoon added and fixed his tie, confidently. Either he was an excellent actor or he had been great at making you believe a lie. “Thank you for your hard work.”

And with this, he intertwined his fingers with yours and the two of you left the office, walking side by side at a slow pace.

You would greet the employees together, waving and smiling at them, pretending you didn’t notice their doubtful looks as they saw you holding hands.

When you finally reached the inside of the elevator, Sunghoon let go of your hand and the two of you took a deep breath, relaxing. You glanced at the hand that Sunghoon had held and felt like something was missing.

“Sorry about that,” he stated, noticing you. He started to loosen his tie and leaned against the elevator wall. You stared at him for a while and gulped.

“Are we following the schedule?”

“No,” he quickly answered and you leaned back as well, in relief. He was struggling with his tie, growing in frustration. “We’ll do what we want. These are our lives, they have no say in it.”

“Sunghoon...” you started, aware of what this could do to his reputation, to his family name. They had been fools to accept this deal with your family. He was especially an idiot since, after this, he’d always be associated with you and all the baggage you carried: your mistakes, your story, your reputation. “We don’t have to do this, you can…”

He stopped trying to fix his tie and messed up his hair, taking shallow breaths. He tried to calm himself down and the two of you stood on the elevator in silence. After a while, he took a deep breath and finished fixing his tie, avoiding all eye contact with you. The atmosphere had shifted and you could feel it.

“I don’t pity you,” he started looking your way, “so don’t pity me. Treat me like you did at the party before you knew about all of this. If we can’t be lovers, let us at least be friends.”

He cleared his throat and leaned away from the elevator wall and you did the same. He fixed his jacket, eyes always staring at the door in front of you. He was tense, you noticed. Still, you respected his wishes. You fixed your hair and your outfit as well and waited for the elevator doors to open.

“You have to explain to me how we are not going to follow the schedule,” you said in between your teeth as the two of you walked towards the car that waited for both of you.

“We have to do what they ask of us at least for a few days,” he said and looked at you. “I think I know what their goal is.”

“And? You’re not going to tell me?”

“Not yet,” he said and you crossed your arms, stopping.

Sunghoon took a few more steps before noticing you weren’t by his side and turned around, surprised.

“I’m asking you to trust me this one time, Y/N. Just once.”

You sighed and licked your lips. The last thing you wanted was to trust someone to get disappointed again. And right now, you considered yourself such a poor judge of character that you weren’t even sure what to do. Still, what else could you do?

“Just this once,” you warned him, raising a finger towards him. “Next time, let me know what you’re scheming.”

“Of course. Now let’s get going.”

~ 🖤~

It had been about a week since you and Sunghoon had started hanging out. You started to notice a pattern and you were quick to figure it out on your own.

This schedule wasn't just a mere schedule. Most of the things you had to do involved being in public places together or simply hanging out every other day. Not only that, but it was usual that some news outlet would release something about the two of you, pictures attached for proof.

You tried your best to avoid reading them but sometimes your curiosity took the best of you and you’d end up taking a peek at the different headlines. And today, you finally gave in and decided to see what they were saying about you.

Of course, you were met with quick disappointment and frustration. Just like you had expected, you and Sunghoon were being dragged through the mud and no one had nice things to say about you.

Has Sunghoon crossed to the bad side?, you read in one of the headlines followed by a small paragraph that painted you as the villain.

Is Y/N finally over the bad boys?, another one. They all said the same thing and reading it only made you feel worse about yourself. And yet, you couldn’t stop.

You read article after article, comment after comment, trying to find something positive in it. Nothing. It was a sea of hate, an endless spiral of negativity. Maybe they were right, maybe you were terrible.

No, you were terrible. And the way you acted only proved that.

“Is everything alright?” Sunghoon asked and you raised your eyes from your phone to look at him. You forced out a smile.

“Yes… I am just… reading...” you gulped and asked him. “Do you agree? With what those articles say about us?”

He sighed and leaned back on his chair, glancing at you. You could tell he was thinking as he pursed his lips, tapping softly on the table with his fingertips. After a while, he shook his head.

“I don’t read them,” he started, “so I don’t know what they say about us.”

“Ah…” you shoved your phone towards him. “There’s one for you to… get an idea…”

Sunghoon grabbed your phone and got to reading. Occasionally, he would raise his eyes to look at you and soon afterwards, a sigh would follow. He returned your phone to you and followed every single one of your moves.

“You shouldn’t read those things, Y/N. You know they just want clicks and attention.”

That was true, yes. It was all part of their strategy, after all. Still, this wasn’t going as they had planned. Sunghoon and you had been following their schedule and what was the result? You were still being insulted and now Sunghoon was also being dragged.

