☀︎⋆.ೃ࿔*:･The sunwitch ⚢

[artsydopaminelacker]

Seeing this collage alone in Pinterest has invoked a deep desire in me that I seek to express here.

I wanna become a very fluent and educated person who understands and articulates knowledge very efficiently. I want to learn and understand things very much and often too. I want to read the classics, fiction, non-fiction, biographies and anything I could get my hands on. I want to drink tea and coffee religiously infused with scented leaves and watch the sky through the window. I have the strongest yearning for a window from which I can see trees, birds in the sky and have wind slamming at my face as I open it. I want to see the gloomy weather and have a desk right beside the window while I study for an exam or deep dive into a topic I have hyper focused on. I want to read, read and read and unrot my brain and fill it with all the things I love such as painting and reading and sketching and being in the sun and in the wind. I want to be wild bird free from capitalism and have whimsy in every part of my cell. I want to read on the bus, in trains even when people judge me for it. I want to sketch and paint in parks and during my lunch break, while I am in queue. I have this yearning to just do things but I am held back by my chronic illness which doesn't ever let me have enough energy and this evil capitalism constantly trying to choke my neck. Constantly trying to suck the life out of me, which wants me to try and monetize everything which ultimately makes me frustrated and not touch it at all.

[sunkisslush]

Sometimes I remember the time when I had just gotten picked up from my best friend’s house by my mom and I had this horrible empty feeling in my chest and I had started crying,I ended up confessing that I always feel empty and sad but that it only slightly goes away when I’m with my friends.My mom had responded by saying that I was good at hiding it.

[cocaineheartz]

i want to shut out everyone and everything

[coquettemeth]

I need my ultraviolence summer🚬

[bikinibar]

how i feel rn

[welcome-to-alice-in-helll]

[tealtrailerpark]

[murderhousesoul]

[3vanrosierishighonlife]

ok so we all know the louvre was robbed and obvi as a member of the marauders fandom this was irl art heist baby

basic duh

BUT NOW CONSIDER THIS

carmen sandiago and regulus black worked together to steal those damn jewels and got out on motorbikes

[sunkisslush]

Pt.3 of my rant,back to where i was.If i ever were to go back to religion I would not be well and I feel that is extremely important for me to state. Which my sister’s comment also stabbed me in the back because and your not gonna believe it but she knows how messed up religion made me she knows all of the pain I went through and she still thinks that if I were to go to church that I would suddenly “see the light” like girl do you even know my favorite animal bsffr.once E had told me this I was shocked,pissed, and hurt all in one emotion so I had told E about my relationship with religion and she had told me that once my sister had said that that E had retorted flatly “That won’t help anything”so yeah this one goes out to E u a W and props to you for dealing with my sister.There are so many other instances where my sister and her bf have been rude to me and E but I’ll make a mini separate part for the if u stocked to the end thank you so much for reading all that I’ve ranted abt u guys are fire✌️🔥.

[sunkisslush]

This is my pt.2 of my long rant about my sister,continuing where I was at, I don’t know why I had stopped at the stairs and turned back but I walked Back to the room because I decided that the thing that I had left upstairs I didn’t need that bad,I had noticed that the door was shut and as I inched closer to the door I could tell my sister was talking to A when I had heard what she was telling him my heart stopped, she had said that I was spoiled and some other harsh thing and even though I look back at it and I can’t find a reason in me to gaf at the time it genuinely did deeply hurt my feelings because I had never expected my sister to talk that way about me so I ended up going to my room anyway and I cried a lot eventually composed myself enough to go down there and get the thing I had left in her room out of them.When I reached her room she asked me if I could go away because they wanted to be alone and I had responded that I was already planning on leaving I was just grabbing my things.After this incident which I have never and never will tell my sister that I know about it, we weren’t as close but by the time start of 6th grade rolled around I had decided that I didn’t care much and we weren’t still pretty close and then she started supporting horrible things (politics wise) that I had not agreed with and by this time she had already been baptized and very heavily included in the church so jumping to the summer of 7th going into 8th grade she plans a family excursion (I refuse to call it a vacation) to the mountains in an Airbnb she had rented us now before I start talking about what happens next I would like to give you guys some context.During the years that me and my sister had been close me and my brother weren’t I had nothing against the guy I just never found a common interest we shared but things started changing when my sister left me in the dumps for her bf me and my brother had started getting very close and at this time and currently he was dating a girl I’ll call E, me and E are genuinely best friend and as of talking right now she is more of a sister figure to me then my real one which may sound harsh but you’ll understand why when I get to it.Anyway me and E had a lot in common and we both believed in the same things, at the end of 7th grade she had talked to me about what I want to do when I get older and she had helped realize that I have a passion for writing which I will forever thank her for.Thats all the context I can think of for now but another thing me and E heavily related on was the fact that me and her had never been included or told about anything important that is happening within the family(at this point she is my bros fiancé and they are soon to move in and get married so yes I am saying that she is in the family) We also heavily related because my mother and father had always been a team along with my brother and sister considering that they had both been heavily traumatized as children,this left Ma and E left out of the family, until of course when we got very close.Moving back to the topic of the cursed family excursion I believe that in the night before we left me and E were sitting outside together before the fireplace,my mother had previously been sitting with us but had left to take a shower,this had left me and E outside alone to talk.We started talking about religion and she had told me about how they (being A, my sister and my brother) about how they think she’s way deeper in it then she is (it being Christianity) she had told me how my sister was worried about my faith and how my sister had also told her how she thinks that if our parents would force me to go to church that I would be well.This pissed me tf off because I have always had a horrible relationship with religion, from a young age I had convinced myself that I was going to go to hell and that god hated me,this sent me into a deep depression and I want take time to go into the other things that I was going through due to religion just know that I was incredibly mentally ill and that if I were to go back-pt.3