“I can’t help but think that they are right, though,” you admitted. “They are just looking for that one moment for me to slip and fail to put the final nail in my coffin, I’m sure.”

You sighed and locked your phone, trying to avoid his gaze. Still, you could feel its weight on you. There was something about the silence you both shared that oftentimes became too loud.

“If they were right about you, you wouldn’t be upset, you know?” he started and you looked at him. “You know they are a bunch of lies, I know they are.”

You could feel your cheeks getting warmer as Sunghoon smiled at you. You couldn’t help but notice how charming his smile was, how much calmer you felt every time you saw it.

Still, you were having a hard time believing him. Maybe it was the contradiction between how you felt about yourself and how he saw you but something within you began to shatter. But it didn’t feel painful, it felt freeing.

“Thank you,” you shyly answered and took a sip of your coffee. Sunghoon glanced at his watch and sighed in frustration. You raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“I am starting to get bored. We’ve been here for three hours and I’ve already tried every drink on the menu…”

“Have you asked for the secret menu?” you jokingly asked and he laughed.

“I have. I have run out of options...” he admitted in defeat.

“It’s not like we can leave just because we want…” you stopped and looked at him, a playful smile on his lips. “Or… could we?”

He nodded, excited. He leaned forward and you did the same so that he could whisper in your ear.

“The paparazzi are long gone,” he started. “And our car ride is nowhere near… Maybe I should ruin my suit or something.”

“Or maybe we could just leave,” he glanced at you, slightly disappointed. His plan did sound more dramatic but it was highly impractical. “Do you really want to run around the city with coffee stains all over your shirt while we get our photos taken?” You leaned closer to him and whispered, “I won’t let that happen to you.”

“Then… we just leave? There’s no fun in that.”

He pouted and you laughed. Sunghoon was right, there was no fun in simply leaving. But he had been wrong. Some paparazzi had been gone, yes but new ones had just arrived. And you knew as soon as you walked through those doors, you’d be bombarded with cameras and bright flashes and even a question or two.

“This time, you’ll have to trust me,” you said, looking him in the eyes. You kept your composure but you were aware of how close the two of you were. “What’s your experience running away from paparazzi?”

He panicked. “None?”

“Good thing I’m a pro, then!” you glanced at him, worry in his eyes. You sighed. “We can stay if you want to. But if we choose to leave, we won’t be free from them. So we’ll have to run to maybe get rid of them.”

“Maybe?” you nodded and he sighed in frustration, messing up his hair.

You finished your drink and the two of you stayed there in silence, Sunghoon lost in his thoughts and you trying to come up with an escape plan.

“We can leave through the front door and walk for a while,” you started, looking at the streets outside. “We would have to run as soon as we crossed the street and find a place to hide for a while. I’d say over there,” you pointed with your head and Sunghoon glanced.

“It’s doable,” he concluded. “But we can’t go there straight away, we can see it from here, they’d be able to see it as well.”

“Exactly,” you put your drink aside and focused your attention on him. “But we can always have a small detour… pretend we go to the movies, enter a clothing store… Let’s try and have fun, at least this once.”

A small pause. You could already feel the adrenaline building within you, the excitement of doing something deemed as wrong but that deep down felt right. And when Sunghoon looked at you, his expression filled with certainty and confidence, you knew you weren’t in this alone. It was both of you, together.

“Let’s do it, then. Let’s have some fun.”

~ 🖤~

It had indeed been worth it. You and Sunghoon spent your best afternoon to date together, going to random stores and trying on clothes, silly accessories or just doing random but exciting endeavours. Your stomach hurt from laughing so hard at his terrible jokes and from his silly poses in front of the mirror. Part of you had never expected him to be like this and you were glad he was someone with whom you could have fun.

“I am exhausted,” you stated as the two of you walked downtown together, people glancing at the both of you and your hand on his, your fingers intertwined. “I am having so much fun!”

“Me too,” he confirmed, glancing at you. “I wasn’t sure if this plan would pay off but it certainly did.”

You had been out of the grid for a couple of hours now. You were certain someone from your family had already tried to call you several times and probably the same had happened to Sunghoon as well. Still, you both ignored the outside and focused on having a good time.

“Uh, you should try this on,” he pointed towards a bonnet on the outside of a small store. “It…”

“You want me to look hideous, don’t you? If I try the bonnet,” you studied the different hats and pointed at one, “you try on the fedora,” you warned.

“Oh… I will try on the fedora if it means I will see you in that bonnet!”

You rolled your eyes and just as you had agreed, you tried your respective headwear. It didn’t take long before you were laughing at how ridiculous you both looked but after staring at the mirror, part of you enjoyed the look.

However, you weren’t sure if what you enjoyed was seeing yourself next to Sunghoon or seeing yourself this happy and excited about life. Maybe it was a bit of both.

Still, your happiness didn’t last long. Being outside for everyone to see had drawn unwanted attention your way. After a few minutes of giggles and laughs, you and Sunghoon were surrounded by cameras, people asking you questions, calling you names. The smile you had on your face faded faster than it had gotten there and right now, you just wanted to hide.

“I…” wherever you looked, there was no way out. The circle around you was becoming smaller, their voices more intense. The bonnet you had flew out of your head and you stood there, paralyzed, in shock. This had been a terrible idea, a horrible idea. Under what kind of light would these people paint you now?

If it hadn’t been for Sunghoon, you would have drowned in them. He acted quickly and grabbed your hand, pulling you away from them, opening a path so that both of you could escape. It took you a while to process what was happening but when you saw him mouthing the word run, you knew what you had to do.

So you ran and ran and ran until your legs almost gave in. It took such a long time to get rid of all of them, but Sunghoon found a small alley and the two of you stood there for a while, trying to catch your breath.

You leaned against the wall, your breathing shallow as you tried to recollect your thoughts. Sunghoon was right in front of you, his breathing softly brushing against your skin, making it hard for you to focus. Your eyes slowly lifted to look at him, as he glanced over your lips trying to calm down as well.

“That was… unexpected,” he finally said, in between breaths. You softly chuckled, unable to look away from him.

“Yes, it was,” you whispered, “it... really was.”

You couldn’t focus, your mind was spiralling in million thoughts at once that meant nothing. Your eyes jumped between Sunghoon’s eyes and his lips, a reminder of the proximity you both shared. You weren’t sure if your cheeks were flushed because of him or if your heart was beating this fast because of your jog here.

“Thank you,” you finally said, “for what you did back there.”

“I was just… doing my job,” you noticed as he softly smiled at you, a certain urge within you to close the space between the two of you. Since when did you feel this way towards him?

You weren’t sure if you had been the one to lean away from the wall or if Sunghoon had moved closer to you but you could see his face getting closer to yours as your hands softly met his cheeks, your breathing going wild once again.

“We both know you weren’t just doing your job,” you said out loud as your eyes focused on his lips, unable to keep your thoughts to yourself.

Sunghoon nodded and laughed softly, his smile sending shivers down your spine. For a brief second, you looked him in the eyes and you saw it: the uncertainty of this situation, the desire to be free.

You too wanted to be free. Free from lies, from assumptions about you. Maybe you had been the villain that they all wanted you to be. But not anymore. Not to you and certainly not to him.

And so, you kissed him. You weren’t sure exactly why you had chosen to do it but you didn’t care. It felt right to do it. To feel his lips on yours, their warmth and comfort, everything. You could tell you weren’t the only one that had been looking forward to this moment.

When you finally let go of one another, Sunghoon looked you in the eyes, slightly surprised but he couldn’t hide the excitement in his smile. You smiled at him too, thankful that he didn’t think this was silly or a mistake.

And the moment would’ve been perfect just like this. The unspoken words left in the air, the stolen glances, your hands still on his cheeks. It would’ve been perfect if you could keep it between you two as a memory you could linger on to whenever you’d look back upon today.

Still, that isn’t reality, especially not your reality. And it wasn’t until you heard the click of the camera that you realised what had just happened.

This moment, whatever it had been to you and Sunghoon, was no longer yours. It was now on full display for the entire world to see, judge and criticise.

~ 🖤~

Jake tried to keep his frustration to himself. Not only had you cut all contacts with him, but you had also moved schools and he had no idea of where you were or what you were doing or how you were doing.

And somehow, that hurt him more than expected.

He never saw you as anything more than a friend. And maybe you had been right, maybe he never considered you a friend. Truth was, he always took you for granted, he always took your kindness as a given.

No matter how many times he’d mess up, how many times he’d be stupid, you’d always forgive him. You’d always accept him, no matter what. You’d always be willing to see him grow and change until you weren’t. And Jake wasn’t expecting that.

Jake had never considered you’d be gone. And now that you were, he didn’t know what to do with himself.

His routine consisted of overthinking every moment he had spent with you. The frustration he felt whenever he realised what he had done to you was massive. Jake hadn’t just hurt your feelings. He had bluntly manipulated you and made you believe you were something more to him. All of that had been his doing. He chose to do this.

He chose to do this to you.

At first, he didn’t understand why you had decided to cut all ties with him. But after a while, and after thinking and rethinking about all of this, he finally started to understand it. You deserved better, you truly did. Jake had been a jerk to you and he didn’t deserve any forgiveness from you.