[sunkisslush]

I’d like to start this rant by saying that I have absolutely no hate towards Christianity and Christian’s as a whole but I have been waiting a very long time to write this down and get my thoughts out so what better place then tumblr to do it.As a child I had always looked up to my older sister consider I am the youngest out of my sibling, she was beautiful, smart and it had seemed that she was going places with her life.However that was the complete opposite my sister had went to college for I think may two-ish years, or three, and then dropped out saying that she simple hadn’t wanted to learn much of what she was in class for and had no longer of had a passion for the courses she was taking(I think she wanted to be a medical pharmacist??? If that exists,I’m unsure but it was something along the lines of that) my memory is blurry but I remember her coming back from college, living at our home which she would disappear from for weeks on end, eventually she had left for three months at one point, when she had came back my parents had had a long discussion with her about how they don’t need to know exactly where she is or what she’s doing while she’s gone but a simple text would have at least been nice considering that they had no idea what she was doing or if she was even alive or not considering that during these times she would never speak to anyone in the family.around the time period that she had came back me and her had started to amend our relationship due to the fact that when I was younger I had thought she hated me and that she would occasionally yell at me for doing something wrong (she got a short temper from our father) when me and her had gotten close again we would always hang out and I think this was during 2020-2021 because during those years she had been unemployed therefore being the number 1 person that was forced to babysit me (this was in my elementary years so I’d say 4th grade ish) Anyway when we would hangout we would play Roblox or watch YouTube together or just talk about things because my sister was and still is very influencable keep this in mind for later, anyway at this point in time she’s a very famous TikToker and I won’t out her account but she was also very spiritual at this point and she had been finding herself and I was very proud of her because to be real she was living the life, she was discovering her sexuality (pansexual), she had just been employed at a gas station and she was just happy in general and me and her were soo close,we would talk to each other about everything and at the time (5th grade-ish) I had realized that u was a lesbian which I had known ever since the 3rd grade, she was supportive and it made me feel better because at the time she had been flirting with a girl on TikTok and our parents were homophobic (they aren’t anymore but as of that time they were) and it overall just made me feel glad that u wasn’t alone in going against our parents wishes.Cut to summer of 5th grade going into 6th I believe she met a boy who we will call A, A is a hardcore Christian and suddenly the sister that I knew that was spiritual and cool and dependent had suddenly become a Christian and was dependent on a man nowww at this time I don’t gaf and I’m happy that she found love but eventually she starts to believe in the same things he does such as politics theories and other things of the sort, this is when I kind of get unsettled because she was very bewildered that I had not believed in the things she did and that I wasn’t that much into conspiracy but it didn’t matter because we were still sister anyway cut to a while later and I’m hanging out with my sister and A I’m showing A all of my plushies because I liked collecting them at the time mind you this is still starting of the summer of 5th grade so I’m very well still a child not really reaching the point of being a preteen yet anyway at one point the realization dawns on me that I had to grab something from upstairs (my sisters room was in the basement) so I tell them I will be back in a sec, -pt.2 is coming soon

[purecherryvanilla]

i love this song so much

[wintermusesblog]

[littlesparkequeen]

[kiricumber]

[annabellelikethedoll]