But when he came across an article about you online, he couldn’t help but click on it out of curiosity. He wanted to know what you were up to, who you were hanging out with, all of that. Were you happier now that he was out of your life?

The answer came sooner than Jake had expected and it was devastating. Not only were you having fun, but you also had found someone. And that someone made you laugh, smile, he was almost perfect for you.

“A little escape for a little romance?” the title read.

And that hurt. It hurt that you had given all of that to Jake, you had given him your love, your care, your kindness and he didn’t acknowledge it. He didn’t even care for it. But now that he didn’t have it, now that he had a glimpse of you giving it to someone else, he truly felt like a fool.

“Reading about her won’t bring her to you, you know?” Heesung sighed and the two of them started to walk home, on their way out of work.

“Was I that bad to her?” Jake asked, not taking his eyes from his phone. “I mean… they love each other, right? Look at this.”

Heesung grabbed his friend’s phone and scrolled through the pictures. After a while, he shrugged.

"She's happy. That’s a good thing, right?”

“It is…” Jake started.

“But...?”

But I’m not the one making her happy, he thought. Jake was jealous of this Sunghoon, whoever he was. He was handsome, rich and a gentleman and what was Jake compared to him? Nothing.

Now, more than ever, Jake didn’t stand a chance. You were gone, he had to accept that.

“I should just move on,” Jake finally concluded and his heart shattered.

But why can’t I?

“You won’t be able to move on until you talk to her,” Heesung said harshly and looked at his friend. “You need closure. You need her to tell you in your face that she doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore.”

“But she already said that…”

The last time he saw you was a blur in his mind. He remembered your face, the tone of your voice, the pain from a physical fight he had involved himself in. He remembered the confusion he felt when you walked away without helping him, when you told him you were done. He remembered that more clearly than anything else because he had never seen you that way before.

Your vulnerability and honesty shattered him right now just as much as they did that night.

“You were drunk and beaten up, Jake. And now you know something else you didn’t know back then.”

“And that is…?” he asked, confused.

“You know now she matters to you,” Heesung looked at his friend and patted him on the shoulder. “You know she’s not just another girl. She was always there for you, Jake. Even if you were never there for her.”

Heesung was right, you mattered to Jake. But he was still confused as to why. Why did you matter to him right now? Was it because he didn’t have you? Or was it because he cared for you?

Jake knew there was only one way to find out what the answer would be. He truly needed closure. He needed to see you and hear word by word that you no longer wanted to be with him.

But what if that didn’t happen? Or if Jake would forever live in the uncertainty of what it could have been? If only he had seen it earlier, if only he had given you the love you deserved.

If it was today, he would’ve done it all differently. He would have treated you kindly. He would’ve flirted with you until you rolled your eyes and he’d smile. He would’ve listened to you and danced with you at parties. He would have complimented you every day just to see your cheeks turn red.

He would have loved you like there was no tomorrow. Because between you two, there was probably no tomorrow.

Jake knew he was out of second chances with you.

~ 🖤~

You glanced at your reflection in the mirror as everyone worked hard on your dress. You were constantly moving your arms as the dressmakers made sure to fit this dress to your body as nicely as they could. It was a long process, especially because there was a lot to be done. You had already tried several dresses and you finally picked this one.

“That colour looks good on you!” Sunoo said when you first appeared in the room with it on. “And the cut is breathtaking. Sunghoon won’t be able to resist you.”

Sunoo was right about this dress, it flattered you in all the right places and it was comfortable. And after all was done, you finally got a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. You gulped.

“I still don’t know why his parents are doing this,” you swirled in your dress and looked at it from every point of you. It looked great.

“Well, considering that every news outlet is talking about you as the it-couple of the moment, I’m sure they want to capitalise on that. Besides, they always throw the best parties, you cannot deny that.”

You laughed. It was true, Sunghoon’s parents always knew how to entertain a crowd. But this party was different. Even though his parents were throwing the party, you and Sunghoon would be the hosts. That was an added layer of pressure on your shoulders.

“I know but don’t you think it’s a bit too soon?” you turned around to face him. “I mean, we haven’t been dating for two weeks yet and people are already speculating when we’ll get married. It’s too much!”

“Is it, though?” Sunoo teased you. “You look good together, you’re both rich and you like each other. In this world, that’s more than you could ask for.”

“I never asked for any of this,” you whined and crossed your arms. “I just want a simple life. Away from cameras, the media, everyone. Can’t I have that?”

He sighed and looked at you, his expression getting serious. He didn’t say anything and waited until you got changed to speak his truth. Still, Sunoo was cautious. He asked everyone to leave the room so you two could be alone and talk freely about this.

“You have to be careful about what you say at these kinds of places, Y/N,” he started, wary. “These people would kill to have your life. They want what you have, even if you don’t appreciate it.”

“I do appreciate it!” you protested.

“Do you? I don’t see it, then. You are always complaining, Y/N. If it isn’t about the media, it’s about your parents, if it isn’t about your parents, it’s about something else. Can’t you just love what you have?”

That hurt. Tremendously. How could your best friend say those things to you? After everything you had been through, after all the public humiliation, after all the suffering you had brought to those around you, how could he insinuate you weren’t grateful?

“Do you know what it’s like to be called out a nightmare publically? Do you know what it’s like to have no freedom, not even get to choose the people you have around you? Do you know what it’s like for everyone to have an opinion about you? Do you, Sunoo?”

You turned your back on him and glanced at yourself again. You still had to unlearn your old ways, yes. But you were trying, you were trying so hard. You had done what everyone expected you to do. You were becoming what everyone expected you to be. And yet, that wasn’t enough.

“I never understood that side of you,” he continued. “We have everything, Y/N. We just have to lay low and keep our business private to keep our power. If you don’t want people to know about it, then don’t do it.”

You chuckled. You weren’t sure where Sunoo was going with this but he had just ruined what could have been a perfectly wonderful afternoon. You looked up to the ceiling and wiped away your tears, letting out a sad laugh. You were not going to look at yourself in the mirror while you felt like this.

“I thought that you out of everyone would understand, but I guess I was wrong about that too…”

“Y/N…” he tried to console you but you stopped him harshly.

“I was born a girl to my father’s disappointment. I am reminded every day of what I’m not, of what I’ll never be,” you chuckled and looked him in the eyes. “I don’t have everything, Sunoo. I don’t feel… loved, wished for by my parents. I was a disappointment from the start. I still am, to this day. Is love too much to ask? I’m starting to think it is.”

You finally couldn’t keep your emotions to yourself and you let it all out. You cried and sobbed and Sunoo didn’t think twice before wrapping his arm around you and patting you in the back, softly whispering that everything was ok, that everything was going to be ok.

You wanted to believe him but you couldn’t. You felt miserable, you looked completely dishevelled. You knew that things were always going to be the way they were, no matter how hard you tried.

That’s why you had chosen to leave, to go somewhere where nobody knew you. Where you weren’t a face on a magazine but a mere name on a list. Where your family didn’t matter, where your wealth wasn’t important. Where being your friend meant people cared about you because of who you were and not because of what you had.

But that was gone. And everything it ever carried was not coming back.

So you had to relearn to find those things again, to find comfort and fun and excitement in this new life that you had avoided for so long. But it still wasn’t enough.

That wasn’t enough for the media, for your family, for you.

But you had to get past that. You had to let go of this past. You had to accept and enjoy your present and hold onto the things that made you happy right now.

So, you would hold onto Sunghoon and everything he meant to you. All the kindness, all the love he had for you and that you had for him. You’d hold tightly onto that and cherish it immensely.

And maybe, after some time, everything would be ok. Maybe after some time, you would be ok.

~ 🖤~

The music that filled the air was enough to relax you. You and Sunghoon stood at the entrance, your arm in his as you greeted the guests with polite smiles and small bows.

It was strange how people treated you differently now. They were no longer afraid to compliment you or look at you. You tried your best to keep your real emotions to yourself but you could only think about how so many of these people were hypocrites.

You were extremely grateful you had Sunghoon to do this with. Not only was he a natural, but he was also great at small talk. You didn’t mind him taking the lead, in fact, you enjoyed it. You’d stay by his side, smiling and glancing at him, amazed by his smile and by how handsome he looked tonight.

“You look lovely tonight,” your mother greeted you happily, the last guests to arrive, as usual. “Don’t they look good together, honey?”

You gulped as your father looked at the two of you, a serious expression on his face. You could tell Sunghoon was also tense as his jaw clenched and his eyes settled on your father.

“Thank you, mother,” you tried to relax the atmosphere. You pointed to the big room where all of your guests mingled, talking to one another, ignoring the small band playing. “Please, enjoy yourselves. Sunghoon and I will join you in a bit.”

You kept your smile as they walked away, your father’s gaze lingering on Sunghoon. After he turned his back on both of you and was a safe distance away, Sunghoon sighed and loosened his tie slightly.

“Is he always like this?” he asked, looking at you with concern.

“He is a man of a few words if that’s what you’re asking,” you turned to look at him and quickly fixed his tie, his arms wrapping around your waist. You smiled. “But it’s better when he says nothing. That means he isn’t disappointed, at least.”

Sunghoon nodded and softly kissed the tip of your nose which made you giggle a bit. You playfully slapped his shoulder, placing a finger on his lips as he tried to kiss you.

“You’ll ruin my makeup if you do that,” you warned him but he kept on moving his face close to yours. “Sunghoon, I mean it! You-”

He didn’t listen. His lips were on yours yet again and you smiled into the small and yet meaningful kiss.

“You still look lovely,” he stated, looking at your lips. “I tried my best to not ruin your makeup.”

“But now you have lipstick all over your lips…” you shook your head and carefully wiped it away from his lips. It was hard resisting the sudden urge to kiss him again. “There, much better.”

“Am I Y/N approved?” he asked, letting go of you and spinning around, showing off.

“You are more than Y/N approved,” you gave him two thumbs up. “Whoever styled you did an incredible job.”

He nodded and walked closer to you, offering you his hand. You took it and intertwined your fingers, leaning softly closer to him.

“I had to step up my game to look good next to you,” he whispered as you entered the room, all heads turning your way. Suddenly, you stopped walking, feeling the weight of everyone’s eyes on you. Here they were, the same people that had criticised you, made fun of you, destroyed any sense of belonging you might have had.

But now they loved you, they wanted to be friends or at least acquaintances with you. Sunghoon squished your hand slightly and you looked at him. He smiled and nodded his head and you did the same.

“Thank you so much for coming,” he started and two servers joined you with drinks. You grabbed one from the tray and thanked him. “I am so happy you all came tonight.”

People cheered softly and everyone raised their glasses.

“To Y/N and Sunghoon!” someone spoke loudly from the crowd.

“To Y/N and Sunghoon!” Everyone followed in unison, cheering and clapping loudly as they toasted in your honour.

“To us, Y/N,” you turned to look at Sunghoon as he raised his glass your way.

“To us, Sunghoon,” you toasted with him and afterwards drank the champagne. It was delicious, even if it was a bit bitter for your taste.

“Have fun!” Sunghoon said one last time to the crowd before the music returned and everyone returned to their usual conversations.

You stood there, next to him as you slowly watched everyone turn their back on you, walking around the room, laughing and chatting with one another.

“Do they really mean the toast they made to us?” you asked Sunghoon as he finished his glass. He shrugged.

“I couldn’t care less what they think of us,” he stated. “I only care about what we think of us. We’re the ones that matter, Y/N. We’re the ones who are together, after all.”

You nodded and sighed in relief. As much as you despised most of this lifestyle, you were glad you had Sunghoon by your side. He made you feel at ease and strangely understood you better than anyone else. He didn’t rebel in the same way as you but he was also a rebel at heart. You could tell it by the way he looked at the crowd, by the way he spoke when it was only the two of you, by his small acts of defiance against authority.

“What do you think about us, then?” You asked him.

He sighed and turned to look at you, his fingers carefully brushing against your cheek as he moved the hair away from your face. He smiled brightly.

“I’m happy,” such a simple statement but it carried such a deeper meaning to you. “I’m happy that you’re the one by my side and that I get to do this with you.”

You nodded in agreement, your arms wrapping around his torso.

“I wouldn’t do it with anyone else.”

“Neither would I,” he smiled and kissed you softly.

~ 🖤~

Jake had put on his best suit and was hoping it was enough to get him into this party. He had read about it in different places and he decided to shoot his shot. However, it wasn’t as easy as he thought it would be. Getting a suit seemed like the hardest thing on his entire plan but he was so far off from reality.

“Name please,” someone at the entrance asked him.

“Ah… Uhm… Jake Sim?” he stuttered. The security guard sighed in frustration and shook his head.

“You’re not on the list, buddy. Better luck next time.”

“Please, check again,” Jake pleaded. “Maybe you just missed it!”

“Are you questioning my ability to do my job?!” the security guard almost screamed.

“I… I’m not sir!” Jake was terrified, the last thing he wanted was to cause a scene. “Can you… call someone? Like the hosts or something…? I’m sure there’s a mistake as to why my name is not on the list!”

The security guard sighed once again and opened the exit door for Jake. “Leave, otherwise I’ll call the police.”

“There’s no need for that, I am serious about that. Just…”

“Haven’t you done enough damage?” a familiar voice spoke from behind the security guard and he stepped aside, revealing someone that Jake knew, he just didn’t know from where. “Look, I don’t want to ruin my best friend’s event, so just do as security says and leave.”

“You’re Sunoo, right?” Jake remembered his name from somewhere. “You’re Y/N’s best friend, right? Please, I ju-”

“Leave,” Sunoo crossed his arms and walked towards Jake, a serious and annoyed expression on his face. “You’ve already ruined her life enough times, I won’t let you ruin tonight as well. Especially when she is finally with someone who truly loves and cares about her.”

So… it was true. Those pictures, her relationship with Sunghoon… it was all real. It wasn’t a story they were trying to sell everyone, you were actually in love with someone else. Jake gulped, the weight of the world crashing once again on his shoulders.

“I just want to see her,” Jake asked one last time. “I want to see that she’s happy as you say she is. If that happens, then I won’t bother you again. You’ll never see me again.”

“We both know you’re lying, you’re terrible at keeping promises,” Sunoo spat out, upset. He paused and studied Jake for a while. “You want to see it for yourself? Follow me, then.”

Jake quickly followed Sunoo as they crossed the foyer and into a small entrance to a room full of people. The music that played was soft and nothing Jake would ever dance to. If this was a party, he was certain you wouldn’t be having fun.

“Over there,” Sunoo pointed to a corner of the room where a couple stood. It took him a while to understand who they were but when he did, it was worse than getting kicked in the stomach.

There you were, your hands on his shoulder as you softly swayed from side to side to the rhythm of the song. You laughed at him and he whispered in your ear and you smiled even more. And then you kissed him.

Jake gulped and looked away, unable to deal with what he was witnessing.

“Now you believe me?” Sunoo asked, a certain annoyance in his voice. “She is happy with him.”

You were indeed happy with him. Jake couldn’t help but ask himself if he hadn’t messed up, if he had realised it sooner, if you’d share moments like these. If he ever held you in his arms and danced with you, would you smile like that at him? Would you laugh at his stupid jokes, would you kiss him like nothing else mattered in the world?

When he looked your way one final time, you were no longer dancing. It took Jake a while to figure out that you were staring at him, the shock and surprise of seeing you here written all over that face.

You gulped and said something to Sunghoon, who also looked Jake’s way. He nodded and you started to walk in his direction, a soft smile on your lips but your eyes were filled with pain.

“What is he doing here?” you asked Sunoo.

You looked beautiful tonight, Jake noticed. Everything about the way you looked accentuated your beauty in ways that Jake wouldn’t even think possible.

“He wanted to see you,” he reluctantly said but quickly added. “And he didn’t believe me when I said you were happy with Sunghoon so I brought him here so he could see it for himself. You were on your way out, weren’t you?”

Jake almost missed it because he was lost in you. You didn’t even look at him as you paid attention to what your best friend was telling you. When they both looked Jake’s way, he scratched the back of his head and nodded.

“I was about to leave, yes,” he couldn’t look in the eyes. “Goodnight Y/N.”

He turned around to leave but you surprised him.

“That’s it? There’s nothing else you want to tell me?”

Regret took over Jake. He shouldn’t have come here. Sunoo was right, he was always ruining your life, no matter how hard he tried to not do such things anymore. He slowly turned around and looked at you, an expression in your face Jake had seen before: disappointment.

“Does it even matter?” he started. “Whatever I say, it won’t mean anything, will it? I always say the right thing but then I do the wrong thing. I’m sorry for ruining your night, Y/N. Goodnight, once again.”

“So you’re only sorry for ruining my night?” you continued, rage in your voice. “You’re not sorry for playing with my feelings or for basically using me all of this time? Why are you sorry now, after all this time?”

That was a genuine question to which Jake had no answer. Or maybe he did, he was just too embarrassed to admit it out loud, to say it to you. He had lost you, he could clearly see it.

“Maybe you could talk outside,” your boyfriend stated, glancing around the room. “Just for your safety and privacy as well.”

You nodded and Jake did the same and the two of you walked outside of the main room and into a small balcony. You closed the glass door behind you and Sunoo stayed on the inside, close by.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N,” Jake continued. “If I could do it again-”

“You would do it differently, right?” you were calmer right now but your cheeks were still red from the emotion. “Jake, you always tell me that. Always. And you know what you do after saying that to me?” he shook his head. “You do it all over again. The mistakes, the stupid things, all of it.”

“And you forgave me, always.”

“Because I thought you would change, Jake. I thought that you would understand that you had to change. For you, for me… I don’t know. But you never did. Even right now, you are expecting me to forgive you. To say that everything will be alright. But it won’t Jake.”

The words grew heavier in Jake’s heart as the realisation of everything settled in. Heesung told him that he needed closure and he was right. Hearing you say these things, seeing you and understanding where you truly stood made everything more clear to him. And yet, he couldn’t deny the pain he’d carry with him.

The pain of the past that you had shared, the pain of the present and its realisations and the pain of a future you wouldn’t be a part of, where you would be a mere memory, a could-have-been if Jake had had it together.

“It’s over, then,” he finally admitted to himself and you nodded, confirming it.

“It is, Jake. We should… move on. From each other. It would be better that way.”

He gulped and nodded, looking away from you.

Jake took a deep breath and left the balcony, finding his way out of this party. It was done, he thought. Your final moment together. Your truth, spoken from your lips to his face, the honesty your words carried. It wasn’t unexpected but it still hurt. But at least, now Jake had it.

Closure.

~ 🖤~

After your conversation with Jake, it was like all of the energy had been sucked out of your body. Sunghoon had remained by your side in silence, always glancing at you to make sure you were ok. Once again, as all of the guests left, the room grew quieter and quieter and your thoughts louder and louder.

Eventually, you broke down in his arms. Not because you regretted what you had done with Jake but because it was painful. You had loved him, whether you liked to admit it now or not. And seeing him in person brought back all of these wounds you thought were gone. But they were still there, a reminder of how far you had come and how much you still had to go.

Slowly, you were becoming a better version of yourself, tearing down the parts of you that no longer mattered so they could be built again, stronger and better. You were letting go of people who were not good for you, no matter how much you cared about them.

You cared about Jake, you truly did. But it wasn’t your job to try and fix him, to try and have him change because of you. He should change because he wanted to, not because of you or anyone else.

“Do you want anything? Tea or water?” Sunghoon asked after you were alone in the empty room and you had calmed down. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You shook your head and he pulled you in his embrace, softly kissing the top of your head as you sat next to each other on the couch.

“Thank you,” you finally spoke in a hoarse voice and Sunghoon gave you a soft smile, patting the tears from your cheeks with a tissue to prevent your makeup from being completely ruined.

“You don’t have to thank me,” he spoke calmly, his voice relaxing you. He stopped and lifted your chin so you could look him in the eyes. “Always cry when you feel like it and I’ll be here to wipe your tears away.”

He gently patted your under eyes again and chuckled.

“I don’t think your eye makeup is salvageable, though…”

You let out a small laugh and leaned away from him and got comfortable. He kept his eyes on you, not with pity but with kindness.

“Thank you for understanding me, Sunghoon,” you said softly, grabbing his hand.

“You were brave, Y/N. Not everyone has the courage to say no when it gets tough. But you did it. You did it for you.”

You nodded and took a deep breath. The servers were slowly cleaning the tables and getting everything in order. They walked quietly but quickly and you were thankful that they were respecting you and Sunghoon’s space. None of them walked too close to where you were but you could tell they were struggling to get any work done while giving you and Sunghoon space.

You stood from the couch and Sunghoon did the same. He grabbed your purse and your jacket and you glanced at him.

“Do I look too bad?” he raised an eyebrow and you sighed, pointing with your head to the servers behind you. “I wanted to thank them for their hard work tonight but I don’t want to do it while I look terrible.”

He shook his head and smiled at you.

“I’ll do it, don’t worry. If you want, you can wait outside, I’ll meet you in a brief moment.”

“Thank you,” you kissed his cheek and he gave you your jacket and purse and went to wait in the lobby.

It was quiet here but this time, the silence didn’t feel overwhelming, it felt comforting, safe even. Right now you weren’t scared or worried, you felt like a weight had been lifted off of your shoulders and that was something you were feeling after a long time.

Part of this was because of Sunghoon. If you hadn’t shared these past few weeks with him, if he hadn’t shown you this kind of love, if he hadn’t shown you this kindness and compassion, maybe you wouldn’t have been brave tonight.

“I am here,” he greeted you with a bright smile, his arm wrapping around your shoulders. You slowly started to walk towards the exit, your steps echoing on the marble floor. Soon, you were both waiting outside.

Sunghoon quickly called a taxi and in a few minutes, you were on your way to your house, him keeping you company on your way there.

You were exhausted. Since the drive to your house would still take some time, you snuggled next to him in the car, resting your head on his shoulder and you closed your eyes.

“I’ll wake you up when we get there,” he whispered and softly kissed the top of your head.

You nodded and rested, hearing his heartbeat in your ear. You smiled to yourself. Today had been a long day and a lot of things had happened. And life wasn’t perfect and you were certain it would never be. You’d always have to compromise something, no matter how small it was.

But tonight, you had chosen you. You had chosen your happiness and your life over other people’s. You had been brave. And you had chosen to give one person a second chance: yourself.

Because sometimes, we’re the ones who need that chance. To learn, to grow and to change.

Sometimes, the person you need to give a second chance to is yourself.

©mxxndreams 2021 All rights reserved. Copying, reposting, translating and/or modifications of my work is strictly prohibited. Moodboard images from Pinterest. I do not own the rights to any of them, credit goes to rightful owners. If any of the images featured is yours and you’d want for it to be credited/removed, message me.

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